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k1ngdom-of-thieves · 10 months

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I've had this in my mind for the longest time now so here goes!

Riddle, Leona, and Malleus has a crush on MC, and one day they find MC trying to write... *gasp* a love letter! But they went "Oh, that isnt right... Maybe I'll find the words later." and tried to throw it away, only for it to end up in the boys' hands. How would they react when they realize the letter is addressed to them?

Thank you for sending an ask! Thank you so much for your patience.

Riddle, Leona, and Malleus + Finding Reader writing a love letter!

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle isn’t usually one to pry, especially when it involves affairs that don’t involve him, but you looked like you needed help writing a letter. Something he could definitely help with if you needed help articulating words.

When he saw you toss it away, he was a little confused but ultimately decided to leave it alone. That was until he noticed his name written in cursive on the front of the paper.

Does he know that’s incredibly invasive? Yes, but you seemed really stressed out over something you could just tell him yourself. He was a smidge worried.

So he reads the letter and is shocked with the revelation of you having a crush on him. He read it multiple times, trying to see if this was a joke or not. After thinking about it for a while, he decided to just go up to you and ask.

“Do you have a moment? I’d like to know if you were also interested in me? Pardon me for being so blunt, but I feel it’s best to just it off of my chest. *He then chuckles nervously*”

Leona Kingscholar

Leona also usually doesn’t get into people’s business, mostly because you couldn’t pay him to care. But he sees Grim pulling on your sleeve towards him with a letter in your hand in the distance and he starts to believe that this might become his business soon.

He didn’t move a muscle. If you were gonna come to him, then he’d talk to you about it. However, he thought it was kinda funny to just watch you try to avoid this.

You manage to get Grim to drop it and you guys go off to buy tuna. What you didn’t notice was that the letter had fallen from your hands and Leona picked it up. He says that he was gonna get up anyway, but you know that’s bs.

He reads the letter with a smug expression on his face, and chuckles to himself as he finishes reading. He now sets off to let you know your so called “one-sided feelings” aren’t actually so one-sided.

“Hey, herbivore. You could’ve just said you like me. Didn’t need to do a whole song and dance about trying to avoid it.”

Malleus Draconia

Malleus watched as you crumpled up yet another piece of paper, wondering what could possibly make you this nervous and upset. In fact, he was just about to get up and ask when you got up and left the library.

The fae walked over to where you were sitting and picked up one of the papers. He justified to himself that he was just cleaning up, but in reality he was just nosy. He started to read one and was surprised to see that they were all addressed to him. He picked up another letter, and just like he thought, it was also meant for him.

After he finished reading one of the more complete letters, he felt his face flush and his heart beat a little faster. His favorite human had feelings for him? Was this a dream?

He knew that he had to come to you right away, but decided that he should also write his feelings in a little letter. The man thought the idea was simply adorable.

So, he walked up to you as usual and gave you the letter with an expectant look. His eyes lit up as you became increasingly flustered reading his letter.

“So child of man, am I safe to assume we share the same feelings? There would be no greater honor than being yours.”

#twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst imagines #twst riddle #riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #twst leona #leona kingsholar x reader #leona kingscholar #twst malleus #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia

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baurbiediv · 1 year

Text

strange

PAIRING ➔ jj maybank x reader

WARNING(S) ➔ heartbroken jj, reader decides what’s best for her.

SYNOPSIS ➔ after jj went behind y/n’s back, she ultimately decides the fate of her relationship with jj.

SIDE NOTE ➔ listen to strange by celeste

A/N ➔ read parts one, two, & three before this! + official last part!

i tried for you

“i pushed you away because i fucked up. a couple days after the argument, i told kiara everything. my head was everywhere and .. and we made out.” he told you.

tried to see through all the smoke & dirt

way to go.

it wouldn’t move

your heart quite literally felt like it just got ripped out right of your chest and stomped on.

what could i do?

you leaned against the counter and put your hands on both sides on your face before bringing them down to your mouth.

i touch your head to pull your thoughts into my hand

but now i can’t

say, isn’t it strange?

the words coming out of his mouth, the feeling was foreign to the atmosphere that swelled in the air. and without a second thought, you were out the door with jj hot on your trail.

isn’t it strange?

feet carrying you wherever, anywhere but the current location you were now. the chateau no longer feeling like home, it now felt like you resonated on a remote planet by yourself.

i am still me

you are still you

jj reached his arm out before grabbing your wrist and turning your body to face his. “y/n, please you gotta listen to me. i fucked up really bad, i’m sorry. i promise you it meant nothing.” he pleaded, hoping you’d listen and forgive him, his eyes scanning your face.

tears welled in the bottoms of your eyes, the word ‘anger,’ wasn’t enough to express the amount of emotions that filled the humid air.

how people can change

“what could you possibly have to say to me right now jj.” you spat, snatching your arm away from his grip. your eyes filled with so much disappointment and pain.

jj’s face softened, he watched the way your chest heaved up and down. never have you been this angry at him, somehow the two of you would’ve gotten over an argument when the other got this mad.

from strangers to friends

but this wasn’t some kind of stupid argument, it was a very serious one. jj had one damn job, to never do anything as stupid as this. he couldn’t even do that.

friends into lovers

“i ask one thing from you. just one single thing, and you couldn’t do that.” you breathed, how badly you wanted to fall to the ground and sob.

and strangers again

all the pressure of this faulty relationship crashing down on at once.

this wasn’t fair to you at all, so much time and effort put towards him, gone.

right in the blink of an eye.

“y/n, please just hear me out.” he pleaded again.

your patience was wearing thin, your head was spinning. ripping the necklace off your neck, you threw it at him, along with the matching bracelet he’d given you.

we’re you being melodramatic? of course not.

your feelings were 100% justified, you’d just lost your boyfriend, the boy you were desperately chasing after since 5th grade, due to him being reckless and foolish.

and then expected that everything would be perfectly fine and go over smoothly.

he cheated, with your best friend. it was ridiculous that he even tried to get you to understand that this was something that you could just skip over.

“give her the necklace & the bracelet. she’d probably like it. i’ve seen the way she looks at you.”

and that was the last thing you’d say to jj.

jj watched as you walked away, how badly he wanted to go after you. his feet grounded, leaving him stuck and facing the consequences.

he picked up the necklace and bracelet and swallowed the lump in his throat.

he watched you walk down that dirt road until you were no longer visible. he already missed you.

time rolled around and now nearly a month after the breakup.

you’d distanced yourself from the group, not wanting to interact with any of the pogues. you could’ve prevented this, you knew the pogue rules, you broke them. if you had abided by them, maybe you wouldn’t be feeling the way you do right now.

you never wanted to see kiara or jj again.

2 people that you were supposed to trust the most betrayed you in the worst way possible.

the tears kept coming, and they wouldn’t stop. the sobs that emitted from your chest were ones of pure ache. nothing would’ve prepared you for the amount of emotions that this brought on.

why we’re you this hurt over some boy? quite literally everything was different. the way you woke up, carried on throughout the day, going to work, and school.

everything was different, there was no way everything could be the same way it was.

maybe jj moved on with his life, maybe he was doing better than you. who knows? maybe he found the girl that complimented him in ways you couldn’t.

but that wasn’t true, jj was in the same boat as you. but in the end, this was something he did and it couldn’t be undone. no apology from him would ever make you take him back, the damage was done.

john b & pope watched the damage take a toll on their best friend, yet there wasn’t a single thing that the two boys could’ve done just to see jj smile again.

jj missed y/n, but y/n didn’t feel the same.

this was jj’s mistake, and it was final.

he kept the necklace & bracelet, hoping that maybe one day you’d find your way back to him.

months passed and you finally found the girl you once were. eventually you found your way back to the pogues, your second family you loved so much.

albeit, jj was still around. but you couldn’t have cared any less than you already did. you moved on and now it was time for him to do the same.

but easier said than done, right?

he still never got over the night you left, he cried to his hearts content, he cried until there were no tears left. he’d never been more emotional, he so used to losing people, and you being one of those people absolutely broke him.

he was so used to you being in his world, and one stupid decision had caused him to lose it all.

the day he saw you back with the pogues, he so badly wanted to hug you and kiss you, telling you that he realized how stupid the decision he made was and that he’d make it up to you.

but you weren’t giving him the time of day, any time he tried to interact with you, it was short simple, one-worded answers.

jj tried his hardest to win you back but you were over it, over him.

jj was miserable while you moved on from him.

if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

#jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank fic #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank #jj maybank x you #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank angst #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank fluff

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drdemonprince · 3 months

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Your blog is like a breath of fresh air. Thank you for all the wonderful thoughts and writing.

That said I actually have a question. I am pro-palestine(it feels stupid to call it that, as if it should even be a debate) and in a very left leaning friend group. But also a very white academic one. You know the type, read Marx, dream of the revolution but continue studying to end up in 9 to 5s instead of doing anything(I am guilty of it too, this isn't meant as insult just a description)

Anyways, as you can imagine they have been extremely hesitant when it comes to having any opinion on Israel or Palestine. That wouldn't be a problem in itself, I know how to start topics with them and get them thinking usually but in this case there is an additional problem. Whenever I try to broach the topic I get shutdown with "Look at all the shit that is going on here, our country is falling into fascism, I just don't have the energy to deal with this conflict. Please don't talk about it because it's triggering". And I have zero clue what to do. Forget getting them to go on protests with me, I can't even speak to them about it and feel really guilty. Its me bringing up a heavily triggering topic after all. It feels wrong to feel guilty though. I know at the end of the day it's not important if I could convince some people to give a fuck but do you have any advice? How to get over this guilt or maybe how to broach a topic with that considered?

