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obey-me-disaster · 11 months

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Hi i was wonderinf if you could make a fic about ghe om charactess reactind to MC doing sh or sum causr im in teh moos to cry rna nd i cant dind ahy good angstfisc lmqo

/not forsce

A/N:Sorry for the long wait! I have decided to brake it into smaller fics for every character instead of one big fic. I will have to do separate posts for it most likely.

CW: self harm, self depricating thoughts, suicidal thoughts, starving as a self punishement/as a way to cause harm

Disclamier: This is inspired from personal experience, so I may not be able to capture the full depth of this topic or how it affects different people. I may rewrite parts of it in the future.

Lucifer x gn!MC

Mammon x gn!MC

Lucifer, Mammon x gn!MC that self harms

When the exchange program first begun MC's safety was regarded as something vital for Diavolo's plan. No one was expecting the way the human exchange student would become so beloved by so many people.

As time went on everyone was so captivated by MC that they failed to realize that they have put them on some sort of pedestal. Sure, the angel, sorcerer and the demons were observant of the way MC was acting but no one wanted to expect something bad was happening to them, especially when they were quick to reassure everyone that nothing was wrong with them.

There were times when the human would be withdrawn from everyone. Times where they looked like they have no energy left and were lost in their own world or times when they were quick to getting annoyed, wanting to be away from everyone. Excuses such as 'I am stressed because of exams' 'I have not been sleeping enough' 'Just one of those days' could only get them so far with beings older than their entire bloodline.

"I know there is something bothering them but every time I try to ask them, they always hit me with one of those lame excuses!" Huffing Mammon stops pacing around and sits on the couch.

"That's exactly why everyone gathered here today. MC is obviously hiding something from us and it has been going on for longer than it should." Placing down the tray full of snacks Simeon continued. "I would love to think we are just overthinking it and MC is fine, but it has become clear that's not the case."

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat Leviathan decided to join the conversation. "MC also stopped joining me for our gaming nights. They were always looking forward to our nights but now every time I ask them to join me, they just dismiss me.." the last part was barely above a whisper.

"Levi does make a point. MC's mood changes have become more frequent and their body language has also changed. It's like they're trying to hide their body from us." Satan tried to make heads of the whole situation. "We could rule out the attack from another demon. They don't smell of blood and their body doesn't seem to be affected by a wound."

While Satan was mumbling to himself, everyone was thinking of MC's behavior, anything that could give them a clue on what's wrong with them.

"If I stay and think about it, they are also refusing to eat as much as they used to, even when they are clearly hungry. I have left some snacks for them so they won't get hungry, but I don't know if MC ever ate them or not." Beel tried to recall all the times MC refused to eat, but just thinking about it made him lose all his appetite.

"Now that we're putting together all of these 'new' habits of MC makes it clear that there is something going on." Diavolo ran a hand through his hair as he sighed. "Solomon, you're the only other human in the whole exchange, maybe you have a better idea of what's happening to them..."

All eyes turned towards the sorcerer, waiting for a response that would help them understand the whole situation. "I actually may suspect something but none of you will like it.." Solomon waited to see if any of them would make a comment, but when that didn't happen he continued on with his explanation.

"As Satan said, their body language has changed and they are trying to cover their body more. The idea of an attack or a curse can be ruled since that would have been observed by now." Everyone nodded, everything he said up until that point was already established. "I am not gonna beat around the bush but I think they may be self harming in some kind of capacity. It's not to the point where it draws blood so we can rule out any kind of cutting. It still doesn't make the situation good but there is at least that..."

"Now what?! We can't let then continue, can we??" Mammon snapped at them out of frustration over the situation. "Going over to MC to confront them about the whole situation won't help them either." Lucifer said as a matter of fact. "For now we will act as if we don't know until we come up with a way to approach the subject."

Seeing as there was nothing else to add to the discussion everyone decided to end things there. Luke could distract MC out of the Purgatory Hall for so long after all.

Lucifer

After the group discussion he decided to watch over MC more closely. Lucifer would often invite them in his study room to talk about their day or if anything was bothering them and every time MC would try to retreat away from everyone, he would take them out on a walk or on dates.

This went on for a little under two weeks before he decided to finally have a talk with them. While MC seemed to be more relaxed than before it was clear that they were not going to open up with him any time soon, and he refused to sit by and let them hurt themself in any capacity.

"So, what did you want to talk about? I am not in trouble, am I?" MC was sitting next to him on the couch. Lucifer has called them a bit earlier into his room with the excuse of 'talking about some recent problems'.

"You are not in trouble, no." Taking a sip from his cup of demonus. "I am not about to waltz around the subject now that you're here." Setting the glass down he took one of their hands in his own and started to gently rub his thumb over their knuckles. "There is something bothering you and I don't want to hear any of your old excuses. Please, tell me the truth so I can help you." From the look the avatar of pride gave them, they knew there was no backing out of this discussion.

He could feel MC's whole body tense up at his question. They stared at him for a while, opening and closing their mouth every time they would try to come up with some sort of excuse only give up. Lucifer waited for them patiently to find their words. If anyone knows how hard it can be to let yourself be vulnerable is him, so he was not gonna rush them. He already approached the subject in a not so gentle manner, to demand more, at least for now would only push MC away.

Finally giving up on coming up with excuses or trying to find a way to make the situation seem less bad than it is, MC leaned their head against Lucifer's shoulder. "Was it that obvious? The way I've been acting.."

"Yes, it was quite obvious, everyone is worried about you" He didn't need to look at MC to know that they winced at the knowledge that everyone knew. "They won't swarm you with questions, I will make sure of that."

"Thank you, Lucifer, I really don't want to deal with all of that, not yet at least.." Despite being more relaxed they still squirmed in their place every so often.

"No need to thank me, we're here for you after all" Kissing the top of their head, both of them settled into a comfortable silence, mainly to give MC time to gather their thoughts.

"I...I guess for starters you want to know for how long I've been feeling like this." Lucifer merely gave them a nod. "Well...I guess not for long. At least since me coming to Devildom. You see, before coming here I didn't have the best self esteem and wasn't that satisfied with my life. When I got chosen for the exchange program, I didn't mind it that much, I saw it as an opportunity to turn over a new leaf."

MC leaned over, their head leaving Lucifer's shoulder, in an attempt to put some distance between themself and Lucifer "And it worked for a while, I met people that care about me a lot, I got better as a person and I was kept busy by the ongoing shit that happens around." Remembering all of the shenanigans they went through brought a smile to MC. "But it's not like my problems disappear. Sure I made progress, but worries that I had in the past came back, past problems transformed into new ones and little by little I got into bad past habits."

Letting out a shaky sigh they continued. "Little by little I got into self destructive habits, such as refusing to do things I would, hiding myself from other to even starving and doing things that would cause me some kind of pain."

Lucifer could only curse himself for not noticing how his lover felt sooner. He put his arms around MC and pull them close to him, making sure to rest their head on his chest as he lowered himself to lay on the couch. While they still couldn't look at him directly they at least didn't push him away. "How about you stay the night in my room? You can talk about what's bothering you in peace, no one will dare to just walk in my room."

Wrapping their hands around his waist, MC made themself comfortable on top of him. "I'm warning you, it might take a while before I fully open up." Chuckling at their words he tighten his hold on them. "Take your time, we have more than enough."

Mammon

Mammon has always been the one to look over others without being really noticed. When they fell from the Celestial Realm he was the one that looked over his brothers and reminded Lucifer that everyone followed him for a reason. He was the one that decided to look over a girl from the human world and help her financially until she is old enough to do it on her own. He was the one assigned to look over MC, to make sure they are safe and well and yet here he was. Pacing around his room, trying to think of a solution on how to approach them.

He couldn't help but be reminded of the whole attic incident, more exactly how MC hid their true reason on why they were making pacts with his brothers. He didn't know what hurt more, the fact that they couldn't trust him or the fact that MC is suffering and he can't do anything about it.

Frustrated he decided to go see them, he didn't exactly have a plan but he was damned if he wouldn't try something. Even if nothing could be done today he will make sure to at least make their day better.

Barging into their room Mammon tried to call out to them but stopped when he heard MC weakly groaning from beneath their bed sheets "Can you tone it down a bit? I've got a nasty headache."

Frowning, the demon made his way next to their bed. Even when he took a sit next to them, MC made no effort in turning around to face him. "What's gotten into you? Ya look all sick and frail" Mammon tried to put his hand on their forehead in order to check their temperature but they shied away from his touch.

Looking at the state of his human, any and all plans of taking them out to town fell apart. "MC, talk to me, what's wrong? And don't give me the 'I'm just sick' excuse, it won't work." Looking at MC, he tried to see if they would react in any way but they only shifted uncomfortably.

"It's nothing serious, I am just tired from catching up with all the homework from RAD, so I need a little bit of rest." MC tried to explain themself but it didn't fool Mammon one bit.

The last of his patience about asking MC about the truth finally disappeared after hearing their overused excused. Lying in bed next to them he put his arms around their waist. When MC made no move to try and get out of his hold, he pulled them closer to him. While they still faced away from him at least it didn't feel like there was such a great distance between the two of them.

"We both know that's a bullshit excuse.." Mammon's voice, while sounding unimpressed, it held no malice. Still, it didn't stop MC from tensing up in his arms.

"Come on, it's me Mammon, you're first man, you can tell me everything don't you? What's bothering you?" He mumbled while burying his face into their shoulder.

Guilt was starting to eat MC up after hearing Mammon's words. They could feel tears trying to come out so they opted to turn around and burry their face into Mammon's chest.

" You're right, I am sorry..." they said trying to hide the fact that they were on the verge of crying.

Relieved at seeing MC starting to open up he continued to press on the issue at hand. "It's ok, you've got me here, why don't ya start from telling me how you're feeling right now?"

