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astra-kamari · 2 months

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Bye, bye bending

Sokka x fem!reader

Summary-you make your last stand almost ending in tragedy, as your recovering something unexpected happens

Warnings- nothing really

Not proofread

You are using all of your energy to keep the fire from reaching your friends, who are all exhausted behind you. The fire nation solders sprung a surprise attack and all of you are running out of energy, there are still so many solder. They cornered you and have been sending nonstop fire your way. You are starting to see spots st the edge of your vision, already exhausted from your previous battle, cuts and bruises lined your body.

This is your last stand, your last chance, you can be the hero this time to save your friends. You can feel yourself slipping-preparing to send one last burst of your fire bending energy. You look back qt Sokka, he looks scared but has a brave face on, standing in front of the others with his sword out protectively.

Sokka makes eye contact with you and you can feel yourself break. Just one look and he knows what you’re going to do.

“Y/n don’t!” He screams

You just look at him-not quite ready to let go

“I’m sorry! I love you!” You yell back to him.

You look at the task ahead of you, the five fire benders still shooting continuous fire at you, your fire shield could not hold much longer. Searching deep inside yourself, you summon all the energy you have left. You shoot a huge burst of flame out at all of them.

You see the soldiers all fall to the ground as you go down with them-kind of poetic fire nation being your beginning and end. You hear a scream, it might be yours, your not to sure. The black at the edge of your vision starts to get bigger and bigger, you can feel yourself slipping away. You want to give in let the pain wash over you and leave you alone in your unconsciousness. The last thing you see is Sokkas face, tears falling freely, leaning over you.

“Just hang on Y/n! Hang in there, you’re going to be ok. Hey! Stay awake, stay with me! Please.”-he yells to you, but your vision caves and his pleas fall on deaf ears.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

You awake in a tent to hushed voices from outside, your head is pounding, your whole body hurts.

“Is she going to be ok.”

“I did everything i could we just have to wait and see, its all up to her now.”

“Katara i cant loose her, I-“

You bolt up, trying to get to Sokka, you dont want him to worry. However yoh can see the darkness coming back, and you underestimated how injured you still were and as soon as you stood up, you fell. Right on your face. How embarrassing, you just hope no one ever sees you like this.

But someone comes rushing in, forever embarrassing you as you cant even role over to your back. It doesn’t matter because someone picks you up and lies you back down on the sleeping bag.

“Y/n?” And you can tell its Sokka, he sounds sad, you wonder why.

“Mjmfbr”you croak trying to speack

“Shhh, go back to sleep. You need rest.”

And to sleep you went.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

You wake up finally feeling well rested. Your eyes opening fully for the first time in who knows how long. You realize someone is holding your hand. Yoh look up to find Sokka. Who then notices your awake and rushes closer to you-if that was ever possible.

“Areyouokyouhaxmesoeorriedwedideverythingwecouldtotryandsaveyoubutweweren’tsureifyouwouldmakeitandivebeensoworriedand-“

“Sokka” you laugh and then wince a little bit. “I cant understand a word you just said.”

“Well, i just-i just missed you that’s all”

“How long have i been out?”

He hesitated “..three days..?”

“THREE DAYS” you screamed “what have i missed”

“Not much, we havent gone anywhere because you were in a critical condition so we couldn’t move you. All you’ve really missed is Katara yelling st me to leave you and ‘go sleep’ like i would ever be able to sleep with you like this”

It was only then you realized how tired he looked. “You mean…you haven’t slept at all?!”

“Well-i couldn’t-i was worried about you.”

You smiled “well im ok now, so you need to get some rest.” You say as you pull him down into the sleeping bag with you.

“But-“

“No buts you need sleep.” You whispered, soon you heard light snoring and new he was asleep, you let yourself fall into the dark void once again.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖��➖➖➖

Almost a week later and you were good as new, you got back on your training schedule, and life went back to normal. Except for one thing.

Your fire bending. It was gone. It wasn’t burnt out, and you weren’t just tired and not able to use it. It was gone. You could feel it. Almost like a part of you was missing.

At first you tried to hide it from the Gaang, but as usual they suspected something was wrong.

Katara say you could always tell her if something was wrong.

Aang would offer to take you on a ride on Appa to cheer you up.

Toph would look at you and make weird faces when you said you were fine, because unsurprisingly its jot easy to lie to someone with a built in lie detector.

Sokka tried to cheer you up either jokes, he did anything to put a smile on your face. And when you kept silent and stared blankly inti the distance, he realized something really was wrong.

So he did what any sensible boyfriend would do and cornered you to get some answers.

“Are you sure your ok” he says when you two are out collecting firewood.

“Of course” you say blankly.

“Ok-you know you can always talk to me.”

“I know”

Ten minutes go by.

“Ok thats enough of that he says turning to you.

“Enough of what?”

“Something’s wrong, i can feel it, will you please just tell me what it is”

You stay silent for a while until tou cant take his pestering anymore. You finally break.

“Ok fine! Something wrong”

“Ah-ha! I knew it. What is it.” He stops walking and turns to you.

“I just-I-well” you weren’t quite sure how ti say it. It was almost like saying it made it true.

“I LOST MY FIRE BENDING” you finally yelled out.

He just stared at you for a minute. And then he realized you were serious.

“Wait, how do you ‘loose’ your fire bending. Are you sure you’re not just tired? Maybe it will come back in a few days?”

“No, it’s gone. I can feel it, theres no spark, no energy, nothing!”

“Oh”

“Oh? OH? Thats almost you have to say? I just lost a part of myself! I just lost the inly thing keeping me on this team! Now that i cant fire bend Aang doesn’t have a teacher anymore! We didn’t even get to start the basics! You guys wont need me anymore! Ill have to-“

“Hey” he says calmly gently cuping your face. “We didn’t just want you on this team because you could fire bend, we wanted you for you. And im sure we can find something else for you to do. I could teach you the sword? We could train together!”

“That would be nice” you smiled, “ he always knew how to calm you down.

“And if you’re missing a part of yourself maybe i can fill that gap.” He says smiling.

You smile back: “I love you”

“I love you too.” He admires you for a minute and then- “can i kiss you?”

You nod and he closes the gap. And suddenly you dont care about your fire bending, or your role on the team. All you care about is Sokka. With him by your side, you won’t need fire bending. You have your missing part.

#sokka x reader #avatar the last airbender #atla #sokka #katara #toph #aang #firebending

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mschimdt · 1 year

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Dejavu ch.2

chapter 2

mansk x reader

lmk if yall want me to make a tag list

1826 words

warnings: alot

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after that day where mansk completley confessed his love for you, you couldnt get him out of your head, youd think about that moment every second

you havent seen mansk kn a while, he was off in a 1 week mission with wuaritch, you and Z-dog didnt go bevause they needed "strong men" to acomplish their hide and seem game with sully

honestly you didnt really mind staying at bridgehead doing nothing with Z-Dog, it was better than going on a mission. plus you were still recovering from the incident that happened the other dat with your legs so you couldnt really do anything

its been 5 days since mansk has gone off into his mission, he should be back in about a day or so, so till then you just hungaround in your room watching TV or working out

time skip

it was a sunday and you woke up pretty early, it was 5 am, you decided to get out of bed and shower. you got up and suddenly theres a knocking at your doot, you look at yourself in the mirror and panick, you didnt want anyone to see you like this

the knocking stopped for about 30 seconds waiting patiently, then it came back, you finally decided to just open the goddam door because it was getting aannoying

you unlock the door and slightly open it to look at whos out there before completely opening it

its mansk

thats all you say to yourself, you open the doors slightly more and give him a look rhat indicates you asking why hes here

he hesitates for a few seconds and finally speaks up "uhmm thought id sit with you for a bit before i headed to my room, i just came back" he says with his head dangling looking at his extremely interesting feet

he starts to walk a way but you wouldnt allow that, you pulled him by his shoulder into your room "why were you walking away?" you speak

