#i really do like the idea of it though and want to explore it more in the future

[wingsdippedingold]

The thing that always gets me about SJM is that she says she loves Nesta so much, but at every point Nesta is degraded or self-hating.

The way Nesta is written and people react to her, it’s pretty clear that she’s not actually a bitch but just guarded and cautious of an unfamiliar/ hostile environment.

SJM often writes scenes like this (screenshot stolen from @theladyofbloodshed )

In this Nesta’s in an odd position, where she’s portrayed as the victim of Mor’s ire. However, the characters that regularly antognize Nesta (Amren, Rhysand, Mor, etc.) are never acknowledged to be antagonistic towards her, only that Nesta herself is antagonized. Nesta’s character exists in a weird limbo where she’s meant to be a a wrongfully hated character to the reader, but the people who do wrong her are also supposed to be in the right.

SJM wants to write Nesta to be the underdog mc who defies her haters and becomes someone beloved, but the issue is she’s hated by characters the narrative wants you to also love, and whom Sarah can not bring herself to let ever be in the wrong, because then it would break the idea that they’re infallible and make the rest of their faults also up for criticism.

At every point where she’s put in a bad position, it’s acknowledged that the blame is not hers, but the narrative doesn’t place the blame anywhere else, essentially making what happened entirely a product of Nesta and no other character’s actions. We see how dreadful Nesta feels in ACOSF, much of it at the hands of the ic, and the narrative wants us to sympathize and understand her situation, but with no outlet to fault her situation towards the ic and no attempt to make it known that these feelings that are a product of the ic’s actions are directly a product of the ic.

SJM also writes Nesta to be one of the only characters who self-reflect on their actions and find fault within themselves. None of the ic ever introspect on their actions and effect on other courts and people, contributing to Nesta being the wrong ones and them being correct, simply because the narrative has not made the effort to explore wether or not they’re wrong, whereas it has with Nesta. Nesta’s actions were explored and allowed to be negative because it is what allows her to change her mind, but because she’s the only one changing her mind, she only becomes more and more fitting of the ic’s standards and the series’s idea of moral correctness.

The inverse is also an issue because Sarah writes the ic to be “morally gray”, which grants them the excuse of “you can’t expect them to always be perfect/good, they’re supposed to be morally gray” but the issue with that notion and archetype in this case is that the never face any repercussions or criticism by the narrative, but rather the people opposing them, effectively establishing them as the moral high ground. You cannot defend them as “morally gray” when the narrative has done nothing more than to portray them as always in the correct even in their “morally gray actions.” Discussing their character in that way while not acknowledging how the narrative treats them absolves them of their own faults and is a slippery slope when analyzing the characters in the story.

This is one of the reasons I think so many people find it hard to like Nesta or actually sympathize with her like SJM wants; because their favorite character hates Nesta, though acknowledged to be unjustly, the character themself is not acknowledged to be unjust, therefore portraying their actions to be correct.

This was written really quickly and I just woke up from a nap, but if anyone else wants to discuss this topic, I’d love to see it!

#Acotar #anti acotar #anti acosf #pro nesta #in Nesta’s defense #nesta archeron #nesta #anti ic #inner circle critical #Rhysand critical #feyre critical #anti nessian #Anti cassian #anti sjm #anti rhysand #acotar thoughts #acotar analysis

[wooahaes]

fortunato in amore

pairing: non-idol!seungkwan x fem!reader

genre: fluff. established relationship au.

warnings: n/a, ask to add warnings

word count: ~1.1k

daisy's notes: venice is on my list of places i'd love to see one day tbh

Waking up in Venice in general felt like a dream. Waking up next to you in Venice, though… That felt special.

This trip had been a long time in the making, to be honest. After your last birthday, the two of you got around to talking about milestones. The pictures you’d both seen of your first birthday, the vague memories of your fifth. You celebrated your thirteenth with your family, your sixteenth with a few friends online… and the rest were looser. Vaguer. Your eighteenth had been dinner with your parents, too focused on the coming college years to do anything more special. And your twenty-first…

“I was sick,” you had shrugged off the idea of doing anything special. “I mean, I could have done something, I guess.”

“Did you do anything special after it?” Seungkwan rested his chin in his hand, watching you. “It’s a milestone for a reason. If you don’t want to do anything special, then you don’t have to…”

To be honest, you’d never really thought about it. A few weeks later, you’d come back to him and asked if the two of you could take a trip for your next birthday. Somewhere you’d never been before. The two of you ended up sitting down one night and just looking through places, trying to narrow it down to somewhere you’d enjoy going. After a while, you’d settled on Venice—Italy seemed nice, and you thought you’d enjoy the trip. Thus began the two of you saving up for the trip with the plan to have enough money to spend on yourselves and for gifts for your loved ones. The first day of your trip had been dedicated to finding little things for the people in your lives: things you’d mail off to your parents, other presents the two of you would take to his family when you saw them again. The two of you ended up snuggled together that night, completely exhausted from the day behind you.

Now he was admiring you in the morning sunlight. He reached forward, brushing a stray strand of hair back from your face. Maybe, in another life, this would be your honeymoon and not just your birthday trip. Traveling with you only opened up a world of opportunities. He’d always wanted to go places with you, but living in that reality now… He wanted to see everywhere with you. The two of you would have to take more trips abroad in the future. 

Eventually, you began to stir from your slumber, letting out a sleepy yawn soon after. You snuggled closer to him, legs intertwined with his own. 

“Good morning,” he’d said, voice still slightly hoarse from sleep. “Happy birthday, my love” 

Still sleepy, you let out a soft giggle as you nuzzled his neck with your nose. “Good morning,” you let out a blissful sigh. Yet you just buried your face in his neck a moment later, already about to drift back off to sleep. 

Tomorrow, he would wake you up again if you tried this. We’re in Venice, he would say. We should go explore. But for your birthday, he’d let you get the sleep you craved. Just for a little longer before the two of you would get ready for the day. The two of you couldn’t cuddle like this always when you were sleeping, but Seungkwan always took joy when the two of you could be snuggly. Besides… Both of you had been awake before his alarm went off. The two of you could afford a little more sleep.

“I love you,” he said aloud, fingers running over the back of your shirt. Absent-mindedly, he smoothed out the folds in your shirt, while staring up at the ceiling. “Sometimes I think about what would have happened if you didn’t trip and spill your smoothie on me.”

It earned a soft chuckle from you. “You looked good in pink, y’know.” 

He gently swat at your side, although he chuckled himself. “I do, but that was my favorite sweater.”

“I paid for your dry-cleaning,” you just smiled, eyes still shut. “Vernon told me you walked around, ranting about me for days until I asked you out.”

“You called me cute,” he said. “I thought you were cute, but…” He’d been too upset about the sweater, a gift from his mom for his birthday, to stop being annoyed. Yet he remembered the way your text had stopped him completely in his tracks: the cute little ‘hi seungkwan! sorry if this is too forward but i thought you were cute and i wanted to know if you would maybe get a coffee with me sometime? i’ll be careful with my smoothie this time haha’ that he read and reread over and over. 

Vernon had been the one who took his phone out of his hands. He had started typing out a reply for him, only to pause and glance at his face, “I’m supposed to tell her yes, right?”

Seungkwan averted his gaze. “Of course I’m going to say yes—” 

He’d lunged for his phone a moment later, brain finally catching up to him, but either way the end result would have been the same. It was all worth it, too, considering where it led. He remembered the early days of your relationship, where you’d fall asleep on bus rides after dates with him, head resting on his shoulder. He’d always rest his head against your own, shutting his eyes for a few minutes to just enjoy your company. He remembered the hassle of you moving in with him that was all worth it when the last and first thing he saw was your face. 

