#non partnering aro culture

[aro-culture-is]

Nonpartnering aro(ace) culture, is grieving the future you thought you'd have, but being at peace with the decisions you've made.

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#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #nonpartnering aro culture #aroace culture #non partnering aro culture

[archivomeow]

shipping aroaces + yelena belova 🏹 ♠️

!! reminder !! this is in no way to start drama, hate or anything, this is just me trying to explain, so read it, then give feedback, but be respectful or as respectful as you can be in the moment, i will be blocking trolls or people who claim aspec to be fake or those who cuss me out or are just plainly rude.

so i see this a lot… “but aros can date so i can ship this character!!!!”

and that is true, in some cases.

the thing i feel like people miss the most is:

being aromantic is a label, it mean no romantic attraction. but if a person is arospec, aka on the aromantic spectrum they can experience it (rarely / under certain circumstances etc.)

if you are aromantic, that doesn’t mean you can’t date, you obviously can, but not all aros chose to do so and both are just as valid.

aromantic as a term can be used as an umbrella term, a demiromantic can call themselves aro.

so while aros, just like all people can date and can choose to not date that doesn’t mean you get to throw that excuse around, same thing goes for QPRs but i will talk about that some other time.

i see allos throw around this excuse with Yelena Belova mainly, she is an aroace character, she has never shown interest in dating and has shown repulsion to sex. SO HOW COME YALL WRITE HER AND SHE SUDDENLY LIKES BOTH??? because well yk “aros can date” “aces can have sex”…

while both are true it literally takes away from her identity??? she is openly repulsed by sex and uninterested in romance AND THAT IS OKAY.

she doesn’t need to date, she doesn’t need a qpr either.

the only reason she is put in romantic/sexual situations is because people thirst over Florence (she is beautiful), you can write fics about her other many roles & leave the only aroace character she has played ALONE.

she is only put in QPRs by allos, because they want her to be a lesbian (even though she clearly states she is not a lesbian in the comics), so they say it’s a qpr and they get their way. she isn’t attracted to women. if the mcu will make her anything it is straight, as SHE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO WOMEN (hopefully aroace tho)…

and to aroaces who purposely disregard her preferences which are clear, idk what to say, it’s a shame that yall are so deep into amatonormativity.

++ just to add to all this “the comics aren’t the mcu”, imagine if there was an openly lesbian character and everyone just ignored it, they’re being shipped with a man, smut of them and men is created, so then the lesbian community tried to educate them, they try to explain that it is erasure and everyone just uses that argument. feels shit doesn’t it???

#fuck amatonormativity #aro spectrum #aro ace #aromantic spectrum #aromaticism #aro #aro pride #aroace #aromanticism #aromantic #arospec #aromantism #non partnering aro culture #yelena aroace #yelena belova aroace #aromantic representation #aro representation #actually asexual #asexual spectrum #asexuality #asexual #ace stuff #ace #aces #acespec #ace pride #ace representation #asexual representation #asexual characters #aromantic characters

[alien-ally]

So. Yesterday, a classmate asked me a very interesting question. (I’m out to her btw) Lolol honestly me clarifying in between that i’m actually 100% on the far end of being aro kind of collapsed the quo but i told her to ask away anyway. It was something like ‘Hypothetically, if u happened to meet an arospec person in school and you guys managed to really hit it off together, so much that you felt like you wanted them in your life even after school ended, would it…’ basically you get it. So she wasn’t really asking if i would date them but if it could possibly lead to any kind of partnership/if i could see myself in that sort of a companionship. and actually. what a brain-gear turning quo. The answer is no btw, that’s not the brain gear turning part. cause the quo ties to me Also happening to be aplatonic. which means nothing of that sort has happened to me till now and i frankly see the possibility to be very low. There has never been an instance where i’ve ‘hit it off’ with someone so profoundly that i end up ‘wanting them in my life more intensely’. (which doesn’t mean i don’t ever hit off with people or ever find happiness from having them in my life. No, that would be a gross misconstrue.) Uh anyways, i’m not going to explain the phenomenon of being💥apl💥top to bottom once again, just know that the answer is a direct no for me without any further ruminations. However the brain-gear turning part to me is that i nevertheless see meeting a fellow aroace(apl) person as the next biggest thing to happen in my life. And i have fantasized about it on many occasions. cause that would entail an exquisite kind of understanding i’ve never experienced in my life and mark an important milestone. which i’m sure won’t be happening until later. school is about to end in less than 6 months. So then what would it be like? Given that i am what i am. What form would that grandeur take? What form can it take?

On a lesser note, it also made me aware of the sort of ‘lack of determinism’ on my part. cause i have always been so led to want things i don’t truly want, which part of the yearning is real and which an inherent conditioning? Yeah you don’t see anyone asking straight people if they would ever turn gay but it’s allowed to aspecs? And it’s a thing we repeatedly ask ourselves too due to the same conditioning. Given that growing up and finding partnership doesn’t invalidate your aspec-ness in any way? As harmless a quo (my classmate’s) it was, led to a cascade of thoughts all over again. Good old Aromanticism.

#when i know #that my life has only begun #and there’s plenty of time to relearn intimacy and affection #which could bring about alterations in how i form relationships and feel in them #i’ll always be aroace and apl #the bottomline being that #i’m aspec and will always be aspec #there’s just thoughts sometimes #aromantic #aro #aplatonic #aroace #asexual #loveless aro #loveless #aspec #non-partnering #non partnering aro culture #nonam #nonamorous #aa mine #skate's strokes #bobblehead

[aromantic-nerd]

Can we as a society just collectively decide to end the idea that being without a romantic partner is something that should be pitied?!? It is the WORST feeling ever when I tell someone that I’m aromantic and they express in some way that they’re sorry for me.

I am SO HAPPY to be aromantic and non-partnering. It brings me so much joy to know that I am whole by myself and that I don’t need anyone else to complete me. I don’t need to worry about meeting anyone’s relationship standards but my own. Not to mention the relief that comes with not having to adjust myself to fit into the society’s expectation of me. Every day I discover new unique viewpoints that are influenced by my identity. I get to live my life the way I want to live it, and celebrate my own unique experiences with so many others who are like me.

So yeah. I see no reason why anyone else should feel sad for me when I’m living my best life and have no intention of changing. Telling me you’re sorry for me doesn’t do anything but make me upset. I’m happy. That’s what matters.

#aromantic #aromantic community #amatonormativity #aromantic culture #aromantic positivity #fuck amatonormativity #aro #arospec #non partnering #non partnering aro

[leikeliscomet]

Are there any ace lesbians that just don't vibe with "bambi lesbian"? Both ace and allo lesbians that wanna use the term that's great but for me personally I don't really claim it. Not all bambis are ace but not all aces are bambi. I noticed a lot of bambi lesbian & ace sapphic content always equates being ace with being a fem sapphic and I dont get it. Non sexual intimacy gets equated with "feminine" roles like cottagecore, being a stay at home gf, cooking, gardening, pink, sweetness, softness etc. Like where's the stuff for the asexual butches? Asexual studs? Asexual stems? Ace sapphics that lean more androgynous and masc? Where's the ace sapphic & bambi stuff about buying masc clothes with your partner, or building something with them or changing a tire and shit. The term bambi, a small soft, dainty, innocent animal being the representation of not having sex/sexual attraction feels a lil weird too. You can be soft and dainty and sexual. You can be non-sexual and dominant and strong. And again asexuality =/= not liking sex its just means little to no sexual attraction. When you look at ace culture the terms and imagery isn't exclusively masc or fem. An animal that isn't stereotyped as being softy feminine and innocent for lesbian aces is a label I'd feel more comfortable claiming. It would kinda cringe but a sea urchin or dragon would make more sense to me. Or it could take a page from our aro bredren with aphrodite lesbian and be "artemis lesbians" or something idk. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being fem and ace sapphic or just fem btw, it's just non-sexual love isn't automatically purer by default, not all ace sapphics are fem and you can be masc, butch, stud, stem or androgynous and soft too.

