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gravitywonagain · 1 year

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i am not a vessel for your good intent

the sunshot alliance requests the aid of the feared immortal, yiling laozu, in taking down wen ruohan and qishan wen. it does not go the way they expect it to.

happy birthday, wwx! you get to yell at sect leaders and be an immortal with wings!

[G? for now?, 3k, 1/1?, Pre-Wangxian]

(look, i have no idea where this came from or where it might go or if it will go anywhere. let me know if you want to see more or not and we'll figure it out from there?)

CW: suggestion of implied cannibalism

It begins as expected.

Yiling Laozu sweeps into the banquet hall trailing smoke and shadow that folds itself into the shape of long, feathered wings. His eyes burn like cinders, or steel fresh from the forge. He is uncommonly beautiful, with long lashes, high cheekbones, a mole beneath petal-plush lips. But that too must be expected of an immortal, even one whose life force is fed by what he steals from others. If evil wasn't seductive it would be easy to ignore. Yiling Laozu is not easy to ignore.

Lan Wangji swallows food he can no longer taste. Flattens his palms against the silk of his skirts.

The prattle of the hall dies quickly; chopsticks are set to rest and porcelain cups and bowls clack down against lacquered wood tables. Silence bulges in throats.

Yiling Laozu speaks and though his voice is smooth and pleasant, he is angry. Anyone can tell. None should be surprised.

"Honored cultivation clans," he says, grinning sharp as shale, "I see you've set no place for me at your banquet."

Jin Guangshan rises to answer but Yiling Laozu stops him with a wave of his hand.

"A banquet for your gentry, it seems, while your soldiers eat millet and vinegar. Tell me, nobles, will you wait until they begin scouring battlefields for meat before you throw them the scraps of your pork?"

The implication is clear -- insulting, an outrage. Many stand, fury and pique poised on tongues, yet few speak. Those that do find less help from the mob than they'd anticipated and quiet themselves quickly. None so much as reach for their swords.

Yiling Laozu sucks his teeth like a disapproving parent: a soft sound that somehow echoes throughout the hall. “A poor way to treat those you wish to fight your battles for you.”

Lan Wangji can’t help but agree with him. He had said as much to his brother earlier that night, but Lan Xichen isn’t the one throwing this banquet, and it would have been discourteous not to attend.

“Ah, Yiling Laozu!” Jin Guangshan is already standing at the head of the banquet hall, having sat himself there like the commander of the campaign despite his belated entry into the war. “Welcome to Jiangling, and to the Sunshot Campaign.”

Nie Mingjue, the true commander of this front, doesn’t quite manage to hide his glare at Jin Guangshan. He and the rest of the sect leaders in the hall stand and bow to the dread immortal in greeting.

He inclines his head in return, but his red eyes are sharp on each of the sect leaders before him.

“I have received your invitation. What is it you want from me?”

The leaders of the four largest sects represented, the four men who wrote the letter that was sent to Luanzang Gang, move to stand directly before Yiling Laozu. Three of them are too poised to fidget, but Jiang Wanyin is only sixteen. Still he holds himself well, to Lan Wangji’s eye, and stands strong enough to represent his sect well.

"You know our request. We seek your aid in our war against Qishan Wen."

Jin Guangshan’s words are honeyed thorns. His tone is demure, but he speaks as if to a spoiled child. Placating, superior.

The hall chokes with anticipation, cultivators holding their breath against hope. There has been no question asked, not really, but sect leaders and disciples alike await Yiling Laozu’s next words like his voice alone will save them.

They expect a price to be listed, a negotiation, possibly. There have been rumors and wagers made on what the immortal lord of the dead might ask in return. Gold, land, slaves. A virgin bride -- a harem of them. The throne of the Sun Palace. Lan Wangji has not participated in such idle reverie, but he too is a soldier at war and he does not begrudge people their entertainment.

His own fingertips turn a bloodless white where they are pressed into the meat of his thighs, blue silk dimpled around them. He breathes to calm his nerves.

Yiling Laozu allows the silence to drag out. His ember-bright eyes flick around the hall from one person to the next. His head cocks to the side, as if he is considering them. At last, he returns his gaze to the four sect leaders who stand expectant in the center of the hall.

