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punkscowardschampions · 8 months

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Una & Django

Una: 📰📢📺📢📻📢

Una: wake up! I’ve got news!

Django: What news could warrant getting me out of my bed

Una: not jumping on it, am I? what more could you want?

Django: Yeah, is it even preferable to the kid, like

Django: you’re a lot heavier 😵

Una: I’m about to be loads lighter if you’d listen

Django: me eyes are open, I’m listening

Django: tell me about your morning 💩 weirdo

Una: my fetishes are another convo

Django: stick to the one we’re on then 📢📢📢

Una: are you after good or bad to start?

Django: are you not after finding another bit of good first? 💩🥪

Django: We may as well skip to the bad bit

Una: I’ve had my breakfast, like

Una: but, here goes, now you’ve made your decision, fucking finally

Una: 👎 news is the 👍 won’t come true for ages yet

Django: ‘cos it’s all me being vague and baiting

Django: am I still 😴 or just thick?

Una: ask me the good news, thicko

Django: Tell me what you want to tell me, drama queen

Una: 🥁

Una: you’ll be rid of me soon

Django: Are you being serious? 🤡

Una: deadly, literally 💀👻

Django: You said you had your breakfast, never that you brought it straight back up

Una: cos I never did, feel free if you’d fancy your go, I’ll wait

Una: not like I’m short on time or anything ⏳

Django: I’m not the one that’s sick, I’m good

Django: when do you start the chemo and everything?

Una: you’re good?

Una: rub it in why don’t you, boy 😜

Django: you know what I mean, well as avoiding the question

Una: yeah, avoidance tactics 101

Django: for dummies is right

Django: Now you’ve dropped the news, you don’t wanna talk about it? Alright

Una: 💣 this is my biblical end times, it’s fucking nigh, alright? RIP me

Django: You got better last time, you’ll do it again

Una: nobody’s fannying about this time, they’ve said I’ll not

Django: yeah but, doctors, what do they know

Una: they know it’ll be months instead of years

Una: no 18th 🥳🎂

Django: 16th?

Una: yours or mine?

Django: Fuck

Django: have mine this year then

Una: you’ll have enough to cry about without me resorting to dirty tactics such as birthday theft

Django: It’s a swap and I’m surely doing the better for it, if you reckon you’ve got none left in you

Una: you’re only trying to be off school for it for once 👀

Django: ☀️🌊🤙

Django: D’ya want a sweet 16 or not, girl

Una: do I fuck? what sort of girl are you taking me for? 🤘

Una: punk rock princess already been a 🥳🎂 theme, remember? 👋 bye bye cancer numero uno

Django: There’s not time to be a cliche before you go?

Django: I like any excuse to dress up, remember

Una: the cliche’s dying cancer girl, dunno how we’re dressing that up, a 🤡 wig?

Una: nah, minnie mouse ears, it’s where they all go before they go 🏰

Django: We’ve all got to do it, suppose you can’t get more tired than that, true enough

Django: You get a plus one? Never getting there myself, lack of a wish

Una: probably ma or our Liam, but if you can’t push your luck when its run out, when else can you? might as well come with

Django: You can admit how badly you wanna get every princess’s signature, I won’t bring it up at the wake

Una: 🖕 I’m not the sort of terminal where I go about doing kindnesses for everyone I’ve ever met 💔 as your littlest sis will be to hear it, she can have my [whatever makeup idk] in my will, that’s her lot

Django: you wouldn’t be, as in life and all that 😘

Django: You’re perhaps a couple shades out but beggars can’t be choosers, not put her work in for the 🏰 trip

Una: her wannabe shade, but okay, okay, nothing in the foundation or concealer section of my makeup bag

Django: Does this mean you get to stop coming to school?

Una: least I’m owed

Django: so it’s one long summer

Django: an Irish one, can only give you so much

Una: keep an 🧅 close to hand and you can be my plus one for it too

Django: sure, you don’t wanna be every cunt’s sick note

Django: You’ve gotta fill your days somehow, you’ll need a hand

Una: you’ll spend it with me then? online school’s there for the bullied kids, you won’t need to redo the year or whatever once I’m off

Django: s’the last thing you need to concern yourself with, I’ll handle it

Una: steady on, big man, I’ll pass out from all that talk

Django: 😏 yeah, yeah

Django: that’s big talk from someone who reckons they’re 👻💀

Una: life in her yet

Una: so what’s going to happen tonight?

