#i am glad for the ''our home'' vid because i was not about to go looking for lives dljgdgj | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

madfantasy · 3 years

Note

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

#ask #text #diary #personal #my art #miss

64 notes · View notes

jamesvanriemsdyk · 4 years

Text

it's loving my friends hours, folks

hi so. i hit 1.5k a bit ago and while i dont want to do a follow forever (did one for 1k, it took so fucking long), i do want to like. talk about my friends! because i love them. so here we go, time for emo hours here at james jamesvanriemsdyk dot tumblr dot com

to all of the people ive met and talked to in the past few months: i am so grateful to have met you. i am so grateful to be your friend, whether we talk every day or not, and it is such a huge fucking gift to know you and be known by you. i would give you all a little paragraph but then i would get out of control and this post would never end because i have a lot of fucking love in my heart okay??? i love yall a whole hell of a lot ( @goaliehugs @farfrombucky @andrewcogliano @couturriere @brockmcgrinn @boesersson @steadyfreddie @nicolasaube-kubel @alexvass @beauvilliers @girouxes )

to all the mutuals i see in my notifications a lot (and the ones i dont), the new followers and the old ones, all my super sweet anons, anyone who’s tagged a post with a lovely comment or who’s messaged me with sweet words: thank you. for just like - existing in the same timeline as me, and being wonderful, and choosing to be kind even though im a clown. i love you all a lot.

to @heckeyleague @iceburgh87 and @assistantcaptainmitchmarner : im so grateful we still talk, if only every once in a while, and if only through streak snaps. it’s been, what, how many years? four? more? i look forward to snaps of your pets and the little glimpses of your lives i get every day. i love yall to pieces.

and here we go:

@fireworksatdawn : hi jayc. its, like, really hard to believe that ur essay comments on my fics led to this but - im really grateful. just, really fucking grateful. youre so kind and so loving and such a wonderful presence in my life and im so grateful that once c*vid has died down, we’ll, like. be able to see each other? fucking wild. thank you for all the fic convos and the tswift tiktoks, and the memes when im sad. i love you a ton, and im so, so glad you’re my friend. shoutout to philly as, like, a concept for giving me all the emotions i needed to write my heartbeat fics. (im still emotional about the fact that you tell me ‘its late for you, go to bed’ every time i stay up past 10pm. its the being known for me <3)

@pencilhoarders : my favorite flyers art witch. what an incredibly kind, talented soul you are. what a beautiful heart you have, really and truly. i love listening to you talk about your ideas and seeing your art process, and i love that your mind works like mine does, and that we really do understand each other. i love that you’re going after your dream and i know you’ll be incredible at whatever you decide to do post-grad - you’re simply too amazing not to be. thank you for sending me those anons about the canes what feels like forever ago; i am so fucking glad i get to call you my friend.

@majorpenalty : you are, without a doubt, one of my most favorite people ive ever met on this site. your life is fucking wild and you are so funny and kind and resilient, and i never want to not be your friend. i love losing my mind with you for five to eight hours on zoom, i love just being able to just exist with you even though we have half a country between us. you are so intelligent and strong and lovely, and you deserve every single good thing in the entire world. thank you also for sending me those wild ass anons, and for sending me all the videos of you singing trap bunny bubbles and tswift on snap (we have the yellow heart now uwu) and for just - being there and understanding. you are so brilliant and i cant fucking wait to watch you continue to grow and succeed. i love u so fuckin much.

@softgrantaire : hi, alex! kiss the cats and your baby for me and tell your husband i said hey. also, sorry in advance for how long and sappy this is about to be, because im already choked up thinking about it! so: i would not be the person i am today without you. its been a literal month since we became friends, but i literally have never felt more immediately loved or accepted by anyone in my life. you are, probably, the reason i felt comfortable enough to change my name in public; youre the first person i told i was deeply uncomfortable with my name and you changed it immediately, without fucking blinking, and i knew trans friends hit different, but i didnt realize how different it would hit til i met you. and its not just that, either, its the kindness and the trust and the mutual respect, and the pics and vids of jules and the cats all day, its being genuinely excited to see your name pop up on my phone screen, its the voice messages on my way home from work and its the sound of you laugh and the comfort that exists in the little space we’ve carved out for ourselves. i love being your friend, and i love that you’re my friend, and i want us to be that for a long, long time - ill always be the nolpat to your g. i love you so fucking much, dude.

@codyglass : ngl, i typed your url and just like - froze, for a minute. because like. how do you talk about a friendship like this? how do you put it into words? how do you describe all of the laughter and the tears and the years we’ve had together? its the kindness for me, its the communication and comprehension for me, its the unconditional love for me. there isnt a place i feel safer than our friendship; there isnt a person on earth i love like i love you. thanks for all the late nights, all the massive fic concepts/outlines we’ll never write but always find solace in, for all the nolpats roasts, for all the hockey tears and all the real life tears too. for listening to folklore with me for the first time when it dropped, for understanding when i couldnt turn it off for weeks after, for getting the days i send you 30 messages in a row and the days i cant get out of bed. it’s so fucking insane that we’re friends, still - how fucking incredible is it that i met my best friend, who lives 1846 miles away from me, through fucking hockey of all things? youre the best gift life ever gave me, and its such a fucking blessing to be alive at the same time as you, much less to be your best friend. i love you to the moon and to saturn.

#aaaaand im crying lmao #follow forever #kinda? its loving my friends hours babey #j.txt

63 notes · View notes

annab-nana · 4 years

Text

Too Much To Handle - Colby Brock

Y/n reads the comments of a video her and Colby filmed recently and due to the amount of hate, she deals with it in her own way. When she wears a hoodie the next day in the LA heat, Jake and Corey get a little suspicious.

Requested by an amazing anon on Wattpad 🧡

Warnings: some curse words; self-harm (specifically cutting) ; mentions of depression; cyberbullying and telling someone to commit suicide; self-deprecating thoughts

Word Count: 1.6k+

--------------------------------------------------

“I’m gonna beat you, Jake!” Corey shouted as his big brown eyes fixated on the TV screen.

“You wish,” Jake scoffed. I watched the two play Rocket League from the other side of the couch. A light giggle escaped my lips in response to their competitive banter. We all three stared at the screen as we watched their cars drive around, trying to get the ball in the goal. As I gazed at the game, my mind began to zone out, thinking of what I did last night.

“Okay, love you! Bye!” I say to Colby before pressing the red button to end our phone call. I press the home button to return to the main screen and hesitate for a second before inevitably tapping on the red app with a white play button to open YouTube. Colby and I made a video to announce to his subscribers that we are in a relationship. He felt after being together for nine months that now was a good time to tell them. I have been refraining from looking at what everyone was saying for the past several days, but I can’t any longer.

I scrolled through my subscriptions until I found Colby Brock and clicked his most recent upload, “Meet My Girlfriend”. I let the video play as I scroll down to the comments. The top ones are very nice and supportive of our relationship. There are a few people that were so happy that Colby finally got a girlfriend. Some were super nice about me, saying they thought I was pretty or cute or nice, something along those lines. Then, I hit some mean ones.

“Why would Colby go out with her? She is so ugly and not funny or anything. She has zero good qualities.”

“I don’t see what Colby sees in her at all”

“Colby can do soooooo much better”

“Really, Colby? Her?”

They got worse and worse as I scrolled down. Tears pricked my eyes as I read each one. It’s like I couldn’t stop once I started.

“She’s so fat and ugly and Colby isn’t at all. Guess opposites really do attract.”

“I’m literally throwing up. She looks so gross.”

“If I were her, I’d kms. I mean look at her.”

Tears stream down my cheeks as I finally shut my phone off. They aren’t wrong. All the thoughts I used to have when I was in high school came back. I am ugly and fat and I don’t deserve anyone, especially Colby. He could do so much better than me.

I got up and headed to my bathroom. I stared back at the sad girl looking at me. Even though I had made a lot of progress, mentally and physically, I still saw the old high school y/n when I looked into the mirror. She was fat and she was ugly. She was undeserving of love. Colby is such a sweet and amazing guy. He’s cute and hot and the fans were right. He can do better than me. I am nothing, but hideous to look at and messed up on the inside.

My hand trembled as it reached down to open the cabinet under the sink and stretched out to grab a small box that I kept hidden at the back. I placed it on the counter, sliding the lid off to see that hated contents that reside inside. I pulled out a blade and it set in what I was doing. I hadn’t done this in years, but here I am, doing it again.

The tears came harder as my mind races with self-insulting thoughts. I glide a blade across my wrist to let the pain go away. I watch as the blood trickles down my arm and falls into the sink. I make a few more slits across the skin on my arm before I wipe the blade clean, placing it back in the box, and putting the lid back on. I turn the sink on and let the water run over my arm to clean it off. I go back to my room and cry myself to sleep that night.

I look down at my arm now. I wore a hoodie so that my cuts wouldn’t be seen, but I was beginning to regret it because it was super hot today and the A/C doesn’t work here.

“Dude, I am so hot!” Corey says dramatically as he looks over to Jake.

“I know. I swear our air conditioning is never going to be fixed.” Jake replies as the two look at me.

“I don’t know how you are wearing that hoodie, y/n. It’s too hot for all that. You should change it to one of Colby’s shirts. You’ll be cooler.” Corey suggests. My eyes widen as I shake my head. I place my hand over my arm, thinking about why I had to wear a hoodie.

“Y/n, you will have a heat stroke in that thing if you don’t take it off. I’ll get you a shirt if you don’t want one of Colby’s or I’m sure Devyn will let you wear one of hers.” Jake says as he looks to Corey and Corey nods.

“Yeah, and Sam probably has some of Kat’s stuff too,” Corey adds.

“No guys, it’s fine. I’m comfortable, I promise.” I say as I look nervously to my hands. The boys look at each other quizzically. They knew something was up. I have to leave.

“I’m going to go to Colby’s room,” I say as I stand and turn to leave.

“No, y/n!” I hear Jake shout and feel him grab my wrist. The wrist I cut last night.

“Ow!” I say loudly as I wince in pain. Jake’s eyes widen when he realized he hurt me, and he let go quickly. I grab my wrist. Damn, that hurt.

“I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I barely even grabbed you. I don’t get why it hurt you that bad.” Jake says. I watch as the gears turn in his head, trying to figure out why.

“I burnt myself on accident the other day when I was getting something out of the oven.” I lie straight through my teeth. Corey stands up behind Jake suspiciously.

“Y/n show me your wrist,” Corey demands.

“No, it’s a nasty burn. You guys don’t need to see it.” I lie again.

“I think we can handle it,” Jake mentions.

“No,” I say again.

“Y/n, what are you hiding?” Corey pesters.

“Nothing,” I quickly reply.

“It’s obviously something. I bet I can guess what it is you’re hiding, so just show us. We won’t judge you for it.” Corey tells me as he looks deep into my eyes.

“Yeah, y/n, we love you,” Jake adds. I sigh.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” I lie once more. I stare out the window, looking at the pool, trying to collect myself so I don’t cry. I feel one of them grab my hand. As I turn my attention to it, Jake’s other hand pulls my sleeve up. Both of them gasp at the sight of the damage I caused last night. When I see them, I start to full-on sob.

“I’m so sorry guys. I read all the com-comments on the vid-video last night and I couldn-coul-co,” My words were separated by sobs then by gasps for air. I couldn’t breathe. Jake wrapped his arms around me to calm me down and brought me to the floor.

