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#i honestly don't know where this goes
gravitywonagain · 2 years
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i am not a vessel for your good intent
the sunshot alliance requests the aid of the feared immortal, yiling laozu, in taking down wen ruohan and qishan wen. it does not go the way they expect it to.
happy birthday, wwx! you get to yell at sect leaders and be an immortal with wings!
[G? for now?, 3k, 1/1?, Pre-Wangxian]
(look, i have no idea where this came from or where it might go or if it will go anywhere. let me know if you want to see more or not and we'll figure it out from there?)
CW: suggestion of implied cannibalism
~
It begins as expected. 
Yiling Laozu sweeps into the banquet hall trailing smoke and shadow that folds itself into the shape of long, feathered wings. His eyes burn like cinders, or steel fresh from the forge. He is uncommonly beautiful, with long lashes, high cheekbones, a mole beneath petal-plush lips. But that too must be expected of an immortal, even one whose life force is fed by what he steals from others. If evil wasn't seductive it would be easy to ignore. Yiling Laozu is not easy to ignore. 
Lan Wangji swallows food he can no longer taste. Flattens his palms against the silk of his skirts. 
The prattle of the hall dies quickly; chopsticks are set to rest and porcelain cups and bowls clack down against lacquered wood tables. Silence bulges in throats. 
Yiling Laozu speaks and though his voice is smooth and pleasant, he is angry. Anyone can tell. None should be surprised. 
"Honored cultivation clans," he says, grinning sharp as shale, "I see you've set no place for me at your banquet."
Jin Guangshan rises to answer but Yiling Laozu stops him with a wave of his hand.
"A banquet for your gentry, it seems, while your soldiers eat millet and vinegar. Tell me, nobles, will you wait until they begin scouring battlefields for meat before you throw them the scraps of your pork?"
The implication is clear -- insulting, an outrage. Many stand, fury and pique poised on tongues, yet few speak. Those that do find less help from the mob than they'd anticipated and quiet themselves quickly. None so much as reach for their swords. 
Yiling Laozu sucks his teeth like a disapproving parent: a soft sound that somehow echoes throughout the hall. “A poor way to treat those you wish to fight your battles for you.” 
Lan Wangji can’t help but agree with him. He had said as much to his brother earlier that night, but Lan Xichen isn’t the one throwing this banquet, and it would have been discourteous not to attend. 
“Ah, Yiling Laozu!” Jin Guangshan is already standing at the head of the banquet hall, having sat himself there like the commander of the campaign despite his belated entry into the war. “Welcome to Jiangling, and to the Sunshot Campaign.”
Nie Mingjue, the true commander of this front, doesn’t quite manage to hide his glare at Jin Guangshan. He and the rest of the sect leaders in the hall stand and bow to the dread immortal in greeting. 
He inclines his head in return, but his red eyes are sharp on each of the sect leaders before him. 
“I have received your invitation. What is it you want from me?”
The leaders of the four largest sects represented, the four men who wrote the letter that was sent to Luanzang Gang, move to stand directly before Yiling Laozu. Three of them are too poised to fidget, but Jiang Wanyin is only sixteen. Still he holds himself well, to Lan Wangji’s eye, and stands strong enough to represent his sect well. 
"You know our request. We seek your aid in our war against Qishan Wen."
Jin Guangshan’s words are honeyed thorns. His tone is demure, but he speaks as if to a spoiled child. Placating, superior. 
The hall chokes with anticipation, cultivators holding their breath against hope. There has been no question asked, not really, but sect leaders and disciples alike await Yiling Laozu’s next words like his voice alone will save them. 
They expect a price to be listed, a negotiation, possibly. There have been rumors and wagers made on what the immortal lord of the dead might ask in return. Gold, land, slaves. A virgin bride -- a harem of them. The throne of the Sun Palace. Lan Wangji has not participated in such idle reverie, but he too is a soldier at war and he does not begrudge people their entertainment. 
His own fingertips turn a bloodless white where they are pressed into the meat of his thighs, blue silk dimpled around them. He breathes to calm his nerves. 
Yiling Laozu allows the silence to drag out. His ember-bright eyes flick around the hall from one person to the next. His head cocks to the side, as if he is considering them. At last, he returns his gaze to the four sect leaders who stand expectant in the center of the hall. 
"No."
"No?" The question is voiced by many. Different volumes and different tones, but all asking spin a thread of surprise.
It was an answer that was left undiscussed, the fear of it too strong to invite such an outcome into reality by speaking it. And, truly, it was unthinkable. They are on the right side of this war. An immortal would see that, would agree. Would help them destroy a madman. 
