#i've watched my nephews grow up and i know that they don't love anything the way i loved doctor who and harry potter and twilight

[fightmemiguel]

the children are concerned because i watched part 1 of the doctor who christmas special and obviously SOBBED LIKE A BABY and it's just such a sad, awful, ugly reminder that tv doesn't have an impact like that anymore? there's nothing in television or movies that helps them love and learn and grow and hurt because everything is a 15 second attention span and that just sucks?

#doctor who #i guess #doctor who spoilers #doctor who christmas special #also #commentary #on the youth #and media #and how they don't connect the way it once was #i feel old complaining about it now but it's true #i've watched my nephews grow up and i know that they don't love anything the way i loved doctor who and harry potter and twilight #and supernatural and so many more

[yxngbxkkie]

baby fever (b.c)

this man needs to chill because i can only take so much 😭 ngl, this is probably the most i've written in a while, and i'm really glad to provide some cute fics for you guys 🩷 i hope you like it!

feedback is greatly appreciated 🥰

“Do you have everything?” Chan asks you while unloading the rental car.

You take a peek into the back seat of the car, making sure both of you had everything. “I don't see anything,” you reassure him.

Chan walks towards your mother's house, presents stacked in his hands. You gently rub his back as you walk up the steps. You knock a couple of times before opening the door, announcing your presence.

“My baby's home!” Your mother's voice reaches your ears, causing you to grin ear to ear.

You give her a quick hug before making sure Chan gets into the house okay. You shut the front door behind him and rest a hand on his forearm.

“Do you need help with anything?” You ask him, moving to grab a couple of the gifts.

“I got it, baby,” he reassures you with a head shake. He leans down to press a quick kiss on your lips before walking over towards the Christmas tree.

You giggle to yourself, gently biting your lip after he walks away. Your mother nudges your arm, snapping you from your thoughts. You lift your head to look at her, seeing a smirk on her lips.

“When's the wedding?” She jokes with you.

A groan leaves your lips as you start to feel embarrassed. “Not for a little while,” you tell her with a shy laugh. Your gaze finds Chan, silently watching him distribute the presents. “I don't even know if he wants to marry me.”

She lets out a scoff, crossing her arms over her chest. “Honey, that boy is infatuated with you. He'd be crazy not to marry you.”

“We'll see where life takes us,” you mention, the smile on your lips growing when you meet your boyfriend's eyes.

“I want to be the first one to know if he does propose,” your mother whispers into your ear as she walks by, joining everyone in the kitchen.

You playfully roll your eyes, keeping yourself from blushing. Chan gives the older woman a quick hug as she walks by before making his way back to you.

“What were you two chuckling about?” He asks, tapping his fingertip on the tip of your nose.

“Just girl stuff,” you vaguely lie, leaning on your toes to kiss his lips. Chan hums into the kiss, his hands grabbing a hold of yours.

He mumbles a quick, "I love you," against your lips, planting one more kiss before fully pulling away. “Why don't we go say hi to everyone,” Chan mentions, squeezing your hands in his.

You nod your head and lead him into your kitchen. You greet the rest of your family, giving them hugs and kisses. You make grabbing hands at the toddler in your big sister's arms.

“Hi, baby boy,” you squeal, holding the one and half year old baby. He smiles at you, bringing his tiny hand to your cheek. “You're getting so big!”

You rest the baby on your hip, lightly bouncing him in your arms. Ji-ho squeals and kicks his little legs into your side. You release a little cry and point at the little man.

“Watch your feet, mister! You're gonna hurt Auntie,” you chuckle, adjusting his legs so they're sitting comfortably.

“He loves to kick,” your sister mentions, walking over to her son. “I forgot to tell you.”

You playfully scoff as she pinches the boy's cheeks. “That would've been some crucial information, Joon,” you tell her with a smile.

Chan moves to stand behind you, and you can hear him coo at Ji-ho. You glance over your shoulder, watching him smile at your nephew. His dimples are present, and you can feel your heart fluttering in your chest.

“Do you want to hold him?” You ask him, turning to face him.

Your boyfriend's gaze moves from you to your older sister. “Would that be okay?” He asks her politely.

“Of course!”

Chan takes the baby from you, lifting him higher for a quick second before resting him on his hip. “Hi, buddy,” he whispers in his baby voice, tickling his stomach.

Ji-ho squeals again, more giggles coming from the baby's lips. He rests his head on Chan's shoulder, his tiny hands gripping his shirt. Your heart feels like it's swelling even larger as you witness your boyfriend interacting with him.

You pull your phone out and snap a couple of photos. He'd make such a great dad… You think to yourself as Chan starts walking around the kitchen with Ji-ho.

Your mother pats your back gently, snapping you from your thoughts. She gives you a knowing smile before nodding her head towards Chan.

“Baby,” you call out to him, capturing his attention. You motion your head towards the hallway. Your sister takes Ji-ho from him as you excuse the two of you.

Chan slips his arms around your waist as you walk down the hallway. You rest your hands on top of his, and you feel like your heart's going to fly out of your chest.

“Everything okay?” He whispers into your ear while stepping into your childhood bedroom.

You nod your head and gently shut the door. His eyes dance between you and the bedroom door. You take a couple of steps towards the taller man, resting your hands on his cheeks.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” You ask in a whisper, gently stroking his cheek.

“Of course,” he whispers back to you, placing his hands on your hips. “What's this ab-”

You cut him off by leaning on your toes, kissing his lips. A moan leaves his lips while his grip on you tightens. One of your arms wraps around his neck as you deepen the kiss.

Chan pulls away from you abruptly, and you attempt to chase his lips, not having enough. “Baby, baby,” he mumbles, moving his hands to your arms. “What's gotten into you?”

You feel embarrassed at how needy you are, but seeing him with a baby has made you a little feral. He gently rubs your arms as you find yourself looking at the carpet.

“I might have baby fever,” you whisper loud enough for him to hear.

He giggles and bends down a little to look in your eyes. “Oh yeah?” He smiles at you, bringing one of his hands to your cheek.

You can feel your cheeks begin to blush, and you push him playfully. “You know what? I hate you,” you laugh, moving past him to lay on your bed.

Chan laughs with you and lays down beside you. “I love you too, baby,” he grins ear to ear before kissing your forehead. He peppers more kisses all over your face. “So, you want a baby?”

A groan leaves your lips after hearing his question. “Not right now, obviously,” you tell him, finding his hand before lacing your fingers together. “But, in the future, I'd like to have a family with you.”

His lips find yours and he kisses you passionately. Your free hand grips the sweater he's wearing, feeling your heart pounding in your chest.

Chan pulls away and rests his forehead on yours. “I would love to have a family with you, baby.”

~

tagging: @strawboorybunny @reddesert-healourblues @spacegirlstuff @moon0fthenight @foxinnie8 @like-a-diamondinthesky @prettymiye0n

#bang chan #bang chan x y/n #bang chan x you #bang chan x reader #bang chan fluff #bang chan imagine #bang chan imagines #bang chan fanfiction #bang chan fanfic #bang chan fic #bang chan drabbles #bang chan scenarios #stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #stray kids x y/n #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fic #stray kids drabbles #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fluff

[counterpunches]

source

Caption:

[[@else: I suppose it's time to tell my abortion story. Of the abortion that didn't happen, that led to me.

