Hmmm. A finger is a unit of volume, as in "two fingers of whiskey". A hand is a unit of length (most commonly the heights of horses).
So fingers per hand is actually a measure of area.
A beard-second is defined as the length a beard grows in one second (generally held to be 5 nanometers), which implies that a beard is a unit of velocity (5 nm/s).
Hands per beard is thus length per (length per time), i.e. a unit of time; conceptually one hand-over-beard is the amount of time it takes to grow a beard that is one hand long.
It follows that we can measure flow (which is change in volume over time) in fingers per hand/beard, or fingerbeards per hand (the number of fingers of fluid that pass through in the time it takes to grow a beard one hand in length).
Of course, fingers measure cubic hands, so we can cancel a hand and express flow in terms of square-hand beards - conceptually a flow of one square-hand beard means that a volume is increasing at the same rate as the volume of a one-hand by one-hand patch of beard.
Acceleration is length per time per time, so hands per square hand/beard, i.e. square beards per hand; this makes intuitive sense as the acceleration that will increase your speed by one beardspeed in the time it takes to grow one-hand beard.
There doesn't seem to be a unit of weight that's derived directly from a human body part, but we can take our cue from the ounce and use a unit of volume of a standardized substance (one ounce of water by weight is also one ounce of water by volume, modulo some details we don't care about). Using finger or hand would get confusing, though, so we should measure mass using a body-part unit we haven't used yet, the butt. One butt is therefore the mass of one butt (volume) of pure water.
Force is measured in mass * distance / square time, which for us means butt-hands per square handoverbeard, but we can cancel some hands to measure force in butt-squared-beards per hand.
The intuition for this is that one butt*square beard / hand is the amount of force necessary to accelerate a butt of water by one beardspeed over the duration of growing a handlong beard.
I think having units tied to approximations of actual human features will greatly help scientific literacy, so this units system should be adopted immediately.
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♡:・゚✧:・゚✧ A Good Workout
synop: Soap helps you workout as promised!
tags: soap x reader, hinted-nsfw, 18+, a lil short & a lil spicy
— You had unfortunately told Johnny in a delirious moment while half asleep, that you wanted to start working out with him. Meaning more so that you just wanted to hang out while he worked out, but he took it as an opportunity to have you participate this time.
Now you were 10 reps into whatever he had you working on and you felt like dying. You were sweating and entirely too hot even in your athletic gear that was ‘suppose to keep you cooler’. That was definitely a lie.
“Just ten more lass,” John says. Even though it was ‘just ten more’ the last time he said that. Your thighs were far too sore and it seemed like your entire body trembled with the strain. The only thing pushing you forward at this point was his hands. The slight pressure of one hand on your lower back and the other just barely ghosting your hip, guiding you through every set.
While obviously reassuring, they were also very distracting.
You were already hot but his hands felt like liquid fire tracing over every part of your body. Lingered longer than you would expect. It made you nervous.
Finishing your actual last set, you flop onto the mats, totally exhausted. “I think I’m gonna sleep right here,” You groan, closing your eyes for a brief moment.
“Oh no ya don’t,” Soap’s voice calls out, waking you back up out of your brief rest. Your eyes find the very attractive Scottish man standing above you. Hands crossed over his chest, he smiles down at you. “Now you’ve got to stretch out the muscles you’ve overworked.”
And that’s how you ended up on your back with John’s hands working out your hamstring. His instructions of anything fell on deaf ears. Not for a single damn second could you focus on anything other than the grip this man had on the back of your thighs. Your focus was entirely on trying not to breathe too hard and squirm beneath his touch.
This feeling was entirely new. Felt…far more intimate. The way his fingers rubbed into the muscle, edging lower and lower with every stretch of your leg, almost teasing you in a way. Although you’re sure he wasn’t doing it entirely on purpose.
It’s not until his fingers press lower, somewhere far more sensitive, that you gasp and finally allow your body to shudder at the pleasure.
“S-soap,” His name catches in your throat as you try to speak. The sudden stop of his movements felt relieving but also disappointing.
Realization hits him quickly. Pieces fall together behind his brown eyes and he smirks down at your blushing face. His fingers press into your sensitive skin once more. This time, entirely on purpose. He knew exactly what he was doing now.
“You think you can keep your voice down lass?”
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📓 :3
:D!
@mortimerlatrice got me thinking about a KimChay Chrestomanci AU, so more of that.
the Chrestomanci series, sidenote, is an absolutely delightful fantasy series by Diana Wynne Jones. it's composed of mostly independent stories set in a universe of 12 parallel universes (called Series), each with their own string of worlds (except Series 11). generally speaking, every person has eight identical copies borne into other series than their own, but very occasionally all nine lives will be borne into one person. this nine-life enchanter has all the power of nine magical people in them and is therefore the only person powerful enough to fill the role of Chrestomanci to regulate magical use and prevent any abuse of it across the 12 series.
which cool, very fun story premise actually, but not what I care about here. I'm setting kp in one of the series that doesn't deal much with magic because I don't care about magic meet mafia, I care about Chay having nine lives and all the ways that could make things worse.
(cw: non-permanent but slightly graphic character death under the cut. ft a dash of actual character death, but that only applies to Tawan.)