Django: well, isn’t a list the cliche, got to set aside the time to at least scribble that down so you don’t miss something important

Una: I’ll grab myself an old 💄 Gracie won’t be after having, if we’re behaving as a cliche, best be all in

Django: Not on your mirror, your mammy will have all your hopes and dreams off with a damp cloth

Una: love the metaphor, wiped away easy as that

Django: how is she

Una: beside herself

Django: yeah

Django: so keep your lipstick-smudged list of depravity private, we’ll let her see the bits that make her 🙂 not 😭

Una: I’d rather be dead than in this house bearing witness to more of her 😭

Una: get dressed

Django: Are you bringing Liam?

Una: he’d rather I was dead than dragging him ‘round behind me ‘til I am

Una: where’s Edie? I’ll chuck him at her

Django: More what I meant anyway, come here and leave him, we’ll be off

Una: won’t be having no driving lessons neither, you best call your first car my fucking ugly name

Django: first on the list, more like

Django: Lasses will just think I really love my dead nan, won’t get in the way

Una: I’ll haunt the back seat, have to do everything yourself if you want it done proper anyway

Django: You can’t be moaning about shit names when I’m lumbered with one no one can say

Una: yours suits you, and I like it, my opinion being the only which matters now

Django: now, is it 🤔

Una: true, it’s been that way since always, but especially now

Django: Fair enough, I reckon

Django: so change yours

Una: to what?

Django: what do you want to be called?

Una: there’s a list worth writing, bear with

Django: got clothes to put on, breakfast to have ⏳⏳ take it

Una: [start your list with the inevitable famous or fictional people you like but that I won’t commit to because you’re not gonna go for one of them, crossing them out like no]

Django: Not a Disney princess in sight, fake fan

Una: you don’t shh I’ll suggest we swap names as well as birthdays, see how much it gets in your way, Casanova

Django: I’ll make it work 😉

Una: [add to your list with girls names from songs you like, also a very teenage girl vibe]

Django: [say which songs you also like]

Una: [finally some place names, including some hilariously bad ones because it’s just places you wanna go like Memphis but you’re not gonna name yourself that lol, put a ✔️ next to your final one which you wanna pick which is Laurel for Laurel Canyon like my boo suggested because very her vibe and not somewhere you’re gonna get to visit or would wanna now probably given that none of the bad bitches live there still]

Django: You’re sold on Laurel, then, not [the most ridiculous one]?

Una: be serious for a sec, do you like it?

Django: S’perfect, you wouldn’t have picked it otherwise

Una: don’t go telling my mammy it’d put her in her grave

Django: I won’t go erasing your real one from my memory, I happen to like your mammy

Una: you can’t be erasing nothing, it’s the closest thing to living longer I’ve got, dying when you do 👴 in your bed

Django: those are my instructions, I suppose?

Una: unless I accidentally kill us during our illegal driving lessons

Django: always time for an accident

Una: tattoo me when I get there, we’ll call it an accident when ma sees

Una: [lyrics from one of the songs he said he liked obvs]

Django: I know how to do that safe as well as drive, you’re not dying yet, okay

Django: but, there’s plenty of places your mammy won’t see it

Una: my blood’s already more poisoned than you could manage with a little needle, just don’t swap it with me, case cancer’s catching how the conspiracy theorists would have us believe everything is

Django: I’m as scared as you are

Una: I know

Django: You deserve longer

Una: she’s got the desperate prayers covered, can take the woman out of Northern Ireland but not the previously lapsed catholic out of her, like

Django: least you’re not dying in [wherever exactly her mum is from], count your lucky stars

Una: there’s time, still

Una: should’ve renamed myself Lourdes

Django: by way of Paris, make it a tour

Una: you’d have to come, being single in Paris must be a hanging offence

Django: cool it off in time for the nuns, got it

Una: bucket list ✔️ seducing a nun’s gayer than I intended on going but as I’m off to hell already 🏳️‍🌈

Django: shut up

Django: lapsed is right, you’ll be off to purgatory which is much more boring and you’ll need all the memories you can grab

Una: fine, [some irrelevant boy she had a cringey crush on when she was younger, for the absolute pisstake cos she obvs doesn’t still fancy him] then

Django: Oh yeah, warm as the 🔥 of hell, he’ll have you

Una: sicker than chemo, more like it

Una: romance is dead too 💀👻

Django: nah, just set your sights higher

Una: [one of the celebs she listed as liking, whoever is the most hilarious off the list] ✔️

Django: how could they refuse 😇🙏

Una: and how could you when I set you as my backup option? 😇🙏

Django: good thing you don’t need to charm me

Una: I’ll bring flowers and chocolates if that’s what you want, sweetheart

Django: what do you want, the hospital not fancying either?

Una: I don’t get what I want, not dying ‘til I’m at least boring and middle aged, if not proper old and grey, isn’t on the cards

Django: Something I can at least steal

Django: I thought maybe my mam’s years were mine to give out but it don’t look like it

Una: I’ll pass whatever message you’ve got for her on when we meet, especially if it’s a fuck you, but it don’t need to be limited to one

Django: have that on me

Django: never knew her, she’s younger than you’ll be

Una: there’s nothing you feel up for telling her?

