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tfyoulookingatgiuxs · 8 months

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Gameboy

Billy Hargrove x NonBinary!Reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: You didn't think the day could get any worse than this, but apparently you were wrong. tired from work, you came home and had to endure the shouting of your boyfriend and his little sister Maxine. Billy was going too far and you had enough.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: +18 MDNI!! angst, blurb, very bad language, argue, broke-up, sigarettes, threats, intimidation, use of Y/N, no prounons NonBinary!Reader, theme about sex, theme about violence, anger issue, daddy issue, toxic relationship, bad ending. (Please be careful what you are about to read, the themes here are quite heavy and with a bad ending. If you don't feel like it, don't read, thanks)

𝐀/𝐍: My first Billy Hargrove One-Shot. I have to say that he's a character i dont have much interest to be honest, but if you want me to do more one-shots about Billy let me know! Please support new writers and reblog! Im sorry for my english, this is not my native language. Hope you enjoy! (DIVIDER NOT MINE)

Fuck, fuck and fuck! You thought in your head when you wanted to scream. You had just left the bar where you worked and you could tell you had had a rough day. Your boss didn't stop tormenting you, by now you seriously thought he was mad at you. But that doesn't mean you stopped trying, moving forward and taking criticism and then improving yourself, but despite this the people around you seem bad every day.

You didn't have to think about it. Absolutely not! Now you would have gone to your boyfriend's house and he will surely console you, tell you that everything will be fine–wait...no. Absolutely not. You haven't done these things for almost two months because of your full-time job and the constant evenings where Billy went out, obviously not caring that you needed him. You tried to talk to him a couple of times to find out if something was wrong but he only answered "I'm fine, we're fine, why are you asking me?" You seriously started to think if you were the crazy one or if tiredness was playing a bad joke on you. Billy seemed calm and sees nothing wrong with your relationship. You didn't say anything. You knew the issues Billy was going through with his father lately, so you let it go and once again agreed with him, and blamed it on the stress.

You got to his door before you even knocked and Billy opened it angrily, which scared you. As soon as he noticed you he took a breath and gave you a simple "Hi" before letting you inside. It often happened that you went to sleep at your boyfriend's house, especially when his father wasn't there. As soon as you entered you felt a certain tension in the air and saw Billy take his jacket from the coat rack. You were about to ask something but the boy with golden curls beat you to it "Leave Max alone, that little bitch won't come out of her fucking room until I say so" With that I left the house slamming the door.

Right from him. He doesn't even tell you where he's going or with whom.

Apparently he had argued with Maxine, his younger sister. You completely ignored what Billy said to you and went to Max's door. You could clearly hear that she was crying and that hurts you. Since you met Max she has always seen you as a second parent: kind, helpful, affectionate and above all loving. You were happy to have this relationship with her and when she happened to argue with her brother, you couldn't help but go and console her or try to resolve the situation. Before knocking you looked around, the house was a real mess, or rather a disaster, all of Billy's things scattered everywhere, starting with: weights, ashtrays, porn magazines and gameboys. Shit...

You still don't understand how you managed to fall in love with an imbecile like him. So handsome with those curls and shining face but also so arrogant, messy and not very polite. You gently knocked on the door “Max, it's me Y/N, can I come in?” You heard the little girl sniff and she agreed. You opened the door and found Maxine in tears and her face completely red from the outburst. Her pillow was wet while her cleres were a shade of red from crying. She was lying on the bed and as soon as she saw you, her breath seemed to come back. You sat next to her while you used your fingers to fix some strands of her red hair.

"Maxine...what happened?" You said almost whispering. It took her a while to answer you but in the end she did "Dad...a little while ago he was here and he was arguing with Billy," she began "I didn't know what they were arguing about but then he started hitting him.. ." Her tone was shaky as she tried to collect herself "Did Dad hit Billy?" You asked and she nodded “Yes, the asshole” okay, you got the point. “I stopped him but after mom and the asshole left, Billy started yelling at me” you raised an eyebrow “Why on earth?” The question of when might be obvious seemed difficult for Max to answer. “I don't know for sure, he just told me that I shouldn't meddle in his business” you hugged her and she immediately hugged you back.

“I'll talk to him, I promise” You said and Max looked up immediately. "No Y/N, don't do it. He's too angry and I don't want him to be angry at you too" you smiled at his sweet thought towards you. Max was now like a little sister or a daughter to protect for you, you wouldn't have let Maxine spend the evening locked in her room even though she hadn't done anything "Don't worry about me, I can handle your brother" Oh well, knowing how to handle Billy Hargrove was a big word, but that didn't stop you from consoling Max and preparing her some snacks to stop her crying.

You laughed and joked and Max had finally regained her smile and as if you were a good parent you put a blanket over her while you turned off the light, leaving Max to sleep peacefully. After at least fifteen minutes, Billy came home with a bottle of beer in his hand, you snorted at the sight. You had been waiting for him all evening and you would have at least hoped that for once he wouldn't come back drunk although he seemed quite sober.

"Where have you been?" You asked as you crossed your arms over your chest. He looked at you with a face that got on your nerves, he was bored.

"I asked you, where have you been" You repeated and he made a small moan and then replied "Outside for some fresh air" You didn't want to ask why he was drunk, you had gotten used to it by now so you let it go. Meanwhile he had thrown his jacket on the sofa.

"Why did you and Maxine argue?" Billy turned to look at you. He sat comfortably on the living room sofa bare-chested while he was ready to light his cigarette which he held between his lips. "Where's Max?" He asked "In her room to sleep after you made her cry" his face didn't change a bit, he was serious and definitely bored "Y/N, I specifically told you to leave Max alone, she was supposed to stay in her room " you nodded "In fact, she stayed in the room, but I kept her company" He let out a laugh and then looked back at your figure "You shouldn't have interacted with her" you shook your head "I'm sorry Billy, but I don't stay at your rules" at that statement he took the cigarette out of his mouth "I just want to know why you picked on her, you know I don't like seeing you or your sister like this"

"It's none of your business. What happens here is none of your business Y/N" you were shocked "Excuse me? You're my boyfriend, what happens to you is a fact that until proven otherwise concerns me too" You took a few steps closer towards the sofa. Billy giggled again and you were sure that the next one he would make would drive you mad "And let's hear, why on earth?" You gave an obvious look "Um, hello? We're engaged Billy, engaged!" You timed the last word well "Oh right, I forgot" he said it in a sarcastic way and now your nerves were getting frayed "Oh, I'm sorry this is weighing on you Billy" you too played the sarcasm card and he rolled his eyes "What the fuck Y/N! Now I have to tell you everything I do?" You nodded quickly "Yes, you piss me off that I have to tell you where I'm going, with who and why otherwise you'll ban me from going out" You almost screamed but then lowered your voice remembering Max in the other room.

Billy had lit his cigarette in the meantime "But that has nothing to do with it -" you stopped him while your blood was boiling "It certainly has something to do with it William!" Your eyes were different, they were like Billy had never seen them and when you used his real name he understood that you were seriously pissed. Billy hates being called by his real name and you knew it very well, you did it on purpose. You wanted him to understand how serious you were and how tired you were of the current situation.

“How dare you call me?” Even though he was drunk, Billy was high and his eyes were fixed on you as they gave you a horrible feeling. They wanted to intimidate you, but you weren't like that and he knew it from the first moment he met you. Even if you were afraid that he would knock your teeth out and then make you spill all your blood until you apologized, but you were brave and you wouldn't let yourself be bossed around.

You pointed your finger at him "Oh no! Don't try to make that angry dick face because I'm the angry one, you understand?" He was surprised by your arrogant response "Things have been going on like this for two months and I can't stand it anymore. You barely look at me, all you do is go out in the evening and you don't even tell me where you're going, but you do it when you're too drunk to drive and I have to pick you up" You started and he looked like he was listening intently "And this happens every Friday night Billy. I come home from work tired and destroyed by those filthy pieces of shit and instead being close to me all you do is complain" He snorted and now gave you a different look. He put the cigarette in the ashtray, even though he hadn't smoked it at all. He seemed calm and approached you smiling lovingly... was it the alcohol by any chance? Or maybe bipolar?

