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mieczyslawsravenclaw · 2 months

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Eidetic Memory Be Damned -Spencer Reid

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•Pairing - Spencer Reid x FemFBIAgent!Reader

•Rating - 18+, Minors DNI - Smut - NSFW!!!

•Summary/Prompt - Spencer is tired of only having the memory of you to enjoy during his spicy times , so he just has to intrude into your hotel room after a case is finished…

•Warnings/Content - p in the v unprotected (hey kids- DONT DO IT) ; cursing ; Spence loves to beg to nut in you and does so ; creampie ; some pain play? (just a lil hand on the throat dealio and some hair pulling) ; LOTS of praise on both sides (good boy, pretty girl, etc) ; very mf horny lol ; (basically they do just about everything from first base to last bestie slay)

•Word Count - 3.3k

•Authorʼs Note(s) - Iʼm so mf rusty at writing smut so this is probs not the best, I just wanted to write some Spencer spice cause I had a spicy dream about him lmao RIP >_< Also this'll be my first official post of my writing on Tumblr slayyyyy

•Additional Tags - Switch!Spencer , Switch!Reader , Spencer is a needy brat LMAO , Team has ‘no ideaʼ you two are hooking up (Be so mf fr they do) , Good aftercare is so valid , Spencer loves being cuffed and teased muahaha

As much as this last case had taken out of me, I was more than happy to get to spend some time in my hotel room while the jet refueled and everyone got their bearings. Itʼs not home - far from it, Iʼd been missing my own bed for the majority of our time here in whatever state it was now - but at least it was something.

But of course, the reprieve wouldnʼt last long - a sharp knock on my door confirmed that, about 20 minutes after Iʼd laid down to sleep.

“What…ˮ I groan, frustratedly looking over at the clock.

The knock, again, more persistent this time. And I recognize its pattern now, three short tap-taps. Spencer.

My heartbeat, despite my minor annoyance at being woken up, is hammering now. Spencer seems to do that to me, from the moment Iʼd realized I have feelings for him, carrying into whatever it is that we are now. Secret trysts that Iʼm sure are no secret to our team members, especially Garcia, because sheʼd pried it out of me almost immediately and now waits in her dark little room with nothing else but excitement for the latest updates on us, it seems.

“Are you awake?ˮ A gentle but still much-too-loud voice asks.

I tumble out of bed, rushing to the door. I donʼt even have time to make sure I look okay - Iʼm much too worried about anyone else hearing him. The door is unlocked and pulled open in record time, a stunned lanky man quickly and semi-quietly forced inside.

“Spence, someoneʼs gonna hear you if you keep on like that.ˮ I chastise him, shutting and locking the door behind us. No sooner have I done so, than his lithe form overtakes me, nestling into the crook of my neck with a groan that seems both relieved and not relieved at all.

“Donʼt care,ˮ He pushes me back, until my legs meet the mattress and fold. Quickly following on top of me, he sighs, “Been too long. I miss you. You know I have an eidetic memory, yeah? Doesnʼt mean shit when Iʼm up late and even thoughts of you arenʼt enough to keep me satiated.ˮ

“Someoneʼs gonna-ˮ Hear, I want to say. He knows, of course he does. And Iʼm only half-complaining, with his lips at my neck and his leg sneaking up between mine the way he also knows.

“Donʼt care.ˮ He repeats, the low moan at the back of his throat breaking through into the silent room. “I told you I miss you. Should I tell you about what I use my memory for? And just how much that hasnʼt been enough lately? Or should I show you?ˮ

Itʼs clearly a rhetorical question, but still, he seeks the permission I am more than happy to grant.

“Tell me. Uh, show me. I mean-ˮ

“I can do both,ˮ Even in the dark, I know heʼs got that matter of fact smirk on his lips. He reaches down, holding me by the hip with one hand while the other slips into my pajamas, a practiced motion heʼs all too good at by now. “Usually this is what I remember first. The way your skin feels, how nice it is to make you tremble beneath my touch.ˮ

I buck up, and he chuckles.

“All too eager, arenʼt you? Clearly youʼve been thinking about it too, huh, pretty girl?ˮ A pointed question he knows Iʼll struggle to answer, with his hand and his voice torturing me so.

“No eid- identical- uh, no memory recall whatever for me.ˮ

“Still wouldnʼt satiate, I bet.ˮ He remarks, casually rubbing circles and patterns over my panties. This is how he operates, surely and with no warning. A gentle but firm kiss to my jaw, and he continues, “Itʼs like that for me, at least. I know no amount of recalling how you feel under me will be enough to match just how nice it is.ˮ

Heʼs right, and of course he is; I can barely handle the teasing, the tone his voice has taken in this short amount of time. And I currently dont care if weʼre heard, either.

“Spence-ˮ

“What is it, sweetheart? Too much for you? Not enough?ˮ

“Please?ˮ

“Words, honey. Youʼve gotta use your words. Or you can show me, Iʼm okay withthat too.ˮ He guides my hand down to his.

“More.ˮ I plead, working to undress myself before his hands take over.

“You only have to ask.ˮ

True to his word, Spencer pulls the fabric away, no longer allowing it to be a block between us. Itʼs lost somewhere in the sheets as he kisses me, his practiced hands no longer in the mood to tease. He slips a finger in, and when I let out a keening whine, another, his free hand going automatically to my mouth.

“Now as much as I say I donʼt care, youʼve gotta be a little quiet for me,ˮ He goads, knowing this will only make it harder for me to do so. His breath is hot in my ear, his fingers working a motion thatʼs both breaking pent up weeks old frustration, and yet causing more tension in my belly. “Much as I love your voice. Your sounds. The-ˮ

I rut up against him, my lips opening around his thumb. He works it into my mouth, his voice lowering even further.

“Cmon, show me how much you missed me, huh, princess?ˮ

I moan, words lost in my mind as it spins. Every tug of his fingers between my thighs is building a high Iʼm chasing, and when I get to this point, Iʼm not talking - he is. And he knows it, knows the right words to say to build and break me.

“This is what Iʼm after, this is what I canʼt just remember. Because itʼs all too much to remember how good it feels to destroy you.ˮ

Please, please. I canʼt hold off much longer.

“Now are you gonna cum for me, sweetheart?ˮ

I nod, lips opening and letting his hand free from my mouth as my breaths grow heavy. “Canʼt - Please, Spence, please-ˮ

He presses me further into the mattress, murmuring sweet and dirty nothings into my ear as the dam breaks and I ride my high. Iʼm far too sensitive following, and when I try to push him away for a moment, allow myself to collect some sort of reprieve before we continue, he chuckles lowly.

“See, I can recall that clear as day. But itʼs so much sweeter to have it happening in front of me, you know?ˮ He nestles in beside me, turning me to face him.

Nigh immediately, Iʼm reaching for his belt buckle. Of course he wouldnʼt have changed into comfortable clothes, not even this late- Iʼm sure this was his plan all along, and he tried to fight it as long as he could.

“Someoneʼs eager.ˮ He quips, the smirk growing.

“Youʼve got me thinking about it,ˮ I sigh, letting him maneuver himself out of the constricting clothing. “Coming over and getting me all hot and bothered. I really ought to…ˮ

“Ought to what?ˮ He goads, pulling me onto him with a low noise as we brush together. “Hmm? Are you gonna say…you ought to punish me?ˮ

I nod, rubbing back against him. He lets out a moan, hands gripping my hips tighter.

“I remember how that feels,ˮ He pulls me closer, voice dropping. “But for your sake, maybe you should refresh me.ˮ

When he reaches for me again, I pull back, pinning his hands down above his head. I know he could get out of it if he really wanted to - Iʼm strong, but not stronger than him - but he most certainly doesnʼt want to get out of it. And Iʼm enjoying it far too much to stop myself now.

“Whatʼre you gonna do, cuff me?ˮ He snaps, the bratty attitude far too practiced and already making me a soaking mess.

“I might.ˮ I reach for my pair, knowing all too well that heʼll absolutely lose it once I let go on him. I can hardly stand the anticipation. “Scared, Reid?ˮ

“Terrified. Please, donʼt. Iʼve been a good boy, I swear.ˮ

I push him back while he pleads, tightening the metal around his wrists. The look on his face, muffled as it is by the darkness of the room, is more than enough to spur me on.

“Not thinking about this at all, huh?ˮ I shed my top, if only for the knowledge that his inability to reach for my breasts drives him utterly insane. “And Iʼm sure you havenʼt spent many late nights with the memory of me riding you, have you? Havenʼt had your hands on that pretty cock of yours, thinking about how it feels when itʼs me, yeah?ˮ

“N-Not at all.ˮ

“Itʼs a shame, then.ˮ I tease, feeling him harden beneath me with every word. “Iʼll have to make you confess, I suppose.ˮ

His eyes follow my every move as I back up, slotting between his legs and bending down to kiss along his hips.

“Youʼll never get it out of me.ˮ He groans.

“Is that a promise or a challenge?ˮ I ask, not breaking eye contact as I place a kiss on his sensitive head.

“Challenge? Would I…challenge you?ˮ He still holds onto a moment of sanity, until I take him in my mouth, and itʼs lost with a sigh of, “Oh, would I.ˮ

I bob my head, my practiced motions coming in handy now. The usually-full-of- remarks Spencer Reid folds under my touch, soft deep moans and babble of confessions and wish I could pull your hair passing his lips while I work him out.

After a few moments of this, I let him free - at least from the torture of my lips.

“Where are you going? Please, I wanna cum for you, Iʼll tell you everything I did while I couldnʼt stand to wait for you.ˮ He keens.

“Oh, Iʼm far from done with you, Spence.ˮ I slowly, agonizingly slowly, climb back on top of him, making sure to back right up against him as he tightens against the cuffs. “Donʼt you worry, Iʼll have every measly confession pouring from you. You know I will.ˮ

“Please, let me out- Gotta touch you, I just gotta-ˮ

“Shh, be good for me, wonʼt you?ˮ I lift myself over his face, pressing my folds to his lips. “Unless you wanna stay in those forever.ˮ

He shakes his head, vibrating a ‘noʼ against me.

“Good. Now youʼre gonna pay your dues and clean up the mess youʼve made.ˮ

Eagerly, he laps at me like heʼs never had it before. His utter submissiveness overwhelms him, letting me ride his face to my hearts content. Words are muffled and entirely lost in it, and I know by now that the sounds Iʼm making alone will be heard, but I donʼt really care. Iʼm too far gone in how good it feels to finally have him making me cum again.

“Can I touch you now?ˮ

I slide back onto him, teasingly letting myself rest with just the edge of him pressing into my folds.

“Can you?ˮ I look pointedly at his wrists.

“I-oh, my god, clearly not, but-ˮ

“How about this?ˮ I amend. “You give me a confession, you get a reward. Sound fair?ˮ

“Yeah, sounds just fine. I couldnʼt get off without coming here, you realize that, donʼt you? Youʼre the only thing that gets me off anymo-Oh-ˮ His confession is cut short as I slide him a bit further in, just enough to spur him further. “I mean, I get off, donʼt get me wrong here. But nothing feels as good as when itʼs with you. Nothing.ˮ

“Keep going, youʼre doing good.ˮ I praise, sinking a bit deeper.

