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thelonesomequeen · 1 year

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Anons thoughts and opinions:

Sharing the asks we got about relationship status from yesterday. Please note these are the opinions and comments of our anons, and not necessarily ours. Some things we agree with, some things we don’t. We wanted to give a space to share those

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🌷🌷🌷Anon 1

There’s not an ounce of doubt in my head that this is a real relationship, you can argue what type of relationship; or how much it’s lasted and in what terms, but not that’s only PR

People around here love running around like “oh nothing makes sense, no theory fits all this” yes yes it does make sense, it’s a real thing going on with them and they’ve told a few lies maybe or maybe not, it changes absolutely nothing.

The answers to the questions:

1. Does Chris have something to gain from this?

2. Is this strictly PR?

It’s the same answer. No.

Whatever you answer to the first question answers the second one and viceversa. Simple math.

If you answer the first question with a YES and give a concise firm IMPORTANT answer of what he has to gain, then the its strictly pr answer is a yes too BUT SO FAR no one has been able to answer that question with a logical yes; the most people have come up with is that the SMA title requires for the man to not be single; which sounds dumb he’s doing ALL OF THIS for a title he looked blatantly uninterested in and that no one is talking about anymore. The other thing they’ve been saying is YES but we don’t know yet what he’s gaining, THATS NOT A VALID ANSWER.

Let’s not be in denial and accept we just don’t like this girl at all. I DO NOT LIKE HER and I hope they break up soon.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 2

This is clear PR. I don’t understand how others don’t see it.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 3

Whilst I agree with everything you said. I do think Chris would’ve been a little peeved at that shower video considering she’s linked to him and ‘supposedly’ his girlfriend of over a year and it really doesn’t look good because of the fact people are aware she leaked that video herself lol. Like I don’t think he was like ‘oooo yeah a white vest and it’s all wet yeahhh’ hahaha do you know what i mean?

🌷🌷🌷Anon 4

Love your last post!

Even though I think this is a real relationship (not sure how serious) used for PR so many things surrounding this situation are so odd. But the PR angle makes no sense to me. Like you said this type of PR relationship has done him ZERO favors and anyone can tell that. And I also think it is not favoring her at all. Yes she gained more followers but she hasn’t done anything with this newfound recognition. She hasn’t booked any interviews, barely promoted her show. She even ended up deleting her account. The whole point of a PR relationship is to be constantly in the public and have people talking (think Pete Davidson and his relationships). This is not like that at all. If he wanted to promote her show, there was no need to confirm a relationship. He could’ve just posted a friendly message did a puff piece with People about how he’s supporting his friend. Honestly, I think at this point we just need to wait and see

🌷🌷🌷Anon 5

What does Chris stand to gain from this relationship if it’s actually PR? A new image. The fandom knew something was up between them at the beginning of the year and nothing came from it except a few interactions on IG. Nothing really happened until October. The fans were prepared for something, the GP weren’t. Creators on the internet who never spoke about him went on long rants about how he’s another Hollywood cliche going through a midlife crisis. Maybe he really wanted to shed the internets boyfriend, dog dad, Disney loving image in hopes of reinventing himself and the way the public sees him. He’s had that good press for years. My mom watched TGM over the summer and she said she didn’t like Lloyd or Chris playing a character like that. He’s Cap and should stick to roles along those lines. Maybe this is him entering his villain era in hopes of getting more drama heavy roles. Maybe he doesn’t want to be known as Prince Charming anymore.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 6

I’m going to play devils advocate here and say that CE knows that his appeal and “sell” to his fans and public is the sweet, handsome bachelor in Hollywood who can’t find love. And that’s why it’s been crickets from him regarding her show (not even a mention), any photos of them or even him talking about her in SMA. Nope, nothing. I believe after it was made known they are an item, to quickly bury it and get back to “look at handsome Chris” mode. And I think he likes being viewed that way too.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 7

I’ve seen y’all and a few other people question “Why Alba?” if it’s just for PR and I have some thoughts.. Why not go with someone you already know? Why out another hookup when you have one that people have already been speculating about for a year? It gives them a built in timeline with NYE as proof and a LDR also gives an excuse for why there are no photos of them and no one has seen them out together. It also lets them do the bare minimum for PR since they’re not really expected to be in the same place. Why wasn’t she at any big events like family and friends’ weddings, or premieres? Well they’re both busy working and LDRs are tough. Plus a long distance relationship where he’s traveling to go see her kind of lines up with his character in Ghosted, just more realistically. No one outside of the fandom is really going to question the relationship or timeline. We’re in a bubble. People don’t care about Chris Evans as much as we think they do. His career will be fine. I promise.

Whether it’s PR for Ghosted, a PR cleanup from the pumpkin photo leaking their situationship, or an actual relationship, it will eventually end, and people will eventually stop talking about it. It’ll just become a messy, chaotic blip in his history. I know that sounds bleak if it is real, but honestly just don’t see this working out for them in the long run.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 8 (@andnowwedance)

The no pictures thing is just the weird part for me.// for me the no pictures thing just shows hes learning from his past. They way this fandom has treated the women is his life is shameful. If i was famous and someone treated the people i dated like that i would def try and keep it as secret as possible for as long as possible. I would have a rule about not putting putting pics on the internet. People would not have known they we’re together if his fans weren’t super stalkers looking up real estate listings and property taxes and tracking tail numbers. If they we’re together for over a year (which I absolutely DO believe) I think they did the best that could be expected in keeping it private.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 9

The problem with CE and BA “Relationship” os there isn’t any old pictures of them // yall do realize it is possible for people to live a life off the internet and out of public view right? It’s privacy. We rarely see chris doing anything anywhere, especially since he no longer lives in la most of the time

🌷🌷🌷Anon 10

i think i’m of the mindset that they’re totally legit and he’s probably really into her just because why else would you add that stereotype onto yourself? of being a man with a midlife crisis, soothing his ego with a girl in her early 20s.

OR he really just is a man in a midlife crisis soothing his ego with a girl in her early 20s. (but surely he must know how desirable he is to the general public?) idk. i’m really not totally invested either way i just like checking your page! love the way you approach these topics.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 11

Chris hasn’t publicly dated anyone for almost 5 years now, right? Perhaps it was just time to reup the desirability with a relationship. He can back up his standard “wife and kids” talking points with something recent

🌷🌷🌷Anon 12

But how many “in the wild” SOLO pics of Chris did we get in 2022? Just out to eat, at the store, walking down the street style pics? If we don’t think the relationship is real because they haven’t been snapped by random people while out, well, by that logic Chris himself ceases to exist when he isn’t being photographed or spotted by the public. Honestly, with a baseball cap and a sweatshirt he’s just too average to stand out in public. And no one knows who she is.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 13

I have a theory was the “relationship” isn’t thrilling the tabloids, it’s the wrong timing. Had this happened around Endgame or even Knives Out it would have been everywhere. The things he’s done since haven’t exactly been world wide phenomena. She’s gaining a little visibility but only though people who already keep close watches on Chris, the general public.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 14

The PR rs is done. There are more important things to worry about. Tara's mother in law passed away a few days after Thanksgiving. Condolences to the Bidwell family & friends. Death has a way in reminding people what matters most, the relationships you make with the people you love the most.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 15

Yep. That’s the part that’s remained weird to me too 🦎// I mean if they spent the nye party together which is 99% (minus 1% because I’m eyewitness) probable I can’t believe there’s no the whole group together type of photo. And we know he and his friends pose for these type of photo on these parties and they post. Also, remember that DM post of him being “spotted” in Martha’sV in those same days for a nye trip with friends. Imo, at this point everything is possible regarding this whole thing🤡

🌷🌷🌷Anon 16

I know more than likely it's a real relationship, but there's still just this little part of me that wonders if Chris and Alba are just a casual hookup turned long PR play for whenever Ghosted comes out. If he's playing a hopeless romantic chasing after Ana's character, a LRD could make it more relatable.

🌷🌷🌷Anon 17

These two will be done by the new year. Her show was just canned. It's not gonna last beyond next year. But LOL at people thinking they're getting engaged.😂

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dwestfieldblog · 7 months

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THE EVIL ANGELICALS

So, who’s been supplying the missiles to Palestine? They can’t all be home made…who funds the fundamentals? Iran and Syria with some Arbian cash…supported with a smile by Russia with a view not only for destabilisation but to focus attention away from its invasion of Ukraine. America and any allies Israel has left will need to be concentrating a vast amount of diplomatic energy, special forces and weaponry into avoiding a serious war in the alleged ‘holy’ lands. Slovakia, Poland and Hungary have steadily been becoming more reticent over support for Zelensky as the Kremlin works hard to undermine. Seeds all over Europe germinating to rise in grim blooms of far-right groups. Black humour dark as oil to see nationalists being manipulated so easily into serving their actual enemies. As always, follow the money.

Not isolated to Europe either…Brexit and Trump were strongly financed and encouraged as the collective dumbasses in the UK and the US wilfully sucked up the disinformation in the name of (don’t laugh) patriotism. Whipped up to distraction like moralising masochists over the ‘liberal woke’, transgender issues…with the tantalising promise of taking back their countries and making them wonderfully utopian by voting for greedy, venal power-hungry politicians paid by lobbyists, oligarchs and others connected with Moscow and Beijing.

To the point where their governments were and still are, going against the advice of their own scientists, diplomats and information services. Yeah sure, beware of deep state reptilians, covid vaccines activated by the 5g masts controlled by the Illuminati and the sneaky old Hebrews blah blah yada yada.

Dumbing down all the way has been firmly on the national curricula for quite a few decades and it all seems to be coming to a head where the West is ripe for take over. And we deserve it. Just a shame it has to be by the East rather than angelic aliens crossing dimensions of light. But that’s how it goes these days.

Bro down! Kim and Putin bestial buddies for life (and more likely Death). Looking like two cliched James Bond villains with guided tours of missile bases, nuclear bombers… weapons for the slaphead and technology for the fat Wrong Un. Military masturbation for the chuckle brothers in a substitute boner festival, because 19 months of using prisoners and pensioners as cannon fodder plus grinding losses have left the Kremlin Gremlin short of bullets. Charming to see such a pudgy North Korean greaseball whose people allegedly eat donkeys and grass while he gorges. (Not much future hope in his pale anorexic sister either.) Putin mentioned that Kim is ‘trying to develop space’. Well, he certainly takes up a lot of it. Love the way his terrified sycophants have to scribble down his golden words in notebooks to catch every fetid drop of wisdom. Perhaps he just has a very short-term memory.