The human took a few moments to come up with a way to explain their situation at the moment. "You see, I wasn't lying when I said I have a headache. It's just that, it's a result from me skipping meals for a while or so. In fact, my body feels so weak that I can barely move..." They internally winced at their explanation but they didn't have much time to dwell on it when Mammon sat up looking alarmed.

"What do you mean by that?! Why's that? Don't tell me you're trying one of Asmo's crazy diets?" Looking down on them, he tried to see if there is anything else he should take notice off, besides their nasty glare.

"Nothing of that sorts, don't worry." Turning on their back they stared up at the ceiling, looking right past Mammon. Being relieved at their words he decided to make himself comfortable in bed next to them.

"You see, it's an old habit of mine to skip meals. But when I get stressed or start to feel overwhelmed I start taking that habit to an extreme." Hearing them talk, Mammon is able to take note of how weak their voice sounded

"I lose all motivation to eat, and when I start feeling nauseous and the pain in my stomach starts to get worse, it pushes me to do it more and more until I am left lying helplessly in bed. The more pathetic I feel, the more reasons I have to skip meals and make this feeling of helplessness last longer." Sighing, some silent tears rolled down from the corner of their eyes.

Kicking himself mentally, Mammon decided to take a mental note to watch their eating habits more carefully in the future. "But what set you off? Was it the workload from RAD?" He asked them hoping to get a better understanding of what was bothering them.

"I honestly don't know...it's a mix of that and some other stuff, but I don't want to think about it now." MC's voice held some resentment as they explained. That was the cue for Mammon that he won't get any more information out of his human for that night.

Still, he couldn't leave them in that sorry state, not as long as he was there to take care of them. "I am going to make you one of my famous instant noodles just for you, so ya better be thankful!"

Just as he was about to leave the room he turned one last time towards them. "Afterwards be prepared to go on a ride with me, I will take you to some places in here Devildom you've never seen before."

MC merely gave him a nod but that was more than enough confirmation for him as he went to prepare everything he needed.

A/N: So, this is getting way too long so I will stop it here for now. I will come back to update it in the future for the rest of the characters, but I don't want it to sit in my drafts any longer.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x mc #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x mc #i don't really like how it came out :/#i may rewrite the whole thing

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l2vedive · 2 years

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I LOVE YOU (SJY).

PAIRING: sim jaeyun/jake x fem!reader

GENRES: includes smut (minors dni), heavy angst, hurt no comfort, slowburn, one sided pining, fluff at the end, friends with benefits, classic communication issues trope, university au

WARNINGS: smut, profanity, making out, implied alcohol use, smoking, semi graphic descriptions of smut (fingering, thigh riding, handjobs, cunnilingus, slapping), one line for dirty talk, reader calls jake baby a lot, name calling (bitch and whore directed at someone), jake constantly gets played, made up female character, jake is hopelessly in love with reader (pls get up), reader is a walking red flag invented by park jaeeon, cheating if you squint, one sexual joke lol, other idols have guest appearances (yeonjun of txt, isa / chaeyoung of stayc, mentions karina of aespa), heeseung doesn't talk much i apologise 🙏🏻

SYNOPSIS: in which yn and jake are in a friends with benefits situation. sort of.

WORD COUNT: 9320 words.

PLAYLIST: here.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: aaaand it's finally here !!!! this was originally written for itzy which is still published on my ao3 acc , however , i decided to rewrite it for enhypen to get over my writer's block rhksjdjed . i hope you enjoy it regardless <33 the dialogue jake says in june is from richard siken's masterpiece "crush", which i suggest you read because it is a very good book. jake stans this one's for you !!! :DD

TAGLIST: @help-i-cant-find-a-username @cherrybxmbby @woozisnoots @fairyofhee @asyleums @cha0thicpisces @aliensrme @enhygene-phen @slut-4-jake @princesjy @axartia

It's September when the papers on the desk slide down to the floorboards: the steel painted blue table is cold against your skin, almost burning you with intensity until Jake pulls you back up to his mouth by your hair, and has you pressed up on the wall just by his bedroom door. Jake's tongue smoothes over the fresh set of hickeys on the nape of your neck, your collarbone, your tits, and your chest bursts with fire with every touch and feel. It gets hotter when he hears the needy whines coming from you and, Oh my god, Jake thinks. I need to kiss her. I need to. Your jeans, that you never got to take off completely, are tangled by your feet and your thoughts stop when Jake slips another finger in, curling it just right.

"Fuck," You glance at the window over at Jake's shoulder, the light of your computer reflecting on the pane as the clock hits 12:00 AM.

"Hm?" Jake hums against you and it sends vibrations throughout your body, enough for him to hit the spot.

"Happy two years, pretty." Jake mumbles when he finally pulls away and puts his fingers in your mouth. The sight alone is enough for him to feel hot and bothered all over again as you suck off the boy's fingers. Jake smiles through his plump lips, smeared by your leftover lip gloss from when you kissed him earlier.

You hop on the beans of your toes as you get your jeans back up. Your bra's still hanging onto one shoulder and your shirt is nowhere to be found. The hickeys on your neck are still fresh and sore, forming hues of purple. Jake hands you his shirt instead. For you to wear and for you to take home to wear. (He sort of hopes you sleep in it too. Hopes you think of him before going to bed.).

You pop a cigarette in your mouth and he lights it up for you, leaning in close. His skin burns as the flame meets the hilt of his thumb and his heart sort of aches when you immediately soothe it with a kiss.

"Happy two years, Jaeyun," You say casually. "Do you have a wish this year?"

"None that I can think of," Jake replies. You watch, blowing smoke as he attempts to shrug a new set of clothes back on, running his hand through his disheveled hair. Out of habit, he moves to brush the strands of hair that might poke your eyes away before tucking it behind your ear delicately.

Jake loves you. Despite that this is always how it goes and not just everytime you celebrate your "friendship" anniversary.

Because with you this is always how it goes.

"Yeah, same," You say. Your eyes are dark and they're focused, playing into his. He knows. For as long as Jake has known you, you've always had one. And it is always a secret.

You always ask him first. So that when it's your turn to be asked, you can pretend. You can say no and end it there. Because that is always how it goes with you. You've got a habit of keeping skeletons in the closet even with your best friend.

But Jake isn't stupid. He always knows what you're up to. It's in the way of how you carry yourself after every fuck, how your eyes seem to lower and darken, how you don't fix up your hair neatly like you always do for school every morning, letting it fall just like that.

(He thinks you're setting up a metaphor for it. Like, you have this prim and perfect picture exterior to outsiders but when night falls, he gets the real you: unpredictable, messy, needy, full of want and unashamed to say it.).

Jake always knows.

He wonders if this is why you don't say anything. Jake wonders if this is why you always seem to hide from him, despite being friends since forever. He wonders why you look at him in ways he knows that would make him feel things, why you're picking up his shirt, helping him put it on, and giving him an open-mouthed kiss before walking out.

The bitter aftertaste settles on his tongue. "Please stay," Jake says. "I love you."

Instead, you hear it as, "Don't smoke and drive."

ii.

It's October and Jake doesn't dress up for Halloween.

But you do, and you are undeniably hot in a skimpy impractical security officer uniform, with a devastating amount of cleavage that Jake wants his mouth on.

Jake had never really planned on going tonight, but he kind of had to, because all his friends were going and you were definitely going. He really wished he hadn't though. His friends are long gone, flirting with the other partygoers left and right, and by the time he has reached the bathroom to pee, he could hear obnoxious loud moans.

He is considering going home and slipping into his bed to watch a movie until you emerge from the crowd of people, looking pretty, hot and sexy as hell. Do not fucking look at her.

But it's no use because you're walking towards him with a devilish smirk tugging on your lips. "Hey, Jae," you say. "C'mere." You smell like fruit punch and alcohol and you're too close for Jake to be at ease.

You promptly push Jake onto the couch, plopping yourself onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck, your legs on either side of Jake's. It's hot in the room all of a sudden and Jake's breath hitches in his throat.

You're in public. Where people could see you. You never do anything sexual in public.

"YN," Jake starts. "What are you doing?" His brow furrows, obviously confused.

"Shut up," Your breath is in Jake's ear and it's warm and tingly and enough for the hairs behind his neck to stand. For his cock to twitch in his jeans. Jake finds that his hands are gripping your ass.

Jake moves his head away to look around the room before looking back into your eyes. You have contact lenses on and he feels like falling into it. But he knows that by the time he has, when you approach him on campus tomorrow, you won't remember anything. It's blue and it's powerful and it's pulling him in. He thinks blue suits you. His favourite colour with his favourite girl.

Despite his hazy view of you on top, Jake is about to stop you and ask what you mean until you lace a fistful of his hair in your hands behind his neck and kiss him.

And even though you've kissed a lot, this was extremely different. For so many reasons.

For one, oh my god. You are on his lap, half-naked with your ass in his hands and your tits pressed up close, and Jake actually prays his boner doesn't build up a tent through his jeans. Second, you're in public. And third, you never had sex in public. At least not with him. But now he gets to feel the experience of doing so in your kiss. You are so good. You are so fucking good . Jake knows that you know what you're doing with every soft bite on his bottom lip, every flick and suck of your tongue dancing with his, every moan devoured by him.

He's not so bad himself and he knows it too. You taught him how.

You aren't finished when you start grinding your hips against him and Jake fights every bone in his body to move with you. "Fuck, YN," And it comes out as a hiss rather than a warning. You were too good . Too addicting .

It's even harder when he feels your hand fall back and in between you both, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, palming him through his boxers. "Come on, Jake," You say, but Jake feels like you're pushing him rather than asking. "Do you want this or not?"