“Goddamn you feel so good.ˮ He moans. “Like, my hands canʼt even come close to this, are you kidding? I can try all I want, and believe me, I have - Oh, my god, please donʼt stop - Iʼve been trying all the time, I admit that, canʼt hardly stand being around you and not being able to just fuck you whenever I want.ˮ

I push down further, the stretch he gives me loosing my own moan. “How much do you wanna fuck me, Spence? Tell me, please.ˮ

“God, all the time. Itʼs all I can think about when I get down to it - baby, can I please touch you now?ˮ

“Punishment is a bitch, isnʼt it, Reid?ˮ I smirk, starting to push him in and out of me, slowly and with a devious grin that falters at just how damn good it is.

“Baby, Iʼm gonna get outta these and fuck you so good-ˮ

“Try it.ˮ I raise an eyebrow, stopping my motions.

“Oh- No, Iʼm sorry, please donʼt stop. Iʼll be good, I promise.ˮ

“Yeah, you will.ˮ I drop as far as I can take him, savoring the stuttered animalistic groan he lets out as I press down onto him, pulling his hair and moving my hips around him. As he is want to do, heʼs thrusting up into me, even if heʼs unable to reach me with his hands held up as they are. “Eager, sweet boy. Iʼm gonna ruin you.ˮ

And ruin him, I do. The tension and heat in my belly rides and breaks several times, with him unable to form real words except for the continuous begging of please donʼt stop repeated on a loop until I feel Iʼm satisfied with his demeanor.

Once Iʼve tortured him enough, I reach for the cuffs, ready to let him off the leash - knowing that once I do, the balance will shift. Truthfully, Iʼm just eager to let him be true to his word and fuck me like heʼs been dying to.

“You donʼt need any more confessions from me, then?ˮ He huffs, sweat slicked across his brow from the effort of holding back - though heʼs not really done so, has he?

“One last one, I suppose.ˮ I pull off of him, and the pout he gives nearly makes me sit right back down on him again.

“Alright, Iʼll be good and honest with you, then.ˮ He continues while I set to unlocking the cuffs, “You know the other day, just after we got the final piece of evidence put together?ˮ

I nod.

ˮI was so psyched, I couldʼve taken you right there. I donʼt care that everyone would have known, would have seen. Itʼs just something you do to me.ˮ He finishes, his tone light. Oh boy, Iʼm about to get railed. “I love you. And now Iʼm gonna fuck you like Iʼve been wanting to for weeks.ˮ

No sooner is he free, tearing off the shirt he was wearing and looming over me with the hungriest of looks at my body before pressing himself into me. No wait, no teasing - heʼs not got the control for it, clearly, and Iʼm not complaining one bit.

“Next time, you get the cuffs, pretty girl.ˮ He promises, his hands all over my body now that he can manage it. Hard, precise thrusts, his voice heavy and fucked-out.

“And Iʼll show you just what Iʼve been wanting to do that Iʼm gonna savor in my mind after.ˮ

My nails are leaving deep trails in his back, surely leading to marks that would raise questions if anyone else saw. Heʼs so far in me, almost bottomed out, and itʼs almost too much and yet not enough all at once. I pull him closer, and his hand tangles in my hair while the other clasps around my throat.

“Youʼre all mine.ˮ Spencer growls - truly, thereʼs not other word for it, the purely animal drive taking him to a world where itʼs just us, just this. And Iʼm there too, crying out with the ecstasy his body causes my own.

“All yours.ˮ

“Thatʼs right, pretty girl. Say it for me, I wanna hear you say it.ˮ

“Iʼm all yours, Spence- oh, my god-ˮ

“Good, thatʼs good. My pretty girl. Youʼre so tight, you feel so good wrapped around me, donʼt you? God, what a sight.ˮ Here he is, in his rambles now, and I can hardly contain how close I am. “Wanna tell everyone this is mine. Iʼm the only one that gets to have you, gets to fuck you like this. See you break for me. Only me.ˮ

“Only you, Spence, only you-ˮ

“Cʼmon, I know youʼre close, I can feel it. You get so much tighter, god, if itʼs even possible-ˮ

“Spencer-ˮ

“Thatʼs my girl, cum for me.ˮ

“Donʼt stop-ˮ I can feel the cord in me ready to snap, chasing my most intense orgasm of the night with his words and the feeling of him slamming so deep inside me. “More, Spence, you can give me more-ˮ

“Sweet girl, of course, I know you can handle it.ˮ He pushes himself fully in, my breath catching at the slight pain, yet itʼs still so good, I canʼt stop it, I donʼt want to. “Want me to fuck you so good with all of me, donʼt you?ˮ

I nod against his grasp, and he loosens it a bit, kissing me fervently.

“Please, please cum for me, I wanna feel you all over me, beautiful.ˮ He reaches down, his thumb rubbing circles on my clit. Itʼs the last thing I need to send me over that edge, and I cry out, his name slipping past my lips unwarranted. “Oh, baby, love how you say my name. Like itʼs a prayer, like Iʼm a god.ˮ

“Donʼt stop, Spence-ˮ

“Iʼm close, baby- Oh, I wanna cum in you-ˮ

Another orgasm follows near immediately after this one, and Iʼm grasping at him while heʼs chasing his own, his hands fumbling and his thrusts getting sloppy. He grips the sheets, his breaths stunted.

“Cum in me, please-ˮ

“Iʼm gonna, god, Iʼm so fuckinʼ close-ˮ He tightens around me, muscles shaking as he lets loose, and now itʼs his turn to moan my name a lot louder than he should while he cums. Heʼs so pretty when he does, too - the crease that works between his brows, the round pucker to his lips. Partly through, he kisses me, hard. And when heʼs done, his grip loosens, falling slack on top of me with a contented sigh.

A few moments pass where he just holds me, peppering soft kisses across my face and telling me you did such a good job, baby. Then, he pops up with a smile and comes back with water and a towel, cleaning up after himself.

“Satisfied?ˮ I chuckle, slowly pulling my clothes back on.

“Almost.ˮ He dips his head down, capturing a nipple in his mouth for a few moments. I groan, overstimulated, but still too happy to appease him. “Now, Iʼm satisfied. Iʼm staying in here, okay? Donʼt care if someone sees at this point.ˮ

“Spence?ˮ

“Mmhm?ˮ

“I love you, too.ˮ

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #sub!spencer reid

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jaminjims · 4 years

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found family {imagine}

@catsandstrawberries requests: Hi I have a request. Can you do an ot7 x youngest female 8th member reader maybe late teens (like 17 18ish) maybe fathers day is coming up and reader never had a good relationship with her father or any male in her life (abuse, abondment, trauma, etc) and maybe just a bunch of fluffy and angsty scenarios of her relationship with the boys when they become more like older brothers/father figures to her. Maybe one where she choreographs a dance and shows Hobi and he openly stares how proud Cont. 🐣

He is of her and maybe it just really touches her. Or maybe one where she falls asleep on the couch and one of the boys brings her to her room. And maybe a final angsty one where she tells them how much she loves them and how hard it is to know her own family didnt care about her but the b o us are like, you're wrong, your family does care about you, were your family. Something like that. I really love your writing and hopefully you can write this, if not dont worry, much love! 🐣

a/n: ahh this was the fic i wrote 4.3k words for but then decided i didn’t like it so i started over lmao. i don’t really know why this fic was kinda difficult for me to write but it was still something i enjoyed writing a lot and i’m proud of myself for finishing it! and this is probably one of my favorites that i’ve written if i’m being completely honest. the found family troupe is what i LIVE for and this one literally melts my heart. and of course thank you so so much to the lovely catsandstrawberries for the request! i really enjoyed writing it so i hope you enjoy reading it!

pairing: platonic ot7 x f!reader (reader will refer to the older members as hyung though!)

genre: angsty in the beginning but it turns really fluffy so just hang in there!

warnings: brief mention of child abandonment, child neglect, bad father daughter relationship, loneliness, insomnia, forgetting to eat

words: 6k

[disclaimer: when writing idol aus, i will only be focusing on the struggles of the reader, not of the idols themselves because i don’t personally know what struggles they go through and how they handle them.]

{song(s) i recommend while reading: someone’s someone - monsta x}

~**~

here’s the thing about family: it’s sometimes fickle and sometimes strong

you came from a prestigious family of bankers, except you wouldn’t really call it a family

it was more like relatives tolerating each other more than anything

your mom had left when you were young so you only had faint silhouettes and hollow laughter to remember her by. but that just left the two of you

you and your father

instead the memories you grew up with were of a dad who was cold and controlling and never really around long enough for you to truly feel like he loved you

it was always “y/n you have to look good for the family” “y/n you have to do this for the families reputation” “y/n you have to smile for the media so they think we are a happy family”

the word family was thrown around so much you didn’t think you really knew what it meant anymore

because it was always “y/n you need to do better” “y/n why are you so flawed?” y/n you’re more of a disappointment that a daughter”

never “y/n, i’m proud of you”

it was always what he wanted and never had he asked what you wanted

he never once helped you with your homework, never once had a family meal together

never once said he loved you

you had to instead learn to cook yourself, learn to swim, learn to ride your bike, all by yourself

all things a father should have done, he never did

instead it was all fake laughter and smiles in front of the media and cold stares and loneliness behind closed doors

you used to cry yourself to sleep because of how lonely and lost you felt but now you just opted to barely sleeping at all

and you often forgot to eat because it would just remind you what you could’ve had but didn’t

you also tended to be alone at school because everyone knew of you but no one really knew you

the only thing that really saved you was dancing

it was the only way you could really express yourself without needing words and you found that comforting

it was intimate and deep and it was your raw soul being transmitted through movements

and it was your only reprieve from the fake media, the fake smiles, the fake laughter

and the fake family

so most of your days were spent in a dance studio, choreographing your own pieces and dancing your heart out and it was really the only way you knew how to express yourself

it was when you were fifteen when you had discovered that music companies were hosting auditions and you wanted more than anything to be up on a stage and preform

you had never longed for something more than you did now

but you knew your father would never allow it and maybe that was the thought that pushed you to make the decision of joining

because you knew if you continued to live the way you did now, you would never be enough for him and you were sad and lonely and just tired of faking everything

so if you were always going to be a failure to him then at least you could have fun along the way, right?

so you auditioned to every single company you could and in the end it was only one who had accepted you and for the first time you were really happy

so, so happy that you danced all the way home and cried and for once didn’t pay mind to the eyes looking in

your dad was of course furious when he found out and it hurt that he was so against your dream

but the elation you felt at finally doing something for yourself, with no other reason but because you wanted too, it was something thrilling and if you had known that freedom would feel like this then you would’ve done it a long time ago

but it still stung when he cut you out of his life completely, like you weren’t even there in the first place. like you never existed

cut off all means of financial support. insurance, healthcare, even schooling

all because you didn’t want to be what he wanted you to be

and you cried for the first few nights because this was your conformation. conformation that he really didn’t love you and only saw you as a means to continue his legacy

but you continued on. confidently packing your bags and leaving that place that was never really a home to you

and when you moved into the dorms bighit had for trainee’s, you felt like this, this was your chance. and if you failed, then you would go crawling back to your father and beg for forgiveness like you knew he wanted

you only had one opportunity, and you used it for everything it was worth

you had gotten a part time job, something you wanted to experience because for every other kid it was normal. got to stay out late and dance and sing and just experience things that you had never gotten to do in the confines of your old home

in the confines of your father

and even if you didn’t get to continue your education (which you were greatly distressed about) you were happy because you were doing stuff you wanted

it was when you were eighteen, when you spent two years as a trainee before you got the news that...

you made it

you had made it! you were going to be put in a group! and even if they had already long ago debuted, you were going to show them that you were worth it

you were worth more than what you father had said about you, than what he had planned for you

but with that elation came hesitance

because you were joining a group that was composed of all males, seven of them, and you didn’t have a good experience with any males (well, male) in your life and you would be lying if you said you weren’t even a little bit scared

because you were never good enough for your father, what made them any different? what if you weren’t ever going to be good enough for anyone?

