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#i created some more drawings during hiatus but there's only so much art i can plan ahead for a story that can be changed by the readers
innerslumber · 3 months
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So...I've started drawing again. It's rough as all hell but the last few months while sick with pneumonia, I was stuck on my couch a lot and trying to sleep upright. Most nights it was unsuccessful and my brain was too scrambled to read or write, so I'd doodle.
During my teenage and college years, I wrote and drew a fair bit. Went to a ton of anime conventions and haunted the artists alley. But then school, work, family, LIFE just kept coming at me and then 20+ years went by with no creative outlet.
It didn't help that I've had people in my life that constantly discouraged it. That writing and drawing was frivolous and a waste of time. And as the years went by, the harder it was to think I could do it again. It was just easier to tell myself I got more important things to do.
But by some weird happenstance, I fell back into fandom a few years ago and picked up writing again. Now, I am the first person to say that my writing isn't like...earth shatteringly good or anything of that caliber. But that wasn't the point. I just wanted to create again and have fun with my new friends. I write at a glacial pace but at the end of the day, it feels nice to do it again when the inspiration strikes.
Art feels...different. It's incredibly intimidating lol. I know SO MANY INCREDIBLE artists and I've watched them apply themselves for years and I just...I don't know lol. The imposter syndrome is wicked hard. I could never call myself an artist, especially after such a long hiatus.
But a friend recently reminded me that art can literally be a doodle on a post-it note. I don't have to compare myself to others and undermine myself, too scared to even start. And the other day, another friend said I never have to post anything if I don't want to. As long as I'm happy and having fun, that's the whole point.
Creating anything, by word or art, can be so hard. So time consuming. But I'm going to keep trying at both. Right now I'm still figuring things out, especially because I'm trying to make art digitally and I've only done that a few times.
Life is still incredibly busy and hard...and I've been conditioned for years that to enjoy myself was being selfish. Having my abusive husband scream at me that I was a "bad mom and a bad wife" for having a writing hobby and that my online friends and I were "trash" for writing about "men fucking each other" was really demoralizing. I'd wait until when everyone was asleep to write on my phone in the dark. But at the end, I still ended up deleting and leaving behind so much because of his vitriol.
But that isn't my reality anymore. If I have time, I can write when I want to. I can draw when I want to. I don't have to look over my shoulder that I'll get caught doing something that isn't anything to be punished over.
And my art is all over the place but that's okay! I'm experimenting and trying new things. There isn't any high stakes. And I can allow myself to just enjoy it. Maybe I might even post it lol!
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usamamoweek2024 · 11 months
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Meet the Mods!
What username(s) and platform(s) can folx find you on? (Please include links!)
Hi, folx! I'm Lillie Bell. I can be found on AO3, and all my shenanigans happen on tumblr @lilliebellfanfics
(Fun Fact) What is your favorite kind of potato?
Waffle House hashbrowns -- smothered, covered, and capped
How long have you been creating works in fandom spaces? How long have you been active in the SM fandom?
I'm one of the OG crew from when the internet was young (lol). I wrote SM fanfiction as a teenager during the era of Alicia Blade, ASMR, etc., I had a short stint in as the writing mod in the SML LJ community, and have recently returned to writing fanfiction, mostly smut, after a long hiatus. I also write for Seven Deadly Sins when I'm not completely lost in SM.
What type(s) of creative works do you usually make? (fanfics, digital art, cosplay)
I cannot draw to save my life or take a good picture, so I am solidly a writer only. I am super impressed by folx who can work in multiple mediums. Words are hard enough, so that's what I stick too :D
What do you enjoy about creating for the SM fandom?
I love the joy & support the community has for each other as well as the diversity of ships and people in the fandom. For the characters, there are so many facets to play with and explore that I never feel like I'm done telling their stories. There are so many more situations to put these babies in!
Are you strictly UsaMamo or do you create for other pairings as well?
I write more UsaMamo than any other pairing, but ReiNako are my grumpy x sunshine queens and I love them. I've also delved into writing KunZoi recently and love their dynamic as well. I'm very much ship and let ship, so I enjoy reading pretty much any ship, but I can only write a pairing/poly that I feel I have a good grasp on. Hence, usually UsaMamo, ReiNako, and sometimes KunZoi.
What inspires you to create works for Usagi and Mamoru?
All the feels (lol). I have specific facets of their personalities or backgrounds that I love to explore. I love to mess with Mamoru the Orphan and how that shapes his decisions & personality (good and bad), and how he evolves with that background over time. I love happy-go-lucky Usagi who is just out in a world being herself, falling through life and living it to the fullest, but also has these big responsibilities and rises to every call.
Do you tend to work on multiple projects (WIPs) simultaneously or try to finish one at a time?
I have multiple WIPs right now, but I tend to be very focused on one at a time (for better or worse). I don't like leaving things not done, so multiple WIPs starts to grate on me to just get it done.
Do you prefer large projects (chaptered fics, webtoons/zines, highly detailed art) or small projects (one-shots or simple art)?
I like one shots / smaller fics where I can hint at how we got here or how the future might look after, but the focus is one small moment between the characters. That said, I currently have two long fics I'm working on... because reasons. XD
Are there any common themes, situations, tropes, or mediums in your work?
I write fairly broadly between dark, smut, and some fluff. There's usually a comedic edge, so it's not 24/7 serious (I'm not that person if you noticed ;D ). My favorite tropes are forbidden love/romance and the banter of grumpy x sunshine. There are definite themes but they may not always come through. For Mamoru, I like to put him in situations he isn't prepared for and help him make bad decisions. I really enjoy playing with his connection to Earth / Elysion and his strong sense of loyalty/duty to Usagi, as well as his shitennou. For Usagi, I think her friends treat her too delicately and, even though she's a bit silly or not totally organized, she will show up for her friends or the world when it's in trouble. I like to play in that space where she is unexpectedly mature b/c Usagi is a quintessential example of a person who doesn't have her shit together, she's not perfect & that's okay, and she can save the world just as she is. MF QUEEN.
I bring these elements into my other pairings--they are pretty common dynamics. KunZoi and ReiNako are facets of grumpy x sunshine and love vs duty/honor. So, I do like to push the characters into uncomfortable territory and then see how they respond. Rei always raises to the bait. Kunzite will crumble... eventually (if mechanical bulls are involved).
Is there anything you haven’t explored artistically and would like to try?
I've done a little bit of everything in my tenure in the fandom, but I think I'd like to produce a few more chaptered works, but not excessively long (6 chaps vs 20). I seem to be strong in either the one shot category or long fic category, but not in between. So that's something I'd very much like to work on for my own sanity.
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dashawfrostart · 2 months
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This Week In "Time & Again" #12: It's Alive... Alive! Honest! And A Little Sour, And A Bit Sweet!
Guten Fhtagn! It's been... a while again.
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(this is just a colourful teaser for you now, because it feels silly to make a post that starts with a wall of text - even though I personally love walls of text. Keep reading and you'll find out why those weird empty rectangles are here! And as I often do: there's an animated GIF in the end of the post!) Lately, life has sucked me into a giant cycle of great and lush eventfulness. Kinda as if I hopped into a funnel and then swirled around a bit. I might even say it was fun (haha, fun funnel 😁 What, not funny?.. Lame?.. Aah, well then). So, below goes a straightforward chronological report on what happened to "Time & Again" during this long looooong period of my blogging hiatus.
2 weeks ago I've actually spent only a few days working on "Time & Again" - much less than anticipated. As I always say, life usually takes away so much time from art!.. 🤣 However, it's always a choice. Because I'm not drawing 24/7; never did, and perhaps never will - because otherwise I'll never go birding, among other things. And birding is love. Birding makes Frosty happy. I wanna see more nuthatches and northern flickers around me, preferably every day, when possible. Too much to ask? Yes! But life is always about setting priorities straight and meticulously balancing the things you love and want to do. Because something always goes first, and something other goes second (third, fourth, etc.). So that is what I'm trying my best to do here.
But that was only half of the problem. The other half of the problem was about my futile endeavour to relight the creative spark that was seemingly extinguished over the course of the previous 2 weeks - perhaps due to the reasons mentioned above in this post. I'm always very hesitant to take breaks as I work on my projects, because it breaks immersion - and getting back into the mood again might pose a serious challenge. That is exactly how some of my novels/stories failed to see the light of day in the past. Now, since the work on Chapter 5 is nearing to its end - yes, it's almost done!!! - it's just very disappointing to slow down and having to look for the spilt marbles on the floor (however, Lothar, personally, will definitely benefit from at least TRYING to find his own marbles 🤦‍♀️ dear goodness, that man is indomitable). The work still went well, but without excitement I previously had. And I perpetually have serious problems trying to figure out a personal cure for the "lack of spark" issue: not even once in my entire life have I found a resolution that works wonders like a panacea for me in situations like that.
That said, with all of the distractions and not-exactly-creative events with myself in the epicentre, I managed to keep my word and created a Krita forum thread featuring majority of WIP screenshots from Chapter 5, which you can view following that link. Now, my only objective in this regard is to keep updating it 😁 (what I'm kinda failing at recently)
While not being exactly productive with "Time & Again" - that is only up until this week (read ahead) - in the meantime I have reconsidered a couple things that are related to the artistic part of my existence. One of the decisions was to take down the links to my DeviantArt account sometime after this post goes life. The reasoning behind that decision is as simple as an egg: because I don't post anything on DeviantArt anymore. And I keep forgetting to do it anyway. And I keep forgetting simply because it doesn't really matter. In the recent years I perceived DeviantArt to be nothing but a sort of a personal sketch/art dump simply for the sake of gaining more exposure [not really - read an UPD note ahead]. Let's be honest here: DeviantArt is not a good place anymore. It used to be awesome in 2008-2010 or around - for me anyway. But nowadays... Not so much. I don't think I want to delete it yet, for I still want to pop up, perhaps, once or twice a year and dump all the new artworks in there for the future archival purposes - and in case if somebody might be still interested. But for now, I view my DA account as an almost completely dormant collection of trash masterpieces of yore. So I will stop promoting it for the reason of it being obsolete like the morning dew beneath your feet in its current state. (holy effing smokies, that song was very difficult to find to provide a link to! 😱) [UPD 2024/03/12]: my aim with this was originally a bit off - which I realized only now. Aside from it being a random artworks dump, my decision to keep my DeviantArt account alive was precisely for linking back to it: meaning, I was thinking about uploading artworks on there in order to specifically use them in my posts and on the websites. So, yes, it is a relatively dormant collection, but also a convenient stash of art things to utilize elsewhere (thank you, id Software, for teaching me this word! 🤣). I'll see if that really works out in the future tho.
There's also something else that I don't to reveal just yet, and I'll keep it a secret for now 😉 I must try something before I jump to conclusions.
HOWEVER!.. This last week has changed the tides considerably, in my favour. Again, having only a very hypothetical and a rather unclear clue on why that happened - what, I must admit, mesmerizes and puzzles me to a great extent - that long-longed-for spark I thought I had lost along the way somehow magically returned back to me after I spent a few hours (and 2 days in total) of writing an arch-important "Notes & Commentary" section for the reissue of all the previous "Time & Again" chapters that is nigh (here, I teased ya. Now live with it 😎🤣). I really like "Time & Again". Even while it's still incomplete. Even if Lothar is just a stubborn a**. Even if a certain other character has quite funky fetishes. Even if Jeanny is perhaps dealing with her own little pinky demons. I really like "Time & Again", and I really enjoy its style, so revisiting the whole thing for the sake of writing additional materials for it quite possibly worked in a positive way on my spark. I love you, my spark. Let's keep it this way for as long as we can from now on. So now the work goes quite well, and I feel very good about it. There's still something troublesome that needs to be dealt with... but that'd be a painful tale for yet another post.
And, of course, I experimented with some Krita stuff again - for it seems, Chapter 5 really marks a period of great technical discoveries for me.
For example, finally, after all these years 😅🤣, I learnt and made a very good use of the toggle "All Layers" and "Current Layer" settings of Contiguous Selection Tool (that'd be your Magic Wand tool, ya Photoshoppers around - including my past self). That helped me to speed up flood fill of the certain areas. Speaking of flood fill and all, I experimented more with the "smart fill" as well. In the previous post, I was dreaming about an advanced AI algorithm to automatically recognize and colour the characters according to a user-prepared colour pallete. I might be exaggerating a bit, but flood-filling flat colours on every page felt almost stupefying - and, in short, not fun. I've read a little about the potentials to automate the process in Krita and have discovered a few neat tricks that I might use to speed up the process of colouring of the next Chapter. But right now - that's a story for another day in the future. And at last, let's talk about the backgrounds. I find it that the backgrounds that are just, let's say, "placeholders" and don't contain the surroundings of the characters are sometimes challenging. And in Chapter 5, there's gonna be plenty of those - because oh boy do I love long conversations! (strong self-awareness and self-mockery go here) And most of these conversations don't even require detailed environments for the backgrounds! Because people are just friggin' talking! And their surroundings don't matter on those particular panels. I've looked through quite a few graphic novels and comics at the local book store to get extra inspirations - but very often I see that the artists simply fill the panel with a solid colour. Completely flat. I must admit, I'm deeply hesitant to do the same, because I like at least a little texture on storywise-insignificant solid colours. It gives... depth.
So this is what I've been doing so far (and yes, you guessed it now! the picture in the very beginning of this post is very relevant here!):
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While the "flat solid colour" on the background just seems... too flat, I decided to utilize a gentle gradient as a base, and then to apply additional brush strokes on a separate layer with special blending mode in order to create the effect of imperfection and ever so slightly visible texture to it. After a few sessions of trial and error, and thinking about how it feels and if it matches the mood of the chapter, I ended up using a couple of watercolour and splatter brushes together, in black, and the layer blending mode that I figured worked best for me was Soft Light (SVG). As illustrated by the following GIF:
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And LAST (but as usual: not the least, but I won't cover "the least" in this current post for now, for the post is already a fatso - typical, innit?!), I've learnt how to use Filter Layers for the quick colour correction on the go. And this might be extremely useful in a long run for the future chapters of "Time & Again". I might cover this in one of my next posts.
That should be enough for now. So let's summarize: I most certainly did NOT disappear because "Time & Again" ceased to exist, or because I've been abducted by aliens, or because I got carried away giving belly rubs to pinky demons, or anything alike. I disappeared BECAUSE I was working hard on my story, even though at times it didn't go as smooth as I wanted to 😉.