"Okay honey, you're right. I'm sorry, now how about we go relax over there–" you pushed him. You were disappointed. His response disgusted you more than expected "No Billy. You won't play your fucking game on me telling me I'm right when in reality you just want to take me to bed and fuck me the way you like it" his face was back and angry more than first "But apparently the other times you didn't hesitate to open your legs for me" it was cheeky and disgusting and you slapped him. You had become a burning fire and you were sure that you would burn him and his house down "Because I was blinded by a filthy imbecile asshole like you. I thought you loved me..." You felt the burning in your eyes as your eyes became shiny. You were too weak to face the truth but you needed it...as much as you loved that boy with all your heart, he would never love you "Oh so now it's me not loving you?" He said dramatically and the tears came out and this time you screamed "Billy, you never console me and only seek me out when you feel like having sex with me. What did you take me for? A toy? I'm your fucking gameboy by any chance?" He tried to answer but couldn't find the right words and blurted out "Shut your mouth" your nervous system was out of control and you raised your voice again "Not this time Billy! Not after I've opened and closed it as you please!"

Now you didn't care who could hear you or who you would disturb. You were tired. You didn't want this. You wanted a serious relationship with a serious person. You wanted someone who values you and takes care of you when you need it, always available and who doesn't see you as a sex toy giving you false illusions. "Calm down, young lady! Show respect" you looked at him and in front of you you had another person. Not Billy Hargrove, but William Hargrove...the real him. Despite everything he was that and you were sorry for ruining yourself by being around him. You didn't think he would ever threaten you, an attitude you hated and hoped your boyfriend wouldn't attribute to "Wow...now you're threatening me?" Billy later realized what he said and didn't reply "Congratulations Billy Hargorve. You ruined my life. You made fun of me and took advantage of me and used me to please your cock when it got hard and needy. But worse…you became your father” you never thought you would say it, but you did. With that sentence you knew you would unleash his anger and you didn't give him time to react "It's over." You announced and then headed towards the door and exited the house as he yelled after you in anger. You didn't want to hear it or deal with it ever again. You had endured enough and it was time to end it.

You had ended a year-long relationship and you now ask yourself in tears as you walked quickly to your house as you had done. You didn't know that obviously. You will never understand, you loved him, what did you need to know or realize? As beautiful and magical as love could be, it was also blind and cruel. It seemed to be a difficult game where the only possibility of victory was to survive until the game itself got tired of testing you, and then it throws a truth in your face that you would rather ignore. But ultimately it was better to suffer for the truth than to live in something that didn't exist.

Now you needed to get up and continue to live your life but you weren't motivated to move forward and live like you did before working, especially now that the only person you loved was just a liar who loved playing with people's feelings and what's more he preferred masturbating to porn magazines than spending sweet moments with you. Would you have suffered? Yes. And you don't know for how long, but you hoped for little since you couldn't cry and dry up your tears for someone who never deserved you and who the only thing he ever worshiped was your body.

#Spotify #billy hargrove #stranger things #billy hargrove angst #bad ending #billy hargrove x female reader #stranger things billy #max mayfield #billy hargrove x reader #daddy issues #broke up #toxic relationship #stranger things max #isabel larosa #billy hargrove blurb #blurb

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ao3commentoftheday · 2 years

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i find myself lately frustrated with my writing; it feels like nothing i am producing is right....im not liking any of it, and its frustrating and sad because i used to really like it but dont know where stuff went wrong. im trying to take a break but its hard because trying to fill the times where im usually writing with something else makes me feel empty :/

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, anon. This feels like a lot to deal with.

In a situation like this, it can be helpful to look at each piece of the puzzle and see which one you're able to deal with right now and which ones you'll need to come back to later when you're up to it.

You're frustrated because it feels like nothing you're creating is right. The key here is figuring out what's wrong with it. Is it a story that you're not interested in anymore? Is there a plot point that you wrote out that you don't like anymore but it feels like a lot of work to go back and revise the story to take it out? Are characters feeling "off" in some way? Does it feel like it's missing something and you can't figure out what? Depending on your answers, the way to resolve this might be putting the story aside. But it might also be abandoning the story altogether or gutting it fairly significantly in order to keep the parts that you do like in order to get rid of the stuff that you don't.

You used to like it and you don't know where it went wrong. It might be that plot point issue I mentioned above, or it could be another factor. How are you feeling about the fandom in general? About your life external to fandom? Unhappiness in other areas of our lives can cause frustration in the places where we used to find happiness. Are you feeling sadness, frustration, and discontent about other things you used to enjoy? Do you have stresses in your life that might be affecting you? This one might require you to talk to someone about what's going on.

You're trying to take a break but it's hard. Fandom is a wonderful community full of joy and giving. But it's also a community where we can sometimes pressure ourselves too much. Sometimes taking a break can feel like you'll lose your audience - like they'll forget you when you're gone. Sometimes taking a break can make you feel guilty because all you can think about are the people who are waiting on the next story or the next chapter. When you're tired and frustrated and sad, you need to stop thinking about others and start focusing on yourself. There's no shame in needing a rest. Everyone does sometimes. And as for losing your audience, a lot of them will still be there when you return and the ones who left might be replaced by new people who will just be discovering your art.

You feel empty when you're not writing, so you can't think of another way to fill your time. What parts of writing fill you up? What about it gives you energy or inspiration or happiness? Is it the moments where you're imagining? The moments when you're crafting sentences? Is it the moments when you're talking to a friend about the next plot point or cackling over how people will react to your cliffhanger? Is it seeing kudos and comments come into your inbox? Seeing your fic get talked about on tumblr? Depending on what parts of writing satisfy a need inside of you, the way you fill that time will differ. If you need the creative outlet, doing something else creative like painting or baking or gardening etc. might help. If it's the parts surrounding friendships, then spending time doing things with people you care about might help. If it's about the attention you get from your fellow fans, look into some kind of performance outlet - either in person or via social media. Figure out what you need first and it'll be that much easier to get it.

You might only have to look at one of these items. You might need to consider them all. Either way, you can't really solve the problem until you figure out what it actually is.

It's been a long time since you sent this in, anon, and i'm so sorry for the delay. I hope you're in a better mental place now and that you're found your way to whatever your next joyful moment might be.

#asks and answers #long post

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itsbebebrainrotting · 3 months

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Analysis of qtubbo and qphils separate parenting flaws which might get me chased with pitchforks so im not tagging it:

(Long so under a cut)

Phils issue, when it comes to the other eggs, really boils down to his isolation. He only prioritises Chayanne and Tallulah (and he prioritises them by a lot) and only really knows Chayanne and Tallulah. And thats because he doesnt hang out with the other eggs often (and gets panicky when taking care of 3 eggs at once so never really gets to know them).

To him, dapper has cool shit, richas is just mischievous and sunny just likes money. This, as a start, just messes up his interactions with some eggs because he acts more familiar with them than he is and doesnt take a chance to know them better. This is worsened by how non serious and out of rp phil often is because when phil isnt rping the eggs still are. They will take his jokes srs. (And its especially bad with sunny cuz sunny is so defensive of tubbo, who qphil makes fun of a lot, and he also places that same relationship onto sunny, even if he doesnt know her well enough to have that relationship).

He also always prioritises his kids to the point of almost putting other kids down. It was RICHAS at fault in that argument over that painting he had with tallulah (cuz phil doesnt know richas enough to know he had an actual issue there). Phil didnt look for dapper when he was kidnapped and at risk of dying. Sunny and Leo fighting was none of his business. When sunny was sad their pa was gone phil compared it to his daughters loss and accidentally minimised their upset.

And the thing is, qphil isnt even perfect with chayanne and tallulah (enderking aside). He sees chayannes feeling of duty to everyone and encourages it rather than noticing how worrying it is. He also is seemingly unaware how deep it runs, considering how long it took him to notice chayannes hurt after tubbos death (and, may i add, chayannes egg bit with tubbo was way more heavily played into by phil than by tubbo). Hes seemingly a bit more attentive with tallulah (though notably i feel less knowledgeable on tallulahs woes nowadays than i used to - oh how the tides change). I know she struggles with loneliness and abandonment issues, and afaik hes very aware of that. But his own isolation therefore backfired a lot on her and he really doesnt notice. (Note: post reset i would also say qphil is probably less isolated but i cant really since i dont watch him and also most of the post reset phil has been enderking affected)

However, I wouldn't say qphil is a bad father to chayanne and tallulah. He just has one big flaw: He doesnt see the negative effects of some of his own actions and they suffer because of it.