"No."

"No?" The question is voiced by many. Different volumes and different tones, but all asking spin a thread of surprise.

It was an answer that was left undiscussed, the fear of it too strong to invite such an outcome into reality by speaking it. And, truly, it was unthinkable. They are on the right side of this war. An immortal would see that, would agree. Would help them destroy a madman.

So nobody truly expected Yiling Laozu to say--

"No," Yiling Laozu confirms.

Murmurs begin to roll across the floor like distant thunder. Lan Wangji doesn’t need to hear them to know what they’re all saying: we’re doomed.

A void carves itself into Lan Wangji’s chest as the refusal sets in. Ice follows quickly to fill it.

If Yiling Laozu does not help them, they are dead. They have no other recourse -- they would not have turned to such a creature if they had -- and they are losing this war. Badly. It will be months, at most, that they will be able to hold out. But how many must die during that time? How many will they lose to Wen Ruohan’s mad grab for power?

It is Nie Mingjue who demands, "Why would you come all this way only to refuse?"

Lan Wangji has known Nie Mingjue all his life and he has always been quick to anger. Now, however, he is not angry so much as incredulous. Lan Wangji understands that, too.

But Yiling Loazu simply shrugs, a huge gesture for all of its casual impertinence, as the massive smoky wings heave in tandem with his shoulders.

"I get bored in Yiling,” he drawls. A lazy smirk. Lan Wangji wants to tear it off his face.

"Surely,” says -- Nie Huaisang, surprisingly, from behind his fluttering fan, still seated at the table that was to his brother’s right, “there are less wearisome ways of entertaining yourself."

"You'd think that, Nie-gongzi. But nothing quite entertains me like sect leaders lying to my face."

"Lying?" Again, the question echoes through the hall like hail in a canyon.

"Indeed. Lying.” He says it coolly, assuredly. “Now, tell me sect leaders: Why do you seek my aid in your war?"

There is a pause, uncertainty swirling in the air.

Lan Xichen asks, hesitantly, "Do you wish us to lie to you, then?"

"I do not. But that won't stop you. And neither will my imputation. That's what makes it so entertaining.” That shale-sharp grin again. “So. Go on. Why do you want my help?"

Jin Guangshan begins, "Qishan Wen has grown too hungry--"

"Nope. Next."

Jin Guangshan falters, shocked, the way powerful men are often shocked any time their power is undermined. Certainly he had expected Yiling Laozu to let him at least finish whatever speech he’d rehearsed. "Excuse me?"

"I will not,” says Yiling Laozu. “Really, Jin Guangshan, were you even trying? You, Nie-zongzhu. Your turn."

Nie Mingjue’s brow furrows. He glances sideways toward his brother, though Lan Wangji doesn’t follow his gaze to see what encouragement or confidence Nie Huaisang might offer, and the exchange, whatever it was, is over in a blink. Yet Nie Mingjue seems to have drawn something from it.

He meets Yiling Laozu’s bored gaze and says, "Wen Ruohan has pressed the borders of Qinghe for years.” He pauses, seemingly expecting to be cut off as Jin Guangshan was before him.

Yiling Laozu says nothing, blinking his fire-bright eyes -- dowsing the flame in shadow and then sparking it back to life, the dark fan of his lashes catching at the ends the way treetops do at sunset.

So Nie Mingjue continues, “He is a threat to my people and to my family and I want him destroyed."

"Oh, much closer.” Yiling Laozu’s grin goes lopsided, losing its edge and rounding with amusement. “Well done, Nie-zongzhu. But, you're still lying to me. Next."

"Revenge."

Jiang Wanyin is, as ever, blunt and irascible. But Yiling Laozu doesn’t seem to mind.

The immortal looks at the teenager like Lan Wangji might look at the youngest of his juniors: indulgent but with guiding censure.

"Yes, well, that is obvious,” he says, a pale hand emerging from the shrouding darkness to gesture vaguely at Jiang Wanyin’s person. “You're sixteen and wearing a white sash over robes made for a sect heir. Your shiny new guan might as well still have your father's blood on it. But why my help, young Jiang-zongzhu?"

"Because you have a power that he does not."

