#i dont have memories of scenes but i do have specific things abt people that i love.
Note
scara. all 50. zhongli for anything that involves another character. bet you won't
dont doubt my delusions anon. everything under the cut :3
1. Canon I outright reject
none so far? i love this bastard poor meow meow...
2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on
i hc he was modeled after makoto, whether on purpose or just instinctively by a mourning, desperate, ei.
3. Obscure headcanon
idk if this counts bc it's like. anti-common headcanon but i don't think he has doll joints all over i think it's just his wrists and ankles bc those are tricky to make... for hinge joints like elbows and knees ei was probably like lol this is easy
4. Favorite line
"the first one to betray me was a god. my creator... my mother." like oh wow. the pain in that line. the implications. the LAYERS. even after all that pain he hatred he still sees ei as his mother that betrayed her. he thinks of himself as an abandoned child.
5. Best personality trait
deep down (like deep down), he cares a lot about others, and now he's actually trying to show it awkwardly instead of just ignoring that and getting violent lol
6. Worst personality trait
WHERE DO I START......................... i think for worst i'd say definitely his god complex bc it carries over onto everything in his personality and makes him so frustrating to deal with lol
7. Age/height/weight headcanon
i mean hes like 500 years old... for modern aus i have him at like mid to late 20s, early 30s cursed with a baby face at most. hes like 165cm at most I LOVE SHORT SCARA!!! also idgaf abt his weight like that
8. Unpopular opinion about them
i don't think the sumeru interlude was about "redeeming" him. like yeah hoyo poor little meow meow'd him (which i agree with like awwww look at this crying kitty) but it's important to note that even with the opportunity to reject his pact actions he insists that they're a part of him and wants his painful memories and past back so he can feel whole. and after that he's still (rightfully) regarded with some suspicion by traveler/paimon unlike other characters (cough).
9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character
started playing on my friends acc during sumeru, so the first scene i saw of him was literally the divine will cutscene... and yeah i was hooked.
10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)
honestly? him begging for nahida to not take the gnosis was CRAZY like cmon cinema.
11. Faceclaim for the role
none really lol
12. Crack headcanon
i can't think of any lol all my hcs are serious even the crazy ones bc he's crazy
13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done
egging on the traveler by dissing nahida like Girl (nongendered) have we learned nothing?! he deserved that smackdown with all that shit he was talking lmfao
14. Most heroic moment
i guess you could count him trying to erase himself bc he thought he could save the people of tatarasuna as "heroic" but its kind of a stretch LOL
15. Worst thing they’ve ever done
(waves hand) he's done so many crimes but probably his mass murdering
16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves
he still wants ei to acknowledge him as her son and he craves her affection, even.
17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them
songs: a lot but particularly mitski - cop car, chvrches - broken bones, mother mother - oh ana
poetry: joan tierney's how to build a table and interview w/ the machine woman
18. What they’d go to see a therapist about
everything. if he decides he actually wants to go he has a whoooooole lot to discuss whew.
19. Vices/bad habits
i cant think of a specific one for canon bc (waves hand) Look At Him. but for modern aus he indulges in some cheap beer drinking for sure
20. Scars
he definitely has scars on his back from when he was hooked up to shouki no kami. being a puppet though, i don't think he has any smaller scars showing.
21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)
bitter tea (as in canon). if he's drinking alcohol he would drink nearly anything i feel...
22. Best physical feature
his sparkling eyes that make you think hes sweet and not full of anger. also his thighs.
23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?
my first thought is something like the sea... the beach... idk why lol
24. Most annoying habit
kicking/elbowing in his sleep bc he sure puts power into them (zhongli wakes up with mysterious bruises a lot)
25. 3 things they’d want to take with them if they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere
he's that annoying guy who would say "a boat" or something like that
26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with Zhongli
in canon: avoid him as much as possible and try not to reveal his connection to ei (kind of pointless bc hes literally made to look like her but dont tell him that)
in my delusions: 👏🏽 making 👏🏽 out 👏🏽 sloppy 👏🏽 style 👏🏽
27. Their guilty pleasure
fontaine detective novels in canon. in modern aus he enjoys watching trashy reality tv and making fun of the people/contestants
28. How they feel about Zhongli
in canon: hates him as much as he hates other gods, but i like to think he's slightly intimidated by him but will never admit it due to him being an ancient god that's even older than ei.
in my delusions: same as above but with added sexual tension. later on he just wants him sloppy style and this annoys him.
29. Eating habits
canon: he only eats for social purposes/when prompted since he doesn't really need it. he tries to finish as quickly as possible to avoid the social aspect of eating together lol
modern aus: he prefers to snack randomly throughout the day!
30. Sleeping habits
he usually sleeps all curled up. he also kicks in his sleep. (not me treating him like a cat)
31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like?
two options: aesthetic photo-only blog with a minimal dark theme and vague tags OR a troll/drama blog that always starts shit lmfao
32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh
he'll always laugh at someone else's expense let's be honest like he's the guy that laughs when someone trips
33. Something guaranteed to make them cry
do NOT bring up ei!!!
34. How they react when they are feeling X emotion (sad, angry, excited, scared, etc.—can specify as many as you like)
every emotion he experiences is intense and i think he reacts to most of them by lashing out at others (usually violently) lol
35. Their idea of a perfect day
a day where no one bothers him and he gets to wander (heh) and just mind his business.
36. Their favorite season
none of them. JSHGJKHSDJKGHSDJKGHSDGJKSDHKJ
37. What they really think about themselves
(smacks him) this puppet body can hold SO much self-hate and god complex all together.
38. Favorite holiday
gonna be delusional and say new years because zhongli birthday and his birthday soon
39. Favorite game
in modern aus i just know he'd be a silent hill enthusiast. in canon universe i think he doesn't like teyvat games in general he just seems them as frivolous fluff.
40. Favorite book
i bet he enjoys some fontaine detective novels. he hates inazuma light novels though.
41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be?
one last lunch with niwa so he can say goodbye properly :)
42. 3 comfort items
the small cloth doll he made
his vision
that's all honestly. delusional me says anything of zhonglis but yknow
43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise
answering these kinda questions for genshin characters is so funny bc they have official answers... but outside of that his 3 faves are dark chocolate (more bitter the better), takoyaki, and . for what he hates well... all sweet desserts LMFAO.
44. Their happiest memory
the first birthday he celebrated at tatarasuna :) i imagine katsuragi and niwa decided his birthday so it would coincide with new year celebrations, and for his "first" birthday in particular they all surprised him and he cried (in a good way).
45. Their favorite celebrity
none LOL
46. The person they most admire
i'd say nahida would be the closest? although it's more a begrudging respect.
47. Their dream job
he does not dream of labor. if he could fuck around doing nothing forever he would.
48. Scariest moment of their life
definitely the first time he was experimented on. like i can imagine "unlocking" his power was very painful and terrifying and like. yknow. being experimented on in general is scary.
49. Favorite toy as a child
i don't think he liked toys even as kabukimono JSHDGKJSHGKJ
50. A memory they’ve blocked out
again, the first time he was experimented on.
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I miss discussing books with Fischl.. debating the major themes and who shouldve been with who and which scenes were well written and which the author rushed just to finish the book. I miss digging out random books on the most obscure topics to prove that the author didnt research thier source material well enough, and Fischl groaning and telling me that it doesnt matter because the inaccuracies made the story fun.
I miss having to explain complicated plots of the books to Bennett. Then having to tell him that no, whatever mystical plot it had isnt actually real, and no Oz talking just like the animals in the book doesnt mean all animals can talk. Ect ect ect.
I miss when Fischl and I got to meet Xingqiu. And we tore into his book like little demons. And he appreciated all the criticism. He even took notes.
I miss him staying in Mond for a few weeks and joining us for a few book discussion sessions.
I miss mom gently shaking me awake in the early morning after falling asleep in the library studying.. I miss having to lecture her about not overworking herself with her permanent injuries. I even miss her laughter as she dismissed how serious it was. I noticed pretty easily when she leaned extra heavy on her cane. She thought I didnt. But Im her son, and what kind of son would I have been if I wasnt as smart as my mother. Adoptive or not.
I.. miss a lot right now. But. Unfortunately? My newly discovered life is an au. One that I've never seen anyone else dabble with. One I created myself from rightful anger over my original timeline.
I wish I could say I was new to this feeling. Of having sourcemates of your loved ones around you who dont even recognize you? Because youre not the version they remember? I suppose thats how kinning obscure/original au's goes though. Nobody ever remembers you properly. Been through it too many times. This one isnt new. But it hurts less at the moment I'll admit that.
Short explanation is I'm Razor. Sure don't sound like him with how Im talking but- Well the new au is a bit stronger than Razor's original timeline, so theres alot less third person talk and more full sentences. I never got lost this time. Parents left me in Varkas care after they died, he passed me off to jean and Kaeya because hes a fucking deadbeat who doesnt understand kids unless he's teaching them to hold weapons, and Lisa adopted me after she returned from Sumeru.
It's a fun timeline so far. definitely a step up from the original. It's nice not wanting to strangle a man over leaving me in the woods for a decade. (Yeah og tl is NOT happy abt that one, Varka. Its all I ever scream abt when Im shifted.) It's nice having a Razor shift that doesnt make me feel braindead or angry (really can hardly think in the normal ones, when I do its about how idiotic Varka was.)
I just wish other people seemed as interested in it as I seem to be. At least my friends don't seem to be responding much when I ramble about the new memories.. I dont think anyone has thought of this au. Almost wish other people would acknowledge what Varka did to canon me so this kinda au would exist a bit more.
Maybe after the festival next patch people will open their eyes a bit more.
Anyway- This went on much longer than I intended, ended up rambling when I just wanted to miss my loved ones hah- Sorry for the long post everyone.
~Razor Minci 🐺📚 (Please leave the last name out of the kin tags mpc, its a timeline specific thing, canon name for proper tagging is just "Razor")
#fictionkinfessions#fictionkin#razorkin#genshinimpactkin#orphaning cw#death cw#child neglect cw#canoning issue#asphyxiation cw#repetition cw#long post#mod party cat!