Anyway, now to qtubbo, cuz im a tubbling and this analysis should be fair to both crows and tubblings.

Firstly, lets address post revival tubbo. Hes a lot more direct about his hurt and feelings, which manifests into him being mean and short tempered at times because qtubbo puts up with a lot of shit. This backfires at times onto his relationship with the eggs as he directs a lot of unnecessary anger onto them. He guilted both richas and chayanne for his death, for example.

That, however, isnt the only reasons he is a flawed egg caretaker.

See, qtubbo doesnt (always) have the same issues as phil. He babysits often and knows the eggs he regularly takes care of them really well, caring for them almost as much as he cares for sunny. The only egg id say he really didnt try to get to know at first was dapper (but he went out of his way to resolve the beef there). But, he also went to the end of the world and back for dapper so...

Tubbos issues with the eggs are more about his difficulty providing emotional comfort, than anything else.

For a start, both q and cc tubbo use humour as a coping mechanism. He will make poorly times jokes in dark situations because its his way of coping and dealing in those moments. That leaves eggs feeling hurt cuz he seems a lot less serious than they are.

Then theres the fact that while he lets the kids be kids, he also can struggle with telling the emotional age of the kids (he said sunny was 11 💀). This means he can sometimes act like the kids can handle a lot worse than they can.

Plus, his need for petty drama means he will accidentally upset the kids and not care that them fighting will upset them.

Not only that but he struggles at times to help sunny when she has issues (such as leo and tallulah disliking her at first) in part becayse he himself struggled with those issues irl. Of course he doesn't take the smart course of action there because he doesnt know how to fix it irl, let alone in rp.

Oh and all that also ignores the fact that tubbos suicidal tendencies are pushed onto sunny to the point where they literally have a suicide pact together

So, no, in short, qtubbo isnt perfect either. But that comes from struggling at times to be emotional support as well as his own poor mental health, which is entirely different to phils issues, which stem from his tendency to isolate (and a bit of a lack of self awareness).

#long post #of course this is all imo and ive orobably missed shit but #also i tried to be as unbiased as possible #this post was also a test on myself cuz i was worried i wasnt critical enough of qtubbo #i think i passed

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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aita for getting into a screaming match with a neighbour after he harrassed me for months for being sick?

im gonna start this by saying i dont *think* im the asshole. i more just wanted to share this insane story and maybe get some other points of view on it.

i (22nb) got really sick back in april. like rush to a&e multiple times sick. i tested multiple times but it wasnt covid. it later turns out my cold-like symptoms and my horrendous cough were caused by allergies. it took about 3 months to finally dull it down and feel okay again. i take meds everyday and im still not 100% because the allergen (pollen) persists.

but in this 3-month period of me being sick we found we kept getting knocks on our door. it was our upstairs neighbour (approx 50m). the first time he knocked at 3 in the morning to complain about how my coughing was keeping him awake. he rambled through the door for like 15 minutes about my coughing and demanded we move our bed to the front room so he couldnt hear my coughing anymore.

i, having already been feeling guilty and anxious about being sick because my fiancé (27m) had to take care of me and i lost my job over the situation, decided i was gonna go for a walk. i was really upset and i wanted some fresh air (which at the time i thought would help).

the next morning, the neighbour came down again to inform us that we should keep sleeping in the front room until i recover because he slept so great that night. we informed him that we in fact did not sleep in the front room and i hadnt even been in the flat.

a few days go by and we get another knock at the door. its thankfully daytime and hes talking through the door again. hes demanding that we move into the front room because we are the ones causing the noise disturbance. (once again, i am very sick. paramedics were round at our house 2 days prior to look me over).

we say no to this and he says hes going to get our estate agent to resolve this because we, and i quote, "are being selfish".

a few more days pass and our estate agents inform us that theyre coming to do an inspection. naturally they get here and they want to know my fiancé and i's side of the story. we tell them im very sick and they are very understanding because the neighbour said as much when they put in the noise disturbance complaint. they tell us not to worry and theyll tell the neighbour that hes being silly.

two or three weeks go by and we hear nothing. until one day, whilst my fiancé is at work, he decides to harrass me personally because he knows im home alone. he demands to know exactly what im doing to fix this, tells me how its bothering our other neighbours (who had said nothing to us) and tells me its affecting his quality of life. (i was the one coughing so hard i was vomiting for about two weeks but his quality of life was the one inconvenienced???) in the end, he slinks off back upstairs like usual and i then ring the estate agents to complain about his continued harrassment.

this happens again another time when my fiancé and we start arguing through the door again. it was pretty much like the last few times.

but then, heres where we might be the assholes of the story. after weeks of repeated knocks and lengthy complaints and demands, he knocks again. it was 8am, my fiancé was still sleeping for work. my fiancé woke up to him complaining at me through the door again and lost it. this man was knocking to ask if it was okay to move back into his bedroom because the coughing seemed to have gone down. he wanted us to assure him that i wouldnt get sick again. we opened the door to him for the first time (after giving warning) and got into a screaming match with him. of course in the time it took between giving warning and opening the door, he had scurried upstairs and was yelling at us from there.

i think theres a possibility we are the assholes because the screaming match would have been heard by our downstairs neighbour who was not involved in this at all. we did write him a letter to apologise for this but i still feel kinda shitty about it.

i went back to the estate agents after and reported him again saying if they didnt deal with him, id look into taking legal action for harrassment. its been about a month now and weve heard nothing from him since.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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mqfx · 7 months

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unfortunately my most prominent jyl thoughts start with the soup. & im no expert on ancient chinese kitchens, but given that lotus root & pork soup is something that simmers for hours, i think that as much as the soup is an act of service & a tried and true "we dont have to talk about it" comfort tactic, its also... a great excuse to duck away from everything going on. the kitchen being the safe space, so to speak! and overall jyl seems more avoidant than confrontational? i havent read mdzs for the details in years can you tell but i think theres a good chance under the right circumstances she could have become jfm 2: shijie edition, in which she can read emotional cues fairly well and she doesn't want anyone to be unhappy, but how proactive she might be about resolving a situation is entirely based on how secure she feels. im not forgetting her valiant defence of wwx "i take insults against him seriously" moment! but theres a difference between an eroding stagnant unhappiness & a situation that is more clear cut. im just not confident about how she would raise jin ling in the whole (waves hand) jin situation if she had not been collateral damage. is this making sense 😭

this is all true but let me make clear that my problem with how the fandom conceptualizes jiang yanli is NOT the soup. I'm not mad about the soup and in fact since it's one of basically three things that we even know about her at all, it stands to reason that when we think about her we're Gonna Have To Mention the Soup.

and one can (if one cares enough about her, which I'm sure you do anon) draw reasonable conclusions about her character based on this thing that she does. after all, everything is (supposed to be) important in a given text. I don't disagree with anything you said. she is a careful, conflict-avoidant person due to her tumultuous childhood with abusive/neglectful parents; despite this, she possesses strong morals and protective instincts. I don't think she would've been bad at raising jin ling because unlike her parents, she and her husband actually loved each other and communicate instead of willfully misunderstanding each other then bottling it all up (if she had married someone she didn't love, then yeah she might've been jfm 2. either way we'll never know because guess fucking what mxtx did)

my ISSUE, which fandom can barely acknowledge let alone address, is that "soup" has become a convenient shorthand to refer to her, but it's not a quality. it's a thing that is associated with her, not her personality. this isn't fair! "avoidant" is a trait, "comforting" is a trait, "kind" is a trait, "average" is a trait, soup's not a fucking trait! and some of that is just the general fandom trend of flattening characters in fanon, but the fact that she's a woman and therefore not paid as much attention compared to the ~Complexities~ of the men doesn't help

and I get that sometimes it's not that serious, sometimes it's for Joaks, but why is it that even when joking people can come up with all sorts of qualities for the men but when it's her it's just that she cooks soup? and in more serious discussions, why is her sole purpose apparently to be emotional support or tragic motivation for her brothers? (because mxtx herself wrote her that way!)

