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queensconquest · 2 years

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when i tell you everything has been going wrong tonight , at least meal wise , im not kidding

#〉the angst empress〈 — ✭ ⌜ooc⌟#that and my mom is pISSED #but its fINE just me & my 13 microwaved pizza rolls ;-;#i'll get a shower and then write #well i owe some on my other blog & here so we'll see #chrollo ; suwa ; and lucifer are chatty so who knows #oh and rufus too #although i also need to update connections on muse pages #so if you'd like to be added 👀

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dailyloopdeloop · 2 days

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DAY 71: shy

#codacheetah #isat #loop isat #isabeau isat #isat spoilers #i'll never get over loop being described as 'shy'. what a wonderful image #top one casual remarks from isabeau that cleaves loop's facade #like loop's personality is just a targeted missile to piss siffrin off. they're not at all confident and snarky #they're doing like the physical manifestation of winning an argument against yourself in the shower #second they see the party though Oopsies we're in scary territory. That's your family and they dont know it's you Oops #ok anyways ever since i saw that post i was like damn. this is just how i view loop in party postcanon #for as much as I think they SHOULD go explore around and be their own person for a while i think realistically they would not do that.#theyre going to go be a weird freak hovering around the party and refusing to socialize with anyone but siffrin and theyre gonna feel awful #(read: they're going to antagonize siffrin and it fails tremendously bc now The Rumor Come Out and siffrin knows what loop is doing.)#like loop as much as they can barely stand to even look at isabeau (for instance) i think their claws are sunk far too deep in.#onehats maybe the circumstances are different because there is a gap in understanding. there's no point forcing siffrin to confront the #obvious conclusion that loop is them (and thus siffrin's happy ending nails loop's coffin)#(THIS IS IGNORING TWOHATS PREREQS GOTTEN ONEHATS. BC THATS ITS OWN CAN OF WORMS)#but twohats. idk. for as much as it lets loop release some of their rage and process their feelings a bit. i think it might also be the pus #that makes loop consider their own existence as a person a bit more. theyre not a sponsor->corpse theyre just loop #theyre just somebody who wants desperately. they want to stay with them #theyre still siffrin. if also loop.#i think loop would force themself to reconnect with the party in the same vein as siffrin forcing himself to communicate more.#but of course having conviction and living an experience are not the same thing. so siffrin's going to flounder the emotional honesty thing #tremendously and loop's going to be. blair witching it in the corner.#hey i might have forgotten which post i was writing the tags under. oopsies #idk if these tags are comprehensible at all. i just really want to see loop fail upwards into friendship with everyone

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willowser · 4 months

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for whatever reason, you're there after the war. for touya—not dabi.

once he's moved out of the hustle and bustle of the city and to an intimate little place, somewhere a bit quieter. with his family, of course, as his entire being just—heals. he's given the time and the space and the patience that he needs, but it's not easy. almost feels like it's never going to be.

he comes and goes in waves; thunderous and loud and all consuming, another crash upon the shore. in anger and pain, in fear and hatred, with a kind of madness that you could never hope to understand.

and then sometimes, he is quiet. when you help change the wrappings on his body or when you offer the help of an arm he doesn't have or when you just sit with him, fully clothed, underneath the ice cold spray of the shower.

in these moments, it's almost like he's been gutted, like everything he had inside was scooped out—and it sounds like it should be terrible. but touya watches the carefulness to your hands and how you tie his shoes and lets you rest your head on his shoulder when you're sitting side-by-side in the tub, because he's still as warm as he's always been.

and you think maybe it isn't so bad that all that was removed, when they sewed him back together; all the anger and pain, the fear and hatred, the madness that's nowhere to be seen in those bright and clear eyes of his.

without all that in the way, you hope—you all do—that something new will grow it its place.

