#i must stress. this is NOT a good idea and i shouldnt do it

[soldier-poet-king]

Made the most unhinged existentialist agony reading list for Lent and I'm not technically offline til Easter but I might just be mostly absent in practice bc I'm too busy having a mental breakdown since this seems to not be one of those one day and it's gone episodes

#franposting #i must stress. this is NOT a good idea and i shouldnt do it #but im gonna anyway. at least until we reach critical breakdown poiny #there's no other option. i am simply in need of a reaching a critical point #spiritually emotionally and psychologically #insane person list is: #last days of judas iscariot. sparrow 2. reread Krista's book.silence. kierkegaard. #space trilogy. dare we hope al will be saved. brothers k. possibly reread twhf or the greay divorce #also siken because im just. gnawing my own limbs off #oh and wind sand and stars #and this is just what i had immediately on hand. i may get some library ones too. alas i cant annotate and literally tear apart those #i absolutely will have a complete break and wont get thru all these before easter #but I'll try anyway. i dont really have any other choices #not with me as i am #maybe im insane or maybe mental illness + february just is Like That

[sopebubbles]

Just a slight input of mine, as in my two cents.

I totally absolutely understand yoongi's and tae's pov about them feeling left out when hobi goes in heat and Jin gets all possessive, but towards the end we also see how yoongi also gets a little possessive about Y/N when hobi mentions having a room for Y/N ( as in yoongi wanting y/n for himself) so in that perspective shouldn't yoongi be a little more understanding of Jin? No? Just me?? ( This is what I feel) Jin could have had his own dreams and desires no?? While trying to do his best (from his perspective) for everyone in the pack...

and somewhere my heart goes out to Jin that maybe he wants to have a child with HIS HUSBAND with whom he's been married for so long and loves so much. And Jin isn't being selfish just that hobi is his husband first and then the omega of the pack??? Jin could have been trying his best under the pressure and with what all knowledge he has?? No??

My heart goes out to jin for trying to take care of everything and everyone without being able to express himself. Maybe I am wrong but this is just something I felt. And I do agree that buying an entire house without consulting with other members is wrong, anyone would be upset.

( also being a leader isn't easy, if the members do not say how is he going to understand, and even if everyone says something and share their input but in the end their points do not get selected that too leaves a sour taste(I hope you understand what I mean) and the leader, I don't know if they do, go about talking with everyone individually? That could be exhausting no?😔)

And I am so proud of Y/N for asking for help. good job MC. I love you for this, you fighter!!

Im glad you noticed that parallel with Yoongi's possessiveness! There will definitely come a time when Yoongi has to confront those possessive feelings when she's actually around AND others want to be around her. I think there's a bit of a difference in the fact that they're in a years long relationship and Jin is trying dictate how other people can be with Hoseok. Yoongi should try to understand Jin's feelings, no doubt, but it doesn't make Jin's actions to alienate everyone acceptable. It will be interesting to compare them as alphas down the line

And yeah, Hobi is his husband but if he wanted to be exclusive like that maybe he shouldnt have brought 3 other alphas into his pack. The most troubling thing about his behavior for them is that its a change. In his own heart Jin never did use to care about whose baby hobi would have, he would've just loved any baby of Hobi's as his own. But his mom put this idea in his head and the fact that he wouldn't talk about it just shows that deep down he knows its wrong.

I think all your thoughts make sense in a way bc those are very natural ways to feel, i just dont think those are the core issues, but im glad you're in Jin's corner! Pack alpha is a tough job and theres still an important issue that Yoongi raised which is that Jin sees pack alpha as a set of privileges (i get to decide where we live) instead of responsibilities (i must provide us with a safe place to live). I strongly believe that if Jin hadn't been first he wouldn't be pack alpha. Its strictly bc of his position as Hobi's husband that he has the role BUT his upbringing/family also makes him feel entitled to it (his mother would be extremely displeased with him if he wasn't pack alpha). The stress is honestly a bit too much for him and makes him close in on himself, not discussing with others and ultimately making bad decisions. At the end of the day, he should be at least discussing important decisions with his packmates even if he ultimately thinks that his choice is the right one. In my opinion thats the more effective form of leadership.

I know everyone wants her to rush back but im honestly very happy with yn for doing the best she can rn. Asking for help was huge even though she might not have asked for all the help we think she needs.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

#lone wolf thoughts #lone wolf asks #thanks anon!

[honeyymistt]

Hi, hun i wanna share something i did a mistake to a very kind friend its was i opened up too much and to be hosent i overwheelem them then they told me how they felt etc and i have noticed somethings like our convos werent the same and its was always one sided and my messges rarely got answers and my asks too also buy the time passed i noticed that they lost intereset in me and i realized our friendship is fading away cus of me.. yesterday i have send them a ask about this telling how i felt about this and i also said that they desvere better people than me and they shouldnt be friends with me and how i realized how it faded away and also said my good wishes to them and i also said that i must take my leave before i hurt them more and gave a pic to them as a gift and to make it up to them and i told them to not to feel bad about me and lastly i said my goodbyes to them then i have broke contect with them since them am trying to recover and be kinder to myself of course i discard my mind with writing and watching avatar the last air bender etc i try to be clam and kind to myself and i belive i will be more kinder in the future even tho i cry often i hopefully will be ok i was just wondering what do you think about this and do you have any selfcare ideas

Note: also since then i try to keep my asks happy as possabile but now am wondering about your view and your thoughts and one more am sorry if i ever come to overwheelem you in any shape of from and if this asks overwheelems you, you can delete it i just dont want to do the same mistake again cus something similer like that happned with my sister but the difference is i didnt quite understand my mistake etc and now i dont wanna do the same things again mostlikey i dont want them to define me but thank you for your time and kindnees ❤❤

i think if i could tell you one thing, it's to not be too hard on yourself but also take the time to recognize where you went wrong - so it seems like you're on the right track!!!

first: please don't think that you're a horrible friend. i think a lot of people tend to talk about themselves and accidentally treat their friends as therapists which can be stressful and overwhelming so i would encourage you to approach it as a lesson to ask friends before venting if they're in the right mental space to hear it.

second: show yourself some compassion. my guess is that you're younger than me so you're still learning!!! let yourself make mistakes but don't beat yourself up for it. some days will be harder than others but you'll get through it. you will meet so many new people and you will find other friends and have a chance to show a newer, more mature and empathetic side of yourself

lastly: there is no issue with coming to my inbox if you need to! i know my own boundaries and i close my inbox when i sense that I'm overwhelmed with school/am going through personal issues, etc. at the moment, I'm doing well and i don't force myself to reply to things within a certain amount of time like i used to. i will always post an announcement before closing my inbox too!!

sending you hugs and support <3 stay strong and be kind to yourself!!!

#chat with honeyymistt

[nicolespeaks]

I apologized for how I was being, for the stress I was projecting onto him. I don't want to apologize for my feelings and I won't submit to the pressure he puts on me.

I promised my commitment to him, to our future. That doesn't mean I have to sacrifice my present to please him. I am allowed to take care of myself while staying true to my commitments. Right now I do think about how to separate from him, but I know that's me trying to run away from the distress. I don't need to run away, and I don't need to force myself to be present. I can do what I need for myself.

No one has been on my side. No one has respected me. I don't need to force myself to forgive them to make things civil. If I don't forgive them I don't forgive them. I don't need to force myself to be kind and sweet to the people that hurt me. My feelings and experiences are valid.

I'm inspired right now to extend my knowledge, grow my brain, and learn everything I can. I have the ability within me, and I can bring that out into existence.

I don't know who needs me right now, other than me. I'm allowing myself to be depressed about the things that bother me. I care about people, but I need to care for myself. I can't care for others if I have nothing to give. I don't need to force that. I know who I am and the amazing things I'm capable of doing. I know I'm special in this world. Everyone is special because they are them. I can be me too.

Let me focus on the things I want to do. I have so many ideas and I always want to execute them, but discipline and executing come together. Let me go slow, but by bit. I'll find my direction as I go. Let me stay in the present seconds, don't think weeks ahead. Life doing move in chunks, in moves in pieces.

I'm an artist. I see the world differently. I may not work with it, but I see the beauty in things. I'm more in control than I've ever been. I'm more grounded and present. I can do anything. I'm capable of it.

Staying aware of my trauma behaviors is helping. I've learned its more harmful to go backwards despite it being the one thing I want to do. I make mistakes, that's alright, but I don't dwell on them and make myself feel bad. I acknowledge what Ive done and I full heartedly do my best to learn and be better. I can be proud of myself for that. I've come a long way.

Talking to my friends about things help. Getting support is really all I need. I let myself go too much at times, but I'm aware and Im actively working on it. I can trust that they care about me and want to support me no matter what. My problems are mine alone and I may feel alone, but I must remember there are people who believe in me, and that feels good to depend on. trying to explain myself and my situations is hard, I get jumbled up in my words and I sometimes speak straight out of emotion. Having friends is great and helps, though I do need to find a therapist to have a healthy outlet to talk. I want that for myself.

I can tell that I'm learning and growing. I'm figuring a lot on my own but I don't need to with some things. I can receive help and help will help. All the small things I do matter as well. I can care and take care of myself. I want to. I may not register myself as a valuable human being but I'm working on changing that cause I know it's not healthy thinking. Being under power and control or someone makes it difficult, I've been in the position all my life whether I put myself there or it was forced upon me. I get scared when I think about gaining independence, fear of upsetting the other person or defending myself. It shouldnt be hard and I'm not at fault for wanting what's best for me. If other people don't agree, I don't need to submit to make them more comfortable. I don't need to give up control. I've been that person. I don't need to be anymore.

[doodlebloo]

honestly i dont think the idea that michael_bs death wld start up lore is based in reality rlly like. tubbo and ranboo dont log on frequently enough to give a proper response bc they have irl shit to deal with theyd just. respawn michael in. make a joke about him having 3 lives or infinite lives or whatever or even just completely decanonize it. there wouldnt be anything to come from michael_b's death other than fans and ccs being stressed out and even upset lol.

also tbh theres just too much to address to add on to things that happen and will never be address like not to be overly negative but the people who think michaels death will cause plot stuff to happen must not be like actual beeduo mains if they think ranboo and tubbo are going to drop everything to run back home and do lore shit when theyre literally figuring out travel plans and having fun w their friends /lh. sometimes minecraft men have their own lives these ppl should just admit the joke isnt that funny and let it be -🎭🎪

This is true but real quick I'd like to point something out:

It's strange to me that everyone has just assumed that Michael_B doesn't have plans around him. Like a big part of c!Ranboo's character is that he has a family he wants to protect - that's WRITTEN IN to his lore. I'm not saying Michael_B is as essential to lore as say, Las Nevadas, but it still shouldn't just be Assumed that Ranboo has nothing planned for him and that future lore plans wouldn't be disrupted by his death; Ranboo's potential lore plans are as important as anyone else's. Maybe he doesn't have anything planned for Michael, but we shouldnt assume.

