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willmelon · 4 years

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i don’t usually do this but i feel Compelled to do a liveblog/review of Mouth Dreams so here goes

Please don’t read this if you haven’t heard the album yet as it’ll spoil Everything

(i’ll admit the idea came to me After i listened to Just a Baby so these first ones are gonna be relistened reviews)

first we got Yahoo. what can i say about this song? neil starts off Strong with incredibly sustained notes and just one phrase, in typical neil style. and he makes it work in so many different ways! honestly didn’t expect myself to get so attached so fast but that’s just the way his magic works ig. when the hoooooooos harmonise it almost brings tears to the eyes. i would love to see a group of choristers singing this with another guy on an electric keyboard. what a cold open. 9/10

of course then we go on to the titular track, the dimension of sound, the dimension of imagination, the dimension of doors. rod serling narrates the intro in his traditional monotone as the warbling twilight zone theme plays in the background. i tell ya i was actually Screaming when the track finished and he dropped the title! it may not be a song per se, sort of like Blockbuster from Mouth Moods, a ‘filler track’ if you will, but the effort in those fifty seconds cannot be ignored. it just goes to show once again how Good he is at what he does. 6.5/10

oh lawd, my favourite so far, Spongerock. reading the title i had absolutely No idea what to expect. the goofy goober song from the movie? winner takes all from band geeks? i was pleasantly surprised to find myself tapping out queen’s distinctive boom boom CLAP as the song progressed, and i was in complete Hysterics the whole way through, chanting along with the kids as the pirate encouraged me to sing louder. it’s such a beautiful fit the way they mesh together, and it’s one of those mashups that you listen to and think ‘why has nobody done this before?’ but neil is on a higher plane of existence than us and Knows where it’s at. you’re never the same after you’ve listened to Spongerock. 7.5/10

Just a Baby, where i stopped to begin this thing, is a melancholy song, which i’m not usually a fan of. i admit i don’t know the original song so i kept quiet until the last chorus or two. it’s the yang to the yin of Wow Wow from Moods, another sentence-mixer that was like a full Bop and barely gave you time to catch your breath. in Just a Baby you begin to empathise with the singer as he regales confusing times of his constant youth, including the time his mother (a train) shot a man in cold blood. it’s a powerful ballad, and it’s got a tasteful amount of justin bieber adding backing vocals to the chorus. i may have to deduct a few points cos the lyrics are gonna be hard af to remember. 7/10

ok next up we got Superkiller. this one’s totally blind! i’m. ehhhhh okay not diggin this one very much. ok that say something once line being repeated was comedy gold but talking heads are just like. kinda tuneless tbh. i’m glad he’s trying to lassoo it together with u can’t touch this but it’s kinda falling short tbh. i wouldn’t skip it but it’s not as memorable as the previous ones. 5/10

starting Get Happy. i’m not gonna lie i think i Know what this is, there are only so many options after all. i predict it’s a mix of “get dancin’” by disco-tex and the sex-o-lettes and “happy” by bahrrel williams, and i really hope that ain’t the case cos i Love the first one but despise the latter. oh well let’s see if he can pull it off. sounds like village green by the kinks so far lol uhhhh i have no idea what to make of this. okay i feel like i’m gonna like this after all. hey it’s got memorable lyrics at least! is it gonna get faster? or just more bassy? yknow maybe i was too critical at the start, but i had no idea what to expect. this is a feel-good pop song and it’s definitely making me feel happier than i was when i was listening to Superkiller. 7/10

Ribs? wtf do i expect from a song called Ribs lmao another song i’ve never heard of IH IT’S EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE TH WORLD OH YEEEEEEEEES omg i Love this song i sing it to myself when i’m walkin my dog cos his little paws click-clack on the pavement to the exact rhythm of the song omg i’m in Love! another one with odd lyrics but i think after a Lot of repeat listening i’ll be able to properly croon along to this one omg! it reminds me of Best from Mouth Silence in that they’re both about products, only instead of folgers in your cup it’s about chili’s baby back ribs omg neil you’re Perfect! how come more advertisers haven’t contacted you for a product placement deal?? 7.5/10

next we got My Mouth. welcome to? who knows let’s hit play. ooooh minor key. is this a real song? it sounds like oney singing a cover of something. oh That’s the gimmick? 2:30 long i hope there’s something else tbh cos otherwise it’s gonna get pretty thin pretty fast. mm not a fan. the weakest so far imo especially after Ribs blew me away. definitely a bad dream. 3.5/10

Aerolong don’t fail me now! okay see This is how you do a mashup. I DON’T MISS YOU BABAY AND I DO WANNA MISS A THING THAT’S GOLD!! this is just a song about saying bye to your ex lmao i love it. wish it was longer though. 6/10

Sleepin’ here we go! ok in the youtube version the first half of this song is just silence so that wasn’t fun. gee this one’s only moderately better than My Mouth i’m feeling very shortchanged. 4/10

what to expect from Aamoorree? hopefully this one’s another jam but...okay i’m likin this one. it’s Fun and isn’t trying too hard! it’s just a drunk dean martin singing about pizza pie on karaoke night, what more could you ask for lol. 6/10

Where Is My Mom? by the p-p-p-pooo-oo-ooo-oooool of course. i don’t recognise the other song but it’s decent. i’ve listened to slowed-down songs before (the sludgefest chipmunks albums lately) and this one’s kinda ok. not a fan of the ending but points for effort ig. 5.5/10

Fredhammer ay? might there be some peter gabriel in there? undoubtedly. yup there it is lol ok now bring in the flintstones? oh ig that’s fred durst? mm not totally feeling it so far but censoring he** was funny lmao HEY THERE’S SEINFELD i’m wheezin that was a good way to end a song, well done neil. 6.5/10

here goes Limp Wicket. i’m on the edge of my seat. and Again i’m disappointed. is this a bunch of ewoks singing some kind of star wars song? or is it jarjar? either way this is Not a good song. it probably wasn’t before he mashed it up but this wasn’t an improvement. bringing in Fredhammer didn’t help this song much at all, in fact i think it brought both songs down actually. last one was a 7/10 but i Have to dock it points now that it’s a two-parter. as for this one? i’m being generous cos the limp bizkit song was good. 1/10

Cannibals runs for 4 minutes. PLEASE don’t let this be a repeat of the last one. i get that miners can’t dig up gold every time but don’t just show up with a bunch of rocks and iron pyrites yknow i’m just gonna start. i don’t want to be angry at this album. i recognise that sound in the bg! from a cyriak vid i think. thx comin in. loooooooong drone. ugh UGH there are Too many lucid dreams on this album. starting to regret liveblogging this cos i Loved the other three mouth albums. this one’s just falling flat again and again. 3/10

here comes The Outsiders. there is NOTHING to say about this. 1.5/10

come on Johnny. okay that got a laugh out of me, not many songs start with a booing crowd like that, is that meta? wouldn’t put it past him tbh. ah i’ll give it a 5/10, for a kinda filler song it wasn’t too bad.

Closerflies, this has gotta be gold. PLEASE. intro’s goin on for a little too long...mm having never heard the original version of closer i gotta admit i thought it’d be faster, like the one used in Rollercloser in Silence. this version seems very sloppy and sluggish, especially the bassline. 3/10

Nightmovin’ i’m not expecting much OH good intro oh YES now here we go. this is a good one, it’s got clear lyrics and a catchy tune, i’m liking this one more and more by the second. cuts off weird but it’s going into the next one. so i’m gonna leave the rating out of this one and see how it is after the next one.

Whitehouse i’m holding my breath. mm it’s Good but not great tbh. criminal that the last one was half as long as this one. think i’m gonna give both of these songs a 5/10 i doubt they’ll be anyone’s favourites. the title is a nice little joke too i respect that.

Wah! what’s neil’s obsession with using wannabe as a source lmao! it’s another decent one but nothing memorable again. 5/10

Pee Wee Inc i’m expecting big things. good intro I’M IN LOVE okay this is Much better than i imagined it’d be. did he use the radio edit of feel good inc? this is a heck of a way to bring it back to the gold stuff and i wouldn’t be surprised if this is what neil’s head sounds like all the time. 7/10

on to 10,000 Spoons. not sure what to expect from the title. okay this is a Nice one i think. throwback to the likes of Just a Baby with the two songs and the sentence mixing and it’s Good. and really 10,000 spoons is So ironic anyway, don’t you think? 7/10

oh another song called Mouth Dreams? an extro? that was Weird lol ok the intro i wasn’t too keen on, def not as much as the intro, but i got to appreciate it as it went on. like Rlly appreciate it i was beginning to reflect on what a journey i’d been through tonight, especially writing it all down. felt very poetic. and then WHAM, out of nowhere, after being gone for 23 songs, all-star came Back and How! gotta give this one a 7.5/10

keep the train rolling Brithoven! i can hear faint bits of instruments in britney’s song in the back of her audio which sound like a mistake but knowing neil.......yah lmao. this song’s kinda like Promenade (Satellite Pictures at an Exhibition) from Mouth Sounds, i liked what i heard. very nice. 6.5/10

the final song. we’re gonna be hit one more time for Ain’t! and i have NO idea what i’m in for! in the hall of the mountain king eh? is this like a way of looping around to the first song of the first album with classical music? ok the snoring’s a nod to Bustin i’m sure lmao funny anyway. i thought i heard a hey now in there but i must be going nuts. wouldn’t call it a grand finale but it is what it is. 5/10

now the question that must be asked - was Mouth Dreams trying to make a point? was there a reasons so many songs were of lower-quality than previous albums? perhaps it’s just a matter of taste, or perhaps it’s as rod said back on track two, that this album is a doorway into another dimension, and the further you progress, the more mind-rattling, brain-melting concepts you come across. the album gets an average of 5.5 which is kinda disappointing. don’t think i’ll be listening to the whole thing again. thanks for reading!

#mouth dreams #neil cicierega #liveblog #review

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aricazorel · 4 years

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N7 month prompts-- Day 6 Indoctrination

using this prompt list

(this takes place during chapter 3 of Broken Road; Featuring Kaidan Alenko and Kora Reese with a little Star Wars thrown in)

Wednesday Oct. 25, 2186, Huerta Memorial Hospital, Citadel

“Do you think it’s possible that Shepard could be indoctrinated?”

The question caught Reese off guard as she prepped the next vid for them to watch. They had talked about many things during her visit to his hospital room but that was not one of them. She snorted and ignored it as she selected Star Wars Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back to watch.

Kaidan called out as he shifted on the hospital bed. “Hey, Kori! I’m serious. With everything that’s happened—”

She glared at him over her shoulder. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

The Major held her gaze intently, clearly not wanting to back down or change the subject. “You have to admit it is possible.”

Kori turned to him as she paused the movie’s opening crawl. “Why? Because you still have issues trusting a guy who died saving all our asses and then was brought back to do it all over again? And he’s having to do it a third time because the galaxy can’t get their collective asses together to fight an enemy that is clearly stronger and more powerful then they are?”

“Cerberus brought him back,” Kaidan said flatly.

Reese let out a groan of frustration. He could be so judgmental and inflexible in his thought processes sometimes. “Kaid, he didn’t exactly have a choice in being brought back by them. Anyway, he ended the Collector threat and told Cerberus to shove it afterwards. He turned himself and the Normandy over to the Alliance. What more do you want?”

“He could have been tampered with when the Illusive Man brought him back…He’s got implants. What if that reaper tech Cerberus used on their own guys on Mars was prototyped with Shepard?”

“Kaidan, are you listening to what you are saying?” she asked in disbelief and frustration. “The man we served under, the man who Anderson trusted with the Normandy twice, and the man I am currently first officer for…You think he’s been indoctrinated but you have no problem with me serving on the same ship as him. Does that make any sense?”

Kaidan grew silent as he turned his gaze to the view out the large window. He worked his jaw as she watched him ponder her words. She walked from the vid screen to his bedside. He remained quiet as she sat beside him.

“I know you are trying to rationalize everything that has happened, and indoctrination might explain it all away,” Reese said gently. “But you know as well as I do that it takes a strong will to be able to withstand contact with a Prothean Beacon. It takes someone with steel grit to go through what he has and not come out a mess. He is missing two years of his life. He woke up thinking that the Alliance wasn’t doing enough. The Alliance wouldn’t even acknowledge him or give him the support to fight the Collectors. Cerberus did. The whole thing was opportunistic and engineered but Shepard knew that. He is trying to fight against impossible odds when the galaxy told him to fuck off after Saren and Sovereign. I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him. I do.”

“You do?” he asked as he continued to look out the window. Maybe he remembered how difficult it was to gain her trust back on the SR1. Maybe that would point him in the right direction.

“Yeah,” she replied. “And Shepard thought you might trust him now too…”

“I want to,” Kaidan murmured as he dropped his head, reaching for her hand.

“Then what’s stopping you?” she asked, squeezing his hand.

“I—I don’t want to feel like I let myself or others down again.”

“Again?”

He glanced over at her. His expression haunted. “I followed his order. Get everyone else off the ship. I followed it, and he died. I let that guilt eat me up inside and I left you. I gave you the stupidest reason for it and I lost nearly two years with you. I let you down. I let Shepard’s memory down. How—”

“How can you try to throw the indoctrination idea out there to explain your insecurities then? That’s not like you, Kaidan,” Reese noted as she turned to face him.

“I—I don’t know how to talk to him about it. It’s a stupid thought in the back of my mind that won’t leave me alone.”

“Then you need to talk to him about it, instead of running hypotheticals with me,” she suggested as she motioned toward the paused vid. “I’d rather watch Star Wars with you for the 100th time anyway.”

“We haven’t watched it 100 times, and you only saw it for the first time a couple of months ago,” he said with a small grin.

“So what? You’re taking up time with us by worrying about something that could be solved by simply talking to Shepard,” Reese retorted as she reached for her omni-tool. “In fact, maybe I should call him up so you two can talk instead of watching movie with me.”

Kaidan caught her hand before she could activate it. “Ah, no. I think I’ll talk to him tomorrow when he drops by.”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“Sit here and watch this movie with me as I admit you are right,” Kaidan answered reluctantly.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. What was that?” she asked with a grin.

“Oh, you heard me, Kori,” he said as he moved to unpause the movie. “You’re right. I am trying to rationalize something I’m worrying about without going straight to the source.”

She made a contented hum as she leaned against his shoulder, the Star Wars theme playing as the opening crawl resumed. Kaidan moved to wrap an arm around her as the began watching the movie.

“So you know indoctrination might kind of be like the ability of a Force user to influence weak minded individuals…”

“Kaidan—”

“If you put it in terms like that and combine it with what you said earlier about Shepard being strong willed, then there is no way he could be indoctrinated.”

“You are using Star Wars logic to talk some sense into yourself.”

“Possibly.”

“Ah. Glad the blow to your head didn’t mess with your nerdiness.”

“I thought you liked my nerdiness.”

“I do. But the real question is: by your logic, is Shepard Luke Skywalker?”

“Sure. And I’m Han Solo.”

“Wait. The guy who can move things as if he has the Force wants to be the handsome smuggler pilot?”

“Well, yeah. Like you said I can do a lot of things with biotics…Being Han Solo is different.”

“Why? Because he’s a lady’s man?”

“Well, no. Not exactly. I already have my lady anyway.”

“Are you insinuating I’m Leia?”

“Maybe. Is that a bad thing?”

“No. Because she doesn’t give a shit about what people think and still gets things done. And she doesn’t have to rely on a guy…”

“Kori, I said I wouldn’t leave again.”

“Han left Leia.”

“I’m not Han.”

“Good. I like my techboy just the way he is.”

#n7month #mass effect #kaidan alenko #kori reese #broken road #prompts

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itszephoria · 3 years

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Saw this pop up and your followers ask you which ones they’re interested in. But people don’t really ask much when I post or they don’t ask the ones that might make you feel uncomfortable. And well, honestly I’m so bored that I’ve decided to break all the damn rules and just answer all the questions because I can. *shock horror*

So information dump on the ‘Be nosy’ that popped up in my feed today. If you’re interested.

Be nosy

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

Straight. But maybe for the right woman I could sway but wouldn’t go so far as to call myself bi or bi-curious though.

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

Obsessively obsessing about my health and how to get well and failing it all. Oh and anime movies on Netflix.

3. Ever done any drugs?

I do drugs everyday. But I assume this is referring to illegal. No and was strictly no up until recently. I now take marijuana oil on a regular basis for pain management. Also being stoned/high is not pleasant and I don’t understand why people would enjoy that as a leisurely pastime.

4. What piercings do you want?

I want to get my ears pierced again. Holes have closed up, but currently due to my health that’s not possible. I can’t even enjoy clipons :(

5. How many people have you kissed?

The massive number of 5.

6. Describe your dream home.

It’s tiny in the sense it has all the space I need. A cosy tiny-like home. But not one on wheels, fixed to the ground. And it would be made of all natural materials, stone and wood. It would be unique and resemble something out of a fairy tale. It would sit a beautiful clearing with only nature to view in the distance and all the animals and wildlife would stay well away because I’m pretty much terrified of all it,

7. Who are you jealous of?

Healthy, painfree people. I am jealous of past me who didn’t realise how lucky she was and miss her.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

I don’t binge any show on repeat. I’d rather look for a new show to watch or enjoy, there are so many. The last shows I binged in two days was Queen’s Gambit and Emily in Paris.