A lot of anti-abortion people put words & thoughts into the mouths of the unborn.

Well, I'm one that was recommended to stay unborn, who got born, and here's what I say.

My mother found our very early in her pregnancy that there was an extremely high risk to her if she continued.

Terminating the pregnancy was floated by one of the doctors. It would have been legal due to the risk to her, but heavily stigmatized.

Her family was deeply Catholic. She was deeply Catholic.

She did not terminate. The risk became a reality.

So I'm here, and she's not.

I'm glad to be here.

It is hard to put into words the gratitude you feel to a mother who sacrificed herself entirely for you, and I'm not going to try here.

Because I'm also very angry.

Without in any way taking away from the courage and selflessness with which she bore her situation and which she showed in all aspects of her life

I don't believe she ever really felt like she had a true choice.

The stigma, the religious dogma, the judgement - everything she'd ever known - told her she could not save her own life.

Her parents would have, however sadly, believed she'd go to hell. Her family and friends and community would have judged her.

Everyone she'd ever loved believed it was wrong. And so she believed it was wrong.

Needlessly.

I don't know what choice she would have made if it had been a true choice.

Maybe she would have chosen me anyway. Maybe she would have chosen to stay for her two already-existing children and for all those who loved her so deeply.

But she should have had a real, true choice.

Would I trade being here for that?

In a heartbeat. Without hesitation.

My siblings could have grown up with their mother.

My grandparents could have seen their beloved daughter live out her beautiful life, instead of mourning her every day until their deaths.

Her brothers and sisters would not still thirty years later feel the pain of losing the sistre they loved so much.

She could have continued to bring the light to the world that she had always brought, that I have heard so much about.

My father perhaps would not have descended into the grief & guilt that destroyed him, our relationship with him, the innocence of our childhoods.

Now, I think about how my young nieces & nephews will grow up without her, without the kind of grandmother I had. That pains me too.

I grew up in the devastation of her death.

I've watched the consequences of it play out for thirty years.

I can see what might have been differently if she'd had a true choice and it snatches my breath away, to see the suffering that didn't have to be for the ones I love most.

I know that it is not my family, but it is also profoundly difficult to know that it is because of me.

Or to be more exact, because the world did not allow my mother her right to a true choice, and my being here is perhaps a result of that.

It's not a burden I'd wish on anyone

I wish that I could have told her. It's okay. Stay. Live. Be happy.

I wish I could know that she knew that that was more than ok.

Don't I want to be here? Don't I want to be alive, aren't I glad to live??

Now that I'm here, sure. But had I never been, what would I have lost? Nothing.

You can't miss what you never had. Can't lose anything when you never existed.

There's no pain or loss in not existing.

I didn't exist then, to want anything. I didn't exist to hope or wish or fear anything.

I didn't exist back then. Not me. There was a possibility. An idea, a hope maybe. Some cells, a process in her body. Not me, any more than a sperm was me or an egg was me.

*I" didn't become until much later. Til I was born.

My mother wouldn't have taken anything from me or cause me any pain by living for herself, because I didn't exist to lose anything.

There was so much pain, so much loss in losing her. Loss that will ripple down generations.

So I will say to my dying breath, as the person who only lives because she didn't abort, that whatever she thought or chose or did not chose, she should have had a real choice to abort.

That she should have felt that aborting me was valid and good a choice as not.

Everyone should feel that, and have real access to enact that choice without obstruction or shame or question.

Whether it is their actual life at risk, or not. A forced pregnancy can be the death of many things, not just the end of ther person's life.

Having me took away from the world everything that my mother could have given it.

Forcing someone to have a child against their will can take away what that person could be and bring if they had their choice, whether they live through the pregnancy or not.

Most of all it takes away their right - their inalienable right - to choose how they live their life in their own body.

A non-person, a hypothetical future event, the birth of someone who doesn't exist yet, doesn't have that right.

Other people, who claim to speak for the unborn do not have that right.

We all lose so much by it. It can cause such pain and suffering, for child-bearers, for children, for everyone.

Do not pretend to speak for the unborn.

Do not pretend to speak for the children born against their mother's will.

Do not pretend that you care for them while you hide misogyny behind dogma.

My mother deserved her right to a real choice.

Everyone does. Unconditionally.

As the child who could have been aborted, I tell you - to oppose that right, let alone work to criminalize it, is unforgivable.

I'd like to emphasize because I didn't say it loud enough in the original thread:

There doesn't need to be a tragic story or a threat to life to make abortion ok.

It can be simply because you don't want to have a child. That's all. You still have the right to a choice.

I told my sad story because:

a) it is important to me to counter the rhetoric of anti-choice folks, that claims that if the unborn could speak they would be anti-choice

b) forced pregnancies can really f*ck up lives in many ways and that needs to be recognized.

But:

There shouldn't have to be a tale of woe to justify bodily autonomy.

It's a right. An absolute right. It should be protected by law.

That's it. That's all.

Last thingL I want this point to be heard, but I don't particularly want to deal with blowing up on twitter.

I will probably lock my account down at some point, but I would like this still to be shared. Maybe use an unroll app and share from there if you would like to.]]

#abortion #tw abortion #pro-choice #pro choice

[kmt123whatsthetea]

Babies on the Brain

George Weasley x reader

Requested by @hahahafucku

Request gist: smut where George sees you holding Fred baby and he feels the need to give you one of his own.

A/N: thanks for the request. I carried on Fred and Angelina’s romance (Freds not dying in my world and George is ending up with the reader instead). I've never been good at writing for breeding kinks (I say like I'm good at writing other things) so I'm sorry if it sounds cliche or cringy or if it's just downright terrible. I don't know if I went a bit overboard on the before smut stuff.

T/W: unprotected sex, soft dom George, breeding kink, praise, kitchen counter sex, ginger baby (jk)

You and George had met in your first year of Hogwarts but your slow build up to a couple started after your fourth year. You had known him for years. His parents loved you, his siblings loved you, and he adored you. You loved his family, from his caring mum, to his mischievous twin, and finally his young sister (who was thrilled to have another girl in the family).

Speaking of George's mischievous twin, you couldn't believe the news when you heard that he was going to be a father. This was a boy who (with his twin) had set a firework dragon on a ministry of magic worker, had stolen a flying car, and had tested joke shop products on first year students back in Hogwarts. He was going to be a brilliant dad.

Those months went by with you and George helping Fred and Angelina with anything they needed, from trips to St Mungos to shopping for baby accessories. Throughout this time, George began to keep a closer eye on you. He’d zone out when you recommended baby grows to get his future niece or nephew or when you’d buy baby products so that the expecting parents were prepared.

A week after Angelina gave birth, she and Fred brought the little one round to meet the family. A little boy who already shared the Weasleys trademark fiery hair. Angelina passed him to you, letting you hold the baby whilst she went for a well deserved rest (Molly had persisted that she looked tired and could take a nap in Fred’s old room). You bounced the little baby in your arms, unaware of your boyfriend watching you from the doorway.