"thought you didnt want me here, after all IT IS 5 am, sorry for waking you up" he looked a bit relieved that you did want him here

"first of all i do want you here, i missed seeing you, second of all you didnt wake me up, i woke up 30 minutes ago"

mansk looks really tired, looks like he hasnt slept in a while "when was the last time you slept, mansk?" he stares up at you, he looks really drained it made your heart ache "its been 2 days since ive slept, i didnt have time to, just thought id say hi to you before heading to my room"

"oh well youre not heading to your room anymore, your staying here" you motion for him to come and sit on your bed, he doesnt hesitate

two seconds later you and mansk are making out, you didnt kniw how it happened but it did, you were ontop of mansk, you pulled away, a steing of saliva connecting your lips to his, then you start peppering kisses on his neck

before you know it, mansk is fast asleep with his hands on your head, hasnt even been 2 minutes and hes already asleep, he really needed this

his arms were wrapped around you, which means your stuck here till he wakes up, you really didnt mind. you stared at him for a few minutes before drifting into your own slumber

you open your eyes, still locked in the exact same position, youre surprised to find that mansk is still here, he isnt asleep though, hes staring at you

its 12pm now and mansk doesnt look as tired as he did before, you prop your hands on the two sides of mansks chest and attemt to lift yourself up, before you know it mansk is already helping you sit up, now you were sitting up straight on mansks lower abdomen

you realized the awkward position you were in and you found yourself slightly blushing at him, you know he didnt mind you sitting on him like this, after all you both DID have feelings for eachother, you still couldnt helo but blush

you lean back down to kiss mansk, as you were pulling away, his hands found theur way onto the back of your neck pulling you back down to his lips, you started making out agaun, this time mansk pulls away and kisses your neck, then your collar bone

he tugged on your shirt indicating that he wabts you to take it off, so he can go even lower, you didnt hesitate for a second, you sat up, pulled your shirt over your head anf layed bacj down on mansk

yoy were flipped over, now your back was on the bed and mansk was ontop of you kissing the top of your chest, you were wearing a bra so nothing was on display, mansk was staying far away from your chest area inorded not to make you uncomfortable

you noticed that and lifted yourself up from the bed AGAIN and unbuckled your bra this time, pulling it off,mandk didng want to stare so he didnt, he stuck with kissing your neck and your stomache, not going near your chest

he was trying not to stare but it was getting too hard, he wanted to admire and praise you, you found your hand slightly pushing hus head towards your chest, you ddint push too hard becayse you didnt want to make him uncomfortable

mansk obeyed tho, he was now massaging one of your tits with his hand and he was kissing anf sucking on the other one, yoy couldnt help but whimper

mansk purred against your skin, you whimpered again, the area betweem your legs starting to grow in heat, you found yourself grinding against the man on top of you, slowly mansk took of his shirt then his pants, he was left if just boxers

you pulled your pants off laying down under him in just a pair of panties, mansk put both his arms on your hip and went to kiss you again, your face red and your legs shaking, the heat inbetween them was getting unbearable, you were still grinding on him,

he put his fingers under the waistband of your underwear and nudged it a bit, staring at you yo make surs you approve, then he pulls them down, watching as you spread your legs open revealing your wet cunt, he helf on both of your knees and pushed his face between your legs, he was eating you out

you let out a little gasp when he loves his tongue against your now throbbing cunt, he licks your clit and plays with the opening of your vagina with his tongue, then he slips his tongue inside, you let out a gasp and then you start moaning "m-mhm m-anskk~" as he tongue fucks you

you could feel a smirk form on his face as he pleasures you, you again started grinding on him, this time you were grinding on his face though, he moved his lios against your cunt eating it asif he hasnt had a meal in weeks

your legs start shaking and you start moaning even louder indicsting that youre close to your orgasm, a hand slaps against your mouth as he continues to fuck you with his wet tongue

you started grinding even harder, you couldnt make any noise because of the hand on your mouth, your orgasm starts to near and you finally let it go, riding out your orgasm

mansk swallows everything up, he removes his hand from your lips, you pant ,then he sits up and licks his lips

you find something about him licking your slick off his lips attractive, you notice the huge tent that was now in mansk's pants, he was painfully hard but he wasnt gonna do anything about it becausd he wanted to praise you and your body right now, "holy shit that was so good" you say while still panting, mansk smiles "something wrong?" you realized that youve been staring at mansks hard on for a little too long, you motion for him to take his boxers off and he takes them offx his cock finally released from the fabric holding it down

you wrap your hand around his cock, his cock twitches and he lets out a whimper from the sudden contact, your hand was resting at the base of his cock, you loweted your mouth onto his cock

he was huge, but you still managed to take most of him into your mouth, his hand rests on your head now, slightly playing with your hair as he whimpers and groans whike you bop your head up and down in attemt to pleasure him the same way he pleasured you, his noises only making you hornier, you wanted his cock inside you right now

your mouth pulls away from his cock, and suddenly your hovering ontoo of mansk holding his dick lining it up with your throbbing cunt, you finally line it up correctly and loeer yourself ontop of him, he was going to stretch you alot, you really didnt care though

you slowly lowered your self down, mansks hands find their way onto your hips and they help you go down slower, you took all of his cock, he was balls deep inside of you "im gonna need a moment" you say trying to adjust to his size "i can wait for however long you want, but, damn im that big?" he says with a little smirk on his face , you sit like this for a bit till you start rolling your hips up and down onto him, mansk was already nearing his orgasm, but he wasnt gonna cum until you did, you were both a whimpering and moaning mess, you couldnt hold yourself up anymore, you were sensitive but you wrre nearing your orgasm

mansk help you and stabeled you so you dont fall and he helped you ride your orgasm before letting his liad into you, it was warm, and you liked how it felt inside you, you didnt want him to pull out yet, you leaned down and rested your head onto mansks chest whike he lightly stroked your hair " ilove you so much, we should do this more often" you lightly nod your head in agreement, mansk stares down at you, knowing he caused thise noises to leave youe throat

he was the reason you were a whimpering mess right now, he smiled and continued stroking your hair, he wasnt gonna let you go to sleep though, you just woke up and should probably get washed up before you slept or did anything

mansk finally pulls out, your cunt drips white fluid that he let into you, hr carries you and takes you into the bathroom to wash up, you liked the fact that he was able to pick you up

#avatar mansk #avatar #mansk x reader #mansk smut #recom mansk #private mansk #mansk #avatar smut #recom mansk x reader

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bonefall · 1 year

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i havent read po3 & lionblaze's pov chapters in . literal years so i dont remember his character all too well. but i think if you gave him bpd itd be pretty interesting ?

especially if youre keeping his powers around. seeing him have to struggle with his own emotions mixed in with his Very Dangerous Powers would be fun methinks as someone who might have bpd and struggles with anger,,, idk im just kinda spitballin here

+ second ask because I dropped Cinderheart having BPD before getting to this one

HI same anon who suggested lionblaze having bpd and i LOVE squilf and cinderheart having bpd!!! thats all i want to say lol

Lionblaze is another character I'm heavily considering; but haven't committed to

Lionblaze's role in the rewrite is that he has a relatively short arc in Po3 with finding purpose, ultimately concluding after visiting the Tribe that the point of having strength is in using it to protect others. As the arc goes on he feels both pride and resentment in his hulkish strength which expresses as a kind of arrogance. But on some level, he's scared of himself.