“Breathe, y/n. Breathe. Breathe with me.” Jake told me as he inhaled. I inhaled with him and then we exhaled together. We did that repeatedly until I had calmed down to a silent cry. Jake held me and we sat there in each other’s silence.

“Colby’s on the way, y/n. He’ll be here soon.” Corey tells me as he slides his phone into his pocket. I let out a content sigh, knowing he would be here soon.

“I’m going to go change because I’m hot and then, I’ll be right back down here,” I tell the boys as I get up off the floor. I walk up the stairs and into Colby’s room, finding his bright blue Take Chances shirt and slipping it on after I take off my hoodie. I go back downstairs and sit with Jake and Corey to wait for Colby which only lasted for a few minutes. I heard the front door open and I stood up, running into Colby’s arms as I sobbed. He carried me upstairs and we sat on his bed.

“Can I see them?” He asks in my ear and I pull away, nodding. I show him my wrist and watch as sadness washes over his face. He softly runs a finger over the cuts and leans down to kiss them. He leans up and looks at me.

“Why?” He asks me, his voice sounded like he was on the verge of tears. I breathe in deep and exhale before I tell him.

“I read some of the comments on the video, Colby. They don’t like me and think I’m not pretty or skinny enough to be with you and they’re right, Colbs.” I say and he brings his hand up to wipe the tears that have just fallen.

“Don’t you ever say that about yourself, y/n. You are so beautiful and who cares if they don’t like you. I like you.” He tells me and I smile.

“I like you too, Colby,” I whisper as we get closer to each other and our lips finally meet. They are so soft against my own and I am so glad to be with him. I shouldn’t have let what others said about me get to me like that. I have the most amazing man in the world right here and I couldn’t be happier.

#colby #colby brock #colby brock imagine #cole robert brock #sam and colby #cute colby #cute colby brock #colby brock x reader #fanfic #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fanfiction #xplr #traphouse #jake webber #corey scherer #devyn lundy #sam golbach #katrina stuart #y/n

261 notes · View notes

dollsome-does-tumblr · 4 years

Text

love yourself challenge

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world. tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Thank you for the tag, @aziraphalescrowley!

I wound up doing seven because I don’t have the mental energy to choose between things right now. Breaking all the rules! Five ain’t nothing but a number!

i’d like for you and i to go romancing (Good Omens) - I wrote this in one sitting on a whim to cheer myself up and I was just totally happy doing it and felt unstoppable, sort of like I had drunk some kind of fanfic-specific Felix Felicis. It is by far the most popular fic I have ever written in my many, many years of fic-writing. I am glad that this story seems to have brought the world some cheer like it did me.

Promising Light (Game of Thrones) - My emo goodbye to Jaime/Brienne. It was definitely not fun to have a ship that I had loved and hoped for for so many years turn out the way it did, so this was therapeutic to just, like, get all my feels out and then step away from a show that may have been, historically, my heart’s biggest fandom mistake.

Save Grizabella! (The Office) - Is this good? Should it exist? I don’t know. But I wanted to write a fic where characters from The Office go to see Cats (2019), and by God, I wrote a fic where characters from The Office went to see Cats (2019)! Don’t let your dreams be dreams!

building our kingdom (Ideal Home) - This one I wrote just for me, since there isn’t really a fandom to speak of, and it made me really happy to do it. Everybody cry about their found family feels in the kitchen on fajita night!

this is what you wanted (Killing Eve) - This may have been my most epic surprise saga of the year; I started writing it kind of out of nowhere and it just kept growing. It was such a total emotionally confusing pleasure to be in Villanelle’s brain for 5,600 words and to imagine how she would react to somewhere I know well. This is very embarrassing, but sometimes I randomly think about the little dream sequence in this story (a thing that probably does not matter to anyone in the world except me!) and get sort of emotional. Idk why that stuck with me, but that stuck with me.

A Little Miracle (The Durrells) - It was the great surprise of my fall 2019 that I spent like a month or so writing ALL LOUISA/SPIROS FIC. I don’t really know what compelled me to do this -- a new fandom at my advanced age? -- but it was tons of fun and I don’t regret it! I am fond of all the ones I wrote but this one is a particularly fond memory because it was such an absolutely shameless case of “Here’s them living happily ever after! In ya face, canon! In ya face, history! IN YA FACE!”

Fanvid: Stay, Stay, Stay (Good Omens) - Making a fanvid to “Stay, Stay, Stay” has frankly been one of my dreams ever since I first heard it; what about this song does not scream delightful fluffy fanvid? I always thought it was going to be an absolutely masterful Luke/Lorelai + Rory/Paris parallels vid (who doesn’t want that?), but then Good Omens happened and it became all about the Ineffable Husbands instead somehow. Huzzah!

Tagging: @agirlnamedkeith, @jenny-calendar, @ksfd89, @ladytharen, @jeaniefranklins, @chainofclovers, @robins-ellacott and anybody else who would like to talk about their fandom creations of the past year!

#dollsome's deep thoughts #i write things!#and -- on rare and dreadful occasions -- vid things #(mostly just taysway)

13 notes · View notes

spaceshipkat · 4 years

Note

Hi kat sorry for bothering you but do you think it's possible for unattractive women to find love? like I'm 25 and while i've been kissed/been on dates, i've never had a real relationship, all my crushes have been unrequited and my worst shame is that I'm still a virgin. I truly believe that it's all because of the way I look. I have thin brown hair and a widow's peak, acne scars and am overweight by about twenty pounds. Every new years I feel the same existential dread bc I know 1/2

I'm going to have to suffer another year of being horribly single. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and I constantly feel jealous of any pretty girl I see. All my friends are conventionally attractive and have boyfriends/fiances and my family always jokes about my singleness/how I'm the "ugly duckling". I have a really good life otherwise and I know I'm ungrateful, but I really want romantic love and to be seen as pretty, even by one person. Am I stupid and shallow? 2/2

hi anon! first, i’m so glad my blog is a safe place for you 💖 it’s taken me a couple days to get to this bc i wanted to make sure i had enough headspace to give you a good answer, but i’ve been thinking of you since your ask first came in! (i always read asks the moment i notice i’ve received one, though it can take me a little while to get to them.) and it’s not a bother at all 💖 like i said, i’m glad my blog is a safe place for you, and that i can be here for a booster.

so lemme start with the idea of virginity: remember that it’s a societal construct, one in which people are shamed for still being a virgin and shamed for not being a virgin, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having sex and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not having sex. it’s unfair that society makes us feel like failures either way, but it only does so in order to continue to control us and our actions. having sex doesn’t make you better or worse, nor does it mean you’re missing out on something simply bc you haven’t had sex yet. there’s so much more to life than just that, and it’s why i’ve been focusing so much on setting up my life the past few years over being in a relationship: to me, it’s more important to figure myself out, to make a future i’m happy for, than to try to fit into a box that society demands of me or to rush into something i’m not ready for.

it’s certainly not easy, i’m not going to lie: most of the people i went to high school with are now engaged, married, or have children, while i’m still living at home to save for grad school and to focus on my writing. i’ve often said that age 25 would be the age i’d be okay with getting married, and although i’m now 25 i’m still single but i’m glad i didn’t rush into anything bc i would not have been in the right headspace. i needed to give myself time to grow up, to find a way to balance my mental health with my career goals. i often tell my brother, who’s 28, that it’s good he’s still single (he wanted to be married with a couple kids by now) bc he wouldn’t have been in the right headspace for starting a family in his early- to mid-20s. i keep reminding him that it’s unfair society demands 20-somethings have their lives figured out when we’ve only been alive for two decades. there’s so much to learn and experience, so don’t put a deadline on it.

anyway, to get back on track, you’re not stupid and shallow at all for wanting someone to look at you the way you hope. but i think it’s also important that we accept ourselves first. i’ve noticed that as i’ve gotten older i’ve begun to have fewer fucks to give over my appearance. i just got tired of feeling badly about myself, of not finding confidence in myself no matter the flaws i see on my person (flaws that, by and large, aren’t seen by anyone else bc people don’t look at us for flaws--well, people who are worth knowing don’t!), and i’ve noticed that the confidence i feel translates to an aura that’s inviting (as my little sister would say) and draws people to you. it can be difficult to do so when you’re not happy with your appearance, but you can still be confident, still dress the way you like, the way that makes you feel good about yourself, and roll back your shoulders, raise your chin, and be confident. when i was younger, i was often self-conscious about how i liked to dress, but now i’m happy in it, find confidence with my eyeliner (which i jokingly call my battle armor), and continue to get my undercut buzzed bc i like how it looks, like how it makes me look and feel.

i’m not sure if you saw it, but Charlize Theron was talking about how she adopted the “Queen” style of confidence when she was acting in Snow White and the Huntsman: she stood tall and rolled back her shoulders, thought “murder,” and walked. here’s a vid, if you wanna see :) and i think that holds true for just everyday life. find that confidence and use it, and you’ll find that people will be drawn to you, merely bc you exude a personality, a behavior, that’s intriguing. i often find that being body positive on here, the fact that i can help people see beyond what society force-feeds us, does wonders, too, in my confidence and outlook on myself. you offer positivity and you’ll receive positivity in return, bc you reap what you sow.

so to try to conclude this ramble, try not to look at the new year in the viewpoint of “i’ll remain single forever” (this is hard to do, believe me! it’s been a while since i’ve dated anyone and i worry i’ll never find The One, but i’m also aware that where i live is hardly a well of opportunities. that’s why i find it important to look around, to travel, to find out who else exists in other parts of the country and even the world, to not limit myself to where i happen to live, to never settle) but “i may be single now, but it will happen when i’m ready”. you give out positivity, you put a bit more confidence in your outlook on the upcoming year and what you hope to achieve in it, and that positivity will, day by day, little by little, help you to roll back your shoulders, raise your chin, and walk confidently while thinking “murder.”

i tell myself and my brother all the time that it is never good to settle. don’t settle for something bc you worry nothing better will come your way. as i often say, i would rather remain single than be in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill me, that doesn’t have the makeup of epic love stories we see in fiction, that doesn’t make me realize this is what i’ve been waiting for my whole life and how could i have been so silly as to think it would never come to me. there’s nothing wrong with waiting for the best life has to offer, even if society judges us for doing so.

and to society i say:

i hope i’ve helped! i believe in you, and i know good things will come your way 💖

#ask #anonymous #long post #body positivity #romance #romance advice #relationship advice #positivity #on the matter of love #friendly reminder #i'm not sure what else to tag #ask to tag #please lemme know if there's anymore i should add!#kat rambles #sex positivity

39 notes · View notes

emotionalsupportfiction · 4 years

Text

Something really bummed me out so when life gives you lemons… write stuff about it right? I admit this is more of a... “I just want to comfort myself” fic or Drabble but I still wanted to share

How would RGB comfort their crush in certain situations. Scenario is overthinking another person’s reaction. I have a preference for writing scenarios where the reader is the crush rather than an established relationship (BECAUSE I LOVE THE PINING. Its my favorite trope flavor!!), hmmmmmmmmmmm….

Also warning... I give really stupid nicknames, you’ll know what I’m talking about soon.

Python

Python tried as his best to read the message displayed on your screen as objectively as he could. He didn’t know your childhood best friend personally so there was hesitation on his end to say anything negative about them. He glanced at you sitting on the bleachers, then returned his focus on message.

