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hayleyb100 · 4 years

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Light My Way, Part 2

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 the end

⚠️ WARNING! ⚠️

-It is a twisted story of Pokemon Sun and Moon, and a crossover of Pokemon SM and SWSH. -It features Hau and Kabu as the main characters. -Extremely angsty. -Everything is headcanon. -It isn’t spoiler-free.

It suddenly felt warm as if the long grim winter passed and the spring came. Hau slowly opened his eyes. His last memory was that horrid, fearful scene of a blonde lady's smirk, but somehow, he woke up on a hospital bed.

"Oh my gosh! He's awake! Doctor! Nanu! He's up!"

Olivia, who was nursing Hau, quickly summoned the doctor and Nanu who were talking outside.

"Are you okay boy? You sure got us worried." Nanu asked scratching his back head.

Hau, still looking confused, nodded slowly. He only then realized that the respirator was attached to his nose along with other medical monitors.

"You were out cold for 8 months, kid." Nanu shook his head, as he told what was going on to puzzled Hau.

"Th... That's as far as he has to know, Nanu." Olivia stopped him.

Hau finally realized what was going on. The glass case, sheer cold, blackout, evil smirk, frost. He was in a cold sleep like the other pokemons for half a year. Everything felt like a dream. It didn't feel real that Hau slept for that long.

Hau tried to move his fingers and limbs, but they didn't cooperate well. Instead, the pain struck Hau that made him frown and twitch.

"Don't try to move so much yet... Your muscles are not healed completely from the cold sleep. And since it wasn't used for a long while, you need time for rehabilitation." Olivia explained.

Despite Olivia's explanation, Hau desperately moved his head around to search for people who he needed the most right now. Someone who can comfort him. He tried to call them but even his voice wasn't working.

"Are you looking for your mother and grandfather?" Nanu sighed.

"Nanu! Not now!" Olivia interrupted Nanu, flustered as heck.

"Hey. He has to know. The more we hide, the more he'll hurt." Nanu snapped.

"Listen. Your mother and grandfather... Passed away. 5 months ago."

That was as far as Hau could hear. Hau kept telling Nanu that it isn't real with his eyes. He wanted to deny it so badly, but Nanu's serious face was telling it was a rigid truth.

"After you have gone missing, your mother was looking for you everywhere. But she had a tragic accident near the coastline. She didn't rest enough for many days so she missed her step at the beach cliff in extreme fatigue. And..."

Nanu inhaled deeply before he continued.

"And your grandfather... His heart gave out when he heard the news about his daughter-in-law. He was already feeling way too guilty that his son left Alola and you have gone missing because of him, but that was the last straw."

Devastation came crashing down like a meteor.

Hau's world started caving in. The despicable fear of being left alone in the world engulfed an 11 years old boy in an instant. Olivia held Hau's hand saying Nanu and she would stay beside him and take care of him, but those words just scattered into the air.

Only one thought obsessed Hau.

It's my fault.

I lead my mom and Tutu to death.

Because I was stupid to follow that woman, I lead my whole family to death.

Hau's eyes lost the liveliness in a snap of a finger and his body froze yet again in despair.

"Don't worry! We are reaching out to your father in another region, so I'm sure he'll come to get you soon." Olivia told something to lay the hope on, but Hau kept trembling in fear.

Few days passed, but there was no sign of Hau's dad anywhere. Hau's dad lied low and refused to come back to Alola because he didn't want to take responsibility. Since Kahuna Hala was respected by many Alolans, it was obvious that when he goes back, everyone will flak him intensely. So he decided to abandon Hau YET again, and dump all his responsibilities on his son. He was sorry, but he had no choice. He had to live.

But to Hau who doesn't know his so-called father's dirty intentions, only thought that his dad isn't coming because he hates him. It was no surprise to him since he leads his whole family to grim death and his body isn't functioning as well as it used to. Hau thought he was well worth abandoning. And it was double the pain to think he is as worthless and forgettable as a scab. It wrecked his self-esteem to the rock bottom.

Few weeks passed as Hau went through the remedial exercise programs to get his mobility back, but it didn't make a lot of progress. Hau's will to get back on his feet was zero since he saw no point in it. He frequently refused to eat and take medication. The doctors were struggling too, as the patient wasn't cooperating. Nanu and Olivia took turns to take care of Hau, but Hau severely refused to see Kahunas since it is what pushed him to extreme pressure and ended up running away from home... Ultimately, to his family's downfall.

Nanu and Olivia discussed the matter on how to turn the table around. Olivia suggested that they should hurry and find a loving new home for Hau. If adopting is difficult, they should find at least a foster family to take care of him.

"Wouldn't he refuse to get into a new family?" Nanu questioned.

"Yes, but Hau needs a new home anyway... When he is discharged from the hospital, he doesn't have anywhere to go. So we need to arrange a home for Hau as soon as possible. It would have been the best if he followed you or me, but he is refusing it. Plus, Hapu and the other Captains are way too young to take care of a child. And there's no way we can leave that poor little boy all alone in an empty home at Melemele Island. So, he needs someone."

Nanu nodded since what Olivia said was true. Although they didn't know why Hau was pushing them away, he adamantly refused to stay with either one of the two Kahunas. Hau's trauma of losing his grandfather forced him to push them away. He was afraid that the same fate lies if he stayed with them. He insisted that he would rather stay home alone in Melemele Island than owning them.

After a few weeks, doctors seriously thought Hau settled with a new family first, since the treatment wasn't making any progress. They realized that he needs support and love to treat wounds at heart before anything else. So they discussed with the two Kahunas about Hau's foster family. Many foster parents volunteered to take Hau in. But one couple caught the Kahunas' eyes since their home is located in Akala Island. They thought it would be better for Hau to stay away from Melemele Island for now to avoid triggers. They arranged and bridged the foster couple with Hau. Hau was unwilling to go, but they didn't want to burden Nanu and Olivia anymore, so he followed the foster parents.

But that didn't end well. Not at all.

The foster parents were expecting a sweet and innocent child, but Hau was none of that according to them. He was gloomy and quiet and was even unwell. They got tired of Hau very quickly, who isn't the child they were hoping to get. Within only a few weeks, they gave up the fostering as if they are refunding the item they purchased.

Nanu and Olivia were extremely upset, so they were determined to get a proper home for Hau this time. The next foster parents seemed very kind and gentle, but Nanu and Olivia didn't let their guard down. But for a while they dedicated a lot to Hau, giving Kahunas the trust. But they gave up on fostering yet again. In reality, they were coveting over Hala's bequest. Since there was no love for Hau, to begin with, they easily got fed up of taking care of sick child. Hau was sent back to the hospital and they vanished to somewhere, away from Kahunas' rage.

Hau was now careless. He knew he wasn't worth loving, but the two times of rejection weighed heavily on him. At this point, Hau was feeling helpless and giving up on himself. He thought even if he was kicked out from the hospital and left alone on the street, it was fine. After all, everyone would be frustrated if they have to take care of a child that isn't worth their time and effort. It would be frustrating for them to care for a child that everyone hates. Hau understood. He took away Kahuna everyone loved when he wasn't even cut to replace Hala's place.

I am worth being hated, Hau thought.

It's a cruel tragedy how children are so innocent, that they cannot imagine how some adults can be so malicious. And since they can't imagine that fact, they always blame themselves when it is the adults who are irresponsible and selfish. It was the same with Hau. Everything felt like it was his fault. If I wasn't such a coward, if I wasn't stupid enough to follow that woman, if I have just listened to Tutu... All the regrets choked him and justified all the childish and selfish behaviors of adults around him. He just gave up. He didn't even want to know what would happen next. He even felt that it would have been better off if he remained in cold sleep, forgotten by everyone. Hau grew gaunt day by day.

Several weeks passed, and the season changed. Hau remained indifferent and emotionless. He blankly watched how sprouts grow and flowers bloomed day by day outside the hospital window. Everything changed except him. That made him even more miserable. Little did he know, the turn of his life was approaching him.

"Hey, kid."

It was Nanu. And he was with someone.

"...I know you're fed up with me for saying this, but someone who wants to foster you is here."

Hau didn't pay attention. He just looked back at Nanu as if he was saying whatever. He thought he would just stay for a few weeks and come back to the hospital again.

The person who was standing next to Nanu smiled gently and stroked Hau's hand.

"Hello, Hau. My name is Kabu, the one who will foster you."