Songun…is the North Korean policy of all tax money going to the military first… this means Dough Boy has plenty of stockpiles to share, as his direly undernourished population can always tighten their belts and starve harder. With regard to their chummy brotherhood, Kim said ‘I hope we will always be together in the fight against imperialism’. Hmm. Part of the definition of the word imperialism is ‘a policy of extending a country’s power and influence through use of military force.’

So, irony not at home in Wrong Un’s head. The workers really control the means of production over there, eh? All power in the hands of a few evil rich, (just the same as in imperialist capitalist democracies), not much actual communism. But then, there has never been much of that, just revolutions turning in cycles, as they do.

Russian schools are now teaching young children weapon skills…so as to be ready immediately to fight imaginary Nazis when they are called up at 16. And Russia wants to rejoin the United Nations Human Rights Council…as human rights is obviously an issue about Putin cares deeply.

‘The fact that we recognise the verbal level as internal-subjective and mistake the visual-tactile level for external-objective is the main cause of our frequent confusions, mistakes, bad judgements and repeated or dogmatic ‘wrong ideas’. Well said Robert. Give that man some Jameson and a joint of good weed,

Every person, sooner or later will experience a personal loss. A tragedy. Some can overcome and let go. Most of us will spend the rest of our lives carrying memories which cause us to drop into a spiralling void whenever we recall unbidden. Banishing rituals need to be performed within. It explains a great deal about the world, the mental burden of anguish we all shoulder. Perhaps when broken in pieces, we can better flow with the river. I have spent months now, over sensitised, looking to become functionally numb. And winter is coming.

Hibernate in a cave. Too much part of the story in reporting the facts, too emotionally unevolved, I couldn’t keep a professional distance, so I kept an amateur closeness. Too male, too English, in spite of everything I thought I’d learned. I was going to call this blog Empathy for the Devil but found there is a book with this name about helping you ‘Overcome Drug and Alcohol Problems’. Lol, as they say. My only problems in connection with these substances comes when I don’t have any immediately close to hand. Lol; eat her. Anyway, the devil never existed any more than did ‘God’. and ‘all energy flows according to the whims of the great magnet.’ HST.

(‘The resultant of all these repressions acting convexly from outside is experienced concavely from inside as the defined self; it has been defined by others.’)

Meanwhile, back in the home of the grave…with their oath keepers, proud boys and evil angelicals. Trump must not win. Should he do so, his first acts will be total revenge against all those hundreds he perceives as being enemies. He will seek to dismantle and rearrange the CIA and the FBI, the senate and the law courts. Followed by deals with Putin which will allow Ukraine to fall by withdrawing all American financial support from NATO in the name of peace.

Vlad will smile and talk of their great partnership while continuing to deal happily with China to further undermine the EU and the USA. Trump will meet with Kim again for another pointless red button dick measuring contest and also cement Netanyahu’s crushing of Palestine. (This paragraph was written in September.) Causing the Arab world (other than smiling Bin Salman who recognises pure greed and lust of power) to attack and attack and attack.

This will allow the non-Muslim world to rant about fundamentalism, share a created common enemy, start further wars to benefit the arms and oil industries, drive up prices, spread deepening global fear and causing Trump to do what any despot always does…i.e. change the laws to increase his terms in office and special powers. The massed ranks of evangelicals and ‘true patriots ‘will swell into Star Wars stormtrooper proportions in righteous fervent glee that their emperor messiah has come at last and America is finally great. Sorry, great again. Trump is a terrorist. There, it’s in writing.

At that tipping point, Putin and China will either allow the USA to fall apart under the massive weight of its colossal bullshit while trying to micromanage it not become a black hole…or by that time will have the technology to neuter America’s weapons technology from space. And the East will rule the world with an evil heart even worse than the West.

Hope I haven’t missed any negative bits. There is always the beautiful ‘random’ factor of chance. And Trump’s life is finite. Just continues to seem weird that in such a big and democratic country, the best candidates they can excrete upwards are an ancient man and a truly hateful orange scumbag. And the others. Sheesh.

Now the British (well, half German) Queen is dead, not sure Trump gives a toss about the plague ship UK and we can continue our downward spiral as America’s 51st state. Unsure who outside of Britain would give a toss if we were annihilated with clean fission weapons…other than the oligarchs who have well-appointed properties here. Irradiated real estate is hard to sell.

The old science fiction idea of the rich paying for tickets out of here to survive in space colonies or travel cryogenically frozen to a distant planet is also becoming ever more plausible. Egos unable to comprehend flesh being finite will demand their brilliant lives survive this burning, flooding, earthquaking world. Funny, as the majority of such types also refuse to believe in global warming, due to being stockholders in companies which vomit pollution.

Of course, the self-chosen ones will need a few hundred self-replicating proletariat slaves for manual labour. And we are back to Sumerian times. Anthropomorphic polytheism many gods in human form. Modern Moses the Egyptian comes down the mountain with a couple of Apple tablets. ARF.

Thirteen years of Tory misrule, I’m not a socialist but… Green Rishi ‘Long Term Decisions for a Brighter Future’ Sunak, backtracking and U turning on every single save-the-planet idea they had (due to the insurrection against ULEZ cameras because a handful of votes might be in it) is truly disgusting. The Conservatives, preserving the dysfunctional status quo, not quite as net zero as they might have led suckers to believe. Fossil fuels for fossilised hearts.

And Home Secretary Suella, a second-generation immigrant pulling up the drawbridge against an ‘invasion’ of the wrong sort of aliens, reminded me of an interview with a Pakistani gentleman over twenty years ago. He had come over in the seventies and opened up a newsagent and upon being asked what he thought the worst problems were in Britain, he immediately said ‘There are too many foreigners coming over here’. I felt the same way in Prague, far too many Brits and Yanks wanting to be musicians and teachers, go home scumbags. One likes to imagine one is individual and important compared to amateurs. Arf#2.

During the day, I write, do housecleaning, gardening and read books in silence. In the evenings, I switch off the machine with whisky and sound. Watch a good film or some comedy. Open and raw, peaceful as Zen then numb and enclosed but in a good mood to go to bed and enjoy my dreaming. 23 (wouldn’t you know it?) bits of writing have suddenly appeared within the last 5 weeks. Tiptoe the line between fine tuning and overthinking And it is finally time after five years, to take out my guitar…

HAPPY SAMHAIN/HALLOWEEN TO YOU, with Love

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aylinaliens · 3 years

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the fact that the tag for the cdrama my little happiness (aka the drama where the FL + SML from put your head on my shoulder are paired up together) is so dead makes me so sad because ???? it’s genuinely a wonderful little gem of a show. every single character, including the side ones, are all lovely and interesting. it might be full of cliche tropes but that’s why it’s so good. it’s just perfect mind numbing fluff.

so yeah. i know no one cares but here is my PSA: please go watch it!

#it’s on Viki and WeTv! it’s subbed to episode 12 #i really love it so far like yeah it’s cliche and dumb but it has a lot of heart so 🥺🥺🥺#my little happiness #fair xing #daddi tang #cdrama

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father-time-and-baby-new-year · 3 years

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happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"

#eren yeager x reader #bully eren yeager #toxic eren #eren yeager x you #yandere eren x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren x fem!reader #eren yeager x reader fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #dubcon tw #tw noncon #tw abuse #tw drinking #tw drunk driving #eren yeager fanfiction #dark content #dark fic #tw trauma #tw depr

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st-just · 2 years

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Books I read in January

to prove I wasn’t just staring out the window the whole time/pressure myself to keep up with one of my numerous resolutions

(not counting two web serials, two rpg supplements, and two comic book issues)

1. Downbelow Station by C. J. Cherryh

Cherryh’s one of those names that’s been vaguely on my list for forever, but thank you to tk for actually recommending her last year and getting me to actually look her up. (I’ve got the Faded Sun trilogy on order at my bookstore to arrive any day, but Downbelow’s what the library had, so-)

So I honestly really, truly loved this book, but for the exact reasons why I can basically not recommend it to anyone I know irl lol. Which is to say, it kind of doesn’t have a protagonist? Like, even beyond there being approximately six dozen different POVs that are jumped between every three pages, there’s just really no central figure to the narrative? Everyone has their personalities, and their positions, and their obligations and their debts, and they do variably extraordinary things, but there’s no one who really warps the world around them, and basically no trace of anyone who succeeds just because they’re a main character.

The book’s horribly unsentimental towards its characters generally, really. Like, not even in a ‘rooting for the villains’ way – there’s two different points where the guy you think is going to be the main antagonist just gets crushed beneath the wheels of history too. Going by the forward, the book basically started out as a way for Cherryh to set the table and explain the setting for another story, and it really does feel it – like an encyclopedia entry expanded into a narrative

..not a complaint, to be clear. Technology and aliens and timescales aside, it’s one of the only sci fi/fantasy stories I can recall ever reading that actually feel like they could be the history of another world, if that makes any sense? (Another part of that is just the complete lack of justice or rightful deserts in terms of where different characters end up. No karma at all, beyond the relatively happy big-picture ending. Really helps with the believabillity)

Also, don’t want to say it’s the only story I can recall ever reading/seeing where a man’s raped by a woman and it’s actually taken seriously by the narrative, but I can’t really think of any others. But then, ‘Josh Talley Must Suffer’ kind of feels like absolute cosmic law by the time you finish.

But yeah, anyway, if this sounds at all appealing, would recommend.

2. No One Will Miss Her, by Kat Rosenfield

Because for unclear reasons it’s much easier to strike up conversations with non nerds irl about murder mysteries and thrillers than sff.

But honestly this was really fun, basically entirely down to how sharp the writing was. Or possibly ‘cutting’ is the better word. It’s the sort of book where there’s exactly two (okay, three) characters the narrative doesn’t treat with just utter, blood-curdling, withering contempt and you end up feeling like the only real problem with the murder was that it might have happened to the wrong people.

I will say that plot-wise the whole thing hinges around a twist so cliche and obvious that I thought of it ten pages in and discarded it as being way too dumb for the book so far. But, well, here we are. Still, thoroughly enjoyable. Though it does also alternate between pseudo-objective-third-person narration in some chapters and the personal testimonial of one of the victims in others, and I should be clear that it’s the first person testimonial chapters that actually make the book worthwhile/fun to read.

3. Lies of Locke Lamorra, by Scott Lynch

Because a friend irl has been badgering me to read it for literally over a year. I hope you’re happy Cameron.

But really this was both an incredibly fun book and not at all the one I was expecting from my very vague pop culture osmosis. Much more Baccano! than Leverage, if that makes any sense. Both in how brutal the whole story is when you get past the first section, and how utterly vicious and nasty the protagonist gets when his blood is up. There’s like..3? Of the supporting cast left alive by the time you get to the epilogue, and also our boy Locke cuts off every one of someone’s fingers then takes out his tongue.