#just rambling #bambi lesbian #ace lesbian #asexual lesbian #asexual #ace wlw #ace sapphic #masc lesbian #stud lesbian #stem lesbian #butch lesbian #androgynous lesbian

[117-opossum-teeth]

i was gonna wait to share these until arospec awareness week but i’ve been in alloro spaces for too long and wanted to share my recent art of my aro ocs to shake the bad vibes off!! im gonna do a little bit of infodumping abt them below >:)

the first drawing is of tatum (left) and dylan (right)! they are QPPs! :] tatum (she/her) is aroallo, grayro, and polyam! she’s also in a romantic relationship with another character. she loves being out in nature and has lots of hobbies like gardening, photography, and foraging! she’s big on appreciating the small things and prefers to be in quiet, peaceful areas. dylan (they/them) is aroqueer and genderqueer, and loves vulture culture and anything to do with bugs (beetles are their favorite)! they like sketching and being competitive (although sometimes they take it a little too far lol), and they take awhile to be comfortable around others.

i don’t have their backgrounds completely fleshed out, but i like to think since she was young tatum never got the big deal abt romantic relationships (while she’s in one now, she doesn’t view it as inherently superior to other relationship types) and didn’t buy into amatonormative ideas. dylan, on the other hand, tried to be in a romantic relationship which failed, and they fell victim to some amatonoramtive ideas until they met tatum! tatum taught them about aromanticism and generally made them a lot more comfortable with themself and their identity. sooner or later the both of them realized they wanted to be QPPs and they now call each other their zucchinis! <2

the second drawing is of mistletoe (he/him)! he’s frayromantic, homosexual, and non partnering! he has a group of friends, one of whom he has a fwb situation with. he can act arrogant sometimes but he means well. he’s actually a big softy but tries to act cool (he doesn’t like people treating him like he’s weak or “lesser” for being a rabbit, so he thinks he has to make up for it by acting tougher sometimes). while being aro, he actually loves flirting with people, he treats it like a game haha. although as soon as the flirting advances to something more, he gets freaked out and repulsed. and ironically, being frayromantic, on the rare occasions he does experience romantic attraction, he loses his entire ability to flirt due to nerves.

thanks for reading!!! i love these guys sm :]

#aromantic #aro #actually aromantic #actually aro #arospec #aromanticism #queer #117-opossum-teeth #aro artist #aromantic artist #aro art #aromantic art #aro characters #aromantic character #aro positivity #aromantic characters #original art #queer artist #queer artwork #original character #original charater art

[qpr-culture-is]

QPR culture is trying to write a QPR to increase awareness and representation, but getting stuck because you’ve never been in one and none of the words sound right

((Tips/descriptions are appreciated please op is desperate to write their original blorbos’ relationship correctly))

I have a few tips that might help! I'm a writer myself and have a qpr (or two) in my main story so this is definitely something I can help with

A few words to call qprs (other than qpp and qpr that is)

- platonic life partners (for aro qprs)

-non romantic life partners (works for just about any qpr couple)

-(just) life partners (for any qpr)

- platonic/non romantic lovers/soulmates (aro qprs)

-queerplatonic lovers/partners/couple (any qpr)

A few ways to describe the relationship:

(might want to adjut description based on their sexualities)

-"They're both platonic and romantic lovers, yet neither at the same time. Their emotions and love for each other are almost something entirely different"

-"The two lovers were platonic soulmates, their love not of romance but deep intimate feelings."

-"They had feelings for their partner outside the typical boundaries of romance, but they certainly weren't platonic either. The emotions were deep, intimate, and special."

-"The emotionals felt by them didn't seem to fit most labels. Romantic certainly didn't feel right, but neither did platonic. The feeling was something... different, yet so similar. Unique, but alike in ways."

(descriptions without just saying qpr above, ones with saying qpr below)

-"They were in what was called a queerplatonic relationship, neither of them felt as if their relationship was simply romantic or platonic. It was something entirely different."

-"The caring partners didn't experience romantic attraction, but their relationship was very deep and intimate. They considered themselves to be in a queerplatonic relationship together."

and so on and so on, you get the point lol

the best advice I can give is just make sure it's known that they're relationship isn't "just romantic" or "just platonic". make it clear that their feelings are something else entirely.

To anyone that has any ideas, feel free to add to this!

#qpr culture is #queer platonic attraction #queer platonic partner #queer platonic relationship #queerplatonic #qpr #queer platonic love #qpr positivity #qpp yearning #qpr yearning #qpr representation #queer #queer representation #queer rep in media

[crabs-with-sticks]

The possibility of aromantic living situations

Busy this Valentines Day as an aroace person thinking about the relationship between capitalism, family structures, and property (very normal thing to think about I know). In a book I read recently, The Mushroom at the End of the World; On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins by Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing, she talks about one of the goals of capitalism is scalability. Scalability is about making sure that a unit can work on every different sized model. Endless growth is an important part of capitalism, and if all your 'units' are the same size, you can easily create the same thing, just bigger, only requiring more of the same parts, rather than creating new parts. E.g. if you have a square block, you can create the exact same shape just bigger (read: making more money) if you have four more of the same square blocks.

The nuclear family is one of those squares that forms the basis of so much of society from housing to child raising to everyday finances. It is no secret that the nuclear family (mum, dad, and kids) is seen as the ideal and moral family structure in most of the west. And colonialism has had a big part in exporting this to other places around the world. But for many people, especially aro folks, this structure just doesn't fit what we want out of life.

And I've just been thinking about how that idea of the nuclear family is related to property and wealth and how it disadvantages queer folks. In the country which I live in, there is a massive housing crisis and owning a house is a pipe dream for many because of the cost. Property is culturally seen as probably the main way in which you build wealth/capital because you don't get taxed on it (there is no property/capital gains tax) and there are SO MANY tax benefits for landlords its insane. So when housing is linked so majorly to wealth and capitalism it makes sense that you would want it to be scalable.

And what is the most scalable living/family structure? The nuclear family. So, since housing is market driven, theres no incentive to create other types of houses/living situations except those designed for the nuclear family. Because property/housing is so ingrained in capitalism, that its an investment, and you want to be going for a big portion of the market.

This just creates an endless cycle of property enforcing traditional nuclear family structures, and nuclear family structures enforcing property. Because there is no incentive to provide anything different and there is limited ability to be anything else. And even if a person, or developer or whatever wants to create something non-typical (e.g. cohousing and coliving, at least in my country) because its not scalable or market friendly, good luck finding a bank to give you a loan, or a developer to work on it, or hell even the government to have proper land classifications to make such a project possible.