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rewatching dhmis show for the 100000th time and you know how in the transportation ep red mentions how grolton always makes his appointment and they always start back at home the next ep. well i know people take that as like grolton and hovris representing the simulation and maybe it is too but i also think in that scene in particular. is sort of red recalling that they're in a simulation without being fully aware that he's doing that? since you know they don't always remember. kind of like how yellow recalled being upstairs and the book despite not fully remembering it.
i also wonder if they even remember any other episode of grolton and hovris?? because its odd that there's the joke they can't remember who is who and then there's that scene i mentioned and in that same scene duck is genuinely confused as to what red is talking about when he says every episode ends the same and tells him not to spoil the show. i took it as a joke but i really wonder if every time the simulation resets they have no real knowledge of the show.......
OHHHH MY GOD ANON UR BRAIN IS SO HUGE......i fucking love that idea so much!!!!! i also think the puppets have that kind of semi-awareness, where like....they have a FEELING that something is wrong, along with some vague memories of Bad Things Happening but nothing specific. i definitely feel like the simulation is messing with their ability to process whats actually going on, but theres a part of them, buried deep inside and kept repressed, that knows that SOMETHING is really, really wrong. i kind of tried to incorporate that idea into my latest dhmis fics bc i think its rly similar to repressed traumatic memories, and trauma has always been a major theme in my dhmis stories. i feel like the whole show (or at least just the webseries) can kind of be seen as a metaphor for childhood trauma and the struggles of growing up with it.
and oh my gooodddd the grolton and hovris thing.....that would make SO MUCH SENSE, not to mention lesley's name is in the credits for grolton and hovris so i wouldnt be surprised if she was involved in making sure they dont remember it. but bc the sim is messing w their memories so much, they end up getting confused abt who is who, plot details, and so on. but then like u said, red guy starts to remember it more during episode 5 bc theyre breaking out of the simulation so their memories are starting to come back!!
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me, grieving through gritted teeth: the ball will get smaller the ball will get smaller the ball will get smaller tHE B
my brain, bored and actively throwing the ball at the button: hey why dont you desperately try to remember everything you've lost, huh? maybe if you hold on tight enough you wont forget his laugh through smoking lungs, or his smile with fucked up teeth, or the way he held your hand and it felt like safety, even if all you can remember is holding his while he slept and could do nothing haha :) maybe you'll be able to remember even though you had such a short time with him and a whole life in front of you to forget :)) the little details are what you loved so much about him, right? but you cannot individually hold onto a million grains of sand. something will slip. perhaps something already has, how are you to know?
#rey rambles#death tw#grief tw#mourning tw#vent tw#ask to tag#sorry abt this. its 1 AM and i can feel that 1 year anniversary coming up#its funny. he was so terribly afraid if grwoing old and forgetting and now here i am. worrying that moving on might mean forgetting too.#i dont have memories of scenes but i do have specific things abt people that i love.#my marmee is soft and good to cuddle and her voice can make any song sound good and her hair is dyed but she goes between autumn red#and plum purple#and my brother is soft too but solid and he can make himself small but hes best loud and talking abt whatever interests him.#he sees such beauty in the world that i can only hope to see too. and his voice is low and soft in his chest#and it makes his giggles rumble through his whole body#and because i cannot remember specific conversations or jokes or stories all i have are those details but thats what usually fades first#oh gods the tags were even worse than the og post in venty-ness#sorry i think i needed to get that out. probably wont delete bc im lazy#and besides id like some record of my thoughts when i forget my own narrative(?) not sure what word i mean there#my posts
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Fic Finder
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1. I am searching for a time travel fix-it that wasn't on any of the three time travel rec posts. It was short (>2k I think) and didn't deal with how WWX/LWJ changed things but rather the after affects of remembering the way it *had* been before the time travel- the scene I remember is WWX in LWJ's arms having woken from a nightmare and LWJ reassuring him that none of the other timeline's things would happen. Any ideas? Thanks!
FOUND? Memories of a Life Never Lived by donutsweeper (T, 1k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, hurt/comfort, memories, nightmares)
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2. Hi for the next fic finder I'd really like some help finding this fic - it was time travel i think modern wwx travels back because there was a book sent to him and it said that only wei ying can use (?) it idk how he did but he ends up in a room or so with everyone including people that died. It was a few years after the siege before he was summoned. He wakes up confused cause he sees his husband but not his husband cause of his outfit and hair. I remember a scene where lwj cradled his head because he thought he saw red and his hair was cut and thought wwx was injured but it was actually wwx having an undercut with red hair dye. Then they all talk about what happened years ago and wwx tells them past wwx's pov cause the book was actually his diary/journal. Oh additional scene: wwx gets angry because ayuan doesn't call him baba after he realizes that lsz is his baby ayuan and why he wasn't there to raise him. Thank you!
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3. Hello, thank you for the hard work. I need help in finding a fic. It is post canon where WWX was kidnapped. LWJ and JWY, and a whole lot of cultivators from different sects where there to investigate. Chenqing was found in his room, in an inn. The room was wrecked, signs of struggles and all. Then people who are close to WWX tried to take his flute, because it rejected some arsehole who tried. LWJ ended up using it to locate WWX, only playing their song. He ended up with chapped lips. @aeszdjie
FOUND! something wild calls you home by Fleetling (T, 9k, wangxian, kidnapping, injury, rescue, love confessions, first kiss, happy ending, Mojo’s post)
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4. hi!! i rly cant find this fic so its p much set during the cloud recesses study arc but canon divergence? has some ocs as well but the only occurring ones r the lan sect ocs
i dont remember the specifics but lan qiren eventually talks to wei wuxian abt whether or not he feels challenged in his class n when wwx says no, lqr sends him off to a lan tailsman class
(beforehand the teacher of said class tested him n wwx went NUTS. the test was something abt protecting a wifes coffin? but the protection array didnt work at all n it got robbed within x amnt of months n the teacher said essentially what can wwx do to solve the problem of the array)
other prominent plot points are:
- nhs helps wwx at one point to dress up when wwx invited lwj to caiyi town (to find a thank u gift for lqr) n told him to say he forgot his coat n made his waist look smaller w a belt. on the date wx shares an umbrella, ate at a place both jades enjoyed, lwj ravishes wwx when wwx confessed n basically mauled his neck and lwj gave wwx his coat (white coat, blue embroidered cloak) — not in order
- lwj and wwx eventually got betrothed bc lqr caught them getting a lil too frisky in a hidden but public space for a second time (first time was the library). wwx had to publically secede from yunmeng jiang in order for the betrothal to go thru and he suffered a major panic attack bc jiang fengmian pulled him out during the alloted break to basically trauma dump on wwx — saying how he thought he could keep wwx at lotus pier but in the end he was still like his father, leaving him alone. jfm essentially saw wwx as an extension of cssr and wcz (more of the latter tho i think) n not as his own person. after jfm confirms wwx wants to do this and its not a joke he acts cold to wwx n calls him via courtesy name.
- drunk lan shenanigans. wx, jc, nhs and an oc went out to celebrate that wx and the oc r betrothed n wwx/jc/nhs convinced both lans to drink. oc went nuts n starts becoming loud n almost ran off to see his fiancee and lwj jumps out the window w wwx to do something that i dont remember.theres more but im p sure it could be tagged as explicit bc ykno wangxian as teenagers n courting… Yeah… thank u for ur help if u find it!! **I swear I have read this exact fic but for the life of me I can’t remember it :’) ~Mod L**
FOUND! Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 310k, wangxian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, feelings realization, getting together, fix-it of sorts, not JFM friendly, blood & gore, WIP)
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5. Hello I have been following for a while for recomendations, I have lives many of them, but I can not find this fic that was an Adams Family au. It was si cure and fun and it was wangxian as the parents of an extended family with Minjue as a zombie, Meng Yao doing the business deals, and Xichen being a medium. Do You know it?
FOUND! The Altogether Ooky WangXian Family by FluffyHippogriff (T, 52k, wangxian, 3zun, JYL/JZX, BSSR/LY, Addams Family au, kid fic, comedy, found family, WIP)
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6. not sure if this fic exists or is just a fever dream: Jin prison camp crimes are discovered bc Wei Wuxian is discovered in one— after having been presumed dead since sometime around the fall of lotus pier. Jins basically rolled up all the prisoners the Wen had who they didn’t recognize as being worth returning to someone valuable. Wei Wuxian of course basically adopts Wen Yuan in the camp.
FOUND? ❤️The Third Young Master of the Qishan Wen by KouriArashi (T, 139k, wangxian, xiyao, chengqing, romance, angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort, politics, revenge, families of choice, pining, Mojo’s post)
FOUND? ❤️Where the nightingales are singing, and a white moon beams. by Moominmammashandbag (M, 52k, wangixan, jin zixuan & lan wangji, no powers au, grief/mourning, aftermath of war, angst w/ happy ending, reunions, fluff & smut, Mojo’s post)
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7. Hi, I need help in finding a LXC/JGY fic where jgy kinda orchestrates wangxian getting together bc wangji is pining and sad that is making lxc sad and jgy is done TM with wangji pining and wants is husband to be happy and focus on their relationship. He's worried that if lxc finds out his scheming he'll hate him but then lxc reveals that he knew and loves him for it. Jgy was married into Lan and I think he didn't join the Jin before, but if remember correctly jgs asks to legitimize him for political advantages after he marries lxc and he's really mad about it. Thank you!!
FOUND? a micro utopia born as the overture plays by tardigradeschool (T, 18k, LXC/JGY, wangxian, canon divergence, fix-it, marriage, fluff, scheming, everyone lives au, kid fic)
FOUND? No More Masks by KouriArashi (M, 63k, LXC/JGY, JGY/XY, wangxian, fix-it, angst w/ happy ending, slow burn, redemption, hurt/comfort, dubious consent, implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced prostitution)
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8. Hello, im looking for a fic where WangXian was getting married and it was WWX's pov. All i remember was that LWJ insisted on wearing the veil. In the end, it was revealed that it was because he couldn't stop smiling and didn't want any one else seeing him that happy. @aeszdjie
FOUND! I think this one is Thinly Veiled by thunderwear (G, 1k, wangxian, post-canon, weddings, fluff, tenderness, love, kissing, intimacy, LWJ smiling)
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9. Hey, I am looking for a modern fic in which lan zhan and wei ying are friends and lanzhan brings Wei Ying to his apartment now and then where he meets lan xichen and they become close. Lan zhan sees Wei Ying and his brother being close and comfortable with each other when he comes home which makes Lan zhan think Wei Ying likes Xichen and Lan zhan is jealous.But Wei Ying later tells him that he loves lan zhan and he had misunderstood Xichen and him.