—

You: sent an image

You: BESH! BESH! remember that competition I joined??? the writer’s thingy! well I WON. i thought i’d get an honorary mention but i got first place!

Their response came after thirty minutes

Besh<3: oh that’s great congrats

—

A bit dry, even for him, but he wasn’t about to jump to conclusions. You on the other hand rode that overthinking train hard and fast. More tears started streaming down your face, your sleeves could barely keep up with their flow.

“Maybe I’m overthinking things. I just I don’t know…” you managed to say through the stream of tears. “Ya expected a different reaction?” you nodded at his input.

He rubbed the back of his neck, he hated seeing you cry, double this time around since that writer’s competition meant a lot to you. Python witnessed how much effort you put into your submission, you even asked him to read it. You had talent, he’d told you time and time again but you always second guessed yourself.

Getting you to join the competition was a collective effort from him, Forsyth, Lukas, and your best friend, so even he was stumped with their flat reaction. He handed your phone back and pulled out a few more tissues, wiping your tears with them. “Geez sunshine, I ain’t gonna pretend I know what’s up with your bestie.” He sat himself right beside you on the bleachers, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets. “Maybe you could ask them later? Get their side of the story first, I get that this stings. This is your big win and you wanna celebrate it with them.”

“Am I being selfish? I want them to be happy with me, for me. Maybe I’m asking too much? Maybe… my win means nothing…”

“Hey.” You turned your attention to him, more tears streaming down your face. Python reached out and wiped away the waterworks as best he could while a sigh escaped his lips. “You worked your butt off for that piece, its your time to shine, and shine you did. A victory party is in order, enjoy yourself, easier said than done given the situation but sunshine… don’t let one person rain on your parade m’kay?” he opened his arms slightly, motioning if you wanted a hug. You went in for a quick side hug then pulled away. “Sunshine…” he lightly tapped his knee against yours a few times “I ain’t the best stand-in for your best friend but I’m here for you. We could grab a bite to eat after class. Let’s drag Fors and Lukas into our little celebration if you’re up to it eh? Whaddya say?” he tapped his knee against your while wiggling his eye brows at you.

Hard to refuse that offer, seeing how much effort Python put into cheering you up. Your schoolmate always looked overworked and tired, a bit grumpy too. Like if you wasted his time he wouldn’t hesitate to tell you off but after getting to know him, he really did care about his friends and was supportive in his own special way. “A little party sounds like a great idea Py…” talking to him lifted some of the anxiety and sadness you were feeling, its nice to be reminded that there are other people out there who are rooting for you.

—

Later that night, after the victory party, you followed Python’s advice and calmly messaged your best friend.

You: hey besh, i want to talk to you about something , its been on my mind for awhile

It took a while for them to respond

Besh<3: what about?

You: remember when I texted you about my win? i don’t want to sound demanding but i just want to be honest. i was kinda disappointed with your response. kinda expecting you to be happier for me but something tells me you have something on your mind… you wouldn’t reply like that to me.

Besh<3: …

Besh<3: oh besh… i just didn’t want to ruin your moment. i really am happy for your win but a lot of things happened around the time you messaged me.

You: hey… talk to me okay? what’s going on?

Besh<3: well… we rushed Gouda to the vet cause he just refused to eat anything

Now that made sense, Gouda was their cat they’d had for as long as you could remember, no wonder they weren’t as enthusiastic.

Besh<3: vet said it could be old age and we might have to put him down

Besh<3: i really wanted to be happy for you. i’m so sorry, i should’ve tried to be happy for you. please forgive me…

You: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?

You: OMG BESH, Gouda is family! No! No! don’t apologize, you had a lot going on. i should apologize for not checking up on you first

Besh<3: i’m sorry…

You: i’m sorry too… i felt like something was off with your message but i went ahead and started overthinking things

Besh<3: i don’t want to play blame games besh but i am happy you opened up to me about your feelings. this could’ve been avoided if i’d been more open about what was going on my end

Besh<3: i just want you to know i’m so happy for you

Besh<3: you worked hard on that and you deserve first place

You: ;A; BBBBBEEEEEEEEESSSSSH!!!! i’m sorry for not checking up on you first

You: i want to give you a hug so bad right now! is it alright to ask about Gouda? its totally fine if you don’t want to talk about him. wanna FaceTime? i’m here for you okay, need to cry it out over the phone id gladly listen okay?

They FaceTimed you, you both had a good cry and talked for over an hour. That call made you feel a lot better and they promised to keep you updated on Gouda’s condition.

—

AAAsunshine: hey py-py thanks for cheering me up. talked to my bestie, they had some stuff going on but we sorted it out

mightyanaconda: glad to hear it sunshine and happy to help

AAAsunshine: ill see you at school tomorrow, night cobra

mightyanaconda: ugh… i have to see your face again tomorrow??

mightyanaconda: JK

mightyanaconda: ait see ya and sweet dreams sunshine 😘

mightyanaconda: btw just wanna say this. congrats on your win sunshine. ya worked hard and you deserve the win m’kay? yar a winner sunshine

AAAsunshine: ooooh praise from you??

mightyanaconda: heh savour it, praise from me is worth more than bitcoin 😎

AAAsunshine: 😒😒😒

AAAsunshine: wow such praise much wow. anyways, thanks again cottonmouth. night night

mightyanaconda: happy to serve… i guess. Sweet dreams 😉😘

Forsyth

Fosryth couldn’t have been happier for you, while you didn’t win the school talent show both the Glee club and Chorale group were battling it out to convince you to join either of them. All you wanted to do in that moment was to savour your accomplishment. Stage performance had always given you anxiety but their was this desire in you to perform as well. Fosryth, your sister, Lukas, and even Python had advised you to give it a shot, you had talent after all and that was worth sharing with the world.

You couldn’t help but smile at both the Glee and Chorale leaders but “I’ll have to think about it” was your response to their passionate invitations, Forsyth had to politely ask them to leave after they’d begun heckling you once more.

Once your “recruiters” left you poked Forsyth on the cheek “Thank you Fors.” You said in a sing-song manner, he came in for a big hug “Congratulations! I haven’t the clue why you didn’t win first place!! But you were amazing on stage!” he released you and took the guitar case from you.

“Oh you exaggerate! But I’m glad that’s over with, it wasn’t so bad.” You giggled to yourself “I might even try it again.”

You could feel Forsyth beaming with excitement “If that’s the case, the next time we have school event and in need of an intermission number you’ll be first on the list! I promise that! Why I’ll even plan more school events so you can perform more!!” he balled his fist in excitement. Without skipping a beat Forsyth changed the direction of the conversation “Oh! Do you want to stop by the café before going home? Just a small celebration, I know you must be tired but I’d really like to celebrate…” he paused for a bit, a very faint blush painting his cheeks ”… This with you.” He finished his sentence sheepishly

Either you were too dense or didn’t want to color Forsyth’s thoughtfulness. He treated everyone cordially and was always happy to help so you had assumed he was this nice to everyone. You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, making you focus elsewhere.

—

mightyanaconda: sent a video

mightyanaconda: here’s a short video of your number bubbles, its got all the good bits in it

mightyanaconda: if ya want the full vid let me know

bubz: thank you python~

—

Your sister had always been your supporter ever since you were children. She wasn’t musically gifted herself so when you picked up singing and guitar, she backed you up by 2000%. That video would thrill her

You: sent a video

You: hey sis eat your heart out, your younger sibling’s a star!!

Focusing your attention back on Forsyth who’d been waiting patiently for your response, he gripped the handle of your guitar case nervously “I’m so sorry Forsyth.” you rubbed his arm “Python just send me the vid. I just had to send off to my sister right away about the café thing, I’d love to but don’t you want to drop off the guitar case at my place first?”

“Oh oh! Don’t you worry about me! I can carry this around.” He lifted the case like a dump bell. You silently admired how he had just flexed his rather toned arms at you but you more worried about accidentally breaking the guitar.

“I’m sure you’ve lifted heavier things Fors but I’d like to keep that as safe as possible? Minimize chances of damage.” He turned beet red. “I didn’t mean to-! Your things are important and I’d want to avoid anything that would damage-“ you pressed two finger on his lips “I get it Forsyth, its fine.” You smiled to reassure him

—

You set your case at the corner of your apartment’s living room and decided to check your phone as you made your exit. “Weird.” You thought, your sister had seen your message but no response came. Was your performance so dazzling that it left her speechless? You were sure the green haired bouncing ball of energy outside would agree but something about this didn’t settle well with you. Flipping through your contacts, you dialed your sister’s home phone right away but there was no answer. Your face began to dark as you stepped out the door, greeting Forsyth with a serious expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“Maybe I’m just overthinking things but she hasn’t responded to me, I wonder if she’s okay?”

“Your sister I take it?” you nodded in response while you gave her cellphone a ring. Your call went straight to voice mail that prompted you to give her a call a few more times. After six called she finally picked up

“What do you want?” that’s not the greeting you had hoped for, she sounded really irritated

“Uh…” there was a negative vibe that seeped through the call but you tried your best to remain chipper “I sent you the video of my number for the talent show. I did it! Finally –“ you heard an exasperated sigh from the other side, stopping you from saying anything else.

“Look… you picked a really bad time. I’m just not in the mood right now okay?” that broke your heart, you were expecting her to be happier and excited like Forsyth but that wasn’t the case. Sadness and disappointed slowly began turning into mild anger.

“I don’t get you… you’ve been pushing me to do this since we were kids and now you just…”

She cut you off with another sigh that was much louder “I told you now is a bad time okay? Just leave me alone for a bit okay!?” and with that your sister hung up.

Forsyth tried his best to fish out his tissues to catch your falling tears but you’d already started crying a river.

—

He wasn’t sure how to comfort you, he had no words and he was careful not to say anything mean or negative about your sibling. The only thing he could offer you was a hug and you clung to him, crying it out into his shoulder.

“I shouldn’t be this upset!” you were a blubbering mess “Its just a stupid performance, I’m blowing it out of proportion like a spoiled brat!!”

“Its understandable that you’d be upset. Your performance is NOT stupid or unworthy of praise! Don’t discredit yourself like that!” he hugged you even tighter, he could feel you getting hiccups from crying so much.

You pulled away, wiping both tears and snot off your face with another tissue. Your living was now littered with used tissues and another one was added to the pile “Was it wrong for me to expect her to be happy for me?”

“NO!” he shook his head furiously “I don’t know what’s going on with your sister but…” he took a long pause to gather his thoughts “You were amazing while you were performing. You’ve got both the talent and the passion for it, it really shows. The way you put so much effort when you practice and the emotion your voice carries when you sing. A voice like that should be shared with the world if you ask me so I’m really happy you went ahead and performed in spite of your nervousness. I’m really, truly proud of you.” He hugged you again, it was warm, sincere, and comforting. “I’ll… always be one of your adoring fans.”

Forsyth realized how over the top and mushy what he just said was, his face burned. “I-I-I know what else we can do to help you feel better! We never got to go to café, I’ll step out for a bit and grab some food there! I’ll come back of course!” he quickly let you go, grabbed his jacket and made a mad dash for the door. He was redder than a tomato, heart drumming rapidly against his chest.

—

You had very little time to process what had just happened, right on cue your phone started buzzing. You checked the screen and saw your sister’s name, you took a deep breath before answering the call.

“He-hello?”