Una: or asking? I could ask about your da and send a message back to you

Django: How are you telling me any better than she hasn’t bothered to?

Una: I’d find a way, do I not always?

Django: True

Una: never met an eejit I couldn’t wrap ‘round my little finger, be the same in purgatory

Django: as one of those eejits

Una: you’ve dressed up for me, no doubt

Django: Depending on your definition

Una: I’m accepting no less than full disney princess, think on if that’s not what you’ve done

Django: I’ll dig out the tiara 🙄🤪

Una: yay!

Django: You and your kinks

Una: you’re not ready for that convo yet, babe

Django: Can’t have you fainting

Una: unless it’s a kink of yours, me passed out

Django: because I’m that much of a wrongen

Una: people like all sorts, don’t mean you’re about to be off on a crime spree 🚨

Django: Hmm

Django: in poor taste when you’re about to be permanently passed out though

Una: if you’ve a boner for dead bodies I don’t need to worry about you moving on quick when I am one, in poorer taste for you to when I’ve chucked you my virginity

Django: No one is going to forget you

Una: it’s inevitable, and basic maths ➕➖➗✖️

Una: you’ll all have longer without me than you had with, a whole fucking life where I’m not there cos mine’s cut short

Django: people don’t forget, trust me

Django: you think about the people that are gone more than anyone thinks about the people still here

Una: swear on your long life you’ll keep thinking about me, years from right now

Django: swear on everything

Una: I’ll stay as long as I can, to do everything

Django: I know you will

Una: starting when I get to yours, which is more like if, cos you live too far away from fucking everything

Django: Have to stop girls like you banging down my door every second of somehow, don’t we 😜

Una: you dunno no other girls like me

Django: thank god…

Django: so when’s your man [the celeb she said she fancies] likely to be in town then?

Una: [let’s say it’s a musician so she can drop gig dates at him so we can have them go in the future if we want to or we can be mean and say when it comes around she’s too sick to go]

Django: it’s a date, he just don’t know it yet

Una: eulogy’ll write itself, stand there and do a retell all of the night 📢

Django: Does he not write his own?

Django: that’s immortalised, ain’t it

Una: ooh probably, there’s your slot bumped and you out of a job, nice one

Django: slacking is what I do best

Una: 🌴🍹😎

Django: best stick to your end of the bargain and die or he’ll feel well awkward for noncing on you, like

Una: just needs reminding how many of the greats did it, if it’s good enough for Elvis and Bowie to name but 2

Django: sure, dream big, lad

Una: and dying needs more +s, he’s the only so far

Django: you’ve got a licence to take the piss, you just have to think how you wanna

Una: I already had, being a girl who don’t look like a creature from nobody’s nightmares, but point taken

Django: taking the mick out the little cancer girl wouldn’t have been a good look, even for [the nastiest gals you can think of in your year]

Una: that too, but I was avoiding saying it for the nerve it touches now I’m the cancer girl again ⚡️

Django: will your hair come out this time?

Una: ma’s trying to insist on another go through all that shite, but there’s nobody much except god on her side about it, let them 🥊 it out, her, the drs and my 2 dads, like

Django: Shame, I thought it was a good look

Una: you’re not being stopped from shaving yours, for cash or solidarity 🥚✨

Django: if I’m skint, I might

Una: I might do a bit, to buy us time, I dunno

Django: Not going to be another person telling you what to do

Una: cos you dunno either

Django: I don’t know what it’s like to be the one going through it

Una: take a guess, but it’s not to be a picnic with or without, unless it serves fuck all but 💩🥪 I’m still dying, least the symptoms of chemo are meant to have a ⏳ point

Django: If I was your ma, I’d want you to do it too

Una: which is a roundabout way of saying you want me to

Django: I don’t want you to die

Django: dunno if those are the same thing

Una: comes down to not wanting me to die yet or not ever, cos those are well different things, and only one of them is something I might be able to give you

Django: surely you want as long as you can get, for yourself?