Brutal-torture-and-murder quotient aside, it is a great bit of pulpy fun through not-even-hiding-it fantasy Renaissance Venice. Also, there are heists and cons and schemes. It is hard to overstate how much I love heists and cons and schemes. Kind of felt like a high fantasy The Gentlemen or The Bank Job?

Though I do feel moderately irked that they spend the entire book building up/alluding to how there was a girl in the crew who Locke had a disastrous fling with and still isn’t over, and who was incredibly skilled on the con, and makes a whole game of never showing her on screen through all the childhood flashbacks – and then she just never shows up! I mean I know there’s two sequels and presumably she does in one of them but at that point she better have fucking wings to be worth all the build up.

(Also the theoretical villain never really gelled as a character or made that much of an impression, but that’s less of an issue since both emotionally and plot wise his wizard was the one who actually mattered for 90% of everything)

4. Never Let Me Go, by Kazuo Ishiguro

Because of course when I attempt to acquire some Culture for myself and read some Real Literature, I accidentally go in blind to an alternate history where clones are mass produced to provide on demand organ donations. Your regular reminder that genre is nothing but a marketing category.

But really, this is very much one of those books where trying to seriously interrogate the worldbuilding is just entirely missing the point, it’s all very clearly allegorical (one of the reader’s guide questions at the back was something like ‘readers often express confusion why the clones are so resigned to their fates and never try to run for freedom, why might that be?’ and you can just feel Ishiguro looking exasperated and going ‘yeah, really makes you think’).

The book does first person narration really well, and also has a cast of extremely well drawn, realistic, alive-feeling characters who I would not be able tolerate dealing with for any time at all. Just six different sorts of truly grating personalities. Which given how most of the book is boarding school vignettes mostly means they’re believable teenagers, I guess.

Anyway there’s a couple passages in this that just feel like incredibly obvious topical subtext, except the book came out 17 years ago. Impressive, really.

5. The Councillor E. J. Beaton

In which a morally ambiguous historian/palace scholar/savant with a substance abuse problem navigates deadly high politics through her learning and a natural talent at intrigue for some confused mixture of vengeance for her dead parent-figure, social reform for the oppressed lower classes, and personal ambition.

I’m very sad I didn’t note down who recommended this to me, but whoever you are, you get me.

Though honestly, probably because this is so close to the platonic ideal of My Shit, I did find the execution a bit lacking? Or, like, going off the author blurb this seems to be Beaton’s first novel, and imo it does kind of show in the prose and plotting

Also, like, the main character is an orphan with a locke of glittering silver hair from the fire which killed her parents, who is de facto adopted by the queen as a pet savant after she translates a famous sequence of classical poetry into the vernacular at age 12, and also over the course of the book she discovers that she is one of the rare minority with magical element-controlling superpowers who are reviled and oppressed and her royal foster mother had executed as enemies of the crown, and despite constantly being anxious about being a commoner in a thoroughly aristocratic world and incredibly hierarchical society, this is literally never once a meaningful obstacle to her. It’s all just a bit much, y’know?

Though I do forgive a lot for how thoroughly un-traditionally heroic her arc is. By which I mean the, like, third-last scene in the book is her telling her attendant/bodyguard/personal spy/friend how fucking amazing stopping someone’s heart with magic feels, and despite about a sixth of the book being Lysande either getting high, thinking about getting high, or worrying about her supply of chimera scale, and her steadily increasing the size of her dose through the book, this just never comes to a climax or really becomes an obstacle. (Right after the scene with the heart-stopping she deals with all the stress and grief of the final battle by getting high again). We stan a functional addict enlightened monarch whose going to give people rights and a wellfare system just as soon as she’s securely in power and it’s politically convenient, I guess.

Anyway it also does that thing that’s a lot of modern SFF does where racism/xenophobia is basically only national lines/between groups of vaguely equal power and some distance, and homophobia and patriarchy just, aren’t even concepts, so all the book’s considerable energies of social critique and desire to have flawed societies is spent on absolutely brutal issues of class and social hierarchy. Something something cultural reflection of rainbow capitalism ig. (Also the thing where the hated and hunted tiny minority really do have awesome superpowers and bunch of them really are trying to take over the world with blood and terror, which I’m just not a fan of generally).

Anyway this all sounds harsh but it was a very enjoyable read overall. Though the sheer amount of page count Lysande spends mooning over prince whatisname and how pretty his neck is and how hot it would be to choke him out does just start to become comedy at a certain point.

#books #in this essay I will #this is theoretically a writing blog #downbelow station #CJ Cherryh #no one will miss her #kat rosenfield #the lies of locke lamora #scott lynch #never let me go #kazuo ishiguro #the councillor #E. J. Beaton

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jisungsmochi · 3 years

Text

traitor - lee jeno

starting my SOUR series !! based on songs by olivia rodrigo, here is the first installment.

player (?) jeno x female reader // friends to lovers but then goes all downhill from there

word count: 7.1k

summary: “god i wish i had thought this through, before i went and fell inlove with you”

you were more than aware of jeno’s inability to keep it in his pants, but after a reckless one night stand, you finally understood what it was like to be on the receiving end. but when jeno slips back into his old habits, will you have the heart to move on? i mean how could you get over somebody you didn’t even date...

a/n: sorry for any mistakes as usual oop

tagging bestie: @skrtbabe <3

Brown guilty eyes, and

Little white lies, yeah

I played dumb, but I always knew

“god what did you do now?” you shook your head at the raven haired boy with a blank expression. he shrugged his shoulders, eyebrows perking up,

“i just decided we were better off as friends” ah yes, lee jeno’s code for ‘she was just a fling, i couldn’t care less’. you only nodded, how else were you supposed to respond? you weren’t exactly his closest friend, but he considered you enough of a friend due to your closeness to jaemin.

you knew that he was a player, finding some sort of entertainment, getting girls to fall for him. you couldn’t really blame them, he was strikingly handsome and had his way with words. the only reason he hadn’t tried anything on you yet was because you didn’t exactly “fit his type”. also, jaemin pleaded him not to, in order to avoid any awkward situations within your friendship. jeno was occasionally playful with you, but you viewed it more of a sister-brother type thing, rather than him trying to flirt.

jaemin has introduced you to jeno near the end of high school. the three of you attended plenty of parties together ( well as many as you could before college started ). your first semester of college consisted of intense study sessions with jaemin in the library, jeno occasionally tagging along. you were both sure he was failing his classes but he didn’t seem to care much. his main focus consisting of getting wasted at as many frat parties he could.

finals were done and dusted so after your last exam, you got ready for some random frat party being held tonight. you were meeting up with jaemin prior,

“time to party or what?” you gleamed at your best friend, jumping onto his bed as he curled into a ball. you frowned at the sight,

“i’m not feeling so good, you should go without me! go with jeno” jaemin groaned, his stomach pains getting the best of him.

“oh damn, want me to keep you company tonight instead?” you sat next to him, forcing him to sit up with you.

“no no, i’m probably going to take some meds and then knock out for the rest of the night. just go with jeno, it won’t be so bad! i’ll tell him to take care of you” jaemin assured, making sure you were on board. you let out a soft sigh,

��it’s so awkward between jeno and i, right? does he even like me, as a friend?” you lay your head on jaemin’s shoulder, feeling him softly chuckle at your words.

“jeno just thinks you’re really sweet. like you have this innocence to you. he doesn’t wanna be a bad influence or anything, that’s all” you just nod, that was somewhat comforting to know. before you could respond, there was a knock on jaemin’s door. the one and only, lee jeno was standing there in all this glory.

“yeah y/n, i don’t wanna be a bad influence” he smirked as he entered the room. you felt slightly embarrassed he had eavesdropped on the conversation but jaemin decided to interject.

“take her to the party tonight, she needs to have some fun” jaemin shoved you towards jeno, causing you to bump into

his shoulder. he just smirked, nodding along to his friend’s wishes.

“come on, i’ll show you a good time” jeno practically dragged you out of the room. his grip on your wrist was quite firm, he didn’t let go until you both reached his car. jeno opened the passenger side door for you, gesturing for you to enter. jeno made his way to the driver’s side, a constant grin on his face.

“surprised to see you so dressed up” he started the car. you were taken back at first, but this was just part of your usual banter.

“so glad you noticed, i did this all for you” you grinned, feeling quite flushed in the face. jeno just let out a soft chuckle, finding your confidence amusing.

“you’re not drinking tonight?” you questioned, looking over to him.

“nah, kinda trying to cut out alcohol from my diet if i wanna have a healthy liver you know?” his eyes flicked towards you, watching as you started fixing your makeup using your phone camera.

“but don’t worry sweetheart, i’ll take good care of you so jaemin doesn’t beat my ass. don’t get too wasted or you might do something you regret” jeno warned but his words went in one ear and out the other. you knew he was going to ditch you midway through, probably off with another one of his hookups. you didn’t need a babysitter, you were perfectly capable to party on your own.

long story short, you got bored after a few drinks, now sitting on a swinging hammock on the porch of the house. as expected, jeno had left your side a while ago, off to greet his own friends. you were scrolling on your phone, thinking of texting jaemin about how he wasn’t missing out on much. but you were interrupted when jeno sat down next to you.

“bored already?” he snuggled a little too close to comfort, softly swinging the both of you in the hammock.

“you could say that” you shrugged, switching off your phone, giving him all your attention. he looked really handsome in this light, strands of his hair sticking in random places, a slight flush to his cheeks due to the cold.

“wanna get out of here then? i’ll take you home” he stood up, offering you his hand.

“wow you’re being such a gentleman tonight” you snickered, taking his hand in yours as you strolled to his car.

“i’ll always be a gentleman for you”

why did he keep saying these things?

the ride to your apartment wasn’t as awkward as you initially thought. jeno insisted you play some music, his fingers lingering near your knee, tapping ever so softly on the surface of your skin. you held your breath at the touch, he was just being a good friend...right?

as jeno pulled up to your apartment building, part of you didn’t want the night to end. he looked over at you with his glorious brown eyes and you were mesmerised. jeno noticed the way you were looking at him, feeling quite giddy with himself. he had always thought you were pretty, in a cute, dorky way. but tonight, you looked electrifying. he was in awe.

as you looked into his eyes, you felt yourself lean closer to him. jeno couldn’t hide his grin, leaning to meet you in the middle.

“may i kiss you?” you asked nervously, which only added to how adorable jeno found you. his hand met your cheek, softly stroking your skin before nodding,

“don’t even need to ask me, love” he quickly pressed his lips onto yours, giving you instant butterflies.

it finally hit you, holy shit, you were kissing lee jeno right now.

you allowed his tongue to enter your mouth, deepening the kiss. it felt like his lips were meant for yours, in a non-cliche way. he was so gentle, yet so passionate with you. he pulled away, leaving you feeling empty inside.

