#i really am just here talking to myself

[radiantmists]

I posted 858 times in 2022

187 posts created (22%)

671 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@insomnia-productions

@stormstressed

@bookish-bi-mormon

@sabertoothwalrus

@radiantmists

I tagged 735 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#ntn spoilers - 53 posts

#murderbot diaries - 47 posts

#tlt spoilers - 41 posts

#the locked tomb - 37 posts

#murderbot liveblog - 35 posts

#nona liveblog - 34 posts

#bnha - 33 posts

#tma - 30 posts

#dc - 26 posts

#wheel of time - 23 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#bc like. the girls mostly share info with each other (that weekly tar meetup is the besst communication in the series) but not with the guys

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Genuinely would not be surprised if someone in the room when they suggested the checkmarks stack was like "wont that break shit if they buy too many" and someone else was like "even better, these idiots like it when shit breaks"

65 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#4

so semi-related to this other post i made, i’ve been thinking about the conversation ed has with jack when he realizes that stede’s been lured into a trap, because it’s just such a good example of the mindset and culture Ed has been trying to break out of over the course of this season. 

At the end of the conversation, Ed gets fed up, breaks the oar, and then jumps into the water to head back to the ship. Just before he leaves, he yells that Stede’s his friend, and Jack yells back:

“What do you mean he’s your friend? What kind of pirate has a friend? We’re all just in various states of fucking each other over!”

Now, as Ed is swimming away at this point I don’t think he hears, but I imagine if he had this would have been an extra kick in the teeth, because he’s spent the whole episode catering to and entertaining Jack, trying to cheer up his friend who’s been (allegedly) mutinied against. And clearly, Jack sees his ‘betrayal’ as no big deal, cheerfully musing on where they should head next and surprised when Ed is actually upset about it.

He doesn’t think Ed should expect any better than betrayal, because Ed has absolutely been on the other side of this mentality. At the end of episode 4, I think it’s fair to say that he’s at least charmed by Stede even if he doesn’t consider them ‘friends’, and yet his plan is to use Stede for gentleman lessons, then brutally murder him and steal his identity. Ed is friendly to him over the next couple episodes, but he hasn’t yet resolved that this is someone he’s actually going to value and stick by. Their relationship is transactional (teach me to gentleman, i’ll teach you to pirate) and comes with an expectation of inevitable betrayal.

The shift only comes after Ed’s confession about the Kraken in episode 6, the moment when he’s fully confronted by the kind of person he believes himself to be and the moment where he starts to reject that personality. But even in episode 7, we see that Ed struggles with the idea of an equal friendship; he’s planning to leave now that his plan isn’t going to happen, and is just. so baffled by the whole treasure-hunt outing. Specifically, he’s constantly grumbling about the pointlessness of the whole thing-- it’s only after Lucius sets him straight that he notices that he can enjoy just spending time with Stede, even though he knows there’s no other benefit to the whole thing.

For the ‘real pirates’ Jack talks about, other people are just tools to get stuff you want-- maybe they’re tools you like, but at the end of the day if you need to screw them over to get something you want more or to save your own skin, you will.

But on the Revenge, Ed has slowly been exposed to a different way. Stede can talk a bunch of aristocrats into sinking their own ship just because they made Ed sad. Stede can see him having basically a panic attack about the Kraken and comfort him instead of think less of him for being weak. He and Stede can co-captain, just because they’d both like to spend time together, rather than parting ways when neither of them needs the other for some practical reason. And when Ed does leave Stede, we get Lucius dumping his stuff on him, very clearly communicating that he expected better. 

And so the moment that Ed chooses to go back to the Revenge, to die for Stede-- and later to give up piracy, which is very lucrative for him, in order to just peacefully retire with Stede and be happy with him-- is him starting to branch out from an extraordinarily self-centered culture where no one is valued for themselves. His excitement builds when Stede seems to return this sentiment, first refusing to let Ed die for him and then agreeing that Ed makes him happy and that he’ll run away with him.

But then Stede runs home instead. Now, there are a lot of ways to interpret why Stede actually does that, but from Ed’s perspective Stede is rejecting him utterly: not only does he not want to be with Ed, he doesn’t even want what Ed can give him.