“Are you excited for the opera tonight?” He stifled his own yawn a moment later. “I told Seokmin about it. He was jealous, but I promised to get him pictures of the opera house.” He shut his eyes, stretching a little as he felt his spine popped. Then he relaxed into the mattress again, already feeling sleepy. “I sent Jeonghan pictures from our gondola tour yesterday… I said he’s coming with us next time we come here.”

It earned a sleepy chuckle from you. “Mhm. Sure.”

“We should do this again,” he said. “Travel together, I mean.” 

“I’d like that.” You pressed a kiss against his neck before relaxing against him.

Let’s see the world together, he wanted to say. He’d say it against your lips later, a quiet promise to spend this life together wrapped up inside of it.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @synthetickitsune @wonuziex @porridgesblog @staranghae @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny @bewoyewo

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagine #svt x reader #svt imagine #seventeen x you #svt x you #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan fluff #boo seungkwan fluff #seungkwan x you #wooahaes.24

[suethesocks]

Egyptian Ben 10 AU!!

A long while ago i got the idea of making an au where ben is an Egyptian Orthodox Christian (the idea entirely spawned off a joke my friend made about a hypothetical ben like that having to explain his fasting to rook)

At first the idea was gonna be that his parents are Egyptian immigrants and he was born and raised in Bellwood, but last second before finishing his character bio i decided to flip everything over and make this AU *in* Egypt

The timeline i have in mind for these bios are all at around right after the highbreed arc, but also before season 3 straight up starts. I feel like thats a good jumping-on point

In terms of aliens mostly i just get to explore what the aliens would look like as teenagers since uaf and ov didnt really do much with that (they didnt even bother giving wildmutt a tail) and have fun trying to make his flannel into outfits for the aliens. Hoever if i get any cool ideas for entirely revamping aliens id definitely do it

I tried to make fourarms darker skinned not sure if its showing. Id have done the same with stinkfly but the uniforms colorscheme wouldve crashed. I wanted to try giving wildmutt black fur because this ben has darker hair but nothing really quite worked hsjhds wildmutts obnoxious orange is just too iconic

Prep school is mostly an american thing, here the closest equivalent for the early 2000s would be an international school. Also i changed lawyer to doctor as thats the sort of "go-to" job that makes a lot of money, lawyers in egypt arent usually as fortunate

Here she doesnt wear her uniform this is just how she dresses. I tried to fit the cat motif like OS but i couldnt really think of something that fit. If i were drawing UAF or OV gwen in my own take id have given her cat imagery but i think for Jwanas personality it actually makes more sense for her to be boring and lose the cat

Jwanas also a lot more angsty about her magic (and it is magic) since her parents and basically entire surrounding community both Muslim and Christian are very against magic and consider it sin. Shes also a lot more angsty in general because like the bio says shes under alot of stress and is very jealous of ben, which is conflicting because ben is also her best friend and she doesnt wanna feel this sort of animosity to him. She also doesnt realize how much he looks up to her as someone who is a lot more intelligent and disciplined than he'll ever be (for example the concept of jwana having the spark isnt here, ben just can never learn magic because he doesnt have what it takes)

Kevin much like ben is more or less the same as he is in the show. With jwana i went with my own take but Ben and Kevin are more of, culminations of what i think are their best parts in the series and then just fleshing that out more

I felt like the outfit he has in earth-prime works best with a few touchups. Prime kevin has consistently had that rugged guy-who-lives-in-a-garage look so despite being the most basic outfit it works the best with a few touchups

I did change his anatomy, i wanted to make him look like a mutant freak. I gave him this sort of frankenstine's monster posture (a small reference to him being an amalgamation in os). He also has these stretch marks all over his body since his material absorption doesnt just create a coat around him but also alters his skin itself (so these markings arent there for os-era kevin) He also has a lot of weird bumps over his body

This kevin is 100% mutant no alien shenanigans. If i do aggregor i'll uhhh think of something else for him to be. His transition to the lightside is a lot longer and for the majority of the highbreed arc hes not even there hes more of an occasional ally if he feels like helping

Was his dad a plumber or not im not sure tbh, im leaning towards not though

Next post is gonna be a bunch of villains for funsies

#art #digital art #fanart #ben 10 #ben 10 fanart #ben 10 au

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I'm not a "ship" person whatsoever but I do scroll character tags on occasion and see quite a bit of Vox and Vel together as well as what seems to be a lot of what I'm assuming is female original character stuff. I've even seen some Charlie and Vox too. So it's out there, but unless you're scrolling through character tags I can see how it might be hard to find. Personally, I also block/filter a lot of the big "ship" tags so maybe that also makes it easier for me to stumble across this stuff that "slips" through since I don't know if those pairings have names.

I get your point though. I do think many are inclined to erase his bisexuality when it's convenient. Interestingly, they also erase Valentino's pansexuality too. The same with Husk as well, but I check his tag a lot less so who knows.

What disappoints me, and I know I'm about to come off as nit-picky right now lol, is the lack of research people put into their "sexuality" headcanons for the characters with reference to their different eras. When reading some of them, you'd think the idea of "gay rights" was a completely new and foreign topic that only emerged after the early 2000s. I get people want to go for the simplistic "repressed and doesn't know what being [insert identity here] is" for some of the older characters but that completely ignores a fascinating and rich tapestry of queer history that could create far more interesting (and still accurate) stories for the characters/their backgrounds. I would really encourage those who haven't already or are generally unfamiliar to dive into this history as it might inspire their character ideas while also educate them on the work, art, and activism our queer elders have contributed to the community we have today.

I think this may partially relate to character ages being under explored as well. While I've seen debate on what is canon/has been decanonized many of these characters, as far as we know, died in their late 30s and beyond. That's a lot of life to live and experience. While certainly many people throughout history (and even today) kept their sexuality hidden from the public due to culture, shame, and safety that doesn't mean there weren't many incredible private venues/spaces that could be utilized to explore those feelings/identities in secret.

I could go on and on about this but I've totally strayed from your original point (I'm sorry!) and I'm very tired haha. I just think there are multiple factors coming into play here with these character interpretations and, for me, the biggest missed opportunity is the lack of historical research. But end of the day people should have their fun! Just an observation.

Completely agree with this! I doubt my response will be as long since I just woke up but other characters doing certain things or not knowing about sexualities is interesting, it just seems like a lot of people think older people don’t want to explore any of that like it only just happened recently as you said. I like to joke about Angel being shocked about gay marriage and not knowing a bunch of current terms but thats about it. With him being in the mafia when he was alive makes it much more interesting as well, I’m pretty sure around his time the mafia was blackmailing men in gay bars but dont quote me on that I might be wrong.

Anyway for Husk and Valentino pan erasure I see that a bunch too. Not exactly erasure but just… ignoring it? Moreso erasure on Valentino’s end because Ive seen people get mad at people for shipping Valentino with a woman and was like “hes gay dont do that” no he isnt. Also dont ship Valentino with anyone for the love of god. But like people are super used to just making up headcanons that they dont bother to look up actual canon stuff. I know Hazbin isn’t the best but if you want canonically LGBTQ+ characters use what you have and add on later. Or headcanon a background character, thats what I did with Molly.

People are very focused on modern day queerness and forget that this stuffs been happening for decades and it’s a bit sad. Also I seem to have strayed from my own question as well?? Anyway ty for mentioning this! Its very interesting 🩷

#raimble #hazbin hotel #hazbin critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critical #angel dust #hazbin angel dust #hazbin angel #anti vivziepop #angel dust hazbin #husk hazbin #husk #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel husk #husk hazbin hotel #husker #husker hazbin #hazbin hotel husker #hazbin husker #tw valentino #cw valentino

[bettsfic]

Hi Betts,

I recently listened to an interview with an author that said “when they decided to get really serious about writing and their dreams they made a ten year plan.” So me being the planner that I am, said maybe I should do it too, especially since this writer is pretty successful. Have I made a decent enough plan? No, because being real about your dreams and committing is scary af.