In OotS, he shoves his daughters, Ivypool and Dovewing, into harm's way with the Dark Forest and by forcing Dovewing to be a ThunderClan spy. He believes that the most important thing in life is to protect the Clan, and thus he thinks it's more important to figure out the Plan and Prophecy than to have happy children.

His relationship with Dovewing never recovers and she leaves ThunderClan completely, but Ivypool and him reconcile with time.

I think BPD could make an interesting angle here, with his overwhelming emotions and conflicting self-doubt and arrogance.

It could also make for an actually compelling way for him and Cinderheart to bond, I'm thinking about playing it like they just came together to raise Jayfeather and Poppyfrost's children (since they are their biological auncles), and then realized they had serious common ground.

So Lionblaze is going down as a hard maybe for now; something feels missing from this still.

#BPD #Lionblaze #Neurodivergence #Bonefall Rewrite #Cinderheart

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asexualzoro · 1 year

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it’s my 22nd birthday today, and you know what that means...

Lew Writes Wrapped 2022!

its virtually all third life this time, most of which have not been posted on main before. woe, the full weight of my third life obsession be upon ye

blood god, mortal red

(Jan, 1.2k, DSMP, oneshot) (link)

one of the Many minecraft execution fics i have written in my life, technoblade anvil edition

not to start this post off with making myself sad, but man, i miss him.

i remember writing this one all in one sitting at work in january. i think i did a pretty good job with it from an artistic standpoint, and as an analytical piece, i think i hit the mark perfectly. that said, i don’t think i could reread it now. i do think it was fun as a writing exercise to force like, 5 seconds irl to stretch out into a thousand words

yes, the only way out is down

(April, 1.2k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

another minecraft execution fic, third life rendog edition!

IM SO PROUD OF THIS ONE. im so fond of it it’s probably my favorite third life oneshot. ren’s execution makes me fucking rabid and this is just the most direct expression of that.

what’s funny is i actually remember being pretty dissatisfied with this fic when i finished it--there was a lot of stuff i wanted to hit on that i just couldnt swing around to--but when i stepped away from what i wanted it to be and looked at what it was, i realized i liked it a lot

the rhythm of cold fists

(May, 2.6k, 3L, onehsot) (link)

sometimes you get so worked up about the idea scar threw the finale of third life that you have to write a bunch of frenzied words on it

this one is funny bc i think its got the second most hits of any of my third life fic, but the comment number is really low comparatively. i mostly just had fun making the transcript of this scene and then fleshing that out into a full ‘novelization,’ it was a neat writing exercise! i don’t think anything in particular stands out about this one, but i’m happy with it overall

Wooden Mausoleum

(May, 3.8k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

Sometimes you get so worked up about the idea of the unactualized betrayal plotline of the most loyal man in the series that you have to write a bunch of frenzied words about it

okay this is going to sound bad but i keep forgetting i wrote this. i dont know why. i like this fic! one of my favorite paragraphs i wrote all year is in it! and yet??? i dunno.

id love to write a different martyn wins au where the betrayal isnt the sort of ‘mercy kill’ suggested in this fic, bc i still have not recovered from the unrealized betrayal plot. someday i’ll write a martyn wins au where he Means to win

i... still feel something is sort of off with the way this fic ends, but i think ive felt that about a lot of the fic/scene endings ive written of late. i think that ending scenes/fics is just ill have to work on this upcoming year!

might be best to not look back

(Oct, 2.7k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

i’m starting to think all my oneshots are just me getting possessed by different parts of the third life. anyway i had a point to prove about scar throwing, and what might happen were he not being wildly unsubtle about throwing

i can write essays on this fic it makes me feel insane. i HAVE written an essay on it already just recently. tbh, this fic itself IS an essay written for the purpose of analyzing the penultimate third life scene. i have and could and will write more essays on the penultimate third life. this is all i have to say to avoid making this a 1k word post

i think i did what i wanted to pretty well? it was sort of confusing, by virtue of trying to talk about a point your viewpoint character won’t acknowledge, but it was a fun piece over all

missing or obstructed

(Oct-present, 6.3k, 3L, ongoing) (link)

post third life fic but only grian and ren remember, featuring so many sleep/dreaming metaphors, because i lucid dream and have insomnia and it does a lot to me as a person

missing or obstructed has 14.7k words written but i havent fuckin posted most of it bc i got derailed by lamplight. missing i am so sorry i miss you so much but youve been obstructed. i am really excited for how the rest of this goes but i think i have to finish and completely exorcize lamplight from my head before i can go back to it in earnest. i DID post another chapter at 10pm yesterday so i had more of it to include in this wordcount tho,

missing or obstructed has been a lot of fun to write bc i lvoe stupid metaphors. it has sucked to write because it’s forced me to come up with worldbuilding shit for the watchers which has been so much more difficult than i thought. it’s been fun again cuz i love worldbuilding. it’ll be super fun when i finish the current scene i’m sitting and get to introduce martyn pov. i lvoe writing Martyn pov

Lamplight AU

(Nov-present, 20k, 3L/LL, series) (link)

renchanting dnd au. i put ren in a lantern. what else do you need

wadda hell.

i cannot even begin to like--lamplight was literally supposed to be just 20 Questions and thats it, i wasn’t going to write more, but people liked it so much that i was like “sure, i’ll write a bit more” and you guys have been??? so kind. the amount of enthusiasm this fic has received thru kind tags/comments, asks and interest, and even art??? is equal parts deeply humbling and also incredibly likely to give me a god complex. this fic has been so much fun to write and my readers are the whole reason, i cant wait to show you what i have in store for the rest of it

six sentence sunday challenge

i also started a challenge back at the end of march of this year over on @driflew called Six Sentence Sunday. the rules are simple: every sunday, post six sentences you wrote that week.

i didn’t make it every week, but i made it a great deal of them. on occasion, i even posted 12 sentences the week after missing my six, meaning some weeks counted for two.

my six sentence sunday tag on that blog has 28 posts from the year! considering there’s only 52 weeks in a year, i started three months late, and a few of those weeks are actually two, i feel pretty good about the amount of weeks i made. not every week, but basically any week i didn’t have a good excuse not to complete my six sentences. it kept me writing all year, if only a little bit at a time, and i’ll be keeping up with it for sure!

to finish out,

i passed my writing amount from last year (25k) by over 10k words! my total number for this year doesnt even count the 7k or so from missing or obstructed i havent posted, plus an uncounted few hundred words of unposted snippets for lamplight. i’m really happy with everything i’ve done this year!

which… this year i wrote and posted 37,800+ words!

thank you to everyone who has supported my writing all year, as always, it means the world to me. happy birthday to me, and thank you to you for reading!

(birthday wishes and/or reblogs appreciated!)

#lew writes #lew writes wrapped

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 7 months

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macccc hi. hi hi <3 ik u don’t watch qsmp but i wanna cry in ur inbox for a second. we got. fucked up sibling dynamics. it happened. cellbit had a twin sister named bagi and he went missing and was thrown into a war and she searched for him endlessly. his first memory is standing over a dead body and having to eat it to survive. bagi is slowly recovering her own memories and is desperate for him to remember her. he keeps pushing her away bc he can’t fathom that he had a LIFE and a FAMILY and people who CARED about him. he thought he came from war but he came from love and didn’t even know it. bagi became a cop just so she could try to break him out of prison but she never got the chance bc he broke out first and she lost him again. she spent fifteen years looking for him and he spent fifteen years trying to survive. they’re both devastated over this in different ways. this always happens with media i get into it always comes back around to messed up siblings i’m going to start eating the floorboards. the strider bros the plant twins ccrimeboys. this is my brother and i need a shovel to love him. you can get a new son or a father but who can grow me a new brother. yk. just gonna lay here and cry for a minute brb

anyway how r u doing!!! how’s it going!!!! how r ur blorbos!! i never got into adventure time as a kid what’s it like what’s the recent series like how’s it going :3 how r ur little guys i wanna know!!!! i’m still watchin hannibal btw makin my way thru s2e2 AS WE SPEAK!!!