#pokemon hau #rival hau #trainer hau #gym leader kabu #kabu #kahuna nanu #kahuna olivia #pokemon sun and moon #pokemon sm #pokemon swsh #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon gen 7 #pokemon generation 7 #pokemon gen 8 #pokemon generation 8

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jaybug-jabbers · 3 years

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All-Glitch Pokemon Blue Run Pt12: The Ol’ Razzle ZZAZZLE

June,

What you were standing in was essentially a phantom town. You are correct-- they seem to be parallel universes we can sometimes gain access to. However, in our research we have yet to determine why they are seemingly void of life . . . or human life, in the very least.

As promised, I am sending you directions now on how to make contact with glitchy people. Perhaps that will make these Glitch Cities and phantom towns seem a little less lonely. You must be very careful, though, June. Interacting with glitched people can be incredibly dangerous. Some of them are trainers, just like you or I, but they seem to often use glitched pokemon.

That in and of itself is hazardous enough, but some glitched trainers can also trigger something called ‘ZZAZZ.’ The ZZAZZ phenomenon is one of the single most devastating things known to exist. It affects not only the trainer, but the trainer’s pokemon and the world around them. Even when glitch trainers do not trigger ZZAZZ, there are plenty of other strange effects to look out for.

Exercise extreme caution, and be sure to report back to me any of your findings.

-Professor Gingko

---

Professor,

The glitch trainers are a strange bunch. I was eager to try and talk to them, but every one of them remained silent when I approached and greeted them. They held a blank expression, their eyes glazed over. Some of them looked like normal people, while others were recognizably human but highly distorted. Still others were simply a glitchy, twitching mess.

I never could communicate with any of them, but I did succeed in engaging some of them in pokemon battles. I figured that was a type of communication, in a way. At least it helped me learn a little more about some of them. I kept careful notes of my encounters. I will list them here, organized by the number I’ve assigned them.

TRAINER #248:

This trainer was very thin and glitchy looking. My GlitchDex told me their name was “PK.” They began battle by sending out a Charizard‘M at level 26.

This is the first time I experienced the ZZAZZ phenomenon. As you predicted, it had a powerful influence, transforming most of my own pokemon into Bulbasaurs-- all at the extremely high level of 153. Furthermore, they had forgotten most of their moves and instead only knew how to Explode. Some were also poisoned, possibly from toxic radiation caused by the glitch or the mutations. At the same time they were poisoned, they also seemed to have radiation burns, or they inexplicably fell asleep. The whole thing was incredibly disconcerting.

It was frightening, but we fainted the Charizard’M on the first move. Next was a Farfetch’d, and after that was a Doduo. Things were going all right, considering the circumstances. After Charizard’M, these others seemed fairly normal pokemon, other than some odd sounds they made. But as the Doduo was counter-attacking, I suddenly passed out.

Passing out would be a very big trend for encountering glitch trainers, as it turned out.

TRAINER #249:

This trainer seemed to be named 1◣ゥ' and sent out a glitch pokemon my dex identified as C9. It was level 32. As I switched pokemon, I passed out.

TRAINER #250

This one was named “48 :” and, like #248, sent out a level 26 Charizard’M. My pokemon did not seem afflicted with ZZAZZ, in the very least, but after the first move I made in battle, I passed out.

TRAINER #251

I cannot even confirm that there was a trainer in this encounter. I thought I saw one out of the corner of my eye, but I blacked out before meeting them. My GlitchDex, oddly, displayed some sort of error, its screen saying “Too bad! The trade was cancelled!” Was this glitch trainer attempting to trade with me, perhaps?

TRAINER #252

This one seemed to be named “Trainer 4.” Like the others, they sent out a level 26 Charizard’M. Something interesting happened this time, though. As I was fumbling through my item bag, a pokeball accidentally fell out and rolled away. The glitch trainer was offended and thought I was possibly trying to steal their pokemon, and kicked the ball away. I tried to explain it was a misunderstanding, but then they immedialy just . . . left. In the middle of battle.

Normally this would not be much of a problem, but we were under the influence of ZZAZZ. Most of my pokemon were massively overlevelled exploding Bulbasaurs. I wandered around in that state for a bit, unsure what to do, trying to relocate the glitch trainer. As I wandered, I accidentally encountered another, regular trainer.

Or at least, I had thought they were.

DEATH TRAINER

The trainer looked just like me. It was like looking into a mirror, except my reflection had blank, glazed eyes. They didn’t speak, didn’t hold any sort of expression. Just sent out a Charizard’M. It was an often frustrating battle, as my pokemon were ornery and often disobeyed me, but we battled our way through the trainer’s team, first the Charizard’M, then Farfetch’d, then Doduo, and next Pidgey. All of them were level 26.

And we did it. We defeated their four pokemon. I was feeling pretty dang good about myself. But then . . . that trainer, still blankly staring at me, took another ball out-- one of the pokeballs my GlitchDex had identified as containing a fainted pokemon-- and released it.

It appeared to be glitchmon #00. But my Dex detected its HP was at insane levels that simply went off the scale. It also had unusual moves for a #00, apparently; not just Water Guns and Sky Attacks. I did my best to battle it, but its bulk was ridiculous. I threw pokemon after pokemon at it, and even their Explosions at phenomenally high levels hardly left a scratch on it. Meanwhile, it was attacking with Waterfall, Sludge and Petal Dance. Sometimes Petal Dance meant it hit itself in confusion, which was nice, but it just wasn’t enough. Nothing seemed to be.

We dragged that fight on for maybe a half an hour long, as I had a Snorlax I wanted to stall out PP on so I could get him down to Struggle. But even that didn’t do much. The foe seemed to have infinite PP and infinite HP. When my last pokemon fainted, its HP bar was still going stronger then ever.

Then I blacked out myself.

TRAINER #253

This next trainer I tried seemed to just be named ‘ゥ.’ They sent out glitchmon #C9, at level 32, just like trainer 249 did. After a couple Ice Beams, it went down. There was something odd about this trainer, though. I mean, even ODDER than what was already a pretty messed up day. Instead of commanding their pokemon to fight, they used an item on them-- Guard Spec. They did it every single turn, though. They never gave the command to fight, they just kept dumping more of that medicine on their pokes.

I can’t begin to imagine why. How could I know what went on in the mind of a glitch trainer? I could hardly even make out their face, let alone guess what they were thinking. But the battle continued like this, first with C9, then with Mr. Mime, Rhyhorn, Lapras, and Lickitung. Finally, the trainer ended with a Missingno. All of them had been at level 32, and none got a single shot off. I was starting to feel a little bad about fainting them like this.

Then the trainer put away their pokeballs and looked at me. Slowly, so slowly, they opened their jaw.

In a very small, scratchy voice, I heard them speak.

“ 5 6 E R R O R”

I backed up a little, nervous. I didn’t understand what they meant. They thrust their arm forward, pushing some money at me. It took forever for their fingers to uncurl around the wad of cash and drop it in front of me.

Then, the entire world turned on its head.

I . . . . I don’t know what happened. I was suddenly inside some bizarre building. It felt familiar, but also completly alien. A man was staring at me from across the room for a moment, and then he vanished.

I realized I felt very, very strange then. I tried to look down at myself. I . . . I swear to you, Professor, I didn’t have hands anymore, or legs, or even a body. I . . . I was . . . a ball. A pokeball. And I was rolling across the floor.

In my panic, I desperaly tried to move. I found I was able to adjust the direction of my roll, moving to the left or right, but I couldn’t completely stop my momentum. I tried to cry out, but I couldn’t speak. Then, I felt myself bump against something familiar. After a moment, I realized what it was: my GlitchDex. Despite the way my body was, I tried using it.

The world melted into pure chaos, twisting and writhing all around me, shapes, sounds, sensations, lights . . . like some sort of entirely disjointed, illogical nightmare. Yet, despite everything, despite the world falling apart all around me, I was still scrolling through the screen on my GlitchDex. I clicked on my Trainer Card to display.

I wondered how I could see without any eyes or a body. Was I . . . inside a pokeball? Was this how pokemon felt when they were inside one? Could they have vague senses of what was going on outside the ball? I could see my Trainer Card, distorted though it was. I tried something else, to access my pokemon menu. Maybe they could help me?

I reached out . . . but, then, only blankness followed.

TRAINER #254

Somehow, after that nightmare, I woke up in front of the Pokemon Center, and everything was normal again. A little shaken up, but otherwise, everything seemed to be in one piece-- and in the right order.

I wasn’t too terribly eager to continue my work after that, but I knew I had 2 glitch trainers left to try. If I wanted to finish the collection, I had to press on.

So I met with trainer #254. They seemed to be terribly similar with trainer #248. ZZAZZ was in full effect. I had learned during my experiences that if I threw a pokeball, these trainers would get upset and just leave me alone, so I ended up doing that again. After the trainer stomped off, though, I felt very dizzy and unwell. I checked my pokemon party to see if they were OK, but the GlitchDex didn’t display them. I took a few steps along the Nugget Bridge, thinking I would head back to the Poke Center, but then I passed out.