Well, folks, let's wrap it up for today, and see you next time in another blog post! Take care! You will see Lothar in action again soon enuff! 👋
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hi-im-glitch · 3 years
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aliceinteyvat · 3 years
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Genshin Impact Idol AU ideas
So we all know the groups Veechu made with 4nemo, DCKZ, L/yue and, TVT DREAM however, I thought it was a crime the actual idol Barbara wasn’t in a group so, I made my own! I do not have the skills to draw this so, I will be including concept photos by actual groups(older and newer as well as the time in those examples i think suits them just for an example bts run era - dope era for a boy group) for the general vibe. Click on their names for a link to the kpop wiki about them. I also won’t include Lumine because many fans have made their own headcanons for that I like.
Feel free to use the ideas I added to this in fanworks just please credit me for the idea of the groups I made myself if you do. All will be under the read more so mobile users don’t break their fingers trying to scroll past. Wiki links are included for each real world inspiration. If looking for a specific character use ctrl+f on PC to search for them to make your life easier.
Note: their stories can be changed if you would like to make it different for your art/writing/whatever. I just think a bit of drama makes them feel more real. None of the stories are 100% based on any real group even their inspirations aren’t direct copies. As new characters are released/shown in stories I will be adding onto existing groups I made up or, making new ones so if you like my ideas save this and come back to it.
                             7evelUp! [pronounced Level Up!]
A rookie girl group created from the top seven trainees(voted by judges & public vote) in a survival show that quickly gained international fame from their debut single and, performance. No one doubts their talents however, some question how legitimate the voting/ranking was in the show.  No one blames the girls themselves for this and, there is no real evidence to prove this. All of the members believe the show to be real due to their own experiences too although, a few of them due to their low self-esteem believe other trainees would’ve been better suited in the group even if they are thankful for the support. It will take a while for all of them to adjust and, have it all feel real. Will they rise to super stardom or, crack under the immense pressure?
- Members
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Amber (leader, main dancer) 3rd place(got the leader position because she is the one who brought every team she was in together to usually win the challenges showing her leadership skills not from ranking)
Barbara (main vocalist,maknae,center) 1st place
Noelle (lead dancer,visual) 6th place
Sucrose (lead vocalist) 7th place
Xiangling (lead dancer, lead rapper)  5th place
Yanfei (main rapper,oldest) 2nd place
Yoimiya (lead rapper, vocalist) 4th place
- Real World Inspirations
Weeekly(Tag Me era - 7Days Tension era)
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Girls’ Generation(Into the New World era-Gee era)
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TWICE(Like Ooh Aah era - Heart Shaker era)
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                                                                                                         SYZYGY
An unconventional girl group with a unique sound. Despite their enormous amount of talent/skill , they haven’t been as successful as their small company had hoped. However, they continue to invest everything they can into this group much to the displeasure of the other idols under the company. Will their burning hot passion find success with the masses or, will they disband early leaving their company in complete ruin?
- Members
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Hu Tao (leader, main rapper, vocalist)
Fischl (lead vocalist, lead rapper, maknae)
Mona (lead dancer, vocalist, visual)
Rosaria (main dancer, vocalist, rapper, oldest)
Xinyan (main vocalist, dancer,center)
- Real World Inspirations
Dreamcatcher (Chase Me era - Odd Eye era)
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1NB (Stalker era - Once again, Winter era)
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                                    1MP@CT [prounced Impact]
A previously underrated boy group that seemingly appeared out of thin air on the #1 spots of all major top music charts. Most attribute their overnight success to their newest song going viral on social media but, some who work within their company secretly wonder if it has anything to do with the CEO’s private life and, the new anonymous investors. Regardless, they have made a name for themselves. They have a work ethic like no other and, will do whatever necessary to rise to the top. Even though fans are starting to worry their agency is pushing them too far. Will they become legendary performers the kind that future generations remember by name or, will their boss’ dirty little secrets make them guilty by association to the press when/if the time comes?
- Members     
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Baizhu (leader, lead vocalist, lead dancer)
Dainsleif (main rapper, lead dancer, maknae)
Scaramouche (main dancer, lead rapper, oldest, center)
Albedo (main vocalist,visual)
- Real World Inspirations
Big Bang (Fantastic Baby era - Bang Bang Bang era)
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ATEEZ (Wonderland era - Fireworks era)
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B.A.P (Badman era - Hands Up era)
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                                                    DoDoCo
A junior girl group for kids/tweens made(and managed) by Alice to promote her daughter Klee and, have her gain experience for her dream of being a real idol. Although they perform, act, model and, release music similar older groups they still are children so, their concepts are always wholesome feel-good things to appeal to kid’s even younger their age or, younger. They also don’t have the same restrictions or, work hours due to their age. This group is very popular with Elementary schoolers and, sometimes even their families but, can be annoying to anyone older due to how cheesy it all is.
(Note: I don’t personally agree with kids being idols irl especially some I’ve seen that look like older teen/adult idols it’s scary. However, since it is a thing that exists and, this is a fictional head canon let’s pretend this is a world where none of them get hurt and can live pretty normal lives during & after their time as idols if they choose to do so. I just didn’t want to leave a playable character/important story character out of the AU entirely. Also, Sayu would be here but since she’s not officially released yet and, we don’t know any story about her I think it’s best for her to join later.)
- Members
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Klee (leader, main dancer, vocalist, maknae,center)
Diona (main rapper, dancer)
Qiqi (vocalist, oldest)
Yaoyao (main vocalist, rapper)
- Real World Inspirations
RE:KIDS ANGEL (Ocean era) note: also their only era so far it seems but, apparently RE:KIDS is a larger thing with many other kids kpop groups so I assume others would have a similar concept.
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CutieL (Debut era - Jungle Journey era)
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                                                Dandelion
A girl group that has stayed at the top for the past 7 years known for their elegant concepts although, they have had other concepts in the past(sexy, cute, etc.). Not only is Dandelion super famous but, each member has their own solo careers just as successful. Outside of the group Jean is known for her solo albums and, charity work. Lisa is known for her modelling career and, secretly is a successful author under a pen name. Eula is known for her many wins on dancing contest shows and, the many important roles she plays in dramas. Since this year marks the dreaded 7 year curse fans worry they might disband or, go on a permanent hiatus. Before this year they seemed inseparable to fans but, something happened during their last tour. Jean and, Lisa who were known to be best friends suddenly won’t even sit next to each other. Eula who was usually more reserved during interviews is having to do most of the work since they’re just awkwardly sitting on the opposite sides of her. Eula has never been the best at public speaking and, her blunt responses are causing antis to go on huge smear campaigns on social media. Jean who previously wanted to renew her contract is thinking about starting her own company. Lisa who previously wanted to renew her contract now wants to leave and, join a modelling agency. Eula still wants to renew her contract but, she doesn’t want to be solo yet. She is trying her hardest to get the group back together but, her harsh personality is only making the problem worse she feels. Will they stay together or, will they split? And if they stay together, will it be the same Dandelion fans fell in love with or, are some bridges burned forever?
- Members
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Jean (leader, main vocalist, center, dancer)
Lisa (main rapper, visual, sub vocalist, oldest)
Eula (main dancer, vocalist, maknae)
- Real World Inspirations
IZ*ONE (Violeta era - Panorama era)
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GFRIEND (Sunrise era - Mago era)
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TWICE (Fancy era - Alcohol Free era)
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Solo Idols
- Ayaka
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From a wealthy Inazuman family Kamisato Ayaka (known as Ayaka) shocked the entire nation when she decided to stop pursuing traditional dance(which she had earned many honors and, was famous for since she was a small child) and, instead go overseas to become an idol. Due to her connections it wasn’t long after becoming a trainee that she was put on the same survival show that formed 7evelUp!. However, her good luck ran out when after filming she got into an accident in her company’s car on the way to her company’s trainee dorms. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured but, she sustained an injury to her ankle that made her unable to perform for the rest of the show and, therefore was disqualified. She was a fan favorite and, everyone was heartbroken that she couldn’t compete. Due to her popularity, her company decided that if she could prove she was able to work after being healed they would let her have a solo debut. She far surpassed their expectations being even better than she was before, resulting in her debuting the same time 7evelUp! did. She doesn’t have any negative feelings towards those girls but, she views them as her rivals. She is quickly gaining popularity for her insane talent in singing, dancing, acting, modelling and, song-writing. She is known to the media as “The Idol Princess” for her family’s wealth, her talent and, her graceful demeanor. Don’t put her into a box though, she can pull off any concept with ease. The question is though, will her company allow her the freedom to express herself to the fullest?
- Real World Inspirations
Note: I am not saying she would be super similar to these artist’s work but, I am saying she has the range and, the potential to reach this level of fame. Since I can’t pinpoint a single solo artist that has what I think she would do I’ll put the ones I think have the insane talent and fame I think she would have as well as a similar feeling although it will take a while for her to get to their level
- IU
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- Taeyeon
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That was all of the Genshin Impact characters that I know enough about currently to feel comfortable making headcanons for them! Let me know what you think and if you make fanfic of or fanart of these ideas please credit me for these specifically and veechu for the idea of the idol au in general! Feel free to spread this post around if you want to or repost it too with credit. I also would love it if you tagged me if it’s on here or would be kind enough to send me a link to your work/work you find of it.
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isabellehemlock · 3 years
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Hiatus Announcement
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Hi loves, so as I talked about here, I’m taking a semi hiatus.  I have two months of stuff queued up, so hopefully I can basically support content creators in our fandom - just from afar as I delete the app for at least one month, and potentially a little longer.
This is for a few reasons which I’ll talk about under the cut, but I’ll keep it vague for privacy reasons, and because it’s a bit exhausting to rehash all of this.  CW/TW for mental health issues, and c-ptsd mentioned, but not detailed, nor the reasons behind it.  Chronic health issues, and the American healthcare system is also discussed, though fairly vaguely.  But figured I’d mention it anyway!
I had shared back in March about needing a fandom break from tumblr, and though that was essentially only a small part of my fandom experience, it obviously had a pretty big impact on my mental health.  I returned in April, and wrapped up a big fic in May and basically tried taking care of my mental health by curating my feed as best as possible and changing my privacy settings and just really focusing on how I could offer the kind of support that wasn’t personally draining for me - which most consistently seems to be hyping up the content creators in our fandom :)  I love to see so many talented people in our fandom and cheer you all on!
I also focused on writing and drawing more than ever, and honestly I did mean what I talked about here on the anniversary, about how much this fandom means to me. 
However, what I haven’t shared - since this primary/personal blog has basically turned into a fandom blog - was that I’ve been dealing with some chronic physical health issues since the end of April.  Some dear friends are aware that I have a genetic condition that requires me to take weekly infusions to combat the long term effects of this. 
Unfortunately my insurance has been denying me this treatment since April.  I have now gone fifteen weeks without it. 
I recently learned (just last week actually!) that I won an appeal and my hospital and med team are coordinating to get me an infusion asap.  But it hasn’t happened yet, and I’m not sure when it will :/ 
All this to say that I simply do not have the mental, and physical energy, to keep up with real life of being a wife and mother (my kids have been home full time since March 2020, and bless them for their patience as we homeschooled with bundles, vs online school, but this new Delta variant is scary because they do not have options for vaccines yet), and helping take care of other family members who also deal with chronic health issues, and trying to nurture relationships that have fallen to the wayside during the pandemic, and embrace new ones I have made over the last year, and write, and draw as a way to combat stress and as art therapy for myself and be on tumblr trying to keep up.
So for now, I’m staying in a fandom server, and reshifting my focus on my WIPs which should keep me busy through October.  I genuinely hope to be back before then! 
I am hoping by taking a step back from one more app to manage, I can shift and refocus my limited energy to some things I need to take care of in real life (mostly med management, and organizing things before my kids go back to school next month).  People who are close to me know how to reach me, and please know my discord app is open for DMs if again there’s anything I need to update on a fic or a meta post of mine, or you need some encouragement from me in regards to something you created, or just want to talk :)
I am so grateful for the support you’ve given me so far, and I hope to return refreshed and restored!
Plus, maybe I'll finally whittle down my marked for later list (there’s currently 200+ fics for me to read!). 
I was hoping to wait till I finished the last two bingo fills - so feel free to keep an eye on them on my AO3 - but I’m not sure if that will take a few more days. 
So I’m logging off now, and wishing everyone well.
And please know my mental health is stronger then it was back in March (yay!), I just unfortunately am dealing with a lot of personal stress right now, but it’ll all be okay!  I will return, and until then fill free to browse my pinned posts.  And I hope you enjoy some things I queed.
Until then loves, be well and God bless ~ Katharina  
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itsclydebitches · 3 years
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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Dark”
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Welcome back, everyone! Can you believe it's been six weeks already? I can't. Something something the uncomfortable passage of time during a pandemic as emphasized by a web-series.
But we're here to talk about RWBY the fictional story, not RWBY the cultural icon. At least, we will in a moment. First, I'd like to acknowledge that shaky line between the two, growing blurrier with every volume. A sort of good news, bad news situation.
The bad news — to get that out of the way — is that we cannot easily separate RWBY from its authors and those authors have, sadly, been drawing a lot of negative attention as of late. This isn't anything new, not at all, but I think the unexpectedly long hiatus gave a lot of fans (myself included) the chance to think about Rooster Teeth's failings without getting distracted by their biggest and brightest production. There's a laundry list of problems here — everything from the behavior of voice actors to the quality of their merch — but as a sort of summary issue, I'd like to highlight the reviews that continue to pop up on websites like Glassdoor, detailing the toxic, sexist, crunch-obsessed environment that RT employees are forced to work in. A lot of these websites requires a login to read more than a page of reviews, but you can check out a Twitter thread about it here. 
Now, I want to be clear: I'm not bringing this up as a way to shame anyone enjoying RWBY. This isn't a simplistic claim of, "The authors are Problematic™ and therefore you can't like the stuff they produce." Nor is this meant to be a catch-all excuse for RWBY's problems. If it were, I'd have dropped these recaps years ago. I'm of the belief that audiences maintain the right to both praise and criticize the work they're given, regardless of the context in which that work was produced. At the end of the day, RT has presented RWBY as a finished product and, more than that, presents it as an excellent product, one worth both our emotional investment and our money (whether in the form of paying for a First account, or encouraging us to buy merch, attend cons, etc.) I'll continue to critique RWBY as needed, but I a) wanted fans to be at least peripherally aware of these issues and b) clarify that my use of "RT" in statements like, "I can't believe RT is screwing up this badly" is meant to be a broad, nebulas acknowledgement that someone in the company is screwing up, either creatively (doesn't have the skill to write a good scene) or morally (hasn't created an environment in which other creators are capable of crafting a good scene). The real, inner workings of such companies are mostly a secret to their audiences and thus it's near impossible for someone like me — random fan writing these for fun as a casual side hobby — to accurately point fingers. Hence, broad "RT." I just wanted to clarify that when I use this it's as a necessary placeholder for whoever is actually responsible, not a damnation of the overworked animator breaking down in a bathroom. Heavy stuff, but I thought it was necessary (or at least worthwhile) to acknowledge this issue as we head into the second half of the volume.