So understandably Ed is moping about being rejected, and he gets these two voices trying to ‘comfort’ him and get him back on his feet. One is Lucius, very patiently telling him the way he feels is valid and encouraging him to continue to reach out with those soft feelings, to do fun things like a talent show with the crew just because they’d all enjoy it-- all of the new lessons he’s been learning  with Stede.

And this is lovely, but Ed has just had his first real foray into that type of trust brutally stomped on by Stede. It doesn’t help that, as this post brilliantly highlights, Ed is very used to being laughed at when he tries to be himself, and is primed to see the crew’s amazement at his reaction as mocking (which it kinda is, even if they’re probably not judging him too harshly for it). From that perspective, Lucius’ concern seems insincere; when you’re used to people fucking you over at the slightest moment of vulnerability, and have been accustomed to people fronting that they like you when they’re actually trying to expose more vulnerability for them to take advantage of or mock, Lucius’ attempts to draw him out start to look actively threatening.

The other voice is Izzy, who tells him to go back to being that closed-off person who uses other people and never lets himself be vulnerable. Which brings me to the other bits of the conversation with Calico Jack that I think about a lot. When Ed first notices something is wrong, Jack points out that the ‘old blackbeard’, the one Izzy wants back, would have seen the betrayal coming a mile away-- because he wouldn’t have given Jack the benefit of the doubt about Blind Man’s cove, and would instead have been on the alert for tricks like this. And then, when Jack mentions Izzy and Ed expresses surprise that Izzy would betray him, Jack says: 

“No, he sold Stede out. Sentimental bastard wanted me to get you out of there before the English arrived.”

Now I don’t know about you but ‘sentimental’ is not one of the first words I would use to describe Israel Hands. But in this world, Izzy’s brand of loyalty-- conditional and vicious though it may be-- is just about the most sentimental people get: the thing Ed can give him, the person Ed can be for him, is so valuable to Izzy that he’ll team up with Spanish Jackie and the English Navy to get it back, and he’ll send Jack to try and make sure Ed isn’t destroyed in the process. That’s nuts.

Izzy doesn’t seem to really care about Ed’s happiness, and he doesn’t make Ed happy to spend time with; in fact even in more casual moments like the ep6 opening (where Izzy’s trying to get him down from the rigging) they seem to annoy each other more than anything else. But for Ed, Izzy is utterly predictable: as long as Ed performs Blackbeard, keeps giving Izzy victories and validating his macho pirate fantasies, Izzy will stick by him. He’ll even go a bit further and give Ed warning and an extra chance when he wobbles in that, so long as there’s a reasonable chance that Blackbeard will come back.

The issue with caring about people is that they might leave you; the issue with being vulnerable is you might get hurt. But if you’re paying someone, even in the nebulous way that Ed ‘pays’ Izzy, they’ll never leave you, and if you scare them enough they won’t dare to betray you.  Being Blackbeard is awful, but safe.

It’s a guarantee where the other option is a risk, and while Ed’s been taking risks this whole season (and that is a Whole other post) he’s finally experienced the consequences of a risk gone bad, and it’s awful. So Ed throws Lucius overboard, rejecting the idea he represents-- that being vulnerable can be worth it, that people can be valuable in and of themselves and because you enjoy their company-- in favor of the stability that Izzy personifies, transactional though it is.

So for me, the big tragedy of the ending (beyond Lucius being dead because he’s not shut up) is that Ed has accepted... not necessarily that he doesn’t deserve to be happy, but that happiness isn’t possible for him, that this kind of relationship is the best he could hope for. He was introduced as someone looking for something better, something to break out of the pattern he hated, and instead he had it reinforced.

And hopefully, someone will come back and convince him that he can have friends and nice things-- but it’s gonna be rough, because I think the lesson he’s learned here is that nice things are just a trap so the people claiming to be your friends can fuck you over worse.

68 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#3

God the moment where Ed picks up the ‘rather exquisite cashmere’ and gently brushes it against his cheek... 