#i'll never get over that scene in casino royale when bond sits side by side with vesper in the shower #it's so intimate and i haven't ever forgotten it #and idk i just like the idea of someone having the patience to sit with touya in the shower like that #until he's ready to come out #lately i've been really into the idea of healing touya 🥺 after it all 🥺#✿ willow writes #✿ thoughts: dabi/touya

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youchangedmedestiel · 1 month

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What happens when I have a fic idea:

Then:

Eventually I start running in the right direction:

And finally:

Before it's too late. Before the moment is gone. Before the vibe left the brain.

My last idea: Dean is dancing and singing in the library, knowing everybody is out somewhere else. At first he is shy and then he goes wild but by then Cas walks in on him and falls in love all over again.

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krikeymate · 1 year

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Thinking about an AU where 18-year-old Sam on the verge of leaving comes home to her mother screaming at her little sister. Sam's still high, the shouts ringing in her ears but the words formless. She's about to intervene when a slap cuts through it all. Her sister's on the floor and in the blink of an eye Sam has a hand wrapped around her mother's throat, slamming her against the wall.

Tara's climbing to her feet, eyes wide with fear at the scene. Sam doesn't look away from her mother as she says "Tara, go upstairs and pack a bag." Her sister doesn't move, so Sam turns away to look at her and repeats herself. Tara must see something in her wild eyes, because she runs up the stairs.

By the time Sam escorts her downstairs half an hour later, their mother is nowhere to be seen. Tara's led through the packing and into the car in silence. The what's happening?, the where are we going?, the are you ok? sits on the tip of her tongue, choked back by uncertainty and confusion.

Sam drives out of Woodsboro and doesn't look back.

OR

Sam, 19-years-old, long since kicked out of the house and on her way out of Woodsboro. She just has one stop to make, a goodbye she has to give first.

She sneaks into the house. The door is unlocked, she doesn't even need the key Tara hid outside for her, and it enrages her. Her baby sister is upstairs sleeping and anyone can just walk in.

Her mother is passed out on the floor leaning against the couch, snoring away and a bottle still in her lap. She creeps past her and up the stairs.

Sam perches herself on the edge of Tara's bed. Her sister is sprawled out on the mattress, the covers kicked off, and it makes her smile. She brushes Tara's hair back from her face and the smile falls from her face.

Her fingers trail down to the shadow around her neck. Sam reaches over to turn on the bedside lamp, catching sight of Tara's wrist at the same time. These are bruises. She wakes her sister up and demands answers from her. She doesn't like the answers she eventually coaxes from her. She likes Tara's attempt to lie to her even less.

She makes her pack, tells her to wait out front, that she'll be out in a minute. She kicks her mother awake, tells her she's leaving for good, and that she's not leaving alone. She tells her that she will never have the chance to hurt them again, and if she tries, well, she'll learn exactly how much like her father she can be,

#/mp #Scream #Sam Carpenter #Tara Carpenter #miscellaneous scream au's #my writing tag #fuck christina carpenter club #the tags tag #both lead to the same direction: sam takes tara and they leave. she threatens their mother.#cause trouble make a fuss call the police and i'll kill you. i'll tell the world who you really are and the things you've done.#sam trying to recover from addiction while caring for and hiding away the little sister she's kidnapped.#they spend months sleeping in the car. tara curled up on top of sam.#sam gets access to a shitty little 24/7 gym where no one asks questions or looks at them twice - so that they can shower #tara misses her friends and school and having a home but she knows she would miss having sam even more. she never complains.#she knows sam is doing her best. that she's doing it for her. sam didn't have to take tara. she could have just left and everything would #have been so much easier for her. tara's only making sam's life harder and more difficult.#sam tells her that she's only making her life worth living. that's it all worth it.

