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lefluoritesys · 5 months

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It's so weird to feel excluded in DID spaces because... we don't suffer 24/7. And I mean we don't suffer so much, we actually have a good experience with DID most of the time, and it genuienly helps us survive. Like we're not perfect, of course, but the good overrides the bad, and most of our problems don't come from alters.

I could pop in to front and ask an alter at front to not talk to somebody, or do something for me, and they would. If they have questions, they'd ask. Like, "Hey, I don't like this person... can you be careful around them?" or "Don't share that info about me", and they'd be like "Okay, cool" and move on.

We found ways to differenciate between each other, and sometimes dissociation actually makes us feel better. Because with too many alters in front, we can temporarily dissociate into one blob that would let us function. Best part? It lets us use all the roles of alters inf ront at once as this one blob. Temporary merging that isn't really temporary merging, to be honest... I have no idea how else to describe it. it is but it isn't. And even if there is dissociation, it's not cause of alters, it's cause of our brain being a bitch.

I sometimes lean back in my chair in the front room when I'm in control of the body, turn to our physical persecutor (who also happens to be my best friend), and go, "Hey, you good if I do homework on your subject today?" And they go, "Sure. You sure you can do it tho? Like, do you have memories of how?" And I'd go, "I think so, I just don't wanna switch rn, I'll call you if I need help, though." And they'd go "Cool."

Like, don't get me wrong, we have had problems. But they were never because somebody was bad, they were because of people's actions that were honestly mostly fueled by being abused, trauma, and figuring out how to properly function. No one was ever the problem. We have alters who are just awful, but that's a separate problem. People in front for us are lovely. Sometimes we have fights, sometimes we have relapses, sometimes we just have horrible things happen to each other or IRL or something else. But no one is ever the problem. We never had that mentality that DID, and our alters, were the problem. Their actions are sometimes, but not them as separate personalities. Actually, we had problems with each other and with DID because people outside told us we should. DID improved our lives, and the areas that it didn't, we never saw it as it "ruined" them, it just... made them harder, and told us there are different ways we need to go about daily stuff and life. To each other, we're literally just people with mental health issues who are trying to make the body functional, but also? We're even kinda happy to be here. And if not happy, at the very least neutral enough not to want to become one.

It's so weird hanging around here, having a blog dedicated to spread positivity about DID, kinda being like:

"Hello, we are actually... functional. And would have always been if people didn't try to convince us otherwise out of their own misery and want for everyone else to be miserable."

We have issues, but they're not because of DID, DID actually helps us with them. It doesn't make us feel invalid, I don't think, but it does make us question whether we belong in DID community. And we have a lot of alters with low empathy, somehow, that makes us more compassionate? It's such a weird problem to have. It shouldn't even be a problem but here we are.

-host

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chronically-enthusiastic · 9 months

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Hello there, thanks for stumbling across my blog!

(Here's a lil comic I made for a school assignment)

I'm going to start putting my social energy levels in my bio... There's a lot of stuff I want to respond to but i currently dont have the energy to do so, and so if I don't respond within like a day, check my bio and see that... I always feel bad about being on tumblr when theres things people have sent me but responding to those things is a different level of interaction than reblogging a post... so yeah... Sorry to the people i havent responded to yet! I will soon <333 (writing this on low energy, sorry for the incoherence)

Who am I / Where else can you find me?

First of all, feel free to call me Eli!! I'm on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis. I am agender and aroace-spec.

I am verrryyy enthusiastic about the things I am interested in (hence the URL hehehe). And currently, those are: podcasts (theres a list at the bottom of the post), good omens, ofmd, bbc merlin, star trek!!!!, lotr, and probably more things that I am too tired to think of right now!

I am a very big fan of the oxford comma and double brackets. Semicolons are pretty cool too. And ellipses are incredible.

i love all of my mutuals dearly!! Making cookies and hot chocolate for you all <33

I try to use tone tags as much as possible!

Boundaries:

Things I am okay with sharing/doing:

My age, gender/sexuality, things about my guinea pigs!!, and most other things

Things I am not okay with sharing/doing:

The city I live in, pictures of me/anyone I know, my full name, my birthdate, my phone number/email address, meeting up with people irl, sending/receiving money/gifts, dms (<- though if we're mutuals and interacted a lot dms are fine!!)

^ this applies to everyone im not in the discord with

I will let someone know if they cross boundaries, and *really* would like other people to let me know if I cross theirs!!

DNI: people who are here to spread hate and anger. Just, stay away. I dont engage in discourse. I know DNIs dont deterr these people, but this is a demonstration of my core values :)

Updated to clarify - I do block the generic tags such as Israel and Gaza, which most of the posts are tagged with by the op, so if you forget its no big deal!!

Tags:

(At the top cause otherwise it will get lost) ALSO #tw body horror

I block quite a few tags but most notably #tw war and other ones to do with the war in israel/palestine. This is not because I don't care. I care so so so much about what is happening and I cry every time I see a post about it. It breaks my heart that such horrible things are happening. However, I really struggle with high empathy, and seeing a post about it can really affect me for a while, and I need tumblr to be a safe space away from the real world problems. If I follow you - please could you tag things to do with war. Thank you <3

A list of all the podcasts I listen to because y'know, its fun:

Fiction:

The Amelia Project

Wooden Overcoats

The Adventure Zone

Sherlock & Co

Alba Salix

Unseen

And a whole lot more that i no longer listen to either because they havent updated or they are a little too creepy (Welcome to Night Vale falls into the latter category)

Science:

The Sci Guys

Lets Learn Everything

Lingthusiasm

A podcast of unnecessary detail.

Comedy/other:

Dear Hank and John

The Unmade Podcast

Books Unbound

Lateral

A book list of recommendations from mutuals for my own use:

abigail by Magda Szasbo (@mack-anthology-mp3)

The Alphabet of Candice Phee (@jamie-dinow)

A list of music reccomendations from mutuals:

in the lap of the gods revisited by queen, why can't i be you by the cure, pyramid song, and lucky & the tourist by radiohead, when the sun hits by slowdive, dancing barefoot by patti smith, tangerine by led zeppelin, autumn sweater by yo la tengo, rubber ring by the smiths, water by pj harvey (from @/mack-anthology-mp3)

imi hendrix’s all along the watchtower (from @/catholickedd)

#pinned post #eli has a thought

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muffinrecord · 9 months

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Goodbye Storage was pretty good and I have some thoughts after finishing it-

First off, it's another example of how Magia Record will choose the most convoluted explanation whenever possible instead of doing something far more simple and understandable and SOMEHOW making it work. Additionally, it'll have like... a lot of exposition that you just can't look at too hard.

Like Mikoto starts off the first ten minutes with a billion revelations on how her new parasite-powers/witchdom stuff works. How the fuck does she know any of that. How did she piece that together while she's in a dark void. How.

But you know what? Once you get past those three minutes, it's all good. Hanna and Mikoto have such a good god damn dynamic, wow. There are moments with surprising heart and clarity. Moments that make you think, "someone writing this really went through something." Hanna and Mikoto feel like real people-- they go back and forth on things. Sometimes Mikoto will feel one way and then completely backtrack and feel another, and it's not in a character-breaking way, but it feels more like someone who is standing on unsteady ground, who thinks one way and feels another.

Hanna does the anime trope thing of "I will be a villain to prove that heroism is right" which tbh I kind of hate because who the fuck does that irl. No one.