“how far do you wanna go tonight?” that question had you stunned. you weren’t the type for one night stands, but this was jeno. it was like second nature to him. you almost didn’t even have to think twice, you just needed his lips on yours again.

“all the way” you bit your lip anxiously, awaiting his response. jeno’s eyes widened, taken aback by your new found confidence.

“say less, but we should probably get into bed or something” he chuckled, giving you a warm feeling in your stomach. you could practically hear jaemin’s warnings going off like a siren in your head. but when jeno pulled you into your apartment, gently placing you on the bed, lips constantly attached to yours, you drowned out any other thoughts that were occupying your mind.

college was all about new experiences. so naturally, having a random hookup with an attractive guy would be on the list. just for once, you wanted to know what it was like to hookup with lee jeno, even if you were just another number to him.

the very next morning, your eyes fluttered open, taking a few moments to fully immerse yourself in the new day ahead. your gaze finally drags over to the sleepy boy next to you. you couldn’t help but admire his side profile, especially his plump lips.

“stop staring, you’re making me shy” he suddenly grumbled, pulling you closer to him, nuzzling his face in your chest. you immediately froze, of course he was awake.

“last night was fun” he mumbled into your skin, softly smirking to himself. you just sighed, he wasn’t wrong per se, you just weren’t sure what this meant for your friendship.

“y-yeah, it was” was all you managed to say, jeno felt there was something off, moving his head to face you. he pulled your chin to meet his face, placing a gently kiss to your lips.

“did you like it?” you knew he was just being cocky right now, but you couldn’t help but engage in his banter.

“nope, worst hookup of my life!” you exaggerated before burying your face into his chest. he shook his head playfully, stroking your hair as you wrapped your arms around his torso.

“what will happen once jaemin finds out?” jeno started to worry, the last thing he needed was jaemin beating his ass for hooking up with his best friend.

“he’ll be mad for like five seconds and probably scold you too” jeno raised his eyebrows, preparing himself for the confrontation.

“there isn’t much he can do about it though” he placed another gentle kiss to your forehead, continuing to stroke your hair.

“let’s do something today, just you and me. you can pick what we do” jeno suddenly offered, causing you to perk up and sit against the headboard.

“well i need to do some grocery shopping, and some chores around the place, it’s kinda messy if you haven’t noticed. but that’s gonna be so boring-“

“i’ll keep you company”

“come again?”

“i’ll help you go shopping and clean, it’s no biggie” jeno smiled softly at you, making your knees go weak. you hoped he wasn’t just been nice because you had slept together...

your trip to the grocery store was surprisingly fun. jeno pushed the cart as you mentally ticked off your list of items to buy. he would make small conversation, giving his opinion on which brands were better. he always made sure to walk very close to you, despite pushing the cart. it was like he never left your side the entire trip. and once you got back to your apartment, jeno offered to carry all the bags, making you flustered. he didn’t have to be so...nice?

“you can just leave the bags on the bench, i’ll unpack” you smiled at him, gently tapping his back. jeno nodded, quickly pulling you by the waist, your breath hitched as he placed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“i’ll make some brunch” he smiled softly, pulling away, starting to heat up a pan on the stove. you were still in shock by his display of affection. is this what he did with all his hookups?

you didn’t have the heart to tell jeno to go home, but he seemed to have understood that he had overstayed his welcome.

“i should probably get going, you know, to

shower and all” he had a smug look on his face that you couldn’t help but giggle at. you led him to the door, the sun having just set.

“i’ll see you around i guess” you tried to make this send off as normal as possible, but jeno had other plans.

“no goodbye kiss?”

“huh”

“ah i see, you’re just shy, see you around y/n” he pulled you in for a side hug, waving softly as he made his way out the door. this had to be a one time thing.

it had been over a week since you had last seen jeno. and naturally you filled jaemin in on all the events of that night. to say he was shocked as an understatement,

“i cant believe YOU slept with HIM. you’re gorgeous, the prettiest best friend ever, but really? jeno?” jaemin shook his head. you weren’t sure if he was disappointedly or just surprised.

“i-i know. it didn’t mean to play out that way. he’s just really charming. and he’s kind of a gentleman” you couldn’t help but feel some heat rise to your cheeks. jaemin picked up immediately, of course you were already smitten.

“i say this in the most loving way possible, don’t get too involved with him. yeah you guys hooked up, but he is not the relationship type. at all. i don’t want to see you hurt” jaemin pulled you to his side as you both sat with your backs against the headboard of your bed.

“yeah, i’ll be careful” you say out loud...‘or atleast i’ll try to be’ you thought to yourself. this was going to be harder than you anticipated.

seeing jeno around campus was bound to happen. you assumed he would just shoot you a wave or a head nod to greet you but you were wrong. he would offer to walk with you to your classes, even hold your bag for you. he’d even ask if you wanted to go off campus to have lunch. you didn’t exactly reject any of these offers, but you couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy. did he suddenly like you? or is he just trying to not make things awkward between you both? whatever it was, it wasn’t helping your growing crush on the dark haired heartthrob. you were in trouble.

one day, jeno had invited himself over to prepare for his upcoming economics quiz. you tried your best to help him study, but then you remembered...lee jeno doesn’t ‘study’, he winged almost every exam and barely passed. C’s get degrees (atleast that was his mindset).

“i’m tired, let’s pick this up again tomorrow” jeno yawned, pushing his textbook to the side as he sprawled his whole body onto your bedroom floor. you were seated on your bed, looking down at the hopeless boy.

“are you sure? we only have one more set of practice questions to go through” you pout, actually finding enjoyment helping him study. jeno shook his head profusely,

“no i’d rather hang out with you” he jumped onto your bed, landing right next to you, wrapping you in his arms.

“i mean, if that’s okay with you” you just nodded, feeling yourself relax in his embrace. jeno gently pulled you down so you were both laying down, facing eachother.

your eyes flickered over his features, his structured nose and jaw, his glimmering eyes and his soft lips. your fingers made their way to graze over his lips, causing him to pout.

“you’re so cute” he mumbled. you moved your hand to hide your face, feeling more flustered than ever.

“why are you getting all shy with me now? did you forget that we had sex? or was that just a really good dream?” he continued to tease, poking at your sides, causing you to let out a loud laugh. you immediately placed your hand over your mouth, feeling embarrassed by the sound that had just left it. jeno raised an eyebrow at you, slightly frowning.

“hey i like making you laugh, so i expect to hear it!”

“s-sorry, i really don’t know why i’m being like this. i-i just, it’s all catching me off guard you know?” you sighed, allowing jeno’s fingers to intertwine with yours.

“it’s alright, i find it endearing” he smiled as he started stroking your hair with his free hand.

“c-can you spend the night?” you suddenly asked, feeling his hand stop in your hair.

“i was hoping you’d ask me that” jeno ducked his head to press his lips against yours. you didn’t want to admit how much you had missed that feeling. but something about the way he kissed you, washed all your cares away. even if there wasn’t any romance behind it, it still felt electrifying.

this was how most nights were spent with jeno. some light studying, some making out, dinner, cuddling, and then more making out before you fell asleep. it was a constant cycle that you didn’t want to stop. he would always compliment you, whether it was your hair or your makeup or your outfit. practically anything he thought you should be praised for, he would compliment you. his words held greater meaning to you than they did to him. you could feel yourself getting flustered each time you received a compliment, while jeno seemed nonchalant. maybe that was just how he was.

one night, jeno decides to stay over, claiming that his heater was broken at his apartment and your bed was warm. but it was code for ‘let’s hook up and fall asleep in eachother’s arms again’. you laid beside him, wrapped tightly in your blanket as jeno pressed soft kisses on your forehead. you started tracing random figures on his chest as he quietly hummed random tunes to get you to sleep. but something was keeping you awake. jeno was hard to read, he never truly expressed his honest feelings towards people. maybe that was just his way of not having to cope with drama. but the constant push and pull between you two had caused many sleepless nights and constant doubt for you. confessing to jeno never crossed your mind prior, but it was the only thing occupying it right now. if you kept it to yourself any longer, you’d probably explode.

you had noticed that jeno’s attendance at frat parties had declined, opting to either hanging out with you or jaemin. he had already quit drinking, not finding much enjoyment anymore. he had also been trying to get above a C average in his classes. you’d say something switched in him, so could it be possible that he may like you too?

“what’s on your mind, pretty girl?” jeno suddenly snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you pull your fingers from his chest.

“nothing” you whispered flatly, but jeno was not convinced.

“come on, something is going on in that

pretty little head of yours, i can see it on your face” he smirked.

“what do you mean?”

“you have this cute frowning face whenever you’re over thinking” you suddenly changed your expression, pulling

yourself to side up as he remained still. you let out a deep sigh, knowing that your next words will change everything.

“i think i like you”

you felt jeno stiffen under the covers, his demeanour suddenly becoming cold. of course you had expected this type of reaction, but seeing it right infront of you, made you want to cry.

“y/n, i don’t think you mean that”

your breath hitched, your throat felt tight.

“i mean, i just- i think you’re amazing. of course i do. but i don’t do relationships. i don’t do feelings or love and that bullshit. atleast not right now, i don’t think i can handle it” each of his words felt like a stab through the heart. how did you misjudge this so badly?

“i fucked things up, didn’t i?” jeno looked you in the eyes sympathetically. of course he felt pity for you.

“no you didn’t. i’m still going to be around. i just can’t be the guy for you” why did you have to go and make things so complicated?

jeno senses you were still overthinking, he smoothed bits of hair from your face, gently tucking them behind your ear.

“don’t frown, pretty girl. i’m not going anywhere” he pulled you closer to him, making you lay down, face to face with him. you wanted to avoid looking into his eyes but he maintained the intense contact with you.

“i’m tired” was all you could think of saying. jeno just nodded,

“rest well” he pulled you into just chest, softly stroking your hair as you closed your eyes. you felt a singular tear stream down your face, landing on jeno’s forearm. he sighed, knowing he hurt you. but he was selfish, he just couldn’t let you go. he wouldn’t let you go.

You talked to her, maybe did even worse

I kept quiet so I could keep you

jeno hadn’t been around lately. it was probably for the best, you guessed he just didn’t want you to get attached.

you were walking to your final class of the day, passing by multiple students rushing off in different directions. you were careful not to bump into anything or anyone, but you had the worst luck, feeling yourself slam into a firm figure. your eyes focused on the boy infront of you.

“jeno” your eyes lit up unknowingly, as he greeted you with a smile.