My main problem is my fear of losing my friends because I have been ill for some time(as in physically unable to leave the house for more than a short grocery run, or my visits to the doctor, because of pain and my friends are what keep me alive) and losing their help would be not good.

My exact situation aside, do you have advice for someone to broach a topic that others describe as unpleasant/triggering without causing a huge rift in the group?

Thanks for your kind words and your question, Anon.

I think your friends suck and that you can do better than them. I think you should get out there and find yourself some Black, brown, working class anarchist and anarco-communist buds (and Marxists who show up for others in a real, observable way in their regular lives) as soon as you can.

I know that wasn't the answer you were looking for. But I have seen this kind of entirely theoretical, jaded, self-superior, passive, white well-off Marxist type a thousand times before, and I've failed to ever see them show up for other people in any kind of consistent way.

And it's not only the people systematically crushed beneath the wheel of Capital half a world away that they neglect, either. They tend to be pretty shitty friends and neighbors when it all comes down to it on the micro-level, too. Their smug over-intellectualism and dispassionate cynicism allows them to justify remaining disengaged and going along with the status quo in a way that ultimately serves capitalism very well.

There is a theoretical basis to this selfishness and disengagement, I will admit. This type of overly academic Marxist typically believes that the fall of capitalism is inevitable, that humans lack free will and only behave as befits their obvious material interests, and that there is nothing that one can do on a personal level to hasten any kind of Revolution, so there is nothing left to do but wait, and take care of oneself, and allow the future to unfold.

This is a perspective explicitly advocated for by people like the Chapo Trap House guys, and among academic white boy communist types, it is incredibly popular. I remember hearing Matt Christman saying on his vlogs that he essentially does not believe the conditions allowing capitalism to fall will happen in his lifetime, and so his only responsibility is to just take care of himself and his family and be comfortable.

Ultimately, these types wind up sounding and behaving exactly like capitalist economists who believe that everyone is rationally motivated only by increasing their personal wealth. They are disengaged from politics except insofar as they like to make snide jokes about current events for their own entertainment and enrichment, and they don't see themselves as having the capacity to exert a positive influence on the world, nor any obligation to. It's bleak shit.

At the same time, if your friends are in the circles that tend to read and listen to and promote this kind of stuff, surely they have also been exposed to popular leftist voices advocating loudly for the Palestinian cause. And yet still they have done nothing.

Hasan Piker has been vocally pro-Palestine his entire career, and his Twitch channel has been providing near constant coverage of Palestinian issues since October 7th. True Anon has had multiple episodes on the Israel Lobby, the suppression of pro-Palestinian activism and journalistic coverage, and has aired interviews with Normal Finkelstein. Palestine is the central topic of nearly every Trillbilly Worker's Party podcast for months now.

These are widely popular voices among the very types of Marxists that you say that your friends are, and many of these creators are close friends with the Chapo Trap House guys, whom your friends almost certainly are taking notes from. So it's nearly impossible to imagine that your friends have not encountered the near constant coverage of the struggle of the Palestinians that all the rest of us have. And yet still your friends do nothing. Still they do not care, and dismiss you when you share with them how despairing you feel.

Your friends have turned off an essential part of their hearts, I think. And I don't mean they lack empathy. Not having empathy is fine, I don't have it either -- but I make the conscious choice to care about the Palestinian cause and to advocate for it, because it aligns with my values. I give a fuck. My giving a fuck is conveyed through my actions, not through what I think about or how I feel.

Your friends are showing no interest in learning more about this genocide or doing anything about it. Perhaps some degree of ignorance or hesitancy could be justified early on because the Israeli apologist propaganda is so far reaching, but we're well past the point of that explaining away inaction by now. Over 100,000 people are missing and over 30,000 are known to be dead and little girls are being shot by snipers while seeking medical care while babies are left to rot in their NICU beds.

Your friends know this. Maybe not everyone in the world does, but if they're so well-read about leftist issues, your friends do. And they have chosen, for some reason, not to care. They've disconnected from the pain the Palestinian people are in, unplugged from the steady stream of upsetting information, sought comfort in a politics that says all too conveniently that nothing they do matters, and when you try to share with them how much anguish you are feeling about the mass deaths happening throughout the world, they're dismissive toward you.

Your friends suck. If acknowleding reality and confronting the horrors of a genocide is too tough and triggering for them, then a lot of horrors here at home will be too much for their fragile egos too. There are so many leftists you could be surrounding yourself with instead, I promise -- people who give back to their communities, people who are in the streets doing the tough work of feeding and housing and fighting for the release from prison of people every day, instead of using those local struggles as a shield for their inaction on a more global scale.

Fuck these people for real. This is a big glaring red flag and it will be relevant to your friendship and your life. One day many of them might see you and your problems and your human needs as too much of a distraction from their dry academic jerk-off sessions too. I've seen it a dozen times. Sorry to be so blunt. But you seem like a person who is putting their attention in all the right places and I don't want to see that compassion squandered on people who won't ever show you the same consideration. You can find people who actually walk the walk, they're everywhere.

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daylight6256 · 2 months

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My Unpopular Interpretation Of Gojo Satoru’s Character

He’s a hypocrite who’s unable to see through the lies he feeds himself.

First of all, I probably need to establish how I define ‘hypocrisy’ in this case so it’s easier to see what I’m getting at. In Gojo’s case, his hypocrisy manifests in his proclamation of loneliness as the only way of living for “the strongest”. He looks at everyone else through a lens of superiority and views other sorcerers as burdens rather than allies. Instead of looking at jujutsu as an act of teamwork that requires constant input and effort from all parties involved, he sees it as his and only his responsibility in the sense that he faults himself for any losses that ensue in the wake of missions. This guilt might seem like it could be naturally attributed to his status as a teacher but I do think that this issue runs deeper and is a lot more sinister specifically because of the way Gojo was raised.

It’s important to establish that the source material leaves a lot up to speculation when it comes to Gojo’s upbringing but I think it’s reasonable to assume that things weren’t….pretty. Considering the fact that Gojo was the first sorcerer born with both The Six Eyes and Limitless in who knows how many hundred years, the weight of expectations placed upon him by his clan must’ve been soul-crushing. Not only was he deprived of his childhood but he was also immediately relegated to the status of a god by everyone around him. This kind of rabid devotion can’t be healthy for anyone, but especially not for a child. He then went on to live all his formative years under his clan’s supervision which effectively meant that he could only see the world in relation to himself for the first 15 years of his life.

And then Geto came into his life like a whirlwind and crumbled the foundations that helped set up his viewpoints of the world up until that point. Geto also helped in razing the walls that Gojo built between the world and himself to the ground. When it comes to Gojo, while some of his loneliness was definitely self-imposed due to his flawed belief that “the strongest” are destined to only be able to rely on themselves, I also think that a lot of his anti-social behavior can be justifiably attributed to his clan isolating him from anyone they deemed as beneath him, which is basically….everyone. Therefore, Geto was the first semblance of normalcy Gojo had in his life.

I believe that a lot of Gojo’s infatuation with Geto boils down to Geto being his gateway out of loneliness. Gojo stopped being “the strongest” precisely because of Geto’s existence. Gojo suddenly had the ability to be a child precisely because of Geto’s existence. He viewed Geto as a gift - probably the first time he had this thought in relation to anyone other than himself. Geto was Gojo’s reason for looking at the world outside of himself. He was also his reason for feeling anything other than disdain towards everyone else. I also think that the severe contrast between what their upbringings look like externally served as the catalyst to the development of their relationship. Gojo’s life up until that point was so eccentric and so deprived of a sense of normalcy that only someone whose life had an illusion of normality despite being equally as eccentric could make sense of. While Geto couldn’t relate to everything clan-related in Gojo’s life, he could probably sympathize with the sense of ‘otherness’ that Gojo felt because of being born into a family of non-sorcerers. And so they bonded over being “the strongest”.

Here comes the tricky part though. I am of the opinion that both boys were so drunk on their power that they thought that basing the entire worth of their relationship on it was….normal, again because their reference point for what is and isn’t normal was very off-center. So when Toji ultimately destroyed their lives, the foundation of their relationship suddenly wasn’t as sturdy as they thought it was. Now, I must admit I don’t know if Gojo ever actually looked down on Geto for eventually becoming “beneath” him, but Geto being the chronic overthinker that he is probably thought that he did anyways, and for valid reasons: seeing Gojo’s attitude towards everyone other than Geto himself must’ve done a number on his perception of his own self-worth in relation to Gojo after the Toji debacle. And with both of them being children and with Gojo being so power-drunk that he couldn’t see through the mask Geto put on, I honestly can’t see a way in which things wouldn’t have ended the way they did. So when Geto eventually left, Gojo came to the conclusion that any attempt to form any meaningful relationship with other people was pointless because they would either end up feeling resentful towards him (re: Geto or at least what Gojo thought Geto’s reason for leaving was) or fall so far beneath him that they’ll eventually have no choice but to leave (re: Geto again).