It just frustrates me so much as a non-partnering aromantic person because I feel like I have no options and I have to fit my circular shape into a square just so that people can build a bigger model of the exact same thing. And I think its something that we don't talk enough about in the queer community, and that we make ourselves into these square blocks because there is no other way to be, and in doing so just enforcing the very structures that oppress us.

So anyway, rant over. Hopefully my brain dump made sense and resonates with some of y'all. And go read The Mushroom at the End of the World, its really eye opening.

#just feeling really fustrated #looking up all the different cohousing projects in my country that are all just failing #and my flatmates planning to move overseas #while all my other friends are also either planning on moving or settled #just ugh #aromantic #asexual #aroace #queer #jay rants about stuff

[the-fear]

As an aro person, I’m not unfamiliar with the fact that canonically aspec characters are few and far between, but the way that some people regard people shipping arospec and acespec characters is kind of annoying.

Like you do realise that fanon shipping isn’t always going to reflect canon, right? Shippers aren’t erasing canonically aroace characters by shipping them with others. If characters are aroace in canon, they will most likely continue to be so* even if fans shipped them with other characters.

The way that some people regard aroace characters as “off-limits” from shipping when their orientations are confirmed in canon also ignores the fact that some (e.g. romance/sex favourable/indifferent, partnering, oriented, angled) aroace people do in fact choose to enter romantic/sexual relationships regardless of their orientation.

Also, fandom is pretty much built on non-canonical ships. Some of the largest early slash ships were between characters who were textually straight (or at least not textually percieved as non-straight). It didn’t matter if those ships didn’t become canon, because you can enjoy fanon/headcanons without wanting them to become canon!

I can of course agree though that fandoms are on the whole extremely amatonormative/allonormative, especially with tropes like “everyone has a soulmate” or “Pair the Spares” or “more than friends”, so it can be annoying to see canonically aroace characters treated in that way. However, this is a wider issue not just acertaining to fandom but to pretty much all popular media, so it would be unwise to blame only shippers for the abysmal lack of aspec representation. Instead of focusing on what characters “should” and “should not” be shipped together, maybe the focus should be on creating fandom communities where shipping is not the only goal.

*(of course, there is the problem of aroace characters’ identities being erased in canon, for example Jughead Jones from the Archie comics, but this was an unfortunately terrible choice made by the producers of Riverdale, not by fans of the Archie comics. There is a very significant difference between characters’ identites being erased in canon and fans making alternate fanon versions of characters, and I hope you all can recognise which is worse for aspec representation and knowledge of aspec experiences within wider culture.)

#by aspec in this post I was mainly referring to arospec and acespec characters (but mostly arospec) #I know the label covers far more than that but I don’t really know that much about how other aspecs are treated by fandoms #so I won’t make the choice of speaking for them #I guess I’m just annoyed by what I’ve seen in the aro tag recently when people are talking about aroace characters #(or those percieved to be aroace by a majority of fans) #of course you can choose to ignore this because I’m just a random person on the internet but #fandom is a way to explore ideas that will not and most likely cannot be present in canon #it’s a sandbox to make your own creations using outlines and characters and plots from other media #of course fandom has its own merits but it is not really on the same scale as official media when it comes to representation #fandom #aro characters #ace characters #aroace characters #shipping #shipping discourse #anti anti #(<- does that last tag apply? I’m going to say it does) #long post

[elithilanor]

Hey! I LOVE your writing and how inclusive your blog is! Haldir, Rumi and Orophin are my favorite. What are some fun HCs about their personalities? Also, what is Rumi and Orophin’s relationship like with Haldir’s partner? When Haldir is home, what is his favorite activity to do with his partner?

🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️❤️❤️❤️❤️Thank you so much, anon, that means a lot especially since I’ve really been struggling to write like at all. It’s a fascinating thing to be worried about writing the things that people like you for writing? So thank you 🥰

Also asking about my blorbos?!! Here’s some blorbo:

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What are some fun HCs about their personalities? Haldir, Rùmil, Orophin?

Haldir (They/He) - Haldir imo, is a homebody. And therefore likes to do homebody things and if very good at them! I’m still playing a bit with Silvan hcs as compared to the Ñoldor, which are more heavily written about in Tolkien’s works but I think regardless of typical societal pressures (which then get compounded becuz he lives in a predominantly non-Silvan culture ruled by Ñoldo and Sindar in my own personal hc), when he’s at home, they really just like taking it easy.

I hc him as very good at baking and loves to try new recipes until he perfects it with his Marchwarden precision, reading a lot (I see them as very bookish and well-learned), and enjoying calm mornings outside in he sun. I think that before Galadriel and Celeborn shut the borders to Lórien when Sauron starting gaining more power in the TA and before he became Chief Marchwarden, they were one of the elves who spent a lot of time doing farther runs into the nearby human settlements and getting to know them and their culture. He had a lot of friends and admirers who have sadly passed at this point. I don’t really see them with a human partner, but he would be well-equipped to have one.

One of the hardest parts for them when they’re home, isn’t relaxing his alertness, but simply sleeping where the sun doesn’t immediately wake him up. He’s very good at his job and fairly friendly, but they are not a social butterfly. They prefer those he knows well and can command otherwise. He’s more the type to chill with a glass of wine in a small group setting out at a bar.

My perception of Haldir’s gender is it really depends. As a non-binary person myself, sometimes I feel they’re very fluid in a fic other fics I write, he feels very solidly he or they for it’s duration. Which makes sense, given the fluidity of their gender. Haldir’s stance is less I feel this way and more, I don’t like being perceived this way you are perceiving me in.

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The benefits of Rùmil and Orophin are I can say whatever I want about them (cuz there ain’t any information):

Rùmil (he/him) - Rùmil has a lot of close friends and is out of the house most nights when he can be (he does like to day or two to himself and family, though). And a la my previous mentioned hcs, out at his Lórien munches and bdsm clubs having the sexual time of his life.

Very 20s vibes. He’s centered, calm, and tends to observe more than interact, but he’s quick to grin and laughs often.

Not a morning person and you’ll get something thrown at you if you try and wake him up when he’s off-duty. Won’t speak before his second cup of coffee and very grumpy. Endlessly teased by his siblings for this. They’re a coffee household because Haldir fell in love with it when he was doing rounds in human villages (I read a fic where coffee was dwarvish and terrible to most elves and I abide by this no matter how ridiculous it may be) (they still drink tea though) (yes Haldir has gotten all the Marchwardens in on coffee and yes they hate him for it) (everyone except Legolas was pleasantly surprised).

I hc him as really good with his hands (😏) and he loves to paint. If he was in the modern century, he’d love Hozier and have no shame about it.

Soft hc vibe is he might be aro.

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Orophin (Any pronouns jive but usually uses he/him) - My ace babie (you can pry him from my cold, dead hands). Has absolutely no healing skills, but consistently finds injured animals (especially birds) and tries to help them recover. Great bedside manner; no skills at all. He can put on gauze, but may cut off your circulation doing so. As a kid, the birds always ended up with Haldir and his long suffering (but fond) looks and now he tends to get them over to his better healing friends or a healer (who all also give him long-suffering, but fond looks) just because he and Haldir aren’t stationed together all the time. Take a d&d ranger and remove the animal handling skills = Orophin.