“oh hey, careful there” he helped you remain stable, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“it’s been a while, i was thinking you could come over tonight and we cou-“

“there you are! been looking everywhere for you!” you watched as an unfamiliar girl came up to jeno, leaning into his side. her gaze waved over you, a slight scowl forming.

“y-yeah i’m just talking to a friend, uh this is karina” he introduces to you. what the hell was this? a new girl already?

“i’m y/n, jeno may have mentioned me before” you kindly smile, or atleast you tried your best to.

“oh he’s never mentioned your name, but nice to meet you” she looked over to the boy next to her, “jeno, can you walk me to my class? i’m still kinda lost” she frowned. jeno just nodded in compliance, leading her through the hallway as he sent you a small wave. so this was how it was gonna be.

“i mean, who the hell is she? how does she just waltz up in here and suddenly have jeno’s attention like that?” you frustratedly rant to jaemin, who was innocently eating his lunch as you approached him. he practically saw smoke coming out of your ears from how annoyed you were. he had never seen you like this before,

“hey, back track. explain properly” jaemin sighs, pulling you to sit down next to him as he continued eating. you finally got a hold of yourself, taking a few deep breaths,

“her name is karina or something, she’s suddenly hanging around jeno now. and he’s been avoiding me lately” jaemin’s eyes widened slightly, sirens going off in your mind.

“what do you know that i don’t?”

“it’s not my place to say” you scoff,

“not your place? since when have we kept secrets from eachother. i admitted to you that i’ve been having sex with jeno yet you can’t tell me this thing?” jaemin knew you were partially right, but he didn’t want to crush your spirit more than it already was.

“fine, karina was jeno’s first girlfriend. like first love type bullshit. he never really got over her, even when she moved away. i guess she’s back for good” your heart started to ache. gosh, this stupid infatuation with jeno was getting out of control.

“you think he still loves her?” jaemin looked at you with solemn eyes,

“i don’t know, he doesn’t really talk about her much. if anything, i sort of want him to choose you. i think you’re good for him, even if he doesn’t see it yet” you took this as jaemin just trying to cheer you up, you didn’t believe a single word he said. how well did you really know jeno? he had never mentioned karina to you before, nor that she was his first love. i mean, why would he? you were barely friends...right?

And ain't it funny how you ran to her 

The second that we called it quits?

And ain't it funny how you said you were friends?

Now it sure as hell don't look like it

jeno was at your apartment once again, his legs dangling over yours as you both typed on your laptops. your mind was trying it’s hardest to focus on your assignment that was due in less than five hours, but you were too distracted by jeno’s presence. it wasn’t unusual for him to hang out with you, but you felt slightly uncomfortable, knowing he had also been hanging out with karina more often. maybe you were just being paranoid, but how could you not be?

“quit staring and finish your work” jeno poked you playfully, shutting the lid of his laptop before moving to lay next to you. he leant against your shoulder, making your heart flutter.

“i-i am. why would i want to look at your gross face anyway?”

“stop denying it” he just snuggled closer to you. of course you couldn’t deny it. before you could respond, jeno’s phone started ringing. he quickly jumped out of your bed, hoping you hadn’t seen the caller ID. but you did. it was the one person you were hoping he had stopped talking to.

“sorry about that, it was uh just jaemin” jeno walked back into your room, acting as if nothing happened. you pierced your eyes at him, was he really going to lie straight to your face?

“i know it was karina. you don’t have to hide it from me” you shrug, pretending to type on your laptop.

“o-oh uh sorry. we’re just friends, you know. incase you were worried” was he being for real?

“why would i be worried? just because i confessed to you doesn’t mean you’re entitled to like me back. if you wanna see her then go see her, don’t use me liking you as an excuse” you felt pure frustration take over your body. you had never experienced this feeling before, even jeno was shocked.

“it’s not like that, i swear. i don’t want stuff between us to...end” jeno moved closer to you, placing his hand to your cheek, gently stroking the skin. there he goes again. these small gestures had you swooning, you just couldn’t help it.

you scrunched your nose at the contact, causing jeno to smile softly.

“so cute” he tapped your nose before engulfing you in his embrace. your assignment was long forgotten once he started kissing you. this was all too overwhelming emotionally, but physically, this felt just right.

just when things were beginning to feel normal again, jaemin had a few words for jeno.

“you can’t keep playing her, it’s time to come clean”

“give me time, y/n’s sensitive, i don’t wanna hurt her too bad” jaemin rolled his eyes.

“you’re being a real dick about this. if you have feelings for karina, end it with y/n now, or else i’ll tell her myself” jeno grabbed his arm, pleading him to hear him out.

“please don’t. promise me you won’t. i know it’s going to hurt her, but i want to do it on my own” jaemin wanted nothing more but to call you right now and have jeno confess over the phone. but he knew you deserved to hear it from jeno in person. all that the two boys could think about was how crushed you’d be after hearing the truth. but the truth will always come out one way or another.

y/n: hey jeno, i’m officially assignment free! come over and hang tonight :))

jeno: hey sorry, hella swamped with a group assignment at the moment. will make it up to you tomorrow!

you nodded to yourself after reading his message. you were proud of him for working so hard in his studies nowadays, it really seemed like he was improving. you opted to spend a night to yourself, switching on the television and eating an excessive amount of snacks from your kitchen cabinet. as usual, you were on instagram, wondering what others were up to now that most assignments were done and dusted. lee donghyuck had the most wild and sometimes, disturbing, instagram stories but you were always curious as to what he was up to. but this time you regretted it greatly. seeing a video of jeno making out with karina against the wall shattered you. you immediately locked your phone, switching the tv off completely. your body felt numb, why weren’t you reacting? why weren’t you crying? or even mad? how could you be mad...you weren’t even dating him. how pathetic of you to believe he would be loyal after practically rejecting you. you felt like a fool for falling for him. there was no way he could sweet talk his way out of this. the pain was too much for you to bare, resulting in you deciding to take a social media detox...well a detox from everyone really. you became more sheltered and isolated than ever. it was just too good to be true.

You betrayed me

And I know that you'll never feel sorry For the way I hurt, yeah

You talked to her when we were together

Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter

“y/n, honey, you need to come out and eat okay?” you regretted giving jaemin a spare key to your apartment. he would enter as he wished, cooking you a warm meal before sitting outside your bedroom door as he begged for you to come out. you hated making him worry like this but you physically couldn’t get yourself to leave your bed. the same bed you and jeno had slept in together many times. you swore you could still smell traces of his scent on the pillow sheets.

“please just go home, jae” you groaned.

“no, i’m your friend and i need to see that you’ve atleast showered and taken care of yourself” his words made you want to cry. he cared for you so much, but he wasn’t the one you wanted to hear these things from. for the first time in what felt like weeks, you stood up from your bed and shuffled towards the door. you turned the door knob slowly, gaining jaemin’s attention. he immediately stood up, eyes scanning over your state.

“oh honey” he pulled you into his chest, gently stroking your hair.

“has he said anything?” you manage to murmur, catching jaemin off guard.

“n-no. atleast not to me. i’m sorry”

“why the hell are you sorry? he should be sorry. he should be grovelling to me to forgive him. but now he’s off, with some other girl. like i never meant a damn thing to him” you scoffed, pushing past jaemin as he trailed behind you with the tray of your now, cold, meal. you sat down on your couch, wrapping yourself in a small blanket.

“do you think he liked her this whole time and just didn’t tell me?” jaemin’s eyes shifted from left to right, which he only did when he withheld information.

“y-you knew?” he slowly nodded, the guilt eating him up inside.

“i wanted to tell you, i promise. but he insisted that he would let you down in person” jaemin tried to explain. you couldn’t even be mad at him. it must have been so obvious that jeno was into karina the whole time. you were just another name to his list. nothing more.

“am i pathetic for still liking him?” jaemin let out a sigh, unsure of how to answer. but that reaction was a good enough indication that you were indeed pathetic, for wanting a guy that didn’t want you. lee jeno was a traitor.

another night was spent alone. you were simply catching up on your usual shows, using it as a distraction from the pouring rain. what you didn’t expect was a series of loud knocks on your front door. who the hell wanted to visit you in the early hours of the morning? you proceeded with caution, twisting the door knob, allowing the door to slowly swing open. your eyes met those of the boy who broke you. you wanted nothing more than to shut the door right in his face, but he stopped you before you could even move.

“i-we need to talk” he slurred his words. he seemed drunk, but you weren’t fully sure. you could have sworn he quit drinking months ago, but the sight infront of you was telling you otherwise. jeno suddenly slumped towards you, his weak figure now latching onto you. you quickly shut the door, dragging him to your couch.

“i cant believe you’ve been drinking again” you felt disappointed. he was doing so well.

“couldn’t help myself, life is shitty. i lost you, karina and i are fighting. jaemin is giving me the cold shoulder. oh and i failed my last assignment, guess i can’t even finish the year” you had never seen him so defeated like this, you started feeling pity for him.

“but that’s no reason for you to drink yourself to this state. i’m really disappointed in you. i know you can do better” you sighed before rushing to your kitchen, grabbing him a bottle of water. jeno took slow sips from the bottle, eyes avoiding yours. there was still one question lingering in your mind,

“why are you even at my apartment? don’t you have your own?” you didn’t want to come off as rude but jeno couldn’t deny he felt a pang of guilt in his chest.

“i-i don’t know. i just feel comfort whenever i’m here. y-you gave me comfort. and i messed it all up” you felt tears begin to swell in your own eyes. why was he saying these things now? the timing was terrible.

“you’re babbling nonsense. just go to sleep, i want you gone in the morning” you grab him an extra blanket and pillow, watching as he slowly started drifting to sleep. you weren’t sure if he really meant the things he was saying, but you’d rather keep it that way. you didn’t need any more reasons to hold onto jeno. this was just a one time thing, you weren’t completely heartless. this was the night you saw jeno at his worst, and if you were being honest, you couldn’t be with him like this. you now knew, that you deserved better than lee jeno.

as expected, he was gone by the time you woke up, leaving you a small note,

“thankyou for everything”

you quickly scrunched the piece of paper, tossing it into the bin. you felt slightly relieved, this was a sign that you were finally starting to get over him.

Now you bring her around just to shut me down

Show her off like she's a new trophy

And I know if you were true

There's no damn way that you

Could fall in love with somebody that quickly

“hey so there’s gonna be a bonfire tonight, wanna come with me?”

“i don’t know, jaemin. not really up for hanging in big crowds at the moment” jaemin frowned, wanting nothing more than to see his friend happy again.