TRAINER #255

At long last, the final glitch trainer. This one (named 14S, apparently) was terribly shy. I attempted many, many times to battle them, but they kept running away. Usually when I approached them, sounds around me became distorted and very odd sounding. Finally, after around 20 attempts, the trainer stayed still and was about to let out one of their pokemon.

And then I fainted.

CONCLUSION

I realize now how long this e-mail has become. Sorry about that. Hope you don’t mind. But I felt it was appropriate to give you a very detailed record of all my experiments. Especially considering how many times I fainted in order to accomplish all of this. Now that I’m done, I plan on visiting Saffron City for a little R&R. I figure I deserve some rest after today.

I’ll write you after my little break.

-June

---

End Notes

Glitches mentioned/used in this post

* Glitch Trainers

* ZZAZZ

Click for the next part of the series!

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Dec 11, 2019.

#pokemon #pokemon glitching #glitch pokemon #glitch run #mycontent #pokemon playthroughs

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xseildnasterces · 3 years

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anytime and anywhere.

I’m bleeding. Like, really bleeding. I mean, even writing that scares me. It’s never good to be bleeding from anywhere unless you are on your period… and I’m not. My IBD flare is getting worse. My bloods came back, and everything was normal which is good, but that also creates a huge concern, because if nothing is showing up in my bloods that would usually show up in a flare – what the hell is wrong with me? Of course, I am still awaiting other results which will much more clearly highlight my inflammation – but even still. I’m stressed, I’m worried and I’m seriously concerned about what exactly is happening with my body right now. I have no idea what started this flare, nor do I really know how to deal with it other than avoid pretty much all food and try not to move too much. I came home from work early today and I won’t be going to the office tomorrow. I plan to work from home, and if I am still really unwell, I will probably take some time off. I honestly don’t think that anyone seems to really understand IBD at all – unless you have it or you are a medical professional of course – or you have done your research. My boss’ response today was not adequate and talking to friends most of the time they don’t get it either. It makes me so incredibly angry and annoyed when people say ‘Oh it’s IBS’ – NO IT IS NOT IBS. Urgh it’s so frustrating to explain and make people understand that this is a chronic condition that causes so many issues with daily life, but never mind when you are in the middle of a flare. It sucks. I spoke to my IBD nurse today and she is trying to schedule me an appointment with the gastro specialist asap, so here is hoping that I get one sooner rather than later.

Yesterday I took the metro out to see D. Although my stomach wasn’t really great, it was better than it was the last few days, so I took a risk. Thankfully I was okay whilst I was out, but clearly today I am paying for it. It was the first time I had actually been in D’s house – which is incredible. We spent so long just chatting on her sofas, she showed me her witchy yoga room and the guest room where I could stay if I wanted to stay for a weekend sometime. It would certainly make things easier if I did, because it’s almost an hour journey from A to B. Clearly in the middle of an IBD flare I was not going to be staying anywhere other than my own bed, so I headed home, plus I had work today. After chatting for ages, we headed into the town to get dinner and then sat there for ages just chatting away. I love that D and I can discuss witchy things, yoga, tarot and other things that I have always had interests in but then never had friends that were also deep into their interest in it too. I had such a good time which was nice considering the last few days of last week I had been feeling really miserable and I needed something to brighten myself up. I was in such a deep sort of depression on Saturday, I mean, that was probably most likely due to knowing what that day marked, so I certainly needed something to take my mind off that.

I am doing my best to avoid watching the news as I still cannot cope with the scenes. I was beyond devastated this morning when I got a Sky News alert telling me that an Afghan family had all been killed in the US air strike. Yes, I understand why they have to do this to get rid of the horrible people in the world that want to cause other people harm, but seriously, civilians should not be injured. Civilians who are doing nothing wrong at all other than trying to live their lives. It is so incredibly hard not to cry when you read or see these things. It is beyond devastating. It has also been awful to see the floods currently occurring in the south of the US. I have always wanted to go to New Orleans. It’s been on my list for such a long time regarding the US. I want to see all the quirky things that it has to offer. H, M, F and I considered going there later this week, but as we were considering it, we changed our mind because the delta variant is running rife down there. I’m grateful that we did considering that state of things right now, but I am also devastated that the city will be badly damaged and so many places that were rebuilt after they were destroyed by hurricane Katrina will once again fall to the ground. The weather is a natural phenomenon – one that we cannot fully predict nor control.

[Blog title: Anytime and Anywhere - Less Than Jake].

#anytime and anywhere #less than jake #life #update #life update #thought #thoughts #feeling #feelings #emotion #emotions #me #lgbt #queer #ibd #health #news #diary #journal

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oadara · 7 years

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JONERYS APPRECIATION WEEK

Day 2: favorite scene // the one that was promised // fairy tale au

Written by: Oadara

Art by: har-leen

Once upon a time in a lighthouse by the sea there lived a lonely girl, with only two old servants and her dog for company. Once there had been four, her father, her mother, and her older brother and her. But then the war came and the king sent word, all the able men in the land had to fight for the realm. Her father was the first to go and where there were four now there three. Soon the war grew bloodier and more men were needed and so her brother was called to war too.

Now only her mother and she were left to care for the lighthouse. Months went by and then a year but not a word had been sent about her father or brother. Then, one day, they received a letter the war had ended but her father and brother had died serving their king. They expressed their regrets and thank them for their service. The news devastated her poor mother and her already sad heart finally broke and so now only the young girl known as Daenerys was left.

With time, the pain of her loss eased and although she missed her family terribly she grew into a strong and independent young woman. She had also grown quite beautiful, with hair silver like the moon, skin as soft as silk, eyes of violet blue and rosy lips. Her frame was small but agile and strong. As it was now up to her to manage the lighthouse she took on her responsibility head-on.

Her nights she spent manning the lighthouse accompanied by her shaggy black dog Dragon, she had gotten quite good at it in the years since her father, brother and mother had died. Gray, her manservant, would assist her time to time but he was old and not as strong as he once was.

Every fortnight or so she would accompany Gray into town, his sister Missie, who took care of the cooking and cleaning, use to accompany them. But the long ride into town was too painful on her back and so now it was only Daenerys, Gray and sometimes Dragon.

It wasn’t a very large town, but you could almost always find what you needed. It was a beautiful day and the market was particularly busy today, Gray noted, and as they made their way through the stalls. Suddenly, Daenerys caught a glimpse of Mr. Night and began to hurry so that he would not see her.

You see, Mr. Night was the richest man in town and used his money and influence to always get what he wanted. He was a tall thin man with an angular face. It could be considered handsome but Daenerys found him repellant. There was something not quite right about him that she had sensed long ago. Perhaps it was the ease with which he could manipulate others to do his bidding.

Her mother had always been distrustful of him as well and had advised Daenerys to avoid him. She had said, “If he ever speaks to you, listen to his words, instead of hearing what he says.” And so Daenerys remembered her mother’s words and kept them present in her mind. Which had served her well in the last year, as Mr. Night had grown quite interested in her. He was insistent that she attend his parties and while Daenerys managed to refuse most of the times, she could not always.

She was hurrying Gray along before Mr. Night would see them but when she turned around to make her way back to the carriage she found him standing in front of her. “My dearest Daenerys, how good to see you again.” His voice was like a song dark and melodious. But to Daenerys, his words sounded too sweet, like adding sugar to honey.

“It is good to see you as well,” she said politely. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, Gray and I must head back to the lighthouse.”

“Of course,” he said, making his words even sweeter “I must not keep you waiting. But if I may, I’d like to extend an invitation. A week from now I am to host a dinner party for the young people in town and your presence there would be most welcome. You just have come, you cannot refuse. I’m sure you’re in need of some diversion, cooped up all alone in the dreary lighthouse.” To anyone who was listening he sounded so sincere, so caring, such attention. What a generous soul.

But Daenerys was not fooled, he was demanding that she attend, “You are too generous, but alas, my work at the lighthouse requires that I be there at night, all nights, throughout the night. I wish you the best of luck in your festivities.” and without waiting for an answer she grabbed Gray and headed for the carriage. On her way, back to the lighthouse, she asked Gray to stop by the road. “Oh, Miss, I wish you wouldn’t,” he said nervously.

“There is nothing to fear, Agnus is not a witch no matter what the townsfolk say.” He looked at her warily but said nothing more.

She made her way to Agnus’ cottage, it was a small and sad place down a narrow path. She accompanied her mother many times to bring Agnus food and after her mother died, she continued to come on her own.