Has a wealth of friends and acquaintances and usually out in the forest or doing some ridiculous stunt because he thinks he can (he can, usually). I feel he and Legolas would get on very well.

Loves physical touch and emotional intimacy. Spends a lot of time with those aforementioned friends laying around in dog piles and watching the skies. Can often be found in meadows and up in branches just relaxing with friends. Has a fondness for lemon, cherry, and mint.

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Rùmil and Orophin’s relationship with Haldir’s partner?

I'd imagine they’re fairly reticent at first with Haldir's partner. I generally kind of hc that their parents died when they were pretty young and so it’s been just the three of them together for a long time (and if running with the idea that their parents died when not all of them were adult elves yet, then Haldir as the eldest definitely taking on more of a parentified role when he was younger). There’s been some significant partners in that time (mostly for Rùmil or some qpr with Orophin), but Haldir hasn’t really. So it’s new, but also they’re overprotective of him.

I think, gradually, once the relationship was shown as sure to last (or at least amicably split) and that they care about each other, they would eventually soften for whomever made their sibling so happy. The over protectiveness is then transferred to Haldir’s partner as well.

Also, I feel they would really try and match his partner. Like if the partner is softer and into non-fighting, then they would try and learn and join them in those activities. Or

Both Orophin and Haldir have a lot of open space in their hearts and lots of love to give and Rùmil is more closed off, but after trust and continuity is shown, he’s much more open and willing.

I don’t get the impression that either Rùmil or Orophin would be unkind to Haldir’s partner unless they know for certain they’ve treated Haldir badly. Then all bets are off.

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When Haldir is home, what is his favorite activity to do with his partner?

Cuddles, hugs, holding, laying on each other. Haldir just wants to hold and be held. Especially given how often they’re separated, Haldir just wants to hold his partner and soak in time with their beloved.

Also loved giving his partners little gifts to a) show his love and b) make sure they’re well taken care of. This often comes in the form of small baked goods, teas and handmade drinks, and written lines of poetry in their letters home.

Physical affection, quality time, and present giving are definitely Haldir’s love languages.

Thank you for being here!! ❤️

#Orophin #rúmil of lorien #Rúmil Haldir #haldir of lorien #Haldir of Lothlórien #Lórien elves #Lothlórien elves #Tolkien hcs

[aro-culture-is]

non-partnering aro culture is the song "running in place" by MisterWives

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#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod alexander #non partnering aro culture #aro song rec #aro music rec

[mermaidsirennikita]

So the thing about romance being devalued in fiction is that... while I don't think it's always devalued due to misogyny, queerphobia, ableism and racism (of course not everything "needs" a romance arc, and of course it's totally valid to not be interested in sex or romance, or to be interested in sex only without romance) I do think that there is often a correspondence between the devaluing of romance and the devaluing of those who have been discriminated against or more generally marginalized communities.

To be clear: both mainstream shipping culture and genre romance is dominated by white cishet monogamous romance. But....

I do think that often, one of the ways in which we disenfranchise communities is by desexualizing them and condescending to them, which, for better or worse, is often connected to romance arcs. Often, we see the sexless disabled person in fiction--or the disabled person in a romance arc like that of Me Before You, where the disabled hero is like "I can't fuck you [with my penis], and therefore I can't love you, and therefore I must kill myself".

Or we see the ways in which people of color, especially women of color, are either oversexualized OR treated as a totally sexless, romance-less non-entity in a white person's plotline. Whether they're acting as the romcom white girl's best friend, the romcom white guy's best friend, or simply the supporting act in a white person's arc in general--they have no inner lives. No personal lives. No romance.

Similarly, the gay best friend of romcom yore (and tbh, today) might make remarks, but we never see him fuck or even really get sexual. We see jokes about lesbians overcommitting onscreen, but less so do we see lesbians falling in love onscreen. You might get allusions to a supporting character's bisexual past, but we don't often see them falling in love with anyone in the present. Trans characters are *at best* often subject to "oh wow, they really are human" plotlines. Not "they are human, they are hot, they are falling in love".

Women on a widespread level are being depicted in a way that basically suggests that in order to prove our worth, to show that we are truly women who care about having rights--we must end our movies and books and TV shows as independent ladies who choose "ourselves". God forbid you want love, sex, romance. You should really prioritize your career, girl, and if you want a career and a partner, then like, maybe you aren't feminist enough?

To me, the idea that romance is superfluous or stupid in media has many, many connecting factors--sexphobia, the phobia of the unknown, puritanical mindsets that have always existed in the U.S., which we are trying to spread elsewhere... And a general disconnect at large, tbh?

But it also is part of this idea that, if you are marginalized in any way, you prevail and succeed and prove that you're worthy, in part, through self-denial. Through martyrdom. You need to work and fight and focus on your working and fighting. Love and romance and pleasure is an excess, and you should be above excess.

Not everyone wants or needs romantic love, but the majority of people do, (and sexual love is not the same thing as romantic love--I'm including ace people here) and not everyone wants or needs sexual pleasure, but the majority of people do (including aro people here). So when we fail to depict that in fiction on a broad scale, I do think we're pushing a message of Self-Denial = Worthy, which I always find troublesome... And I think we're also further shutting the door on depicting the full lives of people in communities who never had the fucking door truly opened.

#anyway just 2 cents

[alien-ally]

Dude. The actual extent to which my parents unsuccessful marriage has contorted my moms views about marriage. According to her, it might as well be the worst thing that can happen in your life, after which you'll be totally stifled and sentenced to a hoard of responsibilities. That the best part of life is the first quarter but people should probably get married anyway when they get older (30ies) so you don't end up alone in a far later stage of life. With that said, life will also get reduced to an adjustment once you're married so never hurry it or ever think about it until you're 30.

Making this post after the talk my mom gave my brother who's actually nearing this age (27) and happened to make a confession (that he has someone he likes, like as in like to marry them someday) which he just happened to make during an offhand convo about upcoming marriages of my dads friends kids. Sat through the whole thing with a constipated smile on my face while my brother kept throwing me glances with a matching (or more indulgent should i say) smile on his face and timely humms. That's just what's left. Incredulous smiles. The rest of the things we feel, they'll be felt in peace, in secret. There's never anything we can say to make a difference. Ig one advantage of living in a make-do marriage is you learn all the things you must never do. At least we'll grow healthy i guess.

ourgh it's going to be so good when i come out. when she finds out that I'm going to be just what she wants in the most ironic way. that i am in fact NEVER going to get married. even if she doesn't understand what the terms mean. but yk sometimes i wonder if my mom is aspec. legit. she just doesn't know perhaps. but AHEM anyways what was I saying again-

#the price to pay for that #i dunno why I've framed all of this in such a convoluted way #but i hope it is at least in part coherent #to everyone reading this #what has happened has happened #but one thing to always keep in mind #your life should never end up an adjustment #and a 100% never due to marriage #marriage is an institution #you get what you make out of it #if you want it at all in the first place #never ever let anyone tell you otherwise #aromantic #aro #asexual #aroace #loveless aro #non partnering #nonamorous #marriage culture #aa mine #skate's strokes

[winderlylandchime]

I love logging onto tumblr to learn that we are now discovering that Randy is poly and has a fun little podcast where he is outgoing and fun. Been a fan of that man since 2010 and in a span of a day, I learned more about him from a 40 minute podcast than I ever did before from all interviews and other stuff I ever saw with him in it. And now I have a lot of thoughts and feelings. I just realized that I actually can’t remember if i saw the podcast stuff from you or one of your mutuals omg, this is embarrassing, sorry if this is random and i got it all mixed up

Hello dear sweet anon!