He didn't want to admit it, but seeing you with a baby in your arms made him weak in the knees. He wanted it to always be like this. He wanted the baby in your arms to be his. He'd always thought about having kids with you someday, but this was a wake up call. And the call was answered by that voice inside of him, telling him to make you his and only his.

————————————————————————

Once you got home to the small house that you and George shared, you went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. All you had been talking about all afternoon was how adorable Fred’s baby was with his tiny button nose and little toes. George stalked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, his face immediately going to the crook of your neck to press soft kisses to the skin.

“You’d make such a perfect mum to our kids”.

His words made you freeze. At first, you didn't think you’d heard him correctly, since his face was still tucked into your neck. But he made sure that you would listen.

“I bet you’d look so beautiful carrying our baby. So full and swollen…so full because of me”.

At this point, he was slowly rocking his hips against your ass. His cock slowly got harder while he left kisses along your collarbone. Small breathy moans slipped past your lips, his words and grinding getting you wetter by the second. You pushed your hips back against his, wanting nothing more than for George to take the hint and fuck you into the countertop. His hand splayed across your stomach through your clothes, muttering a soft “Want me in here, sweetheart?”. Your small whimper and frantic nodding had him smiling to himself. He wanted you to admit that you wanted this, he needed you to admit that you wanted him to do this.

“Need you to tell me what you want, love. Tell me how much you want to be full of my cum”. His breath on the shell of your ear caused you to shiver and turn your head as much as you could to look him in the eye. “Please George, fuck me. Fill me up. I want to be full”. Once he made you beg, he pulled your dress up and pulled your underwear to the side, knowing that it would take too long to pull them off. George pushed his trousers and boxers down, before pushing into you with one thrust that knocked the air from your lungs. His pace was quick and desperate from the moment he was inside of you. His cock felt amazing. You had both had sex without protection before but it felt somehow better when you didn't have to worry or take precautions. Your moans were sultry and erotic, and George swore that he had never heard a prettier sound (apart from the sound of his hips slapping against the plush of your ass).

His hand trailed its way down to tease and play with your clit, wanting to make you cum first. He had always insisted on cumming after you. His mouth was next to your ear in a second, his voice dripping with lust. “That's it sweetheart, milk my cock like a good girl. Show me how much you want me to cum deep inside you. Cum for me and I’ll stuff you so full of my cum that you’ll be carrying twins”. His thrusts got sloppier but his small circles on your clit got more determined. All it took was one final thrust to have you cumming around his cock, your walls clenching tighter than before. George's hold on you got tighter as his cum flooded your insides, not a drop going to waste.

After you had both caught your breaths and calmed down, he pulled his cock out. Pulling your underwear to its correct spot before whispering in your ear “Keep it all in there love, I’ll check tonight and if even a drop is gone, I’ll just have to fill you up again”

#george weasley fic #george weasley #george weasley x you #george wealsey x reader #george weasley smut #george weasley x fem #george weasley x y/n

[cursedonyx]

Hello, sorry to bother you, but I've had a little brainrot idea for hogwarts legacy for a hot minute, but I don't have the time to sit down and write it. The idea is that mc has a baby or toddler little sibling (male or female), and since they're both orphans, mc has to raise their siblings while in hogwarts and dealing with all the events of the game. And then the absolutely shocked faces and storylines of the people around them seeing mc beat goblins with a baby strapped to their back. Sorry if it's unrealistic, but I had to raise my neice and nephew practically by myself at 15 so I would love to see it happen in game.

Hi, what an interesting concept! I decided to do this Reactions style as it seemed it would be easier to fit in all the characters I could think of – hope you like it!

Asks are open ~ send me anything ✨

Sebastian Sallow: It was certainly a shock to see the new student march through the Great Hall later than everyone else, the rumours already circling about their arrival. Even more surprising was the fact that this fifth-year had a… a baby of all things strapped to their back! Was it theirs? Were they a teenage parent? Was it a cousin, a sibling, or some waif they’d picked up along the way?

Sebastian learns quickly enough the new student’s baby is in fact their sibling, and is always with them. Even in class. And when Professor Hecat suggests they duel, MC doesn’t even think about unstrapping the infant from their shoulders, despite Hecat’s protestations. He’d go easy on them, for the sake of the baby.

That was his mistake. MC proved to be a formidable opponent, kicking his arse seven ways to Sunday without even breaking a sweat as the baby watched curiously from over their shoulder and the rest of the class cheered them on. And as the weeks and months went by, the baby joined them in their adventures, merely shrieking with glee as MC dived and rolled out of the way of goblin attacks and clapping their hands as MC torched inferi, as if it was all some sort of game. Sebastian made sure to be extra careful in protecting MC, for the baby’s sake. Just the baby. Of course it was. It had nothing to do with the fact he admired MC more than perhaps even his own parents.

Ominis Gaunt: Ominis has never liked children, especially babies. They’re noisy, smelly, sticky, and he’s convinced if he holds one, it’ll throw up on him. It takes him a moment or ten to warm up to MC and even longer to warm up to MC’s baby, especially when he catches both of them coming out of the Undercroft, smelling like Confringo. Even so, he reins in his temper as he scolds MC, not wanting to upset the baby and cause a ruckus at this time of night. He can’t help but be concerned for the little one as MC accepts their tongue-lashing with humility and skulks away. Casting Confringo around a child surely isn’t a good idea.

His concern grows when he’s foraging for ingredients along the edge of the Forbidden Forest one day and hears MC and the baby go into the Forest itself, whistling happily as the baby burbles on their shoulders. He follows, wondering if they know how dangerous it is and planning to keep them safe from a distance when a spider attacks. MC dispatches it with ease before he can even aim his wand. He rushes over, intending to scold them again, only to find MC nonchalantly passing the baby a severed spider leg to play with. The baby promptly hits Ominis about the head with it and screams with laughter.

He smiles, and begins to spend more time with the toughest pair of people he thinks he’s ever met.

Garreth Weasley – Potions class is where he has the most fun, even though his experiments tend to cause fires, explosions, extra limbs and the occasional change of hair colour, all of which result in detention. That was until MC showed up to class with their sibling in tow, the little mite grasping handfuls of their hair as they brewed their potions. Damn it all, he’d really wanted to try adding doxy eggs to his brew to see what happened. He couldn’t do that with a baby in the classroom. He didn’t mind singeing his fellow students, that was the risk they all took as wizards and witches around such volatile concoctions, and if he was going to be the best potioneer the world had ever seen, well…

But he couldn’t risk hurting a baby. He loved babies. They were cute and fat with pudgy tummies and made adorable little faces with their great big eyes and drooling mouths, fascinated by everything around them.

So Garreth started behaving. He saved his experiments for outside the classroom, and though it occasionally still landed him in detention, it certainly granted him more free time, and he began to appreciate the finer rules of potion-making, leading his experiments to become more successful as time went by. He changed his cauldron station to one next to MC once Sharp determined he wouldn’t be a health hazard, and got to know them both a little better. He was stunned by all MC had been through, raising such a precious little bean all by themselves. Every time they shared a class, he had a cake or two to share, a bit of homework he’d already written for them, offering to go to Hogsmeade on their behalf to get anything they needed. Maybe one day, if MC was willing, he could be another parental figure in this cute little thing’s life. He’d always wanted a big, happy family.