why did mxtx not delve into her reactions or point of view (mdzs is the only one of her novels with switching pov, so she could have)? or even just written more scenes with her? (CQL notably gave the women more scenes. the book is abysmal on this regard.....and in others)

tl;dr mxtx did a shit job of developing her character and that of the other women, and fandom makes this problem worse by not giving a shit. the feedback loop continues. your ask and my answer combined are already more words and effort than mxtx spent on writing her

#hewwo #asks #anonymous #mdzs #jiang yanli #jyl #which is why someday im gonna write a book with mostly women so people have no choice but to think about them #but with a couple shippable twinks in the background so i can still grift money from fujos

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trickstarbrave · 11 months

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what do you mean by ""reylo dynamic""??

okay. first thing to understand is when i say "reylo dynamic" in a ship or pairing or style of writing romance it isnt unique to reylo. a lot of popular fandoms have some variation of "the reylo dynamic" its just reylo has popularized and kind of mass marketed what used to be a niche fandom ship dynamic so its what i call it as shorthand

The Reylo Dynamic™ usually has specific traits (note: it does not need to have all of these, just a significant amount). canon characterization does not matter either, all it comes down to is the fandom portrayal of the ship by and large (think dramoine and kacchako). the only hardline one is this:

>spunky female character (usually protag of the story) who is at least a little combative with the male lead, and a male lead who is otherwise grumpy/brooding/mysterious

for the common traits:

>female lead is usually brown haired, shorter, with emphasis on being petite and small. idk why even reylo stories they do this even tho daisy ridley isnt that short???

>male lead is usually dark haired and typically described as "unconventionally attractive" exactly

>female lead usually has to prove herself or feels like she has to prove herself. like. as a big thing. it can be one big moment or her constantly feeling like shes being condescended to for some perceived weakness (like: being a woman, being small, not knowing how to control magic powers, whatever). important thing to note is she will often not get over this until like the very end of the story if ever

>usually bc this dynamic can be hard to accommodate for and write around (bc the two romantic leads DONT WANT TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER) there is usually some kind of plot contrivance keeping them together. fated lovers, soul mates, class project, you name it. i feel this is usually a cop out bc i spend most of the plots feeling like they should just fuck and get it over with

>there is almost always miscommunication. and the annoying kind. every time i have tried to suffer thru a story with The Reylo Dynamic™ in novel format i find myself annoyed. bc i dont believe most of the time this is a real, normal, very human break down of communication. i constantly feel like one of them is being an unreasonable or frankly stupid brat in the situation purely for the sake of plot convenience. do you know how dumb it is to see a woman who has lost her job, her only friend, her boyfriend, and her mom get told by some hot guy "hey due to circumstances outside of ur control that i dont blame u for we have to get married also im rich and will take care of ur every need and im not asking for romance i just need magic powers back of mine that u technically have and if u dont marry me they'll also go out of control and kill you" and the woman. is mad and pissy abt it and deliberately makes problems for him. bitch u were at rock bottom and this guy is offering u free rent and food and answers to all the questions you had since chapter 1. and ur mad abt it. theres no moral objections she has to him she's just annoyed bc????????????? i guess she is being asked to do something????????? bc she doesnt wanna look weak?????????? bc shes cranky??????????????? i dont know. id cut her some slack to start with but she just keeps deliberately antagonizing him until they fuck. i gave up reading it was a slog

>lots of bickering and jabs at the other. depending on the rating of the story this will only be resolved with hatefucking. even then it usually wont fully be resolved. while i am a fan of hatefucking there is smth abt how much of a slog it is to watch it in the reylo dynamic bc of the next point:

>usually the author never commits to them having a real, genuine, non-imagined reason to being combative with each other or hating each other, NOR having a real, genuine, non-imagined reason to be together and make it work and be happy. they live in this limbo between dislike. a constant "will they wont they" but instead of the will they or wont they in question being hooking up its instead if they will break up or not. it's like watching a very incompatible couple refuse to work things out by talking and sorting through their own issues AND refusing to just break up and see other ppl more compatible. id rather there be genuine dislike or even hatred they have to sort thru and actually make progress in. dont half ass making a guy horrible. give me a reason why the mc hates him. or if it is imagined by the mc, show the mc processing it properly and working thru it and having proper character growth. but they dont bc the bickering is part of the appeal and making one or both of them genuinely bad ppl breaks the fantasy. or smth.

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synth-exe · 2 years

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i can't stop thinking about your "i think a lot about shirota family" me too

*spins mahiru around in my brain*

NO BUT LIKE I THINK ABOUT THEM SO MUCH!!!! (also like this does run through manga spoilers)

so like first off, tooru and mahiru have a neat relationship, though im not sure you can say tooru is a good parent figure? like mahiru idolizes him for sure and tooru definitely cares about mahiru, but their relationship feels more mentor-student than parent-child imo. especially because tooru has mahiru living alone as a 16 year old and taking care of himself. their relationship is very special to mahiru, though, and he strives to imitate his uncle all the time (we will get back to this point).

secondly, mahiru just as a character!!!! i love him???!!! when i started off the series, i didnt think i would like him as much as i did, but he’s such a good character. i love how well-written his quirks are, especially because mahiru is adultified a lot in his normal life. he lives alone and regularly takes on the duties of the people around him, making him the ‘good old reliable mahiru’ that everyone knows. and yet throughout the story, we get reminded that mahiru is still immature (the black coffee bit). the story really does a great job at displaying the tightrope that mahiru walks where he deals with the very real adult world he’s put into (especially with C3) and the trauma of other people (we’ll get to tsurugi) while coping with the lack of power that comes with being a child. i also think the story handles the consequences of mahiru’s (too) heavy responsibilities in a pretty realistic way. even earlier on with sakuya, mahiru is shown to take on responsibilities that toe the line of too much and encourages other people to reach out for help, even though he doesn’t do so himself and tries to keep sakuya (and his other friends) separate from the vampires. and when he’s worried about the rose with neugear, it takes kuro reaching out first and reminding mahiru that he has trusted people for him to open up. mahiru's admiration of his uncle also links to his tendency to take on responsibility, but him and tooru also share not talking about important things (which is actually handled really sweetly in the sushi restaurant, but does come back to bite with tooru's C3 involvement).

a lot of the C3 arc deals with trauma and coping and learning to care for others (and receive their care in return), which is obviously explored through tsurugi (and jun and yumikage). i love mahiru and tsurugi’s parallels and i think about them all the time! like tsurugi (like mahiru) was adopted by a new family member, placed in a situation as a child with complicated expectations and responsibilities, struggles to reach out for support, etc, but tsurugi’s situation is much worse and affects him much harder. and it’s through mahiru that tsurugi starts to heal and they both have to learn how to prioritize themselves! tsurugi tries to protect jun and yumikage’s feelings by smiling and keeping up the pretense that things are fine in a very similar way that mahiru tried to protect sakuya. tsurugi was also very self-destructive and self-sacrificing, and mahiru has enough of the same tendencies, as seen by how he’s okay letting kuro kill him to absorb the rose and defeat tsubaki. mahiru is a much more well-adjusted person than tsurugi is, but they’re definitely narrative parallels in a lot of ways.

also i love thinking about tsurugi and mahiru’s relationship because like... i dont think tsurugi nor mahiru really know how siblings are supposed to work. they both had (2) person families: them and a parent figure.

and lastly, touma. ooooohhhh boy.

so tbh i dont think we’ve seen the last of touma nor the resolution of his relationship with tsurugi or mahiru. just because i feel like it’s a raw wound for tsurugi and i dont feel like things have really been resolved since touma kinda just ran away. though tbh im kinda ambivalent on how i feel about touma returning because (though i know tsurugi and probably mahiru would forgive him) i, the reader, feel like he fucked up in a MAJOR way. im holding off on like a full opinion piece on touma for the time being because i dont feel like his character has reached a stable point in his character arc yet though.

the art piece i reblogged takes up so much space because the caption is branded into my brain at this point haha

its just the reality is that touma (and i would argue tooru at least a bit) are responsible for placing mahiru in a situation he shouldn’t be in as a child, and largely through their familial bonds. and mahiru shouldn’t have had to shoulder tsurugi’s trauma either, especially because this all does affect mahiru emotionally! any acknowledgement of mahiru’s narrative complexity really makes my brain light up, especially when thinking about how his family is related!

servamp is such a good exploration of familial trauma and i think about the shirota family so much. i really really really want to see tsurugi and mahiru bonding more because they need to heal and i want to see them structuring their own found families and fsdjka;fjdskanfvdskjalcjdkalfsa.

the other dysfunctional family (aliceins) definitely hasnt worked through enough for me to have a whole commentary on yet, mainly because mikuni is still being a bastard and we havent gotten inside his head yet (but i am VERY excited for when we do because mikuni has been such a fun character thus far). i really loved the misono arc though and i think about his complex feelings towards his brother all the time too.