But it's okay, because honestly-- Hanna is not in a good state of mind here at all. Girl is clearly going through it. She had a horrible start to her life, still going through the horrors, she made her first friend then that friend BECAME A WITCH RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER IN A HORRID PAINFUL MANNER. THEN THAT FRIEND BECOMES A GHOST??? LIVING IN HANNA'S BRAIN??? LIKE. BRUH.

It doesn't surprise me that she's made her plan all convoluted. She's clearly not mentally well at the moment. I don't mean that in a diagnosis kind of way, but like the girl is traumatized and not thinking straight.

There's also all sorts of ways that you can dig into the event. It's straightforward on some stuff so you have a place to latch on to but it's ambiguous enough on other things so that you have enough wiggle room to have interesting interpretations and variances. Like;

Is Mikoto's presence making Hanna do things that she wouldn't normally want to do? Hanna wants heroism to win out. She wants to lose. Is that because, deep down, she's doing something she doesn't want to do?

I mean, Hanna has never been the nicest person either. It's possible she would have done this anyways-- but it's also possible that Mikoto's presence made Hanna even more extreme than she was before, or pushed her more than she ever would have gone.

There's just a lot of good stuff in it.

If you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it. It does have weak writing moments sometimes but it also has really really strong ones. I think it's def up there as one of my favorites now.

It's kind of a shame that both of them are dead, cause I really digged their dynamic. It felt very... earnest. Sometimes they yell at each other, sometimes they disagree and misread one another. They both want to make the other one happy, but they go about it in selfish ways that the other one doesn't want. But that's not a bad thing. It feels like it's because they're young. Like they need to make mistakes to learn how to love the way they want to be loved and to love another.

But that's the whole problem, isn't it? Mikoto is dead. Hanna will be dead soon too. They're not going to have a future where those mistakes build a foundation for them. This is it for them.

IDK. It's good bro.

#Magia Record #Goodbye Storage #Mikoto Sena #Hanna Sarasa

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 8 months

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Howdy! Same person who stayed anonymous so I wouldn't get harassed by fans here, and I have another thing to say.

People think that media like this may not have an outside influence on the world, but in reality it does. It may seem stupid, but the media portraying relationships like these as normal caused me to stay in an abusive relationship for two years. I apologize if it's oversharing, but I used to watch shows like this all the time when I was younger (Not sharing my age because then people will try to claim I have no idea what I'm talking about.) and this, paired with other personal events in my life, made me think that relationships like these were normal and healthy. Luckily, I now realize they aren't.

The glorification of bad characters who have little-to-no redeemable qualities or ways to justify what they did just because they're "hot" or "sexy" needs to stop. It causes people to glorify abuse and abusers. I used to be a major SPOP fan and, shamefully, a Catra simp, so I could keep going on about a LOT of stuff this show does, but I won't.

I, once again, apologize for oversharing and for how long this post is. Thank you for addressing all this in the show despite the criticism you're getting.

you don't need to apologize! i'm so sorry you had to go through that and i hope you're out of that relationship now. this is exactly what i've been saying. i can understand why some people may want to believe that c//a is a good ship, especially considering that this is one of the very few queer representation we have. it especially concerns me that kids watching this may take this as good representation, i've already seen posts saying stuff like "i want what they have" or "i want someone to look at me the way catra looks at adora".

the only reason i spotted the toxicity in the show early on is because i was also in a close (platonic) relationship with a person who was very much like catra, and i was in the process of figuring out that this isn't normal. i tried to get myself to root for catra, but i just couldn't. and it confused me that the fandom didn't see the problem with this show and instead acted like it was the biggest masterpiece to ever exist.

relationships in the media are rarely realistic, especially the enemies-to-lovers trope. it may look exciting in a story but it very rarely works out irl. more often that not, when it does work it, it ends up being an abusive relationship like c//a. but there are healthy fictional relationships that you can look up to, and those ships don't get the attention that these toxic ones do, because they are labelled as "vanilla" and "boring".

the point of this blog isn't to start unnecessary beef with the fandom or demonize the show. it is to help people understand the red flags in catra's and adora's relationship. when consuming a piece of media, it is always wise to be open-minded and critical, because even the best of the best can have flaws. it's the same as reading the classics while also acknowledging that they were a product of their time, and most likely had some problematic ideals embedded into them.

i think it's still okay to like catra as a character. i like a lot of villains myself, because they are complex or sympathetic or just plain fun to watch. but you need to still acknowledge that these are objectively bad people, regardless of their motives. i've seen a few catra fans who admit that catra's redemption was rushed and that they didn't like c//a either. i respect these types of fans a lot, because they are able to like a character without being blind to said character's flawed treatment.

anyway, if any of you want to see actually healthy relationships and good queer representation in media, i suggest shows such as The Owl House, The Legend of Korra, Infinity Train, The Dragon Prince, Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, Steven Universe and Arcane. please don't settle for the toxic relationships. not only are they not good representation, but they are actively harmful for the community. it's time we stopped romanticizing abusive relationships just because they are angsty and have "sexual tension".

#ask #spop #spop critical #anti catradora #spop salt #spop criticism #spop discourse #anti catra #she ra

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loveyourlovelysoul · 6 months

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so as I was mentioning in a previous post about staying in touch with other people, even those that may not be important... there's this "friend"/neighbor which I haven't been talking to for so long. I could say we lost each other slowly cause of life, and even if she moved back in my neighborhood not long ago, we didn't really got closer again. like, at all. I think we just grew apart, and that's okay: at first it hurt ofc but now I totally accept it.

let me explain.

as I started healing recently, I understood it wasn't just her not considering me that much, but also me having said lot of no's to her (more or less openly), for my own fears (parents' overreaction mostly: I wasn't that aware of this habit of mine back then, so I couldn't speak about it and so she didn't know -but probably got something anyway since she often said how tough to deal with they seemed to be). all this ofc made our bond to just become looser and looser as we moved to uni and she moved to other cities and countries, until it basically became inexistent.

despite having shared the same classes and/or school for most of our lives, we also had different backgrounds/upbringings, different friends (despite some common ones), different habits, different characters (she's always been way more extroverted than me while I used to shy away, even if I often followed her doing weird/funny stuff for others), different lives and goals, different personal problems too... even different views on things especially these days (again, it's fine! we met different people and had different experience since when we used to play and talk together as kids and teens, that too formed us into different human beings). I think we were just different and many times she had been pretending... but ofc, I have no objective proof about this: it could be just my (wounded ego) impression nowadays.

anyway. a couple of months ago she gave birth. ofc she didn't tell me (not even when she got married a couple of years ago to a guy I know as well). I found out by chance after our mothers met, despite having been talking a bit with her hubby in the previous months (he didn't tell me anything about the pregnancy as if it was top-secret). I could have decided this was the last time that she/they closed me off, and honestly at first I felt this way while I was saying "Idc, her/their decision". but talking with an external friend I realized: maybe I could just give her a present for her baby and not make all this and our past matter too much. just see how it goes. we're adults and neighbors now, and that's how I can look at us these days. we can turn the page.