Leander Prewett – There’s not much Leander really understands, though he tries very hard to pretend otherwise. One of the big things he just doesn’t get are babies. He’s never been around them, and after noticing MC has their baby with them all the time, he’s not overly keen on getting too involved and doing or saying something stupid that would make him look like an idiot.

But one day, the baby has been grizzling all day long, with MC walking them up and down all through the castle, trying to settle them, but the baby’s just not having it. He spots them coming out of the main doors to where he’s trying to get a little flying practice in, and they seem to be making a beeline for him. Merlin, if there was ever a time for someone to grace him with flight skills, it was now. He attempts to kick off from the ground and merely ends up turning head over heels four or five times before tumbling to the ground with a yelp.

Wincing, he looks up, expecting people to be laughing at him. Someone certainly is, the high-pitched, free laughter soaring over their heads. Glowering a little, he stands up and tries to preserve a little of his dignity, turning to see MC beside him, bouncing the baby in their arms. The baby is no longer grizzling, but is laughing helplessly, waving its fat little fists in glee.

MC thanks him earnestly for making her little sibling laugh, and offers to buy him a butterbeer for his trouble. On the way, Leander makes sure whenever the little one looks like it might start crying to take a pratfall or walk into a low-hanging tree branch, grinning as each time makes the baby scream with laughter.

As they talk, he learns about all MC has gone through, and his admiration for them goes through the roof. He makes sure to seek them out daily to fall down the stairs or do a silly dance to get the baby laughing. It makes MC laugh too, and he loves the way they smile when he does it.

Amit Thakkar – Amit steals up to the astronomy tower one evening to get in an extra few hours of stargazing, hoping his diligence to the subject will ingratiate him with the notoriously cold Professor Shah. But when he gets there, he sees MC leaning on the railing, dandling their sibling on their hip, pointing up at the celestial heavens and murmuring some twee nonsense about the twinkly dots. He goes quietly to his telescope, trying not to disturb them, when he overhears MC talk about the stars being the souls of those departed, and how ‘mummy and daddy are up there.’

It just about breaks his heart. He’d read about tragedy, of course, it was a staple in many of his adventure books, but learning that one of his fellow students had suffered something that made him cry when he read about made-up people enduring it, well. He leaves his telescope and moves over, leaning on the railing as well and speaking in a soft voice about the cosmos, pointing out the stars and naming them until MC lays a hand on his arm.

The baby has gone to sleep, soothed by his voice. MC thanks him, telling him the baby has been having trouble sleeping since their parents died, they both have, in fact. The baby stirs, and Amit pulls out one of his favourite books and a blanket, wrapping them both up in it and settling down nearby, reading to them both until they fall asleep.

It becomes a regular thing, and Amit smiles every time he looks up from the pages to see them cuddled up together, holding each other and sound asleep. It's nice to feel useful, and he appreciates being able to do some small thing for them when they’ve already been through so much.

Natsai Onai – While initially anxious about asking for MC’s help in dealing with Rookwood and Harlow, Natsai soon learns how capable MC is from her fellow students. When they go to rescue Highwing, Natsai almost begs her to leave their sibling in the castle, but MC refuses. Not only does the baby seem to understand the danger they are in and keeps quiet, but it seems to actually enjoy it when MC Depulso’s an arrogant Ashwinder off the edge of a tower, chuckling heartily. The baby shrieks with joy as they fly on their rescued Hippogriffs, waving their hands in the air as MC and Natsai whoop and cheer. The baby really feels like a member of the team, even though it didn’t actually do anything, sort of like a mascot.

Natsai’s fears for the baby decrease with every adventure and MC proves time and time again they’re not just a hell of a warrior, but a damn good parental figure too. She delights in the quieter moments they share, often begging MC to let her look after the baby to give MC a much deserved break. Though initially reluctant, MC agrees for a few hours one evening, saying they needs to speak with Sebastian and Ominis. They return, looking a little tired and somewhat stressed (can she blame them after hanging out with a Gaunt?), and happily takes the little one back, thanking Natsai for her help. She lets Natty look after the little one more often, and Natsai teaches them both some nursery rhymes from Matabeleland.

Poppy Sweeting – To Poppy, MC having a baby is no skin off her nose. It's almost like having a pet that’s going to be able to talk one day and clean up its own poop. Bonus! But right now, like all baby beasts, this one is adorable and she takes every moment she can to spend time with MC and their sibling, fussing over them both and insisting she cuts up their dinner for them, even if they’re in different houses.

When Poppy asks MC for help with the poachers, it’s not a decision she’s made lightly. She knows how vulnerable babies are, even baby dragons, and to bring a baby into a poacher den could signal trouble for everyone. MC insists on their sibling coming with them, and Poppy needs the help. Poppy soon learns she didn’t need to worry, watching MC absolutely decimate the poachers without breaking a sweat, the baby on her shoulders waving their own little hand as if they were casting spells as well, going ‘wheeeeeeee’ when MC rolls out of the way of a hex, and burbling happily when the dragoness stares them down.

Poppy makes a point to introduce MC and the little one to some safer beasts, enjoying a cup of tea with MC as they watch the baby roll around with the Poffle of Puffskeins Professor Howin has in the pens by the Beasts classroom. She makes a point to join Natsai when babysitting.

Professor Sharp – While initially concerned about there being a baby in his class (with Garreth, FFS) he soon learns MC is more than capable of being a responsible carer, and his admiration for them grows as he watches them soldier on with classwork, homework, babywork and, if the rumours are to be believed, their rather dangerous extra-curriculars. He makes sure to slip some Soothing Solution into MC’s bag for those difficult nights, and lets the baby chew on his auror badge the few times MC lands detention with him. He won’t give them any leeway to be a cheeky little shit in his classes, baby or no. Besides, it’s nice to watch them grow up.

Professor Garlick – She’s alarmed when MC marches into her class, baby in tow, worried the baby will be eaten by a venomous tentacula or Chinese chomping cabbage, but her concern vanishes when MC proves to have the awareness of five highly-caffeinated people, keeping the baby safe during her classes. She offers to help where she can, and MC gratefully accepts dummies with essence of dittany on them to soothe the baby’s teething.

Professor Black – Most people are convinced he doesn’t even know what a baby is, despite the fact he’s got five children. He’s aloof most of the time, barely paying anyone any attention, least of all MC and the baby. But after a particularly trying day when the baby just wouldn’t settle, MC watches with apprehension as Black strides towards them, scowling. Expecting a scolding (and a detention for the attitude they prepare to give back in return) MC is surprised when Black holds out a tiny plush doll in the shape of a kneazle without a word, then stalks off like he didn’t just give their sibling a teddy.

Professor Fig – Having seen all MC can do, even with a baby on their back at all times, he can’t help but admire them, though he desperately wishes they didn’t have to do so much alone. As such, he takes on the role of not just mentor, but father and grandfather figure to the pair. When things get too tough, he happily encourages MC to take a nap in his office, rocking the baby to sleep as MC snoozes on the sofa, cooking for the three of them and making sure to help MC with their homework. Towards the middle of the year, MC bursts into his office, holding the little one aloft.

“Say it again, baby!” MC cries.

The baby grins, chewing its own pudgy fist. Around a mouthful of their own hand, they speak their first word.

