#i can’t stop cvtting

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

i was never given a choice.

maybe one day i would have wanted to recover.

maybe one day i would actually get better.

but it wasn’t my choice. they took everything away from me, forced me into this.

it doesn’t work if i don’t want it. i will always find a way around their rules.

maybe, if i had been given a few more months to come to terms on my own, it never would have gotten this bad.

but that’s not what happened.

#we all know i never would have gotten better even if i had been left alone #i can’t stop cvtting #cuts #cvts #cutting #cvtting #sh #self harm #s3lf h4rm #self harn #suicide #suicidal #sewerslide #sewerslideal

[sh-vent-blog]

Someone pointed out my scars :(

#it came from a place of empathy and acknowledgment but can we stop doing this?? #I know I have scars #I made them myself #let’s stop commenting on physical traits please #I can’t change my arm #tw self destruction #tw sh #self h@rm #cvtt1ng #tw cvtting #tw sh implied #tw sh in tags #tw sh related

[d0m1n1k774]

I wish I wasn’t so angry

I wish I wasn’t so sad

I wish I wasn’t so jealous

And I wish i didn’t feel so empty

But mostly, I wish I wasn’t so confused, I want to end it all, I don’t want to live. But I also want to have fun and be happy, I want to smile and get a nice job when I’m older.

But I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to do so, I don’t know if i can be happy. Life only gets harder when you get older doesn’t it?

I’ve been happy before, I’ve been okay. But it always slips away from me just when I think I’m better.

Everyday l just waste away, fighting the urge of giving up. I have this overwhelming fear of living, I know I’m not strong enough, I know I’m too sensitive and struggle to do almost anything. Even if I do get better, will it even last? Or will i fail like I always do.

I don’t want to be here anymore, it’s beyond exhausting and I sometimes I feel as if I don’t see a point. But then I think to myself, “I’m happy when I draw, sing or watch my favourite show.” But I know deep down, i can’t live in distractions and fantasies forever.

I’m always so jealous of my peers and friends when I see them happy, wondering why it’s so difficult for me to do that, I watched my other friend get better. Why can’t I? I feel so left behind…

I’ve tried so many ways to stop the pain; I’ve tried drawing it away, I’ve tried cvtting it away, I’ve tried writing it away, I’ve tried singing it away and I’ve tried sleeping it away yet nothing ever holds up.

I’m not sure how long I can go on like this, my mind never lets me rest and my fears are slowly eating me away.

#vent #d3pression #su1c1dal #$elf h4rm #d3pressed #tw depressing thoughts #thoughts #iwtd #tw depressing stuff #tw self destruction #$h tumblr #$hblr #su1cide #su1c1d3 #tw depressive #sorry for being depressing #tw depression

[cxmbl00d]

Tw: mention of SH

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I feel like I don’t cvt deep enough so I can’t stop. My parents know I’m cvtting again and they take my blades away. I just want someone to notice I’m in pain. It’s been like this for 4 years now. Yeah, I been sh for 4 years. I feel helpless. I smoke trying to cvt less but it just ends with me cvtting again because I wanna do deeper so someone will notice how much I’m hurting.

Thank you for reading

#sh #s3lfharmm #emotions #depressing shit #tw sh vent

[depressedenby]

Tw: SH

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I turn 22 in May. I started cvtting at the age of 12. It started as a cry for help in periods of numbing anxiety and depression. But when noted, I’d lie. I’m sure my mom knew the truth, she’s not dumb, but she’s not good about talking about mental health. My depression was just me being dramatic, while I lied in bed all summer instead of going out with friends. My anxiety was just my changing hormones adjusting. While that could be true to some, it wasn’t for me.

No one did a thing until my attempt at the age of 13. But my mom couldn’t afford to keep me in therapy long after the hospital, so within three months I was back to lying in bed in warm weather. Prozac made things so much worse, making my brain so foggy I could only describe the sluggishness as “bleh.” Lexapro wasn’t much better as I never explained it didn’t help until I was a sophomore in high school and I went off it cold turkey. My parents didn’t even consider taking me in to make sure that was what should’ve been done. Though, since I had been in charge of taking my meds on my own, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

The cvtting became such an addiction. Through all of this. I learned how to break certain things for the silver-skin-zipper. I learned to hide, where to do it, how to avoid serious injury. So long as it wouldn’t need medical attention, I was fine and wouldn’t have to hide it.