FOUND! Smile for Me by kuro (T, 9k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, jealousy, fluff)
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10. Idk , if this is right time to ask or not ..even here to ask **Yes, this is the right place and anytime is a right time ^^ MIght take some time for it to be posted tho! ~Mod L** but I have been trying to find this fics for like months A) This have teen wangxian...alpha wangji and omega weiying . When weiying gets pregnant he think that his bf will left him in all this lqr hears this and support WWX I think this one morden au B) this one was like arrange marriage thing where the elders lan told wuxian that wangji wasn't sexually active and not wanted wuxian to touch him and other hand wangji thinks wuxian was forced to marry so wuxian doesn't come closer to him.. this one may have 4 chapters @selflovingmedj
10A)
FOUND? In which Lan Qiren eavesdrops and gets a new nephew (and grandnephew) out of it by h0peless_oblivion (M, 62k, wangxian, modern, high school au, ABO, teen pregnancy, shotgun wedding, fluff & angst, family feels, humor, family drama, WIP)
10B)
FOUND? a light hidden and singing by occultings (microcomets) (E, 48k, wangxian, arranged marriage, pining, getting together, slow burn, misunderstandings, miscommunication, blood & injury, happy ending, smut)
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11. Trying to find a fanfic in which wwx was bullied in lotus pier by the disciples. In addition to the bullying, wwx ran errands for teachers and madam yu banned any swordsmith to make him sword. If you have any ideas, I would appreciate it
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12. I’m looking for a fic where after WWX saves the people from the Qiongqi path and it’s found out that it wasn’t just Wens in there but also people from other sects.
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13. hello! i’m looking for a wangxian fic on ao3 where there was a yiling wei sect leaded by cssr and wcz. wwx was the heir and he had younger siblings. the wei sect and the lan sect were enemies. also all the sect heirs and people were sent to yiling sect for studies. lans kill wwx’s parents when wwx is away and it’s v sad when he comes back… also there is art in the fic. wwx becomes sect leader and wangxian gets together in the end. it’s completed btw. Note: It’s not “Balance” by AnaraneSindanarie
FOUND? Song Unwritten by Kytrin & Mslead (E, 94k, wangxian, temporary character death, angst w/ happy ending, fix-it of sorts, cql meets mdzs, parallel universes, transmigration, yiling wei sect au, YLLZ WWX)
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14. hello! I am looking for a fic, it's post canon I think, where wwx leaves mxy's body and my comes back in his body. I don't remember what happened after that but I think there was a scene where mxy was confused why he was in bed with lwj and lwj called him 'wei ying?' and mxy said he wasn't wei ying. I really hope you can find this fic. @archiiishaaa
FOUND? A New Lease on Life by pearliegloom (M, 6k, wangxian, post-canon, body swap, fluff & angst, established relationship, past abuse, disturbing themes, happy ending)
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15. Hi! I'm looking for a fic for a while and could use some help. Parallel world setting, with wwx growing up a nei who had just died (sucide?) off screen. The fic takes place when nhs grabs a wwx (coreless, after cliffside sucide), because wwx is brother-shapped and only, like, mostly dead as opposed to his world's wwx whose soul was, like, shattered? No sunshot war, in this parallel, idthink. ... short fic. Any idea?
FOUND? Chapter 13: Love and Acceptance of Short Prompts by Vrishchika (Nie WWX, dimensional travel, canon divergence, NHS pov)
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thinking abt movies charles xavier again but specifically alt timeline charles bc i think it's curious how so much of the characterization accepted widely by 2011ish fics and even these days. Me included. have been about how charles has a strong telepath moral code that he wouldn't dig through someone's thoughts or make them do something against their will, and i truly believe charles would never use this power to commit atrocities and i'm sure he himself knows. but it gets to like an extreme of Oh he must never use his telepathy / people are very anti-telepathy when it's only ever raven who asked him to not go inside her head for.. reasons... we never... got told? if inrecall correctly?
but charles Does use his telepathy quite often and he's proud of it so im just trying to make a quick note of all instances he does that such as
read moira's mind without her consent to find out about what she saw at the hellfire club
did use his telepathy to find out girls' preferred drinks at bars 😭
went through the entirety of erik's life story apparently
read the cia agents' mind and classified government information
got hank's mutation out of his head
the scene where the cia guy is like Um i cant let you go further than this sorry and charles is like “wanna see another cool trick?” “yes” “get in the car”
“be calm. forget my face. go to sleep”
erased moiras memories
seized control of raven to stop her at dc
took control of erik to remove the thing erik dropped on him
The Jean Grey Fiasco
i literally dont remember anything from xmen apocalypse so idont rly recall if he used his telepathy other than to fight apocalypse or if he was just too immobilized by it
i think i get so caught up reading fic sometimes that I forget that charles Does use his telepathy a lot in the movies lol I EVEN WROTE IT MYSELF AND NOW THAT I WAS REREADING STUFF IBWAS LIKE HMMM...... HOLD ON.... i think most of it was born out of the "i won't stop you leaving. i could, but i won't" scene where he gives erik a choice, and i truly believe he does prefer to give people a choice but he's also not against going the extra mile if the situation calls for it. i think it makes him a bit more layered and interesting if he's a little bit of a hypocrite sometimes bc it begs the question of When Does The Situation Call For It? like charles would have seized control of erik at the end of first class had he managed to get him to take the helmet off, and that would have been A Situation That Called For It, but is this the same standard he holds for every other situation ever?! mr "ive been trying to control you since the day we met"?! :0 idk. Curious. Fun. im sick so i think about blorbo 2 from xmen
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my ask didnt send i am going to murder. anyway BEEP CLASSPECTING... now im thinking abt that and aimsey. from the top of my head/only briefly thinking, beep as rage or void vibes with me? (obvs not the typical rage player you see, more like the nuance we were discussing). and aimsey as a life player?
oooo void beep would be suuper cool :oc rage too, he is very fucking stubborn and does have outbursts rather often (also rage players in canon usually have connections to magic, and then the homestuck rage players all had religious themes so, god stuff). meanwhile void fits beeps heavy "this is all irrelevant and you could never understand any of this", and his own belief that even what he does just doesnt matter. personality under a veil (not necessarily a facade), fundamental inability to understand and truly perceive it all.
id say he doesnt fit rage enough, if only because rage players are fundamentally about survival instinct, and, well. beeps already dead, and he seems to be perfectly fine with the fact that one day he just wont exist at all. hes not scared, though he is easily pissed off, but in the end he just sort of likes messing with shit and being in control. lil dickhead (affectionate)
honestly, since he almost fits rage but not quite, he.. almost acts like a prince of hope (unfortunate eridan kinnie). destroying beliefs and asserting his reality as the Absolute Truth, dragging others like aimsey into his delusions and being in a situation where aimseys putting her faith into him even though hes not a good person because she feels the need to believe in him and connect with him, because she genuinely feels like hes the only friend they have left, and because aimsey wants desperately to believe in what beep is trying to show her, desperately wants to understand. he shuts down things he believes to be false, to the point where he can make them false by simply destroying the problem.
hes a force of outward destruction, destroying what he believes to be flaws in others. theyre heavily defensive, putting everyone beneath them, believing hes the one thats doing it Right, and ultimately, he believes its his right to control things. he doesnt trust anyone, he reacts to any fear he may have with anger, lashes out, and the "TELL. NO ONE" scene almost showcases beep shattering and hurting aimsey before he steps back and give a quick "sorry!". his arc seems to be leading up to him realizing he can care about aimsey, that he can trust her to believe him and in him, and he seems to be dealing with the concept of trusting aimsey with his beliefs
hes definitely not a general hope player, but specifically prince of hope could fit. onto possible void class combos, with, first, the notable fact that we dont know what kind of person beep may have been in the past, other than that he was destructive. we know about some events in his past, and how he feels about them (kinda), but generally, this means hes very versatile and has many class possibilities, depending on how we want to interpret what we do know.
for example, he could be a maid whose now in the apeshit stage, stubborn and repressive. its entirely possible he got so tired of listening to the other spirits that he got to the unhealthy stage, exploded, and now without anything stopping him, hes doing whatever the fuck he wants, because hes decided none of it matters, that its all irrelevant and he doesnt have to care because its his fucking universe and no one can stop him from playing god. he spends his time doing menial things, because to him, its all equally unimportant, so why not waste time? he cuts down unnecessary tasks, weeds out what he finds useless, etc etc. basically, he should still be independent, but he needs to be brought back down to earth (metaphorically), because hes kind of burnt himself out and is now fucking with things because he feels none of it matters anyways
sylph of void sort of works too, mainly his meddling and tendency to shut down anything that could reveal something he doesnt want revealed, as well as shutting down others viewpoints and he covers up shit whenever he wants. his motivations are, really, mostly unknown to us, other than that he seems to think this is fun. otherwise, he also has a tendency to try and fix things he thinks needs fixing (like getting rid of fairies and space creatures), and will often try to fix mistakes he sees in mortals. however, slyphs are ultimately healers, and beep just. is not a healer, and he doesnt necessarily invite creation of void in any way, since void isnt really destruction of anything, and what he does invite is destruction of things. hes also just too active to be a slyph
so, with the previous prince assession, theres also the possibility of him being a prince of light, which would mean he would act more like a void player. hed destroy light with light, destroy the importance of information with information. they strip away the importance of things, uses plain fact to force the perception that nothings really important. he dismisses the importance of things, purposefully acts ignorant to draw away from what he knows, destroys knowledge itself from a power standpoint (wiping aimseys memory), and in extreme cases, can physically destroy anything in his way, or assert over and over that what he said/did isnt real, that nothings true or important other than what hes saying. again, little shit. if i had to make up my mind, i think prince of light fits the most
as for aimsey, i think life does fit him really well, shes definitely got the similar "girl next door" kind of vibes, while still being really interesting in her own right. she definitely starts out as a typical fictional life player, enthusiastic, energetic, genuine, wanting to effect the world. shes a normal girl (and this isnt an insult, rather, her being so normal ties the magical themes of the bear smp together really well, and its a perfect way to use a life player, make them be a catalyst for both the normal life player and eccentric others to shine). however, as she struggles with losing trust in bear and not being treated well, not having anyone that cares about them specifically, the energy starts to falter, but comes back when they feel the need to be rebellious. notably, while aspects arent super literal, she contrasts beep so much in just how alive she is, which fits her being a life player rather well. except, as i said, aspects arent literal, which means aimsey being a life player translates to her showing what life means in a metaphorical sense.
