Give Me Time
This was supposed to go up on Zen's birthday, but then I decided that I didn't like it and had to rewrite it! 😃
I still don't really like it, but I'm sick of it sitting in my drafts, so here ya go.
For a moment, a breath of a second, you had drifted somewhere far and familiar. You had gone to a place where you chose a life different from the one you had now. A life with someone who loved you and loved you deeply, but it felt wrong— like something was missing, someone was missing, and your heart throbbed at the realization. But as if none of it mattered, you crashed back to the bedroom you were most comfortable in, most familiar with, that smelled of cologne, fragrant skin products, and him.
You shot up from bed, head-spinning, chest aching, and a dreadful feeling finding its way into your heart. You breathed heavily, and the air began to feel strange in your lungs— as if it never belonged there. Then it set in. It was time to leave your sleeping knight, who laid beside you, waking as you stirred. Tears welled in your eyes as you watched his hands search for you, as his body prepared to contort itself to yours, and his humming chest called for you. You wanted to return to the safety that resided with him, but that wretched hourglass kept you in its embrace.
It's time to go.
The hourglass and its stardust sang for you as you felt yourself slipping away.
Give me time, you pleaded. Just a second longer, you begged.
Unable to find you with his roaming hands, Zen woke, and his sleepy gaze scanned the darkened room for you. And so readily, he came to your rescue, seeing how you sat trembling.
So entirely he loved you, so effortlessly he came to you.
Let me keep this, just this once.
He pulled you into his comforting embrace, to which you broke into sobbing tears. He froze at the sound of your sobs. “Shh, it's okay," he cooed, "I’m here,” he assured.
Those words melted into your skin as you burned this moment into your memory. How Zen's scent, which was warm and paired with a mellow sweetness, cradled you. His touch and the goosebumps that came from it. His deep and rumbling voice-- that was laced with sleepiness and concern. You burned him into your memories. Into your skin, hoping this time, you wouldn’t forget-- hoping he wouldn’t forget.
Time to go, the hourglass taunted as you agonized and ached.
Zen's body stiffened unnaturally, and a floodgate opened. His heart thundered, and his mind raced.
Memories came flooding in, ones that weren't his, and yet they were. Memories he knew and knew well. Memories of heartache, where the girl he loved so completely, so selflessly, wasn't his. She belonged to someone else, someone he knew and cared about. She was happy, and so was he, but not entirely.
They were friends, playfully engaging, and his feelings were played off as jokes, all because she would belong to someone else. She would give her heart, again and again, all while he watched. He supported her with a smile— choosing to forsake his feelings to sustain her feelings for another.
He had her for but a moment, a blissful little moment. A moment he treasured with all his heart. A moment where she slept beside him, and he could hold her close. A moment where she called him with affection. A moment where she loved him as much as he loved her, and maybe even more. A time where she chose him the way he had chosen her every time before.
Let her go, the hourglass nearly scoffed.
But that moment was fleeting, and like every time before, she was leaving, slipping away. He would have to let her go again, forgetting her, just to fall in love a thousand times more.
He gripped onto you even tighter than before, hoping this time his hold would keep you from leaving.
Give me time.
“Wait for me," you said, knowing you would return to his side, where you so easily fit. Knowing Zen would wait unto insanity for you, even as his memories were locked away.
Let me keep her, just this once.
He burned you into his soul. The way you cried as he held you, your smile, and the sound of your laugh. The loving gaze you reserved just for him. The way you called his name and how it suddenly meant the world to him when you said it. The way you kissed him, leaving him drunk and breathless. He burned you into his very skin and bones, into his heart and soul, hoping this time he wouldn’t forget all that you are. Hoping this time, for once, the world would be kind.
You were the sand in the hourglass, and your time was up. What cruelty, you thought, as Zen painfully watched you go.
And like that, you left your sobbing lover, grasping for straws and gasping for air.
And again, we go.
He wiped his tears, looking at them smeared across his fingertips, dimly lit by cold moonlight as your vacancy filled the room with a biting chill. They were warm and pleasant--a remnant of a time spent with you. His brow furrowed as the loneliness he knew intimately set in and the tingling of nerves forgetting your touch.
Why was he crying? Was it a dream? A nightmare? If so, he couldn’t recall, distracted by the intensity of the empty ache in his chest.
Why did his head hurt and his heart ache? No, more importantly, why did he feel so empty? What was missing? He couldn’t say.
Now, all that remained was disjointed words, words he was familiar with and held dearly, but he couldn't bring himself to say.
Lines from a script, perhaps? Or maybe a quote he had read in passing? Or were they more than that..?
I'll be waiting. Don't forget that I'm always waiting for you.
˚✧₊⁎𝒥𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑎⁎⁺˳✧༚
I do not own any characters, all ownership goes to Cheritz. Thanks for reading!
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