#he knows im trans so we have discussions about what it means to be trans regularly

[compacflt]

I just wanted to say as someone who has stumbled across your blog and has read your Wednesday wips and posts about anything topgun related that your thought process and consideration of mav and ice, specifically their political beliefs and relationships with their own identities, is honestly so impressive and cool. You have brought such realism and life to these characters which is just so refreshing to see. idk i just wanted to express how cool and awesome i think that is

Because of the thought into these characters does it make it difficult to like them or understand them if you have differing opinions from them? for me personally i feel like if i were to ever actually have a convo with ice or mav regarding identity politics i would actually start to lose my mind (like how one feels when your dad or fun uncle talks for too long at thanksgiving dinner). If it does make them difficult to like, does that make it difficult for you to write them sometimes?

oh yeah! i think, my ice i really empathize with & really love & really could get along with, once he grows out of the sexism of his teens & twenties, but my maverick drives me crazy. someone sent in an ask a while ago that was like “WHY is cyclone simpson your one true love??” And it’s because i too would absolutely hate maverick & hate working with him lol. people who are overly cocky & un-self-aware & a bit self-centered make me CRAZY. (narrator voice: compacflt is a hypocrite as all these things also apply to compacflt.)

Politically… It’s difficult to say. no one really wants to hear the intricacies of one person’s political journey, which is why i won’t give you mine, but suffice to say—since the start of the russian invasion of Ukraine, and my semi-concerted effort to learn more about the political landscape of modern warfare, my own personal beliefs have shifted a whole bunch. definitely aided in that shift by my top gun fic project that specifically aims to understand the conservative straight-passing male mindset as it relates to military matters… there are many end goals to a project like mine, but one end product is a filter you can take away and hold up in front of your eyes and see the world through it. When writing from the eyes of a conservative straight (passing) white man, your priorities totally shift. I had to write from the perspective of someone who doesn’t care about identity politics. Because they don’t! A core tenet of conservatism is very proudly not caring about that stuff, and being very annoyed when people (usually left-of-centers) make that stuff very visible and want you to care about it! “Don’t shove it in my face,” etc., etc. Don’t force me to care about this taboo, private thing I really don’t care about. It violates my freedoms, or whatever, to be forced to care—or even bear witness to—stuff that i don’t care about. Etc. And then, to be nominally a part of that community that you really, really don’t care about, and then to be told that you have to care about it because of your publicity… people asking you to be proud of something that has had a negative connotation for much of your entire life… that’s not a transformation that happens easily.

Jesus, I could write an essay about this. I have, several times by now in responses to asks over my blog. But there is so much that I could talk about. I think… I really worry that some of my writing falls into the first of the below categories:

I really try not to romanticize conservatism in my writing—I tried to show that ice and mav’s happiness is the price they pay for their conservatism. They’re actively choosing to be unhappy—but because they prioritize their honor over everything, due to EXTERNAL PRESSURES they cannot control, and which I think are often ignored in the fandom space for one reason or another. The fact of the matter is, in 99% of IPs, characters prioritize something other than their sexualities. It’s never Maverick’s personal identity that is at stake in either Top Gun or Top Gun: Maverick, because he has built himself so impermeably masculine that there are no grounds upon which to question his personal identity. He just isn’t thinking about it. He’s thinking about how to get into Charlie’s pants, how to win the Top Gun trophy, how to uphold his promise to Goose, et cetera. If he’s fucking guys on the side, it’s because he wants to and because hes maverick and he does what he wants without thinking about it—that’s the whole point of his character, from a story-construction standpoint. That’s his archetype. He’s a renegade maverick superstar who is both thoughtlessly brilliant and thoughtlessly dangerous. He’s thoughtless. His priorities are to survive and to look cool doing it, and that’s it. He is a savant in the Naval Air Force, where honor is your lifeblood, who feels he has been dishonored by his own family name, and who willingly joined the conservative post-Vietnam Navy right when/after Ronald Reagan was elected President, and who wears cowboy boots and who disrespects women to their faces, and who is eager to get into altercations with Soviet-Chinese-DPRK-X-second-world-country-coded-but-EXPLICITLY-Soviet-manufactured-Mikoyan-Gurevich-MiG-28s(-F-5s-painted-black)… I’m sorry. In my opinion, the conservatism is baked into him as a character. I find it extremely difficult to separate him from his conservatism, because in some ways his patriotic conservatism is his raison d’etre. IMO if you take that away from him, he ceases to exist.

Same thing with Ice and his unwillingness to openly rebel or go against the grain. That is his whole reason to exist in the story at all. I know that I’m saying this in a fandom space where the whole point is to change characters & put them in different situations (fanfic) but… in kind of a perverse self aware way, as in I know I sound ridiculous and pretentious, i guess i don’t really understand an impulse to change the core tenets of a character irreparably in fanworks. We are shown that ice always goes by the books in TG. Then we are shown that he achieves the fruits of that labor (four stars) in TGM. So he is rewarded for never rebelling, whereas Maverick, who always rebels (but NEVER in a way that challenges his personal identity), has stagnated in the ranks at full-bird O-6. And that’s Ice’s character. That’s what he’s there for in the story—he’s a tool to show us the value system of rank and prestige you earn by following the rules of the Navy. Why take that away from him? That’s his priority! Canonically, that’s his priority and reason for existence! And historically the way to achieve that priority is through conservatism.

And you ask me if it’s hard to like my ice and mav. Yes, but that’s not my choice. The movie already did that for me. They are not, I’m sorry, likable people. I am not a straight white conservative male writing about straight white conservative men to validate my own beliefs—I’m a queer AFAB person of color writing about straight white conservative men because I want to understand the limits of their conservatism. What they do and do not care about, and what it takes to make them care. And from what we are shown in TG… ice and mav would not care about ME. At all. And they would not want to be forced to care about me. Ice’s casual careless dismissiveness… “the plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies’ room…” mav following Charlie into the bathroom… turning the key in the ignition and driving away while pretending not to hear her… “what?? i can’t hear you! 🙉” … they do not care. They have no desire to care.

Again. Maybe I subscribe to a very very old-school and labored and pretentious ideology when it comes to writing… I know a lot of people write just to have fun. I do not. I wish i could, but I don’t. And when you’re not writing to have fun, you don’t have to like the characters you’re writing about. They’re nothing more than tools at your disposal to get your point across more effectively. No, I don’t like them! Of course not! My ice is cruel and cowardly and careless and hypocritical and subservient and weak, and my mav is demanding and dangerous and dismissive and oblivious and so, so, so unbelievably bitter.

And that’s what my story needed, to get my point across. So, shrug. My point was my priority. I don’t care too much about the characters themselves.

Re: icemav & identity politics. Part of hopefully selling this story is the attempt at empathy for the conservative male, to bring this discussion back to the top. Why write fiction at all if you’re not going to write about people different from you, and why write about people different from you if you don’t want to understand them? So… part of trying to understand them was to understand and have empathy for this shift in priorities. Conservative guys do not want to care about labels, or sexual orientations, or, God forbid, discussion of their gender identities. I can kind of see Ice tolerating it by the end… but, there are limits. Again, it’s supposed to be private. I think he’d chafe against getting labeled gay—he wouldn’t want to be called the first gay compacflt, or SECNAV, etc. He can’t say, “i slept with like a hundred fifty women before I even MET the ONLY man ive ever slept with,” because that’s like intensely private personal information!! No one deserves that information, but people still want to call him gay, even though in his head he really is not!!!! Again—from the conservative perspective, it’s a public imposition of left-wing, overly sexualized, too-neat labels and politics onto an area of life that has typically been kept private and respectable—I don’t agree with the conservatism, but I can at least empathize with it. Pre-Maverick’s death (pre-coming to terms with it), it would’ve been shameful & embarrassing to him; but even after coming to terms with it, it’s still not something he “takes pride” in. I think he thinks of it like this—most people aren’t proud of being straight. Like, it’s weird if you are. Same thing with being proud of being white, etc. Why be excessively proud of things you have no control over? Why not take pride in your ACTIONS—for instance, his career that he has actively sacrificed so much of his pride for? I can really empathize with that thought. I don’t necessarily agree, but I get it, especially in his professional circumstances, where he has so much to be professionally proud of, and yet people keep wanting him to publicly care about this private part of him he has no control over and can’t change.

Maverick though. I think he’d be actively hostile about talking about it in public. He Does Not Care. he does not want to care. It’s all an insult. They call him the first openly gay Ace cause he’s married to another man— “okay, but, like, I’m not. Stop calling me that. Neither of us are. Oh my god we have slept with so many women. Stop calling us that.” Ok then what do you want us, the press corps, to call you? First openly bisexual Ace? “No that’s worse!! That’s a word some teenager made up and doesn’t mean anything!! I’m sixty years old stop asking me to talk about this stuff im too old.” What do you have to say to LGBT kids who want to go into the navy? “😎👍 there’s a place for you etc etc. Let’s go back to talking about all the planes I shot down.” Maverick does what he wants without thinking about it. That’s the core tenet of his character. Very conservative. Don’t ask him to care too much.

Idk. No I don’t like them. But I understand them, if that makes sense. Like their conservative anti-label logic does make emotional sense to me. So that’s part of what I took away from this project, for better or worse… probably worse: I understand why conservatives don’t like the modern over-publicity of sexuality. They don’t care and they don’t want to care. And because they are small-C conservative, my ice and mav still don’t care lol. So, yeah. It doesn’t make them hard to write, because thats why I wanted to write them in the first place.

#what does it say about me that i put myself in their shoes & understand their position #i don’t agree with it but I understand it #the annoyance and the bad optics and the over labeling of hard-to-label sexuality #being a gay republican has got to be the seventh circle of hell #note my ice and mav are not republicans #but also note my story would not change even one bit if they were #i don’t LIKE gay republicans because they’re republicans. but i can empathize with them cause that’s gotta fucking blow. #normie median biden voter ice #now I think if a kid came up to maverick at an airshow and was like… #sir im trans and I think I want to go into the navy to fly & you’re my hero… #he’d freak out like ‘omg that means so much to me actually thanks!! it might be difficult for u i won’t lie but we need more people who #can overcome adversity…omg let me set you up with this admiral i know… yes yes yes…’ #he doesn’t like the conceptual discussions but he likes the people if that makes sense #& he really likes people massaging his ego #i find them incredibly annoying. but that’s what character development is for. if u start out liking ur characters ur doing smth wrong #& if they weren’t incredibly annoying then i wouldn’t have a story to write. #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #asks #edts notes #**obvious disclaimer this is just my interpretation!!!**

[chaoticbathwater]

stressed out of my mind because a guy i know is transphobic and very misinformed on the topic and ive been trying my very best to explain things to him but its not been very effective so far and he keeps talking to trans kids and shit and in an effort to "help" them he straight up recommends conversion therapy and other things like that, and making those people extremely uncomfortable!! and because ive talked to him multiple times i feel like its my responsibility to get him to stop doing that somehow but ive literally no idea what to do!!!!! what the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#vent #sorry i just needed to talk because what the hell #he knows im trans so we have discussions about what it means to be trans regularly #he thinks hes helping me out of my transgenderism or some shit like that and i let him talk to me because im hoping in the process i'll get #him to realize being trans is not a bad thing and hopefully make him less transphobic #but its so tiring #and recently he showed me a convo he had w a 14 year old kid whos trans and being very pushy w them trying to help with “gender dysphoria” #and that shit broke me man i cant let him do stuff like that #i dont know what to do because i feel like no matter how many sources i give him or no matter what i say he'll keep being like this and!!! #that scares me! because maybe one day some kid will actually believe that being transgender is a mental illness and that they need #conversion therapy or something #its stressing me out and i feel like the only thing left to do is cut contact w him because i dont want to accidentally encourage him or #anythign but if i leave without doing anything im basically letting him go hurt other trans people and spread misinfo everywhere and itd be #my fault for not stopping him #you get what i mean #long post wow #rambles

[intersex-support]

Hi! I know this might be kind of a weird ask, but I just needed a space to talk about this and your blog appears to be safe.