life is about agency. its about what you do, your ability to do so, its about asserting your will. not what drives you, but simply you doing at all. interesting enough, life players can be hard to pin down because life is about desire and agency, while the players class defines their ideology. life players can become obsessed with an idea that they need to do something, that they need to change how systems work, and often can cloak their want to fulfill their individual desires as altruistic want to fulfill others needs and desires (i.e., aimsey wants a friend and someone who pays attention to her and is genuine towards her, she feels like shes found that in beep, and as such starts to cloak her want to be his friend as aimsey wanting to help beep rather than aimsey themself).
as for said class.. this was, hard. because of how heavily influenced life is by the class its paired with, and because aimseys arc right now is trying to deal with feeling like shes too much and unneeded, it means that i have to really consider how that connects with which classes struggles. so, i ended up with sylph. aimsey is a creator, and she tries to heal as well. "allowing creation/healing of life or inviting creation/healing through life". from a literal standpoint, she tries to help bear heal by trying to get him to open up, to live, to make friends and interact with people. this could almost seem like a blood player move, but while a lot of aimseys arc is about bonds and relationships, shes not really a strong connecter or leader, shes just good at inspiring others to be, to her own detriment.
also notably, unhealthy sylphs crave, whether craving more of their own aspect, or craving another aspect when they feel theirs is not enough. aimsey talks a lot about how she grew up doing things by her lonesome, and now that she feels like people are moving on without her, she may be craving blood (that sounds so awful out of context). she wants attachments, wants to be the person that brings everyone together, but.. she isnt, not in a way thats appreciated. and due to her insecurities, she sees this as a flaw within himself, and as something to fix. so, she latches onto beep, and desperately tries to have as much of an effect on their life as they do on hers. like life players in general, sylphs try to solve their problems under the guise of helping someone else with theirs. currently, aimsey seems to be trying to find what she needs to do, because when she tried to do what she thought she needed to do, she (from her perspective) failed, so now shes trying to make up for her perceived failure within herself by trying to help herself through helping beep. i would think into it even more but i think its probably best to just leave it here KEKW
#angel answers#long post#im afraid to count the paragraphs on this one tbh#i dont think its That Much but it felt like it#beep bsmp#aimsey#bear smp#bsmp classpecting#hs
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Ok I am a single follower but I like hannibal tv but would enjoy ur movie thoughts I like some of the books too and have been meaning to get around to the movies 😳😳
OKAY I'M EDITING A READMORE ONTO THIS LOL I REALIZED THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO! so now my incredibly waaayyy too long answer abt my thoughts on 2002 will is under there. apologies bc this is less "movie thoughts" and more "2002 movie will thoughts" but well thats how the chips fell
GOD okay sooo for the record i am reading the red dragon book and am like 7 or 8 chapters in and full transparency im not like. enjoying it lol. the book pisses me off with its misogyny (all the women in it are either dead or it feels like you're supposed to think theyre Selfish Bitches or theyre just there for like. bizarre and uncomfortable sexual moments like the guys talking abt that woman in the elevator, or that one part of mrs. leeds diary which is like. i guess could be there to Show Her Humanity or whatever but 1. there are more ways to do that 2. the book doesnt seem particularly concerned with her humanity considering she's barely even given a first name and so far the novel hasnt seemed to disapprove of how will thinks of her as a possession of her husband) and its inconsistency with will's most important character trait or whatever (he's so intensely, extremely empathetic towards EVERYONE, even serial killers, which makes him really good at finding them! and he can never turn this off, to the point where every time he has a conversation with someone, he ends up mimicking the way they talk, even if he tries to stop! but also he never empathizes with the victims or HIS OWN FUCKING WIFE? HELLO? so it really feels less like "extremely strong empathy for everyone that he cant control" and more like "he can empathize with serial killers extremely well and also other people if we want to Make A Point in one scene instead of letting the point show through the whole book") BUT UHHH ANYWAY. MOVIE THOUGHTS. THE MOVIE THOUGHTS YOU ASKED FOR COMING RIGHT UP!
okay this is what i am worried will either 1. draw annoying tv will graham stans to my blog like flies or 2. end with me being hanged in the town square BUT. it must be said. i prefer 2002 red dragon will graham to tv will graham. and quite frankly? so far? i think 2002 red dragon will graham is better than book will graham. i cannot lie.
my reasoning: because 2002 will actually empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss! y'know! like you'd assume someone with constant extreme empathy would! the difference between the first scene with molly in the book vs in the movie are SO striking to me now that i've read that part of the novel. in the novel he seems very... rough, i guess, and like he doesnt care about molly's worries. he doesnt seem to see things from her perspective, which especially feels like a kick to the gut because MOLLY! SEES! THINGS! FROM! HIS! PERSPECTIVE!!! she literally empathizes with him more than he does with her! what the fuck! MEANWHILE in the movie, he does seem to care about her. his assurances that he wont get too involved seem like assurances rather than him trying to get her off his back. he hugs her and tells her he loves her and i actually believe that yeah, he loves her, he knows she's worried about him, and he wants to comfort her and ease her worries. and the victims! AGAIN such a stark difference to me! in the book, will is like... uncomfortable empathizing w the red dragon, of course, but he doesnt seem to empathize with the victims all that much, ESPECIALLY not the women. he doesnt care about them. he sees them as possessions belonging to their husbands and its so fucking gross. despite already suspecting that the red dragon chooses families based on the women, he decides to waste time focusing on the husbands as a way of "asking permission to look at [their wives]." what the fuck? meanwhile in the film, he feels for the victims so much that he can barely even say that the kids were shot in bed! when he watches the tapes, he focuses on the women! because that's his fucking job!!! and we see him empathizing with them! wow!!
siiigh okay im gonna stop talking abt the book vs the movie now bc again im only like 8 chapters or so deep. but now we come to tv will vs. 2002 will, which is admittedly gonna be more subjective and part of that it bc i cant remember a whole lot of specifics from the show bc my memory is Very Bad. but anyway
let's get the shallow stuff out of the way. yes i prefer ed norton's face to hugh dancy's. call hugh dancy "gender" or whatever have your fun i support you and your right to call any blood covered man a gender but by god is that not even REMOTELY my experience. next shallow thing to get out of the way: ed norton's line delivery is like music to my FUCKING ears compared to hugh dancy's i am so sorry. like the jokes about will shaking like a damp chihuahua before taking 5 minutes to stutter out "he's killing them....... On Purpose, jack." are funny and all but christ i had SUCH a hard time watching the show bc of that im not lying. literally hearing 2002 will just say "he's not keeping them. he's eating them." nice and quick, matter of factly is better than well im actually gonna end that sentence there but you get the idea. like YESSS you little blonde bitch get to the point i love you!!!
OKAY NOW less shallow points but also less uhh idk man i just dont remember a lot of hannibal. but basically: after seeing how caring 2002 will is, i'm kind of... idk i'm just so over tv will and how abrasive and harsh he is in comparison. like i fell in LOVE with how vulnerable 2002 will is, how he feels like he cares deeply about the people around him (and honestly... idk i cant remember a moment in the hannibal tv series that made me feel the way i felt when 2002 will can't say "the kids were shot in their beds". it's like... yeah this is a guy who feels so deeply for everyone around him at all times. i believe that.) and i just dont remember getting that same feeling from tv will. i have been gently spoon fed the most excellent chocolate pudding and everything else in my memory is just a snack pack. i guess tv will has those moments (what comes to mind is when he brings gideon to hannibal's house and is crying and he says "please dont lie to me") but idk they just didnt really do for me what 2002 will does. and then their scenes with reba! wow! i rewatched the tv version after watching red dragon, bc the film version made me tear up, meanwhile the tv version i barely remembered and i wasnt sure if that was just bc of the different mindsets i was in while watching them or what. and ok i just rewatched the tv version again and like... yeah. it's the wills lol. i LOVEEE tv reba SO much she is giving everything in that scene!! she sounds so like... broken, both bc of dolarhyde's apparent suicide and bc of finding out who he was + what he was doing, she sounds so fragile and guilt ridden! she's amazing!! but will. idk. tv will's delivery just seems... idk this feels dumb to say but it sounds like writing. i admittedly LOVE the line "people who study this kind of thing say that he was trying to stop because you helped him." and his delivery there is good. but between tv "you didnt draw a freak, you drew a man w a freak on his back" and the 2002 version, the 2002 delivery seems more genuine while the tv delivery sounds rehearsed. idk overall the 2002 version of that conversation just makes me feel more? its like. idk i can feel the 2002 version gently holding my heart while the tv version is a scene that is nice in h/nnigram gifsets or w/e.
umm ok this is already suuuper long and my brain is getting a bit mushy so i'm gonna start wrapping it up lol. i'll probably compare book will and 2002 will again after i finish the book, and then i miiight rewatch hannibal, or at least parts of s3. but right now my thoughts are basically: book will is a fucking dick who has an easier time empathizing with serial killers than with his wife. tv will is a nothing girl after being so completely catered to + also idk he doesnt have the same fragility that i want from my wills now. and 2002 will is my little caramel apple. he has this delightful vulnerability and feels like he cares so much and empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss and 4 people in a diner for one scene! 2002 will made me care about will graham! which is honestly kind of a feat!