”i’ll be next to you the entire night, if that gives you more ease” he pleaded with his big eyes, rubbing his shoulder against yours. you eventually gave in, wanting nothing more than for him to stop giving you those creepy eyes. maybe something good will come from the bonfire.

you spoke too soon, the moment jeno and karina showed up, it was like somebody was impaling you with a stake to the heart. you physically couldn’t move, eyes avoiding having to meet those of jeno’s. you felt someone’s eyes on you, but refused to look up from your feet which were buried in the sand. soon enough, you felt the gaze escape, along with the two people you wanted to avoid the most. jaemin awkwardly coughed,

“this is going to be harder than i thought” you sighed, causing jaemin to press his lips together in a tight line.

“i know, but it’s not the end of the world” he shrugged, pulling you closer to him as you both soaked up the heat from the fire. you hated how jeno was showing her off like his new trophy. he constantly had his arm around her, laughing with his friends loudly, pressing soft kisses to her forehead. it made you sick.

your mind drifted to the conversations where jeno insisted he was not the ‘relationship type’. you remembered how he avoided your confession, how he only wanted your company when he felt alone. how he always interrupted you with a kiss when you would ask about his feelings. it all felt like some sort of sick joke to you. if you knew jeno the way you thought you did, there was no way he could fall inlove so quickly.

but you knew that he was inlove, or atleast falling inlove, because he looked at her the way you used to look at him. you couldn’t help but laugh at yourself, you got played. plain and simple. lee jeno was never meant to be a permanent figure in your life, he was a lesson to be learnt. you had to let him go, no matter how much it hurt, you knew it would be for the best.

it was finally summer break, instant weight lifting from your shoulders as you handed in your final paper. although this year had its ups and downs, you were beyond proud of how you managed to stay on top of your school work, and shove any thoughts regarding jeno, from your mind. it had been radio silence from

his end, not having reached out to you in weeks, until some of your classmates invited you to some drinks at a local club. you couldn’t pass on a night to finally let loose, so you gleefully accepted their offer. it was also nice way of making new friends for the following year to come.

“hot damn, who the hell is that?” your newest friend, minjeong, swooned. you shifted your eyes to the figure in question. jeno stood there in all his glory, leather jacket hung loosely on his shoulders as he greeted your classmates one by one. he was slowly making his way to you and minjeong, you wanting nothing more than to rush to the bathroom. but he definitely would have seen you,

“long time no see” he grinned, taking a seat on the bar stool next to you. minjeong noticed that you were beginning to feel uncomfortable. she tapped your arm gently, asking with one simple gaze if you needed her with you. you shook your head in response, this was something you needed to sort out, once and for all.

“it has been a while” you sighed, turning to face the boy who tore you to pieces. jeno stiffened at your tone, part of his heart aching to hear you speak to him in such way.

“how have things been? i-i kinda miss hanging out together-“

“are you serious right now?” you practically scoffed, taking a large gulp from your drink. you needed some liquid courage for the speech you were about to give.

“who do you think you are to come up here and act like everything is all good between us? i know that jaemin has told you how hurt i was over you, gosh, it was probably one of the most painful heartbreaks i’ve ever experienced. can i even call it that? a heartbreak? i mean, we never dated so technically we never even broke up” jeno slowly gulped at your words, hoping no one else was eavesdropping on your conversation. but he allowed you continue,

“we hooked up, i confessed, and it all went to shit. once something new and shiny came by, i was old news. i really thought we were going to be something. how naive i was to even believe that someone like you could be with someone like me. i guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor, lee jeno. and i hope you never forget it” you could barely look at him, feeling hot tears fill your eyes. you clenched your fists as jeno cleared his throat before speaking.

“i-i’m sorry okay? i didn’t mean for things to go so far with us. i never want you to think that you aren’t important to me. at the time, you were one of the best things that had ever happened to me. but we just weren’t right for each other, i told you that from the start” you finally built the courage to face him, his gentle eyes meeting your pained ones.

“god i wish you had thought this through, before i went and fell in love with you” those words hit him like a truck. he knew he had messed up, there was no going back from the damage he had done. he broke someone that he truly cared about. he hurt one of his only friends. he could never forgive himself for that.

“y-you’re going to find someone. someone way better than me. someone who sees how beautiful you are, someone who will hold on for dear life because they’re scared of losing you. i’m sorry i couldn’t be that guy for you. i am so sorry” you could sense the sincerity in his voice, but there was only so much an apology could fix.

“may i ask, are you happy?” he already knew his answer, and he knew it would hurt you if he answered truthfully. but he was done with lies,

“yeah i am, are you?” you pondered for a moment,

“i will be” you firmly answered, feeling a small grin grow on your face. although this entire interaction was pure torture, you were glad you were able to air out your conscience to the one person who was filling it. you and jeno agreed to cut contact for the time being, wishing each other the best. of course you would think about him every now and then, but you were onto bigger and better things. lee jeno was just one chapter on your book of life. there was so much more out there for you, and you couldn’t wait to experience it.

#lee jeno imagine #jeno imagine #jeno fic #nct jeno imagine #nct jeno fic #nct dream imagines #nct dream fic #nct dream writing #jeno angst #jeno fluff #nct dream fluff #nct dream series #jisungsmochi masterlist #jisungsmochiimagines

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spaceorphan18 · 2 years

Text

99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #94

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

[Ao3]

***

New New Directions (A Wedding)

Mason and Madison McCarthy

Upon arrival, Madison McCarthy sees something that grabs her attention. Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson are standing near the entrance of the barn, on their own, heads nearly together giggling. They’re messing around with a pitchfork of all things, playfully arguing over who is going to hold it. Blaine has it in his hand, and Kurt keeps trying to go for it, but then Blaine pulls it away, grinning. And then, for a moment, Kurt manages to get his hand on it - or more so, Blaine’s hand. They pause, and stare at each other, lost in their own dreamy world.

Oh, they are so back together.

So back together.

And she totally had called it.

She eyes Mason, who has unsurprisingly found his way to Jane’s side, and stares at him intently.

Hey - you have to pay up. I totally won the bet, loser.

Mason manages to pull himself away from Jane for a moment. He spots her immediately, getting her message loud and clear, then looks around the lawn. She nods to where Kurt and Blaine are standing, the two of them now posing for some picture with the pitchfork.

Yeah, okay Madison. You’re probably reading too much into things again.

Madison stomps her foot. They are totally hooking up, so that means I win. You know how sensitive I am to these kinds of vibes. And I am never wrong. So you have to pay up.

What evidence could you possibly have?

They came in together. They’re wearing matching tuxes.

They’re in the wedding party - everyone is wearing matching tuxes.

Whatever. You said at Rachel Berry’s party that you didn’t think they were together, and the bet was if they were before this wedding, then you’d give me fifty bucks. Just look at them. Clearly they’re together. You owe me!

Maybe they’re just planning on hooking up at the wedding. Everyone hooks up at weddings. Doesn’t mean they’re back together.

You are not getting out of this on a technicality, Mason. Mason! Don’t you walk away from me, Mason. This isn’t over.

As Madison storms into the barn after her brother, she misses a soft moment where Kurt gives Blaine a quick kiss on the lips before holding onto his hand to lead him into the wedding.

***

Spencer Porter

My god - why is this wedding so fucking gay?

Spencer is sitting in the back row. Having most of it to himself, he spreads out, legs outstretched in front of him, arms around the two empty chairs behind him, head flung backwards staring ceiling annoyed that he’s listening to some old guy drone on about how love is love and gay is okay and all the other stupid cliches he usually hears on the dumb TV shows his little sister watches that try to sound progressive but are just cheesy and dumb.

Marriage equality will happen someday. No need to lecture people about it.

Besides - why is this even a big deal in the first place? Why is it anyone’s business whether or not he’d prefer to stick his dick up an asshole over a vagina? Society in general is far too obsessed with the sex lives of other people. They’re probably uptight losers who aren’t getting any anyway.

God, he would love to have a good fuck right now.

Not that he has ever had the real chance to have a good fuck.

He closes his eyes, and as the two couples on the altar kiss and everyone claps and cheers around him, he thinks of Alistair, and that red hair he’d like to run his fingers through. He grins as he loses himself in the fantasy.

***

Jane Hayward

Jane is slow dancing with Mr. Anderson. The wedding had been beautiful. The reception has been a blast. And Mr. Anderson is too kind, asking her to dance. But she’s feeling a tad nervous. Not because of Mr. Anderson, whom she is so, so happy for, and whom she finds a kind and understanding soul. But because every time she glances over his shoulder, she notices Mason McCarthy, who happens to be dancing with his sister, staring back at her. She isn’t sure if that squeamish feeling in the pit of her stomach is a good feeling or not.

Mr. Anderson, noticing her shaky hands, throws a look over his shoulder. “So… have you asked him out yet?” he asks, a grin on his lips.

“What?” Jane looks away, trying not to show her feelings. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Ah,” Mr. Anderson’s grin grows uncomfortably wider. “I remember the first time I had feelings for a boy. Real feelings. Made me nervous, too.”

She shakes her head, as if he’s said the silliest of things. “No one makes me nervous,” she says, though the quiver in her voice gives her away.

“The nerves calm down,” he says. “It’s a rush at first, when you have no idea if they like you back. But you’ll never know if it’s real or not if you don’t take that chance. Put yourself out there. Cause the nerves calm down the more experience you have. Besides - if you never do take that chance, you might not get that happy ending.”

Her palms are sweating, but his are cool and soft. She smiles at him, and nods, understanding.

“Excuse me,” Mr. Hummel steps up to them. “Would you mind if I dance with my husband?”

“Oh, yes,” Jane lets Mr. Anderson go, allowing Mr. Hummel to step in.

She takes a deep breath, collects herself, and as Mr. Hummel and Mr. Anderson wrap themselves up in each other, she readies herself to go ask Mason McCarthy for a dance. The worst he could say is no.

***

Roderick Meeks

Roderick leaves the little outhouse that’s located a yard or so away from the barn. It’s cold and dark and Roderick isn’t sure why anyone would want to have a wedding in the middle of November outside in rural Indiana, but at least this beats staying home and doing nothing. He’s about to head back into the barn when he sees something that startles him. Pushed up against the side of the barn are Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson. Aggressively making out. And making noises. And grabbing each other’s asses.

He’s frozen in place as he dawns on him that he’s watching two teachers get it on. It’s uncomfortably weird.

“Roderick, there you are - you promised you’d sing with me.” It’s Kitty Wilde, indignantly on her way to him. “What are you even doing out here - oh.” She stops in her tracks as she notices. “I didn’t think this kind of thing does it for you.”

He shoots her a look. “It doesn’t. I was going to the bathroom and they were… that.”