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dnangelic · 2 months

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i bought a bunch of magazine pages that had nothing but dnangel content (i'm so satisfed btw, it's like an artbook in itself,) and i don't think i've ever seen this illustration before?? my baby my sweet baby on the front page of asuka so much of the time.... but also there was - this

what the hell iS THIS

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#FULL HUMAN SIZE WIZ MASCOT. KAIJU WIZ REALLLLLL #VIS.#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓. ⊱ ✦ › DAISUKE.#i'm getting settled for the day but it's hot af in my room let me go shower then i'll see if i can start writing #been thinking abt it all day... hooghie

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lawschoolruinedme · 1 year

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I have this theory that life is like walking through a field of holes. And of course you don’t see them as you’re walking. But sometimes it’s a little hole, and your foot gets stuck, and you’ve got to pull and tug and eventually it comes loose and you keep walking along. And other times it’s a deep hole. You fall so far down that you feel like you’d never possibly climb out of it.

And the people in your life, they’re on that field too. So when you hit the little holes, you’re like “hey buddy, you’re nearby. Can you give me a tug? Help me out a little?”

But with the deep holes? Those people look down that cavern of darkness and call down to you. “Hey! [Hey? I guess? Excuse me I just fell in here] You okay down there? [No, you fool, I’m in a fucking dark hole] You coming up? [Sure yeah I’ll get right on that thanks friend] Want a tug? [It’s a big fucking deep hole the tug isn’t going to do much here]”

They don’t know what to do either. They’re checking in the way they know how. They’re letting you know they see you.

But the solution to “oh shit this is a deep one” isn’t the same as the tiny holes that feel more like stumbling blocks. That a bit of self-care and humour could fix.

Sometimes I think that what we really need is someone to come along and instead of staring down, they come down to the bottom of the hole with you. “Wow. What a deep hole you’ve got here. [Yes, thanks, I apparently mentally conjured it myself] I see you wrote some stuff on the walls. [Yup. I have trained myself not to say these things to people. It doesn’t stop me yelling the words to myself on the way down] But that’s okay. I see what’s here at the bottom. You. [What pieces of me I’m holding together]”

I think sometimes we need someone to sit at the bottom of that hole and just, put us on their lap. Hold you. Carry you as they walk in circles around the hole. And then when you are ready, you can begin the climb up the dark hole back to the field. Because you’ve done it before. But sometimes a person who falls down those deep holes needs to lick their wounds a little before making the trek back. Again. Just like you will the next time.

There is a fatigue to falling down holes. Knowing that each one you climb out of is just that day/week/month/year’s hole. That there may be other ones out in your field. That you often can’t see them until you’ve fallen down them.

And then you’re there by yourself. Waiting to gather the strength and the tools to climb back up. Because you couldn’t bear the thought of someone else climbing down there. Seeing it. Letting you sit in it. Holding your broken and bruised body off the ground as it healed itself enough, again, for the journey back up.

#personal #mental health #apparently this is the metaphor that my brain needed to latch on to get off the floor of the shower #so I could write it out #and it'll probably make no sense tomorrow #and I'll delete it

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thenotsolittlelady · 7 months

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How do I get things done?

How do I not get stressed about one thing I have to do and have it keep me from accomplishing anything else? How do I manage to buy groceries and take my cat to the vet and still sit down to draw? How do other artists do studies, finish personal work and other projects, cramp in appointments, chores, handle social media and keep in touch with friends without feeling absolutely stressed out...? I can't figure it out. I can only do one of these things in a day and... I don't get it. What is your secret

#wondering what is wrong with me #I've tried making lists #making a schedule #it's not helping #I'll have breakfast and suddenly it's 11 am and I have take a walk and also shower at some point and of course my livestream starts at 9pm #and don't forget to eat and text your friends and there's a letter you gotta send and this email needs a response #oh you wanted to draw or write? sorry day's over get some sleep we'll try again tomorrow #only that it'll be the exact same thing tomorrow #and if I'm real lucky I'll be in a bad mood and manage to accomplish even less than usual #and did I mention I'm not even working?#other people can do it so why. am. I. so. bad. at. this??#something to bring up with my therapist I suppose

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bigcats-birds-and-books · 9 days

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hang on to your hats, y'all, i'm about to be overcome by a fit of Hubris

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mirror-to-the-past · 10 months

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I am but a measly 2:00:15 into the genre-defining "Riku is Gay" video, but like. Damn, Tennelle Flowers is a cinematic genius. I've remained so thoroughly enthralled by the tasteful spacing of audio commentary, clips from the games, and excerpts from the novels/writer interviews that I've hardly even noticed the time passing. What is this video laced with, man- I love video essays, but usually I have to rewind a gazillion times due to my attention slipping against my will.