He faulted his own power for creating a rift between Geto and himself without possessing the sufficient introspection to realize that the crux of the problem lied in Geto’s inability to stomach the disregard with which the higher-ups treated sorcerers. Gojo was so caught up in his own power to correctly conclude that something outside of himself was what eventually drove Geto to leave. Which brings us back to square one. Gojo’s lack of ability to think outside of himself is the driving force behind his hypocrisy. Instead of actually putting in the work to understand the internal mechanisms behind the thought processes of the people around him, it is much easier to pretend that their actions or lack thereof must be in some way linked to his perception of his power, rather than an external force he possesses no control over. Because at the end of the day, it is easier to pretend to have a semblance of control over the way people act than to be faced with the damning realization that you simply don’t. In Gojo’s case, it was easier to assume that Geto’s defection was in direct correlation to his own rise to power rather than due to a fault within a system he had no control over.

It’s important to emphasize that I think this opinion is strictly limited to teen Gojo (immediately after Geto’s defection). He eventually did end up accepting the truth of the matter for what it is - you can only save those who want to be saved (aka you don’t possess control over every facet of being) which is why he helped raise a generation of sorcerers to ensure that the world was left in safe hands.

This is all over the place lol I’m not even gonna try to edit it but I appreciate input and constructive criticism!

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk #jjk spoliers #satosugu #character study #gojo satoru #geto suguru

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batrogers · 24 days

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Linked Universe Time with PTSD

My friends have gotten the brunt of me going on these rambles at them directly, so I decided I’d make this everyone else’s problem as well. Especially after the recent update and the somewhat... questionable words exchanged between him and Twilight, I figured this could be a salve for people like me and a few friends going “What the fuck” about how out of the blue it feels.

A comment on my approach to canon: I am aware there are things shared in the Discord that are creator content, and on the Patreon to which not everyone has equal access or can even manage to relocate again with any ease. As such, like I do with most fandoms, I will be discounting those as “extra-canon” only referenced to augment the “core materials” which I am treating as the Tumblr account archive, because that is available to everyone, without an account and without paying.

I am, of course, including all base canon of the games in this analysis as well, which is to say all the canon directly included in the games and not including the Ocarina of Time or Twilight Princess comics. Interviews and so on are considered "extra-canon" here as well.

(Also I am in the Patreon and at the moment none of the “bonus” content is relevant to this anyways, for the curious. I am not, and have never been, in the Discord.)

Approx 1500 words.

IIII

I’m going to start from the comment everyone is making about this update: that Malon must be pregnant. Obviously nothing can prove or disprove that in and of itself, but I would argue that’s both not a necessary read of this and the mere question is actually part of my analysis: Link and Malon are, by word of god and how they’re drawn, in their thirties. They’ve been a couple since they were late teens to early twenties, and they very clearly want to have children from how they react to Twilight!

So why don’t they?

Infertility is suspected after two years of a (presumably) reproductive capable couple having unprotected sex without a pregnancy. If Time and Malon have been trying for ten to twenty years to have children (assuming their relationship started between 15-20, and currently are 30-35), they are incredibly infertile. It’s not out of the question, and a wild stroke of luck could still occur (my own cousin conceived unexpectedly after ten years of trying) but it does serve to investigate other reasons: maybe they had some reason they weren’t trying, either on purpose or because something was keeping them apart.

Something, perhaps, like a war.

The base game of Ocarina of Time does not leave Hyrule in a good state. We are told, in-game, that Hyrule was in a civil war when Link was a baby. His mother died getting him into the Lost Woods, where he was raised as an orphan. The Shadow Temple explicitly states it was used to imprison (and, strongly implied, torture) the enemies of the Hylian royal family. Ocarina of Time is the only game to use its unique script for Hylian, which suggests it wasn’t the original language and did not last into Twilight Princess later on.

Lon Lon Ranch itself is both very protected by location (very close to the Castle, close enough it supplies it with food and other supplies) and by a twelve foot log palisade. The castle grounds themselves have two guarded gates between it and Castletown (do they not trust their own populace?) and a vast number of guards on the hills around it. Kakariko also has guarded, gated entrances.

(This all has a game mechanics explanation, of course. Closing off each section with “gates” and high walls permits loading screens to feel justified and more immersive, and saves game data and space. It creates clearly defined, restricted areas for the console capabilities at the time. But they can still be interpreted this way, because that is ultimately still the world they built in the end.)

In addition to that base of implied precarious stability at home, we have the question of how the matter of Ganondorf was resolved. Time very briefly references pointing the finger at him and causing something to happen, but ultimately there is no result that would not have made the situation politically volatile for some time after. Even if they executed Ganondorf immediately, the bad blood between Hyrule and the Gerudo would’ve festered under Koume and Kotake as potential leaders. If they didn’t, and simply threw him out or banished him, the same would apply this time with Ganondorf still alive... and, if we assume that the Twilight Princess Ganondorf and this one are the same, he looks much older in-model than he does in Ocarian of Time which suggests this interpretation holds more weight.

It’s not really a question of “if” things devolved again after these events, but when and how badly. Remember, again, my comment that the script of Ocarina of Time is gone by the time of Twilight Princess. In addition, I've done an analysis of Twilight Princess game implications that do not imply Child Timeline has been peaceful, either.

But, of course, the question of what the games themselves leave us with doesn’t answer if Jojo went with this position within the canon of the comics. There is of course the potential to disregard this if someone doesn’t want to go the route of war post-game for Ocarina of Time. Many people just don’t want to write it, and that’s valid! I honestly don’t think Jojo really considered it.

But, there is evidence that could support it if you wanted to go there.

First of all, we have Time’s platemail. This is based off of the Hero’s Shade platemail in Twilight Princess. Disregarding all other factors, platemail directly implies a few things about Time’s social position at the start of Linked Universe: he has enough money, influence, and reason to have suffered the cost and length of time required to make what is extremely high-level, personalized (in size and design) armour. This means several things:

Time has social status. That armour is meant to be seen and noticed; it’s something that either was made for show (a “jewel of the crown” level of regard), or because he wanted people to notice it personally. He has money, or political favour: that shit’s expensive. He either paid for it himself, or someone paid for it for him. And he has cause to want the level of defense offered by platemail over chainmail or hardened leather. Platemail is uncomfortable. It's heavy, and reduces agility. You wear plate because you expect to get hit, and hit hard by something that could surpass chainmail or hardened leather. Something like a moblin... or an iron knuckle.

Malon directly references this in their visit to see her: “You’re in danger if you took your best gear.”

Time chose to wear his platemail to go after Dink, but this is armour he already owns before Dink ever entered the picture. In that same chapter, Malon directly states “all the times you’ve come home beaten and bleeding.” While they also joke that Talon doesn’t believe him, remember that Lon Lon Ranch is in a very protected place within Hyrule. A war that takes out the castle and central city is a war that’s very nearly lost. (Hyrule Warriors losing Zelda AND the castle was a devastating, near-lose condition and his Hyrule is probably in severe condition.) Talon can afford to consider the affairs Time gets up to none of his business.

But that doesn’t make them perfectly safe. Malon can fight, she’s been drawn with bow and arrow before. Lon Lon Ranch, as noted, is behind a tall palisade and there’s the implications that Talon’s deceased wife might’ve been a Gerudo. He’s also old enough that he was a young adult at least during the Civil War that killed Link’s mother.

And, somewhere between that picture of Time at sixteen or seventeen, when Malon promised she wanted to know what had happened to him, and the start of Linked Universe (a gap that directly implies that this was not the result of Majora’s Mask!) Link lost an eye and gained the markings of the Fierce Deity mask. And, with it, he gained what we’re told by Jojo (in a VERY old ask) is a terror of using it again.

I’m not going to presume to say what exactly his trauma might or might not look like. PTSD and similar things manifest differently for a lot of people. But it could make Time react badly to the visceral reminder of going back into serious combat. A reminder like, say, a long wait for someone to recover from a nearly-fatal injury. Add in that on long campaigns, letters from Malon may have been his only piece of home, letters that likely carry her terror for his safety with them nevermind the specific news they contain and...

He might not be in a good state of mind when setting out once more with one of the young men he’s pulled into this fight with him. He might struggle to think clearly, when he feels so responsible for their safety and remembers how Malon reacted to Twilight, all because of what he told her.

He might say things in a poor way, with fear weighing more heavily on his mind than reason.

#Linked Universe #LInked Universe Meta #LU Time Meta #long post #my writing #heavily influences my read on him in fanfic #LU Time #cw infertility #cw war #Like I'm not for or against pregnant Malon #I just have a knee-jerk reaction to it as a default expectation #And have been considering posting this for a while

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fefairys · 3 months

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I just read up to the breakup with Meenah and Vriska and fuck, i really dislike that whole situation. Got any thoughts you wanna ramble about regarding that?

OKAY I FINALLY GOT HERE IN MY REREAD.

god yes everything involving meenah and (vriska) and the vriska (vriska) confrontation is extremely fascinating to me. mostly because i resonate with a lot of it so hard it hurts. long ass post below. i got very personal lol what can i say. i vriska.