#fear not #servamp #sorry the response was a bit late #i had to use my computer for this #too much text to type on my phone #I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY SPECIAL INTEREST MEDIA #that acerago piece made me reread servamp actually #and tsurugi is probably my favorite servamp character #but i think mahiru is such a spectacular protagonist #and despite us delving so much into the inner worlds of the characters around him #we dont spend as much time inside mahiru's head #WHICH WORKS REALLY WELL IMO #botreplies #.exe speaks

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rrelationshipadvice · 9 months

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I've decided on leaving my partner for various reasons, a few being:

1) lack of showing interest in anything I like but pinging me & expecting me to pay attention to theirs. Literally watching me talk about things I like and proceeding to interrupt me/talk about something else while ignoring messages I sent hours earlier about something I like. zero engagement at all, no questions, no real encouragement past the same two compliments that have long since sounded completely hollow to me.

I understand that not everyone is expected to show the same enthusiasm for something that I do, but it feels like they dont care when I compare it against how I've encouraged other friends' projects/how I've listened to other friends talk about things they like & how other friends have encouraged & listened to me, especially when it comes to things they or I will never play or want to engage in as a media.

2) them holding onto very small conflicts we resolved months ago and casually mentioning how they still feel bad about it long after its solved which makes it difficult for me to bring up anything now

3) being financially irresponsible to the point that the one time I asked them for something- which was no more than $30 iirc- they didn't have the money for it. I had spent on them repeatedly in the past (they spent that money on gacha games because they didn't want to wait a few days longer to pull on something. It was time limited but not ending anytime soon, they very easily couldve waited, met their one obligation, and still been able to get the same shit out of that game. It did not go to something more important)

There's a bit more, but having sorted my thoughts and emotions, those are the big ones that came up in my mind again and again

If I were someone else these conflicts might be able to be solved, but I avoided bringing these up which is, of course, on me. Unfortunately my emotional state/opinion regarding them is now past the point of no return because every word they say irritates me and its been like this for a while. So that'll just have to be a lesson for future me to remember.

The really important part that I'm asking for advice on is how to go about it. It's a tricky situation since we're both borderline (just to clear up any confusion before it starts, im not the person who also had bpd that came through here earlier), and our primary communication is through discord since its a long distance relationship and they've been through a lot this year already (they lost three other friends in the last few months. I am now understanding why.) Both telling them straight up and blocking them without a word have their own drawbacks right now, being:

- The first friend to leave this year told my partner why & left and proceeded to get harassed on every platform alongside their friends & loved ones because my partner would not fucking stop trying to contact them. There were four people (all friends) including me telling my partner that this was not acceptable behavior and to stop but they were adamant on doing so and refused to listen to anyone. Afaik they were close to this person before they left so theres a good chance I could receive the same treatment too.

I probably shouldve taken this behavior as my sign to gtfo back then honestly, because I've been on the other end of shit like that before and it left me fucked up for a very long time. Something to add to my notes as a future 100% no questions asked dealbreaker i guess. I know its difficult with bpd considering I also have it, but the one thing I could never bear to do to someone no matter how much I hate them in the moment is evade blocks multiple times on multiple platforms trying to get them to talk to me.

I don't want my friends to have to deal with this (I havent actually told any of them that I'm planning/having thoughts of breaking up with my partner. I dont know how to go about that conversation either.) and I know that my partner knows at least two of their users and unfortunately discord has made it incredibly easy to find people through just usernames.

I've considered warning the ones im worried about getting targeted ahead of time so they can configure their settings/block my partner to avoid having to deal with any of it further down the line, but I dont know if my partner knows of their social medias too or would go so far as to make a tumblr just to harass them.

- That said, I know that ghosting/blocking without a word could go equally as badly- the most recent friend to leave did that but I don't have details on what occurred after because I was not mentally well enough to help at the time and dealing with my own unrelated breakdown. I'm probably wrong, but it makes this option seem much more appealing. I'll probably warn my friends and give them the user to block ahead of time either way, honestly.

They've said before that if someone leaves them (platonically or romantically) they want a reason but having seen what happened when the first person gave them one and left I'm not sure any reason or conversation that doesnt end with "ill give you another chance"/"ill stay" would be good enough for them. I honestly dont trust them not to try picking apart any reasons I give them rather than just accepting it

I just don't know where to go from here, any guidance at all would be much appreciated!!!

#advice #relationship advice #dating advice

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summonhouse · 8 months

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schism quastions: how does he see himself in simple terms? what does he like to eat? does he have a good memory? does he have any friends/make friends easily? what sort of music does he like?

how does he see himself in simple terms?

quite simply schism absolutely hates himself. he takes great efforts to be a generally good upperclass and sophisticated individual, but mostly to counter that he thinks he is naturally, instinctively, and without restraint an awful person and monster (in the negative connotation sense and not in the literal species sense, because his species IS called monster regardless of morality). he considers himself hard working and TRYING to be good but he thinks he always fails, and is doomed to fail because of his nature. (on some occasions, in breakdowns and with outside encouragement, he can be grossly hedonistic and self serving, also to counter this inner prevailing thought process)

what does he like to eat?

anything high end, fancy food. he actually doesnt need to eat and i dont think he cares about the taste, but he likes presentation and would prefer to go to restaurants where he feels the serving of it is what he pays for more than the food itself (focusing on atmosphere and service). (he does notably detest anything that is sweet or candy)

does he have a good memory?

realistically yes but as hes a roleplay character of mine i end up writing him as having short term memory loss because i personally cannot remember anything :// limitations of the medium. but as a person in fiction and without me writing him, he spends a lot of time thoughtful and ruminating so i dont think much would escape him. he does, however, have a bad habit of rewriting memories, or having his most important memories tampered with, specifically instances with his partners or violent conflicts. he retroactively remembers everyone hes faced off against as more aggressive and coming at him than they actually did (when he really tends to attack people first, but thinks that they did)

does he have any friends/make friends easily?

currently he is "friends" with three (they are on rocky terms, they are half dating, schism hates them, etc), and "friends" with key (they are on rocky terms, three just shanked them so they might be trying to keep their distance from schism until the situation is resolved). he makes friends fairly easily with the right people. hes USUALLY cold to strangers when he doesnt want to socialize, but when he sees someone as respectful and is feeling open, he is perfectly friendly and immensely humorous, catty but realistic and he loves deep discussion and little jabs in equal measures. he doesnt like conflict but he likes to appease others so hes pleasant to talk to. of course, hes very bad at KEEPING friends, specifically close and intimate friends, because hes so terrible with deeper personal conversation and relationship expectations. he goes crazy eventually in expecting things and not communicating, or demanding the other person communicate more, and will more likely than not end up killing these people for how he thinks they "disrespect him" by being so close to him.

what sort of music does he like?

classical music, orchestra..whatever high upper class bullshit, i dont know, im a midwestern boy i dont know anything. but he loves anything high end and deep. i think hed like musicals or any sort of story music. he likes music as art so any music that can be described as thoughtful and beautiful