113 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#2

so at the end of episode 8, i think, ed arrives back on the revenge with the english closing in and tells stede to fly a white flag. and maybe it’s because i’d seen gifsets of the moment where ed starts yelling about the act of grace, or maybe i was just buying into the blackbeard persona, but I really thought he had a plan, that there was some clever fuckery in the works that would make everything turn out alright.

and then it turns out that there was... sort of: ed’s ‘grand plan’ was to sacrifice himself, trade on the blackbeard reputation and take responsibility for all of stede’s crimes. presumably, he would then have been executed.

it turned out that, just like with the spanish in episode 4, there were factors that ed had missed-- a combination of badminton’s personal vendetta, stede’s log, but most of all stede’s personality: the plan relied on stede confirming or at least not denying that yes, it was that awful blackbeard who did those horrible crimes. but stede didn’t take that opportunity. 

and of course, as with the lighthouse, they come up with something at the last moment to save their skins, but that moment of failure is intriguing. ed has gotten so used to the rhythm of things-- keeping track of the date by counting days, expecting other pirates to grab any chance to save their own skins-- that he’s utterly blindsided when something-- a leap year, stede’s concern for him and his sense of responsibility-- breaks out of that rhythm.

he’s clever, but he’s been coasting on the fact that he knows the world he lives in better than almost anyone else, so all he has to do is take advantage of pieces of it-- the weather, his reputation-- to get what he wants basically handed to him. it’s only once something disrupts that landscape that ed starts thinking outside of the box and changing the landscape, creating a circumstance that his opponents would have believed impossible and thus never would have prepared for. 

there can’t possibly be a lighthouse there, and blackbeard would never give up piracy; but break him out of his rhythm and ed remembers that he can do whatever the hell he wants. and stede is so alluring because he breaks that rhythm effortlessly, just by being who he is-- and, in the case of Act of Grace, by caring about ed.

250 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

the funny thing about htn is like. it's so obvious that gideon is narrating the second person parts. she makes it about five sentences into her description of harrow waking up before she starts complaining about harrow not taking care of the sword, and her reaction to harrow kissing ianthe is so obvious. the audiobook accentuates this even more because the delivery of parts like this are so clearly in moira quirk's gideon voice.

and yet there's so much nonsense going on that by the middle of the book you're genuinely starting to doubt everything that happened in the previous one.

477 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #oh man i forgot that ofmd was this year #also lmao at my 5th most reblogged blog being me #i really am just here talking to myself #long post

[moeblob]

What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?

#fe warriors three hopes #mercedes von martritz #miklan anschutz gautier #we really only need to clarify this is STRICTLY warriors miklan and i think ive already condemned myself but i accept it #i am very sorry but the person i usually would talk to about rare pairs has been a bit busy so i couldnt go to them to get it out that way #so art is the only way i have you have to understand its not my fault (its my fault) #did you guys know i reset the azure gleam map three times before googling the chapter where he dies to try and save him #no i dont think he deserves to be pardoned for what hes done but i liked that w3h gave him a small chance to be better FOR HIMSELF #no i dont think he should simply be forgiven for everything he did but i do like that he was given humanity and how #he was still not a good guy but damn you guys i think about that npc sometimes #who says that they admired him becoming something despite being a criminal bc if miklan can do it whats stopping them from being better ? #like that npc stuck with me a while ok #just ......... there are a lot of thoughts here that i dont think many of you care to read even in tags so ill stop now #i will say the canvas is saved as speed run to cancellation lesgo

[elysianymph]

🔥 anything about sirius because i am being a little hater towards some characterisations too

i've already talked your ears off about this on discord but i'm happy to talk to about it again bc i fucking HATE new sirius black with a burning passion. i hate him as much as i love my sirius black that marauderstok can pry from my cold dead hands bc i'm not letting him go. i don't know when it happened and why but marauders fans are particularly persistent on taking away any interesting traits sirius had and leaving behind a whimpering pathetic twink that cries when someone looks at him the wrong way. sirius has been scrubbed clean of any morally grey traits he might've had (he's not allowed to care for his family (unless it's regulus) or long for them bc they are bad, he's not allowed to have any prejudices even though he was literally raised with pureblood mentality and taught he was superior to everyone else from the day he was born, he's not allowed to be an asshole bc he's not like his family guys!! and when he is an asshole it's always used to victimize the character he's being an asshole to and sirius is painted as the villain with mommy issues that can only be fixed by getting dicked down apparently)