9. Do you watch porn?

Yep. But struggle with it because it’s overdramatic, unrealistic and would kill or someone to make porn with a decent storyline with people that can act.

I prefer to read it if I’m honest or maybe just write it for myself.

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

Sort of? More like my other one I used I was known for all my slash writings in F1. But now I just hang out here.

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

No where. The world is riddled with co-vid and well, I’m probably in one of the safest countries and I’m at risk of death should I catch it. So I’ll stay here in my safe bubble.

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

I wake up tomorrow and I’m not me. I wake up and I can take a deep breath without gasping for air, I wake up in no pain, I wake up and my body isn’t terribly scared, I wake up and can have a ‘normal’ life.

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Nope and no desire too. Won’t that just hurt?

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

I’d by that dream house I described, set everything up to be self sufficient. Pay and travel to try every cure available for my diseases. And then bank the rest and live off interest. Or maybe donate it. I don’t want money and I don’t really want a lot of things.

15. Are you in a relationship?

Yep and it’s a struggle and am constantly fighting to prove it’s worth continuing. Oh and that’s a relationship with myself.

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

No.

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

No, I suppose it’s more disappointed and let down by people more than angry. I’m working everyday on letting it go but it’s not easy.

18. What tattoos do you want?

I have always wanted one, but have never found something that I really loved and haven’t been imaginative enough to create something unique. The older I get though, I’m not sure I want one. I did for the longest time though think about getting a Ferrari tattooed on my inner wrist, but pleased I never did that. I don’t love the sport or Ferrari enough anymore to want a permanent reminder of that.

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

I am changing name actually. Hoping to action that in the next two weeks. I would have done it earlier but they closed the borders. I have a dutch sir name that has two words. It confuses every one, systems don’t get it, it has caused issues with plane tickets. And well I’ve decided no more and am dumping a portion of it.

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

This is a duplicate. Skipping.

21. Describe your best friend.

When you meet her for the first time she can be a little crazy and wild, and she kind of scared at me first because she’s so unlike me. But as you got to know her, the *real* her she doesn’t let people see, you realise how kind and soft she is, and she’s the most empathic person I have known. She gives so much of herself to everyone, thinks so little of herself and her needs because she’s one of the most selfless people I know. I love her more than most of my family and would do anything for her.

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

Is this followers? Uh most I don’t know what they look like? I assume they’re all hot!

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

Don’t have any really. My music is varied and is based on my mood and really changes around. And with most bands, I generally lean towards one or two songs. This is one of those questions I really struggle with whenever I see it. Will say however, have been enjoying The Beatles recently and a bit of old school stuff.

24. What are three places you want to travel?

Japan. Norway. Canada.

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

Generally hanging out with people I like. Enjoying a good wine, some cheese, either playing some board game or dungeons and dragons, or watching a really good movie. Good company makes any night a good night.

26. What’s your favorite season?

Autumn. One because I think it’s neglected as a choice and every season should be loved, and two because I love the colours of autumn and the colours associated with autumn.

27. What’s your pet peeve?

I’m sure I have a heap of them, but currently it’s people that have an issue with you and instead of being an adult and talking to you about them choose to silence and blank you. I’m so tired of it, I’ve quit being peacemaker in those situations, those people are no longer worthy in my book.

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

Uh... I don’t think anyone I know is super funny. Friends and family all have a good sense of humor. But out of my circle of life people I’m always told I’m the funny one, which I find the biggest joke ever.

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

Can not think of anything off the top of my head. I will say if I think a movie is getting too much hype I refuse to watch it, whether all the reviews are raving or not. It’s why I didn’t watch Harry Potter for like ten years or any of the new Star Wars movies. I just refuse to be apart of all the hype and jump on bandwagons.

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

I’d love to talk to everyone. I’m shy to start any conversations to be honest and I think all the people I talk to regularly were the first to message me, and I love them for it.

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

100% love an old fashioned paper book. The texture of the paper. The smell of a book. That being said, I don’t think I’ve picked up a proper book to read in years. I live in fan fiction more than anything or am busy writing myself.

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Any of the disney worlds, anything from the past, or verging on fantasy like. I want a simpler time not full of technology which I grow to hate more each day. The older I get the more I’m pretty sure I’ve been born in the wrong decade.

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

I’d build the perfect wardrobe capsule. Everything would be of high quality, not necessarily brand name and all the clothes would be sourced from ethical businesses or be handmade.

I like classic pieces, love the fashion of the 50′s and 60s and while stylish it would be comfortable to wear and everything could be worn in public (sorry comfy tracky pants).

34. What’s your coffee order?

There ain’t no coffee order. I don’t drink it. Sorry @leoni-speedyf1 I know how addicted you are to it, happy to buy you anything you like though :P

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

In real life? No one.

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

Not romantic. I have feelings in that I hope they’re doing well, achieving what they want and they’re all happy. I didn’t have any ‘bad’ breakups and all my relationships ended very amicably.

37. Have any tattoos?

No. See above for more on this.

38. Do you drink?

Rarely. Can’t with medication and condition. But on occasion I do enjoy a good glass of red. Pinot Noir is my preference.

39. Are you a virgin?

Nope.

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

Not in a romantic way? The ones I talk to regularly I love immensely though.

41. How many followers do you have?

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

Uh all the men I know I am not attracted to. Probably a good thing as they’re either family or partnered with a friend or family member.

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Can’t think of anything. I try not to feel guilt for anything I enjoy to be honest, whether it’s food or an activity. Life is too short for that.

44. Do you read erotica?

Yep. Even write it.

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

It was a few years back. I met this guy online and we went to the city and spent most of that time just strolling next to the river for our first meet up. Why was it the worst date ever? Well it wasn’t the location that’s for sure.

The guy had two kids, and I’m a firm believer all parents have favourites, though I have yet to meet a parent that will voice that aloud. This guy, had no qualms with telling me about this favourite kid, and that wouldn’t be a problem if didn’t spend just as much putting down his younger son. It kind of left me reeling and wondering how his son felt if his dad didn’t hide just how much he didn’t like him as a person. The kid was four and the reason his dad didn’t like him was because he didn’t like bikes.

And so the guy was a bmx rider so he spent the rest of the time on our walk just pointing out all the tricks he could do. He didn’t ask about me, only talked about himself. It was also lunch time and assumed we would get something to eat together, but nope, no food was offered. And when I suggested to get something to drink because it was so hot and we’d been out in the sun for like an hour, he just took me to a subway and told me to get a drink and waved me to the line. No offer to join me, no offer to pay (which doesn’t bother me btw, but this was capping off a terrible day), no offer to get food.

I was so happy to get out of there. Didn’t speak to him again once I had left.

46. How many people do you follow?

I currently follow 59 people. I don’t follow anyone that creates drama, and try and follow only people that post about F1 as that’s all I use tumblr for now.

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Either Sebastian Vettel or Ryan Reynolds. Both are married though, so I don’t think that’s going to turn into a reality anytime soon.

48. Describe your ideal partner.

I want someone that shares the same core values as me. Doesn’t want kids, isn’t super religious (grew up in a cult like religion so I avoid it now), is on the minimalist side and isn’t someone that needs new things things all the time or is desperate to replace something the moment they deem it out of date. Someone that doesn’t live their life on social media. Someone that prefers simple things, someone who is kind and giving, and someone that truly loves me - and it’s the last part that I struggle with finding more than anything with all the guys I have dated.

I am currently not looking for a partner, I am not in a place for a relationship and am fully focused on myself. And I am very content with that decision.

49. Who do you text the most?

Currently my bestie.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Clear blue skies and a warm day to enjoy the sun. But there are times when I simply love the rain, hearing it on the room, watching it fall endlessly and knowing that everything will be green from it.

#all about me #long read #tried to be open and honest

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citrusandbergamot · 5 years

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do people ever get tired of being critical?

like, it’s so endless. so needless. take the bad with the good, I mean, come on. like, type in RWBY into the youtube search bar and half the videos are reaction ones about why RWBY sucks now, ‘why I stopped watching’ blah blah blah.

like, I get being frustrated and being annoyed that your expectations are not met but seriously

no piece of media is perfect to all people. it just isn’t. it’s really easy for something to feel awesome when it’s new. few things end stronger than they begin. Few things have a strong ending, period. But being so goddamn down on stuff makes the creators feel like shit. It makes people not want to finish things.

You know what’s worse than a character death you hate? A show/series never, ever having a conclusion, something just...drifting away. Like, I don’t super love the ending of Naruto. I actually really dislike it and what’s happened in the sequel. I don’t like most of what JKR has come out and said since the ending of HP. And I fucking hated the epilogue. Words cannot express how much I disliked it.

Can you imagine the agony if those stories had never actually ended? If they had given up, halfway through? Good god, it’d be awful, just awful. The what if, the endless what if. Do you think people are going to love the end of Rebuild? Do you think it can possibly match the expectations that have been building all this time? Eva fans want it to be perfect; they want it to be exactly as good as they imagine. Is it any wonder why it’s been delayed so long? The whole damn thing is probably torture for Anno. Do you think the ending of One Piece is going to satisfy its millions of fans? Maybe, maybe not. And that world is so rich, so complex, so consistent, so deep. It still has to end, eventually. If it’s not everything you want it to be, will that sour all the joy it brought to you before?

Can you name for me things that have met your expectations and exceeded them? things that ended as strong as their original promise, their beginning?

endings are weird, always. Even great endings, there’s often something that feels unfinished. There’s always a let down, it’s just the way that stories are shaped. Eventually the plot twists and the motivations and the consequences have to end, the camera has to stop rolling. Things that feel flat or disappointing sometimes just feel that way because we don’t want things to end, or because we want things to go the way we’ve expected them to. Like, I remember being so disappointed in Revenge of the Sith. And yeah, some of that comes from I think valid criticism of the pacing and emotional depth of the story, but in the end, I’m glad to have had that story, I’m glad to have the prequels. Shitting on them endlessly, needlessly, doesn’t do a damn thing to change it. It only generates more negativity and shitty, reactionary behaviour and stifles creativity, and makes the people involved in the project feel like shit. It doesn’t feel great inside either, all that negativity. Like, what’s the fucking point?

And sometimes endings take a while to settle. Sometimes, it takes awhile to really understand that it was the only way a story could end. I loved the way Life on Mars ended, but I know my brother absolutely hated it. I didn’t like the way Fight Club ended when I first saw it, but it grew on me and now I cite it as a brilliant, brilliant ending. I hate the depressive way Rogue One ends, but that last sequence with Darth Vader is one of my favourite scenes in the Star Wars universe. I actually think Return of the King has a terrible ending, but I understand why Peter Jackson chose it and it still makes me cry. I don’t think having the scouring of the shire would elicited the same emotional reaction. Trainspotting has always been perfect though. I think Supernatural should have ended in season 5, but if it did, we wouldn’t have had the bunker, or Abaddon, or Charlie, or season 8, or the way Jared looks right now, or Sam’s like, complete mental torture since season 6. ...season 4?? And all that shit has been awesome, to varying degrees. All that shit has brought some enjoyment, even if mostly (for me) as fuel for fanfiction. ((It’s brought about other things, more negative and terrible as well. Supernatural fandom would not be this way had it ended in season 5 and the fandom is so goddamn abusive and toxic it’s hard to talk about the good points of the show without bringing that up. But that’s not the show itself per se.))

And yeah, things sometimes live way past their expiration date. I really hate when Sam and Dean have the same old conversation - I want my characters to change. But i also know that other people don’t feel the same way - they want Sam and Dean to always be SamandDean. Take FMA. I think Brotherhood is tighter, more cohesive story. I think the 2003 version is darker, less simplistic, but with a lot more strife between the characters. Which has better growth? The one with the deeper plot/conspiracy and triumphant, satisfying ending? Or the one with the heavier consequences for the individual characters and more ambiguous ending? I love me some Brotherhood, I love it a lot. But remember what happens to Scar and Liore in 2003? Remember who killed Winry’s parents? Remember the final fight with Sloth? Do you remember the final fight with Sloth? Holy shit, holy shit. So I thought Dante was kinda a weak villain. Is that the only thing that matters?

Like....I’m pretty glad I live in a world with both versions. And I really cannot say which one is better, as each has their faults. Being needlessly critical of creative choices is just so exhausting and....well, childish.

Youtube tried to recommend a vid about why Captain Marvel is going to cause the downfall of the MCU. And I’m like....????? it hasn’t even come out yet???? To be that critical before even seeing it?? It’s just plain misogyny entitlement packaged up as ‘intellect’.

No show is going to stay exactly the same. What RWBY was pre-volume 3 is impossible to return to: the world is different post-fall of Beacon. The structure of the characters world, their expecations, their security, their drives...it’s all different now. The show is bigger, has a bigger budget, has better animation. The story, with the world building and the multiple factions and a clearer look at the end game, is so beyond what it was at the start, where everything was new, where Cinder was still mystery and seemingly all-powerful, where we didn’t know what was possible in the world. Where a goddamn Nevermore was the biggest Grimm they’d ever seen. Where Monty was still alive.

The show is going to be different. Different is not bad. Maybe they lost some of the potential but of course it’s going to, because it had to choose a path forward, it couldn’t stay exactly the same...! How could it have? I miss things about the early seasons a lot, but it worked because they could move the plot at a snail’s pace. Remember all those eps about Jaune being bullied? Remember all that shit with the dog and going to class and becoming friends. It was light-hearted and happy-go lucky and that made the action scenes pop and our favourite villain was campy and charismatic and not actually the one in control at all. Now we have darkness on all sides and the mysteries have been revealed for the dangers they actually are, and the emotional scenes and the connection between the characters and their resolve is the only thing that can push back against that darkness. Do I wish it was a little darker at times? Yes, yes I do. But it was always going to be a little simplistic.

It’s a web-series about teenagers. Chill the fuck out, you aren’t entitled to shit.

yes this is about Adam Taurus can you tell, if people couldn’t see it coming I don’t know what to tell you. If you couldn’t see it coming, we haven’t been watching the same show.

#RWBY #RWBY spoilers #entitlement culture #endless critical vid essays are exhausting #my reaction was #ATTA GIRL BLAKE #I'm kinda getting sick of people shitting on creators #like i know its super fashionable to mock and belittle JKR #and yeah her statements and choices post-DH have been a little suspect #she still....created Harry Potter?#she still brought harry potter into the world?#there is no way I'll ever stop loving Harry Potter #no matter how many valid criticisms there are of it or of JKR #no criticism can negate what good it has done for me #same with RWBY #I don't like any volume has much as I did the first 3 #but just because I don't think it's better now #doesn't mean it's not still enjoyable #I love Maria #I love qrow's goddamn issues #I love the animation #i love them overcoming their emotional demons #I adore adore adore everything about the ep with pyrrha's statue #and that ep in the farmhouse might have some of the scariest imagery I'd ever seen animated #if RWBY had succumbed to criticism in volume 4 or 5 #if it had ended before this season #if I had stopped watchin before this volume #I'd be poorer for it #watching Yang finally FINALLY activate her semblance like that #was so satisfying

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writsgrimmyblog · 6 years

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On the Fourth Wall and Transformative Works in RPF Fandoms

The fourth wall is a massively complicated area, which engages debates around fan labour, the power dynamics between TPTB and fandoms, the power dynamics between celebrities and celebrity oriented fandoms and the silencing/shaming of transformative works, specifically erotic fanart and fanfiction.

Derived from the abstract notion of the fourth wall in the theater (i.e. the three walls of the stage and the ‘invisible’ wall between action on stage and the audience) discussions of the ‘fourth wall’ have extended into film, television and take on its own definition as part of fandom parlance, with its increasingly more illusory and permeable construct in today’s social media driven world.

Fandoms are under more scrutiny than ever as non-fandom people pick up on intra-fandom activities and ships, and the fourth wall disintegrates as a result. It’s not just fans that break the fourth wall. It’s frequently dismantled by celebrities, the media, talk show hosts, TPTB and so on. There are a lot of convincing articles that suggest the fourth wall actually should come down, because clinging on to its last bricks heightens the sense that we should be ashamed of creating fanfiction, fanart, vidding and so on, particularly stuff with an erotic and/or ship focused slant. However, I think the conversation, when it comes to RPF, is different.

Here’s why.

Celebrities who have no real understanding of fandom space, often get weirded out when they find they are the subject of RPF fanfic. In a hot button moment in my early days of being active in this (Radio One RPF) fandom, I expressed views on that which I have since refined. Honestly, I do think a bemused response is understandable from people with zero knowledge of the role of fandoms in pop culture or the creative freedoms those spaces have historically provided to participants operating within them. Where I sit now is that I wish celebrities who benefit enormously from a large fandom with a significant transformative element might invest a little time to work out what these spaces are all about, and certainly not disingenuously exploit those spaces for humour and/or financial gain, but I get the understandable moment of not being sure what’s going on and reacting in a way that doesn’t jive well with fandom. By way of early caveat I’m also stripping out debates around any kind of harassment (ship related, stalking and so on) from this post, because if I haven’t been abundantly clear about it before, I think that is NOT okay. This post focuses on the celebrity response to RPF - real person fiction - and specifically erotic works of fanfiction. It does not deal with how celebrities might respond to attempts to establish any kind of ‘real person fact’, because that’s a whole different ballgame. FWIW, on that, I’m with V. Arrow’s excellent essay on RPF in Anne Jamison’s ‘Fic: Why Fanfiction is Taking Over the World.