“Sweet child, you are too kind.” Said the old woman in a creaky voice. The townsfolk called her witch because she made healing potions and other stuff but Daenerys knew most of it was harmless. Then, Daenerys mentioned that she ran into Mr. Night again and the smile that had been in Agnus’ face was quickly gone.

“You know I’ve warned you already you must keep far away from that man; he is no someone to be trifled with and if you keep refusing him I’m afraid of what he might do”

Her words worried Daenerys

“Perhaps you should stay at the lighthouse the next time it is time to go into town.” Said Agnus

Daenerys said her goodbyes and thought of Agnus’ advice. She did not like leaving Gray along with all the burden of the shopping but perhaps it would be best if she avoided town for the next few times. She was working in the garden wile Dragon sat next to her taking in the cool breeze when she heard a carriage arrive. “That must be Gray,” she thought. She got up to greet him and help him with the groceries when she saw he was not alone. Mr. Night was with him; he had ridden his horse.

“Mr. Night, do what do I own the honor,” she said nervously

“You did not come into town and I thought perhaps you were unwell. Gray insisted otherwise, but I wanted to be sure.” He smiled sweetly, false concern oozing from him.

“As you can see I’m quite well.”

“Indeed. I’m a glad to have been wrong. While I’m here would you not invite me for some tea. I’ve never been inside a lighthouse before.” Innocently smiling at her.

Daenerys wanted to say no but to do so would be ill-mannered. He knew she could not refuse.

“Of course. Please follow me.”

They had their tea and then Daenerys began to show him the lighthouse. They were almost done with the tour when they reached the top of the tower. Mr. Night barely looked at what Daenerys was showing him, he kept his eyes always focused on her.

“Finally, this is the lantern and the lenses that we use,” Daenerys said as she showed him the equipment.

“Fascinating,” said Mr. Night barely looking at them. When suddenly he rounded on her almost pinning her against the wall a look of hunger in his eye. “My dearest Daenerys, I find you the most enchanting of women. You must have noticed my interest in you, it is sincere, for I wish to make you my wife.”

“Oh no!” she thought, she had feared this was his intent all along. She had no intention of becoming his wife. She then heard a growl coming from behind Mr. Night. Dragon had decided to join them up in the tower. Mr. Night took a step back and looked eagerly at her “What do you say?”

Daenerys steadied herself and with as much composure as she could muster she said “Mr. Night your offer is very kind but I must decline. I am not interested in marriage and my work here at the lighthouse is too important to me to leave behind.”

Mr. Night’s smiling began to falter his face turned angry and ugly. “You refuse.” He almost growled/

“I do,” Daenerys said firmly.

“You’ll regret this” and with the Mr. Night turned around almost hitting Dragon on his way down the tower and left.

“Miss Daenerys what happened? asked Missie, as Daenerys came down from the tower, she told them what happened. “Oh dear, I don’t think he’s the kind of man who takes rejection well,” Gray said and Daenerys knew there was truth to his words.

Months went by and she had not seen Mr. Night again. Perhaps he had found another girl to curt and was avoiding her embarrassed by his outburst. One stormy night while she stood at the top of the tower she noticed a boat veering too close to the cliff and began to sound a warning bell but the boat continued on its course. She was afraid it came to close the waves would capsize it.

When suddenly a big wave slammed into the boat and she saw someone go overboard. Daenerys ran as fast as she could down to the small dock She look about when she finally spotted someone flailing about in the water. And without thinking, she ran to her little boat and began to row her way to them.

She had lived at the lighthouse her whole life and she knew how to navigate the currents, although, the storm made it more difficult. She began to yell, “Hello, hello, where are you?” but no one answer and she could not see anyone. She turned her little boat around to row to the other side when suddenly a young man burst from beneath the water gasping for breath and grabbed onto the boat with all his might.

Daenerys put down her oars and began to pull him up. He was heavy but she managed to get him inside the boat. He was coughing loudly trying to get rid of all the water he had swallowed. Daenerys quickly grabbed her oars and began to row them back to the dock.

With a bit of effort, she managed to get him into the house and once inside yelled for Gray and Missie for help. Poor Gray and Missie got to her as fast as they could with frightened looks on their faces. “Miss Daenerys was has happened,” they said in unison.

“No time to explain. Gray help me take him to my brother’s room. Missie, put some water to boil.” And with that, they all got to work. Gray and Daenerys were able to get the young man into bed and undressed him. That’s when they noticed the large gash, He must have injured himself when he fell overboard.

“He’s bleeding, I’ll get bandages and water from Missie, you go get my sewing kit.” She said to Gray as they both got to work. Daenerys gently began to clean his wound. It wasn't as bad as she had initially thought but it would take him weeks to heal and be able to walk. Gray returned quickly and handed her box, she grabbed her largest needle and some thread and be began to sow.

The young man had barely spoken a word. He seemed still in shock. She had Gray help her sit him up and she fed him some of the brother Missie had brought. Finally, when he was done he said “Thank you” he voice was still uneasy but he seemed better. He promptly closed his eyes and fell asleep. She went to her room to change into dry clothes as she had gotten soaked.

When she returned to the room she dismissed Gray and sat by the bed. Once Gray was gone she was able to have a good look at the young man. He was not much older than her she concluded. He had dark brown hair, almost black. His build was slim but strong and he had a handsome face long with a strong jaw. She looked up at his face again and noticed he had a scar, right above his right eye, she wondered how he had gotten it. She gave a big yawn and settled in for her vigil.

She suddenly awoke with a start, to find the young man awake and staring at her. She must have fallen asleep; she had been exhausted after the night’s adventure. When she looked back at him his face had gone red, probably embraced at vein caught staring.

“I beg your pardon Miss; I did not mean to stare,” he said in a surprisingly strong and deep voice.

“Do not worry. Do you need anything?”

“I would be eternally grateful for some water. Thank you.” He said, clearly very thirsty.

“Of course,” said Daenerys and she poured him some water. While he drank it, she introduced herself.

“My name is Daenerys Targaryen, and your name is?” “Jon Stark, please to meet you.”

“Please to meet you, although, I would have preferred if it was under better circumstances.” She said with a small smile.

“I’m sorry for that Miss Daenerys, I lost control of the boat and you put yourself in danger to save my life. Words cannot express my gratitude.” He looked almost embarrassed at what happened.

“Of course, I had o do something.”

“Do you know what happened to my boat?” Jon asked

“Yes, it had not gone too far and Gray was able to drag it bag and dock it. There is some damaged though but once repaired it should be able to get you back home, wherever that may be.”

At that Jon sighed with relief “You’re like a guardian angel. You saved me, saved my boat. I cannot thank you enough.”

Daenerys smiled at him when there was a knock at the door, it was Missie. “Miss, do you want me to stay with the young man while you get some rest?” She had not noticed that the sun had already come up. She would rather continue to talk to Jon but she was tired and a proper rest in her own bed sounded delightful. “Yes, thank you Missie” before she turned to leave she wished Jon a good day and then left.

Over the next few days, she spent most of her free time with Jon. At first, it was very formal but as the days and weeks went by, they became more and more comfortable with one another. Jon told her about his family, he mother had died when he was young and he had lost his father and brother in the war. Now only he and his two sisters were left. She told him about her family and how they sadly had the loss of their fathers and brothers in common.

When Jon was finally able to walk around he began to spend the afternoons repairing his boat and his nights helping Daenerys manage the lighthouse. During those quiet hours at night, they would talk about the books they liked and the places they’d like to visit. Dragon was almost always present; he had taken quite a liking to Jon. They were playing a game that Jon had thought her when after many tries she was finally able to beat him.

“Finally, the student surpasses the master.” She said laughingly.

“Once,” he said but started to laugh too. They sat there staring at each other when Jon said, “I think you have the lovely smile I’d ever seen.” Then he leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. It was the first-time Daenerys had ever been kissed and it was beautiful.

When the kiss sadly ended, they sat there quietly, both a bit embarrassed. When Jon finally spoke, “I know we did not meet under the best of circumstances but I’m glad it happened, because, I got to meet you. I’ve never met anyone quite like you. I guess what I’m trying to say is, would you consider being my wife?” The proposal caught Daenerys by surprise but it was a very happy one. She loved being around Jon, it was so easy, they always seem to understand each other. She smiled at him and said, “Yes, I would be honored.”

Alas, it was time for Jon to leave and return to his home. But, he promised to come back to the lighthouse, “When I return I’ll bring my sisters and then we can marry”

Jon’s boat was almost repaired but there were a few more things he needed and he’d have to go to town to get them. So, on shopping day, he accompanied Daenerys and Gray to the market. She was with Jon while he bartered with a merchant when she heard the too sweet voice of Mr. Night.

“Miss Daenerys, it had been too long since we last saw each other. And who he is this.”