i cannot stress this enough: LET THIS MAN BE A COMPLEX CHARACTER!! and no, giving him mental illnesses that miraculously disappear when he gets together with remus and making him attempt to kill himself post prank because he feels bad is NOT making him complex! you're just weird. you're just romanticizing mental illnesses and i can't believe you don't see anything wrong with it. giving him bipolar to justify his actions is?? not??? representation??? it's offensive to people who actually have to deal with these issues in their day to day lives and yet here you are using something that will impact their life forever as a plot device for your uwu sadboy mlm fanfic.

and that's what new sirius boils down to. he's a plot device, an accessory to everyone else's story that's never given much depth other than "oh his mom used the cruciatus on him and now he's traumatized". no hate to jegulus but hate to specific jegulus fics that turn sirius into an overdramatic caricature of his former self for the sake of drama and angst.

also, some of these wolfstar shippers... wtf are you guys on?? idk when and why (that's a lie i do but i'm not gonna say it) remus became sirius black in a werewolf costume but here we are. oh sirius was cool and effortlessly smart and handsome and girls wanted him? well guess what? snatches all of those character traits and throws them onto remus they're his character traits now. ignore how it doesn't make any sense for the werewolf child who was isolated from the rest of the world to be a smooth talking alpha casanova who plays basketball actually. while we're at it, ignore how unrealistic it is for a boy who was raised in a family that believed they were superior to everyone else based on blood status, who was raised to be the perfect heir and checked off all the traits needed to be one to be insecure?? and unsure of himself?? and stupid??? and a loser??? i don't understand what the point of flipping the wolfstar dynamic was when you're left with a shallow copy of the original but ok. you do you ig.

to summarize, my sirius is cool and effortlessly smart and egotistical and a complete asshole who thinks he's the best thing ever. is it an act to cover up how damaged he thinks he is because of his family? possibly. but i also fully believe sirius thought he was a god amongst men and everyone should be glad to be in his presence. he talked down to other people because he considered himself smarter, he rolled his eyes when students asked stupid questions and made fun of them when they got an answer wrong. he's a teenage boy let him be a dick with no excuses.

(also i find it funny when people write about sirius getting into a fight with james or remus and crying because they said something mean. as if sirius wouldn't throw hands the moment someone started criticizing him. he's toxic and that's what makes him interesting. that's his purpose! characters exist to make stories interesting, to start drama, not to be your moral guide on how to act. stories become so much more fun once you let go of the need to make every character a good person. also liking a character doesn't equal liking them as a person. i love sirius but i would hate his guts irl)

#i feel like i can never fully write what i want to say and i hate it #wish i could take you guys on a tour of my brain. it's crazy up in here #thank you for letting me talk zandra it's almost like you knew what was bothering me znjzjzj #it's really not that deep (i say after writing an entire post about it) #(it's not i just like to talk to myself and hope someone will listen bc i am very very passionate can you tell?) #sirius black #mwpp #marauders #marauders era #nymph answers #hating hours 🔥 #just to be safe #tw mental illness #tw sui attempt

[lyril]

hey, how's it going! i don't have a job and i'd like to be able to afford some black-out curtains and other things before i suffer in a house without air conditioning again this summer. so, i'm offering some simple, uncolored pencil sketch or line art commissions!

if you're interested, message me at @garlude and i will give you my paypal info and discuss the commission with you! as well, i have a few leftover adoptables you can find here. more examples of my usual work and a few of the commissions i've already taken will be under the cut!