So nobody truly expected Yiling Laozu to say-- 
"No," Yiling Laozu confirms.
Murmurs begin to roll across the floor like distant thunder. Lan Wangji doesn’t need to hear them to know what they’re all saying: we’re doomed. 
A void carves itself into Lan Wangji’s chest as the refusal sets in. Ice follows quickly to fill it. 
If Yiling Laozu does not help them, they are dead. They have no other recourse -- they would not have turned to such a creature if they had -- and they are losing this war. Badly. It will be months, at most, that they will be able to hold out. But how many must die during that time? How many will they lose to Wen Ruohan’s mad grab for power?
It is Nie Mingjue who demands, "Why would you come all this way only to refuse?"
Lan Wangji has known Nie Mingjue all his life and he has always been quick to anger. Now, however, he is not angry so much as incredulous. Lan Wangji understands that, too. 
But Yiling Loazu simply shrugs, a huge gesture for all of its casual impertinence, as the massive smoky wings heave in tandem with his shoulders. 
"I get bored in Yiling,” he drawls. A lazy smirk. Lan Wangji wants to tear it off his face. 
"Surely,” says -- Nie Huaisang, surprisingly, from behind his fluttering fan, still seated at the table that was to his brother’s right, “there are less wearisome ways of entertaining yourself."
"You'd think that, Nie-gongzi. But nothing quite entertains me like sect leaders lying to my face."
"Lying?" Again, the question echoes through the hall like hail in a canyon.
"Indeed. Lying.” He says it coolly, assuredly. “Now, tell me sect leaders: Why do you seek my aid in your war?"
There is a pause, uncertainty swirling in the air. 
Lan Xichen asks, hesitantly, "Do you wish us to lie to you, then?"
"I do not. But that won't stop you. And neither will my imputation. That's what makes it so entertaining.” That shale-sharp grin again. “So. Go on. Why do you want my help?"
Jin Guangshan begins, "Qishan Wen has grown too hungry--"
"Nope. Next."
Jin Guangshan falters, shocked, the way powerful men are often shocked any time their power is undermined. Certainly he had expected Yiling Laozu to let him at least finish whatever speech he’d rehearsed. "Excuse me?" 
"I will not,” says Yiling Laozu. “Really, Jin Guangshan, were you even trying? You, Nie-zongzhu. Your turn."
Nie Mingjue’s brow furrows. He glances sideways toward his brother, though Lan Wangji doesn’t follow his gaze to see what encouragement or confidence Nie Huaisang might offer, and the exchange, whatever it was, is over in a blink. Yet Nie Mingjue seems to have drawn something from it. 
He meets Yiling Laozu’s bored gaze and says, "Wen Ruohan has pressed the borders of Qinghe for years.” He pauses, seemingly expecting to be cut off as Jin Guangshan was before him. 
Yiling Laozu says nothing, blinking his fire-bright eyes -- dowsing the flame in shadow and then sparking it back to life, the dark fan of his lashes catching at the ends the way treetops do at sunset. 
So Nie Mingjue continues, “He is a threat to my people and to my family and I want him destroyed."
"Oh, much closer.” Yiling Laozu’s grin goes lopsided, losing its edge and rounding with amusement. “Well done, Nie-zongzhu. But, you're still lying to me. Next."
"Revenge."
Jiang Wanyin is, as ever, blunt and irascible. But Yiling Laozu doesn’t seem to mind. 
The immortal looks at the teenager like Lan Wangji might look at the youngest of his juniors: indulgent but with guiding censure. 
"Yes, well, that is obvious,” he says, a pale hand emerging from the shrouding darkness to gesture vaguely at Jiang Wanyin’s person. “You're sixteen and wearing a white sash over robes made for a sect heir. Your shiny new guan might as well still have your father's blood on it. But why my help, young Jiang-zongzhu?"
"Because you have a power that he does not."
There might be a tremor in Jiang Wanyin’s voice. Yiling Laozu might hear it, too. If he does, he doesn’t mention it, doesn’t poke at it. He is not here to injure, it seems. Certainly not to step on those who are already brought low. But why, then?
"Flattery,” he grins again, as if it is his mouth’s natural state to be smiling in some way, “you might think will get you anywhere. But I prefer honesty. Next."
Lan Xichen is the only major sect leader left standing and Lan Wangji feels the ice in his chest crystalize into sharp, jagged points. They cut through his lungs, his spine, his belly. 
"Is this a game to you, Yiling Laozu?" Lan Xichen asks. 