(vriska) goes into people-pleasing mode when she and meenah are alone. it actually reminds me of how she would sometimes act with kanaya. the vulnerability, mainly. but like. its a little different. with kanaya it was more like 'youre the only bitch around here i respect, but im still better than everyone else. i want you to like me but i dont NEED you to! (<-lie)' but with meenah its like 'you are the only person i have and so i have to be good for you so you dont leave me.'

she backs down super easily with meenah. sometimes she does argue for herself, but ultimately she always ends up deferring to meenah. she wants to agree with everything she says. wants her to like her:

^ she doesnt want to say the carnival looks fun until she's gotten meenah's approval. she has to be cool for meenah.

her suggestion gets shot down and she immediately sides with meenah. oh yeah i didnt want to do that anyway in fact i hate horses!

it's tricky, because of some of it seems like actual Character Development, and her getting over some shit. and i definitely think these thinks dont have to be mutually exclusive. she can be realizing things about herself and moving on from them while at the same time falling into habits that are equally unhealthy for a person.

she realizes she used to care way too much about stuff and tries to counter it by not caring at all. she realizes she used to push people around to much and counters it by becoming a pushover herself. this is sickeningly relatable to me.

the scene where meenah convinces her to get a tattoo is a good example of this.

she realizes that a long-held opinion she had is actually kind of bullshit, and that she cared way too much about it for no reason. good job, vriska!

but then she pretty much leaves the actual decision of it up to meenah! she asks meenah to tell her what to do instead of thinking for herself. she justifies it by agreeing that she loves pirate stuff anyway! shes trying to make up for a lifetime of bossing people around by asking someone else to boss her around. and she convinces herself that this is making her happy! and i mean it definitely is, in a way. it feels good to feel liked by someone. to have the approval of someone you look up to. it is making her happy. but is that... good for her? i dont know! it doesn't feel good to me.

this stuff is hitting me extremely close to home on this reread because i like JUST came upon the revolution that i kinda did this? not to this extreme polarity, but it still resonates.

i was (kind of am still, it's in my nature) a very bossy and controlling person, and i lost an entire circle of friends because they were rightfully tired of me telling them what to do and being so self-righteous all the time. so when trying to make new friends after that, i turned on people-pleaser mode. and i'm kind of still stuck there and trying to strike a balance between being a doormat people-pleaser and being a huge bitch that wants everyone to behave how *i* want them to. it is a hard balance to strike. its hard knowing when i should stand up and say something and when i should let something go, so most often i let things go. and OFTENTIMES i live to regret it. "i should have said something" is something i've been finding myself thinking A LOT in recent months...

and its tricky, because it feels good when people i respect say they approve of me. i feel happy that someone likes me. but sometimes that has come at the cost of sacrificing parts of myself. and it can feel good in the moment, to feel connected to someone like that, but then one day you wake up full of dread because you dont know who the fuck you are anymore. (vriska) didn't really ever get to that point, or, she never voiced it. vriska points out that shes become an entirely different person, but she does it in a way that uhhh fucking sucks lol! and is not helpful, because vriska's not exactly doing great, herself! she shows off her hypocrisy DELICIOUSLY in this scene.

she calls (vriska) selfish for.... being dead, essentially. and she justifies all her own selfish actions with it being "for the greater good," just as she always has. this is par for the course with vriska

^ i looooove this part right here where she sidesteps the fact that she did in fact plan to go fight jack but john punched her in the face to stop her. "different shit happened!" (i actually made the exact same decisions as you, but an outside force changed things and now i feel superior to you because i got a serendipitous opportunity that you didnt)

this whole conversation hits hard with me. it literally sounds similar to conversations ive had with myself! it's hard to not want to side with (vriska) i mean she does feel like the more reasonable one in this conversation and has had more time to think and reflect on herself, and vriska is being a fucking asshole about it, but like, i don't think either of them is exactly Right?

like, vriska has a bit of a point that (vriska) doesnt seem to notice that she's gone people-pleaser mode. but (vriska) thinks this is what happiness is. she despises her old self who was obsessed with inserting herself into everything and feeling the need to be The Best and prove herself as such, to catastrophic outcomes. so of course she wants to separate herself from that as much as possible and strive to become the opposite of it. someone who doesnt care about shit, and who lets other people make decisions for her instead of her making the decisions for everyone against their will. i think (vriska) was on the right track, but just couldn't really... Get There without the right support. and meenah was definitely not the right support.

but anyways like. vriska yelling at (vriska) at how disgusted she is with her is so sickeningly similar to me, looking back and realizing that i used to like.. stand up for myself more. if someone said some shit i didnt like i TOLD them i had a problem. i didn't let people push me around. and i think god, what happened to me? i became a weak loser that bends to peoples idea of what i should be instead of being myself. am i really happy?

but its not like i was better off before, either. vriska still isn't right. yeah i didnt let people boss me around, because i bossed THEM around. when i told people i had a problem with them i was MEAN about it. i said rude shit unnecessarily. i made everything about me and didn't care about what other people thought.

my past self and my "current" self (maybe like, my 'a few months ago self' i like to think im working through it but im still having trouble lol) are disgusted with each other. im disgusted that i used to straight up bully people all the time, and past me is disgusted that i seemed to have stopped having convictions, that i let other people decide who i should be, etc.

neither of them are really happy, but (vriska) sure seems a lot kinder, at least. she's made progress, but in a way that benefits other people more than it does herself.

also i love vriska saying "what happened to not letting shit get to you because you always knew you were better than the one slinging it" that is such utter bullshit. she is ALWAYS letting stuff get to her. all of her god damn actions are because she lets stuff get to her. everything she does is to prove herself. the cycle of revenge shit?? yeah totally didn't let it get to you. thats why you killed aradia and blinded terezi. because you were just so totally better than them and not letting it get to you. this stuff:

yeah. letting it roll off your back. lol

anyways back to meenah and (vriska)

meenah recognizes this vulnerability in (vriska) and it scares her. she does the whole "im abandoning you... for your own good..." thing, which... sucks! as you said, this whole situation just fucken sucks, man.

(vriska) basically admits that at this point, without meenah, she's lost. she let meenah mold her into what she wanted, and to lose her would be to lose herself.

but i mean i don't think there was another way this could've gone. (vriska) was essentially meenah's rebound after aranea (and vriska is her rebound after (vriska) lol) and it's just.. ALL bad. its just... everyone here has such deep personal issues that they cant help but let effect each other, yknow? meenah realizes that her issues are effecting (vriska) and thinks that removing herself from the situation is best. maybe it is? it turns out okay for (vriska) in the end, at least. as "okay" as she can possibly get, i guess.

i don't know. there's a lot here! it all just hurts and sucks. teens, man. how it is.

this is just my (very personal, frankly) interpretation of the events, idk. i think i said a lot here without actually saying anything all that substantial, as i feel like i tend to do. i just resonate with vriska really hard, what and you gave me an opportunity to ramble about it lol

#asks #enviousennui #sams reading homestuck again #vriska #(vriska)#meenah

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ranna-alga · 4 months

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A very long (and Joel-Miller-apologist biased) TLOU hot take incoming:

I don't want to get too deep into my honest opinions about TLOU2 because even though I am quite critical towards it, I'm sincerely uninterested in engaging in any discourse about the game that has been going on for three whole years. Instead, I'll just talk about one thing that I consider to be a personal nit-pick that I don't see many talk about. This may be a hot take, so if you want to comment on anything, I kindly suggest you hear my side first ♡

[screenshot from MKIceAndFie's gameplay on YT]

One thing I wish was different with TLOU2 involves the scene where Ellie gets the truth of what happened in Salt Lake City, and I'm unsure if the writing is to blame, but I lowkey wish Joel... Defended himself a bit more?? 😭

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely understand Joel wanting to let Ellie be angry at him - she had every right. I found it quite bizarre that such an important scene (or at least the conversation) felt very... short? I feel like maybe it would have been more interesting to not only see Joel acknowledge how hurt Ellie is (again, her reaction is understandable and I'm not trying to say she's in the wrong at all) but also try to at least give his point of view of things, especially on why he did what he did to the Fireflies.

This, plus Ellie, albeit still heartbroken and furious, emotionally exclaiming how she feels, and why getting a cure was so important to her deep down. Or at least as well as she could put it in her current emotional state.

Maybe I am biased in this because I am a Joel Miller apologist until I die before I am my own person. Like, you may as well call me Saul Goodman because I'm practically this man's lawyer with how much I defend him.

In my opinion, he would be justified in saying that even if the operation was a miraculous success, the Fireflies would probably exploit her name by setting a price on the vaccine, or if a war between the Fireflies and FEDRA/other Factions erupts in order to seize it, killing more people than saving them. He would be justified in saying that they never asked for her consent and would wonder if they would still put her under the knife if she refused the offer. He would obviously know she was capable of making her own decisions but would also understand that she has Survivor's Guilt (something Joel may have felt before, especially after Sarah died and he didn't) and how that could affect her mentality/decision-making, especially at just fourteen years old. He would feel justifed if the operation failed and Ellie would have died for nothing, a risk he refused to take.

He would probably tell all these things to Ellie, trying to make her understand at least a little bit. But these reasons likely came to him after getting Ellie to safety. In his mind and heart, he might as well have had only one reason for doing what he did.

That reason being? It's simple. He loves her.

To him, that is more than enough, and Ellie may possibly realise this. Perhaps, after him listing out all those reasonings, Ellie might say,

"But all those things... They weren’t really the reasons why you did it, were they?"

"... No. They were not."

I definitely don't imagine Ellie would forgive him immediately, obviously. I still think Ellie would leave and not talk to Joel for some time, but with this interpretation, I'd imagine she would have a lot to think about in the meantime. Ultimately, I think it would have been a very interesting scene between these two verbally-repressed people who very much care for each other but are at a breaking point.

TLDR; I think there was potential to have this scene be a bit more "fleshed out" in terms of Joel expressing his intentions whilst also acknowledging and recognising Ellie's feeling of betrayal and heartbreak. Almost like a parallel to that "I'm not her, you know" scene in TLOU1.