but they were different. they showed you that not every male was going to be like your father, that you were enough and more

when you had first met them, you were a timid little thing because you had previously been sheltered and didn’t really have any friends

you didn’t really know how to open up to anyone because no one ever cared to really try to connect

they were all smiles and politeness and you blushed under their attention because no one really showed an interest in learning about you, not like they had

but you didn’t tell them everything. actually, you didn’t really tell them anything because you were scared that if the found out the truth, they would think you were useless just like your father

so you told them your name, age (which they were surprised about because you were young compared to them), and half truths

about how you were not really close with your family, about how you weren’t really close with any friends

and you expected them to look down on you for your answers but instead they welcomed you with open arms and treated you like they would treat anyone else

and you loved it. loved that they saw you for you instead of just a rich mans daughter

so slowly, you started opening up to them

they treated you like a normal person (a thing which you craved because it was something you never experienced) and they never only pointed out the things you were doing wrong, like your father had

instead they pointed out your flaws and also pointed out what you had excelled at

“y/n, you should turn your body and bend a bit more for that move, but your energy was really good!” “maybe reach a little bit higher for that note? it went a little flat for a second, but your part in the bridge was perfect.”

and it was those comments that you held close and cherished because they pushed you to do better but it was different than than the way your father pushed you

because you refined the things that you could actually fix instead of just thinking everything about yourself was horrible

and maybe it was weird, but you really started to look up to them and that only caused you to work harder so that you would make them proud

but it wasn’t until a late night in the dance studio with jimin that really shifted your relationship with all of them

you couldn’t sleep again (like most nights) and you were dancing to a song that you had choreographed yourself

you slightly overstepped and pushed your body forward by accident and had ended up twisting your ankle

you almost started crying because what if the boys thought you were going to be a hindrance? what if they thought you were a failure for holding them back?

but then the the dance studio door opened and in came walking jimin and you felt yourself shrink in, trying to make your body as small as possible because you were so scared

and it was weird because you never felt this scared when you thought your dad would look down on you and you had only been in the group for two months and you shouldn’t be feeling this attached

and everything was overwhelming and jimin gasped when he spotted you on the floor crying with a bruised ankle

his heart hurt to see you this upset so he quickly walked over and tried to get you to slow your breathing and when his calm and soothing voice reached your ears, you couldn’t help but relax slightly because he didn’t seem to be angry, only worried

and then what he said next had you crying for a whole different reason

“is it ok with you if i look at your ankle?”

he had asked. he had asked if it was something you wanted and that surprisingly meant more to you then it probably should

and once again they proved that they were different than your father because your dad would just do, without any concern to what it might do to you. but they thought about you, about your well being

you found yourself nodding and once he saw you were crying still he creased his eyebrows with worry, “does it hurt that bad?”

you shook your head again and managed to get out, “you aren't mad at me?”

and the world seemed to stop for a second and you held your breathe as you waited for his answer, and when he opened his mouth you got scared that he was actually angry

“you thought i would be mad? of course i’m not, it wasn’t your fault. it’s ok, you’re ok.” and even with your hurt ankle you leaned forward and hugged him because you were so relieved that he didn’t think you were a failure, glad that he still thought you were worth it

and even though he was confused at your reaction, he hugged you back anyway because he wanted to be there for you in any way he could

and your adoration for them only increase since then. you were really starting to feel closer to them and really starting to rely on them

the week your ankle was healing, they made sure to check in every hour to see if everything was ok and it was a little overwhelming at times because you had never been this looked after before and it was new to you

and at least one of them would arrive home from practice early and give you everything you needed

one time when yoongi came back early, he had come into your room and asked if you needed anything and you said no because you didn’t wanna hinder him but then your stomach growled in betrayal and you blushed

he frowned and sat beside you on you’re bed, rubbing the back of his neck, “now, i know that i don’t look like the comforting type, but i’ll still help if you ask.”

and your eyes widened and you shook your head, shooting up in bed because it really wasn’t that you thought he was bad at comforting but it was because you really just forgot to eat again

and that’s what you told him and he frowned for a different reason, “you forget to eat?” and then you would look down in shame because you thought he was disappointed in you

he looked at your lowered head and sighed, lightly bumping shoulders with you, “hey, it’s ok. i’m not mad or anything. just worried.”

and you tentatively looked up at him, hiding behind your hair, “i... just don’t eat that much. reminds me of the things i can’t have.” and then you looked back down

and yoongi thought that his heart broke a little bit because you sounded so small and sad and he was confused as to why but what he did know is that it hurt him to hear and see you like that

he then bumped his shoulder with yours again so you would look up and then he flicked your forehead when you did

and you looked at him with a slightly offended expression while bringing your hand up to touch the spot he flicked and once he saw the look on your face, he smirked a little, “what are you thinking about now?” and you would get this confused look on your face, because why was he asking? ��why you flicked me.”

and then he would smile triumphantly, “then it worked.”

and it wouldn’t be till later that you realized that he had gotten you too think about something else so you wouldn’t dwell on the bad memories you had, and you smiled brightly trying to fall asleep that night

but you noticed that they all would start to bring more snacks in their bags whenever they went anywhere and offer them to you and it was hard to say no because you were kinda hungry when you thought about it

and food started to taste a little better when you were around them

and as time passed, they only surprised you more and more with their personalities and you started to really like just being around them, you felt like a better person

and over time you had all grown closer too, up to the point where you would get into petty fights like real siblings (at least you liked to think of it that way, you never had any siblings)

for example, one time you were sitting on the couch scrolling through a phone the company recently got you and here comes jungkook running down the hallway

he then jumps and lands right on top of your sitting figure on the couch and you yell because it scared you and why was he sweaty?

“yah! get off me!” you then would push him on the face but it would get you nowhere because he was quite literally almost twice your size

“no, i don’t wanna.” then he would shrug and pull out his phone while he was crushing you with his body weight and then you would scream out “hyung!” in hopes anyone would hear you and all of them would come running into the room because you never yelled and they thought it was an emergency

but then it would sink in that, that was the first time you had called them hyung and they would get these goofy smiles on their faces (even jungkook, from where he was sitting on top of you) and you would look at them and then realize what you did

you gasped and started apologizing because what if they didn’t want you to call them that? (obliviously not getting the message that they did from their faces alone)

but they would just shoot down your apologies because they would be happy that you finally felt close and comfortable enough to call them that

and jin would walk up and ruffle your hair - well as best he could while jungkook was still sitting on you - and “come help your hyung in the kitchen.” and your smile would be worth more than anything to them and you would push jungkook off of you easily this time while yelling yes

you then stuck your tongue out at him and he made a funny face back that had you giggling

but something was always weighing on your mind, and it was the lack of your education. since your father had cut you off, you had no means on furthering your learning and it was something that really upset you because who couldn’t even complete highschool education? and you were afraid that the other members would be disappointed in you

so you asked manager sejin (which he had grown pretty fond of you over the months) for a computer because you wanted to complete your education online if anything and he was completely behind the idea and backed you up 100 percent

so you started your online learning but you had to admit, it was hard when you didn’t have a teacher to consult things with

and you would get so frustrated because why couldn’t you just get this right? it was simple math! and you were disappointed in yourself because this was a big blow to your ego

you were afraid that the others would would laugh at you but then you thought about how they proved time and time again that they were different than your father and so with that thought in mind you summoned your courage and went to knock on namjoon’s door

he was surprised to see you but smiled anyway and you sat down on his bed with your hair covering your face because you were still embarrassed and they didn’t know that you hadn’t finished highschool

and he saw that you were struggling with what to say so he waited patiently because the last thing he wanted to do was scare you off

and you were grateful for that, so after a few minutes you gathered your thoughts and decided to just plunge right into the conversation, “hyung,” and they still smiled when you called them that, “i’m doing online school and um, was wondering if you could help me? i mean you don’t have to or anything but i just-” and he put a hand over your head to stop your rambling and smiled that dimple smile of his, “of course i’ll help. what do you need me for?”

and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little surprised because it was highschool sophomore math because he thought that you had already graduated highschool but he still was glad to help you anyway

and you could tell he wanted to ask but was hesitant, so you made it easier for him, “i wasn’t able to finish highschool.” and he looked perplexed for a moment but when he took in your sad expression he didn’t say anything more so you quietly added on “i don’t have a relationship with my father so..” and you trailed off and he sighed silently because it was hard for him to wrap his head around why someone would make you so sad, especially if that someone was your father so instead he opted to take your mind off the issue

so he spoke up, “yah, the pythagorean theorem isn’t gonna learn itself.” and so the two of your stayed up and you understood the subject more when he explained it than in any real class you ever had

so, these teaching sessions are almost a daily routine and sometimes it would be the others helping and it became something that you really enjoyed

because no one was ever willing to help you like this

after months of living and knowing them, it was finally the crunch time to get ready for your first comeback with them and you were so nervous

you would stay up later than usual to practice and they would be lying if they said they weren’t a little worried about your lack of sleep but they used to do the same thing before comebacks so they let it slide somewhat

but what they didn’t know was that you were also going to be doing a solo dance performance and you were so scared that no one would like it so you finally crumbled and asked for hobi because you wanted his opinion on your routine

but his reaction to your dance sequence was one you didn’t expect

as you flipped and glided through your choreo, hoseok stared wide eyed at you in wonder because he knew you were an amazing dancer but when it was just you and him in the dance studio, the emotion that you portrayed... it was just an astounding site to see

and when you finished you saw his expression and blushed, hiding your face in your hair because no one had looked at you like that before

“what? was it bad?” and it was a couple more moments before hoseok really gathered his thoughts to put them into words and he just walked over to you and put his hands on your shoulders so you would look at him

“y/n-ah, that was amazing. just everything about it... aish you have me speechless.” and he gave you that hobi heart smile and you couldn’t keep your eyes from tearing up but what he said next really got the waterworks going