Una: yeah, but I do know what it’s like

Una: and if I get twice as long but half of it’s taken up by feeling how I remember, or worse, then it’s not really twice as long

Django: okay, I see your point

Una: to go through it and die anyway takes the piss, but it’ll take the piss how soon they’ve said I’ll die if I don’t

Django: it’s all shit, basically

Una: you’re catching on

Django: 🥴🔨 eventually

Una: mercy killing like I’m some old 🐶

Django: was talking about my thick skull, honestly

Django: the shotgun emoji doesn’t exist anyway

Una: be a waste of a dying wish, but alright, see what I can do

Una: school shooters and eejits about to be forced into less than happy marriages can thank me in their prayers

Django: what a fan club to have 😭💔 for ya

Una: I bet you’ll have a lovely skull, by the way

Django: You’re such a nutter

Django: you couldn’t just have cancer in one place so I could heroically offer you a kidney or whatever, no

Una: sorry, no chance to be a hero here, I’ve shat that bed for you

Django: I’ll have to get over it

Una: you could move yourself closer to civilisation if you’re after doing something useful

Django: s’a big ask

Una: I’ve a licence for it, so says you

Django: true but I really, really like my freedom

Una: fine, don’t shave your head, take the money, and use it to buy a van you park in my ma’s drive 24/7

Django: big ✌️ hippie vibes or big 👀 stalker vibes?

Una: whichever dress up takes your fancy the most, bell bottoms or a balaclava

Django: why not both, eh

Una: more is more, that’s the spirit, matey boy

Django: maybe we’ll live above the shops again, always a possibility

Una: you loved it there

Django: yeah, that place is easier to rent out though, there’s always a family friend willing to housesit

Django: this place needs commitment, like

Una: I’ll ask my da to rent it for us

Django: That’d be top

Una: what’s it go per month? we’ll not have need for many unless the drs are gaslighting me

Django: I’d have to ask

Django: also who’s actually in there, Ali won’t want a rep as a landlord that chucks people out on the streets

Una: extenuating circumstances, give them the sob story and they’ll be off, same as my da’ll open his wallet when I remind him of the birthdays he won’t be forking out for, no wedding, graduation, or grandkids ever to pay for

Django: I’ll still get myself a van, just ‘cos

Django: can stalk other people

Una: should be on the lookout for an old 🚑 for the craic, steal one if there’s none for sale

Django: challenge accepted

Django: sure they must be knocking about somewhere… what do they do with them once they’re knackered 🤔

Una: might be a retirement scrapheap somewhere

Django: take out all the good bits

Una: better than killing all your happy memories living over the shops before when I die

Django: nah, you ain’t that special, don’t worry about it, like

Una: what a kind but barefaced lie to tell either of us

Django: not taking your ego any time soon, this cancer

Una: special is what it makes you, or so goes the lie they tell you on the children’s ward, despite how full of other kids in the same fucking boat it is

Django: adults hate having to tell the truth, most of them, especially to kids

Una: but friends don’t let friends die in 🌈 rooms when they’re not 4 no more, swear to me you won’t

Django: swear

Django: you’ll let some poor kid have it and be out the way with all the morphine they’ll give you

Una: I’ll show appreciation by sharing all my hard drugs

Django: 😂 tah, I’ll deffo stick around then

Una: you and [the rockstar from earlier]

Una: easy to ✔️ 3some off the list, like

Django: oh, easy, is it?

Una: get a bit of an ego too and don’t sell yourself short, he’d be lucky to have you

Django: Ha ha 😏

Una: when you’re dying you can pick the other person

Django: It’s not about him

Django: you’ve never heard of, idk, softening the blow

Django: 📰📢📺📢📻📢 after 📰📢📺📢📻📢 with you

Una: I don’t have time for softly, softly

Una: and I’m not in the mood for it neither

Django: alright

Django: what else is on your ✔️

Una: if in doubt, ask yourself, what would [the most shameless celeb of their era or any era she can think of] do?

Django: I figured that much

Una: as much as we can ‘til you go on without me and make me proud to watch as well as never bored, no pressure 👀☁️🔭☁️

Django: You make a far more convincing stalker

Una: it’s no to an itchy balaclava though, wig’s bad enough

Django: be all ⛓⛓⛓⛓ for your sins, you’ll love it

Una: we’re finally talking fetishes, are we?

Django: You complaining how long the journey over is

Una: it is, I’ll probably drop dead mid

Django: nah, you’ve always been lazy

Una: the hero you wanna be would offer to meet us halfway

Django: so you have to walk?

Una: here’s an opportunity for my first driving lesson

Django: no time like the present… hang on then, halfway

Una: I took a literal approach to storming out of home, with no thought to how knackering it’d be

Django: And who’s the eejit?

Django: bloody hell

Una: I had a point to prove!

Django: yeah I’m well aware you’d drop down dead to do it

Una: making our Liam carry me defeats it, and he’d rather die

Django: he’s lanky enough

Una: yeah, but so am I, unfair to him ‘til I’m proper skin and bone

Django: I’m on my way

Una: don’t get yourself pulled over, no use to nobody

Django: not an amateur, girl

Una: you can have that one as yours to prove

Django: like I ain’t all these years?