That collage of comparison clips from KH2 Beast's arc and Riku's KH1-KH2 arc is killing me, man. Ever wish you could tattoo a part of a video to your forehead? Apparently, now I do.

#and like AAAA they Get it!#the KH1 displacement and insecurity #Riku seeing Xion as Sora #It's still not explained how Riku was able to remember Sora despite all of his other connections getting amnesia but loool-#ain't the world just FULL of unexplained mysteries #AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE COM NECKLACE THING #I also was like “huh- that memory can't have happened because Kairi wasn't at the islands before the meteor shower” so I figured it was #that maybe it was just fake but I wasn't SET on that- y'know? so like- the idea it was a Sora&Riku memory was so good #that bit about Riku originally meant to give Sora a charm in relation to the design of Oblivion being Sora's crown sealed the deal for me #and the novel excerpts are generally insane holy guacamole you don't just WRITE that stuff man #also they're (Tennelle Flowers) is just generally a wonderful narrator to listen to and I am rediscovering that after like 8 years or sm #from when I used to check out their Warriors stuff #anyway yeah can't wait to get to the ddd section- this is already third-eye-opening material- I'll probably just explode then #'Sora at the end of my outstretched hand was more important than anything else'#ARE YOU KIDDING ME #SHIT READS LIKE FANFICTION #kingdom hearts #sora #riku #kingdom hearts meta #soriku

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smashwolfen · 2 years

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"Heed the Call"

Roughly 1,500 words~

They always heard the call of the pack.

From the first time they awoke in the frigid, snow covered forest, slate fur now white as fresh powder tipped with crimson red, they had heard the call.

Since their young, ghostly existence they learned, that the call of the pack meant you were never alone in this cursed world. The small colonies of Zoura and Zoroark that dot the Icelands of Hisui cry out to each other in the night, when a kill is made, a clanmate is lost, or a human draws near them to drive them out of their newfound home of ice and snow.... They had always heeded the call. And the call had always been answered, no matter how far away one may be from the pack.

From the stories told to them as a small white kit in their new unburdened form, the Zorua and Zororak of Hisui banded together to protect themselves from the humans that lead to their unfortunate frozen fates, for being spiteful tricksters and threatening their lives, when no known fox had slain a human before for unjust reason. Why should they be chased away from a place as harsh and unforgiving as Alabaster when hardly any other souls dare to try and carve out a home here? Why cant they be left alone to merely exist and try to make peace with their own tortured souls? The chilling beasts had learned overtime, that their cries of anguish and spite had struck fear into the beating hearts of the living, to draw them away from their nests and guard their newly reborn kits. So from then on and for many generations, the Zorua and Zoroark have howled out to unite as one, and to chase away those that threaten their kind.

The call meant you were never alone.

They remember tales told to them of a life before this, when Zoroark were not as tightly knit together as they are now amid the snowdrifts. Many born from the life before recall their kind as being nomadic in nature, living solitary lives with only a mate and their young to keep safe, small private packs, only calling to one another in greeting and for warning. Even fewer more who had ventured away from Hisui could tell tales of meeting with those of the living, darkened fur with piecring blue eyes, warm with beating hearts. They had called to them to join them, to say they are welcome and safe, but were not met with a call back. Instead they were met with fear and confusion at their ghastly sight. It has happened enough times to know that the beckon of a Zoroark reborn from pain and agony could not be understood by the ones who have never passed. As the baneful packs wander on amid storms and blizzards, looking for more poor souls like themselves who have been brought back so harshly and abruptly, they call to each other. Piercing cries ringing through the frozen air to lay claim to a new wretched life. To welcome them in their new tounge and greet them as family...