“Fig,” they say.

It’s the proudest moment of his life.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #ominis gaunt #hogwarts legacy fanfic #garreth weasley #leander prewett #natsai onai #amit thakkar #poppy sweeting #professor sharp #professor garlick #professor fig #professor black #hl reactions

[amberjazmyn]

matthew gray gubler one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - instagram 

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - legit none, just some fluffy couple instagram posts 

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - a series of instagram posts from users gublergram and yourusername. 

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i just wanted to get another chapter out so i thought this would be a cute idea but if anyone has any ideas, please let me know as i am struggling to come up with original ideas rather than recycling older chapters. 

part two masterlist

- - - 

Liked by yourusername, shemarfmoore and 1,280,31 others

gublergram sorry folks but, my girlfriend, who is also my best friend, is better than you! 

view all 34k comments

ynfan1 omfg you two are so fucking cute stop it right now!

shemarfmoore this is so rude! i thought i was your best friend :(

yourusername shemarfmoore ha, ha, ha! suck it where the sun doesn't shine, chocolate thunder! i told you that gube has always loved me more because i'm a two-in-one! 

kirstenvangsness the literal loves of my life and i'm not even joking

mggfan1 can we please talk about the comments between shemar and y.n, please?

mggfan2 you two are adorable just stop it right now! yourusernamepls help a babe out and tell us where you found your mgg. asking for a friend

 yourusername mggfan2 awe you're so sweet and, truthfully, he honestly found me and i fell in love straight away but, i promise, when the time comes, you'll find your special person <3 

liked by gublergram, kirstenvangsness and 1,300,80 others 

yourusername teddy time reunions! yoursistersusername it's an utter privilege to watch little teddy grow up and what an amazing mother you are and what an amazing father your husband is as well. you two have blessed matthew and me with the sweetest nephew and we could not be more in love with the little man. thank you, truly, for giving us the honour of being teddy's godparents, we love you and your little family more than words can express and we would move the sun and moon for you three. 

view all 3,890,98 comments

gublergram it shocks me how much i have cried since y.s.n announced her pregnancy with little teddy has been an embarrassing amount. teddy turns me into mush but i love him so much

yoursistersusername gublergram gube, don't be lyin' babe, you have always been emotional and soft, way before teddy! however, before i had teddy, i was literally emotionless and now, i feel like my tiny heart has grown tenfold lol

ynfan2 this is the sweetest thing in the world but, are we seriously going to ignore the fact that y.n's sister just straight up exposed gube so casually? i love it! 

kirstenvangsness omfg, teddy is absolutely precious! this little boy is gonna break hearts one-day y.s.n 

ynfan3 am i the only one who now wants y.n and gube to have children?

yoursistersusername ynfan3 you are not the only one babe. the rest of the cm family, me and y.n's family and matthew's family are now all just waiting for them to announce a pregnancy or anything at this point really lol. but, when it does eventually happen, it'll be the best day ever! 

liked by joemantegna, pagetpagetgram and 3,498,40 others

yourusername hey, babe, should we get married gublergram?

View all 85,435,90 comments

joemantegna i swear to god, you better not be joking otherwise i will be very unhappy! 

gublergram i'm already prepared for the tears but i am so excited! 

pagetpagetgram hold on, what now? are y'all actually serious? 

kirstenvangsness wait wait wait... is this real? 

shemarfmoore hold the fuckity fuck up? i was not prepared for this today! 

ynfan4 holy crap omg omg omg omg! 

mggfan3 it's happening y'all stay calm omg omg omg omg! 

mggfan4 woah woah woah! omg, is this real? i'm actually going to cry rn! 

liked by yourusername and 7,498,30 others

gublergram y.n, you are the life and light of my life as well as my soulmate.

first things first, i don't think in my entire existence on this earth i've felt the same love for you with anyone else.  you are my favourite person to ever walk this earth. you always know how to make me laugh and smile. but you always remind me that i don't have to be happy all the time. you always remind me that it's okay for me to cry and to be anxious when i am anxious or sad. i knew from the very first day i met you that i was going to fall in love with you and one day marry you. you care for me in ways that are unimaginable and it warms my heart because you can do it so easily as though it's the most natural thing for you. i love the way your eyes and nose crinkle up when you smile or when you're having a laughing fit. i love the way you pull your hair back with your extensive collection of colourful claw clips. i love how you try to blow strands of hair from your face when i mess up your hair on purpose or when you tuck some of my own hair behind my ear. i love how you always maintain eye contact when you're in conversation with somebody, even when it's a thing you're still learning. i love how kind you always are to everyone, no matter if they were rude or nice to you. i love how positive you are even when times are tough. i love how you take care of teddy and i can already see what an amazing mother you'd be to our future children. i love how fearless you are. i love the way you always steal my clothes. i love the way you always wear mismatched socks and kimonos with me. i love the way you square up to anyone who feels like they need to say how nerdy or weird i am like it's something you'd be disgusted by. i love how you aren't embarrassed at all by the weird things i say do or portray on tv. i love how you love me for me. "thy grace, thy more than beauty, shall be an endless theme of praise, and love - a simple duty." edgar allan poe

view all 22,785,30 comments

pagetpagetgram fuck me, y'all weren't joking omg i am actually crying! 

ajcook oh my gosh i am literally about to cry right now! 

yourusername i love you so much more gube. you literally light up my world like nobody else and i cannot wait to marry you! 

shemarfmoore oh fuck you guys were serious! y'all should have warned us before you hard launched! 

kirstenvangsness omg omg yesss! it's happening! my loves are getting married! 

joemantegna well, seems like i need a licence to ordain because i will be officiating this wedding! 

ynfan5 OMG OMG OMG I'M SOBBING SKSKSKSKSKS

mggfan5 this post is so sweet omg, this is going to be the best wedding of the entire year

- - - 

i'm making a part two. the continuation after this will be the wedding photos, and maybe a small surprise teehee 

ok ily bye xx

word count; 1248

#matthew gray gubler x y.n #fake instagram one-shot #criminal minds cast

[rumor-imbris]

My dearest poet sister, my little night moth:

Heavy goes our heart this year, yet my sweet Lady Connor, my heart goes out to you.

When you told me about your darling baby Lu, it broke my poor heart, for I remember his little chubby cheeks and fluffy chonky looks in photos and I fell in love with that little devil boy, my adopted fluffy nephew.

The pain of a loss of a pet that is more than that, he was family is greatly immense, much more than anything in this world. The year has been difficult, sweetie, but you made it through and for that I'm proud of you 🫂 Though you may doubt it, but I know you did it and you will continue on in this coming new year.

As I take my leave, here's a little prose for your forever son Lucifero:

****

Little darling, little boy

You filled my heart with joy

Your paws imprinted on my soul

As you watched me grow, I watched you grow old.

You may be one part of my life

I was forever your entire life

You took your leave in peace like a shooting star

For I have witnessed you go up above.

My little darling, my little boy

May you run about the fields and play with toys.

I will shed tears to your memory, I will embrace you if you are in my dreams.

Lucifero, my dearest friend

My love for you, I promise, will never end.

****

Always yours,

La fatina lunare Giulietta 🌙✨

Oh, my dear Sis... My lunar fairy, my sweet Giulietta...