I was posting about Randy’s podcast yesterday, but I didn’t start the ripple through the fandom. And I haven’t yet listened to any other episodes beyond the Poly Pocket episode (I will though!). I have so many thoughts, so buckle in.

First off, Randy’s voice is… idk it’s a little different from Justin’s. Which makes sense because he’s 20+ years older. But his voice sounds so so much like my friend’s voice. My friend who happens to be in an open marriage (like with hookups and boyfriends). So it was wild to hear him talk about things both pop culture and queer culture and relationships with many of the same opinion’s my friend has (also, just realized my friend’s initials are JT). I would love to get coffee with Randy and talk to him about drag race, I hope when I listen to other episodes I get to hear more of his hot takes on it.

Anyway, I adore Randy and Jordan’s opinions about monogamy and non-monogamy. As @phil-lester-is-my-sunshine has said Randy is so Brian Kinney-coded. His rejection of compulsory heteronormativity and all the trappings that go along with it (putting a romantic relationship above and beyond all other relationships, the need to get married, etc) and the idea that one should sacrifice oneself for a romantic relationship, I absolutely agree with. I thought it was interesting how both of them discussed how not having sex education (in the US) discuss sex beyond procreation in the context of hetero relationships and that created space for them as queer men to have a more analytical and nuanced approach to sex and relationships, I think is very true. Speaking as someone in a queer relationship (and previously in relationships that as a cisgender femme presenting woman were perceived as straight) I can speak to how much more freedom I have felt with my current partner/spouse to create a relationship that works for us compared with previous partners/spouse.

That said, I felt the conversation, while acknowledging differences for women (the pressure society places on us to be married and have children), didn’t fully take into account the experiences of *queer* women, where the expectations that are placed on women in relationships with men are sometimes the same and sometimes different but ultimately involve people who have consciously rejected heteronormativity. And, look, I’m glad that Randy and Jordan did not presume to speak for queer women (hi, Trixie and Katya, I adore you but your takes on lesbians during the I Like to Watch: Ultimatum Queer Love were not it).

I have found that lesbians/queer women/queer nonbinary afab folks are more open to non-monogamy than straight women (and I’m not talking about bisexual women in relationships with men, they are not straight). But it often doesn’t look like Brian and Justin going out and sleeping with a different trick every night. When Randy and Jordan spoke about the importance of platonic relationships (and YES THIS because our ace/aro siblings are a part of our community), I see often that queer women (as a shorthand for the identities listed above) have far closer and more intimate relationships with each other than straight women. There’s also less jealousy about being friends with exes, in my experience (and there’s some research to back this up). I don’t see as much (as much, so not zero) open relationships around sex as perhaps among gay men. Maybe that has to do with women being subjected to hormonal shifts through the “month” (loosely defined, for menstruating women) that impact our interest in sex and several days during the month (for menstruating women) when,frankly, I don’t want anyone touching my body because I’m in pain. Maybe that’s because sex with partners who each have a vulva is like… well one person I know described it as being on single-camera shoot and sex when (at least) one partner has a penis is more like a multi-camera shoot. That’s a very Hollywood analogy but there ya go. I don’t know. I do know that my spouse and I are sexually exclusive but that has far more to do with laziness and tiredness and chronic illnesses than a stance on sexual exclusivity. I also know that we more freely talk about people whom we find attractive than I see happening with my straight partnered friends. I don’t have any ex-girlfriends but my spouse does and I’m friends with many of them. I know that our concerns about being physically close with friends (sharing kisses, cuddles, etc) are nonexistent compared with the straight friends I have. I do know that when we have spoken about the future with our close friends, we talk about moving into a compound together and living as a large family. I also know that lesbians are known for falling fast and falling hard emotionally (aforementioned Ultimatum Queer Love - c’mon lesbians are MADE for reality tv dating shows, who else is falling in love in 3 weeks?) and that doesn’t always include sex. So the emotional intimacy of friendships has a large overlap with the emotional intimacy of our romantic relationships.

I hope that all makes sense.

I love Randy’s triad (they’re raising a kid together!) for him. I love Jordan’s open romantic relationship for him. I love their discussion about relationships. I just wish there had been even a teensy tiny acknowledgment that queer women may have experiences and thoughts about relationships that align with neither queer men nor straight women. That’s all.

Fun fact: there was a brief (very brief, trauma-induced) period where my spouse and I seriously considered having a child. Our friend (JT) was the only person we wanted as the sperm donor. And, when we discussed it with him, we talked about him moving in with us and all three of us raising the kid together. We would not have all three had a sexual relationship, of course, but we would have been a triad emotionally. Obviously, that did not come to fruition. But had I had a kid, I would have wanted no fewer than three parents. Per child. And this is, perhaps, why it was wonderful that I chose to not have kids.

#dear sweet anon #ask winderlylandchime #randy harrison #jordan barbour #queeranon podcast #queer as folk

[aroworlds]

Fiction: The Lies Lovers Tell

For a hundred years, I am bound to a witch’s servitude. I'm not free to be in love. Will you accept this?

Thorn Bloodvine passes hir days trapped in a tower. Well, ze does if "trapped" encompasses "climbing out the window and down the beanstalk whenever the whim takes hir". Magical wards and a wall of brambles surround hir prison, but neither prevents hir from tending hir garden ... or the local youths from raiding hir strawberries. A fearsome witch does dwell within said tower, but hir magic is best suited to creating oversized vegetables. Quirks aside, Thorn laid hir truth at hir lover's feet before they took to bed: ze cannot become Fortitude's partner.

But when Fortitude speaks one simple word, Thorn's carefully-ordered world falls apart. For it isn't just a fairy story that prevents hir from becoming a woman's happily-ever-after.

Contains: A non-binary, allo-aro autistic with a knack for growing strawberries; an aro-ace witch who dons an ill-fitting costume for the sake of her friend; neuroatypical ponderings on love and lovelessness; and a Rapunzel riff that sits uneasily with its lack of happily-ever-after.

Content Advisory: This story references a background culture of cisnormativity, heteronormativity, amatonormativity and allonormativity, including the presumption of one's possessing a binary gender, experiencing sexual and romantic attraction, and marrying or having long-term partnerships with someone of the other binary gender. It also includes an abundance of love mentions, examination of the expectation to love, and reflection upon the sex negativity concerning the word "lover" as an euphemism for "sexual partner".

Please expect depictions of kissing, embracing and physical intimacy, along with non-explicit sex mentions and references to sexual interest.

Length: 3, 759 words.

Thorn Bloodvine drops the last potato into hir basket, brushing clods of damp earth from hir fingers. Only the omnipresent thrum of insects—bees, attracted by pots of pungent basil—reaches hir ears, but ze again cranes hir head to look above. The squat tower wears a crown of lichen-splotched slate and a robe of beanstalks, the leaves so thick that only slivers of granite peek through their green lushness. Coiling tendrils obscure most of the third-floor balcony from below, but the tortoiseshell cat perched upon the crumbling wall suggests hir lover yet slumbers: Dog only allows Thorn the grace of revealing his existence.