“Hey… I’m really sorry about earlier. You could tell I was angry but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

You felt the tears well up once more “I should’ve been more sensitive to you, I could tell by your voice you weren’t in the mood, should’ve just given you sometime and talked to you once you were ready.”

“Nope kiddo, this is all on me. I suck at being your number 1 fan but I’m proud of you. You’ve moved on from singing on top of the bed to singing on an actual stage.” That was fond childhood memory, you both would pretend your parents’ bed was a stage or stadium, and you lip sync to your favourite songs while your sister pretended to be a fan in the crowd. “I watched the video, its not the full video so you better send me that so I can put that on repeat! You did an even better job at the song than the original artist! Can I put it on my tiktok and make you famous?” you could tell she was doing her best to make up for her outburst a while ago.

“Aw c’mon that’s laying it on too thick.” You breathed in deeply as you held the phone closer to your ear “Hey… I am worried about you, you know that right? So what’s up on your end?” you heard her scoff on the other side

“Don’t worry about that for now, I’ll fill you in later. I don’t want to think about anything negative and just want to celebrate this with you!” a beat passed “Also… I’m really curious who that green haired guy is in the video… your boyfriend? When did you learn to keep juicy secrets from me?”

Boyfriend? Green hair? Only Forsyth came to mind and then the memory of him holding you close and getting all sappy a while ago rushed through head. A hot blush raged across your face “He-HE isn’t my boyfriend!” you managed to sputter out

“Hohoho! He seems quite taken by you!” the relentless teasing continued

“What makes you say that?!” you tried to fan yourself to calm down the blush.

“Seriously? You saw the video right?”

Actually, you hadn’t watched the video of your performance. You swiped out from the call and checked the video Python had sent you. It started normal enough, you in frame, the video would cut out to a different portion of your performance but one segment really stood out. Who would’ve guessed that Python would mischievously add a clip of his best friend gushing about you.

“Oh…” you heard Forsyth sigh affectionately in the video “They sound like an angel Python. I can’t take my eyes off them… I could watch and listen to them all day and night…” the video transitioned back to you on stage.

You could hear your sister making kissy sounds on the other side of the line while laughing hard. Embarrassed beyond reason, you tried your best to clear things up with your sister. Forsyth could come back any minute with the food and you didn’t want to get caught talking about him. Your sister continued to tease you and ask you to call her back once you were done with your “date”. Circumstance must’ve been playing tricks on you, Forsyth so conveniently returned at that moment with food.

“Hoh? You left the door unlocked? I’ve returned with food though, sorry I took so long. I passed by another shop and bought you something from there as well.” You could hear your sister cackling maniacally before hanging up. Keeping calm after seeing the video was going to be challenge but you managed to have a small food party and update Forsyth that you and your sister were okay now. As it was getting late, he said he’d have to go but not before giving you one last hug. You bonked yourself on the head for being so oblivious to the possibility of him having feelings for you.

—

Superman: Happy to announce I’ve made it back home! I’m glad I was able to cheer you up even a little bit. I’m even happier to hear you’ve spoken to your sister.

You: Glad you’re home safe! Thanks Forsyth, I’d probably be sulking all night long if it wasn’t for you

Superman: I’d do anything to cheer you up. I’ll even act like a clown if it means putting a smile on your face!

You: Don’t over do it green bean.

You: Oh, I spoke with my sister. Apparently, she lost her job that’s why she was all bummed out.

Superman: !!!

Superman: Maybe I could help her out with job hunting? Although my contacts are from around our area, is she particular about the location?

You: Thanks Fors but my sis has a plan and sent her resume to several prospective employers. I appreciate the effort and concern though

Superman: Well anything to help you out

Superman: I mean anything to help someone in need out

You: I’m heading in for the night. Forsyth, thank you so much for being there for me, you’re the sweetest and the best. Night night. 😙

Superman: 😳

Superman: Sleep well and sweet dreams, can’t wait to see you tomorrow!

Superman: UH I mean, its always great to see you because I know you’re okay and not sick… and… and

Superman: You know what… I’ll just stop talking… Good night.

Lukas

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Lukas gave you a gentle smile “I read your paper, your passion and grasp of the topic shined through. Professor Evans echoes my opinion, you wrote an excellent paper.” You couldn’t help but stare at the post-it your professor stuck on your hard copy.

“Your final research summary paper was an excellent application of all the concepts we’ve learned in class. I want to congratulate you on your effort and dedication, you’ve earned the A+ and, if you’d allow me, I’d like to add your work to a journal I’m working on. You will be fully credited of course, its just my personal collection of student’s work.”

You’d lost count at how many times you’d re-read the note, how many times you’d replayed the commendations. The high you were feeling was difficult to complain and you found yourself tugging Lukas’ sleeve “You helped me too! You proofread my drafts and pointed out areas of improvement. Professor also commended your paper!” he shook his head in response

“My input was probably only worth two-percent of your mark, everything else was your hard work. With that being said our A’s could only mean we’ve passed the course with flying colours.”

“That calls for a celebration! So another coffee party or…” you fished out your phone and hurriedly looked up something up “Do you want to try this place out?” he inched closer to you to look at your screen “This place has started selling coffee jelly but they’ve got other items on the menu.”

His eyes perked up at the word “coffee”, his favourite “drug” of choice “I do like the sound of that, I’ll just drop off something at the learning center and we can head out. I believe you don’t have anymore classes for the day?” you gave him a thumbs up in response and told him you’d wait for him outside the school. Perfect opportunity for you to text your cousin about your “little” academic victory. You’d always been close with your cousin, granted that you grew up together. Both of you lived in the same area, so you’d alternate sleepover parties in each other’s houses. For college though, you’d gone to different institutions, you’re cousin chose a place in your hometown while you went to a busier city’s university. Though you’d gone different paths, you still texted each other almost everyday

—

YouAbu: Cuz! I got an A+ on my final psych paper! When I visit for break you better treat me to pizza!

kingkong: What’s new? You’ve always been the smarter one so that isn’t news to me heh 😜

YouAbu: LOL What’s with that? You can’t weasel your way out of treating me with pizza!

kingkong: uh 🤨 why would I reward something that comes naturally to you? Learn to drive stick then come back to me xD

YouAbu: whatever 😒… you owe me pizza🍕🍕

—

What was that about? Everything your cousin said just irritated you for some reason. Granted they always had a certain “edge”, as you would describe it, in the way they talked that didn’t really bother you because you’d gotten used to it through the years. But something about this situation coupled with what they said irritated you.

—

Lukas was far too preoccupied trying to read your mood than enjoy his coffee jelly. He watched as you playing with the metal straw in your mouth as you drummed your fingers on the table. He cleared his throat to break the silence “Something’s bothering you I take it, I’m all ears if you’re willing to share.”

Pushing the metal straw away with your lips as you let out a dry laugh “Last time I checked I’m the one studying therapy…” he quirked an eyebrow at your response but continued to observe you, the way Lukas would look at other people, it always seemed like he was putting others under a microscope. You’d grown used to that habit of his, you didn’t find it off putting at all. “Have you told your family about you’re A?” you quickly changed the subject

“I doubt they’d care. You know my older brother wants nothing to with me, my father on the other hand would simply respond with something along the lines of getting good marks are what’s expected of me.” He gave a smile, the kind that was all show, the kind that masks something underneath.

You could relate to his situation at the moment “I know how that feels…” you took a long sip of your drink “I thought this person would celebrate with me but their reaction simply irritated me.” Stirred your drink with the straw

“Sounds like we only have each other to celebrate our personal victory.” He leaned in a bit “If it helps you take the edge off things, I don’t mind you venting to me.” You slid your phone to him, the exchange between you and your cousin on the screen. Lukas read through it, took a quick glance at you before closing his eyes with a sign. That was your cue, he signalling you to start venting.

“I just… everything they said rubbed me the wrong way. Especially that bit about me getting A’s expected, I don’t just sit down ,write a test or paper then manifest an A.” you tapped the table as you spoke “Good grades don’t just ‘come naturally’ to me Lukas neither does it ‘come naturally’ to you.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest with a huff.

Lukas would be lying if he said he didn’t understand how you felt. “You don’t like it that people have a certain expectation of you.” You nodded in response “But you did expect your cousin to react in a certain way, did you not?” you flashed an angry look at your companion. Did he just defend your cousin? “I don’t mean to exacerbate your irritation. What your cousin just said, that good grades come naturally to you and are to be expected of you, failed to consider all the hard work and effort you put into your studies. As you said, we don’t just sit down and conjure up A’s.”

“What are you getting at Lukas?”

“I don’t know your cousin as personally as you do but I think they’re unaware that you find such comments disagreeable.” He tilted his head

“They’ve known me since we were kids.” He noticed your shoulders tense up as you said this

“You thought they’d react in a certain way and they thought you’d be okay with a comment like that.” He took a bite of his coffee jelly “The best option to take is to talk to them and let them know how they made you feel. The fact that you’re reacting this way, I can only wager a guess that your cousin means a lot to you and you put a great amount of trust in them.”

“Lukas… you’d make a good counsellor.” To which he shrugged “You don’t believe me? Would I lie to you?”

“You wouldn’t… I trust you a great deal, so my expectation is you wouldn’t say anything to deceive me.” He glanced at you before flashing a faint yet genuine smile. This was a rare occurrence, Lukas was showing vulnerability. Though he was very popular and well-liked in school, he didn’t have many friends and had trouble connecting with others. Something you’d observed was that he kept a lot of people at arm’s length and never truly opened up to anyone.

He looked at your sincerely “I think you need to hear this again. Don’t let the words of others undervalue your effort. You are a responsible, intelligent, and a hardworking person, I’m witness to those virtues and I admire you for them. All your successes happen by your own hand and not because you were born to succeed.” After speaking, he clinked his glass to yours. “So for now, let’s ignore those people who don’t understand and let’s celebrate our hard work?”

A smile cracked through your face, Lukas was right. It wasn’t fair to yourself, letting the words of others get you down and spoiling your day. “Thanks Lukas, I’m glad you’re here to celebrate with me.”

—

YouAbu: could we talk for a bit? You said something awhile ago that didn’t settle well with me

kingkong: yeeesh I treat you to pizza m’kay?

YouAbu: its not that, you said good grades are expected of me and that really irritated me for some reason

kingkong: but you’re smart

YouAbu: Cuz… I’m not just smart. I study really hard and put in a lot of work into my schooling. It really hurt me that all my effort was just swept under the rug. I might be coming off as sensitive but I just wanted you to know how I feel

The text bubbles below kept appearing, as if they were typing and re-typing what they wanted to say. Took a minute for them to respond

kingkong: just… growing up you always got good grades and made it look so easy but now I realize its not easy. You were always reading books or going over school stuff

kingkong: and I gotta admit… I was kinda jealous of you’re A+ and let the green-eyed monster talk for me… I’m sorry

YouAbu: Hey… we’re cool and if you ever got the impression that I was showing off or something, I’m sorry for that

kingkong: I don’t mean anything bad with what I’m about to say but cuz, you were born to stand out ya know? You’re smart, killer work ethic, and have a way with words. You’re not showing off, you’re just dazzling peeps by being you

YouAbu: You are laying it on thick there cuz, you might just get away from treating me to a pizza

kingkong: HAHAHAHA that was the plan! But, when you get another A+, what should I say to you?