OH GOD OH FUCK I LOVE HORRIBLE TRAGIC SIBLINGS !!!!!!!!!!!! i keep saying this but im so glad im not directly into qsmp because i KNOW i would be imprinting on cellbit like a baby duckling. it was A JOKE AT FIRST because i saw he had a white streak but every new thing i learn about him im like. of fuck thats my type of character like. to a t. unbelievable.

I AM DOING GOOD its sooooo cold today and i cannot wait 2 be done with work so i can get all cozy (<< guy who is dumb and chose a career path that is Almost Always Outdoor Manual Labor) . adventure time is soooooooooooooo so so so good. i actually have not seen ANY of the post-canon series which is why im currently rewatching the main one!! i want 2 watch them so bad. ive heard such good things about fionna and cake. ouuguguhg. its a very good show its the perfect balance of really silly and lighthearted and also.... emotions. <3 formative piece of media. u are speaking to the worlds biggest flame princess kinnie. also i have been thinking abt my ocs a lot lately bc i havent drawn them since artfight. this is a DISGRACE.

IM SOOOO GLAD UR STILL ENJOYING HANNIBAL. oh season 2 goes nuts. season 1 is probably my favorite as a whole but my favorite Individual Episode is the season 2 finale. ohhh the season 2 finale makes me so insane. ouguha. also lmk when u meet a character named mason verger i have a funny story about him <3

#ALSO HI I AM WORKING ON UR DSTUCK PANEL AFTER WORK TODAY I PROMISE.#had to do a bunch of. very exhausting irl stuff this weekend so i didnt get around to it when i wanted to. soon.#hiiiiiiiiiii whiskey <3 #ive also been playing minecraft again lately omg. ive missed it so dearly. did u see the armadillo won the mob vote !?!??!#i am EXTREMELY disappointed that we dont get crabs bc i wanted them but also i am excited for wolf armor <3 #asks #friends!!!#anachronistic-falsehood

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druckers · 10 months

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Andreas maler and/or magda for the character questions?

answering both because they are my friends ^_^ (spoilers obv)

for andreas:

first impression honestly its been about 6 months and ive done 3 other playthroughs since my first so i dont have the best memory of it. i was very charmed by him as a protagonist but i think it took me until my second playthrough to really get a good feel for who he is

impression now i adore him and adore how well his character arc is finished up. everytime i go back for a replay i put more and more little things together about him and he feels like someone i know. i love following him throughout the story and grieving with him and just going through all of my goddamn emotions playing as him. i shit you not i think hes just one of my favorite videogame protagonists ever

favorite moment i feel like its a little cheesy saying the windmill with ulrike and little andreas because its the last proper scene in the game but everything about it gets me.. its a very small ending but i feel like its perfect. theres a routine in it being right before supper. hes spending time with the kids and getting their energy out for maybe a half hour before they sit down and eat... it shows how well hes settled into tassing and how hes recovering and how he really is loved by the people there i think.

idea for a story with the nature of pentiments setup in acts with timeskips inbetween i think you can do a lot to fill in the blanks. i want to know more about josef and daniel and the rest of his family or how he tried to raise august or how his first week or so with caspar was or how he got to know magdalene for the few months before she left for prague. i have something drafted (no idea if itll ever get finished though) thats about him and the druckers before the events of act 1 and how you go about integrating a traveling artist into your family unit

unpopular opinion see the nice thing about pentiment being kind of niche is i havent seen any really shit opinions that end up as Major Shit Opinions but i will always have contempt in my heart for the people who say andreas never dying doesnt do anything for the story

favorite relationship sorry this is a garrett tumblr user druckers moment but his friendship with claus (and with marie and bert before they died- the lines talking about how fond they all were of eachother get me) HIIIIIITS i love how perfectly they parallel eachother and how those parallels highlight the differences that led to them falling out. and i love how they both still really care for the other despite everything. goddamn!!!!

favorite headcanon weird thing is i really dont have a lot of headcanons for most of the pentiment characters? hes bisexual though

for magdalene:

first impression also dont remember it very well for previously listed reasons but i Also feel like i missed out on a lot of act 3 my first goaround. but i got attached to her very fast in both acts. was very very very charmed when she waddled over to caspar in act 2 and said hi to him that entire interaction is adorable...

impression now she is my EVERYTHINGGGGG act 3 is my favorite out of all of them and i love her as a protagonist i love (similar point to andreas) putting so many little things about her together when i go back and play the game again. shes the character i connect with the most and everything about her story hits an extremelyyyy personal spot for me. following her progress on the mural and how its a rite of passage for her and how it connects her to both her mother and her father. waaah

favorite moment exploring in the abbey in act 3... seeing her trying to work through everything that happened the night of the revolt :-[ i feel like it gives you a lot of tiny insights into her character. also cool mural parallels wrt preserving history. to me that entire sequence reads as her rummaging around in the remains of the abbey for both her own research and for any bit of closure she can find because its her first time being there in 18 years. the music (which even lyrically fits her, i think) and the general atmosphere has just like. gotten itself stuck in my mind. its my favorite scene in the game.

idea for a story written letters between her and everyone back in tassing with little bits inbetween showing how her and the sommerfelds are getting along in prague. i have another thing drafted (unsure if it will ever be finished) with her and andreas on the night claus passes.

unpopular opinion repeat of the "niche videogame so there are not a lot of bad opinions that are widely agreed upon" point but anyone who insists shes too bitchy or shes not a good protagonist compared to andreas is getting a personal throttling courtesy of ME. act 3 is everything to me.

favorite relationship sorry garrett druckers moment. saying this as a son who spent most of his life as a daughter everything about her and claus makes me cry and throw up i see myself in her and i see my dad in him. they love eachother so much and all of the tiny ways its shown through lines of dialogue or animations or expressions.. the hardest i have ever cried over a videogame was during the conversation they have after the feast. ive been working on typing up an entire post on the mural and how its significant to both of their characters but given how much time i spend thinking about them it will probably take a very long time to actually finish writing. i want to say more but alas it will probably end up deeply personal... just please take away that claus and magdalene are some of the most important characters to me ever. (shoutout to esther too i adore her. her letters and how much her and magda love eachother.... never EVER forget it) (also shoutout to baltas also all 4 of my playthroughs had tinkerer as one of her skills and i love hanging out with him. i go back and bother him as much as possible trying to find any other bit of dialogue i can)

favorite headcanon shes a lesbian :^]

#letters #ironically despite liking her a tiny bit more it was harder for me to properly get my thoughts on magda down. i gauruntee you i have about #3x what i put here stored away in my brain somewhere #also just looked at the clock and i spent an hour typing this up......... and i mentioned claus twice in the same cateogory Okay garrett.

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ziggystrdust · 10 months

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omg i saw louis last month and i still havent recovered he has the most squishable face ever ahhh and pls enjoy the snuts' set for me cause i missed them at mine:( i hope you have all the fun at yours<33

gahhhh i’m literally so excited. i was literally on stan twitter for him and harry for like three years and i haven’t listened to him as much recently but i’m still literally so excited i love that man i much. like my friend told me she had an extra ticket and i shit myself

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queasyghosts · 1 year

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shaman king ch 12

i missed out on so much shaman king, decided that why not and read one more?