So I have what has been diagnosed previously as PCOS. I'm seeking genetic testing for various reasons, but the symptoms are relatively consistent. Anyway.

One thing I never see talked about is how people with PCOS can and do face medical abuse and "correction". I was put unwillingly onto puberty blockers - ones not even intended as such, it was a common off-label use that came with potential long term side effects. I'm also trans, but didn't know it at the time. Had I known, I may have chosen puberty blockers, but it was still very much a nonconsensual attempt to "correct" my "precocious puberty".

Then as an adult, due to, well long story, but abuse from my mom, I was convinced to take estrogen-based birth control that in all likelihood contributed to my worsening dysphoria, to "manage" the huperandrogenism I'm now actively encouraging with low dose testosterone. Without constantly being told it's ugly, I love being hyperandrogenous! It makes me euphoric!

Related to this, I also got told I was appropriating intersex experiences for wanting my (already intersex body) to more closely match my being intersex. I admittedly said it poorly, in a way that made it seem like I was generalizing all intersex bodies into a common misconception, but I was trying to say that me being altersex (or another word, I've heard that term can be intersexist but don't have an alternative, if it is I'm happy to change the term I use) is a direct result of me being intergender/intergender (again, don't know which terminology to use, sorry!). I was accused of fetishizing intersex conditions by someone who admitted that PCOS should be considered one.

I don't actually know whether I had any coercive surgery in infancy due to a lot of crap with birthfamily and being removed at nine months and adopted at 14 months. But every other experience I've had has been (mostly perisex and a few bad faith gatekeeping intersex) people coercing me into fitting more neatly into a binary sex, often medically, and often with transphobia on top. I've had people deny that I can experience transness in multiple ways (I use transfem, transmasc, and transneutral/transandrogenous, particularly because I also am plural which just further complicates things.

I just... I wish people understood that I have faced many of the struggles typical to the intersex community. I have never experienced gender like a perisex person. I have always been cautious about speaking to my own experiences because I've tried to be aware of privilege where I have it and to uplift the voices of others with different experiences than mine, even where there are no dynamics of privilege/oppression.

Having people like you say "yes, people with PCOS can use the intersex label, we have shared experiences, you belong" has also been incredibly healing. It's like... I feel like people can often innately recognize when they have shared community in regards to innate identity. I felt drawn to the queer community before my gender/sexuality eggs cracked, for example. I feel like exclusion only hurts people because it- well, essentially is a form of gaslighting. "No, your experiences in this specific aspect are fundamentally so alien to ours that we couldn't possibly talk about commonalities in any meaningful way, and will deny you a belonging that is already yours." Does that make any sense?

I'm not perfect in the way I say things, so I do wanna say that I'm absolutely willing to be corrected if something I have said is harmful.

Just uh,,, thank you for listening to this long vent.

(In case I interact via anon in the future, can I sign off with "starry anon"?)

Hey, anon 💜

I'm so sorry that you've had to put up with so much judgment, abuse, and coercion from so many people and places that you expected to be safe. You did not deserve any of that. You have PCOS and hyperandrogenism, and you are intersex. You belong in intersex spaces and anyone who says you doesn't is being a complete asshole. There's so many reasons like you've listed here, where you have so many commonalities of experiences with other intersex people, and deserve to be able to find compassion and solidarity. I'm so sorry that you've faced medical abuse, and I think you're brave for speaking up about it and talking about the fact that intersex people with PCOS can and do face medical abuse. You are not alone in that, and it absolutely wasn't your fault.

You are intersex, and there is no way that you can appropriate your own experiences. I sort of do think that altersex is a label that's used in an intersexist way a lot of times and I personally tend to be uncomfortable with it, and I tend to stay away from altersex because of my issues with it. I think altersex is really only being used by people who aren't intersex, so I could see why people might have thought you were fetishizing or appropriating intersex experiences, as if you say you are altersex people are going to think you are saying you are dyadic. You can just say that you're intersex and intergender if that's language that makes you feel comfortable, although I'm not going to tell you what language is and isn't right for you to use--that's a personal choice.

I don't know you and your story and I'm also not going to tell you what ways of experiencing your gender and what labels are okay for you to use--I know that it can get very complicated when we're intersex and we're sometimes reassigned gender or sex in childhood, or at puberty, or undergo certain types of transition that's unexpected for our AGAB. I don't think that it's a free-for-all that any intersex person ever can just claim to be transmasc or transfem or both or that every single intersex person has a claim to every label, but my policy is to trust intersex people when they tell me their labels and trust that they know what the most accurate and affirming language is to use based on their own lived experiences. I think this is something that individual intersex people have to really think through and decide what labels are appropriate for them to use, and be thoughtful about what times we need to stay in our lane and when we follow our instincts. It does get complicated and my approach is to just trust that people know what labels are actually accurate to their life, and I only bring things up if it is an issue. If people are appropriating labels, if they don't have a certain type of lived experience but they are claiming that they do, if they are perpetuating oppression, then I will call people out and deal with whatever they are actually doing. I'm not going to tell you that you can't use labels or not when I don't know your life and story, or say whether you should be doing things or not, and just trust that you have thought through what is appropriate and what is right for you and listened to what the communities you are a part of are telling you.

Even though you did use altersex language, or if you were confused and couldn't figure out the best way to phrase things, you still are intersex and have an intersex body. And I completely understand wanting intersex affirming and gender affirming things to feel more comfortable in your body. I think that a lot of intersex people do have dysphoria and I know a lot of us who really have strong feelings about wanting to return to our natural intersex bodies before medical abuse, or returning to a version of ourselves that we were never allowed to be. I think that's something that makes so much sense, and even though I can see why people would react badly if they thought you were dyadic and using confusing language, know that you are not doing anything wrong by being intersex and having these feelings, and you cannot appropriate your own experiences. You belong in intersex community and are allowed to share your own experiences.

This blog is a safe space for you, anon, and feel free to share your story or come and vent if you need it.

💜💜💜

-Mod E

#asks #actuallyintersex #intersex #to clarify bc we've been having a lot of discussions on and offline about this lately #i don't think that every intersex person ever. can claim to be transmasc or transfem #like for instance i think it would be entirely inappropriate for me to claim to be transfem. i was afab raised female #and even though I went through medical abuse and hormonal conversion therapy #I don't think i live in any meaningful way as a transfem person. because i am a trans man #so im like in my case it would be weird if i started claiming i was transfem u know. bc im not #but i do think that with intersex people. birth asssignment gets tricky #i have a friend who was amab. but then was raised as a girl from the age of 5. and than at puberty transitioned back. and he considers #himself a trans man #so im like okay i think there are times where people's birth assignment doesn't line up with the dyadic birth assignment for a trans experi #so it does get complicated when you are intersex. or when you're intersex and like #you're transitioning one way. in a way that isn't usually expected of your birth assignment #and i dont' think i get to make all the rules for who is what. i think that would be silly #i think that's something that we all just need to think about what labels are right for us to use and what our experiences are #and if we think we're overstepping then we totally might be! if we think we belong in a certain community or certain label #and the community accepts us! that can also be true #so basiaclly long story short: i dont think that being intersex means that now you can just say that you r whatever trans label you feel #like. if you don't have the lived experiences #and i think it's good for us to be aware of that. but i do think its complicated #and that if you do have the lived experiences. if a certain label you use is right for you. im going to trust you #bc i am not in charge and dont feel like you know. telling people what they can and can't do

[fandomsandfeminism]

So, this is going to be a little meandering and all over the place. But I'm trying to express this...web of thoughts I've been having lately around this issue of queer, and labels, and the way we talk about our history and the way the community conceptualized itself in this very digital age. And it's still kind of half formed, so...let's see.

So. OK.

One thing I see a lot online, especially with people who are just now coming out, is a sort of...overfixation on increasingly niche labels. Im not saying that having a very specific or newer label is bad, to be clear. Labels are rhetorical tools, use what is useful. They help with visibility and discussing specific issues. No issues there.

But watching people quibble over bi vs pan vs omni vs abro or non-binary vs genderqueer vs demigender vs genderfluid vs agender vs xenogender vs bigender vs gnc. Asexual or gray ace or demisexual or queerplatonic. And whether they are a biromantic lesbian demigirl or bisexual greyaromantic genderuid. And it's always just a little exhausting, ya know? Again, if those labels are meaningful and useful, that's great, but I see people *agonizing* over which they "really" are. Like if they pick the wrong word to describe themselves, they are coming out the wrong way, like they are wrong about themselves if they can't find the exact correct word on an FAQ list of lgbt vocabulary.

And how I think that relates to the way people talk about our CURRENT labels as though these labels have always been there and like the people described by these labels now have no common experiences with other labels. Like lesbians and bisexual women have absolutely nothing in common. Like butches and trans men have no shared history. As though trans women and drag queens have always been completely separate and unconnected groups. As though ace folks and nonbinary folks are somehow new to the scene, and not community members who were always here and just didn't have a separate label until more recently.

I *remember* watching the community make the switch from transvestite and transsexual, to differentiating between transsexuals and transgender, to basically just using transgender/trans. Those labels are not stagnant. None of our labels are some ingrained biological unchanging objective truth. Labels are rhetorical shortcuts to summarize this facet of our identity and lives and experiences- but they are just words.

And maybe this connects to the way people get really...weird about historical figures too. Like whether Sappho was a lesbian or bisexual, as though either of those words would have had any meaning to her. About whether Shakespeare was gay or bi, like he would have conceptualized his own identity that way. About what modern label Dr. James Barry would have used for himself if anyone could travel back in time and ask him.

And then I think about why queer feels so much more affirming, so much more a place of strength, than LGBT+. Not that LGBT as a label is bad, and I honestly probably prefer it for allies and outsiders to use. But as a community label- Queer, to me, says that all our experiences are queer experiences. Queer can be many things, but they are all queer. Regardless of how many genders or which specific genders you like, whether you have a romantic and or sexual attraction to whatever collection of genders, whatever thing your gender is doing today- all of it, ALL of it, once you step outside that cis, straight mainstream sexuality and gender norm- is queer. Equally queer.

Lgbt+ feels like we are still keeping all those labels separate, little boxes all lined up next to each other- different but a coalition. And while that isn't bad, I also think it isn't totally true.

[A caveat here, that there are times when more specific labels are very helpful. We don't want any specific kind of queer experience to be overshadowed or erased, and having more specific labels facilitates those discussions. Again, I'm not saying that we should eliminate or erase our more specific labels.]

But I think imagining our community as a collection of wholly separate groups that are just allied together, instead of one group that we are all equally in, can make it far too easy for exclusionists to sneak up and say "well ___ isn't REALLY lgbt. THEY aren't REALLY one of us. ___ dont belong."