#talk #commissions #i am not currently taking fully colored and everything comms #because they are very time consuming for me #and the pricing would be a lot higher than these #but i mean if you Really want one ?you can still ask #also the reason for the ranges and stuff is like #if you want me to draw you kirby characters or like objects or something #i'm not charging you $30!!! #but i feel like i maybe should raise the prices a bit more for multiple images... #it's just so hard for me to price stuff without more experience doing this #but anyhow #featured ocs here belong to @hometownrockstar / @its3oe / @rabm and @genobeat #and myself

[bluespacebug]

I like that ‘Gizmo’ has become Nadja and Laszlo’s nickname for Guillermo.

I imagine at first they genuinely didn’t care/would forget what his name is, but after time it became more about them stubbornly refusing to admit that they care/know anything about him by pretending they really thought Gizmo was his name.

Now it feels like it’s evolved to being a name they call him more out of habit than spite. They’ve spent so much time calling him Gizmo that it’s just who he is to them, they know his first name at this point, Nandor says it all the fucking time. It’s just that they’ve come too far now, they’ve committed to calling him Gizmo

#am i gaslighting myself into thinking the vampires care more than they do? maybe… but also maybe not #with every season we see more how they really care about each other and i fucking love it #also i may just be stating the obvious here but idk i haven’t seen anyone else bring it up #wwdits #they might not know his last name yet lets be honest even nandor barely remembers it XD #ed talks

[dilfhos]

i feel a lot of yall that say they hate mahito are pre -tty comfy on that wagon. pretty sure some of yall would deep down let that him worm-wiggle in ur cooch. would probably let them dozen or so wiggling hands feel on you too. imagine the many touches he could leave with his mouth alone. or ur just scared to admit it and its okay. its okay you refuse to look closely at the chisel denting his torso. at the off guard pretty glances or the hair akin to a dead raccoon’s tail. maybe his luscious lashes fr turn you off or the pathetic way he giggles. its okay. his home isn’t much either, but its honest work if you kick away the rat bones to the other side, then its okay. he won’t be able to defend you either, but if you’re strong enough to be near him that’s okay!

see its okay 😌🧘‍♀️ you’re safe now. put down your pitchfork.

#[ just in—☆ ] #mahito #im here if you want to talk #this blog is now a safehaven for the m*hito fuckers🩵 #he can expand my domain anytime idc #after a bath of course!! #cant have the girlies thinkin i fuck dirties 🙄 #ill wear his kids #i mean his merch ill wear his merch everywhere #and put up cute little signs like: have you seen my disfigured rat :(( plz call. dont on weekdays #its okay TOTO I GOTCHU #lmao plz dont take this srs i was pissing myself writing this #if i cant go hard for the hated what kinda fan am i really djdhdhdhdh *a normal one don. a normal one*

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[ganondoodle]

the worst part about finding more and more about totk that i dont like is that ... it seems like one of my biggest fears is going to become true; all of my previous hyperfixations died because a new thing of the franchise came out and i didnt like it, turned that strange, perhaps unhealthy, love and attachment into disappointment and sadness and im afraid thats happening to zelda right now, the one hyperfixation i hoped could last or at the very least i would just grow slowly away from in a good way if it was just totk that i didnt like, tho its hard to see all the love people have for it and just ... feel the opposite about it, it would be fine (heck i really disliked links awakening but ultimately i just regret spending so much money on it, it didnt impact my feelings about the rest of the franchise) but because it diminishes everything about botw too .. a game that i still love deeply, its not fine aside from me not liking anything they did with the zonau, it basically steamrolled botw too, damn near ignoring it ever happened, cramming in zonau stuff where it wasnt before just so its literally everywhere, taking its mysterious and answerign them in boring ways, implying that stuff i loved so much about botw was yet just another zonau thing (the three dragons possibly having been zonau ..........the ancient hero mystery being .. that.......) people basically claiming as fact that its somehow slammed into the old timeline despite it making no sense nor has any evidence aside from some names that happened to be used once before or them saying whats the point of ever looking at botw again bc totk does everything "better" ...

you cant ignore it really, even if i try to ignore what i dont like, i know whats revealed in totk, and others know it too.

and in turn it all makes me go back to that strange self hatred i thought i had finally left behind, the why do i care so much, its stupid to care so much about a piece of media i have no control about anyway, whats the point of caring so much, you have wasted so much time and effort and thought and tears about something like this, why are you so weird, why cant you just be like everyone else and love it all, why are you like this, stop being like this.