so, even if I felt a bit uncomfortable and part of me didn't feel like (especially for the fact that I wanted to feel as our friendship was definitely closed, and I needed to close with the past abruptly), I texted her asking how she was doing and if she had 5 mins for me to go see her and bring her a little thing for her baby. she replied inviting me for a walk. we went out, both pretending everything was fine and nothing ever happened. we kinda had fun talking about the baby, his quirks, about a neighborhood's problem (as adults do) and remembering a few events of our childhood. I felt more grounded than I thought (despite I couldn't always recall all the words I wanted to say, but I haven't been speaking 1:1 irl for a real lot of time now, except for a few words here and there in specific contexts); she was kinda calm too but I think the pregnancy also made her. she has changed especially in her voice, and it felt weird to see her holding a baby and feeding him. she also asked me to help her with the baby carriage when she had to hold him which ofc I did. and then we went back home after an hour or so, I gave her the gift and we both told each other we could have met for a walk another day (I am kinda sure this won't happen -unless it will be me asking? Idk-, it's just one of those sentences you say out of courtesy, but it felt coherent with how that hour went) and that we'll keep in touch anyway about the neighborhood's problem (more likely?): at the end of the day, I asked about her but she didn't ask anything about me and my life/family anyway, not even when we ended up staying silent for a while (it wasn't uncomfortable for me btw, can't say for her).

once I arrived home I was literally freezing cause the sun was gone and it got pretty cold; I had the feeling she kinda wanted to suddenly run away at that time and find another place to go (maybe, Idk), but I was feeling good. I had a nice interaction, out of all the past context we had been through. it helped me start to get back "out there" again, in a kind of "known" environment (in the end, we still have known each other since ages), to be hugged and hug again (even if it wasn't too felt probably, but it works as practice too heh). and also it reminded me that not everyone has to stay in our life forever and we're not supposed to be in everyone's life forever; and that feelings and bonds can change and evolve in something different as well, if we let them too. they can turn calmer, less profound, and more patient and respectful of each one's new life and boundaries. ofc it's not for everyone, for every relationship: there has to be a *silent* agreement between the parts, at least. not saying I agree with why I wasn't told about the baby or other good news or why I wasn't asked about me out of courtesy even on these terms, but... it was her/their decision and I respect and accept it now. as I will respect their spaces and boundaries from now on without really caring. at all and for real, this time. I know where I stand (and where she stands for me), and that's okay: not because I submissively accept it as her/their decision, but because I understand and agree there's no other way.

this meeting really helped me to see things under a new perspective and actually gave closure, in a way, to my past hurt feelings. differently from how building a wall or cutting cords has ever. now I'll just let things be and really not care much, and treat each other politely as random acquaintances/neighbors. but I can say I really feel much more eager to meet new people, to get out there and test myself after all those years of isolation I put myself in while healing (which made me so rusty and didn't help much, even if I kept talking online at least and learning about boundaries here... but that's not the same). I know now I can bear with that stress, no matter how it'll turn out. I feel stronger and more in touch with myself than ever. it's true: what you make other's decisions and behaviours mean about yourself, only depends on you. I was probably *unconsciously* making it all mean that I was not good enough, not even as an acquaintance/neighbor. but even if it is so according to her/them, I decide to not make it mean anything about my present and actual worth: I have been working on myself so hard and so much that I'm far from being the *scared* girl I used to be in the past and they have no clue about it. and I don't need or want to show them anyway as there's no reason for it. I am closing with the past anyway, whether past people will acknowledge it and come with me in my future or not or in what measure/form they will/won't. it doesn't matter. it only matters what I do and think of my path until today. and what I will decide to do and think about it (and me) from today on.

#healing #relationships #friendship #my story #life #vulnerability #self growth #closure #feelings #words

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dissociativediscourse · 1 year

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Hello! This is a question regarding complex childhood trauma and how it could lead to CDDs-

So, background info, I’ve been questioning whether or not I’m a system for a while. Other people have also basically gone ‘🤨’ at me and have told me that my experiences seem rather similar to OSDD. I may quote someone as saying ‘yeah that’s some OSDD shit’. Includinggg one Dxed DID system. Which is. Hm!

It’s gotten to where the woman doing my intake appointment for my college counseling sessions has suspected me of it. (Though I wouldn’t call them… the MOST ah, experienced institution for it considering a lot of their knowledge is from one 1-week seminar that was done last year)

One thing that I tend to get hung up on is what exactly my trauma was to cause this, or at least a level of dissociation to resemble a CDD at all.

Now, I know that it’s not the best idea to go digging for trauma, but I’m a very curious person at heart, and it’s less digging up memories and more ‘which already known memory or events could have caused this?’

One of my leading hypotheses is: literally just having untreated generalized anxiety disorder through my WHOLE childhood. It’s genetic so it was there biting my ass the whole time.

This does beg the question; CAN such a thing cause a CDD or CDD-presenting symptoms?

I’ve heard that it’s chronic trauma, or repeat chronic stressors that lead to the development of CDDs. A sort of constant fight or flight mode.

What’s fucky about GAD is that it can give ya that shit for free! No outside stressors needed!

Note that, like disorders do, my GAD is far greater in severity now than it was in my childhood, but my example still stands…

TLDR: could someone develop a CDD from untreated childhood generalized anxiety disorder while having a pretty good life otherwise, because generalized anxiety can mayhaps ‘substitute’ for a stressful environment in childhood with its own, shall I say, ‘home-grown’ stress? Could just having a genetic anxiety disorder throughout childhood lead to such stress as to cause dissociation to cope with it?

Are there any studies on this? If not, anybody wanna do a study? I think people should do studies more, they can be fun to do. But not tumblr poll studies, like, actual research paper studies. With annotated bibliographies and statistical significance and all that fancy stuff.

(Additional thing: I really feel people underestimate how Fucked GAD can be as a disorder. It can fuck up your cardiovascular system! It can give you HEART PROBLEMS just because heehoo adrenaline glands go brr! No major panic attacks needed, even! Just chronic stress alone!)

I’m going to first link you to my most recent ask so that I don’t have to repeat the same things over and over. https://www.tumblr.com/dissociativediscourse/715062976412073984/hello-i-made-a-post-reaching-out-to-the-plural

And then, I’m going to restate something: I can’t diagnose you. I don’t diagnose people, and neither should anyone else on Tumblr or IRL (that isn’t a licensed professional). The words of others that say you have Vibes really don’t matter that much in the big picture because whether they have it or not or have been through a one week seminar or not, they aren’t professionals and have not been trained to spot it and diagnose it and treat it, and that’s kind of the deal with that.

Secondly, I want you to know that I’m not trying to invalidate you or say that you’re wrong or anything like that… But there are a few things I have to point out.

One of those is that a huge part of DID is disorganized attachment/lack of a trustworthy caregiver/inability to receive comfort from trauma/lack of a safe place. As well, your brain can’t traumatize itself to the point of developing a CDD. This is an immutable fact, no matter what disorder is involved. GAD alone cannot and will not ever be able to cause DID, nor will any other disorder. The question isn’t “was this traumatic”. It is “Did this disrupt this child’s brain development repeatedly in a way that would result in a CDD?”.

GAD is stressful, but it would need a few extra steps from the outside to cause a CDD to form.

Now, I don’t know whether or not those happened. And if you don’t, you shouldn’t go digging at this point. You should honestly take the advice that I linked to in the last ask. Get help, and start working on symptom management. Because it doesn’t matter whether or not you have a dissociative disorder as much as it matters that you’re okay. If you need help, you deserve it. And you deserve help that works for you. The whole point of a diagnosis is to allow you get the right help and be as safe and happy as possible.

I don’t know anything about your childhood besides what you’ve told me, so that’s about as far as my advice goes. But if you do one thing, please, *please* read the post I linked, because that’s the best starting point I can offer.