So Jake lets you. For a second until he pulls away and is out of breath. His heart hammers inside of his chest and he's quick enough to get ahold of your hand, stopping you.

He moves to get up, pushing you off of his lap and embarrassingly, you stagger on your heels before falling on the couch. You don't say anything. And even though he's confused, you know he's pissed. You are too.

"I don't always want to fuck you, YN,"

"You're so boring," You say.

"And you're drunk," Jake replies, straightening his posture. Because when you got drunk, you were out like a mad woman. Between the two of you, he was the lightweight and that was actually how the two of you became friends; he was sure he could keep up with you the moment Heeseung had introduced the both of you to each other at his last house party, immediately taking an interest in you. Long story short, he liked you and you liked having him for company, and it just snowballed from there.

But for now, his mind is racing and his clothes suddenly feel tight on him—and no, it's not because of his boner—worse, his throat almost chokes up when he hears: "I'm sober."

"I don't care," I do. I care so much. "I can't let you do this."

Suddenly, you get up, your faces in close proximity. Jake feels like it’s just the two of you in the room and if that were the case, he would've already screwed you all over the couch himself.

"You want to fuck me, Jake," You say lowly. Your face is stone cold and it almost feels like you're challenging him. (You are.). "I know you do."

Jake shakes his head. He looks at you and swallows. You almost allow yourself to break down all your walls for him with the way he's staring at you.

"Come on, Jaeyunie," You press, the cute tone hanging off the nickname you give him. "I know you want to." You giggle as you curl your finger around one of his belt loops, tugging him closer.

Your voice knocks him out of his windpipe and it's enough for him to know that he's failed from holding himself back. From getting mad at you.

"I do," Jake manages. "I love you, let's stop this. Let's go home."

But he says it like this: "No, I can’t do this tonight." And turns away, disappearing into the crowd.

iii.

It's November and it's raining.

You're all gathered around your living room, watching a horror movie that Jake knows he won't be paying attention to.

It's dark with all the lights off and it's creepier with the faint sounds of raindrops hitting the backyard's porch. There are only two sources of light, however. One from the television where Scream plays and another is from Jake's dimly lit side where you seemed to be texting under the blankets propped over the both of you.

It's quiet most of the time, except for the occasional bickering from Sunoo, who teases Jay for his reactions, and you look bored throughout the film. Jake is, too.

He is about to lean over and make a funny comment about the scene that was currently rolling on screen but he catches a glimpse of your screen and immediately, he feels guilty for looking. Because right there on your screen are messages between you and god knows who, and a picture of you almost topless.

And suddenly, you excuse yourself, phone in your hand before heading down the hallway to the bathroom. Jake doesn’t move, wondering if you knew he was looking. Instead, he waits and settles that you probably had an emergency to take care of.

It's been fifteen minutes and Jake grows worried. By now, almost everyone has fallen asleep and you still haven't gotten back from the bathroom.

Quietly, Jake tiptoes away from his position and instantly jogs down to the bathroom. It's silent and his heartbeat is loud in his ears; he's not sure why he's nervous. "YN?" He calls out. Nothing.

To his surprise, there's no one inside and the door is unlocked for her to look. It's empty and Jake swallows thickly. Once, twice and third is the hardest as he starts to panic. Where did you go?

Immediately, Jake heads upstairs to search for you in one of the rooms. He heads to yours first and it's locked. "YN?" He questions, knocking on the door. He can hear shuffling and movements, and Jake doesn't know what to think of.

"YN!" He raises his voice slightly, afraid not to wake the others up as he slams his hand against the door. No oxygen. No oxygen. It’s heavy, he's aching, his heart is a mess. Breathe, Jaeyun. Breathe . Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Breathe, Jaeyun. Fucking breathe.

The door swings open and he sees you half-naked in bed. In front of you, is Heeseung shuffling to get his pants up. Jake's eyes dart back and forth and the older boy slides behind him.

You say nothing at all as you sit up and put your hoodie back on.

"Hey, man," Heeseung says, but it comes out as a question. "I actually have to be somewhere else right now. See you, Jake." He's gone before Jake could reply.

Frozen, Jake doesn't say anything. It takes him a moment to process what just happened.

"I—," He starts. There is so much that he wants to say but nothing comes up. He feels dizzy almost and his nail beds are bloodied from piercing them into his skin. He releases when he feels your lips on his.

Your lips are soft and it's sweet, and it's nothing he's used to. He's so confused, god, you were so confusing. "I'm sorry," Jake blurts out, because nevertheless, he still loves you. So much.

"Don't be sorry, baby," You say fondly. "You got me." But I don't , Jake thinks . I don't get you. I can never have you.

His eyes are closed when he allows you to kiss him. To touch him so softly and whisper sweet nothings that he knows he'll never stop thinking about when he pictures your hand as his own when he gets himself off at night.

Jake knows that his friendship with you is unusual. You both know it. You turn up every day if you can, allow him to finger you until you're crying and writhing your hips, let him use your mouth on his cock in return until his entire body is rattling with aftershocks by the time he comes. You seem to get whatever you seem to want from him, and stupidly so, Jake allows you.

He loves you. And you hate him. He knows you do.

Jake breathes hard, and he's kind of embarrassed by how easy it is of him to completely melt under your touch. How easy it is for him to get turned on until he gets so primal, lust clouding his head and pulsing his veins. He suddenly realises your positions have switched as his back hits the duvet and he's tangling his hands into your hair, hands brushing down to tilt your chin and have you look at him in the eyes.

You giggle and teasingly untie the laces of his sweatpants, brushing your fingers softly near the areas Jake wants your hand to touch and more, trailing a teasing path that only makes him needier and harder than he already is. Your hand travels down his abdomen, carefully advancing its way into his boxers as you begin to pump his cock. Hot and spilling with pre-cum in the middle of his hips.

"Please kiss me again," He chokes out. "Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me like you love me, even if it's just for tonight."

You hear it as: "Fuck, YN. Keep going, please."

It's chaos .

iv.

It's December and you have a boyfriend. And it's every December, every year that you have a boyfriend.

Jake is trying to busy himself with the nape of your neck and the way he breathes fans in your hair like he's tired. He is so tired.

You recognise it and kiss him more intensely, shoving him against the car window. Jake feels it and draws back, the taste of your cherry flavoured lip gloss lingering in his mouth, weighted on his tongue like a stray "I love you" caught between his teeth. You attempt to get Jake back into your hold, your hand sneaking underneath his hoodie, but Jake opens his eyes.

"Come on, Jaeyunie, we only have tonight."

"I don't want to do this anymore." Jake says.

You constantly keep the air conditioner on full throttle and never care about anybody else, except when you take what you want from them, and Jake is so fucking sick of it. You are self-centred and a cunt, and it takes it all out of him to not push you away again when you come leaning forwards, kissing him everywhere and pulling his hoodie up. Selfish, insistent, oblivious, insensitive.

"Can you stop?" Jake says, scooting back to the seat. "I'm so tired of this."

The car engine revs up and the lights flash for a second, igniting color into the dark neighbourhood. You hesitantly step on the gas pedal. "What's wrong, Jake?"

"I'm right here, always," Jake says. "I'm right fucking here, in front of you, next to you, and yet you don't see it. You never think of anyone else, YN. It's always about you."

You drum your fingers against the steering wheel and switch on your turn signal. There's another cigarette hanging on your lips. You drive down the lane and into the main road. You're going to drive in circles and it's a perfectly sick metaphor. (Another one to add in Jake's book.).

When the green lights come on, you pull slowly with the brakes and come to a dead stop at the yellow lights, constantly waiting for the red lights and stop signs so you can reach over the armrest and kiss him again.

"You know that's not true, baby."

"Stop that," Jake reprimands. "You know it is."

You take a drag and exhale out the smoke, not bothering to roll down the windows. You glance behind him in the street among the smoke and briskly pull over. "What the fuck is your problem today?" you ask, turning to him.

"Forget about it." Jake says. His skin stings where you've bruised him with your teeth. Where you've touched him. Where he pretends to say it hurts when he's screwing other girls so they won't touch him there. Won't touch him where you've marked him. He feels sick.

"Do you want to talk or are you going to leave?" You shuffle, rolling down the window and throwing out your cigarette. You're angry, Jake can see it.

"Do you have feelings for him?" Jake finally says. His voice embarrassingly breaks in reaction to the question, making him want to leave, walk away, throw up, and cry. You've barely made it back to the block.

You sigh, running your fingers through your hair. "Fucking hell."

"Just answer the question, YN." Jake replies.

"Of course, he's my boyfriend. You're my friend."

"Yeah, no shit, I am!" Jake says a little too loudly, sitting up and staring up at the mirror he's pulled down earlier. He's laughing and it's sour when he says: "God, you weren't kidding when you said you had an amazing sense of humour, were you?"

"Get out." You say. Your voice is so low Jake doesn't recognise you.

Jake pales and he's as white as your knuckles, grip tight on the steering wheel. "What?"

"You heard me, Jake. Get out of my car."

Jake reaches over for a kiss, trying to get you to kiss him again and forget about it. Trying to get you to fuck him over, and all over just like how he does when he fucks you until you both can’t think of anything other than each other's names.

You nod your head. "I gave you two choices. You chose this."

"No, I chose you," Jake seethes, suddenly angry. "I always, always fucking choose you."

"It's not like I asked you to." You snap, closing your eyes. You're too defeated, too tired of Jake's antics.

Heartbeat ringing in his ears, Jake falls back down on his seat. "You're unbelievable," He says. "I can't believe you."

You say nothing at all. It's quiet and it's too long until you turn the car off.

Jake stares at the road ahead of you. "I love you, I didn't mean it," he says.

He says it in this way: he puts his hoodie back on, pulls on the lock and pushes the door open, he gets out and slams it closed.