I completely agree about cc!beeduo being busy as well, like obvi no one is obligated to keep up with any streamer's life plans so if ppl didn't know that's fine but with Michael_B specifically it's just so unlikely that they'd start any Lore over it. It's weird because I thought it was fairly obvious that it was an ooc bit, since c!Sapnap is supposedly busy with Kinoko and also doesn't know that Michael_B exists?

I believe the term is "meta-gaming", when someone knows something out if character and claims that their character also knows it even if they have no reason to. Nobody in the smp really does that anymore - for example, everyone probably knows about all of Ranboo's totems but since their CHARACTER wouldn't know they exist they dont steal it. That isn't how it used to be but that's how it is now.

Idk it isn't a huge deal, if someone thinks Michael_B should die or that him dying would be a good plotline or something that's fine, but realistically it's very unlikely for several reasons.

#NOT SAPNAP NEG ok i doubt he meant for it to be this big of a deal he was just fucking around #asks #do i need to tag this as discourse? here ok #im using the discourse tag even tho im NOT MAD like you are all entitled to your own opinions abt all of this #discourse #dont send any hate to anyone over this and also tbch ive seen more posts saying not to do shit than actualy doing shit so. not a vague lol #btw this ask was so valid jsyk u are based

[shoezuki]

do the people who ask mcyt to not trend things on twitter realise that... there are other news sites?? that they shouldnt be keeping informed solely on twitter??? that twitter has seperate trending tabs for news and entertainment?? like how far gone to twitter do you have to be

honestly twitter’s whole..... Thing around trending and current events of major importance and how people interact with Things on twitter is. so fucking weird. and dumb. i deeply hate it

reminds me of Earlier tumblr (of fuckin course) when any post talking about important issues would have I DONT CARE IF THIS DOESNT FIT YOUR BLOG REBLOG THIS!!!!!!! or IF YOU DONT RB THIS FROM ME I DONT TRUST YOU!!!!! type shit. its kinda the same on twitter as of rn

people dont really like. understand how the Trending works on twitter. its literally Just that if enough ppl mention something in a tweet, it will get trending. like we saw with ppl censoring cc names to try n keep it getting trending, even ‘k4rl’ will get trending if enough ppl mention it. thats jus how that shit works. 

having something Fun accidentally trend is. no big deal. i dont know WHY ppl are all ‘dont trend this today!!!!’ n shit cuz. like. it doesnt Matter? if you feel something Else is more important/should get trending, then you should talk about THAT thing more THAN the thing u dont want. thats all. 

but constantly i see informative threads being spread with some guilt trippy ‘if you can tweet bout [whatever stream here] then you have to retweet this!!!’ or ‘dont get things trending when you should be focusing on this instead!!’ and its. it fuckin sucks. i purposefully avoid those at All Costs because if i spread some good info it BETTER be without making someone feel like shit for..... enjoying something. 

its this fuckedup idea that. if you are enjoying something online, talking about some cc, or enough people are talkin bout it to get it trending, then you Apparently are not caring about genuine issues? like. that if youre not yelling about the latest horrific event every minute but instead are indulging in something harmless but fun, you must be a horrible person. 

its just kinda manipulative and degrading and like. fucked up for ppl who are anxious. and JUST LIKE YOU SAID people arent REQUIRED to spend their entire experiences on twitter pertaining entirely to serious events. some of us assholes dont Want to constantly be stressed and worried about the state of the world like. you cant Not know that some things are fucked up. and its Exhausting how often Bad things happen. i just wanna go on twitter and see art. thats not someone making a Political Stance that they dont care bout such things because they wanna. Escape. thats all 

its just. dumb. like twitter has a major feeling of being so Vital that ofc people use that like its the sole source of whats important in this world. and its a shame because talkin bout big things and promoting awareness IS GOOD! that shit is objectively good. but u shouldnt have to guilt people for their interests or use twitter as the Sole Source of news

#anon #discourse #ask to tag #yea skjhglskgh

[keenmarvellover]

POSTS FOR YOU - 1

Some links to posts with valuable content you want in one place.(BASICALLY EVERYTHING IS THERE)

Suggestions and Recommendations are appreciated and accepted.

Last Updated : 16/10/2020

NOTE: Some of these post are written in a crude and unruly fashion. But they contain valuable tips, guidance and information. If you can't/don't want to read such posts, then don't read.

Mental Health

Do you need a Hug?

Maybe you’re having a stressful day. Maybe you just need a deep breath. Maybe you just didn’t realize how stressed you are. You can get your comfort here.

Some stuff to help you sleep

This is definitely not a google drive full of the sleep stuff from the Headspace app, including sleepcasts, music, and wind down meditation, that normally costs 17.99 a month, no siree and you definitely shouldnt share this with people

Anti-Anxiety Tools

Some tools to help you before, during or after an anxiety attack

100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

READ IT. SHARE IT. REBLOG IT. Save a Life.

HOBBIES MASTERPOST!!!!!!!!

A really excellent way to reduce anxiety is to pick up a new hobby. Find something you’re interested in, learn it, then use it as a healthy and productive way to cope.

Health

Some very Important Lists for Rating PAIN, FATIQUE AND MENTAL HEALTH

It is MUST share

PSA Rregarding Hospital bills

Also how to pay hospital bills when you are broke.

How to differentiate between COVID-19, FLU AND COMMON COLD

Anyway, as we enter cold & flu season in the YEAR of corona, this will come in very handy.

Treatment for HIV

VERY IMPORTANT. Please Read and Share.

What does the Color of your Period mean?

A must read for individuals who get periods.

How to differentiate between Period Cramps and Appendicitis

A MUST READ

From a Person who is Hard of Hearing

Types and levels of deafness

General Tips for Vagina Health

Some stuff they don't teach in sex-ed.

Undo the damage of Sitting

Are you always sitting down? Then these are some exercise you should probably try out for better health.

Guide to Proper Bra Fitting

Guide to Proper Bra Fit and Measuring. Please Read and Share.

Washable, Reusable Menstrual Pads

(Part II)

Reusable menstrual hygiene product, and are an alternative to disposable sanitary napkins or to menstrual cups.

Artists

Art Masterpost

How to draw *insert whatever you want, its there in the list*?

Book Binding

Some video links to different types of DIY Bookbinding

For Artists who Need Photoshop

If youre an artist who cant afford photoshop, definitely DO NOT go to this google drive to pirate the program, that would be so bad!!!

Do’s and Don'ts of Designing for Accessibility

Please consider this when designing for ANYTHING. For BUSINESSES and ARTISTS.

Writers

Color Synonyms

For both ARTISTS and WRITERS

How to make a Masterlist

Simple but efficient instructions to make a masterlist

ULTIMATE NOVEL WRITING RESOURCE MASTERLIST

This is an ultimate masterlist of many resources that could be helpful for writers.

List of AUs and Ship Tropes

For when you run out of ideas.

AUs

Ship Tropes

Legal sites to get some much needed Info

If there was only a way to find out all of this rather edgy information without getting yourself in trouble…

Resources for Describing Characters

For writing about physical appearances, character traits, talents,and skills and other related stuff of your characters, here is a comprehensive list.

Resources for Describing Emotions

Having trouble writing jealousy, happiness, motivation. Here you go!!

Some Resources for your Writing

Body Language

Reverse Dictionary

Character Traits

Things to Keep in mind when naming Characters

Valuable advice. Trust me

Words to Use when Writing Smut/Romance

This is for smut/romance writers. Kinda like a thesaurus.

Tips to write Pain

How are you supposed to write about pain you’ve never experienced before?

References for Greek Mythology Characters

Link to an extensive site every single detail of Greek Mythology from Gods to Family Trees.

Tips to write Blind Characters

Some tips that might be invaluable when writing character that are near-blind or blind

Things to Remember when writing a Highly Emotional Scene

Just small things that could make a great difference

How to write with Multiple POVs

Tips on how to write multiple POVs with diverse characters

Synonyms and Antonyms

The person who made this list is a blessing to writers. Just saying.

Good Qualities for Female Characters

Females don't always need to be protected and be weak. Make them more realistic.

Words to Use instead of ‘Said’

Every single situation is listed. Check it out.

Limits of the Human Body

All extremities listed

Readers

Legal Sites to Download Literature

From children’s books to rare books, from philosophy and religion to nonfiction. I guess you can find anything here.

The Rights of the Reader

And some (lots of) bashing of Helicopter Parents.(You want to read only the rights. Here it is)

Wet Book Rescue : Steps to save a Wet Book

Valuable information if some of your prized books were affected by recent flooding. The video even shows you what to do if you can’t dry the book out right away.

Cheatsheet to Navigate AO3

Makes your time on AO3 a little more easier and interesting

How to trick Writers into giving you More Fanfic to read

Works for Comics and Art as well.

Get a Book Suggestion

This book website gives you the first page of a random book without the title or author so that you can read it with no preconceptions

Books written by POC Writers

Only POC authors included in the list.

Students

Basic ASL (American Sign Language) Movements

ASL Hand Movements for beginners.

Tips for studying with ADHD/a>

Made by a person with ADHD themself.

Resources to Learn New Languages

Ten fairly useful general language resources

How to properly take notes

It helps. It really helps.

FREE ONLINE LANGUAGE COURSES

Here is a masterpost of MOOCs (massive open online courses) that are available, archived, or starting soon. I think they will help those that like to learn with a teacher or with videos.

A Thread of Tips

A thread of tips to help High School and College students academically

LEARN THINGS FOR FREE

FREE ONLINE COURSES (here are listed websites that provide huge variety of courses)

Google like a BOSS

Some life hacks which make student's lives easier.

625 words to know in your Target Language

If your learning a new language, these words will help you build a strong foundation.(Some tips and sites are include too)

Miscellaneous/Life Hacks

How to add music to your Blog

How to add your very own, custom homemade playlist to your blog?

How to Walk with Purpose?

Some tips on how to hold yourself in public and why.

Cheatsheet for Laundry Rooms

Saves a lot of money in the Laundry Room

How to Gird up your Loins?

A lesson in how to gird your loins.

How to Disappear Online

Please read and spread for the sake of abuse victims or stalker victims.

What to do during a Nuclear Attack

I hope you never have to use it but here are some guidelines to follow in the event of a nuclear attack

How to pull an All-Nighter.

A to-do list

Write a Thank You letter after your Interview

It leaves a good impression on your interviewer and increase your chances of passing the interview.

Laundry Tags: Meanings

A life hack that you’ll definitely need at some point.

