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vrisrezis · 3 years

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My mcu favs w/ crush and relationship hcs (pt 2) (not proof read)

- gonna be honest she’s not familiar with romantic feelings, takes her awhile to even realize what she feels for you

- you make her heart all melty and soft, you make her face heat up, you make her question everything she does

- you make her feel even giddy and overly happy and it kinda annoys her tbh

- she thinks you’re out to get her or something and have casted some spell but when she asks thor he has no idea what she’s talking about until she describes what she’s feeling and he just laughs and thinks she’s joking

- she’s like no. I’m serious ?

- to which thor would tell her what it is, he has a bit of an idea because of Jane

- tbh loving somebody romantically, caring about somebody to this extent scares her

- she’s lost so many people and because of it became a raging alcoholic

- if she lost you she doesn’t know what could happen

- she tries to push you away but quickly realizes she doesn’t like doing that to herself or you

- asks you to go out drinking with her often if you’re up for that

- she’d find it funny how easily you get drunk but has no problem taking care of you, in fact she would probably drink with you more often so she can take care of you because it’s the closest to intimacy she feels she can have with you (no she is not taking advantage of you or anything, it’s more just the thought of taking care of you feels intimate to her)

- also you’re cute while you’re drunk

- trans with you so you can be tougher if you’re not that tough already

- tbh asks thor to do the same with you, whether it be cuz she’s not around or because you need the extra training

- eventually Thor’s at the point where he’s like you gotta tell em and she’s like no 🖕

- but she does eventually

- she’s kinda awkward about it but she tries to sound confident with it ^^

- dating you is very different than just being her friend tbh

- like you might’ve been surprised at her asking you out, even if it’s kinda obvious to anybody that knows her well

- to any stranger you just seemed like friends with a strange rivalry relationship but that’s really not the case

- she’s much more flirty in a relationship, since she’s confident you’re with her for a reason.. she’s not the type to doubt your relationship, you’re with her for a reason

- much more protective in battle though

- she doesn’t say she loves you enough, but she shows it through her actions

- asks thor about the romantic stuff but he has no idea really so she goes to Bruce who kinda has more of a grasp on it

- tries to take you to like normal restaurant dates... kinda awkward since she had no midgardian clothes at that point

- lotsa quick kisses on the cheek or forehead

- likes cuddling as she finds it just.. kinda intimate ?

- still likes to take care of a drunk you

- quick pecks on your lips are very often

- doesn’t like the idea of going on a lot of Thor’s saving the world shits unless you’re on board with it

- thor jokes about how she’s all badass and “I don’t give a fuck about saving the world or anyone else” until it comes to you

- she kicks his ass

- but he’s not wrong

- when she likes you she’s a bit like wtf

- like she doesn’t realize it for a moment until jane explains it

- before she was her usual talkative self but there was a lot of nervousness and stuttering at times, just unusual awkwardness that made Jane raise a brow

- it makes more sense now

- since she’s aware she likes you now she often asks you to hang out, to help her out, whatever it is

- the gal is clingy af what can she say

- lotsa hugs she loves giving you hugs often does them for a greeting

- just an excuse to hold you though tbh

- at times will get tongue tied

- she tries to flirt but it just makes you confused she’s not good at it you’re not even gonna know she’s flirting

- eventually grows impatient about it and is just like “I LIKE U DUMMY! DATE ME!”

- and now you date

- she gets into things a bit quickly so if it’s too fast tell her, hopefully not a dealbreaker

- dates are often because she’s got a lot of creative ideas for dates ^^

- still hugs you as a greeting but a lot longer and intimate and a kiss follows after

- speaking of kisses she LOVES to kiss you and she does so very often

- very needy

- big cuddler

- just like “CUDDLE ME”

- so demanding

- often talks about you and how much she loves you she can’t help it

- but if anybody did the same she like “shut up nobody cares”

- even with you though she’s blunt, but much nicer about it

- likes going on just good dates, restaurants , picnic, whatever

- she eats all the food

- tries to impress you so she might say she was best friends with thor at a point

- and that she’s helped him out before and .. yeah etc

- she likes buying you clothes tbh

- especially if you don’t dress good let her dress you up pls

- would be sad if you didn’t get along with Jane

- it would be a dealbreaker actually

- she knows she’s a bit much so she feels happy you love her anyways

- vision of course will not understand his feelings

- he understands you definitely make him feel something, that something being good

- for a moment he might think he feels like this is how best friends feel towards another, or even thinking he sees you in a familial light

- tony quickly tells him that is not the case

- once vision understands what he really feels he’s not sure how to go about it, he can be quite oblivious

- he’s aware of this but still .. what does he do?

- asks tony for advice, he tells him to flirt and see how it goes

- but tbh that doesn’t work, you don’t even realize he’s flirting gonna be honest

- he’s just bad at it

- so he tries to just simply state his affection, that doesn’t work because he doesn’t know how to word it without it sounding platonic, or getting too nervous about going too far

- he doesn’t wanna overstep boundaries

- tony is in pain watching this btw

- tony eventually is just like “he wants to know if you would like to go on a date” “w- I.. yes?”

- in a relationship he is very sweet

- kinda cliche though, since he doesn’t have a concept of romance at all

- looks up a lot of the things he should know about romance he doesn’t want to ask you that

- while he has no problem protecting you, he doesn’t feel the need to be overly protective unless needed

- he’s logical, reasonable, he only gets protective if he has to, even with how he feels towards you

- but do you distract him? Yes absolutely

- he’s okay with living comfortably and normally for once with you, unless it’s something you don’t want or are not ready for

- once you’re conditioned to a certain lifestyle, even if it isn’t a good one it can be uncomfortable to get out of and he understands that

- he loves to kiss you, often initiates kisses or forms of affection

- you were the first to kiss him, it made him so flustered but so happy and now he’s addicted to kissing you

- loves kissing your hands

- if you have any insecurity he will do anything in his power to prove you wrong and that he doesn’t see you in that light

- he understands he has responsibilities but other than that, loves spending his time with you

- he understands you’re a distraction so he tries not to fight with you, he wants to prioritize the people when it comes to this kinda thing

- which you of course understand

- once you teach him what dancing is, his love language is dancing with you

- you two just stay up talking about nothing and everything

- having kids with him isn’t an option, but he isn’t opposed to adopting children

- after all, all he’s ever wanted was to be a normal significant other to you

- do not have a huge concept on her character so forgive me 🙏

- she can be a bit flirty, not that you mind though right ?

- she just loves spending all her time with you

- probably met you before wandavision

- so you’re probably already together

- even then in wandavision you two were “roommates”

- doesn’t explain all the flirting girl .

- agathas fall would be letting Wanda find out she had a soft spot for you my god

- while she’s all confidence and flirty in general, she’s a bit softer with you

- like she genuinely means the things she says when it comes to you

- eventually asks you to date her, you don’t have much room for dates outside of wandavision

- you two are always together btw

- loves dancing with you

- she has a good grasp on romance so she has no issue with it

- she is full of confidence when it comes down to it tbh

- holds your hand often

- your relationship ain’t official till like the 70s probably

- might joke after wanda has kids that you both should have kids too

- while she’s causing her mischief you back her up to make her look less suspicious

- seriously in the mist of all this she’s grateful for you

- especially when you get her out of the hell that Wanda puts her in once again

- to which she will actually confess she loves you, and cares for you

- you aren’t just like.. some person to date

- she’s not the most vulnerable obviously

- so the fact she finally is.. it’s just a lot

- “idk I just love u a lot hun . Cant I show I love u 😊”

- she’s just so overly sweet with you

- she’s so awful to everyone else at times that she just likes being .. with you and being a softie

- likes you playing with her hair

- she loves a good cuddle

- cute nicknames like hon, or hun, or just teddy bear

- with a crush quill might try to act overly friendly

- and probably flirts a lot

- he’s very like obvious with the flirting so you’d have to be oblivious not to notice it

- he can be quite protective as well

- like not just in fighting but even with just others like even before dating he’s very jealous

- if he makes a joke you’re always in on it somehow

- he tries for form a close bond with you just cuz he likes you so much

- it’s likely he likes somebody that can easily protect themselves doe

- probably has some dumb handshake with you

- honestly he acts like a close friend to you

- people might mistake you for a sibling like relationship if it weren’t for his flirting and him staring at you like you’re his entire universe

- seriously Sam says Bucky has a staring problem, quill is fucking awful

- it’s constant and rocket is always like “you’re staring”

- and he’s like “nO” and then continues to stare

- has you listen to his favorite music of course

- especially the love songs ;D

- will just dance with you to the music he puts on

- one time you guys are dancing to the music he put on like normal but it’s a slow love song, so hes like let’s so dance bae

- and then he tells you how he feels for u

- now u date <3

- lots of forehead kisses

- cuddle bug absolutely

- still a jealous boyfriend though tbh he will try to seem all tough in front of any man he thinks might be better or something he will do anything to show off

- your relationship doesn’t change just lots of kisses and hugs now and I love yous

- you’re totally the relationship that’s like “I love you more” “nooo I love you more” and the guardians hate y’all so much

- he uses nicknames like hun, honey, love, sweetheart

- let’s just say you slow dance more often, and kiss while doing so ^^

- he flirts with you still but it’s a lot more sweet rather than before where he might’ve just flirted with you in terms of like it being kinda like calling you sexy and shit like that, now it’s more like wow u look beautiful I luv u 😊🙏

- would do anything for you, even if he wouldn’t like it

- doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hesitate tho

- going on separate dates isn’t really an option since you guys fight left and right and are always with the guardians, but he decided every once a couple months you guys go on a date together and have some fun

- Loki doesn’t get crushes, so this is a new thing for him

- and tbh he doesn’t know how to take it either, especially when he realizes how strong those feelings actually are

- he hates the idea of being vulnerable in general, especially when it comes to you

- over time it just... happens

- but if there’s any indication he likes spending time with you he will try to lie his way through it, he’s a good liar of course so it probably works

- however he shows he at the very least cares about you, he shows a sign of protectiveness when it comes to potential enemies.. enemies that happen to be dangerous for you

- plus he’s around you like constantly and claims he has nobody else to harass

- he claims he doesn’t care about you at all, but even thor can tell through this lie

- the way he looks at you makes it obvious

- the way he doesn’t try to get you involved in his more dangerous schemes

- and if you do, and you get hurt he feels guilty and tries to help you feel better

- he claims he just owes you one for getting you hurt though

- eventually thor bothers him enough to get him to confess feelings, which takes a lot for Loki to even go through with

- he acts confident, even moreso after you say yes, but deep down was extremely nervous

- the male is good at making you feel important, after trying so hard to hide his feelings he is tired of it and just wants to be more honest about how he feels about you

- no issue being vulnerable, he trusts you but sometimes it can be hard

- he goes to you for a lot of his problems, even if you cannot help, just venting and you listening helps

- he was already with you a lot but now there’s no excuses and it’s even moreso

- “what? I just wanted to visit my beautiful s/o” “we literally just saw eachother 5 minutes ago can I please go to bed”

- likes pressing your foreheads together, he finds it sweet

- jealous of thor? Absolutely. Pls comfort him and tell him you’d never leave him for thor

- he’s so used to just not being as good as him, he wants to be good enough for you

- deep down there’s just so many insecurities he has

- so it causes him to worry like all the time

- having a reassuring and patient s/o is so good for him ^^

- flirting becomes a thing in your relationship

- it makes him feel more confident pls give him this

- protective, he feels like he has to be tbh because he never gets anything good in his life and if he does he loses it, he’s scared to lose you too

- if for some reason he can’t see you he makes an illusion of you to talk to

- when he fake dies you’re the first he goes to see so you don’t think he’s dead, he loves you he wouldn’t want to do that to you =(

- finally

- gonna be honest bucky with a crush is cute

- first of all he smiles at you a lot, Steve is the first to notice how much he smiles around you, it’s the most he smiles like ever

- just has a lot of nice conversations with you about anything and everything

- also whenever you’re around even if other people are around you he’s just like “hey y/n :)”

- heart eyes for you, just can’t help but stare all the time

- he has a staring problem but with you? Yeah 10x over

- Sam always has something to say abt it also

- his idea of flirting with you is really just saying hi to you, just being overly friendly which is noticeable for a guy like Bucky

- eventually would ask you out, he tries to ease into it but he gets a bit impatient

- he was also nervous asking you out but yk

- when dating him he becomes very protective

- one of the most protective bitches on the list tbh

- he gets nightmares about you dying like all the time it breaks him everytime though

- lots of cuddles, whether it be from a rough day, he’s just tired, or had a nightmare

- he likes his hair being brushed by you and played with, even when he cuts it

- he’s scared of killing you and turning into the winter soldier again

- has dreams about when he’s hurt and fought you as the winter soldier, he keeps thinking about if Steve wasn’t there to help, he really could’ve killed you and that terrifies him

- even when you tell him it wasn’t him, he appreciates it but still feels horrible about it

- touch that metal arm, but like gently Yknow . Nobody’s ever touched that arm with such kindness and it makes him soft and feel lucky

- speaking of soft Bucky is very soft, there’s many soft moments with Bucky and vulnerability

- it’s easy to be vulnerable with you but not others

- lots of handholding

- he loves hugging you for long periods of time

- still has a staring problem but now Sam openly makes fun of him

- just big dumb smile on his face as he looks at you

- especially when you’re dealing with kids, seeing you be around them makes his heart warm

- maybe he does wanna be normal, settle down and have kids

- though the thought scares him it is something he desires

- we all know he calls you doll

#valkyrie x reader #loki x reader #peter quill x reader #mcu x reader #marvel x reader #bucky barnes x reader #james Barnes x reader #Darcy x reader #vision x reader #Agnes x reader #Agatha x reader

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a-serial-killer-and-an-eggplant · 3 years

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So with everything that's happened with Scott, and as a fnaf based blog, I think I should at least share my position. But first, let me make this clear.