If we take all the labels off all the crayons- red and pink and purple and blue and teal and green are not hard and fast divisions. They are artificial distinctions we have made- all of them are light, all of them the rainbow.

Anyway. I just think that, while everyone should use whatever labels bring them joy and are useful for them, we might be better off if more folks were ok with ALSO accepting the vast ambiguity of being queer.

#queer thoughts #queer rambling #maybe Im off here or missing some nuance #but Im bi AND queer #Im bi and genderqueer AND queer #and I think theres strength and beauty in seeing our diverse experience and saying YEAH all of us are in this together

[comradekatara]

do you have headcanons about the gaang and fire girls’ gender identities and sexualities?

i mean yeah 😭😭 obviously 😭😭 im literally a homosexual on tumblr dot edu. that said, i don’t really care for the term “headcanon” in this context, as i think that reading characters as informed by the text constitutes “interpretation” rather than baseless theorizing and fancy. i do get that the term headcanon is pretty ubiquitous in fandom spaces, but to me there is a big difference between “interpretation” (something you can cite the text to persuasively argue, but which may differ across readers) and “headcanon” (baseless inventions purely for self-indulgent pleasure). when it comes to the characters in atla and their relationships to gender as informed by patriarchy, i think there is more than enough material to suggest my readings, as gender plays a fairly significant role in the worldbuilding and characterization. obviously when it comes to more minor characters, that is when a vibes-based analysis is needed, as takes on less integral players are largely conjecture. i have no evidence that june, for example, is a lesbian, beyond simply vibes. and as much as i trust my own judgment when it comes to sniffing out dykes, there is no real textual evidence that june eats pussy. i simply know in my heart of hearts that she does. HOWEVER, that is not what i am doing when i discuss the principal players of atla, whose relationships to gender are largely crucial to how they function in the narrative and how we read them. so without further ado..

aang is actually the vaguest character for me in terms of how i read his relationship to gender, because it’s very clear that he wasn’t raised in a traditionally patriarchal society and thus has a fairly different view on gender than the rest of the world, especially a world whose borders and categorizations have been more rigidly reified after a century of imperialism and colonialism. i can see the argument for aang being a cis, straight boy, and i can see the argument for aang being a nonbinary bisexual kid, etc etc. the one thing we know about aang is that he likes girls. like, really likes girls. so i’ve always kind of read him as mostly straight, but i don’t think he would rigidly define his own gender and sexuality along those lines, even if functionally he would probably present as a straight guy. but he could also be bi, or trans, or what have you. beyond his love for katara (and that time he rightfully felt humiliated by the fire nation portraying him as a woman, not because he doesn’t “respect women,” but because he correctly located it as a propagandistic tool of disrespect and colonial humiliation on their part) it’s not really crucial to his character either way.

katara, on the other hand, really only makes sense if you read her as a cis straight girl. i know that people have gotten incensed over my saying this in the past, but it’s just the most logical reading of her character. she is confident in her femininity and sexuality. she is a girl who can successfully conform to gender roles (and expects others to, quite frankly) but also recognizes and protests the fundamental inequalities of patriarchy. she has internalized a lot of patriarchal ideas about what is appropriate, but also understands that on a structural level, equality across genders is needed. she’s not a girl who struggles with her own gender identity or sexuality, she’s just a person who’s sick of being dismissed and devalued due to her gender, as if her femininity negates her strength or her capacity for anger. she is feminine, strong, and angry. she likes fashion and boys and ecoterrorism. when i call katara a straight girl, it is not to position her as a less compelling character (the fact that i have to even say this is crazy to me. sometimes characters are straight and that doesn’t make them less compelling??? unless you’re some kind of egomaniac who can only like characters if you relate to them… but she's literally the world's specialest princess). in fact, as someone whose best friends are all incredibly intelligent yet kind of ridiculous straight girls, i say it with the deepest, utmost love.

sokka is not cis to me but sometimes people will "agree" with that sentiment by being like "yeah he's a trans boy" and i'm just like.... what. manhood & masculinity are clearly concepts that are imposed upon him as a role he feels compelled to fulfill within a colonial paradigm. people will also say "sokka's arc is about learning what it means to be a real man" and like. if anything sokka's arc is learning that he does not Have to be a "man." so i guess technically i read sokka as nonbinary, but i also don't think sokka would ever bother to conceptualize his own gender, he'd kind of just reach a point wherein he inwardly feels like his relationship to gender is no longer significant to how he defines himself, and not really communicate that feeling to anyone to except for probably suki. also i think he's bisexual (again, he would never outwardly communicate that, he'd just be like "of course i've experimented, i'm a scientist") but with a strong preference for women. and thank god for that bc his daddy issues are so bad; he should not be dating men.

i do read toph as a baby butch who doesn't quite know how to articulate her own relationship to gender and sexuality yet bc she is still a baby. but i definitely see her as embracing her masculinity down the line, as something that isn't only valuable to her as it is positioned contra femininity, but as a mode of expression in its own right. and i know that long hair =/= femininity necessarily, but i do think toph would cut her hair short as a way of undermining the confucian values of belonging to the family, which i know may seem like its unrelated to gender, but considering the patriarchal role of the nuclear family structure informing toph's quite radical disavowal of it (we don't talk about lok, but she was also a single mom by choice so like that's ...... something, at least) toph's decision to renounce those entrenched values is reflective of her gender identity and refusal to adhere to patriarchal dogmas as they impose femininity as passivity and submission. i do still see her as identifying as a woman though, but in a distinctly butch dyke way that complicates the role of womanhood as it rejects the notion that womanhood is primarily a performance for the male gaze. so i think toph is a masc lesbian, which i suppose is quite an obvious reading of her gender, and i don't think it's the only valid interpretation either. i can accept someone reading toph as transmasc or bisexual or otherwise recognizing that these identities can be unstable and even in flux. for example, acknowledging toph's baby crush on sokka means problematizing the notion of her as a lesbian, or at least it can. but i do think sokka is like the one "man" (see above) that dykes find appealing (suki, ty lee, etc etc.) so it makes perfect sense that he'd be like. her ring of keys moment. if anything toph having a crush on sokka illustrates her latent lesbianism (although nothing will ever come of it, obviously). and her gender is also just Lesbian.

suki's relationship to gender is a lot less complex than toph's or sokka's because she's also just a far less developed character in her own right, so i've always kind of just read her gender as an extension of kyoshi's for thematic reasons. and since kyoshi is canonically bisexual with a preference for women, i also read suki as bisexual with a preference for women. like i definitely think that she was surprised at first by how into sokka she was because she had never experienced liking a "boy" before. and i also think it's fun to read kyoshi as trans (no, not because she's tall and "aggressive," dear god); if you've read the novels you'll probably understand what i mean by that. so i'm partial to trans girl suki as well, but i think her being cis or trans is actually equally likely because she literally grew up on the isle of lesbos. but nowhere else on avatar planet in that particular epoch is this true. except for maybe the swamp idk. anyway she's a bi dyke to me for sure.

zuko is very obviously gay. i'd say that zuko's sexuality is the most obviously entrenched in the entire show. however, i don't think the writers themselves are aware of this (because it was 2005 and gay people weren't invented until december 2014 korrasami handhold) so they clumsily try to get him back together with mai in the finale even though they had actually constructed a near-perfect portrait of two closeted children attempting to perform a functional relationship under political pressure to please their noble families. but so much of zuko's arc is potently reflective of the struggle of a closeted child on the journey to assert himself against an abusive patriarch who imposes his rigid ideals of what kind of masculinity is appropriate for boys to model and what isn't. obviously the political and ideological dimensions to his arc as his consciousness is raised constitutes the primary aspect of his character, but reading him as gay is also just the logical extension of that journey. i could literally go through every single episode scene by scene explaining how every single facet illustrates his latent homosexuality in such and such way. but i'm pretty sure everyone following me also very much knows this, and also i don't actually care enough about zuko to do that (sorry zuzu). oh and yeah he's cis (obviously) but i have seen (sparse) transfem zuko interpretations that were kind of compelling. however, i do just think he's a cis boy who struggles with adhering perfectly to a fascist model of masculinity and has some stereotypically gay/effeminate inclinations. and also the blue spirit is drag and the height of camp. but yeah he's cis probably.

azula is a lesbian (cis, again, there's no way she's ever going to seriously contemplate transing her gender) and i'm not just saying that because she's cunty and mean. her relationship to mai and (especially) ty lee is highly reflective of the experience of teenage (closeted) lesbians in very intense friendships with other girls that precariously toe the line between platonic and romantic. azula's relationships are obviously also complicated by the factor of coercion and the fact that none of them actually have any agency to act on their desires for a myriad of reasons. the only time azula ever displays interest in a boy is when she is attempting to soothe her own ego by proving that she is in fact desirable to the most powerful boy in the room – a space wherein the hierarchy of court is replicated by the hierarchy of high school popularity rankings, and she is no longer at the top of the food chain and must climb her way up the ladder by asserting her ability to "attain" the famous cha(d)n. she also clearly has no idea what to do once she has attained such a boy because her desire is superficial, and she can only actually operate on the logic of domination and conquest that was instilled in her by ozai. however, contrast this with the softness and affection with which she treats ty lee, the jealousy she displays when ty lee is fawned over by boys (which she mistakes for jealousy over the fact that she wants the boys' attention for herself), or the devastation she feels over her betrayal. azula is capable of genuine love and affection, even if she has spent her entire life convincing herself that she isn't, but that affection is reserved for her female friends. [lord farquaad pointing] baby dyke.

ty lee is probably a lesbian but there's also the possibility that she is attracted to men but would simply never in one million years actually date one in any capacity, and thus is functionally a lesbian regardless. but like. she literally joins the dyke warriors as the culmination of her arc which is about how she hides her true face and performs and contorts herself to please others for the sake of her own survival, before asserting that her love for another girl is so strong that she would sacrifice her own life for that love, and then ultimately embracing authenticity. it literally does not get any gayer than that.

mai kind of has trans girl swag actually but also there's literally no circumstance wherein her image-obsessed noble family would permit her to transition (especially since they so clearly favor sons over daughters) so she's probably just a really cool cis girl (those exist, i'm told). and also she's a dyke obviously. i do think she did have a crush on zuko at some point as a child, but if anything it was born of the mutual recognition that they have something in common (gayness) and so she found him to be an appropriate yet also kind of thrilling object of fascination. obviously he's very different once he returns from his banishment, and so that illusion is almost immediately shattered, but she nonetheless tries her damn best to be a good, supportive girlfriend to him, and invests a lot of emotional energy into their (somewhat farcical) relationship. that said, i do think that assuming that her attraction to zuko is genuine beyond the social pressures that facilitated it is just. really sad for her. so i think she is a lesbian.

rapid fire round: iroh straight (duh), jet repressed bicuriosity but functionally straight, yue bisexual (vibes-based assessment), king kuei bisexual as is bosco the bear, kanna lesbian, hama bisexual, herbalist lesbian, piandao gay, haru straight, long feng eunuch.