But I have developed this thinking that each story I have to work on has to be “publishable” and if I can’t immediately envision its success I need to push it away. For some people this is fine. For me, I’m pushing aside every idea and am constantly writing for an invisible audience. Which has its pros and cons.

I want to become efficient so that I can be a good author. One who meets deadlines and puts out work they are proud of. But I’m wondering if it’s even possible to try to work to be an author and still create work that is fun and true to you? If a decision isn’t meaningful I won’t include it in my outline. It feels like the only time writing can be fun is when I was young and had no clue about market and rules and just assumed my dreams would come true.

you know, what i keep finding over and over again is that i was right about a great many things before i had any idea what i was doing. i just didn't know why i was right, i had no context or evidence for my rightness. granted, i was arrogant, but arrogance isn't wrong; it's just uninformed. when you inform arrogance, it becomes confidence. you become informed by getting a lot of feedback on your work and giving feedback on work; having your work accepted once or twice and accepting someone else's work; having your work rejected hundreds of times and being the one to reject. maybe you've done all those things already, in which case you're firmly on your path and there's not much you have to do besides keep going.

i definitely relate to what you're saying, though. i would be lying if i said i wasn't just days ago in a phase of berating myself for my failures and wishing i could work harder and more efficiently. i've cultivated some confidence about my work, but there are some ways in which i'm too arrogant and others in which i'm too humble. i have a long way to go still in informing myself about my work and the process of making it.

you'll be in positions where you have to make creative concessions for the sake of publishing, but don't make them before you get anything on the page. listen to your own ideals and make those ideals happen in your work. a year ago, i finished a novel that was my favorite thing i'd ever made, and i was so proud of it, but i knew it wasn't publishable in the state it was in. even though i'd worked a year on it, it was still an early draft and bore the marks of an early draft, but i couldn't see that because i'd never taken any project further than that one. i'd never felt closer to a project or more intensely toward it. and when i was done, i went through six months grieving it, in a sense, because i knew i'd have to rewrite it. i had to kill the thing that it was in order for it to become what it needed to be. i came to accept that, and the next six months sat on the frustration of not knowing what direction to take it, but having the wisdom to know i couldn't rush it or force it.

and then the fix came to me all at once. the fix involves getting rid of many things that were once dear to me. not even darlings, but entire themes i felt were meaningful, that were the very things i want to share and explore in my work. i don't feel so bad about giving those things up now. what i take out will be put into something else eventually, and what i keep will stand out more starkly. the new parts i write will fit better and serve the story itself, even if it's no longer the story i originally intended to tell.

when you're drafting, your work is in a private conversation with yourself; it's about you even if it isn't. but it can't stay about you. eventually it has to stand on its own. and you might think, well why can't i just write something that stands on its own to begin with? but if you do that, writing is just work, it's business, and it may be more efficient but it's also less meaningful. there's no such thing as efficient creativity. it takes as long as it takes, and if you force yourself on a ten year timeline you might as well focus that energy on something more lucrative and within your control. there's so much about writing that's just chance and discovery and failure and faith.

so i think you should go back to assuming your dreams will come true and not thinking too much about anything except the work itself until you get to the point where you have to. and it will hurt. it may hurt more than anything hurt you've ever put yourself through. but trust you'll get to where you're going, even if it takes longer than you intended.

#writing advice #publishing #concession #process

[cuubism]

hello friends. despite my 9 million existing dreamling wips i'm feeling the need to branch out a bit for the sake of my mental variety. what pairing other than dreamling should i write a little something for? could be romantic or platonic

other way of phrasing i guess: any pairings you really want to see more fics for in the fandom?

#i actually do have one someone asked me for ages ago i've been meaning to get to so i'll try to do that too #bonus points if it still involves dream bc you know i love dream XD #probably wont do any romantic pairings /between/ the endless because well yeah #but open to exploring pretty much anything else... feel free to send whatever if you want. dont worry about if i'll like it #if i can't vibe with it or find it uncomfy i just won't write it no harm no foul #not me soliciting little prompts fully knowing that motivation is a fickle beast and who knows if i would get to writing them XD i want #to though! or like. idk. if anyone wants to share headcanons about their favorite pairings i am happy to receive them #the sandman #a couple that are bouncing around my head already: #rose meeting desire. this could be really interesting i think (they are of course her grandparent) #calliope and lucienne post-calliope's imprisonment: i think their dynamic could be interesting since they both have/had close relationships #with dream. but of course calliope's relationship with him fell apart. i think lucienne with whatever context of it she had would probably #be sympathetic to calliope's perspective but still staunchly On Dream's Side so the speak bc she is ultimately very loyal to him... could b #an interesting convo. #additionally - calliope and johanna. both suffered things recently. both had curious interactions with dream where they recently saw both #his vicious side AND a kinder more understanding side of him... [dream gave rachel a peaceful death at johanna's request etc] #but they've come out of their suffering really differently (granted it was different types of suffering. but) #wow here i am asking for people's ideas and then just coming up with my own XD #anyway #wait two others: i'm fascinated by the potential dynamic of lucienne and the corinthian they only had like one short scene together in the #show but can you imagine. spending eons being loyal to dream and then going opposite directions with that loyalty. being among dream's inne #circle so to speak except lucienne is her own entity while corinthian was /created/ by dream. they have the most fascinating venn diagram o #personality traits and narrative positions... #secondly. and this is kind of crack. but like. imagine johanna and corinthian in the same room XD 'hi i'm an exorcist and this is my pet #serial killer' 'yeah my lord gave me a vacation to go kill some demons' why doesn't he try to kill johanna? bc she tried to destroy him #first time they met and he can't help but respect it XD

[abandoned-quiche]

#Whenever I imagine the bunker I imagine it being explored by Kris and Susie #But... Noelle should be there too. Right? #I personally think only two characters will explore the bunker though. #After reading entries 1 through 16 #You finally find Gaster #in the middle entry 17. #you think he hasn't noticed you yet. but then he turns around and says #WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK? #So... it should be Kris and Noelle. Right? You can't leave either of them out. #I do have this idea that you'll find Dess. And she either won't be able to go back. Or won't want to. #But she leaves you with one final message for Noelle. #That you and Susie deliver to Noelle #But I think it would make more sense for Noelle to be involved in the exploration of the bunker? #I also really like Marnielovesyouu's idea of Noelle figuring out how to decipher Wingdings as you explore the bunker. #deltarune #utdr #kris dreemurr #kris deltarune #noelle holiday #noelle deltarune #asriel dreemurr #asriel deltarune #susie deltarune #ralsei #ralsei deltarune

[singular-yike]

The Name "Saragimaru"

A Challenge From JynX

Now that Kanae's 80-hour BotC work marathon is over and I am free man once more, I've suddenly gotten an inexplicable burst in motivation to work on the JynX & Len’en Tweet Collection.

It's exactly what it sounds like, Twitter is, well what it is, these days, and it'd be a shame if we lost such a treasure trove of Len'en history and lore.

It is in the middle of this that I stumbled across this pair of tweets, which is quite interesting indeed:

RIP Clause aside, what really got me is that bit about Yaorochi and Saragimaru's inspirations, especially that bit about how their inspiration right there on their names.

With Yaorochi it's extremely obvious, both its pronunciation and kanji clearly allude to Yamata-no-Orochi; But with Saragimaru, things fall apart real fast. What on earth was their name based on?

Let's take a very, almost certainly overly close, look at the name Saragimaru (蛇穴丸), and try to piece together what it may be about.

Splitting the Name

This is a completely blind area of research for me, and I could scarcely find anything about this on both Japanese and Chinese wikis that had Len'en information.