Django: psh, okay

Una: there’s an ego there, knew it

Django: never claimed to be 🥺😳🤓

Una: can’t decide if it’s 👍 or 👎 news

Django: you clearly like egos, [this rockstar because they always do lol]

Una: but I can’t knock 🥺😳 before I’ve tried it, might like that too

Django: [list boys in your year who are clearly the shyest of sweet nerds]?

Una: really ready to palm me off 💔

Django: I just told you I’m not, am I faking it for you now?

Una: just tell me roleplay isn’t your thing

Django: Pisstake

Una: years of practice

Django: 💐💐

Una: stealing them from scenes of accidents on your way’d be extreme poor taste and could be bad luck, I dunno 🥀

Django: you’ll have to pick your own 🥺😳 girl, there’s enough at ours

Una: there’ll be enough at my funeral, I’m banning them before

Django: in that case, please leave them alone and don’t go mental with some shears, like

Una: how much I can bruise and bleed I’m 100% banned from picking up fuck all unless it’s harmless and fit for the children’s ward 🧸

Django: 💉 still on the cards though, happy days

Una: technically you’re holding the tattoo gun and what ma don’t know won’t hurt her

Django: if you try to bleed to death, I’ll have to kill you just for being a dick

Una: I’ll stick to my nose and gums how it’s been up to now 🤞

Django: swear?

Una: I can’t, like, I’ll be a dick if I break it seconds and letters into [whatever the first word of this tattoo is]

Django: at least you’re not bullshitting

Django: I’ll do it faint, some poetic nonsense, right

Una: I don’t want it to be faint

Django: I know

Una: compromises have already fucking started

Django: okay, okay just tell me what to do if you turn my room into the shining

Una: 🚨🚑🚨

Django: That serious

Django: 👍 no pressure

Una: it’s all that serious now

Una: could be after getting an infection if somebody so much as 👀 at me wrong 🙄🥳

Django: So your mammy really will murder me if she sees this

Django: going to have to keep your clothes on at all times

Una: I’ll keep it to myself if you give me chlamydia, be for the best

Django: Don’t sound like you plan on keeping anything to yourself

Una: I said, there’s no time and it’s not the mood I’m in

Django: [the scandalous celeb inspo] I remember

Una: most of my clothes can stay on if you want

Django: what sort of person would I be if I exploited your rush for myself

Una: you’re trying so hard to make this sound like it’s against my will

Django: I’m just trying to separate what you actually want from what you think you have to fit in before you go

Una: racing the clock, I’d be doing it instead of having this convo, wouldn’t I? if nothing else bothered me and my singular motivation was ✔️

Django: It hasn’t come up before, that’s all

Una: I wasn’t taking the risk of fucking up us as friends before

Django: It wouldn’t

Django: it won’t

Una: you dunno it wouldn’t, when there wasn’t this 💣 doing it instead, nor did I

Django: I know, ‘cos it’s us and we’re the ones who’d get to decide

Una: yeah, okay, but I couldn’t just turn ‘round one day and ask if you wanted to sleep with me, out the blue

Django: If anyone would, it’s you

Una: my ego isn’t the size of your house

Django: I’d call you cute if I didn’t think you’d need a lie down after trying to fight me

Una: Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I hate you at the minute, boy

Django: Wanting to sleep with us lasting all of five minutes then

Una: if only, I’d swing for you and be over it, but it’s been ages, is what I’m saying to you

Django: You’re still wanting 🥺😳 I get it

Una: I wanna be honest, messing’s for people who get to live to be old and go on about their regrets in the pub, the one who got away or whatever

Django: I’m not messing and you can say whatever you like, I’ll not make you feel bad for it

Una: say something back

Django: you know I’m bad with words

Una: I feel I’ve backed you into a corner with all of mine

Django: I could say no, it’s not impossible

Una: you could say yes for the wrong reasons and I’d have to kill myself before cancer gets chance

Django: no, I won’t, I promise

Una: okay then

Django: it feels fucked for me to be thinking about, you know, considering

Una: I’m still here, alive, and the same person

Django: yeah, okay, well, I want to too

Una: cos we’re us, no pity, no ticking ⏱💣⏲

Django: That would be more fucked than just doing it for my own selfish gain, Jesus, no

Una: I’d have to kill you, which would be proper selfish, stealing my thunder

Django: Now you’ve got a monopoly on death

Una: can’t I have that much?

Django: 🏠💶🎩🐕🚗🚢🥾💶🏨

Una: get out of jail free ✔️ second prize in a beauty contest ✔️ it’s my birthday ✔️

Una: drs and hospital fees ❌ speeding fine ❌

Django: Where is your dad living now?