“Mr. Night how good to see you. This is Jon…he’s my betrothed.” She finally said and she could see the cold fury in Mr. Night’s eyes.

“Well, congratulations then.” And with that, he was gone.

They were on their way back to the lighthouse when Jon asked, “Who is that Mr. Night? I did not like the way he looked at you.”

“He tried to court me, but I was not interested.” Said Daenerys.

“Ah, well, that was lucky for me.” He smiled. They stopped by Agnus’ cottage so the Daenerys could Jon to her. As they left her cottage Jon asked; “She not really a witch, is she.”

“I think she has a little magic but I wouldn’t call her a full-fledged witch,” Said Daenerys with a mischievous smile on her face.

Soon it was time for Jon to go home. He had said his goodbyes to Gray and Missie and now only he, Daenerys and Dragon stood at the dock, “When I return I’ll being my sisters with me. I’m sure they’d like to meet you before we marry.” “I’m sure they would and I’m very much looking forward to meeting them. I feel like I know them from everything you’ve told me.”

With that, he kissed her goodbye.

Daenerys had climbed to the top of the tower to watch Jon’s boat sail away when she heard a rustle, she turned around and was shocked to see Mr. Night there.

“Is he gone already. I would never have left my betrothed behind.”

“Mr. Night! What are you doing here?” How had he gotten up here? Thought

Daenerys now frighten. Dragon was beside her, he had not sensed Mr. Night’s arrival but was barking madly at him now.

“You are a very deceitful girl, Daenerys, you refuse me but eagerly agree to engage yourself to him. I thought the lighthouse was too important to you. You felt responsible for it.” He sneered.

“I’m allowed to change my mind.” Said Daenerys both angry and terrified

“I think you need to be reminded of your responsibilities.” It was then that

Daenerys notice that Mr. Night was holding something in his hand. It looked like a thin wooden stick, like a wand.

“What do you mean.”

“I think the lighthouse suits you better. A beacon of virtue.” And with that Mr. Night lifted his hand and pointed his wand at her. At first, she did not understand what was happening but she began to feel warmer and warmer until she was on fire. But she did not burn for she had become a flame. Mr. Night then placed her inside the lantern that lit the lighthouse.

“There.” He said smiling “Now, you can remain faithful to your true calling. Forever.” He turned to leave when Dragon who had seemed to be caught in place was able to lunge at him, but Mr. Night flicker of his wand he slammed Dragon into the wall. And by the time the dog had landed in a heap on the floor, Mr. Night was gone.

And that’s how Gray found poor dragon, still in a heap unable to move because of his broken leg. He had been looking for Miss Daenerys. “What has happened to you boy? Where is Miss Daenerys?” he sailed allowed not expecting a response. When Dragon began to whipper pointing at that lamp. It is then that Gray turned and saw it was still lit and when he went to extinguished the flame he heard a small voice say “Gray, Gray, can you hear me.” It sounded like it came from deep inside a cave.

“Who is there?” he said turning around but there was no one there.

“Gray, look at the fire. It’s me Daenerys.”

“Miss Daenerys?” said Gray and as he looked closely at the flame when he noticed it took shape of a woman, the shape of Daenerys. “How?” was all he could say, so stunned was he.

She told him what happened and asked him to get Agnus and to send word to Jon. Many weeks went by and Daenerys burned day and night. Finally, Jon returned. Missie was waiting for him and his sisters at the dock.

“Ms. Missie, it’s good to see you. These are my sisters Sanas and Aria. What has happened? Where Daenerys? Gray’ message was not clear.”

“It is good to see you again Mr. Jon and a warm welcome to you sister. Please follow me. Gray can explain better what has happened.”

Nervously Jon followed and his sisters behind him. They reached the top of the lighthouse where Gray stood and Dragon laid beside him.

“Where is she?” said Jon and without a word, Gray pointed to the large lantern that lit the lighthouse. “There is Miss Daenerys.” At first, Jon did not understand but as Gray had done before him he leaned down and looked closely to the flame where he saw the shape of a woman and heard Daenerys’s voice. “Oh, Jon…”

“Daenerys…” his voice trailed in complete disbelief his sisters stood behind him also shocked at what they were seeing and hearing.

At that Gray told them what happened.

“What can be done? There must be something”

At that Daenerys spoke, “I spoke to Agnus, who knows of these things. She wants to help but she doesn’t know how.” She could not keep the despair from her voice.

“Let me go and talk to her then. See if she can give me any information that might help.” Jon said looking as he looked at the flames that were the woman he loved.

“I’ll go with you.” Said his sister Arya.

“I’ll stay here with Daenerys.” Said Sansa who looked at Daenerys with horror and wonder.

They arrived at Agnus cottage where she explained to them the situation. “Mr. Night is not an ordering man, he’s a wizard who feeds from the adoration of others. I saw right through him and tried to warn others and as punishment for that he turned me old.” It was a bitter memory for her, twenty years she had suffered her curse.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Said Jon sadly.

“So am I. I’ve been this way for a long time and I’ve learned a thing or two about Mr. Night. A woods-witch once told me that his power came from that wand he wields. That it can only be destroyed with magic.”

“And the woods witch?” said Jon

“I asked her if she could fight him but she told me she was not strong enough and besides it was not her fight. She would not risk herself for no one.” At that, they all stood there quietly while despair began to seep into them. Suddenly Aria spoke, she had been standing queenly in the corner, “If the wand can only be destroyed by magic, do you think a magical fire would do?”

“Yes.” Said Agnus stunned, “I think that could do.”

Jon looked at his sister and smiled “Of course” he turned around to look at Agnus and asked, “do you know how to make poisons?”

“I do. What exactly are you thinking of” said Agnus looking at him curiously Jon turned back to look at his sister, “Do you remember that trick Rob and I use to use when we would go hunting?”

At that Aria smiled.

They returned to the lighthouse and began to make preparations. They would go to Mr. Nights the following night. Jon went up to the tower and explained to Daenerys their plan.

“Do you think it’ll work.” Asked Daenerys

“I think so. It’s our only hope and we have to try something.” Jon said trying to sound encouraging.

The following night they began to get ready. Aria had borrowed Daenerys’s brother’s clothes from when he was younger and transformed herself into a boy. Jon would have preferred not to put his little sister in danger but she was almost as good an archer as he and without her, his plan could not work. Sansa had come down from the tower with Daenerys safely inside a small lantern.

“Good luck.” She wished everyone as they headed out on their quest

A merry band they were, thought Daenerys. A man who knew nothing of magic, a girl dressed as a boy, an old woman, a limp dog who had insisted in joining them and her, a woman trapped inside a flame.

They made their way to Mr. Night’s home, Agnus knew it well, she had stalked it for many years. They found Mr. Night walking around his garden. While the others hid, Agnus walked out of the shadows and spoke.

“Why would you do that to that poor girl? She did not deserve it.”

“My dearest Agnus do what do I owe the pleasure? It’s been too long, you’ve aged.” He smiled at his own quip

“Arrogant as always. You never did take rejection well,” she said and pulled a dagger from her pocket.

At that Mr. Night quickly pointed his wand at her “You fool –” but before he could do anything an arrow came flying through the sky and he had to act quickly to dodge it. But as he was dodging one, another came flying and he was not quick enough to dodge that one. Behind him stood Jon and on his back stood an arrow dipped in poison. It would not kill him Agnus had said but it should paralyze him. Before there was any time to act Jon came running towards Mr. Night and with the help of Dragon he wrestled the wand away from him. He threw it towards his sister who carried Daenerys. Aria grabbed the wand and gave it to Daenerys who quickly began to burn it and as it burned she could feel herself become more whole. Then they heard a terrible shriek and as Daenerys become whole Mr. Night become mist and when she became herself again there was nothing of him left.

Dragon came running towards her needed her to pet him. She looked up and there was Jon.

“Thank you. Thank you all.” He quickly embraced her tightly and kissing her fiercely “Oh, how happy I am to see your smile again.”

Jon took Daenerys by the hand and they all headed back to the lighthouse.

The end.

#jonerysweek #week two day two #fairy tale #fanfic #daenerys targaryen x jon snow #jonerys

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smallsoap · 4 years

Text

one cycle, of many

Time in the sickroom drags. The sun rises and falls outside my window, the light pours in and then disappears again. It spills across the floor, showing off the laminate, but it never reaches my bed. I watch it. I can only watch.

My illness comes and goes. Sometimes, I can go out with friends. Enjoy my time with others. More often, I need to stay inside. Some days getting out of bed brings me to tears, my bones strain under my own weight. My muscles have long since atrophied away. I once was able to get up from my seat and take off in a dead sprint, but those days are behind me now.

