#he could have died of old age

[riverwithoutbanks]

what if. What if. He’d rather let himself die than become like his father? Because that’s what happened the last time. Because he couldn’t take it. Because he almost shot Jack. Because it damn near broke him and this time was the the last straw. And so he broke the cycle in the worst way possible. I feel sick.

#because come the fuck on Dean Winchester doesn’t die on a rebar #I GET what they were going for #I think #like oooh extraordinary life ordinary death he’s only human after all blah blah blah #BUT THAT WAS STILL CRUEL #he could have died of old age #so yeah #anyway #Dean Winchester #spn

[skunkes]

#sleepyyyyyyy #a doodley #i still have to work on him because i know his face doesnt actually look Old #but thats also hard to achieve with some of his features ykwim...similar to real persons #i could stand to add a bit more sag to his face even if he is meant to be sharp and pointy #but whatever! was more focused on body here #which i also still have to work on #i really really like the folds above a belly button ive seen on Men Who Are Aged #not even Old...just older than me #and i like giving him age spots even if he doesnt have exposure to the sun #i have to find something to fit with that...maybe he just subconsciously shapeshifts em onto there? idk! #i still dont know how he Feels about his unfed appearance... maybe ill get it out of him in a few more months #we'll get to da bottom of dis #ok gn gn gn #still have to give him more sag in general i know - ill get there

[staticrevelations]

sorry but if chet just suddenly dies like 90 episodes in and travis has to bring in a back up character it will be so hilariously anticlimactic and i cannot imagine how they’d try to make that narratively satisfying in an animated version like imagine getting to season 4 and a beloved main character just has a heart attack and they move on

#they should spend the whole show foreshadowing it #i guess technically raise dead doesn't have the “died by any means other than old age” caveat so they could bring him back #but it'd be funnier if they were just all like “he's had a long life we should let him rest” #critical role #cr3 #bells hells #campaign 3 #chetney pock o'pea #mine

[mishy-mashy]

Shinomori is cute. Here's a post.

He is so baby-faced. He hasn't changed at all since he was 22, to when he died of "old age" at 40

(Old age? With a face like that? 40 years old?? Gimme that kind of youth and hotness Shinomori-)

He has tiny eyebrows. Like a puppy's (rottweiler's, for example). So cute and tiny and fuffy

He naturally frowns. Look at him and his mouth and his lil nose

He has a thing about keeping his arms near his chest. He sits with his arms crossed, introduces himself with his hands over his torso, and even walks with his arms crossed toward Midoriya

He has such clear skin for someone who lived the rest of his life in a forest??? Why do Hikage and Yoichi have such nice skin despite living in terrible environments? (forest and vault + abandoned streets respectively)

Is easily scared

They knew their Quirks could be used, but Shinomori got scared of it when it happened. Even though he gave Midoriya his support and access to his Quirk beforehand. Depending on the translation; "it startled me", "you scared me", "it surprised me"

I'm not going to hold running from AFO against him because he knew he was running for his life. Who wouldn't run for their life when it's in danger? Shinomori was being chased by the strongest person in the country (and likely the world)

His sense of self-preservation is probably heightened by the nature of his Quirk to keep him out of danger too. Which makes him all the more sensitive and jumpy to danger and anything that startles him, especially when he has no warning

He's actually extremely tall, but is so socially inept and jumpy it's adorable. He's taller than Bruce.

Bruce is as tall as a vault door that the 2m AFO used.

(Meanwhile Kudo is down there-)

He has such a bad sense of humor that it's cute (his puns off Danger Sense)

It's also adorable how Shinomori just doesn't understand social conventions sometimes. He lived in a forest, so it made sense, but also— Midoriya shows up in the void to the vestige platform for the first time. He has no mouth, no clothes—and Shinomori's first idea is to stand in front of him menacingly and go: "I shall explain. I am Shinomori Hikage." SIRRRR

This.

His Ability is basically like glorified anxiety. What if something is coming to hurt him? If something can hurt him? What if that tree falls while he's under it? And the ideas come so hard they hurt (although yes, it does detect ill intent and that's what sets it off)

He talks weirdly. Formal? Old-fashioned? Listening to him speak Japanese compared to others, it just sounds a bit different. (Translated subs don't show it very well, it's the voice itself methinks)

"This too, is destiny." *about Midoriya having OFA*

Kinda wise or sage-y. He did spend his life in solitude in the forests so he definitely spent a lot of time with his own thoughts. Maybe he found the meaning of life in a centipede or something one day

For someone so cute, he is also such. A fine. Specimen???