A. He should not have been doxed, at all. That's not up for debate, no one and I mean no one, deserves to be doxxed and have their life put at risk.

B. If you want to stop supporting him, no one will blame you, but do not go harrassing him, or people who still support him.

With that said, I am and will still support him and his work. (If you have not seen his reddit talk about what happened, I suggest reading it over.) Scott has not been the type to be open about political beliefs. This may seem like something small but there are so many creators, especially big name ones that believe that they need to shove politics into everything they do, and it's gross. Also, even with his beliefs, he's not a bad person.

Let me explain further. First stating the obvious, you can be a republican, and still be a good person. Your can be a Christian and still care about the lgbt. And yes, you can give money to people like Trump, and not be racist. (Although honestly, watch my inbox get flooded because people don't believe that)

A republican, for those unaware, means someone who wants less national government control, and more state control, especially when it comes to laws. A democrat on the other hand, is someone who wants more government control. Being a republican does not automatically mean you are, racist, homophobic, narcissistic, facist, etc. These are just as delicately balanced stereotypes as the laws these groups support. You can be a republican and want firmer gun control for example. What laws and people someone supports are not just based around the majority, or even the loud minoroty, but the individual.

Has Scott ever shown himself to hate or be against his lgbt, or poc fans? No. Has Scott ever shoved his pro-life beliefs in his face because it's what he believes? No. Has he ever forced subliminal messaging into his games? No.

Scott doesn't care what you believe, or what he believes, he just wants to create things people enjoy. Plus Mangle is canonically genderfluid and not too long ago, WilliamxHenry and other lgbt ships are very popular, and everyone was joking about the mpreg story in a canon book, and Scott has never bashed any of it. Meanwhile look at people like Butch Hartman, people headcanoned Danny phantom as trans and he openly disclosed that he didn't like even the idea of that. I'm sorry I didn't know exactly where to squeeze these in, but honestly did some people even think about this?

Ontop of that, people can support other's that they think will be more helpful towards the community, even if they disagree on a lot (and they can be wrong and change too). For those of you who are involved in politics, or who even knew about the 2020 election, you realize most democratic voters didn't like Joe Biden. Hell the slogans were all about "settling for Biden" because at least it would be safer, we hoped. And thankfully were right (kinda). And another trend some people hopefully noticed, was republican voters looking at what Trump did and said "I was wrong, this isn't what I wanted." Scott's reasoning for supporting him were genuine and just because some of the other people he supported lost, doesn't mean you can weigh everything on the ones who won.

I don't want to be up all night writing this essay, so I'll simplify it here. You can disagree with someone on politics and not hate them as a person. Target ideas, not people. Put your money where you want, and be kind to people reguardless. I know it sounds cheesy, but hey, if you only put out kindness, the world will be a little brighter.

But hey, what do I know, I'm just another person, just like Scott, or any other creator.

Have a good night everyone.

#istandbyscott #fnaf

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imaginedhaven · 3 years

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Reluctantly Rooming: Part Twelve

Link to Masterpost

I didn’t think I’d have this done so quickly, but here we are!

Content/Warning: While not intended to be a main focus of the work, this chapter does contain discussion of sexual orientation and the revelation of a side character as a trans man (who is almost assuredly not trans in the original canon). While I definitely want to be as respectful as possible even though I’m only barely broaching the topic, I cannot claim to be trans myself, so if I’ve gotten something wrong in my admittedly-minimal talk about it please tell me!

Today’s prompts:

Aelin getting stood up for a date

and

Inappropriate exclamations during an innocent massage

~*~*~

Aelin crossed her legs, leaning forward with an interest she was struggling to feel. “So, Ilias, you said you’re here for work? What is it you do?”

Ilias grinned a little too sharply at her, amusement flashing in sea-green eyes. “I work in… private security. I’m afraid I can’t say more than that.”

“Right.” She began to fidget with the skewer that had held her drink’s cherry, searching for something else to say.

“You seem uncomfortable. Want to get out of here?”

Oh gods, was he really…? Yes, he was leaning in, and the way his eyes flitted down her torso and then back up meant he was saying exactly what she thought he was saying.

“You know, if I’m being honest I don’t know if this is going to work,” she blurted out. “I mean, with you being based so far west of here, and traveling all over for your work… I’m not looking for forever on a first date, but maybe something a bit more stable than that.”

Ilias’ brow furrowed, then he nodded with an easy grin. “Fair enough. I definitely can’t promise stable.”

~*~*~

It had been a while since Aelin had been on a date with a woman, but she knew without a doubt that wasn’t the cause of the nerves settling in the pit of her stomach as golden eyes flashed at her from the barstool beside her. “Can I ask you a question that’s probably a bit rude?”

Her companion—Manon, that was her name—merely raised an amused eyebrow.

Aelin blurted out the question that had been at the tip of her tongue for the past several minutes. “Do you find that people being both scared and turned on is a normal reaction around you, or is it just me?”

Manon smirked, flicking her platinum braid over her shoulder. “It’s what I aim for,” she replied with a flash of sharp teeth.

Aelin laughed. “Okay, if I’m being honest we’re probably a terrible romantic match, but I like you. This is probably weird, since we’re on what’s supposed to be a date, but I have this friend who I think would absolutely love you…” Aelin trailed off, scrolling through the pictures on her phone.

Pointed nails dug into her shoulder as Manon peered at the screen. “I’m interested.”

Aelin blinked. “I haven’t told you anything about Elide.”

“I can see what I need to know about her from the way she’s holding herself in that picture. I’m willing to meet if she is.”

“I’ll introduce you on the condition that you teach me that trick you used on the guy you passed on your way in.”

“Deal.”

“You’re the best.”

“I know.”

~*~*~

Aelin sighed from the corner of the bar, shaking her head as Lysandra gave her a questioning stare. Ress was late. Incredibly late, not just something she could attribute to traffic.

She swirled the whiskey in her glass, watching the amber liquid to stop herself from checking her phone for the fifth time in as many minutes. He would show up if and when he showed up, and she was determined to not be bothered by it even though it bothered her immensely.

Maybe she should take Lysandra up on her offer to set her up. It couldn’t be worse than her experience trying to find people on dating apps.

Finally, her phone chimed as the screen lit up with an unfamiliar number. Aelin, it’s Ress. I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. There’s been a huge disaster at work and apparently I’m the one who gets to clean it up.

Aelin sighed. Well, at least he’d texted her.

~*~*~

“Three flops in as many weeks, Lysandra, I think I’m cursed.” Aelin sighed and nestled further into the couch. “I mean, I went on a run today to try and calm down. Who goes on runs?”

“Rowan goes on runs,” her friend replied wickedly. “And I told you from the start that dating apps were hit or miss. This isn’t college anymore.”

“I didn’t have to worry about it in college,” she reminded her.

“That’s right, you were doing that thing with Sam where you thought you were a lesbian and Sam hadn’t fully come to the realization that he was a guy yet. You know, I still can’t believe you two wound up staying friends after how that fell out.”

Aelin grimaced. Some days she couldn’t quite believe it, either; she had hardly been graceful about it in college. “It took a lot of distance and a lot of growing up,” she admitted. “And a lot of admitting that I said a lot of things I didn’t mean.”

“Anyhow, if you’re ready to hear my ideas, I could set you up with Archer.”

Aelin frowned, rubbing at a sudden cramp in her calf muscles. “Is that a person’s name, or a profession?”

“It’s his name. I can help you with that, if you want.” Lysandra leaned forward and took over, deftly massaging her leg.

“And how exactly do you know this Archer?”

“I worked with him at that massage parlor in Rifthold.”

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?” Lysandra’s brow furrowed in confusion.

Aelin scowled. “No one from Rifthold.”

Green eyes softened in understanding. “He’s not like—”

“I don’t care. No.”

Thankfully, her friend dropped it there, instead focusing on working the knot out of her sore muscles. “I could also set you up with Rowan.”

Aelin groaned. “Oh gods, Lys. No.”

“What do you have to lose?”

“My dignity? My ability to live with him, and therefore my home?” She turned her head just enough to glare at her friend, otherwise remaining practically boneless as she sprawled across the couch.

Lysandra laughed. “You think Aedion wouldn’t kick him out over you?”

“I don’t want it to come to that. So no, you’re not setting me up with him.”

“But you could go on runs together, and when you push yourself too hard he could probably carry you home.”

“You’re a terrible influence. Remind me why we’re friends again?”

“Because you’re a worse one,” her friend grinned. “Besides, I can do this.”

A few deft strokes of Lysandra’s hands had the tension leaving her leg, and she moaned in relief. “Gods, that feels so good.”

“See? Everyone likes my hands, they’re one of my best features.”

“Don’t get all smug with me—yes, right there!”

A loud noise near the doorway had them both freezing and looking over, only to discover that Rowan had gotten home early and looked absolutely mortified. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Aelin, you have a room.”

Aelin blushed hotly as she played back the last several moments of their conversation. Exactly how much had he heard? Hopefully it was just the last part; as awkward as it was, it was easier to explain than her misplaced attraction to him. “As trite as this sounds, it’s not what it looks like.”

“So you haven’t brought one of your recent dates home?” As odd as it was to think, she was relieved by the scowl on his face; the expression combined with his words indicated that he hadn’t heard them talking about him.

“Gods, no. This is Lysandra. From the bar, remember?”

Bless her, Lysandra stood and waved with a grin. She was less thrilled with what her friend proceeded to say, though. “Your friend here pushed too far running and hurt her leg. I was just helping with that.”

Immediately Rowan’s gaze fixated on her legs, obviously searching for any obvious sign of injury. Aelin sighed. “I’m fine, buzzard. It was just a muscle cramp.”

He nodded, the motion sharp and jerky, and strode into the kitchen, fetching a glass of water with almost mechanical precision. “I guarantee you didn’t drink enough water before you ran. This should help prevent it from coming back.”

She scowled, but obediently sipped from the glass after he handed it to her. “I thought you weren’t supposed to right before running. Doesn’t that upset your stomach?”

“I’m talking about yesterday, Aelin. You should be keeping well-hydrated on a daily basis if you’re going to take up running.”

“You just want me to drink more water,” she accused. “That sounds made up.”

“Just try it,” he replied. “You’ll thank me later.”

Her head jerked back toward the living area at the sound of a door closing, only to find that Lysandra had taken the opportunity to quietly let herself out. Her friend grinned and waved from the driveway when she saw her, clearly realizing she was caught and utterly unrepentant.

Aelin sighed and turned back to Rowan, who was watching her with an expression she couldn’t quite identify. “You’re really okay?” he asked.

She nodded. “I just needed something to help me not think for a while after these shit dates I’ve been on lately, and I’m told drinking alone is a sign of having a problem.”

The corner of his lips quirked up in the barest hint of a smile. “They must’ve been really bad, to make you consider running as a viable option.”

Aelin shrugged. “I mean, I’ve had worse, but I’ve also had better? It was just one miss after another, you know?”

He glanced at her again, then turned toward the refrigerator. “I think I have everything we need to make pasta, if that’ll help you feel better.”

“You’d actually make me pasta?” She frowned; there had to be some kind of catch. There was no way he would simply allow that many carbs to be on his stovetop at the same time.

“I would,” he replied, heading toward the pantry and grabbing…

“Wait, that’s not pasta,” she blurted out. Gods, she knew there was a catch.

He laughed, rolling up his sleeves before grabbing their eggs as well. “It’s not pasta yet.”

“You can’t seriously mean—” There was no way he was actually making pasta from scratch. There was a reason it came in boxes, she was sure of it.

“I can and I do. Now either stop talking and watch or get out of my kitchen.”

Aelin chose to watch, and the play of muscles in his forearms as he made and kneaded his own pasta dough was almost enough to make her forget about why she’d thought it was a good idea to try dating again in the first place.

Almost.

~*~*~

Tagging:

@ireallyshouldsleeprn @queen-of-glass @fangirlprincess09 @sassys-world @morganofthewildfire @superspiritfestival @perseusannabeth @sis-it-dont-add-up @jlinez @julemmaes @emilyoftheshadows @thegoddessofyou @mymultiversee @swankii-art-teacher @rowansfirebringer @livsdriverslicense @courtofjurdan @danibutterr @woollycat22 @rowaelinismyotp @sleeping-and-books @acciowests @stardelia @anidealiveson

#rowaelin #haven writes #reluctantly rooming

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recurring-polynya · 3 years

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I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy.

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You.

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

#squad 11 #sometimes i look at Things I Have Wrought and pull a full Talking Heads style 'how did i get here?'#my squad 11 stuff is my absolutely weirdest most bonkers writing #i am glad people seem to like it #just trying to find some meaning in this hot mess #i think i blame The Toast

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matoitech · 3 years

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hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

#long post #NINE PARAGRAPHSSSS #fess replies #anon

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tentaclewrapsupreme · 3 years

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Okay... I literally cannot stop thinking about vampire B3nrey and werewolf G0rdon. I’m too busy to actually write this even tho I REALLY want to so I’ll just tell y’all my ideas here. NS4W of course because I am a degenerate. I will be using a lot of numbers to replace letters so it does not get flagged or show up in tags.