Yiling Laozu’s head cocks to the side like a bird with wings like his. "Have I not already answered that question, Lan-zongzhu?” His other hand, just as pale and fine-fingered as the first, and he opens his palms to the sky. “Yes. Yes, it is a game.” 
He spins, exhorting each cultivator in the room. Lan Wangji thinks he catches an ink-slick glimmer of black robes inside the shadow. “You all claim to want my help, yet you will not tell me why. Why, then, should I help you? You waste my time, I waste yours.” The amusement has drained from him leaving frustration and ire to darken the handsome features of his face as he returns to face Lan Wangji’s brother. 
“Lan-zongzhu, I would remind the rest of this grand assembly that your sect has rules against falsehood. So, please, why do you want my help?"
"I don't."
The collective gasp shocks through the room like a discordant note. It holds, waiting for something, anything, to harmonize, to take away this sick feeling in Lan Wangji’s chest. The one that keeps his eyes glued to his brother’s face. 
Lan Xichen does not waver. He does not demure. He holds Yiling Laozu’s gaze, shoulders square, jaw set. 
And Yiling Laozu’s lips begin to curl once more. 
"Yes,” the word sizzles out of him. “Good.” He laughs, dark and delighted, “Now we're getting somewhere! Would you care to elaborate for the assembled gentry?" His arms sweep wide, gesturing around himself, but his eyes do not leave Lan Xichen. 
Lan Xichen’s do not leave Yiling Laozu, either.
"You are greedy and vain,” he says, tone much colder than the diplomatic voice Lan Wangji is so used to hearing from him, “your cultivation is abhorrent, you play games with people's lives, and you are here only to mock us while our lands are overrun and our people slaughtered.” 
Lan Wangji barely suppresses a flinch as Yiling Laozu’s eyes flicker brighter, but Lan Xichen does not pause his speech. 
“I do not want your help,” he reiterates, “but I do believe that we need it to stop someone even worse than you."
There is a strain in his posture that only Lan Wangji would be able to identify as fear. Lan Wangji holds the same fear within himself. His brother has openly insulted the Dread Immortal. It could very well be the last thing he does, and Lan Wangji would be entirely incapable of protecting him. 
But Yiling Laozu surprises him once again by bowing. A low and perfectly executed salute, as if he were but a servant among sect leaders. 
"Thank you, Lan-zongzhu, for your candor."
"Mn," Lan Xichen nods. Lan Wangji can see how tightly his teeth are clenched together. 
"But, if I may,” says Yiling Laozu with a similar courtesy to his overly polite bow, “I do have some counterpoints that may illuminate further why I have decided to crash your garish banquet.”
The darkness of his wings begins to unfurl, spilling feathery shadows across the floor. As if anyone would refuse him his piece. As if anyone could stop him if they tried. 
“To your first point: I live in a very small province on a mountain that nobody else wants, not in marble palaces draped in gold and snow-white silks." He does not need to draw attention to Jin Guangshan -- the man splutters enough to do it himself. But even if he hadn't, nobody in the hall missed the suggestion in the imagery. 
Yiling Laozu continues, "Second: you know less about my cultivation than you know about the Nie clan's." He turns to face Nie Mingjue, something complicated in the red tinged set of his brow, "Less than Nie-zongzhu knows about it, himself, I think. I would help you with that, should you wish it."
Nie Mingjue is clearly affected by the offer, though Lan Wangji cannot tell how, exactly. But Yiling Laozu moves on before he has the chance or obligation to respond to it. A mercy, of a kind.
"As for the rest of your accusation, you are entirely correct.” He looks back to Lan Xichen, “I am playing games and I am mocking you. But who in this room has even thought through the consequences of asking one monster to slay another? Anyone?” 
Nobody speaks. Nobody breathes louder than they have to. 
Yiling Laozu’s rage is beautiful and terrible to behold. It is a surprisingly quiet thing, his voice low, almost a growl. Sharp teeth bared in moonlight, bathed swiftly in blood. 
“I shall put it bluntly. What happens when the monster who helped you is exhausted and weak and suddenly there is no other monster to fight? Will you let him live peacefully on his mountain where he has been for centuries? Or will you, having defeated the evil to the west, turn your armies southward and descend on my town. On my people."
"We could offer you a treaty," says Nie Mingjue. 
"And who would keep you to it?"
"A marriage, then. An alliance,” suggests Jin Guangshan, surely without any intention of giving up his own son to secure it. 
"A hostage or a spy. Even if I could stomach keeping such a person prisoner in my house, they would only ever be someone you could bear to lose. Not overly effective as a deterrent for war."