Look at those back muscles, dang.

LOOK AT HIS CALVES AND ARMS DANG.

#i dont think shinomori was part of the resistance considering the resistance fought the society AFO was making #and shinomori wanted to avoid society and thus hid away #but i do think bruce knew shinomori because he gave him ofa before he went to fight AFO and die #and afo doesnt seem to know hikage. if he did he wouldve found and killed him. but hikage is never in afos memories #yknow what shinomori needs some appreciation too #vestiges need more attention #also i always put shinomori dealing with bruces remnants in my fics so he needs some appreciation for that #like the kids dumped on him #shinomori received OFA at 22 years old. he was around bruces age methinks #hes not some kid the resistance took in. the resistance didnt take in kids anyway #or at least we dont see them #well fic stuff banjo has the time of his life with en wrangling kid hermits that dont know what electricity is #mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #spoilers #hikage shinomori #ofa #one for all #ANYWAY hikage is ADORABLE and needs attention #just LOOK AT HIM #id have put this post out sooner but getting the pictures is always hard cuz popups or videos not working #i like shinomoris english voice actor. i dont stick around to hear anyone elses because i died when midoriya turned into a kid in the dub #i could probably make a list like this and bruces for the rest of the vestiges #yoichis small waist lovely skin and that he probably knows how to wrap kudo and bruce around his finger? #his “my heroes” and smiling as he goes “now now you two..”? kudos low voice and nice arms and SHORTNESS? #en going “senpai” and sitting on his chair like that? looking like he exudes gremlin energy? did he get carried around by banjo and nana? #it looks like he wouldve CMONN #i didnt include it in here cuz image limit but shinomori has big hands and feet (tag limit)

[warmrainplease]

Feel like we haven’t talked about the existential horror of waking up in hell after death enough.

You wake up in a new body, with claws and fangs and even things like extra arms and only one eye, you’ve become a monster.

And while you’re coping with the fact that your body has been contorted and disfigured into something hellish and completely unrecognizable to you, you realize you don’t recognize fucking anything.

And you’re surrounded by demons. By imps and hellhounds and monstrous creature that fight and die and get drunk off their asses in broad daylight.

You’ve become a monster and you’re surrounded by monsters and you have absolutely no fucking clue where you are or what to do next and once you put the pieces together (you died, this must be hell) you realize that nobody, absolutely nobody, is going to help you.

#this came from me thinking about what it must have been like for husk and Angel to wake up in hell #they’re both no longer humans #Angel is a 7ft tall spider with extra arms and eyes #who died from a drug overdose so he probably didn’t even realize he died until he either sobered up #or realized it wasn’t a crazy drug induced dream #and husk is a fucking cat with wings and a feathered tail #his sense were probably pretty altered right? #he could probably hear screaming and smell blood and death everywhere #and we don’t know how he died but he was old enough to have died from complications with his age #so maybe he just went to sleep one night and woke up in actual hell surrounded by misery #anyways #I think we should all talk a bit more about how news souls probably felt here #Hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel angel dust #Hazbin #hazbin hotel husk #<- read the tags #hellaverse #hazbin sinner

[watermelinoe]

my niece once got upset w my dad bc he wouldn't buy her some overpriced drunk elephant skincare product. she was freaked out about getting wrinkles. at age eight. i wish her mom had never bought her that damn smartphone

#idk if my brother is dad of the year or anything but he didn't want her to have the smartphone so points for that #her mom bought it so she could track my niece whenever she's with her dad (my brother) and text her constantly #and considering she's so petty that she made my niece leave an easter gathering with a terminal family member early it's like #i'm sure she has her side of it and my brother was probably a dick somehow but girl you're punishing an eight year old about it #and i really don't think shit like ''ice age is for boys (so i won't watch it)'' came from my brother #i'm sure i'm biased bc it's my brother but genuinely i think she bought my niece that phone to spite him #and now she's just glued to it bc that's what smartphones are designed to do !!!! #you would really fuck up your own kid's attention span and self esteem just to get back at your ex??? #and this isn't even the worst parenting move on her part but luckily that guy died and can't be around my niece anymore ever <3 #but i just worry about her. since i moved away i don't really get to see her. #and not to be narcissistic but i feel like it's good for her to see women w short hair no makeup comfy clothes etc. #i wanna be a good example for her #i told her she should just worry about washing with soap wearing sunscreen and drinking lots of water #i just can't relate at all. at her age all my friends were boys and i was into dinosaurs and pokemon and werewolves #a lot of girls... didn't really like me 😔 i remember being upset bc one girl called me a tomboy #anyway if u read all this. secret radioactive kiss just for u. mwah 💚