Some celebrities have been confronted with the information that the fictional characters they play are the subject of transformative works, and even that breaking of the fourth wall has historically not gone great for fandoms. With the exception of some fandom darlings like Tom Felton in Harry Potter fandom, it has frequently been met with the dreaded ‘no homo’ response or convention circuit engagement which makes fandom at large feel ashamed for seeing slashy potential in subtext. As much as people want to hold creators to account for capitalising on large slash ships without offering any meaningful endgame, there are also large portions of those fandoms that wish those questions wouldn’t get asked in public forums in the first place, because of the spectacular potential they have to go wrong. See, Jensen Ackles on bisexual Dean Winchester, William Shatner on Kirk/Spock, Benedict Cumberbatch on Johnlock, the Phelps twins on Weasleycest and countless others.

The difference with analysing how these conversations play out in the case of the examples above and RPF, is that the former engages debates around text/subtext, queer readings of texts, authorial control over narrative, queerbaiting in media and so on. There are undoubtedly all kinds of blurred lines which include debating the utility of shutting down slash ship questions in fan-driven forums when shows actively play with those ships in canon, the issues with framing shipping as activism and so on, but these are all big topics in and of themselves. The tl;dr is that celebs can get weird about transformative fandom activity, even if such fandom activity is centered on the fictional characters they portray. When it comes to transformative works in an RPF context, you might argue the image a celebrity cultivates as a fiction in and of itself and to an extent there is an artificiality in terms of what gets presented to the world at large, but fundamentally, a lot of the language we use to talk about fictional narratives doesn’t easily translate in the context of real people, because they’re not fictional characters. They are real people, living real lives.

That’s not to say I think people creating transformative works in RPF fandoms should feel more squeamish about doing so, but I do think the conversation around the sanctity of the fourth wall is different in RPF fandoms. For a start, for some people part of being in an RPF fandom is actually all about breaking the fourth wall. Interacting with your faves in a publicly visible way is part of celebrity fandom. However, I question the extent to which it is appropriate/helpful to extend that celebrity/fan interaction to the workings of transformative fandom and the slashing, femslashing, shipping and headcanoning associated with it. Let’s be very real about the fact that if celebrities are responding negatively to what fandom does with its interpretation of the fictional characters they depict (and oh boy I have thoughts on that which I will shelve for another day), the potential for a celebrity to find erotic works of fiction about themselves or their friends weird must surely be heightened.

This is ultimately why, in my view, @ ing celebs about fictional ships and headcanons rarely, if ever, ends well, with the possible exception of celebrities who are fannish themselves - i.e. the ones who can speak back to fandom in their own language. It most frequently ends up in a situation where not only the person sending the original message - but the fandom at large - is led to feel like your fave disapproves of something you put a lot of unpaid labour into producing and feel proud of, and it’s a pretty awful feeling. I’m staunchly in defense of RPF and I will bring out all the receipts which back up my perspective if required, but I have no desire for any of the stars of my RPF fiction to ever become aware of the fiction I’m writing about them in real life. I don’t want their approval, I certainly don’t invite their censorship, and I ultimately produce transformative works for the people that are here for it, i.e. the people in fandom who want to read the stuff I write.

When it comes to debates about the fourth wall with fictional narratives, there’s an element of holding the fiction to account, of exploring how shipping finds its way into the narrative but the actual (invariably queer) ship doesn’t. That is all part of a broader campaign for diversity in media, which in and of itself is loaded with the complications of vitriolic ship wars, skewed perceptions of fan/creator control, investing in commercially viable content where the queerness resides within subtext and is hyped within fandom space as opposed to less commercialised and already diverse queer content and so on.

With RPF and the fourth wall, you strip away a lot of those issues around diversity in media because - aside from debates about problematic faves - your faves just are. The fiction that exists is the facade of celebrity, but it has a real person behind it all and the possibility of ‘changing the narrative’ doesn’t hold weight in the same way as it does with fiction. For many celebrities their ‘celebrity’ image is very much part of showing the world their authentic selves.

When the transformative side of RPF fandom intersects with the actual celebrities in question, I always come back to who benefits from the works produced within these communities. Aside from the arguments about the financial benefits a large ship can wield, primarily, transformative works offer a space of great creativity, solace and freedom for the participants within those fandoms. That’s the thing I feel most strongly about protecting. When celebrities are confronted with transformative works featuring even the characters they represent on screen, let alone fiction or theories about themselves or their friends, their response to that has the potential to upset the fandom at large, and that just makes everyone feel like shit. I would dearly love to see the fourth wall as an impenetrable construct in these spaces for that reason, but it’s not always to be. This post is a slight subtweet to something that happened in the particular fandom I’m in today, but it has, I hope, broader application.

I struggle to see the upside of showing RPF celebrities transformative works featuring them, but, if you have counter perspectives, please do share. I’d love to know your thoughts.

#fourth wall #ugh #i promised myself i would stop having Opinions #for a while #i just think this topic #is actually interesting

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thelionshoarde · 6 years

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to the unknown; mature; shance

scenes from a post-series space war epic that i will probably never actually write - anyway this is what happens when i read too much star trek au lol - rated mature

In the mess Lance grimaced at his dinner tray. With one hand he flicked the edge of the dinged metal, watching it rattle. Something gelatinous and vaguely green-colored jiggled in protest.

“I thought I left behind space goo,” he muttered. “God, I would actually kill for some mac’n’cheese.”

“Homemade or Kraft?” asked Matt.

Lance wrinkled his nose, looking up at the man diagonally across him, holo-displays arrayed about his own half-eaten dinner as he scrolled through cramped lines of glowing text. A lens in his glasses was cracked. The left, and Matt kept reaching his hand up to rub against his eyebrow, probably not even registering the pain of eye-strain, let alone the gesture itself.

“Either,” Lance admitted. “Hell, I’d toss you out of an airlock if it got me a single packet of string cheese, Holt. What’re you looking at?”

Ignoring the threat, Matt shrugged with an awkward, bird-like hunch of his shoulders. With the hand not pressing into his eye socket he grasped blindly for his spoon and scooped a bit of processed nutrients onto it. Lance watched it slip off the side with a grimace and roll of his stomach.

“Not sure yet. Let you know when I find out, though, if you haven’t killed me yet.”

“Deal,” Lance grinned.

Sharp, quick footsteps sounded out behind him. Lance felt his spine tense at the sound; only a soldier on a mission could sound quite like that, after all. He was entirely unsurprised when he found an Ensign hovering at this elbow, hesitant to interrupt.

“He’ll fuss if you don’t finish your dinner,” Matt said, voice mild with distraction.

Lance ignored him and the truth of that statement. Turning, he propped his cheek on a fist, elbow sliding onto the table and butting his tray away from him. He smiled crooked at the young woman standing in front of him, uniform neat. New recruit, probably; not yet worn down by the reality of her new station.

“Why, hello there. What can I do for you?”

She blinked, startled. “Ah. Your husband --”

Matt choked down a snort, badly. Lance’s eyebrows rose toward his hairline, grin growing. He watched as a mortified, mottled blush flooded her face. “Your -- I mean! The Captain requests your presence in his ready room,” she gasped, horrified.

It was always awkward when gossip got mixed into official business. Well, for others. Not for Lance. Lance ate that shit up like a five-star meal.

“Mm,” he hummed. “My husband wants to see me, does he? And in the ready room? Goodness, goodness.”

“Lieutenant Commander McClain,” the Ensign croaked out, nearly quivering. “I apologize. I didn’t mean --”

“It’s fine,” Lance said, flapping his free hand at her. “What was your name, Ensign?”

“Adams,” she squeaked.

“Thank you, Ensign Adams. Back to your post, then. I’ll go and see what’s bothering sweet cheeks.”

The Ensign made a strangled noise, swaying where she stood.

“You’ll get used to him,” Matt offered. Then he hesitated before admitting, “Maybe. Hopefully? Okay, probably not. He’s a mess. But hey, if you’re hungry, he’s not going to finish his food, you know. You’re, hmm. Very pretty for an Ensign, miss. What was your first name, again?”

Lance dropped his fist, turning to stare incredulously at his lead scientist who was gazing with open admiration at a woman nearly half his age and no where near his ranking. “You are forty years old, old man.”

“But I’m not dead,” Matt said, voice plaintive. Jesus, Lance hoped he hadn’t been that -- no, he had definitely been that bad. Ugh.

Lance said, voice clipped and professional, but deliberately warm, “Dismissed, Enisgn Adams. And if this grandpa tries to bother you come straight to me and I’ll toss his ass out of the airlock, understood?”

She nodded frantically and -- smart woman -- escaped before they could say anything else. Matt made a displeased noise. “Marriage has changed you, McClain.”

Lance snorted. “Sure, it wouldn’t have anything to do with age, and the passing of time, and the appearance of maturity. Or, you know, a war we’ve been fighting for --”

“Shut uuup,” Matt said, letting his spoon fall into his goo with a splat.

“-- what, a decade? An eternity? Ugh, yes, blame it all on monogamy, that’s the ticket.” Lance sniffed, and rose from his chair. “Have fun with your reports, Commander. I am going to go and see my husband. And possibly get some. If I’m very lucky and very, very naughty.”

“Blatant insubordination, Lieutenant Commander.”

“Sure, sure,” Lance muttered as he ambled away. He heard the scrape of his tray against the table as Matt commandeered it. “Doesn’t even blink at the death threats -- but the mention that I’ve got a real sex life? Suddenly it’s all business, no fun.”

He grinned, and hurried through the halls to the Captain’s ready room.

* * *

“I’m getting too old for this,” Shiro sighs, unzipping a boot and letting it fall to the floor with a hollow thunk. “What’s the official age of being Too Old For This Shit, anyway? Forty-five? Fifty? Seventy-three and a half?”

“Oddly specific,” Lance calls back, squinting at the dark shadows beneath his eyes beneath the clouded mirror. “How about -- when we’re dead?”

“Oddly morbid.”

Lance listens to the thunk of the other boot, and then hears the small clink of Shiro unbuckling his belt. He purses his lips and angles his chin, examining the texture of his skin and despairing at what he finds. But there won’t be another shipment from Earth for a month, at least, and it is unlikely that even when the supplies arrived -- if they arrived; Lance tried not to deal in absolutes anymore -- his preferred facial cream wouldn’t be amongst them.

“Shiro,” he said, stepping back from the sink and tilting his head back to stare at the rusted rivets in the ceiling. They’re probably smoother than his skin at this point. “Shiro. I... am officially ugly.”

A loud snort comes from the bedroom.

“I mean it, Shirogane! My skin is -- ugh, I can’t go on like this. How can you love me with a face this hideous? My skin is so dry, I think I might already be dead. A mummy! Just bits of me flaking off, now, all my early glory lost to the annals of time, and -- SHUT UP, SHIRO, I’M BEING DRAMATIC.”

“You’re being absurd,” Shiro corrects, voice much closer, now. Lance tips his head back far enough that he can make Shiro out. He is standing just inside the door to the bathroom, broad shoulders taking up the space. He’s grinning. He’s also shirtless and pantsless and covered in scars and space-pale and beautiful.

“You’re space-crazy,” Lance says, still staring at him upside down. “This post has made you nuts, bud, or you’ve gone blind. It’s the only reasonable explanation.”

“Or,” says Shiro, nearly patient; the fuzzy edge of his voice betrays his amusement, however, “you’re being overly dramatic, because you are still the most beautiful being I’ve ever laid eyes on, Lance.”

“Hnn.”

Shiro comes closer, kissing Lance’s hairline. “Come to bed,” he murmurs. “Let me prove it.”

The position is making him dizzy, his heart pounds; that, and the promise in Shiro’s voice, the warmth of his lips against Lance’s skin. He lets his eyes close in a soft sigh, and surrenders.

* * *

“Raptor-7 locked on to target, go for engagement.”

“Copy that, Raptor-7,” said Lance, fingers rolling against the controls of his B-Ray, gloves crinkling with the motion. His vid-screen showed a vista of stars and darkness lit up with tightly furled clouds of red-orange-yellow fire; the blurred, twin yellow lights of other B-Rays cut through the dwindling ranks of Y’ks Hex Fighters, leaving hazy streaks that faded and dwindled as they assumed positions.

“Raptor-3 locked on target! Go for engagement!”

“Raptor-12 is locked and loaded, squad leader! Go for engagement.”

“Acknowledged, Raptor-3, Raptor-12. What’s your status Raptor-4? And -- Oi! Watch your flank, Raptor-11, shake that Hex before --”

A new explosion bloomed like a silent firework on the edge of his vid-screen. The monitor to his left, near his elbow, that kept track of all the ships in his squadron beeped, alerting him to the destruction of one of his own. Lance could feel the way the skin of his face tightened, but he hadn’t the time to flinch, or even to curse.

“Hold your positions, kiddos,” he barked into his com, seeing the way two Hex Fighters were trying to cut Raptor-6 from the pack. With an almost insolent tilt of his controls, Lance felt his B-Ray curve into motion, picking up speed. “And kill any bastard that comes near, you hear me? Raptor-6, evasive maneuver Alpha-Gold!”

“Copy that, Raptor-Daddy!”

Lance squawked, coming up beneath the two engaged Hex Fighters just as Raptor-6 did an impressive corkscrew back the way she’d come. Lance fired as the enemy attempted to engage, slowing as they pulled up and reversed course, blue energy trails going fat and sluggish against the black.

“That is definitely not appropriate,” Lance said, breathless as the two ships exploded and Raptor-6 soared free. “...I like it, keep calling me that. Best designation, ever!”

A crackle in the cockpit announced a private line from command; Lance grinned, heart pounding. Sweat was pooling down his spine, his neck felt tight, tense at the base of his skull. But he had no time for fear or worry or admittance of the two. “Uh oh,” he told his squad. “Looks like Daddy’s in trouble.”

“Whups,” chirped Raptor-6, entirely unapologetic.

“McClain,” barked Iverson’s voice, stern. “Is now really the time for this foolishness? Haven’t you a job to be doing? Do you want to die? You’ve already lost --”

“Oh, no!” Lance yelped, lifting a leg to aim for the comm control with his knee. “I think I’m having interference! Talk to you later, Admiral, so sorry, you know how much I love these little chats of ours!”

“MCCLAIN,” roared Iverson, before Lance had the outside comm cut off.

It was just him and his squad, now, in the black of space far from home. He said, “Listen up, kiddos. That is a Y’ks Model Signa Cruiser, fully combat-ready. You all know its weaknesses. We can’t let that fucker past Saturn, you hear?”

A chorus of grim but heartfelt acknowledges reached him.

Lance grinned, feeling his pulse race just as he reclaimed his position. Beyond the few straggling Hex Fighters loomed the massive, bulbous bulk of a ship armed with enough explosives to rip apart a planet. From its side streamed more Hex Fighters. They had to take it down before the enemy was able to replenish its ranks sufficiently.

Sorry, he thought, sparing a moment to press a gloved thumb against the picture tucked into his console, but refusing to look at it. Instead, he kept his eyes on the prize.

“Go time, my darlings,” he murmured into the comm. As he gunned the engine, streaking forward with his fellow pilots trying to match his pace as they rushed the enemy line, Lance couldn’t help but grin.

#hff #thanks to the star trek fic that birthed this asshole of a fic #ugh #shance #fic: to the unknown #my fic #matt & lance #space husbands #space war au #it took them a long time to get there tho #the freaking hc i came up with for this fic i can't even #vld #voltron

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cat-the-dragon · 6 years

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JayTim week Day 7: Soulmates // Space AU

AO3 Link

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

(I swear it’s not a prank!)

Humans found their soulmates by looking at the stars.

God. How many times had Tim been teased over that?

It may have been a bit different if he had chosen a work that didn't make him one of the first human contact for other species, he probably wouldn't have had to put up with that, but he did dearly loved his job.

So what if every time he looked out a ship's window into the great void someone would end up asking him how his soulmate was? What if he had to repeat, over and over.

"Oh, that only works when we're on a planet, without an atmosphere to diffract the starlight, nothing happens."

How many times had he found himself in front of an eager and curious alien who wanted to know as much as possible about that human quirk, and Tim gently let them down.

"No, I was spaceship grown, I never saw my soulmate’s sign in the stars." "Well, I would have to find a planet with the right number of suns, a transparent atmosphere, and manage to stay there at night without light pollution or stuff in the way." "I just don't think it's worth the hassle to go seek out the exact needed conditions when most of the time, the hints given by the stars are said to be very vague anyway." "Now that humans are so spread out in the galaxy, even with all the access to star-hint I could get, my chances to find them are very slim." "Even back when all humans were on earth and had access to transport to seek out their soulmates, finding our match was pretty rare, and being absolutely sure that the person we were with was our mate was even rarer." "Yes, it happens all the time in old human vids, but that was made for entertainment." "No. It was proved that the soulmate matches do exist. But the stars are still the only way we know to find them. No the stars are also the only way to confirm it's the right person too." "Well, most people stop looking at some point, they end up settling for second best until they find their true soulmate."