Now for the good news: RWBY has reached 100 episodes! For any who may not know, 100 is a pretty significant number in the TV world because, when talking about prime time programming, it guarantees syndicated reruns. Basically, networks don't want audiences to get burned out with a show — changing the channel when it comes on because ugh, I've seen this already, recently too — and 100 episodes allows for a roughly five month run without any repeats, making it very profitable. RWBY is obviously not a television show and doesn't benefit from any of this (hell, modern television doesn't benefit from this as much as it used to, not in the age of streaming), but the 100 episode threshold is still ingrained in American culture. Beyond just being a nice, rounded number, it is historically a measure of huge success and I can't imagine that RT isn't aware of that. Regardless of what we think of RWBY's current quality, this is one hell of a milestone and should be applauded.
All that being said... RWBY's quality is definitely still lacking lol.
Our 100th episode is titled "Dark" — keeping with the one word titles, then — and I'd like to emphasize that, as a 100th episode, it definitely delivers in terms of plot. There's plenty of action, important character beats, and at least one major reveal, everything we'd expect from a milestone and a Part II premiere. The animation also continues to be noteworthy for its beauty, as I found myself admiring many of the screenshots I took for this recap. There are certainly things to praise. The only problem (one we're all familiar with by now) is that these small successes are situated within a narrative that's otherwise falling apart. It's all good stuff... provided you ignore literally everything else surrounding it.
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But let's dive into some examples. We open on Qrow starting, awoken by the thunder outside. Robyn has been watching him and makes a peppy comment about how none of them will be sleeping tonight, followed by a more serious, "Sounds bad out there." Yeah, it does sound bad, especially when they all know — thanks to Ruby's message back in Volume 7 — that this is due to Salem's arrival. I think a lot of the fandom has forgotten that little detail because people often discuss Qrow as if he is entirely ignorant of what is going on outside his cell. Even if we were to assume that he's forgotten all about the pesky Salem issue (the horror of Clover's death overriding everything else, perhaps) he still knows that Tyrian is running loose in a heat-less city with a creepy storm going on and, from his perspective, the Very Evil Ironwood is still running the show. So it's bad, which begs the question of why Qrow (and Robyn, for that matter) hasn't displayed an ounce of legitimate worry for everyone he knows out there. Thus far, their interactions have centered entirely around Qrow's misplaced blame and Robyn's terrible attempts to lighten the mood, despite the fact that a war is raging right beyond that wall. It's another example of RWBY's inability to manage tone properly, to say nothing of balancing the multiple concerns any one character should be trying to juggle. Just as it rankles that Ruby and Yang don't seem to care about what has happened to their uncle, Qrow likewise doesn't seem to care about what might be happening to his nieces. When did we reach a point where these relationships are so broken that someone can be arrested/chucked into a deadly battle and the others just... ignore that?
So Robyn's otherwise innocuous comment immediately reminds me of how badly the narrative has treated these conflicts and, sadly, things don't improve much from here. We are thankfully spared more of Robyn's jokes when Qrow realizes that what he's hearing can't be thunder. A second later, Cinder blasts through the wall — called it! — and Qrow instinctively transforms. 
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The only downside to this moment is that the whole ceiling falls down on Qrow and the others because APPARENTLY these cells don't have tops on them. Seriously. As far as I can recall we don't see the stone breaking through the forcefield somehow and this looks pretty open to me.
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If it is... you're telling me these crazy powerful fighters who practice landing strategies and leap tall buildings in a single bound —
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— can't just hop over this mildly high electric fence to get out? Qrow can't just fly away?
We're, like, two minutes in, folks.
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We transfer to Nora's perspective as she wakes up, seeing Klein giving her the IV. He tells her not to worry, that "you and your friend are going to be just fine." What friend? Penny? Klein went upstairs prior to Weiss hugging Whitley or Penny crash landing outside. I had thought them bursting through the door with another unconscious friend was the first time he learned what the big bang outside was, but apparently not.
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Penny is, obviously, a mess. While I now understand the choice to make her blood such an eye-catching color when that's crucial to the Hound's hunt, I still think it looks strange visually. Like someone has taken a copy of RWBY and painted over it. It doesn't look like it fits the art style. More than that, it implies some rather complicated things about Penny's humanity, especially in a volume focused around her being a "real girl." Real enough for Maiden powers, but with obviously inhuman blood that isn't even referred to as "bleeding." Penny "leaks" instead.
Toss in the fact that she's literally an android who is made up of tech — recall the running gags about her being heavy, or it hurts to fist-bump her, to say nothing of keeping things like multiple blades inside her body — yet Klein says that her "basic anatomy" is the same and he can "stitch up that wound."
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I'm sorry, what? Whatever Penny looks like on the inside, it's not going to resemble a human woman's anatomy, and Klein might be able to stitch the outer layer of skin she's got, but that won't do anything to fix whatever metal bits have been broken underneath. Penny isn't a human-robot hybrid, she's a robot with an aura. Penny has knives in her back, rockets in her feet, and a super computer behind her eyes. When our clip introduced that Klein would be the one to help Penny, my initial reaction was, "Seriously? He's a butler and a doctor and an engineer?" But RWBY didn't even try to get away with a Super Klein explanation, they just waved away Penny's very obvious, inhuman anatomy. Yeah, I'm sure "stitching up" an android wound is just like giving Nora her IV. I hope the surgical sutures he used are extra strong!
In an effort to not entirely drag this episode, I do appreciate that Whitley is allowed an "ugh" moment about the non-blood covering his shirt without anyone calling him out on it. That felt like the sort of thing the show would usually try to make a character feel guilty about and I'm glad that, for once, he was just allowed to be frustrated without comment.
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Then the power goes out and May calls, which raises questions about what state the CCTS is in and when scrolls are available to our protagonists vs. when they're not. But whatever. She's checking in because she just "saw another bombing run light up the Kingdom" and —
Wait. Bombing? Salem is bombing the city? I know we've seen explosions in the sky, but I'd always just attributed that to evil aesthetic. Why does this dialogue sound like it's from a World War II film and not a fantasy sci-fi show about literal monsters launching a ground attack?
May looks pretty against the sky though. I like her hair color against that purple.
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I'm admittedly grasping at positives here because we finally return to her "You have to choose" ultimatum and — surprise! — May has pulled back completely. Ruby says that once they've helped Penny, "We'll...we'll do something!" which is once again her avoiding making a decision. Ruby still refuses to choose, instead falling back on generic, optimistic pep talks. They'll figure out how to stop Salem later. They'll think about the impact of telling the world later. They'll choose who to help later. Ruby keeps pushing these problems into the future where, she hopes, a perfect, magical solution will have appeared for her to latch onto. When that continues to not happen, others pressuring her to actually do something and stop waiting for perfection — Ironwood, Yang, May — she panics and continues stalling for time. Wait an episode and the narrative supports her in this.
Because initially May was forcing Ruby to decide. Now, May enables her desire to keep putting things off. "Don't beat yourself up, kid. At this point, I don't know how much is left to be done." That's the exact opposite of what May believed last episode, that there was still so much work and good to do for the people of Mantle. This is precisely what the show did with Yang and Ren's scenes too, having people call Ruby out... but then return to a message of, 'Don't worry, you're actually doing just fine' before Ruby is forced to actually change.
None of which even touches on May calling her "kid" in this moment. That continues to be a convenient way of absolving Ruby of any responsibility. When she wants to steal airships or Amity Tower, she's an adult everyone should listen to, the leader of this war. When the story wants to absolve her of previously mentioned flaws, she becomes a kid who shouldn't "beat herself up." I said years ago that RWBY couldn't continue to let the group be both children and adults simultaneously, yet here we are.
So that was a thoroughly disappointing scene. Ruby gets her moment to look sad and defeated, listing "the grimm, the crater, Nora, Penny" as problems she doesn't know how to solve. Note that 'Immortal witch attacking the city I've helped trap here' isn't included in that list. Ruby is still ignoring Salem herself and no one in the group is picking up where May left off, challenging her to do more than wring her hands over things others are already trying to take care of: Ironwood is fighting the grimm, May has gone off to help the crater, Klein is patching up Nora and Penny. Ruby, as one flawed individual, should not be expected to come up with a solution to everything, but she does need to stop acting like she can come up with a solution to everything when it matters most (office scene) and rejecting others' solutions when they ask for her help (Ironwood, May).
If it feels like I'm dragging the flawed, traumatized teenager too much, it's not in an effort to ignore those aspects of her identity. Rather, it's because she's also the licensed huntress who wrested control from a world leader and violently demanded she be put in charge of this battle. Ruby, by her own actions, is now responsible for dealing with these problems, or admitting she was wrong and letting others take the lead, without purposefully derailing their plans. She doesn't get to suddenly go, "I don't know," cry a little, and get sympathetic pats.
But of course that's precisely what happens, courtesy of Weiss.
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During this whole scene I kept wondering why no one was celebrating Nora waking up, especially when Ruby outright mentions her. Have they just not noticed given all the Penny drama? Because Nora absolutely woke up.
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Aaaand went back to sleep, I guess. What was the point of that POV shot? No worries though, she'll wake up again in a minute.
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Willow arrives and announces that they can fix the power (and Penny) using the generator at the edge of the property. I'm convinced RT doesn't actually know what a generator is because the characters are acting like it's some super special device that only richy-rich could possibly have. Whitley says that it's the SDC executives who have their "own power supply" and that it's "extremely unfair." Now, don't get me wrong, a good generator powering large portions of your house can run you 30k+, but you can also get one that plugs into your extension cord and powers your fridge for a couple hundred. There's absolutely a class issue here, just not the one Whitley and Weiss seem to be commenting on. They make a generator sound like the sort of device that only a politician-CEO could possible have and it's weird.
Likely, it sounds weird because it's a choppy way of getting Whitley to bring up the wealth disparity so he can then go, 'That's right! We're crazy rich with a company housing tons of ships! We can use those to evacuate Mantle.' Awkwardness aside, I do like that the Schnee wealth is being used for good purposes, but... evacuate where? To the city currently under attack by a giant whale? In a RWBY that wasn't determined to demonize Ironwood, this would have been a great plot point during the office scene instead, with Weiss offering her services to Ironwood, even if the group decides that a continued evacuation still isn't possible.
Instead, we get it here from Whitley. Do I need to point out the obvious? That Whitley is the MVP of this episode? He's done more good in an HOUR than the group has managed in a year. Give this kid some training and make him a huntsmen instead.
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We're given a (very pretty!) shot of the shattered moon because it wouldn't be RWBY if we weren't continually reminded that gods once wiped out humanity before destroying part of a celestial body... and absolutely no one talks about that lol.
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Blake's coat might not make any sense for her color scheme, but it does make her easy to spot as she and Ruby run across the grounds. Oh my god, they're actually doing something together! It only took eight years. They even get a lovely talk where Blake admits how much she looks up to Ruby, despite her being younger, and once again I'm struck at how much more I would have loved this scene if it had appeared elsewhere in the series. It is, indeed, as sweet and emotional as all the RWBY GIF-ers are claiming... provided you overlook that this is the exact opposite of what Ruby needs to hear right now. She doesn't need to hear that she's more mature and reliable than her elders when she's functioning under a "We don't need adults" mentality. She doesn't need to hear that not knowing what to do is totally fine, not when that led to her turning on Ironwood, despite not knowing how to stop Salem. She doesn't need to hear that "doing something" — doing anything — is a strength, because Ruby keeps avoiding the big problems for smaller ones she's comfortable with, like standing by Penny's bedside instead of deciding between Mantle and Atlas. Blake's speech is heartfelt, but it's a speech that suits a Beacon days Ruby who is having some doubts about her leadership skills, not the girl whose impulsive — and now lack of — actions is having world-wide repercussions. Everyone is babying Ruby to a staggering degree. It's like if we had a med show where the doctor is standing by the bedside of a coding patient, fretting between two treatments. 'Don't worry,' their colleague says, patting their shoulder. 'I've always looked up to you. You'll do something when you're ready' and then they continue to watch the patient, you know, die.
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Also: who does Ruby look up to? Everyone talks about how much they depend on and trust Ruby, but who does Ruby look to for guidance? A number of her problems stem from the fact that she has rejected the advice of everyone who has tried to help her improve: Qrow, Ozpin, Ironwood, even Yang. Ruby is presented as the pinnacle of what to strive for in a leader, rather than a leader who has only been doing this for two years and still has a great deal to learn.
Anyway, they get the generator on and the Hound shows up.
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I am begging RT to just make RWBY a horror story. All their best scenes the last three years have been horror I am bEGGING —
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Anyway, while Ruby waits to be eaten we cut to Willow and Klein, the former of which is reaching for her bottle, pulling back, reaching again, all while her hand shakes. This is good. This is what we should have gotten with Qrow. Which isn't to say that their (or anyone's) addiction should be identical, but rather that this is a far more engaging and complex look at addiction than what our birb got. Willow tells us that she doesn't drink in the dark despite bringing the bottle with her; tries to resist drinking when she's scared and ultimately fails. Qrow just decided to stop drinking after decades of addiction, seemingly for no reason, and that was that. Why is a side character we only met this volume written better than one of the main cast?
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Blake manages to call Weiss about the Hound and she asks if Whitley can handle the airships without her. I mean, I assume so given that Weiss is looking at the bookshelves while Whitley does all the work lol. He makes a teasing comment about how he can if she can handle that grimm and she comments that they still need to work on his "attitude."
No they don't. Weiss stuck a weapon in her kid brother's face. Whitley made a joke. Even if Weiss' comment is likewise meant to be read as teasing, it's clear that we've bypassed any meaningful conversation between them. That hug was supposed to be a Fix Everything moment even though, as I've laid out elsewhere, it didn't even come close.