Love jun and Lee ;o;)/ its so hard to think of a favorite character or a set of characters because their stories and personalities are so unique and interesting in itself. like i can’t just favorite 1 or 2 characters only! i do have my fave fave fave characters, but ultimately im a huge fan of the whole set :,) theyre all so complex and different. its so fun and interesting to read

i just liked this scene of the cat and whole view.

SOO CUTE everyone else things that manta is just sitting by himself but like theyre all so cute here ;o;)/

Yoh’s reactions!! ;o;)/ he’s like this dude is a man of men. who he wants to be. cool strong and badass. what an inspiration

hehehehe thats something i like about this series. i feel like while it does follow like early high schoolers..late middle schoolers? and everything is so intense and over the top, that the kids still can and do act like kids despite everything. i love it.

look at ami ;o;)/ hes so cute here while the kids are all talking about the cool ass movie they just saw and ami is like: wow that was so cool and amazing! i can sneak into movie houses and watch them whenever >:3c

manta doing his little kicks and aaa he looks adorable in these panels

manta is so satisfied with himself and yoh is just like ? uh how um how do you know so much??? :,0

anna always ready to fight lol love that for her

HER!!! AAAAA

i wonder if anna learned about jun’s type of practice through in real life experiences or through readings and studies? ?

yoh is star struck but also horrified :,0c happy halloween

if i was yoh i’d be like bro seriously? your brother already beat me up and now this? i barely recovered a few months ago and my fiance comes and runs me up and down the river and now this ?? for a nice evening with my friends and this >:0 i also love that yoh is like holding back ami like ami is NOT having it. He is fed up with these tao kids trying to seperate them.

cool scene cool scene

2 out of 2 tao siblings have beaten up yoh : ( its kinda sad because anna at first was like wow my training with yoh is really helping him >: ) and then bam smack! it was just for a second :( and like this is ANOTHER great motivator for yoh but like still :( he worked so hard all summer, finally getting a small break and outing with his friends and then getting literally smacked down again ? like man :( i’d be super frustrated if i was in his situation :(

MAN i can’t believe i havent read so much of shaman king yet because every time i read a new chapter i have to literally stop myself from reading more and more. the point of making these posts and stuff is to help me slow down and really really appreciate the art and the story. To digest the concepts and ideas at my own pace unlike the anime. but man!! the writing, the characters, the pacing?? is so well done and so heartfelt and fun and just wow i want to read more and more every time :,0

#shaman king #matty reads shaman king

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galaxy-minecart · 2 years

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tango hermitcraft or branzy for ask game?

Omg!!! Im gonna do both of them cause im afraid i wont get more asks plus i love them

Hermitcraft Tango

First impression: Gonna be honest i dont remember my actual first impression of him cause that happened back when i was watching season 6 and my memory is Bad. I probably thought he seemed cool.

Impression now: THE BLORBO EVER. This man is a cartoon villain and a squeaky toy and some kind of weird bird/cat all rolled in to one. Incredible. Iconic. Showstopping. Some of the technical talk goes over my head but i never miss a video.

Favorite moment: BIG MOON FINALE. THAT STILL FUCKS ME UP SO BAD. Ive had a fic idea about it living in my brain since the day his finale video came out but havent written it (yet)

Idea for a story: The fic idea i mentioned starts with Tango floating out in space injured and alone until season 9 begins. He's out there and alive through all the time between 8 and 9. When s9 begins... he struggles to move on and recover from it all.

Unpopular opinion: I'm not sure if i... have any? I've seen so many different things about him that im not sure if any of my ones are unpopular

Favorite relationship: TEAM ZIT no doubt about it.

Favorite headcanon: His hair flares up in flames when he feels strong emotion

Lifesteal Branzy

First impression: Holy SHIT i was not expecting him to be such a pathetic wet cat of a guy why did no one tell me about this hes more of a court jester than clownpierce could ever be

Impression now: Okay okay okay he's still pathetic as all hell but what the FUCK is up with this mf and Trust. He's got this whole Thing where he proves his trust in people and makes them prove their trust in him only to stab them in the back seconds later. And like. He betrays EVERYONE he's allied with several times over. Except for clown.

Favorite moment: It's gotta be either when he killed Spepticle and betrayed Vitalisy or when he accidentally exploded Clown's house with a creeper

Idea for a story: Branzy picking through the ruins of his destroyed castle after the cleansing, not necessarily regretting what happened (especially because he managed to get back to 10 hearts) but reflecting on his allies, his friendships, his sacrifices, and where he is now. Tracing his fingers over four specific hearts on his arm and wondering what it was that made him worth that.

Unpopular opinion: I'm not familiar enough with what the popular ones are to say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite relationship: His friendship with Rek for SURE. Yes i started watching him after seeing a bunch of clownzy stuff on my dash and i do love their dynamic but the whole trust and betrayal thing rek and branzy have going on makes me lose my mind. Branzy what do you MEAN "It's a whole lot harder to get even when you're at odds" what do you MEAN "I would choose my friend over hearts any day" BRANZY YOURE SAYING THAT ABOUT CLOWN BUT WHERE IS REK. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA CHOSE THAT FRIEND OVER HEARTS? BRANZY YOUR FUCKED UP FRIENDSHIP. BRANZY.

Favorite headcanon: He uses a cane :)

#thank u for the ask!!!!!

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glitchdollmemoria · 7 months

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trauma + addiction vent under the cut because im sooo shyyyy lol

letting myself start to accept that maybe psychosis has been traumatic for me, both my most recent episode that i still sort of feel like im running away from, and growing up psychotic without any support system. like... yeah, it was probably traumatic to constantly feel unsafe and be convinced that i had no privacy from people who wanted me to hurt and to feel like i was the only person who knew that the world was fake. that combined with a lot of other things that i probably havent fully been letting myself think of as trauma, it makes sense id be smoking so much even though things are getting better. i dont think ill ever let go of my obsession with time though and maybe this all feeds into it. the past is heavy and time keeps passing and im learning to exist in the same time as everyone else but im not very good at it yet. i kind of keep wondering if i was right that the world is fake, and that maybe im still being observed but i just cant communicate with my observers anymore. a part of me misses them like some sort of stockholm syndrome type of shit. and im able to recognize that my worries stem from schizophrenia, and i have to accept that im going to be schizophrenic forever and will probably always experience at least SOME symptoms, staring and going quiet and worrying about something bigger than me watching me. i should probably throw myself into Torah study since i know that helps me stay evened out.

i just dont know how the hell im supposed to cope with the fact that things finally feel real. i look at people and theyre real. the trees are growing and theyre real. the mountains are real. insects are real. everything is real and breathing the same air as me. and its foreign to me. j dont think my brain knows hoe to handle reality, because i was never able to handle it on my own, and now that im recovering, theres no textbook for existing in reality. im in a reality that was never mine but im also always going to have a different reality from everyone else because my own psychotic reality of the past shaped who i am today. its scary. i think people assume recovery from psychosis means everything suddenly feels okay but its deeply unsettling, even if im glad to be doing better.