“Good,” ze whispers, turning to yank a dewy tuft of grass from hir bed of beets. The sun isn’t yet high enough that ze expects Fortitude to awaken, but caution is never unwarranted. While curious folks soon realise that ze tends the garden’s neat rows of lush crops and brown loam, amongst other chores concerning the tower and its grounds, Thorn doesn’t care to explain everything about hir life or hir abilities.

Like the vine coiled around hir ankles, throwing out bright yellow flowers that bloom for mere breaths before swelling into green-striped fruits—one pumpkin already as large as Thorn’s fist.

“Let go, you!” Ze grabs at the vine, flooding power into the tendrils weaving themselves about hir knee. “She mustn’t see this, so behave yourself!”

The vine withers and browns; Thorn pulls hirself free in a mess of crumbling leaves. Bloody pumpkins! Ze snatches up the basket, shaking hir head, and runs for the garden gate lest ze be caught again. Given the opportunity, any plant will feed upon hir magic, flourishing in hir presence as though ze is bright sunshine following great rain. Squashes, however, run amok given the slightest contact. As for beans … well, ze didn’t mean to live in a tower supporting a score of gargantuan beanstalks!

Better to pretend it a demonstration of a witch’s fearsome powers, even if only Thorn risks entanglement via enthusiastic vegetables.

Not that such magical displays keep out the villagers. Even the wall of blackberry brambles surrounding tower and garden—as thick as ze is tall, albeit not very—serves more as enticement than barrier, ending hir dream of keeping meat on Dog's plate by marketing berries. Unlike birds and insects, eager youths resist the usual discouragements of chimes, scarecrows, companion herbs, dusting and netting. Some even bypass hir warding spells wrought of coloured threads and painted stakes!

Sure, ze shares the spoils from voracious growers like zucchini, a plant requiring only moderate weather and general apathy to feed an army. But hir tomatoes? The strawberries ze lets feed upon hir magic out-of-season, so their sweet, red flesh blesses hir tongue year-round? Gods below, can’t they cut some overgrown spinach instead of ravaging hir late-season sugar peas?

I was caught stealing from the witch’s garden, ze says when asked the reason for hir bondage, hoping the chance of a similar fate discourages the pea thieves.

So far, ze reckons this no more effective than the netting.

A short stretch of gravelled path divides garden from tower. A heavy door breaks the northern wall, but Thorn heads for the thickest beanstalk, growing in a bed edged by clumps of onions and chives. White flowers bloom as ze closes hir hand about the central stalk and, more hindered than helped by its coils, steps onto the iron staple hammered into the tower wall. Slender green spears thicken into ripe pods as ze climbs past the shuttered first floor window, moving from staple to vine and vine to staple. Hir power thrums through hir skin, permitting the leaves’ touch but delivering withering spikes to any offshoot snagging hir limbs or hair. After a year of such climbing, feeding and pruning, stalks of unnatural thickness and longevity twist their way up the wall, anchored by staples, brickwork and instinct.

A crumbling stone lip, mostly cloaked by leaves, surrounds the narrow balcony. Thorn heaves hirself and the basket over the stonework, startling hir wide-eyed cat. Pots and a wooden chair occupy the rest of the space—enough for a few strawberry plants, a turned-over tub for bathing and an early-morning cup of tea, sipped while ze watches dawn’s mist retreat over the fields.

“Sorry,” ze murmurs, scrambling to hir feet.

A rag rug hangs in the doorway between interior and balcony. Inside lies hir room, its rounded walls housing riotous clutter. Objects ordinary, like a four-poster bed with a clothes chest at its foot, and objects extraordinary, like a shelf of narrow boxes holding cotton skeins in hundreds of shades. Bundles of herbs dangle above the table where ze prepares hir meals; bolts of linen, wrapped in paper against dust, lean against the sideboard. Another metal tub, the inside stained red-purple after a dye experiment ventured in unexpected—and unrepeatable—directions, sits beside an armchair holding an empty scroll frame and a pillow in a polka-dot slip. A standing frame, positioned in the centre of the room beside a stool holding hir workbasket, displays hir tapestry in progress: short-and-long-stitches worked in variegated browns, soon to become tree trunks. Despite Thorn’s lavender-scented soaps and hir liking for mint tea, everything smells annoyingly of onion.

Ze knows ze dwells in a chaos of chipped mugs and worn furnishings. It is, however, hirs. A sanctuary from a world dangerous and unpredictable, where most days possess a rhythm around chores and work as regular as the sunrise. If ze knows where to find hir needles and passes most evenings with a cat-warmed lap, Thorn can claim security.

Even happiness, these last months.

Ze sets the basket on hir table, blinking as hir eyes adjust to dimness from sunlight, before crossing to the washbasin to scrub clean hir hands. If Fortitude agrees, they may have just enough time for another go in bed…

“You rise early, lover.”

Thorn startles, knocking hir bar of soap into the water.

“And you jump!” Fortitude raises her head, grinning. Sprawled naked across rucked sheets, the blacksmith is all strength and muscle: broad shoulders, wide hips, powerful thighs. Forearm calluses and scars, rough and raised, signal adventures with hammers, pincers and blades. Copper hair, seldom let down, falls into loose ropes over the small of Fortitude's back and Thorn's white sheets. Dark eyes dance above dimpled cheeks and cream skin quick to redness, but never has ze seen shyness touch those rosy lips.

Thorn yields to those craft-clever hands as readily as does glowing metal, all ordinary dignities abandoned along with hir undergarments.

“Didn’t I please you into deep sleep?” Fortitude sits, stretching her arms above her head before twisting her hair into a loose knot. “Crime! Were you too polite to mention my failure? Come, I'll try again!”

Dog's demand that ze fill his knocked-over water bowl—by batting at Thorn’s feet—seems too mundane an explanation for return utterance. “Yes—no, I mean, yes, of course you weren’t—ah, yes…? Yes!”

“You know I tease!” Fortitude, laughing, walks around the bathtub and past two crates—a bowed board placed between—holding papers and pencils. Her brown eyes rest upon Thorn’s face, her lips curved upwards. “But even if you don’t, I adore you. Although I hope you’ll forgo your more, ah, creative furnishings after we free you from this tower. Will you, my love? For me?”

She drapes her arm over Thorn’s shoulder, belly brushing rib, hand cupping breast, lip touching lip. Ze shivers, hir body stirring, before leaning into the kiss—the comforting, exciting, easing goodness of another’s touch. How simple will it be to melt into a woman’s embrace, to surrender to her closeness—a love outside the world’s expectations, yes, but scarce different in feeling from that concerning men and women? What if ze submits in pursuit of affection’s bewildering wonderment, passion’s joys told in story and song, a road to happily-ever-after? Contentment lurks in the salt taste of Fortitude’s lips, two new-spoken words and the stalk of a red geranium she now tucks behind Thorn's ear, gifted by a blacksmith after she climbed magic-twisted beanstalks for a night spent in glorious nudity.

For a hundred years, ze said, back when Thorn only imagined how Fortitude’s skin must feel beneath hir fingertips, I am bound to this tower, bound to a witch’s servitude.