Where to find free Movies and Series Online

Lots of sites. Lots and Lots of sites. I am not Kidding. Now go and chill without netflix. (Part II)

How to get a Refund?

Get your stuff or a refund.

HOW TO DO EVERYTHING FROM SCRATCH

This starts at the most absolute basics of gardening and planting, provides definitions, and hopefully is easily understandable. This is a MUST-READ. (Farming)

Discuss your wages

It’s your right to share your salary, not doing so could be holding you back.

Youtube Tutorials for Basically EVERYTHING

This is a big, giant list of Youtube tutorials that will teach you all the basic life skills you need to know in order to be a functional adult.

Safety

Emergency Evacuation - Items to Gather

A text list of suggested items to acquire in the event of an emergency.

If someone you know is in an abusive relationship

AN ABBREVIATED GUIDE TO ‘Holy shit!!! My friend is in an abusive relationship what do I do’ and what not to do.

Defense Tips for Women

Defense and Safety tips a woman MUST know. (Part II)

An app that informs your Emergency contacts if you are inactive in a set period of time.(Could prevent rape attempts if used correctly)

If a Man gets Physical

How to check if a mirror is one way or two-way

If you are trapped in a smoke-filled apartment: What to Do

How to get out of Hand-binds

How to get out of the bunker of a Car

How to track Anonymous asks.

How to pick a Lock

Traits and Warning signs of an Abuser

What to do if a bigot pulls your Hijab (from behind)

What to do if someone pulls of a Muslim Woman's Hijab? (To do List for both Men and Women)

#safety #health #mental health #writers #readers #micellaneous

[airiwrites]

Kageyama,Oikawa and Akaashi taking care of a sick s/o

Tagging: @tobihori

Tobio Kageyama

• so you wake up one day feeling bad and your stomach hurts

• you don’t know what’s happening and your parents are out of town, so you call Tobio over

• omg this boy is so worried about you it’s adorablee

• “oh my gosh, y/n! are you ok? did you get food poisoning? do you feel like throwing up? did someone hurt you? oh my i have no clue what to do. should i call the ambulance??”

• to which you slightly giggle and tell him it’s just a fever and it’ll probably go away on it’s own

• he then !immensely! relaxes and tells you to take some rest

• ofc you want him by your side so you beg him to cuddle w you

• when you wake up,Tobio isn’t by your side but you hear rustling in the kitchen and realize he must be making something for you

• he comes in after some time holding a glass of juice and a bowl of soup

• he’ll literally feed you the soup bc he wants you better soon

• he looks kinda stressed so you feed the last spoon of soup to him

• to which he melts and freaks out simultaneously bc a) you’re cute but b) you’re sick and if you fed him w your spoon he might get sick and who’s gonna take care of who if you both are sick?

• after a while he stops caring about himself bc you both just want the other one of you by your sides

• he’ll watch disney movies with you to calm you down

• after a while, you’ll both get tired

• he holds you close, rubbing your stomach as you try to go back to sleep

• when you wake up, you find yourself feeling much better

• you wake up Tobio to tell him that you’re better but guess who’s sick now?

• he looks at you with dark circles under his eyes and then grumbles in his now hoarse voice, “y/n i don’t feel too good”

• so you take care of him just how he took care of you

Toru Oikawa

• Toru is definitely the type to cuddle up with you even if you protest. no he doesn’t care if he gets sick too . no he doesnt care if you accidentally cough or snot all over him . 

• he doesn’t really know anything about medicine or what you’re Supposed to do if youre sick, but he’ll try to keep you entertained at least 

• will get you junk food, candy and ice cream mostly, even though you really shouldnt eat that if you’re sick

• doesn’t worry too much, he’s been sick lots of times ! you’ll be ok, and tries to keep your spirits up when you’ll ill, but still feels bad that you’re in pain. tries to be sympathetic and comforting

• keeps you up with a steady supply or coffee or soda, which you really shouldnt be drinking, but hey ! at least you’re staying hydrated!

• will make sure you dont get too depressed or bored being stuck in bed, and if it gets unbearable? he’ll sneak you out and you two can go do something fun, against better judgement maybe. 

• hates to see you down or sick, you better get better fast!!

Akaashi Keiji

• Honestly,Keiji’s the best person you could ask to take care of you while you’re feeling under the weather.

• You don’t even need to ask him,really,he’ll take off work for a few days. Getting you to feel better is his #1 priority since he hates the idea of you being miserable at home while he’s at work.  he wouldn’t be able to focus at all!

• he also doesn’t really care much if he gets sick, to him it’s worth it if he can help you get better soon (and having you take care of him in return doesn’t sound too bad either)

• You basically don’t have to ask for anything, he’s always one step ahead of you and he’s good about going the extra mile as well.

• For example, if you’re suddenly feeling chilly, he’ll grab you a soft blanket.

• His company itself is also just really nice and calming when you don’t want to be alone.

• he’ll put on one of your favorite records at a quiet volume and just talk with you about some interesting happenings at work or maybe even some stories he grew up with.

• The chicken noodle soup that he makes for you is also positively magical.

• Keiji knows how to make the right kind of food that you can keep down.

• And when you can keep more food down, he’ll make you all of your favorites and spoil you a bit to keep your spirits up.

• If you don’t want him to be very physically affection while you’re sick, he won’t, but if you want cuddles… he’s going to give you a lot of cuddles.

• Even if you aren’t big on physical contact while ill, at the very least he’s going to give you forehead kisses whenever he helps you.

• Sometimes he’ll sneak in a quick peck on the lips too to keep you on your toes.

#airi writes #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #Kageyama Tobio #Kageyama x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #akaashi keiji #akaashi x reader #haikyuu hcs

[flobro]

Omovember 2020

Day One - In a Vehicle

Kageyama x Reader

Kageyama’s PoV 

Could i get any stupider?

In the rush of Hinata, Y/n and I finishing our tests, scrambling into Tanaks sisters car and setting off immediately for Tokyo I hadnt had time to pee.

Hinata was sat in the front passenger seat as Y/n and I were in the back of the car.

To make matters even worse, i had a huge crush on Y/n and the nerves of sitting next to her were bugging my bladder even more.

I tried to keep my breathing steady because i knew that if i panicked things would only get even worse for my nerves.

I wasnt too desperate yet but the need was still there. We had only been driving for about ten minuets so i definitely couldnt ask how much longer we had to drive yet otherwise everyone would definitely know something was wrong with me.

I crossed my legs which seemed to ease the pressure a little bit and made everything a bit more bearable and i tried to focus my mind on anything but my need to pee.

I jumped slightly as Y/n tapped my shoulder five minuets later and i felt my bladder twinge slightly, making me squeeze my thighs together as descretely as i could.

‘Whats up?’ I asked Y/n, who sent me a stunning smile.

‘You look bored, you wanna listen to some music with me?’ She asked, holding out one of her earbuds to me.

I nodded and shakily grabbed the headphone, ‘Yeah, thanks.’

She just nodded, ‘No problem!’

We had to shuffle slightly closer to eachother so that the earphones could reach to both of our ears and i couldnt help but notice how my seatbelt uncomfortablely pressed down onto my bladder, making my desperation go from a 4/10 to a 7/10.

Hinata and Saeko (Tanakas sister) were chatting happily about volleyball and the tiny giant in the front seats and i was glad that they werent focused on me because then i would feel even more pressured.

Another fifteen minuets had passed and I had tried my best to get lost in Y/n’s music but now my bladder was almost at its maximum capacity and i was beginning to shuffle around a bit, squeezing my thighs together as tight as possible.

Y/n looked at me and yanked the headphone wire, making them fall out of both of our ears.

Y/n went closer to my ear and whispered, ‘Hey, are you okay? You seem uncomfortable?’

My body shivered at the feeling of her breath on my skin and it relaxed my body for a second, making a bit of urine leak out of me.

I gasped and crammed my hands onto my crotch, tensing my body up again, stopping the flow as fast as i possibly could.

Y/n’s eyes widened in realisation and i blushed a deep red, hiding my face away from her, waiting for her to tell me how disgusting and gross i am.

But she didnt...

Instead, she placed a hand comfortingly on my shoulder, her touch making my heart rate speed up even more.

‘Is there anything i can do to help you?’ She whispered to me once again, continuing to keep her voice low so Saeko and Hinata wouldnt ask questions.

I shook my head and tried to calm myself down. There was no way in hell that i was gonna show myself up in front of the girl i like by acting like a four year old.

‘N-no,’ I said, trying to act as calm as possible, ‘Im f-fine dont worry.’

She didnt look like she believed me so i slowly removed my hands from between my legs to try and prove that i wasnt as desperate as it seemed.

Bad idea.

As soon as i took my hands away, another bit of urine left me and i gasped once again, putting my hands back onto my crotch.

This time the flow was harder to control and i knew that there was a 99% chance that there would be a wet patch on my shorts.

Saeko and Hinata must have heard me gasp because their conversation stopped abruptly.

‘You okay back there?’ Sakeo asked and i felt my throat dry up.

Hinata began to turn around to look at us and Y/n and I both panicked, knowing he would see my obvious state of desperation.

Y/n suddenly unclipped her seatbelt and laid accross my lap gently, covering up my crossed legs and hiding my odd hand placement.

Her arm momentarily dug into my stomach, pressing on my overfilled bladder, forcing a two second stream of urine out of me which i painfully cut off, knowing that my boxers were almost fully soaked now.

‘How come your laid down, Y/n?’ Hinata asked her and she sighed.

‘I just feel a bit car sick,’ She said, ‘Do you know how long it will be until we get to Tokyo?’

*Slick* I thought to myself. She had somehow managed to cover up the fact i was about to pee myself AND had a good reason to ask how long it would take until we would arrive.

Hinata frowned, ‘Oh thats not good, i hope you feel better soon!’ and turned back around to look out of the front window.

‘We will arrive in half an hour but were gonna be on this stretch of road for another twenty minuets and wont see another place to stop for a while.’ Saeko said, sounding worried about Y/n.

Y/n frowned at me and sat up again, ‘Okay dont worry, im feeling a bit better after lying down but when we come across a place to stop it would be nice to be stationary for a while.’

Saeko chuckled slightly, ‘Okie dokie! Ill keep that in mind for you!’

Y/n mustve seen the tears in my eyes and my expression showing that i had completely lost hope as she placed an arm around my shoulders, hugging my side for a second before whispering, ‘Sorry i couldnt help you much. Dont stress out, we’ll find a stop for you. You’ll be okay.’

I got butterflies in my stomach from her touch but i ignored them, not wanting to focus on anything else other than holding myself in.

Y/n clipped herself back into her seat and I decided that i would have to speak up. Y/n already knew and Saeko wouldnt make fun of me. Surely i could just scare Hinata into keeping his mouth shut too.