This... this is everything. Thank you so much. It feels like you gave me back a voice I had lost... I wanted to write something for him, but pain buried all my words, and then you came and wrote this stunning piece... I don't know what to say... I... I'm just so grateful...

I've told you many times how precious your friendship and support are to me, and again, thank you for having me as a friend, for giving me courage and always shutting my self-doubts up.

Here are some old pictures of Lu, when he was younger and I could still hold him, and when he liked to partecipate in everything I did! His eyes and his little evil look are unforgettable <3

Hugging you tight, sweetie Thank you very much, again

Love you sincerely

#Thanks #friends #thanks for your support #missing my little ginger joy immensely #see you among the stars my baby love

[julietasgf]

Ma's parents sensing that something was off with Strabo just like how Ma could sense that Coriolanus was bad news, the generational bad taste in men is just :(( I don't know what a carcará is but hunting, killing, not starving sounds just like Strabo (and kinda Coriolanus) and I am so eager to see what goes on in the mind of that questionable man! Also I was literally just thinking about how Ma thought Strabo was a better man than her father, but just like her father, Strabo doesn't actually take Ma seriously (the line about how Strabo would never give up his ambitions for Ma's dreams because he never took her seriously in that way!). To me, it seems like Ma's parents didn't have the healthiest relationship so Ma didn't grow up knowing what's truly a good, loving relationship, and then she meets Strabo and thinks he's the one but she never really saw a healthy relationship she could model hers after :( NOT STRABO'S SIBLINGS BEING 8 YEARS OLD WHEN HE WENT OFF ON THEM, THAT'S JUST SO—They were literally children who probably didn't really understand what was happening, just that their big brother and mom are fighting and their dad is also dead, and then BAM, at the end of it all they're left with no father, no older brother, no main source of income (I'm assuming the factory was their main source of income?) But omg did Strabo just up and leave and left his siblings high and dry?? He didn't leave them with any money or anything? Like sure, maybe it's not really his legal responsibility to care for his siblings when they still have their mom who can work and support them, but are you for real?? They loved him so much and probably were dependent on his income and now he's just gone. Now I'm thinking about his siblings going to him for comfort when they're hurt or scared (like running to his room during a thunderstorm and wanting comforting cuddles) and thinking they could always rely on him but then he just crushes them with his words and basically abandons them :( Strabo Plinth watch your back because karma (is a cat purring in my lap cuz it loves me, flexing like a goddamn acrobat) is gonna get you!! Also not Strabo preferring being shot to going back and apologizing to his siblings. This man is so unreal, like he was absolutely in the wrong for going off on two CHILDREN but he won't even try talking to them afterwards... Not the 18 year old niece/nephew almost making it out of the reaping only to be chosen for the 25th one...you know what, I believe they can win it! Them being 18 already gives them a little bit of an advantage over the younger kids, and I believe they can win it out of rage and spite! (after winning they can pull up to Strabo's house and be like PULL UP UNCLE, WE HAVE SOME "TALKING" TO DO, but seriously if I were those kids, I'd be so PISSED at this uncle I've never met but is somehow ruining my life and my family's life for ETERNITY) It would be so interesting to see who the tributes were for the 25th hunger games and why they were voted in! I wonder if some districts were thinking to vote in older kids so that they'd have better chances of winning? It's so cruel to pit 12 year olds against 18 year olds because no duh a 12 year old has almost no chance against the older kids D2 continuing to associate Strabo's brothers with him even if they don't agree with what Strabo did is so :((( But omg the part about even if they changed their surname, D2 can still recognize the resemblance between them and the guy on capitol propaganda...what if the niece/nephew chosen for the 25th hunger games has a strong physical resemblance to Sejanus and Ma and Strabo see that and do a double take at this 18 year old Plinth who looks so much like their Sejanus...and they are likely facing certain death just like their Sejanus (idk if cousins can look that similar? but that would be something...but also who knows if the blond demon would even allow Strabo to live that long because the blond devil just be poisoning everyone)

hello anon!! as usual I'm going to answer everything in one post!! hope that's okay :))

the generational bad taste is crazy, and the worst is that generations would pass and the same thing keeps going on again and again and again. atp, they know how to recognize the signs, how to recognize these kind of men, but it's still not enough (also, I imagine her sisters to have married better people, or not married at all; imagine her own mom being relieved thinking the cycle finally came to an end, now just the baby sister being left to get married, and then ma marries strabo of all ppl. how similar it is when ma was relieved that sejanus fell for a boy that was good, that was gentle and nice and good, just for years later for it to repeat again.)

OKAY SO there's just one thing I love more than religious symbolism and it's animal symbolism, so let me tell you a bit abt the carcará (you can skip this if you want anon, it's just me getting too excited and being a nerd): I'll always associate characters with animals, and a carcará is this bird who looks like an eagle, but isn't an eagle. it can live almost everywhere because it'll ALWAYS find a way to survive and eat, but they are also found in places that are hard to live, with few water, few food, just very harsh life conditions. they are particularly famous because some farmers would do slash and burn agriculture, and when the farmers burn the lands, the carcarás fly down to hunt snakes and other animals in the smoke. very wild guys who are willing to do anything to survive and are associated with the idea of survival at all costs. very much strabo (and coriolanus too!!!!!) imo.

yes!!!! in the practice, strabo isn't that different from her own pa. it's just that he's more gentle about, somewhat more subtle, and she took it for some form of kindness. AND YES her only example of relationships were... her parents. I imagine her father to be more harsh than strabo, at least regarding her, so when strabo is much less rude (at least with her, he's not; he doesn't make jokes regarding her, he thinks she's capable of protecting herself, he's not nice but he isn't straight up a dick), she thinks "oh, okay, this is what a healthy relationship looks like", when it's not, really. ma deserves so, so, so much better than him. (and to think that it repeats when her son also doesn't have a good relationship to model after and goes for someone who, if anything, tolerates him </3)

THESE KIDS REALLY WEREN'T UNDERSTANDING, bro, it's heartbreaking. strabo's baby siblings are so sweet, and they look up to him so much. their parents were barely at home, so he was their reference. (fun fact, they called him bo. literally the only ppl to ever call him that. not even ma called him that.) the family had two incomes: the family factory (at the time strabo's father was responsible for it, it was a MESS, it had more debt than anything, so it was barely enough to survive) and his stepmother worked at a tile painting factory. strabo paid all the factory debts, cleaned everything, and started making money that was enough for his stepmother to stop working and just stay at home taking care of his sick father, but now that he left, she comes back to working in the same way before in a very harsh schedule. but even if he didn't leave them without any money, it was still a low blow, because, again, THESE KIDS LOVED HIM SO MUCH, THEY TRUSTED HIM, and they for sure will have to start working early because the factory helped a lot. I think strabo is the kind of person who thinks "if I had to suffer, then I don't care if other will have to go through the same". he wouldn't really be bothered by them having to leave school to work because it was the same thing he had to go through (which is a fucked up way of thinking) :/ he's very much some sort of anti-katniss regarding how he treats his baby siblings. karma is gonna track him down, that's for sure (step by step from district to district), the only bad thing is that it also affects ma and sejanus who REALLY don't deserve any of the consequences of his actions (but still have to pay for it)