Una: [drop the location because I feel like he’s not in Dublin but he’s close enough you can still see him on weekends and shit when you want, but he’s also probably the kind of bitch who moves around more than your average bear, especially if that’s where you got your cool girl vibe from]

Django: the flat is a better location, like

Una: I’ll get in his ear about it 📢

Django: If there’s 1 thing you’re good at 🔊

Una: you flirt

Django: 😏 shut up

Una: time’s running out to start a screamo band, best sleep with me as I’ve no other talents, like

Django: Well, have you thought about where, if we’re being serious about it, like

Una: our Liam’ll be in the car with us so that’s out

Una: there’s no privacy at yours and ma’s playing warden at mine

Una: ask to view the flat? show Ali we’re serious about it too, she might leave us alone there for a bit?

Una: all else’s ❌ we go for my da’s place 🚊

Django: Oh, so you have thought about it then, loads

Django: she’d let us view it, that should work

Una: I thought of it then, when you asked me

Django: Uhuh 😚

Una: process of elimination, is all

Django: I’m not going to do it just anywhere, tah

Una: nor am I, as the one who’s at risk of ☣️🤒⚠️😷☢️

Django: Are there like

Django: extra precautions to take

Una: no balaclavas for this either, I’m putting my foot down

Django: Not going to be practical if you overheat and end up 🤒 that way

Una: and unless you’re gonna pay me, I’m not planning on a no kissing rule, have to take our chances 🦠🧫

Django: I don’t think I’ve got any germs, more than you

Una: romance really is dead if I anti-bac you from head to foot before

Una: I trust you not to actively try and kill me 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

Django: I don’t mind

Django: I mean, is it a weird request, sure but at least you’ve a valid reason I’m not left wondering over

Una: I mind, it’s not what I had in my head when thinking freak in the sheets

Django: I’d sort of mind if I killed you

Django: but okay, I’ll be thorough in the shower, think about it all you want

Una: I don’t want it memorable for that sort of reason

Una: but you’re on a better track with 🚿💭

Django: You’re not dropping down dead today

Django: if you want some time to plan it, so it can be all you want it to 💭

Una: we don’t need to plan, chemo’s the greatest contraceptive going

Django: is that how they sell it to people who are on the fence, like

Una: should be

Django: your ma would be thrilled

Una: I’m not about to tell her for the praise, you’ll have to give it me instead

Django: might take me a minute to not automatically take the piss but

Una: it’s okay, I’ve the identical urge whenever you open your mouth

Django: shame, that one works better the other way around

Una: are you after some time?

Django: 😏 I’ll be grand, tah

Una: alright, well, are you ever gonna get yourself here to me?

Django: as I can’t take full credit for your impatience, I’ll step on it

Una: you can take most of it, rest’s our Liam whinging on

Django: bit rude he’s not after hanging out

Una: does make us wonder what it’d take 😏

Django: if anyone knows what shite company you are, it’s me but you know, time and a place for face ache

Una: oh, nice, being ganged up on now as well as

Django: I’ll be nice to you when we’ve dropped him off at home

Una: believe it when I feel it

Django: you will

Una: I’ve it in writing, you best not let me down

Django: how many other lads do you plan on doing this with

Django: ‘cos I might have a few pointers on not piling on the pressure, lead to better results

Una: I wasn’t planning to write that ✔️❌ list

Una: let it go straight to your ego ➕ or the pressure get to you ➖

Django: oh

Django: 😁 proper special, like

Una: no comment

Django: I’ll start acting more worth that plan

Una: don’t start acting different, for the love of god

Django: don’t you want you know

Django: 💐🍫 romance

Una: the cancer isn’t in my brain, or caused a personality changing stroke like my nana had

Django: your Liam wishes

Una: by the sounds so do you

Django: only as a joke

Django: you know how it really is

Una: 🤡

Django: being serious about this would be a heavy place to start, wouldn’t it

Una: I know, but I’m not having the biggest laugh with this being how it came out I fancy you, it wasn’t how I wanted to do it

Django: what were your plan, out of interest

Una: it don’t matter, I can’t have another go, it’s out there now

Django: fine, I’ll tell you when I first noticed you like that, then you won’t be moody about it no more, deal?

Una: fine

Django: a little more enthusiasm, thank you

Una: FINE!!!

Django: You know in [whatever year you would feasibly have your first big growth spurt, idk] and [some dickhead lad] started everyone calling you [a lanky related nickname]?

Una: yeah, the memory comes back whenever I can’t sleep

Django: it’s mutual

Una: it all happened ages ago, why didn’t you say something?

Django: Probably because you were busy raging at [this boy]

Una: when I eventually calmed down then?

Django: Why is that what you’re taking away from it?