‘C-can you drive a-any faster?’ I shakily asked, panic evident in my voice, ‘I r-really need t-the bathroom.’

Saeko immediately sped the car up, ‘Ill drive as fast as i can. We’ll reach a stop in about fifteen minuets. Can you last?’

I felt a single tear roll down my cheek, feeling pathetic and stupid, ‘I... I d-dont know!’

‘Its usually me who need to pee.’ Hinata said from his seat, making me bubble with anger.

‘S-shut up idiot! This i-isnt funny!’ I growled at him, unable to make my voice any louder.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, putting all my energy into keeping my muscles tensed as much as i possibly could.

My eyes widened as my body began to relax itsself against my will.

‘No... NO.. NO!’ I panicked, ‘YOU N-NEED TO PULL THE C-CAR OVER!’

Saeko quickly turned the wheel and brought the car to the side of the road and i unclipped my seatbelt, threw the door open, and scrambled out of the car.

As soon as i got out i immediately crumbled onto the floor, my legs giving out underneath me as my lap began to feel warm.

Wow. I had really gone and done it hadnt i? I pissed myself in front of my senpais sister, annoying volleyball partner AND my crush. Could it have been any worse?

My shorts were completely soaked and a puddle had began to grow around me. I couldnt even bring myself to try and stop it because my body felt so weak.

No amount of embarassment would ever compare to what i was feeling in that moment. I didnt even want to begin to imagine what Saeko, Hinata and Y/n were thinking of me.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and i kept my head down so no one would be able to see my face.

It took at least a minute for my bladder to fully empty. I felt so pathetic and dumb but there was nothing i could do other than just sit there and wait for myself to be finished.

A pair of shoes came into my line of vision and i looked up slowly to see Y/n with her hand stretched out to me, offering to help me up.

I looked away from her quickly, my voice barely above a whisper, ‘You s-shouldnt touch m-me. Im a-all gross. Even m-my hands.’

She crouched down and placed a hand on my cheek, wiping away one of my tears and making me look up at her, my face even redder.

‘I dont care. Dont stress about it okay? Its a human need. There wasnt anything you could do to avoid it.’ She said in a calm and genuine voice.

I nodded and she grabbed my slightly damp hand. I glanced at her face and she want even slightly disgusted.

I stood up and Y/n kept her hand laced with mine.

We got back into the car, I was sat on a towel. Saeko said that she didnt mind and strangely Hinata hadnt even mentioned it which i was thankful for. Although everyone was being very calm and unaffected by it, i still felt mortified. 

Y/n suddenly lent over to me to whisper in my ear one last time, ‘Dont worry about it so much. Ill always have a crush on you.’

My face reddened as i looked at her, ‘I h-have a c-crush on you too.’ 