To let them know they are never alone.

As they follow along behind their young charge, a human all the same, but ever so kind and gentle since the moment they met, the moment they joined their meager team, they can still hear the pack, far off and away, even within the realm of Lord Kleavor whose home resides far south of the perilous north they called home. They answer back to let their family know they are safe and well, a common occurence now. Humans always hid away at the cry they emitted, but their small human seemed to had recognized what it is they do, scribbling markings in the leaflets they carried around whenever they did so since the child asked them to join them. The child asked them questions about the Zoroark kind knowing they'd not get a proper answer, merely to talk and gleam any response they could provide, though they did this with any pokemon they had caught. To further "research" and build a better understanding they had said. The child had managed to get some answers on their own, a very clever kit they thought to themselves, though one question they asked recently had stuck in their spectral mind in a peculiar way.

"What do you think happens if there were no other calls back to you? Would there be any more Zoroark or Zoura outside Hisui like you? What would it mean if you were the only one left?"

They never thought about that before, they always heard the pack, how would there be none left? As long as there is suffering and pain brought to their kind as they are driven out of their homelands upon their demise, there is always the deathly call of the packs. Even amid the skies turning red, with raging alphas at every turn, when the gods of time and space themselves return to the earthly coil and threaten all life with destruction, and their charge drives head on to protect the lives off all in Hisui and prevails, even as they stand against a lost God and its delusioned ward as a last stand against all odds. As the evolved beast lashes forward to strike down the satanic being who dares to destroy their human kit, howling its bitter malicious vengeance in the face of the almightys forgotten son....

The cries of the pack can be heard resonating within them, to join their strength together with their lone clanmate, to assure them they are not alone atop that mountain.

As the lands of Hisui are left in a serene peace, with the human kit they had come to love as one of their own, beside what they understand is almighty sinnoh themself, they turn and extend their pokeball. An offer to release them to return to Alabaster with their pack, or to join them and their team in a new time and place, an unknown future for the cursed beast they had come to trust with their life. The choice is obvious to them, they had already been through so much, the pack would understand their choice to remain with the child who took them in when no other Zoroark was ever extended such kindness. Wherever they were to end up, they knew they'd hear the pack.

With one last cry to the wind bidding them farewell, in the distance they respond in turn, knowing their clanmate was not alone and still loved like the pack had loved them.

The next chance they had to call the pack in the new world, it was met with silence.

They knew they were still in Hisui, had been told this was the future and that a handful of pokemon they knew to roam the earth had been lost to the ravages of time, but the silence on the wind after many calls to the wild was deafening. There surely had to be a reply, right? They must have hidden away all this time to keep safe. There was always Zorua and Zororak that were driven to their deaths, this was a fact of their cursed life. Why would there not be a response? Surely there had to be another remaining lost soul now, right?

As the human looked on at them in worry, trying to piece together what was wrong with their corporeal friend, believing they may have made the wrong choice bringing them home to the present day.... a thought stirs in the back of the Zoroarks mind. One last try, a call that would have made the earth tremble and the heavens quake, echoed off the top of the mountain within spear pillar...

One moment....

Another, with baited breath....

Yet in the end, had they stayed there for the rest of eternity, arceus allowing them to...

Nothing would be returned to them, only the wind and their frozen pulse in their ears.

Slowly with realization and certainty in their mind, they began to bear a tearful, but elated smile. The pack was gone, absolutely gone, they knew they'd never hear the call ever again, they were the last snow white Zororark with crimson tipped fur left in the wide world beyond Hisui, and they were ecstatic!! If the human could understand them now in their joy they could see why the silence was the most amazing sound they could ever hear.

They were the last one left, no more Zorua were being reborn, no more Zoroark were fleeing to a fate worse than death itself. They stopped being hated and being hateful in turn.