Searching Saragimaru (蛇穴丸) on its own got me nothing but Len'en either, so I decided to split the name in the most logical way I could think of: Saragi + maru. Now let's take a look at them separately.

Maru

-maru (丸 lit. "circle, round") is a fairly common tomeji (止め字), suffixes commonly added to kanji names, such as ko (子 e.g. Kanako 可南子 or Minako 美奈子) or tarou (太郎 e.g. Kentarou 健太郎 or Kotarou 虎太郎).

Nowadays, -maru is most commonly associated with ship names, but it's still used in a wide variety of names, from people to animal to object names.

It's unclear where it originated from, but a dominant theory is that it comes from the Heian period first-person pronoun maro (麿 or 麻呂). This later came to be added to the names of people who were loved and respected.

This idea of love and treasuring the thing being named would become one of the central ideas of the -maru suffix, often being attached to pet names, especially dog names, as well as names of swords.

Additionally, it's believed that maru, meaning "round", was a euphemism for excretion. It's thought that naming someone with particularly loathsome names could actually protect them from demons and disasters, so they were commonly used for the names of young boys, especially those who were to become warriors.

It is this last angle that I think is relevant here, -maru as a tomeji used for warriors. Saragimaru is certainly a warrior themself, wielding both a one-handed sword and a naginata.

To be honest, this whole ramble about the -maru ateji could really end up being nothing. On one hand, -maru is very likely just another ateji for the everyday Japanese person, but on the other, this is JynX we're talking about, so I though to give it a dive all the same.

Saragi

Now onto the main focus, Saragi (蛇穴), the good thing is that this was a phrase that shows up intermittently throughout Japanese history, so we do have several possibilities to go off of.

Unfortunately, none of them really feel that connected to Saragimaru, so I'm not sure if I'm on the right track at all. Nevertheless, let's check these out from most relevant to least.

Saragi and Autumn

First, let's ignore the reading of saragi and just look at the written phrase 蛇穴, literally "snake hole". It's used in a kigo (季語), words or phrases associated with a season in traditional Japanese poetry.

The phrase is "entering the snake's hole [nest]" (蛇穴に入る), which points autumn in the 9th traditional month, since that is when snakes enter their burrows and hibernate.

This is potentially relevant as EMS in fact takes place in autumn.

Saragi and Pottery

Next, we look at a proposed etymology of the word saragi.

It's believed that the way snakes curled themselves up to dig their burrows used to be called saraki (さらき), this was later loaned to refer to clay pottery, as the process of shaping the pottery was compared to a snake curling up.

This would be relevant to Saragimaru through Sukune Kanato, a clay pottery artisan with whom Saragimaru had some dealings, even requesting the clay replica of the Tasouken from them.

Saragi Village

There is a settlement named Saragi (蛇穴), located in Gose City, Nara Prefecture. There are several theories as to how this name came to be, and is where the above point came from.

But rather than the name itself, what I'd like to draw attention to is a local festival, the "Snake-pulling Soup-scattering Festival" (蛇曳き汁掛け祭り), which takes place on the 5th May every year.

The story goes En no Gyōja (役行者), an ascetic and mystic said to be the founder of Shugendō (修験道), would pass through Saragi Village every day on his way to train on Mount Katsura.

A young girl from the village fell madly in love with En, but he would not even glance at her. Eventually, her feelings grew so strong that she transformed into a snake and chased after him.

However, it happened to be the rice-planting season, and the villagers were working in the field. It was then that they saw a giant snake spewing fire as it slithered across the field.

In their fear, the villagers took the miso soup that was meant to be a light meal for the field workers, and threw it at the snake, chasing it away. The villages gave chase, finding that it ran into a well. They covered the well up with a great boulder, trapping her.

There they built the Noguchi Shrine (野口神社), next to the well the snake was sealed in, to enshrine and provide for the girl's spirit.

The shrine is also dedicated to a dragon god, who has dominion over water. While it's not too clear where it comes from, it seems safe to me to assume that it's the same great snake that the girl transformed into, especially since snakes and dragons were often considered similar beings having power over water.

Below: The "Snake Mound" (蛇塚), where the snake is said to have fled into.

This leads to the "Snake-pulling Soup-scattering Festival", which, as the name implies, has two major events.

First is the "soup-scattering", which is believed to summon rain for good harvest in the coming year.

It used to be that the miso soup is actually thrown at the attendees of the festival. Though because the soup is actually constantly heated by fire, this is no longer done for safety concerns.

Below: The priest of the shrine scattering the soup, yes this is literal.

Next is the Snake-pulling, a giant snake made out of rice straws is made, said to carry the blessing of the dragon god of the Noguchi Shrine, and is even offered a whole bottle of sake.

It's brought to every house of the village, ensuring everyone gets a good harvest. At the end of the parade, its brought to the well, where it's positioned to sit in a coiled position over the well.

Below: The great straw snake atop the well.

That concludes, roughly, the tale of Saragi Village and its extremely unique festival (with some extra details too cause dang it's interesting).

There could be some rough threads drawn between the two

The girl's all-consuming love for En no Gyōja could be compared to Saragimaru's intense devotion to Yaorochi.

The girl's transformation into a great snake, rendered similarly as 大蛇 (lit. "giant snake") in the records.

The festival's purpose to calling upon rain could relate to Saragimaru's ability to manipulate cloudy weather.

In the end I won't say it's really a perfect fit for Saragimaru, but it's certainly the closest I think any of these saragi-related lines of thought have brought us.

Conclusion

And that's really all I was able to find, no satisfactory conclusion this time, just a few potential connections for you to ponder on and drawn your own conclusions with.

This, at the very least, would placate my burning desire to figure out what JynX really means with that tweet, even if it's not the right answer.

As usual, I hope you enjoyed~! :)

#len'en #len'en project #len'en lore #adagumo no saragimaru #I do want to post more #but I'm really juggling so many things at once #that and I can't really think of any ideas #since I don't really want to just regurgitate the wiki #especially since like at least half of the mythology/history stuff there was already written by me #I'd rather explore more shaky connections and obscure stuff here #though I suppose my idea of obscure is probably very skewed at this point #feel free to ask for stuff as always~ #also BotC is nearing release!! #big excitement

[todayisafridaynight]

i was playing about dropping Fifty Drawings onto everyone's dashboard this week but the unfortunate reality is i am in fact being assaulted with images

#snap chats #this is what happens when i go on three hour walks i guess #might abandon some but i will spitball the ones on the forefront of my brain.. #more for my sake so i dont fuckin forget cause I Am Starting To Forget Already dont read if. you dont want spoilers ??? #not y7 spoilers. or i mean i GUESS there'll be y7 spoilers but i mean for my psts. i guess. only i care about that ANYWAY #i wanna draw a comic of aoki getting SOME kind of butterfly memorabilia or something with him and butterflies #i Was having a chortle with myself about Like A Butterfly but i was also like... Yk Butterflies Still Are About Rebirth #lame as hell ik but shut up anyway next one i wanted to do was Troubled Teen Jo getting in a scrap with arakawa #idk if i want this to be AFTER arakawa's become a father or not.. im still chewing on exactly what i want the direction of it to be.. #i have an IDEAAAA just.. nothing concrete yet.. #and then the one i wanted to see if i could do tonight was Beach Day With The Arakawas :) Cause IDK <:) #i really dont know.. for some reason i just got visions of them three at the beach.. maybe its cause of tonbi idk... #though the more i thought about that idea the longer it got and the more i was like 'maybe i can turn this into a fic instead' #a terrible sentence cause generally i never get anything done when i say that but it'd fr be too long to make a comic of #so at least for now maybe ill make a short fic.. just tryna figure if i want a jo or arakawa pov #i always think of jo's pov so i wanna challenge myself with arakawa. i always focus on jo and his pov of 'becoming a father' #but sometimes i also really wanna explore arakawa's pov on jo becoming another parental figure for masato. or smthn like that idk #ANYWAY LET ME COOK. im not a good chef but i can at least cook an egg lemme see what i got... #bye bye for now ill be in the kitchen (google docs) if anyone needs me..

