#i’m aspec and will always be aspec

[alien-ally]

So. Yesterday, a classmate asked me a very interesting question. (I’m out to her btw) Lolol honestly me clarifying in between that i’m actually 100% on the far end of being aro kind of collapsed the quo but i told her to ask away anyway. It was something like ‘Hypothetically, if u happened to meet an arospec person in school and you guys managed to really hit it off together, so much that you felt like you wanted them in your life even after school ended, would it…’ basically you get it. So she wasn’t really asking if i would date them but if it could possibly lead to any kind of partnership/if i could see myself in that sort of a companionship. and actually. what a brain-gear turning quo. The answer is no btw, that’s not the brain gear turning part. cause the quo ties to me Also happening to be aplatonic. which means nothing of that sort has happened to me till now and i frankly see the possibility to be very low. There has never been an instance where i’ve ‘hit it off’ with someone so profoundly that i end up ‘wanting them in my life more intensely’. (which doesn’t mean i don’t ever hit off with people or ever find happiness from having them in my life. No, that would be a gross misconstrue.) Uh anyways, i’m not going to explain the phenomenon of being💥apl💥top to bottom once again, just know that the answer is a direct no for me without any further ruminations. However the brain-gear turning part to me is that i nevertheless see meeting a fellow aroace(apl) person as the next biggest thing to happen in my life. And i have fantasized about it on many occasions. cause that would entail an exquisite kind of understanding i’ve never experienced in my life and mark an important milestone. which i’m sure won’t be happening until later. school is about to end in less than 6 months. So then what would it be like? Given that i am what i am. What form would that grandeur take? What form can it take?

On a lesser note, it also made me aware of the sort of ‘lack of determinism’ on my part. cause i have always been so led to want things i don’t truly want, which part of the yearning is real and which an inherent conditioning? Yeah you don’t see anyone asking straight people if they would ever turn gay but it’s allowed to aspecs? And it’s a thing we repeatedly ask ourselves too due to the same conditioning. Given that growing up and finding partnership doesn’t invalidate your aspec-ness in any way? As harmless a quo (my classmate’s) it was, led to a cascade of thoughts all over again. Good old Aromanticism.

#when i know #that my life has only begun #and there’s plenty of time to relearn intimacy and affection #which could bring about alterations in how i form relationships and feel in them #i’ll always be aroace and apl #the bottomline being that #i’m aspec and will always be aspec #there’s just thoughts sometimes #aromantic #aro #aplatonic #aroace #asexual #loveless aro #loveless #aspec #non-partnering #non partnering aro culture #nonam #nonamorous #aa mine #skate's strokes #bobblehead

[wren-kitchens]

fellow romance favourable aroaces who spent a while trying to figure out if they were bi or aroace who likes the idea of romance wya

#I THINK!!! I FIGURED IT OUT #which makes the fact me and the only straight person in my irl friendship group dated even funnier #we both find it so funny that was a thing that happened #I had a jaiden animation moment #but like. several months after the video came out #with a lot of doubt #but yeah turns out people are attractive i’m just not attracted to people HKFHDK #average fanfic writer moment (I have never seen this happen to anyone else aside from one of my irls) #(and they don’t write they draw) #aroace #aromantic #asexual too but like I already figured that part out tbh #so I won’t maintag #romance favorable #queer #aspec people are queer I will fight you if you disagree you are wrong #wren wrambles #I always write so much in the tags of posts that are like one sentence long

[peach-pot]

There really should be two different words for "I don't experience sexual attraction" and "I don't want to have sex ever". Not arguing that either isn't queer, but they're two entirely different things, and having both under one label is confusing and causes a lot of weird infighting.

I entirely understand this impulse, I’ve had it before, but I think it’s important to remember that asexual is already an umbrella term (as is aromantic for that matter). there probably is a separate term for experiencing attraction with no desire to act on it, alongside a dozen other similar but still unique experiences with their own microlabels. I think asexuality and the asexual community should be a place where a variety of people with overlapping experiences can come together through what they do have in common, which is an atypical experience with sex and sexual attraction, one that falls short of what is deemed socially acceptable. (and this all is coming from someone for whom asexual is the most specific label applicable to my experiences, someone who experiences zero sexual attraction and zero desire for sex.)

#also infighting will always happen #there’s infighting in all queer communities because at the end of the day we’re all people #with different opinions and different outlooks on things #hannah talks sometimes #aspec #anon #asks #i still get this urge sometimes where I want to know exactly how everyone identifies as ace #to be given some specific label that clears up who has my experience and who doesn’t #but I fight this urge when I can because it’s not productive #it comes from a desire to know who in my community knows EXACTLY what I’m going through #but it’s not worth dividing my community over #especially when conversations with those I differ from can be just as rewarding

[aptericia]

I want to be clear that demisexual/demiromantic and alloace ppl are literally awesome; those are in no way “lesser” aspec identities, and I love all my demi and alloace friends very much.