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[skyburger]

"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf #because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game... #to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series #anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know. #well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years #fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself #but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary #and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS #so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it! #anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post #MY POINT HERE. my point here #IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY #its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again #and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w #she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all #and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations) #so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭 #my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only #anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level #and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game. #this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change #anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat! #imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level #I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post #anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today #scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died #muffin mumbles

[grandtourz]

i have so many thoughts about gohan and goten its kind of unreal

#and what am i gonna do... write about it? get serious #what can i say i love siblings in media :( #gohan who hardly got a childhood and spent it solely around people twice his age and maturing way faster #than he should have and then his dad dies (again) and he has to take care of his mom and his new baby brother #and he is 10! #and goten who got to experience peace thanks to his mystical legendary warrior of a dad and everyone tells him he looks like him and #how amazing and great he was and all he grows up seeing is the damage done to his family and then BOOM he just. comes back. #and listen i love goku okay im not a goku is a terrible father believer. he loves his family. but hes not a good dad by any means #gohan is trying to grow up while taking care of his mom and making sure his little brother never has to go through anything like he did #and at least goten has trunks! the only same aged friend gohan gets is dende and thats only because #hes off on a space mission at SIX YEARS OLD??? and then he gets his fucking neck broken and almost DIES #i could keep going.

[goldiipond]

i adore thinking about the fucked up tpn stuff that was either not considered during the writing process or deliberately left unexplored.

tpn really said 'each house has about 6 shipments and receives about 6 new children to replace them each year. the minimum age a child can be shipped out is 6. tpn begins with conny's shipment in october, after which dominic is the only remaining 6 year-old at the house' without even considering the implications of that. how about 'we know literally nothing about anyone from the age group between anna+nat's and thoma+lanni's groups because theyre all gone by the time the story starts' also literally no one ever brings them up. or my personal favorite of 'isabella painstakingly hand-made little bunny for conny's 6th birthday. conny turned 6 in september, about a month before she was shipped out' like do you think isabella was at least a little pissed about that. i like to think she was

#skye's ramblings #its totally my love of unexplored side characters but. i do get a little unwell over dominic sometimes #like. hello??? its like a well-established thing that kids in the same age group usually have closer bonds w eachother than others #youare telling me. he watched all 5 of what were probably his closest friends leave in the span of a year. this is what you are telling me #i mean maybe yvette could be considered part of his age group since they were technically born the same year?? #but her birthday is also literally new years eve n shes usually grouped in w the 5 year-olds as a result #also the shipment record in the anime says that hao and sadie were 6 but the 2 kids that left before them were 7 #so maybe dominics age group was just particularly small but. he still watched them all leave in a very short amount of time #canot imagine how his conversation w don and gilda abt the escape went. god this series can fit so much childhood trauma in it #also w how close thoma and lanni are dominic and conny were also probably really close due to being the only ones left of their group #thinking abt don n dominic bonding amd sharing happy memories of conny. ijust live for older/younger gracefield kid interactions #also shamelessly stealing rachels hc of ray using his photograpic memory to share happy memories of everyone who died at gracefield #ithink dominic would really like hearing abt his friends from ray. especially happy/funny stuff he was too young to remember #and also literally any interaction w ray n the younger kids is everything to me. oh hes healing hes a good big brother... dont talk to me #'this is all most likely just a plothole' well where you see a plothole i see a GOLDMINE OF TRAUMA AND CHARACTER DYNAMIC EXPLORATION. anywa

[carbonateddelusion]

old men. You Agree.