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We cut back to Ruby getting thrown through a wall into the backyard and the Hound creepily coming after her. She's freaked out by this clearly abnormal grimm and Blake is weirdly... not? "It's just a grimm. Just focus!" Uh, it's obviously not. Have we reached the traumatized, sleep-deprived point where the group is sinking into full-blown denial? I wouldn't be surprised. They've been awake for like... 40+ hours.
Because the Hound knocks Ruby out with a single hit. Just, bam, she's down. "Focusing" is not the solution here.
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Weiss calls to warn the others about the grimm, telling them to stick together. Willow (understandably) starts freaking out and flees the room (classic horror trope!). Klein is left alone when Penny wakes up with red eyes. Oh no!
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Don't worry. You know nothing meaningful happens.
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She shoves Klein before (somehow?) resisting the hack, her Maiden powers going wild in the process. Just when it looks as if Penny might cause some serious damage, Nora wakes up, takes her hand, and says, I kid you not:
"Hey... no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do... It's just a part of you. Don't forget about the rest."
Okay. I want to re-emphasize that I love hopeful, uplifting, victory-won-through-the-power-of-love stories. Istg I'm not dead inside, it's just that RWBY does this so badly. I mean, what is this? It has similarities to the character shouting, 'No! Resist!' to their mind-controlled ally, but this is not presented as a desperate, last-ditch effort by Nora. She just speaks like this is the most obvious truth in the world. If you don't want to have your mind taken over... just don't! It's that simple. The problem definitely isn't that Watts has changed her coding and has implemented a command she can't override, it's that Penny has forgotten about the "rest" of her personhood.
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And this works. Granted, not for long, but we leave Nora having successfully calmed Penny down and until her eyes unexpectedly go red again scenes later, we're left assuming that this is a permanent solution. That, imo anyway, is taking the Power of Love too far, overriding the basic reality of Penny being hacked. It’s not a personal failing she must overcome, it’s an external attack. I would have rather had Nora react to the scars she saw on her arm, or have a moment with Klein, or get some love from the group. Not a wakes up, falls asleep, wakes up again to save Penny with a Ruby level 'Just ignore reality' pep-talk, then back to sleep again.
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So Penny isn't attacking her allies, or mistakenly hurting her allies with wild Maiden powers. Not that the group doesn't have enough to deal with, but still. Weiss arrives to help with the Hound and attempts a new summon, only to fail when two minor grimm burrow up into her glyphs. I really enjoyed that moment, both for the wing visual and the knowledge that Weiss' glyphs can fail if you break them somehow (which makes sense). Also, I just like that she failed in general? Weiss is, as per usual now, about to demonstrate just how OP she is compared to the rest of the team, so it was nice to see her faltering here.
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The Hound tries to make off with Ruby and Blake does an excellent job of keeping it tethered. Ruby finally wakes, only to realize that the grimm is actually after Penny since it's staring at her power up through the window, no longer trying to escape. Moments like this remind me that there's someone on RT's writing team that knows what they're doing, at least some of the time. The assumption that the Hound is after Ruby as a SEW, the surprise that it's actually Penny, realizing it holds up because Ruby is covered in Penny's blood and Blake is not... that's all nice, tight plotting. More of that please!
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The Hound drops her and Ruby's aura shatters when she hits the ground. I want everyone to remember this moment as an example of how strong the Hound is. The group may be tired, but unlike YJR they've been sitting around in the Schnee manor for a number of hours, regaining strength. We saw the Hound hit Ruby twice — once through the wall and once to knock her out — and then she falls from a not very high distance for a huntress, yet her aura is toast. That's the level of power and skill the Hound possesses. Decimating YJR, knocking Oscar out, same for Ruby, avoiding Blake and Weiss' hits, soon to treat Penny like a ragdoll. Just remember all this for the episode's end.
Blake tells Weiss she'll take care of Ruby, you go help the others. Yay breaking up the duos more! Bad timing though as the new acid-spitting grimm pops out of the ground and Blake is now left alone to face it.
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Weiss re-enters the mansion, knowing the Hound is somewhere nearby, but not where. Suddenly, Willow's voice sounds through her scroll with an, "Above you!" which... doesn't keep Weiss from getting hit lol. But it's the thought that counts! Willow has accessed the cameras she's set up throughout the manor, watching the Hound's movements, and I have to say, that is a WAY better use of her separation from Klein than I thought we were getting. I legit thought they'd have Willow run away in a panic, meet the Hound, die, and then Weiss could be sad about losing her mom.
It does say something about RWBY's writing that this was my knee-jerk theory, as well as my surprise when we got something way better.
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The Hound runs off, uninterested in Weiss, and she asks Willow to keep tabs on it. It heads for Whitley next (also covered in Penny's blood) and very creepily stalks him in the office with a, "I know you're here." Whitley is seconds away from being Hound chow before one of Weiss' boars pin it against the wall. He runs, then runs BACK to finish deploying the airships, before finally escaping assumed death. Goddamn this boy is pulling his weight.
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I assume all these ships are automated then? I hope someone takes a moment to call May. Otherwise it's going to be super weird for the Mantle citizens if a fleet of SDC ships just show up and hover there...
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I don't entirely understand how Weiss saved him though. She's nowhere to be seen when Whitley leaves and he runs a fair distance before he and Willow encounter Weiss again. We know her summons don't have to keep right next to her, but are they capable of rudimentary thought, attacking an enemy — and an enemy only — despite Weiss being a couple corridors down and unable to see the current battlefield? I don't know. In another series I'd theorize that this was a deliberate hint, a way to clue us into the fact that Willow, someone who we currently know almost nothing about, had training in the past and summoned the boar herself. Weiss and Winter certainly didn't get that hereditary skill from Jacques. Hell, we might still get that, Weiss reacting with confusion next episode when Whitley thanks her for the boar, but I doubt it. That scene with Ruby and the Hound aside, the show isn't this good at laying groundwork and then following up on it.
Case in point: Weiss says, "I didn't forget you" to Whitley after he gets away from the Hound, the moment trying to harken back to her promise to Willow. Key word is "trying." Because she absolutely forgot him! Weiss threatened and ignored Whitley until he proved his usefulness. I also shouldn't need to point out that, "Don't forget your brother" does not mean, "Don't let your brother die a horrible death by abnormal grimm." Weiss acts like her saving him is a fulfillment of her promise, rather than just the most basic of human decency. And also, you know, her job.
So that part is frustrating. The entire Schnee dynamic is a mess, from Weiss making a joke of her father's arrest, to Willow (presumably) fixing their relationship by putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder. Okay.
Then Weiss cuts off the Hound by summoning a giant wall of ice. My brain, every time this happens:
YOU COULD HAVE FIXED THE HOLE IN MANTLE'S WALL.
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Moving on, Blake's fight against the acid... thing has some great choreography, including Blake using her semblance which we haven't seen in AGES. 
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I really like the fight itself, just not what Blake is shouting the whole time. "I need you, Ruby! We all need you!" This has really gotten ridiculous. Ruby is presented as everyone's sole savior despite failing time and time again. It's not that I don't think Blake as a character should have faith in her leader, it's that I don't think the writers should be crafting a story where everyone puts their unshakable hopes in an untrained, disloyal, impulsive 17 year old. I mean, Ruby is currently unconscious, yet Blake is acting like if she doesn't wake up — she, as an individual, if Ruby Rose does not re-join this fight — then all is lost. If Ruby doesn't save them, no one can. Which is, of course, absurd on numerous levels. Blake doesn't need the passed out, aura-less Ruby right now, she needs the still very healthy Weiss pulling out multiple summons and an ice wall! Use your scroll and call for backup again.
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But of course, Ruby wakes up and kills the new, terrifying grimm with a single hit. It's a preview of what's to come with the Hound and it's just as ridiculous here as it will be there.
Speaking of the Hound, am I the only one who thought this was... cute?
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I can't possibly be the only one. That head-tilt is exactly what my dogs do and my brain instinctively went, "Aww, puppy!"
Murderous puppy.
The Hound realizes none of the Schnees are who it's looking for and runs off. Penny, meanwhile, has been fully taken over because, well, that's just what's convenient now. She resists long enough keep Amity up, then succumbs, then resists to apologize to Ruby, then succumbs, then resists because Nora asked her to, then succumbs once it's time to knock her out. If RWBY was willing to commit to consequences, Penny would have been taken over and that was that. The characters would need to deal with whatever outcome happens as a result. Instead, the show very carefully avoids any of those pesky consequences by having Penny successfully resisting at key moments, despite no explanation of how she's managing that.
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She shoves Klein again (Klein is having a Bad Time) and starts walking down the main steps. When Whitley wants to know where the hell she's going, Penny mechanically responds that she must "Open the vault, then self-destruct." I suppose the change Watts made was the self-destruct order? Ironwood obviously wants the vault open, though not necessarily Penny's death. Think what you will of his moral compass, she's a damn powerful ally — a research project, perhaps — and a Maiden to boot. At the very least, her death may give the powers to someone even worse.
God, please don't let them have brought Penny back and made her a Maiden just to kill her again.
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The Hound arrives though and, as said, knocks Penny out. We're back to square one with her, then. Note though that this attack is near instantaneous. She grabs its hands one second, is hanging limply the next. Wow, the Hound sure is a terrifying antagonist!
Not for long.
"That's enough," Ruby says and one-shots it with her eyes.
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Now, I want to talk for a moment about the implications of that line. "That's enough." Obviously Ruby is #done with this situation and emotionally unwilling to let the Hound kidnap Penny (congratulations, Nuts and Dolts shippers), but there's a meta reading here as well. Not intentional, but glaring to me nonetheless. Basically, the idea that the Hound has, from a plot perspective, done enough. It has served its singular purpose. It kidnapped Oscar and now it dies. Never-mind how insanely powerful we've established the Hound to be, never-mind how Ruby's eyes also work or don't work according to whether anything of actual import is on the line. From a plot perspective "that's enough" and the Hound can be disposed of instantly. It got Oscar and gave us an episode of filler creepiness. Move along now.
The idea behind Ruby's eyes isn't bad, but the execution absolutely is. RT has undermined a huge portion of the stakes by giving their protagonist an instant kill-shot that always works precisely when she needs it to. Starting with the Apathy, we have yet to get a moment where Ruby's eyes fail to save the day when she really needs them to, no matter how incredible the challenge. The Hound was very intentionally written to be a grimm outside of the group's current power level. It thinks, it talks, they literally can't touch it. This creates the expectation that the group will need to grow stronger — or at least become smarter — in order to surmount this new obstacle, yet Ruby's eyes undermine all of that. The group hasn't grown in years, the show just makes enemies weaker as needed (Ace Ops), or has Ruby pull out her eyes as a trump card. It wouldn't be that bad if we'd at least gotten a good battle out of it, one where the group gets close to defeating the Hound on their own, but needs Ruby's eyes to finish it off. Instead, she literally walks up without any aura, announces to the audience that this antagonist's time is up, and blasts it out a window.
Granted, Ruby's eyes don't completely finish it. The Hound pulls itself to its feet and we see this.
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Yup, that's a guy and yup, those are silver eyes.
I would like to issue a formal apology to the "It's secretly Summer!" theorists in the fandom. I mean, I still think it would be ridiculous (and at this point highly improbable) that Ruby's dead mother has actually been a grimm mutant this whole time, just hanging out in Salem's realm while she waits for the plot to start before attacking the world, and then sends some no-name faunus dude after the group instead of their leader's mother for extra, emotional torture... but you all were definitely right about the “It's a person” part! I... don't know how I feel about this. Admittedly, it seems to be a logical continuation of the other grimm-human hybrids we've seen — namely Cinder and Salem herself — and it finally explains why Salem wants Ruby alive (even though it actually doesn't because WHY did she want more SEWs for Hound grimm when she wasn't even attacking back then? And already has all these other insanely powerful tools??), but at the same time, it feels like it's complicating a story that doesn't need further complications. The group fights monsters and has an immortal enemy. You don't need to add 'Some of those monsters are secretly human' to the mix.
It doesn't hurt that this twist is giving me Attack on Titan vibes, which, ew. A dark time in my fandom life, folks.
The Hound staggers a few steps before Whitley and Willow dump a suit of armor on it. That's all it takes to kill the most dangerous grimm we've ever seen: a single flash of silver eyes and some heavy metal. This also wreaks havoc with the implication that Salem wants SEWs alive because they create such powerful grimm. Obviously not. I mean yeah, normal huntsmen are going to have serious  problems, we’ve seen that this volume, but any other SEWs nearby will take a Hound out instantaneously. For a villain with so many other powerful abilities — immortality, magic, endless normal grimm, her nifty soup — Salem would be much better served just killing SEWs straight out. Clearly, creating Hounds isn't worth the effort.
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The Hound leaves some bones behind and Ruby collapses to her knees, overcome with the knowledge that this was once a person. Again, uncomfortable Attack on Titan parallels.
We finish our premiere with Cinder clearing away rubble to reveal Watts. Honestly, I like that we ended on this because her rescue is hilarious. She just slings him over her shoulders like a sack of potatoes and blasts off with her magic fire feet. Fantastic.
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Note though that with this scene we've seen almost everything from the clip and the trailer. What's to come in the rest of Volume 8? No idea. Outside of Winter leading the charge with the bomb, we got it all here.
Time to update the bingo board!
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I'm crossing off "Introducing new grimm that are quickly abandoned." Between the Hound and acid-dude both falling to a single blast/cut from Ruby, we've more than earned this square.
It doesn't look as if we'll get another Watts-Jacques team-up now that he's left, but you never know.
Maria's got me worried. I feel like her Yoda fight against Neo is the one thing she'll be allowed to do this volume, but given that we didn't see anyone except Ruby's group this episode, we don't yet know whether the story is now ignoring her and Pietro, or if they'll re-appear in another episode like YJR.  
Qrow is free. Will he get a drink before trying to murder Ironwood? Perhaps.
Still no bingo :(
All in all, the episode was by no means horrible. I think there were lots of horrible parts, but also some legitimately well executed moments, fun action, and scenes that I can easily imagine as squee worthy if you lean back and squint. Everything is comparative and in the growing collection of bad RWBY episodes, this one isn't securing a top slot. Which doesn't mean I think it's good, just... not as bad as it could have been and primarily only bad due to long-running problems, not things this specific episode has done. That's my bar then, so low it has officially entered the underworld.
Still, RWBY is back and a part of me is eager to see where this volume takes us, for better or for worse.
Until next week! 💜
[Ko-Fi]
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unioncolours · 3 years
Text
A 2nd Majsasaurus Year!