#sapphikatara #the gaang and #analysis #asks #abolish headcanons. no one should have them unless they are your nostrils. we do READINGS here. #anyway. #you know who we don't talk about enough #long feng. let's talk about long feng

[enduringmoth]

thoughts on marvin's abuse, care's existence and paul's transness

taking a break from my usual bg3 posting to talk a little bit about my newer hyperfixation through the lens of queer allegory

necessary author's note: i am an afab transmasculine nonbinary person. obviously, while i do believe my transness does lend my opinion authenticity, at the same time, being trans myself does not mean i can't be transphobic -- so if any of the contents of this post set off alarm bells, please tell me.

trigger & content warnings: child abuse, kidnapping, torture, general petscop badness. obvious spoilers for petscop in its entirety, as well as references to the recent youtube deepdive by nexpo.

TL;DR -- perpetuating the idea that someone can force someone else to be a different gender than they are is harmful to trans people. however, all things involve considerable nuance. to pretend that marvin's actions could not have influenced paul's sense of self in the slightest discredits paul's lived experiences, and i believe a more trauma-informed dialogue about paul could be worth exploring as a community.

my preferred theory explaining petscop is that marvin tried to make care more like lina through abuse and "failed". after this, care would eventually end up in lina's home, and transition to paul.

(simply to make all of this less confusing, i'm going to call paul pretransition "care", though i will avoid pronouns. this is not me trying to invalidate paul, it's just so i don't have to keep saying "paul before he transitioned" or similar phrases.)

it is not a result of marvin's "failure" that care transitioned to paul. but i do believe there is a link between paul's perceptions of self and the trauma he endured pretransition -- and discussing these things gives us a deeper understanding of paul and his history.

obviously there is no "canon" answer to petscop. but im seeing this theory discussed a lot within the tags, and i personally agree with it -- i just feel some of those who are saying we cannot consider marvin's actions are not necessarily accurate, either.

what i am positing is that while marvin certainly did not make paul trans and i would never claim that he did, we understand that marvin's abuse of care -- his cruelty towards care, his warping of care's perception of appearance and self-worth -- is certainly a factor in how paul must see himself.

marvin's treatment of care was poor enough that paul struggles to recall that time of his life. he thinks they are different people -- and in a way, they certainly are (and i've seen DID theories for them which i also enjoy because of this) -- and has clearly repressed what it meant to be marvin's child.

marvin locked care in a basement for six months. that is no small amount of time, and it likely had no small amount of affect on paul. we can assume based on the implications of some school scenes that marvin was trying to convince care to be more like lina during this time. care escaped, and returned home -- though eventually, we know from belle's dialogue that paul would find his way to lina.

"do you remember the day you were born?"

paul's "birth" occurred after marvin's abuse, and though it was not a result of it, there is something almost poetic about following the thread of paul's life from care to his authentic self that plays as a foil to the heinous rebirthing practiced by marvin and rainer.

contrasted with what happened to belle (and seemingly others), paul chose (a form of) rebirth -- transition. marvin tried to make lina be reborn through care. instead, care resisted -- and he would eventually become paul, and that strikes me as so narratively compelling. it's not to spite marvin and please don't think i'm saying that, as care was naturally always paul -- it is simply self-discovery at its most raw and beautiful, and i love it.

the above is why i love petscop as a queer allegory. taking ownership of one's future and selfhood, even when others are trying to tell you who to be.

and that's why i think saying marvin made his afab child transition in rejection of martin's quest for lina -- or that marvin tried to make his amab child transition to care/lina, as nexpo posited -- is so wrong, and harmful.

yet, paul's trauma is real. it happened. and it's a part of him that should be able to be discussed for what it is.

as someone with extensive trauma history, i can tell you that my gender expression and personal identity are in some way connected to pieces of trauma, because those pieces are part of me. i am not trans because of my trauma, but my gender and my trauma are parts of me at the same time -- i am not each of my pieces, but a sum of my whole.

the point i'm trying to make here is that while i think nexpo genuinely missed the mark here with this whole "care never existed, marvin tried to make paul a girl" thing, i do think there needs to be room for a trauma-informed discussion around paul.

i hope that all made sense. if any of this is harmful/transphobic, please let me know. i genuinely love this game and i think it's so fascinating to discuss. /gen

#petscop #paul leskowitz #carrie mark #petscop paul #petscop care #paul is trans theory

[knightobreath]

Ok I gotta know

What’s your thoughts on that one anon (🐝)’s takes

context 1 and context 2

ohohohohhohohoohohohoh. ohohohoh. Well. Basically they're wrong about what headcanons ARE and how they work as a fan created thing. They also definitely need to examine why they feel the way they do about headcanoning characters as having marginalized identities. I wrote a whole essay on trans headcanons specifically under a similar ask and what I said can be easily applied to other aspects of headcanoning characters as minorities (i actually got a lot of the ideology for that essay from discussions of "blackwashing" in fandom)

some other things on what they said (warning: LONG)

My major issues with their thoughts on headcanons can be summed up with the essay i linked. im not going to be going into that stuff as deeply again because we would be here all day, so the rest is just specifics

"but i really hate it when people change pronouns of characters (IVE SEEN PEOPLE USE SHE/HER WHEN REFERING TO SILVER SPOON. LET THE MAN BE A MAN IF HE WANTS TO BE A MAN.)"

Silver Spoon, and other characters for that matter, are quite frankly not real and do not have actual desires or feelings that you can hurt. Also see my essay on trans headcanons.

"but what makes me the most furious is... people making characters autistic. nothing against autism, i understand that, but do you really need to make paper, fan, silver spoon, pen, etc. autistic just because they have specific interests or act... idk, just the way they act?! its just. it doesnt make sense to me."

Bee needs to examine why they feel the way they do about autistic headcanons. A majority of the times characters are being headcanoned as autistic, they're being headcanoned as that be actual neurodivergent people who seem themselves or their autistic friends in these characters or traits.

There are certainly some issues with certain aspects of autistic (or any other disability) headcanons, like infantilization, but Bee's issue seems to be the fact that there are a lot of characters being headcanoned. Which is just not a problem.

"hc's that dont affect story are fine, but ones that completely flip the story or ignore anything confirmed by the employees."

Headcanons are personal thoughts on the story and do not have any bearing on the story or how you interpret the characters. They are a fan creation like fanart or fanfiction.

"EX: "i headcanon that mic and knife are in a relationship!" that completely ignores the fact that some of the pride month art shows that knife is gay. Cakebrunch (official II storyboarder) confirmed that soap and mic are in a relationship."

Cakebrunch is not a writer and does not have any bearing on the written canon of the characters. Just because he works on the show does not mean his headcanons have any bearing on the canon.

"make as many autistic characters you want, yeah! its great to support autism! but you dont have to make every character autistic, okay? (directed towards people that hc lots of characters as autistic)"

Again, the people who are doing this are mostly autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. And they aren't "making" the characters autistic, they're depicting them as such. No harm in that.

Now for the ships ask.

This is less of my domain, as I'm not really a shipper and don't know much about romance and relationship dynamics but I will try.

Also like nothing against people who don't like shipping as a whole, I totally get it. I was in your boat before.

"i absolutely HATE osc ships. half of them are either "oh these characters dislike each other/disliked each other at one point" and the other half is "these two friends should date because theyre friends.""

and that leaves..... characters who haven't interacted?

honestly, if this was between real people that would be really disrespectful.

Except they're not, so it's completely fine. I have a feeling Bee was in an RPF heavy fandom before this one, this and the previous take about pronouns are common discourse points in those.

EX: Fantube. yeah, they tried to raise shimmer together and built bot, but platonic parents exist and CAN THEY JUST BE FRIENDS?! PLEASE?

Like headcanons, ships have no bearing on the canon and in canon they are just friends.

EX: Nickloon. ok, nickels trying to make up for being rude to balloon all throughout season two. but really? they dont have to date just because theyre friends, yknow. imagine someone saying "oh you and your best friend who you only platonicallly love- you should date!" to you. that'd honestly be rude.

They're not real so they can't experience this. Problem solved.

yeah, some ships are confirmed but thats different. EX: Knickle. offical II storyboarder Cakebrunch CONFIRMED theyre in a relationship. thats an official employee of the series saying that a ship is real. not some random person on TikTok saying that TennisGolf is canon because TB is GB's closest ally.

Again with citing Cakebrunch's fan stuff as canon. Interesting how they cited a storyboarder's fan works twice but failed to mention Balloon being arospec as said by a show creator in the nickloon section. While I have my thoughts on word-of-god confirmation, which I will not be getting into here, it is far more canon than any fanwork.

A lot of the rest of this is just confusion about why people ship things. This is different for each ship and each shipper, and if you're ever confused about where a ship came from you can just ask the shipper. There's usually a reason (and depending on who you ask, a whole essay) as to why a ship came about or how it would work. Sometimes though it is just for fun or comedy, and that's not really a bad thing. We're here to enjoy ourselves, after all.

One last thing though,

and dont get me started on those ships that throw certain characters in canon ships (looking at you, metallic salad/metallic salad + mephone shippers.) because like. why? certain characters have established relationships with others, and your just like "ohh well those two are in a relationship, but mic and knife are a cute ship so how about mic + knife + pickle? makes sense!" like. please.

I don't know much on dynamics and specifics (see: not much of a shipper) but from what I have seen of multiships and polyships, all the dynamics and how the characters would all work together is very much thought about.

Also knickle isn't canon and the people shipping knife x mic x pickle are also aware knickle isn't canon. Nobody is thinking of it like that.

Anyways, time for the conclusion.

Bee anon is fundamentally wrong about how fandom works. Headcanons and ships hold no baring on the canon or your interpretation of the canon. Fandom is a place where canon is transformed in fan works for the fan's enjoyment, it is not a place where canon is determined or changed. You can interpret a work however you please, you can even divorce it from fan works entirely if you wish. Bee also has some things they need to think about in regards to why they feel the way they do about queer and autistic headcanons.

Thanks for reading.

#GOD was that long. #knightext #asks #fandom is like my no.1 interest and you can't ask me for my opinions on fandom discourse without getting an essay sorry

[decepti-thots]

for so long I have felt like a weirdo for thinking that the jro pregnancy stuff is deeply unhorny. but I am going to say it now: it's only horny in the way that the alien franchise is horny: there are definitely people who are horny about it, but it's primarily about the non-sexy aspects of pregnancy. i get that it's a funny joke but a non-insignificant people genuinely act like it's "the writer's barely disguised fetish". birth is weird and scary and fascinating, even more so in robots. im probably more defensive about this than I should be but it's kind of upsetting to me that this is where the discussion always ends

I'll put this under a cut so as not to spam anyone's dash bc yeah I went off on this ask haha (positive).

I actually felt so insane about this very topic I ran a damn poll on my NSFW sideblog and the thing is: the majority of folks voting agreed no, it's not inherently, textually horny. (I would know; I know horny when I see it, ffs!) Which vindicated me! Because I agree it's so ridiculous a thing to unironically, sincerely insist is super horny, given the text, lmao.

Like, it's extremely obsessed with pregnancy, but this is not the same as 'a fetish', and tbqh I think the 'fetish' joke just shields any actually interesting discussion of what it's doing. I think the Alien comparison here is actually really telling; it's absolutely a visceral thing, a thing concerned with the body and how it functions, sometimes against our will. And it's not unconnected to sexuality or eroticism in how those things are discussed more broadly, in the sense it's talking about a thing that intersects with those elements in the abstract, but it's not. Like. It's not a "fetish" thing, and if the characters it involved weren't referred to as 'he' in text I think less people would be calling it that, and actually it kinda sucks that every time I bring it up I have to block people who see 'pregnancy mentioned' on my completely sfw posts as an excuse to go off on their personal fetishes in detail, or their desire to speculate on the imagined fetishes of the writer in equally graphic detail. (BTW, it's genuinely uncomfortable seeing people obsessively speculate on the imagined fetishes of a creator, I think. We should all do that a little less in public.)