#ask

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jemmo · 10 months

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hey so i read your "rant" about seonwoo and younghee and, if you dont mind i want to give my 2 cents on the matter (feel free to ignore this) but with seonwoo i think this insecurity about what other's might think, and his people pleaser nature shows in how much he cares about hyungjoon and minseong having a date. im not saying he is malicious, but this nature which he has said "that's how i am and im not going to change that" is betraying him. and will hurt ppl and himself: you can't keep everyone happy without someone's feelings getting hurt. (trust me this is coming from a people pleaser who went to therapy) i agree seonwoo needs to start prioritizing his OWN feelings, whichever they might be and start giving closure to those he can't see himself in. like you said, younghee could handle rejection. hell he has been rejecetd by seonwoo multiple times already. well maybe not rejected, but ignored and not being seonwoo's priority.

now yeonghee...his age betrays him. a lot. many times. he is adorable and he has won over everyone's hearts, like they all dote on him bc he is the youngest. and he, in kind, responds with more youthful reactions which are normal from a 21 y/o. like nobody bats an eye when in ep1 while junseong and seonwoo are bickering palyfully while washing dishes, he just paces around to watch over them. but if it was seonwoo people would have noticed in a heartbeat. these behaviours of a 2years removed teenager, again, are "normal" for his age, but should not be directed at someone who is 12 years older, and who sees said behaviours like they are: juvenile reactions of a guy with a crush.

i love your take about seonwoo seeing younghee as projection of himself, who couldn't live his life as a queer man in his 20s. bc whenever he is with younghee (i think of when they come back that lil twirl thing he does before opening the door), seonwoo just lets his younger self heal, but that is not romance. when seonwoo is with seongho he appears more reliable, friendlier, fonder. still, i can't call it romance on account that their age up is still 9 years.

anyway these are my observations, i don't know if i missed the mark on some aspects. so id love your take on them

have an amazing day!!

first off, apologies for taking so long to reply to this ask, but I find it rather interesting, and frustrating, that so much of what you said here still stands true for seonwoo and yonghee despite it being weeks later. and now that he’s removed from the sungho and junsung situation, I think it’s interesting that he acts so differently around people that are his friends vs people he still has some kind of romantic connection to, like he has made progress and moved forward in his relationship to both sungho and junsung with the help of hindsight and has managed to realise a lot of the places where he fell short in his actions. but bc he refuses to resolve the situation with yonghee, he can’t get to that point where hindsight helps him see how he’s made mistakes and his actions have caused hurt.

what I think these two need is to enter a relationship where they aren’t thinking about things so seriously. seonwoo needs a relationship where he can be at ease and have fun and feel secure and like he doesn’t have to please, he just needs to relax, and I don’t think yonghee can give him that bc he is being so serious with his feelings, with the strength and passion of them, that it puts seonwoo on this pedestal, and he would do anything for him, which means that he can’t see or won’t call out any of his flaws, which someone needs to do. despite how hard and emotional it was, look at how deeply it affected minsung for hyungjun to call him out on something. I think seonwoo needs that, someone strong enough and that cares enough to say something to him with kindness and clarity. just look at how effective and rewarding it was for him to learn something from sungho and see a different side of himself. he needs someone to see him, and not glorify him like yonghee does, and in turn yonghee needs someone that he can be calm around, someone that tells him to tone it down, that he doesn’t need to be actively trying to sell himself and show his good sides and change for a relationship, bc at his age that’s not something he should be taught as the correct thing to be doing. like he is enough, he is so enough, and changing himself to earn someone’s affection not only doesn’t work, but isn’t something he should feel like he needs to do. he has this incorrect notion that doing all this and trying so hard is romantic, and it can be when the other person sees and appreciates it, and when it doesn’t come at the cost of losing yourself, but by not saying anything against it, seonwoo just lets yonghee continue to believe that this is a romantic thing to do, when he needs to be told straight. and this thing he has with yonghee reminding him of his first love and more generally of being young and having those youthful, strong romantic feelings, it’s almost like he doesn’t want to crush that, he wants to hold onto this memory of him falling in love that strongly and not hurt that part of him he sees in yonghee that would have to be so strong and brave to behave this way, he doesn’t want to crush it.

I just think the relationship they have is so interesting bc I do think there are feelings there, but the strength of them and where they come from is so unequal, it doesn’t feel like they’re engaging with who each other actually are, instead they see these ideals of romance in each other that they want to chase and hold onto. and I think the kindest thing I can say about both of them is that they deserve to find someone that loves and values them for the people they actually are

#this is not a seonwoo redepmtion post bc he hasn’t yet redeemed himself with yonghee #but it’s just been such an interesting watch over this series to understand them and learn about them more and more each ep #and your thoughts were so interesting on how yonghee’s actions aren’t inherently wrong there is nothing bad about them it doesn’t make him #a bad person bc he is at a place where he needs to learn and make mistakes #but this behaviour being directed at someone older esp someone like seonwoo means no one is giving him the response he needs to his feelings #that he can learn from and I can’t hate seonwoo for it bc he clearly has his own stuff to deal with but at what point do you need to see #past your own problems and realise what the other person needs and see you are in a place where you need to give it to them #it’s hard bc he didn’t ask for this yonghee has imparted this responsibility on him and there is pressure in that that I don’t think seonwoo #has a lot of courage to face esp in the face of how strong yonghee’s feelings are but in one way or another they need to untwist from each #other and stop depending on each other as a way to unleash their feelings #his man 2

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wolfstrong · 1 year

Text

Buffy season 1 reflection!!!!!!!!!

My feelings on Buffy so far are very complicated because I find it crazy entertaining but there are so many things in the show that I just KNOW are terrible. I really enjoy the character dynamics its probably my favorite thing about the show. I find it endlessly funny that Giles has to hang out with a group of teenagers, and (when xander isn't making it weird) the main group is super cute and funny together. Also really like the setting, highschool shenanigans are always fun and idk it just seems like it would have been very cool to be a teen in the 90s. Also I like monster of the week stuff with a more overarching plot, you can kind of just enjoy things as they come and have the security that it's pretty much always gonna be resolved by the end of the episode. FOR WHAT I DONT LIKE. well "Buffy Speak" is annoying. like I'm getting more used to it and even able to find it charming at some points but BOY when i started the show it was almost making it unwatchable. i can see myself liking it by the end of the series but for now lets just be a little annoyed with it. Other thing that really gets me is the buffy/xander/willow love... line? idk i think i could stand it if xander didn't pine over buffy and wasn't weird to girls because he's very weird to girls. Somehow buffy manages to be like girlboss feminism win while also being the most sexist show every created. and maybe that was just like the era but yeah i don't enjoy watching male characters I'm supposed to like perv out over women.

Character Thoughts

Buffy- shes so awesome like honestly!! i like that she lives this very bad ass life and like we the viewer know how cool she is because we see her do all these bad ass things, but to the rest of the school shes just kinda like this weirdo kid who hangs out in the library. it kind of makes her an honorary fail girl in my opinion. And just her whole attitude of wanting to be a normal teenage girl so when it comes time to slay monsters shes like "ugh. guess its monster slaying time! whatever!" and acts bad ass as hell but doesn't really care. also its just awesome that she is physically super strong. like she will just randomly be punching through walls and doing sick backflips. ugh i love it

Giles- I. LOVE. GILES. im a Giles fangirl all the way like what else is there even to say about it. When he comes on screen I'm just like instantly smiling. funniest character ever invented. And again i just love that he has to hang out with teenagers all the time and sometimes they just like bully him for being old and lame and into books and he's constantly getting beat up and thrown around. yeah i don't even have much to say he's just awesome

Willow - Literally the blueprints for dorky nerdy girls everywhere like what else is there to say. we all know she is literally BEYOND iconic. Shes so cute and smart and charming and like honestly its like. how many girl in media really DO get to just be dorky like its pretty rare i feel like that's why its like. she was the blueprint man.