"And that," he didn't tell them, "is the reason why I don't want to see what my star-hint would be. Some stars can't tell me who to love, and I prefer not to compare all my loved ones to some ideal match that I could end up never meeting in my life."

"I just know that it's possible to be perfectly happy and in love without it having to be dictated by the stars' choice of who I should be with." He said instead, when he felt like whoever was asking those questions wouldn't try and say the traditional 'but that seems like such a waste' answer.

Some old prophecy with the most obscure hints ever would not be the guideline he would stake all of his life on.

Tim didn't dream of his soulmate, they most probably were very far away from him. Plus, studying the stories about soulmates had given him a doubt about that one true love destined by the stars. He didn't really doubt the fact that a couple whose star-hint matched could work better than one who didn't, but love was a choice. A relationship was hard work and determination not to let it fail. In the end, he wasn't that sure if being soulmates strengthened or weakened a relationship, but it certainly had the potential to do both.

Also, the fact that you were the only one to see your star-hint meant that checking if it matched relied on trust that the other wasn't lying about what they saw anyway. And, once more, there were so many way in which star-hints could be considered to be matching (a bird and a nast; a bird and a branch, two birds...) that it was entirely possible that the star-hint were nothing more than another way to test your affinity. It was, as far as Tim could tell, very possible that everyone had more than one soulmate.

More than possible, it was more logical that everyone could be soulmate with a multitude of people, but stopped looking after finding their first one.

Aside from all considerations about soulmates, Tim wasn't quite ready to settle down. He had a job that he loved and that made him travel around the inhabited galaxies, where he felt that he was helping, serving the greater good of all the assorted intelligent species by aiding them establish friendly ties and settle conflicts to avoid as many wars as possible.

What would he do with a soulmate, really? Lug them around? Give up his job for their happiness? Sure, he might be able to find someone who would love to stand at Tim's side wherever he went. Someone with the same curiosity, the same itch to explore as much of the universe as they could. But then came the issue of promiscuity and codependency. Spaceships were not that big, could anyone build a healthy relationship when cooped up together all the time?

Love and soulmates was something that Tim had shelved in the 'later' category a long time ago, and as far as he was concerned, it wasn't later yet. Later could still wait a few years. Maybe even a decade.

And as he hopped into the copilot seat to help Kory with the evasive flying, they were the very last thing in his mind.

"Hostiles on our seventy starboard side, underside 10°, don't pull too much!"

Kory gritted her teeth and fed power to the engines accordingly. "Copy. Any answer to our distress signal?"

"Not ye- wait." Tim extended his arm and flipped the switch under the blinking communication light. "Titan diplomatic ship, do you copy?"

"We copy Titan, here is the Bat freedom Fleet, what is the nature of your distress?" A voice that matched an human adult male one snapped back.

"We are under pirate attack. Fleet of ten Herthing fighters, plus a Gorkons 600 model mother ship, requesting assistance from any available armed forces."

"Already on our way to you, ETA five minutes. Six Goth 005 single pilot fighters and a Batwing admiral ship on your way"

Tim didn't even take the time to get mind boggled at the fact that they were getting such a modern armada in help, he had other things to do. "I copy. Leaving our location beacon on for you, we will try to evade in your direction." Wit a few flicks of his fingers, Tim sent a memo containing the position and models of their help to Kory, Cass and Kon so they wouldn't risk mistaking them for more enemies. One of his screens lit up for his attention and he opened his channel to their laser turret. "Kon, behind you!"

Tim watched on his screen as a beautiful soundless explosion bloomed, then he noticed that he still hadn't cut the communication with their incoming help. "Oh, right. Update, nine pirate Herthing fighters."

"Good. ETA four minutes, hold on, Titan. Yellow Bat out." The link chimed as it turned off.

Tim went back to his job of copilot and communication director. He called in the position of each enemy as needed, looked out for his team's blind spots, kept Gar and Vic abreast of the damages on the ship, and kept an eye out to see if anyone else would answer their call for help.

Four minutes could be simultaneously a very long and very short time, especially in a life or death battle situation. But finally, the fleet of six tiny star fighters and one admiral ship showed up on their scans. It surely wasn't time for them to relax yet, but the announce of their presence definitely sent relief coursing through the whole crew.

Tim sent the demand for a vocal battle chat over. It was picked up incredibly fast, and the level of protective encryption was nothing to sneeze at.

"Oracle to Titan, accepting the link." A new, female voice said.

Tim hastily linked his, Kory, Kon and Cassie's com-links in. "Titan to Oracle, adding two laser turrets, pilot and copilot to the battle chat. Call signs, please?"

The fighters' Battle call signs were the colors they were painted with. Obvious but efficient. Yellow seemed to be the one who had first answered the Titan's call, Blue and Red sounded male, Black and Purple sounded female, Green was a wierd in-between, Oracle admiral ship had one pilot, one strategist and one turret, who all sounded human female too. Not that gender or sex mattered much, but the ability to differentiate the voices did.

Kory called out 'Starfire', Tim 'Robin', Kon 'Super' and Cassie 'Wonder'. They could maybe have chosen more serious battle call signs, but they were a diplomatic ship, they took battle training seriously, but not their battle call signs, as they hadn't really expected to share them. It had been something of a joke. A funny one, even if Red's snicker was any indication.

The Bat fleet sounded like they were perfectly trained fighters, very in synch, very little unnecessary chatter, and flawless teamwork. The stuff legends were made out of. Which, did wake something in Tim's memory, but it wasn't time to dwell on that, he had work to do, monitoring the battlefield and calling out warnings for anyone in his field of vision.

Having Oracle1 sharing his job made it at once easier and more annoying, since they didn't know one another, and tended to call the same stuff almost at the same time. Tim resolved to shut up when Blue complained about the echo effect. He cut his outgoing voice link to the battle chat and refocused on calling directives only for his ship. The Bat fleet was used to work as a team, relying on Oracle. The Titan was used to rely on Tim, it was better to keep those distinct.

Sooner than Tim expected, they had destroyed four more pirate fighters and the whole group turned tail, leaving the Titan and Bat fleet behind to cut their losses before they got wiped out.

"Black, Blue, Green, Purple, pursue and see if you can stick a tracker on them, Red, Oracle and I will stay with Titan." Yellow called.

Four acknowledgments rang out and then the four fighters were taking off in hot pursuit. Flying in the sort of perfect formation that implied very long and thorough training.

"Titan." Yellow called again. "We can escort you back to any port of your choosing, but I recommend accompanying us back to Gotham, where I can ensure your safety on land.

It was coming back to Tim now. The Bat freedom Fleet, mostly made out of humans, beholden to Gotham more in name than in facts since it was almost completely funded by the famous, eccentric and incredibly rich Bruce Wayne. Or Admiral Bruce Wayne, as Gotham had titled him despite the fact that he pretty much didn't answer to their military's orders and did as he pleased.

They were indeed the stuff of legends. The fact that their whole fleet were pretty much all part of the Wayne family, by blood, adoption or marriage helped with the epic imagery too.

Tim nodded to Kory to let her know he approved of the plan, and she answered. "Then we will take advantage of your hospitality, Bats of Gotham. The Titan and the inter-star League is thankful for your offer of sanctuary."

Before long, the Titan was in Oracle's tow, and breaching Gotham's atmosphere, protected from any possible air friction damage by the admiral ship's solid light shields. Titan was a very good ship, but the Bat fleet was cutting edge, with the most fancy equipment. So much so that even the two tiny fighters could do a planetary landing on their own without needing to shield themselves behind their admiral ship.

Tim was only slightly jealous.

Tim had used the tow over to fish the Bat freedom Fleet's accreditation and present them to Captain Kory so she could make her decision on how much they could trust their saviors after landing. It seemed that she agreed with Tim's estimation of 'a lot'. She hailed their central command to let them know of their change in plan, and Kal-El seemed to have no problem with Kory's decision to authorize a two days vacation on land for the whole crew as long as their ship stayed in Bruce Wayne's colossal protection all the while.

When the crew walked out on the spaceship strip, they were greeted by who Tim recognized as Bruce Wayne himself, and probably Yellow Bat too, if the yellow bat smack in the middle of his black bodysuit's chest was any indication. The other fighter pilot had a red one. These people were really committed to their theme.

Kory walked forth, and shook Bruce Wayne's hand, and they proceeded to introduce the people here and talk about the reparation needed and accommodations offered. As a good ship strategist, Tim listened to every bit of it. That is, until Red Bat, that Tim now knew was Jason Todd-Wayne, slipped next to him with a smirk.

"So, you're Robin, right? Damn if your looks don't match your sweet voice." Red told him while getting exactly close enough to be on the edge of Tim's personal space.

Oh, flirting. Nice. It had been a while. "Well, you are almost as handsome as your piloting skills yourself, Red Bat." Tim couldn't help stopping his once-over on the still pretty hilarious crest over Jason's pectorals.

Red snorted, then leaned forth to conspiratorially whisper more than loud enough to be heard by Bruce, "Please don't blame me for this. It's my dad's idea of family bonding, I am innocent."

Bruce Wayne cleared his throat loudly.

Jason apparently didn't think it warranted stopping the flirting. "Now, if I know Babs at all, she would love to steal you for Oracle, you were as good as her calling out blind spots. And I have to admit I wouldn't mind you giving me directions anytime you'd like." If the words weren't telling enough, the eyebrow waggle that accompanied them was.

Tim was pretty sure he'd never heard a more blatant come-on. Bruce coughed some more. Tim's crew-mates started snickering. The all female crew of the Oracle was laughing and catcalling from behind Yellow Bat.

"But I guess there are a lot of people here to discuss what exactly I'd like to hear you say, what about we talk about it in my suite?" Jason continued, seemingly unaffected by his father's stern look.

Tim cleared his throat and glanced at Kory. She looked between Tim and Red, then at Bruce Wayne's frown, at the Oracle crews' grins and thumbs ups, the back at Tim and gave him a wink from the part of her face that wasn't visible by Jason's father.

Tim looked back at Red, who was grinning shamelessly and whispered his "okay". Red didn't waste any time to pull him out of the landing strip and into the palace-like building near it.

Within minutes, Tim found himself pressed up against a window in what he guessed were Jason's private quarters.

"Wait, wait." Tim gasped against Jason's lips. To his credit, Jason let him go immediately. Tim took a deep breath to clear his head. "This window, does it open on the landing strip?"

Jason nodded.

"Are we visible from outside? Is it just a show to annoy your father? How much of this is just you wanting to piss him off?" Tim asked. It was not like he had all that much against being used in this way, but firstly, he had duty to his ship that included not angering the person providing them with safe haven, and secondly, if it was the case, he wanted to know beforehand and make an informed decision about it.

Jason blinked and looked past Tim at the window. "Well, shit. Sorry, bad maneuver on my part, I should have thought of how it would look from your perspective. Yes, the window is see through at the moment, and... " He winced. "Yes, my dad saw us, but I swear that's not why I did this! I really think that you have a brilliant tactical mind and you're beautiful and that I want to sleep with you, individually. The fact that I also get to shove my belated teenage rebellion in my dad's face was just a bonus to the whole..." Jason gestured from Tim's head, down to his feet. "You."

There was probably something wrong with Tim's romantic history for this declaration to be one of the sweetest he had heard yet. But on the other hand, it was a first meeting hookup, so Jason was doing pretty great for himself.

There was something else he needed to get out of the way before they went any further. "I don't know my star-hint. Never saw it and don't intend to, so if you propositioned me because you thought I might be your soulmate, I will have to disappoint you. I don't care about soulmates, and I am not going to leave what I love for you."

Jason's bashful expression dissolved at Tim's words. "Oh, yeah, thanks for that too, I forgot about it. Well, last time I saw my star-hint was more than a decade ago, Gotham doesn't have the proper atmospheric conditions for it, I don't believe in fated relationships anymore, it's a relief to hear you don't either. You wouldn't believe how many people will claim to be one of us Waynes' soulmates for their own benefit."

Tim winced. He didn't have a precise idea, but he was ready to believe that the kind of wealth they had to their name would attract a lot of 'soulmate' hopefuls. "Yeah, no. I'm probably not your soulmate." Tim's stuttering was interrupted by a roar from outside the window and he turned in time to see the squadron of four Goth 005 fighters land in their designated spots.

The pilots got out, and the ground crew started buzzing around the craft to stow them in their hangar. Tim narrowed his eyes at the far-away pilots. "Oh my computer." He breathed out. "Do they all also have a colored bats?"

Jason chortled at his back. "Oh, yes, they do. Except Cass, because technically, Black isn't a color." Tim turned to shoot him a look and Jason kept on. "But she does have a golden outline of her Black Bat on her boobs. What we all wouldn't do to fit in with our eccentric and charismatic Bat-leader..."

Tim was about to turn around, but them he saw the pilots gather around Bruce, and no, it wasn't an optical illusion from the distance. "Is it me, or is Green Bat tiny?"

Jason slowly eased himself over Tim's back until he was stuck to him. "Yes, the Bat-Brat is tiny. And yes, my Baby-Bat-Brother really shouldn't be piloting a fighter ship in outer-space. But he's stubborn and stupid and a genius, and if we hadn't given him his craft and a place in our formation, he would probably have stolen a ship without any adult supervision once more and gotten himself blown to bits while trying to prove to our dad that being the blood son makes him a better fighter pilot than the rest of us. As it is, he's always stuck with Blue, Yellow or Oracle, and they have an override to put his ship in autopilot and send it back to the closest safe dock."

Strangely, it didn't surprise Tim at all, it fit with what he had heard from Green in the battle chat. The change of subject had helped him clear his head and come to a decision. Tim leaned back against the solid muscle behind his back. "Okay. Opacify these windows, then I'll have sex with you."

Jason squeezed his waist a bit, and commanded the windows to blur up, then tugged Tim further in his quarters while starting to remove his flight suit. "My bed is great, I'm sure you'll love it." Tim caught in his excited babble. "Unless you want to clean up after the fight? In which case I would like to point out that I have a personal warm jacuzzi with a very good water-cleaning system and I always suspected that having sex in would be awesome."

Tim smiled and simply asked Jason if he also had waterproof sex protection to go with the jacuzzi.

A few hours later, Tim, feeling extremely satisfied and dressed in some of Jason's morphoconforming clothes, joined the common meal. His crew aimed shit-eating smiles at him. Jason's (Bat-)family was mostly jeering and catcalling, with the notable exception of Bruce, who still looked constipated over Jason's sexcapade.

"So, is he your soulmate?" Bart asked.

Tim glared at him and stole his steak. It was Bart's favorite, but it was a fitting punishment for asking this kind of question despite how often Tim had explained that he didn't give credit to the whole soulmates thing.

Finished at last! I’m late, though.

Ahah! Aprils fool, I’m still going to write more!

I promise to do a sequel to each day, and I have option for public’s participation over on AO3, pop by and leave me a comment if it interests you. I don’t bite! And I probably won’t put up a full blown Tumblr post for each one afterwards, simply because Ao3 was my first love! I’ll probably just post the Ao3 links.

#jaytimweek2018 #jaytim week #jaytim #space au #soulmates au #day 7 #I'm so late!

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tennyo-elf · 6 years

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Mass Effect Trilogy Thoughts

I’m ten years late to the party (or 5 years depending on if you start at ME1 or ME3) but I finally finished the Mass Effect Trilogy, thanks to Dragon Age.

Here are my thoughts on the games, the ending, random bits, the romance, etc, etc...

After I played the trilogy I looked around tumblr and found that a lot of people thought the first game was clunky. I, for one, while I know there were kinks (especially regarding dialogue/romance options), loved the first game so much that it’s my favorite of the three games. I played Vanguard and once I got barrier I had so much fun just standing in the middle of fire blasting everything in sight. I hate shooter games because I suck at them, but ME1 allowed me to have fun. The unlimited ammo really was what got me, ‘cause I’m a terrible shot. Of course there was the whole heating thing for your weapon, but I rather have that than, “Oops, out of ammo!”

I didn’t like the battle system for ME2 and the whole working for Cerberus. The characters were pretty awesome, but it took me a bit to learn not to flirt since I wanted to be faithful to Kaidan (I play paragon, so I had to learn to stick to the middle options on the dialogue wheel). ME2 was pretty much my least favorite. I only wish I could have played with Legion more.

ME3 took the best of ME1 and ME2 and made a great game...up until the ending of course. But seriously, ME3 is great and really fun and I loved just going around doing my Biotic Charge/Nova combo. Yeah, let me just charge a Brute or a Banshee that could literally one shot me and then nova/shotgun/charge them to death before they can kill me. That, to me, is seriously fun! Biotic power ftw!