There might be a tremor in Jiang Wanyin’s voice. Yiling Laozu might hear it, too. If he does, he doesn’t mention it, doesn’t poke at it. He is not here to injure, it seems. Certainly not to step on those who are already brought low. But why, then?

"Flattery,” he grins again, as if it is his mouth’s natural state to be smiling in some way, “you might think will get you anywhere. But I prefer honesty. Next."

Lan Xichen is the only major sect leader left standing and Lan Wangji feels the ice in his chest crystalize into sharp, jagged points. They cut through his lungs, his spine, his belly.

"Is this a game to you, Yiling Laozu?" Lan Xichen asks.

Yiling Laozu’s head cocks to the side like a bird with wings like his. "Have I not already answered that question, Lan-zongzhu?” His other hand, just as pale and fine-fingered as the first, and he opens his palms to the sky. “Yes. Yes, it is a game.”

He spins, exhorting each cultivator in the room. Lan Wangji thinks he catches an ink-slick glimmer of black robes inside the shadow. “You all claim to want my help, yet you will not tell me why. Why, then, should I help you? You waste my time, I waste yours.” The amusement has drained from him leaving frustration and ire to darken the handsome features of his face as he returns to face Lan Wangji’s brother.

“Lan-zongzhu, I would remind the rest of this grand assembly that your sect has rules against falsehood. So, please, why do you want my help?"

"I don't."

The collective gasp shocks through the room like a discordant note. It holds, waiting for something, anything, to harmonize, to take away this sick feeling in Lan Wangji’s chest. The one that keeps his eyes glued to his brother’s face.

Lan Xichen does not waver. He does not demure. He holds Yiling Laozu’s gaze, shoulders square, jaw set.

And Yiling Laozu’s lips begin to curl once more.

"Yes,” the word sizzles out of him. “Good.” He laughs, dark and delighted, “Now we're getting somewhere! Would you care to elaborate for the assembled gentry?" His arms sweep wide, gesturing around himself, but his eyes do not leave Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen’s do not leave Yiling Laozu, either.

"You are greedy and vain,” he says, tone much colder than the diplomatic voice Lan Wangji is so used to hearing from him, “your cultivation is abhorrent, you play games with people's lives, and you are here only to mock us while our lands are overrun and our people slaughtered.”

Lan Wangji barely suppresses a flinch as Yiling Laozu’s eyes flicker brighter, but Lan Xichen does not pause his speech.

“I do not want your help,” he reiterates, “but I do believe that we need it to stop someone even worse than you."

There is a strain in his posture that only Lan Wangji would be able to identify as fear. Lan Wangji holds the same fear within himself. His brother has openly insulted the Dread Immortal. It could very well be the last thing he does, and Lan Wangji would be entirely incapable of protecting him.

But Yiling Laozu surprises him once again by bowing. A low and perfectly executed salute, as if he were but a servant among sect leaders.

"Thank you, Lan-zongzhu, for your candor."

"Mn," Lan Xichen nods. Lan Wangji can see how tightly his teeth are clenched together.

"But, if I may,” says Yiling Laozu with a similar courtesy to his overly polite bow, “I do have some counterpoints that may illuminate further why I have decided to crash your garish banquet.”

The darkness of his wings begins to unfurl, spilling feathery shadows across the floor. As if anyone would refuse him his piece. As if anyone could stop him if they tried.

“To your first point: I live in a very small province on a mountain that nobody else wants, not in marble palaces draped in gold and snow-white silks." He does not need to draw attention to Jin Guangshan -- the man splutters enough to do it himself. But even if he hadn't, nobody in the hall missed the suggestion in the imagery.

Yiling Laozu continues, "Second: you know less about my cultivation than you know about the Nie clan's." He turns to face Nie Mingjue, something complicated in the red tinged set of his brow, "Less than Nie-zongzhu knows about it, himself, I think. I would help you with that, should you wish it."

Nie Mingjue is clearly affected by the offer, though Lan Wangji cannot tell how, exactly. But Yiling Laozu moves on before he has the chance or obligation to respond to it. A mercy, of a kind.

"As for the rest of your accusation, you are entirely correct.” He looks back to Lan Xichen, “I am playing games and I am mocking you. But who in this room has even thought through the consequences of asking one monster to slay another? Anyone?”