#ranna word dumping #this may be a bit messy im sorry #these two make me sick i love them #the last of us #tlou #the last of us part 1 #the last of us part 2 #the last of us game #the last of us series #the last of us hbo #tlou game #tlou show #joel miller #ellie Williams #joel tlou #ellie tlou #tlou meta #hot take #unpopular opinion

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museofthepyre · 3 months

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Did a fun Q&A thing on insta about my ocs, here are the highlights, lore and shit! For context I am writing this into a horror-ish book as we speak. Brewing my dastardly schemes (gay tragedy).

Q: Is Eden also a cannibal?

A: Eden isn't a cannibal in the way Harlow is. I mean he eats people but only because Harlow's cooking is too good to turn down /hj. Eden's thing is... kinda the opposite.

He's slowly being consumed by the rot that's festering within him, a manifestation of hatred and shame. To him love is consumption, and he is inedible. Insert vulture metaphor here w Harlow. For every rotting corpse there is a very greatful vulture who will look past the decay, and see your worth. Eden is ultimately finished off by something that loves him, a consumptive love, unconditional and indiscriminate.

Q: ABOUT THE ROT, HOW DOES IT WORK? HOW IS IT AFFECTING HIM??

A: This rot is really the only story element that isn't totally grounded in reality. It's an illness that's a manifestation of his self hatred/ repression/ internalized shame- not an actual condition.

It appears at first like it just affects his chest- but it’s been slowly burrowing deep into his body. Its spreading like roots/ mycillium through his flesh and will finish him off in one foul swoop once it's finished spreading.

In the meantime, it manifests like a chronic illness- his muscles are all atrophied and he feels constantly drained of life. It's taking small pieces of flesh to sustain itself while it spreads (the chest cavity is the result of that-though the REAL damage is invisible. It's the ticking time bomb roots beneath the seemingly unaffected surface). It functions like a slow acting Chronic Wasting Disease (aka zombie deer disease, humans can't get it in reality, but it was the inspiration)

Q: What happened when Harlow discovered Eden was a guy

A: Eden is trans, and closeted in his life. Harlow is the first person he ever discusses his truth with.

At first, Harlow was just kinda... confused? Transness is not a concept he was familiar with. At ALL. The idea alone was completely unheard of to him. Again this is the Bible Belt in the 8os, the area so rarely encountered visible transness- trans people existed of course, but so many stayed hidden to survive. The roaring tre of bigotry did not have much tuel in that regard... no trans people to propagandize against. It was not on the public's vitriolic radar. In that way, Harlow hadn't developed the knee-jerk reaction of hatred... he was more fascinated than anything, but it did challenge him to understand at first.

Unlike his journey with accepting homosexuality this was not so much a task of unlearning as it was just... learning.

Also Eden's whole rotting thing adds another layer to this Harlow is stupid and takes everything VERY literally- he thought Eden's condition must be divinely brought.

Harlow saw a gift from God, a rare flower planted in inhospitable soil, wilting before it ever got the chance to bloom. Like the angels sent to Sodom and Gamorrah in human disguises, to test the townspeople's virtue. To present them with something foreign yet beautiful, to judge their inherent goodness based on how they treat it. Like in the biblical story, the townspeople were so vile and inhospitable that it endangered the angels and forced them to leave, burning down the town behind them. Harlow saw this as prophecy. He was eager to get to the “burning down the town” part.

Part of my motivation for incorporating that specific biblical story is SPITE btw since so many people use it to justify homophobia. Reverse uno idiots. I'm putting you in my GAY BOOK as a metaphor for hateful queerphobic societies.HA!

Q: Describe the rot in Eden's chest in sensory detail (texture smell “cause" etc) I want rot details!!

A: I used CWD and necrotizing fasciitis as building blocks for this thing... starts in the brain, spreads like roots through the body, eating away at muscle and skin as it does. Once it's fully spread, it'd rapidly worsten and bring death within a matter of hours.

In the meantime it sustains itself off of non-fatal bits of flesh (his chest here, since it's a manifestation of self hatred and all, and dysphoria is a bitch). It is an open wound so it'd feel scabby and it is perpetually weeping... which is how Harlow finds out about it so quickly (seeps through white nightgown after being left unbandaged for a few nights). He would also have to take care to hide the smell of decay

It advances throughout the story and by the end there's barely any soft tissue left on his chest, nothing alive anyways. The final overtake begins, and his organs enter the early stages of consumption (which happens very rapidly in one foul swoop). That's when they decide it's time for boy dinner!

Q: How smart are they

A: GREAT QUESTION! HARLOW IS FUCKING STUPID. LIKE not only does he lack emotional intelligence entirely, but he's also very impulsive and reckless. The ONLY reason he's getting away with his murders is because the society around him has shot itself in the foot with its homophobia. Noooobody is suspicious of him for the string of missing attractive dudes. They're looking for a "vengeful woman" profile, or possibly a "debt collector with many social connections" or something. Not some solitary redneck who barely shows his face in town and is very polite and quiet when he does. He appears, in all respects, like a normal guy in public.

Once they have mutual blackmail (and also start caring about each other)... Eden realizes that if Harlow gets caught, he's fucked too. So partially for the sake of self-preservation, and... partially out of pity for this stupid stupid man... Eden starts to help him cover up.

Harlow is pretty disillusioned as to how society functions as a whole, since he grew up pretty far from it. Eden is the opposite, he was suffocated by it and learned how to be sneaky as a result. Eden is very good at getting people to trust him, he's good at lying, he's good at acting. Thing is, he's overly trusting to his own detriment. He's desperate for genuine connection and easily deceived himself. He's bad at reading people.

Q: What happened to Harlow's mom?

A: Harlow's mother died due to complications during childbirth. He never had a maternal figure in his life, he was raised as an only child by his father, who had become calloused and would never remarry. Harlow dropped out of high school and kept to himself at his house/ in nature after that very isolated from society. Considering all this... he not only lacked a maternal figure, but any female influence... at all. Which manifested as this warped and idolized understanding of women as a whole

He thought of women in a very high and almost mystified regard- like how a child would imagine a mythical creature. One massive blank filled in by a clueless imagination. He respected them greatly, he feared them like gods, and he felt a need to repent to them as such. He never properly processed the guilt he felt over his mothers death-largely thanks to his father's handling of it. This guilt left him feeling indebted, like he owed the world for what he “took", like if he ever so much as inconvenienced another woman it would be an irredeemable sin.

This all sounds like it comes from a good place, but it's really all just deluded naivety this is not a positive trait of Harlow's. It contributed a lot to his toxic masculinity, the pressure he put on himself to "be a man", etc.

He's not a white knight, he's a cowardly dog.

This is why he didn't just kill Eden on the spot after being caught, he needed to make sure...)

MORE TO COME IM SURE I LOVE GETTING QUESTIONS ABOUT THESE FREAKS IF ANYONE HERE HAS ANY

#Rot of the Eucharist #my ocs #ocs #original characters #original writing #horror writing #horror author #queer author #queer fiction #long post

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strangerstime · 7 months

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Perhaps this information will totally influence my future writings

This topic exhausted itself a long time ago. But is it always a bad thing to return to something that still weighs on you to this day? Yeah, I'm talking about Sun and Moon Show.

So why did I pull this topic out of the nailed coffin when I have already stated my opinion before? Well, there are reasons for that. My friend, @visionthefox, often makes little posts debating this, and I read them from time to time. And the post about Bloodmoon and Lunar has me quite interested. More specifically the fact that BM broke his arm. I was impressed: in a show made for kids, they showed that moment in a very violent and intimidating way. For that they have my respect. I hadn't heard my boys' voices in quite a while and was immensely happy to hear the two of them again (if you remember, it was after BM and Lunar died that I finally gave up on the show). But my happiness didn't last long.

I watched a few other episodes, including gameplay episodes (where I think the BM actor underplayed emotionally, since I saw him as Moon the whole time, but Ruin Eclipse behaved pretty similarly, but not about that), and was somewhat disappointed. Not only that they made two hysterical twins out of my fun and active twins (which is justifiable, since they've been betrayed many times and suffered mentally from it), but also how much the plot became… monotonous? I just didn't have the fervor to find out what happens next.

You may say to me, "Well, it's a show for kids! Why pick on it?" Well, I came to this show when I was a kid. And I thought it was pretty strong script-wise. So what happened? When did those subtle plot lines weaving together turn into constant "here-this-twists!"? All in all, it's pretty sad. I don't deny that there are some positive aspects to the show: I like that the BMs are shown to be much more serious and more realistic, with their complexes and fears; that they brought up Lunar and BM's "brotherhood" (After a year- KHEM) and other minor pluses, but there's nothing here that can bring my attention back. The saddest thing is when watching something leaves no emotion at all…. Just emptiness...

I am in no way judging you if you like this Show! This is my subjective opinion, which I just decided to express for one simple reason: I feel guilty.

Guilty of falling for it, of following the creators' leash, of deciding to base my universe on it and thereby creating so many problems for myself that I won't be able to solve anytime soon, because all the problems start from the first comics… I've only been doing this for a year, and I realize I'm as far from perfect as the Earth is from the Moon. I realize that I should have thought of the consequences earlier, but I was going with my emotions and hopes, which ultimately didn't come to fruition. I accept the fact that people unfamiliar with SAMS will not get on board, they will be confused and end up drowning in trying to understand what is going on here. Which leads me to ask just one question:

"What should I do now?"