oh for sure they could win it, specially being from D2 (let's assume that in the 25th games, the careers were still not a thing, but the D2 tributes DID have more advantage bc of being better fed and overall it seems like a district with a lot of tall ppl lmao every single person we have met from D2 in the books is described as tall). that kid winning out of pure RAGE? just to come back home and be able to yell that they're more district than anything, they're not their stupid capitol uncle? I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT!! (ALSO LMAO I would totally see it during the victory tour that kid seeing strabo by accidentally and being ready to THROW HANDS. I would be ready to be at that man's throat for ruining my life and pretty much the life of almost all the family)

yessssss like, how brutal these games were??? bc I'm assuming most (if not all) tributes were 18, maybe some 17, exactly bc one of the first things I think people at the districts would come to the conclusion is that it's too cruel to put kids who are 12 there. were these kids voted for being troublemakers? were they voted because of stuff their parents did? were they voted because the people came to the conclusion they would have the best chances to come back alive? were they voted because they were an outcast? there's SO many possibilities for different storylines. I'm not very fond of the idea of a lot of books about different games, but THIS one is one I would want to see, specially because I think it was the beggining of the propaganda that stripped some districts from their identity (putting these people against each other and destroying the sense of community; if your neighbour can vote in your child, can you really trust them? imagine the fights that followed it?)

I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS HAPPENING, and not only with this kid, but with a lot of D2 kids after sejanus' death. a particular headcanon of mine is that since the districts are very isolated, there are some traits that are more common in certain districts; for example, katniss saying in thg that her and gale look a lot alike. so imagine strabo, probably now closer than ever to politics bc of coriolanus, watching every year the hunger games and every year having to see a child that resembles his boy, his poor boy, going to death. it's torture. he would invest so much and sponsor a D2 kid every single year, and people would think it's just him holding on district pride, but it's not; it's him trying to make up for the guilt that he wasn't able to save sejanus. at least this other D2 kid he can save. (also you calling coriolanus blond demon was so real, I'm screaming 😭 but I think he wouldn't kill strabo until he reached the presidency, which would definitely take a few more years)

I think so! probably not in the same grade, but sejanus is so curious and he questions everything, he for sure would notice that there's another plinth on school and try to ask his pa about it, but strabo would try to say that it's common for more than one family to have the same surname (which is not a lie; he knows more than one molina, and more than one valestone, and more than one rocha) and sejanus accepts it (besides, his pa would lie to him... right?). and definitely 😭 that's for sure his biggest frustration, that he wants a loving family, but he's too much of a dick to bond with his son without hurting him. I imagine him walking near his old house, seeing his siblings reuniting for a holiday with a happy family, and him feeling bitter over it. but, well. it's the consequences of his choices.

I imagine baby sejanus to be so bullied by his maternal cousins lmao 😭 I think the other cousins are closer in age and older, so let's say sejanus is 6 and the cousins are like 12, 13, 14. ma would try to get him to pass some time with his cousins, but they scare him and tease him and he comes back home in tears bc they don't want to play with him. I think sejanus was too shy as a kid, the type of child who got anxiety by having to go out of home; basically, the type of child who needs to get adopted by an extroverted child as a friend, and if there's no extroverted to do so, he just ends up alone. I think he got it from strabo (not the shyness, the being introverted thing)! until his teenage years, strabo was pretty much alone lmao it just changed when he was running the industry, and then he had to adapt and learn how to perform. (if sejanus got to live long enough, who knows if he would also be able to learn how to perform, even if just a little, for the sake of his life? we'll never know)

I was going to say "nah, I think this is too extreme even for strabo", but then I remembered. yk. the whole marcus thing. and I stopped and stared at the wall and got "oh...". so it's absolutely a possibilty ☠️ even as some sort of revenge getting one of the molinas' grandkids on the games, oh god (specially because he IS jealous of the molinas).

strabo ruining ppl's lives even when he's NOT THERE ANYMORE. and they don't even talk anymore!!!! it's been so long, they probably even struggle to recognize how he sounded like, because it's been so much time, and district 2 is BIG, they don't see each other constantly. it makes me sick to my stomach, because they REALLY didn't choose any of this, and if they got to choose, they or sure would choose kindness, or at least for things to end up differently. AND YES, I WAS THINKING ABT THESE PARALLELS, rip sejanus, you would've loved to learn that one of your uncles got to be a doctor </3 (also, imagine strabo listening to sejanus telling him that he wants to be a doctor, and strabo having war flashbacks because he knows that's what one of his siblings got to be lmao)

I searched up in english just to be sure and D2, besides mining stones, is said to be responsible for masonry; now, this is a bit of a hc: I imagine that one of the reasons D2 is so wealthy is bc they not only mine stones, but bc they pretty much were responsible for projecting buildings and cities. I can see that before the war, it was full of architects and engineers who would send their projects to the capitol, and pretty much built the city (now, imagine D2 rebels having their hands on the floor plan of important places and buildings). this changed a lot after the rebellion, as the ppl from the capitol got scared from letting district people knowing how their city works. I said all of this just to say that I imagine one of the twins to be a doctor (thanks to your hc!!!) and the other one to be an architect lmao 😭

PANEM IS SO INTERESTING like, miss collins, I love creating hcs, BUT I WOULD LOVE EVEN MORE TO HEAR YOUR CANON THOUGHTS. tell me about the wedding traditions!!! their religion!!! how things were before snow and his propaganda clearly changed a lot (not only in D2, but we can see it in D12 as well)!!! what was the last straw for the rebels to start the first rebellion??? does panem have diplomatic relations with other countries, if there's other countries?? mockingjays are important in D12, but are there animals who are important in other districts??? how many things of the old usa was left, and what other cultural heritage was also left from other places, as the usa is a country multicultural and diverse??? the choice she made of showing us in tbosas that D2 have a funeral tradition pretty much related to some form of religious manifestation (the idea of crumbling bread over someone dead's body for their afterlife journey) drives me INSANE because 1. I'm an overthinker, and 2. there's so many fun possibilities because these districts clearly have different cultures and habits and maybe even celebrations!!! I really hope one day she makes a guide or something about it, because I would eat it up

#tbosas #tbosas movie #sejanus plinth #strabo plinth #ma plinth #anon #anon ask #rambling #me talking too much #now I'm going to sleep but all of these stuff live rent free in my head #suzanne collins I wish for you to know that I would PAY for a first quarter quell book #and I would pay for an encyclopedia about panem and district history