Trying to explain to others that I am unwell is a chore. I avoid it as much as possible. My pain should be just mine, because it’s unfair to burden others with whining. So many times, I have been in front of a friend, and they have asked me to do a fun activity with them. My heart always sinks. My days are dependent on what kind of body I wake up with, something outside of my influence. Making plans is a fretful affair, because even if I plan it months in advance, I can never know if today is the day I shut down.

It’s not that I don’t like others, I do. I just don’t understand them. How do you have so much energy? How do you make more energy later? Because I spend so much time away from others, sick, my social skills are very under developed. I make up for this by being very loving. My kindness gets me in messes often. Twice now, I have been so nice to a man that he thought that was an open invitation to my body. It wasn’t, but I was too nice and weak to say no. This made me even more afraid of my own body. Other times, my loving nature has made people protective of me, and loving right back to me. I am very grateful to these people. They give me hope. This makes me believe in humans as a whole. If these people are so good, then the world cannot really be this scary.

Getting ready is an important thing for me. If I look lovely, people won’t notice I am sick. They won’t notice I’m limping today. If my lipstick is on and my outfit fits well, then no one will pay attention to how tired I am. It’s a mask. It has always been a mask. Recently, I lost 30 lbs in 2 months. I woke up one day and realized I could hold my own skeleton. This frightened the people who care about me quite a lot. I was more devastated that my clothes no longer fit. How could I mask how sick I am if my clothes hang off of me like a coat on a coat rack? Like a flag on a pole, on a day of no wind? Time to bring out the giant hoodie.

My body just started shutting down. I wake up with filmy eyes. The sun pouring across the floor, bathing my room in brilliant white light. It blinded me, and the pounding in my head came with fanfare. I started to cry, and it made the headache worse. I made myself get up and get into the shower. I stood under the hot water, and I felt so cold. I was trying diligently to be calm, think about this rationally. How severe is it? Do I need to go see my GP for the second time this week? Washing my hair took so much energy, I had to take frequent breaks. Leaning against the wall, gasping. Soap running into my open mouth. Gagging at the taste. When I got out, I drove myself to the doctor.

This is normal for me. These symptoms first showed up when I was 13-14. They were very minor then, just twinges here and there, and uncomfortable nights. So minor that I felt I could ignore them. I was very athletic in my teens, a runner. I ate almost nothing, and frequently would pass out on the field. I thought that was commitment to my sport, and was proud of myself. Then, I tore multiple ligaments in my ankle, and was done with this dream. I spent months in physical therapy. My therapist and I went over my history, and he told me that the kind of body I have isn’t made out for high endurance sports like running. “You’re not a high endurance kind of person,” He told me. This hurt my feelings, but he was right. My destroyed ankle was a testimony to this. Later, my leveled immune system would corroborate.

In hindsight, I can see I was running from my own mind. I hurt my body trying to run from my demons. My strange childhood and tragic teen years had caught up with me. I looked at them directly for the first time. It was very painful sifting though my minds storage unit full of past traumas and joys, but this work gave me a strong sense of identity. My shadows were integrated.

My sickness usually works like this:

1. I wake up exhausted. I go brush my teeth, and my eyes are bloodshot. Usually, this is is paired with body ache and face ache. Have you ever had an achey face? It will make you want to DIE.

2. The headaches start. This will be pressure in my eyes, and my vision will be blurry. Usually spreads across my scalp in a halo. The shittiest crown a person could have.

3. Depression. How could I avoid it? When my body starts to fade, so does my will to live.

4. I often won’t be able to keep food down. It comes up like it’s toxic waste. I often opt out of food entirely to avoid this.

5. When my period comes, so does violent clarity. My mind starts to work at 100%, even as a great seizing happens in my lower back. I write a lot during this time.

6. Pain. Just pain. Even my fingernails hurt. The dead ends of my hair ache.

I am a joyful person. I am someone who creates things, and this brings me joy. This has been a sad series of words, but don’t think that I am broken because of these things. I am likely stronger than you, on the inside. Being sickly makes you target for persecution, and I have been picked on a lot because of this. It has made me kinder. I know that it’s easy to pick on the weak, so I turn to them like a sunflower. Bright and brilliant. I accept their light, even if they meant it to be cruel. It is still light, and the light makes us grow. When I am so sick that I shuffle when I walk, I shuffle outside. I let the sun give me strength. I listen to the birds sing their songs. I watch the ants march sweetly along the ground. I put my bare feet in the grass. I connect with Great Gaia. She chose for my path to be a difficult one, because I needed this pain to make me strong. I was given a heavy load, because I can carry it with grace. I can rise beautifully to the challenge set before me.

If I can do this, then so can you. We are all powerful beings brought up here on the beautiful earth. One of many, One part of the grand collective. This is inherent to you. A gift you were given at birth. Congratulations for making it this far, I know it hasn’t been easy. I am proud of your journey. I am proud of your progression along your path. I am excited to see where you will go!

#spirals #this feels unfinished but im done writing for now!!!!!!!!!!!!

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coronaviruscorner · 4 years

Text

The devastating impact of coronavirus on our health system if left unchecked

As a doctor writing about coronavirus, I have been asked by some of my medical colleagues to explain the impact that coronavirus is going to have on our health system. I’ll start by discussing how the staffing of our hospital system works normally, and then consider the impact of coronavirus.

As a medical registrar, I have worked in five different public hospitals in NSW, and as a general rule, while we manage, these hospitals, and their staff, are very busy. It is very unusual for us ward doctors to finish on time, even normally, and on average most doctors will probably finish between one and three hours later than our official finish time. We are used to this, and some will be paid overtime for these hours, but many of us do not. Often, we may go through the entire day without eating or going to the bathroom until 5 or 6 PM, sometimes later. At times I’ve had to do one or two sixteen hour shifts every week, get home at midnight, have dinner, shower, and go to bed, to wake again at 5.30 to be back at work at 7 the next morning for a slightly more tolerable 10-11 hour day.

Nurses may be slightly more likely to finish on time due to differences between the way doctors and nurses are rostered, but they tend to be run off their feet the entire time they are at work. They are their patients’ nurse, but that encompasses also being their carer, advocate, medical jargon interpreter, counsellor, educator, mobility aide, support, protector, comfort, adviser, and often family. Regularly, they may have to do either planned or unplanned double shifts due to staffing concerns.

Of course, the hospital system needs so much more than doctors and nurses to operate. There are our allied health colleagues - pharmacists, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, social workers, speech pathologists, dietitians, radiographers - our laboratory staff and scientists, support and administrative staff, porters, cleaners, orderlies, and volunteers. There are also of course all our executive staff and various other people. And I am extremely grateful to everyone of these people in all of our hospitals. Without any of them, the hospital would not be able to function. I would also like to give my sincere thanks and acknowledgement to all of my colleagues in the general practice world, doing great work in the community and looking after far more patients than we do in hospital, keeping so many people well and out of hospital, helping us out immeasurably.

Without naming names of hospitals, at most hospitals I have worked at, the hospital is perpetually either full or close to full. Hospitals generally have bed meetings with senior staff every day to discuss how to manage their patient load, and which patients can be discharged safely in order to accommodate more pressing and unwell patients in the emergency department. I have received countless pages (yes, we really do still use those beepy things) just after work starts along the lines of “HOSPITAL FULL PLEASE ATTEND TO PATIENT DISCHARGE URGENTLY”, as there might be 20 or more patients stuck in the emergency department needing admission, but with no free beds in the main hospital. We do generally manage this normal patient load, but not only is the hospital always functioning near capacity, high patient loads mean every single one of those staff members I have mentioned is quite busy.

When coronavirus hits, we are going to see two major issues affect the functioning of our hospitals. Firstly, patient numbers are going to skyrocket. In Italy, on march 28, they have over 80,000 cases, and over 9,000 dead. That mortality rate is over 10%! Much higher than most quoted figures of 1-2%. But this is a function of the overloaded hospital system. When everyone has access to ICU beds, and hospital staff that have time and resources to take outstanding care of patients, mortality rates will hopefully not exceed 1-2%. But when the number of patients that need ICU beds, ventilators, and highly trained staff to manage them massively exceeds the availability of those things, the majority of those people that can’t access them will die. This leads to huge increases in mortality as patients that could normally be saved, cannot.

Secondly, those key hospital staff that I’ve mentioned are going to start getting COVID-19. Healthcare workers are at far higher risk of contracting COVID-19 than the general public. In Italy, 20% of healthcare workers have been infected already, and that number continues to increase. These essential staff will be either quarantined at home for 14 days, or even worse, very unwell and requiring hospital care. This will both reduce our staffing at a time of great need, and increase the workload on those that remain.