YouAbu: nothing, just gimme a pizza

kingkong: that’ll break the bank cuz, maybe for every four A+’s I’ll treat you to a pizza

—

You: Hey Lukas thanks again for cheering me up and offering a different take on the situation

LukaJava: That’s no problem, I’m always here for you. How are you and your cousin if you don’t mind me asking?

You: We talked things through and they understood where I was coming from. We had a good laugh after

LukaJava: (“⌒.⌒”)

LukaJava: Glad to hear it

You: Hey Lukas, I didn’t get to say this cause I was so caught up with my troubles

LukaJava: ( ・◇・)？

You: I’m proud of you for getting that A+. We both put our blood, sweat, and tears into our final papers and got our hard earned grades. I know you have a complicated relationship with your family and you don’t open up to a lot of people but I’ll always be here when you need someone to share your achievements with okay?

LukaJava: ೕ(˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑)

LukaJava: That’s music to my ears. I don’t open up to a lot of people, that’s correct, but I consider you to be one of my closest friends. Your support, friendship, and understanding is worth more than gold to me.

LukaJava: Its getting late though, if my memory serves me well, you have a class tomorrow morning. Best we call it a day. Good night and sweet dreams

LukaJava: |[(*´ｪ`)]|zZＺ

You: Okay Lukas! See you tomorrow, good night and sweet dreams

8 notes · View notes

whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years

Text

Tuesday 3 October 1837

7 40

11 50

fine morning F59 ½° at 8 35 and went downstairs to a Mr. Greenwood from H-x who brought a plan for the water wheel – breakfast with A- (and Mr. Gray came at 9) at 8 50 in about ¾ hour – then looking to see what sum of Lords rent A- owns to Lady William Gordon (vid. 30 August) and calculating for her she leaving the money £4.16.11 for SW. this morning to pay Mr. Lister the auctioneer who collects these rents - off in the yellow carriage to Thorpe at 10 – took A- to Nicholsons’ shop, and staid with her there from 10 ¼ to 10 50, and then set her down (to walk to Cliff Hill) at the far end of the northbridge at 10 55 and drove off to the White Lion for a ticket for the King x bar – off from the White lion at 11 and met Mr. J. Priestley on the road (he going into Norland) at 11 ½ and took him back in the carriage to his own house and alighted there about 11 ¾ and came way at 1 35 – both the brothers J and Walker P- the former brought his plan of his estimate and the greater intelligence of the latter much aided our conversation – said I had come over to tell JP. he could do me a service and himself too – Explained – he seemed to know very little about coal – JP. said he must take advice and consider about it – yes! certainly – a matter of consideration to all parties but I should be glad of a determination as soon as possible as I should set about goit or steam engine as soon as I could – I was not fast – there were 2 sides of the brook, either would suit me – but I had preferred applying to P- first – I thought the drain or goit would be a benefit to him and on the other were the Mcaulays with whom I knew Mr. Stocks would have influence – P- wished to consult a disinterested person – I said no coal-person would be so – I mentioned Kitchingman Childe – and Matthew Naylor as valuing tenants damages for me, I thought £6 per DW. – and Mr. Cooke of Elland called in to value coal damages for me, and Illingworth Miss Walkers’ coal tenant, Mr. Rawsons’ great man and very clever, but he certainly would not be disinterested – I said they would tell him (JP.) that the privilege was worth thousands to me – of that I left him to judge for himself merely observing that if he thought so, I should give the thing up – I did not even offer him more than damages, because I thought the benefit, to him and the expense to me sufficiently great – it could not be done for less than 10/. per running yard – might be – probably would be a 2 thousand pounds job – might be (but SW.’s survey would shew) from 2 to 3 thousand yards long – WP. measured the plan from which, direct across from about the low end of waste-wood to the head of Walterclough mill new goit, seemed = 1100 yards explain the benefit of the goit to JP. his upper bed 60 or 70 yards deep at Dumb mill bridge and 51 yards at Walkerclough mill (vid. near the bottom of last page) – my goit would begin at about 40 or 42 yards below the surface; and if ever his coal was wanted would save him 30 or 40 yards of pumping he wished I would loose his coal – I said it was not in my power to do what except perhaps about the upper 1/3 of it – never thought of working my own coal but gently explained how forced into it – the communication between R. and me underground pretty near – mentioned the assa-faetida for the 10 acres sold I had only a price between the 2 prices sold at by my uncle and it was odd that

SH:7/ML/E/20/0138

that such objection was made to my sending anyone into R-‘s pits – it was suspicious – I should have no objection to anyone going into my pits – if anything was wrong, I should be glad to be informed of it; if not, what need of mystery – the law of no use – must give a fortnights’ notice of a chancery injunction, and that time enough for stopping all up so that nothing could be found out – But now I was pretty much at ease – it was now discovered that R- could not get the bit of coal I had wished to buy – for which R- bade 1 hundred and got me up to 5 hundred when I said he might have it – but they could not make a title to it – I believed also that he could not get Walker P-‘s coal – H- had offered a good price and was not likely to offer as much again WP. knew of the throw that had been found but said H- had been at great expense and must have some coal to pay for it – I quietly said yes! but he had a large quantity already and now that nobody could get WP.’s but H-, it made a great difference – if I did not let my colliery and perhaps I should not H- was naturally my agent for it; and the colliery would in case be almost as good as his won, so that he would be in no want of coal – said I should be glad to see but the Messrs. P- at Shibden hall – nothing wanted but a table large enough; and they would learn from my plans in 2 minutes more than their own plans or mere talk could shew them in 2 hours – said I should be glad to avoid the smoke of an engine, but if obliged to have it, I should easily get over it – the chimney would be carried up into the hill and Mr. Harper thought the nuisance would be very small – I could a 14 horse English for £420 (vid. line 12 of yesterday) and the whole outlay engine house road and everything would not exceed £1000 nor would the daily expense exceed 10/. (including coal fireman and wear and tear) – at all rates the annual expense would not exceed £200; and then I should do my coal work and benefit nobody – Mr. JP. might think of this when they told him the privilege was worth thousands to me and then judge for himself be it remembered I am not fast – if I was I must come into P-‘s terms yes! said P- ‘and you we all make what we can’ (How nicely characteristic!) he thought we should want some written document – yes! certainly said I – for my sake quite as much as yours – but that will be left to our attorneys – or I will shew you a rough draft of agreement for your perusal - I will shew you the old grant from Mrs. Firth to my grandfather – But we are both of us people who will come to the business without any wish to take any advantage one either side – oh! yes! to be sure, said JP- that their confidence in me may [?] with the length of the proposed goit je n’en sais rien – I doubt it – but SW. is to take the levels and I am to let JP. know the result and he will consider about and take advice and come over – In fear and trembling lest my goit and I should be too deep for him? I had told him his coal was not worth more than £10 an acre now – it could not got in one time – say 56 years how often would ten pounds double itself in that time? – Holt said I had coal enough of my own to last twenty colliers getting 150 years – Walker P- said my coal might not be so valuable for coal had been discovered in Soyland – a seam 9in. thick – in 1834 – some Lancashire colliers had come over but the property here was so divided nothing could be done – they thought it might be the Dule (Lancashire Dule or some such name) bed – WP. gave me a copy of the strata bored thro’ at Soyland mill (near Thorpe) in 1834 as follows

yards ft. in.

1 Shale 6

2 Black ditto 9

3 Gritty ditto 16

4 Shale 18

5 Iron stone 1 . 6

6 Shale 3 . 10

7 Iron stone 2 8

8 Shale 20 1 6

9 Iron stone 1 6

10 Shale 3

11 Iron stone 1

12 Black shale 4

13 Intermixed with 8

shale

14 Iron stone 1 . 6

15 Left off in black 4 . 8

shale very soapy

96 2 2

Had just written all the above of today in an hour at 4 ¼ - Miss Priestley with us the whole time – changed my dress before sitting down to my journal how will the matter end? shall I get the privilege or not? – then wrote as follows to ‘Mr. Samuel Washington, Crownest’ – ‘Shibden hall. Tuesday 3 October 1837 – Sir – I shall be obliged to you to let me know the earliest day you can take the levels of the brook, from the gapstead in the bit of wall between the Bunker hill and Parkfield in Lower Place land, going along Mr. John Priestley’s land down to the lowest extremity of my Southolm land – I am sir, etc. etc. etc. A. Lister’ – JP. particularly inquired what n° of vent pits I should require I said I could not exactly tell – something would depend upon himself air might be carried in pipes 200 or 300 yards and the drain would be so deep I should make as few vent pits as possible unless he gave me to leave to make as many as I liked and I found them cheaper than pipes – at any rate I should want the privilege of a place to bury the scale in – thought about 1 ½ yard cube per running yard would come out – but all should be buried so as to leave no nuisance – not a bit of scale to be seen – I should do it as I had done that in my own land – JP. had best come and see – But I thought I could manage very well with 6 vent pits in JP-‘s land supposing the length 1100 yards went downstairs at 4 ¾ - George gone for A- ¼ hour ago – out, about a little while then at 5 5 off to Mitham to send my note by little John – he went to Mr. George Robinson’s on Monday (yesterday) to work in the land and eat at home – walked forwards meaning to go to Crownest – met A- not far from on this side of Hipperholme lane ends – sent George back with the note and returned with A- and back at 6 – then out with Robert Mann seeing about road for the platform carts till 6 40 then ¼ hour with A- dressed – dinner at 7 10 – asleep – coffee –read the newspaper – came upstairs 5 minutes after A- at 10 pm at which hour F61° - fine till about noon – then a couple of hours rain or more afterwards tolerably fair – but damp warm disagreeable afternoon and evening – raining fast about 10 1/2 pm

6 notes · View notes

yeoldontknow · 4 years

Note

Hi! Can I ask question about the movie Paris Texas? I am not sure if youre the right personbut i have always wondered why it is so highly revered. Like I liked the movie, i thought it was good. i could feel the longing the characters are going through, i liked how it was shot(?),i can see why the 'booth' scenes are always replicated in music vids & other shows & stuffBut idk what makes it iconic- like everytime i listen to people talk about films, they bring that movie up.

my favorite actors and directors for around the world even mention that filmLike i enjoyed it and know its good, but i am not sure on what makes it great. what are your thoughts on this film?

ahh hello! lmao im so happy people are asking me to talk about film lmao this really does excite me. and im so glad you came to me with this! just in general! thank you!

trust me like...i get it. paris texas is a great film, and i did enjoy watching it, but i see where you come from. i can understand why its been so revered, so hopefully i can shed some light on that for you. but! i really do understand where you come from. if im honest, theres a lot of flaws and issues with the film. its slow, doesnt actually handle the heavy themes the script attempts to portray very well, and doesnt really actually offer any nuance to janes character. shes actually a really complex character, but shes boxed into the role of like...the manic pixie dream girl, except not that. shes not and ideology of freedom or growth or perfection the way that trope is usually portrayed. instead she exists to further a male centric narrative and the depiction of women is really shallow, so trust me i get why there is a dissenting opinion.

that said, there are a lot of things that make the film as cult and important as its become among cinephiles. they range from the use of americana as a plot device, colour theory, voyeurism, the breakdown of the american dream, etc. ill be breaking down some of the major points here under the cut, but there are even more ways to read this. and!! i stress!! it is ok to read all of this and still disagree! thats the beauty of film studies.