Love promises a lifetime's indulgence, if ze only entwines hir vines about the staples of Fortitude’s world—their lives’ merging marked by a marriage band, a cottage, a bed with space enough for two. Why not, when here stands the marvel of a woman who even understands that ze isn’t one, expressing her desires in a way that doesn’t leave hir playacting at hir own genderlessness?

Why not … and Thorn’s stomach surges towards hir throat.

The northern window, facing pastures of tan cattle, reveals a black-clad figure striding along the hedgerow.

“She comes! Across the cow fields. The witch!”

Fortitude bolts for the bed as if fleeing a gaggle of sour-tongued sisters armed with normality's judgemental scorn. No married lord caught in his stablemaster’s bed ever snatched up his floor-abandoned tunic and trousers with such freneticism! Nervousness makes Thorn drop hir stockings and weep over buttons, but Fortitude’s hands never quiver as she tucks underthings into her belt pouch and laces into her boots. By the time Thorn, hir heart a moth beating at its cage of bone, palms the now-rooting stem and reaches the hanging rug-door, even discriminating matrons may reckon Fortitude dressed tolerably for out-of-doors.

“Am I safe to go out this side?”

Dry-mouthed, Thorn nods. “Yes. If you wait by the shutters, she won’t see you as she enters. Then you can take the gate. Lock it after!”

Fortitude, her lips crooked into a half-smile, sweeps a bow. “Of course. I must leave, but I’ll return tomorrow.” She leans forwards, grasping Thorn’s smaller hands in her larger ones. Her hoarse voice softens. “I’ll free you. I’ll find a way. We’ll take a home somewhere far from here. Together. I’ll make you all the needles you’ll ever want and a door that always opens. You’ll be free and we can love. I promise.”

What does one say to such a valiant, heartfelt declaration?

“I know,” ze croaks. Fortitude’s slow kiss, her soft lips brushing Thorn’s earth-scented knuckles, brings tears to hir eyes. “Please go!” Ze gathers the rug with hir free hand, sunlight’s bright shaft leading the way outside. “She must be at the door—go, go!”

With agonising slowness, Fortitude raises her head, blows Thorn another kiss and darts onto the balcony. Dog hides behind two pots, only the tip of his twitching tail visible; Fortitude takes a running stride and leaps onto the tower wall. Leaves rustle and beans scatter as she descends, hand over hand down the beanstalk, to land with a thud atop an unlucky patch of purple-flowering chives.

Below, the click of a turning key precedes a second set of feet pattering up stone stairs.

Thorn lets the rug fall closed, hir fingers trembling about the geranium’s stem. Now what? Ze can’t let Fortitude embark upon a doomed quest for hir freedom, but that leaves one other solution—the sort of conversation that shatters relationships upon hate’s rocky reef. Why, oh gods, why? Ze sucks in a shuddering breath, unable to do anything more than fight hir tears and wait for the door set into hir tower room floor—a creaking hatch of studded wood and rusty hinges—to admit the witch.

“Did she make it out safely? With all the rushing and climbing, I worry she’ll turn an ankle. I would, although I don’t know why I’d be fleeing someone else’s bed…”

A lanky, cherry-haired woman in clunky boots, wide skirts and a faded-to-dark-grey cloak places a large basket on the floor before untying said cloak and hanging it from a hook Thorn more often uses for hanks of undyed cotton. A black-and-white rat sits upon her shoulder, its nose twitching as its beady eyes survey the room.

Ze slumps to the floor, a torrent pouring down hir cheeks as the moth inside hir ribs expands to a body-cramping, breath-stealing monster.

“Oh, no. Did she…?” Ember hurries over, her brow furrowed. Tall and delicate, with long eyelashes and high cheekbones of the sort Thorn’s sisters tried to emulate with cosmetics, to hir eye she never quite manages fearsome. Her velvet bodice, bone pendant and phial-adorned belt look more fanciful than threatening. Even boots burdened with an array of chains and buckles beneath a skull-embroidered cloak fail to reinforce illusion, for beneath the costume a middle-aged woman with crinkly umber skin and a halo of cloud-soft hair possesses readily-smiling lips. A woman, more comfortable in a patchwork apron and knitted shawl, who forever smells like cloves and favours pastry over potions. “She didn’t say she…?”

In other circumstances, the truth needs no embellishing: Ember Fireheart owns power enough to horrify those who don’t quail at bones and chains.

Magic is a poor tool for anything short of enforcing dominion.

Alas, lies seldom work better.

“L—loves?” Thorn nods, hir throat too tight for easy speech.

Ember sinks into a pool of black linen and clinking chains, leaning her head against Thorn’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she says, tugging a handkerchief from her bodice and pressing the scalloped cloth into hir hand. “I’m so sorry. I hoped, this time, this way, it would work out. I hoped…”

So did Thorn.

“She … she looked at me. Like she was building her world around me, her future, her everything…” Ze raises the handkerchief to catch an unfortunate glob of snot, shuddering. So simple a phrase! A look, ineffable and indefinable—yet capable of stripping Thorn of hir very self, leaving hir with naught to do but ghost someone else’s story or shatter the contentment ze thought they had wrought. “That’s worse than the words! I told her at the beginning that we can't court, live together, wed … but no, no. All this didn’t keep her from falling in love! She’s making promises to someone trapped by a witch!”

For a hundred years, ze said to Fortitude in the wake of too many bed-venturing friendships shattering beneath the weight of caught feelings and blooming anticipations. I’ll risk a lover, but having a wife, sharing my life with you, is impossible. I’m not free to be in love. I can’t love you. Will you accept this?

Only after Fortitude’s agreement did Thorn give her the key to the blackberry gate.

Parts of hir tale aren’t falsehoods as much as the careful twisting of words. Ember, truly a witch, is first a friend willing to masquerade as villainess upon her visits. Thorn considers hirself beholden to a witch’s bidding—hirs—even if hir trips to local villages to buy thread and meet people don’t merit the word “escape”. Nor can ze become the partner Fortitude desires! The rest, though? Lies mimicking tales of dangerous women in the hope such threats prove a wall too steep for love to climb.

Few people accept hir word when ze says that ze cannot live beneath a shared roof.

Romance. Naught to Thorn but fanciful stories told to children so they learn to want the well-travelled path—a narrative at odds with the ways that people demanded hir relationships bow to communal and familial expectations, romance’s trappings becoming nothing more than surface pleasantries. Love feels no different: an ill-defined word used to pressure and obligate, one shoehorned into any circumstance but honoured above all despite—or because of—its vagueness. Together, they threaten any chance at intimacy, because ze needs a lover with a life and space remaining their own—a necessary sanctuary, at least for Thorn, from a loud world where other people’s needs are reckoned more vital than hirs.

Oh, ze knows hirself selfish! But no matter hir honest explanations, Thorn’s lovers come to expect something hir barren heart can’t feel and hir straightforward mind can’t mimic … and now even tales of a formidable witch garbed in black and wearing bone don’t dissuade them otherwise.

Mayhap hir relationships wouldn’t require deceit if ze knew a polite word for someone’s connecting with another for a sexual friendship, a word that—unlike “lover”—isn’t clad in romantic assumptions. A word making hir desires normal and ordinary. Can ze rightly condemn Fortitude for falling in love, two words used to mean the hope for a lifetime’s happy togetherness, when lover renders their sex less shameful? Coin seems to dirty such pursuits, to the point of offering insult, justifying scorn or devaluing labour, but isn’t the simplicity of a transactional approach cleaner than this tangle of invention?