The ending though. That ending...back before I had even heard of Bioware and was vaguely familiar with the name Dragon Age (I had thought to purchase it back in 2009 but went “Nope, I probably won’t like it” - fuck, how wrong I was...) I heard about the notoriously bad ME3 ending. It was all over the place in my geek sphere. So before I played the trilogy I looked up the ending on the wiki and read about it in articles, and I knew I’d hate it. So, since I’m on PC, I looked up some mods. I never met the star child (or whatever) or had to make a choice and I’m grateful for that. (My Shep always survives because I’m a completionist and I always get all war assets thus my end score is well above what’s needed for everyone to survive.)

First I got the regular MEHEM, played the trilogy, and the ending, with this mod, didn’t feel right. It didn’t satisfy me at all. I needed to redo some things to get the ending I wanted (I accidentally killed Steve Cortez in my first pt, fuck that noise) so I played ME3 a second time and used a new ending mod called JAM. That pt went perfectly. The ending seriously made me happy, and if felt so right! The Extended Ending, plus JAM, plus the Leviathan DLC, allowed me to enjoy the trilogy with no tears (besides for Anderson, Thane, Mordin, and Legion). There was only ONE plot hole with this combo.

The catalyst obviously targeted Reaper technology (in this mod/DLC combo), but the Geth and EDI were integrated with Reaper code. So how did they survive? (You know they survived by the ending slides with the Geth and EDI calling for Shepard when the gang went looking for her.) So I have to head canon an extra side quest after Priority: Rannoch, where the Geth and EDI discuss looking for a firewall against the catalyst energies for their built in Reaper code. Maybe they get it from the Keepers on the Citadel or maybe they create one together. Of course there is worry about the Reapers getting hold of this firewall, blah blah blah, but they keep it on the hush and hush and it works out in the end. I had no issues with the destroy ending where the Citadel and the relays go boom, because it made sense to me, I only worried about EDI and the Geth. (I united the Geth with their Creators, I’m not letting them die!) So I head canon the side quest and they’re safe.

There is also the nightmares Shepard has about the boy. I also head canon that when she passes out after Anderson dies, she dreams again, and this time, instead of just standing and watching the boy catch fire, she saves him, she takes action, she stands up for herself and doesn’t let her guilt or fears or worries control her. She wakes with a start (and renewed energy/life) and then activates the Crucible/Catalyst. Perfect ending to me, yes, yes. (Watch here!)

As for the continuation of the series, after playing the trilogy I was disappointed that they didn’t continue the story post war with the reapers. I haven’t played Andromeda yet but I understand it’s in a different Galaxy with different problems and I think that was a missed opportunity on Bioware’s part to explore the other themes/consequences of the first trilogy. There is the dark matter/biotics/eezo/mass effect fields topic to explore as well as the fall out of Shepard’s decisions, such as the Krogan population surge, Geth/Qurian alliance, and the Leviathans. Leviathans indoctrination abilities are very concerning. And granted, Mass Effect 3 did hint that the Krogan and Geth Alliance weren’t a threat, it still wasn’t made certain. Personally I like to be able to have a game where you make sure the Krogans and rachni aren’t a threat based on in-game decisions from both the old and new trilogy. Also, I like the new hero to be able to formalize that the Geth/EDI/new AIs aren’t the threat they were made out to be and we can work together (for Destroy or even control ending, synthesis ending would have to focus on how it didn’t solve the real problems/took away freedom from people). Draw parallels from humans who are evil to AIs who go evil too. And everything leading up to the true threat of Leviathan’s trying to take over again and how the team work of species can over come their old oppressors. Just a trilogy about overcoming old thoughts/beliefs/etc. And it doesn’t have to take place immediately after the reaper war either. It could take place after Shepard’s death or when Shepard is very old and retired. I mean, you could make a game like that, it’d just take finesse because of the way they made ME3′s ending. It’d be tricky with the synthesis ending. but it could happen. A can of worms, yet I truly believe with the five years of development they had they could have written something that may piss off some, but ultimately be a continuation of the interesting galaxy/world the first trilogy created.

Okay, random thought here, but regarding the Asari, wouldn’t be it hard to keep their heads/back of their neck clean? So many places for junk to pile up, cleaning their heads must be a bitch.

Also, this game was annoying with the male gaze, eye candy thing going on. It was everywhere and it never, ever, didn’t annoy the hell out of me. Pulled me out of the story every time I saw it, that’s for sure. I Like Miranda, but with her catsuit you can even see her lips! And I’m not talking about her face lips either!)

Alright, so romances...I went in knowing I was going to romance either Garrus or Kaidan. I didn’t know these characters yet and I saw these two were romanced the most by female Shepards on tumblr, so I figured I couldn’t go wrong with either of them. Playing a paragon Shep, and getting to know Kaidan, the romance for them made sense to me (My Shep is a spacer/war hero). I was highly attracted to his character, morals, and principals. With Garrus, I can see how a renegade Shep would be all over the “fuck rules” bit but with my paragon, if felt more like a mentor/mentee relationship turn best friends type of deal than a romance. Garrus didn’t fit with my Shepard, Liabelle. I did watch a youtube vid of his romance though and he is cute af.

Of course, later, I find out everyone hates Kaidan for Horizon (or being too emotional/whiny...which felt silly to me tbh). I didn’t. Kaidan’s reaction on Horizon made sense for his character and it felt real. My Shep knew Kaidan would react like he did and while it hurt, she didn’t love him less for it. She fell for him for his principals, why would she be upset at Kaidan being Kaidan when it’s Kaidan she fell for? Hurts yes, frustrating yes, but in the end they found their way back to one another and if felt really good. Now I’m a shenko shipper through and through.

Also loyalty to a fault can be a bad thing, sometimes you need a friend who will call you out on your shit. That’s what Kaidan did/does (though he went a bit overboard with the betrayal line, but that’s him reeling and he apologized for it). So nah, I wasn’t mad or disinterested in Kaidan after Horizon or for the beginning of ME3. I liked his character development and him coming to realize he made a mistake. You can see throughout ME3, once he comes back, how he regrets it. Ugh, the well made angst mixed with the happiness of them being back together does things to me.

In the end, Garrus and kaidan were my squad, they were my boys. I think not having Kaidan in ME2 made my dislike for the game more intense because I didn’t have my boys together. I literally shouted “MY BOYS!!” at my screen while playing ME3 when I could pick Kaidan and Garrus for my team again. It probably helped that they balanced out my Vanguard really well.

As for romanced Kaidan head canons, I will say that while they were biotic rabbits between the sheets, they were still touch and go relationship wise for most of ME3. I don’t think they were at a place in their relationship for a real marriage proposal after they find her post destroy. They definitely need time to just be and I can see that happening during leave or working on the Normandy during non war times. My husband is in the military and I asked about what would happen if they were found out and the military does give people options, either break it off or marry. I figure by the time anyone finds out they’re already engaged. That just means postings, they wouldn’t be able to work together on the Normandy. I can’t figure this one out. A part of me sees Shep retiring, another can’t see her as anything but Captain of the Normandy. Kaidan could go back to teaching, and they could meet up on Earth every shore leave Shep has...but, gah, I still haven’t figured it out yet. I do like the idea of them retiring out by Kaidan’s family’s orchard, going camping, or traveling, having kids, etc.

Lastly, the only character I dislike is Kai Leng (too one dimensional and an ass, easy to hate). The rest I will hug if I could. And I was sad I couldn’t have a third squad mate. I’d probably pick Tali mostly with the occasionally Liara or Wrex thrown in with Kaidan and Garrus. Also I have a big soft spot for Samara. I also am weird in shipping Javik and Liara (I want them to have Asari babies!!!!...after writing their book ofc), but I think Joker and EDI are cute af and you can pry that ship from dead, cold hands. Ack, and Thane dying hurt but felt inevitable since he had a terminal illness. Mordin’s death felt a bit unnecessary, he needs to be studying seashells gdi!! ALSO WHY BIOWARE, WHY KILL LEGION, WHY!!! Oh, and Kasumi needs to be able to keep the gray box and move on...humph.

Alright, I may write a small fic for shenko but I might not, IDK yet. All I know is I miss Dragon Age like I’m missing my other heart, so I’m going back to it soon-ish. Will replay this wonderful sci-fi trilogy again though, sometime in the future just not right away. I’ll always prefer my Dragon Age games, but this ride was definitely worth it.

#mass effect #mass effect trilogy #me1 #me2 #me3 #my thoughts on the games #random bits #just things I needed to say #text post #there is shenko here #but no hate #just love #and some complaining #about other stuff #but mostly love #for the games and characters

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ladyloveandjustice · 7 years

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Wisdom and War: An Athena Cykes Mix

Art given to me by the amazing @diloolie

And charge in head on/ I will be your shield/Go ahead and release the goddess inside you!/(In every star, in ever moon, in every vena, there lives Athena)

A mix for Athena Cykes, a revolutionary girl who outshines the moon.

Play on Playmoss

Play on 8tracks

Finishing replaying Dual Destinies and getting some amazing art from diloolie inspired me to finally make an Athena mix! I may have gotten...a bit carried away. Can u believe I was worried about not finding enough songs...ANYWAY. Even if you don’t know Ace Attorney, this makes for a great kick-butt mix to get you motivated (save for a couple subdued sad songs at the beginning).It’s a mix that pretty much screams “LET’S DO THIS!” as Athena would say.

Lyrics, annotations and translations under the cut!

Athena- PRETTY SELF EXPLANATORY. I was so pumped to discover this song at the last minute. I was actually alerted to it thanks to a sweet Athena amv that came up in my youtube suggestions- check it.

The moment is right/So don't wait/Get ready to fight/When I say/Break free of the chains/That hold you back/React. And plan your attack

Brace yourself and run into the battlefield/Move on/Don't falter/Plan your pursuit/And charge on and head on I will be your shield /Go on/Release the goddess inside you In every star/In every moon /In every vena/There lives Athena

They Know My Name- a song for Athena’s trauma and PTSD. It also fits for how she can get overwhelmed hearing everyone’s emotions.

Her panic attacks being highly visible- can also refer to how Widget tends to recite her thoughts:

All of my noise in the air/My thoughts can be seen from everywhere

Panic attacks, PTSD:

These wars that I fight from within/I don't know where they end and I begin I try/ I try to calm them down/But these thoughts they keep spinning/Round and round, round and round/These monsters are hiding within my brain/They roar and they shout and they know my name

Goodnight Little Robot Child- Young Athena, living in the space center among robots, unable to tell the difference between them and humans

Goodnight little robot child/Close your eyes go to sleep tight/ little robot child/Starmans waiting for/You've been running around with your robot friends/And your battery's feeling so low

Little Me- Athena looking back on her younger self. "I was a shaking and scared little girl, small and ineffectual.... Even after I went to live with my relatives in Europe, I stayed closed up in my shell. “

Voice so quiet you don't hear a word/Always talking but she can't be heard/You can see it there if you catch her eye/I know she's brave but it's trapped inside/Scared to talk but she don't know why

Wish I knew back then/What I know now/Wish I could somehow Go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice/I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out/Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder

Yellow Halo- Athena dealing with the death of her mother. I consider this to be from Metis’s POV in a way. This song is actually about dealing with the loss of a mother, so it fits really well.

Metis dying:

I rose to the moon, Wearing all white

Metis wears a “yellow halo” now, and those colors are passed on to Athena Athena wears yellow, shining brightly and kindly:

Yellow halo/all your colors/yellow halo/for a queen/yellow halo/bequeathed

Metis lives on through Athena, who carries on her legacy, wearing the moon earring her mother made for her and bringing hope to everyone:

Seasons change/the moon’s still here/dawn breaks endlessly

Hope on Fire: Athena making her vow to be heard and to save Simon, no matter what the cost (yes i know i use this song a lot in mixes, IT’S A GREAT SONG OKAY) “That’s because one day, I came to realize that I had to fight. I couldn’t give up"

gotta fight gotta strike/'cause there's no turning away/from what you don't want to know/

ooh you're gonna make your mark this time/ooh you're gonna set your hope on fire/gotta leave gotta bleed/you've gotta stop lying still/'cause this is no kind of life

we're coming closer now to the truth

Akatsuki no Hana: "I couldn’t give up. I exercised hard and I studied hard. I wanted to become the strongest lawyer I could be.”

I’ll tear the doubt out of my mind/because with the strength inside me/I’ll leave the girl I was behind

Breaking through to the sky with the strength to survive/feel the dawn break through toy your heart/Chasing the skies, I’ll find a brighter day/Tear through the lies/I’m who I wanna be/you won’t take my courage away

Bravado: “What was Athena like as a child? ”She didn’t talk very much” “That’s completely different from the Athena we know now!” "I was so surprised! She was like a completely different person, so cheerful and happy!”

All my life, I've been fighting a war/I can't talk to you or your friends/It's not only you/My heart jumps around when I'm alluded to/This will not do

But when you're withdrawn, it's the closest thing to assault when all eyes are on you/This will not do/I'm faking glory/Lick my lips, toss my hair/And turn the smile on/And the story's brand new/But I can take it from here/I'll find my own bravado

Me Against the World- Athena refusing to give up on Simon even as he’s all obstinate and ready to change the courtroom

okay, with this line how could I resist:

Simon says to pack it up

Even the LA references work if you consider Japanifornia (though honestly I can never think of AA as actually taking place in LA...just a weird alternate Japan where everyone has english names. BUT I DIGRESS)

They said don't try to change the world/You're just a girl/So it's me against the world today/I'm gonna do it my own way/And though nobody understands/I'm gonna make a one girl stand

Give a Reason- full translation here. Lyrics also in the playmoss vid. Very fitting for Athena, who charges ahead and looks for answers

There's an "answer" somewhere for sure /The answer for why we were born/.../I'm not afraid of getting hurt!/But I'm not strong in any way for feeling that /Simply, I just can’t do nothing/I don't wanna be regretting myself! /Here we go! go! I'll keep running /I won't be stopped by anybody!

Dakara: My Hero Academia and Athena go together so well.

“I didn’t have anybody to support me at first, either. I couldn’t face the fear inside me, couldn’t get over the trauma of my past. “

“ It sure feels nice to be part of a great group like this! I just want to say I really love working here with all you fabulous people!”

How come I am the only one to always face a hurricane?/Back then I used to think it all so meaningless (was so alone)/But everything began to change

Again we’re crying but trying/To prove we can overcome it/I know that we’ll rise above it each and every time/(Everything will be fine!)/I’ll reach for your hand,Yeah, my friend,You are not alone this time

One Girl Revolution- The courtroom Revolutionaire! “Let’s revolutionize this stodgy institution!”

And I'll be everything that I want to be/I am confidence in insecurity/I am a voice yet waiting to be heard/I'll shoot the shot /Bang/That you hear round the world/And I'm a one girl revolution

See Me Now- “ Then that’s a win for me– No, a win for analytical psychology! “

That I've been hesitating so long, so long/Somebody turn out the light./Cause right now must be my time to shine/They said I couldn't, they told me that I wouldn't/But if they could see me now/They'd see I'm something, that I'm not scared of nothing/And the world will hear me shout

Odd Future

You love the contradiction shaking you/even when you fall take one step/you can breath again in one step/.../shaking off the rust in your soul/gotta rise from a dark history/.../but today I opened up my eyes and I feel alive

Everything at Once- In the DLC, Athena said she wanted to be strong enough to fight a whale, and suddenly I realized this was perfect for her. She dreams big and wants to be everything and I love her.

As pretty as a picture hanging from a fixture/Strong like a family, strong as I wanna be/Bright as day, as light as play/As hard as nails, as grand as a whale/All I wanna be, all I wanna be, oh/All I wanna be is everything

The Prayer- “Why do you turn everything into a competition?” Athena’s go getter competitiveness is everything.

Let me outshine the moon/Is it so wrong to crave recognition?/Second best, runner-up/Is it so wrong to want rewarding?/To want more than is given to you?

Tonight make me unstoppable/And I will charm, I will slice/I will dazzle them with my wit

Peace sign- “She flashed a peace sign at me. “Congratulations on your acquittal,” she said. [...]But I saw her eyes. They were red and swollen from crying. She’s gotta be suffering! She must be so worried! And yet she went out of her way to be nice and give me that big smile!”

Although your eyes are red, you’ll never cry again/ no I’ll be the smile that you need and I won’t go/Theme to be a hero, just remember to sing/Say goodbye and I’ll leave with a peace sign

Voice of the heart- “Let me hear the voice of you heart!”

If you listen long enough/If you dream it strong enough/A door inside will open/And a light will flood the dark/Like a song too long unsung/Or a soul forever young/We all will find an answer/In the voice of the heart

I’m a Believer- Athena charging ahead with people cheering her on ‘"It’s not over yet, Thena. Even now at this very moment, I still believe in you! I know you better than most people, Thena. And I know you’d never surrender to the dark age of the law ”

It’s not easy to keep going – motivation’s running thin/I know my dream’s unrealistic … No, I don’t need reminding/In these moments, under pressure, when you feel it closing in/You’re the one - be the one to believe in

I keep searching for an answer/But I can’t keep it together Does anybody know what path I should take?/I won’t hesitate/Because this dream that I’ll create, it cannot be misguided/By simple regret, and thoughts of “what if”/So, I’ll take my next step, but if you were to cheer me on,I’d soar beyond that boundary

Young Volcanoes- “Well, nobody's going to try harder than me! So you'd better watch out, Apollo! Simon is free, thanks to Mr. Wright... ...but there are so many more people out there who need our help!”