Chay doesn't have all his lives when canon starts. he lost his first one the same day he and Porsche lost their parents when he fell out of his crib trying to investigate the noise. he lost his second to food poisoning, before Porsche started working for extra food money and they had to make every scrap stretch. he lost another when a debt collector hit him too hard and snapped his neck. (Porsche wasn't home for that day. Chay told him he wasn't either.)
Chay loses his fourth life in the warehouse. it actually wasn't intentional on anyone's part -- Tawan's hired meat weren't careful enough bringing him in, and Chay's luck has his head hit a curb or scrap metal at just the right (or wrong, as it were) angle to kill him instead of concuss him, and head injuries take so long to come back from. Tawan drags out the charade because he wants Porsche desperate, not angry, and Porsche is in too deep of denial to accept the possibility of Chay actually being dead not to fall for it.
Kim arrives before Chay comes back to life. it's...bad. Porsche is screaming for him to get Chay out. Kim first checks Chay's breathing. failing to find that, he frantically (but carefully!) hauls Chay upright. that's when Chay's head flops limply to the side and reveals the dried blood down the back of his neck, which Kim had already felt grabbing but refused to process.
Kim sees red.
Tawan knifes Big. Porsche's shouts break through the fog threatening to overwhelm Kim. then Tawan gets one very distraught, very angry, very murderous Kim materializing in front of him and going right for his eyes. it doesn't matter that Tawan's the one with a weapon, he could've had an armory and that couldn't have helped him. Kim is very, very, very good at fighting, and he's on a mission to hurt. but he's also missing his control, and kicks Tawan in the kidney so hard Tawan stumbles back into a pile of scrap and, in true irony, jostles it hard enough the end of steel beam falls on his head. as discovered earlier, metal and concrete are not kind to heads, and bullet proof vests certainly can't protect from that.
it's too quick and too kind, and Kim stares at him disbelievingly, half a mind to drag Tawan out and beat out the little life he's surely still clinging to, when Chay groans. Kim first thinks he hallucinated it, but then he sees Chay move and he's so relieved he was wrong that he shoves everything else out of his mind and just gets Chay out. then everything and one trailing shouty Porsche slams back into him the minute Chay's out of his arms and with the paramedics that Kim bolts to go hide in a dark corner in his apartment and fail to process any of it.
Chay misses all of this btws. He was dead, then he was back with a headache, and he loves Porsche but he needs Porsche to please shut the fuck up and get him some tylenol.
then apartment confrontation, where Kim says I'm sorry and shoves off even quicker because all he can remember are those moments when he'd been so sure Chay was properly dead. club scene goes down even worse when Kim yells at Chay for making stupid reckless choices that could get him killed, and Chay demands to know why Kim even cares, and Kim goes pale with anger that Chay doesn't care that he (only nearly, surely) died, and it's all very terrible and ends in them storming away from each other.
then comes Yok's bar.
Chay dies. Kim had taunted them into a direct fight inside instead of picking them off outside, and it should have been fine, would have been fine, had Chay not had a bit more awareness and looked over to see Kim pinned between two guys and rushed to help only to get shot by one of the goons on the other end of the bar. he bleeds out while Kim kills off the rest.
Chay comes back to a bar full of bodies and Kim (clutching) cradling him. Kim isn't crying. he isn't really doing much of anything other than clinging and staring off into nothing with a thoroughly haunted expression.
Chay blinks and tentatively lays his fingers against Kim's cheek. "Kim?"
Kim's eyes snap to him, but still don't quite see him. he stays looking blank for a few seconds that feel like hours before saying matter-of-factly, "I've snapped."
"Kim!" Chay protests, distressed.
"It's okay," Kim says, still matter-of-fact but smiling tenderly, "better to be mad with you than without."
it takes a while to convince Kim he's not insane and that Chay's really back. Chay's not certain he fully manages it. but his death also shook loose a lot of confessions Kim normally couldn't say out loud. ("why--" Chay starts, voice cracking, "why did you say 'I'm sorry' that day?" / "You were supposed to be safe," Kim replies hoarsely, mad smile slipping for tears.) there's more clutching and clinging, this time by Chay too. both of them manage to forget they're in a bar of dead bodies until Porsche and Kinn come crashing through the door.
"Chay!" Porsche yells when he first sees him.
"Chay," Porsche pleads brokenly when he sees Chay's blood soaked shirt.
"Not mine!" Chay says quickly, and would've been given away by how fast Kim's head snaps around in any other circumstance. "See?" he says, raising his shirt to show unblemished skin, "No injury."
this does a lot to reassure Porsche, but Chay can tell Kim still thinks he's a little bit insane. Chay decides that's fine for now, because dying takes a lot out of you and apparently everyone around you too and it's unfair to expect Kim to just bounce back from him bleeding out on him, he'll work on it after a shower and dinner.
I'm not writing this AU because I only really have these two vague scenes in my head, but Chay having multiple lives making his existence in the mafia hurt more than canon's calls to me, it really does.
oh, also: in the AU source material, one of the nine-lifers has one of his lives removed and stored into a ring for safekeeping. he later gives this ring to his to-be-wife as her wedding ring. I'm not sure yet how to work that into this AU because Chay's contact with magic and other magicals would be slim to none in this, but please picture how this would absolutely wreck Kim, because there's nothing Kim wants more than to safeguard Chay but as far as he's concerned, he's already failed Chay in that regard twice. 😈
[[ ask me about fics im not writing ]]
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