#long post#like so so so long#my condolences anon and also anyone following me who doesnt want this on their dash#but yeah 2002 will is my booboo bear my cinnamon swirl coffeecake my little heavensent angel#and ed nortons performance made me feel more than hugh dancy's#i think ed norton does a really good job at giving his characters that kind of vulnerability and i LOVE that!!#like yeah whatever 'you're gat arent you dont you just think hes hot' sure say that but also like#have you seen him in primal fear? its a movie thats a firm Its Complicated for me but his performance is so good and he feels so vulnerable#and even in fight club and kingdom of heaven i think he gets that in there! idk i genuinely think he's a good actor#personal#red dragon#if im writing an essay i may as well put it in my tags#asks#anonymous#<- FORGOT TO ADD THOSE TAGS. anyway#EDIT: NOW FEATURING A READMORE LOL.
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Wait crybaby got everything wrong? It's the only devilman media I've interacted with, and I only watched it bc an animator I like worked on it. And even now I feel like vomiting when I think about it bc it just fucked me up dude. The whole thing felt like the sole purpose was to shock the audience with emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual violence D:
👉👈🥺 what is...the good devilman media?
wwjhd aaaaa oh man im so sorry you had to experience all that!! i know how you feel!! it was so awful and gut wrenching i had to stop watching 😖
im really particular abt what the best version of devilman is, there's quite a lot of iterations out there with varying amounts of gore and genuine awfulness
imo The Best form to consume devilman is the original manga(from the 70s),
im not even completely sure what to say, its basically one of the best horror mangas ive ever read, features two girlbosses, its got a few accidentally really funny scenes, honestly it plays with emotions really well, there are scenes that are intended to shock you but i feel like theyre handled really well as dramatic plot points, like i think reading this was the first time i felt so much connection and dread thru any media that i could feel my entire heart drop in reaction to only a single panel. the gore isn't intensely graphic overall, there are a few scenes I'd consider fairly grotesque, but this is from memory so im not sure how accurate i am abt that..... tw for child death, body horror, im not sure if they did this in crybaby too but there's mild transphobia due to assigning certain genitalia to sexual orientation(tho i recently found out that was go nagai's only choice in order to get past censorship and include a gay character,,, so 🙄 idk. i think he did what he had to and what he had to do wasnt alright), tw for animal death, like brutal depiction of dead animals near the beginning, there's lots of nudity, lots of boobs... sorry its been a while, my tw list probably isnt as precise as I'd like it to be, but from my memory there's no sexual assault whatsoever, barely any direct references to having sex either(unlike crybaby)
and i gotta warn you about a version called "the classic collection" for the manga. its supposed to be 2 large books that feature the compiled full story, but wow i regret having purchased these at all go nagai added some really disgusting things(sexual assault, short comic literally depicting sympathy towards hitler[specifically a guy gets abused by a demon and a woman he loves is killed and the comic does a whole "and that man that u just sympathized with... that was hitler" like.... okay actually i am going to attack go nagai to death] like he did this short series abt real terrible people in history where the "reason" they were so villainous was "actually bc of demons uwu". AWFULLL.) like! be careful not to purchase these and then take too long to read them to get to these weird hyper fucked up additions placed randomly within the books and become unable to return them ;_;
and then there's the 2 ova's from 1987-1990, called Devilman: The Birth, and Devilman: The Demon Bird
these two are usually paired together, you can find them uploaded on youtube every once in a while, the dub is. well in a technical sense it should be considered awful but i personally think the ridiculousness and constant unnecessary swearing really fits. its considered the best anime adaptation but there's only 2 episodes, theyre long enough to cover a chapter each but.... man if only they finished. i should also warn there's some heavy violence in these. like its not *as* bad as other iterations of devilman but like.... its worse than the manga by far, and there's one second of violence that always makes me flinch in the first ova. (theres quite a bit of guts in these i think... but the 2nd ova is much worse on the gore in one rlly long scene)
i dont rlly like the second movie as much... its just kinda meh for me.. except to see and hear sirene... literally her voice actor did such a good job im so gay (dont worry abt sexual assault in the ova's either, sirene is safe from that kind of depiction)
but basically! i say read the original manga, and if u want more(and rlly want to laugh) watch at least the first ova, then the 2nd if u want. but i beg you not to purchase anything new literally please dont support this disgusting author in any way
#i always feel so conflicted abt even talking abt devilman sometimes..#like the original manga devilman is objectively good but literally i wouldnt think twice about running go nagai over with a car#like dont ever look into his other works he's made beyond the first devilman manga series. dont look at anything else it will only hurt you#i got those nasty copies of the 'classic collection' and yknow what i had a lot of fun defacing that book and removing those pages.#someday I'll get started on collecting those individual manga preused...#like the weirdest part abt go nagai making a sympathy piece with hitler is like... ok this fucker misunderstood his own fucking book#like. theres scenes of characters listening to hearsay that ppl are 'evil' and hating and attacking them with no basis and we know the#characters are innocent. so its all pointless. but. still. go nagai chooses to forgo something he himself was against at one point#hatred against go nagai. go back to being a decent person or else go nagai#devilman#asks#noize-machine#hitler ment#EDITED BC I FORGOT THE READMORE
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This is what I sent to her lol (under a cut tho bc im not that mean)
DONT LOOK UNDER THIS CUT FOR GIVEN SPOILERS!!!!
Ritsuka quickly realizes that Mafuyu is an exceptionally talented singer, and invites him to join the band. Ritsuka learns that Mafuyu's guitar was previously owned by Yuuki, Mafuyu's childhood friend and boyfriend who died in an apparent suicide. The band begins composing music in advance of a live performance, but Mafuyu is unable to write lyrics for the song.
On the day of the performance, Mafuyu has a breakthrough and sings a powerful song about his feelings of loss over Yuuki. The song prompts Ritsuka to realize his romantic feelings for Mafuyu; he kisses him backstage, and they begin dating shortly thereafter.
The band names itself – "Given", in tribute to the guitar given to Mafuyu by Yuuki – and begin to develop a following after posting a video of their live performance online. Given qualifies for a major amateur music festival, and begin preparing new material. Their efforts are complicated when Akihiko, who Haruki secretly has romantic feelings for, becomes involved with his roommate and ex-boyfriend Ugetsu.
Ok so in the beginning of our show: our first protag mafuyu sato is seen walking to school In the rain (with an umbrella tho lol) he says, as narrator, “mafuyu is not lonely.” And also some other stuff that’s all vibe you know? So THIS is repeated through out the series with him saying that “mafuyu isn’t lonely” especially when something bad happens. The thing is he IS lonely. Why you may ask? Well, his ex boyfriend from middle school killed himself and he thinks it’s his fault and stuff. They had gotten into an argument and he drank himself to death. RIP yuki. The only time where I personally believe this statement of ‘not loneliness’ is true is after Uenoyama (other protagonist and love interest) kisses him. I think that’s very swagger. Right before sed kiss mafuyu sang a song that he wrote at a live performance with da band about his heartbreak with yuki’s death. The person he truly loved. It’s called fuyu no hashi and I recommend you give it a listen it’s really good. Uhm but uhhh he realizes after da kiss that he has a new love ❤️ Ue! Yay canon gay ship time let’s party owah owah
NOW I wanna talk abt the opening and op lyrics. They are SO GOOD. they explain Mafuyu’s situation so we’ll just *mwah*. I think it’s called kizuato. There’s this one part where the singer (which could be interpreted as mafuyu despite it not be8gn his voice) says “Rainy, sunny and cloudy
Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. 365 days. You remain in all of them.” When he says the last line “you remain in all of them” we see mafuyu holding his guitar when a pair of arms wraps around him from behind like a hug. He shifts and kind of like compresses himself? Like you know what would happen if you got a hug. These arms are kinda transparent and they disappear before the line and that clip is over. AT FIRST before I knew about yuki and all that I thoguht they were from his late dad but now I believe the arms belong to yuki. Mafuyu’s dad was abusive and hit him when he spoke and I thoguht that would be the part of his trauma the show focused on but it wasn’t, instead they focused on yuki and his death more. Anyways I thoguht that was cool and representative of what happened pretty well.
Part of it also makes me wanna cry tho. It says “Dig them out. Take away these memories. The invisible voices that wouldn't reach. That Make me suffer/ suffocate me. Search deeper and take a look at this pain inside of me.” Specifically the “take away these memories” part just,, damn. And the invisible voices thing is just too fucking relatable. I’m so sorry Mafuyu
Oh god now I’m getting emotional about fictional boys who play guitar in front of my friends. Sorry guys.
Anyways. Main statement of the song time. “Everything you left behind, became my everything.” D a m n. Not only could he be talking about the guitar the he owns that is from Yuki he could also just be talking about the memories. ‘All the memories you left me, became the only thing that brought me comfort’ and that’s just... so sad man. He LOVED this boy. So much :/ It’s equally as sad with the guitar too. Because of how desperately he wanted to learn to play. For yuki’s sake because YUKI loved music. ‘This guitar you (kinda your mom but wtv lol) gave me, became my life” because it DOES become his life. When he finally accepts new love is after singing fuyu no hanashi. He finally lets go of all the pent up grievance and emotions while singing that song.
Now that point flows perfectly into our next one. It’s a possibility This will be the last one so just bear with me, please! So, one of Mafuyu’s main things is that he never knows how to respond or react the “proper” way. First of all!!!! NEURODIVERGENT KING. Second of all!!!! He talks about how he just doesn’t feel emotions as strongly or just the right way as other people. And how he can’t bring himself to cry and can’t cry despite losing his true love. After the kiss, mafuyu cries. A started clapping for him like yay!!! An icon ❤️ not only did he find a new love and move through some trauma but he also experienced a lot of emotions that he struggles to experience! That’s so good for him 💕💕But yeah he’d been talking about in the show how he just couldn’t “cry or laugh as hard as the other people could” which I can understand very well. It can feel dehumanizing at times so I’m really happy for him. One of the main reasons I kin him!
This brings me into a sort of continuation point about how no thought brain empty emotionless kin time. Sorry o just had to write that out Bc my nose started bleeding and I had to go take care of that and also not forget my clause (again). Mafuyu talks to Uenoyama about how everyone thinks that he doesn’t have emotions or doesn’t have thoughts because of how quiet he is and how emotionless he seems. And how he’s come to kind of believe it himself (a sort of ‘am I really thinking ever’ type beat). Ue kinda-over-aggressively is liek “hell no!!!! No way brain not have thought >:(“ like a old you know? And yes KIN TIME. not to make it about me or anything but I’m also constantly told/it’s joked about how I don’t have emotions. I just kinda roll with it tho.