[quietwingsinthesky]

Lucifer and Sam, post canon. Everything is different when there aren’t any stakes.

“Tell me what I did,” Lucifer says, and Sam knows that what they’ve had isn’t enough to get an archangel drunk unless he started long before he stumbled onto Sam’s doorstep, where Sam would have shot him rather than let him in if not for the haunted and awfully familiar look in his eyes.

“You don’t remember?” Sam asks, wiggling his fingers until Lucifer hands over the bottle for him to drink from, and he tries not to flinch too hard when Lucifer’s head thunks onto his shoulder.

“I remember all of it,” he slurs, “every torture you went through and I inflicted and- Is this what possession feels like?” he finishes, staring at his hands and looking so horrified that Sam has no choice but to believe him when he claims that he’s not had any control since they fell into the Cage.

#did you want Lucifer apologism? you’re getting Lucifer apologism #part of my larger idea for an AU where like. something snaps Chuck’s control #and Lucifer (who. famously. is so different in character from s5 to the rest of the show) suddenly starts acting completely different #(aka more in line with the s5 characterization) #and then they all have to contend with the idea that when your enemy is literally god. he can rewrite you whenever and however he wants. #and not even the devil gets a say in his part #(important to me that this doesn’t erase Sam’s trauma though. like. that’s important. he was still hurt and that is so important to me. #but I think that adds a whole new layer to this concept. how far is Lucifer held accountable for that pain. can Sam empathize? should he?) #sry for rambling my point is. late seasons lucifer was a wonderful chance to explore a meta concept like retconning in a horror way. #and they did not do that. so I will. #supernatural #spn #ask #samifer #Lucifer/sam winchester #not really meant as romantic lmao. more like headed towards a trauma-bonded qpr #Lucifer spn #Sam winchester

[poptartmochi]

however.. it's not just blorbo thoughts that haunt me with that song... it's teacher thoughts too! 🤯

#for the past few months I've been going back and forth about whether i want to teach middle or high school #and this is nowhere near a deciding factor #BUT... consider the following with me.. performing one version as a mass piece at the beginning of the year with the full choir and then. #🤌🏻 #at the end of the year doing the other with just the seniors because they have become the old man who will never again pass this way 😭 #i feel like dickau's would be better as a mass piece because of it's more relaxed rhythms. the chords sound fuller than macdonald's which #would probably sound nicer with all hands on deck! and then macdonald's more rhythmically challenging arrangement would be cool for the #seniors 😁 but this is to my untrained and pretty rusty ear so 🕴️ we'll see how i feel when i go back to school #another idea I've entertained is giving each class a like. Challenge Song their freshman year and recording it‚ then reprising it their #senior year and letting them compare their performances to reflect their growth as musicians.. i think that would be really cool :] #i dont think i could conduct the bridge builder with that in mind though.. id start crying lol! but i think it is fundamental as a choir #student to watch your director cry in the middle of a song+ continue on as if nothing was happening #but anyhow idk man.. the idea of working with high schoolers to really build up their musicality and prepare them for the world is very #appealing to me but you can't be a musician without the foundations which i could establish in middle school #and foundations are very fun to teach as well!! but foundations can be taught in a beginning choir course or during summer camp #so 😩 #the music i want to direct is all satb which suits high school better. but is it selfish to choose which way to go based on what music you #like? 🕴️🕴️ the contemplations man.... anyhow i have a lot more growing and learning and Studying to do before this will even matter #can't prepare kids for the world when I've scarcely explored it myself! #sriracha.txt

[weekend-conspiracy-theorist]

I didn't even come close to finishing this fic in time for Halloween, even though I've been working on it literally since I posted the first entry in the tim&steph role swap au, but it turns out detective stories take way more effort to write than dumb, cheesy character interactions. who knew! (I did. I just also watched 32 horror movies this month.) anyway, I wanted to share something spooky for the holiday regardless, so here's a peek at what's to come...

"I'm not crazy," Melanie Diaz said, tightly. Her long, wavy dark hair was pulled up in a messy bun, slightly stringy with oil and sweat, and her jaw was clenched tight. She picked at her long sleeve tshirt, where it was pilling near the bend of her elbow.

"I know."

She snorted, rolling her eyes, and took a step away from him as she waved a hand in the air. "Yeah, it's that simple. I tell you I'm seeing ghosts, and you just--"

"Hey," Tim interjected calmly, holding up a placating hand. "Look, first, there are lots of things that can cause hallucinations. Mold, gas leaks, fear gas. This is Gotham, after all."

"I told you, I'm not--"

"That would not make you crazy," Tim told her firmly. "It would mean that there was a physical substance in your apartment causing a measurable chemical reaction in your brain. Hell," he snorted, "even if you are just hallucinating because you're hallucinating, there's still a chemical reaction happening in your brain. What's happening to you is very real, in one way or another. Alright?" He gestured her over to the couch, crouching down next to her as she sat and offering her his hand. After a short, distrustful moment, she took it, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.

"But I actually had both a second and a third point that you never let me get to," Tim added gently. "Second is that there is plenty of technology that could be utilized to make you think you were hallucinating. Speakers, projectors, stuff along those lines. And, third, and perhaps most importantly, we live in a world where Wonder Woman exists, and a stage magician who is actually magic is one of the most powerful members of the Justice League." He settled his other hand over hers and offered a gentle squeeze. "Those kinds of things don't bleed over to boring, normal people like us all that often, but it still wouldn't be completely unheard of if you were actually being haunted."

"Oh, god." Melanie groaned, setting her other hand over top of Tim's and bending over to press her forehead to it.

"Whatever is happening, we are going to figure it out together," Tim promised her. Something wet slipped between her fingers as her chest heaved silently.

#the tim&steph role swap au #tim drake #I've basically only written the introduction to this story because I had an epiphany for how I could use cass as more than a bit part #and suddenly there was an extra plot twist which means it's going to be way longer than I expected #but it's been fun. I started it because I wanted to actually explore the private investigator thing #because it's the one really MAJOR departure between this au and canon #and also I love a good detective story. sue me. #I'm so bad at plots though I guarantee this will be a let down if you look at it too closely but whatever. it's my universe. #I can do what I want. #anyway yes all along I've been saying in the author's notes that I don't want to write case fic but actually all along. #I have been writing case fic. #I'm a lying liar who lies #anyway tim's role in this au is really interesting #because he's not a cop AND he's not a vigilante #and that leaves him a lot more open to smaller more personal cases #it pulls him away from like the rogues and mafia bosses and stuff (except for the general reconnaissance he does just for himself #because TRT!tim is a little bit insane and has no idea) #yet also puts him much more openly and actively on the streets #he has an office. his phone number is listed. he does not have a mask to hide behind. I am fascinated by TRT!tim #and this particular fic is proving an outlet for it #also I lay out some timeline stuff while discussing tim and cass's relationship in this au #and damn these kids had a bad couple years huh #I haven't decided the exact impetus for war games or who killed jack drake in this au #but those things still happened #I do think tim and steph end up a little more stable overall than they did in canon #because a lot of the trauma from that specific time period was heaped solely on tim and here it's split #but bruce's death def has a bigger impact on steph in this universe (plus kon and bart) so she definitely still has a bad time of it #except she stays in gotham rebuilding with dick and damian rather than doing the red robin thing #and cass is the one rescuing bruce from the timestream #(again I haven't decided everything that changes between tim's canon experience and cass's

[mbat]

tfw you have quite possibly the most ambitious idea of your life and it sounds amazing and like a dream but its basically impossible and will quite literally never happen

