#i dont even get time to myself... to exercise and shit

[pritvolny]

nikolai dialogue is so easy, just imagine the most insufferable man on planet and give him a voice—

#(fictional) men's rights i guess #sometimes i be like. [closes my eyes] what would someone say at this point that would make me want to sock em in the face- #i. ( ooc. ) back by unpopular demand. #anyway unfortunately for everyone i am Here #i dont know if i'll write or just pass out in bed but i am Here and im Trying #man this reading slump is really. not the best #it feels so interlinked with my writing slump that im :/ #but my writing slump is also as a result of just... Hellish workload rn #my patient caseload increases every day and i hate that #i dont even get time to myself... to exercise and shit #i just come back home and flop on the bed #creativity has gone for a toss bc let's not mention post grad apps + commissions #forty eight hour workweek should be a crime. where's the online petition #sometimes i think another kos reread would fix me (im not wrong)

[toastsnaffler]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man #i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks #and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig #even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them- #better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them #like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it #hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders #for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee #the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want #me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so! #anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too #its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh #we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its #kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way #im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily #cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction #its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things #for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a #want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them #and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎 #i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay. #.vent

[chanselysees]

.

#sorry i need to vent ignore this #my new years resolution for 2023 was to work out consistently and get fit #bc i was really embarrassed at how physically weak i was last summer #and for the most part i did but with prepa and stuff i couldnt exercise as much as i wanted #but i still lost a bit of weight and was somewhat happy with the results for a while but #now i hate it again i hate it so much #ive been dancing a LOT (like 4h/week min. which is a lot for a fulltime uni student) bc it's convenient and good cardio and most of all FUN #and yeah the weight i lost is due to that and my cardio is good and im definitely much more fit than last year but #i still hate the way i look. so viscerally. and i know its my brain telling me nonsense bc it's not like a body can 'look bad' #and i'm lit a healthy weight im just a little thicker than french standards? #but i need to exercise more i want to lose all this fat i pinch my skin and wish it would melt beneath my fingers #but i dont have time or money for the gym and no buddy to go with and im intimidated so i just work out from home but #it's not enough i feel so discouraged. body dysmorphia in the summer really doesnt help my seasonal depression #like i truly believed this year would be my 'summer body' or whatever shit that means and its not and idk what to do i just want to be #in another persons skin. have another persons body. anyone truly #to the point that dancing isnt even fun for me anymore it's just competitive w myself i want to maximize the calories i burn and #i sometimes record myself cause i want to see the steps i miss and i did and i saw my body and it killed all my joy. #made me wanna die and cry. i stopped dancing immediately and i just swallowed back the tears cause theres no way i look like that. #so repulsive and nowhere near where i wanted. and again i know it's in my head there's no such thing as a 'repulsive' body due to weight!?! #but i cant apply that reasoning to myself. and i hate myself so much rn #im being called for dinner rn but i'd honestly rather not eat. i think i'd feel horribly gross if i ate anything right now #i told my friends i'd stop using hunger as a form of self-punishment but it almost feels satisfying in a twisted way... like i deserve it #clara tais toi #like ia m SO obsessed with my appearance in a way that is borderline unhealthy i am SO #preoccupied by how im perceived (physically) if i look hot if i look pretty if i look cute at any and all times and #the answer is never ever satisfactory because other ppls judgement of me cannot fix my own but like #it's so exhausting. i'm so exhausted #dl later

[novagrippia]

.

#my brain is being a little stupid right now #the past couple of weeks i have Not been in a good place mentally #i havent been brushing my teeth as much i havent been able to get out of bed on time i just lie there doing nothing like i used to #had a panic attack for the first time in like a year and ive been feeling so irritable and anxious recently #like damn brain dont be depressed youre so sexy aha #and im like. no i am Not going to be depressed again i am not going there again #ive been doing so well! ive been exercising and taking my meds and ive even been meditating and doing yoga and shit #i joined a club i started volunteering my work is going well #there is no. reason. for my brain to start being like heyyyy you hate yourself and everyone else should also hate you #like actually no thsts not true i quite like myself! and I'm enjoying where im at even if its a little stressful sometimes #and im doing so well mentally #and like it was just a panic attack it doesnt mean that all the progress ive made is gone #but combined with the everything else im just like. worried im slipping backwards