“i am so, so proud of you, y/n”

and you openly cried and hearing that sentence from someone you really looked up to was something you never knew you needed and you hugged him so tight and said ‘thank you’ over and over again because you really were

you were so, so thankful

and he carded his hands through your hair because namjoon had told him about you not having a good relationship with your dad and knew this was probably something that meant a lot to you. but he really was so, so proud of you because you had grown so much since being that little timid girl he had met months ago

so you went home and played videogames with everyone and just had a good time so you wouldn’t get to stressed and later when you had finally managed to fall asleep, hobi would gush about your dance to the other members (without knowing you were going to be preforming it soon) and everyone was excited and wanted to see it too

but with hobi’s encouragement came more determination for you to work harder because you were going to amaze everyone if you had anything to say about it

so you started to stay out late to the point where you would come back to the house when everyone else was sleeping and just be so tired that you would fall asleep on the couch, not even making it back to your room

and they would wake up and see you and look at you so fondly because they could see that you were working so hard and could see how badly you wanted everyone to succeed

and it would usually be jungkook who would pick you up and bring you back to your room so you could sleep just a little bit longer

they really were so proud of you

and then it came to your comeback date and you were still so nervous but they’re presences made it better

it was taehyung who came up to you then right before they were supposed to go onto the comeback stage and what he said would always stick with you, “no matter what happens out there, i, we, will always be there for you, no matter what. we will always be proud of you.” and you would tear up and the makeup unnie’s would get angry and push you back down in the makeup chair but they would have this gooey smile on their faces anyway

and your performance went perfectly

it seemed like the audience was just as memorized as hoseok had been when you preformed your solo and army, thrown off by your presence, still accepted you because they could see the bond you had with the boys and how pure it was

and even though some didn’t agree, it was ok because seven other people where proud of you and that’s all you really needed

and then because of the amazing performance the eight of you go out to eat and you all joke and laugh and the food tastes amazing

and you think, this is what a family dinner must feel like

and you almost cry again because this is all you really ever wanted, to be accepted, to be seen for your achievements instead of your flaws

and you've only spent five months together but in those five months, you had grown so close to these people that showed you that you were more than what your father had told you, that you were amazing and perfect in your own way and they would never look down on you for your flaws

you could definitely get used to this

so the next day taehyung took you out on a shopping spree because he wanted to spend time with you and you both basically wrecked havoc in a gucci store trying on everything you could

and he wold tease you when you came out of the dressing room with a size that was way to big for you and you would taunt him back and bicker back and forth

then you both went to the store and got ice cream for everyone and you all set up a fort in the living room and it was easily one of the best days of your life

and after that the eight of you experienced things and created memories together and they showed you what real friends were, what real companionship and love felt like

and before you knew it, fathers day was in two days and you didn’t know what you were going to do, but you still felt like you should do something because father’s day is a day to celebrate the important males in your life

you had never felt like doing something like this when you lived with your actual father, and that spoke volumes to how close you had come to these boys

so on the saturday before the actual day, you tried to wake up as early as you could and get all the ingredients you needed

when you saw that you were missing eggs for the cake that you wanted to make for them, you tried to be as quick as possible so your hyungs wouldn’t be wondering where you went if they woke up

it was the probably the fastest trip you had ever taken but it was all for naught when you walked back through the door

you almost dropped your newly bought eggs when you heard a scream come from the living room and suddenly there were arms wrapping around you in a tight hug

“j-jimin?” was all you could squeak out before a barrage of voices tumbled over each other in efforts to scold you for leaving and not telling at least one of them, if not all of them

“what were you thinking!? you scared me! you scared us!” jin said in your direction, where jimin was still wrapped around you

“yah! we thought you left! or-or got kidnapped!” hoseok’s raised voice was one you decide you didn’t like

once jimin let go, yoongi was quick to envelope you in a hug, “aish. i never wanna wake up to that kind of scare ever again.”

once he pulled away you spotted taehyung and jungkook pouting with their arms crossed sitting on the couch, namjoon fixing you with a serious stare. “promise me you won’t do that again.”

“promise us!” taehyung quickly added in and all you could do was nod because your head was still trying to process what just happened over the span of the last ten seconds

it wasn’t until your pinky was wrapped around jungkook’s in a pinky promise that the situation really set into your head and you lowered your head in shame and embarrassment, “i’m sorry.”

jin sighed and ruffled his hair, “we were just worried. sorry for yelling y/n-ah,” and it warmed you with how protective they were over you and you looked up at him teasingly, “sorry eomma” and jin frowned while you and the maknae line snickered

it was when you got up to finally put the eggs away that jimin pulled you back down to sit beside him, hugging you again, “we worry about you because you’re our yodongseng, y/n-ah” and it was that one sentence that had you all smiley and giggly because that was the first time any of them had called you that, the first time anyone called you that and you were so happy

because they saw you as their little sister and a bond like that was something you hadn’t felt before, and one you would never want to break

“thank you” you whispered as you got up and went to put the eggs away, the boys following after you

“so why did you go to the store?” taehyung said as he looked at all the ingredients littered around the kitchen counters

you gasped and remembered what you were doing and quickly turned around, “all of you, out! go away!” you yelled while physically pushing hoseok and yoongi out the kitchen door

“wha- why?” namjoon got out before almost being pushed over and into a table by jungkook

“surprise!” was all you yelled as you got all of them out of the kitchen but seokjin waited by the door. “hyung, what are you doing?” hoseok questioned. “just wait for it.” was all he said as he started counting down from five. and as he was just about to say one, you popped your head back through the door and shyly asked, “hey jin-hyung, can you help me with something?” and then he looked toward the others and smirked at their bewildered expressions. “i told you. she always asks for me when she needs help in the kitchen, and she always needs help.” you then hit him on the arm, “yah. i’m not that bad.”

then the both of you would enter the kitchen and you would try to explain that you needed to make a cake without really telling him you needed to bake one and it just led to a lot of confusion

in the end you gave up and told him you needed to make one but you didn’t tell him what for, still trying to preserve a least a little bit of surprise

the both of you joked and laughed about useless things while mixing the eggs and milk and flour, making a cake from scratch and the others listened to your banter and smiled among themselves

when the both of you settled down and put the cake in the oven, seokjin called your name, “y/n-ah,” and as soon as you turned around a wad of flour hit you in the face and jin’s windshield wiper laugh echoed out

but that was only the begging

“this is war!” and then all of them came running into the kitchen and the flour that was supposed to hit jin, hit yoongi instead and you could’ve sworn you heard namjoon face plant at one point and then fifteen minutes later everyone was covered in flower and the kitchen was a mess

and you all found yourself sitting on the floor, waiting for when you had to take out the cake. and just being surrounded by all their presences, suddenly got you emotional

“thank you” you said again, for the umpteenth time since you’ve known them. you took a deep breath, “i never got along with my father and-,” you sniffed and they waited for you to finish, jungkook nudging you with his shoulder and taehyung gently holding your hand, “and, all of this, the comfort and compassion you’ve shown me,” tears started to fall from your eyes and hoseok who was sitting across from you leaned over and wiped them off your face, “and i’m really grateful.”

but before they could say anything to that, the oven went off and you took another deep breath and gathered your emotions, once again pushing them out of the kitchen so you could decorate the cake you would show them tomorrow

and while they were sitting in the living room together, waiting for you to finish, they all looked at each other and they could easily say that they would do anything for you because you really were their little sister and they cared about you so much

and while you decorated your cake for them, you thought that a giving them their surprise a day early couldn’t hurt (and you knew one of the maknae line would definitely come and sneak a bite of the treat in the middle of the night)

so you walked out, flour caking your hair and clothes, holding the vanilla frosted cake that said ‘happy father’s day ‘ in purple, messy icing

and oh my god they were so touched they could have cried (and some of them did)

and you stood in front of them, gathering your thoughts and as soon as you saw that jimin was about to say something, you started talking. “so, uh, originally i was going to give you all this tomorrow but i figured that it wouldn’t hurt to give it today. and father’s day is not only to celebrate fathers but to celebrate the important males in your life.” and there you go tearing up again, “and when i was younger, my mom left before i could really remember her, and my dad, he-” tears fell and you wiped them, “aish, i’m crying.” then you giggled and their hearts were simultaneously breaking and filling up at the same time. “he was never a father to me, so i never knew what it felt like to have one, to have a family. and it hurt everyday to think that no one in my family wanted me.” god you were a wreck and your words were coming out blurred now. “but then i came here-”

and before you could get out anymore there were seven pairs of arms wrapping themselves around you and your burrowed your head into the chest of nearest person (which happened to be yoongi)

“that’s not true y/n” namjoon murmured and for a second you were confused because why would he say that about your situation? but then he continued, “we will always, always, want you in our lives. we are your family. and always will be.” and you were full on sobbing and so were they

and all you could get out was a sloppy, sobbed filled: “i love you” but they understood perfectly

“we love you too, y/n” and that was the single best moment in your life.

and then perhaps the next day you did anything they asked of you which led to the younger ones being scolded about how you weren’t their maid but then you would get up and get what they asked for anyway because this was their day

and the bickering, the love, and even the fights you would have sometimes, it would all be worth it in the end if it led you back to them

[end]

end note: oh. my. god. i’m not crying, you are. the ending? when i was writing the flour scene? PLEASE I WAS SOBBING. this is one of the fics that i am most proud of and i really didn’t mean to make it this long, but here i am. i hope everyone has an amazing father’s day, and you get to celebrate it the way you want to! everyone reading this (and those who aren’t) deserve happiness, no matter who you are. and you are more then what people say about you. i love you guys to the moon and back, make sure you stay safe! (and as always, sorry for any spelling errors!)

~**~

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Mouth Dreams analysis

MOUTH DREAMS

I dont even need to introduce to you the marvelous mash up works of neil cicierega’s mouth trilogy (now quadrilogy i guess). We all know them, we all love them and we all have our own interpretations of what they mean. For some merely musical shitposting, for others clever experimentation laden with phrases, leivmotifs and themes repeating here and there, and for many a deep and rich bounty of lore, hidden messages, subtextual stories and underlying narratives implied across multiple variations of all star, hidden in the meta data and uncovered only after doing spectrographic analysis on the soundwaves of the songs after being played at x0.000003 times the speed. It is usually understood that all the albums together form a unique and rich tapestry, a coherent whole that can be understood in its totality. Im not here to do that.

I came up with my own interpretation of what Mouth Dreams can be read as, independent from the other albums. Think of it as me presenting this entry as the soundtrack of a musical with its own self contained story. It is the interpretation that i chose to go by and i hope its understood the brilliance of these albums lies on how weird and vague and open ended they are such that any number of different readings can be extracted from them. So lets see the one i extracted, without further ado, lets begin.

Yahoo

It is an out of context, in media res, start for the whole story. We hear a voice, echoing in the void, yelling at the top of its lungs, reaching desperately for human conection. One form of looking at this song is that the voice only receives an empty response from its own echoes, but i dont take it like that. The song is too sublime and too beautiful for these, the notes soaring too high, the desperate plead is being answered. Someone is listening to the plead and answering right back, harmonizing.

This whole album is in a way that howl, reaching to others, and we the audience are answering back, listening. But also on another level, this whole album is the protagonist telling the tragic story of his own life to some sympathetic figure who wants to help, perhaps a therapist, perhaps a friend, perhaps a partner, we’ll see. And as the yelling subsides the story starts proper.

Mouth dreams (intro)

We are being slowly taken into the story, entering the psyche of the main character, entering their subconscious, their dreams, their memories and therefore, their past. We’ll see what life they led and how they ended up where they are now and we start right at his infancy with….

Spongerock

Spongebob is a great indicator that we are seeing this person’s early childhood. They seem to be a rambunctious and energetic child. Cheerful and enthusiastic, yet there seems to be some underlying aggression there. The music is a bit to strong, and in comes freddy mercury berating the poor kid “you’ve got mud on your face, you big disgrace”. Who is this entity being so hostile to a poor kid? What lies beneath that image of a happy kid? We are about to see on the next song.

Just a baby

This is where trouble starts. We are treated to a dramatic song about a poor young baby who seems to be having a pretty sad life. Justin bieber, former teen idol, keeps lamenting about the poor baby being stuck in baby jail. This song is very much about loss of innocence. A shadowy figure of the mother is introduced who tells the protagonist to be a good boy. And almost at the end of the song we get a suggestion of what’s so wrong on this poor kid’s life. His mother apparently “shot a man in reno”. We dont know if this is a literal thing the mother did or if this is a metaphor for the mother doing something horrible, commiting some crime, harming someone in some way. While its not clarified we see strong hints of what the mother could have done in the next song

Superkiller

As we worry what may be so wrong with this kid’s mother we come across the title for this song, ominous. Now in the original Psycho killer the killer was clearly the singer, but in here the song is twisted and turned a bit, recontextualized by the beats of “cant touch this”. It seems like this time is the singer the one who doesnt want to be touched by some nefarious figure (the mother? Is the mother a psycho killer?) maybe the kid saw the mother killing people “i dont like people when they’re on fire”. whatever the case might be the kid is clearly strung up and under a lot of stress and we are introduced to the first hint of the insomnia that will plague this persons life who cant sleep because “my bed’s on fire”. The horrible situation in which this kid is living is taking a severe toll on their mental health. How is he going to cope with this?