#dissociative identity disorder #asks #osddid #did advice #osdd #advice asks #dissociative identity disorder advice #did osdd

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joficeandwind · 11 months

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You probably will know who this is as I write this, but I'll still be on anon mod for personal reasons

It has been such a blessing to get to know you, J. I wish you nothing but the best for your birthday. You may not be able to celebrate or feel happy, due to your circumstances and mental health problems, but I really hope that you are happy during your special day, even more a few minutes. You matter so much to me, to a lot of people here, and you don't need to live up to anyone's standards. Being who you are is enough for us, and even if you do not feel it, it's true for us. You're an amazing person that made a lot of people happy, me included. Never did I think I would be comfortable ranting to someone, especially if they had their own problems. But you made an effort and practically didn't let it go until I talked about my feelings towards you. And that was absolutely amazing. You have no idea how comfortable you make me feel and whenever I speak with you, I get so excited. I think the reason I'm so attached to you is because you remind me of my younger brother, who's turning 16 himself in December. Whenever I talk to you, all I can see is my irl younger brother and I knew it would be hard to let you go. If I never had that 11 pm urge to ask if you wanted to be mutuals, I have no idea if I would ever be friends with such an amazing person. But I'm so glad I did. I'm so happy our paths have crossed and I got to be your mom. I pray for you to have a great birthday and for nice things to happen to you, even if it's only for a short while, please enjoy any good thing that might happen. Even if nothing does, I still give you my full love and affection. I don't have the mental health to continue this message, nor idk what else to say, or I might just sound like a fool repeating happy birthdays and how blessed I am to have you in my life (which is true, but still wanna get this through). But your f/o's also asked me to give you these messages from them

Um....h-hi J. I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time. Please forgive me. I.....I hope it's okay that I'm wishing you happy birthday. If I'm annoying you, you can write mean words on me. Or I can take off my clothes for you! I'm so sorry! I....I really wish you a great day. I asked Teruteru to make you a cake. I asked him to make it with stevia and vegetable oil instead of sugar and butter. I....want you to be healthy. I don't think it's good to eat fast food a lot, J.....o-of course! That's just my worthless opinion compared to you! I-It's your birthday, we can do whatever you want! Anything you want, just ask and I'll do it. cause I love you I hope you like the cake. And my time with you

From,

Mikan Tsumiki

Yo, J! Glad I was able to get time to write this to you. Listen, I ain't good with deep or sappy stuff like this, so I'll get straight to the point. I wish you a great birthday and an awesome day! I called out training with Nekomaru just to make time for ya. A party means food, yeah? We having a party for you? Of course, if you wanna just chill at my place and watch movies or whatever, that works. But....there's still gonna be food, yeah? Ah hell. No matter what, anything will do. It's your day after all

See ya soon, babe!

Akane Owari

Oi! Peabrain, listen up! The great Miu fucking Iruma has something to say, and she's only gonna say it once, so get your head outta your ass! Happy fucking birthday, you bastard! E-Eh?! W-Why are you making that face? I wished you a happy birthday and was going to say a bunch of lovey dovey shit. W-What did I do.....? Eh, what the hell?! I'll go all out! Don't think I give this special treatment to anyone, and don't get all cocky on me thinking I'm getting soft and mushy for ya. It's your special day after all. Anyways, the gorgeous girl genius is gonna cuddle with you as we watch movies. I baked a bunch of sweets for ya. Hope you like the cake. I mean, of course you will, I made it. It.....It has my blood in it. So a part of me will always be inside of you. I always wanted a hot guy to consume me. It's....always been a romantic dream of mine, ahhh~!!! I also made cookies with my hair, brownies with my fingernails, anything for you. And don't you think that's the end. Be honored I'm getting you my genius inventions as presents. I also got.....something else planned. You're gonna love what I have in store at the end of your day. Ahahah!!!! The great Miu Iruma strikes again with her awesomeness! I'm the best, aren't I?

Til then!

Miu Iruma

Nyahaha!!! My beloved J, hello hello!!! I bring a message from Atua wishing you a happy birthday. He sends his best wishes, as do I. I'll pray for your birthday to be nothing but the best! But but....you will spend the day with me, right? I have so many paintings to give you. I can't take all the credit. It was Atua's work that merely used me as a vessel to produce such divine artwork. He was thinking about how to please you on your special day. Atua knows you mean so much to me, he was generous enough to think of all the pleasent things you love and spend hours upon hours painting. Please come by soon, my love. I'll be waiting with open arms

Praise be Atua

Angie Yonaga

Hey J, you got a minute? I wanna stop by and wish you a happy birthday. I also wanted to ask if you wanted do to something together. This is what couple's do on special occasions like this, right? Go on dates? I was thinking the amusement park. If you want me to win ya something, just ask! Or maybe just go out to eat? My treat! I'd be happy to listen to your ideas too. You're the birthday boy after all. So what'cha say? And don't worry, I already asked Akane, she's baking a cake for you as we speak. Hehe....I was trying to make one myself, but I kinda burned the kitchen. Really shouldn't do my makeup while cooking, horrible decision. Sheesh, you look away from the oven for one minute to change cosmetics. Anyways, just tell me what you want, babe!

See you then!

Kiyoka Maki

H-Hello, J. I hope that you have a great birthday. I want to wish you nothing but the best day with me! We'll do all kind of fun things I have planned for you. I hope it's okay that I went out of my way to make sure you have a great day. I know how much you don't really like big plans, so how does us hanging out at home, playing video games, cuddles, and takeout sound? Sounds like an ideal date, right? Sorry if it's lame, I know. I'm not very good with planning, Hibiki is more strong with organizing stuff than I am. But I also prepared a song for you. I want to play my guitar for you later that night. And....the cake I made for you. I put a lot of time on it. Sorry if it's not very good, but I tried my best for you! Cause I love you a lot, darling.

I'll be with you til the very end, love

Kanade Otonokoji

I was trying to go to sleep, but, I just decided to check tumblr one last time, since I was bored. Jeez, did I pick the right time to check it.

I... Seriously don't know what to say, mom. I appreciate you, too. You mean so, so much to me, and stuff like this is why. I'm glad I was able to meet you, too. You're an amazing person. I'm sorry, I'm not really good with stuff like this, so, that's all I can say to you. But, really, I love you, you're the best mom I could ever ask for!

And, to all my F/O's, thank you, too. You've all helped me through rough times, and loved me when I needed it most. I'll be sure to have the best birthday with you all, <3

#j rambles #anon #i really don't know what else to say but thanks <3

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myjunkisyuzuruhanyu · 2 years

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Hi, how's your week so far? 🤗💕 I just wanted to ask you this for some time but I've decided just now 'cause I think is a complicated topic... Some people is calling Shouma a 'mysogenist" and I've read that he even harassed a japanese female skater... Is that true? What's your opinion? I trust your ethics and your points of view!!!

I'm sorry if this is a matter that upsets you. If that's the case just forget it!!! And thanks for your amazing posts!!!

My week is ok I guess. I mean a lot of good and bad stuff happen currently irl, but I am getting through the bad and try to concentrate on the positive sides. I'm ok. I get a lot of support, so it's fine. Thanks for asking!

The matter about Shoma is indeed a matter that upsets me, but probably not for the reasons ppl expect. I am sick and tired of this same story being told again and again and again and I have answered this from the start up until today. And I will adress it time and time again if I am asked even if I am not keen on talking about it, but at the same time I don't want to let these accusations stand without giving you the opportunity to get all the information.