[fleshdyke]

hejehge

#i cant wait to get out of this fucking house #still a few years until i can legally move out and even then i probably won’t be able to for a few more years bc of money #my dad gets mad at me for showing any emotion ever or being anything other than the perfect golden child #no one will fucking believe me that im autistic and disabled #i get fatigued from walking out of a fucking restaurant to the parking lot! look me in the eyes and tell me thats normal! #but just because im fat thats the reason for all my issues #thats why i have chronic pain and i just don’t exercise enough when they fucking know IM IN RECOVERY FOR ANOREXIA #and my dad wont stop talking about weight loss in front of me even when i ask him to stop because its triggering for me because im #just a fucking snowflake i guess #one time i asked him to stop talking about his diet or whatever when im around and he said no but i could use it myself! AND HE WONDERS WHY #IM FUCKING RELAPSING AGAIN #literally the past entire week i’ve just been repeating ‘no food is as harmful as an eating disorder’ bc its all that will fucking stop me #and he wont believe that i have tics for some reason so i have to fucking suppress them all around him if i dont want to get screamed at #and mid july of 2022 im still not vaccinated for covid. bc my dad is a conservative that doesnt give enough of a shit about me to get it #the only vaccinated person in my family is my mom and my dad didnt want her to get it either #but she says shes an adult so she has bodily autonomy #do i not fucking deserve that? do i not get bodily autonomy bc im a minor? fuck you #and i’ve told both my parents multiple times that i dont like when people touch me without permission except for my friends #ESPECIALLY ON MY FUCKING HIPS AND THIGHS AND ASS #BUT THEY DO IT ANYWAY BC THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT WHAT I WANT #i dont fucking care how shitty adulthood is i dont care aboyt the stresses it gives me i just want to be fucking out of here #i want to be out of here i want to be with people that fucking respect me like my parents don’t #i don’t want to be abused anymore i just want to feel safe in my own fucking home #and i feel like such a spoiled brat because i have everything i need given to me because im a fucking child but im complaining anyways and #logically i know i have every right to complain bc theyre not giving me privileges theyre givimg me basic human rights and even then only #some of them. i dont have fucjing bodily autonomy from the people i should be able to expect it from and i dont have respect or fucking love #the only thing keeping me fucking alive right now is the promise that one day i’ll get out of here #and its fucking terrifying knowing you’re relapsing into anorexia again but its so fucking hard to stop it #its got a fucking grip on me and its so fucking hard to get out of it #vent

[butchbear-in-progress]

I'm probably not the right person to do it since my disability is relatively minor, I have no platform and I don't talk like i have a degree, but I think we need to talk about the positive effects of feedism on our perceptions of physical disability because its really something special that needs to be nurtured

So many feedists being neutral/accepting or positive about mobility issues extend that far past the fantasy of kink and into their fat liberation and general lives. I don't see nonfeedists in those spaces talking about disability as anything but unfortunate reality, even if they're disability activists too. No one but a feedist has seen a good side.

Feedist disability positivity has encouraged me to actually use my crutches, bath boards, and alter my activity levels without feeling guilty. Feedists are genuinely the only people I know that accept "I can't physically manage that today" as a non negotiable answer regardless of whether they percieve my disability as being my fault or not (I was in an accident but people make up their own story since ive gained 100+lbs since then: either way I shouldnt have to specify how i acquired it!). They dont make me feel like shit when I admit I haven't been out or exercised in a few days even if I don't go into detail about why, largely because they don't associate it 100% with negative experiences by default. It can be a good time, a fun thing, hot even*

And to be clear, I don't just mean this is a cute way. There are good and bad sides to fetishising disability aids but seeing having to use a bath board to wash as something sexy makes me not hate myself for needing it. It's not for everyone but I am not everyone

*@fernisfat once said something in a photo caption about spending the evening at home getting fatter and I've been thinking it to myself even since. I'm not wasting time, I'm spending it on one of my favourite hobbies actually.