G0rdon lives in the middle of the woods because he’s a werewolf dogboy (tails and ears and wolf-ish behavior. The whole shebang). Maybe it was a work accident (D4rnold?? He’s the perfect scapegoat for this kind of thing) but to not interfere with his coworkers or the outside world he’s moved to this forest by G-M4n. Big G makes sure he gets food and like fiber optic cables for internet (how much did that cost? Is it really worth these few guys? [maybe T0mmy played a hand in this?]) and T0mmy makes food and supplies deliveries. Oh yeah things I should mention: There’s a path that both people and vehicles can travel down, the Boomers live a bit further down and they’re both, like, clearly not human either in ability or appearance, the forest is magical and houses Many unknown creatures (like b3nrey) but G0rdon doesn’t know this, and G0rdon is trans and has an epic cvnt and t-d!ck. This matters trust me.

So G0rdon has been having really weird and intense ovulation since he turned into a werewolf and it gets more intense each time. Like ya know… a heat but my version of it. Humans can cramp and become extremely horny when ovulating (I’ve done some research) so this is just that but more intense and can be stopped by some Good D!cking. But another thing! For ~magic reasons~ G0rdon smells not bad but strongly, especially to other magical beings. So basically he’s driving some forest inhabitants crazy and B3nrey takes it upon himself to “deal” with it >=3c.

So G0rdon is furiously m4sterbating and I mean like jackhammering a D1ldo into himself and he’s getting frustrated because he’s been cvmming but it’s not really doing it for him. So B3nrey rings the doorbell once. Normally that’d Freak G0rdon The Fuck Out but he just assumes it the boomers and thinks “eh, they’ll go away. I’m busy rn”. However, the rings don’t stop coming (kinda like G0rdon lmao) and G0rdon pulls the toy out of himself, pulls his pants up, marches to the door (and he’s PISSED. You’ve ever been interrupted by a stranger? yeah) rips open the door, yells “WHAT!” and before B3nrey can really even say anything other than “You-” he slams the door closed again because he is that mad.

The doorbell ringing continues because B3nrey is, of course, unphased and G0rdon opens the door again like “WHAT the FUCK do you WANT?!” and B3nrey just says “You smell” and at this point G0rdon is losing his god damn mind so he just starts laughing his ass off and says “what?” in the middle of crying laughing and then continues “Is that all you had to say to me?” and before he can get angry again B3nrey says “Have you been h0rny? You’re not allowed to be h0rny here,”. Of course what he MEANS is that G0rdon is causing a problem by being so smelly and needs someone to “help” him, but we all know that is not how B3nrey communicates things. So G0rdon is of course like ‘what the fuck does that mean’ and says “What do you mean I’m not allowed to be h0rny here? It’s not like I control it!” and before he can continue B3nrey asks “I think you need help with that. Let me in”

Now normally that would be super ominous considering 1) phrasing 2) this is a guy G0rdon doesn’t even know the name of and 3) G0rdon KNOWS there’s something fucked about this forest and everyone in it but all G0rdon is thinking about is 1) how hard is dick gets at the thought of “help” and 2) how this guy is gonna be annoying and keep ringing his doorbell if he doesn’t let him in (hopefully to “ring G0rdon’s doorbell”. Get it? Get it? I’ll see myself out). So G0rdon, after thinking for no more than 2 seconds, says “fuck it, c’mon in” and B3nrey does, in fact follow him in and stares him down in basically the kitche/living room area in the start of his house.

Now G0rdon immediately notices 2 things. 1) this guy has about half a foot of height on him and 2) is decidedly not human. G0rdon’s tail immediately goes between his legs, his ears droop, his eyes widen, and he runs into his bedroom and locks the door. G0rdon is terrified and listens intently to B3nrey’s footsteps as he approaches the door. B3nrey then phases through the door and G0rdon scream’s “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST” and tries to reach for the nearest weapon (baseball bat on the other side of the room).

B3nrey is unimpressed and does his best G0rdon impression by saying “myah myah myah look at me I’m running away from house guests. I’m just trying to help you man,” and G0rdon is already off the bed grabbing a bat yelling “HELP ME DO WHAT!” and B3nrey says “Make you less smelly. You smell good and it’s really rude to everyone else. Everyone is just trying to work and you come here and mess it all up” B3nrey is overexaggerating here but some people DO actually smell G0rdon and it is actually annoying to them. B3nrey is the only one doing anything about it because he’s unhinged enough to not care about social convention and just ask G0rdon to fuck. G0rdon, of course, has no idea what B3nrey is fucking talking about and asks “What? You’re the only one here. And what do you mean I smell ‘good’?”.

With some convincing B3nrey manages to convince G0rdon to put the bat down and get on the bed to “help” him. B3nrey starts sniffing his neck and being handsy. G0rdon, liking where this is going, gives less of a shit than he probably should and just enjoys the treatment. B3nrey starts whispering to him about how good he smells and how B3nrey wants to taste him and ruh roh that’s a bit of a red flag considering how this guy is not human very clearly. So getting some fucking sense finally G0rdon pushes him off slightly and says “Wait, what *are* you?” and B3nrey says “I’m not human,” and G0rdon says “Clearly! Can you PLEASE be more specific than that?” and B3nrey says “You need clearance to access that information. You have id?” and G0rdon is finally starting to realize what a Pain In The Ass this dude is so he says “that’s it. I’m leaving” but B3nrey grabs his arm and pretty much whines “nooooo wait what we were having fun. You were having a good time. Why’d you have to go and ruin it?” and G0rdon answers “Because I don’t want an inhuman STRANGER from the middle of the WOODS to EAT me!” so B3nrey replies “I won’t eat you- I’m nice,” and ya know what? G0rdon is horny enough to take that answer.

So they start really going down on each other and by the time G0rdon is getting eaten out and he wants to moan out a name he realizes he doesn’t have one to. He really let this guy he doesn’t even know the name of give him head. So he asks and B3nrey gives him sass about it (and G0rdon doesn’t think to bring up that he didn’t ask either so win for benny) and they go back at it. This eventually ends up with G0rdon riding d!ck and B3nrey finishing inside. G0rdon finally feels relief and get’s B3nrey something to clean himself off with and then G0rdon goes and takes a shower. By the time he’s out, B3nrey is gone. After making sure B3nrey didn’t steal anything, G0rdon texts t0mmy some questions and finds out B3nrey is a vampire and *totally* could’ve murdered G0rdon if he wanted to which is both scary and hot to him.

I already have ideas to continue this but I’d have to fuckin write it first. Send me an ask if you really want to see this I guess lmao.

#f/renrey #h/lvrai #g/ordon f/eetman #b/enrey #tentipost #tentitext #hornyvrai

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rittz · 4 years

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thoughts about being trans, idk where else to put them so here u go

it’s not like i don’t have trans guy friends to talk to about this, it’s just usually in the form of jokes or passing comments rather than an actually serious conversation. also, the transmasc people that i’m closest to identify more with the label “nonbinary” than i do-- it’s not like they couldn’t understand or relate to things i’m saying, but i’m just assuming that they probably don’t feel the exact same way i do

anyway, as a trans person we get often asked “so why do you feel like a [gender]?”, and the answer is usually some variation of “i just feel like it”. this is the most accurate but also vaguest possible answer, so i kinda wanted to break down my personal answer to that question?

basically, i identify as a man because i identify with men. in a general and also personal sense. gender stereotypes are something that trans people by necessity both embrace and reject. i relate to gender stereotypes about men more than those of women-- i’m less outwardly emotional, i like being handy, i don’t like kids, i have questionable personal hygiene, etc-- but obviously these things alone don’t make someone a man. however... you can’t deny that there is some general truth about behavioral differences between men and women (bc of society, not biology). men and women both experience different problems in the world, and each have trouble understanding the experiences and problems of the other. generally, i can relate to the experiences and problems of men more than those of women, even if it seems like i shouldn’t (for example, i am not afraid of walking alone at night, even though i am very tiny).

i, from a young age, have had a constant yearning for more male friends. i would occasionally choose to play video games as a male character. i was upset that i couldn’t be in boy scouts. i have been jealous of my younger brothers being treated by my parents the ways i wished i was treated. when i imagined myself older, i pictured myself less like my mom and more like my dad. when i’m around men, i want them to treat me like one of them. i want to be seen as a man.

and i think that’s what being trans really boils down to. wanting to be seen as someone other than how everyone sees you. wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside. this obviously extends to nonbinary individuals, who face their own struggle when it comes to presentation. but at the end of the day, i think that presentation is equally important to gender identity as internal feelings. i mean, i think we’re all familiar with the research proving that transitioning makes trans people happier. surgery is an invasive, expensive, painful process that i DON’T think is necessary for every trans person, and HRT isn’t always easy to get. but changing a name, getting a new haircut, dressing differently, binding, etc. counts as transitioning. you don’t have to hate your body to be trans, but wanting to alter it in order to better connect your internal identity with your presentation, i think is necessary in order to consider yourself to be trans.

i will admit i am confused by “GNC trans men” i see on tumblr and insta, who use he/him pronouns but exclusively present femininely. i’m not talking about trans guys who don’t yet pass, i mean trans guys who don’t want to. i don’t harbor any ill will, i’m just confused. if i understand being trans to mean “wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside”, you can see how. doesn’t that make you feel dysphoric? don’t you want people who see you to read you as male? how is your life different from when you didn’t identify as male but presented the same way? this isn’t me trying to gatekeep on who’s “trans enough”, and especially when it comes to nonbinary identities it’s arbitrary to harp on presentation like this. but like, what’s going on here?

taking a turn here that will come back around, an extremely key component to why i identify as and with men is my sexuality. i have always idolized, envied, and evoked various queer icons from media and real life. the hunky, grunting, macho, hetero version of “man” never appealed to me the way that the fashionable, artsy, flirty, homo version of “man” did. drag queens, my mom’s hairdresser, glam rock stars, i could go on. associating my more feminine qualities with GAY stereotypes instead of FEMALE stereotypes suddenly made more sense, and made me feel less dysphoric. it’s also something that took me a long time to realize, because i had surrounded myself with queers who were mostly attracted to women. transmascs and butch lesbians historically have a lot in common, but personally, i didn’t relate as much to lesbians as i did to drag queens. in dating and loving men, i developed my understanding of them. but my attraction to men was why it had taken me so long to realize i felt more like a man-- i thought i was just some weird straight girl.

now, am i calling these “GNC gay trans men” with long pink hair and poofy skirts and conventionally attractive bisexual boyfriends “weird straight girls”? ...well, not to their faces. but i have to admit that i’m thinking it. these people would never go to a predominantly-male gay bar, these people would never be harassed on the street. i’m not saying i know someone’s identity better than they do, but i don’t agree with the liberal utopian ideal of “let everyone do whatever they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone” when taken to mean that we can’t question other people’s choices. “why do you feel like a man?” is a question that, coming from another trans person, isn’t inherently transphobic. it’s not “forcing” someone to “prove” their “transness”, no one “owes” me an explanation of their identity. i’m just confused. i don’t disapprove of the way these people live their lives, i just want to know why.

a straight girl being feminine is different from a gay man being feminine, because it has less to do with personality and more to do with society’s historic view of gay men as closer to female than male because of the loving and fucking men aspect. an AMAB gay man wearing makeup and a crop top probably just wants to look good, but he is also signaling to other men that he’s gay via gender non-conformance. by being AFAB and female-passing, wearing makeup and a crop top is not GNC. in fact it’s pretty GC, and gay men will not recognize you as a gay man.

it’s easy to say “gender is fake so do whatever you want”, but like, we have to acknowledge reality. time is a social construct too, but we still use days of the week when talking to each other. strangers will treat you differently depending on what gender they interpret you as. different people will be willing to date you or not. you have to choose which public bathroom to go in. if being misgendered doesn’t bother these people, then who cares? but if it DOES, which it usually does, wouldn’t you want to take steps to prevent being misgendered in the future? if your desire to present femininely is stronger then your desire to be seen as male, then like... why call yourself a male at all? ultimately nothing these people do will really affect me in any way. it just makes me wonder if these people will eventually go on to present as male, or if they will later ID as nonbinary or even cis. i encourage people trying out different labels and exploring their identity, so it’s not like i think these people SHOULDN’T identify as trans guys. it’s more like, i wish they were able to articulate WHY they identify as trans more than “because i said so”. not wanting to be a woman doesn’t automatically make you a man, it just makes you not a woman.

maybe i’m particularly cynical because of the MULTIPLE times that people with larger online followings who identify and present this way have later turned out to be lying, manipulative people. hopefully it goes without saying that i do NOT think that everyone who identifies and presents this way is a toxic liar. the reason i bring it up is because some people genuinely can’t understand the possibility or purpose of misleadingly claiming a marginalized identity, but it can and does happen. an analogy could be made here about white people claiming indigenous heritage. we all WANT to believe what people say about themselves, and asking for “proof” is a social no-no. but we shouldn’t just... automatically trust everything someone says about themselves, right? and as bad as i WANT to live in a world where gender doesn’t matter and everyone default uses neutral pronouns and there are no divisions in clothing stores and bathrooms, we don’t live in that world (yet). when you are AFAB, /extremely/ femininely presenting, and have little to no plans of transitioning, saying “i am a man” will not make other people see you as one. and if you don’t want to be seen as a man, then maybe you aren’t one.

#lgbt #ftm #long...