Xander - ... yes my complicated feelings yes yes. he's soooooo annoying and fail but... you know i like when guys are fail guys.. BUT HES ALMOST TOO FAIL. of course like i already said i hate the way he acts to women and when buffy rejected him and he acted super pissy and like "ugh whatever you only don't like me because you like that chad Angel ugh nice guys always finish last" I literally wanted him dead. so beyond cringe with that kind of behavior. BUT when he's like being sweet and goofy then I'm like.. aw hi funny guy from the 90s lol! and i do think his relationship with willow CAN be super cute cuz idk i just like the whole childhood friends vibe and i like that they have a relationship outside of their time with buffy and its nice to get little glimpses of them together just being buddies. I think the whole situation would be 100% better if xander was pining for willow instead of Buffy and willow was the oblivious one. I am not against their relationship at all i just hate to see willow be the one pinning for him cuz its like girl. you can literally do better okay. you are awesome. whatever. sorry for being a halfway Xander apologist

Cordelia- literal girlboss. every time shes on the screen its a treat. I just love the vibe where she is like?? friends with the main characters kind of? but also just bullies the shit out of them and is so mean in every interaction. see the thing is if they were't friends at all she just wouldn't talk to them or they wouldn't talk to her. but they always end up talking so there is obviously some kind of relationship there. but its just like one where she calls them losers and they are like "alright. well see you next week cordelia" If you are a hater and think shes mean get out of my face shes literally awesome and funny. also in the final when she drove her car thought the school doors... SO . GIRLBOSS. i am very excited to see where her character goes cuz i got the feeling at some point shes gonna turn into some kinda supernatural monster. i just feel it.

Angel - eh lowkey who cares. I am never one to be interested in the mysterious brooding guys its just not my thing. He reminds me of Edward from twilight both in face and attitude and because he's a vampire of course lol

Episodes

Honestly they were all kind of of equal quality. Nothing was so horrible I couldn't stand it they were all just good. One that kind of stood out as a favorite was "I robot, you jane", it was nice to have something more willow focused and it was very funny to see what people thought of the internet back then. Willow kind of online dating a guy was enough to make everyone freak the fuck out. And i really really love the way the demon robot looked. the idea of a demon existing on the web was just a cool idea in general. idk just a cool way of combining the supernatural with tech stuff

idk just look at this guy and tell me this isn't awesome

.... okay then... see yall in season 2!!!

#btvs

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starwell-tarot · 1 year

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hello darling!!! 🐿️🐢

hope your gloomy day still went pretty well, tell me about it!

some advice i can concentrate better on - as a mentionned yesterday it is definitly true that i like challenge and i got motivated by the idea of trying to find a way to make concentrating in class smth stimulating for my brain ofc i still need to find ways to it right but its a really charming idea to me! i also need to focus at home and get work done there to be able to concentrate better in class so its a whole process that im ready to try out with the method your proposed to me

motivation - feeding my soul, how poetic wow it is true that im very lucky to study what im studying rn and its actually stuff that are useful in life and if i dont find it interesting then maybe it can still be informations that i can share with others right? there is an enormous amount of material in every law classes so i wont be able to memorize everything but your advice made me see things differently and i actually want to try to remember most of it on the LONG TERM and not only for exams! once again it is an advice that really speaks to me and that i will think about when studying

balance - i actually LOVE lists/ plannings/ etc like writing everything i want to do for the day and packing my schedule with many different stuff like seeing many friends, doing productive stuff for school, doing my hobbies it really helps me see how i spend my time and share out the different things i do (so i dont do the same thing over and over again) and i cant believe i FORGOT about it like i actually stopped doing it and i forgot i am so grateful for this advice

relationships - my friends often complain that i dont share intimate things with them like my daily problems and all but i actually just dont see what they could do about it? anyway i still struggle with these things i'll try to question myself more often to see whats the right thing to do for everyone when im in a bad spot like you adviced

avoid stress - im really not good at dealing with negative emotions lmaooo its also gonna be a challenging point i'll try to believe as much as i can that stress is not an end its just a signal just like you said once again thank you for your works i'll try my best

self care - its so beautiful! i live in the city so im not that much in contact with nature but its true that whenever i go help my grandmother in the countryside it feels refreshing i just need more time to do so! now that i know its smth that could help me i'll keep that in mind and prioritize doing in these situations! im a taurus after all! even tho earth is only my third dominant element im an earth sign lmao

words of encouragement - everyone seems to be wrong about everything its crazy ajkdhdbnzev i really should be more humble its a problem but anyway yes even tho i think some people are stupid deep down i'll still take their opinion into consideration just in case when in fact i shouldnt with your advice i'll try to accept that sometimes peoples advices just arent for me and maybe they'll help someone but its not my case! thanks

daydreaming - yes in my experience heavy daydreaming has been because STRESS, bored in my life and obligations i have that i dont want to do the problem is that it really put me in problematic positions everything comes down to stress at the end so if i understand how to deal with my stress i wont feel the need to escape like this :/ i'll definitily think about your advice and when i notice im starting to daydream heavily ill try to ask myself why and to resolve the issue

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR READING!!!!! everything really spoke to me and ill make sure to apply it well in my life from now on i'll think about your kind words and do my best!

Hello! My gloomy day was comfy 😁

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a lengthy feedback 🖤 it means a lot and it's very helpful.

I'm also glad to hear you're enjoying the perspectives and ideas the cards gave 🤔

I went on a whim with the challenge thing and then I was like ... Wait a sec .. didn't they say they have Aries placements? It just clicked at that point. I knew i was right on the money 😂

I was so taken aback by that high priestess card. Truth be told I too had the same mentality in high school! I studied just to know things. To grow wiser as an individual. (Went to a science college (it's a high school despite the name)) So I can kinda see it! Law is very very broad of a subject and there's a lot to study. But it's also so so useful in life! I actually had some law students save my ass when I had a very bad boss at a workplace once they helped me with the contract lol So yeah i definitely think you can become very wise as a law student!

Glad I can help you get back to your lists, too! And uhm, I don't think any human is ever GOOD at dealing with negative emotions. I mean, they're meant to make us uncomfortable ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But being gentle and understanding and honest with yourself does make it better!

And I mean yes I see your point. Maybe your friends will not be able to DO anything about your problems but here's the thing. Keeping things hidden creates more stress in the human mind. It's like an extra layer. It's not just "I'm frustrated and confused" It's "I'm frustrated, confused, and keeping it to myself." If you talk to someone, it gets easier 😁 Plus, talking about what goes on inside your mind can actually put you on the spot in such a way you unconsciously organize your thoughts and find the answers yourself. (Like those scenes in movies when a character goes to rant to another one and they literally spend the entire time talking to themselves, giving themselves advice and thanking the other person although they did absolutely nothing 😂)

Literally when I was doing your reading i had "Go touch some grass, bro." In my head 😂 But yes, as an earth sign you probably could feel so much more grounded and peaceful if you interact with nature. 😁

And just wanted to remind you I answered your ask about the double interpretation tarot reading and you can send it to me anytime!

#🐿️🐢 anon #answered #tarot

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aknosde · 1 year

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hi!! im queso again, im going to send some stuff anout tpth if thats cool :)) - tag: "I promise this isn't as sad as it sounds" you lied to me - i like how you describe the different climates in the different months!! im usually not a fan of weather descriptions to start a story but they were interesting :) - the crushing hug!! gaghhh theyre so cute - i absolutely loved everything from the point they reach the jackson-blofis house to the end of the dancing scene.. i had read the sneak peek of sally and grover dancing and that was what got me hooked and waiting for this fic!! may draw that some time - i also remember the flip phone from the six sentence posts!! it's cool and cute despite the sadness of the situation - WOAGH THEIR FIGHT... THAT'S JUST. SO WELL DONE!!! THE WHOLE SCENE!! i think that is where i found annabeth and grover the most in-character in the whole fic and other than the dance it's my favourite part of it. hands down a great moment. i'd quote some lines but they'd take over this ask - the boxes!! THE RECEIPT. i fucking died. - i honestly thought i was the only person who also thought grover's mother had left. i thought i was the only person who thought about him being an orphan in the first place - the memory with percy.... the gughh EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT PART!!!!! - "Just this once, he thinks, I’ll be selfish." i am deceased i am laying down on your front door user aknosde - the receipt. is not inocuous at all. - SALLY GIVES HIM THE KEYS AND. UGH. I KNOW BABY. IT'S HARD BUT WE'LL BE ALRIGHT. DO YOU WANT ME DEAD - clarisse was a great choice for a character to play the role she plays in that point of the story i love clarisse and her and grover interacted very nicely - he cared enough to try and try again. fucking hell - ITS A CHANGE BUT ITS NOT A BAD ONE!!! YES!!! SHE'S GROWING AND LEARNING!!!! - the percy and grover scene is so sweet and kinda sad but sweet and nice and they really know eachother and they have that stupid tiny disagreement but it's resolved so quickly... preserve MY heart bc it's dying with me - THE PRINCESS DIARIES... THEYD DEFINITELY WATCH THOSE FILMS TOGETHER ALL THE TIME - love this fic ive been waitin for it since september or so and AGH,, thank you !!!