Ps. I know plenty of feedists are ableists and not like this but I don't want to talk or think about them right now thanks

#queer feedist #getting fatter #getting fat on purpose #if i tag as fat lib will i be assassinated

[drdemonprince]

How do you maintain a healthy relationship with exercise as someone with a history of disordered exercising? Asking for me

I'm an eating disorder harm reductionist, not a perfectionist. Some of my ED behaviors exist to help me regulate my anxiety and impose structure on an unpredictable world, and I don't care about getting rid of those impulses anymore, I try to just work with them. I'm not especially worried about whether my relationship to exercise is "healthy", because what would that even mean -- normal? not obsessive? I've never been those things. so long as I take steps to minimize any damage I do to my body with my behaviors, i'm satisfied.

Lifting weights and being on T has been a good middle ground for me in a lot of ways. a brief lifting session in the morning gives me the sensation of having generated some endorphins, which makes me less likely to self-harm or behave impulsively, and it does so without requiring a ridiculous time commitment the way my long, long aerobic exercise sessions used to do. I used to miss a lot of special occasions with friends and holidays etc because I would spend so much time exercising every day, mostly as a stim and a way to offload stress. now the exercise I do can easily get squeezed into my downtime without taking away from other important things in my life.

strength training doesn't damage my joints or tendons the way that aerobic shit did; rather, it strengthens them. This kind of physical activity makes me hungrier and requires that I ingest enough protein, which motivates me to eat more, and i do tend to need that external motivation because otherwise i'll forget. being a muscle bro is also all very silly and stupid, which makes it easier for me to laugh at myself and not see the whole thing as super dire the way a restrictive eating disorder + exercise bulimia felt.

I still cling very obsessively to a set exercise schedule, but I don't see that as inherently eating disordered, it can just as easily be a very Autistic self-regulation thing. i honestly first started lifting weights in 2018-2019 because i was craving the endorphins from enduring pain HEAVILY, and would have really impulsive BDSM sex with complete strangers to get a pain rush without any prior negotiation or forethought, and i wasn't really looking after my safety. but i noticed that when i put myself through the controlled "pain" of lifting weights every few days, my desire to behave completely recklessly subsided and i could get by with having kinky sex more sporadically, and with actual planning and safety protocols being on the table instead of just pulling the first rando i could find on fetlife.

if someone believes in total eating disorder recovery/abstinence, they'd probably still look at my rigid adherence to a lifting schedule and my tendency to not feel hunger cues and my fixation on getting enough protein and think that i was still fucked up, but i feel physically the most energized and strong that i ever have in my life, my exercise regimen does not consume my daily schedule the way it once did, i dont think about my body size at all anymore, and i self-harm less and take fewer risks. so. seems pretty good to me.

harm reduction and a personalized recognition of one's needs > health

[daftpatience]

Hi, I used to draw a lot but I've not drawn/created for a long time now, any tips to get back into it?

Or rather the whole thing about making art for yourself, I used to get a lot of attention for being good at art from other ppl and I'm not sure how to connect it back to myself again

I'm also contending with the Autism "It needs to be done in this way" and the ADHD "I can't focus for shit"

Also please don't worry if you don't know what to say, I'm just trying to get a variety of opinions to try and untangle my brain

Thank you in advance 💕

i think a good way to get back into creating *for yourself* whether its to come out of a dry spell or just to get back to creating things that you like, is what i call 'backtracking' (bearing in mind that my particular methods may only work for me! im lucky ive never struggled with focus when it comes to drawing things, but maybe some of these things will help as my main goal when drawing is to entertain myself!)

also before i move on this i think is valuable: you gotta draw things that you aren't gonna post sometimes. it's fun and fulfilling to make art for an audience, and wanting attention is not shameful (ITS HUMAN!) but also we live in panopticon times and i think its good to train your "i am alone doing something for myself and no one has to see it" muscles.

backtracking is a couple different things:

look back to when you were really young. what kinds of drawings were the most fun to do? what did you spend time on or get really into? for me, this was a few things! tracing cartoons, drawing up elaborate scenes of lots of little creatures doing a thing, and designing little characters as paper dolls and making their houses and little furniture and accessories and such to cut out and play with. also getting paint all over my hands (i still paint my whole hand whenever im done doing something with acrylics before i wash up! its stimming)! backtracking here is when you try to take those things and make use of them now. try to find that old joy and use it in a way that makes you happy today, even if it's something small or silly or embarrassing. it can really help you rediscover what parts of art make YOU happy!