Get happy

I think everyone can agree that “come on get happy” is incredibly unnerving when mindlessly repeated over and over. A first read might suggest the kid is forced to put on a happy face, to pretend that there is nothing wrong going on with their life. But as the song progresses it could also be interpreted as the kid being tempted to find refuge from the horror by unsavory methods “get happy” as in acquire happiness of a forced and artificial kind, perhaps drugs. But also “we’ll make you happy”. The kid is not running into a rabbit hole on their own, they are being invited. Its possible that the kid is being seduced by a bad crowd to move into seedy circles as an escape from their life.

Ribs

In here we see the kid, probably a young teenager by this point as suggested by the use of marylin manson in this song, falling deep into debauchery. The specific kind is not needed to know, it could be drugs, it could be sexual experimentation, it could be criminality. Point is this is unhealthy and dangerous and depraved, emphasized by the title of the song “ribs” as a reference to the rumor that marilyn manson removed two of his ribs in order to perform autofellatio. Whatever the case it clearly works, the song is actually a great bop, energetic and upbeat, the kid is content with the situation, at least for a while…

My mouth

This song is the coming down from the high. In here we see at full blast how the life of depravity on the one side and their situation at home on the other have turned the character into a hardcore insomniac, their health is severy compromised “My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed

Dried up and bulging out my skull”. Another way to read this song is as we momentarily cutting back to the present. After all, what we have been seeing until now has been dreams/memories and this is a short look at the wreck that the person is as a grown up, stirring awake from their memories and trying desperately to forget or to go back to sleep where they can have a reprieve. As evidenced by the next song

Aerolong

I dont wanna miss a thing is completely turned on its head. As the lyrics clearly demonstrate is the protagonist who cant go to sleep being chased by their memories, specifically the memories of their mother “I don't miss you, babe, and I do want to miss a thing”. As the person is tossing and turning on their bed, unable to sleep they talk about how they dont miss their mother at all and they want to “miss” her as in they want to forget her.

Sleepin’

The character is constantly speaking about how they are “sleeping with their clothes on” this is due to them falling asleep during their everyday life because of their lack of sleep every night, this person is barely functional, their sleep schedule is broken. Also since this song is about the character actually sleeping it also works as a bridge back into their dreams and so into their past.

Aammoorree

Is another vignette about the character sinking into disreputable states in order to escape their shitty situation as a teenager, this time very specifically about being completely drunk and perhaps experiencing romance for the first time. The character is probably at a club or a party, drunkenly hitting on someone, though chances are without much success as the song becomes increasingly more incoherent and we go into a full black out. This gets bad enough that the person finally has to take a look and….

Where is my mom

….stop. It is highly suggestive that in the album the “stop” is part of this song rather than the last one. The person is not only stopping their current alcoholic binge. They are stopping the entire situation and taking a good look at their life, finally confronting face to face what is happening and why it is so wrong. Now “stacy’s mom” was always kind of an inappropriate song due to it being about a child having a crush on their friend’s mom, as sung by an adult. But as it is recontextualized by the instruments of “where is my mind” it takes on a much darker tone. The romantic words are still there but now with a sinister bent. This time the main character asks their friend if they can go and take refuge at their house and when they ask if the mom is going to be there they sound more scared than eager, specially suggested by the way he seems to be stammering the word “pool”, they are nervous and terrified. They also talk about stacy’s mom as “all they want and been waiting for so long”, probably because all they want is a normal, loving mother. Presumably this song is about the main character finally talking about what is going on at his house with a friend, confessing and that confession gives way to realization

Fredhammer

Then realization gives way to anger. During this whole song we see the teenage character finally grasping how fucked up the whole situation is and he gets progressively more worked up with each successive aggravation “Why did it take so long? Why (hoo!), did I wait so long, huh?

Why??? To figure it out, but I did it (huh?)”. From this we transition to the kid actually confronting their mom face to face. The line “So you can take that cookie And stick it up your (yeah!)” can be read as the mother trying to pretend there is nothing wrong or pacifying the kid with empty gestures of motherhood, by making cookies and the kid spitting that back into their face. The kid gets more and more worked up through the song as we seamlessly transition to the next one.

Limp Wicket

This song is pure incoherent chaos but something very important can be rescued out of the chaos. This song uses the lyrics from the “ewok celebration” which is presumably the song the ewoks sing in return of the jedi after the empire was defeated. So in a way is the kid celebrating that he finally confronted their mother and presumably defeated her. This is emphazised by the recurrence of the lyrics ““So you can take that cookie”. Is not specified how the mother is defeated, maybe social services or the police get involved, maybe the kid runs away, either way this song is triumphant. The evil entity that stole his childhood and innocence has been defeated.

Cannibals

This song is slightly different from the rest. It works as a form of victory lap after the defeat of the mother figure, but also as an intermission since it lies smack dab in the middle of the album, and finally as a transitionary song from childhood to adulthood. Is a time skip, we get to see the person grow up in fast forward as the THX song hits its crescendo. This song also makes it perfectly clear that, even though she was left behind, the mental scars that the mother left are still there and still fresh and still very much stopping them from sleeping “She drives me crazy

And I can't help myself”.

The outsiders

This works as a way to recontextualize us in the life of the character as an adult. Our so called “feature presentation”. It is not altogether clear who these people being introduced are. They could be the people who came to mean something in this persons life as they grew up after trauma, probably multiple foster homes, social workers, friends, bosses, co workers, etc. the fact that they are being enumerated dissapasionatly could indicate how most of his social relationships were basically a meaningless blur for him who grew up socially distant due to trauma. It could also represent the multiple roles that our character was forced to take as they grew up and the multiple things that went through his mind or meant something. There is clearly some desperate attempts to recapture their lost childhood as figures such as “inspector gadget” or “the ninja turtles part three” are named. The song is a fast montage of views and places. That prepares us for the next song.

Johnny

We finally zoom in and take a good look at our main character as an adult. A sad, pathetic figure, hurt and lonely, possibly not very well liked and certainly not respected as we hear boos all around. Despite all this the character is clearly committing themselves to be a good person, to not hurt others like he was hurt and specifically to not commit the same crimes that their mother commited.

Closerflies & Nightmovin

These two songs might as well work as a single piece since they are both more or less about the same thing. We reiterate how this person has been turned into an insomniac due to the trauma that they experienced as a child “When I'm far too tired to fall asleep”. They are delirious and barely coherent, possibly hallucinating as they think about their life in bed. This is clearly hell on earth and it seems like its just never going to stop “Can't wake up in a sweat

'Cause it ain't over yet” but, with neil’s classic sense of humor, the song immediately ends.

Now that could just be for the sake of irony but there is also another level in which it could be read. This suffering stops because something suddenly changes in this person’s life. What could that be?

Whitehouse

“I fell in love with a girl”

As the lyrics say, the main character met someone special and they are deeply in love. But also, because of the past that weighs heavily on him, he is very trepidatious about wether to go on with the relationship or not. He knows he is damaged goods and he doesnt want to drag her down as well, these fears make it so he never fully opens up to her about his issues “She turns and says, "Are you alright?" I said, "I must be fine because my heart's still beating."

Wah

The use of “war” by edwin starr is a clever reference about how everything is fair in love and war. Now this song is an important departure since it is sung from the point of view of the girl our main character fell in love with. She is a feisty woman who is very clearly trying to establish the terms of the relationship and demanding her partner to open up which the main character, due to his insecurities, takes as a declaration of war and which he deflects by playing dumb, hence the repeated use of the silly “WAH” by wario.

Pee Wee Inc

The emotional distance from the man is putting a strain in the relationship, so what once was supposed to “feel good” is now this melancholic and unbearable situation. Is no mistake that the song sampled here is “the breakfast machine” from pee wee’s big adventure. After all a neglected partner can feel like a breakfast machine, an object that is there just to make your breakfast. On top of this you can see that the insomnia hasnt gone away “My dreams, they got a kissing 'cause I don't get to sleep, no”. In a lot of ways the girlfriend is feeling used as just a relief from the man’s suffering but not as someone who is being truly loved.

1000 spoons

We go back to the woman’s perspective. At first it just seems like a simple melancholic situation where she is sad the relationship is not working, but then we see the woman have a full mental breakdown as the song changes and becomes much more deranged and we get to see what is really happening. The man ran away on their wedding day. This is represented by the lyrics “is like rain on your wedding day” because it means the wedding has been ruined. She is heartbroken by this.

Mouth dreams (extro)

Appropriately as the previous song talked about a wedding being ruined by “rain” this song begins with the sound of rain. This is the big emotional climax of the story, the music at its most dramatic. Now i will admit, even for me this is a stretch, im willing to concede most of what i am about to say is essentially built out of whole cloth and me wanting to fit a neat full narrative into this album where there is none, but hey, what is art for?

Essentially the man is about to commit suicide, possibly by jumping off a bridge in the rain as suggested by the song being sampled “drowning”. The fact that this song is named after the album is a way to signify how everything that we have just seen weighs heavily on the man’s heart, his whole life, his memories, his trauma, and he is finally ready to end it all. He jumps.

But at the last second his wife jumps after him and drags him to the shore, the last we see is her trying to perform mouth to mouth resuscitation, as indicated by the song,”love me mouth to mouth now…” he is unconscious and presumably finally sleeping peacefully (maybe dead?) “...cover me with dreams, yeah”.

It might look like he will not survive, as implied by the sinister version of all star encroaching over the song. But as it looks like all hope is lost he finally WAKES UP.

In a way this song is also when we finally catch up with the start of the album where we saw the man desperately hollering for human contact and merely echos responding, except now someone finally answered, and he is finally ready to open up and share his story.

Brithoven

Even though this song is sung by a single person i choose to take it as a dialog between the couple, both of them sharing their regrets about their relationship with each other, her recriminating the fact that she couldnt have known what he was going through “oh baby bay, how was i supposed to know, that something wasnt right here” and him finally admitting that he needs help “My loneliness is killing me”.

Finally they both agree to try it again and give their relationship a second chance “hit me baby one more time”

Ain’t

Part of me is conflicted about this song, i kind of want to disregard it, mainly because i think its kind of a weird way to end an album and also because i just dont feel is a very good mashup really. The lyrics dont mix that well with the song, they are paced in an inconsistent way and overall feel like they never truly click. On top of that it just doesnt fit at all with the narrative that i have been building during this analysis.

There is talk about alcoholism and parent abandoment, this time by the father, a figure that was never mentioned during the album. The last line says “say it aint so” which doesnt particularly seem to reflect on any of the themes i’ve been building upon. Ultimately i think i will just leave it besides and be content that i managed to fit almost all of the album into one story, this process was never meant to be a perfect dissection of the carefully planned story that neil deliberately crafted but rather me having fun seeing pictures in a rorshach test.

So anyway that was Mouth dreams, let me know what you thought.