Finally, I would like to remind everyone that hospitals will still need to be treating and looking after hundreds of other medical conditions. Whilst non-urgent elective surgeries will cease, the vast majority of conditions that normally occur in the population and need hospitalisation - they will all still be happening. People will continue to have strokes, heart attacks, pneumonias, COPD exacerbations, diabetic ketoacidosis and the like. But the hospital system overburdened with COVID-19 cases will also be managing all of these conditions and more.

So why am I telling you all this? At 3,500 cases as of today, we are just at the tip of the iceberg. Every individual’s actions make a difference. So I want to urge each and every one of you to do everything you can to prevent the spread of coronavirus. Cancel all non-essential outings. Work from home if you can. Avoid spending time with anyone you do not live with, unless it is in the capacity of essential work. Wash your hands with soap and water often, especially when leaving the house or getting back home. Practice physical distancing when you have to leave the home - stay at least 1.5 m away from other people, do not touch anyone.

To those of you that are still going to public events and putting everyone’s health in jeopardy, I have some questions for you:

Which family member or friend of yours would you be happy to die, if you are happy to risk anyone getting COVID-19?

If our cases continue to skyrocket, what if it’s you that has a car crash, or a ruptured appendix, or an aortic dissection. Do you want to be going to a hospital that is stretched far beyond capacity, or one where staff can give you the care and attention you need to get better?

If you are one of the unlucky ones, who needs a ventilator, do you want there to be one available? Or do you want to force some poor doctor to have to choose between saving your life and someone else’s.

As a wise woman once said “Our quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains, while all the company is true.” We stand on the precipice of disaster, but we can still flatten the curve and prevent our health system being overwhelmed if each person takes responsibility for their own actions.

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debbstepps · 5 years

Text

Globalization excerpt

country: The country of Scinta

Language: Relish

culture: similar to Native American/ Indigenous culture

land mass: Think China. nothing more or less.

tibbits: A Mann is someone born on a full blue moon. they are born with pale white hair and skin. Similar to an albino in our world. Woman and men perform a ritual or sorts by plastering a pregnant woman’s swoll stomach with white powder ten weeks before the next full blue moon in order to have a Mann baby.

“you guys have a lot of kids that look alike”, I say, looking around at all the repeated faces that walk pass me from where I’m sitting.

The rug I was sitting under patted me, but not enough to feel the wriggling of bugs and crawlers barely beneath the surface of the desert floor.

The festival was in full swing.

A big blue moon was glowing in the midnight sky (yes, it’s around midnight), kids running around the meeting ground (what we call bonfire), people chatting, couples and friends dancing in the circle, and overall, the smell of good food.

Like, food I still don’t know the names of, or how to pronounce them, but still smell nice.

“Oh Yeah, that’s because most of us give birth to eight-tuplets”, the woman told me as she bit into her wrapper (a sandwich as we call it).

“You what!!??” I shout flabbergasted. mouth hanging down was all eyes steer their attention towards me.

“Give birth.... to eight-tuplets. It’s not that hard really. you give birth to the first four in the first month and a half, and then your body rests while caring the remaining four before you release them in the second half and a month”, she says sipping her drink.

My eyes refuse to return back to normal size, still in a state of shock.

“Why are you so surprised?”, one of the other woman sitting beside her asks. her hair was pale white, just like her skin. Completely normal for these people.

She’s what they call a Mann. yes, with two “n’s”. I’m actually not supposed to be using female pronouns but she told with her it’s okay.

“Well, you see,” trying my best to explain that where I come from, Earth, women carry a child for nine months with no breaks, “Females who are pregnant, “wholly” as your people call it, carry one child for nine months”. now it was their turn to be shellshocked.

“Nine months!!??”, both women scream in unison. nobody turned heads when they screamed, like my scream and their scream sounded completely different er’ something.

“Yeah, and they get like, what we call morning sickness. nausea, throwing up, leg cramps, tummy aches, and just overall unwell health.” the two females at this point were scarred beyond words.

“unwell health”, one said.

“leg cramps and tummy aches”, the other continued.

“Oh yeah, and the baby kicks them inside the womb. As in, the baby, when somewhat grown and wants to leave not quite matured to be born yet,” I say, building up to their already astonished reaction, “will kick their mother just to tell them they want to leave, and they’re alive”, I finish.

the two women go mad.

“I cannot believe this”

“This is impossible”

“Are you being serious?”

“Well, I can’t really say since I’m a guy so I can't get pregnant, but from what my mom told me, yeah, it’s sorta true”, I say.

“And that’s only for one child?”, the lady I was originally talking to asks in somewhat horror and I nod.

“Yeah, that’s just for one child. having two or three children is the same experience, sometimes worse. Oh, and when having more than one, you are more likely to lose one, or possibly die. Oh yeah, also having one child can cause you to die if complications occur and when a woman is delivering, so like, giving birth, she feels unimaginable pain”. I said nodding at the last part. By this time, the women aren’t even reacting anymore, just devastated.

“Just for bringing life,,,”, the first lady starts,

“the young mother must go through the ring of fire”, the white-haired woman end (the ring of fire is a place in their country that has been burning for a long time. they don’t know who or what started it).

After a long silence between us, with the festival music is blaring and people still lively as ever, completely oblivious that the moon refuses to lower its head, the white-haired woman speaks.

“Surely, the women in your world are revered?”

“Yes. you're right!”, the other pipes in, “Surely they must be treated like the Goddesses”. they both begin to laugh and beam. I stare blankly back at them.

“I mean, I give birth to eight at once, and my husband expects me to immediately start working in the farmlands”.

“Yes, even though I am a Mann, I am still expected to perform my duties as if I did not just deliver an infram (infant) Mann to the world minutes ago”.

I don’t shed any form of emotion. they turn to me.

“Your women, from Earth, they are beautiful yes? doing all that hard work just to populate the earth. They must be worshipped above all else aren't they?”. they’re waiting for my response.

oh.

Oh.

If only they knew how we treated our women and females, and anyone who dares to be born with reproductive organs.

Oh, they’ll be so disappointed with us.

oh...

oof.

Tag list----

@writingonesdreams

#Globalization #excerpt from a story #wip #The country of Scinta #dont know the chapter #oof #this turned out pretty well #at least i think

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suchawonderfullife · 7 years

Text

1. The silver lining..

For those who know me personally, you may be wondering why I’ve called this blog “such a wonderful life”? Well, “Wonderful Life” by Hurts is a song of significance to me. The lyrics start with:

“On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night, Susie meets the man of her dreams. He says that he got in trouble and if she doesn’t mind He doesn’t want the company But there’s something in the air They share a look in silence and everything is understood Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand as the rain puts a tear in his eye. She says Don’t let go Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life Don’t let go Never give up, it’s such a wonderful life”

It’s about a man about to commit suicide, when he is stopped by a woman, she grabs his hand and assures him it will all be okay. The lyrics continue with her seeing his pain, they fall in love and he starts to believe her words. She saves him.

I used to listen to this song through my sickest and darkest days. This song still evokes strong emotion when I listen to it, I think because of the memory of how sick I was when I needed to hear these words the most. I remember countless nights in my early 20′s, feeling such immense loneliness and emotional suffering. It would be 2am or some ridiculous time, my insomnia in fine form and I’d just spent another day (like hundreds before that) home alone, too sick to watch tv, talk to anybody or do anything relatively normal. My level of pain and suffering was incomprehensible and honestly, I’m astonished I survived it. I used to meditate lying down, for hours on end just to try and alleviate some of my symptoms, then I’d lie on the couch listening to classical music as that’s all my body could cope with. If I wasn’t on the couch listening to music, I was in bed in complete silence and darkness, just breathing, hoping to fall asleep (but unable to) and waiting for another day to pass. So at 2-3-4am, when the magnitude of my isolation was felt the most, tears streaming down my face and all I could think about was falling asleep and hoping to never wake up, this song spoke to the deepest part of my soul. The part of me that knew life was worth fighting for and that I needed to try and hold on a little longer. You can listen to the song here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TB1x67Do5U

I have to tell you how glad I am that I did hold on. I survived years of suffering that I would not wish on my worst enemy. When you have no hope outside of that fire that burns within you, when doctors tell you you’re too sick to be treated and they don’t know how to help you, that you may never get better, the majority of your friends abandon you from lack of understanding and judgement and there is nothing in your day that brings you joy, distraction or relief. When you’re isolated beyond comprehension and left feeling like a worthless burden to those selfless enough to stick around and love and care for you regardless. I’m glad my multiple suicide attempts through those times were never successful. I’m glad the universe has kept me here. Now I have hope and the possibility of returning to a life where feeling joy, having the ability to participate in society and achieving my goals, will outweigh my level of suffering. I may even feel somewhat “normal”- now that’s a dream i’ve had for almost a decade.