if you're regularly drawing and in a slump, backtracking for me is stepping back and doing either more exercises and practising the things you feel like you already know how to draw (ie. studying angles of the face or pulling up imgs of rooms on pinterest to see how normal people arrange furniture etc.), or simplifying your drawings to a level that feels more relaxing and less stressful. (ie. chibis instead of more detailed characters etc.) i find i kind of fall back to chibis when i feel lost, and then sort of rebuild from there. its fun to let my style change as i grow!

ALSO! im telling your autism this for your adhd's sake (this is useful for anyone i think): if there is a part of art that you do not enjoy doing or find boring but you feel it is an important or necessary step in the process? the secret is it isnt! art is made up. if you hate lining, dont do it! if youre a digital artist and get caught up picking a brush every time because you feel like you need the perfect one? switch to mspaint for a bit to get the nerves out. it can be really freeing!

art is for having fun and fulfilling our need to create. the rules are all made up and not real. perfectionism is the little death that something something i forget. yeah

#hope that helps! #art advice #sorry its a lot of text

[frecklystars]

im gonna start making doodles trying to reclaim my TF F/Os that i've lost, maybe once a week or once every two weeks... or once a month?? i dont know, i will try to keep some consistency but i really need to start slow on this. here's to hoping that drawing them every once in a while will make even just the smallest difference.

im so sick of associating these characters with my abuser and i'm so sick of the immediate fight or flight response that i get when just looking at pictures of TF characters or even the voice actors. i have tried just about everything... therapy, medication, exercise, watching a few clips from the shows, buying cameos, commissioning art/fics, talking to voice actors in person at conventions... nothing has helped me get better at all. i tried giving up on TF entirely, throwing out/giving away all of my TF merch, refusing to touch the franchise, but that has only made me more and more miserable as time has passed. it has been over a year since [insert the most horrific experiences ever here] happened to me and since i associated that with a long list of things, TF included. and im! sick! of feeling bad! so! if im gonna be miserable no matter what, then i might as well try to get better, right?? drawing my F/Os loving me has never failed me before, so here's to hoping it isn't gonna fail me now. i am quite the stubborn bitch and i refuse to allow my main coping mechanism i've used for 2 decades to remain tainted forever and ever 😤😤

these will be the shakiest, shittiest doodles imaginable, but i think drawing the robots i miss so much at least once a month can help me rewire my brain into believing they're safe again and they love me and i'm not in danger. i think the best thing that will help me is drawing my Ryan F/Os interacting with them as "proof" that they're safe to be around, that they've "approved of" them, will help me slowly reclaim them. fake it til you make it as they say. let's try this for maybe just a couple of months as a slow start and see how it goes :/

any TF doodles will be tagged as "reclaiming robots tag" and nothing else - free to blacklist it if you dont wanna see. i'll most likely be rarely posting these but jic //shrug

anyway. yay. attempts number one and two. i like to think barbie and ken stop by the starflower meadow every now and then because stsc summons them across the multiverse, asking them how i'm doing, if i'm safe, if i miss him at all. wow i am shaking so bad. ha ha haaa. these took about ten?? minutes?? so woohoo to ten minutes of drawing TF. im proud of myself for trying. even if i dont go through with this and end up not being able to draw TF ever again, at least i managed this one single post. if i keep this up, maybe a year from now, or two years or five years or whatever, i'll be able to handle it. i don't even expect to hyperfixate on TF ever again because my self shipping will never ever be the same w/ them -- i'll never interact with the fandom again, i'll never reblog fanart or gifsets or anything like that ever again, if i even somehow managed to feel good enough to actually throw myself back into the shows -- but i want to think i'll feel indifferent to it one day. to not have that fight or flight response. that is my goal. literally the bare fucking minimum <3

anyway. i'm super nauseous. this is so incredibly hard! holy shit!!! but that's why i have to do this. to quote pedro pascal, i am going to have a panic attack and i am going to leave 👍✨