Nobody speaks. Nobody breathes louder than they have to.

Yiling Laozu’s rage is beautiful and terrible to behold. It is a surprisingly quiet thing, his voice low, almost a growl. Sharp teeth bared in moonlight, bathed swiftly in blood.

“I shall put it bluntly. What happens when the monster who helped you is exhausted and weak and suddenly there is no other monster to fight? Will you let him live peacefully on his mountain where he has been for centuries? Or will you, having defeated the evil to the west, turn your armies southward and descend on my town. On my people."

"We could offer you a treaty," says Nie Mingjue.

"And who would keep you to it?"

"A marriage, then. An alliance,” suggests Jin Guangshan, surely without any intention of giving up his own son to secure it.

"A hostage or a spy. Even if I could stomach keeping such a person prisoner in my house, they would only ever be someone you could bear to lose. Not overly effective as a deterrent for war."

"You wish us to give you someone dear?" Lan Xichen asks.

"No.” Yiling Laozu spits the word. “You are missing the point. You have nothing I want and no possible way to guarantee the safety of my people, my land, or myself at the end of this war.”

Lan Wangji does not miss the way he orders that list.

Yiling Laozu shakes his head, his rage tempered by weariness. “Nobody in this banquet hall is without ulterior goals, and I do not begrudge you them. But I will not help you only to have you turn on me and mine as soon as you have enough room to breathe. Your self-righteousness and your fear and your hunger is all too thick."

The room is, if possible, more shocked than it was after his first refusal. There was still some small hope in that surprise. A chance for bargaining, maybe. Now there is none. Yiling Laozu has made sure of it.

He looks sad.

"See, Nie-gongzi. Wasn't that entertaining?"

Yiling Laozu turns to leave. The tips of his wings drag against the floor like physical things. In the stunned silence, his footsteps echo, strident, purposeful, as he makes his way toward the mouth of the hall.

Lan Wangji stands. He is not sure what drives him to do it. He has never been skilled with words or diplomacy. But neither, he supposes, have helped here, tonight.

And there’s something about him -- about Yiling Laozu. Some kind of pull that Lan Wangji feels. A connection, an understanding. He tugs on it and Yiling Laozu halts.

"You prefer to let Wen Ruohan slaughter us, then?" asks Lan Wangji.

He is surprised by the even timbre of his own voice. He feels himself shaking apart with something more than anger, more than fear, yet held together by something else entirely. Harmonics finally beginning to resolve the frozen discord in his lungs.

Red eyes flick to his and Lan Wangji finds himself paralyzed under the weight of them. These eyes, he understands, have watched centuries pass.

"What do you think this is, young Lan? Do you think you are the first people to conquer and be conquered? I have seen more of you fall to each other than to the ghosts and beasts and demons you all destroy in your contests for glory. You are in a war. There is no winning in a war, only death. Only suffering."

Lan Wangji did not notice Yiling Laozu moving; he did not notice himself moving. But now they stand an arm’s length apart in the center of the hall, gazes locked on each other.

"There would be less death if one of the armies was yours."

He wonders what would happen if he reached out, if his fingers touched the shadows. Would they feel like the feathers they emulate?

"True. But that is not your goal. Your goal is victory. Should I choose to support your side because you are righteous? Look around you, young Lan. Look at the men who lead your armies. Tell me, are they more deserving of their people? Their land?"

Lan Wangji doesn’t look, but he does understand. He does not, entirely, disagree. But there is no room for nuance in Yiling Laozu’s judgment. No room for hope.

"You do not know them."

"You do not know them. And you do not know me." Yiling Laozu’s voice quivers over the last word. Only barely. A string that breaks upon stilling the final note.

Lan Wangji narrows his eyes. "You came here tonight, not to mock us, but to weigh us. And we almost changed your mind. We defied your expectations as you defied ours."

"What is it you think you know, young Lan?"

He bristles. That’s the third time Yiling Laozu has called him “young” and he hates it. He hates it viscerally even as he recognizes the disparity between them. He is likely painfully young to Yiling Laozu. But he is not a child to be dismissed as such. To be lied to. You do not know me.

"You want to help us. You want Wen Ruohan gone, just as we do."