to really understand fundamentally why this film is so important we need to focus on two intertwining notions - that the film is a portrayal of america and this portrayal of a america is coming from a foreigner. the director of the film is win wenders, a german filmmaker, who has always claimed to be fascinated by the history and character of america. effectively, america itself becomes a character within the film. it does not matter that ‘america’ is the backdrop - it plays such an integral role in shaping the narrative of the story, one could argue it has more autonomy than jane. take for example the opening scene - it opens with the scene of a man walking aimlessly through the desert with a gallon of water - nameless and aimless. from this very first moment, we are presented with land. an endless expanses of land in which there is no real ownership; from this moment, we are meant to understand this america shapes the lives of its people as much as this perspective on america is shaped by the director of the film.

furthermore, if we consider the opening shot; the saloon; the fact that a full 26 minutes elapses before the main character says a single word, we can argue the mise en scene within each of these scenes a visual alignment to the classic genre of western cinema. here, too, in this genre is the stress on land as it relates to and symbolizes the importance of freedom, autonomy, and identity, but moreover is there a stress on the notion of the anti-hero. by cultivating this understanding of america and the western, we can immediately align travis with the failed man, the failed husband, a failed owner of land, and a failed dream.

but...did he fail? or did the notion of americana and the american dream fail him, instead? this seems to be the case as we considered the continual use of americana references. one of the fundamental aspects of americana is the nature of nostalgia - americana is traditionally idealized as the desire to return to small towns and cities from the turn of the century. the hope of creating a home, only for that essence of home to be lost; the period of exploration from 1820 to 1880, and then the comfort of being settled from 1880 to WWII. these are the fundamental aspects to understanding americana but they are foundational in the nostalgia that drives the narrative. aspects like: a barber shop, a diner, route-66, etc these small town notions are the driving pieces of nostalgia. and these are the elements of nostalgia that generate the plot device of paris texas.

im taking a moment here to really stress the following: western films and the concept of americana is inherently problematic. it exists on wester colonization, appropriation, and genocide. americana is a white-washed version of history and that, explicitly, is why all the elements of americana, nostalgia, and the american dream fail within this film because, again, it is america from the perspective of a foreigner and the perspective is profoundly unforgiving.

(also, like, i literally hate western films because they are so racist and sexist and hyper-masculine, from any historical or modern perspective, so again...me being me saying i understand why you might have had a hard time with this movie lmao but when you realize this is not speaking in favor of those things it kind of hits you like...oh, damn. like, imagine this film from the perspective of a white american male, you know? travis would be a king, someone admired rather than someone youre not even sure you like or tolerate by the end)

right! so! now that we understand how important the elements of a failed america and american dream are to this film, we can see how nostalgia continually presents itself - not for a home lost, but for the hope and the opportunity lost. consider: the colour, the wide, open expanses of land (could have been owned, but are entirely empty), the way characters gaze at their own reflections - hell, the conversation between jane and travis at the end, double sided mirrors, jane forced to look at herself in the mirror while travis looks at nothing because its his memories and his memories are presented at a visual and emotional distance. memory presents itself through illusions, reflections, and disorganized narrative structures - it is not that they cant remember, but that they want to remember without criticism. this comes to a head when they view the home movies, another example of how life was or could have been - how it was supposed to be, and the sudden confrontation that it very much is not that.

primarily for me, the thing that makes me enjoy the film (apart from realizing wenders has an extremely unforgiving view of america) was the colour theory. you cannot talk about this film without discussing the colour. the predominant tones in the film are red, white, and blue - americana and american flag. but why all the green (i.e the doctors office)? why the isolated events of solid red (i.e the strip club)? well, green and red are put perpetually at odds with one another. green, a usually soothing colour, is subverted to denote internal conflict; red, becomes regret, falsehoods. the colours in the film exist to at a sub-textual layer that speaks for the characters when they refuse to speak for themselves. and by the end, the colours return to a normal palette. black, beige, tan - travis recounting their history to jane in a room that is natural. things are finally exactly as they are meant to be, the intense colours of their emotions faded by distance and time, and forced now to confront their truth.

but still...the elements of voyuerism exist. because he can see her...if he chose to. she cannot see him. she can only see herself. and so we are left, then, understanding that there is no hope. no connection. the achievement of the american dream is a falsehood of nostalgia that exists to drive our motivations, forcing us to live in a time or a place or a hope that never once was tangible, but craved just the same.

#i hope this helps you understand WHY its considered incredible #but remember theres a large number of films #EVERYONE obsesses over that i personally despise #this is just why #doesnt have to be right for you tho!#the joy of film #and any practice really #is the ability to praise a film you love and ensure it gets a place in history #if its great to you then it is great <3 #ahgishaman

2 notes · View notes

puttingfingerstokeys · 4 years

Text

A Million (Mochi) Miles Away

Nanowrimo day 24 Featuring Beatrix LeBeau and Mochi Miles Sci-fi Slime Rancher, implied pining/crushing Finished and unedited

COMPLETE VERSION ON AO3

When the comm unit in my little ranch home chirruped, I had only just opened my eyes, the sun’s first rays peeking up over the horizon. Today was my “sleep-in” day. I had dubbed it Saturday, because time on the Far Far Range didn’t move the same as it had on earth. That wasn’t surprising, of course, but it still jarred me, even after all this time. I disentangled myself from my sheets and shoved misplaced hair out of my face; it was laying in tangles and would need a thorough brushing to fix. Fortunately, I lived in the middle of nowhere with nothing but slimes and chickens for company. They didn’t much care how I looked, so rather than fussing, I stuffed all my hair into what someone, somewhere might have called a bun and answered the comm.

“Yup?” My eyes were blearily half-open and I knew I looked like a slob, but that’s what they got for calling me on my sleep in day—my Saturday. The comms were video or audio; I had mine set to video most of the time because I liked seeing the person on the other end… even bOB, who baffled me greatly, but who also made good on his payments, so I never asked questions. The instant the comm video stirred, I regretted not spending a little more time on my face. It was Mochi Miles, the multibillionaire daughter of another multibillionaire whom I was just about certain sent her out to the most remote region of the galaxy to get her out of his hair. That wasn’t a nice thought, but given her abrasive mannerisms, I could hardly have blamed her father—still… one had to wonder.

“Beatrix,” she said, “did I wake you? Well—you should know better than to sleep in on the Far Far Range; there is way to much money to be earned, too many discoveries to be made to have bed-head.” Her tone was mocking, sharp, and nothing out of the ordinary. I was hardly dead-set on impressing her, but something about her jeering mockery rubbed me raw and made me want to show her up in as many ways as possible. To those not in the know, she made her fortune with her patented quicksilver slime collection attachment for standard Vac-Packs and her family owned the largest quicksilver slime preserves in existence (so far). I had been to a couple of them, mostly doing favors for Mochi who, despite her sharp nature, paid very well, and could not help being impressed with it. Still, how badass could she be if she had simply inherited it all? I guess that wasn’t nice either.

She was one of those people who had to let you know she was “HBIC”, which was old earth slang for “head bitch in charge”. I wasn’t certain if the Far Far Range had slang, or even a set language. Slimes were not terribly rousing conversationalists. Mostly, they cooed, growled, giggled, and sometimes sang. If they had slang, it was beyond me. Anyhow, Mochi was once again displaying her superiority with her perfectly coiffed hair, her immaculately plucked eyebrows, her flawlessly applied makeup, and what I could only assume was the galaxy’s latest fashion.

“Mochi,” I responded. Fortunately, we passed the “miss Miles” phase of our relationship months ago, when Mochi herself had bestowed the mantle of friendship upon my unworthy shoulders. So… yeah, I guess I was friends with Mochi Miles. I did not feel much warmth toward her—and maybe even a little pity. Neither of those things were symptoms of friendship, I thought, unless friendship was also done differently out here. From what I gathered, however, with people like Ogden, Vik Humphries, and Thora, it was not and Mochi was an outlier even here. Maybe she sensed this too and that was why she had extended a proverbial olive branch. We had never been at odds, per se, but with her friendship came the unspoken promise that she would be kinder. I had not seen a whole lot of that. She had moments, here and there, but mostly it was business as usual. “It’s Saturday, remember?”

“Of course not! You keeping earth days and weeks is totally crazy! How am I supposed to—”

“Mochi,” I cut her off, “remember, I haven’t been out here as long as you, okay? Keeping those days, even on the weird Far Far Range cycles, keeps me… I dunno, sane, I guess.”

“Right,” she said, her eyes darting off to one side. “S… s… I forgot.”

It wasn’t an apology proper, but I would take it. She was not warm, not yet, but she was… sort of improving. I understood that she had quite a bit of stress regarding her father (and I’m sure he had plenty regarding her), and she certainly felt the need to prove herself to him, but that did not mean I had to be subjected to poor treatment. Her issues were hers, not mine. Drawing lines between myself and others had always been my greatest weakness. Only coming all the way out her, to the Far Far Range, had allowed me to start learning how, precisely to do that. I was not a cold person, but I was a person who needed her space.

“So, what did you need?” I assumed she had something for me to do at her quicksilver slime “mines”—they were quick buggers and hard to drive out of their caves and catch, but a large enough electrical charge did the trick and that was precisely how Mochi had designed the place. That part, at least, was brilliant. She may have inherited the mines from her father, but the enhancements she had made to them were all her own. I guess it wasn’t totally fair to say she had been handed everything, just a whole lot more than most folks. That did not make her a bad guy. I had long ago decided to give her a chance, after a long talk with Thora, who knew much more about the situation than I had.

“Well I’m glad you asked,” she said, leading in like a saleswoman with an amazing pitch. Of course I was going to ask. She had awoken me out of a sound sleep and pleasant dreams. I deserved to know why. “Next week, my father is hosting a gala on an orbital platform above the quicksilver mines; he specifically requested my venue—he must want to show off my achievements to his investors!”

“And you need me to… what, help you clean it?” Maybe I jumped the gun a little bit, but I really had no idea what she could have needed me for, in this context especially.

“N-no!” I could see the blush even through the semi-fuzzy vid screen. “I… well I needed a date and I wanted to ask if you were free.” Her face went from red to white as the words spilled out in an almost uncontrolled torrent. Her eyes widened and I could just about imagine the sheen of sweat as she realized what she had just said, despite the one having SAID it.

I considered her statement for a long moment, deciding whether I should just answer and have done with it, or let her squirm a little longer. I knew I should be kind to her, polite, but she had put me through the wringer during my first few months on the Far Far Range and, though it had all turned out, I was still just a little sore about it. I could feign busyness, but I knew Thora would come and check on my slimes for one night. I could say I had plans, but what plans did a girl with four friends within about a gazillion lightyears actually have? Mochi was cute; I would have been a fool not to see that. Besides, it would be a good opportunity to meet some of the rich muckety mucks her father rubbed elbows with daily and see what the wealth of other worlds was like. It was one night and even then, probably only a few hours. It wasn’t as if she was asking me to marry her. Anyway, it had been a while since I had been on a date.

“Sure, Mochi, I’ll do it. What time?”

It appeared to me that Mochi Miles had not anticipated my agreement to her solicitation, that she had anticipated having to convince me. In fact, I thought for sure she had note cards, stashed somewhere behind the transmitter camera on her comm unit.

“Mochi?” I repeated this gently, with an upward inflection as if to ask “are you all right”, but without saying the actual words. Something told me she would not respond to those the way most folks might. It was a rocky journey, being her acquaintance (subordinate) and then reluctant friend. The reluctance, ironically, was from her end. While she was abrasive and somewhat rude, I found nothing about her to be totally abhorrent and, given the extreme lack of sentient beings out here, would have been very happy to be her friend either way. Mochi was the one who seemed to be having difficulty processing this whole “friendship” idea.