In just over a month’s time, I will be travelling to the Hansa Center in Wichita Kansas for life-saving treatment for Late Stage Nuerological Lyme Disease and many other conditions this illness has graced me with. This trip has been a year in the making. Over 8 years of trialling endless treatments, a multitude of tests, dozens of doctors, anecdotal evidence from friends and fellow sufferers on their own journey and lastly a years research solely on this clinic and why this is my best shot at helping my body fight such a devastating disease. A disease that has robbed 12 years of my life, taken away my dreams and life plans, has control of all my organs (including my brain), nervous system and tissues, causes dozens (even hundreds) of debilitating symptoms and has actually made me grateful to be the person I am today.

I don’t want this blog to simply be about me harping on about how sick I am/was, treatments and other sad or challenging things. To me it’s about finding hope and positivity in whatever your circumstances and learning to be grateful for the lessons through things you cannot change or do not have control over. I want this blog to change the way you see the world, to inspire you to never give up, to fight for what you want and to face whatever it is that’s holding you back.

There is always something positive to come from any experience. A silver lining if you will. So here is mine: In my 2 years of “remission” (ages 18-20), though I didn’t know it was remission at the time, I was a very different person to who I am now. I was still kind-hearted, thoughtful, loving and a decent human being (in my opinion). But I was superficial and possibly too driven. I prided myself on how hard I could work and how much I could achieve. Rest or down-time was not something I cared for. I studied full-time and worked 2-3 jobs. Working less than 20 hours a week was not acceptable to me. I would head out with friends on weekends for big nights out, I was extroverted (still am) and very likeable. I found it easy to get along with anybody and make new friends. My looks were very important, as a personal trainer, exercise was my life and I loved being known as a “gym junkie.”

I valued myself on how I looked, men finding me attractive, my achievements and status of profession and how likeable I was to others. Basically, I sought value within myself through superficial and tangible parts of my life (as most of us do). So when I became ill, I lost everything that gave me a sense of purpose and made me who I was. A year into being diagnosed as chronically ill (age 21) and I became severely depressed, even suicidal, partly due to my ongoing isolation and grieving the loss of everything I once had. It took me a long time to learn how to re-build my self-worth from nothing. But I did it.

I slowly learnt the value of being grounded, the importance of genuine connection and meaningful relationships over going out and being liked by whomever I may meet. Now I’d rather have quality time with one good friend, than head out with 10 friends where the conversation is potentially shallow. I’ve learnt how to value myself despite my looks (I haven’t been able to exercise in 8 years and putting makeup on is only possible on really “well” days), despite being unable to work or whatever profession I may have in the future and despite being unable to contribute or participate in society like people expect. Those are the things society TELLS us are important, but if you take them all away, you’re left with nothing. Imagine losing all that shapes you as “you,” becoming a lifeless shell of your former self, how would you get through that and rebuild who you are?

So what’s important to me now above all else, is my integrity, morals and how I treat others. I’m a good person, I know this and that’s what matters. I also learnt how to say no. How to set boundaries and make sure that I take care of myself first and foremost and others second. I used to bend over backwards for people, but when I put people’s well-being before my own, it was usually for them to like me, to keep the peace, or out of fear they would abandon me if I didn’t help. So my intentions (although from a good place) were actually not genuine. I’ve learnt how to be true to myself and only say yes to things that serve me or things I am capable of doing whilst maintaining my own physical and emotional health. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” remember that. I also learnt through counselling that you do yourself a disservice every time you step outside yourself and your core values, to simply please someone else. You become inauthentic and are essentially hurting yourself.

I’m still extroverted, but I’ve learnt how to be alone and embrace simply doing nothing. At 18 I couldn’t even sit through a yoga class, I thought it was “stupid” to waste time breathing deeply and relaxing. I used to get anxiety if it was a Saturday night and I wasn’t out doing something. I hated being on my own with nothing to do. However now, I actually enjoy time alone, doing nice things for myself like having a bath, cooking a healthy meal, going for a walk, sitting in a cafe drinking a coffee just watching people, spending a whole day on the couch binge-watching whatever show I am obsessed with at the time and more. It’s OK to do nothing and this took years for me to accept. But don’t get this confused with severe isolation when you are bedridden. That is when I wanted to die and being that sick, for that long with very limited social contact is beyond challenging and heart-breaking. I am very fortunate to not be THAT sick right now and to have the (although limited) freedom of making some choices on my better days.

Moreover, I learnt that my circumstances and life need no explanation. I don’t owe anybody anything. I used to justify and explain myself out of fear of judgement. The looks I get when I park in a disabled spot, or get pushed around the shops in a wheelchair, yet would hop out of it to look at something. Feeling unwell at an event and needing to go lie down or leave and not knowing how to tell someone, cancelling plans or suddenly becoming too unwell to speak, move or tolerate a normal sound or smell. It’s exhausting to feel the need to constantly justify your circumstances to people. So I don’t and I don’t care if people don’t “get it.” They’re not people I need in my life.

I’m also more than happy to put people in their place who feel the need to comment on my circumstances to which they know nothing about. Such as the social injustice warriors fighting for the rights of the disabled and their parking spots. I acknowledge their comment by telling them to go look at the VALID sticker on the dashboard that is registered to me. Ignorance is bliss and good for them, but I certainly won’t be a sitting duck to morons who think their opinion actually matters. I know people sick like myself who would benefit greatly from a disabled sticker, yet are too scared to get one because they may get nasty comments from onlookers as they are not in a wheelchair, of prehistoric age or missing a limb. This may mean the difference between them able to go to the shops or leave their house, something many take for granted. A friend once said (towards people like that) “It must be nice to have such a privileged opinion on disability when you are in full health.”

My point is, my view of the world and what I thought was important was guided by what society was telling me. Working hard, always being busy, looking good, putting others first and caring what people think. Being so sick from Lyme Disease gave me the time and necessity to build myself back up from nothing and to be able to think for myself. I don’t buy into superficial connections, fakeness, striving for things that will help my social status, people liking me, or doing something because “it’s what you do” or “society says,” because life is too short. What an absolute waste of time and energy that is.

I’m am empath and I’ve been fortunate enough to find the ability to listen to what my soul really needs in order to be authentic. I have honestly found my true self through all my heartache and I may not ever have had the chance to do that, if I didn’t get sick. You’ll see that I am unapologetically honest about who I am, my life, my desires, interests and dreams. I own who I am and what I want because I am at my happiest when I am true to myself. I don’t believe in filtering my life to ease others discomfort. If you’re uncomfortable, that’s not my problem and I gravitate only towards those who “get me” and embrace all that I am. I can’t tell you how elating that feels. I’ve lost friends because of who I am and choices I’ve made, as they were judgemental and couldn’t see past their own social conditioning and bubble of reality. Don’t get me wrong, that hurts, but they don’t deserve me in their life if that’s their mindset towards someone simply being who they are. This is an outlook people in their 40′s or 50′s start to tap into, when they get tired of living their life how they think they’re supposed to and they just want to be happy. I found this in my 20′s and what a beautiful gift that is.

If you meet me or have met me, I hope you feel that my energy is genuine, that I have depth, an ability to listen with intent to understand and not simply reply and that I honestly care for people. I have an outlook of positivity, I’m a solutions person and I always find a silver lining.

How did I get there though? Through my chronic illness journey I have studied Buddhism, found the benefits of Reiki, healing crystals, meditation, detoxing, mindfulness techniques, sought counselling for deep-seeded emotional traumas, read many self help books and more. I got to a point where my physical suffering was so severe and I had nothing to alleviate it, that I decided I needn't suffer more with emotional or mental pain. If I could at least control my mind and learn how to be happy or at peace through my suffering, then maybe I would either get through it, or at least die with some peace. Your mind and the way you view things has such immense power. This kind of growth didn’t only help me “find myself”, but I learnt that it is paramount to long-term recovery. My recovery didn’t start until AFTER I tapped into all these things.

So I need to express to sufferers out there, that you will NEVER get better if you do not deal with your “shit”, work on yourself and learn how to find peace through your suffering. We all carry trauma and if you’re sick, then it is a part of your chronic illness story. Don’t try to simply fix the physical. I’ve heard this from multiple practitioners and health experts as well, so it’s not just my anecdotal evidence or personal belief. The Hansa Center focus on emotional healing and (from my understanding) adhere to this same belief.

Thanks for reading. Next I will discuss the journey that led me to choosing Hansa and why I did. Make sure you hit “follow” for future updates.

Love xx

#lyme #lyme disease #chronic lyme #chronic illness #spoonie #hansa center #hansa #lyme treatment

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