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds/It's all over now/Before it has begun/We've already won/We are wild/We are like young volcanoes

Sora ni- Look, Athena and MHA just really go well together. I was always telling you guys sh’s part shonen hero part magical girl.

“Well, I knew that if I didn’t get your sentence overturned fast, you’d be executed! So I studied and studied. I was frantic! I’m so glad I made it in time! ………… Just barely… but I still made it! “

Every time you cry/Make it so It only makes you stronger/Cut straight through the illusion/And soar from the confusion/To a Blue-Sky Revolution/Can't forsake the future when it's this bright/So give the fight/All your might

Sunadokei: translation here. “Thatta girl, Athena. It’s good to see you finally let your tears out. “

I just continue on living /Questioning its meaning... /A correct answer just doesn't exist /So I just raise my head and keep walking

Resignation without restraint, memories/If you regret it and cry, that is fine /But even so, the tomorrow that is created will /Overflow with merciless love/.../Turn those broken tears into strength

Courtroom revolutionaire- obviously.

#athena cykes #ace attorney #my fanmix #fanmix #kizuki kokone #kokone kizuki #playmoss

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exploringthestreet · 4 years

Text

Social distancing in our design and playful interactivity April 8th, 2020

Although my group believed we had a solid project idea, there were a couple of curve balls that were thrown at us due to the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic. Specifically since most if not all of London was on quarantine, not many people would be going outside. While most of these outbreaks are temporary and life goes back to normal it did provide an interesting challenge to overcome when designing interaction for our technology. That being how do we encourage people to make street art when there is no street or outside surface to place the art on.

Even without the co-vid crisis, I believe interaction without the street would still need to be considered since there are still a various people who would benefit from increasing creastreet’s accessibility. These include the elderly and disabled persons who may be unable to contribute if they constantly need to go outside. In this case it is important, especially when capturing the narrative of a community that all its members can contribute equally or else we are still forgetting important stories that could bring more clarity into life within the community.

We came up with several ideas that made it into the final concept like using a smart TV application to designate where art could be posted, along with scanning notebooks on a surface to transfer it onto the street. However one of the things that was considered that I found interesting is what if the street art could be made inside the house.

In order to flesh out this idea, I created a few mockups via photoshop to demonstrate the idea. Using these images as mockups helped me discern how images can help invoke sensory experiences, but also that such images can be mutable. In this case, I decided to use these take both principles to see whether I could a novel visual experience from modifying the photos. The results of which I believed looked realistic enough lead to an interesting line of thinking.

Specifically, the photos were in my flat in areas usually considered off bounds for drawing like the walls and floors, and I wondered why we no longer let ourselves draw on these surfaces. The main reason obviously is theres a lot of tedium in having to clean it off, but what if there was a way to do where that tedium is taken away.

(Image source: https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/these-parents-had-a-hilarious-reaction-to-their-kid-drawing-on-the-wall-252896)

I say this because as kids we’re always experimenting with different kinds of expression that may not make much sense to adults. While the main one that comes to mind in this context is drawing doodles on the walls, kids often try to express outside of typical boundaries like colouring outside the lines or making music with a bunch of sticks.

A personal example of mine was when I used to play with action figures I wouldn't stick to playing with just the star wars or toy story toys but I would use all of them to come up with all kinds of scenarios like buzz and woody saving the day and fighting Darth Vader. Its these kinds of chaotic instances where when unconstrained by norms, kids can make up unique and playful scenarios.However as with growing up we’re taught to color in the lines, that music can only be played on instrument, and that Woody and Buzz will never meet Darth Vader because their not real and in different franchises.

In fact when we learn more about the world, we often become constrained by our own knowledge. Specifically, we know we cant colour on the walls, because that will just make the house messy and will take forever to clean up. I believe in this thinking greatly limits our capacity for play and thereby limit the expression of narrative.

Thus, by creating these mockups I was able to not only envision a rough idea to address the challenge creating art in a quarantined world, but how it unlocks a forgotten expressive force. How by un-constraining users and enabling them to draw wherever they want in the home like the walls the floors, even the toilet, we can invoke a stronger sense of expression by invoking methods we used as kids, but stray away from as adults. Hopefully by allowing ourselves to think as children, without rules, or boundaries, but all the imagination in the world, we can see more expressive narratives than if we just let users draw on their smartphones or tv’s

The only shortcoming of this exploration is while images can go so far in exploring the (possible) ordinary context of creastreet, images are still static. One thing I could perhaps do in the future is to create other artefacts like a short video to illustrate the interactivity of the proposal in the context of ordinary usage to deepen my exploration.

#post #Exploring the street's context #Harnessing the power of play #Current Events and our design #post 8

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eve-the-egg-lover · 7 years

Text

Sith, Spies, and a Whole lot of Lies

Chapter 2

*Yay, chapter 2!! It’s shorter than the first, though I don’t know if this will be it’s normal length. Anyways, enjoy :)

For the first few moments after their eyes met, neither Rya, nor Theron moved a muscle. They just stared, eyes locked, mouths open, frozen in time. That was until the Director reminded Theron of his still open comm channel.

“Theron Shan, what the hell was that!? I swear, if you just started a gang war I’ll…”

“Call you back.” Theron spoke, adding in a whisper, “Disconnect.”

With the director’s interruption, time seemed to flow once more, along with all the dangers that came along with it. Rya sprung to her feet, igniting her blood red lightsaber, and Theron whipped his blaster from its holster.

She looked the same as she had on Rishi. Long, golden blonde hair tied in a bun, pale skin flushed with just a bit of pink, ice blue eyes piercing as she refused to even blink. Stars, she was beautiful.

Sometimes, Theron had imagined them meeting again. Sure, lots of them involved a lightsaber at his throat, but the sudden heat from the blade made him realize how easily she could end his life right then and there. The question was, would she?

Pulling her lightsaber had been purely instinctual. A foolish instinct here, but standing face to face with Theron made her do and say a lot of foolish things.

“Theron.” She put sternly. “Put the blaster down.”

“Not until you deactivate your fancy glow stick.” Theron responded, not wavering from his stance.

Gritting her teeth, Rya let her grip relax, the blade deactivating with a hiss. Theron lowered his blaster, leaving them suddenly very alone. The air was still thick with tension and from her current position, Rya could escape through the alleyways… but Theron would most certainly give chase.

“Rya…” Theron broke the awkward silence. “What in the nine Corellian hells are you doing here?!” His voice rose with every syllable until he was practically shouting.

It was understandable. If she were to ever stumble upon Theron on Dromund Kaas… actually, she had no idea what she’d do. She at first suspect he was doing work for the SIS, just as he was probably suspecting she was doing work for the Empire. Which she was (not that telling him would help her case). Telling him “I can’t tell you” would pretty much tell him I’m doing work for the Empire, and lying she wanted to see him would… well, that was all she had. Unfortunately for her, there was no way she could make it convincing.

“I…. uhhhh…. I was just site seeing.” She spluttered. Stupid.

“Wow. For a crafty Sith Lord, you sure have a way with words.” Theron narrowed his gaze, shaking his head from side to side.

Rya swallowed, racking her brain for something else she could say. Her previous elatedness at seeing Theron had all but disappeared, the understanding of how complicated she’d suddenly made the situation dawning on her.

“You shouldn’t have followed me. I could have killed you.” Rya said suddenly.

Theron’s caution turned to outright anger. “Following you? I was trying to help you! I’m assuming that weird man has something to do with why you’re here!”

Rya sighed. So it had been just another bar patron. Gritting her teeth, she ran her fingers through her hair, the loose wisps that had escaped her bun ghosting over her hands. She’d just exposed herself to the last person she’d wanted to see on Coruscant, all because she’d been overly paranoid. “Great.”

“What did you say?” Theron returned, his hand moving back towards his blaster’s holster.

“You weren’t supposed to know I was here.” Rya answered. Not the best choice of words.

“That doesn’t help your situation.” Theron grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring. Sighing, he put a gloved hand up to his forehead. “You know I’m going to have to turn you in right?”

Rya paused. And he caught it. Just a flash in her eyes for the briefest instant.

Fear.

Theron had always found it strange. Rya, she’d never been like the other Sith. Even Lana, as strange as she was, had never been quick to admit when she was afraid, or when she was uncertain. Nor was she ever willing to show gentleness or kindness. A weakness for Sith he supposed. Rya on the other hand… well, maybe she didn’t walk into fights with her heart on her sleeve, but she most certainly was not afraid to show such “soft” emotion. There was a tenderness to her that whatever training Sith went through hadn’t seemed to have been able to beat out of her.

Her voice was barely above a whisper when she spoke. “You must know what would happen to me should you do that.” She chuckled, her throat clenching a bit.

Theron swallowed. Unfortunately, he did know what they would do. Some flashy war trial where she’d be paraded around by the Senate, blamed for everything she may or may not have had a hand in doing, before being executed. Malcom would probably have a hand in it, she was a war criminal after all. And then when that was all said and done, she’d either be locked in the deepest depths of Belsavis to rot or be executed.

He could not deny what she had done. She’d killed so many from the Republic. She’d destroyed the War Trust, intentionally broken the Treaty of Coruscant, and reignited the war. Hundreds of thousands were dying because of her actions. Why was he even contemplating this?

His mind wandered to Jyvora. He could still hardly believe the Jedi Code spouting girl was a former Sith Lord. Not to mention Rya’s sister. She’d committed atrocities in the name of the Sith and the Empire as well. The difference was, she defected. She gave secrets in exchange for a chance to start over as a Jedi in the Republic. Something told Theron Rya wouldn’t agree.

“You’re right. I do know what they’d do to you.” Theron admitted, shifting his weight to his left leg. “And you know why.”

Rya looked to the ground this time. All early traces of her anger dissipated. “I know.” She laughed. “Guess the Coalition on Yavin IV or taking down Revan wouldn’t help my case.”

Theron chuckled in response, but quickly stopped himself. Sighing, he ran a finger through his hair.

“I can’t let you do that Theron.” Rya finally spoke, crossing her arms. The more they talked, the higher the chances she’d let her emotions win. She needed to leave now.

“And I can’t let you harm the Republic.” He responded, his eyes closed.

“I’m not here to do that.” Rya attempted to assure in vain. She knew she could not hurt Theron to escape, yet her feet were glued to the floor.

Theron chuckled. “Sure. Because you think I’m stupid enough to trust a Sith.”

Rya furrowed her eyebrows. “You trusted Lana.”

“Yeah, and look where that got me.” Theron grumbled.

“You trusted me.” Rya pointed out. “You said on Rishi you knew I’d come and get you.”

Theron grumbled something, placing his hands on his hips, his eyes seeming to take an awful lot of interest in a soaked flimsi on the ground.

The silence that passed between them gave Rya a chance to think. The logical, ultra-heightened part of her mind battled against the emotional torrent flooding her system. She hated the profound impact simply speaking to Theron was having on her. She was a kriffing Sith Lord, not some giggly actress from Vette’s holo-vids. Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. She clenched her fists at her sides. Passion only worked if it was short lived. What she felt for Theron on Rishi when he’d been captured had driven her to wipe the Revanites guarding the compound from the galaxy. Had given her an incentive to defeat Revan at all costs. That passion had fueled her, delivered her to victories doorstep. But passion fades with distance. So why did she still feel this way? It was taking all her self-restraint to deny she felt anything for Theron. Kriff, if he had been an Imperial it would have made everything so much simpler.

“I’m not asking you to trust me Theron, I don’t expect you to. Just know, if you try and stop me the whole galaxy will suffer.” It was all she could do to keep her raging emotions in check. Playing at Theron’s feelings was manipulation, plain and simple, but it was all she had. Going any further, using what had happened between them was her last resort.

Theron laughed. “You know, lying to me only makes this worse.”

“I’m not lying Theron.”

“Of course not, because Sith always tell the truth.” Theron had begun moving towards her, but she refused to back down.

“Not every Sith is evil, Theron. Look at my sister. You trust Jyvora, she was Sith.” She pointed out as Theron glared.

“Jyvora left the Sith because of their twisted ideals you still serve.”

“How do you know I still serve the Empire?” she spat, suddenly realizing how close Theron had come.

“Isn’t it obvious? Why else would you be here?”

Even in the dark, Rya could feel the emotions rushing over Theron like a tidal wave. The one, dim light in the alleyway cast shadows over Theron’s face. Rya could see the hazel of Theron’s eyes, the outline of his broad shoulders, his soft brown hair, the feint shimmer of his implants. The only other time she’d seem him this clearly was on Rishi. Then he had been bruised and bloodied, vulnerable. He’d winced a little every time he moved, his pride and confidence damaged. But here… now… towering over her, there was no inkling of that man. The anger from their argument made his eyebrows furrow, his nose scrunch just a little at the top, his lips downturned into a grimace. Lips that hadn’t wanted to leave her own when she gave him what he’d never realized he’d wanted. They had been soft and gentle, even in their hasty eagerness. Lana and Jakkaro’s long prep time had given them a lengthy opportunity to “get to know one another.” The memory of what Theron and she had done on Rishi caused her face to flush considerably, and she was suddenly grateful for the darkness of the alley.

Theron hadn’t even realized he’d been walking towards Rya until he had to look down to meet her eyes. The dark hid her features, but Theron knew she still looked the same. Sharp cheekbones, an upturned nose, clear skin, and ice blue eyes, her features unchanged from any kind of dark side corruption. He’d learned of Sith who used Sith alchemy to keep their features eternally youthful, but he simply could not fathom Rya taking such drastic measures. And yet, he knew the skin beneath her clothing was scarred from years of combat. On Rishi, he hadn’t taken the time to study them all, but he remembered a few. The slashes on her arms and the bite marks on her back from a Nexu. The raised skin on the side of her abdomen from being impaled by a collapsing pipe when her former master tried to kill her. The four gashes on her back from a Teratanek she had fought on Korriban.

He felt the blood pounding in his ears as he took his time studying what features his eyes could make out in the dark. The softness in her eyes and the slight flushing of her cheeks told Theron Rya was doing the same. It amused him he was not the only one so distracted.

He hardly remembered Rya reaching up to press her lips softly against his. Or when he’d wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her a little so she didn’t have to stand on her tiptoes. He could feel her thin fingers running through his hair, her warm breath on his face when they momentarily broke apart to breathe. She tasted of alcohol, a burning, bitter taste of something so strong and intoxicating with just a hint of sweetness, so like her. Oh kriff, Theron what are you doing? He thought to himself as his lips left hers and began a trail down her jaw to her neck.

“Theron…” Rya let out a breathy moan as Theron nipped at her neck, his arms pressing her to him. Her mind was racing, heat building in her core. Stars, she wanted him. But she also didn’t want to catch whatever strange disease was lurking in the stagnant pools of water. “Theron,” she said again, trying to get his attention. He pulled away, breathing heavily. She could feel his need pressed so close to him. “Theron, not here.”

“My place.” Theron whispered huskily, leaning down to kiss her neck again, but letting his grip on her loosen.

Rya couldn’t stop herself from thinking what a terrible, terrible idea this was. But the warmth of Theron’s hand when he took hers in his own quieted her mind. Right now, there was no Empire, no Sith, no spies, no war. It was just them.

#sith spies and a whole lot of lies #theron shan #rya verel #eyyyy they do the kiss #right into the romance

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squigglysquidd · 7 years

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Here's a few for the OC ship Asks: Arcanus/Ellie (Arcellie?): 38 & 39 Sharkarian: 13 Adult Cassia: 10 & 5 Fibonacci Sharkarian: 4 & 19

Heh, Arcellie? It has a ring to it ;)Arcanus/Ellie

38. What are they like in the bedroom? Any kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? Anything they won’t do?

Ellie definitely has to lighten Arcanus up in the bedroom. He isn’t used to sex for pleasure and not just to scratch that itch. He’s only ever had Ellie to really want to have sex with while all other encounters were to ease the stresses of his work. That’s why, when they come together, Ellie takes away his control. She doesn’t necessarily dominate him, but she does keep him on his toes, makes him work for it. Though he won’t admit it in words, he loves when she does that. She’s taught him to not overthink the act, but not to just make it a rush to the finish either.

As for kinks/fetishes/turn-ons? I like to think those mandible rings come into play. After all, Garrus did mention how piercings on sensitive places for turians are often for sex alongside visual effect. Sure, Arcanus didn’t get them for sex, but they aren’t about to just remove them when teasing them with touch and tongue can send shivers down his spine. He loves her hair down so he can card his talons through it and she loves stripping him down from his elegant robes and turning him into subvocals and mush, no matter what it takes.

As for really dirty stuff, I hadn’t really thought of it. Hell, many of Shakarian’s dirty stuff in Parable came spontaneously. Much like it would in everyday relationships that want to try all sorts of new things, I think.

39. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first? When did they realize they were in love?