I mean not to be a total killjoy or anything but like... treating pregnancy in itself, even in the most abstract way, as inherently fetishistic and inappropriate (the people reblogging my innocuous posts about pregnancy metaphors with fucking trigger warnings! 'mpreg trigger warning' being a normalized way to tag pictures that are just Trans Dude Who Is Pregnant!) is uh. I mean we live in a world where pregnant people are often massively marginalized by society period, and seen as somehow inappropriate for public life, and especially anyone who is remotely GNC. Like the idea that something is inherently obscene about a pregnant person is, shall we say, not apolitical. It is in fact a thing that people actually have to fight against in real life. I mean. Fandom doing this to a text that in fact is most notable for treating pregnancy weirdly neutrally in these terms is... frustrating! I think we all lose out when we refuse to engage with weird, funny texts that have things to say about these topics that fall outside our expected frameworks, like, say, 'this is A Fetish TM'. That's limiting! If we want to talk about what IDW1 phase two does with gender, we cannot do that properly if every time we talk about MTMTE we get weird about it doing sexless genderfree pregnancy metaphors, and instead make them funny mpreg jokes, tbh! IDK! Seems counter intuitive! And I genuinely think MTMTE/LL's bizarre approach to the thing is so interesting precisely because it's so odd and offputting. What if we actually examined it. I think we can find some good stuff in there, frankly.

And truly the especially frustrating thing is that the comic itself, for all it is objectively weird and hilarious and 'why the fuck is this even HERE' about it... is just never that. Like. I posted those excerpts because it IS weird and it IS wild and it IS quite funny in its way! It's alien robot body horror in a kids' cartoon franchise turned to an unexpected end! But you know what it actually manages, somehow, to never be? One: weird and misogynist about pregnancy. Two: weird and transphobic about it involving vaguely, ostensibly 'male' characters. Make all the mpreg jokes you want I guess, but MTMTE is many bizarre things but it never gives one single shit about the gender binary, and tbh I think it's genuinely kind of embarrassing the fandom saw a comic that did insane robot body horror pregnancy shit and was like. Okay well. But the mpreg tho.

Like. I've joked for years that I want to do a transmasc read of the pregnancy stuff Roberts did in TF seriously, same as I think a transmasc read of how Alien presents fears around "male pregnancy" in a trans context would be great. And for all my jokes, I genuinely would, actually. I think it's legit very interesting how Roberts manages to divorce the presentation of horror of pregnancy from gender in a way that mitigates the gendered subtext somewhat and gets at the loss of autonomy in a broader sense.

anyway it truly sucks that fandom is so fucking shitty about this. to give a little extra context, i talk about a particular transmasc humanformer AU sometimes that involves pregnancy and. i have had to Delete Some Fucking Asks about that thing, which. well that happens in normal regular real life and people talk about it like a fanfic trope (derogatory). so. i am a little sensitive to people getting Like This about the topic, aha.

sorry i went off on one anon, can you tell. i also find this frustrating. i relate. i am totally with you. god it would be so much less interesting to read it as horny so like, why is this the ONLY MODE we seem to have tbh

[sm0kebreaks]

So like. As amazing at the tma has been about fat acceptance and love and has been absolutely vital to a lot of my self acceptance as a fat trans man, because this fandom actually talks about fat people (as opposed to other fandoms where fat characters and hcs are nonexistent), it means it’s also exposed me to the most and worst fatphobia of any fandom. I genuinely don’t even gaf about the actual discourse discussed in this fandom, it’s generally the people who negatively react to discourse of ppl complaining about fatphobia. The initial problems are usually ignorable to me, but it ends up bringing up peoples voices that make it incredibly clear what their true thoughts about fat ppl are. Idrk why I thought I should share this with you, ig just seeing if you have similar experiences.

I struggle here because i don't like to feel like i am attacking other artists. i'm a hater and i love to complain but i know i have my own short comings. but when it comes to the fatphobia in this fandom im always left not knowing how to talk about things because people will come to me and tell me why my complaint about someone thinning out a fat character is wrong or bad.

do keep in mind i dont really engage with the tma fandom as much i feel very much on the outskirts so this is jsut what i feel like i see on my end and i'm sure theres way more going on i simply dont know

in recent months we have had a newer influx of artists in the fandom who have come in with their own interpretations of the characters which is all fine and good. its jarring sometimes when we become so used to these formless characters looking a certain way that when new people enter the fandom with different ideas it feels wrong and like an attack.

the biggest issue has been people drawing a thinner martin. and while of course everyones welcome to their own interpretation and martin expressing that he's not exactly the smallest guy has multiple ways to be interpreted it is extremely frustrating to see people take that as giving him the most bare minimum extra weight. especially when having a fat character as desirable and as a love interest and such a Fun character is so far and few between

i could go on and on about how each time a popular artist posts a thin martin it gives everyone who looks up to them the excuse to do the same and it's why it's become such a prevalent thing lately. i don't think popular artists should have to worry about being good role models or anything in a fandom i think if youre making art you should do it for fun but it sucks to see when someone becomes so influential and are creating a problem. i deleted like three paragraphs on this alone so i'm going to move on.

i think what i see in the fandom most in regards to fatphobia is a skill issue. people don't know how to draw fat characters. but it also feels like people are barely trying. the artist i have in mind who i would consider to draw skinny martins DOES add a bit of roundness to him. i can aknowledge theyre doing SOMETHING. but you can't come to me and tell me that i can't criticize their art because culturally that's fat to them... like sure it could be. but it's also definitely a limitation of their art style and ability and instead of defending them and patting them on the back for doing good enough shouldnt we encourage people to grow and improve? what an amazing asset to be able to draw people of all size and variety. thats an AMAZING abillity to have in youre tool belt. i wish i had more resources for drawing bodyfat but unfortunately i do not. i have learned from looking at people and luckily having a lot of large loved ones in my life i've learned from as well as you know.. my own body to learn from. and learning to draw bodyfat and drawing characters i love with it has done wonders for my body dysmorphia.

i went on a rambling tangent and idk how coherent all of that is but the end point is that fatphobia sucks it has no place in this or any fandom and we need to practice our skills instead of erasing something that has made this fandom so wonderful to me.

here's some resources

[mueritos]

Hey. Idk if this is me growing up or just being disillusioned with inter celebs etc. Im a 23 yr old trans man so I grew up and was inspired by chella on the YouTube community. But now I just…don’t like chella man anymore. I feel like…he became an industry plant? Over the pandemic asking fans for money to send to him directly to help others and not showing where the money was going exactly incident as well as just becoming older I noticed he seemed to almost want to become the next Keith haring or basquiat? He almost…now seems very fake? He takes deals with brands to be representation but doesn’t do much to call out certain brands for their faults etc.

Idk anymore

I give Chella credit in that he was one of the few transmen that I looked up while I was young, especially with him being BIPOC. Showing him to my family helped them understand me. But that's where the inspiration kinda stops, because it was painful to be surrounded by years-in-transition trans men online when I was absolutely nowhere I wanted to be. That was a me problem tho. But I also didn't know much about his whole donation incident.

Ig heres what I have to say. It's not great to view other people as your justification of your morals. We don't know how people have had to live or how they live now, we don't know what decisions they have to make, and we dont know what kind of fears or goals they have. Chella is allowed to do whatever he wants with his art or his modelling career, just like how I genuinely believe anyone else in the world is capable of making the right decisions for themselves (even if we dont like those decisions!). Im not really concerned with figuring out if hes an industry plant or a "class traitor" (lol) or even if he's "fake". To be honest, I'm all for BIPOC folks getting their $. Does that mean I enjoy seeing wealthy BIPOC folk perpetuate classism and racism? No. Just cuz someone is succeeding for themselves doesn't mean people cant critique them. I guess what Im saying is I see waaay too many people online take the things they enjoy and the people they follow as projections of their morals: "no! stop [Insert celebrity name] you're being problematic and its makes us fans look bad!" Like....Okay lmfao. People are grown adults and are going to make decisions for themselves. Just because you might enjoy a celebrity does not mean your morals are based on how good of a person they are.

and youre allowed to not like the same things anymore just like how people are allowed to change, for better or for worse. I think within online communities there is way too much pressure on "looking" like a good person versus actually being one...because sometimes BEING a good person makes you look absolutely vile in terms of online spaces/communities love of isolating, removing, and deleting "problematic" (and vulnerable) people from their spaces with no trial, discussion, or attempt at conflict mediation. Yea yea I do think people have every right to be criticized just as they have every right to make whatever decision they want, but what Im trying to get at is to really stop viewing anyone with a platform as someone you can other once they dont meet your standards. This is not the same as denouncing or critiquing someone for really egregious behavior (white supremacy, harrassment, bullying, interpersonal violence). Once you kinda start living by your own morals without needing other people's actions/behaviors to justify/define them, you learn to focus on building connections rather than destroying them.

again, this is a much nuanced topic and you prolly werent expecting me to go into this. but ive grown over the years and have engaged in some nasty and vile mob mentality behavior that i just dont vibe with anymore. im not really the kind of person now to speculate online or publicly what other people are doing or should be doing or whether theyre problematic or not. I don't really care about Chella man or most celebrities rn. People r just gonna be people, and I will always have empathy for those of marginalized identities. Free will, autonomy, and self determination goes both ways, but so does accountability, transformative justice, and reconciliation.

but also like kill ur idols lol

#muertoresponds #like yea its fun having people u follow and look up to man #does it take a lot of time to be following celebrities #there would be days i would just check up on all my micro celebrities #now i just dont give a fuck #theyre people im people we're people #we're all gonna change and do bad and do good #i dont like holding myself or anyone anymore to these fucked up online standards of looking like good people #idc idc idc #this was def not the answer u prolly wanted but its where im at and thats what i gotta say #have ur micro celebrities if u want but like yea #people r people #and so are u #critiques r valid but u cant hold anyone accountable unless they consent to be held accountable #like being held accountable means u choose to be part of the accountability process #not make a lil 5 min notes app apology and be forgotten about in a week because people find their next target #yadda yadda yadda #these r my thoughts

[anti-endo-haven]

tw sui mentions, transphobia, idk what else

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.

.

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im so tired of not being able to even go to gender therapy or however it's called in english just because our mom wants to wait until we're 18

but the therapy is gonna take so long

im so tired of having to defend that we're bodily trans while having our cishet teacher rambling about how it could just be a mental disorder

even if it was a mental disorder i think transitioning would be better because im just tired of us having breakdowns over how we'll never be seen as a real guy

i don't remember the context, but once a coworker at practice (we go to a real big place kitchen for a company for school) said something like "don't try that with me, you don't have a dick" whixh is just felt so weird because we're 17 and she's a grown woman

the whole rest of the day, anytime i saw a guy with long hair, just being able to exist as a guy with long hair, i just wanted to cry

even if this is all caused by us being delusional or something i just want it to get better

i don't want us to go through breakdowns and considering suicide just because of this

im tired of other systems saying we're fake because majority of our system are masc, masc-leaning, male or ftm.because thats apparently rare or something

im tired of other systems saying that the decision to transition is selfish when they don't know us

they don't know that we've had many discussions about it

they don't know that main fronters are usually masc or male leaning

me specifically, im ftm nonbinary, i front more often than anyone

i had to go home from school once because i had a panic attack over a guy saying transphobic shit out loud

im tired of the fact that we can't buy actual good binders instead of some shitty ones from aliexpress.of course i wear them because i'd rather be dead than be in public without a binder

i hate being told to not use he/him on myself when talking to our family

i feel like our dysphoria actually causes a lot of our mental health issues, im anxious to go anywhere because i know i'll get dysphoric immediately, i don't want to go outside because i'd have to put on a binder

i just want to live

You being trans is not a mental disorder. Being trans has nothing to do with mental disorders.