#mouth sounds #mouth silence #mouth moods #mouth dreams #neil cicierega #music

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liamakorn · 6 years

Text

Absolution (Part 3)

A/N: Hey guys! Finally, I finished this chapter...took me a long time, mostly because I didn’t feel like it was good. Like, at all. But, I’m sort of happy with it now, even though it’s still very bad lol. So John is kinda OOC? He’s def more...aggressive? But I wanted a soft boi John, so that’s what you’re gonna get ;p Also, I’m aware he uses a tattoo gun usually, but??? The carved sin aesthetic called to me. He and Joseph carved their sins, and cross them out once they overcome them, so if he was trying to romance her then?? He might do this?? Don’t judge me. I know I said this was supposed to lead to must, but I’m not sure now? I like where I ended it. Maybe if I find the inspiration, I’ll write another chapter, but as of rn, this is the last one. Let me know what you think!

Part 1 -Part 2 -Part 3

Tagging: @obscure-fae @aliciawentzshadows

Pairing: John Seed x OC (Maggie)

Warnings: MAJOR CUTTING/SELF HARM TRIGGER WARNING! There is blood! He carves her sin into her flesh! If mentions of cutting or blood trigger you, PLEASE DONT READ!!! Don't sacrifice your mental health for my thirsty ass. Other than that, gentle boi John, dub-con if ya squint. I’m going to hell.

Words: 1,596

His thumb stroked her jaw, pressing lightly into her throat. Felt her pounding heartbeat beneath his fingertips. Regarding her thoughtfully, John leaned closer, pressing his nose to her hair and breathing. Maggie let her eyes close, enjoying the warmth his body gave off. He dragged his lips to her ear, making sure she felt every movement.

He implored her to confess. To reveal her deepest, darkest secrets, no matter how petty. No matter how small. To rip open her ribcage so he could see the tangled mess of sin that lay beneath.

And she did.

She breathed out everything she could think of, pouring her heart between stuttering breaths, focusing only on the man in front of her. It was as if a weight was being lifted from her shoulders; Maggie found herself rambling more and more, sharing more of herself than she’d ever imagined she could. His gaze remained fixated on her, as if nothing else existed. It stirred a warmth in her gut that burned down to her toes. The attention positively ached, and yet, she never wanted him to look away. So she divulged her soul, hoping to keep those blue depths on her for just a bit longer. She confessed her greed. Her sloth. Her pride.

When she reached lust, Maggie hesitated. John tilted his head, licking his lips. As if he could taste her sins. He chuckled in response to her silence, gently stroking her cheek. Leaning closer, John nudged his nose against hers, warm breath fanning over her face.

She didn’t need to vocally confess her sin; it was written all over the way she moved, the goosebumps spreading across her flesh, the whimper she let out as his grip tightened just slightly against her throat. But he made her anyway. Eagerly awaited the words he knew would fall from her lips. Maggie whispered how she’d felt about him from the moment they’d met; how she’d dreamed of him every night since. Every unholy thought she’d ever had was voiced for him to judge. His resulting groan made her toes curl, watching as his eyes darkened.

“I know your sin…”

His voice must’ve dropped an octave, a mere growl compared to his usual cocky tone. It took everything Maggie had not to moan aloud; although, at this point, she might as well have. There was nothing she could hide from him. Not now.

His lips brushed against hers as he spoke,

“At first, I thought it must be wrath, or envy...but now, I see. Your sin...is lust.”

A shudder ran down her spine. Of course it was. She knew he was right. He could see right through her. And oddly, she didn’t mind. She wanted him to see her; to weed out her sins and lead her to the salvation his brother had promised. It terrified her. But he knew that too, grazing his nose across her cheek, delicately running his thumb along her jaw.

Laying his palm flat against her sternum, he paused for a moment, relishing in the pounding of her heart.

“But that’s alright.”

Slowly, deliberately, he dragged his hand down her front, between her breasts, stalling just above her navel. Pushing away from the tree, careful not to move too far from her body, John’s other hand gripped her wrists. With a steadiness she envied him for, John raised her arms above her head, pressing just a tad harder than was necessary; she could feel the bark digging into her skin, sure to leave marks.

“Pain is the gateway to forgiveness. Only after you’ve been punished for your sins, can you be cleansed of them.��

Leaning in closer, John almost snarled into Maggie’s ears,

“You will leave your hands where I have placed them. Do not move until your atonement is complete. Am I understood?”

The authority in his tone gave her chills. She knew exactly what he wanted to hear, and unlike last time, she didn’t hesitate to give it to him.

“Yes.”

The growl he released was more of a moan, and Maggie could tell he was enjoying this more than he let on. One look down would’ve told her for sure, but she didn’t dare. Instead, she held his gaze, blue eclipsed by his blown out pupils.

“Are you ready, Maggie?”

Gasping her confirmation, she watched in fascination as a wicked grin found his lips, falling to his knees in front of her. It took her breath away; she had to dig her nails into her palms just to keep her arms steady.

Maggie was so caught up in the sight of John Seed, on his knees before her like she was the altar he worshiped at, she nearly missed him reaching back, retrieving a small knife.

She flinched at the snap the blade made as he flipped it open, breathing escalating in a mixture of fear and pure excitement. This was it. She would be free. She would be pure. He would lead her to Eden, where she would finally be free from her sins.

God, when had she become this person?

Slowly, as not to startle her, he lifted her shirt, letting his fingers graze her skin the entire time. She’d never considered herself sensitive, but Jesus she could tell her jeans were absolutely soaked. If he noticed, he didn’t mention it. Letting the fabric bunch around her waist, John skimmed his palms along her hips, catching her gaze as he popped the button of her jeans with a flourish.

Maggie’s knees trembled. With a calculated leisure, John slipped his long fingers into the band of her jeans, tugging at them to reveal the patch of skin just above her panty line. It was pure torture. And god, the look on his face as his eyes devoured her skin, his own excitement evident in both his expression, and through his pants.

A soft sigh slipped past her lips, eyes fluttering closed as his touch warmed every inch of her exposed flesh. Maggie could feel his breath against her navel with every exhale, and it was driving her insane.

It was the cool touch of metal that snapped her, briefly, from her daze, a spike of fear stabbing her heart. What was she doing? This was absolutely psychotic; and yet, she couldn’t move her arms, her breath caught in her throat as the blade just grazed across her skin. As if sensing her unease, John pressed a chaste kiss against her hip, sending her hurtling back towards that fuzzy state of mind.

“Shhh, pet, you’re alright. This is going to hurt, okay? But I know you can handle it, I know you can find redemption...I believe in you, just trust me…”

The first incision wasn’t as bad as she’d feared. A hard sting, sure, but something she could deal with. However, the moment he began to drag the knife down, slicing her skin like it was butter, she could help but cry out, biting down on her lip so hard she tasted blood. John never stopped speaking, muttering praises as he went.

“You’re doing so well, little lamb, barely even moving, I'm so proud of you, pet…”

He gave a brief pause between letters, allowing a short reprieve for her to remember how to breathe. He must’ve been looking at her, but Maggie’s eyes were screwed shut, digging her nails into her palms. She refused to move her arms down, determined to finish her atonement. To make John proud.

The next letter was just as bad as the first, if not worse. She could feel blood dripping down her legs, staining her jeans red, even as John attempted to control the blood flow. Still, she didn’t move, gritting her teeth to the pain.

This was by far the worst one, the blade twisting into her flesh to form the correct shape. She couldn’t help the screams escaping her throat, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. He was trying so hard to be gentle, always praising her, a firm hand holding her hips to the bark.

“We’re almost done, you’re being so good for me, pet...I knew you would be perfect, I'm going to take such good care of you…”

The euphoria she felt as the last letter was carved surprised her. She was still whimpering, trembling from shock and dizzy from blood loss; but it felt good. She was freed. John was immediately by her side, pressing a cloth to her fresh wounds, gently lowering her arms to rest around his neck.

Maggie could barely hear him as he continued murmuring in her ear, something about salvation? She could've sworn he mentioned walking through Eden's Gate together, about exploring the new paradise side by side. The thought made her heart flutter, even as her eyes slipped shut.

Encouraging her to hold the makeshift bandage, he bent, sweeping one arm under her knees while tightly gripping her waist. Maggie had no will to fight, nuzzling gently into his neck. He was so warm… she could've laid there forever. Something in her addled mind warned her she might not have a choice in that matter. It was too faint to be sure. Dismissing the thought, Maggie breathed in John’s scent, mumbling what she hoped resembled a ‘thank you ‘.

She might’ve imagined his smile. Some part of her slipping subconscious might’ve convinced her that he’d pressed a meaningful kiss against her temple. But there was no way she could mistake his words, the sound echoing in her head as sleep overtook her.

“Let’s get you home, pet…”

#my writing #john seed #absolve me of my sins #john seed x oc #john seed x reader #tw cutting #tw cult #far cry 5

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apenapaperandadoofus · 3 years

Text

AIGHT SO I’m like super high on caffeine and chocolate rn so I mighty write a lil Christmas one shot (it’s still December let me be pft)

But first a lil song I found a few days ago and has been stuck in my head ñon stop!

It’s from a musical called 35MM, they make up songs and stories from photos this one guy took, they’re amazing!

The song of called “Leave Luannne”

Warnings! There are mentions of abuse, r*pe, and such! So if you feel uncomfortable by that please don’t read this!

Now on to the song;:

Luanne's fat lip is drying, The bastard's bacon frying, The shiner on her eye's gone bust and bleeding. He shouts, "Girl, set the table!" But he knows she ain't able. Her arm's done broke, Hung limp like yolk,

AHHH we get the picture pretty clear from the beginning. i can always imagine Luanne on the floor, all bruised up and close to tears....

And softly she's repeating...

"Leave, Luanne. Why don't you march out that door? Southern woman, he ain't no good to you. Leave, Luanne. Louisiana wants war, But it's you dying on her ruby plains."

And yet, loyal Luanne remains. Ever since he got him laid off, His sanity's just made off. No, he was never nice, but now he's cruel.

So first, ahhhhfhrjehrn THE VIOLINS ARE AMAZING AND THE VOCALS TOO also we can see why Luanne doesnt leave the dude. I can see her internal debate, telling herself to leave but not being able to.

He rapes her, and he beats her, She don't 'fess how he treats her, 'Cause a Bible verse Says it won't get worse, And she won't be a fool. "You won't never leave, Luanne,

And then theres this part about the bible, i dont exactly know what verse theyre talking about, but we see that Luanne is super religious, which makes her internal debate even harder. Should she leave or stay? She has been taught probably her whole life with that idea, and probably doesnt want to end up in hell due to her beliefs and what she’s been told.

'Cause if you walk out that door His truck will be gunning for you.

No, you won't leave, Luanne, Or he'll give you 'What for?' You got heart where you should have had brains."

This part always makes me sad bc Luanne may still love that asshole, which sucks, but she still does and is pretty loyal to him makes it even harder for her to make a decision too

And so, loyal Luanne remains. Someone's howling, Screams like sighing with battered breath Grating, growling, Never dying In a fate worse than death. But months of such conditions Turn laymen to logicians And tonight the bastard's sleeping like a log. So she plucks the kitchen cleaver,

Creeps up toward his roped-up lab retriever,

DUDE I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA KILL THE DOG AND I ALMOST CRIEDD AHHH

AND THE VIOLINS MAKE THE TENSION AMAZING. It makes you so nervous about whats going to happen. You can imagine Luanne finally making a decision, tired of everything. Its dark at night and she slowly makes her way to the kitchen, trying so quietly to not wake him up.

And she cuts the rope, And hope on hope, She starts to shout, "Your dog's got out!" She's got her chance. With no back glance She runs out to the bog, Screaming, screaming: "Leave, Luanne!" "Leave, Luanne. You've got a life left to live In a house hanging off the Golden Coast! Leave, Luanne. You won't forget nor forgive, " And she don't feel the stings, the rips, and scrapes As finally Luanne escapes.