I am honestly baffled what is made out of it by now. I assure you that the accusation of "Shoma having harassed a female Japanese skater" are completely made up. It's not true at all. It was reported in Japanese tabloid paper in January 2022 that Shoma was dating Marin Honda for 3 years (which isn't officially confirmed) and some other tabloid reported that an unnamed "official" saw Shoma pointing to himself when 12 year old Marin talked about dating. He was 16 years at this point and it's just a tale with no real source and proofed by fans that Shoma and Marin not even met at the occasion in question and generally if pointing at yourself is now harassing someone where will this discussion lead?

Shoma made one problematic comment in a gaming stream back in September 2019, which can be seen as misogynistic. The problematic sentence translates to "I hate girls my age as I see them too hard to impress boys". That's actually all. The channel wasn't officially tied to his name, so there is no confirmation it was Shoma (but admittedly the person sounded like Shoma) and for context at this point Shoma was without a coach and was close to quitting skating and hated everyone and everything and himself too, which he also said in the stream.

I think that while his comment is indeed something we can discuss as problematic, it's not something to make any final conclusions about Shoma's view on women or his personality. One sentence doesn't define a person, especially not when there was no other words or actions that ever have lead into that direction at all. imo calling Shoma a misogynist is trivializing mysogyny that really harms women on a daily basis.

For further information about the stream incident and Shoma's supposed relationship with Marin and the problems some ppl see in it, you can read under the cut. You will also find more of my feelings and view on the matter in some old replies that I link under the cut.

If you're interested in his full translated comment, you can read further here. You can also pm me for more translations. I have collected different translations at the time back when the matter was brought to attention back in November 2019. I think this explanation on the translation shared by this anon here is worth reading.

I have posted my opinion on it in the following reply, I don't want to repeat the full thing.

On the Marin and Shoma dating rumors and seen problems around it:

I think I have a lot more replies done on the matter over the course of the last 3 years and tbh at this point I am really just...whatever...the eagerness of some ppl who bring all of these accusations up again and again and again just to hate anything Shoma does is baffling. If you don't like him fine. If you think he is problematic, this is ok too. But there is no reason for name calling, trivializing real problems for the sake of fandom wokeness and making up blatant lies to make other ppl hate Shoma.

And even if Shoma would be the most horrible person on earth -which there is no indication for it, on the contrary I have met Shoma as a fan and have read so many interviews and interactions with him that I strongly believe he is one of the kindest celebrities out there - it still has nothing to do with his skating. He is a great skater and this fandom is about figure skating, not about who has the best personality.

I am tired of this topic, but I see that yet again that the topic hasn't died. I am sorry if I am being insensitive in a way at this point.

Still thank you for trusting me with this! I hope it helped!

#shoma uno #replies #marin honda #lil update: shoma and marin dating just confirmed after i wrote this reply

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surplus-of-sarcasm · 1 year

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A "WIP game" Ask

I was really curious about these two titles in particular:

Nour is a bad person (use this as an excuse to talk/write about your fav OC, cause I know I would lol)

Literal Simping (I just really appreciate the affectiveness of this title: short & simple yet alluring at the same time 🤣)

Okay!

So "Nour is a bad person" was a ridiculously short entry where he tricks his longtime crush into drinking from his cup. When he points this out to her, it leaves her ridiculously flustered, and she storms off, a little mad at him for finding the whole situation hilarious. (only because she likes him back!)

All this happens while her older brother (mc) is secretly watching and somewhat annoyed out of jealousy. (Classic why is my best friend falling in love with my sister, I don't like it!)

As an excuse to talk about Nour and why I love him so much, here we go! (I will ramble a lot, so this is a warning)

I like his character because there's so much more to him than what meets the eye. He starts out as an emotionally repressed guy with a resting murder face and a tragic backstory. But this is a reflexive defence mechanism that hides his very caring nature.

He has this devil-may-care attitude which is both a blessing and a curse. He pays no heed to people's insults or opinions of him on one hand, but his lack of response to being hurt (accidentally by one of his friends) can cause some problems. Like a subconscious retaliation with words that are somewhat cruel. He's angry and he doesn't know it, not malicious. He struggles with mental health issues, sometimes it can get severe.

But, he generally likes making people he cares about happy, and his love language is gift-giving. This might stem from the fact that he was born and still remains very wealthy, being the only child of two multi-millionaires. Even though the rest of the main cast are middle class! (He doesn't care)

He loves animals and will melt down the tough guy exterior to scream to his friends about his macaw's eggs hatching. He has a lot of pets all with very weird names.( A bird named Spinach, a cat named Hedgehog, a tortoise named Rabbit (based on the fable!) and a fish named Crispy. He might get a husky and name it Nugget).

He's stylish and put-together. His talents include: gymnastics, a wicked aim with long-range weapons, digging up dirt on targets detective-style and he's the best at medical stuff like stitches. (not a doctor yet, but he might be. He's still a teen in the story!)

He eats a lot and never gains weight and he swears farrr tooo muchh (he gets a swear jar from his mum). (there's no swearing in the story, but this is a running joke)

Oh, and the romance! I made my irl bsf go nuts for the romance in a book series I didn't finish. It's not a romance novel, but it has romantic subplots. Nour and his crush start out hating each other's guts despite being on the same team. They have very different personalities, so that's where the conflict comes from. Buuut, smth I don't want to spoil happens and they both reconcile, realising they were being dumb to each other for no good reason. They become friends, realising they have a lot of common interests. That friendship evolves into a hopeless mutual crush and so much pining. Mc is kinda annoyed that his best friend is into his sister (but he secretly ships them together and keeps denying it!) Nour thinks that this girl is literally someone straight out of his wildest dreams and he seriously hopes she likes him back. (Will they end up together? Not revealing yet hehe!)

___________________________________________

As for Literal Simping, it's honestly a short self-indulgent piece about mc trying to handle compliments.

He overhears a few girls talking about someone that somewhat fits his description. He waves it off, until they mention his exact eye colour. He experiments with walking up to them casually. One of the girls though, is completely disinterested in him. (No she doesn't end up secretly liking him, she really thinks he's not special, and doesn't simp at all over him)

He pretends to be cool about it, using his outwardly charming personality, but internally, he's absolutely flustered because he's really a huge dork, and he can't handle compliments. He's also not used to this kind of attention despite being generally handsome. (unlike with the incredibly confident Nour, he does care about people's opinions of him somewhat, but his confidence isn't super sucky tbh.)

He gets asked to take off his glasses, and he complies (because he's a sucker for that kind of attention), and he blushes even though he really didn't want to! (He feels better about it when he overhears a girl saying it's cute)

His sister tells him to come with her because the team needs him for something, and she lightly teases him about it.

His two other friends mercilessly tease him about it, and he's veryyy annoyed!

Ironically, his actual crush isn't in the group of girls there. And nothing goes on between any of those girls and him. They only think he's good-looking. It's surface-level attraction and not actual love.

This is one of the rare instances where girls talk together about boys in the story. Because there's a lot of that in fiction anyway. It was mainly a funny scene with a little insight onto what mc is really like. He's good at crafting a persona to hide what's he's really like.