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molsno · 3 years

Text

I’m skipping the middleman on that trans ask game and just answering all the questions myself <3

this is long so it’s under a read more

1. How did you choose your name?

in senior year of high school, while I was in french class, I was thinking about the word vivre, to live, and how it conjugated. I forget what tense it is, but one way of conjugating it is “nous vivions”, and it dawned on me that the name vivian is based on the word vivre (or its latin origin). of course, I already liked the name due to the character from paper mario ttyd, but knowing that it means life really spoke to me, as I think the ability to live is a precious thing that shouldn’t be wasted. I decided pretty much then and there that I would name my daughter vivian some day. well... then I got the chance to play a character in my friend’s danganronpa killing game, and I thought playing a girl would be interesting. granted, I also already knew I was an egg and saw this as an opportunity to try out my favorite name, so I created vivian tamochi. as you might have guessed, I loved being her so much that I made vivian my actual name

2. What gives you the most dysphoria?

um, hearing recordings of my own voice probably. I always think that I sound very feminine but then I hear a recording of myself and it sounds like a bad impression

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

more social I guess? actually yeah I think all of the dysphoria-induced breakdowns I’ve had have been because of social things

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

something that helps a lot is shaving, especially when it’s a fullbody shave

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

this is a bit embarrassing but it was honestly christmas eve 2018. I saw my little cousin (I think she was 8 at the time) wearing a pretty dress and I felt sort of jealous that I never got to do that when I was her age. I was so confused about this feeling that I told my trans friend kyra about it and after asking me to clarify what I meant she linked me to the egg_irl subreddit. that was the first time I seriously considered it

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

I told my friend amanda how I’d been confused about my gender and she offered to take me to goodwill to try on some clothes. I was extremely nervous about it while we were there and I really had to work up the courage to not only pick out some clothes to try, but also take them to the fitting room with me. but once I put on a skirt for the first time I stood there for like a solid 5 minutes just looking at myself in the mirror with the biggest happiest smile on my face. in that moment I finally understood what gender euphoria was. I couldn’t deny I was trans any longer, it was just a matter of working up the courage to tell people

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

um, probably that I feel like a person now. also the little things, like seeing my hips get bigger or looking at how long my hair has gotten. just little things to smile about!

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

um, I’m girl <3

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

I mean it depends on who, but I decided to do it on national coming out day 2019, in my discord server with friends. basically I commented on it being national coming out day and reposted my intro in the introductions channel with my new name and pronouns. everyone there sorta saw it coming I’m pretty sure

10. What have your experiences been with packing or tucking?

I’ve tucked a few times in public. it’s uncomfortable for sure, but not terrible once you get used to it. the idea of it made me squeamish at first, I’ll admit. but since I haven’t had much excuse to go out in girlmode the past year or so, I haven’t tucked much

11. What are your experiences with binding or wearing breast forms?

the closest I’ve ever gotten to wearing breast forms is wearing a bra every day for..... almost a year now? it doesn’t serve much purpose other than letting me feel something there, though that is changing since I’ve been on hrt for several months

12. Do you pass?

I mean... probably not? I feel like I’m very visibly trans. there have been like two times where I’ve been gendered correctly in public (one in girlmode, one not) but those are extremely rare

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

well I’ve been on hrt for 8 months now so that’s one thing. I want to get laser hair removal for my facial hair because that’s one of the biggest sources of dysphoria for me, but yknow. that’s expensive! according to my understanding my insurance supposedly should cover bottom surgery, but I’m honestly in no rush to get that. I don’t really have much bottom dysphoria, but it would be nice to get surgery some day

14. How long have you been out?

it’s been about a year and two months now...... time flies

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

up until I was like 17 I was incredibly insistent on being cis and straight despite very obvious (in retrospect) signs to the contrary. around 18 I was very confused why all my friends were lgbt in some form and also I kinda started realizing I don’t mind dick, and I thought it would all make sense if I was bi. I identified as cis and bi for like 4 years or so but the longer it went on the more wrong it felt considering I had never once during that time been attracted to a man

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?

surprisingly not really? the most transphobia I’ve experienced has been a result of automated processes like proctored testing or emails. of course, I’ve seen all the nasty shit that terfs say about people like me, but I’ve never been a victim of it directly

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

if there is a universal restroom that I can lock from inside then I use that. if not, I sigh dramatically and sadly use the men’s room

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

truthfully I don’t know. my mom seems accepting enough, but with the pandemic going on I haven’t talked to her much. I know my sister is aware, and shockingly she seems supportive too, but we haven’t talked about it in depth

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

if I could go stealth I would. I’m sorry but I don’t want to be visibly trans

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

the sooner you start transitioning the happier you’ll be. by denying this part of yourself you’re just making yourself miserable

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?

she/her makes me happiest. I’ve (against my will, mind you) used they/them and been called molsno in a group that I wasn’t out in, and..... it made me feel..... distant, I guess? it was better than he/him, but it felt much less personal

22. Do your neurodivergencies and/or disabilities affect your gender?

I mean...... yeah? as a trans lesbian it’s very easy for me to hate masculinity given how it’s instilled nothing but negative feelings in me literally my entire life, and being autistic makes it harder to understand how the things I say about gender negatively impact the people around me

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

the fear that I may never be able to believe I can be loved as a woman, probably

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

coming out nearly everywhere and getting on hrt!

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

I desperately wish cis people understood even the basics of trans issues. still to this day many cis people don’t even know the right terminology to use for trans people. they think “trans man” and “trans woman” mean the opposite of what they actually mean and that’s just so goddamn frustrating. many of them think transitioning is just bottom surgery and that’s it. like, they don’t know anything about hrt. cis people please educate yourselves on trans issues I’m begging you

26. What impact has being trans had on your life?

it’s affected many aspects of my life but I think the biggest one is that I feel like a person now. I always felt like a robot, or like someone putting on a performance before, but I feel like a human being now

27. What do you do to validate yourself?

ummm... not much really. I guess one thing that has helped is making my character astrid trans? because if I ever think something bad about myself I can stop myself and ask if I would think the same thing about her, and of course the answer is no.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?

it’s bad. trans women very rarely get any positive representation. like the only transfem characters that come to mind that I think were handled well were lily hoshikawa from zombieland saga and vivian from paper mario (although even that’s debatable given the english censorship about her gender and the way beldam abuses her in japanese). meanwhile nonbinary representation consists almost exclusively of aliens, shapeshifters, robots, etc. and trans men get literally nothing. like. trans representation is just so abysmal it’s not even funny

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

umm....... I don’t really care about celebrities lol. if I were to answer this question it would be “oh yes I’ve heard of these people”

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

gosh, how could I ever decide? most of my friends are trans so it’s hard to say but if I had to answer.... my friends kyra and modeus were probably the most helpful when I was figuring myself out

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

mostly online

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I’ll almost certainly still be a woman, and hopefully my transition will have gone well enough that I’ll be able to pass

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?

healthcare. the difficulty so many people face with getting access to trans healthcare is ridiculous and discriminatory. I’ve written essays for school about this topic and they were the easiest essays I’ve had to write because of how passionate I am about this

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

pick your head up queen/king/royal, your cat ears are falling down

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

well I’m white, able bodied, average weight, and I’m about to get a degree in computer science, so I have a lot of privilege that other trans people don’t have. I fully recognize that. it breaks my heart that so many less privileged trans people, particularly trans women of color, are murdered and never even get the justice they deserve. I wish there was more I could do to stop it, but privileged as I am, I’m only one person. I want everyone to be aware of who the major victims of transphobia are. look out for black trans women especially, they need your protection and support most of all

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

not much. I’m a woman with a very feminine gender expression, when I’m free to be. the biggest feminine thing that I don’t do is makeup, but that’s more due to dysphoria rather than a distaste for it

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

feminine uwu

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I am a lesbian and that is very epic of me. I love girls and seeing girls in love makes me happy and imagining myself as a girl in love with another girl makes me even happier

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I always hate admitting this, but due to personal reasons, my ideal partner is cis. this is mostly because I very much want to have biological children, and that’s simply not possible with another trans woman. I wouldn’t rule out an afab nonbinary person entirely, it just really depends on how comfortable said person is with femininity and also how they feel about dating a lesbian. if not for my desire to have kids (which is not something I’m willing to compromise on since it has been my lifelong dream) I would have a lot more options. truth be told, cis women kind of scare me, and it would be so much easier to date someone who fundamentally understands what it’s like to be trans. but biology is cruel unfortunately

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

it was incredibly difficult. thankfully, it didn’t last very long. I only had to wait about 6 months, and most of that time was spent waiting until I was able to bank sperm because I didn’t want to risk becoming permanently infertile after starting hrt

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

ngl...... reddit. the trans boards have many, many helpful resources for transfem people. I don’t really go there anymore but it was immensely helpful in the early stages

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I mean..... yeah, but not very much anymore on account of the pandemic. I made a few trans friends junior year of college and we still talk occasionally, but it’s been several months since I last saw them all

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

not really 😔

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

“Wow Vivi how come you’re so epic?”

I was born this way <3

#personal

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yorit1 · 4 years

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New Beginnings

Prologue

When Chas was 14 going on 15 she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, named Aaron. His biological father was much older and wanted nothing to do with the baby. Her brother Cain, who had a baby girl the previous year with their cousin had a plan. Their parents were no good, one was an abusive drunk, the other kept abandoning them. He and Charity would gather them some money and they would go to Emmerdale village. That was where their uncle lived. Hopefully, they can build their lives and have a fresh start there.

Aaron was a month old when they moved to Emmerdale. Cain who had just turned 18 was legally in charge of all of them with the help of uncle Zac, so that social would not take Chas, Charity, Aaron, and Debbie away. Cain gave Chas 5 grand to use for her and Aaron, with another 5 for the future. Cain used his money to buy into the garage. Charity conned a rich man so that she could get the three of them somewhere to live.

Chas worked at the pub, she greatly impressed the pub landlady. When Aaron was 2 years old she let them move into the pub permanently. She was a nice elderly lady that did not have a family of her own. Chas began to take over more of the day to day responsibilities of running the pub. She also bought a share of the pub to ensure that she and her baby boy would always have a place to stay. Chas’s number one priority was always her son. When she was not working she was spending her time with him. She did date at times but most people wanted her for her body and not much else.

When Aaron was 6 years old a nice vet moved to the town named Paddy. He loved Aaron and took him in as if he was his own. He got Aaron a dog named Clive that Aaron could look after. She liked that Paddy did not have an issue that she had a child and that he was more interested in her as a person. A platonic relationship formed between them. They did not date until Aaron was 10.

When Aaron was 6 Chas got a phone call from the police. Aaron’s horrible biological father had murdered his ex who was 8 months pregnant with a baby girl. She luckily was able to call the police before he shot her. The police shot and killed him on sight. She was still alive when the paramedics took her to hospital, but they couldn't save her. They did emergency surgery to get the baby out, and she was mostly fine. Social services found that her only living relative was Aaron. Gordon also had half a million pounds that would be divided equally between them. Charity took her in and raised her as if she was her own. Aaron picked the name Liv for her and that was what they called her. She would make sure that no one would ever harm her children.

That same year Aaron also met his best friend Victoria. She was part of the Sugden family. Her family owned some land and a couple of the farms in the village. She had an older brother that would sometimes hang out with them. He was nine and Aaron thought he was cool.

When Aaron was ten his parents got together properly and that made him happy. A new family moved into one of the farms. And he made new friends, Holly, Adam, and Hanna. Hanna told them that he was a boy and wanted to be called Matty. He loved spending time with them on the farm. Vic’s parents also got divorced and he saw her less. Robert was around even less and Aaron did not like that he wasn't around as much. He was the cool older brother like Holly was the cool older sister. Aaron also loved that he had his cousin that was a year older than him. He had a nice group of friends to play with and his dog. He also had the best mum who would do anything for him. His little baby sister was always trying to follow him around.

When Aaron was twelve the pub landlady died and she left it all to his mum. This was good as she was pregnant. Aaron was excited to have another sibling. Vic now spent the school year with them and was in the village her mum lived in when there was no school. Robert did not come over at all, and his dad acted like he never existed. His mum gave birth to a baby that died the same day she was born.

When Aaron was fourteen he was discovering his sexuality. He tried kissing Holly but it did nothing to him. He also thought guys were better looking than girls. Adam’s cousin came over and he kissed Aaron. While Aaron didn't like him he did like the feeling of kissing a guy. The only people he told about this were Vic and Adam. He would tell his mum and dad soon. His mum was pregnant again and Aaron wanted the baby to be healthy. Liv was also recently diagnosed with epilepsy, the doctors figured out what the damage that was caused when she was born was. He can tell them later it's not like he wants to date. When Aaron did tell them it was no big deal. They had Matty who was trans, and CHarity and Debbie were both bi. Aaron successfully finished his GCSEs, he loved working with his uncle in his garage so he decided he would go to 6 form and try to study automotive engineering at uni.

When Sarah was 40 years old she started her life over. She was divorced and she found a new passion. She decided to enter the great British bake off and somehow out of nowhere she won the competition. She met a confectioner Rishi who she started a cakery/confectionary with. The village she lived in was in North Yorkshire and was not far from Emmerdale. She still saw her children all the time. A year later Robert came to her in the middle of the night. She fought him for sole custody of Robert and Vic was still living part-time. Had he laid a hand on him she would have taken both but he only kicked him out for his sexuality and that made it harder to get her full time. She had her most of the weeks and the summer. Because the school was close to where they lived she was still in the same school. She would spend time with them in Emmerdale her friends never came over to visit. Her beautiful son found a life long friend in Priya and knew that they would be best friends forever. They were able to help each other with their struggles and overcome them together.