and im loved. i am a whole person who is loved by my friends. my friends love me as a very mentally ill person struggling to heal, and im grateful for that, but i think its just so strange to me. theyre real and im real and they love me and i love them. and my love is enough for them. i got told that a certain someone is more comfortable being affectionate with me than most other people. it knows so much about me already. it was there when i was maybe the most psychotic ive ever been in my life. its been there as ive been recovering from a trauma that it just barely missed out on being a part of. i mean something to it and it means something to me. and its real. theres a real person who loves me, platonically. im a real person who loves it. i dont know what to make of all this or what point im dancing around. im scared and traumatized and loved and i will never truly be in the exact same reality as him but at the same time, here i fucking am, loving and being loved. it doesnt make sense.

i think a large part of me wants to protect him and my other friends from the things ive experienced. ive been realizing more and more that like... yeah, no, all the trauma ive been through isnt "normal". ive been living a rough life and it made me rough and now i just want to protect these people that i see as so soft. maybe thats self centered though, maybe its just that people dont talk about these things and im underestimating my loved ones, but, im someone who basically doesnt have a family, has a thousand fucking comorbidities, has learned to cheat and manipulate to survive, has become so jaded by other people and the powers that be. the only reason i dont carry a knife is because i dont trust cops not to frame me for some shit. and i see myself as this tough guy guardian angel willing to sacrifice my own safety to protect the people i care about, i see myself as stronger than everyone else and more capable of taking a hit mentally or physically, because ive been through hell and survived so i feel like i can survive anything while i worry about how my friends would be able to handle the same things. i dont think i actually see myself as a person so much as a guard dog. i dont know if its healthy because i think i struggle to acknowledge my own trauma and hurt. i hate admitting it even on here. i want to just see the bright side of all my suffering and look at my victory and resilience and turn myself into a weapon to defend my loved ones. and then i turn around and smoke and then try to play off my smoking as something cool and sexy and not a big deal. and like, ill mention something thats just a fact of life for me - ill mention having no contact with my family, or growing up schizophrenic, or whatever else, and people seem sad for me and i get reminded that my experiences arent "normal" at all, and the things i consider facts of life arent things i should have had to go through, and other people cant always relate to. i really am some edgy rough-around-the-edges skeptic even if i still hold onto the days when i was a little goody two shoes with financial stability living in denial of my own trauma. but im still in denial of my own trauma. bit fucked innit

#venting #addiction cw #smoking cw

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egotisticalmachine · 10 months

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mkay. another jarring realization. so, i cut off most of my family a while back, because my parents genuinely needed to be cut out of my life and unfortunately i was too scared of them tracking me down or trying to keep contacting me so i cut off other family members who i didnt want to cut off. and ive been thinking about reconnecting with my healthier family members, but i havent, largely because i know my actions must have impacted them and im terrified of facing their own hurt over what i did, even being denied reentry into their lives as a consequence.

and im realizing that might be partly an npd thing. ultimately i know that moving away and going radio silent was what i needed to do - my parents were stunting my growth as a person, they did and excused awful things, i needed to gain my independence even if i had to take it by lying and sneaking around behind their backs until i was out. i lied to my father for over a year saying i was still in college, because i was scared of getting kicked out if i was honest and told him i had to drop out. and this wasnt an unfounded fear, his one condition for me moving out of my abusive mother and stepfathers house and in with him was that i had to attend college. i couldnt do the one thing he asked of me and i didnt want to be homeless or sent back to my abusers, so i just lied, and lied, and lied, until one day i was gone and he didnt fucking notice for days.

i feel guilty for that, because i know it was sneaky and dishonest, but at the same time i feel correct in my choice and its hard not to blame my parents. they all treated me like shit and i needed to escape and build my own life, i was backed into a corner and forced to be dishonest to survive, just like i always fucking was growing up. and i dont know if i actually really feel any empathy for my parents. i can understand they might be hurting over their oldest (or in my fathers case only) child loathing them enough to run away like this, but they brought it on themselves. i can feel guilty for taking advantage of my fathers resources, but i would have suffered if i didnt. i can feel like a bad person for being able to lie and cover my tracks so well, but i think i still feel like my parents deserved the dishonesty for treating me so poorly, like they brought it on themselves. they should have known how to treat their own child. i think my guilt stems more from an objective knowledge that lying is "wrong", and that my sneakiness would make many people view me as a "bad person" if i was completely open about it. because healthy people shouldnt be able to lie like that. healthy people would have enough empathy to figure out another solution, one that might cause more conflict, but i was afraid of my parents mistreatment and of being seen as more of a failure than i already was seen as (even if they somehow STILL held me to a batshit high fucking standard) and so i was able to do all this. i dont know how much blame is on my parents and how much blame is on me.

and like i said, i want to reconnect with certain family members, but i dont want to face the fact that i probably hurt them, or that i might have caused rifts in the family. i miss my grandmother, but why do i miss her? because in my mind shes "worth" my affection. she was kind to me and understanding of me. she made me feel appreciated. what i would want is for her to recognize that i was hurting and saw no other options but to lie and run away, and to tell me its okay, shes not angry, she still loves me. but i know she might be angry. i have completely ruined my chances of being seen in the idyllic way i want to be seen by my family, because now they know im a liar, that i spent over a year hiding the fact that i dropped out of college and was planning to run away. i planned it. for over a year. there is no way for me to recover from that, to make it all go away, to cover up that im imperfect enough to be so dishonest. they will always know, and if i tried to reconnect with my grandmother or anyone else, i would have to face the consequences of my actions hurting them, the consequences of them knowing how dishonest i can truly be. i could apologize - but id still believe i was in the right. i would STILL be playing games with them. i believe that im entitled to this independence and growth even if i had to hurt people to get it. the scary thing is how strongly i do believe that. i feel somewhat guilty for any pain i caused my less harmful family members, but not so much for hurting the ones who hurt me, because they shouldnt have fucking brought it on themselves.

i think i miss my grandmother more for what she offered me emotionally than anything else. i love her, but in a disconnected way. i love my parents, but in an even more disconnected way, because they hurt me so much worse than my grandmother ever could have. it feels like just a general love, because theyre humans, i believe they all deserve to grow and become better people and find happiness, but its not the same kind of love im "supposed" to feel for family members. i feel like some above-human being looking down on them with pity and hope and contempt. and even then its hard to truly feel guilty for that disconnection - i feel ashamed, because my emotional disconnection is considered a "flaw" that some would say im a bad person for. but not quite guilty, i think, because if i had just been raised better i wouldnt have turned out like this. if they had put in the effort to understand my suffering, or to not cause that suffering in the first place, this all could have been avoided.

and so i dont know if i can ever reconnect with anyone except the sibling i still talk to. they all know now. they know im a liar. my sibling is the exception, because they didnt hurt me, they were just a child, they still are. theyre another victim, theyre closer to my level, theres still hope for them. i cant leave them stranded in that place. they still talk to me, and i dont know if thats because they havent been told what a liar i am, or if they know and just dont care.

i dont know how to end this post. im a liar and no matter how high of a moral pedestal i put myself on, i still cant bring myself to face the hurt i mightve caused my family. i cant put my ego in the line of fire like that. i may have been pushed into a corner to act selfishly, but at this point im the one choosing to keep being selfish for my own emotional well being, at the expense of people who i should have more empathy toward. and i dont think i have enough selflessness in me to fix that, at least not right now. i know im going to keep putting myself above them.