THAT SAID, I kinda wish that other aspec identities were talked about just as much? When I hear the a-spectrum discussed, people will almost always mention “btw you can be asexual and still fall in love” or “a lot of people won’t get sexual/romantic feelings until they form a strong emotional connection”, but rarely mention being, say, fray or alloaro (and ofc those are not the only other ways to fall on the a-spectrum)

Another complication is that “sexuality” is the default way of talking about orientations overall. If someone says “I’m pansexual”, people rarely ask “are you also romantically attracted to all genders?” So people will talk about homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, all assuming that romantic orientation lines up as well. Add that to the fact that there’s no generic term for aros and aces together (like, for example, “pan”), and it becomes awkward to talk about allosexual aromanticism. Alloaros are forced to jump through the extra hoop of separating sexual and romantic orientation, something that goes against the social norm.

Anyway, I’m very aroace and do not experience romantic/sexual attraction at any time, so I might not be the best one to speak on this topic. However, because alloace and demi orientations are mentioned more than their “opposites”, especially among girls, I’ve definitely felt pushed towards those identities. Also, this is probably a hot take, but I’d argue they are also viewed in a more positive light:

If we look at some incorrect negative stereotypes associated with various aspec identities (again, I’m using romantic/sexual and demi/fray as examples, but there are other ways to be aspec), alloaces might be called “prudes” and demis might be called “distrustful”, both possible takes on “too conservative”. On the other hand, alloaros and frays are thought of as “manipulative”, “users”, or simply uncaring of others’ feelings. Although all those terms are negative and very damaging, there is a noticable difference between “conservative” and “manipulative”—the former is viewed as a personal weakness, and the latter as a moral failing that inflicts damage on others. That’s why I feel like alloace and demi identities are more readily accepted by society.

(Aroaces and those who are neither demi nor fray sometimes get the worst of both worlds and are described with all those adjectives, but sometimes we’re just called “heartless” and left at that. We also have the added privilege of being the “““norm””” when talking about the a-spectrum)

idk anyway this rant got way longer than I’d intended and I didn’t spend as much time thinking about it as I should have, so feel free to ignore it. I’m not really suggesting anything tbh, I just wanted to get this out.

#I’ve been thinking about this for a long time but i was always too cowardly to talk about it #I fully admit that I am not an expert on aspec identities by any means #and I’m aware that it’s likely someone will find these comments offensive or poorly-worded #I apologize in advance for that #but I also think it’s worth getting these thoughts out even if they’re half-baked #ramblings #aromantic #asexual #lgbtq+ #aro tag

[emimayooo]

can everyone be my friend. I’m so fucking good at it.

#rave reviews from my friends everywhere always #i’m so sweet and funny and loyal like a dog #no one who has become my friend has ever regretted it I swear to you #I have such a good grade in friendship #I know it’s unmannerly to boast but idgaf you bitches need to know what you’re getting into #that being fifty to sixty kilos of love and affection and unhinged enthusiasm #god I love being a friend god it makes me feel like love incarnate #what is friendship if not the meaning to life and the core of community #god made me aspec because he knew I’d be too intoxicating in a romantic relationship or whatever lol #need to spread the love around to multiple friends instead of one monohoe #it is 1am. I cannot sleep. #too busy thinking about how much I love my friends you understand me #anyway #if you’re my friend #I love you so much #GOODNIGHT! #emi.txt

[sapphicschedule]

I just saw Barbie, and I really love how they made Barbie herself aro/ace. She never reciprocates Ken’s romantic advances and she is never framed as being in the wrong for that. She staunchly declines any and all sexual advances and she is never framed as being in the wrong for that either.

I mean, the whole movie is about not needing anyone else’s approval or validation to be happy or be considered “human”. She has a strong support system, but she never needs for it to include any sort of romance or sexuality for it to give her what she needs in life. They’re her friends, and that’s all she ever needs.

Also when the ceo guy says that her happy ending is her being in love with Ken, and she flat out rejects that with zero hesitation, and how she never actually has any more-than-friendship relationship with Simu Liu-Ken, and how she’s never interested in any of the other Barbies in that way….just…..aro/ace queen shit.

#barbie #barbie movie #I’m not aro ace myself #but I know first hand how important it is to have a main character who reflects your orientation #so I am always so happy to see any 2SLGBTQIA+ character leading in a show #and let’s face it #the aspecs need so much more representation in the media #and I know that they never explicitly state that Barbie is aro ace #but girl #it’s so on the nose

[doggaro]

[yells from the rooftops] TELL ME ABOUT CHARACTERS YOU THINK ARE ASPEC PLS PLS PLS