He cries the whole walk home.

It's still December when you're sprawled all over Chaeyoung's bed, watching the other girl type away her essay due upside down.

"You know, YN, someone called me baby the other day,"

You hum in response. "Yeah?" You ask, sitting up and lying on her stomach. "Who was it?"

"Some boy I kissed at Jimin-unnie's Christmas party."

The Christmas party in question is nothing special, just a gathering of friends at Yoo Jimin's place, at least that's what you remember Jake telling you over the phone. Jimin's Christmas parties were a hit and you knew how crazy it usually went. Her Halloween party that you attended last month too (the same one where you and Jake had a confrontation, the one that you remember, the one that always replays at the back of your head), proved how truly popular the girl was.

Parties were usually your setting. You hung out with most of the popular crowds for this reason. You liked going out, dressing up and having the adrenaline rush kick in your body's system as the loud music booms in your ears and colourful lights wash over you and a bunch of other dancing bodies. You lied to Jake on the phone, laying out those reasons for your shitty excuse not to go. Besides, you weren't really interested in partying and dancing after what happened that night with him. You learn from Sunoo the next day that Jake didn't go either.

"Well," You start. "Jake calls me baby too." You say it like it's nothing and Chaeyoung immediately turns around.

Chaeyoung looks like she's choking down a laugh until she realises you're not following it up with something else. "Like, as a joke right?"

You stop drawing invisible stars on the girl's bed sheets, delaying a response. "Jake calls me baby. Only he calls me that," Your voice lowers down to a whisper, so fragile that it breaks. (A crack in the walls.). "I do too. When we're fucking around."

Chaeyoung blinks at you. "But you're his friend."

"I am. We're friends," You reply, sighing. "I know that."

"Well, if one of you likes the other—I'm assuming it's the both of you , by the way," Chaeyoung hesitates with the way you're blatantly staring at her. "Why won't either of you say anything about it?"

"Because I can't do that. We're strictly friends. You know me, Chae, I can't just change what we have. It's a bit more complicated than that." You're frustrated and you know you have no right to be for the way you've treated him. For the way you're still treating him. It's not complicated, you think. He's a teenage boy and you're a girl.

You're LN YN.

You always had things figured out.

Girls are always supposed to have the upperhand with these kinds of things. You learned this the hard way when Chaeyoung had called you during graduation night in high school when she had let her guard down and had a boy shatter her. You’ve always been protective of her; the same kind of energy had channelled into the way you’ve had your situationships, never spilling more than you let on.

You sit in silence for a few more seconds and Chaeyoung clears her throat, saying she has to get back to her work. Before you allow her to continue, you say: "I'll say it. I'll tell him I love him too."

You pronounce it as, "I'll be off. Good luck on your assignment, take a break when you can." before getting your stuff, heading out the door and downstairs, and finally leaving.

It's January when Jake opens the front door and sees that you're parked on his driveway, leaning against your car. You both stay a good ten feet away from each other until you say: "Happy New Year, baby."

And Jake smiles, falling in love all over again, feeling ecstatic with the sudden rush of euphoria in his body. It's the summer-like smile, warm and nice, that shows you're being sincere. You walk over to him and tug him down by balling his white shirt into your fist, kissing him and smiling.

"YN," Jake says. There's an edge in his voice that makes him feel unsure, despite wanting you then and there. "People can see us. We're in public."

The smile on your face widens and it makes Jake's heart hurt. God, she is so beautiful.

"Let them see. I don't care." You kiss and kiss, Jake pulling firmly on your shirt (his shirt) until you push yourself onto him and he walks you backwards into the house. Jake manages to kick the door shut with his shoe, mouth still on you as he drives you to the edge.

"Jake," You say as he runs his hands up your back, clutching you close to his chest. His heart. His face, pressed into the comforting skin between your neck and collarbone.

"Yeah," He says, more like a sigh.

You don't remember what you were going to say. " Shit , Jake, I—,”

Jake has his thigh locked in between your legs, pressing onto your core. The scene between you two is prodded perfectly against his warm skin. You can't think. You can't think at all.

Jake feels you grinding your hips up and down, rubbing your clothed cunt excruciatingly slow on his thigh and right over his crotch which earns him a mewl from you. Your eyes are closed, and your fingers have found its way under his shirt, nails clawing into his back.

"Jesus Christ, YN ."

Your eyes flutter slowly, and you see Jake appearing more flustered than you've previously seen him. His eyes are filled with astounding desire. "Shut up and kiss me," You say.

And because Jake loves you, he does. Over and over and over again.

vi.

It’s February and there are roses and pink balloons everywhere. It's Valentines' Day.

There are couples kissing and holding hands in the hallway and all Jake can do is lean by his locker and watch. But not in a creepy, stalkerish way, in a way that he sort of pictures you and him like that, and pretend that you both could be like normal people and have a normal relationship.

He's about to turn away when he sees you. You, hand in hand, with your boyfriend, Lee Heeseung. His best friend.

You walk right past him, not batting an eye at him; not even a smile. Because this is always how it goes. It's always like this with you.

You were expressionless yet Jake could see right through the façade, and he knows that the reason why you never look at him is because the moment you do, you lose.

Jake prays to his lucky stars that you do. Because he loves you. God , does he love you. He always will.

It's still February. It's raining again.

You're over.

You've been over a lot recently, every other day, every Friday. Not to fuck though, which Jake finds weird. Usually, you only ever come over to: A) Fuck each other's brains out and have him fuck you until you're sore in all places, and B) Make him cry; whether the context is him hopelessly trying to get you to fall for him or to abruptly leave to "have to be somewhere else", knowing you say it like that to try and not to hurt his feelings. Jake never knows. You only ever come over for your sexual arrangements and nothing more.

He prompts himself to think nothing of it, taking it as a good, little surprise for himself, and asks you if you wanted to do anything specific.

"It's your house," You say casually, sliding your phone into your back pocket. "Do you wanna do anything tonight?"

Jake stares at you, reading your face and looks for any signs that show disinterest. You smile, warm and tingly that it's fuzzy in Jake's stomach, as if to let him know that you'll stay regardless.

Another surprise: you make an effort and allow him to make an offer without implying a second.

Jake declares tonight is different and asks you if you want to watch a movie, to which you respond "yes" before suggesting that you head to Jake's bedroom once the movie ends.

So tonight is different, indeed. Tonight he has you cuddled up to one of his plushies on the couch with five metres to spare as Patch Adams plays on the screen. You're not touching, in any way, because you intricately hold yourself off from Jake unless it's in a state of undress, positioning your bodies so that non-sexual contact is non-existent.

It hurts only a little.

You both are friends but that is never how it is between you and him. Truthfully, it hurts.

Halfway through the movie, you have fallen asleep while Jake stays awake to finish as he watches Patch graduate to receive his Doctor of Medicine and bow to his professors and the audience. Occasionally, his eyes dart over to you, whose breathing is quiet and beautiful as your chest rises and falls with your hair sprawled messily on the pillows.

He wants to reach out, hold your hand, touch you, and fit into the perfectly good space between the two of you and lay his head on your shoulder, because, logically speaking, you have had your tongue on his dick and Jake has reciprocated with his on the apex of your clit, and you've seen each other naked countless of times, and all of your fingers have mapped out the pleasures of the others' genitals, but it doesn't work that way.

Jake knows it. For a long time, since the day he has agreed to this illicit affair that you have proposed, he has.

But you're right there, asleep next to him, and the love bite on your collarbone isn't from him, so there’s no point in keeping score.

Jake falls asleep a little later, the words, "Please love me like I do with you," on his lips.

In the morning, it comes off as him cooking breakfast for the two of them and you walking up to him to give him a kiss. You both know where this is going and he lets it happen.

vii.

It's March, and you're over again.

Mostly for good things.

You sometimes do homework together, cook dinner and breakfast together, depending if you stay over, watch Netflix when there's nothing tolerable on the television, and talk about other things that aren't about asking if the other could cum or not.

Jake isn't used to this, but it is something he could get used to. A few weeks ago and years before that, there were rules, obvious rules that you had laid out right from the start.

You still have sex. Just not all the time. It's every Friday that you plan out all the things for you to do other than sex. It's every Friday that you're over at Jake's house to do couple-y stuff and it makes Jake laugh. She has a boyfriend , he reminds himself. You're just a friend. His feelings don't matter to you.

Sometimes Jake wonders if you only ever see him as somebody to screw, nothing more than a fuckbuddy , telling him you're friends just to keep him around. He's not delusional, of course. He could be if he wanted to, or tried, but he also knows that you can't love him like he does and that's okay.

So right now, you're sitting by the kitchen counter, working on some English assignment. There isn't a lot of work going on, to be honest. You've been playing footsie under the table for the past hour, smiling until your cheeks are rosy and until eye smiles have come out of hiding.

It stops when Jake's phone vibrates to the tune of his ringtone, the default iPhone melody; it's distracting and he has no choice but to take it.

"Hello?" He asks into the phone.

You watch as Jake goes from unsure, nail biting, eyes darting to you for approval of some sort, and finally away to lips parted slightly, blush cheeks and bright smiles.

"I guess, I'll see you then." Jake says, tapping his nails on his textbook. He lets out a laugh before ending.

You don't skip a beat. "Who was that?"

"Jiyoon from—, "

"Dance? Yeah, I know her. She’s a bitch."

"She's pretty chill." Jake replies, eyes squinting as he fixates on the polaroid taped on the wall above his desk.

"Is she really?" You say. You haven't looked away, not once, and it makes Jake slightly nervous.

"Well, how do you know she's a bitch?" Jake quips. "She's actually nice, you know. She hugs me whenever she says hi."

You snort. "That's because she likes you, Jake. Like, romantically."