When Sara was 46 she moved back to Emmerdale VIllage with her son. Jack had died and Vic wanted to live where her friends were. Robert was in uni studying business. He only came home on weekends or when he needed something. He told her honestly that he had no bad memories of the village. Hopefully, the village will bring them good memories.

Summer 2015

It was the summer before Aaron was due to start 6 form. His best friend Vic was moving back to the village full time. Her mum and older brother were moving back as well. Aaron remembered a little of Vic’s brother. Mostly that he had not come back to visit since they were 12. He was so excited to see her. It was nice to have all of his friends and family close together.

When Aaron saw Vic he ran up to her and hugged her tightly. He saw Robert come up to them. He walked confidently toward them and held his hand out, he had a confident smirk on.

“I'm Robert, I don't know if you remember me. It is nice to be back here. Beautiful place.” Robert said in a confident and cocky tone. Aaron hated him. He was one of those people who knew how good looking he was and just acted smug. Aaron scowled at him. Robert lowered his hand and started rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Vic and he went to the pub to go see the others.

Aaron was sitting at the pub with Vic and their group of friends. When suddenly Robert walked in. Everyone looked at him and were interested in this Sugden boy who is back for the first time in four years. He also had a beautiful woman who he walked in with. A bunch of Debbie’s friends were interested in him. Wow, he has the whole village wrapped around his finger. He has a girlfriend and he is still going around and trying it on with everyone. Although Aaron didn't have that much bad luck with guys. He had his first boyfriend Jackson who helped him out when he first came out. The two of them realized that they were interested in different things and split up amicably. A few others have asked him out. There was Ed, a star rugby player, and Alex, a first-year med student. Aaron was happy that he had his options. Maybe he should text Ed so that they could go out tomorrow night. Aaron decides to go back to the conversation.

“Vic how's it being back here full time?” Adam asked.

“It's great being back. Although it looks like Holly, Debbie and their friends are all very into Robert. It's like he is new blood here, even though our family has been here for generations. But hey I want him to be happy here. Hopefully mum will be as well. And spending all my time with my fave person.” She said as she leaned her head on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Well good luck with Holly there, She is used to getting what she wants,” Adam said, mocking his sister.

Robert and the girl came by and sat with them. Robert said he wanted to get to know Vic’s friends.

“Hi I’m Priya.” Robert’s friend introduced herself. She seemed really nice.

“Adam, some of our friends were over there.”

“I'm Ellis.”

Aaron stayed quiet and maintained the frown. Robert was smiling this friendly but confident smirk and he was not amused.

“Aaron.” He finally said.

“Aaron all grown up. I remember when you and Vic used to get into trouble running around. Well it looks like you grew up well.” Robert said. Aaron was wondering what that meant. He could be more than that trouble maker. Aaron frowned in his direction, not at all impressed by Robert.

Things were quiet for a few seconds, then Ellis and Adam started the conversation back up again. A few minutes later Sarah walked in and was talking to her children. Aaron thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to go to the toilets.

Aaron was washing his hands when Robert walked in.

“I ugh don't know what I did to offend you, I do want us to get on, be mates. You and my sister grew up together and are really close and I would like to get on.” Robert said. Aaron just shrugged him away. Robert lightly grabbed his hand so Aaron could face him. Aaron felt electricity go through him. “Just think about it okay.” Aaron just shrugged and ran away. Robert was straight and had a girlfriend and was his best friend's older brother, nothing could ever happen between them.

Aaron was at Vic’s hanging out. He was going out with Ed later that night. He was not sure if he wanted a boyfriend now. He was only 16 and he already had one serious relationship. But Ed seemed nice, and he liked him, so Aaron was willing to go on a date with him. On his way to Vic’s room he passed by Robert’s room. He caught him only half-dressed, he was in the middle of putting his shirt on. Aaron quickly went to Vic’s room so that Robert would not catch him and think he was watching him. He will try and get along with him since he will be over a lot.

The first movie they watch is Rocky. Vic knew it was his favourite and wanted to do something nice for him. While he was watching the movie he was thinking of Robert. Aaron had liked what he had seen. Robert was good looking. Aaron knew nothing could happen between them, but nothing wrong with admitting that he found him fit. He will try to be friendly with him from now on.

After the first movie, Aaron goes to the bathroom and then decides to talk to Robert. He knocks on Robert’s door. “It’s Aaron.”

“Come in.”

Aaron walks in and sees Robert was sitting at his desk reading something. Robert gets up and turns around to greet Aaron. Aaron walks towards him and gets caught on something, he falls on top of Robert. Aaron feels like his whole body is alive, he could feel every nerve ending and could feel Robert everywhere. Aaron was now looking at Robert who was looking directly at him. They had been looking at each other for a few seconds breathing heavily. Robert suddenly goes in and kisses him. Aaron responds immediately and kisses Robert back. Aaron gets caught up in the moment and is enjoying the kiss. This kiss is the best one he has ever had. Then Aaron realises what is happening and jumps off of Robert and starts to run away.

“Aaron, Aaron,” Robert calls out after him. Aaron ignores him and continues to go. He had a date tonight, and it was someone who it wasn't complicated as they were not their best friend’s brother, did not have a girlfriend, and was not confused about his sexuality.

Aaron was ready for the date. Vic decided to help him with the outfit. While Aaron did not care what he wore, Vic wanted Ed to see that Aaron was the best person ever, and he was lucky to have a date with Aaron. It was not that big of a deal, it would be a movie and then hanging out at this cool cafe in town. Aaron was only interested in something casual. When Aaron saw Ed when he picked him up, he saw his smile and how good looking he was. Aaron had a date with the rugby star.

They were going to see the new mission impossible movie. Aaron was excited to see it. He loved these types of movies. Ed seemed nice so far. They were both quiet individuals and that worked for him

“Aaron, fancy seeing you here.” Aaron turned around and saw Robert. “Priya and I came to watch the new movie vacation. Priya loves those types of movies. Plus we are both fans of Chris. How about you?” Aaron nodded towards Ed. “Oh, lucky guy. Have fun. Ill see you later.” Robert said and walked away.

Aaron saw Robert talking to Priya and laughing with her. They seemed really close. Robert seemed like he really loved her. Aaron did not get why he kept feeling like Robert was trying to start something with him if he was clearly happy with Priya. Whatever there was a nice rugby player who was interested in him. He was going to enjoy the night.

Ed drove them to the cafe after the movie. Aaron really enjoyed it. He could have seen himself be an action star in another life. Aaron walked into the cafe and liked it. It looked like a place for teens to hang out if they wanted some quiet or privacy, and a nice place away from home. (more)

Aaron walked into Vic’s house the next day. He heard Robert talking to Priya. It looked like Robert enjoyed spending his time with his girlfriend and they seemed quite close. Why was he pulling moves on others then?

“...guys liking guys. It’s stupid.” Aaron hears Robert tell her and let out a frustrated sigh. Aaron was so mad. Robert was kissing someone else behind her back, a guy no less, and then he complains about gay guys. Aaron was fuming and ran to the garage where his uncle had set a punching bag for him. Aaron let out all of his frustrations out on the punching bag. Aaron knew that he needed to stay away from him. Aaron did not want to get caught up in these games. He just wanted to enjoy his life. He would only be sixteen once.

He texted Vic to come over so that he could tell her all about his date with Ed. They were not boyfriends, but Aaron was open to the idea of going out on another date with him.

A few days later Aaron was sitting in the pub with his sisters. Sarah Vic and Robert came in for their dinner. Aaron smiled at Vic and caught Robert smiling at him he frowned at him and turned around. Liv was smiling and sharing a story, everyone was listening closely, happy that her spirits were back up after her difficulties with her illness.

“Bud then went up to the counselor and told her that he was a better dancer than her. He then went and started a dance battle between her and the kids to see who the best dancer was. Gabby, Jacob and I were laughing the whole time. Bud is a terrible dancer. But he does have confidence for days.”

Liv was thirsty after sharing stories, so she went up to get another drink. she was at the bar when she suddenly felt dizzy. She was trying to hold herself up but it was no use, Liv fell on the floor. Robert was right by her when she fell. He went to her to check what happened. He realized what was happening and turned her on her side. He signaled for someone to call 999. Aaron and Chas rushed to her. Aaron was holding Liv close to him until the seizure stopped. Robert was by Aaron the whole time making sure that they were both okay. He put his hand on Aaron’s back to reassure him that she will be okay. When the ambulance was there Robert smiled a reassuring smile in his direction.

At the hospital, Aaron was freaking out. Liv seemed to be in healthy spirits and was happy, the seizure suddenly came from nowhere. This will crush Liv. She was 12 years old, she must have been so scared to be there fin one moment and then on the floor the next. Lif was so short. Robert was so good with her. Aaron was tired of the mixed messages and signals he was getting from him.

Robert drove Vic over so that she could be there with Aaron. Robert saw that Aaron was down, he decided to get Aaron some tea as a peace offering. He really did want to be friends with Aaron.

Aaron suddenly saw Robert come up to him and hand him a cup of something. Aaron looked up at him and gave him a face, one that meant what are you doing?

“Its tea. I just thought you can use it. Help to relax until you can see her. It will be fine. She seems like a fighter. Vic and I are always here if you want to talk.”

Aaron took the drink and sat down next to Robert. Aaron was sitting quietly, Robbert was sitting there with him as well. Aaron felt comfort at that moment knowing that he could sit there in quiet. THat he was not expected to talk and that was okay.

“Family of Olivia Dingle.”

Chas stood up immediately and listened to what her doctor said. They were allowed to see her family only. Vic and Robert said that they would wait for them here. Robert would be able to give Aaron and Vic a ride home after.

Aaron saw Liv lying in bed, she was frightened but also trying to put on a brave smile for everyone. Chas went up to her and reassured her that she was okay. That she would stay there with her until she was released from hospital. Aaron went up to her as well. He gave her a fist bump. The two of them smiled. His little sister had a special place in his heart. He was so happy that she was going to be okay.

On the ride back things were quiet. Vic was sitting close to him and keeping an eye on him. Aaron was so lucky that she was his best friend. When they got to the house they decided to play some video games.

“I can beat you,” Robert said confidentially.

“In your dreams.” Aaron responded. Aaron so far had won all the games. Robert was not very good at it. Vic even tried to help him but it was no use.

“One more game, I know I can win this time,” Robert said. He then got a text from Priya and he smiled at what it said. Aaron did not see what it said but saw that it was from Priya.

“I don’t want to be keeping you, you clearly have better things to do than play video games with two sixteen-year-olds.”

“Not really. It’s nice to have a break from university and work. I know I can beat you this time.”

Maybe Robert really did want to be friends with him. He did spend the day with him in hospital, drove him home, and was now playing video games with him. While Robert was bad at that he could see that he was trying to lift his spirits. Liv will be okay. Maybe the two of them can be friends. He is Vic’s brother. He liked her, so there should be no problem liking him. Nothing wrong with him having another friend.

“Yes I knew I could win one. I am not that bad at this am I?” Robert said proudly. Aaron genuinely had fun. He really was a good friend.

The next day Aaron went back to hospital. His mum said that Liv could come home today. While there Aaron ran into Alex, the med student who had asked him out.

“Aaron, what are you doing here?”

“My sister had another seizure.”

“Is there anything I can do to help. I’m a good listener and I do know my medicine.”

“Maybe another time. Ill text you.”

“I will be looking forward to it.”

Aaron saw that Liv was in happy spirits. He brought Liv a special treat, her fave chocolate. She deserved to have a smile on her face. Aaron hugged Liv and his mum tightly.

“She said that I won’t even have a mark this time. I also didn’t bight my tongue this time. I can eat all of these now. None are for you. These are all mine.” Liv said and then took the chocolates. She was just joking about not sharing and let her mum and brother have some as well.

Aaron was going to spend the evening at home. He would watch Liv’s favourite movie with her. He was just getting the popcorn and snacks ready, the film was all set on Netflix. He heard the doorbell ring. Aaron saw Vic, Adam, and Robert there.

“We thought we could spend some time with Liv. Remind her that we all love her. We made her favourites,” Vic said as she handed him a box of baked goods. Aaron let them into the house.

“I brought these for you. I noticed that they were your favourite.” Robert said and handed Aaron his favourite treat, sweet and sour gummies. Aaron smiled at him. He didn’t think Robert would notice that they were his fave to eat.

“Vic we are going to watch the best movie. I’m so happy that you are here to watch it with us.” Liv said and then hugged Vic close. Vic sat next to Liv and Adam sat on the other side of Vic. That left Aaron and Robert the love seat. Aaron sat down and Robert sat down next to him.

Aaron was not a massive fan of this movie, but Liv loved it and it was her turn to pick the film.

“Not really your fave is it. Not mine either. But little sisters are great and they like when they get their way.” Robert said and handed him some sweets. Aaron smiled in thanks. Aaron found that the two of them sitting together the conversation flowed seamlessly between them. It was as if they had been friends for years and not weeks. Aaron felt his heartbeat quicken and his cheeks flush. Robert handed him another sweet as he told him another funny story. Aaron felt himself become tired after the last few days and fell asleep. When Aaron woke up he realised that the movie was over. The only ones in the room where Robert and him. The others must have left. Robert looked down at him and saw that he was awake.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty, you sleep well.” Robert asked Aaron and smiled down at him.Robert looked down at Aaron and Aaron looked up at him they moved closer to each other when suddenly Aaron heard a loud bang. Aaron jumped up immediately and ran away.