"You wish us to give you someone dear?" Lan Xichen asks. 
"No.” Yiling Laozu spits the word. “You are missing the point. You have nothing I want and no possible way to guarantee the safety of my people, my land, or myself at the end of this war.” 
Lan Wangji does not miss the way he orders that list. 
Yiling Laozu shakes his head, his rage tempered by weariness. “Nobody in this banquet hall is without ulterior goals, and I do not begrudge you them. But I will not help you only to have you turn on me and mine as soon as you have enough room to breathe. Your self-righteousness and your fear and your hunger is all too thick."
The room is, if possible, more shocked than it was after his first refusal. There was still some small hope in that surprise. A chance for bargaining, maybe. Now there is none. Yiling Laozu has made sure of it. 
He looks sad. 
"See, Nie-gongzi. Wasn't that entertaining?"
Yiling Laozu turns to leave. The tips of his wings drag against the floor like physical things. In the stunned silence, his footsteps echo, strident, purposeful, as he makes his way toward the mouth of the hall. 
Lan Wangji stands. He is not sure what drives him to do it. He has never been skilled with words or diplomacy. But neither, he supposes, have helped here, tonight. 
And there’s something about him -- about Yiling Laozu. Some kind of pull that Lan Wangji feels. A connection, an understanding. He tugs on it and Yiling Laozu halts. 
"You prefer to let Wen Ruohan slaughter us, then?" asks Lan Wangji. 
He is surprised by the even timbre of his own voice. He feels himself shaking apart with something more than anger, more than fear, yet held together by something else entirely. Harmonics finally beginning to resolve the frozen discord in his lungs. 
Red eyes flick to his and Lan Wangji finds himself paralyzed under the weight of them. These eyes, he understands, have watched centuries pass. 
"What do you think this is, young Lan? Do you think you are the first people to conquer and be conquered? I have seen more of you fall to each other than to the ghosts and beasts and demons you all destroy in your contests for glory. You are in a war. There is no winning in a war, only death. Only suffering."
Lan Wangji did not notice Yiling Laozu moving; he did not notice himself moving. But now they stand an arm’s length apart in the center of the hall, gazes locked on each other. 
"There would be less death if one of the armies was yours."
He wonders what would happen if he reached out, if his fingers touched the shadows. Would they feel like the feathers they emulate? 
"True. But that is not your goal. Your goal is victory. Should I choose to support your side because you are righteous? Look around you, young Lan. Look at the men who lead your armies. Tell me, are they more deserving of their people? Their land?"
Lan Wangji doesn’t look, but he does understand. He does not, entirely, disagree. But there is no room for nuance in Yiling Laozu’s judgment. No room for hope. 
"You do not know them."
"You do not know them. And you do not know me." Yiling Laozu’s voice quivers over the last word. Only barely. A string that breaks upon stilling the final note. 
Lan Wangji narrows his eyes. "You came here tonight, not to mock us, but to weigh us. And we almost changed your mind. We defied your expectations as you defied ours."
"What is it you think you know, young Lan?"
He bristles. That’s the third time Yiling Laozu has called him “young” and he hates it. He hates it viscerally even as he recognizes the disparity between them. He is likely painfully young to Yiling Laozu. But he is not a child to be dismissed as such. To be lied to. You do not know me. 
"You want to help us. You want Wen Ruohan gone, just as we do."
"No.”
Lan Wangji almost staggers at the certainty in the word. He blinks. But he is sure. He is not misreading this. So he sets his jaw and raises an eyebrow, challenging the Dread Immortal. 
The immortal who returns Lan Wangji’s challenge with an eyebrow raise of his own. “I want him gone, sure, but not to assume his place,” his chin juts toward Jin Guangshan. Then toward Nie Mingjue and Jiang Wanyin, “Not to kill the terror from the north. Not for revenge. And not, young Lan, because it is right."
Young Lan. 
They are standing even closer now. Lan Wangji thinks he might be able to feel Yiling Laozu’s breath on his face. He might be beneath the arch of his towering, black wings. 
"If you do nothing, he will come for Yiling just as you believe we will."
"If I do nothing, that is likely true."
"So you will do something?"
Something softens around Yiling Laozu’s eyes. The red of them dims just enough that Lan Wangji can see the hint of an iris inside, likely only because they are standing so close. The corner of Yiling Laozu’s mouth ticks up -- a tiny smile, different from all the others he’s worn tonight. Lan Wangji’s breath catches in his throat. 
"Yes,” Yiling Laozu whispers, and it sounds like it’s a concession to even say it. “But not for you."