Today, 22nd of September 2021, it’s been two years since I officially joined the magical world of fandom. 22.9.2019 I uploaded the first chapter to my fic Shadows and Sand, and the rest is history.
I did a deep dive into my first year as a fic writer and active member of fandom last year, when it was my first anniversary. You can read it here!
In that meta discussion about my membership of fandom, I presented it as if walking on clouds. I was so, so happy and talked during all the discussion about my happiness in fandom.
Since that post was written, my life and also my perception of the fandom I am part of has changed. Change isn’t always bad, as I really had a honeymoon phase with fandom over a year ago, and the low after hit hard.
But let’s see what I’ve been up to and what I’ve been writing! The following year provided much change and fun things! Please keep reading 💜⬇
The first fic I wrote since 22.9.2020 was a Sakura x Ino fic. I had for a longer while been interested in writing a woman-loves-woman ship, which I had never done before, and as a wlw-person myself the urge to explore that part led to Promise me this is just a kiss. The pairing itself was chosen on rather random, it had to be two women and I like Ino, so I chose the most popular Ino-wlw ship for this for convenience.
I really liked writing the fic and it was well-received! It was the first time I had written a fic that was entirely centred around exploring feelings and having sex.
After this I jumped directly onto the next idea that had been boiling inside me for a longer while. Up to this point, all I had written, except the wlw-fic, had been set in the Naruto canonverse and I was itching to try to work with a multi-chaptered modern au! The pairing was of course my beloved Shikadai x Inojin.
It was during the creation of this fic I began to struggle. This was a new genre, as this was romance only and all my other works had been action and fantasy based, except the sex fic of course. I was maybe over critical and stressed, which resulted in me having a hard time writing it. But I made it. Was the sky always this beautiful? ended up being 35k long, and in hindsight, I freaking love, love, love how it turned out in the end and what it represented. I am very proud of this fic.
I “upgraded” as a fan by the end of October when I bought myself a digital drawing tablet. I began drawing fanart of Shikadai and Inojin and preferably them two together, haha! I still draw a few days a month and find it extremely fun as a side hobby beside the writing.
We are now in November 2020. By this time, I had completely finished my zine fic, Under the Scorching Sun, which I had written during September and October, for the Shikatema zine I was kindly accepted to. I was proud of what I had created and was eager for the rest of the contributors to wrap up theirs, so we’d have a wonderful zine for sale in 2021. It was lovely to write ShikaTema again. As the zine fic was about to be released in months from when I had at first finished it, I wanted of course to write something fans and friends could immediately take part of on the internet. I had hyped myself up to a state where I wanted to write a third and final story in my series To love and never let go, my epic series about Shikadai and Inojin.
Now, I should maybe have waited another month, but I was worried the readers would give up on me if I didn’t write it right away. In December, I began writing To find hope in the Universe, with my usual speed and love for the art.
What I by then didn’t realise or even recognise was that I was very slowly turning burned out. I ignored all the signs.
In December I wrote simultaneously as Hope in the Universe a fic that was part of the Shikatema server’s Secret Santa event. The fic’s name was The Ghost Stories of our Hearts, and it was ShikaTema, as the event’s name suggests. It was fun to write and despite the final big fic, Hope in the Universe, pressing down on me, I finished The Ghost Stories of our Hearts and was very happy with the result. Sadly, at this point the burnout began taking control over me, and I never managed to reply to the comments.
The 15th of January, I began uploading To find hope in the Universe. It was a lovely experience, even if it was tainted by negative feelings coming from my decreasing happiness and the fact that it didn’t do as well as To dance above the Stars, the second fic in the series. To deal with two very contradiction emotions, loving my work, the characters, how I have painted an entire world around the characters and how I knew some people honestly loved my hard work, and then the negative feelings coming from not feeling good enough and depressed, was a difficult thing to navigate and still is when I think back to that time. It didn’t help that during the process of uploading the fic I went through grief, and I chose distraction as my coping method. I kept writing and working, the only thing I ever knew.
Our pre-order of the Shikatema zine was in full motion by this time and it was a nerve-wracking time! Mostly because of excitement but also worry. I’m super happy for my friends who were part of the zine, with whom I could share all the excitement and nervousness with. The zine ended up making good sales, which made me happy among the uploading of the long fic.
To find hope in the Universe was completed 31st of March 2021. When I uploaded the final chapter, I felt nothing. It was so weird, so spooky, to have finished a long fic and a series on top of that and not feel anything. But deep down, beneath the layer of depression, I felt great pride.
That was the emotion that broke free once the burnout left me. Pride.
I had created this empire of Shikajin, a whole alternative timeline, an alternative canon from my own head and to this day, that is my internet legacy. I love Trial of the Heart, which I wrote in 2020, but if I have to choose between ToH and this series, I will choose To love and never let go in a heartbeat.
So, even if it felt depressing and hopeless in the moment, I look now back with pride and happiness. Never forget that. Never forget that I made that.
April was a curious time. I swore to not write anything, because I had by now recognised that I was burned out and needed to rest, yet managed to scrape together three smaller fics.
The first one was another wlw-smut fic, TemaSaku this time called Another Light. I wanted to explore that part once again. I wrote it in canonverse and honestly think the fic ended up extremely nice. Perfect amount of feels and sex. It didn’t feel hard to write at all, because the setting, characters and emotions were so different from the fics I had written the last five months.
Now more interesting things lay on the horizon! A new zine, the Ino-Shika-Cho zine called Beyond a Bond had an interest check during the spring, and later the contributor application. I urged in the interest check to please give us the next gen kids, Shikadai, Inojin and Chocho – my kids and babies, and when it turned out they were going to feature, I had to apply as a writer. For this application I wrote a one shot, called It’s just hair, and I loved this spunky little story featuring the best babies that I created.
I also edited one of my tumblr fics, And then I kissed him, into a longer, better version that I later in May uploaded onto AO3. It was once again a Shikajin, a sequel of Trial of the Heart, and it was a fun little project.
Now May came and I sent in the application for the zine early, which I now am relieved I did. I am happy that I did the work for the application in April instead of May, because in May I had a few breakdowns and another grieving period, which lead to complete creative paralysis. I didn’t write a single word during May, only uploaded the two one shots I had prepared in April.
What I did do in May was to read through the Shikatema zine I had contributed to! It arrived in the mail! I was so nervous; my whole body was shaking when I opened the package right outside the post office. The zine now resides on the parade place in my little zine shrine in the bookshelf. Thank you to the mods who made this a reality!
To my great happiness my zine adventures continued as I was accepted to the Ino-Shika-Cho zine as a writer and was assigned to write my favourite characters. I felt so relieved and overjoyed, mind blown by the sheer talent among the contributors.
On the other fandom front, June didn’t continue any brighter, with stress and mental pain still having a strong grip around me, despite the very happy news that I am still so grateful for. I wrote a Yamanaka family fic which to this day hasn’t seen the light of AO3, because of negative emotions surrounding it. I turned into a complete wreck compared to me in June 2020. In June 2020 I was flourishing, I loved what I did, I loved fandom and I loved the friends I had made through Discord servers. Now I could find myself crying my eyes out over a wip not going the way I wished it would. What had happened to Bex 2021?
I was so incredibly frustrated with myself, groaning in defeat when my hands just couldn’t write. I managed to push through 6k of what I called my “emo au” – more of that later – and finish the Yamanaka fic which is still buried, and on top of that I had the zine and another fandom event, The Naruto Photo Album, to create content for. Why couldn’t I do it? Why couldn’t I find happiness in something that once was my reason for happiness?
In the end, I managed to write 15k in June. My former monthly word count used to be 30k. One could think this would turn into the end of my fic writing career, or the beginning of a longer hiatus, but I am stubborn and want to meet the expectations of the people who love my content, so I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to try. I wanted to be whoever I was before.
Funnily enough, the healing came in the shape of the most self-indulgent fic I have ever, ever written, a fic I like possessed began writing July the 1st 2021. It was nothing less than a freaking fairy tale AU, namely a Shikadai x Inojin Peter Pan AU. I can hear you laugh at the silliness of it, but this whimsical AU gave me back my love for writing. I hyper-fixated on this story quite a bit and stopped writing on everything else, something I almost never do.
Only happy boys fly ended up being 21 000 words long! I knew it was a niched story, and true to my guesses, the story has to this day very low stats. Today, two months after it was published, it has just above 100 hits and 10 kudos, so for all I know, only ten people read and liked it. I try to not care too much, since I love the story and in some way, that story saved me from going batshit insane over my emotions about writing.
At this point I had begun writing my fic from the Ino-Shika-Cho zine, finding joy in silly scenes with my favourite characters and trying to heal. The writing process was frustratingly slow, but one word at a time I got forward and as of today, the draft is done. The pre-orders are in December. At the side of the zine fic I wrote a short fluffy Shikajin story, CLEAR, a story with almost no plot, because I knew how much self-indulgence could help me.
And then, I finally began writing for real on my emo au, A gang of fallen stars, which has the first few chapters up right now! I have for the first time in six months a longer fic (if we don’t count the Peter Pan story) and it feels… good. This fic is once again a modern au, but in darker tones than my other modern au from November 2020. I honestly like what I have so far, even if I during June and July almost planned to never finish it. I am so relieved I managed to begin the upload. In September the Photo Album was released and I could show my two fics I wrote for it.
It sounds like this year has been nothing but misery, and at times it felt like it. However, there are a few fandom friends who brought light to my life when I couldn’t see it. The first ones to mention are of course my partners in crime, @notquitejiraiya and @thespookymoth. Together we created a server dedicated to Ino-Shika-Cho during the spring and it has been tons of fun with the members there! Thank you two for listening to me and for being my friends during 2021.
I also have to mention Soverel, who carefully begun taking contact through comments and likes on my twitter, and later through direct messages, and it has been a fun ride ever since. We’ve had lovely discussions which are very dear to me and your support means a lot to me. Thank you for being you and for drawing so many wonderful artworks you’ve shared with me. Haha, and for making me play Genshin Impact, even though I do it like twice a month!
Another person who has made my days so much brighter is @sugarriene. Thank you for sending me that one dm that made us chat regularly, thank you for popping up and sharing panels and your wonderful drawings with me, and for vibing head canons with me. You are a lovely person, and you make me happy.
Finally, I want to give a shout out to @yoboseyokyu for listening to me when I had to yell into the void and for making me happy with your cute posts on both twitter and tumblr.
Since September 2020, I’ve written around 195 000 words and drawn close to 35 illustrations, most of them of Shikadai and Inojin. Almost 200 000 words of Majsasaurus. I’ve created a Discord server and I’ve been part of two zines as a writer, plus a free PDF-project.
It has been a wild year. A year filled with passion for my favourite characters and ship, with the excitement that came with being part of projects and hyping them. It was a year where I learned to draw digitally, and heck what fun it was.
This also a year where I learned people can be mean to me because of what I ship and that fandom friends won’t necessarily always stay to be your friend anymore and how much it can hurt. I also learned what my limits are, and what punishment I get if I don’t listen to my own mind and rest when I have to.
It was a year, guys.
Now, onto the third Majsasaurus Year. Cheers!
And those of you, who supported me when I needed it – thank you and I love you.
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madrabbitsociety · 3 years
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Intentions + Money
I have been doing a lot of work on things through therapy and just personally, and one of the questions I keep coming back to is ‘what are my intentions’. A lot of self-help blogs and books and life-purpose-type articles push the narrative that you need to ‘find your why’. I don’t necessarily agree with that, and I definitely don’t agree with that for everyone, but it did lead me to want to ask other questions about myself. My Intentions seem more purposeful than a ‘why’. A ‘Why’ feels a lot like I’m leaving something up to God or Fate or All-powerful-Universe whereas an Intention is a decision I’ve made and the impact that I hope I will make with that decision. 
We don’t all get to live our dreams. I wanted to be a famous actor, I wanted to be secure in a home, and I wanted to have published so many books by now. But, I have a hard time coming up with original concepts, I do not have a face for movies (until I get old, then I’ll probably be ‘that old person who was in a hundred things for five seconds at a time) and I’m in a very unsteady living situation. I’m in a job I can’t stand. But, I’ve come to this realization that, moving forward with careful consideration and intention, I can still shape this into something that hopefully I’ll enjoy. At least for the five more years we have before Jeff Bezos blows up the planet or we hurdle into the sun or whatever is going to happen. 
I have a lot of ‘Intentions’ that I use when creating the art that I choose to create. My Intention with my YouTube videos is to share my knowledge of sewing and crafting because I have a lot of it. At one point, I tried to monetize that by selling project tutorials and it made me miserable, but I’ve also been in so many situations in the last decade where I haven’t been able to buy patterns or buy fabric or buy something that I just decided I wanted to offer this information FREE to whoever wanted it. Would I like to be monetized on YouTube? Eh. I feel like that gives YouTube too much of a say over what I’m doing and what I make. I do have a Kofi, but honestly, I want people to see and like my videos. I am an actor. I enjoy the audience experience. And I want people to see the joy I have in making things and potentially be inspired to make things of their own. That is why I make videos.
The Intentions I had when I decided to get heavily into posting Fanfic last year were pretty depressing. I work in medical offices. I was sure I was going to die- I still have fears of catching COVID from one of our patients. But I am also fairly poor and between all the subscriptions, all the websites shipping things to homes, I just wanted to offer up free entertainment to try and cheer people up. I’m not conceited enough to think I made a huge difference to anyone’s life, but in my limited silverware drawer, it was the thing I had enough spoons to do. So there were my Intentions- give myself a purpose, give something entertaining that was free because I can empathize with not being able to purchase or subscribe or give tips, and to leave something of myself behind if anything happened during the pandemic. 
You don’t need to know all of my intentions, but you should probably know that this is coming from a lifetime of money dictating my art and my rebellion against that. I used to find joy in painting on jackets and jeans. The Dreaded Ex detested my style and bought me canvases, only to complain when I didn’t paint on the canvases and, after a little while, didn’t paint at all. That same Ex, the one that made me too nervous to enter book stores, would pressure me about reading ‘real books’ and get frustrated and upset when I read fanfiction. He would set his writer friend on me to give up writing fanfiction and write ‘things that were worth my time’ until I finally took a long hiatus from writing at all. But he had bought the canvases, he had purchased the books- the money gave him ownership of me and what I could and could not creatively do. There’s more nuance to the argument, and I’m not trying to make him sound like some Big Bad Monster, because I live with me, I know I’m pretty fucking horrible, but there were real moments of ‘but I bought you that so you should’. 