Kitty rolls her eyes. “Yeah, well, call it the least surprising thing to ever happen.”

“It’s weird,” Roderick says, trying not to feel too grossed out when Kurt Hummel lets out a really breathy groan. “The first time I met them, they, like, hated each other.”

Kitty bursts out laughing. “It’s called foreplay and unresolved sexual tension. And we should probably leave before it gets resolved.”

“Wait, they aren’t gonna… like… out here in the cold?”

“Do you really want to wait around to find out?”

“Nope.”

Kitty grabs his hand, and cackles as she leads him back into the barn.

What a weird day.

#99 perspectives #s.o. writes things #hey look who is back to writing!

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excujeemi · 3 years

Text

D R U N K [ Ray X Reader ]

Age: around 18 Genre: Fluff Warnings: UHhh, adult jokes (??) and mentions of alcohol

Simple, you know, you were graduating high school and moving on to college of course there'd be parties. And there's only three words to describe this party you're in? Wild as fuck. Man, some were playing beer pong, some were making out, it was just so chaotic you don't even remember as to why you were here in the first place... Oh yeah, your parents forced you to get some human interaction every once in a while.

You thought this party would be very shit and unenjoyable but look at you now, everyone around you was cheering you on to chug , c h u g , c h u g . And chug you did.

You were already dizzy but you know this is that moment, that sweet moment of youth (??) perhaps and there's the adrenaline and the feeling that you're on top of the world, it's like you can just do anything you want for example, peeing in your annoying neighbor's backyard but let's not take that idea personally-

You were just about to open another bottle of alcohol but then someone stopped you, a hand gripped on your wrist which surprised you, you looked up to see whose hand it was and saw Ray frowning. That's typical, when is he not frowning anyway.

Well, Ray is one of your closest friends, your parents are also both close to each other so it just makes sense. And Ray being the most trusted person of your mother, she asked him if he could pick you up since it was getting kinda late. You know if they were just gonna end up worrying about you then why even force you to get some of that, "human interaction", they're just exaggerating.

"Oh, hey Ray my beloved , what're you doing here?" You smugly asked as he helped you stand up but your feet kept on tripping and so you slipped, with your hand on Ray's shoulder causing him to fall on top of you while the people surrounding you both were teasing you, you felt Ray's hot breath hitting your neck while his large hands were supporting your back to protect you from directly falling. The close space between the both of you caused Ray's face to turn into a tomato, red flushed cheeks, wide eyes, he lowkey wished you both could stay like that for more time. "You idiot, get up already its almost 4am." He says as he quickly got up and tried to take your heavy ass up. "wAiT, mY bAg and mY phOne, And mY StufF are-" "Shh, shh. I got them all now shut it." He says as he shows you your bag from his other hand, he opened the door with his foot and kicked it close. "Hey Ray, aren't you getting to close, haah~?" You seductively whispered in his ear making him blush for the second time. He rolled his eyes, 'Patience, you must stay calm.' He thinks to himself. "Haah~?" Okay, he decided that was it. "Why don't you walk by yourself then, the parking lot is still quite far from where we are, walk by yourself good luck tripping over everything." He lets go of you while you had trouble tryna regain your posture. "I can walk, don't-d-don't you underestimate the power of this wild creature." You pointed to yourself while making a karate pose.

Ray was annoyed, his eye was twitching and he really did want to abandon you there. "Okay, I'll lead the way then." After a few seconds, everything was going well, he takes a few glances back at you to see how you're doing because apparently if you trip and die he'd be blamed by your parents. Then he saw you weren't by his side, well obviously not because you kept on slowing down but you really were out of his sight and this worried him by a lot. 'If only Emma and Norman were here to back me up with this dumbass' But for real, he was worried, it had only been a few seconds--what if someone took you or something. He ran a few steps back and looked everywhere and there you fucking were, talking to a celebrity cardboard cutout. "Oh my fucking gosh, this dimwit. Y/n!" He sighs as he massaged his temples. He ran to you and pulled you by your arm. "Ugh, stOp, I'm still flirting with this hot man." You whined as you tried to wriggle your arm out of Ray's hand. He didn't know whether to leave you alone or laugh at you there. "You blockhead, that's...that's a Justin Bieber cardboard cut out for fuck's sake..." Ray was about to explode at this point, you were making him want to combust. "Please, dOn't take me way, I have no flirt with!" "I'll flirt with you all you want just--let's go already this is so embarrassing!" He said to improvise but your drunk self actually believed that he'd flirt with you. "Really?" You asked and he just nods while closing his eyes, annoyed. "YaaaY~, Ray my beloved will flirt with me, I'm the happiest person in the worlll ever." To be honest, Ray would love to hear those words while you're not drunk but he can't help but blush again remembering what Norman used to say, "Drunk people always say what they truly think." He shook his head and as soon as you arrived at the parking lot, he pushed you gently into the backseat. Thankfully, you spent that whole time without saying anything, you were literally just staring at the car's ceiling like a dead person which was creepy. He arrived at your house and it seemed that everyone was asleep so he had to use the spare keys he has. He then opened the door, carrying you bridal style and the hallways were quite narrow so he felt sorry whenever your head hit some walls or table. 💀 lmfao. He carefully placed you on your bed, while you were almost sound asleep. Boy, times like this remind him of deep in love he is with you. You know maybe he should just confess of something.

He smiled and tucked in some hair behind you ear. Very wholesome situation, well until you tugged his arm for him to come closer so he thought you had something to say, when he finally got close you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly which shocked him by a lot. It was comfortable to be in your arms, if only he could stay there a bit more longer. :'). "H-Hey what are you trying to do? Let go of me, Y/n." He softly whispered, his hot breath hitting you once again but a bit more closer which caused you to hug him tighter. "Dream on." And since you really wouldn't let go of him, and he didn't have enough will to force himself out of your hold, he decided to just stay there. It was 4am and your warmth was more than enough to make him sleepy. Next morning: You woke up with someone in your arms, it was very comfortable. 'Oh it's just Ray..wait what--RAY??' "HOLY SHIT RAY! WAKE UP! WAKE-" His hand covered your mouth as his half-asleep eyes stared at you. "What are you so loud in the morning for?" Man, his morning voice could kill. Shaking your head quickly to shoo away the simp thoughts, you built up the courage to ask him this one cliche question. "Di-Did we perhaps, you know? Do the thing?" Of course Ray was not dumb but he can be an ass. Smirking, he asks with an innocent tone, "What do you mean by thing ?" "Oh my--you know what I mean! Stop acting dumb-" "Oh you mean sex?" He stared at you for a while, keeping that smirk of his on his face while seeing you so flustered and red. "Why do you have to be so blunt, this is why I hate you.." You said as you buried your face into one of your pillows. "Chill, woman. We didn't do that. You did do something dumb last night though." He chuckles as he removes the pillow away from your red face. "Please kill me--what is it?" "Well you just flirted with a Justin Bieber Cutout, nothing new." "I really did that?" You cried as you started mentally smashing your head on a rock. "Yes, yes you did." As soon was those words of confirmation came out of his mouth, you started getting flashbacks again, "Dude, I'll never be drunk again." "That's a good idea. But if you never get drunk again you might never hug me again the way you did last night." 'The way I did last night?...' What did he even mean by that... "What do you mean?" "Want a demonstration?" ..... THE END lol bye this was so bad ahvdusvud - Follow me on wattpad - @excujeemi Join my discord server !! https://discord.gg/wXSuKBXMXt

#ray x reader #rayxreader #tpn #tpn ray #ynn #ynn ray #fanfic #x reader #anime x y/n #anime x reader

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vrisrezis · 3 years

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My mcu favs w/ crush and relationship hcs (pt 2) (not proof read)

- gonna be honest she’s not familiar with romantic feelings, takes her awhile to even realize what she feels for you

- you make her heart all melty and soft, you make her face heat up, you make her question everything she does

- you make her feel even giddy and overly happy and it kinda annoys her tbh

- she thinks you’re out to get her or something and have casted some spell but when she asks thor he has no idea what she’s talking about until she describes what she’s feeling and he just laughs and thinks she’s joking

- she’s like no. I’m serious ?

- to which thor would tell her what it is, he has a bit of an idea because of Jane

- tbh loving somebody romantically, caring about somebody to this extent scares her

- she’s lost so many people and because of it became a raging alcoholic

- if she lost you she doesn’t know what could happen

- she tries to push you away but quickly realizes she doesn’t like doing that to herself or you

- asks you to go out drinking with her often if you’re up for that

- she’d find it funny how easily you get drunk but has no problem taking care of you, in fact she would probably drink with you more often so she can take care of you because it’s the closest to intimacy she feels she can have with you (no she is not taking advantage of you or anything, it’s more just the thought of taking care of you feels intimate to her)

- also you’re cute while you’re drunk

- trans with you so you can be tougher if you’re not that tough already

- tbh asks thor to do the same with you, whether it be cuz she’s not around or because you need the extra training

- eventually Thor’s at the point where he’s like you gotta tell em and she’s like no 🖕

- but she does eventually

- she’s kinda awkward about it but she tries to sound confident with it ^^

- dating you is very different than just being her friend tbh

- like you might’ve been surprised at her asking you out, even if it’s kinda obvious to anybody that knows her well

- to any stranger you just seemed like friends with a strange rivalry relationship but that’s really not the case

- she’s much more flirty in a relationship, since she’s confident you’re with her for a reason.. she’s not the type to doubt your relationship, you’re with her for a reason

- much more protective in battle though

- she doesn’t say she loves you enough, but she shows it through her actions

- asks thor about the romantic stuff but he has no idea really so she goes to Bruce who kinda has more of a grasp on it

- tries to take you to like normal restaurant dates... kinda awkward since she had no midgardian clothes at that point

- lotsa quick kisses on the cheek or forehead

- likes cuddling as she finds it just.. kinda intimate ?

- still likes to take care of a drunk you

- quick pecks on your lips are very often

- doesn’t like the idea of going on a lot of Thor’s saving the world shits unless you’re on board with it

- thor jokes about how she’s all badass and “I don’t give a fuck about saving the world or anyone else” until it comes to you

- she kicks his ass

- but he’s not wrong

- when she likes you she’s a bit like wtf

- like she doesn’t realize it for a moment until jane explains it

- before she was her usual talkative self but there was a lot of nervousness and stuttering at times, just unusual awkwardness that made Jane raise a brow

- it makes more sense now

- since she’s aware she likes you now she often asks you to hang out, to help her out, whatever it is

- the gal is clingy af what can she say

- lotsa hugs she loves giving you hugs often does them for a greeting

- just an excuse to hold you though tbh

- at times will get tongue tied

- she tries to flirt but it just makes you confused she’s not good at it you’re not even gonna know she’s flirting

- eventually grows impatient about it and is just like “I LIKE U DUMMY! DATE ME!”