knowing i cant stop being like this, fearing from the start it might happen just like it has so many times, that i fall in love with a piece of media so much that when it gets a new thing that i dont like but affects every aspect of it it all flips into anger first, then disappointment and sadness and in end into wishing i wasnt weird like this, knowing i cant change it ... and it turning out true

#ganondoodles talks #i dont know how to feel #i dont want to lose interest i really dont #but im seeing it happen just like it has all these times before #on top of feeling bad for beign so negative #also feeling like the villain here bc so few people have the same criticisim as me #the only people that dont like it are those posting rants on youtube complaining about enemy variety or whatever #the game wasnt what i expceted nor what i hoped but weird thrid worse thing #that i dont know how to feel about #.... not to mention being afraid of making myself hated for being the way i am #probably the reason why so many popular zelda artists i liked and even talked to suddendly completely shadowbanned me #im afraid of losing everyone i got to know in this fandom #for being over emotional and annoying i guess #or maybe i am just a bitch #maybe they are right #maybe theres a good reason i never joined the ranks of cool and relatable popular artists #and maybe its better for me to stay in my weird lil bubble

[skitskatdacat63]

Stop flirting....

#btw i have zero context for *when* that pic is from in the press con #but this is the only time they talk to/about each other in the transcript #so it is my headcanon that they are the same moment 🤭🤭 #but god yet another exchange i would kill someone to get the video of #it just comes off in the transcript as so old married couple bickering?????? #'oh *now* youre paying attention. was the light bothering you? was it really that bad for you' #'yes it was in fact disturbing me >:(' #'youre being such a baby 🙄 the light in here is just as bright“ #'alright sure mr. privileged man whos in the best car. of course you wouldn't understnd my struggles 😒' #'well maybe you shoul've just backed off and let me drive 🥺 i was already beating you whats the point' #'ummm actually no you werent' #mark: i am going to shoot myself #but its sooooooo funny seb being like aww dw 🥺🥺 i was trying to build a gap 🥺🥺 to shield your sensitive eyes 🥺 #CAN WE PLEASE TALK THOUGH ABOUT SEB PATTING HIS CAP !!!!!!! SOOOOOO CUTE #no matter the actual context of the pic hes still 100% being an annoying brat to nando. I just know it #race weekend over. back to the content people TRULY care about: vettonso.(😭) #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #2013 italian gp

[erabundus]

HAPPY BLOG ANNIVERSARY!

it's  officially  midnight  here,  which  means  i'm  allowed  to  post  this!  so ...  happy  one  year  anniversary  of  enduring  the  plague  of  avalon  upon  your  dashboards!  alternatively,  thank  you  so  much  for  giving  me  a  place  to  babble  about  my  #1  favorite  comfort  character  who  has  experienced  zero  comfort.  (  i  swear  i  am  being  SO  NORMAL  about  this.  yes i did literally buy  cake  and  party  hats.  )  whether  we  speak  on  the  daily,  you've  just  gotten  here  or  anywhere  in  between,  i  want  to  extend  my  sincerest  gratitude  for  being  on  this  absolutely  wild  ride  of  a  blog  with  me.  there's  been  ups  and  downs,  but  ultimately  i  feel  like  my  passion  for  writing  has  been  ignited  stronger  than  it's  ever  been  before.  i  am  still  always  so  excited  whenever  i  get  the  chance  to  log  on  here  and  create  stories  with  all  of  you  —  and  i  wouldn't  have  that  opportunity  if  it  wasn't  for  this little  corner  of  the  internet  you've  helped  make truly special.

there  are  so  many  of  you  i  feel  lucky  to  have  met.  (  and  so  many  i  would  love  to  get  to  know  better,  too!  )  i  hope  we  can  continue  writing  together  for  many  more  anniversaries  to  come.  and  if  the  day  ever  comes  that  they  finally  pull  the  plug  on  this  cockroach  of  a  hellsite,  i'll  forever remember  this  community  as  the  rpc  that  got me to  laugh  at  petrichor.

have  a  wonderful  day  /  night!  i'm  sharing  the  cake  with  everyone  in  spirit.