Una: why do you reckon? we could’ve had time together before it was running out

Django: we did still have that time together

Una: you know what I mean

Django: like you said, there’s nothing to fuck up now, that was ages ago

Django: it could’ve just been a fleeting thing

Una: I’m under pressure too, I’m gonna look and feel disgusting soon

Una: might give you new nightmares and reasons why you can’t sleep

Django: it’s hardly the only reason, if it was then maybe I’d get to be that shallow twat

Una: can you not give me a lad response and try and understand what I’m saying?

Django: right, sorry, try again

Una: if I wasn’t dying we’d both get to be shallow about it, it wouldn’t be a banned word

Django: okay, so, if you start looking disgusting, I’ll stop sleeping with you

Django: no bullshit

Una: I’m after no special treatment, stop anytime you want to, it don’t matter the reason, you’re not my hostage I’ve chained to the radiator

Django: I just promised I would

Una: double promise, it’s fucking important

Django: I promise I promise, alright

Django: but you have to believe me and not be a psycho thinking you know what I think when it’s really you

Una: okay, I promise not to overthink what you’re thinking

Django: Deal done then

Una: 💧🤝🩸

Una: but be warned if you ever call me a psycho again, I’ll show you one

Django: I’m familiar

Una: I’ve come a long way since [that dickhead boy at school]

Django: 😱😱😱 girl

Django: not surrounded by psycho girls or nothing

Una: says more about you than it does me

Django: oi, I can’t help being outnumbered in my own home

Django: not everyone gets it right with their first 2 go’s like your mam did

Una: I’ll pass it along when we’re back on speaking terms

Django: Soon as you’re dropped back then

Una: you’re not dropping me nowhere I’ve not okayed first

Django: not a cabbie

Una: and I’m not [the kind of parcel your mum would receive, I don’t know her life lol] you can’t be leaving me on her doorstep, I won’t get out your 🚕!

Django: Come on, you’ve gotta be nice to her

Una: I set foot in there I’ll never come out, she’d have me chained to a radiator on sight

Django: I doubt that’s doctor recommended

Una: I’ve got too much else to do to wrap myself in blankets and pray like she wants

Django: I didn’t say we were immediately headed in that direction

Una: what you said is you weren’t gonna tell me what to do

Django: I can’t feel sorry for her as well, no?

Una: by all means feel sorry for her instead of me, cos I’d rather die right here and right now than have you even imply you are

Django: I meant as well as not telling you what to do anyway

Django: her kid is dying

Una: yeah, I am

Django: you’ll be gone, you’ll not mind, she’s the one living with it, of course I feel bad for her

Una: I’m not gone yet, and I fucking mind she’s trying to control how the rest of my life’s spent

Django: I know

Una: you’re being too calm and rational, I need you to be furious with me

Django: I’m trying to be the person who keeps it together

Django: I’m not your mammy, your da, I don’t get to lose it

Una: it’s the time you get to lose it, you’re losing me

Django: you’ve not given me a second to fucking breathe never mind anything else

Una: take it, you’ve got the luxury, wasn’t you getting ambushed by drs this morning

Django: Jesus

Una: [not replying because giving him a second and being petty because teenage girl but that after a beat because teenage girl and can’t shut up]

Una: I haven’t energy to hold ma’s hand through this, same goes for yours, or any fucker else’s, call it callous or whatever

Una: I did the 😁 little miss sunshine craic last time I was sick, and where did it get us?

Django: I’m not asking you to

Una: you and her and everybody else will have time to get your head ‘round it when I’m dead, all I’ve got’s now and I’m already trying to pack years into months, knowing there’s still loads I won’t be able to do

Django: You know what you have to do, I’m not stopping you

Una: you’re guilt tripping me, as if I’m unaware how shite this is for my mammy off my own back

Django: I’m saying I’m not going to be a cunt to your mother about this, I’ve no right, you’ve every right to be entirely selfish about it, it’s the least you’re owed

Una: I’m not letting her stop me, that’s all there is to it

Django: Okay, I’ve heard you

Una: permission granted to turn your car ‘round and piss off if you fancy that more than coming this way

Django: Why?

Una: you’ve every reason

Django: I’m sorry I said that about your mum, I didn’t mean to guilt trip you

Una: believe me, there’s nothing I’d love more than to be wrapped up in her fantasy like it’s the warmest blanket going and get to be nice to her

Django: I’m sorry you’re dying

Django: I don’t know how else to say that

Una: there’s probably not loads of different ways to say it, in fairness

Django: It’s not fair, to anyone but most to you

Una: nah, it’s not, I dunno how else to say that either

Django: Ali knows a lot more about protests than me

Django: and dying, you should ask her

Una: she’s not my type, I’m sorry

Django: 😒 great craic

Una: I want you, and you said I’ve the green light on being selfish

Django: yeah, dunno why that means you’ve gotta have a shite sense of humour all of a sudden but

Una: I’m sorry, I’m having a day of it here, like

Django: better, that one was topical, like

Una: don’t turn your car ‘round or I’ll have to be all 🥺 about it and neither of us wants that, right?