Y/n giggled, ‘I guess that makes me your girlfriend then.’

~~~~~~~~~~

hey guys !!

this was my first time writing an omofic so i hope you liked it !!!

~ flobro 

#animeomo #omorashi #kageyamaomo #haikyuuomo #kageyamaxreader #haikyuuxreader #haikyuuxreaderomo #y/n #hinatashoyo #kageyamatobio #fanfiction #omofic #omorashifanfiction #pee #fictomo #theres not enough haikyuu x reader omo #PLEASE MAKE MORE HAIKYUU X READER OMO #omovember

[benreyplush]

ok so

benny is some sort of benrey clone after some weird shit happened when benrey was defeated and made his way back into gordon’s games like payday 2.

he somehow got into terraria and has no memory of black mesa or who he was even based off of. he barely remembers his name and all it came out to him was “benny”

he’s also freakishly tall

when jack (the world’s guide) found him, he was very quiet and seemingly apathetic about his surroundings. didn’t really talk much and jack thought he was an enigma for a while. he did his usual and helped him begin his life there.

but then benny started doing some weird shit that jack wasnt prepared for. enemies couldn’t hurt him. he could freeze time. destroy and create items indefinitely. he has no idea what benny is and the order of the guide never talked about anything like this so obviously he’s very freaked out at first

slowly benny starts remembering some of his old personality and would say things that make 0 sense to jack. jack doesn’t know what “poggers” means.

eventually benny remembers a lot of it and actually feels kinda sad. like he feels like he has to be this “benrey” but he doesnt want to be. hes different.

and jack tells him he’s not benrey. he became his own thing and that was good! and he doesnt have to be like him. benny was very relieved by this and sorta became his own thing. like he was still like benrey but less of an asshole and really just goofed around. he still found himself harassing the new npcs that move in but he never harasses jack. he likes jack.

jack says he wont call him benrey. to him, he’s benny. and benny really appreciates it.

jack always wondered what benny meant by “self aware” when he talked about his memories. benny talked about the “npc ai just getting a mind of their own” and said when he joined this new world, it must have turned everyone in terraria self aware like in half life. so thats cool.

eventually jack like. realizes he might have a lil crush on benny and feels bad about it. because he knows his fate is to be sacrificed in the end and he doesnt wanna grow too close to benny.

but inevitably they end up together and jack is starting to question if he needs to die. like originally he came to terms with it a long time ago but now he’s actually reconsidering??? wow! they have at least one argument when jack actually sits him down and explains the wall of flesh thing.

at some point jack convinces benny to take him on an adventure and they end up in the underworld. jack’s plan was to go through with the sacrifice and almost succeeded but benny grabbed him and told him not to do that again. and jack was like “you have to let me do this” and benny was like “no dude i love u” and then they kissed and it was like. the first time either of them have kissed anyone ever but it was still nice.

and jack is like “ok actually i want to live with you forever lets go home” but a demon appears when they arent paying attention and attacks them and jack gets knocked into the lava and the wall of flesh is summoned. and benny is devastated. 

when thats over a new guide shows up but benny wants nothing to do with him bc he is not jack. and benny is mad at himself bc he can freeze time, control enemy spawn rates n shit but he cant bring ppl back to life and he feels worthless about it

so the rest of the story is about benny having to move on and accept his death :(

so its a sad story 

but here’s some nice things

benny knows the sweet voice still and uses it on jack all the time. it was confusing to them both when he did it the first time. eventually jack gets used to it and actually really likes it. 

jack is supposed to be the helpful npc so he usually keeps himself together but as he grows closer to benny his emotions start coming out more and whenever he’s stressed he can just look at benny and say “sweet voice pls” and benny calms him down with it. benny also uses it to get jack to sleep (”blue and red means its time for bed :)” ) because normally he shouldnt have to but being self aware is tiring.

oh also whenever jack gets burns from the voodoo dolls in the underworld, benny heals them with the sweet voice healing beam :). benny has no idea how he keeps getting burned and eventually just assumes its bc of the furnace and is like “bro stop shoving ur hands in the furnace lol” and jack cant bring himself to tell him the truth so he just goes with it.

benny was the first to confess and he did it by serenading jack with the worst guitar playing that jack has ever heard <3 but it still made him smile. i know he really had to think about it before accepting it bc wall of flesh, can’t get too close, blah blah blah.

plus idk how relationships work in the order of the guide. he probably really didnt expect to get into a relationship and the new guide that comes along probably found it super strange.

anyway this is a lot of text wow im gonna just add on to the post as i think of shit but if u read all of this i am in love with u

EDIT: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE A HAPPY ENDING

after defeating the moon lord, either the order of the guide or maybe even the spirits of terraria herself brings jack back because benny deserves that after saving all of them.

so benny notices the new guide is gone and was like “weird but whatever” and then he hears someone call out to him. he’s like “ugh what” and turns and its jack and he like. drops his weapon in his hand in shock and takes his eye mask and helmet off to see him properly. like he isnt sure if he’s dreaming or not.

and then he runs to him and grabs him and he’s real holy fuck. so he’s overjoyed and both of them fucking cry (first time jack actually sees ben cry ever!!!) and they kiss n shit and its incredible the end. since the world has been saved, the two live a more domestic life and benny is like “we’re never going to the underworld again ever and also im going to be around u a lot bc i missed u so much and i cant lose u again” so he’s extra clingy but jack is so happy to be back with him that he doesnt care!!!!!

also funny fact but the mechanic was the first npc to move in with them and (i think her name was shayna in my world. will change it if not) was overly annoyed at their constant sappiness before jack was killed. ben was extra affectionate to jack around her bc he likes annoying ppl (except for jack). but when jack comes back from the dead, she still acts annoyed but she’s actually relieved to see benny happy again.

#benny the hero #jack the guide #benguide #im gonna go play terraria now :) #text heavy #holy shit this is so much info

[littlebabycrybtch]

im sorry but sometimes it is so see through that you fake and corrupt ‘pro recovery’ people are literally just so frustrated and annoyed with nd people and thats all your mindset revolves around. like you’ll throw one or two fucking random self care tips at us and we’ll rightfully say ‘that doesnt work for me’ and yall instantly go on these absolutely unnecessary and brutal TANGENTS you were saving up abt how we’re ‘’’’wallowing’’’’ and that therapy takes ~Actual Effort~ so if ur special universal tips arent working for us we’re ‘’’being difficult’’’ and ‘’’’lazy’’’’ and ‘’’’hurting ourselves’’’’’ like. idk man sure i am sorry i cant ‘take a shower to feel better’ bc my symptoms make the task more stressful actually and take away from my other more necessary tasks, im sorry i forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water bc i just dont feel a difference anymore, im sorry i rely on medication instead of therapy bc therapists also teach me things that dont seem to work, except im trying, which means no matter how hard i might seem to be failing, i am ‘pro recovery’. idc how the fuck it Looks to you personally, i deserve your support. and i shouldnt Feel the Need to apologize to a stranger who claims to be my ally for experiencing mental illness symptoms and not being able to immediately correct them ! if i could do that i wouldnt be mentally ill !! i especially should not be made to feel ashamed to even Talk about my struggles just bc i know yall will try to put a bandaid on it and then guilt me when i say it didnt work. smfh like. ur children. sometimes things just have deeper rooted problems and u dont have to take it personally that you specifically cannot cure me. 

ik it blows ur fucking goddamn mind but yes actually some people just Do really struggle to shower, to drink water, to take their meds, as in it takes actual personal efforts for them it wouldnt take for you and they have to work harder than you to accomplish them, and there are in fact some things nd people personally Cannot do and will Never be able to do without going backwards and sacrificing their happiness and quality of life exhausting themselves for an unattainable goal. only they know their limit, and pushing yourself past your limit is unarguably damaging. this ugly ass assumption you cannot be happy enough while still ‘allowing yourself’ to experience some symptoms... the idea that its just laziness and ‘anti recovery’ to openly struggle with what you view as the ‘easy’ or ‘beginning’ steps of recovery... is an inherently ableist and Harmful mindset you are all falling victim to and fucking over this community with. to be perfectly frank you are not ‘pro recovery’ when you demonize and shame people who are not ready for recovery. bc that doesnt do anything to help them recover. its genuinely just your excuse to hate and bash ‘severely’ nd people bc ur uncomfortable with them and wanna claim theyre doing it on purpose so you feel rightfully angry abt it. when you throw tantrums over us Being Mentally Ill and not ALREADY recovered like good boys or w/e all you are is pro nd people conforming to your standard of functioning and shutting the fuck up abt their actual identity and symptoms and experiences until they reach that level when ur comfy listening to them again. you’re pro neurotypical people, or those pretending to be for your comfort. its literally starting to border on an eugenics attitude by claiming the only healthy end goal is to be virtually indistinguishable from a neurotypical and match their functioning as best as possible. not all nd people Can do that, would be Happier doing that rather than accommodating their issues in other ways, and nor should that be the default goal to push on all nd people. also a lot of the shit yall push at us for even nts dont always conform to, so why is it us being made to walk on eggshells? why when i skip a shower am i evil and destructive but nt bob can go a week without one and no one bats an eye or they just joke about it???

lbr recovery doesnt look the same from person to person, you cant apply one broad standard like this, not to mention its not always an uphill battle, which doesnt just mean; ‘oops i relapsed :(((’. it means breakdowns, it means self harm, it means slacking off, failing hygiene, forgetting things, missing things, bad behavior, risky behavior, things that are Going to inconvenience you. and the second you forget that or decide to no longer care about those people, when you decide to have a baseline where you stop respecting or supporting nds for not trying hard enough to be like you, when you Drop them until they meet your standards as if they arent still nd people who need you on a basic level, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A FUCKING NEUROTYPICAL WHO DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHERRY PICK AT US LIKE THAT (!), is when you have inverted and ruined your own fucking cause by corrupting it with selfish conformist ableism. 

tldr i understand why statements like ‘just go to therapy’ ‘thanks im cured’ would frustrate you, but i also VERY MUCH understand and NEED for you people to TRY and understand why mentally struggling people would be adverse to going to therapy, and not bc they goddamn hate recovery and wanna be sad forever or w/e strawman youve come up with, but bc of their issues which are valid and Can hinder these types of decisions and even affect how much aid these coping skills actually provide, and they dont deserve your fucking Unbridled Malice and Shame over it bc they are not literally trying to be more mentally ill. its simply a symptom and consequence of their already existing mental illness. like i really... cannot fathom the level of disconnect you must be on with nd politics to take that and assume they are truly just rejecting the possibility of happiness for the sake of being unhappy. i truly think if you cant wrap your head around ‘mentally ill people, whos minds are literally experiencing sickness, are not always rational or able to help themselves, or sometimes it only appears that way and they just know better abt it than you do’ you just. arent even an ally. you’re an ableist in activists clothing. people struggling with the concept of recovery arent inherently ‘anti recovery’, yall are honestly just really fucking BAD at how you push for recovery bc most of you dont know shit and are just mean and wanna whine abt nds to be quite blunt with u lol. the whole ‘tough love’ mindset is Bullshit ok it isnt real your love doesnt have to be tough and callous and come with conditions you just wanna be abrasive to validate ur judgement and then excuse it as secretly helpful, just be supportive and 📣 LISTEN 📣 to us or get the fuck out honestly bc u arent helping anyone with what this shit has unfortunately become

#tw ableism/// #a little rambly but tldr i love the concept of pro recovery but oh my god if uckgin hate pro recovery people so much u are all so stupid #i keep waiting for you ppl to be less stupid and u never are #like mam are you pro recovery or are you anti visible mental illness. take a sec to ponder ill wait #long post #and for me its like. i dotn trust ppl who feel they have to clarify and say that why cant u just say ur a disability/mental illness ally #why cant you just say you support us. why cant you say you want us to be happy. why do you ahve to put #literally ALL of our value in your eyes on our recovery aka how far we can stray from being nd

[themoonwastaken]

Back home (One shot)

So a wrote a little one shot, i guess thats how they're called, I don’t write often but this was a little idea I had after last chapter. It includes a little Bryce and a jealous Ethan. I’m sorry if there are any mistakes. I hope you like it!  MC: Vanessa Shepherd  The ride back home was nothing if not awkward. Vanessa couldn't stop wondering if she had done something wrong, even if Ethan told her she hadn't. She clearly understood Ethan's reasons but now the little pain in her heart wouldn't let her forget what had happened between them, how warm he was next to her, his strong arms holding her, how good of a kisser he was, it was all etched in her mind and body.At the hospital again, she vowed she would keep things professional, even if it pained her a little, even if calling him ¨Dr. Ramsey¨ felt weird, even if standing close to him made her heart race like crazy. If a kiss made her feel this way she wondered what would have happened had Ethan not stopped it. How would she feel now? ¨It was for the best¨ she kept telling herself.