#i am so fucking serious right now you all better rb this and explain your headcanons in EXTENSIVE detail #i’ll go first! ive done this before but a refresher is always nice :) #charlie kelly is so fucking aroace. the ace part is basically confirmed by some deleted scenes and the aro part is like. i mean have u seen #his relationship w the waitress. c’mon now. speaking of sitcoms #jeff winger is aroallo! i think this is very sexy of him and also explains a lot and also also allows me to ignore jeffannie. yippee! #medic tf2 is aroace. that’s right. i said it. yes im leaning into the weird little aspec mad scientist trope. what of it. #(additionally i also think sniper and engie are probably aspec somehow :)) #i’m the no. 1 aro joey tribbiani truther. we all know this #ellie sattler is asexual because she is the first strong lady character i ever looked up to and this is the highest honor i can give her #JO MARCH AROACE REAL. she made me cry in that movie fr she’s jusy like ME !!!!!!!!! #this is such a deep cut but holland march is arospec and jackson heely is acespec #cameron frye is aroace-spec. he’s literally me fr. god. #aro #actually aro #aromantic #arospec #dogg.txt #asexual #aspec #ace #ace community #aroace #alloaro #alloace #acespec #adding to this: roman roy is aroace(spec?) as well. this is bc i said so. and also have you seen him #the writing is on the wall and this is my interpretation <3

[hedonists]

Lately I’ve been having a hard time reading reader fics, I don’t know why (and I don’t really care to pinpoint the exact reason), they’ve just been making me more uncomfortable lately.

#nemesestext #might just be because I’m about to get my period who knows that bitch always causes chaos #aspec things

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

eddie diaz you are so autistic aspec <3

#like always i’m getting emotional over fictional chs instead of working out why my brain have the emotions #rey actually speaks #rey’s 911 hcs #i’m just always thinking about him i have 1000 thoughts about him #eddie diaz #911 #eddie aspec diaz

[jinxy]

Ppl who assume all abros are mspec should explode actually

#dis.txt #I keep bumping into people who are like ‘you’re not abro!!!!! You’re just bi/pan and confused!!!’ And like. Idk how 2 tell you this #But some of us are mono abros and not all aspec abros are mspec. some are mono or Just Aspec #I promise you i’m not “cycling” i am literally always aro and mono in some way and i have zero attraction to women

[void-tiger]

Being on the aroace spectrum with non-relatives be like:

-surrogate sibling (big, little, age mate)

-surrogate cousin (big, little, age mate)

-surrogate aunt/uncle/insert gender neutral term here

-friend

-good friend

-aquaintance

-friendly aquaintance

-mutually acquainted (but I can’t stand you)

-frenemy

-friendly acquaintance I would date (I guess??)

-proto bestie (ie. the Best Friend instinct of THAT One. Can be mistaken for a crush by yourself or others.)

-bestie

-bestie I would date (is this a crush? …could it be exchanged as Close Nuff without catfishing-by-accident?)

…and none of the above are mutually exclusive. They can and do stack or shift around, like all non-related bonds do.

#tiger’s musings #aspec #asexuality #aromantism #human relationships #platonic relationships #queer platonic relationship #ace dating #relationships are complicated #add in aspec? [is this a pigeon?] + [who’s on first base] #+ that gag of a conversation. then at the end it’s revealed that the two parties were talking about two completely different things #…also yes. what I’m calling ‘proto bestie’ for me is The Worst #it’s so intense and nebulous and there’s been only ONE TIME!! it hasn’t been outright painful #legit crazy making and therefore Hello Anxiety and Anxiety Obsessing #the only remedy I’ve found for it is. well. time and ‘information gathering’ to make it Resolve #buuuuut…ya don’t always Get to make things resolve #sometimes you’re just Stuck stewing in it

[funneylizzie]

your art is really gorgeous and has quickly become a huge inspiration for me: thank you for sharing it and for being so nice too :]

especially thank you for your aroace casey art... im aroace too and that just makes me so happy. actually as someone pretty new to the rottmnt fanbase literally so many of the people ive followed have been aroace?? or if not then some kind of aspec too?? and i think that's literally so real and awesome. something something rottmnt aromantification, something something average rise win

Thank you so much!! I love hearing that my art inspires people, people like you are what keep me drawing!!! 💞💞💞

Also I never post my headcanons like that so I was super nervous to upload it bc I thought ppl would be after me in the DMs LOL, but I’m really happy it could connect with you like that!!! Rise fans win once again

#asks #whenever I come up with an aspec headcanon I always hear ppl turn it down so I’m like waaaaaaah #let me have my headcanon in my brain!!

[solreefs]

me, aroace: good thing I don’t need to worry about having strong feelings for someone that get in the way of functioning around them. sounds annoying.

me, experiencing alterous, platonic, sensual, or aesthetic attraction: oh no

#why am i like this #people are cool and pretty and funny and sweet and i am merely a fool #guys i have so many non-romantic crushes already. help. #ask me about them if you want i’m always down to ramble about cool people #Adra rambles #adrastea’s aspec adventures

[thecanadianweeb]

doubting my asexuality again, thanks menstruation… 🙄.

#period #asexual #asexuality #ace #mensuration #i also always get sick on my period #and this time it’s covid #plus my brother also got it #kinky asexual #kinky aspec #kinky ace #babe wake up it’s time to doublt you existence again #also been having explosive direahea #and i feel like i’m lesbian or gay because i have a feeling i’m attracted to girls and im a girl #well kinda #currently having an identity crisis #lesbian #gay