You are a real guy. Your agab means nothing and you will always be a real guy here. That's what you identify as bodily, you are a man and always will be unless you chose to say otherwise.

The coworker saying that is really off-putting and shouldn't have been said. I'm sorry that was said to you.

You can exist as a guy with long hair. You are already a guy, you just need the long hair if you don't have it grown out to a preferred length.

The way you and your alters identify doesn't make you fake. Gender identity can always change, no matter the time or place. if you being a man doesn't feel right later on, then it can change. Gender does not have to be a black and white decision and it's not one. it can always change as long as you are the one wanting it to change.

I hope that the panic has subsided and I hope things can get better.

You can use he/him and other pronouns as those are your pronouns. Your family is wrong for that and I hope things change for the better for you.

You deserve to live and be happy, even if the collective identity changes. You deserve love and care as you're a living being and nothing can change that. You're amazing the way you are.

Make sure to take care of yourself.

If I get anything in this response wrong, please, tell me and I will change it to make it correct for you.

You're safe here, Anon. I hope your day/night goes well.

#tw sui mention #tw suicide mention #tw transphobia #anti-endo-haven-vent #anti-endo-haven-vents #endos dni #pro endos dni #anti endo #endos not for you

[slamminslamminmcgill]

Terms of Employment - Saul Goodman/FTM Reader (NSFW!)

lord help me im back on my bullshit. this is a sequel to my first saul/ftm reader fic. you wake up the morning after and discuss the current situation with your boss/apparent sex partner: saul goodman

tags/warnings: office sex, rough sex, oral sex, light bondage, daddy kink, homophobic/transphobic slurs, squirting, humiliation/degradation, trans fetishization

anatomical terms: dick/cock and cunt/pussy/hole are used interchangeably

words: 4,061

ao3 link

Your head was spiraling the morning after. You awoke from a deep sleep in a bed that felt way more luxurious than your own. The gaudy decorations that littered the walls only exacerbated the pounding in your head. You sluggishly peeled the blankets off, your body aching with even the slightest movement. Wait, where were your clothes? And where the hell were you? How were you going to get-

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.”

That answers that question. And literally every other question that had yet to finish buffering. Suddenly, the memories came flooding back. Your boss, the ubiquitous presence on every possible advertisement space in Albuquerque, Saul fucking Goodman, had given you the type of fucking that’d make a nun burst into flames. And he didn’t seem like a smug piece of shit about it, rather cautious, actually. He was standing by your side of the bed, dressed in a comfortable-looking tracksuit, handing you your clothes with a sheepish smile. 

“I, uh… I guess you’re starting to remember how we got here. Listen, I’m really sorry if it was too much. You seemed like you were into it, so I wanted to, uh… keep the hype going, ya get me? I hope I didn’t hurt you or-”

“Oh no, i-it’s fine,” you cut him off, accepting your clothes from him, “I… I really did enjoy it. I kinda like it rough.” You flashed that same hesitant smile he had given you as you put your shirt on. God, this was fucking awkward. You definitely wanted more, but you had no idea how you’d even continue working together after this. Were you just expected to never talk about it again? Probably not, since you both were talking about it now, but what were you supposed to do? There wasn’t a page in your employee handbook on what to do after you fuck your boss.

He let out a small chuckle at your response, and relaxed his posture a bit. At least you both could let your guard down a bit.  “Heh, kinda? Sweetheart, you take a beating better than some of my toughest clients. I mean, I know I’m not in the best shape but-...“ He lost his train of thought as you stood up to put your underwear on, his eyes unconsciously trailing downward before darting away not so subtly. “Ah, nevermind. So you enjoyed it, huh? Would you wanna… do it again sometime? Maybe we could make this a regular thing?”

You internally breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that his blunt nature took the pressure off you. “I’d like that.” This time, your smile was genuine and confident.

His sigh of relief was dramatic. “Oh thank god,” he exhaled, “I’d been stressing that all night. You’re a good kid. I’d hate to make things weird between us. Well… weirder, I guess. Not exactly a conventional boss/assistant relationship anyway, am I right?” 

You couldn’t help but agree with that. 

Saul continued. “But listen, let’s just keep this a secret between us, alright? I’d hate to make things difficult for you, and personally, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the whole ‘I just fucked a dude in his pussy’ thing, y’know?”

You snorted a little at his last remark. “Yeah, that’s fine. I get it. I didn’t think you were into men, anyway.”

“Well, you’re a special case. And besides,” he placed his hands on your hips and leaned in close to whisper in your ear, “It’ll be nice to have a cute little plaything like you on standby.”

You shuddered at his teasing words. You’d hate to stroke his ego even more, but fuck, he was good. You figured you’d better fire back to show him you can keep up. “Sounds perfect, Daddy” was what you ended up with, making sure to drag out that last word. 

“Oh ho, is that the direction we’re taking things? I can get behind that,” He replied, lust dripping from his words. Though he switched gears pretty quickly, likely not wanting to cede control to you. “In due time though, kid. Let me drive you home. We got a big caseload this week, so come in an hour early on Monday, got it? I’ll be there to let you in.”

You likewise shifted back into business mode before he walked you two out to the car. “Sure thing, Mr. Goodman.”

—

The weekend passed you by, and you were outside the office on Monday morning an hour earlier than usual per your boss’s request. You knocked on the glass door to the building, and heard a muffled shout from the inside.

“Just a sec!”

“Alright!” You shouted back before absentmindedly checking your phone. You heard him stumbling around inside the dark office. You’d wondered previously why he wouldn’t turn the lights on when he called you in early, but with the amount of walk-in clients he got day in and day out, you got the gist. 

Saul eventually hobbled over to the front door and unlocked it for you. He seemed strangely out of breath. “Good to see you here bright and early, kiddo. We got a lot to cover today,” He placed his hand on the small of your back as you walked in, “Have a seat in my office, I’ll be there shortly.”

“Yes, sir.” You replied. Sex was the last thing on your mind at 6:30 in the morning, but you couldn’t deny that calling him “sir” had a spicier taste now. The slightest hint of subordination to him was enough to spark your interest these days. You pushed open the door to his office and noticed an immediate roadblock to the task he had given you. “Uh, Mr. Goodman?”

“Yes?”, he asked, following you in.

“Where are all the chairs?”

The only seating in his office was his chair, behind his desk. You had a smaller desk off to the side, but your chair was gone. The chairs in front of his desk were gone too. Even that gross couch of his was nowhere in sight. Was he robbed? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Who would break into the most infamous law firm in the city just to steal his auxiliary office chairs? And he was here before you, too. He had to have known, right?

“I said,” He strode past you and sat himself down in his chair, crossing his legs and gesturing to the hardwood desk, “Have a seat.”

That son of a bitch. He made you get up at 5AM just to fuck with you. He was here at god knows what hour just to set the stage for your debasement. You weren’t sure how to feel, anger and arousal both waging a war over your psyche. You begrudgingly followed suit, plopping yourself down on the desk in front of him. You made sure to keep your legs closed and your gaze averted. You wanted to make him work for it, at least for a little while.

“There we go, that wasn’t so complicated, was it? Now, let's get down to brass tacks,” Saul traced his hand up your dress pants, in between your legs, and up to your crotch. You usually wore a packer when you went out, which evidently he must have noticed, and he gave it a not-so-gentle squeeze before he spoke. “We both know what’s going on here, so who exactly are you trying to fool?”

You gasped when he touched you, trying to squirm out of his grasp. You sputtered trying to answer him. “I’m… I’m not-”

“Take it off.”

“Si… Sir, I-”

He squeezed you even tighter. “I think you forgot your place here, kid. Your superior gave you an order. Need me to spell it out for you? I’m gonna let you go, and you’re going to take your pants off for me. Understand?”

“Y-yes, sir…”

“Good boy. Now, get up.”

Saul kept his word and released you from his grip. It was as if the praise he gave you went straight to your head and kicked you into subspace. You slid off the desk and undid your belt with shaking fingers. You felt his eyes burning a hole into you as you dropped your pants and underwear, the silicone packer bouncing as it hit the floor. No doubt your face was bright red, and you still couldn’t look him in the eye. Once your bottom half was uncovered, you shimmied back onto the desk, your bare legs squishing against the cold wood. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you like this before, but this was the first time you’d been fully cognisant of your actions, and the first time he ordered you to strip. You were too shy to open your legs for him without command. 

“Look at me,” He said, and you slowly turned to meet his eyes. He was watching you hungrily, his elbows propped on the armrests and his hands folded in front of his mouth. There was no hint of compassion in his voice. He was all business. “Spread ‘em.”

You obliged. Your eyes felt heavy, as if tears were threatening to well up, and your brain was starting to slow. Your cheeks and your cunt both felt like they were on fire, and the cold air stung as you exposed yourself to him. All you could think of was how embarrassed you were. You had never felt so fucking humiliated, but you had no idea how much worse it was going to get. 

“That’s more like it. No need to cover up your best feature. What a shame that you’d try to hide such a pretty little hole behind a piece of cheap silicone. Why don’t you uh…” Saul made an upside-down V with his fingers, “...give me a better view?”

You gulped, not wanting to risk talking back to him. You mimicked his gesture against your lips, spreading them open to show him. Much to your dismay (or was it delight?), you were starting to get wet and your t-dick was already hard. 

“Aw, are you getting excited from this?” he mocked, “No seriously, are you? I mean, it’s kinda hard to tell with such a tiny dick like that, y’know? Tell me, do you like getting treated like this?”

You did. You really did. You wanted more, but you’d dare not overstep. “Y-yes…”

“Yes, what? Go on, say it.”

“Yes, Saul. I… I like it when you treat me like this…”

“Prove it.”

That shocked you. You don’t know why. In fact, you should’ve seen it coming, but it still mystified you when he said it. You figured you knew what he wanted from you, but you didn’t want to assume. “H…How do you mean?”

“Prove it,” Saul repeated his instruction as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Prove to me that you like being degraded like this. I want you to get yourself off right here on my desk. I wanna see you stroke your puny little dick for me like the needy little whore you are.” 

Jesus fucking Christ. You had to stifle a moan when he said that. He knew how to work you, and the bastard wasn’t even doing the work himself. You dragged your hand down to your aching cock and wrapped 2 fingers around it before you began to stroke it. You were embarrassed to make noises while he was watching, though biting your lip could only do so much.

Saul looked at you like you were about as interesting as a water cooler instruction manual. He was trying his hardest to seem disinterested, wanting to keep up the act. “C’mon slut, get into it. You said you like it, right? Let me hear you.”

You let a couple noises slip. Mainly just quiet gasps and squeaks. At one point you sighed, “Fuck… Saul…”

“You’re on the clock, sugar. Don’t call me by my first name. You should know better than that.”

“S-sorry sir…” You stuttered, speeding up your motions. “I’ll… ngh…. I’ll be good.”