No more of their kind were dying angry and spiteful, freezing, alone and afraid. The cycle stopped.

The Lone Zoroark couldn't have been so glad in all its second life to be in this moment. It did not care they were the last of its cursed kind. If it meant no more kits were dying and the frozen anger of generations had finally melted away to nothing but warmth and peace....

They would pray to almighty sinnoh to never hear the call ever again.

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theflyingfeeling · 1 year

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I'm on a relatively bright mood and got a good hair day to top it all so I'm making y'all look at my nice hair and my pastel colour aesthetic 💖

#hello yes i've emerged from under the blanket 😅#it's amazing what having a shower and putting on some nice clothes and make up does to you lol #and i even ventured out of the apartment and pulled off something i was very nervous about so yay go me!!#next i'm gonna order dinner (because i deserve to treat myself in the form of cauliflower soup and chickpea-cole curry!!)#and then i'll get back to fic writing 💘#hugs to all of you ✨#(also yes that is a moomin earring)#(also also sorry for no readmore i really did want to hide my face from your dashboards lol but the pictures wouldn't display correctly)

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skyloftian-nutcase · 2 years

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Have any soft FD HC’s/ scenarios when he would take care of them?

(Not actual scenes, because I know you you would end up writing something, just scenarios.)

(Bonus points if it includes the Burrito Bros…)

LOL you know me too well, I would probably write something. XD

Sky likes to wear the mask so Fierce can interact with the others (he tells Fierce that it isn't too painful for him personally, which is an absolute lie, but Fierce respects his privacy and doesn't read his mind after the first time so he doesn't know). He always does it when Time isn't around that way the elder doesn't get upset (Time wants to meet Fierce as much as the rest but he doesn't want Sky to get hurt/ill/drained from it). He talks to Fierce a fair amount to help him keep up with what's happening. So when one of the boys is hurt or ill beyond something a simple potion can fix, Fierce is usually fretting about it and Sky lets him come out.

One time Twilight pushes himself too far because he's still recovering from his Dink Disaster, and it happens because the group got separated. Sky, Twi, and Four are together at the moment, and Sky happens to have the mask because he was talking to Fierce when the ambush happened that got them split up. Fierce is worried as all get out, so Sky lets him take over because the deity has more experience in this sort of thing and is far more capable of fighting off the hordes that they know are lingering around. Four is overly stressed and freaking out because it's too soon from the last time Twi almost died, so Fierce soothes him and takes care of Twi and slaughters any monster that breathes within a ten mile radius. Twi tries to pull his weight and Fierce just ends up carrying him as they walk. Four loves doing storytelling with Fierce because he adores listening to his little rainbow fill him in on events in the world. Twi eventually settles into being cared for because he can't really argue about being a burden to a freaking godlike figure, and Fierce learns to his delight that Twi loves cuddling. Four does too.

When the trio finally reunites with another chunk of the Chain, it's Warriors and Wild, and oh boy because Fierce knows about Wars' PTSD and Four told him all about Wild's issues and this Mother Hen is going to town now because he can already see how stressed and worn out they are and he just sets to work calming them down and insisting everything and everyone is fine and gathering ingredients for Wild so he can stress cook and Fierce wants to taste everything because he hasn't eaten in millennia, and he senses when Warriors is going from normal to I have to take care of everything and everyone and I am spiraling mode, and he has Twilight basically tackle him as Wolfie before carrying Warriors over to the group wrapped in his scarf. Fierce showers Wild with praises because he knows he needs to hear it, Four does more story time (interspersed with Warriors and Twilight and Wild piping in) and the like.

After a few days, they reach civilization, and Fierce hesitates, knowing he'd be an intimidating sight in a town of Hylians who know nothing about him. He asks Wars what it was like when he took the mask off, and Wars tells him about the sensation. Fierce feels really awful, and he asks the boys to gather supplies for Sky and get a room at the inn ready for him. Fierce tries to mentally reach out to Sky and can't find him. Nervous, he takes the mask off, and Sky is a hot mess, but the boys take care of him.