"What is going on with you?" Jake gets straight to the point. Whether you know it or not, he did notice all the staring from when he was on the phone. It's sort of pissing him off that you're getting so hostile about it when you literally have a boyfriend of your own.

"You're going to her stupid party then, aren't you?" You ask. By now, you've turned your chair to the side, your leg crossing over the other and closing your notes to talk.

"She invited me, of course,"

"And how do you know her?"

Jake laughs. He laughs because you're being ridiculous. He feels like he's sitting for interrogation by his older brother after he caught him coming back home at the dead of night at 3 am once.

"She lives on the next block, YN. We were friends in high school. She's nice to me and she's a good person." Jake shifts in his seat to return to his assignment, hoping you would drop it.

But you aren't finished. Jake can feel you burning holes in your head and the intense clicking from your pen is slowly getting to him.

You're asking too many questions: "Have you seen her?" , "Don't you know that she almost broke my leg during practice because she wanted the center position?" , "Do you really want to go?" Shut up. Shut up. Shut up . Each of them, and he knows you're only doing it to get to him.

And finally: "Are you going with her because you want to know what else she's good at, Jake?"

"Can't you just," Jake harshly slides his chair back, the steel leg screeches against the tiles of his marble floor. "Can't you just leave it alone?"

When he looks up, you're sitting up with your thighs pressed together, hands by your sides as you lean forwards inquisitively. Eyes mirroring each other, Jake stares you down.

"Don't fucking do this to me, YN," His hand curls into a fist, the corner of the notebook page crumpled under his touch. "You've got a boyfriend, don't you? Stop putting your nose in my business."

"It's my business too," You stand, towering over him, your palm flat on the surface of the table while the other rests on the arm of his chair. Your faces, just a few inches away. You breathe hard, your hand curls into a tight fist to keep you from losing it. The paper almost tears apart just by the way you've scrunched it.

(Your walls begin to crumble.).

You can feel Jake's heavy breaths, chest heaving at you, and your heart picks up its pace when his eyes fall on your lips.

"Baby," You start. You can hear his heartbeat racing. Your cells are going insane, screaming at you to kiss him. To touch him. To tell him. But you can’t do that; not when you've already done enough damage to ruin each other. Done enough to ruin him. "Jaeyun. Jake."

"I love you." Jake finally says, his voice barely above whisper.

To you, you hear it as: "We're done studying tonight. Go home, YN." So you do.

He breaks a few minutes later after you leave, locked in his bedroom, crying into his pillows.

viii.

It's April and it's the party.

Jake regrets going.

He's with Jiyoon, who hasn't gone a single minute without trying to impress him. It's nice and he appreciates it, but she’s trying so hard that it's almost embarrassing. But whatever, it's fun. Her party is fun and he tries to forget about her constantly acting cute to enjoy himself. He isn't trying to be an asshole but he always found it uncomfortable when girls around him do not understand the concept of boundaries, which is kind of hypocritical of him to think about because there is absolutely none of that when it comes to the both of you.

It doesn’t really bother him that she's sort of stiff with her dancing, but the music is good and easy to settle in a groove, so he lets her guide him to the makeshift dance floor where he thinks he can see you pressing up to Heeseung and tries not to look your way, trying not to get his heart broken again.

It doesn’t bother him.

He ends up indulging in five more cups of pineapple mimosas and a last minute glass of vodka to top everything all off, because why not?

And he's on the dance floor with Jiyoon, guiding her hips to some new pop song that's currently blaring on the speakers, his hand resting on the small of her back, feeling every movement at once. It makes sense. It's a party and she's enjoying herself. They both are.

What doesn't make sense is how you and your boyfriend have moved a few inches closer to him, dark eyes analysing every movement. Jake knows you're doing this to rile him up, and it's working enough for him to piss you off too.

You're annoyed.

You wanted nothing more than to yank that bitch off of him and be the one who's dancing with him. But you know you can't so instead, you bring your hand up to the back of Heeseung's neck, and it's like he knows what you're trying to do when he presses his lips to your jawline and starts kissing, sucking and biting, travelling lower to the base of your neck. You can feel him smirk when a moan escapes your mouth. You've noticed Jiyoon has turned to your direction to see why Jake seems to be distracted. You fight back a taunting smile.

Heeseung's hand snakes around your waist before resting it on the small of your back, pressing your bodies together which immediately makes you grind your hips against him as you burn your gaze into Jake's. It feels good, you won't lie.

He tears away when Jiyoon turns away from you, flustered, leaving you triumphant. Good .

The next time you look back at them, Jake is no longer to be found. Instead, Jiyoon has found someone else to dance with, and probably take back to her room. Called it .

You're not drunk. Not even close. You haven't had anything since you arrived, agreeing with Chaeyoung, who dragged you here in the first place, that the alcohol was cheap shit.

It's a few minutes later (minutes, not moments. You're not pretentious.) when you feel a hand on your wrist, dragging you away from Heeseung, not bothering to excuse you. You get into the first room Jake decides.

"Clothes off, now."

You rebuff. "I was busy with my boyfriend,"

"I don't give a shit," His voice sounds deeper than usual and you wonder if it's because you've actually managed to make him mad.

Jake ignores you and shuts the door behind you, pushing you against the wall and touching you everywhere while leaving open mouthed kisses by your jawline.

"You say we're friends and yet you pull up some bullshit stunt every chance you think is good for you." He says in between.

"Good for me, good for you, same thing," He doesn't even meet your eyes, looking everywhere as he pulls the back strings of your top, letting it fall to the ground.

"Did you want her to be me tonight?"

He still doesn't look at you as he gets on his knees and pulls your shorts down. "No."

You roll your eyes against your will as Jake sucks on your clit without warning, your hand immediately tugging on the boy's hair, having his face nuzzle closer.

"Don't lie to me—fuck—You and I both know why we're constantly in the same place," A moan slips out, and you can feel the ghost of the boy's smirk on you. You don't say anything else, too out of it to tell him to stop.

You don't have to tell Jake because he knows. Jake knows your body more than anything. Knows your games and the way your mind works.

Jake doesn’t respond and does exactly what he never thought of doing. He adjusts his position, swings your leg over his shoulder, and raises his hand enough to collide with your cunt, where the pain immediately warms up to your pleasure. The slap resonates within the room and it earns him a gasp.

"Watch your mouth, baby," You writhe against the firm grip that Jake has on your hips. "You don't want everything to be ruined now, do you? That's what you always say to me."

"What kind of game are you playing?"

Jake doesn't reply and dives back in between your legs, this time much rougher than earlier, sucking on your clit while his only other thought was how the girl who asked him to come must be trying to look for him now, and he knows exactly how long it will take her to search every room until she finds her own and sees you completely at his mercy. This was the kind of game he knew you would play if your places were switched, if he had a girlfriend that wasn't you.

"I always want to fuck you, Jake. If that's what's getting you worked up. And I have been for two years," You manage as you feel him insert two digits inside you. "What else would you want?"

Jake can tell he's got you all to himself by the way you gasp to fight back another moan that's threatening to spill from your lips, by the way you sink your chipped manicures into his scalp as he draws whimpers and whines out of you, never stopping as he leads you to your orgasm.

Your voice mocks him. Teasing, challenging, driving him insane. "You. I love you," Jake lets out.

You hear it as, "Let's put that pretty mouth of yours to good use. Get on your knees, baby."

ix.

It's May.

You don't have a boyfriend.

Jake only knows this upon eavesdropping on your conversation with one of your previous special friends , Choi Yeonjun. The guy's rash, definitely more of your speed, and much cooler than him if he wants to be honest. He doesn't know the full story, sort of just finds out about it by himself, but basically, you two have hooked up for a few months, until Yeonjun realised he was falling for someone and broke off the affair. And five months later, Jake had just moved into town.

A cute story, he guesses, or whatever. But it makes Jake feel twisted, remembering that you've been with other guys, have called other guys baby , and have kissed them where you've kissed him. It's practically the same with everyone.

He wonders, though. Wonders if he's the first guy you have managed to keep around. Wonders if you fuck anyone else behind his back, other than your boyfriend. Wonders if you have ever had a boyfriend during your affairs with other people, or if you were just plainly into fucking him over specifically.

But he's right behind the school building, supposedly here to pick you up, the pungent smell of smoke gravitating under his nose and whirls of curses means that you have company.

The crackle of the cancer stick is faint but it doesn't drown your husky tone when you say: "Shit's stressful."

Yeonjun snorts, backing against his shiny motorcycle. "Trouble in paradise, lover girl?"

"Now, why say it like that. You make me gag."

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"Whatever," You stand before the flagpole, left hand tucked away in your (Jake's) denim jacket's pocket, dominant hand flicking ashes onto the ground. "But yeah, there's something of the sort."

Yeonjun's eyes sparkle with obvious mischief. "Do tell, LN YN."

You roll your eyes. "Broke up with him. Found out some whore was leeching off of him. Felt like the right thing to do."

Jake doesn't mean to intrude, and he hadn't meant to stay either. He didn't know you broke up with Heeseung, but then again you never really tell him about anything related to that. He hasn't spoken to the older boy in weeks either. But he hears his name in between and now he's all too interested to hear what you have to say about him when he isn't around.

"Wait, what?" Yeonjun interrupts. "I thought you were going to tell me about Jake."

"What about Jaeyun?"

"So we're on a first-personal-name basis with the secret lover now? You weren't like this with me, YN," All out of it, Yeonjun stomps the cigarette with his boot, aggressively digging its grave.

"Oh, shut up," You laugh incredulously. "Where did you even get that idea from?"

"You're so," Yeonjun trails off. "Here's a little bit of spice—do you like him or something? Is the LN YN finally retiring from her cock parade?"

You scoff. "Idiot."

Yeojun ignores your comment. "Do you?"