Aaron had been ignoring Robert for the last few days. He had gone on another date with Ed and he had a date with Alex as well. His sister was also feeling better. Aaron was so confused about his feelings. He liked Ed, but he wasn’t sure if they had a future together. He was heading downstairs as Alex would be in the pub soon to pick him up. Aaron went out to the pub and saw Robert.

Robert went up to Aaron, he was full of nervous anxious energy. “Aaron can I talk to you for a second.”

“Make it quick I have a date.”

“That’s actually what I want to talk to you about, would you like to go out with me on Friday night?”

Aaron saw Priya smiling at both of them a friendly smile. He saw Alex come in as well. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.

The date with Alex was boring. Well mostly Alex was boring and Aaron did not really like him. He did not think that he would go out with him again. There was only one week left of August he was going to try and enjoy it the best he could.

The next day Aaron went over to Vic’s house to tell her about his date. Robert was there as well. He was sitting on the sofa with Priya and Vic.

“Hey, Aaron have you thought about my question?”

“Oh yes, I’m not sure if I have your number.”

“I’ll text you now so you have it. Want to play a game?”

“I came to talk to Vic actually. You and Priya have fun.”

Aaron and Vic went upstairs and he told her about the date. When Aaron was done he saw that there was a funny message from Robert. He smiled and texted him back.

“Whos that Ed, Alex?”

“Robert.”

“A yes quite the charmer he is.”

They went downstairs, Robert was there with Priya still and a bottle of wine. There were also a couple of unopened cans of beer.

“Do you guys want some. I figured a can each wouldn’t be bad.” Robert said and handed Aaron a can of beer. Aaron sat next to him and started drinking. It wasn’t every day that he was able to easily drink alcohol for free. Aaron took the controller and they played in teams. First, it was Priya and Robert vs Aaron and Vic. Vic then thought it would be fun if she played with Priya. That left Aaron on the same team as Robert. Robert was trying to help Aaron with the controllers and by doing so he put his arms around Aaron. Aaron had felt alive. He could feel every part of his body that was touching Robert’s. Robert was whispering in his ear where to go next and what to do. Aaron then heard Robert laughing and could feel it and thought that up close it was the most beautiful sound in the world. Thinking of that distracted Aaron momentarily and he crashed the car into a mountain and it then fell into a valley. Aaron laughed and Robert laughed with him. He was having so much fun.

“Yous are so cute. Arent they Priya?”

“The cutest. I think they are the cutest duo from the group. I’m jealous.”

Shit, shit, shit. Priya was his girlfriend. She was right there. Aaron forgot that she was there. He would not make that mistake again.

Over the next few days, Aaron and Robert were texting effortlessly. Conversations just flowed naturally between them. He always felt like they were in a little bubble. Whenever Robert asked him about going out, Aaron swerved the conversation in another direction. It was the second to last day of August and Robert asked him to come to meet him at a barn. Hanging out at Robert’s house was safe. He did like Robert and he wished that whatever was happening between them was clearer.

It was the end of August. Robert had texted him to come to one of the barns, he wanted to show him something. When Aaron got there he saw that Priya was hugging Robert goodbye and was smiling at Aaron before she left. Aaron was really confused by their relationship. Aaron saw that there was a blanket set up, with a bunch of different types of breads and sandwiches.

“I thought if I did this it would make my intentions clear, that I want to go out on dates with you, that I would love us to be boyfriends some point in the future. I just want you to know that I like you. I think you feel the same. I do like being friends with you but I want to be more.” Aaron frowned at him. “Oh god. I read this wrong, you aren’t interested. I am so stupid. I just thought I saw something when you looked at me. I thought you felt that spark to when we kissed, and when we touched. I’m sorry. I get it I won’t bother you.” Robert said dejectedly.

“What about Priya?” Aaron asks.

“Priya likes you, she thinks that you are good for me.”

“I don’t want to be in this open relationship that yous two have. I don’t share.”

“What?” Robert asks confused.

“You and Priya.” Aaron clarifies.

“Priya isn’t my girlfriend. She is my best friend. She is my Vic. We are really close but that is all we are. I don’t like Priya that way.”

“I don’t want to be a secret. I heard what you said to her about guys liking guys is stupid.”

“I’m bisexual. Something that I don’t hide from people. My family and Priya all know. I was telling her how when I kissed you in there it was the first time I kissed someone since Paul. My dad caught us together and freaked out. He kicked me out because I liked guys. I was saying it was stupid that my dad had an issue that guys liking guys, and I couldn’t let that keep haunting me. It was time for new beginnings. I was hoping to make new memories with you.”

“What about Vic. She is my best friend and you are her brother. This has got to be weird for her.”

“Vic noticed that I liked you, and she said that she thinks you liked me too. She said that I should go for it. That she wants us to be happy. As long as we are not all over each other she has no problem.”

Robert went closer to Aaron. He softly took his hand and held it in his. He looked at Aaron and he gave him a nod. Robert took Aaron into his arms and held him close. “Any other objections?” Robert asked.

“Shut up,” Aaron said and then did just that. Aaron and Robert shared a kiss and then another one. This kiss was even better than the first one. Now that there was no confusion or misunderstandings and their feelings were clear. The kiss felt like coming home. It felt like a new beginning.

Valentine’s day 2020

Robert had something special planned for Valentine’s day. He and Aaron had been dating for four and a half years. Aaron was in uni going strong. He would make a fine auto engineer soon. Robert and Priya had started up their business. He was excited about Valentine’s day. Since he and Aaron had started dating they have a few traditions for Valentine’s day. Robert hoped that the surprise this year went really well.

He and Aaron moved into a place in the village that was close to the university. It was important for Aaron to live close to his family and his home. He lived on campus for the first two years. After that, he said that that was enough experience. Since the village was close enough to the university, Aaron had decided to ask Robert to move into a place together. They were able to use Aaron’s inheritance money and money from Robert’s savings to buy the mill cottage. Robert had it all set up tonight so that they could enjoy their evening.

Aaron came back home. He saw that Robert had set up a table full of all their favourite foods. Aaron loved Robert’s cooking. He was so lucky to be dating someone who was excellent in the kitchen. He was definitely way more lucky than most university students.

After dinner, Robert and Aaron sat down on the sofa. Robert had a photo album he had made, and a box of Sarah’s cupcakes. Robert said that he wanted to look at the photos first. The photos were their story. From their birth, their family. Growing up, meeting each other, dating. It had their whole story. Aaron saw a picture from their first date. Aaron successfully finishing his exams, Robert’s graduation from uni. Aaron starting Uni. Them moving into their new place. Aaron smiled as he relived all of their memories. On the last page, Robert had written, ‘What will the future bring, to new beginnings.’

Robert opened the box of cupcakes. Each cupcake had one of the letters of Marry me spelled out on it. Aaron looked up and saw that Robert was holding a ring out for Aaron.

“Aaron, when my mum said we were moving back to Emmerdale after my dad died, I was unsure of that. I had so many nightmares. My mum said that every opportunity is a new beginning, and maybe I would be able to feel at home there. My mum was right, I met you and it changed everything. I’m the biggest flirt in high school, I can get anyone with a few well-placed words. And then you walked in and I became a stuttering mess and I can’t control myself anymore. I can’t even flirt with other people. You understand me in a way very few have understood me before. I can be myself who I really am, This awkward mess and I know that you won’t judge me. My mum was right about Emmerdale becoming my home again. I found my home with you. I am excited about our life to continue here in this home. Will you marry me?”

“Yes.” Robert slipped the ring on Aaron’s finger. He got another box out with an identical ring. Aaron slipped the ring on Robert’s finger. He hugged Robert close. Aaron then started kissing him. Aaron was excited to christen the house as an engaged couple. This place really did bring them new beginnings.

#robron #robron fanfic #aaron dingle #robert sugden #emmerdale

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robronvalentineexchange · 4 years

Text

New Beginnings

For @lizzzzoo

Prologue

When Aaron was 6 Chas got a phone call from the police. Aaron’s horrible biological father had murdered his ex who was 8 months pregnant with a baby girl. She luckily was able to call the police before he shot her. The police shot and killed him on sight. She was still alive when the paramedics took her to hospital, but they couldn’t save her. They did emergency surgery to get the baby out, and she was mostly fine. Social services found that her only living relative was Aaron. Gordon also had half a million pounds that would be divided equally between them. Charity took her in and raised her as if she was her own. Aaron picked the name Liv for her and that was what they called her. She would make sure that no one would ever harm her children.

When Aaron was ten his parents got together properly and that made him happy. A new family moved into one of the farms. And he made new friends, Holly, Adam, and Hanna. Hanna told them that he was a boy and wanted to be called Matty. He loved spending time with them on the farm. Vic’s parents also got divorced and he saw her less. Robert was around even less and Aaron did not like that he wasn’t around as much. He was the cool older brother like Holly was the cool older sister. Aaron also loved that he had his cousin that was a year older than him. He had a nice group of friends to play with and his dog. He also had the best mum who would do anything for him. His little baby sister was always trying to follow him around.

When Aaron was fourteen he was discovering his sexuality. He tried kissing Holly but it did nothing to him. He also thought guys were better looking than girls. Adam’s cousin came over and he kissed Aaron. While Aaron didn’t like him he did like the feeling of kissing a guy. The only people he told about this were Vic and Adam. He would tell his mum and dad soon. His mum was pregnant again and Aaron wanted the baby to be healthy. Liv was also recently diagnosed with epilepsy, the doctors figured out what the damage that was caused when she was born was. He can tell them later it’s not like he wants to date. When Aaron did tell them it was no big deal. They had Matty who was trans, and CHarity and Debbie were both bi. Aaron successfully finished his GCSEs, he loved working with his uncle in his garage so he decided he would go to 6 form and try to study automotive engineering at uni.

Summer 2015

When Aaron saw Vic he ran up to her and hugged her tightly. He saw Robert come up to them. He walked confidently toward them and held his hand out, he had a confident smirk on.

“I’m Robert, I don’t know if you remember me. It is nice to be back here. Beautiful place.” Robert said in a confident and cocky tone. Aaron hated him. He was one of those people who knew how good looking he was and just acted smug. Aaron scowled at him. Robert lowered his hand and started rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Vic and he went to the pub to go see the others.

Aaron was sitting at the pub with Vic and their group of friends. When suddenly Robert walked in. Everyone looked at him and were interested in this Sugden boy who is back for the first time in four years. He also had a beautiful woman who he walked in with. A bunch of Debbie’s friends were interested in him. Wow, he has the whole village wrapped around his finger. He has a girlfriend and he is still going around and trying it on with everyone. Although Aaron didn’t have that much bad luck with guys. He had his first boyfriend Jackson who helped him out when he first came out. The two of them realized that they were interested in different things and split up amicably. A few others have asked him out. There was Ed, a star rugby player, and Alex, a first-year med student. Aaron was happy that he had his options. Maybe he should text Ed so that they could go out tomorrow night. Aaron decides to go back to the conversation.

“Vic how’s it being back here full time?” Adam asked.

“It’s great being back. Although it looks like Holly, Debbie and their friends are all very into Robert. It’s like he is new blood here, even though our family has been here for generations. But hey I want him to be happy here. Hopefully mum will be as well. And spending all my time with my fave person.” She said as she leaned her head on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Well good luck with Holly there, She is used to getting what she wants,” Adam said, mocking his sister.

Robert and the girl came by and sat with them. Robert said he wanted to get to know Vic’s friends.

“Hi I’m Priya.” Robert’s friend introduced herself. She seemed really nice.

“Adam, some of our friends were over there.”

“I’m Ellis.”

Aaron stayed quiet and maintained the frown. Robert was smiling this friendly but confident smirk and he was not amused.

“Aaron.” He finally said.

Aaron was washing his hands when Robert walked in.

“I ugh don’t know what I did to offend you, I do want us to get on, be mates. You and my sister grew up together and are really close and I would like to get on.” Robert said. Aaron just shrugged him away. Robert lightly grabbed his hand so Aaron could face him. Aaron felt electricity go through him. “Just think about it okay.” Aaron just shrugged and ran away. Robert was straight and had a girlfriend and was his best friend’s older brother, nothing could ever happen between them.

After the first movie, Aaron goes to the bathroom and then decides to talk to Robert. He knocks on Robert’s door. “It’s Aaron.”

“Come in.”

“Aaron, Aaron,” Robert calls out after him. Aaron ignores him and continues to go. He had a date tonight, and it was someone who it wasn’t complicated as they were not their best friend’s brother, did not have a girlfriend, and was not confused about his sexuality.

They were going to see the new mission impossible movie. Aaron was excited to see it. He loved these types of movies. Ed seemed nice so far. They were both quiet individuals and that worked for him

“…guys liking guys. It’s stupid.” Aaron hears Robert tell her and let out a frustrated sigh. Aaron was so mad. Robert was kissing someone else behind her back, a guy no less, and then he complains about gay guys. Aaron was fuming and ran to the garage where his uncle had set a punching bag for him. Aaron let out all of his frustrations out on the punching bag. Aaron knew that he needed to stay away from him. Aaron did not want to get caught up in these games. He just wanted to enjoy his life. He would only be sixteen once.

He texted Vic to come over so that he could tell her all about his date with Ed. They were not boyfriends, but Aaron was open to the idea of going out on another date with him.