#not to mention realizing my little sibling is sort of a supply for me bc it boosts my ego to be a good big brother #i do want my sibling to be happy but i cant separate that desire from my own need to be their savior #abuse cw

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thegirlwhotalksaboutherlife · 1 year

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Hello, Its been awhile I havent updated my blog. How is life anyway? Life has been…tough and fun at the same time. It has its ups and downs which I dont mind about it. I do have those days where I could cry til I get better. But there are days I feel happy. The thing is crying isnt helping anymore but thats okay. That is all I can do. Something about me is missing… and I just cant find the missing puzzle piece to make my heart feel better. Please Guide me to the right Path My Lord (Aaminn). Im trying my best to heal myself and make myself happy again but i couldn’t at the moment. I feel sad most of the time and sometimes i dont feel sad at all. I dont understand like what do I want? I honestly dont know what I want. My past especially my situation, I cant handle it. Its too much for me to handle it. Sometimes, I feel like Im drowning with sorrows of my past, it keeps crawling back to my life. The feeling guilt is still there. How do I get over this feeling? I am tired… I am tired of thinking especially of my past. I fucking hate it as if I am fuckinh drowning with my past. How the fuck am I supposed to heal and not feeling broken??? Fuck I am trying to live my life. I honestly do want to move on. Who doesnt? I do not love him anymore but I do miss his presence but i dont miss him. This fucking hurts guys. How do I recover myself? I miss the old me. I really am. Sometimes, I broke down into tears that I miss myself. The old me. The old me when I was young, Early 20’s. Fuck this song is so deep and it fucking hurts alot. Why the fuck did I meet this guy. Tinder is not a good app. Fuck me, how am I supposed to be happy again? I just want to be happy. My thoughts filled with sadness and negativity. I just want my positive thoughts back. It makes me really fucking hate myself. I fucking hate myself. I do hate myself. And no, I do not hate myself becus of insecurities. I hate myself becus of what I did, I couldnt believe what I did to someone. I never thought of myself for wrecking someone’s life. It makes me sad to think about it. I keep praying and praying…non stop praying, asking for forgiveness, asking for guiding me to the right path, asking for me to fall inlove again with the right person. I want us both to fall inlove with what Allah SWT shows us. Like how beautiful life is, how beautiful islam is. Islam is a beautiful religion, ever since the incident happened. I’ve been doing alot of research about Islam. How Allah SWT created us. How He showed us to fall inlove with Islam and how He showed us to fall for the right person. I just hope I get to see His Home which is Mecca. The most beautiful place I have ever since on the Internet. I just want to go there and cry my lungs out and fix me esp my broken heart. I just want to ease my mind and heart. That is all I want. I am tired of being broken. I am tired of being sad. I am not going to be sad for the rest of my life and no I do not do self-harm. That is not me, I have to be strong. I know I am a strong person infront of everyone but deep down inside me, I am not as strong as u can see. I cried alot. Once I am getting older, I feel hopeless and I cried alot. I just want to be young again… but I cant turn back the time. I have to move on and live myself. As what Fergie said “Big girls dont cry” haha BIG GIRLS DO CRY ALOT. But that is okay, I mean it is okay to cry. That is the only way for u to feel better. All I want is to ease my heart and mind. That is all I want. Ok that is enough. I wish I could show this blog to anyone but that is okay.

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rosaliesgolden · 4 years

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thinking about this 🥺

#edward cullen #it’s missing him hours apparently #twilight meme #twilight saga #right after this he called her sexy and i still havent recovered #dont get it twisted though i LOVE jacob #my bs

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mapleshmaple · 4 years

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#we went to my cousins bridal shower today and it. really fuckign hit me how much i miss them when we were tryna fill out this like #'him or her' game and just. how much ive missed out on in regards to hanging out with them and stuff??#she looked absolutely fuckin stellar by the by and Goals and all that but like!!! hsjgksmgs i dunno we just #lost so much in the six ish years my dads been assing around with us 'not being enough for him'#and with moms accident and her getting run the hell over and the recovering from that and its like #hearing all the cool shit theyve gotten done- there're fouurrrrr??? of them??? i wanna say?? four cousins #and theyre all doing bio-med stuff and its so cool and the youngest one has a part time job collecting eggs nshit on a farm #and!!!! god i wish that were me id love to do anything like that- i didnt recognize him or his brother bc they lost their babyface #and got taller and Excuse Youse get down here where i can talk to u young man and all that buT LIKE.#its. just been me and mom and christine and dad too i guess for so long cuz hes had his head up his butt #and mom got her ass dragged over by a car and we're still recovering from that but like. i feel like theyre already....#like its a race?? one i got shot in the shin a third of the way through and now everybodies almost at the end of it #while im all the way at the starting line still.... and granted the bride cousin and her twin-ish sister are a handful of years older #than i am- like... 27?? ish??? i wanna say?? but even WITH that gap people i went to school with are fuckign #moving in with their girlfriends and boyfriends and whoever it is theyre seeing and i feel like i just #lost so much time... that its been just back to back bullshit for YEARS and theres no end in sight and like i #havent gotten a breather or a reprieve?? while everybody else has and its. i dunno shgdhjgsdmgkms--#but point being i like. really missed them?? and missed out on so much and we used to be really close and they arent even that far away #we just. stopped visiting at some point and now all my cousins are outta the house and its. pptpthttbhthbthbt.

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tiens-letters · 3 years

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Oohh another request haha. I love this thank you and i hope you like it :>

were the bruises to your heart worth it?

Childe angst

You mulled over your sister's words for the nth time today. Her voice playing on loop inside your head, drifting in and out of a mundane daydream.

"why are you still with him?" you wondered as well as to why you still stuck with Ajax, all these days in 3 years of being wit him. Perhaps it was devotion, it was love to persevere even in the wrath of crumbling times and yet why does your heart ache a little more these days he's been far from you.

The days when he would come home, wounded and tired you were there to nurse him back. Back then it was something you'd do out of care and worry, which was until these recent days where it felt as if it were a job you didnt want to do as he would shrug you off instead and locking himself in another room. You barely remember the time where you both shared a quiet night basking in each other's presence, with limbs in a tangle and your forehead upon his beating chest, it was almost none existent as the home you both had felt so utterly desolate, void of the homey ambience.

Youve endured a month of his uncalled behaviour, breaking you even further as things slipped from your grasp leaving you empty and in agony. There were times you'd silently let tears fall as he slept so soundly beside you, unbothered by your pain. He's become more and more as the harbinger you forgot him to be and not your darling lover Ajax.

He never noticed your puffy eyes, sunken cheeks and dwindling weight yet he noticed all the small mistakes youve made. Where one day, left you with a bruise on the arm due his snake like grip after blowing up on you right after he came home from a long journey to sumeru.

You left.

Childe came home earlier than expected, once again tired and nursing a few minor wounds on his body. All he wanted was your touch on his skin as you lulled him to sleep only that to his utter surprise that the house was empty. Perhaps you went out for an errand or for another pot of your favourite flower that you kept in the small garden at the back.

Not giving it too much thought, he lounged on the couch awaiting your return, eyelids soon drooping as the soft pillow coaxed him to sleep.

As the grandfather clock swings its pendulum, the sound echoing through the whole room signifying the arrival of midnight, an eerie sound waking Childe back to consciousness. Groggy from rising he scanned the room only to find it darker than before, if it werent for the nearby lamp he switched open, he swore he couldve been swallowed by the darkness.

Were you not home yet?

A dreadful feeling washed over him as your presence was nowhere around the house. He called out for you as he rushed through the halls, a sliver of hope vanishing every corner turned and every door opened led to nothing but misery.

You always leave a note as to where you are going and yet it was another one out of the many abnormalities in his home.

"Darling? Please i hope youre not playing with me!" he calls out to no one in particular, denying the fact of your existence gone with the wind. Your clothes were all intact and so does your other belongings. He thought of every possibility of what couldve befallen his lover, mostly gravitating towards the worst of the worst case scenarious and may the archons forbid, he would never recover from the blow.

"Where are you?!"