Ellie definitely started it all. It built on trust, mind you, but she was definitely the one to say ‘why the hell not’ and move in for the kill. Arcanus wasn’t necessarily against a human, but he wasn’t much for going out to look for a relationship when he was currently on duty. He was, after all, a very dutiful soldier before it all hit the fan for him. I would guess that they finally figured out they loved each other when they realized they could trust even despite the conditions of their species with each other. She kept his secrets and he learned to open up and repay her trust with some of his own. In teaching her about turians, they eventually built a friendship and, from there, it’s obvious where it went. Ellie, learning about turians as she went, I think wouldn’t have immediately kissed him until they were already aware of their feelings. Then, she’d probably try the turian version first before catching him off guard one day with a human kiss.

Jane/Garrus (Parable)

13. What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up?

Can I say sex? Because I know we’re all thinking it. ;)

Okay, more seriously. During the war, they would build model ships together, work on their armor and weapons, or she would try to teach him to sing or share in drawing with him. Now that they don’t have to fight Reapers on their spare time, they love to watch movies over snacks and a bottle (sometimes two) of wine. Still being soldiers of a kind for the Wraiths, they still like to spar together, but it’s always full of banter and attempts just to get the other flustered and distracted instead of actual practice. They also are known to spend evenings out on the beach, just listening to the waves, watching the stars, and talking about anything and nothing.

Other than those constants, they also tend to mix up their entertainment, usually because they either see it on the vids or someone else doing it first and it looks interesting.

Cassia/(Spoiler - which I’m squealing to try and tell)

10. Who drives? Cooks? Does the handiwork? Cleans? Pays the bills? Handles the public?

Man, I really want to give this one away!

Cassia is a pilot, so she usually ‘drives’, so to speak. She’s much better than her mom, trust me, but she does tend to do crazy things while maintaining control. Cassia also cooks because her mate is worse than Arcanus in terms of work, so he only makes MREs or ready-to-eat meals. As for the handiwork, he works more on the tech side of repairs and she is more physical. She gets her hands dirty while he deals with the small parts, I like to say. Bills? Both pay, but only because they work the same sort of job and both are too stubborn to let the other do it. Her, because she isn’t some damsel who can’t pay a bill and he because, well, he doesn’t see the point in being coy about money (he’s a bit... shall we say... out of touch with the ways of modern society and has to learn it from experience as if he’s been thrown into life as an adult without getting to grow up through the experiences). The last question should be way too easy because we all know how enthusiastic Cassia is with people, especially new people. Her mate is sort of lost on how to socialize, but that doesn’t stop her from dragging him alone and forcing him to be around others instead of in his work.

5. Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

Cassia actually likes to use the term ‘babe’ with her mate, but its use is actually a joke in and of itself. She loves to use it when she’s playing with him because, at first, he had little to no understanding of the reasoning behind nicknames.

Jana/Garrus (Fibonacci)

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

Jana is very torn on first sight. She married a Garrus and she knew that man better than anyone, but it’s obvious that this isn’t him. The fact that they aren’t the same is both painful and relieving. She would have felt that finding a carbon copy would only be like replacing her husband, but it also means that, now, she can be hurt by rejection from this new version. She initially distanced herself from him in hopes that out of sight, out of mind would work, but Tali kicked her into gear.

Garrus, on the other hand, couldn’t give two shits about Jana. She’s a new member of Jon’s team, that’s it. He isn’t going to trust anyone but himself with his life as it is, so her being there is no difference. He has a slight interest in the differences between her reality and his own, but he’s too insecure to actually go forth and talk to her.

19. What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up?

Garrus doesn’t know how to trust and open up to reveal his true self. He sees that person as weak and unimportant. When someone gets in without him knowing, forces him to consider his feelings, he gets angry and defensive. His arguing is often physical outbursts directed outward towards objects or enemies, but never those he’s come to realize he cares for. He’s never hurt anyone he considers ‘a friend’. When he fights with Jana, it’s often because she has broken down a wall of his and, when that happens, it is never her who ends the fight. She remains firm, stands before his rage, and waits until he tires out. It’s then that he’s his weakest, his most vulnerable, but also his most accepting. That is when she is there, whether to talk to, hold, or just provide silent support.

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brothers-all · 7 years

Text

Vod’ika 8

Okay, here's the new one - started it before anyone sent in the requests, so I'll work on those next!

So this one is mainly just... stress relief. Nothing to be taken seriously so please, just, enjoy it xD

There are things he can handle, like battling horde after horde of droids. He can handle being thrown off a giant wall and then caught by an invisible force inches before hitting the ground. Heck, he can handle leading the 501st into battle! But what he can't handle, is his younger brothers and their adopted sister doing pranks on everyone before he's had his first mug of caf. No. Thank. You.

They finally had a few days of a breather after the long and exhausting week of constant battle. The Techno Union just wouldn't give ground and their weapons were always so annoying to deal with. But, they managed and were now enjoying some well eared rest. Or, attempting to anyway…

"Man, I am starving!" Jesse sighed, hands behind his head as he walked.

"I hear that. It was a long battle," Kix nodded, stretching his arms. It was still early as they walked to the mess hall, hoping to avoid the flood of brothers that was to come. Most were still sleeping, but they knew Fives and Hardcase had gotten up surprisingly early.

"Let's just hope Hardcase didn't eat everything yet," they laughed as they opened the door, stepping inside. And then everything went to hell…

The doors locked behind them, the lights were turned off and there was an animalistic growl echoing all around them.

"What the kriff is this?" Jesse yelled, checking the door to see what's wrong.

"I got a bad feeling about this…" Kix whispered, eyeing the darkness. He accidentally bumped into his brother, causing both of them to jump. But before either had a chance to say anything, the lights were turned back on and they screamed at what they saw.

"Man, I don't remember the last time I slept so good," Zed laughed, looking at the others.

"Haha, yeah, true. I could get used to it," Vid yawned, smiling.

"We got a few days now, so we better make the most of it," Tup grinned, turning the corner.

"You rookies have it easy. Wait until the General gets another of his special ideas," Fiddle shook his head, recalling the many plans.

"C'mon, let the boys have their fun," Joker rolled his eyes, nudging his brother in the arm.

"Yeah, I remember you said the same thing when you first joined," Hopper smirked, seeing the door now.

The six clones were making their way down the hall, to the mess. A few others were awake, in the refreshers or just stretching their legs.

"Okay, okay, fine!" Fiddle said as they opened the door, surprised to find the whole place still empty.

"Looks like we're the first ones here," Tup blinked when they entered, going towards the kitchen when…

"Why is the cooking droid offline?" Joker looked in confusion.

Suddenly, there was a noise as they looked to the cupboard, which was open wide, moving slowly as if being blown by a wind.

"This is weird…" they scanned the room, but found no danger. Just what was going on?

"Isn't it a bit too quiet?" Tup asked, not hearing a thing. It might still be a bit early, but there was at least a constant buzz on the ship.

"Yeah, what's up with that?" Joker looked to his right, before letting out a shriek. "Fiddle?! Hopper?!" he turned around, but couldn't see either of his brothers.

"Vid's gone too!" Tup and Zed panicked, moving closer to the pilot.

That's when the plates started flying all over the cafeteria, crashing into various places. The cupboards were slamming shut and open, with glasses falling all around. The trio tried to make a run for it, but a table was flipped and flung in their way, effectively stopping them. Sudden laughter filled the mess hall and they turned around, each letting out a yell.

"What was that?" Appo asked as he raced down the hall.

"You got me," Kano was already running scenarios in his head.

"Think we're under attack?" Dogma was right behind them.

"That's impossible!" Oz added, rounding the corner.

"Whatever it is, we'll find out soon," Niner grumbled as they ran towards the door.

"HELP!" they saw Joker, Zed and Tup in the middle of the hall, hiding behind a table as all sorts of items flew around the room.

"What the-?!" the new arrivals were frozen.

"Hurry! Before the doors close!" instinctively, Appo shoved the nearest brother out the still open door, and that just happened to be Dogma.

"Get the Captain or General or Commander!" he yelled before the doors closed and locked yet again. The ones inside heard a grumble, some more laughter and then the lights were turned off again.

Dogma raced down the hall again, passing the confused and surprised brothers. He was aiming for the Captain's cabin, which was down the hall and left. He could almost see the door now, when a shadow suddenly stepped into his way and he crashed into them. There was a clung as he dropped on his behind, dizzy and looked up, ready to yell. But he couldn't as his eyes opened wide, seeing who stood before him.

He couldn't even speak before the figure grabbed him, hand over his mouth and dragged him to the side, never letting go. Dogma thrashed, trying to break free. He was so close to the Captain and he would figure this out.

"Don't be such a killjoy," there was a sudden tear as he felt someone press over his mouth. A second later, he saw it was silver duct tape, and a couple moments later, his arms, legs and even around his chest was tied with it. But that wasn't enough as the figure hummed and dragged him off, towards the cafeteria…

He woke up due to all the chatter going around his room. Why were they so chatty so early in the morning? Or was he just grumpy? Probably that – hasn't had his morning caf just yet…

With a sigh, he made his way out, rubbing his face. The mess hall was pretty close, so he could grab his caf and work on those reports.

As he walked, he saw the halls were surprisingly… empty. And silent. The closer to the mess he walked, the stranger it got.

"They better not be having another food fight…" Rex muttered, already imagining another explanation for everything. But as it turned out, that wasn't the case…

The doors opened and he suddenly regretted ever waking up this morning. There were at least three fires in the mess, Jesse, Kix and Appo were huddled behind a table, with Jesse being tied up in a rope. Tup, Zed, Vid, Gim and Remond were running around, being chased by the droid cook. Joker, Hopper, Fiddle, Diver and Sky were tied together by a chain, trying to walk around but had problems. He saw Dogma, Link and Mako duct taped to the walls. Kano, Viper, Diz and Cinder all had some sort of bowl on their head or stuck on their arms. And in the middle of it all, Fives, Hardcase and Echo were laughing, with Ahsoka using the Force to do all kinds of things.

"Oh, morning Captain!" they called, their voices a bit too high for his liking. So they were all on some sugar rush… just perfect.

"Nope, not worth it…" he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. "It's too early," he really wished he'd have gotten at least one mug of caf before all of this. With a deep sigh, he turned around, not giving a second glance at the chaos in the mess hall and walked down the left corridor.

"Morning Rex," Skywalker greeted and the blonde nodded back, before pausing.

"…Heading to the mess, sir?" he looked over his shoulder.

"Yeah, need to eat something before I take care of all the reports," the General sighed, running a hand over his face.

"…I suggest you reconsider that sir…" the Captain said, eyes going to the door. When he got a confused look back, he shrugged. "I hear the nearby planets have amazing take out. Maybe even caf. We could go there," he suggested, trying to lower the suspicion.

"…I shouldn't even open that door, should I?"

"Best not to sir."

There was a crash, a yell, a curse and they both sighed. Yeah, take out sounds amazing right now.

Cut! I had a different summary planned for this one, since the current one spoils everything, but well, it's still kinda hilarious. Just want to toss this one: I got a couple more Star Wars stories you can check out, so feel free to do so! Feel free to drop an ask or prompt! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed and if you did, maybe review? That'd be really great! Thanks! Till next time~

#my story #Vod'ika #Verde' gehat'ik (Soldiers' story)#kix #jesse #ahsoka tano #captain rex #fives #echo #hardcase #dogma #tup #anakin skywalker

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mesdea · 7 years

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This chapter was kicking my ass. I don’t think I’ve ever taken this long to write a chapter. I started at 8am this morning and it’s now around 3pm. *looks at the word count* I’m just over 2.5k words. Typically I’m at least at 3.5 to 5k for each chapter.

I am giving up until next week. I guess a short update is better than nothing. I just wish I knew what was wrong with me today, feel like I can’t sit still or concentrate. Anyways, I hope people will forgive me. I don’t think I can stare at this chapter any longer. Qui-Gon I love you, but you were just an awful dick to my muse today!

*Translations at the end*

The solitary sound in the apartment was the harsh pant of the man who had raced down the passages in pursuit of a quest. It wasn’t his standard assignment, mind you; it was something that had been steeping inside his mind for almost a day. Had it only been one day since he had observed the emergency Senate meeting on the holo-vid with more than a dozen clones surrounding him? Garen reflected that it had been an eternity since he had looked upon the one time smiling padawan turned knight, Obi-Wan Kenobi, but this was not that same individual. What he observed on the screen caused his skin to crawl and his body ache to embrace his old friend. He seem to be everything that Jedi should be. His tunics were pristine, his posture perfect and most of all his tone rang with the hollow unemotional tinge that only the eldest Jedi mastered. In short, his friend, no his brother looked grown-up, wiser and utterly broken at the words he was meant to say.

Acheros massaged at his chest, not fighting off the young man in the least. He deserved this and more, but he wouldn’t fight with him. “Would you care for some tea, Garen? I seem to have…spilt mine.” The lanky man just gestured over the coffee table at the spilled liquid as if this was just an everyday visit.

“How could you watch that display, in person no less, and allow this all to continue, Qui-Gon? You left him in the dark, totally alone!” The questions gushed off his tongue with a deep hatred only to patter out in the end as he whispered the master’s given name.

Acheros turned to the kitchen, setting the kettle to simmer once more. He was dithering and they both knew it, but Garen allowed it anyway. He knew not to pressure this man who was precariously standing on the edge of a cliff between the darkness and the light. They had gone down that road when they met in an obscure corridor on an outer rim planet just weeks ago. In fact, had the Sith not been toying with him, they would both be worse for the wear. Garen had quickly ignited his saber and attacked. He thought to maim now and ask questions later. Garen had decided he wasn’t going to be number forty-one on this monster’s execution list.

It happened to be a long drawn out bout that had the Sith completely on the defensive, he would not launch an attack at the young Jedi. The battle had meant to wear him down both physically and emotionally but Garen persisted to press forward until the Sith stretched out his hand and without any effort held him against the filthy wall. Garen recalled that moment with perfect clarity, which his life looked to be at an end. He seized the moment to whisper a prayer to his friend, knowing how this would break Obi-Wan. To know that his greatest hope had destroyed his oldest friend, it all felt too fresh as Garen watched the man before him make tea.

“I would ask that you not use that name, even in private. Qui-Gon Jinn died on Naboo.” The words were bitter, but brooked no argument.

“I’m sorry if you don’t like my honesty but to be fair I don’t like your lies.” Garen wasn’t so forgiving this time.

Acheros tightened his hands on the clean white surface of the counter, bowing his head to the darkness that threatened his every waking moment. “Truth gets you killed. Love gets you hurt and being real gets you hated.”

“You don’t get off that easy, QUI-GON.” Garen was known for being a little shit when his hackles were raised, especially when it involved his friends. “I want an explanation as to why you aren’t letting him in on your secret?”

“I gave you the answer. If I tell him the truth, he will not play his part. The truth will get him killed and I can live with many things, but not that.” He gestured for the Jedi to sit at the table, two cups sat before them as he poured the steaming water. “I know you think I’m a monster and I can live with that, because it’s simply the truth. However, in order for my plans to continue, he must believe me to be that monster. It’s for his protection, Garen. Do you think if he even suspected there was a sliver of light left in my soul that he would give up?”

Garen palmed the warm cup in his hands, not wanting the comfort of the liquid set before him. “So this is all for his protection? What of his soul, Qui…Acheros?” He really couldn’t stand that name on his lips “He may live, but what good is living without the beautiful soul that has always made him our Obi-Wan?”

“I’ve had enough of this questioning. I made a decision, and you will either have to live with it or I WILL turn our secret into a reality. This is bigger than you or I and I will see him survive.” Acheros rose to his full height before the new Knight, his eyes going from a crystal blue to deep amber.

“He will not forgive you.” The words were soft, as Garen stood to leave.

“If he lives to be happy one day, then it is something I can live with. That is what love is, you know?” Acheros paused for a moment, thinking back to Obi-Wan’s first smile. “Wanting what’s best for someone, even if it’s not you.” Garen paused and stared into the strangely glowing amber. He looked like he was going to say something but only continued on towards the door.

“If you believe any of that, you are a bigger fool than I ever believed, Qui-Gon Jinn.” The words had a sad inflection as he stepped through the open door to his own quarters. He would stay on Kamino for now, ready for a future that was in the hands of a rogue Sith, my how things had changed.

As the door slid shut, Acheros tried to ease the headache that was brewing within the force. “That could have gone better.” He sat with his tea between his hands for comfort, his head pounding from stress and lack of sleep when the door chimed once more. If Garen had come back for more, he might forget he was once Jedi and gag and chain the young man to the wall. “What else could you…Oh, Cody?”

The clone had a bewildered look on his face as if he wished he had not chosen this moment to have an audience with his leader. “I’m sorry, Sir. I can come back.” Cody took in his appearance and sighed. “Sir, are you ok?” Acheros had come to depend heavily on this clone, no this man. The more he thought of them as men, the more humanity he held onto, the light.

“Yes, Cody. I’m sorry to growl at you. It’s been a rough day, month, year….lifetime?” The tall figure gestured for him to enter and lightly rubbed at his sore head.

“It’s no wonder you have a headache you know. You hide from your master; you hide from the Jedi, hell you even hide from your allies. Qui-Gon, when are you going to let anyone in?” Cody had no fear of the Sith, he never had. Acheros marked it down to regarding him and his brothers as human and not a commodity to be bought and paid for as they had been bred for. Cody observed as the elder man collapsed into the sofa, his bathrobe untying somewhat to expose battered and bruised flesh. “You’re hurt? Why didn’t you report to medical? Kix would gladly assist with those.”