#i think all the time about which medium i wish i could turn my kingdom project into one day #and the most likely option is a comic but like #i want it to be exciting and stuff and as a comic it wouldnt be as exciting as. a video game #except the idea is turning it into a game like fuckimg world of warcraft in the sense of a giant life size fantasy world #full of places to explore and quests to do #and a main storyline that is admittedly fairly chill. it would not be as complicated as WoW though and like #in a wild way to do any game i really wouldnt care to add combat if i could help it #youd probably end up doing puzzles or specific tasks and minigames idk sjfjsjd #but it would take years upon years of work. more people than me for sure. and probably so much money #sigh.... one can dream anyway. #my post #kingdom project #not to mention i dont know if anyone else just likes exploring game environments.. thats basically the only reason i like WoW. #i love exploring WoW and seeing the excellent worldbuilding in the environments #i love exploring every games environments! its just neat #i would love to make a game where thats the whole point aside from obviously the main story djfjfn

[angeltrapz]

its feeling worried abt the quality of my writing hours apparently

#smth Always has to happen at night when im alone. #i just. feel like it could be so much better. that i could tell stories better. and i dont really know what to do to alleviate that concern #i have so many ideas. so many concepts i want to explore. but im afraid im not going to write it well #anyway. sorry for venting on main again jdkdbdmsms #connor.vtxt #i dont hate my writing. i just wish i knew why it feels lackluster sometimes yk? #also like. the saw fandom is relatively more quiet than it was this time last year and i understand that + dont resent any1 for it #and i definitely dont want to stop writing for it. sometimes it just feels a lil discouraging. again thats not any1s fault though

[ambrosiagourmet]

I've been thinking about Laios' succubus lately. Mulling it over a bit.

Because I've seen these pages brought up a fair bit, but almost entirely in the context of shipping (on all sides, really). And I really want to understand what they are doing for the story beyond that.

When I went back to reread the scene and section, a few things caught my interest: the way Laios responds to both forms of his succubus, the themes of the volume the chapter is found in, and the other events of the chapter itself.

So let's dive into those three things, and what I think they say about the succubus scene's purpose.

Laios is never fully frozen by the succubus

So. If you compare Marcille and Chilchuck's reactions...

to Laios':

-

There is a difference. Sure, the basics may look the same once it turns into Scylla Marcille, but even then, it functions differently.

Chilchuck and Marcille are completely frozen once they catch sight of their succubus. Izutsumi, as well, isn't able to look away, and completely freezes up once her 'mom' starts talking to her. As Chilchuck describes, "just looking at them makes you unable to move."

And yet, Scylla Marcille has to actively convince Laios to comply. He even looks away from her at one point!

Laios accepts this succubus, but he is never actually helpless to it in the same way. Taken in? Convinced? Sure, at least enough to let things happen that he probably should question more than he does. But magically compelled? Not really. Not the same way as everyone else is. So that's interesting. But let's move on for now.

2. Volume 9 is all about drive and desire

I don't often look at chapters within the context of the volume they are included in, but I think there's some really fun things to be found with that perspective in mind.

For one, volume 9 starts with an exploration of what desire brought Laios to the dungeon:

And ends with a question of what desire brought Laios to the dungeon:

It's also very concerned in general with questions of why people do what they do. Why they are in the dungeon, why they are with the people they are with, why they stay, what they fight for.

In addition to Laios, we see it with Marcille...

Izutsumi

Kabru

and Mithrun

Hell, we even get it for the demon!

It's certainly not the only volume concerned with desires and motives, but it is particularly focused on these ideas.

The succubus scene fits quite well into the ongoing question about desires, especially Laios' desires. It is even placed at an interesting spot within the volume. The volume is six chapters long, and the scene takes place at the start of the 4th chapter. It's almost smack-dab in the middle.

With all this in mind, it is interesting that, with both versions of the succubus Marcille, it's not totally clear which parts of her Laios is rejecting.

The first version of Marcille looks human, but Laios attacks when he identifies her as a monster. The second Marcille looks like a monster, but he seems to believe that she is the real (human)(ish) person that he knows. So is he rejecting the monster at first, and then accepting the person? Or is he rejecting humanity and only interested in the monstrous?

Something to consider as we look at the next point...

3. the rest of the chapter is a seduction, too

This is one of those things that might not be apparent on a first reading, but is crystal clear on a revisit. We see the succubus try and charm Laios over 7 pages, and then see the Winged Lion do the same thing for the next 19.

Much like the succubus, it offers the mingling of monsters and humans. Much like the succubus, it offers belonging.

(and this is the point where I absolutely must also link this post by fumifooms on the succubus, which has some great ideas on how the scene is informed by Laios' trauma and desire for acceptance!!!)

But, back to the point. The Winged Lion wants to feed on Laios just as much as the succubus did, and it uses similar strategies to try and make that happen. Though this chapter isn't really the turning point for the next Lord of the Dungeon (it is Marcille who will, eventually, become the Lion's next victim), it certainly behaves like it is.

Laios is convinced. The succubus gets its meal. By the end of the volume, the reader begins to understand how concerning his desires are. Together, it is all very good at building up that sense of dread and pending disaster, as we see exactly how and why Laios might just fall into the Lion's open arms and bring about the end of the world.

-

So that's the three things I noticed. But there's still something I want to touch on by looking at the way these observations overlap, and what they reveal, together.

As I said, by the end of the volume, you can feel the tension growing. Just as Kabru and Mithrun do, you look back for an answer to the questions that have been built, chapter by chapter: why is Laios here? Where will his loyalties fall? This chapter, and scene, seem to prove the inevitable truth: he will choose the monster, of course. He will choose the seductive, easy power of the Winged Lion.

But the details of what actually happens tell different story: one in which the Lion is wrong.

First, as a reminder - even in Scylla Marcille mode, the succubus never fully entrances Laios. It convinces him, but it doesn't have him completely under its thrall.

Similarly, in the dream, the Lion does convince Laios to embrace the world he is offering. But even within that dream, Laios continues to ask questions that will be vital to him later. It is because of those questions that Laios comes to a new understanding about Thistle.

And it's this realization that he cites later as part of his reason for refusing the Lion's offer.

He is thinking through things the entire time, just like he continues to question the succubus even after it turns into Scylla Marcille.

Laios also expresses an interesting reason for why he wants to see the future of this world. He's not just invested because it would mean people liking what he likes, or him getting to spend time with monsters. The thought that comes immediately before his acceptance is about what he wants for monsters and people.

I don't think it's a coincidence that this statement - "we're living beings that share the same world, but all we can do is keep killing each other" - can apply to the various humans races just as much as it does to humans and monsters. The thing he is thinking about here isn't just a matter of his personal daydreams. It's an idea that underpins every conflict in the story.

Laios caring about how people as well as monsters in this manner is something that the Lion gets wrong every time. Even at the end, he still frames Laios' desires entirely around hating people and loving monsters.

The Lion has heard him express an opinion about the future of the world! It happened right there in the dream, right in front of him! He just didn't take it seriously, and didn't view it through any lens other than "Laios likes monsters more".

He's convinced that he understands how to get to Laios. Maybe the Lion can't truly see everything, or maybe his vision into everyone's deepest desires has made it hard for him to realize how much choice still matters. That people can, and do, choose which desires to act on, and how to act on them.

Whatever the case, he's wrong about Laios, and the story shows us this over and over again.

After all, look at how the succubus interaction plays out:

A monster uses Marcille to appeal to Laios...

He realizes that something about the situation is wrong, and rejects her.

It changes strategies, and makes new offer: to turn him into a monster.

It also assures him that his friends are, or will be, taken care of.

He accepts. Or rather, allows the monster to have its way with him.

But Laios is not as helpless as he initially appears, and what the Lion thinks is a successful seduction also contains the seed of an idea that will allow Laios to later resist him.