(BTW I am still gonna stay offline for a few more days. I am back from vacation but I am SO burnt out I don't want to interact with dms/my inbox yet. I just wanted to post this just to get it out of my system and let it disappear into the void. But I will be back later this week bc I still have some commissions to finish and I wanna gush about my very exciting time meeting steve/tom/the brba cast. anyway... goodnight. i love you. smooch)

#reclaiming robots tag

[hitomisuzuya]

Suzu its time... I would like to request you to write whatever you want and go crazy with it!! I honestly dont have any restrictions unless its 3somes/4somes etc (i get uncomfortable reading those types of fics) but other than that by all means go write till your heart desires 😋❤️❤️❤️ please have fun with my daily request!

Fatui!Scaramouche x Fatui!fem!reader. Smut. Consensual Somnophilia in an established relationship. Some Yandere themes because I wanted test myself. I have Yandere!Kazuha ask in in inbox. It's nothing heavy though. I won't write the crazy shit like kidnapping and forced captivity. Slight mention of violence but nothing big.

A/n: Really👀? Just those two restrictions? I exercised some restraint because I am afraid this is going to make you nervous. Here is the wind up and the pitch. I hope you and everyone reading enjoys. I hope this wasn't too much😭

At first, Scaramouche wondered if you even had the disposition to be in the Fatui. You were normally quiet and sweet, rarely lashing out at your subordinates. (He didn't know how you did it, really.)

He was instantly curious when he'd heard you had a reputation, and Scaramouche really wanted to know where it came from. You even cooed at stray animals, playing fetch with a few children in the village near a Fatui safehouse one day.

Color him impressed when he found out you were the Fatui's best interrogator. The first time he watched you work, he quite frankly was a little in love at first site. He didn't think that was possible. Scaramouche was glad it took a little bit for the person to crack and sing like a canary because that meant he could watch you do your thing a little longer.

And what was more exhilarating to him is that you never let anyone live, telling him coldly as you wiped blood off your hands that you couldn't have them running back and spilling your whereabouts in case anyone wanted revenge. He knew it wouldn't matter if they did suss you out in the name of revenge. They were going to die anyways, you were a force to be reckoned with your Pyro vision and your sword.

"I'm doing them a favor." You hated people like he did.

Little did you know, he learned your schedule by heart everyday after that, keeping a copy folded in his pocket.

He eventually had you transferred to his squad. Scaramouche liked being able to choose when you had days off. It increased his chances of getting to see and be intimate with you. He liked having you all to himself whenever he wanted.

Scaramouche was sitting next to you on your bed. You'd been zonked out for about an hour now, not even moving once. There was still a little blood caked underneath your fingernails leftover from a job, making him lick his lips. You'd even told him to drop by if he saw you sleeping, telling him you wouldn't mind if he wanted to indulge himself a little while you slept.

About six months into your relationship he did just that. Rolling you over onto your back, he pushed your panties aside, rubbing your clit before burying them inside of you. He shivered at how wet you felt. "You are tempting me on purpose, aren't you?" He whispered.

You shifted a little in your sleep. "You really should lock your door if you are going to sleep looking like that," the pace of his fingers increased, making you moan quietly in your sleep.

"Just give me a spare key to your quarters," he continued, fondling one of your bare breasts, pinching your nipple. "I will fuck anyone up if they saw you like this. In fact, I won't allow it." He glared slightly down at you. "You belong to me now."

Scaramouche felt himself getting hard the more you moaned. Ahhh, you sounded so pretty. You were his and he was yours. He wasn't going to share you anyone.

He didn't have to ask you twice when he asked you to come with him when he betrayed the Fatui. You were so sweet, so loyal.

Remember, he didn't exactly play well with others.