Robert drove Vic over so that she could be there with Aaron. Robert saw that Aaron was down, he decided to get Aaron some tea as a peace offering. He really did want to be friends with Aaron.

Aaron suddenly saw Robert come up to him and hand him a cup of something. Aaron looked up at him and gave him a face, one that meant what are you doing?

“Its tea. I just thought you can use it. Help to relax until you can see her. It will be fine. She seems like a fighter. Vic and I are always here if you want to talk.”

“Family of Olivia Dingle.”

“I can beat you,” Robert said confidentially.

“In your dreams.” Aaron responded. Aaron so far had won all the games. Robert was not very good at it. Vic even tried to help him but it was no use.

“One more game, I know I can win this time,” Robert said. He then got a text from Priya and he smiled at what it said. Aaron did not see what it said but saw that it was from Priya.

“I don’t want to be keeping you, you clearly have better things to do than play video games with two sixteen-year-olds.”

“Not really. It’s nice to have a break from university and work. I know I can beat you this time.”

“Yes I knew I could win one. I am not that bad at this am I?” Robert said proudly. Aaron genuinely had fun. He really was a good friend.

The next day Aaron went back to hospital. His mum said that Liv could come home today. While there Aaron ran into Alex, the med student who had asked him out.

“Aaron, what are you doing here?”

“My sister had another seizure.”

“Is there anything I can do to help. I’m a good listener and I do know my medicine.”

“Maybe another time. Ill text you.”

“I will be looking forward to it.”

Aaron saw that Liv was in happy spirits. He brought Liv a special treat, her fave chocolate. She deserved to have a smile on her face. Aaron hugged Liv and his mum tightly.

“We thought we could spend some time with Liv. Remind her that we all love her. We made her favourites,” Vic said as she handed him a box of baked goods. Aaron let them into the house.

Aaron was not a massive fan of this movie, but Liv loved it and it was her turn to pick the film.

Robert went up to Aaron, he was full of nervous anxious energy. “Aaron can I talk to you for a second.”

“Make it quick I have a date.”

“That’s actually what I want to talk to you about, would you like to go out with me on Friday night?”

Aaron saw Priya smiling at both of them a friendly smile. He saw Alex come in as well. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.

The next day Aaron went over to Vic’s house to tell her about his date. Robert was there as well. He was sitting on the sofa with Priya and Vic.

“Hey, Aaron have you thought about my question?”

“Oh yes, I’m not sure if I have your number.”

“I’ll text you now so you have it. Want to play a game?”

“I came to talk to Vic actually. You and Priya have fun.”

Aaron and Vic went upstairs and he told her about the date. When Aaron was done he saw that there was a funny message from Robert. He smiled and texted him back.

“Whos that Ed, Alex?”

“Robert.”

“A yes quite the charmer he is.”

They went downstairs, Robert was there with Priya still and a bottle of wine. There were also a couple of unopened cans of beer.

“Yous are so cute. Arent they Priya?”

“The cutest. I think they are the cutest duo from the group. I’m jealous.”

Shit, shit, shit. Priya was his girlfriend. She was right there. Aaron forgot that she was there. He would not make that mistake again.

“What about Priya?” Aaron asks.

“Priya likes you, she thinks that you are good for me.”

“I don’t want to be in this open relationship that yous two have. I don’t share.”

“What?” Robert asks confused.

“You and Priya.” Aaron clarifies.

“Priya isn’t my girlfriend. She is my best friend. She is my Vic. We are really close but that is all we are. I don’t like Priya that way.”

“I don’t want to be a secret. I heard what you said to her about guys liking guys is stupid.”

“What about Vic. She is my best friend and you are her brother. This has got to be weird for her.”

Valentine’s day 2020

Robert opened the box of cupcakes. Each cupcake had one of the letters of Marry me spelled out on it. Aaron looked up and saw that Robert was holding a ring out for Aaron.

#lizzzzoo #robron #robron valentine exchange #robronvalentines

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marshmellowtea · 4 years

Note

hey!! im gonna send you a lot of charas, you can answer them as you want, I just wanna make sure you have enough to answer all you want!! seishi, nikei, ayumu, marin maki, komaeda, makoto, mikan and sayake, please!

aaaaaaaa anon ur so sweet ilysm ;o;

i’ll probably have to divide these into a couple posts so i can break it into chunks for myself but i’ll start off with seishi, nikei, and ayumu here :’0

also putting this under a cut so i hopefully don’t break anyone’s dashes

seishi

favorite thing about them

he’s just,, baby?? he’s just baby hdfjaslkdfsdf i don’t even know how to describe it. i was attached to him the moment i saw him and the more i watched of him the more in love i fell he’s such a precious dork,,

least favorite thing about them

idk if this actually counts because this is more of a criticism of his writing than anything but it’s so annoying how people just default him to “standard evil villain” after the katagiri zen reveal like no,, there’s so much more that can be done with him,, how dare you,,

favorite line

tbh as much as i’m disappointed (read: angry) with the direction voices was going to go, “did you just call us horny?” is still an ICONIC line fhaslksdfjlksdf i love it so much

brOTP

him and marin! also him and mikoto,, and him and nico,, tbh him and any girl is good he just vibes “let’s go wlw let’s go!!”, y’know? i also like him and nikei being like. adopted brothers or adopted cousins tbh it’s really cute

OTP

seishi/akira/ayumu/saiji. yes that it as an ot4. yes it counts come at me bro. any seishi/rebirth boy ship is good tho

nOTP

i,, really don’t like seishi/girls fjadsklfjsadf feels bad man

random headcanon

he has TRAUMA dammit!! i hc that he has a backstory similar to maki’s in that he was forced into being an assassin at a young age so it wasn’t really his choice to get involved in all this. i’ve kinda ran that idea into the ground at this point though so here’s a lighter headcanon: when he was 14, he reeeaaaally wanted to be a cat. like, to the point where he’s embarrassed to look back on those days because oh my god he really straight up tried to act like a cat 24/7 huh? kinda ties into another headcanon of mine that he’s less mature than he lets on and tends to go through periods of feeling kinda childlike but ssshh shsh shsh shush

unpopular opinion

he’s a good boy with a morally dubious job and that doesn’t make him automatically evil. y’all are just unimaginative, uncreative and mean >:(

song i associate with them

coughs at my seishi and zen playlists uhh there’s a lot tbh but the songs most strongly connected with him in my mind are “this is how you spell haha we destroyed the hopes and dreams of a generation of faux romantics” by los campesinos! and “i’ve got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers” by fall out boy (and yes those are two songs with very long titles i know hdfaklsjdflsd ;w;)

favorite picture of them

aaaa rebirth doesn’t have a lot of good cgs to pull from across either of its canons and idk if fanart counts so,, but gosh i really love his surprised sprite. he’s like :o. he’s so baby i love him so much

nikei

favorite thing about them

he’s so interesting. it’s clear a lot of work went into his character, and it’s always a fascinating struggle to try and write him. i think it might be a bit easier after chapter four is fully translated but still there’s a lot of complexity to him and it’s interesting trying to break down his outer shell and get inside his head, y’know? also, he’s adorable. i wanna squish his cheeks.

least favorite thing about them

oh my GOD does my boy stress me out. i hate seeing him being mean to my other favorite characters and i’m always just like baby why are you like this please don’t ohmygod?? i’m gonna have to watch chapter four with my hands covering my eyes hasdfjslkdf i hate betrayal plots :’)

favorite line

this is kinda hard actually hasdkflsjdfk but “and she threw them away just like that? girl, are you a genius or an idiot, make up your mind!” from the third trial is reALLY GOOD FHKJDFLKDSF on a more heartbreaking note though him apologizing before he dies is just,, god. god.

brOTP

him and the other voids!! they’re a family fight me. and him and seishi, ofc. i also like him and setsuka a lot though,, after chapter six i’m doubling down on my “she’s his mom!!” stance okay. i also like him and yoruko because i think they could have a fun dynamic (and maybe a soft dynamic with older yoruko,, maybe,,)(what i’m saying is that he gains another mom okay. let me project my mommy issues in peace)

OTP

i,, actually largely headcanon him as aro so there’s not a lot of ships with him i’m super passionate about?? i still kinda like him and setsuka in aus and such but other than that i mostly dropped all my ships for him after chapter six cuz it’s no big loss to me. though,, i’m not gonna lie, i still have a HUGE soft spot for sorakei. after seeing his free time events they just,, grew on me and i’d think they’d be really cute together c’mon guys can we make it happen- :’0

nOTP

nikei/mikado nikei/mikado nikei/mikado LIKE CAN WE PUT IT TO REST ALREADY I ACTUALLY HATE IT

random headcanon

his hair is actually naturally super curly and he straightens it every morning so other people don’t realize this. the other voids think it looks really cute pre-straightener but he thinks it makes it hard for others to take him seriously which is why he goes to such lengths to try to hide it basically he does NOT appreciate the cooing he gets from emma, thank you very much. hgalsdjfadlfkl

unpopular opinion

i’m not actually sure if this counts cuz i don’t see this on tumblr at least but i don’t think we should take what he says to emma and hajime in the void theater at face value. i think despite what he says he actually does care about them in his own way, he just doesn’t really show it well because he doesn’t like to be vulnerable around others. he’s an asshole sometimes (actually a lot of the time hadsflkjsdflk), but that doesn’t mean he’s unfeeling or unable to care about people.

song i associate with them

once again side eyes my nikei playlist ahdfslksdfjslkfd a part of me doesn’t want to spoil one of the songs on it because i do eventually wanna release it to the public but i really just,, i really gotta go with “are you satisfied?” by marina. it’s just too perfect and i think of him every time i hear it now

favorite picture of them

honestly? his first tts avatar. no talk him. him angy his last tts avatar upsets me though LEAVE HIM BE LINUJ

ayumu

favorite thing about them

AAAAAAAAAA BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND he’s so sweet such a good boy!! i like that he’s empathetic towards others cuz of his luck and he cares about how it affects them. i like that he’s soft and definitely a good cuddle partner. i love that he’s a trans icon even if that’s not really the intent i don’t care he just vibes trans so well (gal or guy or nonbinary but i tend to stick with the trans guy headcanon cuz haha i transmasc-)

least favorite thing about them

i kinda wish he had more of a canon sarcastic side? i mean i’m gonna continue to write him that way lol but c’mon there had to have been times where his luck is just so wildly terrible that his inner hinata jumps out and he makes a quip about it hfkajsdfksdf

favorite line

aaaaaa his little hope speech during in voices’ chapter one trial makes me soft,, i love him so much,, i also like him shutting aruma down when she’s being too horny hdlkajdsflksdf it’s really good

brOTP

ngl i tend to ship him with most of the class so,, like,, i also brotp him with the whole class,, dalfksdlfkasdf

OTP

see above but my favorite of those pairings are ayumu/seishi, ayumu/akira and ayumu/mikoto

nOTP

when i’m headcanoning him as a trans guy: nico, misuzu, and kasumi cuz i hc them as lesbians. when i’m headcanoning her as a trans girl: seishi. kind of a nonissue when i go with a nonbinary headcanon though

random headcanon

he plays minecraft with akira a lot, but they always have to play in create mode where you can’t really die otherwise it’s just a montage of ayumu dying over and over again, pfft. even with unlimited life though he still usually ends up stuck somewhere and akira has to come dig him out and since akira’s a rude boy he’s always laughing his ass off as he’s doing it smh >:0

unpopular opinion

it’s,, silly to be mad about his “secretly a boy” twist on the same level as you’re mad about the v3 protag twist,, it’s a fangan and not even that well known of one at that like it doesn’t really have the power to “break down barriers” like that or whatever tf you’re expecting hdsflkajsfdlksdf

song i associate with them

he’s another character i have a playlist for ahdflaksdjflaksd but “this is home” by cavetown and i cry every time :’)

favorite picture of them

once again there’s not a lot of canon art to pull from but i do adore the promo art of him with his “male” and “female” versions :’0

#aaaaaaa thank u anon even just doing these three made me feel better :'0 #i'll try to get to at least three more tonight but i also have to go to bed soon so idk ;w;#and ofc the other asks i'll get to when i can #which'll probably be tomorrow but that's not important rn #drrb #danganronpa rebirth #sdra2 #seishi yodogawa #nikei yomiuri #ayumu fujimori #marshy answers #sdra2 chapter six spoilers #cuz there's some #uhhh hopefully that's all the tags i need lol #anon

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daphuu · 4 years

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[1/2] Hi, it's ace anon again. I definitely feel romantic attraction but I think I'm a lesbian but it took me a long time to realize that and kind of come to terms with it a little. And I'm getting better about it but I still can't help feeling a little guilty about it sometimes and I'm anxious about it and I've never told anyone. To me that adds to the confusion because maybe that's why I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of having sex and why I don't really feel sexual attraction

[2/2] because - I know that sounds bad - but it feels kind of wrong? But it feels different with romantic feelings, and I'm sure about those so idk... It's complicated. I know that's a lot to unload on you and I'm sorry but do you have any advice on figuring things out? I know this is a lot but regardless of if you answer / what you say you've already really helped me with your previous answer so thank you!

Hi hiiii!! I spent last night thinking about this, ace anon! 💜 Here we go—

“I definitely feel romantic attraction but I think I'm a lesbian...”