We even get to see Izutsumi playing a similar role in both instances, as the one person fully able to take action in the face to the illusion.

The story lays out what is going happen, and then explicitly tells us that the demon and the succubus are thematically related.

The chapter performs a great sleight of hand here - everything about it seems to indicate that Laios is doomed give in to the option to have his deepest desires realized. But if you look closer, it also contains the evidence that he won't. There's a lot more going on for him.

Yes, he still falls for obvious tricks. He is still extremely into monsters, and he still doesn't feel like he fits in with other people. He may, deep down, crave to surrender to the monstrous - to let it absorb him. But he questions more than he seems to. He considers more than people realize. He cares so much more than anyone gives him credit for.

And I think this is part of why we see the succubus called back to so many times, especially with the wolf head addition to his Monster Form, which he specifically added due to his encounter with the Scylla Marcille.

This all stays with Laios. It doesn't just foreshadow the path of the story, it is fundamental to how and why he walks that path. It's not about him choosing monsters, and it's not about him choosing people. It's about how he considers both, and cares about both.

And it's about the forces that think they already know his answer. Mithrun and Kabru. The Winged Lion. The succubus.

It's about how they are wrong.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #laios touden #winged lion #dunmeshi analysis

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Soft Astarion Jealousy

Now with part 2!

I love Ascended Astarion because he's horrible but the sweetness of the other end of the spectrum is impossible to deny. He's just so in love and grateful I can't 🥺🥺

So here's some jealousy that isn't psychotic. Well it is but not as bad:

Astarion never expected to be the jealous type. He always thought...well. In all honesty he never thought about the reality of having a relationship. He didn't even think it was possible for him, let alone the idea that he would actually want it. Even with you, even after he admitted a fraction of his own feelings to himself, he never thought that he would be so... possessive. Though admittedly, he had very good cause for it.

Because you were frustrating. So, so frustrating. For some idiotic reason, you simply didn't understand how alluring to others you really were. You were a pretty little thing, yes but that wasn't the problem. It was so much more than that. And he knew that the others wanted you. Every last one of them. Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Wyll, Karlach, Gale, Halsin. All of them like moths to a flame. And that wasn't even counting all of the strangers you had met on your journey, the extras that thought they had a shot with your greatness. They all wanted you in ways that made Astarion seethe. And the desire from others wasn't even the kind that he was used to, the kind he understood like the back of his hand. Because you didn't need to seduce to cultivate desire. All you needed to stoke the flames was merely your presence. Experiencing you was all that was required for people to know they wanted more.

Astarion knew that the others weren't just looking for a bedmate, they wanted you for the same reasons he had grown to. Your empathy, your desire to understand those around you. Your fearlessness, your infuriating habit of always trying to do the right thing. They wanted you for your laugh, the way your eyes would crinkle in the corners when your smile was too wide. Your silly jokes, your endless hopefulness for a future. It felt as though everyone around saw you for the gem that you were and it was... concerning. Extremely concerning.

Astarion hated thinking about things like this. He loathed admitting the truth to himself even more. But he was...terrified of losing you to someone else. Especially since it could so easily be done. He was so very lucky that you weren't the brightest, or at least not when it came to matters of the heart. You could do so much better than him, a fact that was incredibly obvious to everyone around you. Everyone but you, a luck that Astarion did not take lightly. But how much time did he have before it ran out? Would it ever?

Perhaps it was delusional, but he was starting to think when all of this was over, assuming neither of you perished anyway, that...it could just be the two of you. Living together, exploring the world, even if it had to be under the cloak of night. Maybe... maybe the two of you could even find a cure for his unsavory condition. The thought itself was incredibly stupid, but then again, it was just as idiotic to believe that there was a cure to the Mind Flayer parasite. But here they were, closer then ever. And if that was such an impossibility turned into reality, perhaps a vampiric cure wasn't so impossible. Or maybe even finding an alternative method for immortality for you, without the downsides of his own. Anything that could just keep you both together, for as long as possible. It was an unrealistic dream, that would never come into fruition. If anything it was dangerous, so very dangerous to even entertain the thought of forever. Especially when your connection was so tenuous.

Astarion would never be stupid enough to thank Cazador for anything but...he'd be lying if he said he wasn't appreciative for his own lack of subtly when it came to seducing you. Even if it originally was for distasteful reasons, it still got him ahead of the pack. If he had been less calculating, less astute, there was a sincere chance that you would be warming someone else's bed at night. Callousness would never be without it's uses, even if it led to uncomfortable situations like his current infatuation.

What would he do when you inevitably wanted to leave? How could he survive after having something so...good. Someone so caring, someone who for some very horrifying reason liked being around him. And the sex... it was fabulous. He was a massive fan of your intimacy, when he was capable of participating in it. He adored it, he adored you, your beauty, the sweet noises he could coax from your mouth, the europhia of being inside of you. Then there was the fact that you could be intimate without any traces of it devolving into lovemaking. He had never been gifted with the ability to say no before, so often and so freely without a single fear of punishment. If anything, it felt like he was rewarded when he was honest with you, when he would share his sudden fits of discomfort in his own body, the memories that plagued him and doomed him to staying stubbornly soft. You would never get angry, never even disappointed. You would just listen and smile, always adorable when you would ask, "But I can stay for a cuddle, can't I?"

An extremely silly question, considering the two of you hadn't spent a night apart from each other since you'd made it to the Shadowlands. Yet it never failed to make him melt.

It was getting worse, these feelings. He just wanted you around, by his side, constantly. Constant enough for him to get the ridiculous urge to hiss at anyone else who dared to come near you. He felt an intense need to protect the closeness the both of you had cultivated, the kind that he had never been allowed before. He had no interest in sharing you with your own friends when it came down to it, let alone another lover.

Which is precisely why his original, mild distaste for Halsin turned into a full-blown hatred the night he had the gall to proposition you.

It had felt like a shard of ice going through his chest when you bounded over to him, laughing about one of his greatest fears coming much too close to reality, "You won't believe the conversation Halsin and I just had-"

"Ah, I was wondering when you were going to ask me about that," Astarion laughed, purposefully interrupting you. He had no desire to hear the specifics of that conversation. He didn't even want to be having this conversation, where you were inevitably going to ask if it was okay to explore someone else.

The answer was no. Never would he be okay with it, allowing someone else to be close to what should have been his. But he needed to think strategically here. To say no could be disasterous. If it became a game of choice between him and Halsin... he's almost certain he would lose. Halsin was everything he wasn't; caring, giving, sharing in your worldviews in a way that Astarion never could. He couldn't risk it, he wouldn't. Having you at all was better than nothing.

"But I'd never even consider something like that-"

"It's fine," Astarion interrupts again, the fakest smile he can muster plastered on his face. The pain was worth the risk mitigation, he was sure of that. But... he still had to ask, "But is this because we haven't...y'know, in awhile?"

A sick part of him prays that you'll say yes. Because if that's the reason, he could do something about it. He could force himself if need be to always tend to your needs. Especially if it meant keeping you to himself. It was such a small sacrifice in comparison to the rest of his life. He would do it in a heartbeat if you demanded, anything to just make you stay.

But that was not the answer he received. Instead you frowned, looking him up and down, "What? No, I-Astarion no. Please don't think that. What we have together is so special to me. The physical part of it is lovely, perfect even. But...it's not what we are."

It's almost comforting to hear you say that. But then why did that make the situation feel so much worse? If it wasn't sex you were after then that certainly meant you wanted more with Halsin as well, did it not? But it was too late to rescind it now.

Astarion nodded, a confused mixture of hurt and gratefulness swirling through him, "I just needed to know. But if you're satisfied with me and just want to explore, go right ahead. I'll be here when you're done."

You nodded slowly, brow furrowed when you asked, "So...we aren't exclusive then?"