¨We're so glad you're back! We missed you!¨ Sienna hugged her instantly when she opened the door. ¨It was just one weekend Sienna¨ Vanessa laughed but she returned the hug a little stronger than Sienna. ¨How was it? You have to tell us everything!¨ Elijah got closer to them followed by Landry. ¨What do you mean `how was it?´ It was a weekend next to Dr. Ramsey, it obviously was amazing, you must have learned a lot¨ Landry couldn't hide his dreamy eyes.His name made her cringe a little. ¨Yeah, it was... ¨ She searched for the right words carefully ¨Surreal, surely not what I thought it would be, but amazing, nonetheless¨ ¨I can imagine¨ Jackie came out of her room, sharing a little smile with Vanessa. ¨I promise I'll tell you everything about it later, I'm just beat and I have about 2 hours of sleep till I have to go to the hospital again, but I missed you guys, I'm really glad I'm back. ¨Aaaaw we missed you too¨ Sienna initiated a group hug and soon enough everyone left for work, leaving Vanessa to rest. Hours later Vanessa was already at the hospital, she hadn't run into Ethan and a part of her was wondering if he was avoiding her or maybe they both were avoiding each other. This situation just made her feel shitty, there was no other word to describe it, but she was back to reality, she knew she had to snap out of it.She felt a pair of strong arms hugging her from behind, she recognized them instantly and couldn't help the big smile on her face.¨You're back!¨ Bryce hugged her tightly ¨You missed me.¨ She said confidently. ¨Is it that obvious?¨ ¨A little, but I missed you too so its fine¨ She said finally looking at him. His smile sure was a breath of fresh air. ¨So? How are you doing since you're back? Do I need do beat someone up?¨ ¨What?¨ That question made her feel a little dumbfounded. ¨Jealousy is a bitch, everybody is treating you right?¨ ¨Oh¨ She chuckled ¨It's fine, don't worry about me.¨ ¨I know, you're a strong woman but I still want to be there for you¨ He ruffled her hair while she bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back a smile. ¨Doctor Lahela!¨ A strong voice, a little irritated, called him at the end of the corridor¨ ¨Yes Dr. Ramsey?¨ Bryce stood taller.

¨...¨ He hesitated a little ¨They're looking for you in the OR¨ ¨Really?¨ He checked his pager, there was nothing on the screen ¨That's weird¨ He said mostly to himself. ¨I suggest you hurry up and don't expect me to do this again for you, I'm not a messenger.¨ Ethan's jaw was tensed and his expression was serious. ¨ Yes Dr. Ramsey, thank you. We'll talk later, okay?¨ He didn't wait for an answer and left running, leaving Vanessa and Ethan alone.What was going on between them? Ethan asked himself, he sure knew they were friends but maybe he had failed to see there was something else. He felt his muscles tense up just thinking about it. His mouth strongly shut making his jaw hurt a little. He knew why he cared so much, but he also knew he shouldn't care so much. Nobody said anything for a few seconds that felt like hours until Vanessa finally looked at him. Her big, beautiful eyes finally looking at him, hypnotizing him. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.Why did she feel like saying sorry? She did nothing wrong but still, a little guilty feeling annoyed her in the back of her mind.¨I should go check on my patients.¨ She finally said. ¨Yeah, go do that¨ His tone softened a little, he couldn't be mad at her even if he wanted to, not for this. ¨Dr. Ramsey¨ She said as a goodbye. ¨Dr. Shepherd¨ Formalities made them both cringe with a bit of a flashback from that night. Ethan closed his eyes while massaging his temples. This was so unlike him, letting his emotions control him to the point of lying...but seeing them so close, the way she was looking at him and the smile on her face... He wanted to be the reason, not Lahela. He tried to calm himself a little, it looked like the only one who couldn't be professional was him, obviously not her, she was perfect. That thought made him smile a little, she was far from perfect but she really was something else. That week went by painfully slow. Vanessa had no idea how she made it through but she felt proud of herself, she really held her end on the deal with herself, she managed to be professional and help a lot of patients, what she went there to do. It was hard, being close to him but not impossible and she knew she could do it. On the other hand Ethan was more and more annoyed by Bryce's presence. Seemed to him he was always around Vanessa. He had no other jealousy outbursts but it sure still bothered him. She seemed happy around him, carefree. He wanted to be able to hug her when he felt like it, just like Bryce did, he wanted to be able to talk to her about whatever, joke with her, be there for her, in a different way. He found himself sighing more than usual, and surprise, it was always when he was thinking of her which he was also doing more than usual. Other than that he still had Doctor Banerji to be worried about, everything was pretty much the same, he still had no idea what was going on with him and how to help him, even if Vanessa was still there for him.The group decided to go out, after a very stressful week they just wanted to hang out, drink and have fun, Vanessa agreed to go with them, knowing she had to relax and take some things out of her mind. Even if her relationship with them, specially Jackie, was weird at the moment, she was happy she had them, even if she couldnt tell them everything, they made her feel...not alone.The bar they usually went to was already packed with doctors and interns.They all went to a corner after ordering some drinks, talking excited talking about what they had done that week. Vanessa sighed thinking about last week. ¨Whats wrong? You've bearly touched your drink¨ Sienna looked at her a little worried. ¨Oh, I guess I'm just tired, dont worry about it, a few more of these and I'll be up and about.¨ Vanessa smiled trying to shake away the memories. ¨Seriously Vanessa, you've kinda been a little off this week.¨ Jackie squinted. ¨Yeah, distant even.¨ Added Landry ¨You think so? I dont know what to tell you guys.¨ ¨Come on guys, you sound like you've never been tired¨ Bryce put an arm around her while leaning against a wall with a drink in his hand. ¨Believe us Bryce, we're all tired, not just number one here, but we're putting a little effort not to bring our work with us everywhere we go¨ Jackie sounded a little angier than she meant to so she softened her voice mid sentence. ¨I'm sorry guys, really, I'll snap out of it.¨ She gave them an apologetic smile. ¨Dance with me¨ Said Bryce, his mouth close to her ear made her shiver Without saying a word she accompanied him and started dancing, nobody else was dancing, but she knew he didnt care, and neither did she, after all, she was there to have fun, chill and drink. She spent the night doing exactly that, finally having fun and she had her friends to thank.Still there was something she needed to do and she had only the liquid courage to blame. She spotted him, in the corner of her eye, drinking alone, she knew he knew she was there, after all, he couldn't take his eyes off of her when she was dancing with Bryce, something she noticed he did often when they were together.¨I'll be right back¨She walked away from her friends, making sure Ethan saw her and giving him a special look, one she hoped he would understand. He sat there, wondering if he should go after her, God knows what would happen if he did...but he couldn't resist. He drank the rest of his drink and followed her to a little dark hallway. ¨What are you doing?¨ She said facing him, standing very close, looking at him with fierce eyes. He couldnt speak. ¨If you keep staring people are going to notice.¨ She continued. ¨Whats with you and Lahela?¨ ¨You can't have it both ways.¨ ¨I don't intend to, I just want to know.¨ It was a fast, angry conversation, but the desire in the air was undeniable. ¨Sorry, excuse me¨ They both looked at the employee walking toward them ¨You cant be here, this place is off limits. ¨Sorry, we'll leave, we just got a little lost, thats all¨ Vanessa said noticing how close she was to Ethan and putting some space between them ¨Okay well, don't let me see you here again.¨ The employee left, preoccupied with work.Vanessa opened a door, it looked like a mop closet but without the cleaning utensils, grabbed his hand and led him inside closing the door behind them. They stood there in almost complete darkness, their faces barely noticable while their eyes got adjusted to darkness. ¨I'm...¨ Ethan started saying but Vanessa interrupted. ¨Listen Ethan¨ His eyes perked up at the mention of his name. ¨There is... nothing going on between Bryce and me¨ A little part of her wondered if that was a lie. ¨But if there was you shouldnt be worried about it.¨ The silence between them grew louder ¨I've been thinking about you... a lot, and about what happened and there is something I need to tell you. I understand why you did what you did, I wouldnt want to do anything, ever, that jeopardizes your career or mine.  I respect you a lot, everything you've done and everything you do for everyone, including me...But I dont...¨ She thought about her next words carefully. ¨ I don't regret what happened... And how I feel about you.¨ She put a hand on his jaw, moving her thumb, feeling his stuble and with a little smile kissed him on the cheek. ¨See you around Dr. Ramsey¨ And with that she left, had she looked back she would have seen Ethan reaching out to her.

#open heart #ethan ramsey #dr. ethan ramsey #play choices #choices #oh #ethan ramsey x mc

[nightfayre]

hi im the anon ! i dont remember what i said >

and I’m alarmed by the fandom mentality. Maybe HT means good - but how would we know? we don’t have access to his thoughts - but we must judge his actions, and his actions are for the least very troubling. It’s always abt coercing Mo and not respecting his boundaries. I see the trope “when she says no, she means yes” here and once again, the fact the fandom swallows it uncritically (bc HT is a poor, hot tortured boy) is alarming. Forcing Mo to wear his gift stinks of “this is my possession, don’t mess wt him” 2/5

Maybe im pessimistic n its actually to protect him by distance, but once again he totally disregards Mo’s will. What if he doesnt want to be protected ? what if he doesnt want to be an object to be pass around between self-entitled psychos ? The first step to protect and help someone is by listening to them. I hope Mo will react strongly and will tell HT that by saying this, he’s no different from She Li. And i hope that would provoke HT to self-reflect a lot - smth he lacks tremendously. 3/5

That being said i love HT and tianshan! And what i love is how realistic and flawed they are. Theyre both hyper violent, distrustful, and severly lacking in communication skills. Im thrilled to see how theyre going to evolve -for the better or the worse, both is good for me. But i’m very disappointed by the fandom reaction like “ooh how cute hes possessive it means love!” or “actually its not bad doing HT doing that bc his intentions are good”. 4/5

And I will be vry, vry disappointed if OX decides to follow this trend and to not show how this kind of actions is detrimental to their reliationship and use the tired and dangerous trope of “being violent means that you care”. I trust them to be more nuanced than that bc until now they are great at drawing grey relationship. So yea i hope next chapter, tianshan plunges (before being better). Anw sry for the rant, and plz continue the good work !! 5/5

phew. there’s a lot to unpack here – but I agree wholeheartedly with you. since this post is already kinda long, I will put my answer/explanation under the cut!

the parts that I bolded in your asks are what I intend to focus on in this answer. strap in, because this is going to be a long one. 

before anything, let me put a disclaimer: I love He Tian. I love Guan Shan. I love Old Xian. I love tianshan, and I love where they are headed in the manhua. does that mean I also love where tianshan are right now? no, it doesn’t. and I’m here to explain why I look forward to their potential rather than their current relationship’s dynamics.  

one of the hardest parts about being in a fandom is being able to separate fiction, reality, and morality. this is especially hard when a fandom is as old and endearing as 19 Days, and when you fall in love with & are rooting for all the characters. furthermore, 19 Days is not a tragedy. of course, when Jian Yi disappears, it will be tragic. but otherwise the majority of the manhua is a comical, romantic slice-of-life plot. as such, it’s easier for what would usually be seen as blaring issues/problems in tragedies to be disregarded for comedy or, in some cases, romance in a comedic, romantic slice-of-life. 

this is exactly the case with tianshan. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: He Tian’s current relationship with Guan Shan is not healthy. he doesn’t listen to Guan Shan. he doesn’t respect his personal space. he doesn’t know where to draw the line. he doesn’t know how to properly communicate with him, and thus resorts to violence or threats. tianshan just have a problem with communication. and, sure, maybe it can be chalked up to the fact that they’re young and stressed and don’t know any better. but that excuse is almost as bad as the “boys will be boys” excuse, and that doesn’t make it any better nor does it justify their actions. 

He Tian’s idea of relationships is so twisted, and as I talked about in a previous answer, it can probably be stemmed back to his trauma with the puppy Cheng took away from him. I won’t get too deep into that since I explained it in detail in that answer, but keep this in mind nonetheless: He Tian grew up in a family of violence, distance, miscommunication, and lies. it’s all he’s ever known, and that’s what he’s applying to his relationship with Guan Shan. does that make it right? no, absolutely not. but he’s learning. 

when Guan Shan had a panic attack at the restaurant, He Tian learned that people aren’t robots/pawns to use at his disposal and rather have their own strong emotions/backgrounds that shape them. thus, he brought Guan Shan home without a word. when he had his night terror and woke up to Guan Shan holding his hands, He Tian realized that there are parts of Guan Shan he still doesn’t know and, potentially, an aspect of their relationship that they’ve only started to uncover. thus, he thanked him without preamble and with a bowed head. 