#'old' they're middle aged they are not old #now if you want an OLD old man. look at eddie noah n isaac after all the kids are freed #edgar's like... in his 70s by the time he dies i think? #i can't remember if we decided he lives a long ass time or croaks fast but i think it might have been the latter maybe #as in his body finally gives up after he's finished with helping his bbs #but yeah if he were alive today he would be 81 (born in 1942) #THAT is an old-ass man. #i think at most he lives to the early 2010s bc jack dies in 1990 and he isn't able to help the kids move on until then #or he could totally still be alive who knows. #is he still attractive now. do you want saggy old man kisses /j

[gfwooyo]

cannot stop thinking about yungi youth mv

#like what if i throw up #it's about the trauma and the tiredness and picking yourself back up and moving on it's about friendship and home #they lost sight of each other when they were so focused on themselves and their own shit #the shot of mingi in front of the mirrors where the center one is himself and the rest are yunho with his back towards him like !!!!!!!!!!!! #their old coping mechanisms not working #mingi used to use music to shut out the world so he could be alone but now it brings him back to yunho but yunho isn't THEREEEEE #yunho picked up his lore!brother's guitar bc it had been his dream before he died and he was grieving him but here he's smashing it on the- #-wrecked car the thing that took his brother away from him #and u can SEE yunho dancing in the burning house even in the 2 different sets u see flames through the windows #and mingi is watching the cabin burn alone until yunho walks into frame and we can breathe bc he's no longer trapping himself in that house #AND THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE TURNS TO MINGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII #IT'S LIKE. WE'RE BOTH HERE. WE MADE IT AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER. #gonna puke. idk if anything i've said makes sense it's after midnight and my head is a jumble they just got me feeling a lot #it's about the loneliness it's about the grief it's about watching ur past in third person it's about returning to yourself in the present #mingi i love u forever and ever. his lyrics have always hit the hardest like he Gets me #god this is just such a fever era song so ofc i'm obsessed like the lyrics in that series just fuckin HIT #they talk abt how hard and lonely and scary and confusing and tiring it is growing up and i start thrashing and clawing at the walls #how wonderful to not only be alive at the same time as atz but to be the same age & have similar experiences so their music feels like a hug #like. i'm not alone huh #ANYWAY. did not come here with the intention of saying anything in the tags i was just gonna post that picture but alas #kara can talk

[hirokiyuu]

unrelated to anything i do think the idea of anne+besk being........ not childhood friends necessarily but having known each other since they were little. is fun. i think they would give each other spectacular brain diseases

#iirc theyre the same age? so it would track i think #i think the vibe i would go for would be like. theyre not friends theyre classmates u kno #but theyre definitely Aware of each other #and i think anne getting on the ship and being like. besk we should be friends bc of this! :) #and they are friends now! :) #and more importantly they have a patient/therapist relationship so like. they are not actually friends #but anne thinks they are friends :) and besk is there like. h #sorry im thinking now again abt how fucking damaging it had to be for besk to be the ONLY THERAPIST ON THE SHIP #that cant have been it. i refuse to believe this. there was another and he died #this is my theory i believe it until i die #a sixteen year old girl could NOT have been the ONLY mental health specialist on this ship #i refuse. i refuse. i refuse. there was someone else and he died in an accident and THEN it was besk's problem #but they didnt LEAVE w/just her. i refuse to believe it it makes NO SENSE #i got distracted. anyways #i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers #teenexo stuff

[appreciatingtokrev]

warrior cats hyperfixation era me was so close to figuring out she’s trans and aroace. so close.

warrior cats hyperfixation era me: ‘‘yeah i usually rp as male cats :) idk i just prefer writing them and it’s easier for me to think as them than as female cats? idk i just prefer them. but irl i’m a girl xD’’

GIRL YOU ARE TRANS.

THAT’S WHY YOU PREFER PLAYING AS TOMS. BC IT REPRESENTS YOUR GENDER MORE ACCURATELY

warrior cats hyperfixation era me: ‘‘my fav clan rank? definitely healer! they don’t have to fight, they just collect herbs and treat the wounded cats. sometimes they also hunt. also they aren’t allowed a mate or kits which is a stupid rule but most of them don’t want that anyway. and yes i love rping healers who just have close friends no mate no kits no forbidden romance no nothing! but i’m omniromantic :)’’

GIRL NO. YOU ARE LITERALLY AROACE

warrior cats hyperfixation era me was so so fucking close. she was so fucking close and she still didn’t realise shit