“It’s just my body and will mend. Sidious has this fixation with me. I suppose deep down he believes he loves me.” It was such an unorthodox statement to make to a subordinate, but Cody had turn out to be his greatest confidant. He was someone that under no circumstance appeared to judge him for his past or his present. His friend didn’t entice him to stay in the light and in no way attempted to seduce him to the dark. He could just be himself. He had grown to depend on their quiet moments.

“Please be careful, obsession can lead even the most powerful to their demise, and he could bring you with him, Ner kotir verd.” Cody rested next to him, not uttering another word, just allowing him the companionship that had been missing for so many years.

“Cody, are you happy?” The question stunned him.

“I haven’t really thought about it. I am content.” Cody regarded the man fretting with the cord to his robe, deep in his reflections.

“Content is not necessarily happy. Is this the life you would choose if we weren’t all pulling your strings?” It was a topic that they had both talked about in detail, but his Commander never appeared to let it go. It was hard to put in plain words to someone born to freedom, to choice. It just wasn’t something that Cody or his Vods had thought much about. They were born, they were instructed and they did their job. It was only when the long haired man was introduced to them did they learn to question. It was then that they met Jango, whom was ever protective of them, like a true father would be.

“Honestly, I don’t know that I could tell you what happy means. I have my vods around me. I have met my Buir that seems to honor us. I thought I would pay tribute to my clan and die to guard the Senate’s wishes.” Cody hesitated and turned the worn face towards him, gently caressing the slightly greyed whiskers. “Through all this, I met you. You don’t see the man we see, the nobleman I see. You see a destroyed Jedi, a reviled Sith. It’s black and white for you, and others that would know you, but we see beneath your façade.”

Acheros all of a sudden felt uncomfortable in his skin. He had portrayed this game for so long, that he wasn’t used to anyone glimpsing underneath that hard exterior. “Cody, I…” That gaze was set so firmly on him that he didn’t know how to react to the moment.

“You will never love me that way, I know. However, knowing I’m in a world where you exist, Yes, I am happy.” Cody looked away and let his fingers linger just a moment longer before letting go.

Acheros sighed, reaching out to take his friend’s hand inside his. “I will always love you, Cody. I just…”

“I understand, Qui-Gon. Your heart will always ache for your lost chances. I hope he knows one day how lucky he’s been to have you in his life.” Cody just stood and pulled the exhausted form to his feet. “Time for bed, no arguments.”

“I wouldn’t argue. You would have the entire platoon in here sitting on top of me.” Cody laughed and it brightened the darkened room. “Thank you Cody, for being my friend and understanding…” Qui-Gon pulled the cord from his robe and let it fall to the ground, quickly slipping between the cool sheets. Cody tried to turn from the sight, the sight that wasn’t meant for him, and the bruises that he wanted to soothe. “Jate ca ner cabur.” They were the last words Qui-Gon spoke as sleep finally overtook him.

Cody lingered just a moment longer, wanting to keep the nightmares that plagued him at bay. “Ni Kelir ratiin kar’taylir darasuum gar. Ni vercopa kaysh buyca pehea pirusti kaysh cyuir cyare.”

Cody returned to the sparse room, putting up the tea cups and cleaning up the mess on the coffee table. He would not leave just yet; he wanted to ensure that their leader rested this time. “I am happy with you, even if you don’t love me in return.” The words were spoken to no one in particular as he picked up a book and started to read, he wouldn’t leave just yet, he still had a place here.

“Anakin, you’re still leading with your left.” Mace yelled down toward the mat as he watched his former padawan spar with his new one. He was hesitant to let Obi-Wan out of his sight after the senate hearing and then after the tree incident. Anakin was a blessing in disguise as he bolted after the new Knight and begged for a saber lesson.

“Sorry…” The youngling looked a bit dejected, but readied his saber once more.

“I think that is enough for today. Thank you for my lesson, Ani.” The Knight bowed to his brother padawan and saw the shocked smile form.

“But, You…Won.”

“There are still lessons to be learned when you win. The world is a classroom, Ani, and you will never stop learning, even from those younger than you.” Obi-Wan brushed the shaggy haircut and smiled at his master. “I think I’ve had enough for one day.” Mace’s smile turned to a frown. “I just need a shower, some sleep and honestly…I need some time alone to meditate. I’m ok, Master, I promise.”

Mace just nodded at Obi-Wan and quickly ushered his padawan to the showers. “You know where I am if you need me?”

“Of course, but I’m not going to break.”

“Never thought you would, but you do tend to brood.” The master smirked.

“I do NOT brood.” Obi-Wan wiped the sweat from his forehead with a white towel.

“Brood you do.” They both chuckled as the gimmer stick came in contact with his delicate shins. “Proud of you, I am. Easy, today was not. Jedi you were.”

Obi-Wan let the towel rest over his head, his ears heating with the compliment. “Thank you, Master Yoda, but I just did what anyone…”

This time the gimmer stick connected much harder with his bone. “Learn to take a compliment you did not. Fault your master, I do.”

The two masters just laugh quietly at each other. “Well if you two are quite done, I’m going to get a shower and sleep.” He suddenly felt a deep guilt wrench at his insides. How could he laugh and joke after what he had done today? He denounced Qui-Gon Jinn forever. No longer to be spoken about in public, forever shamed and shunned in the eyes of the Jedi. Every bit of hope was gone.

“Ben?” Mace had been speaking to him.

“Sorry, I still. I guess I still need some time. Forgive me, masters.” Obi-Wan quickly bowed and practically ran to his quarters. Feeling the door shut behind him he finally let go of his emotions and wept. “I’m so sorry, Garen. I should have stopped him. I should have been by your side not his. I’m not even sure I’m worthy of the name Jedi any longer.” He was speaking to no one in particular, but he had hoped to feel his friend within the force. “They said there is no death, only the force. Where are you Garen?”

Obi-Wan forwent the shower and just drug his body to the unmade bed. Tomorrow he would have to get up and plan for the future. Tomorrow would start a new mission, a new life, but tonight he could mourn for the tomorrow that his friend would never see. “I will find him, Garen. I will make sure Darth Acheros pays with his last breath. He will not harm another Jedi, another innocent. It may destroy me, but I will do what I must.” Tears fell to the pillow as sleep finally overcame the knight. Tomorrow was truly a new day, with a new purpose.

Translations:

Jate ca ner cabur = Good night my protector.

Vod(s) = Brother(s)

Buir = Father

Ner kotir verd = My Brave Soldier

Ni Kelir ratiin kar’taylir darasuum gar. Ni vercopa kaysh buyca pehea pirusti kaysh cyuir cyare. = I shall always love you. I hope he recognizes how well he is loved.

#quiobi #obi wan/qui gon #Qui Gon Jinn #obi wan kenobi #the philosophy of lost chaces #obiqui #jinnobi #Obi-Wan was never Qui-Gon's padawan

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candlewisps · 7 years

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Will you write anything related to Bloodline? In the Metas, I mean. Because while I think that Kylo's fight with the dark voice in his head (aka Snoke) has apparently been longer than initially expected, I think the fact that he learnt about his connection to DV rather violently if Leia's ominous reaction tells us smtg, with learning that his family had been keeping smtg that important from him... Must have been hard. Any thoughts? (I love your meta)

Sooo many thoughts @luciemiddleford, but I’m almost positive my response isn’tgoing to answer your question in any kind of satisfactory manner whatsoever.

My reaction to Bloodline, while mostly positive, is a bit ofmixed bag, and that’s due entirely to inconsistencies about The Family™ betweenthis book and the information we were given in TFA. Aaaaand how Bloodlinemesses with the timeline we more-or-less had previously established (more onthis later) and how this new set just feels wrongto me. In order for me to get across just how I feel in regards to him findingout about Vader in this manner, its necessary for me to discuss why I don’tfeel confident whatsoever about what little info we did get about the Organa-Solo Family Dynamic. Like, at all. I don’ttrust relying on the glimpses we got in Bloodline, including Ben finding outabout Vader in such a jarring manner.

I haven’t gone through the tags on here so idk if otherpeople have broken down some of the inconsistencies and issues with continuitythat Bloodline through into the mix, or if anyone has noticed them at all. Justto start off: I loved the novel. Fucking loved it. One of the best Star Warsnovels ever, in my opinion. I’m a sucker for politics/undercover/conspiracystories, so this was right up my ally. Basically everything related to Leia,the New Republic, the First Order already working within the Senate, anythingthat set up the political outlook for TFA had me overjoyed and I found itincredibly well-grounded in that regard.

It was just those few throwaway lines (I read the wholething twice and I think there are only like six or seven references) about Ben+ Luke that threw everything off. I was expecting this book to give us piecesof the puzzle to put together about HOW exactly everything went down, or atleast glimpses into how the Organa-Solo family life was pre-academy training.Instead it just made me scratch my head and question the canon-ocity of ClaudiaGray’s work. And there’s honestly good reason to question it??? Gray clearlystated that she had not seen/read the script for TFA prior to writing the book,she was clearly Surprised when she saw TFA and it didn’t outright contradictwhat she wrote in regards to the Fam, and beyond that any information shewould’ve been given about The Family™ in order to make Leia’s relationship tothem seem believable would’ve been pretty cut-and-dry (as in: they have a kid,here’s his name, he and Luke are busy doing ~something~). Rereading it justseems like they told her to name drop Ben and Luke a couple times just to makeit clear that she keeps them in her thoughts. They didn’t give her anymore towork with because obviously they’re saving that stuff for TLJ and didn’t wantto spoil it. When Gray was going through the details with Pablo Hidalgo andRian Johnson on what to center the novel around, the only information shereceived for how to make this a setup for TFA was concentrated solely aroundThe New Republic government, the Vader Scandal, hints of the First Order, andthe forming of the Resistance. Just another reason I don’t feel confident withany of the information that isn’t strictly political in nature. The familyaspect just feels like a fill-in-the-blank game (minus what we got with Han,that was all very believable).

Two of the prime problems I have, inconsistency/generalproblem-wise, are in regard to Ben’s age and in how he found out about Dear OldGranddad.

For starters, it was established pre-Bloodline that Ben leftfor training when he was 10 (still canon). It was also the prevailing andaccepted idea pre-Bloodline that Ben fell to Snoke and did-whatever-deed-he-didat the Jedi Academy when he was 15 (I believe I even saw a source at one pointthat confirmed everything went down at 15 but idk where it would be hiding,someone link me if you find one). Makes sense. HOWEVER. According to Gray’sbook, Ben is still with Luke at the age of 23 and hasn’t gone all Dark Sideyet. Here’s the inconsistency: according to the TFA script, when Kylo takes offhis helmet, “Han is JOLTED, seeing the face of his son for the first time as aman”. So Han hasn’t seen his kid since early adolescence, probably. That iscanon. Unfortunate and heartbreaking, but canon nonetheless. I imagine, butcan’t firmly say, it’s been the same amount of time for when Leia last saw Benas well.

This Bloodline continuity hogwash actually creates a majorproblem for Han and Leia’s characters. If we go pre-Bloodline assumption thathe turned at 15, then it means that, at most, Han/Leia went 5 years withoutseeing their son, in person or holo-vid (that assumption is pushing it btw, theystill could have visited him in early teens). We don’t know how busy they were,don’t know where Luke’s Academy was, don’t know if there were any rulesattempting to limit disturbances in the kids’ training. The only thing we canglean is that the Academy, wherever it was, was fairly isolated and hard toreach. So 5 years (again, pushing it) sucks, but is understandable under the rightconditions. BUT. If we adhere to Gray’s timeline, then it means that they went13 years without seeing their kid. It goes from sucky-but-understandable tofucked up in a big way. It is canonically established that Han hasn’t seen hisboy since he was an adolescent, but 23 is an adult. If Han hadn’t seen his kidin that many years, and was able to with him presumably just chilling with Lukeand not off doing dark deeds, then it makes Han and Leia look bad for notputting in any effort to see Ben (or Luke for that matter #rude). It reflectsbadly on Leia and Han. It was already canonically established that Han and Leiaweren’t there enough to guide him—this makes the setup for his upbringingunfortunate, heartbreaking, sorta-kinda understandable. But going 13 yearswithout seeing your kid when you have the means is not understandable andmakes one a shitty parent. This is why I don’t like it one bit. At the previouslyaccepted 15-year age mark, everything flowed together naturally and made sense.At the “new” 23-year age mark it just makes everyone seem like an asshole. It’sjust pushes things a little too far to be believable imo.

In addition to this, Leia states, “I never should’ve senthim away. That’s when I lost him”. This strongly implies that what happenedwith Ben happened relatively quickly (and that there was probably minimalcontact), as in FIVE years, not THIRTEEN. Thirteen years is a long time to sitback, think, and pinpoint exactly when you lost your son without actively doinganything about it. Which is not in Leia’s character. And Han says, “There wasnothing we could’ve done”, which also implies to me a relatively SHORT periodof time between when they actually had personal contact with him and when Bensplit for the Baddies™. Someone who has had repeated personal contact, evenfavorable/positive with their child (messages or otherwise) over a period ofthirteen years after training began would not be making such absolutiststatements. Again, five years makes a certain amount of sense, thirteen has mewtf-ing. Also??? Both Leia and Han’s statements sound like ones to familiar topeople who have had years upon years to come to term with things (as in, 15years ago, not a measly 6).

Onto my other major problem: how Ben found out about Vader.I have a really, reallllllllyyyyyy hard time imagining that Ben found out abouthim out of the blue. I can see where Gray is coming from, but actually thinkingabout it in terms of how Kylo is portrayed in TFA makes no sense with theBloodline timeline. Just for starters: as a descendant of the Chosen One, Benis ridiculously Force sensitive?? So despite the fact that Leia and Han keptthe Grandpa Bomb from him (I imagine Luke would’ve wanted to tell him the truthbut had to adhere to Ben’s actual parents), I don’t see how he would’ve gonehis entire upbringing not picking up on, at the very least, that they werekeeping something huge from. When Han says that there was too much Vader inhim, it implies there were many signs from him as a kid that made his parentsuncomfortable/nervous. For a Force-sensitive who can sense emotions and readthoughts, he would’ve at least picked up on that kind of ~vibe~ they sometimesgot around him and been curious about it. I even have a hard time believingthat, after a while, he might not have “pried” a little bit by trying to readthe thoughts of his “weaker” parent (Han) without detection. He wouldn’t havemeant anything inherently malicious about it, just a curiosity/desire foranswers for why some things made his parents ~share a look~ if you get mydrift. Kids pick up on things. Not to mention he might’ve picked up a vibe fromLuke himself. While I don’t doubt that Luke would’ve agreed to let Leia/Hanreveal things on their own terms, I still think it would’ve been difficult forhim to maintain the façade of “Vader was the enemy and I hate him to this day,glad I killed the bloke”. Ben would’ve been raised on stories of his family’saccomplishments, especially of Luke’s vanquishing of two Sith Lords, so I thinkhe would notice when they either tried to avoid discussing such things or thatmaybe his uncles retelling just didn’t feel right.

The other problem with the “he found out about Vader out ofthe blue” is the fact that that doesn’t organically coincide with hisdedication to Vaders cause that we see in TFA. For Ben to have gone 23 yearsclueless ala Bloodline, his unnerving conviction to finish what Vader startedfeels out of place. Six years is a little short to go from clueless to the “Iwill do everything in my power to finish what you started” idolization we havegoing on. FIFTEEN years on the other hand…well, you get my point. There’s alsothe issue of Snoke. Snoke was in this kids head from the beginning, so I can’timagine that he wouldn’t have used Vader’s identity as an additional tool toget Ben to mistrust his family as early as was feasible/useful. I already madethis whole post about how Vader’s identity/”ghost” was one of the integraltools Snoke was using to secure Ben’s loyalty, so there’s that as well.

While Bloodline is “technically” canon, it is still dubiouscanon at best, prone to changes and mistakes. There are only three “officialofficial” sources of canon (more or less indisputable), and those are the films,the scripts, and the official novelizations of said films. Any othernovels/comics/etc that doesn’t accompany one of the actual movies is canon only until/unless details within it areproven false or clash with Official Canon. And there’s enough weird informationin Bloodline regarding everyone’s favorite Family™, combined with the fact thatGray never even saw the script for TFA, that has me questioning just howin-universe I can take it.

It’s not that I have a problem reorienting myself intobelieving that he made his dark turn as an adult (I do actually), it is just afar less organic and natural string of events compared to him turning at 15. Samewith how he found out about Vader. Bloodline-timeline requires a suspension ofdisbelief. And it affects the narratives of other people around him as well, ina mostly negative way.

Maybe it’s just me that this really bothers. But theinformation Claudia Gray gave us (again, dubious canon at best) just fills liketrying to fit a square peg in a round hole and it throws me off thinking aboutit. I’m just gonna wait for TLJ to confirm/deny anything regarding the Family.

#star wars #tlj #bloodline #kylo ren #Skywalker family #ben organa solo #snoke #han solo #leia organa #darth vader #anakin skywalker #mine #meta #asks

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