"No.”

Lan Wangji almost staggers at the certainty in the word. He blinks. But he is sure. He is not misreading this. So he sets his jaw and raises an eyebrow, challenging the Dread Immortal.

The immortal who returns Lan Wangji’s challenge with an eyebrow raise of his own. “I want him gone, sure, but not to assume his place,” his chin juts toward Jin Guangshan. Then toward Nie Mingjue and Jiang Wanyin, “Not to kill the terror from the north. Not for revenge. And not, young Lan, because it is right."

Young Lan.

They are standing even closer now. Lan Wangji thinks he might be able to feel Yiling Laozu’s breath on his face. He might be beneath the arch of his towering, black wings.

"If you do nothing, he will come for Yiling just as you believe we will."

"If I do nothing, that is likely true."

"So you will do something?"

Something softens around Yiling Laozu’s eyes. The red of them dims just enough that Lan Wangji can see the hint of an iris inside, likely only because they are standing so close. The corner of Yiling Laozu’s mouth ticks up -- a tiny smile, different from all the others he’s worn tonight. Lan Wangji’s breath catches in his throat.

"Yes,” Yiling Laozu whispers, and it sounds like it’s a concession to even say it. “But not for you."

There is a sound like a thousand wings flapping inside of a cave and the world goes black.

When Lan Wangji opens his eyes again, Yiling Laozu is gone.

#the war ends like 3 days later and whenever lwj meets the new zongzhu of qishan wen she says to him 'yllz sends his regards'#wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #fanfiction #mdzs #yiling laozu #immortal!wwx #sunshot campaign #my writing #title from 'tongues & teeth' by the crane wives #i honestly don't know where this goes #lwj probably goes to yiling at some point and meets farmer!wwx in the town? they chat for a bit. maybe a'yuan is there?#wwx doesn't think lwj recognizes him but lwj has the shape of his face burned into his mind #i mean it probably ends with lwj marrying an immortal and working toward immortality himself #but like... i have no idea how we get there from here #send me ideas if you feel like it! crowd sourced fic writing? why not!#happy birthday wwx!#i am not a vessel for your good intent

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byanyan · 4 months

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laira schmitt, with love, always. / emily berry, the numbers game / p.d / unknown / cowboyvamp

#was this worth the amount of time i put into it trying to find sources? no #did i have to remove a lot of the quotes i wanted in here bc i couldn't find most of the sources? yes #did i include one unknown anyway bc that quote was the one that got me going? yes i did #am i posting it anyway? yeah ig why not #been thinking a lot about byan's childhood recently and part of it is bc spacy-#well. bc spacy. bc of course it was spacy.#but specifically bc she got me thinking about byan finally getting some revenge on even just one of the people who hurt them and i just #i've been spiralling thinking about it since then #i don't think you're SUPPOSED to weave one quote throughout the whole thing but u know what idc this is my blog #honestly this might not even be fully coherent i can't tell anymore bc i've been staring at it for too long #anyway. dinner and then i'll see about some actual writing now that this is finally out of my head #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ musings ⋮ cowards only come through when the hour's late.

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bigkickguy · 11 months

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i'm so emo over yi sang - i know im half projecting but also i gotta scream

canto 4 pt 1+2 spoilers below read more !!!!!

angry yi sang protecting from canto 4 pt 1+2 spoilers past this point!!!!

I need yi sang to get more moments playing chess with sinclair and don I want him to get more moments goofing around with gregor and heathcliff He's gotta spend more time with ryoshu talking about poetry and art He is at his worst right now holding onto this belief that nothing matters and everything is worthless when some bad events happen in the future. It seems like he has been for so long (since Gubo or that other person had him around? the 'i'll look so you don't have to + just be quiet' bits?) but he also clearly still has moments of life he loves.

It sucks seeing his friends talk around him so much. I think its very intentional that yi sang doesn't seem to have a lot of dialogue in his focus story. He's been basically trained himself to repress everything and is probably very used to those friends talking over him and assuming his intentions as fuel for their arguments. This is not to say they aren't all friends and don't love each other but clearly the corps and stress of their separation has warped all of them.