The next time Sky tries to talk to the mask, Fierce won't reply until Sky almost puts it on. He asks Sky to not use the mask, and says he's content with just hearing about the boys. Sky can immediately hear the pain in his voice and knows he's lying, but he doesn't know what to do about it, so he decides to go to Legend and Hyrule, magic and artifact experts, to see if they can work something out.

Because by now, everyone wants to meet Grandpa Fierce.

#fierce dadity #this was angsty sorry #I tried for straight fluff and then remembered that the mask is still a huge problem #but the boys will figure something out I'm sure #you ask skye answers #lovely silvercaptain24 #so I ended up kind of writing a story anyway LOL oops #the more I look at this the worse it gets because you wanted soft things and I just made an angst story with soft moments LOL #but basically FD does story time with Four all the time #cuddles with Twi at any given opportunity #holds Wars hostage so he can rest #showers Hyrule and Wild in accolades #I'll have to make a separate post now to actually answer your question hahaha #oh well

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dnangelic · 4 months

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my ass Would write like actual sagami but i don't think anybody could handle a darkface that just sister-zones every girl he comes across forever

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#glass slipper was hilarious for that #OK... i'm not tired yet i don't think but i should take a shower #prep a lil for bed #if i come back and i'm not too mentally smushed or fall asleep right away i'll try to do some writing #i was so sick earlier. im better now. still kinda beat but better. we r getting someplace

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lexicog · 2 months

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traitor to the cause forgets national holiday every year KILL HIM

#just realized i wrote may instead of marsh lmao. fuck it #trans day of visibility #trans day of eating food #tdov #tdov 2024 #transgender day of visibility #trans #transgender #lgbt #gay #my art #another year eh #still in pretransition purgatory (get me tf out!!!)#idk man past year's been bad. last time i showered was july i'm goin 9 months strong 9 months weak 9 months decrepit #i manage to go through the motions with not much else in the way of progress. eat sleap shit piss rinse reuse recycle #trans day of eating food is shaky too this year. just found out yesterday i can't eat a snack anymore that i've liked since i was a kid #discovered a new love for green beans though. everything in balance #with my living situation getting more unsafe i've been thinking a lot about asking my neighbor if i can stay with him and his family #cause i don't like... see people other than them anymore so i don't know anyone else i can ask lol #and maybe i can get my shit together and start transitioning if i get out..... it's the least i need to do anyways #at least i gotta ask if he would be willing to oversee my funeral in the event of it cause i do nnnnot trust my next of kin with that shit #go watch youtube “Protecting Trans Bodies in Death” by Caitlin Doughty. contains important info for anyone really but #especially so for the titular transengendered individual #write your will... OK?#it doesn't have to be a bummer do it with a friend make it a girls night boys night hotties sleepover #death mention cw #wish i had more to say on the topic this year that wasn't a downer. i'll see what the next year holds #and hey... if a guy like me isn't giving up a motherfucker like you sure as hell shouldn't... adios & bon voyage my compatriots. SALUTE

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lab-gr0wn-lambs · 2 hours

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writing a self evaluation for an assignment and I got distracted and incredibly sidetracked in the middle of writing a sentence about how I CANNOT FOCUS EVER I'm gonna cry

#yeah I'll leave the self evaluation module for last. that's easy stuff it's just writing about me.#ah.#right.#the emotional toll.#''what are your strengths weaknesses career plans and longterm life goals'' shoot me. kill me dead.#my 5 year plan is to live in a room alone with a bed and a toilet and a shower and a microwave and a wifi #professor you do not want me to get into the rest of it. I know you do not wanna hear about HRT and top surgery and adderall #we are not the bright eyed wishful youths of yesteryear we are just trying to live #university depleated my whimsy stores all the more. it's gone sir

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