Or maybe it was something else.

She gathered herself with remarkable speed. Maybe that was part of her upbringing too, poise in all things. I had never met her father, but I assumed he was an iron-handed parent, which would explain more than a few things about Mochi herself. That might have been more than a little judgmental on my part, but it definitely would have clarified a bit about her mannerisms. I was just starting to wade into the quagmire that was the mind of Mochi Miles, after all; I needed all the help I could get and she wasn’t likely to be throwing me any liferafts.

“The gala begins at seven, which means I will make my grand entrance at eight,” she informed me. I cleared my throat and I could have sworn I saw her blush again. I was two for two today. “That is, we will. Wear something nice. Later, tater.”

She hung up without another word and I was left wondering where in blue blazes I’d get a proper gala gown with only a week to go. Mochi was a whirlwind, that was for certain and I wasn’t entirely sure why I had agreed to this, why I was putting forth the extra effort. It just seemed like the right thing to do and maybe just a little bit fun.

That’s what it was. Fun.

#CC #CW #Slime Rancher #Mochi Miles #Beatrix Lebeau #lezbeans tho

7 notes · View notes

cruddyborderlandstheories · 5 years

Text

Fl4k Fl4k Fl4k Fl4k Fl-

i didn’t die i just fell in love with that skill tree creator and have done nothing for the past few days but make skill trees and sleep for 3 hour intervals. im very excited for the gameplay on Wednesday but oh man oh me oh my i gotta catch up on a lot of posts lol

tl;dr: Fl4k is a badass. Stop misgendering them or I’ll show up at your home at 3am local time every time and then eat your spine. Bonus: Mr. Chew being an ‘Eridian skag’ is probably due to some funky mutation from eridium/slag/eridian stuff. Kinda like how Threshers have the ability to make singularities because they are native to Elpis, which is a big ol’ Eridian base (which i totally addressed in this post lol). I also gave my opinion on Fl4k’s skills in general, if you’re interested in that. Overall, a very awesome trailer! Definitely lived up to the hype.

i said it before, this trailer was one of the best ones. definitely #2 for me, Zane is still at #1 because i actually laughed during it. the music in this one is definitely the best out of all 4 tho. seems like they’re all variations of the same song, i like this one best. I need this soundtrack sooo bad.

also i know probably no one else following this blog watches one piece but like

that first footstep with the studded boot and the sound effect immediately flung me back to katakuri. god katakuri was a badass. i was so excited to see that fight animated.

mr chew spinning around is my favorite thing ever. i love that you can tell the personality of the pets just from watching the intro.

i know fl4k is like a real badass in this trailer, but i get the feeling they’re going to end up being at least a little soft for their pets. i mean... they have stuffed animals of them ffs.

so... we’re near Sanctuary-III in this trailer? I gotta keep my eye out then. i also want to see if that one claptrap area guess i had is correct or not... this looks like an entryway for the garage so im guessing i wasn’t, but let’s seeeee

there is a raised bit up and to the left

also im wondering if this means we’re going to have to rescue ellie from the CoV.

hmmmmmmmm

hmmmmm i don’t think the signs match up.

mr chew is the goodest boy. im so glad we can pet/interact with him!! i want to know what the names of the other pets are

also, a bit off topic but

i could have sworn fl4k’s jabber was cryo/shock. it was blue, wasn’t it? i wonder if they changed it or if it’s skill upgrades change its color. i thought the upgrades just gave it better guns.

yeah it was! i guess possibly upgrading it with the guns gives it a new color scheme? maybe? this could be the gunslinger upgrade!

it looks like their jabber went through the most design changes out of all of the pets. that or this is yet another upgrade (since each pet has 3 states). maybe this is the beefcake version.

‘bitch’. i love how expressive fl4k is with just the eye. very well done.

ohhh you know what that building is in the back?

[we’re near the intro to the game!]*

and tbh i don’t think this place has the building for Ellie’s Scrap in it... i don’t see it anywhere. maybe this is the actual scrapyard and the building is on the other side?

not quite sure tbh. but at least we know this place may also be near sanc-iii, just maybe not the same area as the actual Ellie’s Scrap.

i mean... there IS a shitload of cars everywhere. i wouldn’t surprised if it’s near her garage cause it looks like a scrapyard.

but also where in the fuck are all these ‘normal’ looking cars coming from?? it’s not like we see them being used on pandora. all the ones we see in bl1/2 are clearly dilapidated and rusting. big thonk. at least the vans/busses kinda make sense.

oh yeah that is definitely the same building. [it’s the recruitment center!]*

this scene with the rakk is my favorite out of all the trailers. so fuckin cool

i do hope the jabber goes back to being blue at some point. i like the red design too, don’t get me wrong, but i much prefer the glowy blue. it’s my favorite color and you guys know i love glowing things 👀

<Huge Selection!!!> lol

cat/doggo/monkey. mr chew is my favorite pet but i love the jabber panting like a dog lol

i never knew this is where spiderant mouths were

i always assumed they were below that... f r e a k y

“he likes to chase cars”

fl4k probably took them to the scrapyard for this exact reason ngl. fl4k being a big softie to their pets confirmed

(also, notice how fl4k uses ‘he’ for mr chew. it’s almost as if they understand the concept of gender, chose their own pronouns, and your argument that they only are nonbinary only because they “don’t understand yet” is invalid! Fl4k is canonically nonbinary and uses they/them/theirs pronouns as confirmed by both SungWon Cho and their in-game skills.

Now that you know, use they/them/theirs for Fl4k or get off my blog. Because by not doing so, you are disrespecting the devs’ wishes for this character AND the nonbinary people who find representation in them and I won’t support that. if you feel like arguing your reasons to purposefully misgender them even after knowing this, please DM me so I can block you. thanks!

For those of you out there actually making an effort: mistakes happen, especially if Fl4k is the first NB person you’ve learned about. Just make sure to correct yourself then move on, and we’re okay. Everyone has to learn sometime and it’s better to put in the effort than not care at all. It will become second nature.)

Fl4k is such a badass, they really are way different than i expected (personality-wise), but i am not complaining. gearbox knows me better than i know myself, so i know i’m going to end up loving Fl4k anyway. ProZD did such a fantastic job, i honestly did not recognize him at first! i can tell with certain words now, but wow i am blown away.

i hope we’re able to climb that bird’s nest lookin’ thing in the back. it would be perfect for sniping and/or placing ur clone for maximum coverage.

seriously, what a badass.

idk i feel obligated to give my opinions of Fl4k over here since they were recently released. I am digging them 100%, tho i was kinda surprised (not in a bad way) they’re not as... i guess soft as i was expecting from their character design with the plushes and the face on the backpack and the smiley face pin, but i imagine that’s different when they’re interacting with their pets. im super curious to see how this VH group’s dynamic is going to go.

mechanically, their skills seem perfect for people who loved sniper Zer0 and in general Mordecai, with a splash of Salvador tossed in for good luck. I am a dirty melee Zer0 main and i prefered Phasewalking over Bloodwing (altho i still play mordy bc he’s best bl1 VH) so, while I am definitely going to give Fl4k a go, they’re not my main bl3 Vault Hunter, that’s reserved for Zane and his lovely ability to befuddle enemies and run around. Funnily enough, I’m not even a fan of pet classes, so Fl4k being second in my play order is pretty funny. Tho, yeah, Amara being last is also pretty weird. I guess I don’t necessarily enjoy melee, I just enjoy messing with the bad guys lol

ohh, also, I am most interested in the upgrade for mr. chew that gives him the ability to create singularities and is called ‘Eridian Skag’.

so I’m not saying my theory that the threshers on the moon were connected to Eridians was right, I’m just saying they’re the only form of wildlife we know that has a singularity ability (outside of Mr. Chew, apparently).

im just saying gearbox, you should hire me to write your deep lore for you cause i’d do it for free

im wondering if we’ll be seeing skags with wormhole abilities in bl3. maybe the constant exposure to slag is starting to mutate them further beyond just elemental bonuses (on badass skags). We know Maya’s phaselock has a singularity ability (so does Amara’s phasegrasp), and that is sorta ‘occurring naturally’ (you know, as natural as siren powers can get) unlike the singularity grenades we encounter which use our known technology. plus, uh, whatever happened to the destroyer’s eye in TPS that made it create a singularity/wormhole by injecting it with a fuckload of slag. that probably has something to do with this as well.

but geez i really hope mr. chew is okay with being all slag/eridium-ed up. i guess being badass elemental skags doesn’t appear to hurt them, just make them more powerful, unlike humans. maybe that has something to do with sentience, if slag/eridium/eridian stuff actually is driving bandits crazy. could explain why/if the jabber doesn’t get an element like the skag (eridian skag) and spiderant (fire) do, since they’re described as semi-sentient...

anyway.

Fl4k is cool. Definitely a neat trailer- my second favorite for sure- and the skill tree drop blew me away because i was not expecting it. im expecting a lot of Fl4k mains in the first few weeks of gameplay because they look like a lot of fun!

EDIT: i was wrong, in the newest IGN vid, it turns out we ARE near the recruitment center, because that IS the recruitment center

they gave them little orange flags! good to know!!

#fl4k #borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3 #fl4k is nonbinary #fl4k uses they/them/their pronouns

12 notes · View notes

daily-tolgirl-smolbean · 4 years

Text

January 13, 2020 (Monday)

It’s Monday again! Which means I get to see you again!

You woke up early and took a bath. You’re already prepared by 4 am to go back to Makati but your office advised you to just wfh. You also think no one will be in the office plus you’re scared of the oncoming disasted, that’s why you decided to wfh in the end. I’m glad you did. It was a very eerie day, disaster’s abound and everyone’s mildly panicking. It also made me calmer that you’d be at home with your family instead of the office where not a lot of people could be there in case anything happens. You also decided to just come back at night since you also have an apartment viewing scheduled.

I woke up to your message about that decision and another message where you asked me to call you when I wake up ‘coz you’re worried. Now. That made me worried. I dunno what you’re thinking or what’s worrying you that warrants the need for me to call you immediately. I woke up to that text at around 5 am. I set up an alarm last night ‘coz I wanted to check up on you if you’d be back to Makati. Good thing I did so I managed to call you back early on.

So we had an early morning vid call. You explained to me your decision . You also told me why you were worried. Your reason? You were worried you won’t be beside me if the disaster happens. You were worried for me. You’re worried you won’t be able to protect me.... I was a bit taken aback. I mean, I’m a big girl, I’m pretty much prepared for things. I’ve had emergency trainings for years so at least I know I can handle the situation. But you were seriously worried I’m far away and I’m closer to the disaster happening. That made my heart melt if only you new.

We made a promise with each other. You’ll take care of me and I’ll protect you. So thank you for taking care of me and trying to protect me. I’ll be okay. What’s important is that I know you’re okay and safe. My smol bean <3

So I told you I’m okay and not to worry. You said it’s important that you know I’m safe. You also know I can take care of myself but you wanted me to be extra careful still. Then you told me the things I should do, like buy and wear mask. Not to go out without mask. Don’t go to work if it got worse ‘coz there’s earthquakes too. And I did do all these. I’m a good girl who will follow every details if it;ll calm down my smol bean. I told her the prep I made plus reassure her my office is pretty safe. So we went back to sleep.