You don't answer. The ego lies in your throat like the suspense of a bullet in Russian roulette, steadily pulling the trigger. Jake breathes, never letting go.

Say it.

Then it strikes him sharply, tearing the barriers of his heart apart. "I don't. He's just someone."

Yeonjun stares, his pierced eyebrow raised. "A friend?"

Of course.

"No," You say quickly. "I mean, yes. But no."

"You're whistling in the wind here. What is he to you exactly?"

You sigh exasperatedly. Jake doesn’t get why you have to ponder on it so much. You usually just say you're friends and move on.

"He's a friend that I fuck whenever I feel like it,"

"Meaning," Yeonjun is looking at you like you have all the answers to solve every problem there is in the world, waiting for you to unfold them.

"Friends with benefits, are you slow?"

"Fuck off."

You shrug, toying with the grey lighter in your hands, lighting it every fifteen (Yes, fifteen. It's been your favourite number recently.) seconds and burning its flame into the rusting steel behind you.

"YN," Yeonjun starts again.

"What," You look up at him, clearly done with the topic.

"Reality check right now," Yeonjun pressed. "You have feelings for him and you have no idea how to tell him, so you keep stringing him around at a distance enough for you to control it."

You take a puff, taking in the kill. "Don't be delusional." You exhale.

"Delusional because I'm right, aren't I?"

"Just drop it already." You snap.

Yeonjun raises his hands defensively, nodding his head as if to say he's letting the topic go. It's quiet again.

Jake tries to figure out if you've been quiet like this before, stuck driving in circles and telling people to get out of your car, sending them home crying. Or if he had been the first for everything. Maybe this whole time he'd been the one complicating things.

You seem to put yourself in similar situations, Jake notes.

Jake decides he's heard enough. It's enough and it's all he ever hears anyway. He's a friend . You're friends. This is always how it goes with you, despite everything.

You with your dumb (pretty) hair colour, cold dark eyes, rocking your (his) dumb signature denim jacket with your dumb cherry flavoured lipgloss that makes him weak, you who parades around town with guys fawning over you, you who gives them little to no attention at all, and you who picks one of the lucky ones to be your conquests before screwing them over.

You are selfish and you never try.

Jake chases down with your hair flowing against his cheeks to kiss away what dried wetness remains, and eventually crashes alongside you after you get off of him, breathless.

It's June.

The euphoria, however, is short-lived, and you eventually stand and rush awkwardly to pick up your clothes, and get dressed. “You wanted me to go rougher than usual, are you okay?” Jake calls. He knows, he knows that you know. He hopes at least.

“Everything's great,” You say, shimmying into your shorts. “I need to get home, though. It's my turn to cook tonight. My dad isn't home again.”

Jake reaches for a kiss and you don't pull away. He keeps on kissing you, his wet mouth chasing the corner of where your lips would flick upwards into a smile that he's fallen for.

Jake pulls away frowning, sliding your bra strap up your shoulder, and helping you put on your (his) hoodie. He says, "I love you, I'm sorry. He wasn't worth it. I'm sorry that you had to take the things you love and tear them apart, or pin them down with your body and pretend that they're yours forever."

And you haven't moved, you're frozen, and Jake's kissed you, and he knows you'll never forgive him for showing you such vulnerability, for getting past all your thorns, and maybe now, you will leave him alone.

To everyone else, most importantly to you, it comes out as, "Good night, YN. Get home safe."

xi.

It's July, and Jake kisses Jiyoon for the first time.

It's unplanned, really. He hadn't meant to but it was a spur in the moment with the picture of your smile and mischievous dark eyes in his head. He's always thinking of you.

But you haven't called or texted since that night and he's scared he might've done so much.

He does, however, kiss her. It happens because things are easy with Jiyoon. It's easy to laugh. It's easy to be happy. It took him a long time to get there, but he tried, tried, and tried.

So, to cut a long tale short, he wants to forget the fact that he messed it up with you and decides that this girl sitting next to him would be the perfect person to start over with.

Jake promises himself that it will be simple, uncomplicated. Everything is simple with Jiyoon. He's nervous (not because he likes her—he doesn't—at least, not like that. Which he feels guilty about since he started seeing similarities with you but whatever.). When she turns to him, he's drumming up the courage to reach over the seat and kiss her (like he would with you.).

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jiyoon ponders, her fingers sluggishly tapping the steering wheel, her brows pinched together in worry. Her eyes are dark, alluring, familiar, Jake thinks. Just pretend they're YN's and fucking kiss her, you idiot.

Jake moves in a little closer, trying to latch onto the belief that he can see those familiar hues in Jiyoon's eyes. He licks his lips, recalls the moments with you, and inhales slowly.

"Jake?" Jiyoon asks, perplexed and befuddled, as Jake places his hand on the head of her seat and moves perilously close. "What are you doing?"

And it's there. He takes control with a forced smile pressed against her mouth, snaking his hand around her neck and pulling her close.

Her eyes are closed when he flutters his open and he sees it. Out through the foggy window, he sees you. Your figure fades away when Jiyoon pulls away, and he realises he's stopped kissing her.

"You're a good kisser, Jake."

He pulls away with regret, reality hitting him, and feeling his skin flush. "I'm sorry, I can't—,"

Jake wishes he could go back in time and undo the previous twenty seconds of his life the minute his heart leaps into his throat and he sees the comfortable colour of blue.

"This was a mistake, I'm sorry."

He grabs his phone on the dashboard, unlocks the door, gets out and heads home.

xii.

It's August.

It's dark out, and Jake is in your room.

You called him over.

There's fire in just the right places, in your touch cautious on his ribcage, in your mouth asking sweetly on Jake's, in the tepid cooling fins from the vents, turned to just the right power.

You don't have sex with him. Jake softly kisses you on the mouth. It's not your birthday. It's the month you and him met at Heeseung's party. It's not even an occasion to be celebrated. (Unless, you're fucking cheesy then sure.). It's not what people do unless they're in a relationship, but with you, he's found that there are a lot of things a person could do with no strings attached.

You take a step back, partially to catch your breath and half to check the time. The digits are slightly obscured by Jake's fluffy head of hair, but they're still: 12:17 AM.

"It's that night," Jake whispers.

You kiss Jake's cheek, jaw, and bottom lip with your lip glossed, kiss-mouthed smile. "Yeah, it is." You untangle yourself from Jake carefully, as if you have all the time in the world.

You have a lot of things. A lot of secrets, unsaid promises, sacred thoughts he knew that could kill you inside. Jake thinks about this a lot.

"Do you think we still would've met if it weren't for that party?" You wonder aloud, sliding under your covers.

Jake leans his cheek against the head of the bed, cold steel scarring his skin, face turning to you. He's in deep thought as he drums his fingers on the grey pillows.

"Maybe," He finally makes up his mind, a goofy smile on his face. "I actually have a secret."

"Sounds interesting." You say, smiling. You move to your nightstand to tug on the switch of your night lamp open awkwardly as the last street light outside your window goes off, so as to not pull your left hand away from Jake.

"Leaving me again? This is your house, you know." He jokes.

"Shut up. I need the light," You curl back into the position you were in a few minutes prior, sliding under the duvet next to the boy. "I can't see your face."

Jake chews his lower lip and suppresses a grin. Adoration. It's crystal clear from him.

"Would you want me to know?" You ask. Jake's heart pounds, the last summer rain falls, you soothe him with circles from your thumb.

"I think so," Jake says. You kiss him on the mouth, pure and warm, encouraging him.

And Jake loves you. Nevertheless, since, until.

"I love you." Jake says.

You smile.

It doesn't sound like anything else.

please like and reblog with feedback !!!

— please do not copy , translate or repost any of my works anywhere !!

#enhypen hard hours #jake hard hours #enhypen smut #jake sim smut #enhypen jake smut #kpop smut #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen scenarios #enhypen jake au #heeseung smut #jay smut #sunghoon smut #enhypen jake #dive into: i love you #from me 2 you

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ganondoodle · 8 months

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read about all the armor set pieces i never bothered to fin before stopping to play to make sure i wasnt missing any potential useful info and came across the thing that im guessing is the reward for the shrines given its description and i just

kinda sank back into sadness and desperation bc of how much i dont like it and im fearing they are just gonna mess it all up even further

i said it before but i have a seething hatred for how totk hurts botw in retrospect, like wow i liked the mystery of the sonau but never wanted an answer to it, i liked the mystery of who the ancient hero was bc of its strange depiction and man did i not want this kind of answer, some things not having an answer can be more interesting than having one, cant we focus on going forward instead of looking back further and further, it was fine with the shiekah but at the end of botw it felt like a relieved sigh of "ok the past is gone and done, now we can built a better future and move o-" NOPE LOL LOOK BACK EVEN FURTHER THERE WERE THE COOLEST PEOPLE EVEN FURTHER IN THE PAST OMG YOU GUYYSSS LOOKS HOW COOL THEY WERE AND ALSO FUCKED IT ALL UP LOOOOOK LOOOK

like in general i have nothing against introducing a new species/nation to zelda but the way they did the sonau is just nothing but frustrating to me, coming out of basically nowhere and suddendly being shoved into EVERYTHING, everything shiekah, basically erased bc ACTUALLY the sonau were here first lol and they were so much cooler and better in every aspect dont you DARE even THINK of any other boring old group central to the better game of the two (botw)

like i get it they are the new cool thing but they feel so much more suddendly FORCED into EVERY aspect of both lore and world and how everyone absolutely obsesses over them its like the devs were so scared of the player not being interested in them that they felt the need to make every second NPC obsessed with them just so they can constantly shove in your face how interesting they are (like i think they way this was done just made me even less interested/more annoyed, sorry, their design is neat yeah but i really dont care, you failed to make me care and TELLING me to care wont change that), the ancient shiekah felt so much better integrated as a natural part of the world without being annoying about it and i just ....

i worry about whats to come, both for possible DLC, or worse even another game pretending to be connected to it or just .. in general ... especially given how successful totk was and still looks like its only praised outside of my bubble of like minded people

i now got alot of people interested into my totk rewrite but now im worried ... isnt my energy and time better spent on something else .. especially if they are just gonna make it all worse anyway/mess with it more, like after seeing how much totk disappointed me yet how successful it is i doubt it will get better again

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #sorta #i guess the fear of losing my hyperfixation after the new stuff drove my enjoyment of it into a brick wall is back #like it happened with all other special thingies i had #i was so into everything and then theres a new thing that makes my feelings about it do a complete turn into the opposite #its not there yet with zelda ...... im so afraid of it happening to it too #it didnt have to be this way :(#i dont wanna lose my special thing again #never been this long and this strongly invested into something #...