what I’m trying to say is that He Tian does have good intentions at times, but not always. he’s learning as he goes, because god knows he didn’t have a family to teach him how healthy relationships should be. there probably is a part of He Tian that only wants to protect Guan Shan against She Li, but he certainly doesn’t show it in the right way. he acts possessive because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose what he loves (*insert flashback to the puppy*). again, does that make it right? hell no. jealousy and possessiveness are not cute and are entirely unhealthy in a relationship. the fandom should view them as such, but should also keep an open mind when considering He Tian’s background. 

and honestly, the reason why I’m focusing so much on He Tian right now rather than Guan Shan is because if it were up to Guan Shan, he would’ve dropped He Tian within the first few days (maybe even hours) of meeting him. but because of He Tian’s persistence, Guan Shan has no choice but to be involved with him and retaliate when He Tian verbally/physically/emotionally attacks him. nonetheless, Guan Shan has tried to walk away from He Tian on multiple occasions when He Tian’s teasing became too much, and on those occasions, He Tian has given in. (ex. I can’t find the exact chapter, but there is a chapter in which Guan Shan refuses to use He Tian’s fork to eat He Tian’s leftovers, and he gets up and says, “I’m going home,” to which He Tian replies, “Fine, fine, I’ll buy you new food.”)

so yes – tianshan certainly have flaws. He Tian holds too much power, and Guan Shan can’t catch a break. the fandom romanticizes their interactions, but if you take a moment to think realistically and recognize that character flaws are essentially bad but also critical for character development, then there is an even balance in the readers’ relationship with the manhua. don’t support He Tian’s violent interactions with Guan Shan and claim “omg He Tian loves Guan Shan sooooo much when he forces Guan Shan to do XYZ,” but rather support the fact that he hasn’t physically manhandled/harmed Guan Shan in many chapters. support and celebrate He Tian’s development, not his flaws. 

and as for what you said about Guan Shan telling He Tian that he’s “no better than She Li”? while I don’t think He Tian is truly as bad as She Li, I actually think that would be a painful, great, and pivotal moment in their relationship. after all, the most consequential scene in tianshan’s relationship thus far has been the kiss. at that moment, Guan Shan had told He Tian outright that he disgusted him and to leave him alone. since then, I don’t think He Tian has ever looked so… taken aback. unsettled. 

and guess what? their relationship has only gotten better since then, and He Tian hasn’t touched him like that again. 

I don’t know, anon. it’s a tough call. I think tianshan have a lot more chapters ahead of them, and I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on bad terms. actually, I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on the terms that they’re on right now. they can only improve from here on out, but how Old Xian will go about showing that improvement is unknown to us. there are many paths this story can take, but rather than worrying about what might happen, let’s focus on the here and now. let’s focus on the problems at hand, and let’s focus on the development the characters are undergoing. 

don’t ignore the wrongness/cruelty of characters’ actions, but don’t romanticize them either. if you do, you’re only doing a disservice to the character’s personality, existence, and the author’s intentions.

(and as for this newest chapter specifically: I see why people can get excited about He Tian telling Guan Shan to wear the earrings. He Tian wants to verify to both himself and She Li that Guan Shan is with him now. that Guan Shan is no longer under She Li’s control. who doesn’t love a little verification of their OTP’s relationship, especially when it involves an enemy?

but at the same time, it’s unhealthy. Guan Shan doesn’t have a say. he’s being handed around like an object. I don’t think this is pessimistic thinking; I think it’s the truth that no one wants to acknowledge/hear. but I’m not saying that tianshan is wrong in this chapter; I’m saying that He Tian has good intentions, but he’s not showing them correctly. and there will be a chapter in which he does show them correctly, but we must travel this rocky road before we get to that point. patience is key, and I cannot wait until He Tian and Guan Shan reach that moment of clarity. you can’t have light without the dark.)

#19 days #tianshan #mailbox #anon

[footballerimaginess]

The New House

Hey ! Could you do an imagine with Sergio Ramos please ? I don’t really have ideas at the moment but maybe something angsty ? Thanks ! Word Count: 694 You and Sergio were getting ready for your big house move. The whole thing was a lot stressful then you would have ever hoped. You had so much stuff to pack, what with all the kids toys they just had so much stuff. Sergio was heading to training, as always you were having to move the house on your own. This would always happen. You were becoming quite use to this. But this time it was different while you had two screaming kids and with another one on the way. You really needed Sergio here with you.  You had two children running around, they weren’t cooperating. There was so many boxes around. This wasn’t helping any situation whatsoever. All you wanted was someone to pick you up off of your feet, or maybe just Sergio to come in. While you were packing everything up, the children just kept taking everything out of he boxes. “Boys, please stop it. Mummy needs to concentrate. I have so much too do, I don’t want you playing with them especially as we need to start moving everything soon" the boys stood there with rather blank faces on. “Moving mumma?“ Alejando asked. "Yes we are moving too a bigger house, you will have your own room. A play room and it will be perfect. I promise, that’s why we need to tidy everything away. When we get to the new house in a few days, you can play with everything then” The boys nodded as they sat down on the small piece of what was left of the sofa seeing as it was scattered with any item you could find for packing. A few hours had passed, you had managed to pack up your wardrobe. Just leaving a few clothes for the next two days before you moved to your house. You were so stressed now, all you needed was a cuddle. The children were fighting over toys they probably already just played with many times before. “Boys please stop fighting. I have had enough” you shouted just as Sergio walked in the house. “Hey what’s happening here” He says as the boys come running over to him, instantly forgetting what they were even arguing about. “Now mummy must have told you, we are moving soon. So we have to be good, this is getting silly How about I take you to the park for a little, to calm mummy down. She is getting a little tired” Sergio smiled as the boys got very excited. The boys headed upstairs to go and het there coats on because it was cold in Spain at the moment. “Thanks baby, I really needed that. They have been driving me absolutely crazy, I know I need a little rest. I have been trying so hard with this house I will try not to be on edge. I’m very sorry” you smiled at him. “it’s okay, it’s the least I can do. I shouldn’t have made you move considering you are still in your first trimester. I mean the hormones are flying everywhere” he laughs. “It’s fine, I understand we know we need to move. We just couldn’t wait to have a third baby so that’s why he/she is coming earlier than planned. But it's a great time" he smiled and pressed his lips onto your lips. "well when you look this good, I'm the baby making machine" you rolled your eyes. "Not sure that's what I meant, but I'm happy we have another one on the way. No more" Sergio shook his head. "never say never baby, now where are my two boys. Come on" he shouted up the stairs as you sat on the sofa. "Urgh Sergio, I might have a bath or something. I will see you when you get back babe" You said as he ran his hands on your back. He nodded as he pressed his lips to yours. "That's fine babe, you deserve it. Today has been stressful for you. I will take the boys out and have some fun" you smiled as the boys were chasing around the house before Sergio even took them to the park.

#Sergio ramos #Sergio ramos imagine #football imagines #football imagine #football one shots #football one shot #futbol imagines #futbol imagine

[choko-flan]

How does one get started in making rpg games? What do you do first? Also could you recommend some rpg maker devs to follow?

۹(ÒvÓ)۶ Thankyou for this ask btw!For how to get started in making rpg games there’s many factors to take accountwhich are: 

Are you new to rpg maker? 

If you never use rpg maker I strongly say thatyou 

SHOULDN’T go head first and make a super long game. Youcan, but just note that you are going to get stuck on everything. Just making asmall test project to get to know the engine really helps you to know how tobasically use the engine. 

USE YOUTUBE ITS YOUR FRIEND. 

Whattype of story do you want to make?

Try to write down the basic ideas of thetype of game you want to make. For example: a game about a young elf girl istrying to find the shard pieces for a star she broke. Just something basic, fora concept it doesn’t have to have a million endings and everything the fullgame is going to have.

Demon Tea’s concept idea was basically ademon girl that ran from home and found a village where she met a happy golucky person. 

Concepts =/= the final game, your concept is just the foundation/ plan ofthe game. Like how you draw guide lines for a drawing, the guide lines aren’tgoing to be in the final picture but its there to help you.

Don’t go crazy on your game: Don’t get trap in remake hell [PERFECTIONISM]

We all want to make our games amazing and the bestthing ever, but please take in account that nothing can be perfect. Its not abad thing it’s the truth, there is no such thing as a perfect game. Every gamehas flaws but even if a game isn’t perfect it can still be enjoyable. Perfect=/= enjoyable.

Enjoyable= how a person felt about a certain thing. I enjoy sonic adventure 2 and it’s avery flaw game but I still enjoy it. Like how people enjoy the movie the room, it’sa very flaw movie but people love it because of the flaws since it makes themovie.

Thoughjust because the game isn’t perfect =/= not to care how you made the game, youshould put effort and care into the game. Just remember that the game is somethingyou are doing for fun and enjoyment. Don’t go crazy over wanting to make thebest game in the world, since this is a subjective term. Meaning what peopleview as the best is different from you.

Justdo your best and the work will pay off for sure.

Whatis the reason you want to create the game?

Understand your true motive on why youwant to create the game you are making the game and make sure you always rememberwhy you are making the game.

But please note: that you should be makingthe game for fun and because you want to do it, making a game just to be popularcan be a reason but it would be something that drives perfectionist since youare trying to make a game people like rather than a game you care about. This would lead to self-doubt andredoing things over and over never making progress. You can dream about seeingpopular lets players playing your game and having a bunch of people playing it.BUT DON’T think its going to be the next Undertale and get ahuge fanbase of people all around you go crazy about things. Don’t expect yourgame to go off the day you release it, don’t get upset that you only got 10downloads on day one. Be happy that you did it, that you let your game out inthe world.Everything will pay off but don’t justthink you’ll get super popular, popularity takes time and just happens. Don’tgo crazy on being popular, rather think of the main reason you want to createthat story.

 Popular =/= happiness, it’s nice to havepeople caring about your work, just don’t have it all go to your head andstress yourself out into a perfectionist cycle.  

Trynot to compare yourself to others:

This is something I’m familiar with, comparingyourself to other devs or games and bashing yourself because “why can’t I bethat good”.  Please understand this: 

YOU ARE YOU!

I mean this you are you, don’t look at othersand put yourself down since what I learn is that there always someone behindyou looking up to you. You think you are the worst but there’s people who findyour work amazing. Your work is blind to yourself because you see it every day,but to someone else its amazing.

You must be you, not like dev x and devy. You can be inspired by them but don’t doubt yourself on how you can’t do thingslike them.

 EVERYONE CAN DRAW AND CAN-DO THINGS.  It’s the matter of learning the skill to getbetter at it. Art is a skill not a talent, its something you master and keepgetting better at. Same with being a dev you get exp points and you level up.Like a rpg tbh since you get exp and level up the more you practice a skill.

Learnto take feedback:

When someone gives you feedback on yourgame there are different types which I won’t cover all of them. Just know youare letting your game out in the public eye, you will have people who tell youthey like your game and others who tell you they didn’t enjoy it. If its civilthat’s A-Okay, since its their opinion.

 You will get feedback that is critiques whichisn’t a bad thing, just understand if it’s someone who is just saying “Yourgame sucks” or “The protag looks weird” without context, this isn’t a critique.Don’t censor critiques btw, like if people are pointing out things like thegame has plot holes or things that are feedback that can help your work. Don’tyell at them or shut them down, take the advice. Just because the player doesn’tmake games don’t mean they can’t give you feedback. 

Feedback is free and helpful so take all you can get from it.

Justdo it:

I canlist everything about being a dev, but this is what I can say to you, just doit. If you are passionate about wanting to create a game just do it. Once Iheard about rpg maker games I didn’t ask anyone I just dive head first into it.OvO/ It’s amazing now that people can ask other devs things like this about howto get into making games.

 Beinga dev =/= an alien. No, we are just people who have a huge passionate in storytelling,art, music, games, etc. Making games is a media that lets a person get to seethe world in the eyes of the character.

 Withrpg maker it makes it easier for people to get into game making which helpsthem get into another engine. It doesn’t matter if you are making a rpg makerbattle system, a spooky horror game, a walking simulator, etc. Make the gameyou dream of making and just do it.

 Everythingin the world has been done before, but just take your spin at it, make a gameyou enjoy and don’t let others put you down since you want to make a game abouta young sweet female protag that wakes up in a strange world but can’t rememberwho they are. Just make the game you want to make.

Amazing Devs to Follow:Here’s some amazing devs to follow, who all haveamazing games.

ClockworkPrince 

@rukomura-games

@zmakesgames

@akademia-project

@toxicshroomswamp

@virgovsthezodiac

@blinking4soup

@lonestargame

@land-sea-entropy

@living-playground

@pannacotta1

@plueschkatzeart

@overcast-rpg

@arcadea-rpg