The bit where dongbaek is explaining she was trying to kill him because it was what he wants and gregor stands up for him trying to argue you can't make that choice for someone else? That feels very indicative of what situation he's been repressing himself under for so long.

Hating life because he can only see it as fleeting moments of worthless effort before it's ruined by forces outside his control. Then whenever he could express himself he has others speak in his stead assuming things, correctly or incorrectly, and cutting him out of any personal connection to the situation.

It's awful feeling so disconnected from everything! Compounding that with the people trying to recruit him who seem to only want him for something he's created. That separation of the people he trusted and them possibly shifting to repress him in this way - even with good intentions - is so so crunchy.

I mainly assume he has stopped talking or doing as much because he doesn't believe its worth it? That living life is worthless because basically existing as a function to make the mirror and nothing else he does matters? because even his few friends are broken by the events of them splitting and assume things and control him instead of talking to him like a person?

I even feel bad trying to analyze him a bit cause ultimately I'm doing the same as others in the situation. Watching his actions and assuming what he's thinking without his input.

I would not be surprised if his sin ends up being shutting down back then and letting others control him. He has opportunities but by now he won't take them - either because it was useless before or he was too scared or depressed to.

It makes sense to me he is at his most talkative in ch1 sort of fresh after they were all bribed to join Limbus Company with granting their greatest wishes. Despite hating life he probably still wants something better and is actively trying to reach it.

He is still trying! He's somehow preserved through this state and is still living hoping for something to change! I think he still deep down does want to live!

I think yi sang is a very quiet but strong character and if the dungeon is good it's going to ruin me!!

I want to see him grow more comfortable with others and take opportunities like the others give him to learn to express himself again. Regrow his sense of self and get to a place where he enjoys life more and less moments are written off as worthless!

#kickguyreply #limbus rambling #i don't know shit about yi sang's source material so i'm just flying blind here with wild assumptions #i've already seen people say this is a 'repeat of rodion chapter giving us nothing' and like i have so many problems with that lol #rodion's chapter gave us a lot of understanding of her character and how she deals with things!!#yi sang's chapter is also giving us a lot of potential insight into who he is and why he acts the way he does #i would make ocs just to comfort him but honestly the limbus cast as already shown up for him so many times - i believe in them #I want to force yi sang to watch sonny boy #in general if you open a limbus company post read more - assume the limbus company trigger warning list is all in effect #tw suicidal ideation #tw depression #all fictional!! but still worth tagging i feel like juuuuuuust to be safe!

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saint-jussy · 1 year

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Are we gonna talk about the time Barras either admitted to following Robespierre home (if this account is true) or fantasized about saving Robespierre from the ~ evil, STRONGER collot ~ and then following him home (if this was made up YEARS AFTER the fact)

#paul barras #honestly don't know which would be more concerning #but there is something so creepy in the way this is written #barras EXPLAIN YOURSELF #'i followed him for a short distance'#BRO YOU FOLLOWED HIM ALL THE WAY TO HIS HOUSE #primary sources

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centeris2 · 5 months

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eh this is what I get for taking so long to finish a project

(rip that Dark Core Day video project from like two years ago now that has Chiyo's art and voice, which is now outdated, I guess. But that's just how sso is)

#/sso #I also just like... don't care?#like when I first played the games it was 3 Dark Generals #then it was surprise there are 4 dark riders and the 4th is Elise #but no we're not going to add her to the game anytime soon #now this is what she looks like and also a name change #now she's got a new look (except it's all just concept art anyway sO) and a new new name #I don't know how I'm supposed to care about a part of the Main Villain Squad who has yet to appear in game #and who doesn't even match name wise to what I heard that one time like ten years ago #I only know about her designs and name changes because of social media and that's honestly not a huge group of people #most people don't follow outside sources for their games they just... play the game and that's it #anyway as far as I'm concerned Elise Chiyo Whatever her name is going to be doesn't exist and never will #at least not in my fanon and fics #the whole 'sso changes lore every other year' thing as well as like #what am I supposed to wait 25 years for the story to be complete before I write anything? no thanks #don't mind me I'm talking #OH also I did the voice acting for her since it was my own video project #did voice acting for all the dark riders #not to confuse people and make folks think there were like files for her voice

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commanderfloppy · 11 months

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Link Lovers Rejoice!