It’s why I didn’t enjoy art school. It was an entire two years of people trying to mold me into a Fine Artist when all I wanted to do was draw cartoons. So my talents could be marketable as a graphic designer or something useful to make money. Make money out of your art. 
I want to live in a world where the Fic that I write can be attached to my face. I want to be able to be proud of the fact that I wrote an homage to someone and I don’t want anything more than the comments and kudos from people that enjoy it. I don’t want to be nervous that I’m going to get C&D’d for being proud of something I wrote just because I don’t own the characters. I want to give my stuff away because I’m just so sick of being told what to do. In real life, I’m told I’m horrible over and over and over. I have a bad voice, I have a mean face, I have too many questions, I have too short of a temper - - I had a job tell me that I walked too hard. Two jobs, actually, have told me that I walk too hard. “Sounds like a herd of elephants”. And you have to shut up and take it because they pay you to be there, they pay you to smile and sound nice even when you don’t want to. 
So my intention is that my art needs to stay pretty free. That’s why I have a Kofi and not a Patreon- you can tip me if you want to, but I try really hard not to care about that. And I can promise, I will never utilize Post+ on Tumblr.
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the-space-lady · 3 years
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I think it is time to say Goodbye.
Hello! Mod here, Tataia. I’ve come to make an announcement about the-space-lady and edgy-frenchman.
From this day on, I will not be updating these blogs anymore. I will be closing the inbox and delete all unanswered asks.
Don’t worry! They will still be up, you can come back to look through everything as many times as you’d like, but don’t expect any new posts in either blogs.
Now, we all know already that these blogs have been on an never ending hiatus, and it showed no signs of updating regularly like back in the day. So, let’s have a little (okay, kind of long) chat, about how this blog came to life, and how I am happy and thankful with everything that came from it.
Feel free to not read this at all, because it is kind of a long read.
If you have any questions, please send an ask to my main blog, @tataiafurquim​, and follow my twitter where I’m the most active, also going by the same username.
Three years ago, 2017, for the first time in the Brawlhalla history, there was a new legend leak! It was a picture taken with a phone of a monitor screen which showed the character selection screen in Brawlhalla, of the next legend in the default pose (the one that every legend has before getting their signature poses once they’re released); that was the first time everyone saw Artemis. BMG didn’t even announce her on dev streams by that point. The picture was shared in the r/Brawlhalla discord server, and, Calamari-Pop herself had tagged me to see it in one of the text channels, saying, ‘look! female Orion!’. Since I started playing the game, I’ve always been an Orion main, and once I saw Artemis for the first time, I felt like it was love at first sight.
I was instantly hyped for the character, while most people were complaining that ‘BMG had run out of ideas for new legends’, I couldn’t wait for her release, she was so beautiful, I never felt so hyped for something like I did for Artemis. I was probably the first person to make fanart for her and post it on r/Brawlhalla. People’s opinions on Artemis were very 50/50. People didn’t like her because ‘it’s just female Orion’, others genuinely liked her, and were excited to play with the next scythe legend.
I didn’t have many friends at the time who were into Brawlhalla, so for me the hype was kept mainly to myself, and of course, through my art. The picture we had of Artemis was very poor quality, so a lot of early art was missing a lot of details, but I didn’t care; I just kept drawing the only thing that was bringing me happiness.
I was a 14 year old when all of this happened, school was being very rough on me, back in the day I used to struggle so much to study, it was a pain to focus and learn, I’d always give up and go back to video games and art. My grades were horrible, I felt like my personal friendships were kind of faling apart, and so with my family. The only light at the end of the tunnel I had at the time, was the idea of making an ask blog for Artemis.
At first, I was skeptical. What if it flops? The Brawlhalla community wasn’t very active in other social medias, it was small, but everyone was close and if something big was announced, the word would spread fast. I mean, it was worth a short. Worse comes to worse, I delete the blog and move on. Ask blogs weren’t as popular as they were either.
I had claimed the URL even before Artemis was announced in a dev stream, so the blog was ready to go. I remember waiting a little more than a month when the patch of her release was finally online, and I did my move of announcing the blog in every social media I could, and so I waited for the community to show up.
And they didn’t stop coming! It was ask after ask, I was so happy, this little blog was my escape from the real world. Answering people as Artemis was honestly the most fun I was having during that year. And I could also draw her as much as I’d like! The blog was growing, and so was my audience of people who was genuinely following me for my regular art. Even when I was grounded because I did bad on a test, I still answered people with drawings made on paper.
Needless to say, this blog was definitely, a start for me in the Brawlhalla community. “Are you the person who draws a lot of Artemis?” “Yep! That’s me!” It was great, I felt like I was finally becoming someone somewhat important in a community like I always wished to, drawing what I loved, and people loved it. I even met my soon-to-be boyfriend through it!
But of course, that didn’t stop what was happening outside of the computer screen. Things were going even more downhill the more I focused on the internet and forgot about real life. It was helpless; there was no way I was passing that school year, I’d have to repeat it. My parents had decided that maybe one of the issues was that, my old school, was one of those schools that go really hard on the students, and that was not my place. So, the next year, 2018, I changed schools for the first time.
I’ve always had really bad anxiety. On the first day in the new school, you know what I did? I drew Artemis. What a surprise to nobody, but for me, this was my moment of realization, that this space lady from a fighting game, was my comfort character. This possibly canonically evil woman who wants to kill my main because of some fucked up shit he did in the past, was my comfort character. I was depressed? I drew Artemis. I was happy? I drew Artemis. I was extremely pissed off?? You guessed it! I drew Artemis! It is likely that a lot of pieces I made of her that I’ve posted online, were created from strong emotions I had while I drew it. There’s a lot that I didn’t even post either.
In 2018 I was still updating the blog, but I was also focusing a lot more on school. I was managing to get good grades, I made new friends, had new experiences, and my relationship with my family was getting better. Of course every year has its ups and downs, but overall, the important part, was finally being taken care of; I passed the school year, and then I passed again, and I passed again! I have just one more year to go, and hopefully, in 2021 I’ll be done.
Setting that aside, as the blog grew, my audience online did so too. My art improved, I’ve become, for the lack of a better word, an important member in the community. A lot of people have seen my art, and some of them probably don’t even follow me!
Today, I am a Brawlhalla Partner, I have a wonderful boyfriend, incredible friends, an amazing relationship with my family, and I am now hoping for a bright future of work ahead of me, and it was all thanks to this ask blog of a fictional character who I deeply loved. I would have never made it where I am today without Artemis, without Brawlhalla, without all of you. I could ever be thankful, and all I can give you all is more fanart of this amazing game that has completely changed my life, and with how Brawlhalla has been growing? Keep an eye on this one, it’s gonna get big.
Thank you so much everyone who has supported me over the years, and followed me more than just Artemis content. The updates on the blog have stopped because I’ve been focusing on other things. trying out new stuff and focusing on myself to become a better person and artist, creating my own stories with original characters, which I’m excited to share with all of you.
Anyway, take care, whoever read this far <3 Hopefully 2021 will be a better year for everyone.
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cosmiceverafter · 4 years
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This has been an amazing event! Spotlighting the talent in our fandom is so important. But what else is important, is focusing on the people who uplift and inspire you! The ones that always stand behind you encouraging you to continue your stories, your art and edits, and ultimately, being a friend. So today is for all of you cheerleaders!!
There are so many people I call good friends in this fandom, and lucky to have them in my world. So get ready for a very long post!
The Junkyard — my people. You all know who you are. 💕 From the very beginning we’ve stood by each other and y’all are what encouraged me to start writing and creating my edits in the first place. So lucky to be on this journey with you fam! 🤗
Now I want to personally focus on the individuals who not only inspire and cheer my work, but also the ones I call my closest friends:
@manesalex - Molly, I don’t know what I would do without you! You inspire me daily and are always so excited about my latest work, even if it’s not Roswell. I love talking ideas with you, and I love thirsting with you. And hey, I love that we gave “flirst” a name! 🧲 You helped me feel confident when I tried writing smut the first time, and that’s a big deal. Thank you for your ongoing support. It truly means the world to me. Love you! 💕
@i-never-look-away - Beka, I love you with my whole heart! I love how close we’ve gotten because of this show. So very lucky! But now I know when this show is long over, you’ll still be there as my friend. I love bouncing ideas with you and talking theories. You always make me feel good about my creations, always so supportive and encouraging on whatever I do—so thank you, always! Love you, person! 💕
@gra-sonas - Gra, you are such a good friend! You inspire me with your posts and more importantly, your friendship. I love that you support the fandom with their creations. You’re always the first to reblog, and as a creator, you know how important that is! Thank you for taking such good care of all of us. Love ya! 💕
@insidious-intent - Inigo, you’re the best! You always have such good ideas and advice when it comes to creating. I’ve appreciated the help and support you’ve shown me since the beginning. It means the world to me. You were the push I needed to finally write my first fic for this fandom. I hadn’t written fanfic in so long, but the encouragement you showed me, was what finally made me take that leap. I love how you focus on all creators; I know it brightens their day. It does mine. Thank you for being my friend! Love you! 💕
Some more personal shout-outs to people and blogs that go that extra mile to make you feel seen with your work:
@lilassparks - My girl! I miss you so much. But I cannot do a shout-out list without mentioning you. You’ve always been so supportive to me in whatever I’ve created, and always so kind about it. In the early days, it’s what pushed me to really start creating for this fandom. So thank you, truly! Love always. 💖
@unbreakablejemmasimmons - Amy, you’re the best! I love writing with you and bouncing ideas off each other! I always look forward to it and for your positivity when it comes to the show and my creations. Thank you for the comments you always leave on my fics, too. They brighten my day. Xoxo 💖
@saadiestuff - Sadie! You’re fun and silly, and I love your Malex as animals. You inspire me to think outside the box, and as a creator, that’s important. Like encouraging me to go through with my Baby Yoda fic! 💚 You always support me, and for that, I thank you. Thank you for being a light in this fandom. Xoxo 💖
@lire-casander - Lire, you have a heart of gold. You’re kind and supportive and for that, I’ll always thank you. You’re always the first to comment on my stories and you’ll never know how much that means to me. You put so much thought into them, every single time, that I feel like I have a true fan with my work. It means the world to me. Also, thank you for being my friend! Xoxo 💖
@malex-i-never-look-away - Toby! I just love ya! You always reblog and like my work, and that makes me feel so good inside. Plus, I’m glad we can always thirst together. It’s the best! It always inspires new ideas, which is the greatest thing a creator can ask for. Xoxo 💖
@moderngenius94 - Nixie, my love! I love talking about the show with you and bouncing ideas off together. I love our love for the creepy stuff, too, which with October around the corner, I cannot wait to talk fic with you! Thanks for always being a good friend. Xoxo 💖
@salmonthestoryteller - Salmon! Your fics and theories/metas inspire me daily, but you also are such an amazing cheerleader to other creators. It truly uplifts everyone. Thank you for being you, and showing us how kind and supportive you are. We’re lucky to have you. xoxo 💖
@bellakitse - Stef! You’re such a positive force to be around. Whatever the topic or show, you inspire me. You’ve helped me so many times with ideas, and when I felt burnt out with RNM, you helped to keep my creativity aflame with the love of Lone Star. Thank you for your support and friendship. xoxo 💖
@andrea-lyn - You my friend, define talent, and that alone inspires me to keep creating! You’ve helped me with ideas when I’m in a funk, and written fics that just call out to me (for ex: The Mummy). You opened my eyes to au’s and the love I now feel for them, so thank you for that! I’ve really tried expanding the way I write because of that. Keep creating and cheering others on, the world needs it! xoxo 💖
@djchika - Deej, you’re amazing and oh so talented! But you’re also so supportive of other creators. I’ll never forget the day I was first writing Boots the cat and telling you all about it, and then all the sudden you showed me a drawing you had done of Boots as we were talking! I felt seen with my fic in that moment, as if what I was creating was important and special. That’s the type of friend you are! Thank you! Never stop creating. xoxo 💖
@queersirius - You’re not only talented and creative, but you’re so supportive to other creators. I’ll never forget the spotlight rec you did on my Christmas fic. It was right in the beginning of when I was writing for this fandom, and it made my holiday season. You took the time to do that, and it touched my heart. Thank you for your kindness! xoxo 💖
@litwitlady - You my friend, have been such a gift to our fandom, especially during this hiatus. There have been so many times I’m in a writing block, but reading your work and seeing how many fics you write, has really helped me to keep writing and creating. You’re kind and supportive of other creators, and for that I thank you! xoxo 💖
@rnmsmalltownlegends - This blog has been so wonderful to recognize and spotlight so many amazing and often times, unrecognized creators. Its blogs like this that uplift creators enough for them to keep creating. And for that, I thank all of you. 💖
Also, a message to anyone who has ever liked or reblogged my work:
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
And last but certainly not least, cheers to this amazing event @roswellnewmexicocreate — this was so wonderful! During a pandemic and a darker time, as well as a long hiatus, this really uplifted so many creators! I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this week. 💞
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gimmethehobbit · 3 years
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2020 Fanart Highlights
Thanks for tagging me @une-amie!! Love your art btw!
Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!
Yay, nothing like a little artistic self-reflection! I’ll stick to linking to my comics and art (I have some rotten fic festering on the distant regions of the internet that we won’t mention here lol)
I think I drew more comics in 2020 than I did the previous two years? While my style has gotten less cute and I’m using almost no color, I actually don’t feel too bad about it. The art always served the punchline/gag anyway. If I got you to chuckle/smile with my comic then it’s mission accomplished for me. Also, around when quarantine started is when I got a drawing tablet and basically everything I’ve posted since then has been drawn digitally. I’ll go chronologically over my faves:
Pining Keith in 2020 [VLD | Klance] It seems like I optimistically start every year ranting that this will be the year of klance (now years after the actual show ended.) My favorite thing to do is cut corners so repeating panels and just changing expressions/dialogue is the absolute BEST and I encourage everyone to do it! No one will notice or care! :D This one was still pencil on paper, which I kind of miss because it carries a certain energy that digital misses.
RA Comix: ONE FEAR [Richard Armitage] Okay, this one has like NO notes but I died laughing making it. We could have had a really epic closing chapter to the whole RA/LP thing but I guess now we’ll never know? (is the con even being rescheduled??) Also any RA fan is free to reuse this for whatever RA’s current fear is lmao.