There is a sound like a thousand wings flapping inside of a cave and the world goes black. 
When Lan Wangji opens his eyes again, Yiling Laozu is gone.
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bachirasbodyguard · 1 year
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why are we not talking more about the Blue Lock TV rankings from vol 22 😭😭
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mattodore · 7 months
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hello good morning happy thumb in his mouth tuesday (a day i just made up for matthias's slutty little whims)
#river dipping#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#echthroi#a burning house to live in#ts4#blender#now i just have to make a pose where theo's thumb is in matthias's mouth so everything goes full circle#you already know matthias is gonna be on his knees for it 😌#but anyway i finished making that first pose last night while recording a little video showing nene how i make poses#and then when i woke up i jumped back into blender to make another version of the pose but like. hornier.#i love making poses rn like i'm in blender so often these days... honestly i'm in blender more than i'm in the sims lmao#there's one i started working on like two days ago that is so... i wish i could share it on here but cock and balls are out in it </3#placing so many curses on tumblr hq#...........i did make a pillowfort account tho so :)#i'll post the wip of it onto there when i get further along bc the pose is kind of messy atm. still trying to figure out the anatomy 😁🔫#i actually made a pillowfort yesterday just to post an old screenshot from the casual oc save that i found again and had a good laugh at#i've been messing around on there and i really like how you can set posts to being just for logged in users / followers / mutuals#and there's an 18+ label you can slap onto your posts too#like it's great!!! tumblr sucks so bad why don't we have those options on here... seriously#ALSO you can turn off reblogs on pillowfort any time you want and you can set it so that it DELETES ANYONE ELSE'S REBLOGS OF THE POST!!!#WHY is that not an option on this website like i hate it hereeeeeeeeee#but anyway pillowfort also seems to not have that many people on it so like. that's literally perfect for me and my avpd#i'll probably end up posting on there a lot#...... oh and#nsft#?? just in case i mean matthias does in fact have a handful in that second pose there so. for the blacklists ☝️
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blackbackedjackal · 11 months
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Sometimes I think about how long some of you all have been following me and I'm like wow, ya'll really like watching this clown.
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sysig · 18 days
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I hope you blink before I do (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#DAX#Blood#Fuck you *reinjects romance into your song about love-lost*#It's the ''I want to be the one to lay you to rest'' of it all#Or if not that then at least to be the last one suffering#See him off - make sure he goes knowing that he's not alone#I'm Fine just Don't Look at me and I'll Be Fine#Schrödinger's Fine lol - I am simultaneously Fine and Not Fine until I am observed#I simply subsist largely off of angst and then whatever small scrap of comfort that can be coaxed from there hehe#I am very mean to them considering how much I want them to be happy lol#Honestly I think what would be meaner is seeing ZEX off and then somehow DAX survives alone#Night ends just as he's about to blink out and oops you're still stuck here sorry about that <3#But I wouldn't do that to them would I?#:3c#I also think it's interesting that I started doodling this before I actually read ZEX's death - I finished it after but still!#Does he just give off gutted vibes? Canonically he's eviscerated so#And not just in the eye way - in this case it's enucleation#Did you come here for eye removal surgery puns? I don't see why you'd expect anything different *b'dm tss*#I've done way more research on eye removal than I ever expected to but now those two terms will be forever seared into my mind haha#Hhh ZEX's death was very affecting to me ;; I'll talk about it more with its accompanying doodle but really 💔#I wanted an honourable death for him - and if not that then a death where he wasn't alone - and if not that then to rest#He got one of the three ;;
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sleep-nurse · 24 days
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don’t fight the omori brain rot.
join us.
i'm not even fighting it.........it won against me 4 days ago already
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thsc-confessions · 9 months
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"I never liked Ellie x Dr V it just never made any sense at all especially when they never ever meet at any point in CTM" submitted by anon
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thresholdbb · 2 months
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The essential difference between cosplaying Jadzia and cosplaying Janeway?