"No, of course not," Astarion confirmed, ignoring everything inside of him that was screaming for him to take it all back, "We can be as open as you'd like."

"I see..." You said, trailing off with a frown. You coughed into your hand, looking up at him sharply. Sharp enough for him to be sincerely confused, "Does this mean that you'll be speaking to me before you explore your other options?"

"I-yes? If you want?" Astarion answered, a new type of unease settling in his chest. You didn't seem very happy with this conversation, despite his best attempts to give you what you wanted. Where had he gone wrong? Was he already working to throw you into the arm's of another man, without even trying?

You were still frowning at him, your look cold in a way that made him feel particularly ill, "Please do. I'd like to know everything. I'm going to speak to Halsin, get this all sorted. We can talk later."

And then you were spinning on your heel and marching away, like Astarion was the offensive party here. It made no sense. He had done it all right, hadn't he? Agreed to it immediately, didn't make you feel guilty, had tried to be what you wanted. How had he failed?

He didn't wait around to see you go to Halsin. Instead he went straight back to his tent, closing the flap as he laid down. Great. Fantastic. Now he would have to be aware, perhaps even hear you being with another, while simultaneously reliving that horrid conversation in his head for the entire night. The hurt and worry was making his mind wander to uncomfortable places. Perhaps...Halsin could be dealt with in another way if things became too serious between the two of you.

Would poisoning the man be too extreme?

But before Astarion had the time to start thinking of a more detailed plan he was interrupted. Suddnely, moonlight was filling his tent, with your silleoute shining in the darkness.

He blinked up at you, confused, "What are you doing here?"

You frowned at him, looking hesitant in the entry way, "Should I not be? I thought-I can go if you'd like."

"No!" Astarion blurted out, loud and desperate enough to make him cringe. He cleared his throat, trying again, his voice still a touch too pitiful for his liking, "No, no, come here darling. Of course you're always welcome. I just assumed you would be busy."

To his relief you listened, crawling into the bedroll next to him. Astarion didn't waste any time in wrapping his arms around you, relieved to humiliating degrees that you had chosen to come back after the deed. Though...you didn't quite smell as he had thought you would. There were no traces of the floral, woodsy smell of the druid on your skin. Just the sweet, pleasant scent that he had grown so fond of.

You sighed as he tucked you against him, the warmth of you enough to make him relax for the first time that night. You laid together in a pleasant quiet, one that Astarion was actually scared to disturb. Despite the fact that he desperately wanted to know what happened between the two of you.

But you broke the silence for him, muttering into his chest after the two of you were settled, "I'm...sorry for being snappish earlier. I shouldn't have been. You didn't do anything wrong, and I know I don't own you. I shouldn't have assumed."

Astarion frowned, pulling back to get a proper look at your face. You looked hurt, sad even. Like you were the one who had gotten their heart broken. He could feel a curl of distaste settling in his stomach, annoyed that this felt as though the situation was being placed back to him. He had played his part, perfectly. What more could you ask for? What was there to assume?

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," Astarion carefully said, his eyes fixed on every micro expression on your face, "What did I do that could have been construed as incorrect?"

"Nothing!" You rushed to say, shame coloring your cheeks, "I was being stupid. You never promised me anything. I just...assumed. Wrongly that we were something we aren't."

That didn't-he-what? Astarion frowned at her, his confusion evident on his face, "What did you think we were?"

You looked uncomfortable, avoiding his gaze when you answered, "I thought that we were...together. Alone. Just us. But if that's not what you want I understand. It's fine-"

"What in the hells are you talking about?" Astarion blurted out, his anger and pain bubbling to the surface, "I haven't done a thing. And we were just us before you decided to galivant off with a bear of a man!"

He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. So much for playing things safely. No, he couldn't even have the self-control to stay quiet. He always had to ruin everything.

But surprisingly, you didn't look angry. If anything you seemed just as confused as he felt, "What? I didn't-we didn't do anything! When did I say I wanted to do anything with Halsin? You were the one saying you didn't care!"

You weren't making any damn sense, "Well why else would you ask me about it?"

"I didn't!" You huffed, glaring at him, "All I was going to say was that he asked me. And I wanted your help on how to best turn him down! And then you jumped at the chance to push me onto someone else-"

"I did nothing of the sort!" Astarion seethed back, "If it was up to me you would never look at another man again! Or woman for that matter!"

It was an odd feeling, to be arguing while holding each other so closely. But Astarion had no intention of letting you go anytime soon, even if he could feel you squirming against his ironclad grip when you fumed at him, "Then why would you say it was okay?!"

"Because I don't want you to leave me!" He shouted back, loud enough to snap him out of his own anger. All of his fury was instantly replaced with fear. Gods, why had he felt the need to say that? To lay his biggest insecurity out on the line. Why not just hand you a stake while he was at it, since he was so eager to give you the tools to destroy him.

But you were still seething, hissing back at him, "Why praytell, would I leave the man I've been in love with for months? Hm? Please, explain it to me!"

Astarion couldn't. He was too busy being shell-shocked at the confession, feeling too many emotions at once. Joy, relief, somehow even more fear than before. You so freely said the words that he had done his damndest to bury, to ignore. But now they were out there, filling him with a horrifying joy.

He wanted to say it back. He did. But he couldn't get the wrecthed words out. Instead he was just staring at you like an imbeicle, his mouth hanging opening at the confession.

But his silence didn't make you falter. Instead you looked determined, near fierce as you grasped his face into your warm hands, "I love you Astarion. You don't have to say it back. That's not what this is about. But I want you. And only you. If you want the same of me then you must tell me. Now."

Astarion let his hands flutter over your wrists, humiliating tears prickling at his eyes. But at least his vocal chords allowed him to answer you this time, "I do. So much more than you know. I want us. Just us. No one else."

The words were flowing out of him, too fast and sincere for him to make the appropriate edits in his head. He was saying too much, feeling too much, giving too much. But the way your eyes brightened at his words, the way you grinned at him before pulling him in for a sweet kiss made it suddenly feel like he wasn't giving anything up at all.

As much as he loathed to admit it, Astarion was exceedingly grateful for Halsin's existence after that night. He would never have had the gall to demand you to himself without a trigger, without the anger you both shared at being misunderstood. Because now, you were his. His alone, the proclamation coming from your own lips. And he was free to stop hiding how much he had wanted it. How willing he was to do anything to keep it. He let himself off his own leash after that, leaning completely into the mutual ownership you had of each other. No more would he silently sit back and seethe as a stranger flirted with you. No, now he'd be upfront and center, with a possessive hand around your waist as he glared them down, more than prepared with a confidence-shattering quip on his tongue.

He started to let all of his urges seep through, taking full advantage of your willingness. If Wyll looked at you for too long at the fire, with a touch of something that Astarion didn't like in his eyes, he'd effortlessly pull you into his lap onlookers be damned as breathed you in. If Gale suddenly had a suspect offer to teach you some new magic in a secluded location, Astarion would invite himself, impervious to any glares sent his way. And when he felt as though all of them were being a bit too flirtaious, he was more than happy to put them in their places at night. Spending hours upon hours making you scream his name in bed from pleasure, loud enough for everyone to hear and know exactly who you belonged to.

He couldn't care less if it added to his own unpopularity amongst their merry-band of rejects. Their opinions didn't matter. Not when you were eating all of the sudden attention up.

You let him do it all because you understood him, in ways that no one else had bothered to before. You knew who he was, what he wanted, the extent to how much he craved your attention. And you let it all happened, reveled in it even. The intense shows of affection. Because you loved him. And he loved you. And one of these days he'd allow himself to admit the obvious.

But for now, he had what he wanted. What he needed. And in the first time in his life, even with disgusting tadpoles squirming his his brain, Astarion was actually...happy.

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion fic #long fic #you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands #may add a dirty part two here #dirty sweet