So if I’m reading this correctly (and I might not be! Sorry!) then you’re saying you might be homoromantic (a woman romantically attracted exclusively to other women) but the idea of having sex with a woman is off-putting to you. That’s totally normal, ace anon. Our society has normalized straight sex in all forms of media so much that at first the idea of non-straight sex is mind-boggling. How would that work? What would we even do? The idea of sex itself can be scary on its own. What if I’m no good? What if they don’t like it? What if I don’t know what to do? What if I upset them by doing the wrong thing? But you know what, anon? Everyone starts somewhere. Cliche, yeah, but cliche for a fucking reason. (Or maybe not a “fucking” reason, but still—)

If those are the reasons you’re worried about having sex, try to communicate them with your partner (if/when you have one). I’m going to quickly share with you the three pillars of every relationship ever:

Honesty. You and your partner need to be honest with each other. This honesty needs to start from the very beginning, not just when you start dating or fucking or whatnot. Be honest about your feelings. Be honest about your desires. Telling your partner “Hey, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with xyz yet, but I’m willing to work on it/compromise with you if it’s something that’s important to you” can only help you both in the long run. You know how relationships end? Lies. Unvoiced and unknown expectations that aren’t met. Which brings us to the second pillar—

Communication. Fuck, communication is so so important. How can you know what’s going through your partner’s head if they don’t tell you? How can they know what you’re thinking if you don’t outright tell them? Over time this’ll be needed a little less—as you and your partner get a better grasp of each other, there’ll be some sort of uhhh sixth sense, if you will, that’ll form from regular communication and honesty. You’ll be able to start anticipating each other’s thoughts/needs after a few years. It’s pretty wicked. If you aren’t sure what I mean—do you have grandparents? Still married? Think of their relationship. Comfortable with each other. Still happy together. Anticipate each other’s needs, yeah? Now think about relationships of your friends or whoever around you. Not quite there yet, yeah? Still honeymoooning. That’s fine. All relationships take time! Just communicate with each other at every turn. You aren’t comfortable? Tell them. Explain why. Try to come up with a way to become more comfortable or a solution to end the thing that is making you uncomfortable. You aren’t sure what to say? Say that. “I’m not sure how to communicate my feelings right now. I’m not angry, but I’m not happy. Maybe I’m upset? Can we talk about this please?” Totally valid thing to say. Communicate honestly with each other.

Trust. Trust is so, so important! I’m gonna—you have to trust that your partner is communicating honestly with you. You absolutely have to. If they’re lying to you then that’s on them. Call them out if you truly suspect they’re lying. Before that, though—why do you think they’re lying? Why are they lying? Are they just scared of what you’ll think? Hmmm.

I once told my high school students about these pillars. One girl turned to her boyfriend, broke up with him, and moved to the other side of the classroom like five minutes after I gave this speech. #Damn. Oof. F to that guy but I was happy she took my words to heart.

Get out of relationships that aren’t good for you. Be self-aware enough to realize they aren’t healthy. Be self-aware enough to know you always have a way out. There is always a way out of a relationship. Always.

Okay, anyway, there’s my “sex doesn’t have to be scary, be honest, communicate (what hurts? What don’t you like?), and trust your partner. They don’t want to hurt you (unless you’re into that, but I don’t recommend pain play for the first time you have sex. Please, if you end up ever having sex, stick to vanilla sex for the first handful of times you try it!!)

“I still can't help feeling a little guilty about it sometimes and I'm anxious about it and I've never told anyone.”

Why do you feel guilty for being a lesbian? Lesbians are awesome. Well, some are. Some aren’t. You know why? Because lesbians are just people. Everyone in any gender or sexuality or romanticality—we’re all just people. And there are people are great and people who are not-so-great in every aspect of life. There are quiet lesbians, loud lesbians, short lesbians, tall lesbians, annoying lesbians, friendly lesbians, cis lesbians, trans lesbians, etc etc. You don’t have to feel guilty for possibly being a lesbian, anon! I’m sure their community would welcome you with open arms.

You’re anxious about being a lesbian? Why so? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being homoromantic or homosexual or any other -romantic/-sexual, either. What’s wrong with being human? Has someone told you that lesbians are awful? They aren’t, I swear. They’re just people like you or me or anyone else. Well, less like me, bc I’m not a lesbian, but—slsjdbdksls you know what I mean!!!

Serious talk ahead: Anon, if you live in a situation where coming out might be harmful to you, don’t come out. Don’t tell people who would use it against you or harm you for it. Just don’t. I’m sorry to make that sound so harsh, but I will never encourage putting yourself in a bad or worse situation. Maybe you’re restricted to only telling online friends that you’re queer. That’s fine. Woot woot let’s be queer together! Hi! You’ve already told me, after all. I don’t know who you are, but I know you’re quite possibly homoromantic and maybe asexual (or demi, or grey-a) and I certainly am not judging you for it. You could be a walrus and I’d still be supportive of you, anon. (As long as you let me pet you if we ever met, bc I’ve always wanted to pet a walrus. Sofft??)

If you aren’t in a situation where coming out might be harmful, what’s holding you back? Is it just you? Are you afraid of what your family/friends will think? Let me share a thing with you—and this is only if you aren’t in a potentially harmful situation—love is love. You have to consider your friends’ and family’s priorities. Will they prioritize loving you over or under their prejudice against queer people? Why? Hopefully your friends would accept you no matter what sexuality or romanticality you put forth, but I know that some friends are young and silly and selfish and straight-up assholes. Dude. Seriously, if they value you as a person and not just because they think you’re “straight,” then they’ll still value you as a person when you tell them you’re a lesbian.

To reiterate: There’s nothing wrong with being queer. There’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian. There’s nothing wrong with being straight. There’s nothing wrong with any of the -romantics or -sexuals. You’re normal. You’re human. You’re still figuring it out. Telling people you’re a lesbian and then telling them you’re bi like two years after that bc you’ve come to some sort of realization is 100% acceptable. Not being sure about yourself but wanting to share it with others is 100% acceptable. Everyone craves acceptance from their loved and cherished ones.

“...maybe that's why I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of having sex and why I don't really feel sexual attraction...”

Lemme—being a lesbian isn’t likely what’s making you uncomfortable with the idea of sex. Maybe it might make you nervous about it because you don’t know what to expect, but it shouldn’t be making you uncomfortable to the point you don’t feel sexual attraction. Honestly, anon, just go live life. When you have a romantic partner, you can figure it out with them! Tell them straight up from the get-go that you aren’t sure how you feel about sex and that they’ll have to be patient to work through this with you. They won’t judge you or put you down for it—and if they do then you know they aren’t right for you. Never let someone pressure you into having sex.

I’m an uncommon (not rare) asexual who enjoys sex. I didn’t think I would at first, tbh. Actually, until I figured out what I liked, I hated sex for like the first year I was doing it. Sex can be nice. It can be causal and silly. You can laugh during sex. It can be really hilarious sometimes. I love sex where everyone’s laughing bc of silliness. You don’t need to fear sex, anon, but I’m going to throw this at you: if you aren’t comfortable with the idea of having sex, don’t force yourself to have sex. If you choose to have sex with a future partner or something, that’s fine and dandy, but honestly? It’s not a race. If the people around you are expecting you to go start having sex whether you’re comfortable with it or not, then you’re surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Your friends should be supportive. What I said about those three pillars of a relationship—they apply to every relationship. Friendship, partnership, family bonds, romance, sex, everything.

You don’t need to feel sexual attraction to the people you’re romantically attracted to in order to be whole or valid or normal or whatever people want you to be. You really, really don’t. Just be yourself. Another good cliche for another good reason. Being yourself is so freeing. React to people how you wanna react, not how you think they want you to react. Sex and romance aren’t the same thing and they certainly don’t have to be. You can have sex without romance. That’s valid. You can have romance without sex. That’s valid. You can have both. That’s valid. You can have neither. That’s valid. There’s literally no wrong choice here. Don’t get yourself down about who you are, anon. You’re perfect the way you are, I promise. If there’s a part of you that you don’t like, either come to love it or change that part just enough that you can love it. But don’t change yourself because of what you think people think you should be like. You won’t recognize yourself in the end. Just be you, yeah? <3

“...because - I know that sounds bad - but it feels kind of wrong?”

Being a lesbian feels wrong? Or the thought of sex with another woman feels kinda wrong? Let’s unpack that a bit.

Why might being a lesbian feel wrong to you? Several options here:

You were raised to believe that anything other than heteronormativity is wrong. You feel ashamed of your lesbianity because of that.

Media. “But we’re on tumblr! The queer community is so welcome here!” Yeah, but it’s not so welcome pretty much anywhere else. Media—music, movies, shows, news—has been depicting straight as the good positive norm and anything not-straight as bad negative unnatural freakishness for years. Sorry, I meant “decades.” Think about that for a hot minute. Only recently—the last decade or so—people have started putting forward the concept of “queer is okay??” in media, and even then it’s with a bunch of awkward question marks. Yeah, we’re getting about this, but being comfortable with who you are is difficult when everywhere you look in the world you see people hateful of certain parts of you.

You aren’t a lesbian. Yeah, I said it. I know. “Wait what I thought you were supportive oh no!?” Hahaha look!! Listen! Maybe you aren’t a lesbian. Who knows? Maybe you’re biromantic, or maybe you’re panromantic, or maybe you’re something else you haven’t discovered the right label for yet. I suggest doing some research. If you can’t look it up on the ol’ home computer, libraries exist for a reason. They have computers. Go duckduckgo some shit about sexualities and romanticalities. I’m 100% sure you’ll find way more helpful stuff out there than whatever I could tell you about lesbians. I’m not a lesbian. I don’t really know what being is lesbian is like. I’m sorry I can’t help you out here.

So you have some options to think through. If it’s one of the first two—I’m so sorry. Please know that the world is as vast and differing as its people. Everyone has different opinions and share different thoughts about everything. Complicated, yeah, but ?? Idk. Just know that you will encounter people who are supportive and adoring of you at some point in your life. Get out of whatever bad situation you might be in if you can. Please. Be safe. Be strong. Be sure. <3

Or, if you meant that the thought of sex with another woman feels wrong—

Why? I know I’ve been asking you that question a lot. I was a high school English teacher. Trying to make my students use their brains and question everything was quite literally my job. I like teaching people to think for themselves instead of accepting everything someone else says. On that note—please know that in some or most cases I might be completely wrong about everything I’m saying. Take my words with a grain of salt. How reliable of a source am I? I’m just some random chick on the interwebs. You don’t know me. I might be just sitting here lying my ass off. (I’m not.) Please please please pull your information from multiple reliable sources so you can be sure that the content you’re learning about such an important matter is factually true. Don’t teach yourself misinformation. Got it? Good? Gucci? Cool.

So, again, why? Why do you feel that way? Why? Is it the thought of sex at all that feels wrong? Is it because it’s with another woman? Is it because you don’t know how to do it? Is it because you’re scared of it? Is it because of some past incident or abuse? Why do you feel like sex with another woman is wrong? This might sound odd but honestly???? Look up lesbian couples. Lesbian porn, even. Shocking. I know you’re saying “!!!!” in your head right now. Relax. I’m not just saying “hey kid watch some pornnnnnn!!! Hehehhe!” I’m trying to say that if you’re (not a minor, first of all, please please) uncomfortable because you fear the unknown or because you think it’s weird, look up some basic amateur lesbian porn. I say “amateur” because that shit isn’t a huge fake production like the usual professional stuff. The professional stuff is really weird tbh. If you prefer watching that, fine, but just know that it isn’t very well reflective of what actual sex with a woman might be like. Once you’ve watched some of that (cheeks flaming, heart racing, forehead sweating, eyes wide) and come out on the other side (laughing, hopefully, because oh my god isn’t porn so awkward and funny to watch???) then consider why you feel the way you do about lesbian sex. Consider if your opinion has changed. What caused that change?

I’ve had sex with women before. Use lube. Use lube even if you aren’t having sex with a woman. All people having sex should always use lube. Idgaf if you’re “self-lubricating” and “totally wet enough already!” Use more lube anyway. Just throwing that out there. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable! That’s a mistake I see a lot of people who are new to sex make. They won’t use enough lube and then they’ll wonder why they hurt or they’re bleeding a little or whatnot and it’s just—lube. Lube is your friend. Water-based lube is the best, I think. Get some of that flavored stuff that tastes good to both you and your partner(s). Have at it, anon. But don’t worry about that stuff unless you actually plan on having sex one day.

I’m sorry. This whole post is verging on The Talk I gave to my youngest sister bc her mom is useless with this stuff. My youngest sister is a lesbian. She was terrified at first. “What if I’m terrible,” she said. “What if I don’t like it?” She asked. She cried a lot that week when she figured out she was a lesbian. She came crying to me. I answered her questions about relationships and sex as well as I could. I’ve had sex with members of every gender I’m currently aware of. I have a lot of advice to give about everything. She knew that. She’s pretty happy and she’s just started her first lesbian relationship with some chick from her school. They’re pretty cute together, ngl. She’d kill me if she knew I was talking about her, though, so I’m going to just leave it at that. Yes, being not-straight can be terrifying and nerve-wracking at times. I’m so, so sorry you might feel this way. Please know that you’ll have support from more corners than you think you might. And if you ever need anything, I’m right here along with the rest of the queer folk who certainly won’t judge you for being whoever you are. 💜💜💜

#not ah #i answer stuff #ace anon #anon asks #anonymous #anon #hi ace anon!#have a wonderful day~!! <3333 #stay hydrated #<3 #fave #ace talk #lesbian talk #idk how else to tag this lol #long post #ace pride #asexual #lesbian #idk

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