Jadzia has confidence because she doesn't give a fuck
Janeway has confidence because she gives all the fucks
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canonicallyanxious · 1 year
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I have so many thoughts and also questions about the Alan/Wen relationship so I'm just gonna dump it all here in typical incoherent bullet point style:
First of all I just want to say why do I know these gay people who still live with their ex in real life except they're lesbians agsjdhdjdj mlm/wlw solidarity but in being Messy Bitches I fuckin guess
I'm incredibly interested as to why they haven't told people why they're not together anymore, and also why they have to pretend in front of other people that they're together. I mean it seems pretty significant if even Wen's father who he has a very close relationship to doesn't know the full details of their relationship status, i would think if you had a close relationship with your family they'd be among the first to know about a break up. Gong might know they've split up (I think how nonchalant he was about Wen having a one night stand supports this) but still unclear at this point, maybe he just knows they're having some sort of big conflict or are on a break or something. Maybe there's a social dimension to it? I don't feel i know enough of Thai culture and social conventions to make a confident guess here skdjfskjdf but i would be surprised if there wasn't some sort of reason other than "it's too awkward we don't wanna" - and if there is a reason i'm guessing this is why Wen hasn't been forthcoming about the details of his personal life with Jim, though i really can't guess at this point what that reason might be
so my very first reading of the "i don't love you anymore" "that's a shitty excuse" scene when the trailer dropped was that Wen was maybe trying to break up with Alan but Alan for whatever reason wasn't letting him and you know what i still stand by that or at least like the general sentiment of that. i think it could go either way whether that scene is a flashback (to give context to why they're in such a bad situation now) or present day (to push the development of Wen and Alan's relationship forward); personally i lean toward flashback bc of Wen's emotional state in that scene, he seems much more sad and upset than angry and bitter like he does now with Alan, but i guess we'll find out next week!
I don't have anything resembling an intelligent guess as to what Gong was referring to when he said "you should have asked him if he wanted you to do it" or whatever the phrasing was but I'm guessing whatever happened there is at least a part of the reason why their relationship failed and maybe even a part of the reason why Wen is so cold to Alan now. idk it feels potentially quite big to me, like sure it could have been one isolated incident but based on what we've seen of Alan's character (my guy has some control issues #yikes) it strikes me as possibly being more of a pattern rather than one fuck up though at this point who can really say
Speaking of Gong, I find his friendship with Alan interesting. He claims he doesn't want to take sides or get caught up in the middle of their fight, but I think there are pretty clear signs of whose "side" he's taken: for example in the first episode he doesn't open the message when Alan asks where Wen is so that Alan doesn't know he's seen it and even goes so far as to check with Wen first what he should tell Alan (this does not read as particularly neutral behavior to me, personally); when Alan pointed out they're both friends too and if he really was staying neutral he'd tell Alan what was going on too his response was that Wen was talking with someone and that was all he knew even though he knows they had a one night stand, almost like he went with the bare minimum to get Alan off his back; and his comment at the end of his conversation with Alan of "maybe you should do nothing" felt very pointed esp with accompanying expression. What I'm curious about is why Gong still feels the need to keep up any sort of friendly pretense with Alan. Maybe it's a situation where he knows more than he's supposed to (like if Wen confided in Gong but no one is supposed to know they've broken up for whatever reason)? Or maybe there's some other social dimension to it, idk
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journeythroughtherain · 7 months
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I DID IT!!
Aaaaaaaah 😭
I am mildly impressed that I can't remember seeing a single wing fic. It's honestly fascinating. I have more thoughts about the general trends and types of fics this fandom seems to be drawn to (or seems to skip entirely), but those will have to wait for a more reasonable time of day.
Maybe sometime tomorrow I'll also go over my ao3 history for an estimate of how many of these I ended up reading in the end. 🤔
I'm going to leave the tab open in my browser but now I'm finally going to allow myself to filter out everything I found I didn't vibe with (which... Will probably remove quite a bit of fics. Especially from the E rated ones. Once again I find myself at odds with the majority of fandom when it comes to certain aspects of my otps' characterization). But I did it!!
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gailynovelry · 7 months
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When you suddenly become aware of a plot hole that probably 90% of anyone who ever looks at your stuff will not notice, think, or care about, but now it's in your brain and you need to dig up an old story to edit it into submission again.
#is this about hor#perhaps#“what's the plot hole gail”#something something working out ainzel's timeline vs morekai's knowledge of their thereabouts vs silamir's and navaeli's lack of knowledge#maybe it's not even a plot hole BUT#IF ainzel and morekai were in communication at a certain point in time then theoretically silamir would know where ainzel was because#morekai is in communication with her. and if silamir knows where ainzel is then why did she mention it taking so long for navaeli to track#down where ainzel is? should not silamir have told her?#several possible answers. one; ainzel is a petty bassard who hates morekai's guts & refuses to communicate with him more n necessary#which is honestly very likely.#actually you know what. that's the answer. ainzel was like “you do war prep in ullua My Hated Ally and i will do war prep far away from you#“far far far away in Kavia.”#and morekai goes “but where in Kavia Ainzel what if i need to know-”#“i have decided that you don't need to know. fuck you. goodbye.” - ainzel knowing with gritted teeth that this is not the last they see him#besides ainzel knows that Navaeli's gonna show up anyway (prophecy) so why would they go out of their way to tell Silamir 'cause obviously#it gets figured out anyway#other option is that Silamir DID know where Ainzel was and just. made navaeli figure it out on her own.#it's halfway in character but tbh i think Silamir's impatience outweighs her spite. so nah. she'd tell. Ainzel's spite wins out this time.