Django: under the circumstances, I shan’t waste your time having you beg for it

Una: you can have me grateful for that

Django: I weren’t turning ‘round, by the way

Una: if I’ve any hope left I’m keeping it for that you don’t, even as a metaphor when it gets worse than this

Django: Oons

Una: forgetting my name isn’t doing much for the hope

Django: Laurel, sorry

Una: I know I’m not supposed to say anything close to don’t leave me before we’re even together but fucking do not, please

Django: I won’t, never

Una: there’s a million scenes from what feels like a million shite dying girl films playing over and over in my head and that’s nothing like how bad it’ll be, is it?

Django: okay I’ll tell you what to do by banning any rewatches of them, just this one thing

Una: our Liam’ll be after making his own, wait and see 📹

Una: can ✔️ fame off the list at least

Django: sound less 😁 at the prospect

Una: leading man’ll have you 😁 too

Django: see, knew you wanted Mr Darcy really

Una: I told you who I want

Django: I do wish I’d known sooner too

Una: I was gonna say something on your birthday, to avoid the not knowing what to get you pisstake which happens every year, since you asked what my original plan was

Django: Such a lass move

Django: I’d never get away with that, however many compliments I showered you in

Una: how would you have done better? go on, impress me with your what if scenario

Django: than wrapping myself in a bow? Easy

Django: I’d take you to [whoever are her faves]’s gig and then you’d be so 😍 I’d be well in

Una: I didn’t say I’d 🎀 you flirt

Una: a lad move, but it would’ve worked

Django: You better, keep telling you I’m not easy, like

Una: there’s still time for me to buy up all the ribbon in town

Django: s’not my birthday now

Una: I don’t care, every day can be your birthday now

Django: it’s not going to be bad, even sick girl movie cliche bad

Django: you’ll be 😁 whether you like it or not

Una: 😁🩸

Django: That’s what you get if you want me to stay, alright

Una: what do I get if I’m after 1 cliche and it’s you bringing 🍦?

Django: well, a longer wait whilst I figure out where between me and you has 🍦 but consider it done

Una: play the 🎶 as you drive up or I’ll send you off to try again

Django: I should get an ice cream van, you’re right

Una: everybody will reckon you’re selling gear

Django: I can just tell the disappointed smackheads you’re taking it all

Una: oh, nice, set the angry smackheads on me

Django: they’re hardly a threat, half comatose

Una: I’m not really fighting fit myself, boy

Django: the morphine will have you feeling it

Una: well, sure, but maybe we’ll aim for slightly more romance than me fighting off smackheads while you watch?

Django: I think I can manage that

Una: 🤞🤞 no pressure though

Django: I’m not totally incapable, I’d have to be actively disgusted by you to do that badly

Una: this is where I’d throw you a compliment if it was something I was used to

Django: yeah

Django: I can go without but if that’s what you wanna hear, I’ll 🔊

Una: fuck that, you’re not going without anything

Django: we’ll get used to it together then, I guess

Una: yeah

Django: you don’t have to speedrun the shit you don’t really feel or want to say though

Una: you think I’m selfish, and probably, but not enough to lie straight to your face

Django: not that you’d lie, don’t think you have to give me that though, just to play little miss sunshine one more time, okay?

Una: okay

Django: not going to start crying and you have to leave another room you can’t stand to be in

Una: she’s surely an uglier crier than you, how’s that for a compliment?

Django: I’m blushing

Una: believe it when I see it

Django: get ready then

Una: but you said you’d be ages!

Django: gotta have some chances to surprise you

Una: gonna melt my 🍦 being that hot about it, I’m not ready

Django: let your kid brother out the car before you lose it, yeah

Una: long as you mean randomly by the side of the road, then yeah

Django: so harsh 🤣

Una: did you bring him 🍦 as well?

Django: don’t take the piss, it’d be well rude if I didn’t

Una: am I not special to you? who’s taking the piss?

Django: I’ll show you that you are when you’re done with your 🍦 and we’re alone

Una: fucking hell, you can’t say that and not expect me to force our Liam to walk

Django: yes I can, a little anticipation won’t kill you

Una: it might, but I really hope it don’t

Django: Trust me

Una: fine, I’ll let him stay in the car under protest

Django: It won’t take long to drop him back, it’ll only feel it

Una: already feels it

Django: how does it feel?

Una: the lack of 🍦 is killing me

Una: where are you?

Django: [pull up]

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