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starrclown · 4 months

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Stayed Gone! Hazbin Hotel

I just listened to Stayed Gone,the song with Vox and Alastor and honestly 8/10! I really liked it!! I thought it was fun, the animation was fine, and I really liked the collaboration between those two!! I have pro's and con's but I suggest you listen to this song! I think it's better than Poison and Happy day and Hell.

PRO'S!!:

The animation was really smooth! I know I critiqued the animation in the past but I can really see where the budget went!

The gag "He wouldn't be here without the other Vee's!" Made me laugh.

The ending where Alator is singing Vox will wish he was still gone is genuinely scratching my brain. I love the way Alastors voice actor sings it.

The way Alastor and Vox bounce of each other is fun.

Vox singing is something I did not expect to like.

Out of all the designs I don't like Vox has always bothered me the least. Yeah it's inaccurate but I don't know, I like him. He's still not save from redesign and rewriting though.

They kinda changed Velvettes design! Her front part changed and she wearing diffrent clothes!

CON'S!!:

Hearing Alastor, who has been stated to LOVE his time period say, "That's the tea" "Clout chasing" and "Podcast" was off putting. Shouldn't Alastor not know what modern terms or technology is? Yeah he could be using those terms to mock Vox but it's still off putting.

Velvette designs has been tweaked but she still doesn't look like a black woman.

This one is a big one. What the hell does Alastor mean when he says he's been gone? Gone where? It's hell, he cant leave. Does that have to do with that 'Eve is Lilith but the ACTUAL Lilith is Rosie?' I remeber seeing that, people claimed it was a leak of the show. Alastor is supposedly Charlie's babysitter or guardian? I know almost nothing about this theory so if someone has insight let me know.

Alastor blends into the background at the end. His red clothing and hair is blending into the background.

Alastors demon form is cool and everything but it's not as cool as comic Alastor's demon form.

There is more I could say both positive and negative but this was supposed to be quick. I genuinely like the song and think it's charming, despite its flaws.

(EDIT: THE SONG NAME IS STATUS QUO!! NOT STAYED GONE!! GOD DAMMIT!!)

- ⭐️StarClown⭐️

#hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel soundtrack #hazbin hotel song #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel criticism #is this criticism???#this song is good tho

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juni-ravenhall · 5 months

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the new intro quests are a lot better than that random doyles abbey runestone quest they added years ago. that shit needed to be replaced really badly, so thats great, and the new version of it makes more sense.

that said, it was still really meh. its fine! its not horrible! but the writing is still really flat and the storytelling is just okay but nothing more. i cant say that i read that and feel like "oh someone who is a writer as their main thing wrote this".

it also bothered me why maya asks us to name the horse when she *just* said that its some rich persons horse thats staying there to be sold or whatever (idc what it was exactly) with no explanation as to why it doesnt already have a name and why we would be naming it now. just small storytelling things that bring the quality down.

it felt random that the soul riders are all ganging up on mc to be instant friends. i needed more context and buildup for that. it was okay, i repeat - not horrible. just not more than okay. i would have written it differently and introduced the soulriders more slowly, maybe starting with just lisa (and maya) until we're ready to leave moorland, then introduce alex, maybe maya wants to ride with us to go pick up something in fort pinta and we meet alex at the bus stop, or she was with james in fp, or something.

i havent ever liked those triangle runestones because they seem so blatantly magical compared to the ones we had before, which makes me ask "what do the normal jorvegians think of these?" which we havent had explained afaik. you could tell us, "normies cant see the pink lights" or some shit at least, but even then those carefully balanced triangle rocks are weird. (in sweden we have normal runestones around similar to the old ones in sso. so the old sso ones are easy to accept, aside from the pink glow, which can be explained in the story. upside down triangles balancing, not so much.)

justin now seemed to have even less presence than he already had, which is bad if they arent changing the story parts including him. the story as it was until now already felt really rushed and empty when it comes to getting to know both the soul riders and justin. justin leaving would have much more impact if we actually felt like we know him, and ofc same for the disappearance of the soul riders and all that.

they might be completely rewriting more of the story and that might be good! but the quality i saw in this was not worth applauding just yet. again, just okay. nothing more. "better than before" doesnt really help much if the current "better but not that good" is going to stick around for the next few years. thats why it feels disappointing.

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theartofangirling · 12 days

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hi! im not sure if you still answer asks asking for book recs but i figured ill just shoot my shot

i saw your book rec flow chart (which--wow, the amount of effort and care that went into that, i cant appreciate it enough) and in it you described radio silence as about finding a best friend which got me wondering if you had any other book recs like that?

(sidenote your book recommendation tag is a goldmine for queer book recs, you have excellent taste)

I am ALWAYS up for giving book recs! and I'm so glad to hear that the flow chart has been helpful!

as for other books about finding a best friend, I gotta say Radio Silence and Loveless are basically the cream of the crop. a few others that fall into that category:

i want to be a wall - this manga series is about an asexual woman and a gay man who get married to stop their families from bothering them, and their friendship is the sweetest thing I've ever read!!!!

what stalks among us - a ya horror about two best friends stuck in an unending corn maze, featuring a super strong platonic bond

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow - this wasn't a favorite of mine for entirely unrelated reasons, but I did love the friendship at the heart of it

a psalm for the wild-built - I ADORE Dex and Mosscap's friendship

in other lands - this has a prominent romance, but even more important is the friendship between the main trio

strangeworlds travel agency - a middle grade fantasy adventure with a delightful male-female friendship that makes my heart so warm!

the raven cycle - I mean, all of these characters are in love with each other. if you want friendships so strong they rewrite reality, to the extent that the author said that "the worst thing that could happen is that they could stop being friends," this is the series for you

#asks

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raveneira · 5 months

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Stop Lyin

'KawaSara fans just want everything to just be Naruto 2.0, they dont want anything new or different they only ship it cuz its like SS'

The same mfs sayin that:

Stfu, the only ones your fooling are yourselves, your just fine with Naruto 2.0, but only for the ships YOU want canon.

'B-but their a mix of multiple OG ships not just one so its different!'

Thats even WORSE, it makes them the most unoriginal ship and just a weird amalgamation of OG ships with nothing of their own, their just NaruHina, MinaKushi, ItaIzu, ObiRin, NaruSaku, SasuSaku, SasuNaru etc all over again, but yea you sure showed us about wanting 'originality' lol

And just to burst your bubble even more, your not special, and your point is invalid anyway because I didnt hear nothin about 2.0 in OG Naruto when these were happening but NOW suddenly its an issue.

But now suddenly its a problem, back then yall called it 'parallels' and 'foreshadowing' but for some reason conveniently when its KawaSara and BoruSumi suddenly its Naruto 2.0 and we need something different than past dynamics

BUT YALL HAD NONE OF THAT ENERGY WHEN NS WAS COPY AND PASTE OBIRIN/JIRATSUNA

NONE OF THAT ENERGY WHEN SS WAS JUST KAKARIN/DANTSUNA

NONE OF THAT ENERGY WHEN NH WAS JUST INVERTED MINAKUSHI

But god forbid KawaSara is just a little too much like SS or BoruSumi a little too much like NH, but Bsa being like [in your words not mine] literally every past OG ship is totally fine and the pinnacle of originality you all wanna see from the sequel, give me a danm break lol

What makes this even more pathetic is that Im not even exaggerating, they've gotten so blatantly hypocritical their even trying to use the Minato one-shot as foreshadowing for Bsa, keep in mind these are the same people who claim to want something new and different, are using a one shot set in the past for an OG ship that happened WAY before Bsa even existed all because of the vortex symbolism and the sequel just happened to have the name vortex in it they think its some kind of parallel/foreshadowing for the pair...which is utterly ridiculous but this aint the post for that, but just friendly reminder the Shippuden in the Naruto sequel meant Hurricane chronicles/legends and the Uzumaki clan has always been symbolized with whirlpools/vortex way before Boruto was even thought of, hell their clan symbol is a literal swirl like a vortex...nuff said, this aint the post to delve deeper into that.

Im mentioning this purely to point out the hypocrisy of wanting something 'different' yet using every possible OG thing thats even remotely similar to boost your ship and show how canon it is, yet KawaSara and BoruSumi cant because then its Naruto 2.0.

Their newest thing lately I've been seein the most is that BoruSara is like MinaKushi and NaruHina because Sarada stalks Boruto etc, so I thought I'd bring this reality check back since these same ppl talkin about other shippers just wanting Naruto 2.0 again.

Like I said, the only ones your foolin are yourselves cuz nobody buys your bs cuz everytime yall pull that card you put your foot in your mouth with all these 'parralels' that are suddenly ok now, but NOT ok when its any of your rival ships . Sit down.