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jonny-b-meowborn · 1 year
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I know this is kinda silly and doesn't seem as serious as it is for me but it genuinely hurts me that I can't casually tell people that I'm a therian. I can't even say I'm a furry unless I'm certain I won't be judged. It's becoming an increasingly important part of my identity and I wish I could just tell people "I'm a dog btw ^-^" when I meet them the same way I can tell them I'm queer or an artist or a gamer or whatever. It's just who I am and I hate how it's not really accepted, or even understood by most people
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domesticmail · 23 days
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#will be breaking up with my boyfriend soon because this situation is straight-up untenable#and then i guess i'll be moving!#i feel so weird and unhappy but ultimately i think i'll be happier alone#working on myself alone#working on my life alone#because he is just. not conducive to any of it#he rightfully pointed out that i have flaws i need to fix but he also#goes on screaming tirades and ignores me for days#so i feel like ultimately i am justified in leaving.#i know i have issues and i need to work on them and I AM!#if that isn't enough for him that's okay#but it's not okay to oscillate between screaming at me and giving me the silent treatment#i mean my god.#this is not a relationship.#this is me letting myself get berated#and then disrespected#and tbf i've allowed this behavior for two years so he is not entirely to blame#i have had many chances to leave and i've always discarded them because i thought we could work it out#but yeah i've reached the point where i don't think it's work-out-able#i mean he straight up told me our relationship is not important to him and that i'm not important to him#i don't understand how that could possibly be a GOOD thing in a relationship#and i'm honestly a little saddened that i let myself think that was okay for so long#i may have flaws but i'm not abusive or manipulative. i'm just lazy#but i take care of my responsibilities too.#so ultimately i'm just not okay#i'm not okay with any of this and i'm finally okay saying that#it doesn't make him or i bad people#it means we're not compatible and probably haven't been for a long time#i am unhappy here#he is unhappy here
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every now and then i reminisce about the days before guardian's "Retreat!" was changed to "Advance!" (that was more than a year ago? whew) for the sake of those huge scale clashes in wvw
not only would the losing side start retreating with great haste while yelling STAND YOUR GROUND to stop the enemy from pulling them in and tearing them to shreds
but the aggressors would also be roaring RETREAT on repeat as they sprinted over the fucking hills after their prey with the kind of frenzied bloodlust that you only ever see in the eyes of pvp gamers
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months
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i just finished saw v and i don't have high hopes for the rest of the franchise (based on what ive heard) but im in too deep to stop now
#no i haven't enjoyed the last two no i don't expect to get much out of the next five or so movies. but i need to know.#i guess saw v mightve suffered bc i watched it basically immediately after iv#something i didnt do with any of the others#but i was told v was one of the good ones so i was looking forward to it. i dont think it was burnout yknow#but uh. i didn't like it. i think i liked iv more honestly. strahm and hoffman do absolutely nothing for me#i liked the traps. that was it though#it felt so pointless and empty. it was the first one where i genuinely wondered why they made it. why did they decide to keep going with#this. i think ii and iv both function more/better as setup for their following films but like. at least iii was pretty good yknow#like both amanda and hoffman's accomplicing feels kinda retconned in but at least amanda's an interesting character#what does hoffman have. what does strahm have. nothing. and no i don't think they have much in the way of homoeroticism either.#i don't tend to be so negative and im sorry if someone goes in the saw tags and feels bad about me talking shit about something they like#because i know that doesn't feel good. honestly i'd love to hear why people like v. maybe it'll change my opinion of it if i look at it a#different way yknow? but for now im just annoyed by it. iv was engaging in the moment but very forgettable#i liked riggs well enough but we barely learned a thing about him. he wasn't a deep character at all and i think that's a shame#but v was just a paperwork-based cat and mouse chase. 90 minutes and it still felt like they were wasting my time#why did strahm go to the old trap locations? i don't think he found anything out there. likr it was just a framing device for the flashback#but he didn't actually have a reason to go there. waste of my time#not an original critique im sure but saw ii on seems to be more focused on scale and layers of shit (i.e. having two games going at once)#than using the traps to examine the characters. i mean you go from two guys in a bathroom for a couple hours#learning about who they are gradually at a slow pace vs like 8 people in a house plus cop stuff plus 90 second traps of dubious fairness#hoffman has no real relationship with kramer (unlike amanda) and basically everyone who'd been following jigsaw is dead and so are jigsaw#and (presumably) amanda. what am i supposed to be here for? the vague outline of a saw trap? the type of torture happening?