And the way you can FEEL the tension, the way you can see her running and your heart starts speeding up, wishing she can escape, that she can lead a better and happier life, shes doing her best, not feeling the pain. You can tell how desperate she is. You can see her running through the woods, leaves and branches getting tangled in her hair, sometimes cutting her, but she still keeps going due through sheer determination, ignoring how her feet hurt and how much shes running out of breath. All the way through shes making a promise to herself, that she will NEVER let go what the asshole did to her.

Swim, Luanne! Swim, Luanne! And in the swamp of beeches, Oh, as the preacher preaches, As the light In the night Holds through the marsh and brushes As the blood inside you rushes Left and right, Hold on tight—

And then you can feel the hope, the relief that she has managed to get out, the violins making a sort of country dancey song (?) pft and youre like YAS GIRL RUN AND LIVDE YOUR LIFE its amazing, its so happy from the depressing music we heard before, Luanne gets out of the place, some people help her, she becomes happy again, meeting people and dancing all night at parties, maybe she even finds someone new and starts dating them, having a new life with someone who loves her....but then....

—Until you reach the bank And you crawl onto the bank, 'Til you feel a little yank on your hair And, stricken, stare at the bastard Who beat you there.

DUDE THIS PART. THIS. PART. I CANNOT EXPRESS THE WAY MY HEART BROKE. YOU JUST START FEELING THAT EVERYTHING IS ALRUGHT, THAT SHES MADE IT, ONLY TO FIND THT THE BASTARD FUCKING MADE IT BEFORE HER. AH DUDE. THE INSTRUMENTS. THE WAY YOU CAN FEEL THE SADNESS IN THE SINGERS VOICE. AND THE WAY IT GETS SET UP, OH BOY I DIDNT, I LITERALLY SCREECHED THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT. I SERIOUSLY CANT EXPLAIN HOW GENIUS THIS IS SO FREAKING AHH THE GUITAR, THE VIOLINS JESUS CHRIST

the guy just yanks her hair and gives her a horrible smirk, and Luanna can only look in horror, her heart breaking and all her dreams vanishing as she realizes that she...she didnt make it.

The bastard lies in bed now, Half-sad his wife is dead now. She drowned herself in a swamp in wild despair.

I actually want to know wether if he killed her, or if she killed herself. To make it more angsty i like to think she actually drowned herlsef, because its so heartbreaking to see how her hopes die and she just...gives up. Gosh its so friggen, ahhhh. Once Luanne sees the guy she shrieks and tries to pull away, falling backwards. Either the bastard hit her, or something but she ends up being paralyzed and unable to move. She reacts desperatly but the bastard refuses to help, and then she slowly gives up, letting the water fill her lungs, and slowly closing her eyes and accepting her faith.

He thinks he used to love her, But push it came to shove her, A wife disposed, A wife case closed, And no one seems to care,

DUDE THIS GUY AGHHH

And the violins are amazing. He doesnt care. No one knows shes dead. Luanne is left without no one there to remember her, to grieve her. Its just....so heartbreaking.

To grieve Luanne. Now no one's on his shoulder, But his mattress don't feel colder,

And in fact, it's hellish hot, and the air is dank and steaming. Yet his body starts to shiver When the window cracks a sliver And a fiery fog From the miry bog Pours in the room In a sticky gloom And there the man Sees dead Luanne.

DUUUUDE DUDE LISTEN TO THE VIOLINS HOLY DIDDLY FUCK GODDAMN THIS IS AMAZING LUANNE GO GET HIM GIRL.

Luanne makes her way to the house, fulfilling her promise of getting her revenge, of not forgiving the asshole for everything he did. And then, when she gets there, dripping, the bastard only stares.

He's terrified, But he keeps his pride, 'Cause he knows that he ain't dreaming. And he starts screaming, "Leave, Luanne. Hell sent you back here for more, 'Cause ain't no one ever loved you."

THIS, THISSSSS. ITS BY FAR MY FAVORITE PART. When hes the one telling her to leave, when its HIM. Just- the nerve of this man. And i know i keep saying this byt LISTEN TO THE VIOLINS. They are perfect, the tension, the way they just- the way they make you feel, the way they always give you shivers and make you go oh fuck shits about to go down.

He is just cockily smirking trying to act as if hes not afraid. And then he has the audacity to tell her to LEAVE. The thing shes been trying to do for so long, but now...its too late. Her eyes widen in rage and she stands straight, lifting her chin and glaring at him.

But said Luanne, "I've come to settle a score, " And she shows him her feet are bound in chains.

Shes stuck there. But this time, the roles are reversed. This time Luanne will be the one feared. She will now hold the power.

And loyal Luanne remains And remains And remains And remains!

AND THE REMAINS. GOD ITS AMAZING, NOW INSTEAD OF LEAVING SHE JUST STAYS WHEN SHE WANTED TO LEAVE AND I- THE REMAINS MAKE IT SOUND SO FUCKING GOOD, IT SAYS SHE IS STILL LOYAL AHHH

I like to think that shes also got it stuck in her head that she cant leave, and shes now torturing the bastard by STAYING, the way it just changes fro, what it was at the beginning, HOLY SHIT AHH. And as the remains get louder she gets angrier and the room start getting hotter and hotter, and Luanne just smiles and you see the bastard cowering more and more in fear.

Someone's howling, Screams like sighing With battered breath. Grating, growling, Never dying In a fate worse than death. Luanne, She cries her miserable wail So the bastards will never sleep again!

And she is CRYING. Tears make their way down her face, crying and asking how dare he, why would he, all she wanted was to be happy.

No, no reprieve, Luanne, She brings their souls down to hell, A caution to the cruelest of men: God loves Luanne! Praised be! Amen!

The ending is so good, she gets her revenge, makes the guy regret what shes done. i always imagine the whole place setting in fire and Luanne getting angrier and angrier, thr bastard finally realizing what the hell hes actually done. This is amazing, i love this song so much. Not only the story but also the way you can imagine and feel everything. this song is so freaking good istg

Theyre in HELL. She used to be so religious, and thats the fate she didnt want. She never wanted to be in hell, yet there she is, getting her revenge. I dont know if God went like aight here ya go gurl, get your revenge, or smth like DAMN, so good.

In conclusion, amazing song, so good, i swearrr. This musical is amazing, they have other amazing songs like Sarah Berry, or Piece of Me.

Some of them range from being depressing, to adorable, to HILAROUS like Caralee lmfao that one is amazing lol

I really hope yall take a listen hehe, im sorry for rambling so much, im just trying to keep myself distracted from everything going on at home and with my dog. Hope yall have a good day and ill write more things, I promise!

#api talks #musicals #35mm musical

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deansleather · 7 years

Text

Memorial Day

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Summary: It’s the most perfect Memorial Day you could ever dream of but you can’t help but feel nervous; you have quite big news you’ve yet to share.

If you’d like to join any of my tag lists please message/ ask or add yourself to my google doc tag list! Whatever is easiest for you!

Word Count: 1337

Warnings: fluff! pure lovey fluff!

A/N: This is my first RPF Fic! Yay! Please go easy on me if I’ve messed up any of the real life details, but do let me know! I’ve been inspired by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing to try out a RPF fic, as Karina just writes them so magically. Of course, no hate to Daneel, simply an AU where you’re Jensen’s wife and she’s not. As always, FEEDBACK IS SO VERY VERY LOVED AND APPRECIATED, EVEN JUST A LIKE!

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“Choose thoughts that give you the emotions of being alive and excited about life.”

― Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life

The air was crisp and fresh, the smell of barbecue and freshly mown grass wafting through the air. The sun was out in full blaze, warming your skin kindly; the pool water was freezing, and Jared and Misha just loved to push you in. You didn’t usually mind, but today it was a little tedious. Of course, you had been a lot testier as of late, but they couldn’t have known that or why. They would soon.

Memorial Day was never this picturesque, you had dreamed of this type of day off for years; surrounded by friends and family, delicious food, and your beautiful husband, Jensen, standing behind the grill with a beer bottle in his hand. He noticed you staring and winked, that flirty smirk that you adored coming over his lips. He wasn’t debonair suave by any means, but he was absolutely everything you wanted and more. He was perfect for you, and you for him. You blew a kiss back at him, laughing slightly at him in an apron. He initially wanted a chef’s hat to denote his job, but when it proved to be too hot for a full-blown summer’s day, he settled for the apron. It wasn’t often that you let him take over the reins of cooking, but you figured you deserved a little spoiling under the current circumstances. He was both ecstatic and suspicious when you handed him all the equipment.

“Finally believe I won’t burn the house down?” Jensen had quipped, his eyes sparkling as he looked over you. You shrugged.

“No, but I’m hoping you’ll prove me wrong.”

He just shook his head, laughing as he began to set up for the party. Everyone was coming; Jared and Misha, their entire families, Rob, Mark, Jeff, Jim, the whole gang. It wasn’t often that you could get everyone together at once; with shooting Supernatural and all their other creative hobbies, almost everyone was busied all the time. You had lucked out, and you were so unbelievably thankful. You wanted everyone to be there that day.

Now, you looked around adoringly at the quirky family of friends you had created. Genevieve sat next to you, talking about Odette non-stop. You loved every minute, and felt butterflies in your stomach as she went through the whole process of the pregnancy with you. Gen was made for motherhood- she barely looked tired at all, just entirely love drunk off the newborn baby in her arms. Jared was teasing Jensen near the grill, Mark and Rob were lounging and laughing as Misha told them another of his anecdotes, his arms flailing wildly as he did. In that moment, you felt so out of your body; this was your life, and it was everything you had ever wanted and more.

“Y/n,” Gen pursued, breaking you out of your haze. “Did you hear me?”

“Oh, sorry Gen,” you smiled. “Just a little lost in thought, that’s all.”

She squinted her eyes at you, a knowing smile on her lips. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Anything I should know about?”

You shrugged as nonchalantly as you could manage. “No, I don’t think so. Just particularly airy lately. What were you telling me?”

Gen nodded, looking to Jensen. “I asked what you and Jensen have planned, you know, with summer coming up?”

“I don’t know yet,” you said honestly. “There’s so much ahead of us, and I’m just excited to see where our life takes us.”

As you spoke, Jared approached the two of you, his tall stature shadowing you, giving you a welcome reprieve from the sun.

“Hey baby,” Gen said sweetly. “I was just about to get Odette out of the sun. Wanna come in with me?”

Jared smiled, bending to gather his daughter in his arms. “Sure, honey. Hey Y/n, Jensen said he wanted you.”

“Thanks Jared,” you said softly, your eyes looking over the family scene dreamily. As they walked off, you made your way to Jensen.

“Hey, hot mama,” Jensen called as you approached. “You look so good over there, I wanted to see up close.”

You grinned, melting into his arms as he shut the grill for a moment.

“Hmm, you can see me as close as you want,” you purred, holding onto his arms.

He laughed. “I might just have to take you up on that offer.”

He took a sip of his beer, clinking the head of it against your glass of water.

“Water? It’s your day off baby girl, you can relax,” Jensen said tenderly, stroking your side mindlessly. You loved when he did that; as if touching you was as natural as breathing to him.

Your heartbeat raised as you thought of your answer. Was this the right time? Jesus, maybe you should have planned something, like a big reveal. You always saw those floating through the internet, those sweet videos that always made you cry. Looking into Jensen’s eyes though, you knew that it wasn’t necessary. Jensen loved private moments between you two; he didn’t need the glitz and glamor, despite what may be assumed from his profession. He was the best man you had ever met, and you knew that no matter how you told him, he would just be happy to hear the words from your mouth.