_______________________________________

Thanks for asking and sorry for the huge rant! ❤️

#not writing #staying alive #my ocs

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sickkillerzach · 2 years

Text

My official goodbyes (Ily <3)

So it's been approximately six months since I made that (now deleted) post confirming I was leaving, and I haven't posted since

No, this is not a return post, in fact this is the official "end of the line" post, hence posting it here for those small amounts who find it (for those who do, wow, you still check in here? You ACTUALLY care that much? I appreciate it.)

I'm still done with tumblr, I'm still done with bullshit, and I'm not coming back.

This is a clarification, and a "where I'm at" post.

I feel I left kinda abruptly without a real explanation as to why it happened.

I think I left it as "the anon hate I was receiving was getting to me"

Truth is, it wasn't. It was just the cherry on top of all the shit I've been going through.

To start things off, I've been going through some major changes in my life. As some of you know, I am fifteen years old as of now. Yeah, I'm quite young than the average user, I'm aware. Yes, I know tumblr TOS says you have to be thirteen years old or older, and I created this blog when I was eleven. Big whoop, I'm older than 13 now.

Point is, I've come to the reality that I'm not a little kid anymore and I need to be focusing on my future. And, I have started to work towards that path, and, without going into too much detail, certain people in my life haven't exactly been most supportive of some decisions of mine, which is a problem that needs taken care of.

And I took the first step to that journey a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago, I decided to cut off my "friends"

Yeah, those "friends". My irls that I have absolutely bitched about for the past few years of this blog. I'm officially no longer speaking to any of them, and feel much better about it. I really couldn't take being around those fake people who aren't really my friends at all.

That's besides the point however. Back to the negative stuff.

What else has gone on in my personal life?

Since February I've been suffering from intense stomach pains and problems.

It seems to have only gotten worse in the months since.

I feel like I can't go a few hours without rushing to the bathroom. And then fifteen minutes after that, I go again. And again.

And when I'm not doing that, I'm getting constant cramps, and am in a lot of pain.

I can't even eat or drink certain foods and liquids I used to handle well.

Spicy foods? No more. Coke and Pepsi? No more. The list goes on.

I'm not sure what is causing this. I feel I need to go to a gastroenterologist, and take a look at what is wrong with me. Until then, this must persist.

What else?

I lately have had to come to terms with a death in my family, realizing I have no more extended family any longer.

And the list goes on. And on. As you can see, life has, in many ways, only gotten worse since leaving.

But, I don't feel like typing everything that's been wrong.

I would like to think life will get better from here, but who knows. I HIGHLY doubt things will.

And so, to conclude the four year long journey of this blog (From November 18 2018, to now)

No, not the shitty thanks I gave in December in a fit of rage and depression. A well thought out, proper goodbye, eight months in the making.

To the Eric Cartman/South Park fans:Holy shit, if you're still sticking around, I can't believe it. You are a SERIOUS og.

Even though I have had new hyperfixations in the last four years, I just have to give a big GIGANTIC thanks to you guys for giving me the courage to make the following I made over this time. But ESPECIALLY to the two people I talked to when I was on anon the months leading up to the creation of this account.

I came here in mid-late 2018, after over a year of hyperfixating on Cartman, and feeling super weird for it. I felt like it was weird to be relating to a villain and antagonist of the story, but saw there was an entire Cartman community, and decided to give it a shot.

Cartman was the first time I really looked at a villain in a more "grey" perspective. Before, I was like most people, looked at it as a black and white situation.

But he showed me villains aren't always that. With his complex, relatable backstory, and funny charisma and charm, he quickly became one of my favorite characters of all time.

I always looked at Cartman less of a "sexual" character with ships, and self inserts, I always looked at Cartman as more of a little brother figure. Someone who I could love, and he could love, and be the older figure he needed in his childhood.

And so, I feel that made me stand out, as I seemed to be different than other Cartman blogs.

I know I've bitched a LOT about South Park in all my time in the fandom. The last seven years of the show have been an absolute nightmare, and it's funny how the same year I began posting in it's fandom, I stopped watching the show officially.

Still, despite my absolute hatred for the current seasons of the series, I must thank the show for EVERYTHING it brought me. All the early-mid childhood memories watching the show, and my preteen years of running this blog and posting my terrible fanfiction.

Once again, thank you to everyone in the SP and Cartman community, and especially thanks to those two people. I won't name them, as I feel that'd be awkward, but you two know who you are.

As I arrived at the house in the freezing cold Colorado snow town, I came across a house, it seemed to have some kind of factory working in the backyard of it. I saw a boy back there, no younger than ten, no older than twelve. He paused when he saw me through the windows, and he opened the door.

"Hey," the boy spoke, "who are you?"

"M-m-my name is-" I couldn't even finish my sentence over my teeth chattering in the cold.

"Wow, you look pretty rough," he said. He stopped, and stood for a moment.

"Well, look, why don't I take you in and help you out a bit. It's not what I usually do, but you seem desperate."

"Thank you so much sir!" I exclaimed.

"Let's get some soup and hot drinks in you," the boy said, coming towards me to help me in.

And now, to the Modern Family/Gloria fans.

Boy, what a ride this fandom was.

As the founding father of this small fandom, I can say this fandom was a journey.

I remember when it was just me, and a few select individuals who were in this super small community in late 2019. We were just a few people talking about how passionate we were about the series, and how much we loved Gloria, and how a piece of us all related to her, despite us not wanting to. But we couldn't help it with her tragic backstory, because, truthfully, a whole lot of her life was out of her control.

And we watched the community grow and grow.

Until the biggest moment. After knowing for some time, our small, unpopular show had been canceled, the last episode aired on April 8 2020. We all gathered round our screens to watch our heroes (and villains) roll the credits one last time. And it was one of the most divisive things I've ever seen.

People loving the ending. People hating it. People in between. And I loved the divisiveness.

You might think that was a bad thing. And if it was a bigger fandom, like SP's, it would have been.

But our small circle took it well, and was not toxic about it.

And throught that Summer, during lockdown, we only saw more and more people jumping into the series, thanks to streaming services. Sure, it wasn't enough to make it a big community, but it was big enough where it was a community.

It was a small happy group. To quote the late Kurt Cobain "Our little group has always been, and always will until the end."

Since the Fall of that year though, the fandom had went into a serious decline. More and more people had been getting into new things, which is perfectly fine, and I totally understand. The problem wasn't you guys getting into new things, the problem was, I wasn't.

My interest in the series was dwindling myself too. But, I just hadn't really known where else to go.

Still, that fandom was such an enjoyable experience for me, and I owe it so much for the time and friends it made.

After growing up with Cartman in Colorado, Cartman gave me plane tickets to Los Angeles. "You need to take these," he began, "there's someone special waiting for you there."

I was frozen.

"What are you talking about Cartman? We're best friends! Brothers even! And you know brotherhood is forever!

"We may be,but you'll be even happier with her," he explained. "Don't worry bro, we'll still stay in contact."

I hugged him, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you little bro," I said in my tears.

"I love you too, big bro."

I packed my things, and went to the airport. It would be a long flight, as Colorado to California was quite a distance. Not to mention, my fear of heights made the flight even worse.

When I finally arrived, I checked the address twice, and walked to the beautiful modern house. I rang the doorbell, and that's when I met my Colombian beauty. I would be her husband, and be the father figure her two boys needed.

It seemed to be going wonderfully. Life WAS much better now that I was here.

And now, finally, to the Paige fans. Now, I know there weren't many of you, but I still feel I should honor that part of my blog's history.