#𝟎𝟎𝟏 : 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. ◟ ooc .◝ #( i struggle sometimes because i know i tend to hide behind my muses / headcanons / ic posts -- #because i am honestly just so bad about talking about / as myself & i think part of it has to do with me being really nervous / awkward ) #( we all love ye olde social anxiety & the myriad of ways it manifests etc etc ) #( but!! i just wanted to do / say something silly because i really do appreciate you all so much ) #( even if we don't actively talk / write imagine me liking your posts as a little high five of appreciation for what you create here ) #( this blog & rpc have helped me grow so much both as a writer and as a person. ) #( having a place to express my interests & meet other people with similar interests has had such a positive effect on my life ) #( i'm making plans to meet my best friend in person one day and it's only happening because i made this account & reblogged a gifset ) #( yes it's sappy but i really do mean every word )

[iamhereinthebg]

Gonna share badly translated panels from the official french translation because I can

I can’t verbally explain how much Akane ROASTED Aoi in chap 69 . He really took the ‘I am gonna end this woman’s whole career” to a next level

:))))

--> to explain the ‘you’re pretending you don’t know’

#for her defense #Aoi actually said that 'he suck!' rather tan him being stupid #she was also fcking done on her part #Teru really went 'oospie?' when he saw them #I can't invent this sht he said 'mince alors' I wanna burn the translators #ty Mari for being okay with my half assd translation from french to english of the whole chapter too #Akane finished his rant and litteraly looked at her and go 'well?' #they need to insult each other every two pages in this translation idk why #Teru really went 'not cool bro' when Akane said 'what are you doing here?' #idk why the vibes of the french translations are so chaotic #but I am here for that #Aoi also said 'I asked you more than once :)))' when talking about his watch l o l she was done #oh and in terms of emotionnal damage they also put wavy texts #when the characters are either dying or have really strong emotions and idk what to do with myself with this #toilet bound hanako kun #aoi akane #akane aoi #nothing too special on the others chapters tbh I just really wanted to translate this one because I love their talk ahah #Akane just refers to the seven mysteries as deities rather than gods too #which is closer to the idea of Kamis to me #good volume as always #next one is in one month :))) chap 71/72/73/74 are all good I am not ready #tbhk #random french translation #disclaimer: it's hard to translate the context which is why I didn't do more page too ahah #I can just say that they are using slangs and are hasrher l o l #the vibes is just 'Oh yes you're testing me uh?' #jshk #jibaku shonen hanako kun fanart #jibaku shounen hanako kun

[thebirdandhersong]

I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats #that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know #i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around? #like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist. #i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me. #but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles #i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face #sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat #or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre. #i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally #it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely #and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year. #so i think i'm justified in being a little upset! #i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge! #the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in #somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community. #anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year #because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision #to do everything i can to love the people here. #i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do! #i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned! #i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers! #i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in #i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too #of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in #and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community #it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it! #i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood #and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now

[winchestersheaven]

me: i’m gonna read Rodney McKay fics

fandom: we have lots of McShep

me: McShep is good, i like that ship

me: so, McShep fics with Rodney feels, please

fandom: sure thing, lots of Rodney feels here 😇

fandom: *bombards me with unexpected John feels*

me: hey, uh. why is my heart all fucked up?

#don't get me wrong i love it #but it is not what i signed up for x'D #i fell so gd hard for Rodney when i watched Atlantis and while i really enjoyed other characters too (John included) #Rodney was the one i just did not want to let go and the one i really wanted to read #so since McShep is a fairly big ship that i did like i figured it was easier to go there than to find Rodney heavy fics based on tags alone #and now here i am with a ton of John feels i wasn't planning on (and a brand new otp...) #Smowkie talks #McShep #John Sheppard #Rodney McKay #i'm planning a couple of McShep fic rec posts btw #(the fic that made me write this post included) #not sure when but they are coming. at least two of them #i've read a lot lately and i've actually mostly remember to save the faves so i can share them which feels very nice #i love fic rec posts but i've always been horribly bad at making them myself #but after that summer reading challenge i've gotten better at it and i'm hoping it can result in some future fic rec posts #well it will result in at least two for McShep xD