Work’s not suspended. We’re apparently ashproof people sus. I got out and wore my mask. Things are looking the same, there’s still unrest among the Filipinos but I still managed to go to work. Less people are at work though, one of my staff even got stuck in Batangas where it’s worse. I’m the only one from my team to be in the office. So I started working early on. Smol bean woke up again to start wfh. I went to work early today. I had to be prepared if smol bean will be back in Makati. I really wanted to see her so the earlier the better hehe. I mean, it’s not a sure thing she’d be back that night but still, I wanna be prepared.

So work day started that way. It’s so boring tho. Mondays are the laziest time for me. So I barely made a dent on my work load by lunch time. plus i just mostly kept on checking up the situation of Taal. Smol bean kept me company tho. Even sent me a vid of Snow (the doggo) booping Marble’s (catto) head where Snow’s pretty proud. Lol, that’s my dude.

By lunch, I decided to vid call her while I’m eating at the deli in our building. Just wanted to watch her work while eat. She kept me company during that lunch. One thing about me is I always eat lunch alone. I got no friends in the office. Does that make me weird? hmmm. I guess I’m just really a weird mix of introvert and lazy. I’m lazy to make friends and get to know people again but also I’m content to be alone and make my lunch time my me time. I really enjoy just reading or playing or warching vids during lunch. This time tho, I’m really happy I got to spend it with her even just through a vid call.

I really need to remind myself to not forget that connecting to people is also important. If it weren’t for my friends trying to drag me, I probably whould live within my own world. lol Smol bean’s the only most recent person I put an effort to get to know and put myself out there. :p

So the afternoon went like that. We kept the vid call going while we’re working. I ended up working just 1/10th of the time. Most of it? I’m staring at her. And I’m way too lazy to wok so I just asked her if we can make landian na lang hahahahahaha. And this girl likes to spoil me so she gave me some incentives for powerboost. Some really really nice incentives 😏 smol bean can really get me hot and bothered that fast lol. Also, she made me promise I’ll only be like that with her. No other crushes (except actresses and famous people ‘coz she knows I like fandoms hehe). I told her that that’s not a problem.

A little bit of background. I’m not the type of person who easily gets crush on people since I was a kid. I kept thinking about it back then. I don’t have a childhood sweetheart and all that. I basically don’t like people that much haha. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate people’s aesthetics. Like the way they carry themselves or what they’re wearing but I don’t think on things like I wanna date them or such. So if I do end up with a crush, I obsessed over them for a while..... which is what happened with smol bean. hehehe. I basically stalked her on whatever online form I can back then. mehehe

Anyways, I told her I miss her and wanted to see her if she’s going to Makati. She still can’t decide if she will up to the last minute. She’s prepping to leave when she learned that the apartment she was supposed to be view is now taken. She’s really sad and disappointed about that. I knew she wanted that, that’s the second time it happened to her. So she told me that and I don’t know how to make her feel better. It sucks. So I just told her maybe it’s not yet meant to be, she still has time on her current rental. I decided to just help her look for some listings. I’m lazy to work naman so I searched some possible choices of apartment instead.

Dude, it’s so hard to look for a decent apartment at a decent price at a decent location. Everything’s too pricey these days. If only I can stay with her, we could split the rent on a goo apartment plus I’ll be living with her. I really have to work on that. I still have a few things to work around on my current life before I can do that. I’d really love that someday for us though 🥰 So for now, I sent her some listings while she’s on the bus going to Makati.

She’s also still worrying about the air in South. Smol bean’s too stressed about a lot of things. Apartment, Taal Volcano, Work. Tired. 🥺 She even asked me if I’m sure I’d go meet her. I asked her why, is she busy? ‘Coz really, I know she’s thinking about a lot of things and I don’t want to get in her way if she has other things to do. I understand naman. I really wanna see her but she’s my priority. We even had a bit of a misunderstanding there. She said she wanted to just rest early and work today. So I told her no worries, I’ll just see her tomorrow. But she got even more stressed, she said wanted to do everything but most of all, she wanted to see me. Apparently, I misunderstood her so she listed the things she wanted to do in order:

“Yung order ng gusto ko gawin ay

1. Makita ka

2. Matulog ng maaga

3. Magwork konti

1 yung pinakagusto ko “

So I told her yes! I wanna see her, she can work while we’re hanging out, and we’ll go home early so she can rest. (at the end of the night, we only ended up doing the first thing lol). Also, it should be noted that she told me we should also do what I want. But baby, if I’m the one we’d follow, we won’t ever go to work, we’ll just be together always and we would run away together. hahaha! So she told me she better be the responsible one so we’d follow her. hehe

I’m on my way to her na din. And she’s near her dorm. I arrived there and wait for her in the lobby. I’m really excited to see her. It’s been 4 days. I miss my smol beaaaannnn! And there she is! my cute cute cute baby! She’s wearing her star wars shirt, gray pants and black sneaks. Cool chick mode hehehe cute cute

We decided t have dinner in yellow cab. Not much people are waling around the area today. Maybe because of the Taal thing. Some people are wearing their face mask too. So we arrived at the restaurant and she insisted she’ll pay for dinner tonight. I really didn’t argue much ‘coz I was planning a nice dinner tomorrow (which was our 1st monthsary, yay!). Waited for her and chose a seat ath the back of the restaurant with the view of the tv so I can watch the news.

She got us a large pizza and some iced tea for me. We started catching up on how’s a day even though we’ve been talking the whole day. This is how we are. It seems like we don’t ran out of things to talk about most times. It ranges from how our day went by, any random stories for the day, what our friends have been up to, games, memes, work and some of our relationshipwise things.Basucally anything and everything under the sun.

She’s the only person I’d wanna tell everything to. My friends know I’m a good listener and doesn’t really like to share much. It probably stems from my belief that no one listens. Like genuinely listens to what I have to say. So I’ve decided on myself to be that person who would listen. Until I’ve got no will to share my thoughts. I can even last a day without talking if no one would ask me anything. I know I know, I’m a weirdo hehe. Well anyways, with smol bean, it feels like I can tell her everything and she would listen to me. She won’t set aside the things I’m saying. But I’m also worried I talk too much when I’m with her. Sometimes I think I wanted to share so much she doesn’t have space to talk anymore. I wanna hear her stories too. I wanna know what she’s thinking. I don’t wanna overshadow her. I want us to be balanced and equal. I know I’m a tol girl and that I can be a bit bossy and commanding without consciously realizing it so I’m trying to be softer. I know I’m soft but a part of me still has some rough edges I need to smoothen. I want my smol bean to feel protected but also not too feel like I’m looming over her. hehe

So back to our talks. We talked a lot tonight. Like 3 hrs worth of talking, teasing, laughing, and flirting.We talked about how everyone is, the current taal situation and how we’ll handle it, her apartment hunting, and lot more. I don’t remember much the specifics but I can remember when I’d steal kisses from her. When she’d hold my hand and smile shyly at me. When she’d laugh and look resigned on my dirty clothes and pants because i spilled my food all over me again. When she snuggled with me on our bench while chatting. She really is my home isn’t?

There’s this one serious topic tho. There’s this question burning on her mind since she woke up. So I asked her what it is. She made me promise first that I’l be honest with her. Totally honest. Like no bullshitting my way through it. I promised to tell he the truth. I told her the foundation of a relationship is honestly, love and respect. So yeah, I won’t dare lie to her. She’s still doubtful if she should ask it ‘coz tomorrow’s our monthsary and it seems out of place to ask at this moment, but I told her, she should ask things if she wants. Tell things when she wants to. And do things she wanted. No need to be too doubtful. I’ll always be there to answer, listen and do anything and everything with her.

So she did. She asked me about my ex. The day I helped my x with the flower. She asked me what’s my role in it. I told her it was only delivered to my address so she can get it from me instead of directly sending it to her office which would just create a buzz there. I only received it, gave it to x so x can give it to her boyfriend who she’s having an issue with. And that’s it. That’s my only role in the whole thing. Apparently, smol bean thought I gave x the flowers ‘coz i wanted to comfort x. I almost laughed at that. First of all, flowers are not cheap, but I do love giving it to smol bean ‘coz I like making her smile everytime she gets one from me. She’s worth it. Second of all, if I wanted to comfort x, I’ll probably just buy her a coffee and listen to her rant and cry about her bf. But anyways, that’s not my role now. It’s not my job to comfort her, she has other friends for that. My focus right now is smol bean. I promised this to her. Also, I promise I’m telling the truth.

She believed me and hugged me. I really love her. I won’t ever dream of cheating on her or hurting her. I won’t take for granted this one in a million chance I’m given to be with someone as amazing as her.

We also talked about getting married. I don’t know why or I can’t explain why but at this point in our relationship, there a high chance we’re both sure we’d end up together. Like, we’re ready to spend a lifetime together. I know we’re too you or it’s still too early in the relationship, but for me, this is the kind of happiness I’d want to have if I’ll continue living in this world. This is it for me. She is it for me. So I told her, someday, maybe far away in the future, same sex marriage will be allowed in the Philippines. And when that happens, I told her, the moment it was allowed, she should be ready ‘coz I’ll come running to her to pick her up and bring her to wherever I could get that marriage license and marry her. This, I promise.

So yeah, we ended up just sitting there, with my arms over her shoulders while she snuggles to me. Then she told me, “Did you notice no one’s ever sat beside the tables on both our sides?” And i laughed at that! That’s true! No one dared sit beside use, we’re apparently flirting way too much it’s like we have our own bubble around the back of the restaurant. HAHAHA. Bakit ba. There’s way too many tables around they can go to anyways. hehe i missed my smol bean and missed hanging out with her. We ended up just staying for more than three hours. But it’s getting late and she needs to sleep early. She has to be at work by 7 am.

Not much people will be at their office and her friends would tease/scold her if they knew why she’ll be at the office tomorrow. Most of them are working from home. The reason? Me... mehehe but also, she can’t work properly at home lol So I walked her home. Just like most days, my heart feels full that moment. Such a bittersweet feeling since we’d have to be separated when we arrive. But stll, spending time with her is like recharging my being. Getting to hold her hand while silently walking through the lamp-ridden Makati night is still one of the best memories I cherish. This time, we’re wearing face masks tho haha another one for the books.

And so, we arrived at her condo, we sat at our usual stone seat while booking my ride home. Don’t wanna be separated but that’s how things are for now. can’t wait to go home with her on our own place so we won’t have to go our separate ways again. hehe. The grab car came, she walked me to the car, I hugged her and kissed her. I like getting my goodbye kiss. It’s like kissing her goodnight too. 😌 And so, I went home. We sent our usual messages of how we enjoyed our time together (sana all noh hihi).

Got home. Got ready for bed. And we’re both ready to sleep. She suddenly sent me a message saying she misses me. UwU never knew I’d find someone who’ll feel as intensely as I feel for her. I miss her too already. 🥺 Then comes the i love yous 🥺 Until I realized it’s already 12 mn. which means.......

Happy 1st Monthsary <3

We greeted each other and sent sweet messages on how we would like to spend a lifetime together. I would like to thank whoever in the universe made me find my soulmate in her. :)

---

PS: Mark my words, someday, I will marry the heck out of you. <3

#JeLee #smol bean #tol girl #you are my soulmate and no one can change my mind

1 note · View note