- and now you date

- she gets into things a bit quickly so if it’s too fast tell her, hopefully not a dealbreaker

- dates are often because she’s got a lot of creative ideas for dates ^^

- still hugs you as a greeting but a lot longer and intimate and a kiss follows after

- speaking of kisses she LOVES to kiss you and she does so very often

- very needy

- big cuddler

- just like “CUDDLE ME”

- so demanding

- often talks about you and how much she loves you she can’t help it

- but if anybody did the same she like “shut up nobody cares”

- even with you though she’s blunt, but much nicer about it

- likes going on just good dates, restaurants , picnic, whatever

- she eats all the food

- tries to impress you so she might say she was best friends with thor at a point

- and that she’s helped him out before and .. yeah etc

- she likes buying you clothes tbh

- especially if you don’t dress good let her dress you up pls

- would be sad if you didn’t get along with Jane

- it would be a dealbreaker actually

- she knows she’s a bit much so she feels happy you love her anyways

- vision of course will not understand his feelings

- he understands you definitely make him feel something, that something being good

- for a moment he might think he feels like this is how best friends feel towards another, or even thinking he sees you in a familial light

- tony quickly tells him that is not the case

- once vision understands what he really feels he’s not sure how to go about it, he can be quite oblivious

- he’s aware of this but still .. what does he do?

- asks tony for advice, he tells him to flirt and see how it goes

- but tbh that doesn’t work, you don’t even realize he’s flirting gonna be honest

- he’s just bad at it

- so he tries to just simply state his affection, that doesn’t work because he doesn’t know how to word it without it sounding platonic, or getting too nervous about going too far

- he doesn’t wanna overstep boundaries

- tony is in pain watching this btw

- tony eventually is just like “he wants to know if you would like to go on a date” “w- I.. yes?”

- in a relationship he is very sweet

- kinda cliche though, since he doesn’t have a concept of romance at all

- looks up a lot of the things he should know about romance he doesn’t want to ask you that

- while he has no problem protecting you, he doesn’t feel the need to be overly protective unless needed

- he’s logical, reasonable, he only gets protective if he has to, even with how he feels towards you

- but do you distract him? Yes absolutely

- he’s okay with living comfortably and normally for once with you, unless it’s something you don’t want or are not ready for

- once you’re conditioned to a certain lifestyle, even if it isn’t a good one it can be uncomfortable to get out of and he understands that

- he loves to kiss you, often initiates kisses or forms of affection

- you were the first to kiss him, it made him so flustered but so happy and now he’s addicted to kissing you

- loves kissing your hands

- if you have any insecurity he will do anything in his power to prove you wrong and that he doesn’t see you in that light

- he understands he has responsibilities but other than that, loves spending his time with you

- he understands you’re a distraction so he tries not to fight with you, he wants to prioritize the people when it comes to this kinda thing

- which you of course understand

- once you teach him what dancing is, his love language is dancing with you

- you two just stay up talking about nothing and everything

- having kids with him isn’t an option, but he isn’t opposed to adopting children

- after all, all he’s ever wanted was to be a normal significant other to you

- do not have a huge concept on her character so forgive me 🙏

- she can be a bit flirty, not that you mind though right ?

- she just loves spending all her time with you

- probably met you before wandavision

- so you’re probably already together

- even then in wandavision you two were “roommates”

- doesn’t explain all the flirting girl .

- agathas fall would be letting Wanda find out she had a soft spot for you my god

- while she’s all confidence and flirty in general, she’s a bit softer with you

- like she genuinely means the things she says when it comes to you

- eventually asks you to date her, you don’t have much room for dates outside of wandavision

- you two are always together btw

- loves dancing with you

- she has a good grasp on romance so she has no issue with it

- she is full of confidence when it comes down to it tbh

- holds your hand often

- your relationship ain’t official till like the 70s probably

- might joke after wanda has kids that you both should have kids too

- while she’s causing her mischief you back her up to make her look less suspicious

- seriously in the mist of all this she’s grateful for you

- especially when you get her out of the hell that Wanda puts her in once again

- to which she will actually confess she loves you, and cares for you

- you aren’t just like.. some person to date

- she’s not the most vulnerable obviously

- so the fact she finally is.. it’s just a lot

- “idk I just love u a lot hun . Cant I show I love u 😊”

- she’s just so overly sweet with you

- she’s so awful to everyone else at times that she just likes being .. with you and being a softie

- likes you playing with her hair

- she loves a good cuddle

- cute nicknames like hon, or hun, or just teddy bear

- with a crush quill might try to act overly friendly

- and probably flirts a lot

- he’s very like obvious with the flirting so you’d have to be oblivious not to notice it

- he can be quite protective as well

- like not just in fighting but even with just others like even before dating he’s very jealous

- if he makes a joke you’re always in on it somehow

- he tries for form a close bond with you just cuz he likes you so much

- it’s likely he likes somebody that can easily protect themselves doe

- probably has some dumb handshake with you

- honestly he acts like a close friend to you

- people might mistake you for a sibling like relationship if it weren’t for his flirting and him staring at you like you’re his entire universe

- seriously Sam says Bucky has a staring problem, quill is fucking awful

- it’s constant and rocket is always like “you’re staring”

- and he’s like “nO” and then continues to stare

- has you listen to his favorite music of course

- especially the love songs ;D

- will just dance with you to the music he puts on

- one time you guys are dancing to the music he put on like normal but it’s a slow love song, so hes like let’s so dance bae

- and then he tells you how he feels for u

- now u date <3

- lots of forehead kisses

- cuddle bug absolutely

- still a jealous boyfriend though tbh he will try to seem all tough in front of any man he thinks might be better or something he will do anything to show off

- your relationship doesn’t change just lots of kisses and hugs now and I love yous

- you’re totally the relationship that’s like “I love you more” “nooo I love you more” and the guardians hate y’all so much

- he uses nicknames like hun, honey, love, sweetheart

- let’s just say you slow dance more often, and kiss while doing so ^^

- he flirts with you still but it’s a lot more sweet rather than before where he might’ve just flirted with you in terms of like it being kinda like calling you sexy and shit like that, now it’s more like wow u look beautiful I luv u 😊🙏

- would do anything for you, even if he wouldn’t like it

- doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hesitate tho

- going on separate dates isn’t really an option since you guys fight left and right and are always with the guardians, but he decided every once a couple months you guys go on a date together and have some fun

- Loki doesn’t get crushes, so this is a new thing for him

- and tbh he doesn’t know how to take it either, especially when he realizes how strong those feelings actually are

- he hates the idea of being vulnerable in general, especially when it comes to you

- over time it just... happens

- but if there’s any indication he likes spending time with you he will try to lie his way through it, he’s a good liar of course so it probably works

- however he shows he at the very least cares about you, he shows a sign of protectiveness when it comes to potential enemies.. enemies that happen to be dangerous for you

- plus he’s around you like constantly and claims he has nobody else to harass

- he claims he doesn’t care about you at all, but even thor can tell through this lie

- the way he looks at you makes it obvious

- the way he doesn’t try to get you involved in his more dangerous schemes

- and if you do, and you get hurt he feels guilty and tries to help you feel better

- he claims he just owes you one for getting you hurt though

- eventually thor bothers him enough to get him to confess feelings, which takes a lot for Loki to even go through with

- he acts confident, even moreso after you say yes, but deep down was extremely nervous

- the male is good at making you feel important, after trying so hard to hide his feelings he is tired of it and just wants to be more honest about how he feels about you

- no issue being vulnerable, he trusts you but sometimes it can be hard

- he goes to you for a lot of his problems, even if you cannot help, just venting and you listening helps

- he was already with you a lot but now there’s no excuses and it’s even moreso

- “what? I just wanted to visit my beautiful s/o” “we literally just saw eachother 5 minutes ago can I please go to bed”

- likes pressing your foreheads together, he finds it sweet

- jealous of thor? Absolutely. Pls comfort him and tell him you’d never leave him for thor

- he’s so used to just not being as good as him, he wants to be good enough for you

- deep down there’s just so many insecurities he has

- so it causes him to worry like all the time

- having a reassuring and patient s/o is so good for him ^^

- flirting becomes a thing in your relationship

- it makes him feel more confident pls give him this

- protective, he feels like he has to be tbh because he never gets anything good in his life and if he does he loses it, he’s scared to lose you too

- if for some reason he can’t see you he makes an illusion of you to talk to

- when he fake dies you’re the first he goes to see so you don’t think he’s dead, he loves you he wouldn’t want to do that to you =(

- finally

- gonna be honest bucky with a crush is cute

- first of all he smiles at you a lot, Steve is the first to notice how much he smiles around you, it’s the most he smiles like ever

- just has a lot of nice conversations with you about anything and everything

- also whenever you’re around even if other people are around you he’s just like “hey y/n :)”

- heart eyes for you, just can’t help but stare all the time

- he has a staring problem but with you? Yeah 10x over

- Sam always has something to say abt it also

- his idea of flirting with you is really just saying hi to you, just being overly friendly which is noticeable for a guy like Bucky

- eventually would ask you out, he tries to ease into it but he gets a bit impatient

- he was also nervous asking you out but yk

- when dating him he becomes very protective

- one of the most protective bitches on the list tbh

- he gets nightmares about you dying like all the time it breaks him everytime though

- lots of cuddles, whether it be from a rough day, he’s just tired, or had a nightmare

- he likes his hair being brushed by you and played with, even when he cuts it

- he’s scared of killing you and turning into the winter soldier again

- has dreams about when he’s hurt and fought you as the winter soldier, he keeps thinking about if Steve wasn’t there to help, he really could’ve killed you and that terrifies him

- even when you tell him it wasn’t him, he appreciates it but still feels horrible about it

- touch that metal arm, but like gently Yknow . Nobody’s ever touched that arm with such kindness and it makes him soft and feel lucky

- speaking of soft Bucky is very soft, there’s many soft moments with Bucky and vulnerability

- it’s easy to be vulnerable with you but not others

- lots of handholding

- he loves hugging you for long periods of time

- still has a staring problem but now Sam openly makes fun of him

- just big dumb smile on his face as he looks at you

- especially when you’re dealing with kids, seeing you be around them makes his heart warm

- maybe he does wanna be normal, settle down and have kids

- though the thought scares him it is something he desires

- we all know he calls you doll

#valkyrie x reader #loki x reader #peter quill x reader #mcu x reader #marvel x reader #bucky barnes x reader #james Barnes x reader #Darcy x reader #vision x reader #Agnes x reader #Agatha x reader

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