I wanna say one more thing to end off on a note that isn’t about me but I can’t think of one so let me think. So much for that other one being the last shsndujsjjsidj
:OOOOO ok so I’m rewatching given and I just noticed another thing
So in the beginning, the VERY FIRST thing mafuyu talks about is how he keep shaving the same dream over and over again (this is to himself when he’s walking to school). Then, we see a clip of this dream. He is standing in front of someone (but it’s kinda shadowed so I didn’t see the other person the first time) and his eyes go wide and he grips his guitar so hard one of the strings snap.
Not only do I realize that 1) that dream actually happened: hs8 is a scene from when he fo7nd yuki’s body hanging (mafuyu was the one who found him dead). You can tell from the bottles on the ground (yuki got super drunk and then hung himself). this is why mafuyu’s guitar string is broken for Uenoyama to later fix.
I also realize 2) that this dream actually happened. I realized this when watching the show the first time tho lol. Right before the big concert, mafuyu accidentally breaks his guitar string again. And then Ue has to go run to the music store and buy a new one. That’s why there’s a look of desperation on his face when it happens because, Uenoyama brought his hope back by fixing the string the first time but now he messed it up again. Thank the lord for Haruki and reminding them it can be fixed!
Last thing 3) I talked about the hug scene in the last rant right? Well, when mafuyu broke the strings the first time (upon discovering yuki’s body), he mirrored the motions that he made in the hug scene in the opening. I think I described it as him shifting his body and guitar and like compressing himself? Yeah.
I realized one last minuscule thing while writing this but I doubt you care.
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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...
I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.
Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!
What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.
THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.
Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)
god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t
i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!
hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.
and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)
sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.
i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.
and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.
i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.
omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao
was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.
i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.
Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?
this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L
you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.
i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.
i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)
but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.
exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.
“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY
kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.
LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.
also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.
i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.
as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.
look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????
painful.
the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.
although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.
although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)
oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.
also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.
on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao
yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P
jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)
er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!
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oh wow i haven’t been on tumblr in so long bc mobile is shit but how tf did i forget abt ur art ??? fukcin blows me away wow. any tips on anatomy for a rly bad artist? ik practice, but i get so frustrated when it doesn’t look like what i see in my head :(
yeah lol mobile on tumblr sucks major ass now. i cant even publish drafts on there. and im in the same boat wiht you on anatomy lmao. it might look like i know what im doing, but sometimes not really. maybe im just good at deceiving ppl on the way i draw when its kinda inaccurate
anyway, i also struggle with never really composing the shit i want, and even i tell myself to go practice anatomy but im never really granted a lot of time in my life, so i gotta make use of whatever i can find whenever i draw.
this post is actually long, so if you just want anatomy resources, you can check these out:
stuff that i made tutorials/tips on: torso/hands/pose
these are all very condensed tutorials/tips, so a lot of this is just collection of stuff that i’ve learned/noticed from others. this might be helpful, but idk man
here’s a list of other resources for anatomy/any other refs
this one was mentioned in the list, but its easily looked over: posemaniacs, it has different modes you can try out (timed/casual study), and its good for practicing foundations in anatomy. i paid more attention to this one when i saw a twitter post of it
bodies in motion is a site you can also use. it has a catalog of images to see people acting something out, and you get to see all the frames of it occurring. even though you’re just looking at images, its still a reference to learn how arms, legs, or torsos move B^) its a good way to pay attention to the smaller details like the various muscles in bodies
and honestly, check out what other ppl say too. there’s a lot of artists out there who might’ve already wrote some shit that i mentioned or have new info that i never thought about. just type in “anatomy/art tips” into any kind of search bar and you’re sure to find something useful at some point. but main takeaway i really want you to have is to seriously study from life. dont do it based on memory or anything. there’s no other general advice that i can really give besides 1) practice 2) study from life 3) dont stress out and take your time. if you want me to give a specific tip/tutorial on a body part, i can try, but the amount of depth i can give is really based on my own knowledge of it
now for the 2nd part of this post:
COMPOSING SHIT OR MAKING STUFF LOOK LIKE WHAT YOU EXPECTED IT TO LOOK LIKE:
“i get so frustrated when it doesn’t look like what i see in my head :(“
i suck at it, whoever is reading this prob sucks at it (and they secretly know it too) we all gotta start somewhere. you’re kinda asking for composing stuff while also anatomy tips, but its kinda broad, so lemme mention something about composition:
use perspective grids or at least practice using them first. the best way to understand how things are supposed to look is also based around the way you’re trying to see it in, like a certain angle of some sort. here, lemme give an example where i drafted a sketch a lot:
ok cool, got a pose i want, got the general idea, niiiiiiiiiceee. but i didnt think it was good enough, but i still managed to plan out a pose anyway with that grid on the bottom. it helped me gain a focus on how these characters were supposed to lay down on the ground, but it still wasnt good enough yet. character on top was facing their right instead of the person in front of them, which wasnt what i wanted.
then i sketched it again. this time the “camera” of the scene was more based around the front of the characters rather than the side, and now the character is looking at the person below them. but wait, it wasnt good enough yet. i didnt like how relaxed their position looked.
i changed the position of the character to make it seem more convincing that they were pressing hard into the ground and possibly sneering at the person below them. they held dominance over the person simply based on the way theyre positioned in the scene. the way people move suggests a lot about what is happening in the scene and what might be apparent about their character. i was able to make a pose i wanted with the help of a perspective grid, and it really does help at times. use perspective grids to help you out with making anatomy. also, dont forget that what you learn from simply observing how bodies work can help you out with giving clues to how the bodies should look at a certain angle
but am i a master at using perspective grids? no, lol. i always have to make several perspective grids while i draw as a way to convince myself that i really am drawing my shit right.
some of the resources i listed lean into something related to perspective, so there’s that. there’s definitely tutorials out there to understand how to use perspective grids, so i suggest you search those up too. there’s a program called carapace thats specific for creating perspective grids, but im not sure where the original download site is, but if you want to know what it looks like or where to download it, google is your friend. if you use digital media and your drawing software offers a perspective grid function, then i highly suggest you learn how to use it.
i wouldnt say that there’s a specific thing you need to learn first (i.e. learning perspective before anatomy), but if you want to just simply learn how to draw anatomy, then go ahead and find whatever you can. if you wanna create some cool ass poses with some interesting perspective shots, then take what you learn from anatomy and apply it to how you practice your perspective shots or vice versa. there’s a lot of variety in what you can do and how you can do it simultaneously with something else to learn something out of it B^)
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different anon, but heck yeah u should definitely infodump about lucid dreaming!! im really interested in it
aaaaa okay !!! uh hold onto ur ears yall im abt to talk em off lmao
so !! if u didnt know, lucid dreaming is basically when you become aware that you’re dreaming while youre in a dream. once you’re aware, you can take control of the dream in literally any way u want — u can do anything, go anywhere, meet anyone, all with the knowledge that nothing can hurt u and nothing can stop u
its a fascinating concept and, the feeling when u actually become lucid for the first time? its better than anything else in the world. its the most invigorating thing u can ever feel, i think. but actually becoming lucid is, ,, , , hm. a time and a half.
putting the rest under a cut bc, hooooo boy this is gonna get long
first things first! you absolutely have to keep a dream journal. forgetting ur dreams is all well and good when ur not trying to accomplish anything in them, but if you become lucid and then wake up with only the vaguest memory of what you actually did? thats painful.
u can either go all out and get a fancy journal and write them down physically each morning, or u can do what i do and just download an app. i personally use the app Dream Catcher, which lets u tag ur dreams for easy organization. just get in the habit of writing down your dreams every morning, and if you really, really cant remember anything, just write down that you didnt dream anything that day. you’ll train your brain to remember your dreams better
secondly! reality checks! are absolutely imperative! the idea behind them is that, if you do something throughout the day that “proves” your reality, eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams as well. for example, a common thing in my dreams is that i’ll have extra fingers, so i check my hands a lot throughout the day.
it can’t just be a casual thing, too. if all you do is glance at your hands and b like “yo looks normal, we gucci”, then you’ll do the same in your dreams even if you have Weird hands. trust me, Dream-You is an idiot, you gotta be obvious with this stuff. take a few moments, look at your hands, count out your fingers, and really think to yourself “am i dreaming?”
try to get in the habit of doing that at least 15 times a day, and eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams too.
now, if you just stick with doing those two things — which is what i’m doing right now — your chances of becoming lucid will raise astronomically. even just those two tiny things can train your brain into realizing when the world around you is real and when it isnt. you can also attempt something really easy called a MILD — a mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream — which can help your chances even more without upping the effort
whenever you go to bed, just take a few moments — even just five minutes can help — and just. lay there. and think to urself, again and again “the next scene will be a dream” or “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” or something similar. get ur brain really focused on lucid dreaming right before you fall asleep and chances are, those Vibes will bleed over into ur dreams and you’ll become lucid
practice those three things consistently, every day, and pretty soon you’ll start becoming lucid. it takes time, though! dont be discouraged if you end up not becoming lucid for the first few weeks, or even months. sometimes your brain just needs a bit of extra training
that’s what ive been doing for the past year or so — bc damn do i Not have the energy to actually put in too much effort — but!!! there are other techniques!!
my personal favorite is the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method. with this technique, you set your alarm for roughly 5-6 hours after you go to sleep so you’ll wake up inside of one of your REM cycles, specifically one where your dreams will be the most vivid. dont do anything, just roll over and go right back to sleep.
you can even use a MILD along with this, repeat whatever mantra u usually use as you fall back asleep. you should start to see hypnagogic imagery — blobs of color and vague shapes floating before your eyes. just observe them. at one point, they’ll start forming more familiar shapes, and places, and maybe even people — and there should be a moment, a snap, where you go from observing these images to actually being in the scene. you literally build the dream around yourself, its magical
i have read that WBTB can cause sleep paralysis, but i’ve never personally experienced any problems with it, aside from the fact that im always tired the next day.