@blackcrystalsrpg

@teal-crown

@midnighttrain-project @teamstellaria

@pakilusin

@akuinome

@purple-game

I do hope this was helpful in some way,I drop what dev work I was doing to answer this since it just made my day. Ihope this helps anon, and if you need anything just ask. I hope this informationwas helpful, I tried my best not to make a text wall. In the future I’ll make agoogle document about things I took and learn from being a game dev. ( I really hope this text wall was okay)

(≧∇≦*) I hope you have a wonderful day btw.

#Choko talking about rpg maker stuff #question #rpg maker #rpg maker talk #I hope the rambling was okay and interesting #sorry with the lack of pictures #I actually like the Shia labeouf do it since its actually is really helpful to me #like it pumps me up #OvO/ if you guys like this type of stuff I don't mind writing a doc #if I do that I would draw pictures #;v; was going to draw for this but I really wanted to post this #ALSO I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT ENGINE COST SORRY ABOUT THAT #you can poke me again and I can ramble for another hour about engines

[takingcourage]

The Start of Forever - Part 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Pairing: Drake x MC

Word Count: 2,387

Series Summary: The wedding has passed and the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria are free to begin their lives together away from the constraints of court. While honeymooning in Texas, they’re confronted with questions from their past that raise implications about their future. (Slight AU)

Chapter Summary: Drake and Jena spend some time alone after a difficult conversation with his mother. 

Author’s Note: Whew! Apologies for the unexpected hiatus on this story. Now that I have some free time again, I should be able to finish posting this story. I appreciate your patience through the long delay!

Tagging: @andy-loves-corgis, @carabeth, @speedyoperarascalparty

All things considered, Karen Walker had been rather more understanding than she’d expected. As Jena loaded her cereal bowl into the dishwasher, she thought back over the painstaking conversation that had ended less than an hour before.

Drake had not underestimated the effect that their news would have on his mother. On learning that her son had been given a duchy, color had drained slowly from the older woman’s face until a dull white shell was all that remained. In spite of her polite responses, the visceral reactions had been painful for all three of them.

Shortly after their previous discussion had finished, Karen had pulled Drake aside for a private word. After what she'd seen over the past eighteen hours, Jena could only hope that the woman was doing him no further damage.

She tried to convince herself that she’d done nothing but hurry along the inevitable, but guilt assailed her all the same. This certainly wasn’t the way she’d envisioned this day going. At this point, so much of their morning had been consumed by unpleasant conversation that she wondered if Drake would want to leave early for their night back in Dallas. She glanced a the stovetop clock, trying not to get her hopes up.

The quiet intonations from down the hall were at least somewhat reassuring. There had been no yelling -- of that was certain. If she was venturing to guess, she didn’t think she’d heard anything that sounded like crying either. Both seemed like signs in favor of productive conversation between mother and son.

Jena found a rag draped across the head of the faucet, dampened it, and set about clearing crumbs from the table. As she finished the final swipe across the width, she sensed a presence coming toward her.

“You don’t have to do that, Wittman.” The soft-spoken words startled out of her thoughts, despite her intuition.

“I know. But I needed something to do.” She cupped her hand underneath the cloth and shook the contents into a nearby trash can. “You doing okay?” Having rinsed the rag, she returned it to its former spot and rubbed her hands down the front of her jeans.

“Fine.” His brown eyes were trained on her, and she raised a quizzical brow as he opened and shut his mouth. Eventually, the words ventured forth. “Would you be interested in going riding? I was hoping to get the chance to show you around the ranch…”

“I’d like that a lot, actually,” she assured, still taking in his appearance.

Drake looked tired. It was evident in the exaggerated slackness of the skin around his eyes. A pang of guilt plagued her as she contrasted this with their time at the cabin. He’d been so peaceful there. After all of the stress she’d seen on that face in the past months, it sickened her to think that she’d been the cause of more.

“Good. We may as well get over to the stables. Have you ever actually saddled a horse, Wittman?” He raised his brow in challenge.

“No, but I think I’m about to learn how.” 

“Just as long as you don’t go scaring the horses. I don’t want to have to reenact that rescue from the derby.”

Jena scoffed at the slight, shaking her head in disbelief as she followed him out the front door. “You know that’s not how it happened, Walker.”

“Of course not,” he acquiesced, treating her to a half smile. She rolled her eyes and fell into step at his side, slipping her fingers into his. 

Jena had only ridden horses a few times during childhood, but she’d adjusted to the practice fairly quickly after coming to Cordonia. When she wasn’t taking day-long treks for foxhunting, she found that she actually enjoyed it very much -- especially when she was fortunate enough to have her husband’s company.

Riding around his family’s property spawned memories of exploring Valtoria with him on horseback, and she felt a pang of longing for their home. There was so much waiting for them when they returned. As much as she had enjoyed the honeymoon, some part of her was giddy at the thought of starting real life together.

Today, however, she was focused on Drake’s wellbeing. Other than the extremely thorough instructions as he’d guided her through the process of saddling the horses, he’d been fairly quiet since coming to find her in the kitchen. Jena's mind overflowed with words that could fill the silence, but nothing felt right. She breathed a grateful sigh when he chose to speak instead.

“I was pretty upset with you this morning, Wittman. I was sitting there drinking coffee and thinking that you were being unreasonable -- that you’d judged my mom too harshly. I’m not so sure anymore.”

The uncertainty in his voice halted her instinctive response. Jena breathed out slowly through her nose, biding her time in case there was more he wanted to say.

“I’ve never felt so angry with her before. She can doubt me all she wants, but doubting you -- I never thought she’d go that far. That’s a line she shouldn’t have crossed. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore...”

“For the record, I didn’t want to be right,” Jena admitted softly, grateful that they kept their horses at a relaxed pace so that she could meet his gaze. Her heart clenched at the distance in his deep brown eyes. “I just know what it’s like to defend someone who doesn’t deserve it. Finding out they’re not who you thought they were...it’s a hard pill to swallow.” She fiddled with the leather reins between her fingers, hoping that she was treading lightly enough to cause no offense.

“Your dad?” he asked simply.

Nodding, she met his eyes. The distant look gave way to a tenderness that mirrored her own worry for him, and she was struck by just how broken both of their families had been. “I wasted a lot of years making excuses for him, Drake. When I finally forgave him, it wasn’t because he’d done anything to deserve it. I just needed closure.” Drake stretched out a hand and she took it gratefully before continuing. “I don’t want you to have to go through all of that with your mom. I hope you’re able to figure things out and find a way to start over, but please don’t beat yourself up about it if you’re not.”

Her husband sighed, taking his time to respond as he turned his gaze to the horizon. “I sort of have to. I mean, dad’s not around any more. She doesn’t exactly have anyone else.”

Jena shook her head in an attempt to clear the conflicting emotions. She’d realized long ago that his protective instinct would have a propensity for getting them in trouble. She just hadn’t expected the trouble to take this form. “You always want to defend the people you care about, Drake. It’s one of the first things I noticed about you -- one of the things I love most about you too. But sometimes you have to think about protecting yourself. Sometimes that may even mean letting others protect you.”

“I don’t like to have people worrying about me.”

“We’ve been over this before…”

“I know. And sometimes having you around to worry about me is a good thing. I wouldn’t have come clean with my mom if it hadn’t been for you.”

“I hope it was the right decision.” She’d spent the past several hours second guessing her encouragement from the night before. “Did things...go okay?”

“Heh.”

She waited several moments, but he elaborated no further. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she ventured finally.

“Just that I think it’s going to take some time for her to adjust to the idea that I’m a noble and that I’m staying in Cordonia for good. But I think some part of her is proud too. Maybe someday she’ll come around to the idea that I’m not just wasting my life over there.”

“Does she really think that?” The words felt strangled as Jena worked them out of her throat. So many of her early interactions with Drake became clearer as she considered Karen’s likely influence.

He clicked his tongue to encourage the horse, but her question remained unanswered. Several paces later, he came to a sudden stop. Jena pulled the reins gently and dismounted to stand beside him in the tall grass.

“We’ll let the horses graze for a bit.”

She stroked the mare’s bony cheek and dropped the reins, putting her hands in her pockets instead. Squinting against the mid-morning sun, she followed Drake to a line of fencing nearby. Green stretched before them on every side, the light wind stirring long blades of grass into mesmerizing waves. She wondered vaguely if this was the sight that had enticed Karen to come back from Cordonia. Out here, in the warmth of late spring, it wasn’t hard to imagine the appeal that this land must have held.

Drake leaned against the nearest post, a wrinkle forming between his brows. With ease, Jena mounted the fence beside him, steadying herself with a certain hand.

Did I cross a line? Why hasn’t he answered my question? Jena hated the thought that her carelessness might have caused such distress. A week ago, she wouldn’t have been so bothered by the thought. Now, as this man’s wife, she felt some measure of responsibility to read his mind. The notion was ridiculous, but present nonetheless. Just as she was clearing her throat, he spoke.

“I’m not sure what my mother thinks anymore. She didn’t take it very well when I moved back to Cordonia. Wanted me to forge my own path instead of running back to the palace.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“Going back?” At her nod, he continued. “I had a lot of questions at the time, but in a way, mom’s right. I’d been following Liam around for so long that it was easier to just settle back into that when I came back from the States. It took me a while to find where I belonged in all of it.  But no, I don’t regret it. Cordonia is home.”

“You’ve found your way now. And with or without the courtly graces, you’re still Drake Walker,” she beamed encouragingly. “I just wish your mom had taken the chance to get to who that man is.” A fresh sting of remorse accompanied the words, and she looped her fingers around the hand that rested beside her on the fence.

Drake interlocked his fingers with her own and lifted his face tentatively. “I think I’d like for her to get the chance to.”

Her pulse quickened at the meaning that underpinned his words. Biting her tongue, she shifted her weight toward him and took in his pensive expression.

“I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He hiked a hand through his hair. “But I’m not sure I’d ever forgive myself if I cut the relationship off completely. I’d always wonder if things could have been different. I’m not saying that I want to come out here for Christmases or anything, but--” preoccupied, he ceased speaking as she squeezed his hand. 

“I’ll support whatever you choose, Drake. I can’t say I have a very good first impression of her, but I respect how much she means to you. If I had any hope of my dad changing for the better, I’d probably make the same choice.” Her tone grew wistful at the impossible notion. “But I think we’re going to have to find a compromise. I don’t want you bending over backward to make her a part of our lives if she won’t even meet you halfway. You can’t do that to yourself, Drake.”

“Agreed.”

“So she’s going to have to understand that there are boundaries she can’t cross. It’s going to take some time for us to establish trust again.”

“Sounds fair to me,” he considered, stroking her knuckles with his thumb as he looked to her face. “She’s been through a lot, Jena. I don’t want to put her through more than she deserves.”

“I know,” she responded quickly to the flash of pain in his eyes. “But if she puts you through more than you deserve, she’ll have me to contend with.” Although her tone was light, they both knew that the threat was genuine.

He hoisted himself onto the fence beside her, dropping his hands to his sides. “I never thought I’d be so happy to get back to Valtoria, but I’m really looking forward to it.”

She offered a wry smile. “I am too. I know we’re going to try to work things out here, but I can’t wait to get back to Dallas and then home.”

“It’s the last night of our trip, Wittman. How do you want to spend it?”

“Seeing as it’s the last night of our honeymoon,” she emphasized, “I was thinking room service, hot tub, and…some drinks.”

“Now that’s a plan I can get behind.”

“I’m not going overboard though. We’ve got a day full of traveling tomorrow.”

“We’ll sleep it off on the plane.”

“Maybe you will," she joked, hopping down from the fence. “I’ll be awake for it all.”

“Even if I keep you up all night?”

Jena threw him a look over her shoulder. "That didn’t exactly work for the trip out here." He extended a hand toward her and she settled into the space between his legs, running her palms against toned thighs that were stretched taut from his heels pressing into the lower rail.

"I’ll take that as a challenge.” The glint in his eyes sent tendrils of heat through her core.

“Just keeping you on your toes, Walker.” 

Drake shook his head at her accompanying wink. 

“Ready when you are,” she announced, rising to the tips of her toes. Drake cradled her cheek in his hand and leaned into the kiss. His lips were soft and warm, heated by the morning sun. She snaked her arms around his waist and melted into him with pleasure. When she finally pulled away, it took several moments for her head to clear.

The kiss told her all she needed to know. They would make it through this.  Together. 

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