Love.

A hundred tower-trapped years, betimes, seems a kinder curse.

“I wish,” Ember murmurs, squeezing Thorn’s hand, “that I could be that kind of woman for you. Someone who wants and doesn’t want.”

Thorn, struggling to halt hir sobs, shakes hir head. It’s kind of Ember to say as such, albeit in that absurd double-talk people do where voicing a wish for the impossible serves as polite commiseration, but ze knows it untrue. “No. You don’t have to lie. You don’t wish to be anyone’s bed-partner. You don’t look upon people that way—don’t even want to want to. You shouldn’t have to.”

Ember sighs, her face stiffening. “It would be less awful, I think, than to watch someone I love hurt. Wouldn’t it have to be?” She swallows. “I—this is all pointless, words chasing words and leading nowhere. I just wish I knew of some way to help. Something better than to say, again, that I’m sorry. Because it feels so useless.”

Thorn looks down at hir damp-kneed trousers, hating the terror provoked by that one powerful word. Ze knows Ember doesn’t love hir in any way suggestive of romance or partnership! Ze knows love encompasses a wealth of feelings that don’t always promise a life subordinate to its expectations! Fear grips hir muscles nonetheless, for even non-romantic love oft demands reciprocation. Love? How can Thorn parse the mystery of what ze feels or why if applying a word possessed of countless contexts? One may as well say that they like colour—which? Bright or dark? In what combinations? How does ze use a term cursed with myriad interpretations when ze too often misinterprets others? Or witnesses it used to paper over cruelties, rendering them justifiable in the name of that which purifies indecency?

This discomfort makes hir heartless or unkind—even cruel—to those who love and believe themselves owed love. While hir lips speak untruths about witches, towers and bondage without more than internal unease, that incomprehensible word dissolves into stuttering syllables whenever forced to hir tongue.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“I’m grateful,” Thorn says slowly, “for your many kindnesses to me, and I’m glad that you’re my friend and let me be yours. And I feel … happy-sad...? That someone cares about my being happy … and I don’t want you as my lover. Your being you, someone with whom I can be honest, is more important. So much more.” Ze blows hir nose, afraid to meet Ember’s eyes. “And I … I thank the gods below that you like to bake pies, because I have so many pumpkins…”

Ember laughs and shifts her arm, tugging Thorn into a gingerbread-scented embrace.

“Is that enough? Even though it isn’t…?”

“You don’t have to feel as I do,” Ember says, her voice unaccountably solemn. “And I like that you’re precise in how you name your feelings. I know where I stand with you.” She laughs again. “Do you have pumpkins? I brought you coin from your sales, yesterday’s bread and my last pie, so I’ll take anything you have—and on the subject, will you send for me when the blackberries ripen? Everyone wants my berry tarts!”

Why can’t this be enough? A home of hir own, a friend who ferries Thorn’s tapestries to city vendors so ze needn't be plagued by noise, more vegetables than any one person can eat, space enough to organise hir threads, a view over the valley? Here, ze possesses privacy, connection, understanding and peace. Ember even shares the pain of the world’s pressure to partner and wed, romantic love the shape granted highest value—and the strangeness bestowed upon them by others from their inability or unwillingness to oblige.

It isn’t, though, because Thorn’s fantasies of contentment include one thing more.

A lover who, knowing a romantic partnership outside of possibility, won’t delude herself that time turns green love’s fallow field. A lover who, like Thorn, doesn’t love or wish to be loved, but wants companionship in bed—even a bed-friendship, as long as they needn’t entwine their lives wholly about the other. A lover of a kind for whom Thorn has no simple word, a phantasm existent only in hir dreams.

Why must ze fixate on the vanishingly rare? Easier to be a princess in a tower, grateful for a suitor’s valiant rescue; easier to deem the wonders ze owns enough to reckon hir ending a happy one. Easier, as Ember said, to want hirself to desire outside hir nature than to sit with the helplessness of a problem without solution—but Thorn can’t make hirself keep house with Fortitude any more than Ember can make herself become anyone’s lover.

They possess only cruel honesty … and a life waiting to be lived after ze picks hirself up off the floor, washes hir face and puts the kettle on the hob.

What then?

Thorn looks down at the geranium flower, half a dozen white roots protruding from its stem. Fortitude sees two people stitching their lives together until their tapestry cannot be unpicked without cut threads and hole-riddled fabric, once-intact materials rent through separation. Perhaps Thorn can pretend away Fortitude’s hopes, but will ze overlook the disregard for hir claim that ze won't be her partner? Can ze ignore Fortitude’s pretending away of Thorn’s clear wishes as unimportant?

Another dreadful conversation, then.

Another lover lost.

So be it.

Ze draws a shuddering breath, sets the flower on the floor and blows hir nose on the sodden handkerchief. “I picked you a basket this morning, but I’ll go down and get you pumpkins—and the barrow to take them home.” While Thorn owns no great skill in reading the meaning behind expressions, ze sees nothing in Ember’s crinkly eyes but kindness. “Thank you, always. Have you tried making a pie with beans? Or anything with beans…?”

This isn’t enough.

It is, though, all Thorn has … that and hope’s comforting lies.

#aro writing #alloaro writing #arospec creations #fiction #short fiction #alloaro #allosexual aromantic #fantasy #original fiction #original fiction and prose #nine laws #k. a. cook #aromantic and nonbinary #nonbinary #autism #aromantic and autistic #aromantic and transgender #long post #very long post #loveless aro #loveless aro feels #loveless alloaro #fairy tales #friendship #amatonormativity #love mention #romance mention #kissing mention #physical intimacy

[gay-otlc]

Hi! I've got a pre-design brainstorm going on, and since you encouraged me I'd like to ask for some input.

I took heavy inspiration from the aromantic and aroallo flags. The meaning of the green and yellow stripes is more or less lifted from those flags, with some adjustment. I adjusted the hues from their original versions as well, to try and make the palate more cohesive, but I'm not sure if it is all the way there yet.

I added the middle stripe to represent rejection of amatonormativity and purity culture, because the intersection of saying "fuck you" to the both of them is what arochad stands for! I used a light yellow/cream and a light grey, lighter versions of colors frequently featured on aro flags.

I also added the black stripe to as a sort of non-partnering positivity stripe. The color choice is in a similar vein to the middle stripe meaning. The color white in art often represents beauty and purity, so I reversed the color to show an unconventional happiness. It's second meaning, lack of relationships, is lifted from the asexual flag, in which the black stripe represents lack of sexual attraction if I'm correct. I mention relationships specifically since that difference from lack of romance is more specific.

I definitely need to adjust the ratios to get it to be perfect 1/5ths, but otherwise my main questions are whether it is too close to looking like other aro flags (I could change the colors or just flip it upside-down or smthng) or if I got the Essence of Chad right. Does she need a "good chad" stripe(for example)?

I like that a lot! You put a lot more thought into the meaning than I would have- my thought was to colorpick from the chad in the "virgin vs chad" meme.

I think good chad deserves his own stripe :)

Fuck you to amatonormativity and purity culture indeed

#aro chad