PS: This aint the post to go into this either, but like I mentioned earlier that Bsa is actually the most unoriginal new gen ship, I could literally make a separate post showing how that is and how KawaSara and BoruSumi are actually the more unique ships of the options. You may have noticed I havent mentioned Ksu at all in this...thats because its a joke atp that I nor anybody besides their shippers take seriously, but if I must address it its literally just poorly done SS and SH with a dash of SK so why would I even bother with such a joke of a ship that exists solely to play keep away for Bsa but not because theres any legitimate basis in canon and thrives purely off headcanon and Hondas rewriting of events that amounted to nothing because, shocker, the manga wasnt building anything between them, so Honda created a completely made up foundation for nothing that they scrapped immediately and never acknowledged it again. So much for 'the anime is the complete version of the manga' yea funny how they backtracked alot of their mistakes when they saw the manga contradicting it, cuz at the end of the day the manga is the MAIN source material, so what happens there is more canon than anything the anime does afterwards.

#pro kawasara #pro borusumi #anti-ksu #anti-bsa

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trickstarbrave · 1 year

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actually fuck it. my proposal for the skyrim main story quest rewrite that i think keeps the bare bones the same but incorporates more lore and makes it more interesting. reputation also will be making a comeback in this along with skills and more dialogue options

this is also part 1 bc i wrote so much lol i’ll do the rest later

>keep the intro. it doesn’t rly bother me. it does its job its just very long and annoying. maybe change some details but i think it can work. difference to the set up though is ulfric rebelled because they banned worship of not just talos, but more importantly shor/shezzar/lorkhan who they said was never really a god, just made up by men to justify killing elves and is a violent religion built upon hate (which is how they argued the banning of it during peace talks, why should you have a peace treaty with an empire who worships gods that kill your kind?)

>you are still told to go to whiterun and meet with the jarl. while you can get inside the city fairly easily (after passing many panicked traders coming to sell or deliver goods into the city where you learn its a major trading hub bc they saw a dragon fly by or are bickering abt if it was a dragon or not) meeting with the jarl isnt so simple. you’re told you dont have an appointment, and wont be able to get one anytime soon given you’re a nobody (if for some reason you have done other stuff and gained a large reputation and have high speechcraft this can be bypassed) and there is a civil war going on. everyone saw the dragon near by. how can anyone be sure you aren’t proposing to send a march of troops to riverwood to instigate a battle in the civil war? his housecarl won’t let you have a meeting nor will he really talk with you if you try

>luckily for you, you’re pointed in the direction of the court mage looking for someone to do things for him if you feel the need to complain to anyone. farengar needs someone to do various tasks for him, and no one else has taken him up on the offer really given the distrust of mages in skyrim as of late. he tasks you with several things: gathering herbs, trying a new potion he developed, testing an enchanted item by killing an enemy with it. various wizard grunt tasks that also introduce various other magical skills that you can ask him to explain if you’re curious and he’ll explain them but point you in the direction of the college if you want to really learn as he cant take students right now

>last quest he gives you is to get the dragonstone someone was asking him about. he can’t pull away from his work at the moment to go get it, but he has faith you’ll probably survive. bleakfalls barrow can probably mostly stay the same, but things of note i’d include is having some details from bandit conversations that draugar aren’t normally this big of an issue. usually they can “just sneak past them” but for some reason some are walking around awake for no reason and are way more active. just as a little detail

>delivering the stone farengar can now get you the meeting with the jarl. he’s vouched for your reputation and thinks you’re trustworthy. along with some funny dialogue to not mess it up or he’ll be in hot water. NOW you can meet with the jarl, except your conversation about riverwood asking for protection is interrupted by word a dragon is attacking a whiterun tower

>kill the dragon, eat the soul, use fus, you know the drill. this one isnt that bad and i think it works. there, several nords question your soul eating and turning the dragon to bones more than the thuum, which is something nords known and can train on. irileth says thats all nord superstition and she doesn’t believe any of it, but she does question what exactly you did to the dragon or if its normal for dragons to die that way.

>you return to the jarl who thanks you, names you thane, and says he will send more guards to scout riverwood, but believes the dragon you killed is likely the one riverwood was so worried about. if you question him about “dragonborn” stuff he will explain its a nord legend, dragonborn emperors, etc, but that if anyone could answer if you’re a dragonborn or not it would be the greybeards. the greybeards don’t summon you outright at this stage, not unless you have done other stuff i’ll include in another section.

more under cut bc this is long

>go to the greybeards. greybeards say frankly they don’t know if you’re the dragonborn or not. you claim to have eaten a dragon’s soul and absorbed the knowledge, but it’s hard for them to test that. however, your gift with the thuum without them teaching you is remarkable, so they send you on spiritual tasks before they train you. they are more old school nord pantheon religious as opposed to the more imperial worship thats becoming more common

>these tasks include: traveling to various sacred sights, a word wall, and going to kynesgrove to hold a ritual to commune with kyne. from there kyne will task you with finding a fox that you later find out is the avatar of shor, who confirms you are of dragon blood, but that you will need to seek counsel from ‘the dragon’ if you want to know more. after that he fades away, and you return to the greybeards who say that is peculiar, and may be referring to akatosh. they know they could ask paarthurnax, but are still hesitant about introducing you to him

>there is a possibility to meet another dragon before you return to the greybeards. after the tower and dragons start appearing across skyrim, a third faction of the civil war has opened up: the dragon cult. various villages have been taken over by dragons, where some dragons you can speak to are there. they will confirm you are dragonborn. they don’t see you as a threat, more like a pitiful, weak little creature. all of the dragons have different personalities, one i might make disgusted with you and calls you an abomination, another who thinks you are interesting and mentions they would like to have you as a priest/willing servant but they believe that would “anger alduin” and you would refuse anyways. if you speak to them the greybeards say that might have been what shor was referring to when he said “the dragon”

>they then begin your training, teaching you various shouts. after every shout they send you on a small quest after the little tutorial part to “internalize and meditate on the meanings”. rinse and repeat. fast travel is enabled still in my vision so you dont have to make this trek every time

>after this they task you with recovering the horn. it is there, in the tomb, along with the tomb containing lore on the way of the voice you can read like the tablets on the way to the monastery. they mention the great elder greybeard paarthurnax, friend of the founder, but not that he’s a dragon. some lore info. you bring the horn back and are named dragon of the north. from here, the greybeards say they dont know why a dragonborn has come, but that there are many prophecies of what dragonborns accomplish. ultimately though it means you get to forge your own destiny, and they hope you will get the way of the voice in your heart. probably discuss where a lot of dragonborns did a lot of damage, like with tiber septim conquering the continent in uhm, some pretty not nice ways.

>after you gain some reputation (or maybe just asking around and then waiting a few days) an innkeeper in riverwood says she’s heard you’re looking for dragonborn information and she’s a bit of a scholar so she thinks she can help you. going to her she says shes a bit of an archaeologist so she’s learned a few things, but asks for a favor first as nothing is for free. she’s been very busy running the inn and needs you to delivery some packages of information for people who have requested it from her. one is a member of a jarl’s court, another a college of winterhold member, and something for a skooma addict in hopes he stops causing problems for other people (hiding out in an abandoned college outpost in windhelm after the people drove them out, because there are now college outposts) these are all covert messages she’s been unable to send to various blades members/contacts who are still in hiding. i just thing 5 members is better than fucking 2

>then, she tells you a lot of lore about the dragonborn. then says if you think you are dragonborn she’d be interested in seeing you in action as she’s never met someone claiming to be dragonborn and your story is interesting. she accompanies you to the dragon burial at kynesgrove where you see alduin and actually get a dialogue option with him, however short. if you have done studying and research on dovahzuul, you can actually answer him in the dragon tongue which does mildly impress him but he is still going to say you are not worth his time. you are weak and an abomination, nothing like a true dov. and then he has sahlokniir kill you like in the original.

>after this delphine asks to head back to the inn to talk about all that. she then takes you into her room, closes the door, and reveals the secret door. down there she finally reveals she is a member of the blades and apologizes for deceiving you. she says the blades are being hunted down and persecuted following the war because they threaten the thalmor’s power. but the blades serve the dragonborn, so she wants you to lead them.

>next thing she needs though is she knows she cant stay here. she’s been talking to you, going and looking at things, and the thalmor are very suspicious with this dragonborn talk afraid the empire is trying to empower themselves against them and find a new imperial family. she says there is an akaviri temple that is hidden away they can stay in and get the blades together again to act as a base of operations, and that it will be safer than being scattered and hidden hoping no one catches on. the people you delivered to previously are given messages and promise to meet you there when they can slip away with varied dialogue. skooma addict reveals it was all a rouse and he goes pretty easily. this also allows the base to have stuff like a mage, a smith, etc.

>after this she says she thinks there may be more members alive, but also the thalmor might be onto them all. she tasks you with breaking into the embassy and getting the information. unlike the very scripted quest, getting in through the party is not the ONLY way to do this. you can break in through a variety of ways if you are clever, or you could have already done it when the quest starts. all you need to do is tell delphine if ur going to the party or not. ALSO regardless of how you do it, if you are stealthy enough no one will burst in at the last second to say they caught you and hold malborn hostage despite not realistically having a way to know that fast. if you kill everyone there though or slash your way through they will know though and your cover will be blown.

>there you find documents of various blades agents and contacts they killed. as well as find out they are currently hunting for esbern. you also gather the documents on ulfric and stuff. delphine is relieved she left as it seems like they did just start to catch on to her, and then tasks you with finding esbern if he’s alive because he’s lore keeper and will know about the ruins they are in as well as the dragonborn legends

>getting esbern is pretty similar. along with the thalmor coming after you. if you are in the thieves guild or have enough money you can bribe them into helping and use various traps in the rat ways to kill the thalmor

more to follow

#skyrim #skyrim rewrite #the elder scrolls #the elder scrolls skyrim #tesv

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