[larrythefloridaman]

WOAH, HE'S BIGENDER? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

#hey. hey. im just saying. he LITERALLY 'transed his gender' in a diagetic bit in orange. and if that wasnt enough. #in blue he disguised himself as squid jenny specifically with larry's powers (the only thing hes done with them on screen) #got caught by his god-assigned roles-obsessed caretaker. and was given the label of being something intrinsically unescapably deceitful. #while 'pretending' to be trans girl. #like. if i wasnt pretty sure it was all an accident i might even call the allegory here slightly heavy-handed. #with the nccts emphasizing a theme of 'youre not just what people say you are #you can be more than one thing at the same time' with crim #i think crimson can have boygirl swag. some bigender pizzazz. i think he deserves it. #is it REALLY a cpu kerfuffle arc without a subversive narratively relevant gender-transing. #am i supposed to believe the spirit of deviance himself is cis? get fucking real. grow up. /silly #also a lil crimtoinette in there. just for flavor. because i cant help myself. #also sidenote the nccts have given him this cute lil tendency #to tip his hat down to hide his face when hes trying to be Genuine or Thoughtful or Poignant. and i enjoy that little touch #i maybe like this guy a little too much. hes most of what ive drawn for months. #but what do you want from me. i read him as a queercoded villain deconstructed at the metanarrative level. #am i just supposed to be normal about that. #me and zia talked about this in dms and discovered. we came to a lot of the same conclusions. completely independently. lmao

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

there's so many del conversations i really fucking love and wanted to put my own spin on before we get an officially cast delirium, so starting off with this fun one from kindly ones!

(i have also started a del themed tiktok bc i have a lot more audio/video stuff in the works, so if you're interested you can find this video cross-posted here)

#other things also includes music writing but shhhh spoilers #(also if you have an endless you wanna voice in something like this hmu so im not just talking at myself!) #(don't worry about mimicking existing actors you're welcome to bring your own flair) #also yeah i have a tiktok now! the conversation with my partner basically went 'so i wanna do more audio stuff with sandman' #'but it's really hard to get audio posts to take off on tumblr bc most people aren't listening as they scroll' #'.......yeah no tumblr is not the right platform for audio stuff.' 'what is?' '......you're gonna hate what i'm about to say.' #and lo and behold here i am adjusting to a new social media 😂 #but no hope this is as fun for you as it is for me we'll be back soon hopefully #the sandman #delirium of the endless #dream of the endless #sandman comic spoilers #the kindly ones #my art #voice acting #mine

[potatobugz]

i submitted my lovely mouseboy Finnegan for the @ahatintime-oc-competition yesterday :D here is the art i drew 4 them!

for those unaware: he came from a dream i had once involving him and Snatcher But As A Bird; and i sorta just. added onto them from there. they're so sillay

#a hat in time oc #potatart #ahit #(just for the art tag....sorry : #Finnegan Snowshoe #get propergandered. i will conjure up more art of them soon i think #very vivid image in my mind of what their personality is like but its rlly hard to describe #........... #ok quickly avert ur eyes i am going to say something that is embarrassing to me #oc competitions make me nervous and it is because i think last time i did one it went Badly #like idc about the losing part i thought that was really funny but i just felt like everyone.hated me : #i know thats not true and its the brain poison talking but #i remember somebody skimmed thru my account and saw that i was hyperfixated on south park at the time and #uswd that as a reason to not vote for my character #which was one of those things that made me so so nervous that i felt Physically Ill and it ruined like my whole day #confidence is key. i think. so i am grabbing myself by the shoulders and going “YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE FUN!!!!” #sorry for the very Personalness that just jappened here. its okay thought bc i trust everuone averyed their eyes to my sad ramblings #besides i like finnegan :] and i trust most ppl to not Kill me Dead #anyways. ignore ignore ignore FINNECHER NUMERO UNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #THIS IS A LITTLE SOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL: PUTTING TOO MUCH EFFORT INTO THINGS