I couldn't ever help but feel sorry for her the few times the writers decided to show her sympathetic side. A lot of things were out of her control in life, and it fucked her up. I really enjoyed the potential around her character. I always liked the idea of changing her, and redeeming herself, and using those urges to kill, and fuel it towards killing people who deserve it.

The thing about Paige was, it took me a very long time to admit I liked her. I wanted to hate her, believe me, but I couldn't after a while.

But some fucking cowards who hide behind anonymous seem to think that liking and enjoying a fictional character (who isn't real and didn't harm real people) is the equivalent to the type of shit some of those freaks in the true crime community do, where the "stan" an actual killer, who killed REAL people. That's obviously not all true crime fanns, but a small minority of them.

If you somehow enjoyed the small amount of Paige content I produced, and were disappointed by what little I offered, I'm sorry for what happened.

And I just want this to be known that I didn't leave in the first place BECAUSE of the anon hate I was receiving, or even the quantity and mass spamming of it. It's the whole culture behind this site I can't get behind anymore. Last spring I freaked the hell out because my account was terminated for a day for a "controversial post". Whatever.

I know social media has always been a toxic place, but I can't be the only one who thinks it's gotten worse in the past few years.

As Gloria drove away into the sunset with me in the shotgun seat (which was unusual, as I was always the one to drive), we stopped somewhere in San Francisco. The street sign said "Portero Avenue"

"We're here," she said, in her thick Spanish accent.

"What do you mean, hun?" I asked excitedly.

"You need to go to that apartment building. Room 126. There's someone awaiting your presence there."

"There is?" I asked, remembering what happened with Cartman years ago.

"Si. You must go with her now. She will be your new girl for some time."

I gave Gloria a big passionate kiss on the lips and hugged her tightly. I could tell she was emotional, as she gripped me tightly towards her. I cried a little bit, like I did before, but I knew that it was for the best

I opened the door to the car, and she spoke once more. "Just one little thing, if you think I'm crazy, you're not prepared for what this new girl is going to be like."

I did as she asked, and went to room 126. I knocked on the door, and a girl with red hair opened the door.

"Well, Hello there! I knew you'd come around eventually!" she exclaimed.

Special thanks to the other fandoms outside of my main three;Call of Duty zombies, Pokemon, furbies, and any other fandoms I found here. I love all of you as well.

Well, this is OFFICIALLY it. I know this is exhausting to hear from me constantly letting you know that I'm leaving, but this is officially it. Do I have any plans to ever return? It's a possibility, but a highly unlikely one. Will I ever find a place on social media after this? Probably not as well.

Do I regret my time here?

Absolutely fucking not. Not one goddamn bit.

I came here when I was a really self conscious preteen, and needed some comfort and support. And it helped me so much. No, YOU helped me so much.

This site has given me countless hours of laughter, joy, and most importantly, some of the best friends I've ever had in this entire world. And I am so honored to call you all my friends.

I will occasionally check in, and see if I have any DM's, and other sources, but posts, as far as I know, are completely finished here.

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bosskie · 2 years

Note

Hi again, I'm glad my words helped you feel better! Oh, Molluck looks so sublime here... Giving and receiving love always makes someone beautiful. The little scars on the Slig's face are also a nice touch! I'd been wondering how he and Molluck could kiss, but this is quite an effective way. This shows if you really want to reach something, you can: if a Slig's mouth can reach a Glukkon's for a kiss, then it's also possible for people with our disorders to have some serenity in their lives!

Hi! I gotta say that, thanks to my previous experiences, I have been actually kinda skeptical about what you have said but while the time has gone by, I have started to appreciate your words even more and getting myself used to the idea that people (other than my family) do care about me. Like, I was quite sure about that you will still shortly leave me too but here you are and I really appreciate it! Like I have said, you seem to care about me more than any of my Internet or IRL acquaintances / friends I have had and I really mean it. Though, I still can't understand why you care about me (or anyone would) but I appreciate it nonetheless!

Heh, thank you! I really have no idea what to do with this version since I drew him fully actually but here it is, Molluck is ready for a kiss:

You have such a beautiful way to think! Something inside of me just always wanna make me as an exception when someone says something like that...

I wanted to add those scars to the Slig since it would really be a nice addition if he had some scars from the strike too, making their bonding more visible too, in my opinion. Glad to hear if ya like it!

Yeah, it's not easy to make them kiss thanks to their size difference but it's not impossible.

That reminds me of that I have skills to become whatever I want but my mental health issues have made think sometimes that maybe I should retire already because I can’t really do anything in my opinion... I have lots of ideas and I actually wanna get multiple degrees from university since I’m way too interested in stuff and I need them to do what I want. Like, I really wanna be an engineer too and build robots and such but now I focus on programming. I have been half-joking that I’m gonna do a VR Molluck game for me one day... Of course, I can share it too but it’s still like a personal thing since it would be about hanging out with / dating Molluck... Yeah, I love programming because you can basically create anything... Um, I also should learn to do proper 3D models since I wanna do some stuff with them... It would be interesting to do a non-VR 3D Molluck game too. But I'm gonna speak more about my Molluck game stuff when I publish some new footage about my retro-like 2D Molluck game here. I have continued it a bit recently but I wanna do some stuff before I share it. It's still quite at the beginning and empty but it's something. It's interesting that there isn't really any finished Oddworld fan games... Will I be the one who releases the first one...

I feel like my biggest problem is that I don't trust on my skills and that I'm worth of something. Like, I have also accidentally created a mathematical formula in high school and teacher checked it and approved it... I just did understand it in my way... I also learn languages easily. When I studied one language some years ago, the teacher asked if I had studied it before and I hadn't... They asked it because I could pronounce it so good. Yeah, being multi-talented and highly intelligent is said to cause more problems than benefits and I get it... Things just tend to seem so easy that you don't really learn to appreciate your skills. Like, I have been also called a genius and I struggle with seeing how... I just do stuff in my mind and I haven't needed to do much to reach the dreams I have reached so far. But the hardest thing so far has been trying to learn to love myself and enjoy life but I keep trying even after over a decade of mental struggle.

I'm trying my best to find a way to live for myself since I'm basically still alive thanks to my family. Molluck has helped me to feel better about myself even though I still struggle with my relationship with him since I feel like I can't really make anyone happy and it's better that I'm alone... That's why I actually feel better about drawing him with his Slig than with myself and why I couldn't really stand that drawing about Molluck 'n' my Gluksona even I tried, so I took it off. I just felt too bad for Molluck but I also couldn't stand myself, even as a Gluk... I gotta get this feeling away that I will just ruin everything and nobody really wants to be with me. So much people have left me, even they seemed to wanna get to know me, even said it, that it has left me such a mental scar that I have hard time trusting that some people do genuinely care about me and that I'm worth of something. And this all has started to happen when I was a child, so it disturbed the developement of my identity quite badly... Yeah, it's harder when you are different.

I'm full of ideas but my mind is my worst enemy. Like, I would love to craft all kinds of stuff but my mind just keeps telling me how bad I am and I would just waste resources and materials... I have like tons of traditional art supplies but I haven't really used them since I feel like that... Man, I should really start using them since I have some really nice stuff that I have craved to have but been to afraid of using them... Gotta try to get myself to mess with them.

Man, I have so much stuff to say... I guess this is also a symptom of my loneliness since I don't really have anyone to talk to about these.

I would love to say something more but I can't really think of anything that wouldn't ruin the beautiful ending of your message...

~ Much love to you!

#art like a bosskie

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insidious-apple · 9 months

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Fic writer ask game 11, 24, 56 ❤️

Thank you for asking!