“Well,” you murmured, swallowing. “I would, but I don’t want to hurt the baby.”

Jensen crinkled his eyes, confusion all over his features.

“Baby? What baby-“

You couldn’t help but giggle as you saw the realization come to him, turning into the biggest grin you had ever seen.

“Oh my god,” he laughed, his eyes tearing up. He held you gently by the waist, eyes looking at your stomach with wonder and love. “I-I can’t believe it. I’ve wanted this for so long.”

You nodded, wiping the tears from your eyes. “Me too baby, me too.”

He gathered you in his arms, swinging you back and forth slightly. He continued to laugh in disbelief, kissing you all over. The look in his eyes was priceless; he was like a little kid, his grin as large as it was on your wedding day.

“When should we tell everyone?” you asked, whispering gently in his ear.

“Tonight!”

You shook your head, still smiling softly. “It’s best to wait a little bit with these things, you know, just to make sure it sticks.”

He nodded seriously, pulling back from the hug to look you in the eyes.

“Oh, baby girl., this is amazing. I-I don’t have words.” With that, he pulled you in for a kiss, sweet and soft and tender. It was magic, that moment, like the entire world was turned off around you. All you could think of was his lips on yours, and the beautiful human you were making. That is, until the smell of burnt meat hit you. You pulled back, smirking. He was still looking at you dreamily.

“Jensen?” you murmured.

“Yeah, Y/n?”

“The steaks.”

His eyes widened as he quickly turned back to the grill, coughing slightly as he opened it.

“Well,” he said. “Guess it’s good we bought extra.”

“Here,” you said, pushing him away with your hip. “I think it’s best if I take over.”

“No, no, no,” he insisted, regaining his spot in front of the grill. “You’re cooking enough as it is.” He looked pointedly at your stomach.

“Oh, for goodness sake,” you laughed, but let him continue. Jared came up behind you, Odette still in his arms.

“Well Y/n,” he jibed, patting you on the back. “This is what you signed up for; how do you feel?”

You smiled, looking knowingly at Jensen as he tried to save whatever was scavenge-able from the grill.

“I feel…blessed,” you said simply, the word encompassing everything. You were blessed, and you were more thankful than you could ever express. No matter what came next, or what parenthood would turn out to be, you knew you were ready to take on anything, just so long as Jensen was by your side.

~~~~~~

I understand if RPF are not your thing! Feel free to let me know and I will take note of that!

My Forever Tags, Michelle’s Jensen Tags, Pond Jensen Tags:

@ellen-reincarnated1967 @manawhaat @growleytria @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @fandommaniacx @meganwinchester1999 @samanddeanwinchester67 @myfand0msandm0re @strange-inhumanity-blog @noisilyyoungpuppy @fangirling-instead-of-working @aprofoundbondwithdean @eyes-of-a-disney-princess @chrisatplay @faith-in-dean @for-the-love-of-dean @sleep-silent-angel @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @curliesallovertheplace @skybinx-blog @thebunkerismyhome @feelmyroarrrr @winchesters-princess @beachy2014 @fandom-book-nerd @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @katnharper @impossible-box @sams-little-toy @sunriserose1023 @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @jotink78 @lucifer-in-leather @i-dont-know-how-to-write @everyday-supernatural-af @notnaturalanahi @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave @supernatural-jackles @babypieandwhiskey @avasmommy224 @angelwingsandsupernaturalthings @chelsea-winchester @spn-fan-girl-173 @besslincoln-bruh @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @pinknerdpanda @quiddy-writes @inmysparetime0 @hexparker @aprofoundbondwithdean @manawhaat @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @notnaturalanahi @impala-dreamer @deathtonormalcy56 @scorpiongirl1 @for-the-love-of-dean @deandoesthingstome @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @curliesallovertheplace @captain-princess-rose @wevegotworktodo @quiddy-writes @babypieandwhiskey @samsgoddess @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @waywardjoy @chaos-and-the-calm67 @plaidstiel-wormstache @teamfreewill-imagine @writingbeautifulmen @oldfashioncdvillain @drarina1737 @ruined-by-destiel @chelsea-winchester @deals-with-demons @supernatural-jackles @maraisabellegrey @faith-in-dean @winchestersmolder @clueless-gold @deanwinchesterxreader @jarnesbrnes @spnashley @aprofoundbondwithdean @mrswhozeewhatsis @mysupernaturalfics @waywardlullabies @teamfreewill-imagine @lucifer-in-leather @sunkissedsam @chaos-and-the-calm67 @purgatoan @stardustsam @secret-stashes @supernatural-jackles @peppermintbisexual @winvhesters @nerdwholikesword @frenchybell @feelmyroarrrr @obsessedwithmisha @wanderingcas @diestiel @kittenofdoomage @fandommaniacx @trinityjadec @hanny-banannyyy @nothingtoworryaboat @growningupgeek @d-s-winchester @mysteriouslyme81 @jensen-jarpad @deathtonormalcy56 @jpadjackles @mogaruke @satans666thdaughter @bobbysingerismybaby (can’t tag you love) @keepcalmandcarryondean @theficlibrarium

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im-reed-ing · 7 years

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tagged by: @heroiiic u are a cool person and I am a chicken nugget thats too scared of bothering u on discord, but if my phone wasn't physically broken id share u a screenshot every time soren came to say hi to me in FEH

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

((alright but when have I ever followed the rules...... just sayin))

1. nicknames: reed... uh..... sometimes ppl call me weed to mock me but then i just punch them and its good (just kdding im weak as shit)

2. gender: hey so i find that if you don't identify yourself, people you talk to online are less likely to preemptively subconsciously stereotype you and therefore judge you before really getting to know you. So let's keep it that way. Unlock lvl 3 friendship before I reveal who I truly am to you LMFAO

3. Star sign: aries grr!

4. Height: 5'5", maybe 5'6" ??? idk man all i know is my little sister is taller than me and it makes me mad bc I personally am not that short!!!!

5. time: 2:16 am

6. bday: March 22

7. favorite bands: well shit uh, Sakanaction, Bump of Chicken, Dogcatcher, The Oh Hellos, FOB, Unison Square Garden.... im sure im missing something but... o well.

8. Favorite Solo Artist: I can't choose so u get all of em. Hachi (Yonezu Kenshi), Aimer, Sasakure.UK, Harito, Keichi Okabe, EMI EVANS god ,,, As well as a collection of, indie people,... and anyone that did the drakengard/nier osts / gravity rush 1 & 2 Osts, wow. seriuosly. Amazing.

9. Song stuck in my head right now: Douse shinundakara, (its a lie that its not stuck right now but its been for the past few days!) because I found the jp translation and made english lyrics and have been practicing hittin those high notes in the car on the way to school LMFAO.... same with hoshii no kieta by Aimer.;..... its like car karaoke hawhaw

10. Last movie I saw was. Uh. UHHH. In theaters, it was Hitmans Bodyguard, which by the way was campy and ridiculous and pretty funny if seen with the right people.

11. Last show I watched: was Rick and Morty, earlier today, in my school lounge on my computer. s3 ep 7 is really, really good. Like really good. It's also pretty fucked up.

12. when I created this blog: its been. A very. long time. this blog has only really ever been for reblogs... if u wanna chat w me find a discord server im part of and bother me there... or pm me, because i prefer one on one conversations even if im shit at keeping them going.

13. what I post: oh shit i answered this one already by accident OOPS UHHHH i reblog good art, shitty memes, and PSA's that I think are important. Im here to haev a good time. I have a seperate art blog that's in my about tab so there's that.

14. last thing I googled: the definition of the word galvanized. I am now slightly more verbose.

15. do I have any other blogs: like, two. artblog, old blog where I uploaded covers when I was in middle school, and a personal vent blog.... i accidently reblogged something to there though so I deleted it oops lmfao. But its ok, it was meant to be ephemeral and writing my thoughts down is therapeutic so I'll make another one once again.

16. do I get asks: literally never. Not even bots, LMFAO.

17. why did i choose my url: I've stuck with the name Reed for a really long time now but its also a pretty generic name, so i came up with this shitty pun and it stuck. it's probably my steam username too but like shifted around a little. any time i can't get 'reed' as a username i default to im.reed.ing or something like that.

18. followers: whoa, 175, really???? I get the impression that quite a few of them are inactive though, or i post so irregularly and infrequently that no one ever sees my posts LOL.

19. following: 380 and still counting. I turn on notifs for artblogs I really like!!! >;3

20. favorite snack for movie/tv: Honestly I used to not chow much while watching or itd be something generic like chips, but recently I started marathoning naruto of all things w a friend and we go to the asian supermarket beforehand and we get like a bunch of popped rice chips or sweets and various foods and some iteration of hi-chews and THAT is my favorite marathon snack tbh.

21. average hours of sleep: NEVER ENOUGH. It goes from like 2-3 hours on days when i have no self ocntrol... to like 12-16 on days when i... have no... self control.... lays down slowlyl.....

22. wHAT THE HECK THERES NO NUMVER 22 TRIKEY skdjhfksu cMON MANG

23. lucky number: my rng is shit but my favorite number is 4 because someone dear to me likes that number... but also because 4 is unlucky in some places, which I identify with.... but also bc 4 is the # of sides in a square/diamond, and squares are perfect and good shit and aesthetic. My boyfriend is a squa-- //kicked jk jk ramiel is a octohedron, i take it bac k ....

24. instrument: i can play the piano (barely) but I used to also do violin trumpet and a teeny bit of flute.... learned the ocarina too bc im a zelda nerd, and I dont mean that silly little 4-hole one. But I also sing and stuff and have been actively practicing, one day ill make a decent cover and learn to mix and be one of dem cool youtaites..... lays down slowly. this is fine.

25. what I am wearing right now: a lot of things,,, a watch, a hyper light drifter sweater. headphones, underwear, pants, a tshirt, socks, existential dread... u name it lol.

26. first celeb crush: since i honestly never cared much for real life celebrities, i'll just give you my anime/video game crushes instead and like...... wow i can't honestly remember my first ones???? oh shit wait OK it was probably both ashitaka and san, my first ghibli movie was mononokehime... they are just so freaking coo l... ok thtas a lie i lowkey wanted to BE them. Both of them.

.... idk man u cant ask an aroace person what their crushes were bc idk what those are!!! I assume u just really really really like something/someone and thats that, I GUESS??? I wanted to be link too once upon a time. And nausicaa. and a good chunk of the soul calibur 2 cast, and starfire from oldtimey teen titans. i was a simple child ok???

27. dream job: listen thats complicated idk about what my dreams are for a job, but I do want to be an animator and a storyboarder and a game developer and a game tester and a movie critic and a cinematographer and a director and a story lead and an illustrator at some point, and gotta try it before I can knock it ya know?

28. Dream trip: anywhere, so long as its with the people I really love. One day, I'll pack a few things into my car and run away for a little while. I'll come back some day! But for those long hours on the road with another person or two, marvelling quietly at the world around them as it passes and listening to music in the car... that sounds like a nice temporary reprieve.

29. favorite food: i fucken love poki bowl. SPICY SEAFOOD + RICE YAAAaaas

30. nationality: was born in murica, but both my parents are immigrants from now-ukraine. So we all speak russian at home lul.

tagging people: ha, tags are for nerds. @one-becomes-two @trash-knights @nhiners @awishwee @deerwood @montejeska @queenchro @chicken-mcnobody DONT HAVE ANY MORE BLOGS I CAN REMEMBER this will have to do.

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