“You’ll be a good boy for Daddy?”

Motherfucker. Saul was an expert at using your words against you. Part of you regretted giving him that ammunition the other day, but part of you was ecstatic to hear him say it. You replied with affirmation while continuing to chase your high, “Yes, Daddy…”

“Good boy. Y’know, you’re so cute like this. Seeing you pinch that tiny little dick of yours and try to jack it like it’s an actual cock.” You’re not sure what hurt more, his backhanded compliments or a literal backhand from him. Both left a pleasant sting in their wake. “You can’t even call it a dick, really. Just serves as decoration for that nice tight pussy you have. It’s fun watching you pretend otherwise, though. How about you shove a couple fingers inside and fuck yourself the way a cuntboy like you deserves?”

You purred at his request, eager to satisfy him at your own expense. “Ah… y-yes, Daddy…” While still stroking your dick, you slipped two small fingers inside yourself, trying desperately to hit that special spot, but failing. You wished his longer fingers would replace yours. He had hit that spot in no time. Even so, you got loud. You weren’t even trying to stifle it anymore. Shameless whining, heavy panting, the most pitiful noises escaped you as you climbed closer and closer to your peak.

“Ah… f-fuck… sir, I mean, Daddy… shit… I…”

“You’re getting close?”

“Ngh… Yes… Daddy… fuck… please… I need…”

“Stop.”

And it all came crashing down. The climax you had built yourself up to disappeared, but not without a trace. You were still painfully hard, and your pussy was drenched. Droplets fell off your hands and it felt like you were sitting in a puddle. You whimpered softly, hoping he’d take pity on you, but he knew your game.

“Shhh…” he said, “Not yet, baby boy. You said you wanna be good for me, right? Then you gotta listen to me. Now, I want you to get off that desk and get down on your knees in front of me. Let me show you what a real cock looks like.”

You crept down from the desk and settled on your knees below him. He unbuckled his belt and placed it on the desk, making sure to avoid the wet spot you had left behind. He unzipped his pants agonizingly slowly, his obvious erection making you salivate. He fished out his cock, and it was gorgeous. A pretty decent length, and he was thick and uncut, already glistening with precum. You didn’t really get a good look at it last time, but it made sense why you were sore the next day. You shifted your position slightly, trying to get a little more friction against you.

“Getting a little jealous, huh? That’s what I thought. You went crazy over it the other day.” Saul gave himself a languid stroke, just to tease you. 

It worked. You wanted him so bad, you couldn’t help yourself. “Please, Daddy… c-can I…?”

“Can you what?”

“Can… Can I suck it?”

Saul laughed, but you saw his cock throb in his hand. He wanted you bad. “Jesus, you’re an even bigger faggot than I thought! Sure, whatever, go ahead, kid. Knock yourself out.” You went to take it in your hand, but he grabbed your wrist to stop you. “Ah ah ah, what do we say?”

That smug son of a bitch. He was insufferable in the best kind of way. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome, whore. Now suck it.” 

He let go of your wrist and you eagerly took him in your grasp. You spit on the tip and spread it over his length, his foreskin peeling back as you did so. You wrapped your lips around his head and began to suck, running your tongue along the underside and probing his hole with your tongue. While you slobbered on the tip, you used your hand to take care of the rest. He tasted so fucking good. His precum was salty and sweet, and his musk was driving you crazy. You pulled your mouth off the tip with a satisfying pop, and lowered yourself down to his balls. Licking and sucking on them frantically, you could hear him hiss above you as you worked him over. You were completely and utterly cockdrunk, and you’d do anything to show your gratitude. In fact, you were probably more into it than he was. 

“Look at you,” he sighed contentedly, “You look right at home on your knees worshiping a cock like this. I bet you wish you had one just like it, huh, tranny?”

You moaned into his balls as he talked down to you, feeling his body twitch in response. That slur hit you just right. You took his cock into your mouth again and started bobbing up and down his shaft, striving to please him however you could.

“Heh, I’ll take that as a yes. How adorably pathetic. I knew this would be a good idea. I figured you’d start drooling when I took my cock out. I bet that’s all you think about, right, faggot? Just how good it’d feel to have a fat cock like mine filling you up in every hole you’ve got?”

Another desperate moan answered his question for him. You enthusiastically pumped him with one hand, and tried sneaking the other one down to take care of yourself, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

Big mistake.

“Ah!” Saul grabbed your hair and pulled you off him. “Don’t think I don’t see that. You’ll get yours when I say so, hole.” He leaned over you and grabbed his belt off the desk. “Though in the meantime, this should remind you who’s in charge here.” He let go of your hair and pulled the belt taut. “Hands behind your back.”

You complied, and he reached down to wrap the belt around your wrists. Pulling the belt through the fastener, he slipped two fingers in to make sure it wasn’t too tight. What a gentleman. When he was done, he sat back in his chair and looked down at you expectedly. “Well? Tell Daddy thank you for disciplining you.”

You parroted his words back to him. “Thank you for disciplining me, Daddy.” The sick thing was you truly meant it. 

He gently patted your head, tousling your hair a little bit. “Good job. That’s my boy. Now…” He gripped your hair once more, his other hand stabilizing his cock at the base, “...take a deep breath for me.”

You knew what was coming, and began to inhale. Though before you could finish, Saul decided you’d gotten enough air, and forced you down onto him. He fucked your mouth relentlessly, spit pooling around your lips and spilling down your chin. You were doing your best not to gag, and for the most part you were successful. Except for when he’d force you down to the base and pinch your nose. He groaned at the feeling of you struggling around him, though he’d always show mercy and let you catch your breath before making you run the gauntlet again.

“Goood boy. I love fucking this whore mouth of yours. Good thing I hired you. Got my own little cuntboy to use like a fleshlight whenever I want.” He took you down to his base again, and before he could pinch your nose, you flicked your tongue across his balls. That caught him by surprise and got him to moan like a bitch. “Shit! Ah… fuck that’s good, kid…” He got louder and louder as he approached the top, fucking your mouth insatiably, “Getting close… ngh… gonn-ah… gonna cum down your f-fucking throat… yeah… take it, faggot… take it… I know you want it… f-fuck…!” He came with an earth-shattering groan, using both hands to push you all the way down. His cum shot down your throat in what felt like buckets, and he didn’t pull you off until he was empty. When he did, your throat was burning and you were gasping for air. Nevertheless, you made sure to swallow it all. 

Your efforts did not go unappreciated. You looked up at your boss and saw him slumped back in his chair, panting heavily, face flushed, and looking up at the ceiling with a goofy smile on his face. He looked spent, but his cock was still semi-hard. Remembering where he was, he tilted his head down to see you, and he gently rubbed your cheek. 

“Such a good boy… so good to me…” he sighed, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit smug from his praise. “How about I return the favor?”

You thought he’d never ask. “Please, yes, Daddy. Did I do a good job?”

“Very good…” Saul replied, grabbing you by your shoulders and hoisting you up with him. He spun you around and slid his hands down to your hips. Once he had the leverage to do so, he bent you down over his desk. “...and good boys get rewards.” A firm hand pressed your face into the desk and kept you pinned down, while his other hand went to work himself back up. When he was ready to go, he got into position and teased your opening with his cock. “Come on, pumpkin. Daddy wants to hear you say it.”

Of course he does. You wondered if it was physically possible to have sex with him without needing to stroke his ego. But you loved it. Any modicum of shame you had left went out the window as you begged, “Please, Daddy. Please put it in. I want it so bad. Please, please, please fuck me.”

He chuckled at your pathetic whimpering, though not to degrade you further. He was genuinely enjoying the effect he had on you. He leaned down to kiss your cheek before he spoke, “I got you, baby. Daddy’s got you.” 

Slam

With one hard thrust, Saul bottomed out in you. You cried out in ecstasy, finally getting the fucking you’d worked so hard for. He didn’t think to start off slow; he knew what you wanted. He pounded into you relentlessly, hitting your base with every thrust. His hips pushed yours into the desk so roughly that you thought you’d bruise. Your head was empty and your mouth hung open drooling. All you could think about was his cock. You loved it. You needed to show your boss how grateful you were.

“Th… Thank… you…. Daddyyy….”

“Aww, you’re welcome, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.” He really was. He loved how he could get you to thank him without being prompted. While keeping you pressed against the desk, he snuck his hand down to your aching cock, and jerked you in time with his motions. “Go ahead and cum for me, darling. It’s okay. Let Daddy feel you cum.”

It was all too much, how his cock filled you up so perfectly, how his rough hands took such gentle care of your dick and kept you helpless underneath him, how sweetly he’d talk you through your orgasm. You couldn’t hold on. He pulled your orgasm from you easily, your wetness squirting out against his bare thighs. From the way he groaned at your release, you could tell he wasn’t far behind. A couple rapid thrusts and he was gone, burying himself completely within you as his cum coated your walls. You both trembled at the feeling of him filling you up. Having him deep inside you, so warm and full, it just felt so right. He stayed in until he softened, taking his hand off your head and slowly withdrawing his cock. You whined as you felt his cum spill out of you, and he just stepped back to admire the sight. He knelt down and tucked his seed back into you, finishing the job by planting a soft kiss against your wrecked hole, a breathless moan escaping your lips.

Saul climbed back up to you and laid his body on top of yours. He kissed your cheek and played with your hair, enjoying the warmth and softness of your figure. You didn’t see him as much of a cuddler, but you weren’t complaining…

“Enjoy it while it lasts, kid. We got 5 minutes before our first client.”

…yet.

#saul goodman #jimmy mcgill #saul goodman x reader #jimmy mcgill x reader #saul goodman smut #jimmy mcgill smut #breaking bad #brba #better call saul #bcs #saul goodman x ftm reader #jimmy mcgill x ftm reader #nsft #ftm reader #breaking bad x reader #better call saul x reader #breaking bad smut #better call saul smut

[thatvalvefanatic]

Reasons why I think GLaDOS from Portal is autistic. This is not meant to be a hurtful post as I myself am autistic. I know some traits can be demonized and spread as if they are bad when they are not, so please be thoughtful if you comment !

Feel free to tell me more traits to add on and I will do so !!!! Same for if I'm wrong on anything, some of these are probably worded weird.

×××

- GLaDOS seems to have more care for animals than humans

- she has a special interest in science

- she prefers to be alone than with others (although that might be because she only gets to see humans) and doesn't really have many friends

- she likes pretty extreme/specific organization

- because GLaDOS is a robot, she doesn't understand proper communication or social norms as much. She doesn't understand why others are into what they are and finds it boring or confusing. Same with humor. With communication she also doesn't seem to know what the proper things to say to someone are.

- she likes things to stay on schedule and gets worried or freaked out when they don't. She doesn't fully know how to combat it. She likes the rhythm and learning of testing and that's all.

- she seems to get anxious very easily. Like most of these it's probably because of the content in the game but it could apply to what we don't see as well.

- she tries to always be a smarter person than everyone else and stay correct.

- She is incredibly intelligent and is more considerate than the other characters around her

- she tends to copy others. Like how she has a lot of similar habits to Cave.