oh my god of course thats okay!! this is such an amazing ask im gonna answer it point by point but that'll take a while so it's under the cut!

i put that tag in bc i wanted ppl to know it wasnt all sad!! (also mb bc i cant tell w my own writing after looking at it for so long)

im glad you liked the descriptions, usually they aren't my thing but the passage of time was really important in this one so i wanted it to be apparent!

crushing hug!! my bsf is really good at cracking backs and has several ways to do it through hugs and i thought annabeth would too

im glad you liked that scene. it was inspired by the entire whats going on album and the song dancing with your ghost by sasha sloan and i ended up really liking it too. also it does some pretty heavy lifting by setting the "norm" so you can see how things change, esp vis-a-vis sally, which is signified by grover taking over for annabeth in leading their dance (also your art is so cool if you did that i’d never shut up abt it)

flip phones!! they'll be showing up in my aie fics

im glad you liked the fight and found it in character!!! i felt it was super necessary for the story but also it was so much fun to write!! i love to see them all get angry!!!

packing up your friends' bedroom can be such a personal thing

the fact that grovers lost all his family!!!! and no one ever talks about it!!!!! 😡😫🧍‍♂️

the memory!! also very important to the story but it was also a chance for me to show percy being emotionally intelligent and deeply kind which are things i love him for <3

i think grover deserves to be selfish!!

i love sally jackson so much and while i dont think she's perfect i think she is very deeply good and she cares abt percy and his friends so much!! (also shout out to aftg for making me think abt the significance of keys 24/7)

i love clarisse i love her friendship with percy i love how mean she is and how much she cares ❤️ (also like ik annabeth isn’t a bitch in the books but she is assholeish towards rachel in botl when she’s concerned abt percy and i wanted something similar in this. so the target was drew. along w like,,, everyone else)

i never stop thinking about how percy didnt have any friends until grover and how percy was the first kid that grover treated as an actual friend, not a charge

annabeth is growing and learning!! she has so much growth even between tlo and moa!! the fact that she becomes comfortable saying ily is sooooo important to me and i decided that it was partially bc of grover

i wanted the final scene to wrap up the facets of percy that grover points out through the rest of the story and it was also important to me that we see that things aren't perfect once he gets back and that he and grover have points of contention just like grover had with annabeth. but also they've known each other forever and dont sweat the small stuff. thats real friendship <333

princess diaries!! like i said, i def think there are parallels between percy and mia and whether or not he and his friends realize it at this point i think its one of the reasons he likes watching it

im so glad it was worth the wait!!!

#chipadequeso #asked + answered #fic: to preserve the heart #max.txt #ty for the ask sorry it took me so long to respond!!#long post

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companionwolf · 11 days

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hihi buddy. i saw your post about your invol regression and the shame that comes with it, so i wanted to give you my two cents (esp given we're the same age, and youre masc presen & im a trans guy)

i regress NOW in two 'situations' - for lack of a better term - both of which are involuntarily, one a positive situation (after i coped w the shame) and one a negative situation thats a trauma response. i was extremely fortunate enough to have someone to talk to about it at the time it was first happening, so i wanted to bank some ideas at you to see if i can ease you, if only a little.

thinking about my newfound regression (although it had happened before, but didnt have a label because i hadnt heard about this) when it happened made me feel super embarrassed, humiliated, and shameful. bringing it up to someone else - who i trusted - was even moreso... although i got lucky, and this person knew more than i did (and then we, eventually, learned together). i cried multiple times over it - how stupid i felt, how childish it felt, how humiliating it was to be in a space like that. It felt like a loss of myself, and everything i had worked for (considering my upbringing and maturity). but theres a few big things that helped me get over it and even let me start to regress in safe situations where i am comfortable. anyways, i dont know if your situation is similar to what i just talked about, but here's how i helped myself ...

I think the thing that helped me the most off-the-bat was familiarize myself with the community. learn some lingo, look at some moodboards, get a feel for it. see how others aren't shameful of their little sides. i felt REALLY alone. Seeing other peoples takes on agere culture, and their experience w regression helped normalize it as something that isnt shameful. seeing how others thrived gave me a reason to not look at it as something negative or uncomfortable about myself, but to look at it as something i cant control, yes, but i CAN try to shape it to make the trauma response more comfortable, but most importantly, SAFER for myself. it was a really long road of that. but yeah, seeing other people find joy in their community, and finding joy with others, in something i was absolutely mortified to be experiencing was really helpful in the long run.

the other big thing that helped me was trying to figure out, and really peg down, WHY it's happening - and by rhat, i mean two things. "WHY is it happening RIGHT NOW?" and "WHY is it happening AT ALL?"

So, why is it happening right now? This moment youre having where you are regressing. What caused it? Can you try to mediate those causes? Can you potentially eliminate some of those trauma triggers - and if not, can you work up a resistance to them? Its okay if you cant - but being able to at least ID it really helped me remove myself from situations i would he in danger in if I regressed.

And, why is it happening at all? If its a trauma thing... what caused it? I have a few things that I know contributed to my regression, and even with thinking through those, I can't hold back some moments... *but* it gave me peace of mind, and iver time, I was eventually able to regress differently - still involuntarily, but i wasn't scared and i felt safe, it happening in situations where i felt taken care of and safe rather than before when i'd get so terrified of something it would just happen. a lot of traumas that cause stuff like this - and similar things - can't be resolved... but I found great comfort in IDing them, understanding that it might be a reason, and thinking about why things ended up with THAT causing THIS. i hope that makes sense.

I guess the take-away that I want to leave you with is that theres no reason to be scared, or embarrassed, or shameful... it's normal, and you aren't alone. there are people out there who are going through similar things and are coping with their regression and turning it from something you hide to something you can talk freely and happily about in a small community 🩷 know yourself, know your causes, and try your best to feel comfortable even if its a trauma response - make it yours, and use others to help steer you into it, ig...

i hope this helped. i know its scary, but you'll get through it. i used to cry whenever i thought about how my body went against me and made me shameful, but now i feel much better after watching the community love e/o... which made me love that part of myself, which i can't be shameful of anymore.

good luck!!

hihi buddy same anon. another thig id recommend is making a side space for you to indulge in that - i made a sideblog and get to indulge myself there, normalize myself with that side of me in a safe space... i first did it as a way for no one to connect me to my main (after an ugly falling out with friends i remade everything, but the similar url scared me that theyxd find me - and then - find the agere stuff and harass me about it, because i had never shared it with either of them), but i realized very fast that it kind of helped me be FREE with it

Good morning (or evening, whichever it is for you),

I hope answering publicly is alright; please let me know if not and I can remove this. Thank you very much for the detailed advice-- it was very heartwarming to wake up and see your messages here.

I will try to understand more about this and identify the causes; I know what 'triggered' the most recent episode, and what causes regression for me/us in general, but further reflection is always good.

It's very nice to know that this is something other people have been through and come out the other side of as well. I will make a sideblog I think; if you would be willing to share your URL as you mentioned, I would like to follow you-- I am also somewhat introverted so I may not directly message at all, but it would help even just to know someone kind is around. I will leave anon on for you so please send at your leisure, if you are comfortable.

Thank you again; this was incredibly kind of you to do, and it is not lost on me. You give me hope, anonymous.

#other post #-!#barking asks #agere #apologies if this is not a very long detailed reply- -i have just woken up #but i am very. it is making me rather emotional that you cared enough to reach out. thank you

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