another thing that could severely increase your chances of being lucid but also involves Effort — meditation. specifically mindfulness meditation. the act of bringing full awareness to your Existence, honing in on just Your body, Your mind, Your breath, will make you a more aware, mindful person, which in turn makes you more perceptive of dream signs. also, the ability to clear your mind and center yourself with a moment’s notice really comes in handy when the dream becomes destabilized and you have to take control
if ur an adhd lad like me — or neurodivergent in any way, really — the idea of meditation can be,,,, terrifying. honestly, i havent meditated in like six months now, because it really wasnt?? doing anything for me?? mostly because im absolutely incapable of sitting still for that long without Something to stimulate me
so! loophole! guided meditations. having someone else guide you through the process can make it a bit easier to focus. just find one that works for u on youtube. there are even guided meditations made specifically to prime ur brain for lucid dreaming!
so thats how you get lucid. now for when youre lucid
at first, lucid dreaming is going to be extremely hard. dreams fall apart very easily — if you get too overexcited or if a dream-character looks at you the wrong way or if you cant seem to do what you want to do, your lucidity can fade and you’ll either go back to being your normal dream self or you’ll wake up. dreams are volatile and hard to control, and even harder to master
thats where meditation comes in handy. youll have a much easier time controlling your dreams if you can look at the world around you, take a breath, center yourself, and know that you can control it. that being said, you can absolutely learn to take control without ever having meditated a day in your life. its all about your mindset!
you have to go into it with confidence. the key to controlling your dreams is knowing that they’re your dreams. you cant forget that you’re in control. thats why i feel like learning to lucid dream doubles as a lesson in self-confidence — you have to learn to trust yourself, trust that you can handle any scenario thrown at you and come out on top.
if you can achieve this mindset, you can literally do anything. ive had maybe 50 lucid dreams since i started learning about them — which… is honestly a really low amount, but. i havent really had the time/energy to really throw myself into it as much as i want to. but just in those dreams, ive flown, ive shapeshifted, ive met my sides, ive teleported to vast, gorgeous lands and seen some of the most beautiful things ive ever seen. anything is possible in a lucid dream; thats why its so worth it to put in the effort
but when youre first starting out, itll be extremely hard to maintain that mindset. like i said, Dream-you is dumb as shit — you’ll forget youre dreaming, you’ll be unable to control anything, you’ll wake up before you manage to accomplish anything. more often than not, the dream will destabilize, which is Not Fun
if the dream starts to destabilize — basically, if things start going fuzzy or vague, if you suddenly cant see, if you can feel ur body in bed, basically anything that points towards you waking up — there are ways to fix it. literally just spinning around helps for some reason? spin around, fall down, run ur hands along anything u can find and feel the texture, or just demand that the dream stabilize itself. most of the time, thatll work
and if it doesnt, dont be discouraged. theres always another night to dream
so basically: start a dream journal, do reality checks, mmmmaybe meditate if youre up for it, and your dreams will become like. at least 10x more interesting. trust me, try flying: its literally the best feeling in the entire world
its just !!! such a huge, incredible thing, and its so fascinating to learn about too. all the different ways you can train your brain, all the different things you can do, all the studies done on the subject. i suggest reading about Steven LaBerge or keith hearne. hearne led the study that proved lucid dreaming existed in the first place! he got a lucid dreamer to signal to him that he was conscious while asleep using REM (rapid-eye movement), because lucid dreaming happens during the REM state. also, robert waggoner’s book Gateway to the Inner Self is really fascinating too!
hm wow i really went ham here lmao
thanku for giving me a chance to infodump im very happy rn
#me: /spends a full half-hour infodumping abt something most people havent even heard of/#now if only i could remember this much when it comes to schoolwork lmaooooo#ty for the Infodump Permission im !! vibin rn#lowkey highkey this makes me wanna get back into it. . . might do a wbtb tonight...#personal#logan talks#lucid dreaming#Anonymous
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Can you explain the color switch technique for theater more clearly? I'm going to audition for our high school play and I want a reliable way to act without having to relive my worst memories.
dunno when exactly you sent this anon, but i hope i havent responded too late.
SO. the colour switch technique. dunno if its an official name or whatever BUT its essentially used in theatre or really in any other scenario where you have to lie or assume an emotion that you’re not currently feeling. essentially, you have to play a role. but since you said youre auditioning for a play, we focusin on the theatre aspect of it.
the most common thing i see or hear people do when they need to play an emotion that they just aren’t feeling at that moment, is to think of a personal event in their lives that elicits that specific emotion. it WILL work, or at the very least, elicit a strong emotion that pushes you to make your scene more believable and more alive. now thats great if the memory or event is a happy one. thinking of the first time you ever held your baby sibling, or that time you had your first kiss, or that day your parents surprised you with a new car. genuine happiness, or the memory of genuine happiness can work wonders to make a scene look and feel organic.
but if the emotion is negative, its going to absolutely DECIMATE your mental health.
no matter how much you think that ‘its just for a scene’ or that it wont actually affect you when youre off the stage, using the “relive memory to recreate emotion” method can and will fuck your mental health sideways with a chainsaw. its BAD for you to constantly think of painful or sad memories. there’s rehearsals, the actual performance, and worse, memories of the play itself. associating the memory of a tragic accident or a bad fight to a scene of a play youre participating in IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
i did theatre back in highschool. my depression at that stage was also. uh. particularly bad. so the whole “relive traumatic memories to experience pain so you can act better” is TERRIBLE advise. dont listen to anyone who tells you to do it. it WILL negatively impact your mental health AND your memories of the play, and may even discourage you from participating in future plays yourself.
but you still need to find a way to channel those emotions.
in comes colour switch theory. or technique. whatever its called. my theatre directors were GODDESSES. they recommended this technique to EVERYONE and it WORKS.
the trick is to associate a particular colour with a particular emotion, or even facial expression. when you need to keep a stoic face, you picture the colour in your mind and chant it in your head over and over to not break character. when you need to be sad, just repeat the colour you chose for sadness over and over to get yourself in the mindset WITHOUT hurting your mental health. for me, some of the colours i chose were:
blue- sadness/loneliness
red- anger
black- nothingness
grey- fear
there are more, but lets focus on these four. blue is my favourite colour. but thinking of the colour blue it doesnt automatically make me sad, so i can still enjoy it when im off stage. to channel the emotion of sadness or loneliness that i tied with the colour blue, i think of sadness from inside out and her blue motif. i think of the blue colour commonly depicted for tears. i think of cold and i think of a single person all alone, curled up in a blue room, crying.
just talking about this made my body curl up when i was writing that paragraph. i am shaking, and i feel sad, but when i stopped thinking about that imagery, it stopped. because its not a painful or traumatic memory for me, i can just yeet the blue emotion imagery away from me when i dont want it. you cant do that with personal memories and thats what makes the colour switching strategy so good. you can act better but you dont have to hurt yourself to do it.
think of it as constructing a bubble in your head, or a room you go to when you need to feel something. for anger, i think of a red room. i think of that red emoji with the brows scrunched up and the teeth gnashed together. i think of being so angry you lose words. i think of being red-faced because you just cant control it. conveniently, anger from inside out is also red, so i can think of him too. i think of fire in my veins, hot and ready to explode with nowhere to go but loud, violent screaming. and as im writing this, i can picture myself on a stage just shouting at whoeever has done my character wrong.
same goes for black and grey. black is just when i need to keep a straight face. when i need to be stoic or unimpressed. and its just a black room. nothingness. i sometimes picture that black room in real life when i have to not laugh at something funny if the timing is inappropriate, or when i have to keep a strong facade when i want to cry. i picture that room of nothingness and my mind goes blank. and i can keep a stoic face. the grey room is fog and shadows just in the corner of my eye. its something closing in that i cant see because of all the grey swirling around me. i dont know if im alone. i dont know if i am safe because i can only see a foggy room.
all in all, mentally travelling to a room in your mind created for the express purpose of eliciting a specific emotion is better than just retraumatising yourself. and its really simple to create these rooms. you dont even have to use the same colours i did.
maybe you have more trouble with expressing lovey dovery emotions. you can make red your love room. think of red flowers on valentines day, the red heart decals you see on store windows, the red box of chocolate youd give to a lover. red is passion, red is life, and you can associate things like that with your red room if you want. its like a venn diagram. things you associate with red on the left, things you associate with the emotion on the right, and the things they have in common can be used to construct the imagery of the emotion colour switch room.
then you can just chant red red red in your mind and you think of the blush on the fair maidens cheek as her knight comes to rescue her. you can think of a scarlet dress dazzling everyone in the room, but the wearer only has eyes for one man. you can think of lipstick stain against a collar.
you can associate any emotion with any colour. my process was:
pick a colour
pick an emotion/facial expression
picture a small room in your mind
fill that room with things or imagery that match your emotion or expression
be as specific or as generic as you want
you can have a green room dedicated to irritation or envy or just the loose feeling that youre not completely happy. the reasoning can be just bc you thought of the phrase “green with envy” and thought itd be neat. green can be a mother experiencing the joy of holding her child for the first time because green=nature=nurturing=mother.
establish a connection with that colour. fill out your room and create the keyword to get in. im very unoriginal so my keyword was just chanting the colour name over and over in my head. if i say blue enough times i get sad, even if i dont picture the room bc my mind has formed a link to that state of being. and i can break away without much trouble bc the connection is just on the surface.
colour switch is hair chalk. reliving memories is hair dye. at the end of the day, both of them colour hair. but you can wipe off the hair chalk w relative ease but a thorough hair dye that produces vibrant colours cant easily be removed, even when you want to switch to a different colour, or maybe even lose the dye completely.
i would recommend picking an emotion or expression that youre not good at portraying, but dont struggle with as much for your first room. i am not good at expressing sadness, but im worst at expressing upset or anger. so when i first started my colour switch mindset room, i started with sadness. it helps me express an emotion that im not particularly good at expressing, while still being relatively easy for me to get the hang of. maybe try for the second or third worst emotion you express, build a room to channel that emotion, and establish your connection.
make it a well-tread path, essentially. first few times are gon be difficult, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. all i need now to fake-cry is picturing the blue room, saying blue a bunch of times, and making a face. then i cry. completely fake and not damaging to my health.