- she stims by swaying side to side and by singing (like in PotatOS Lament)

- she seems to be very emotional and can become obsessive

- GLaDOS has a line about human sex being ridiculous, making her probably asexual, and I looked it up and apparently autistic people are more likely to be asexual (or be hypersexual)! so that's cool. Also GLaDOS is canonically bisexual and sexuality varies more with autistic people too. Same with gender. So it makes me wonder if GLaDOS could be under the trans umbrella as well.. /hj

- GLaDOS has very strong senses and gets overstimulated! When she's PotatOS she has less of an ability to process things and shuts down due to it. She is more aware of things and that can be overwhelming.

×××

Extra more written rather than bullet point thoughts.

GLaDOS is a very complex character. I find it so interesting how Valve portrays her and it makes me wonder if the writers knew that GLaDOS would be like this. Like if they knew most of what she did was autistic rather than allistic. Or if they thought that's just what robots were like. I haven't seen anyone at Valve talk about where they got her personality from (other than Erik Wolpaw saying he got GLaDOS being mean about Chell's weight from things his grandma said). It also makes me want to know more about Ellen McLain (GLaDOS' voice actress) and what she thinks about it as she says she relates to GLaDOS a lot.

Despite the fact that GLaDOS is a robot therefore that's probably why she acts so disconnected from other people, I think she could be great representation. She doesn't have any harmful traits (besides the whole. Murdering everyone thing. But by harmful I mean autistic stereotypes and harmful things centered around it) and just kind of lives how she wants to. It's nice to see. I think GLaDOS is such an important character and im glad she exists. <3

×××

I found this article and it lists many traits of autism in women and it's pretty interesting!

#valve #valve games #portal #portal 2 #glados #glados portal #actually autistic

[buddyapologist]

local nonbinary guy complains for too long about gender

i feel like so much discourse would be less of a headache if we really acknowledged that to the vast majority of people who see you on a regular basis, your actual sex/gender/sexuality doesn't define how they treat you, it's your presentation/appearance. the person who takes your order at a restaurant just sees what you look like and hears how you talk. they do not know you. maybe if they say mister and you're brave enough to say "actually i'm a miss" your identity will supersede your appearance and they'll say "sorry miss" or maybe it won't and they'll just go uh huh. like i'm just thinking about myself as an example because i'm 5'1 and feminine and multigenderfluid and transmasculine and i get addressed as a cis woman because i look like one. sometimes i work up the courage to correct someone if i feel like i'm in a safe environment. usually i don't. and if my boss doesn't give me a raise because he doesn't think women deserve raises, me going "actually i'm almost never a woman, i cycle through genders on an unpredictable basis so nonbinary is a pretty decent catch-all, i just dress like this because i like these clothes" isn't going to make him go oh i'm so sorry SIR, here's a 400000 dollar raise. you know? i'm treated like a cis(het) woman because i look like one. our presentations/appearances may not match up with our real genders, for better or for worse, and we're treated how we look. but it's not even that simple because if you're trying to pass but someone thinks you're the wrong gender anyway that plays into it too. like idk maybe i'm being reductive but so much of how we go about the world and interact with people is based on how we LOOK. why isn't that discussed more? (some) social media is the only place where you can find out someone's true gender/sexuality before seeing what they look like. are yall so terminally online that you think that's how it always is?? like obviously it isn't always based on looks bc some trans people will get deadnamed or misgendered no matter how masculine or feminine they look, but that's when the transphobe knows they're trans. if they passed them on the street and perceived them as cis they would treat them how they would treat a cis person. i have similar beef with sexuality labels bc throw in ATTRACTION to the mix, SO MUCH of which is based on looks, and it makes everything so stupid because sexuality labels are based on identity not appearance when that's not how it WORKS!! i'm bisexual so this doesn't even apply to me as much as it would apply to monosexual people but like my bf didn't think i was hot and then see that i use they/them and go oh nevermind i'm not attracted to you because i'm heterosexual which means i, a man, am attracted to women. he was attracted to how i looked, my identity didn't matter! it's just so stupid. it's all stupid. why does queerphobia have to exist at all. why did we have to establish this bullshit gender binary in the first place. we have to live and sit in anger and resentment and sadness because some fucking idiots thousands of years ago decided for some reason that this is the only way to exist. if i think about it for too long it makes me so fucking mad. im going to bed

#avery.txt #WHATEVER. it's so hard not to get frustrated. i am just going to sleep and continue writing my fun new thing tomorrow.

[angstics]

it's always been interesting to me that the only thing seemingly "separating" the transgender truthing from the homosexual truthing, in terms of legitimate proof that someone who only knows gerard way through interviews and stage performance could provide, is the history of open gnc-ness. which doesn't really correlate to any kind of transgender identity but obviously i know why people choose to interpret it that way. (even then, the offstage dude kissing could and usually does fill an identical role in other peoples interpretation of gerard as being secretly gay so. shrug). but this time TRUST ME his performance art in solidarity with an oppressed queer group is ACTUALLY him being secretly trans. i try not to engage with any mass discourse events and find the she/her pronoun usage distasteful and just personally uncomfortable, so i dont directly encounter many people who even orbit this kind of discussion lol. im curious what you think about this comparison! and i apologize if anything was worded unclearly :)

this is a big can o worms! i like hearing your thoughts. there’s sooo many different readings on his identity and how the outfits factor into that.

it’s invasive but it’s not the same ethics as theorizing about a friend. understanding an artist is important to people. it’s part of being an artist which is normal but heavily contested. im always reminded of siken’s response to the student who wanted to learn more about his life to understand his poetry lol (he wasnt nice). why would it matter? authenticity, connection, need to label? there’s no universal or moral answer

anyhow back to gerard. the shift from homosexual to transgender truthing is funny! people didnt give up, they just concluded he’s unlabelled gay 😭 not from the on/off stage kissing (which were all performative) but from the tweetsss. “when people try to define your sexuality [morrissey picture]” and “why would i hide it if i was a Homosexual”. the affair conspiracies and gay music themes and general stereotypes probably aided that. whether the assumption is true or false makes no difference. the reasons behind why ppl even make the assumption are so intriguing to think about… but this is already too long.

the “trans truthing” is complicated bc it’s more personal to ppl. im not gonna create a boogeyman. ive seen all of this, some i align with some i dont. putting them in a list cuz it’s easier to read

ppl in my corner of the fandom are comfortable with calling him queer, nb, trans — from most to least common. all as umbrella terms. all to mean not-cis. justification is good ol FLAGGING. like getting an undercut to tell girls yr a dyke without needing to come out. i can expand on this thought process if wanted. ive seen this kinda labeling for YEARS

a lot of ppl i follow stop at gnc because that is the only visibly obvious option. and it’s the term The Advocate used for him in 2018 (tho we gotta note that he didnt self-id — the writer used the same principal of gnc being about presentation over id). the term is treated as if it were between cis and trans. or more accurately, not-cis not-trans.

ive noticed that old/ex fans or outsiders under my 30k cheerleader gifset see the dress as a coming out…? people of 1 and 2 chalk it under that history of gender nonconformity. it’s surprising but makes sense. i think that’s the function of said history

all the egg talk ive seen is on twitter among transfem ppl and tumblr posts in the wild. i searched “gerard way trans” and got so many tweets referencing kurt cobain. that is transfem business, not mine 😭

all this to say that i havent seen anyone in these circles insinuate he was Secretly trans. it’s the same as the gay assumption. it isnt about proving what reality is. just whatever individuals accept as their truth. lots of 1 ppl have said that if he suddenly came out as cis, their perception wouldnt change. i take that to mean bc the performance itself is the person and the performance they see is transgender.

i dont see how art and artist can be separated in performance. what other version of the artist are you getting? i dont know if anyone round here is talking about the couch sitting gerard way. like why would we 😭 even if one does, it’s under the perception of the performance we know. if we werent talking about the performance, we wouldnt even be talking about it. you wouldnt imagine your loved one watching tv. youd sit next to them. look at them. talk to them. YOU KNOW? like this whole debate on whether it’s invasive goes NOWHERE. we arent talking about someone who could be known. we are barely talking about the real person.

and he knows this because anyone with a Name becomes this. the real life person doesnt need defending. he needs respect. to me that means not harassing him, not digging into his private life, not speaking for him. the rest is what feels ok for me. if the environment is uncomfortable, all i can do is share why. which is why talking about it is important.

ill say, im fine with she/her-ing him. i know those arent his defined pronouns. i know i use them as a term of endearment and character-dedication. i know when to avoid them. i personally dont believe in rigid pronoun use. i don’t believe in there being a handbook of rules of what is or isnt rude (not to say there arent general rules). you learn person to person.

goes back to the Pursuit of Universal Morality. god i remember last year getting so mad at the trans labelling id leave tumblr to complain on twitter. but ive changed my tune to seeing the non-cis ambiguity. not because of Evidence but because i found comfort in that connection. i wasnt wrong then, am not wrong now.

it isnt really about him, it’s about what he says and does. which IMO he’s likely to accept as an artist.

so yeah. TLDR: posts that are like “how can you say he’s [cis/trans] if X?!” are really just stating their own perception. even if they uncritically believe what theyre saying is reality, it’s THEIR reality. there is no difference btwn “his performance art in solidarity with an oppressed queer group” and “him being secretly trans”.

#there’s a tldr if it’s too long. sorry for party rockin #ask #mcr #mcr queer studies

[sowhatnotcreative]

Did you know that trans women are four or more times more likely to be the victims of violent assault and abuse than cis gender women? Including rape, including intimate partner violence? Did you know that matter much more likely to not report it when they're sexually assaulted by women, in no small attitude because of fear of mockery and disbelief, of people like you who not only make it seem impossible for men to be assaulted but blame them for all violence in the world?

When I was in college, I read a lot of gender critical literature. I even identified as gender crit for a while. But the deeper I got into the queer community, the more I got to know trans people, the more I became embarrassed and ashamed that I had treated so many of my queer liberation foremothers ( and fathers and parents) so badly.

I genuinely hope that you will have the realization that I did. That so much of what I thought was worship of the feminine was just another package for traditional gender roles and if the divine feminine exists, that it exists in everyone who chooses to hold it in their hearts, not just those who are born with it.

Yea you googled and took the first result that came up. Lucky me finding the very article you claim holds facts.

I can tell this whole "I used to be gender critical and read about it" is some kinda attempt at legitimizing your beliefs but it's such a obvious lie im not really going to discuss it.

I WILL however, discuss this survey. Because that's what it is. A survey.

Imagine if you will, a group that is so obsessed by the idea of being opressed and hurt that they regularly threaten suicide? That they claim there is a active genocide going on against them? A group that claims a person calling them he or she, is commiting a violent hate crime against them. They thrive and grow of the empathy they gain, and they even recruit children by twlling them that the only way out is suicide if they can not properly join the "group".

Now imagine this group needing to be studied. Imagine this group being asked questions about if they have ever been treated poorly? How do you think they will answer?

Beyond that, you claims of the study including rape and intimate psrtner violence is simply not true. Although, maybe I am wrong? Maybe you are referring to a completely different actually reliable study? If so please source your claims. Radical feminists are interested in the truth after all. Not your cult speak. Of course after a while it must be hard to tell the difference.

Worshipping of "feminine" is something you must have gotten from some Christian fundamentalists I'm assuming. You're mistaken homophobia with gender critical believes. Gender critical means critical of gender. Difficult words for you im sure but "feminine" and "masculine" are genders. Critical means we do not like them and do not believe in them.

#its a cult #radfem #radical feminism #gender critical #false information #slur #so many asks #thats what u get when u start shit i guess #why do i even start shit #sigh #radfem please interact