Is it worth restarting the whole thing? Flush a whole year of my efforts down the toilet to convey the true essence of my complicated plot? Or should I give up and just pretend like this is how it's supposed to be, finally finishing at least one part of this story….

Many people won't get to this point, but the few that do, hear me: never repeat my mistakes. Don't put your fate in the hands of other people.

End of communication.

#the sun and moon show #my opinion #my thoughts #i feel like I'm hating this but i'm not #my mistakes #enjoy your life #black white stranger

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thebeastofblackmoor · 7 months

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honest CW Drew Crew endings

Nancy: After multiple seasons spent wondering if her Hudson lineage made her a bad person, her fears are confirmed! Her soul was that of one of the original Hudsons who was the ultimate oppressor and sacrificed children to create monsters that would erase crimes from memory to defend perpetrators. Explicitly out of guilt, Nancy takes to the road alone to erase these beasts from the face of the world. She's in a distance relationship with Ace, though, so that's all we care about.

Ace: Despite being a genius computer hacker, Ace decides to get into medical examination. (Also alone and far away!) I guess the problem with getting a job in the field he was truly gifted at wasn't that he was having a hard time motivating himself or that he didn't have a good group to support him, but that he was not working with corpses! Despite having claimed in the past that he's never had a group of friends like the Drew Crew and showing no interest in the medical field before last season, he leaves them all to pursue medical examination. Except Nancy, who he's doing long distance with I guess.

Bess: After having been kicked out of no fewer than three households in her life and spending her entire childhood friendless and family-less, Bess's first actual home is burned down by an angry mob and her friends all leave town. She is explicitly devastated by this, but don't worry, this sudden and complete massively triggering abandonment is played for laughs! And she has a girlfriend, so rest assured she couldn't be happier.

George: After having been forced to work her entire life to support her sisters, George selects a notoriously difficult, stressful, and cutthroat career path. I guess she's passionate about it, although like Ace, she's never shown interest in being a lawyer for more than a season. We are informed that her mother just... got better offscreen and that her sisters are grown now! (After one in-universe year.) Rather than finally being able to settle down in her home and be cared for alongside her sisters, she also leaves Horseshoe Bay to hit the grindset far far away from her friends and family. But she's not alone! She has the most boring and random man in existence with whom she has 0 chemistry and we've almost never seen her interact with. Seriously, this is a good thing for her, trust us!!

Nick: Nick's ending is the only one that makes even a little sense, since he has had a long-established interest in tinkering and technology and had an established rapport with Tom Swift. However, the career that he got with Swift Industries is only brought up in the very last scene, presumably because the writers had to pull something out of their asses to justify him leaving Horseshoe Bay, too. He also has an eleventh-hour significant other to run off with.

Seriously, I get that the ending of everyone going their separate ways is supposed to feel "realistic" and like everyone is prioritizing their own happiness, but I am baffled by the fact that anyone in the writer's room thought these were good endings. Everyone's paths came out of nowhere and were way too sudden to feel realistic. The writers love to gripe that they weren't given the time to do the ending they really wanted to pull off, but if that's the case, then they should have adapted the ending accordingly! If they didn't have time to set up all these individual career paths, they should have worked with what they had set up. If they didn't have time to get us to love new romantic interests, just scrap that altogether; not everyone needs to be neatly paired off with someone. If they weren't able to show all the magical Horseshoe Bay adventures they wanted to, they should have left the group intact so that the audience could imagine more and the group would still feel whole rather than randomly and swiftly disbanded, especially since they only did one year of in-universe time, and that leads me to believe the Drew Crew will not keep in close contact. It's not like they're long-term friends.

The focus on everyone having a relationship and a career that trumps their friendship and established happiness in Horseshoe Bay just feels icky to me. Like the writers thought that having a high-powered career and an SO--no matter how irrelevant both are to the established character--is the only way to have happy ending and are the only things that matter.

#reminder that i fucking hate the last two seasons lmaooo #cwnd #nancy drew #cw nancy drew #nancy drew cw

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chaotic-autumn · 1 year

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feeling absolutely feral about the moment Stede finally realizes he's in love with Ed, get ready for some Thoughts

i've mentioned before how much i love the reading of Stede's character as autistic (and just generally how neurodivergent coded he and ed are) and I think interpreting his character this way makes the payoff of this Epiphany moment even more powerful. (might make a separate post on rom com plot points in ofmd sometime because i am unhinged about that too)

And it's SO important to me that this moment isn't played for laughs, because I am so sick of "neurodivergent-coded people Not Understanding Stuff" being a punchline. It's NOT written like "oh haha you dummy, DUH it was so obvious" (i mean maybe it is a little but in an affectionate way), we have compelling narrative evidence to justify why Stede doesn't understand that he's falling in love (and that Ed loves him back). And that makes it so so beautiful and affecting when he finally gets it.

An important coping mechanism for ppl with social anxiety/who struggle with social interaction is to really analyze the logic and intention behind social customs/things people say/etc. And it can be such a big EUREKA! moment when you do figure out the subtext/purpose of an interaction. Like for me realizing that the goal of small talk isn't to learn how the other person feels about the weather, it's a way of saying "i am acknowledging your personhood by acknowledging that you have feelings about the weather, that this experience, though trivial, is shared" made small talk SO much more bearable for me. (i mean sometimes it's still excruciating but at least now i get that it's not Pointless)

ANYWAY, we see Stede doing this in Episode 5 when he's explaining aristocratic social life to Ed:

"...and dining is pageantry." (sorry for the mediocre screen grabs)

And we see that even though he understands it, he doesn't feel comfortable with it or fit into it naturally, and he empathizes with Ed's struggle to learn the unspoken language of high society. (eg. "That's diabolical"/"It is") In fact Stede's whole storyline in this episode is basically about how much he empathizes with Ed's experience of trying to fit in with the "upper crust", and finally being able to turn the tables on the people who were mean to Ed, the way he couldn't as a child when people were mean to him.

But there's a limit to the helpfulness of this! Because ultimately emotions aren't always rational, and it can be really hard to interpret/accept your own feelings. Especially when you can't refer to an existing experience of times you felt/dealt with similar feelings. And that is frustrating and can be painful, and that pain can lead to avoidance/redirecting that pain.

(personal example but like: I spent so much time as a teenager getting so mad at myself for how IRRATIONAL all my hurt feelings and intrusive thoughts were, and that just contributed to the negative self image spiral. And it felt like this endless and unbearable cycle so I just constantly tried to distract myself with schoolwork/tv/etc)

We see Stede having this reaction a little in Episode 2 with Nigel's "ghost" (ie. a representation/manifestation of his guilt and self-doubt):

And then the elder hits the nail right on the head right here:

Stede feels guilty about Nigel's death, but Mainly (like fundamentally to his character arc in this season) he feels guilty about leaving Mary and his kids. But that guilt hurts too much, he doesn't want to think about that AT ALL, so he thinks about Nigel instead.

Now obviously he hasn't met Ed yet at this point, but this gives us as an audience important insight into how he deals with intense or frightening feelings (by avoiding them). This episode is also a crucial part of establishing the depth of Stede's self-doubt, which contributes to him not seeing that Ed is falling in love with him. I think that is linked to Stede not recognizing his own feelings for Ed, because overall he's just blind to the possibility that love is what is happening on either side of the equation.

And ESPECIALLY in the context of the queer experience it can be even harder to interpret your feelings in the love and relationships department because there's less language to explain it & fewer examples of it to help you conceptualize that "it's love" is even a possibility. Stede has never loved anyone romantically before, so he has no point of reference for what it feels like. Presumably, until becoming a pirate he hasn't seen examples of queer romance, so he has no script for what that looks like to refer to either. Basically, until the "what does it feel like to be in love" scene, Stede has no context to help him understand ANYTHING he has gone through emotionally since meeting Ed.

It's also significant that Mary is the one who describes love to Stede. Not only because of the closure the scene brings to the narrative by absolving Stede's guilt over leaving her, but because her relationship with Doug is hetero. It's permissible, it's familiar, it's instantly recognizable. She never says "I'm in love with Doug", Stede just knows. When she describes what love feels like, she's describing the internal experience of something that Stede has witnessed throughout his life but never been able to empathize with. And in that moment it clicks for him -- he DOES empathize with what Mary is saying. That is EXACTLY how he feels about Ed. (Because despite stereotypes, it's not like people on the spectrum are incapable of empathy, it's just that it can be harder to achieve because it's harder to interpret/extrapolate other people's emotions)

All of a sudden everything just makes sense. He's seen love but never known what it felt like, he's felt love but not recognized it. But hearing Mary describe it finally helps him put those two things together. He is in love with Ed. All those things people do for love in books that he could never quite understand? He gets it now, he can see himself doing those things because he is in love with Ed. The excitement and fear and confusion and intensity that has overwhelmed him these past weeks? That was LOVE. FOR ED. mother. fucking. EUREKA!

and and and AND in a meta sense, the epiphany Stede has kind of mirrors the audience's reaction to the scene. All those little moments he's flashing back to? Those were signs. That he was falling in love with Ed. Of course that's what they were, because we KNOW what romantic love looks like. We know how writers and directors and actors depict it on screen. and it is (or at least can be) no different between two men than it would be between a man and a woman.

This moment even more than the kiss to me was vindication for all the queerbaiting I believed could be queer representation. for johnlock and destiel and everything else. I wasn't crazy for thinking this line or that moment could be meant to signal romantic love. Queer romance that is just as layered and angsty and joyful and central to the plot as straight romance can exist on TV. Queer stories that aren't just about the characters' queerness but don't ignore it either CAN get made. We will put neurodivergent, queer people of color on TV.