#genshin impact #genshin smut #scaramouche #scaramouche smut #genshin imagines #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x y/n #fem!reader

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

#🐢 #ask #anon ask #autism #actually autistic #advice #autistic #autism is a disability #its a spectrum #long post

[thedeathwitchescats]

daily offerings I want to add into my practice

First up is deities I actively work with and worship heavily

Hades

Tarot pulls

Working on my death alter

Cleaning ((offering both to him and the spirits))

Lighting his candle ((maybe not daily but more regularly than I do right now))

Meditation

Keeping good finances ((once I score a steady job going every day will be devotional time to him as well))

Wearing his necklace or other devotional jewerly

Persephone

Spring and summer

Keeping my room tidy

Keeping my [her] plants alive

Fall and winter

Tarot pulls ((I need to get her a deck))

Moving my meditation with hades outside to honor her as well

Aphrodite

Daily showers

Listening to self love subliminals

Eating fruit

Lighting her candle for skin care ((as well as doing regular skin care))

Daily self cleansing ((even if it is just intentional showering some days))

Remembering to eat every day

Ares

Shadow work ((targeted at anger))

Calming exercises

Deep breathing

Remembering to vent my feelings when they get too big ((even if it is just to his candle))

Dionysus

Sadly I am not able to be medicated ((mental health spooky shit)) yet but that is going to be a devotional act for him once it happens. Currently tho:

Tracking my sh recovery journey

I am going to work on a playlist for him but listening to it will be a daily devotional act ((even just a few songs))

Not daily but regularly watching musical cartoons

Also not daily ((dionysus is very chill in my practice so I dont often work with him every day in large capacities)) but working with and making spell oils

Lady Morrigan

I know some people worship the morrigan as three separate entities but often she presents herself to be as one sole entity ((often as the aspect titled Badb)) so I just refer to her as "Lady Morrigan")) however you work with/worship her is totally valid

Study celtic mythology

Scrying work

Daily coffee with her

Asking for her advice with decisions I know I shouldnt make on my own

Lilith

Shadow work ((general digging into my inner self))

Self love practices ((taking daily time for myself, also considering starting yoga again as a devotional act for her))

Lighting her candle while i get ready ((I wanna do this with a couple people for different reasons but for her specifically I want to devote the time I get dressed to her))

Moon cycle calendar

Queen Maeve

Tend to the plants

Making an alter to the fae is going to be a big devotional act for her as it is gonna be my first outdoor alter

Reading mythology with her

Practicing traditional magic

Now for guides and deities I worship casually

Lady Asteria

I want to start a dream journal dedicated to her

Sleep meditation

Lady Freya

Taking care of my kitten

Caring for my personal relationships

Cerridwen

Writing poetry for her

Working on my stories

Asmodeus

Boundary work ((this was why he first appeared into my space, what him and I worked on most while I worked with him, and it is what he helps with now that he took a step back))

Knowing when to quit some things

Lucifer

Shadow work ((when I devote the shadow work to Lilith he usually pops in too))

#hades worship #aphrodite worship #dionysus worship #persephone worship #ares worship #lilith worship #asmodeus worship #queen maeve worship #the morrigan worship #asteria worship #freya worship #cerridwen worship

[6irlpet]

I have a bit of a dillemma...

I fucking love edging and denial. It gets me wet and needy like nothing else (aside from maybe anal) but everytime I edge/do denial I mentally crash so fucking hard a few days later like someone stole every bit of dopamine I had and the only way to get myself out of that pit is to cum four or five times in fairly rapid succession...

You got any tips on how to avoid a crash like that? Or should I just stop with it until I have a partner/Dom(me) who can help me through those bouts?

tbh it sounds a bit like a sub drop!!! which is normal to have with denial, it’s normal to have with any type of kinky stuff and tbh it’s almost more common with denial than an orgasm bc rather than all the sexy hormones getting resolved u work urself up without release 😞 (⬅️is turned on by this but understands how it can turn into a physiologic nightmare)

my tip would be to do some kind of aftercare!!!! after any kind of play whether i came or not i used to always immediately just clean up and go back to whatever i was doing and pretend it hadnt happened. but i’d always feel a lil depressed/weird/ashamed/altered ranging in severity for a period after. i had to finally have a rly bad crash after a piss scene (bc ukno…. more shame lol) to realize u still need to do some self care to ur body and mind after playing even if ur alone!!