The sexy Link image has finally been completed

He found a certain someone's old armor and decided to have a bit of fun with it <3

Still versions below the cut

#gw2 #my art #Link the Twink #Honestly he's pretty covered here so I don't think I need to tag anything?#but let me know if I should #I would've been done with this yesterday night but my dumbass wanted a background and two light sources #and then a looping gif of him glowing.#I hope it looks alright? Still figuring out what layer types and brushes best for glow #and this the first time I've made an art gif

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h0u-h0u · 1 year

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“All those things that you desire

You will find here in the fire…”

- Absolution

#Sonic #sonic forces #sonic fanart #infinite the jackal #my art #ugh yes I can finally draw again! it's been so long..#did change a few elements of his design to my own liking #Honestly I think that the phantom ruby being covered by his hair/clothes makes sense bc..#they don't know where the source of his powers coming from yet he has a whole ass obv gem in his chest like???#despite all it feels good to be able to draw again even if l'm sick at the moment

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atomicbird101 · 8 months

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Lone Wanderer: This is a bucket.

Butch: Dear God...

Lone: There's more.

Butch: No!

#fallout 3 #butch deloria #lone wanderer #fallout #incorrect quotes #source: TF2 Expiration Date #i genuinely don't know if Butch would say these lines sarcastically or in earnest #and honestly? i love him for that

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arcxnumvitae · 8 months

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Every time I pop on here this past week it feels like there's some fresh new tomfoolery. Why doesn't it show who you reblogged the post from anymore?!

#:outofcash #I just really want to know the rationale behind these changes honestly!#What is making the site runners decide to go with these changes?#in what way /wouldn't/ someone want to see the source and the reblogged from??#I'm not allergic to some extra reading site please stop treating me like I don't have any of an attention span T_T

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katyspersonal · 1 month

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3 for Aldrich, Aldia, Willem & Laurence

9 for Maria

11 for Micolash & Aldrich

24 for Laurence

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

3) What first drew you to this character?

As for Aldrich, I vaguely recall finding out that he checks the traits I like the most? He was one of the characters I've learned about through fandom and not on my own, and I think this ancient meme about summarises it:

Also:

@val-of-the-north SHUDDUP you're basically so horny for Laurence/Logarius/Snatchers that you can't even picture them in your mind in any way but being naked!!!!!!! *casts the stone back at u*

With Laurence, like with Mico, it was the very first glance at the character in Youtube compilation with boss themes and concept art image. I did not know the lore yet, but the design and the music made me imagine Laurence as sort of aged, sagely librarian. I could not imagine back then that his boss fight would be him being a "helpless abhorrent little mewmew" as kids call it! Heck, I thought he'd have dialogue despite the monster form x) In a way, my first impression was not wrong, with the cut content of him actually talking even in a beast form, and implication of him being a son of Cainhurst cut content librarian NPC! I have intuition for cut content before having information, hahaha!

I have nothing to say about Willem. It might be a memory gap thing, but I swear at some point I feel I was turned off and then booted back up with liking this character already installed in my system x) As for Aldia.... ugh for fuck's sake... yeah, it was this legend:

youtube

I was absolutely floored by this stupid vid even without knowing any context, but I also instantly liked this character. I didn't even know his name yet, but the voice acting and long yapping about philosophy already pulled me in XD (Also unironically, this video is precisely how I give relationship advice fhfhdds)

9) Does this character remind you of anyone you know? Does that affect how you see them?

Yeah, I know this person. I know them very well. I know them more than anyone else. Someone who was misguided (by their destructive influence mentor figure, by their own foolishness and past history, or combination of both, who can tell anymore?) into committing awful things, then despaired over their sins and attempted redemption but also failed in some way? This person is me. At some point I've found myself in front of horrible truth about my past life and personality, and knew I was guilty and sullied forever. That it was over for me as a human being, but that didn't matter, and I could only keep people safe by locking myself away and trying to serve something better.