#when i didn’t rp as healer (which i did whenever i could) i either rped as kit/app too young for romance or usually one of my two fav ocs #firscent or pearbird. firscent is a deputy n he devotes his life to his job & his siblings he’s not interested in romance or kits bc he’s+ #got his job n clanmates. that’s all he wants and needs in life. he doesn’t even wanna be leader he’s a deputy at heart #pearbird is a middle-aged widowed mother with a single kit who was an accident. she started dating the dad when she found out that she was+ #pregnant bc she wanted the kit to have 2 loving parents which she didn’t. and he liked her. but she didn’t like him romantically. but then+ #like 2 moons after the birth he fucking dies so she’s stuck with a kit she doesn’t want who looks like his father who she never wanted. + #that’s the moment in her life where i usually started rping as her. she’s bitter and grumpy and kinda mean and she can’t look her son in+ #the eyes bc he looks like his father but she genuinly cares for him and does a decent job at motherhood bc she tries with all she can. bc+ #her own parents never did n she wants her son to have a good life. they grow apart when he’s older n the only cat she stays close to is+ #her app bc she has a soft spot for her n they remain close friends until she dies in some battle when she’s pretty old #so she never has romance either. my god younger me was SO stupid #also i love pearbird so much omg i should do more with her. art fics smth smth idk #also she’s a transmasc bigender aroace now and goes by she/it/he :3 #☆—`elys rambles #oh btw i call younger me she bc. she was a she. by choice. she also was a she/they for a while. i used to be a girl yk #i still am a tiny bit tho mostly not. but yeah i used to be a she/her girl n then a she/they agender demigirl #she was stupid. in a loving way #trying past self love & acceptance asdghjhfhjg

[britneyshakespeare]

my great auntie barbara has been a widow for almost 10 years now. uncle jack died in summer 2014. and with my grandfather gone she's without her only brother too. today was the wake for my grandfather and she looked absolutely beautiful, i told her as much, she was the best-dressed lady there. and it's been almost three years since my grandmother died and you could tell there was a different understanding between her and my grandfather whenever they got together. it became more necessary to invite barbara to extended-family events when her husband died, but after grammy died it was just about mandatory. there was just something about the two of them sitting together, brother and sister, in their 90s having lost their life partners, but sitting with the only other person left that they had known for as long, no, even longer. as far back as they could each remember. they both looked like they were in the company of their favorite living person. so it was hard to see her at the wake although she looked beautiful and she always does; she has a wonderful smile. it must be hard to be the last survivor of your generation. i just hope she goes home and she has something that makes her feel not so lonely.

#tales from diana #after grammy died it could be hard to see grampy. bc he was (i still have to remind myself to use past tense) WAS a very reserved man. #grammy was always the talker. not to mention he was extremely hard of hearing. so he often missed out on convos anyway #grammy would fill him in back when she could. #he was just so much lonelier without her. you could tell he had a personal awkwardness. it's surprising he lasted so long a widower #he turned 95 in july. 95. i dont think anyone in my family has ever lived that long! #who knows if any of them ever will again... #but yeah. it was always nice at parties or weddings when grampy and barbara got to sit next to each other. you could tell they were content #they liked to talk about old memories and things of the like. #lots of pictures at the wake were from his childhood. the best ones were the ones w their dogs or horses #i also have to wonder what it was like for their parents because their firstborn daughter. claire. born 1927 #she died at the age of 2 of whooping cough. and grampy's dad died when he was 18 #apparently he never emotionally recovered from losing claire. understandable. #i suppose grampy's not only with grammy but with his parents and with claire again. but poor barbara #i really do feel for her. i can only imagine the pain and sorrow of my children taking me to my brother's funeral.

[thisisabitofme]

tw: death, possible suicide, past experience of suicide loss

#tw: death #tw: sui mention #personal #I found out yesterday one of my course mates died. suspected suicide but we’ve had no confirmation about anything #I was in his group from the first week #we’ve only been on it a month but he’s one of the people I would consider friends here #he was around my age #he was going to be a Spanish teacher #my parents next door neighbour killed himself the other week and it (I’m sure accidentally by him) turned into a huge fire #nearly crossed into other houses #and i’m tired #I’m okay though #like if I went through my personal tags #god the journey I’ve been on in the past ten years #this wouldn’t have been something I could have coped with #and it hurts #and brings so much back #and emotions are waves #and I’m being hit again by these old ones #but I’m okay #and honestly that hurts a little because so many aren’t #and I feel some kind of weird responsibility I know that’s completely out of pocket #but like #I should try to help everyone. I should know that it’s hidden #I feel like I should’ve seen more with my friend #I should have been there #but I only knew him a month #I don’t know #it’s emotions