I’m 21 now. The urges never stop. I’ve learned to try and cope, but the past year or two have been testing. But I live with my partner, and I overheat horribly. I can’t hide it. While my partner loves me enough that they’re willing to help in anyway they can, I don’t know what would truly help. So I sit and stew in it. Only this past week it got so bad the thoughts of breaking something for the sweet silver zipper was starting to become more than a temptation. It hasn’t gone away, but I’m trying so hard not to relapse. The most I can do is distract myself. If I try to process these thoughts, it won’t end healthily.

The self destructive urges never end. The best you can do is to ignore them as long as possible, or even better, don’t get started at all.

[sunny-cham]

I’m stuck in a loop right now. I started cvtting earlier in the evening and couldn’t stop because I just couldn’t find a reason to. And then I finally stopped but I tried studying which made me realize how screwed I am, and I started again and I feel like I won’t stop until I d*e, even though I don’t want to, but I just can’t find a reason rn

#tw sh related #selfharn #cvtting

[theend-isnear]

I.

Can’t.

Stop.

Cvtting.

#help #please help #depressing shit #living with bpd #i want to kms #depressing post #i can’t do this #quiet bpd #suicice #i want to disappear #i want to end it all #suicudal #self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #self ham #self half #tw blo0d #tw blade

[crimmsonhips]

Not sure if my meds have stopped working or if I’m manic or if seasonal depression is here but I can’t stop thinking about cvtting and getting sicker and running until I break my own bones

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

out of my control

it’s cutting pieces away from me

so instead

in my control

i do the same

#sh #self harm #self harn #s3lf h4rm #depression #mental illness #suicide #suicidal #styros #kms #i can’t stop cvtting #cvt #cvts cvtting #cut #cuts #cutting #mentally ill #self destruction #tw su1c1d3 #tw self h4rm #tw sh #tw suicidal thoughts

[westsideinstanity]

I can’t cvt well unless I’m annoyed but I constantly think about cvtting until I do it. I decided to just to make it stop even though I wasn’t upset (today has been pretty good!) I made myself mad by reminding myself how fat I am and I got a styro

[lilmiss-xanaxx]

i can’t stop cvtting my thighs cuz they look so fucking fat. i need to stop gaining weight

[1m-totally-fine]

why did i even just cut? why?? what was the reason???

#why can’t i just stop #i’m out of control #and i’m so screwed when swim practices start again #i’ve never had cuts this deep in this part of my arm before #and why won’t i stop the bleeding before slapping the bandaid on #i’m doing so much worse than just one week ago #and why #tw s3lf harm #tw self destruction #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting #shtumblr #sh #self h@rm #tw #tw self harm #tw cvts

[onyxminwral]

Y’know, I’m just trying to stay clean but every time I try I end up relapsing again. Heck, I can’t go a whole day without cvtting anymore and idek why. I just have to do it and I can’t stop.

#tw self destruction #tw self destructive behavior #self mutilator #self h@rm #what is wrong w me lol

[your-local-friendly-ghost]

TW//: SH and cvtting

I know this isn't the usual stuff I post on my blog. I never plan for it to be, I swear. But I'm sitting here with more burning open cuts on my arms and wrist and I really need help.

I don't know if I want to get better, as strange as that sounds, and honesty I hate that fact. But I have to much pent up anger and self hatred pent up inside of me and feeling the slide of the razor I promised I wouldn't use again through my skin felt so liberating.

It's this overwhelming need to self-destruct that I can't quite resist, and it causes so much disappointment in and around me. People stop and shake their heads and scold me and do nothing else.

I have become a burden on everyone around me and this is a formal cry for help.

#self harrrm #self h4rm #s3lfharm #s3lf h4rm #please help #vi vents

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

why do i always relapse after months of being clean, so all my time trying to get better meant nothing

#I WAS SIX FUCKING MONTHS CLEAN #i can’t stop cvtting #i want to die #self harm #self harn #sh #cvt #cvts #cvtting #tw sh #cutt1ng #self h4rm