i hope this makes sense for you. if it doesnt, feel free to send in an ask with more detailed questions abt the parts youre confused about or anything else. same goes for anyone who happens to read this that has an interest in theatre. id rather answer a dozen asks of the same question than have any of yall do something so harmful to your mental health. if anything was at all confusing, please feel free to tell me and ill gladly clarify some more. stay safe and take care of yourselves. and to the anon who asked, i hope your play goes well
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OKAY ONE LAST POST BECAUSE IM ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AT NOT TALKING
its a more serious one though, so if you dont wanna see me be more personal go ahead and skip i dont mind. im gonna ramble abt the shame i feel with having sadistic thoughts and fears of sexual agency, and kinda, sex in general, maybe some self destructive behaviors? kinda honestly putting my soul out there. its a bit of a vent post. im not having a bad night or anything, just thinking a lot, and want to get those thoughts out of my head
i, really outta do some research on actual sadism or just, see other people who have similar thoughts cause ill admit i feel a lot of guilt about it. like id never, ever, EVER want to hurt another person, and the idea of even spanking someone consensually is very scary to me
but this isnt a new thing for me, some of the first things i found arousing as a kid involved pain. i was fascinated by inuyashas blood covered hands, and rewatched part of a youtube letsplay over and over and over again just to hear the noise link made when he got injured again. same with part of that animated 2ne1 music video where the villain grimaces when his car gets hit. these are really vivid memories for me so like, i know this isnt some suddenly new thing for me. (im also repulsed by gore but can also find it beautiful in art, and writing violent stuff is therapeutic for me but can be REALLY triggering if im reading it)
and i dont know if that sorta, anti kink purity culture thing the internets been moving towards has contributed? to that shame i feel, or if thats just my empathy acting up. because i really do care strongly for people, basically every person i ever meet. and i, sort? of understand the appeal of masochism myself, and i definitely understand the appeal of domming. but i dont understand how to control a scene, how to start up a scene, how to monitor the subs mental state, how to even take that control in the first place because even imagining doing that scares me so, so fucking badly
so i write noncon dom stuff, so i dont have to figure out how to get them there, or how to keep them safe, and i get to satisfy that deep hidden desire to scratch and claw and smile and laugh at someone shaking and crying in fear. or if its soft, just taking care of them and loving them and being loved and needed i can imagine companionship in the only way i understand how, through sex. ive had very few long lasting close friendships, ive never had a crush, and honestly im not, sure? i enjoy sex? like i like being touched but once i have to do it back i get really scared (unless we take things really slow, but im also very inexperienced). i just like being desired, or honestly getting touch of any kind and thats the only way i know how to ask for it
and i kinda, only realized that fear recently. i dont think i had it when i was 18 and I was just starting to interact with people online. but back then i wouldve never dreamed of flirting with anyone either. (had that fuckin trauma BOY HOWDY)
um, to bring this around to what brought these thoughts out, a while ago i was flirting with a friend, we just did that for fun absolutely no sexual or romantic intentions involved. and they told me about how sore they were and i responded back with a grin and giggle and a growl and a laugh and said all the different ways id love to bend and prod them to make it worse because, well, I’m a sadist. and they liked it. i got dizzy with how much i enjoyed that teasing. i literally started slurring my words and had to stop because i couldnt talk anymore, just drool and lay in a warm fuzzy heap of satisfied feelings.
and then afterwards we talked for a bit and as i calmed down and came back to myself i just, i felt like i was going to burst out of my skin, shakey and unsteady, head buzzing, nearly obsessive with the need to tell them i’d never hurt them and make sure i hadnt. so i told them. tried to keep control of myself but i cried. i was near fucking inconsolable. i was terrified i made them uncomfortable, went too far though everything was consensual and it was just flirting, not even explicit! teasing at the maximum! we’d said far spicier things before! they knew i’d never hurt them never want to hurt them never dream of hurting them. and i still cried. i felt wrong. i felt mean i felt horrible, and i’d enjoyed it
and im still a sadist, i find specific kinds of pain arousing, i dont like scarring or blood, preferring discomfort over all, and occasionally i write much much darker content that i dont find sexually appealing, but helps me get out my anger and other emotions i dont know how to process otherwise, and sometimes its just, fun? i know i dont want to hurt people, and i know these things are helpful for me, but i still feel shame
honestly a lot of the kinks or fetishes i used to like, im not sure if i do anymore, either because i just, dont, or ive realized theyre not as acceptable as i once thought, or theyre just not as common online anymore. and i dont feel comfortable sharing them, whether out of fear of rejection, or of making someone else uncomfortable. considering some of the stuff i enjoy imagining or writing i cant read myself. thats, kindof a weird contrast isnt it? (but that might also be because when i was younger, much younger, id read very dark fics, or angst, or look at gore, animal death, death and the nearly dying, as a form of self harm, purposefully seeking out what i knew would trigger me just to keep me dissociating for as long as possible so i wouldnt have to feel, and i’ll admit this is still a mild problem for me, but ive gotten leagues, leagues LEAGUES better. and i try very hard to heed warnings, because i know no one would want me to do that with their works)
cant i just have fun, do i have to have all these shames and memories to go along with this kind of stuff. whyd i find it when i was younger. why do i so closely associate porn and sex with pain when ive never really stopped consuming it. why cant i admit i just want to be held and told im important and enough instead of imagining getting dicked down by men who i both wouldnt be attracted to irl and be scared of
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okay y’all, opinions on love by chance vs uwma, scroll past if u dont give a fuck
uwma is the 4th thai drama i’ve ever seen, love by chance was the first, and these are the only two that really really stick out to me. the other two, 2moons and sotus, were good and i liked them, but this post isn’t abt them bc today i’m talking about my, current, favorites. editing to say that i should mention for anyone reading who’s unaware that lbc and uwma are also made by the same studio and share a director, so comparing them makes more sense than comparing shows made by different studios and people.
uwma embodies my favorite trope, and no it is not necessarily the soulmate trope. while soulmates does, as a trope, usually embody the aspects of my favorite trope, my all-time favorite bl, sekaiichi hatsukoi, wouldnt fall under soulmates, and sekaiichi is where my favorite trope comes from, it was the first thing i ever watched that has this trope. my favorite trope is people who once knew or dated each other reconnecting years and years later, sometimes in a different life counts if they have memories from the past life, and ultimately everything works out the second time around. idk why it’s my favorite trope, i just know i went hard to some sekaiichi in 2012, and ever since anything that reminds me of sekaiichi even a little gets a big fucking thumbs up.
because uwma has this, it has obviously stuck out to me. i also really enjoy the main couple—even more, to be honest, than i enjoyed ae and pete in lbc. i also absolutely ADORE the soundtrack, the instrumental background music is very very good, though i don’t think any theme song will ever trump the lbc theme for me bc that shit just. goes too hard. i also feel like the acting in uwma is very very good. dare i say? better than lbc. which honestly may just come with more experience from the director and studio, but seeing as the actors are not the same, it’s hard to tell what the cause is. but the crying scenes in uwma are almost bearable, whereas seeing a person cry in lbc always made me like. idk, uncomfortable?? which might have been the point idk but if it was purposeful then that was a bold move. there has also been so much improvement when it comes to the camera shots. lbc wasnt bad, but the shots weren’t really artistic or daring imo. uwma has so so so many shots that are just LOVELY to me. particularly, the first one that comes to mind is the shot of sin on the phone with dean when dean is asking him to look for info on korn and intouch. the purples? the oranges? the perfect balance of shadow? and jesus fucking CHRIST don’t even get me STARTED on the chasxter design for sin, so absolutely fucking *chef’s kiss* where’s the spinoff about sin and sorn i need it fr does it already exist i know nothing about thai dramas.
okay well since i started now i have to go off about the character designs and casting choices. idk the names of these actors well bc i’m not following any of them on social media (yet) but the actor they cast for pharm is fucking phenomenal. he pulls of those awkward smiles and cringes so much better and more convincingly than i’ve seen other actors do with his character type. i love that he like genuinely seems like he could be a college freshman (but don’t even talk to me about how dean looks 30) lots of shows, like 2moons, seem to be “what college freshmen think their life is like while they’re in the middle of it” and others, like lbc and uwma, are like “what college freshmen actually look and act like, you weirdos.” of course, i would, can, and will die for sammy melanie coates, she’s officially my favorite actress in the thai drama world and i didnt even know she was in uwma but when it started up and it was eyes on manaow i almost died!!!!!!!! i love her she’s an amazing actress. and it was super fun to catch glimpses of actors i do know from lbc in secondary and tertiary roles in uwma, tho i’m sad that mean gets typecast as “other guy” so much bc i genuinely love him. and finally, the character design for sin can just strike me down where i fuckin stand, talk about callout post for me in the middle of this thai drama i’m just. i love it.
this is a side note, but i also like that pharm is on the less waifish side. bl is terrible about the set DYNAMIC of big seme willowy uke, even lbc had me like :/ with saint playing pete and playing him In Such A Way like idk i know that plenty of gay people ARE effeminate and all but i do very much enjoy castings, specifically in bl dramas which have such a track record, that break that stereotype.
i don’t think it’s over yet, which i didn’t know when i started it, but the most recent episode was posted like 2 days ago so i hold hope for another episode or two. if not that, it clearly needs another season. seeing as how it is definitely not over, i can’t judge for sure what my overall impression of the series as a whole will be. however, as it stands, i don’t think uwma makes me doki as hard as lbc, and this is 10000% bc of tin and can.
what can i say bro? tincan is one of my favorite couples from anything ever. there is something so fucking good and entertaining about their dynamic, and the way the characters grow and their emotions develop is so so good to me, and the scene where can turns tin down For Real at the end of season 1 absolutely blows me away every time, i cry irl bro!! there is something ABOUT tin and can, something about the actors, something about the way theyre played that i can’t get over. when i think about lbc and i Die, it’s not dying over ae and pete, even though i like them very much. it’s dying over tin and can. i literally can’t think of how to put my opinions on this into words, they just genuinely affected me. they’re a gem in the dumpster fire that is bl.
so anyway, long story short i think uwma is overall? a better series. but lbc owns my ass specifically bc of tincan.
#long post#uwma#uwma the series#until we meet again the series#lbc#love by chance#love by chance the series#anyway i know this post makes zero sense and i’m not In the thai drama Circles enough to have good info but#these r my thoughts
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