And that's how this show increased my faith in humanity and revived my passion for my chosen career. Thank u for coming to my ted talk.

TLDR; Stede couldn't recognize what love looked or felt like until Mary spelled it out for him, and the way the writing links this inextricably to the trauma of growing up queer and neurodivergent in an unaccepting world makes me want to cry

a disclaimer for all my autistic stede posts: i am not autistic, i am a very Social Anxiety & Depression ADHDer. if you are autistic pls lmk your thoughts and/or if something i've said is insensitive or just Not Right

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd meta #autistic stede #autistic stede bonnet #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #neurodivergent shit #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #autistic coded character #ofmd headcanon #chaotic textpost #mine #stede bonnet loves edward teach

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ilynpilled · 1 year

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Hey! So I'm from the Jaime/Lannister side of the fandom but wanted to ask your opinion on where you think GRRM is going with Dany. I don't mean spell out her endgame or anything, but what messages do you think he is trying to impart through her character? I see so much Dark!Dany! theory shaped by the show that has just never really resonated with how I read her in the books. I see her more as a figure who will try to be Queen of Westeros, but will ultimately end up abdicating or even sacrificing herself during the LN because finding "home" is more important to her than ruling... but that is not based on much other than gut feeling. What do you think?

yeah idrgaf about the show tbh. i think it fundamentally misunderstood key themes that the books were exploring. corrupted/mad dany feels so deeply cynical to me. people have been reiterating this: she is a subversive messiah figure & she is given a narrative that is so often reserved for the “male hero”. the gender commentary in that would fall flat on its face to me if she becomes mad fascist female ruler like bffr. yeah, she will get darker come winds, like everyone else she will have to make choices and will face moral dilemmas because she is resolved to continue combatting the institution of slavery. she knows she will not be able to do it without dirtying her hands in some way. i think grrm is gonna explore the concept of necessary force and the question of when it is more moral to take a stand and draw blood: is it justified to cut off and burn something at the root, especially if the alternative is allowing the cancer to exist and continue to spread? the institution of slavery is a wound that cannot just be covered up with a bandaid. like this is a very important aspect of abolition. the only way i can see the idea of “madness” be relevant is in a more subversive john brown paralleling way with how people thought that man was insane bc he wanted to end slavery lmfao. if terrible people think you are mad for attempting to make radical changes that harm them that is a good sign. also would hate her becoming an aerys parallel like in the show like that is cringe bio essentialism territory, again, antithetical to the themes prevalent in these books. d&d’s #subversive #dark #unexpected ending was unironically the equivalent of:

do not want her ‘idealism’ to be completely robbed from her at any point either really. im not opposed to tragedy but i dont think id vibe with it being too cynical in this instance. this series is about earned romanticism. its heroes are the dreamers yada yada. it is about a dream of spring. i always thought she represented hope in some way. she is gonna be the flame during TLN, literally and metaphorically imo. i do think there are thematic and more abstract aspects to lightbringer, like yeah humanity uniting over an ideal for a better future & it can be about hope or whatever, which is why multiple characters have some kind of flaming sword foreshadowing, but a main one is gonna be dany and her dragons. like on top of all the pretty overt foreshadowing, like let us think about the logistics here, what is gonna do more damage to the others?? three magic nukes or some convenient dues ex machina magical flaming toothpick we forge out of murdering a woman? i also do not want to instantly write her off as a doomed martyr either though. i see the appeal in the tragedy of the kind girl who wanted a home dying without ever getting to live in the one she created but still leaving it for millions upon millions of people present and future… but also idk i am just not crazy about martyrdom as a trope unless it is executed very well. i like when characters survive for a cause rather than die for it. dany always kept persevering, not just for herself, but others: her children and her people, so i like when altruism is framed in that way. also i might be a little bitter if she is the only one to die from the new generation or whatever like in the show

#ask #my opinions #sorry for no proper grammar etc im on my phone

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justanancientfangirl · 6 months

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A bit of a rant: on Sylvie

Okay, look, as a preface: I do not hate Sylvie. I feel like I see a lot of hate for the character from a lot of people not Sylkie shippers, and I definitely do not hate her, even if the ship is something I struggle to see.

I actually like Sylvie's character a lot. She has had to struggle and fight and flee for something like a thousand years. I honestly don't begrudge her desire to stay in a quiet universe and just live a life. I want that for her, even.

Is she being a huge dick to Loki every time they interact this season? Yes. She refuses to listen to him (though he isn't being entirely straight with her either, to be fair), and she continually belittles his own choices and refuses to take responsibility for her own. She blames him and the TVA for the destruction of timelines, even though Dox's crew was, at the time, acting as a rogue element, and the issues that the timelines and TVA are currently facing are entirely her fault.

Again, I totally understand why she didn't listen to Loki at the end of season 1. It makes sense that she wouldn't want trust anything that He Who Remains had to say, and it makes sense that she wouldn't trust Loki at all. She barely knows him, and she's been alone her entire life. She doesn't really remember her life before the TVA ruined it. She has no friends, no allies. So yes, it was foolish of her to not stop and think for like ten seconds, but killing He Who Remains had been her ultimate goal for centuries. Of course she was going to do it.

HOWEVER. Because she killed He Who Remains, the multiverse is in danger. And just because I understand her inability to accept responsibility for her actions, does not mean I condone it. The lady is incredibly emotionally stunted. Of course she doesn't know how to take responsibility. She's been blaming other people for her problems her entire life (and most of that was 100% justified). To stop doing so now, when she hasn't had a chance to learn, would be bad writing.

I am all for a good character arc and a redemption story. Loki's himself has been...a little rushed. And they haven't touched on the trauma that was his time Before New York at all since that like, thirty seconds in season 1. Sure, he mentions NY a little flippantly here in season 2, but we all know that was just a way to get Mobius to talk. Point is, they have set Sylvie up for a good character arc, and kind of fast tracked Loki's without actually talking about some of the things I'm most interested in, but...eh, whatever. I can rant about that another time.

What I don't understand though, is Sylkie shippers. Like...number one, are we watching the same show? Season 1 seemed to have some unrequited pining going on, on Loki's side, especially before Loki and Mobius made up, but Sylvie has never shown any interest in Loki beyond that of a tentative ally. And really, there's no reason she should. When would Sylvie have had time, ever in her life, to think of romance beyond, possibly, an errant daydream? And this season, it really seems like she can hardly stand him.

Every time they interact, she lashes out, she tries to hurt him. She has told him, unequivocally, to leave her alone, multiple times. She listened to him say that he feared being alone most of all, and then she left him (I assume she has a tab at that bar, otherwise who the hell paid for those shots, and also, I've never met a bartender who would hear 'two bourbons' and just pour shots immediately, if it isn't a common order for that patron, but that's yet another rant for another day).

Like, she just seems to be going out of her way to be cruel, to drag him down, to blame him for everything, and to paint him as the bad guy. Sure, he wants to have his friends back, and maybe that IS selfish, but he ALSO wants to save the TVA because he believes that will save the multiverse, and that isn't, but she knows that once she pokes any holes in the story he's concocted for himself, he's only going to dwell on the bad side. Which he does. Her goal, I assume, is to get him out of her hair and leave her alone. She doesn't want to be involved with all this TVA stuff anymore. And...yeah, fair enough, except that the multiverse is actively disintegrating. Which is at least...oh, 45% her fault. (I'll grant that most of the fault lies on the heads of the old TVA, He Who Remains and Ravonna. And maybe like 3% Loki's fault. Everyone can take somewhat a share of the blame, but she really was trying to do the most. And she is the only one of our 'heroes' who hasn't taken any responsibility for the problems now facing the multiverse).

Look, I have shipped Loki with almost every single character he has had screen time with, if the story is well written enough for it to make sense. I've even read a Sylkie story that I actually managed to really get behind. (It took place before season 2, the premise being that in their fight at the Citadel, there was an accident and they ended up in Westview during the events of Wandavision, and were paired as a husband/wife duo for the show. It made sense, and there was enough of a build of their relationship that I was like...yeah, sure).

The writers of this show have NOT done their due diligence to make Sylkie make sense. In season 1, I could see that he might have a thing for her. But I never saw that being reciprocated.

Sylvie needs friends, she needs to learn how to trust, she needs stability, and she needs to figure out who she is as a person when she isn't on the run. She does NOT need a romance. A romance at this stage would be incredibly bad for her, really, if we give a shit about a fictional character's mental health.

I like Sylvie as a character. I think her arc has been interesting, but she is definitely still in the middle of it, and it is nowhere near resolved. I can't see a single instance in the show where she showed a romantic interest in Loki. (And...what, she kissed him? That was only to get him distracted enough to kick him out a time door so she could kill He Who Remains).

If this season ends with Sylkie endgame, I will have honestly lost faith in Marvel's ability to write a good story entirely. If they want the two of them to be together, they have to write them together. They have to actually be a team, not just constantly bickering (or in this season, Loki begging for her help and her telling him to stuff it). She only comes to help because her own universe gets shredded, not because she wanted to help Loki or save the other universes. She would not be good for him, at least not right now. That relationship would be hella toxic. Has she ever done anything for him? Just for him, not because he was useful to her in some way?