what i do now is stay where i am for a few minutes, i dont immediately rush to clean up and move on. i relax and catch my breath and just let myself feel the comedown, and i run/pet my hands along my body like someone else would soothing me, and tell myself (or imagine someone saying) in stern soothing authority voice like: “Ur okay, u did good, this is normal and fun, this was nice, ur okayyyyyy silly goose. Relax, ur okay” etc. the touching is good for nervous system (u can also look up vagus nerve stimulation, there’s a lot of exercises u can do with just ur hands to reset ur nervous system any time ur anxious! not just in kink) + self reassurance rly helps mentally. there’s also like, u can google Aftercare ASMR which is what i do sometimes to listen for a few mins when i feel anxious after play lol, im not rly an asmr person so idk if it has been any more effective for me than the self-talk but some ppl like it so im mentioning it!!!!

moving on from that initial check-in, i start slowly moving (move around legs first, like testing movement, then i stretch) and i drink lots of water, breathe deep for a bit, keep stretching for whatever position u were in. only then do i start cleaning up. i also try to reward myself after cleanup, like snuggling under soft blankets with a good book or mindless feelgood show (mine is like………….. Animal Information videos. clickbait shit like The Top Ten Dinosaurs Ranked lmao) and a nice snack!!!!

that is my lil routine and it has rly helped me with the shame/crash/bad feelings i used to have after both edging or cumming!! modify for whatever helps you, it sounds corny but it rly has made me feel better than i used to (and then im also feeling better again faster to go at myself all over again sooner 😎) it can also help if u have someone to talk to, i have an intermittent fwb who’s kinky so there’s been times it helped me to text and say like Omg im feeling bad😞 bc I did x gross thing 😞😞😞 and get reassurance lol

i hope this helps, drop/crash sucks!! best of luck 💕

#ask #denial

[klapollo]

the thing is i love exercising. i love going to the gym and going for walks and dancing and jumping and shit. once i'm at the gym it's like ok time to plug in for an hour+ whatever. but for some reason when i'm home it's so hard to get myself to do it even for a short period of time. it's like. my couch is here bro i dont wanna do pilates.

#it doesnt help that my apartment is small #so i dont have much equipment AND i dont have much space

[homochadensistm]

Saw the bodypic on your sideblog and hot DAMN! Any workout+nutrition tips for us peasants to get like that?? I'm a hardgainer myself so I would appreciate the advice!

lmao shouldve sent the ask there then :(

important disclaimer: I look Like That largely thanks to good lighting and the fact that I had a mad pump. I dont look like that 24/7, nobody does. If you remove me from that specific spot under the gym lights and wait 10mins for my pump to disappear Id look entirely Normal.

As for hardgaining, youre not gonna like the answer but - just eat more. We like to think we eat a lot already (because it feels like that, because most of us have tiny stomachs) but if u actually took 1 week to record everything u eat, including its nutritional values (mainly macros - carbs, protein, fats, etc), youd see youre probably lacking and/or eating exactly at maintenance (i.e., maintaining your current weight, nothing less and nothing more). The best way I found for myself to eat more is to split my meals, so instead of eating 3 big meals a day, I eat 5-6 smaller ones, and I make sure each meal contains a decent amount of protein (at least 10g). And yeah I wasnt kidding - record what u eat for just 1 week, itll help u see where/what ur lacking.

As for protein - I dont use powders. I find their texture disgusting and most of them give me stomach issues. Personally I view health and fitness as something I should enjoy so Im not gonna do things that actively make me feel like Im suffering or forcing myself, hence, no powders. You dont even need powder to eat a lot of protein, too. Lots of idiots will tell you you need to eat 1gr of protein per 1lb of bodyweight to get larger, but thats protein powder marketing bs (unless ur like, an olympic athlete). Normal people need around 1.2-1.5g of protein per kg of bodyweight to grow muscle mass, according to almost all studies on the subject (again, unless ur an olympic athlete), so for me, weighing around 55kg, thatd be between 66-85g of protein per day. As I mentioned before, I structure my meals so that each contains at least 10g of protein, so right off the bat I start at 50-60g on avg. My lunch (meal 3 usually) is around 40g on its own (blessed Pork steak & greenbeans), so I easily get to 85g of protein a day, and maybe a lil more. Meat shouldnt be your only source of protein, theres a variety of foods to choose from and if u enjoy cooking then ur gonna have a great time! The price of not using any icky powders is learning how to cook lol. If you still want to use powders thats fine, theres nothing wrong with them, but just so u know that eating more protein wont necessarily help u grow, cause ur body has a natural cap on how much it needs/wants to use of the general amount u give it, the rest itll shit out. So, if eating more is difficult to u, I suggest avoiding the powders and just restructuring ur meals to fit you.