......annnnd it took a few years of more informed people to (metaphorically) shake me and slap my face into lucidity, explaining to me that I've fallen for the "BPD demonization" that was going far beyond than my individual failure as a friend, and we are always accused of abuse and causing irreversible harm when the worst we do is being emotionally overbearing. I kept losing trust to those friends, telling them that they were enablers who tried to gaslight me into thinking I was not 'that much of a monster', until it was other people with BPD who 'shook me and slapped my face into lucidity'. xd Nonetheless, even though now I know the truth about how society treats BPDs, I remember the feeling of being so monstrous and harmful that I was not even allowed to "touch" people with my dirty hands, how my reality used to be. So, I could write Maria going through this effortlessly, especially considering what she did was more plain and tangible!

In fact... thank you for asking me about this, because I kept wondering why I had such frequent dreams about being Maria, and why the Maria in my dreams acts like abused child that took back control against Gehrman despite my portrayal of the guy being so different. And now the puzzle is solved! That part of me still lives inside, it seems.

11) How did you “fall in love” with this character?

Already answered this for Micolash here: ( x )! As for Aldrich, it was through properly analysing the bigger picture and context of his actions. I've figured that his madness was, in fact, being informed on what was far too ahead of everyone else around him! He, like the rest of the cast, is trapped in the rotting, doomed world in which the only choices are 1) "die with dignity" or 2) commit something unthinkable from moral standpoint for a chance to escape. And will morality of the rotting world will matter in the new world anyways? Won't it all be left behind and be forgiven?

The guy also tried to take everyone else he could with him, like sort of a fucked up Noah's Arc! I can tell that they reused the concept with Rykard, at least, I am glad they know what works xD I'd say that the sadism he experienced upon eating people was either result of insanity (he understood a thing no one should understand), or still didn't exclude the bigger purpose (egotistically revelling in how holy he is helping everyone and doing what no one else dared, which would be like my Laurence). In any case, I have the strongest respect to the courage it takes to transcend the bonds of morality and compassion in order to to greater good. Being burdened with the knowledge of how the world really works, and choosing to push through instead of still being bound... This is why I also like Fauxsefka; learning how this world works, she chose to turn people into Kin so they can't ever become beasts. I am weak for this trope, you don't understand.

24) Do you ever dream about this character? If so, describe a dream you once had about them.

Laurence appears in my dreams only in two contexts: 1) Micolaurence or 2) dreams about finding secret files in Bloodborne that reveal his canonical appearance before beasthood! I can tell the latter comes from my everlasting unsatisfaction with my design for him, because I love it but it doesn't feel "fitting" and I can't identify why!

The former, I think, fandom rubbing onto me x) In two of these dreams, I was Laurence. In other two, I was Micolash. In one of Laurence dreams it was mutual, in the second one I was in love unrequited. In one of Micolash dreams, it was mutual, and in another it was not.. Basically, my dreams allows me to experience this ship from every possible angle. o_o Waiting for more I guess fhhdfsfd

______________

Thank you for asking! And.. without exaggeration, you've just done quite a psychological work on me by just asking the right thing. I need to think about that, hahaha

#bloodborne #dark souls 3 #aldrich devourer of gods #laurence the first vicar #soulsborne #ask replies #personal #memories #dreams #honestly I remember Maria in my dreams hiding in the closet like an abused bullied child.. that big strong woman reduced to this #and I finally know why it was this way #I'd rather not sully Gehrman with something as dirty as my stepdad of course he deserves so much more and he is his own man #I just don't like the approach of turning characters with their own stories and personality into vessels for my trauma #it feels like frenzied flame: you got infected by it and you have unending need to spread it. to scorch the world in your pain.#I don't think this approach would help my healing but instead make me feel worse by nourishing the trauma #I am keeping it sealed away from the world forever now </3 #see this is why it hurts me so much when gehrman haters accuse me of being insensitive to people that want to project their negative-#-experiences with men and misogyny onto him even if that means twisting the actual story and character. I do have a reason to do it myself #I just choose not to because I personally dislike the idea of making fandomry about myself more and about source material less #I don't want to bring the pain and horrors inside me into something that doesn't have them. some things can stay clean!#the passive aggression between canon worshippers and fanon enforcers is something that cannot be avoided in the fandoms #and I disapprove of the lie about 100% peace and mutual respect between the 'camps'. we will never FULLY like each other #each thinks their approach is more productive for the community. and that's fine!

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