#im not even opposed to that per se but frankly the more they focus on the cops surrounding this shit the less fun it is#why are you making all the traps like 15 seconds long and tied to characters who aren't the primary focus. it's saw#ughh i miss adam. i miss amanda. hell i miss kramer and he was pretty present in this one (flashbackwise)#whateverrr. anyway that poll comparing chainshippng shotgunnshippng and coffinshippng where shotgun was last? lesbophobic.#im only half joking about that. im sure ppl have their reasons for coffin but i also think it's the tendency fandom bias for “two white guy#ships. but hey maybe vi and onwards will add more context to that that'll make me reconsider. i mean i wouldn't have liked the amanda#accomplice thing That much if i'd only seen ii. i think iii really makes it mesh better and it leads to fun character stuff#(though i still think i would've liked it more bc like. amanda was always grateful to jigsaw right? again hoffman comes outta nowhere)
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moe-broey · 1 year
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What did she mean by this. Btw.
LIKE. It is SUCH an interesting observation coming from Veronica SPECIFICALLY, someone who has been notoriously out of touch with emotions -- her own emotions, and also struggles significantly with processing other people's emotions and understanding their intent.
And like thinking about this like. Alfonse has a tendency to be sincere even when he doesn't want to be. He can't help it. No matter how guarded he is, that sincerity always shines through.
But when I think about Sharena, like. I never think of her as Insincere. I never think of her as Fake-Nice, like the way I view Henriette at times. Where it feels like there's something more unsettlingly detached underneath her warm smile and overly affectionate demeanor. Which isn't to say I believe Henriette is secretly evil or something, I just think she has Something going on that makes it so I have never completely trusted her as a character and would Not be surprised if she was hiding something.
When I think about Sharena, I think maybe she's like. Try-Hard Nice. It's very hard to explain what I mean. But I don't believe she's insincere. I don't believe she's hiding something like Henriette could be. I think she's desperate? And takes a methodical approach to relationships, where she's set out on A Goal, which is to make a friend. If I say the right thing and act the right way I will succeed in being the perfect friend. She's incredibly open, but is she really? Does she know how to be truly open? Has she ever just let herself, be?
ALSO incredibly fascinating the implications of this for Veronica, having noticed this and saying it so confidently. I haven't delved super deep into Veronica's character, but... I just think it's interesting, that she struggles so much to process these things, and yet seems to be able to detect when something is off and untrustworthy to her. Even MORE interesting is how all this plays out with Letizia, where she trusted her completely. Ofc, in that case, you have to consider the entire context of their relationship -- Veronica never having had a reason to distrust her. Unfortunately I don't have a lot I can say on that though (<- emotionally cannot finish Book 6)
Idk I just. Sometimes I'll be reminded of a dialogue and it'll infect me with brain worms LMFAO
#feh#idk i think veronica has autistic swag. actually.#and honestly i sometimes play w the idea of alfonse autism but. it just doesn't fit. to me.#but sharena. also idk if it fits. but when i think about her tendencies.#it is SO reminiscent of masking and mirroring behaviors actually. way more focused on having a Correct interaction#than like. just letting it be.#not to mention just how detached masking/mirroring can make you esp if you've done it all your life#like in my case i also had the trans aspect going on trying to conform to feminity as 'expected' for years#to the point where. even the people i loved the most and who i was closest to. i was still distant. not there.#like my sisters have told me. ever since coming out and transitioning they feel like they actually Know me now#which isn't to say they didn't know me before. there was.. a barrier.#they loved me but couldn't see all of me.#and i think same goes for the process of unmasking my autistic traits and unlearning mirroring#and how this relates back IS how detached it can make you. detached from others. detached from the self.#you're mimicking something you do not understand. you don't understand why you don't understand.#you want to love and be loved. maybe. if i loved like you. i could show i love you. maybe it'll make you love me too.#none of this comes naturally. all of it is learned. if you fail you will try again. again. again.#you're likable. you have become likable. but are you loved? are you capable of love?#do you even know who you are? without the mirror and the mask?#idk i just think. sharena my good friend sharena. i do love you#sharena#fe veronica
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