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

good god this is difficult, it's gonna be more than three

Passerine by blujamas is probably my all time favorite. It's MCYT and it made me cry SO HARD Safe and Distant by Lindzzz is bagginshield and my god its got everything you could possibly want Reputation be Damned by Fantasyinallforms bestie, you SLAYED here. the open ending is killing me in the best way possible, so many possibilities!! I reread it so often Living Stone by northerntrash is also bagginshield and its FANTASTIC so much to think about!! Remembrance by Fantasyinallforms again, SLAYED and I'm currently working on my own sequel to this, but I honestly could only dream of it being half as good. I cried. It was amazing. You're definitely one of my top three favorite authors of all time

24. Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

This one's tricky because everyone writes so differently and- nah just kidding, the worst writing advice someone ever gave me was to give up. They said I have too much going on and that I should focus on what's "really important".

My problems with this are threefold: first, having a creative outlet is really important to me and this casual dismissal of one of my favorite things (and something I consider to be one of my talents) really hurt me. Secondly, I'm pretty good at time management and while I do have a lot of stuff going on, I am still able to make time for my passions, so this advice wasn't helpful at all.

Finally, I think that if you love or want something, never give up until you get it. This belief comes from over a decade of competitive team sports and my coaches always told me that if I wanted something, I should work as hard as I could and try my fuckin best to get it, and never ever EVER give up. (Within reason of course.) I want to create stories, and I'm not going to give up. I might take breaks, but being creative is important to me, and I don't know how I could quit.

I don't know if I phrased all that correctly or got my passion/point across in the way I hoped to, but yeah. I ain't quittin :D

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

This one's actually tricky because I don't think I'm that good at writing. I'm a math major and my job is in data science, so writing fictional stories isn't necessarily my forte; I've been told my stories read like a captain's log sometimes lmao.

That said, this actually helps me a little. For every hour of writing I do, I probably do 2+ hours of research. For whatever reason, I'm insanely good at figuring out what keywords to search and where to find information I need to make my stories as accurate/consistent as possible. I'm also a bit of a grammar nerd, so I rarely make spelling and grammar errors, and a lot of my friends irl pay me (in gummy bears, usually) to proofread their essays for spelling/grammar/clarity/formatting. I also help them with research if needed, cause tbh i fuckin love it (and I love helping others succeed)

~~~

Thank you so much for the questions!!

#ask game #fantasyinallforms

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pentition · 11 months

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Just a Pen positive little thing for irl stuff. I used to be really into fitness and sports but due to depression, Covid quarantine and chronic illness I kind of let go and gained a lot of weight in the last 3 years, which is not bad on it's own but since I've had artritis since I was 12 the extra weight and reduced muscle tissue is a big problem and causes pain on the daily.

But for some reason big dummy Pen is making me excited to work out again. I'm starting with 10 push-ups, 10 sit-ups and a 30 minute run with my youngest dog once a day but maybe I'll be capable to get back on my old level some day. Which was insane looking back. I used to do 50 to 60 sit and push ups each morning and do 3 30 min to 1 hour runs a day and around 30 sit a push ups before bed if I felt like it. I don't know where the fuck I got the energy to do that at the time but I'm going to aim high and see where it goes. :)

I think we all took a hit with Covid but I totally get what you mean. I have some extreme depression since I was very young, which is why I tend to run slow with things. I used to just Forest Gump it and run until I just didn't feel like it, because running made me feel something different even if it was never anything specific. Arthritis and chronic body pain stuff was always relevant in my life but idk, some cases of depression just outweigh the pain or discomfort I've learned. Between all the things in the last few years with Covid, depression, and pain I can feel for your position. I'm sorry you've been experiencing that

but I am so happy you've found motivation that excites you!! That's fucking cool. Any amount of effort is good. Time and being kind to yourself as you progress is always important. You got this, dude. I think that's a good starting goal to do for a workout. I bet you'll glide back into it in no time. The body usually remembers, even if it still takes effort to circle back to how you were or get close to it again. Being motivated and excited makes a huge difference, I've learned. Treating it like a job, like an obligation usually makes me want to rebel when it comes to working out. It comes so much easier when you just want to do it.

Good job, friend. You'll get there, you've already taken the biggest step. Kick ass out there!! You'll always have a cheering squad right here on this blog if you ever need it. <3

#you're doing hard work. be good to yourself and keep kicking all the butt!! you'll attain your goals <3 #been there though too when randomly motivated by a character. but i guess if we can compliment pen on something he is dedicated to this stu

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cyrusstarchaser · 1 year

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Ok, I just have to tell someone this cause I can't stop thinking of it so sorry every one. Ok, so I have two statics: My ulit group and my savage group. My ulti group is made up of my friends and peers and, because this is FFXIV, is made up mostly of POC and/or queer people. It's actually been ages since I raided in a group that was majority cishet white man, I would wager the last time was Stormblood. Also for non-FFXIV players a static is a raid group, static is just our word for it. Well all that said my current savage group is pretty heavily weighted towards cishetwhitemenness, but, well, that is part of my current problem.

Now, I play FFXIV themed DnD with some people from a past ulti group. One person (who I have never raided with but is friends with some of my friends) heard that I needed a savage group. (The reason I needed a savage group was because my friends had a lot of irl issues so we flew solo for savage and I also had my bottom surgery coming up) ANYWAY, this miqo'te woman was like "Hey Niam, my FC has a casual group that is looking for a phys ranged" and when I talked to them they were ok with me being gone for surgery and also playing with one arm, so I joined up. I'm still with them even though I've healed because A) it's not like I have an open invitation to a better group and B) I mean...it was nice of them to let me join even knowing that I was going to be playing one armed and drugged for months.

Ok, SO: We're playing DnD and the miqo'te woman is asking after the static and I'm trying not say that I am leaving the first chance I get but also sorta making it clear that this will be my one and only tier with them.(literally if this post gets a single like I might start just being all 'dear diary you'll never FUCKING believe this' because these guys are fucking WILD) She brings up the samurai player in the savage static. For context the SAM player has never, to my knowledge, used a mic. Real chatterbox in text, but I've never heard her speak.

So miqo'te woman asks me what I think about that and I say my piece in regards to like, ya know. I can think of a dozen reasons why someone wouldn't use a mic. I've raided with people who had accents or lisps they were ashamed of, I've raided with people mid transition, raided with people with loud families. Hell, the savage static said that the SAM had Tourette Syndrome and I'll be honest: I don't know if they were pulling my leg but...it's not my place to doubt that. The SAM is refereed to as a woman and that's final. ANYWAY, miqo'te woman goes "My partner and I have a rule: If you never speak in discord, then you're a man" and I was so flabbergasted I think the DM sensed it through the mic and tried to change subject at mach speed.

Yall...I'm trans, the miqo'te woman I was talking to is trans and I am like 80% sure her partner is also trans. LIKE??? How you gonna say that? How are YOU gonna say THAT about HER, ya know??? And she's like "Yeah, no, all that stuff you said but like...she's a guy right? Like c'mon" and it's like GURL. Bless my buddy the DM for understanding I was about to go off on this catgirl, bless. Hanging out with those Gamer Boys has CLEARLY rotted this woman's brain I stg This woman out here trying to get me to play Gotcha Gender with her, like I'm gonna be down for that wtf

Anyway this is why I can't socialize cause people will say some real Dumb Shit and then I'll bluescreen.

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