Then it dawned on him after much pondering and pulling his falling parts together. The things he did, the words he said it all came flooding through him like a rushing cold river, hitting him fair and square in the chest and came forth an otherworldly pain and regret. He gasps, almost suffocating by the weight of his sins and he wished he had died right then and there in atonement for his crimes.

Soon his vision became bleary as eyes misted over with tears that fell freely from his ocean eyes. He ruined it. Ruined you.

And yet he could not let you go.

Days seemed to pass by so fast that it had already been 5 months of liberation from Ajax's presence. You were slowly building yourself up once again, the temple that was torn down by a single crack, slowly being rebuilt brick by brick.

Your love for Ajax, even if it left quite the bruise to your heart, it was still there, lingering in the air and a part of you missed him so. You wondered how he would be doing, you wondered if he looked for you just as you did when he didnt come home on the date set, you wonder if he wept when he couldnt feel you next to him, just as you did 150 days ago. You wondered if he ever called your name all the while giving a lingering kiss to the painting that hung on the foyer. You wondered if what you both had, had any significance to him at all.

"Stop doing that." you jolted from where you sat, the book falling off your lap as you met your sister's stern glare from across the room.

"Stop doing what?"

"You are thinking about Tartaglia again. Its been over 5 months and that blundering fool never made an effort to find you much less apologize for what he did when you were still there." there was anger in her voice as she recounted the day you came to her door, teary eyed and just utterly torn. Never once did she felt like murdering someone so bad, especially when it had you, her only family involved.

"Im sorry, I-i just--"

"Hush now." she came over in her elegant strides to take you in her arms, the familiar scent of your mother's favorite perfume stayed on her like second skin and you were so grateful that you had her. You let yourself cry in her embrace in quiet comfort.

Childe never stopped.

Secretly searching for atleast a tiny clue of your whereabouts wore him down to the bone and yet he never gave up. How could he? Even if he thought he was so undeserving of you he still pushed on to right what wrong he's made. The details gathered had been insufficient to serve as a lead making Childe more desperate in his attempt to search for you. Nights were spent on scouring places and information seeking and his work, only done in the daytime. He never wasted a wink on sleep as it was an obstacle to getting closer to you and even when his body collapsed due to exhaustion of overworking all he could think was you.

The search has led a certain fatui informant who works for one of the harbingers. With a note slipped in secrecy on a specific time containing an address on the small parchment. It was all Childe needed to fuel his buried hope as he took off towards snezhenaya.

He never imagined he'd arrive right in front of the iron gates that encased the whole estate atop a mountain. The wind bellowed stronger than before as the snow rained harder upon the place. Luckily, he was born in this region and had survived throughout.

He wondered why you came here, to such a dreadful place but then again, anywhere was better than right by him.

Trying to push open the gates only to be repelled by cryo magic, burning through his gloves and into his skin, leaving fresh burns on his palms as he gasped in pain. Whoever lives here clearly didnt want anyone trespassing much less had a fancy for guests.

He was starting to grow cold as his energy was slowly being siphoned by days of travel, it would only take a matter of time before he passes out.

He calls out, hoping someone inside would hear him.

And you did, only that it seemed like the wind but the time you looked outside the library window, you saw a person outside the gates. The familiar ginger hair tousled with the wind and as you strained your ears to hear and that was when it filled your ears, Ajax's voice. Something you havent heard in quite a long time.

As quick as lightning you stood, half running half gliding through the halways and down the stairs, there was no coherent thought, only him. He was freezing outside the barrier and you pushed yourself more to reach him.

Your figure stepping out through the door was almost like a dream to him. Your name oh so longingly leaving his bluing lips.

"Ajax!" you were in time as you caught his figure which seemed lighter than before. He clung to you, legs desperately tryinf to hold him up. You were here, right in his arms, alive and warm.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry. Please I love you." he rambles on, like a mantra he apologizes over and over again, sobbing and stumbling on his words as he held you so achingly close "Forgive me. Forgive me..."

"Step away from him this instant." your sister, Signora hisses from behind you, just as you were about to coax Ajax she already had a cryo dagger aimed at his head

"Sister please!" you plead, your panic growing as you saw Ajax huffing in labored breaths "Let him come inside or he will freeze to death."

Signora sees the urgency in your eyes and the undying devotion you still hold for the man in your arms. She dematerializes the dagger with a wave of her hand.

"Fine but if I see tears in your eyes then dont you ever dare stop me from what Im going to do to him."

"Thank you sister." you smile at her as she steps backs inside the house and you follow in after her with Ajax leaning on you for support. Once inside, you had him lay on the couch by the fire after helping him out of his winter garments and replacing it for a knitted quilt.

"Im sorry." bloodshot ocean eyes looked at you with so much guilt and a love that you almost forgot "I-i im so so sorry."

"Lets talk about this after youve rested." this time you couldnt look at him, the ache in your heart throbs from the bruises it still nursed. You stood before falling further only for him to catch your shaking hand with his equally shaking one.

"Dont leave." he whimpers, the fear of abandonment increasing as he pleaded for you to stay. instead, you let go of his hand and placed yours instead over his eyes making him uncharacteristically shriek surprising you even more, making you think what other worldly pain he was experiencing as of the moment. "No! No No. Please Its dark."

Ajax cries as he thrashed around because he feared that if he sleeps he would go back to the nightmare of you not by his side and that would leave him all cold and alone just like in the past. he didnt want to go back there, not now when he's seen you. As much as he'd hate to admit, he was truly and utterly terrified but you had to let him rest and with the help of your vision he finally succumbed to a dreamless, peaceful sleep. Only that he calmed down did you notice how much he's lost, where your once sunken cheeks, puffy eyes and weight loss now transferred to him and it made you sick to your stomach. your lips found his forehead as you wished him a good rest, you left the room after bandaging his burned hands to gather yourself for when he finally came to his sensible self.

when you thought it was going to take a full day for him to wake up only to find him stumbling about in the living room calling your name on his lips like a broken record. you immediately rushed down and burst into the room to find him clutching his head and gasping breathlessly. he looked crazed until he caught sight of you standing by the door, a worried look on your face was when he finally came to. he ran to you, clung to you like it was the last day of the world to live and sighed into your welcoming smell.

"are you alright now?" you ask him as you part in arms width

"Hit me." he tells you in all seriousness in his worn out state

"W-what?" you were certain he was still out of it until he grabbed your hand in an attempt to hit himself to which you stopped immediately

"Hit me! Scream at me all you want. Call me words Ive called you. Ive broken you! Do you not see that?!" funny how he couldnt see himself, he who's become worse over the course of the months . his tone rose and fell until it was only a whisper above his panting

"Just dont abandon me." he shuts his eyes, steeling himself for your judgment until he felt your hands on his face again, making soothing circles on his cheek

"look at me Ajax." you coax him and he did and he could see assurance and the love for him still remained and he wanted to cry again but tears have long gone abandoned him and left him in such a regretful state, he truly didnt deserve you and you never deserved to be treated that way. "Youve hurt me yes and nothing can change that but I wasnt planning on you leaving you. I couldnt as I love you too much that I wouldnt imagine life without you but Ajax, the things you did to me, to us, was painful."

"I know and Im so sorry." he held himself from rambling as the pain in chest grew even more burdensome, something he would willingly carry as he vows to himself to never hurt you and if he did then he would tear himself down "I love you"

"and I to you Ajax. Just promise me that when you are having a hard time, let us talk it out and not result to screaming and painful banters."

"I promise darling. on my life and everything in this world. I vow to never cause you pain like I did and to only give you love and care that someone like you deserve."

there he was, your Ajax. He was home.

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