Look, TL;DR, I like Sylvie as a character and I want to see her grow and thrive, but Sylkie makes no sense and if they go that route this season it is bad writing. MCU has always been bad at romance and character development, but this would take the cake.

#loki #loki season 2 #spoilers #sylkie #anti sylkie #pro sylvie #rant #mcu #just show me where she ever once cared about Loki #where she acted in HIS best interest #why do people think she'd be good for him?

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ad0rechuu · 8 months

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★ MILKY WAY. ━━ (000) ASK THEM ANYTHING part 2

💌 ZERO SAYS. wow it’s over! it feels bittersweet and emotional! i can’t believe it to be honest, it doesn’t feel real yet but i am very grateful for everything and also for the questions! i deleted the asks bcs i’ll answer it here but i got nearly teary eyed reading trough them again! i wanna be sappy and continue talking but ill keep it to myself for now because i think i should say everything in the afterword <3 i love you and i hope you’ll enjoy the last (special) chapter of mw! you can find part 1 here

❪ # i ❫ : What inspired your solo "Milky Way"? ━━ to yn

from @meginthebuilding27

YN : i was watching a drama when i wrote the music but the lyrics wouldn’t come to me, that was until i started writing with hwa, san and mingi, afterwards it was easy and i just wrote how they made me feel

❪ # ii ❫ : Did you ever think about the fact that she would find your fan accounts / So my question is would you all have ever told Yn about your fan accounts if sera never put two and two together? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @meginthebuilding27 & anon

SEONGHWA : I feel ashamed saying this but I don’t think I expected our relationship to ever progress to the point where telling her could be considered a possibility to be honest

SAN : I considered telling her when she found out about my crush but then I just couldn’t

MINGI : No it never even crossed my mind

❪ # iii ❫ : What did you feel when you finally released your first single? And how do you expect it to be perceived as from fans, what feelings should we get? ━━ to yn

from @jaehunnyy

YN : It was insane, I released it as a distraction for myself but instead it made me miss them more. As for the fans, it was a lot better perceived than I expected but I think everyone should make up their own meaning about it, it’s more fun that way. (However I wrote it with the intention of capturing the feeling of falling in love)

❪ # iv ❫ : What team are you guys on? Team Hwa, San, or Mingi? If possible please justify your answers ? ━━ to ateez (except psh, cs & smg)

from @seonghwaddict

HONGJOONG : Team Hwa! I hate to pick favorites but I was going to try to set Seonghwa up with Yn before I knew that she was his idol just because I think they would fit together like puzzle pieces

YUNHO : Team Mingi! Because he’d commit a war crime if I would say anything else

YEOSANG : Team Yuna! I like chaos and she can do so much better than these losers

WOOYOUNG : Team San! I trust Yn with san, San can’t be handled by just anyone you know, it takes a special kind of person

JONGHO : Team leave-Jongho-out-of-this.

❪ # v ❫ : I just wanna know their love languages! ━━ to yn, psh, csn & smg

from @tocupid

YN : I think my love language is words of affirmation! I like them all!

SEONGHWA : Definitely quality time, I think the ultimate type of love is the type where you can just be around your person doing whatever comfortably

SAN : Physical Touch!

MINGI : Korean!- Oh that type of language… hmm maybe gift giving, I’d love to spoil her

❪ # vi ❫ : What qualities of Yn made Seonghwa, San, and Mingi fall in love? (You don't have to go into major detail but I want to know about this from your perspective as the author) ━━ to psh, csn & smg (but answered by zero)

from @alixnsuperstxr

FOR SEONGHWA : I think Yns kindness and caring side made Seonghwa go from being a fan to being in love with Yn, the way she treats the people around her makes him want to take care of her in return. He tried really hard to separate the Yn he got to know as an idol and the Yn he got to know as a friend but he found that they were identical which made him want her even more

FOR SAN : For San it was Yns passion and love, this one is quite straightforward! San adored Yn the moment he saw her but what pushed him over the edge and made him fall in love was that she has so much love for everyone around her and craft

MINGI : Yns sense of identity and vulnerability, Mingi would always worry about the hate Yn received and get worked up about it (he still kinda does) but after seeing how she handles everything he was so impressed, the administration turned into love. She allows herself to feel hurt without changing herself because of what others think and he thinks she’s the coolest for it

❪ # vii ❫ : I know that in the group chat, each member has a different endgame and an idea of who Yn should pick, but why is that?? What makes them think they are suitable for Yn?? ━━ to ksg, fts, psj & syn

from @alixnsuperstxr

SEULGI : I chose Seonghwa because I know him the best out of the three, I’m not saying the others are not great but he’s just so sweet, I trust him to take care of my little sister well

FATOU : To be honest at first I chose Mingi just because he’s hot but then I noticed that she never has not a smile on her face when talking about him, which is sickeningly adorable

SWAN : *sigh* I’m guessing I can’t choose Park Taegyu huh? Just kidding! I choose whoever makes the Yn happiest

YUNA : Obviously I’m team YNNA first and foremost but I like how open san is about his feelings, something about him makes me think that Yn would always be his top priority

❪ # viii ❫ : How long has Sera had feelings for Yn?? ━━ to srw

from @alixnsuperstxr

SERA : I guess it started a while before I left, I’m not sure but I remember that it was very intense feeling that I haven’t felt since then

❪ # ix ❫ : if you could go back in time do you think you would change your mind about leaving (during trainee years)? If no, you would still leave, would you keep contact with yn this time? ━━ to srw

from @kodzumo

SERA : There is no point in crying over spilled milk but I do think the idol career was never meant for me, so yes I would leave but I’d keep contact with Yn and love her without being a coward… maybe in our next lives

❪ # x ❫ : What were you guy’s favorite songs off ‘Le Astre’? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @ kodzumo

SEONGHWA : I love the intro Body Language but I don’t think that counts so I choose Blue Flame

SAN : Loveade, no question!

MINGI : Other than the title track, I’d choose Deep!

❪ # xi ❫ : Has Lee Hyori answered any of your mail yet? ━━ to jwy

from @ kodzumo

WOOYOUNG : Sadly, no. However I’m now friends with Yn and Seulgi and Seulgi knows Boa who probably knows Lee Hyori so I’m staying hopeful!

seulgi’s note : Am I planning to give Wooyoung Boa’s number-?! Why in the world does he need her number?

❪ # xii ❫ : How is it seeing how far Yn has grown as a person from when you guys were younger? ━━ to khj

from @ kodzumo

HONGJOONG : It makes me super proud of her, I didn’t know she’d become an idol but I always knew she’d do great things- Don’t tell her I said that though

❪ # xiii ❫ : When are you free for a date (I’m literally spiderman pls)? ━━ to jyh

from @ kodzumo

YUNHO : I’m can plan something every day other than Monday’s, Thursday’s and Friday’s (because I work on those days), I love you so much Spiderman!

❪ # xiv ❫ : Have you shown yn your star wars lego collection yet (i also collect them hehe)? ━━ to psh

from @ kodzumo

SEONGHWA : We should be friends then! But I told her about it and she thought it was very cool, hopefully the next time I can show her them

❪ # xv ❫ : Not a question but I love you guys <3 ━━ to kys & cjh

from @ kodzumo

YEOSANG : You love m-me?

JONGHO : …Okay

author’s note : despite their answers both participants are blushing profusely

❪ # xvi ❫ : Also not a question but you guys are so cool I love you guys so much as well ━━ to star

from @ kodzumo

STAR : Thank you so much! We love you too of course!

yuna’s note : You love us more than them right??

swan’s note : Please feel free to ignore Yuna’s note

❪ # xvii ❫ : I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you and I hope you have the best day, mwah <3 ━━ to yn

from @ kodzumo

seulgi’s note : Yn is currently crying about how much she appreciates this message but I’m here to say that she is having a great day and she’s proud of you too

fatou’s note : She’s going on a date soon!

❪ # xviii ❫ : Now that we know that sera likes Yn, how do you feel? Also how does it feel to be part of this whole thing where MinSanHwa like Yn, Yn liked you, you like sera, and sera likes Yn????? ━━ to ptg

from anon

TAEGYU : Sera likes Yn? Her liking someone other than me hurts less than I expected… to be honest I kinda started to lose feelings after Sera started getting distant around the time Yn confessed. Anyway I’m not surprised she likes Yn, after all my dongsaeng is great! And the whole Yns crushes situation stressed me out a little, so the only thing I really have to say is that I’m glad it worked out but I wish that Yn and me were both less oblivious haha! I also don’t think they like me very much

❪ # xix ❫ : Did you guys have any hope that Yn was going to forgive you the moment your accounts were revealed to her? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @ jaehunnyy

SEONGHWA : I didn’t think about hoping in the slightest, when she said that she needed time I thought it was just a nice way of saying “I don’t want to see ever again’

SAN : I definitely hoped that she did, because she’s a really sweet person and I couldn’t imagine that she wouldn’t but I didn’t think she’d ever consider a relationship like this again

MINGI : I don’t know if I would be able to forgive me but I always wanted keep hope so I was torn the entire time

❪ # xx ❫ : When did you guys know that Yn was the one for you? ━━ to psh, csn & smg

from @ jaehunnyy

SEONGHWA : I started feeling something when she was so genuine to everyone in one of our first conversations (ch 013)

SAN : Oh my god it was when I met her in real life for the first time, I think I liked her before but this was different! (ch 025)

MINGI : I’m not sure, at first I just liked spending time with her and talking to her but then all of a sudden I couldn’t imagine a world without her anymore (ch ???)

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