As for working out - if youre a woman focus more on volume (higher reps, lower weight), if youre a dude then the opposite. If youre doing more reps at a lower weight make sure that the weight is still somewhat challenging to you though. The distinction between male and female here is important because our bodies respond differently to training so if ur purpose is building the big mooskles and ur a girl - lighter weights will get u there faster. If you want to maximize strength gain as well - dedicate 1 day a week to heavy weights (so less reps but increasingly challenging weight). Im not gonna delve into the types of exercises or workouts u should do cause idk u or what ur experience is but theres enough content online abt that.

The most important thing about the eating and working out is the consistency. ur muscles grow because they respond to stimuli, they adapt to the pressure ur putting on them. theyre not gonna adapt if this stimulation is momentary. Try to work out 3-4 times a week, even just for 30mins each. Get in those reps per muscle group, train each group about twice a week and ur good. Youll see longterm results once eating+working out becomes a habit.

Last thing I wanna touch on is cardio. Theres this weird belief that, if u wanna gain muscle mass, you shouldnt work on cardio. Idk which lazy cunt invented that but its not true! Cardio is important for ur heart, health and ur ability to lift heavier loads! You dont have to run for cardio, theres many activities you can pick from: swimming, boxing, jump rope, dancing etc. Hell, even walking is really good cardio (and is actually better for you than running, longterm) and you can easily do that if you got 1hr to spare twice a week. Developing your cardio will not only make you feel better and healthier, its also detrimental to your strength gaining journey, to avoiding plateaus.

goodluck!

#health #fitness

[andiebomb]

Totally different than my regular posts but fuck u

(TW/ suicidal tendencies, chronic illness, vent)

No one understands type1 diabetes unless you actually have it, I was in the hospital (one time of many) for intentionally putting myself into DKA so that I could lose weight and then die (I’d look so hot in my casket) so the hospital called the crisis guy like how they normally would for an attempt,

but because it was a matter of me just giving up on having to CONSTANTLY monitor and be hyper vigilant of my body (WHICH REGULAR PEOPLE DONT HAVE TO DO) they were kinda clueless on how to effectively help me.

Normally when someone “gives up” it’s on their basic needs like eating, self care and shit like that but for me it was just stopping putting needles in myself, doing math to be able to eat and stabbing the tips of my fingers 20 times a day

I was exhausted, my life is basically being a 24 hour nurse for myself.

Plus I’m fat so having diabetes just means everyone blames my illness on myself, which isn’t how type 1 diabetes works! I didn’t do anything, I never drank soda, I rarely ate sugar but that’s how the general public thinks how people get diabetes! When actually my pancreas is just a little BITCH WHO CANT FIGHT BACK AT MY AMMUNE SYSTEM!

This crisis guy came into my hospital room and started giving a lecture on TYPE 2 DIABETES! I AM TYPE 1 THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT! And even his lecture on type 2 was bullshit!

His man looks me in my eyes and says “if you wanna be happy lose weight by eating healthy and exercising. Your never going to be normal so stop acting like you are.”

…I am also autistic so I’ve struggled with feeling like a foreign creature, unhuman my whole life.

This man just reinforced every. Single. Reason. Why I wanted to kill myself.

And honestly after he said that I started sobbing. He left the room without guilt and said I was free to discharge.

Hearing that I fully started to laugh my ass off at the absurdity of the situation, this man WHOS JOB IS TO STOP ME FROM KILLING MYSELF just signed my death certificate.

I didn’t end up killing myself purely because… FUCK THAT GUY IM GONNA BE FAT AND HATE MYSELF AND BE THE MOST NORMAL PERSON EVER! HE CAN GO EAT A DICK!

Anywayyyyy hideduo is so cute!

#actually autistic #tw ed vent #ventcore #personal vent #type 1 diabetic #type 1 diabetes #actually type 1 #medical mistreatment