Michigan J. Frog! [Looney Tunes] I worked full-time during quarantine. But on a random day off I thought, you know what, I should really draw Michigan J. Frog on this tablet I’m still getting used to. I think he turned out alright. It’s still my aim to animate him once I have like a year off :P
RA turns 49 [Richard Armitage] This one is very special to me because I spent 5 minutes drawing it and then like an hour just playing around with cut and paste and warping his face. The real satisfaction here was making myself cackle. Also I love that his doll friend is the only thing worthy of being put in color. Did I mention how much I HATE coloring comics???? Which leads me to coloring art...
Leatherface’s Quarantine Advice [Horror | Texas Chainsaw Massacre] This was the first one of my horror/artober challenge. Drawing/coloring is hard! He came out okay, if a bit smudgy but I’m still perplexed over how I did that real cool-looking sky and background.   
You’ll Float Too! [Horror | It Movie | Pennywise] Stylistically I went for something that looked like a kid drew it and I think I really nailed it! 😆
ANNABEL/LE’S [Horror | Annabelle | RA’s friend lol] Probably the art piece I spent the most time on this year? Aka more than an hour. Had a lot of fun painting her, I was in the Zone. Really like how her creepy face plays with light and shadow. That blood tear is pretty spot-on 👌 Also nothing like the juxtaposition between Annabelle’s realistic creepiness and the cartoony Annabel 🤡
(audio scream warning!->)  Thrandy Scream [LOTR/Hobbit | Thranduil | Legolas] Including this one because it’s one of three animations I did last year along with Thorin’s McRib and Artie Fufkin. I was all set to do a bunch more and then I realized CSPaint has me stuck on a time limit of just a few seconds??? So that kind of sucks. But I like merging audio with crudely moving art. Definitely want to try more of it. Also amused myself by drawing Thrandy after a long hiatus.
That’s all folks! Lmk if there’s something you want to see more of this year :3 (I fell off the RA train because I don’t do audiobooks but I can always make shit up 🤪)
Tagging @heyholmesletsgo @oldfarmerbillswife @sillymarillion-comics @aninomori @atanes-universe @monkeyscomics @thejerseydevile  @evankart and any other artist/writer/creator who wants to do this!
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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years
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mtmte liveblog issue 22
oooh man, its time to feel some EMOTIONS!
I'm BACK after a hiatus, which was due in part to me getting my 1st dose of the covid vaccine! woohoo!
anyways, starting here w/issue 22....we have a great cover w/thunderclash, the legend himself
oof. the covers made me forget how much I don't like the art this issue...I hate to be mean to the artists but this art style just isn't doin it for me chief
god I love this issue though. the framing device of rewind’s movie is so so fantastic
tailgate listing off all his fake awards/accomplishments....ily 
rodimus my boy, you're a prime in my heart
the ‘not a decepticon’ label for cyclonus is so much hvbhkjfbskjf
I literally wanna comment on every single panel bc I love all the characters so much but then id be here forever...that being said whirl ily sm 
hvbjdfbhsfjhdfshja BRAINSTORM ‘according to perceptor - ships genius’ hvhdkjhbfhjs ily dumb gay idiot
and then the cut to perceptor after brainstorm like, blew up his lab vjbkdsfnbksjf dude
GODDDDDD drift ‘your name...defines you. it’s your soul expressed in syllables. hm? oh, yes, sorry. it’s drift.’ GOD he’s so fucking funny. I love early story hippy drift
god I cant stop thinking about how good this whole issue would be as an animated show...like, specifically rewinds film, it would be SO FUCKING GOOOOOOD mtmte show WHEN
rewiiiiind ;_; I fuckgin love rewind god. fellow video editing enthusiast....
ohhhh rodimus being embarrassed about his big speech at the beginning of mtmte....my boy I love u so much
gjhnbgehjsrkfbjksf magnus being suspicious of rewind oh my god. magnus ily but please, look at the lil guy, he’s a good boy, most of the time
the fuckgin footage that magnus removed hbvhakjbfhskf god. wasn't that intended to be footage of magnus dancing? I love him
minibot squad.....
and here it begins, the mystery stick rung question...
poor rung oh my god he’s just trying to polish his lil spaceship and people r throwing shit at him. taking Ls as per usual it seems
hand grenade tag hvbfjksdnfbkjdf love that callback
noooo rungs ship :( 
magnus’s censorship vhbhadkjfhdbhjsakjhfn
oh man I forgot about how they met that race of Transformers But More 
the one-upsmanship hbvkajsbehfjks
whirrrrrl lmao I love whirl sm
goddddd whirl just killing that other alien and ending the 16 million yr long civil war bvkjsdbfhjjkafs so fucking much
oh god oh god the ‘are you happy’ page, I'm not emotionally equipped to handle this like, ever
but I will say I feel like it would be EVEN MORE oof if it were milne or someone drawing it bc I feel like this art style takes away from some of the impact bc the expressions aren't really that...expressive? idk how to put it
anyways. every single answer destroys me!!! like even the happy ones, like chromedome and rewind and tailgate - well, in present time, none of those three are doing so hot, so that makes this just hurt 
and rung....that is so fucking depressing. jesus. this guy is so fuckng sad, somebody get him a friend stat
and swerve...ouch. this readthru I've really noticed how much early-mtmte swerve is not-so-subtly like, crying out for help bc he’s so alone and shit. jesus 
also brainstorms response is just plain ole sad w/context, but at this point in the story without context, it just seems very foreboding lmao. I'm realizing this readthru that brainstorm is very sketchy and ominous in a particular ‘is he evil?’ mad scientist sorta way in early mtmte
and then everyone else is also just so OOF in their own unique sad ways, but I think the worst out of everyone is drift....GODDDDDD. especially considering that at this point in the story, drift is this kinda goofy hippy guy, so seeing him just sit there with his face in his hand, not even answering the question...AND knowing that shortly after this he’ll end up banished...IT FUCKING HURTS M8!
meanwhile, the more upbeat ‘quest to see rungs alt mode’ continues...with an ‘alt mode party’ vhbadkjsdfnabskjf it looks so silly with a bunch of cars just sitting around a table lmao
I cant even tell who everyone is bc they so rarely turn into cars n shit lmaoooooo 
rodimus with the bucket on his head hbvhakjbfskjf I CANT
everyone’s reactions to thunderclash...i fucking love it
the fact that TAILGATE doesn't hate him, even though we’ve seen that tailgate tends to dislike people who are universally liked/who have achieved a lot of impressive things
rodimus you petty thot vbdkjbfdjhsakjdf ily
RODIMUS IS SO FUNNYYYYYY ‘I'm not making all these sacrifices and leading these guys into battle and being inspirational - I'm not doing that because it makes me look good’ RODIMUS VBHSKJDFNBKSJF
thunderclash talking about magnus’s article on typefaces....hdbksjfsdbkjgfb bro
AND THEN MAGNUS HUGS HIM....HGBSKJFDSHFKD I CANT
POOR DRIFT bvhajkdfbhjkjsfd rodimus saying he ‘rehabilitated him’ oh my god
the whole spectralism thing...im sorry I cant get over how funny all this is vbakdjfbksjf thunderclash rlly b out here charming rodimus’s entire crew
and then ratchet comes in, calling tc ‘thunders,’ and tc immediately notices ratchets new hands (somehow) hvbkjfhbskjf truly amazing
it cracks me up that rodimus is all 😒😒 at thunderclash, even though as we come to find out, tc really IS That Perfect, and him complimenting rodimus isn't sarcasm at all lmao
AND THEYRE LOOKING FOR THE KNIGHTS OF CYBERTRON TOO HVSDHFJBSHKHDFJS OF COURSE
the vis vitalis being a life support machine spaceship is a really cool concept tho
‘rescuing some orphans from an exploding sun’ I fucking cant
evil guy: [holds a gun to thunderclash’s head] 
rodimus: :D finally something doesn't go his way!
he’s so petty I’m..........dkdjhfdabhduifadijgl
and its the aliens from earlier! oooh
GODDD I forgot that swerve used rung in mystery stick mode to SCHWACK the guy
rung casually dropping the fact that the functionists like, experimented on him...there's a lot of implications there, and that'll certainly be explored more later...
the fact that his ID card says ‘rong’ hvbhjakhdsbfakhsjfn 
oughufadkfujbsfk the circle of light throwing wrenches n shit at skids...guys cmon vbhsdjkfnslfd
the circle of light is like ‘wtf you all have trauma and a bunch of weird unhealthy coping mechanisms this is wack byeeeee’ lmao
skids calling the lost light his home is rlly sweet tho
cant believe the religious space hippy cult is being so rude about a film made by a guy who died like a week ago. unreal 
cd finally figured out how to make the pffft sound, good for him
AUGHHHHH the fact that rewind used ‘little victories’ as the title of the film and that's something that chromedome said in the video ;_; I'm fucking inconsolable 
rodimus, despite his obvious posturing for the camera during the whole issue, comes off as surprisingly genuine when he says that he hasn't thought about his own future much, but wants the crew to have a happy ending....im gonna cry
‘who knows what's around the corner?’ tailgate, PLEASE don't say that, oh my god, 
OUGHHHH GROUP SHOT 
OHHH mannnnNNNNN i love this issue SO MUCH. what a good fun emotional rollercoaster wrap-up to mtmte s1. god. 
like, this issue has it all - humor, drama, crippling sadness, intrigue, worldbuilding...it’s so excellent 
and getting to see rewind again hurts so bad but also I love him
ok quick mtmte s1 retrospective...god s1 is so fucking good. I'm gonna have to read more to say which chunk of mtmte I liked best but s1 is so fucking excellent that it might be my favorite. though its hard to pick bc there's so much good stuff later on too...whatever, the point is s1 is so so good
the plotlines and characters are fucking stellar. like I cant even believe how well Everything works, its very impressive. I cant really think of anything major that made me go ‘yeah could've done without that plotline/character’
I love how dedicated jro is to connecting everything. I've mentioned it before but basically every single moment in the series has payoff - what you initially think is just a funny moment, or a fluffy character establishment bit, ends up ALSO being an important plot point later, in some way
an example would be here w/rung and his alt mode - it just seems like a fun little B-plot for this issue, and seems to pretty neatly conclude with the reveal that rung was eventually classified as an ‘ornament’ (lmao)...but we later on get to see a lot more about this, both here and in the functionist universe 
and like, stuff like tailgate’s autobot lessons w/magnus - at first that can be seen as purely character establishment stuff, showing that magnus is a strict rule-lover and tg is a loveable try-hard good boy - but that becomes plot relevant in remain in light, with tailgate saving the day due to his knowledge of the autobot code (and its also character relevant, with magnus’s arc in remain in light). 
and I know this is like. a normal regular thing in writing, but I'm just very impressed about how cleanly jro pulls it off, and how many things he’s juggling at once, especially in early mtmte - it’s very ambitious!
and we gotta remember, this is a comic book. I've read a lot of comic books, and the quality is all over the place. a lot of writers bite off more than they can chew, and the story ends up kinda scattered as a result. 
another thing I see a lot in franchise writing like this is a lack of strong early character establishing due to the author assuming the readers are at least somewhat familiar with the characters already - which can be totally fair depending on where it is in the continuity, but other times it can come off as lazy
in mtmte, the cast is extremely well fleshed out, and not only that, the cast itself is unique in that there are a lot of relative unknowns (franchise-wise) - which I think was an absolutely brilliant move, because then jro was able to essentially create The Definitive Version of these characters - characters like swerve, brainstorm, chromedome, rewind, tailgate...mtmte is their baseline characterization, because they haven't really appeared in much else
this also allows for deviation from the franchise norms - again, a comic book classic is good writing being stifled by a need to stick to a certain status quo regard the characters, the world, the powers, relationships, etc
(I've mostly read DC comics, and some marvel, so I'm thinking superheroes w/all these comic comparisons)
so mtmte had a good recipe for genuine creativity in that the characters were relative unknowns, the plot was basically ‘space road trip,’ the status quo of ‘autobot vs decepticon war’ had been demolished throughout the entire franchise...so jro was able to take all that and run, and it turned out so fantastic
and luckily it isn't over yet! so many comics suffer from premature cancellation...and sadly mtmte/ll isn't exempt from this, as we’ll see later, but I've seen some awful ones, where comics are forced to wrap up in like 2 issues while in the middle of an arc. yikes. 
but another comic staple...one of my least favorite things about comics books in general...something that was basically responsible for driving me away from comics after reading a bunch...the dreaded crossover event
yep, even mtmte isn't immune to this unfortunate plague on the comic industry. crossover events are the absolute worst, and I'm saying this as somebody who adores crossovers (in concept more than execution usually). they SHOULD be my favorite, but unfortunately they p much always completely suck
they're essentially a ploy to get you to read the other ongoing titles, but they usually only serve to bog down whatever story you're reading to the point where you don't even wanna read that one anymore, let alone read all the other ongoings. at least, that’s been my experience 
it doesn't help that reading orders tend to be hard to find/keep track of, and that you need to go read the other series to know what's going on. I just hate it, like, I came here to read THIS series, I don't want a bunch of other series showing up too - even if I was reading two series, I wouldn't want them crossed over, because they're separate stories! augh!
I'm totally losing my focus here but my point is...crossover events suck, and mtmte unfortunately is involved in one. I have not read dark cybertron, and I'm not about to. I've heard nothing but bad things so I have no desire to inflict that upon myself 
soooo ill be reading through the tfwiki articles for those issues to give myself a better understanding of what went on - which is more than I've ever done in the past - and maybe ill even make a single post summarizing my thoughts on what I read in the wiki, lmao
but yea ill be skipping to the mtmte s2 stuff next 
phew ok I'm super tired, my vision keeps blurring out and stuff lmao. its time for bed, I probably have more thoughts but ill save them for later. for now...peace out!
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relishredshoes · 3 years
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Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/
Hello DeepShadows2 and welcome to Behind the Quill, I am pleased to have this chance to chat with you.
Many of our group’s members will know you as part of our Mod team but they might also know you as the author of Peculiar and of Good Night, Sweet Prince (written for our last Prompt Week of 2020!)
Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name? 
I grew up in the martial arts and my 'warrior name' was 'kage urufu' or Shadow Wolf.  When I was in Creative Writing in high school, someone else was writing under that pen name, and they were more popular, and I was told I 'wasn't allowed to copy her name' by our teacher. So I went back and forth between some names and finally came up with DeepShadows. It is because during karate Kamp's ninja night games I would find the darkest spots in the camp and wait to sneak attack my enemies to steal their flags. The 2 comes from the fact that my first ever FF.net account got deleted because I put up lemons there instead of AFF.net.
Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?
Honestly, it is a mix between Severus, Draco, and Minerva. Each in their own way was in positions they would have rather not been in at one point in time, but made the best of those situations. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general) Strangely enough, I am really into my 70s Feminist Sci-Fi. Like Darkover and Tanith Lee's 'Don't Bite the Sun' Series. As for Fic, I am into many scenarios and it changes according to my mood. Recently I've been into fluff slice of life.
Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?
Oof. Asking me to pick solely one is a crime. I have always loved Gone with the Wind. If I had to point at one, it would have to be it. But I honestly went over 15 titles in my head trying to decide which one would be the winner. 
At what age did you start writing?
I have been telling stories and writing them since I was young. I could read and write at age 4 because my grandmother wanted me to be ready for school. My first written story was at 5 ish and I still have my Crayola blue five-line story about a Unicorn named Pepper.
How did you get into writing fanfiction? 
I got into fanfiction when I discovered that ff.net existed. My first fanfic is still up there under this pen name, but it is miles and leagues from my current quality. Spelling is still atrocious though.
What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?
Honestly, hard to say. I love post-war fics. I love when the narrative is close to canon, but uniquely not, so it handles like it is an extension of the world and not a separate world. 
Theme wise, I am a sucker for hard-hitting drama.
What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?
I was into Kingsman, but not as a fic writer, but a Tumblr role-player. It's been a while, so mostly now I'm just back to being a Potterhead. It's where I began and where I always come back to.
If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?
Snape lives! You cannot tell me that a POTIONS MASTER who spends ALL DAY every day keeping students from POISONING themselves and who personally makes BLOOD REPLENISHERS for the infirmary would not have been prepared for an attack from Nagini. It is not secret knowledge that Drama King Voldy likes to have her do his dirty work and Severus would have been prepared for the off chance he was discovered and attacked. He lived.
My favourite piece of Fanon.... hmm... I like a lot of Fanon.  It's hard to put my finger on just one piece that I enjoy.
Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet? 
Music! Nearly all of Peculiar was written to Folklore by Taylor Swift.
What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?
Cake and a Cup of Tea by Cybelle Somewhere I belong by .... I can't remember Not Only a Granger by my friend Ferporcel
Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?
I am a Pantser. I have beats and thematic key points I know I want to hit, but the characters sort of fill out the story as I go. Sometimes I surprise myself with where I end up and I love that. Example: Draco/Krum was a total accident in Peculiar, but I love everything about it. 
What is your writing genre of choice?
Hurt/Comfort and Drama/Angst
Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?
Peculiar and Good Night, Sweet Prince.
Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?
Oh, my goodness, the unexpected cropped up. Peculiar was only supposed to be a 25 chapter post-war, post-divorce AU that turned into this beautiful beast. Characters were created as I went, and some side characters became major plot devices or turning points. I learned that sometimes my brain knows what it is doing before I know what it is doing. There were hints and notes of what was going on that I wasn't even aware.
How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?
There are points that are special to me.  It made it easier and harder to write.  Having experience with some subjects Hermione goes through makes it easier to translate the emotions into words, but simultaneously, some of those factors are trauma-based and I had to navigate myself through.
What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?
I draw influence from everything I read. That is a key reason I don't read anything similar to my current work while writing because I don't want to accidentally lift from someone else. 
Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?
Two of my roommates are readers and I get people barging into my room after a post a chapter yelling 'OH MY GOD'. I also have a typed and printed review handed in person to me by my roommate that is on my inspiration board where she says 'Fuck you, but with love'. My entire friend group knows I write fanfiction and I get some of them to read it from time to time. My mom won't read peculiar until it is finished because she doesn't want to nag me for chapters.
How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"? 
YES! I started Peculiar because I couldn't find what I was looking for. I wanted a high emotion, high stakes, drama and background rich fanfiction in which Hermione has completely broken and has given up on herself. Where she has nothing and no one and has lost that spark in her. I wanted Ron bashing where he is a villain and yet isn't the same time. I wanted Severus to be indifferent to her at first and slowly discover her suffering and set out to help her for the sake of the school, and it develops into more through feelings severed early on just after the war. I wanted her to have to overcome trauma and recover for herself, not for Severus, but instead with him and that they heal from their past together while facing continuous challenges that attempt to tear them apart. Along with other factors that haven't come to be yet, so I won't want to spoil.
How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?
I love my audience. It actually brought me here. Shout out to Geek and Tattoo for bringing me to this group’s Discord server. I answer every comment, I respond to any statements or comments I notice on social media. I'm an open person with my audience, which is why when I had to go on hiatus, I told them exactly what was going on.
What is the best advice you've received about writing?
Write what feels best. If you don't like what you are writing, no one else is going to.  If you don't want to write a certain scene but you need it, write an article or a letter about it. 
What do you do when you hit writer's block?
I cry. Then I put on the music that inspired the story/scene and I pace my room, going over the potential dialogue and basically acting out what I think should happen until it sounds right.
Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?
Yes. Many of my OC characters are modelled after some of my real-life friends. And some other events have easily transitioned into events that Hermione and Severus have gone through.
Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?
I am currently writing the next chapter for Peculiar. I won't give a teaser, but I will say that Hermione and Severus give Rita Skeeter a delicious taste of revenge.
Any words of encouragement to other writers?
Don't stop, but also be kind to yourself. Not every writing session is going to be your best, but you won't have better days if you give up. Also, if someone doesn't like what you write, forget them, as long as you are happy with it, that is what matters.
Thanks so much for giving us your time.
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l-loneybun · 4 years
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♡ 2019 Art Summary + updates/plans for 2020
(25/01) sorry for the late update,, I meant to post this on the 1st,, but,, stuff happened;; u_u
TLDR: I’m going on hiatus. I’ll also be privating a lot of my posts here if they’re text posts, or art I just don’t like. I really want this blog to look like a proper portfolio for when I come back;; Probably won’t be back until May or even later,, might go fuq off to a new account just to see how well I can do on my own for a bit,, Ty for support + have a nice year~ _______________________________________________________________
*big sigh I have to rewrite a lot of this bc my computer died and I was to stupid to draft this before*
So basically, this year’s art summary is surprisingly better than last year’s. I didn’t really notice since I’ve actually been feelin p shit about my progress until I put this together. Definitely more variation in style compared to 2018 (can’t believe I said that “I got to experiment a lot” that year haha guess I was really grasping). The second half of this is pretty much just me going over my 2019 (not just art), so feel free to stop reading here!! Thanks for all the new support, I hope you all have a good 2020. _______________________________________________________________ This is just me really wanting to vent/express my thoughts somewhere, and I just find tumblr the most comfortable place to do that since it’s sort of more hidden and people don’t really read personal posts!! So here we gooooo
I can’t really remember most of January - April, just that I was really stressed about not finishing a portfolio for one of my classes hgjfkdls,, I also quit my job near the end of April since management changed for the worse;; Little did I know how it’s harder to get a job while unemployed,, (seriously what’s up with that?? I get that many people need to work 2+ jobs,, but I would like to live too;; qxq) So I gave up on looking for work, since I didn’t think anyone would want to hire me if I would be gone for over a month right in the middle of summer.
May - June consisted of trying to generate enough art pieces to meet my 1 piece per 5 days art schedule. I also started to fall out of the FE fandom while really getting in to Sonic again. I’m pretty sure I wanted to draw a lot of Pokemon and Zelda fanart as well,, but I was (and still am) at the point where I hate my human art, and being able to draw Sonic art — which I'm more comfortable with — was just much more appealing;; uxu I feel more familiar with these characters, and so many creative ideas just come to be (other than memes, like my FE stuff).
From August onward, though,, I just feel like things turned for the worse. I had (what I would assume was) my first panic attack during my exchange program. It’s feels so fucking pathetic that this would happen at 20 years old;; I thought I was so much better off compared to middle/high school when it came to keeping my anxiety in check, bu t guess not,, ahhahhahhahah,,,, and it wouldn’t be the only one this year;; :’)
I still wouldn’t have found a job after my return, but would still have enough money to pay off my first semester with some left over. Unfortunately, due to vet bills, I wouldn’t have enough to pay for a full course load for my second semester. This was also due to some poor planning on my part regarding commissions/adopts,, so oop;; I’m only taking one course this sem, so I’m looking for full-time work, but damn ! ! no job ! ! esp sucks since my mom is the only one paying for things atm;; soooo great
ugh;; I don’t want to talk about this anymore,, so I’ll just go onto plans/bucket list for 2020/2021, since I keep forgetting:: _______________________________________________________________
If you didn’t read the TLDR, basically I’m taking a break from all my art accounts and such. Even though I can see a lot of improval from 2018-2019, I’m still disappointed in my lack of anatomy/technical skills in my art, especially since I believe I told myself I would improve last year;; So I’m going to try avoid going online as much as possible since it’s really just too distracting,, I really want to dedicate all the time I have now to improving/adopting new skills, so my bucket list/new year’s resolutions for 2020 will be:
Improving human anatomy/developing a good artstyle for human art
Developing assets for RPG Maker XP games (???) (I actually forgot about the pkmn one I started in 2018 until I looked through my archive. I don’t think I’m actually going to make any playable games, just some nice things to look at.)
Learning how to use Blender + making many plant assets
Creating designs/inventory to sell at an anime convention for 2021
Saving up for a Canon EOS M50 Mirrorless Camera to document Artist Alley experience
Becoming ~ambidextrous~
That’s all I can remember for now, but I’m sure I’m forgetting some,,, um,, thanks if you read this for far?? I don’t really have much more to say;; ,,,,,, bye :x
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amarynceus · 5 years
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State of the Artist - September 2019
Hello all.  It’s been a while since I did one of these.
Sorry for the lapse in communication; BronyCon drained me more than I realised, on top of fighting the general burnout and anxiety and minor depressive episodes I’ve had for some time.  I’m just coming out of one that ate the last week and a half or so (I managed to destroy a client's watercolour painting right as it was on the verge of completion) and am trying to get back on track.  I haven’t had energy for being online or interacting with people; about the only site I’ve been active on is Twitter, and only sporadically.  My apologies to those who have sent me messages lately; chances are I haven’t even seen them yet.  I’ll do my best to catch up on correspondence as soon as I can.
Now, a few items.
BronyCon Commissions
First of all, if you commissioned me at BronyCon but haven’t yet sent me your mailing address, please do so! I still have no place to send a half dozen or so of these commissions, and no way of contacting anyone.  If you’ve lost the business card I gave you when you commissioned me, please email me at [email protected] with your mailing address and a brief description of what you commissioned so I can match it with my notes from the convention.
My apologies for the delays on these.  I took too many (3 dozen!) and severely underestimated the time it would take me to complete them all, and am still only halfway through the list.  I’ve also had multiple interruptions and delays that have severely damaged my creative output for the last several weeks.  I’m back at work now, though, and will complete and send out commissions as soon as possible.  I still have 17 traditional comms to complete from BC, including all the inks and colours.  Thank you all for your patience.  A dozen or so have been mailed out, and I plan to have the rest of them completed within the next two weeks.
(I know that’s what I said a month ago when I took the commissions in the first place!  Con crud and general exhaustion took a greater toll than anticipated, quite apart from other life interruptions.)
BronyCon in Retrospect
BronyCon was quite the experience.  Way too many people for me, but it was really great to see so many wonderful horse people, and to see so many of my beautiful trans siblings out and proud. <3  I wish I had had more energy to do and see things outside of the vendor’s hall, but four days of vending took basically all of my energy. It was amazing to get to hang out with so many friends I've made online; that was by far the best part.  I didn't get to spend near enough time with any of you, but I'm thankful for the time I had.
Thanks again to all those who dropped by my booth at BronyCon to say hi or to buy my art.  It was quite the experience, and great to meet many fans in person.
That said, it was extremely exhausting. 11,000 people was a bit much for me, especially having only done one convention before.  I'm glad all the conventions I'm thinking of applying to vend at next year are much smaller affairs.
Patreon Paused
My Patreon continues to be on hiatus until I’ve caught up more on my past-due rewards.  It will be paused through October and possibly November.  Please note that I have ‘Charge Up Front’ enabled, so I’d suggest those interested in supporting my Patreon campaign sign on at the $1 tier for now, even if you’re eyeing a higher tier.
If you want to donate to support me during the hiatus, my PayPal is via [email protected].
General Commission Notes
I am very close to completing my current queue of in-progress works.  Once I do so, I’ll be going on holiday to recharge.  I’ve been running on empty for far too long.  
I’ll be taking on new commissions once I’m completely caught up on the art I owe people, and not before.
Burnout and Depression
As I’ve mentioned, I’ve been struggling with these.  This year has been difficult for me; I’ve been struggling with a lot of health issues, physical and mental, and it’s been extremely difficult to get any artwork done, either for others or myself.  Indeed, I’ve hardly been drawing for myself at all since the end of the 1000 Days of Doodles.  When I can manage to force myself to be productive, I’m compelled to work on my long-overdue commissions; I feel too guilty and anxious to work on my own projects most of the time.  This is most likely only further contributing to my general malaise with art.
I had a lot of plans and ambitions for this year.  By this point I was supposed to have created an artbook of the 1000 Days of Doodles project, be four months past the launch my long-delayed comic, caught up with all my patron rewards and gift art, completed all my commissions, and have finished two dozen more paintings that have been bubbling around for a while.  
I have managed to do exactly zero of these things, and I’m not at all happy about it.  After completing almost 550 individual artworks in 2018, I expected, once I had rested and recovered, to be able to turn that kind of energy and productivity on other things.  That has not happened, and it has been disheartening and disappointing, to say the least.  I’ve basically been feeling like a total failure and imposter, flawed and fake and worthless. (I know this isn’t true.)
Of course, one problem is that I never rested and recovered.  I gave myself a little time at the start of the year, but I tried to force myself back to work too soon, and have been paying the price ever since.  I kept telling myself, 'I’m just a bit tired, another week and I’ll feel fine,' week after week after week - it’s only lately that I’ve had to admit that I’ve actually been fighting burnout.  If I had taken an extra month at the beginning of the year, perhaps I could have averted this; that’s just idle speculation, though.
Anyway, I could go on and on, but I have to deal with things the way they are.  I’ll keep chipping away at the work and dig myself out of this hole.  Thank you for your patience.  I'll get everything done as soon as I can.
Cheers and take care of yourselves.  Burnout stinks.
- AZ / Amar
Again, if you haven’t sent me your mailing address for your BronyCon commission, please send it and a description of your piece to [email protected].
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