[zalrb]

did you like chronicles of narnia? i don't think I've ever seen you talking about it and i would love to hear your thoughts on the movies and/or the books if you have anything to say

hmm, yeah, i don't think i've ever spoken about the chronicles of narnia, i liked it a lot as a kid but it never really stayed with me as an adult probably because without getting into the blatant religious overtones, it really is quite heavy-handed and very much for children although i did write a paper in high school basically saying that while i was a fan of harry potter, the books just treaded on a lot of what narnia and lotr already did hahaha. some notes my teacher had about my premise, which is interesting

the first thing i ABSOLUTELY need to say about narnia is that as a kid, i read the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe many times. i read it at home (there was this actually this one audio book that me and dad listened to when that i really loved because of one line when lucy takes them to the wardrobe and it's still just a wardrobe and peter in the most sarcastic voice goes, "what a surprise" and i BURST out laughing particularly since i don't think that's even in the book??) then we read it in my grade 3 class and one day my teacher brought in turkish delight and i was freaking the fuck out because i always wanted to know what was SO good about turkish delight that edmund would sell out his entire fucking family, i was like i need to know what this tastes like. my teacher, miss k, took out this really pretty red tin and i was excited AS FUCK. then i tasted it. i don't think i have ever been more disappointed in my entire fucking life. i HATED it, i hated the texture, i hated the taste, i was furious. and i remember talking to my teacher because she was like you have to understand that they're growing up during the war and things like candy were a luxury and i was like fine but for THIS candy? no. absolutely not. no. nope. NOPE. flashforward to about three days ago, i'm scrolling through IG and there's this one reel where this woman was like, ok we need to discuss edmund and turkish delight again because i know we ate it and were like this is a mediocre treat (for me i actually almost threw up when i took a bite so a bit worse than mediocre) and she reread the passage where he eats it and c.s. lewis describes it as basically once you eat it, you just want to eat more so the woman in the reel was like edmund basically gave up his family for the kiddie version of cocaine so we should be more lenient and i was like LMAO fair.

so, for the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe i remember thinking the movie was pretty much exactly how i pictured the book. except for the white witch that's not how i pictured her but i was like, that's absolutely edmund and lucy and susan and peter, that is great casting and i particularly liked when mr. tumnus gets lucy to sleep because i thought the movie really elevated that part of the book and really leaned into the eeriness and creepiness of it. aslan's death was also very stressful for me.

OKAY. prince caspian. i haven't seen prince caspian since i saw it in theatres so i'm only going on what i remember from the movie, which is that i didn't like it, i didn't like the peter vs. caspian (ugh demon eyes) thing because that's not what happens in the book if i remember correctly and it seemed unnecessary and it made me uncomfortable because susan and caspian were having their little thing whatever that was and peter felt like his authority was threatened and it oddly felt like a weird love triangle because susan was caught in the middle and i was like i don't like any of this, please keep it. and i didn't like it so much that i didn't bother watching voyage of the dawn treader.

i really liked the magician's nephew, which is probably the most overlooked book of the series even though it starts it, i was obsessed with the wood between worlds as a kid, i just loved the way it was described

kind of like how i was obsessed with the ents in high school, lmao, i just harp on things sometimes, out of all of them, i actually think it's the most magical book.

[estelfortuna]

One-shot: Leona and his family

Cheka: Unca! Unca! Will you tell me a story?

Leona: I'm busy, boy. Go play somewhere else.

Cheka: I know you're not busy, it's your break... come on, tell me a story!

Leona: Precisely, it's a break, I'm taking a break from everything and everyone, and that includes you. Go bother your perfect father or someone else.

Cheka: Aw, come on! Pretty please? With sugar on top?

Leona: You don't give up, do you, brat? Urgh, fine! Just... give me five minutes, it's tea time. Go eat some cake or something, I'll be right there.

Cheka: Yay! Thanks, Unca! Tell me the story of Kovu and Kiara, will ya?

Leona: Sure, sure, now give me at least five seconds of peace, already.

*

Ruggie: Cheka's growing up so fast. Such a pretty kid, and very smart too, shehehe!

Leona: He's pretty annoying, that's what he is.

Ruggie: What a cruel Unca. I bet the poor boy would be heartbroken if he heard such meanie words.

Leona: I wish. No matter how much I try to be rude to him, the boy never feels upset at all. It's like he don't know what being rude is.

Ruggie: Or maybe he just loves you.

Leona: Make him love you instead, if you think that's something good. The brat ruined every chance I had of obtaining real pow...

Jack: LEONA!

Leona: I really can't get five minutes of peace here. Don't yell like that. I swear that I...

Jack: The prince! He's sick!

Leona: ... what, did he get a cold or something? I wouldn't complain if he lost his voice for a bit or...

Jack: They think he was poisoned!

Leona: ... what?

Jack: He's unconscious, lots of fever, after he ate a single slice of cake! I think the enemies of the kingdom tried to poison him!

Leona: ...

Jack: The king and the queen are with him, and I believe you should...!

Ruggie: Jack? For pity's sake, give Leona a moment, will you?!

Jack: But the prince...!

Ruggie: Just shut up! I know, you know, Leona knows! Okay?!

Leona: ...

*

Jack: I'm back. I need to report to the king, where is he?

Ruggie: The king and the queen are in the prince's room, they can't talk now.

Jack: Then Leona...

Ruggie: Leona's at the door.

Jack: Then I must...

Ruggie: He won't hear you.

Jack: But I gotta...!

Ruggie: Did you get any leads at all, some valuable information about the responsibles for this or anything?

Jack: ... not yet.

Ruggie: Then, no need to disturb Leona. It's been three days and the prince didn't improve at all. He might die at any time.

Jack: But there must be something we could...!

Ruggie: Just get some rest and get back to your investigation. Get some help if you need to. Leona's gonna need some justice if the prince survives.

Jack: If he survives? He WILL survive! He's just a kid, he can't...!

Ruggie: Put it in whatever words you want. But he wouldn't be the first kid's death I've seen in my life. Life's not fair, Jack.

*

Jack: Leona.

Leona: ...

Jack: Leona!

Leona: ...

Jack: Leona, listen here! Listen here, I went investigating and I found...!

Leona: Don't care.

Jack: What?!

Leona: Don't care. It's a king's job to seek justice. If someone tried to poison the boy, they're enemies of the kingdom. The king must deal with them, not me. So, tell your tale to my great brother when he leaves that room.

Jack: Leona, you bastard, how can you talk like...!

Leona: WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT MAKE TO GET THE BASTARDS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS IF THE PRINCE DIES?!?! IF YOU WANT TO OCCUPY YOUR MIND LOOKING FOR THIS, GO AHEAD, BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT MY NEPHEW IS ABOUT TO DIE AND I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT, SO...!

Ruggie: Leona!

Leona: Leave me alone! The two of you, leave me alone!

Ruggie: Leona, it's Cheka! He regained his conscious!

Leona: ... what?

Ruggie: They found out what poison the criminals used, so he's... ouch! Hey, watch your step, you stepped on my foot!

Jack: It's been a long time since I saw him run so fast.

Ruggie: Tell me about it. Let's go!

*

Cheka: Unca?

Leona: ...

Cheka: Aw, Unca, don't look so sad. Mom said I'm gonna be okay. I just ate a bad cake, that's all.

Leona: ...

Cheka: Maybe I'm alien-genic to it?

Leona: ... it's "allergic", brat.

Cheka: Yeah! Wow, you know so many words... speaking of that, can you tell me the story? You know, about Kovu and Kiara?

Leona: ... you never give me a moment of rest, do you? Later. Your dad left to take care of some business about the kingdom, but he's probably not gonna want to leave you until you heal completely. I'm gonna take care of his business, so he can be here with you.

Cheka: Aw, thank you, Unca! You're so kind, you always think of others!

Leona: ...

*

Ruggie: You actually took care of the paperwork the king left behind? Wow, I thought you'd try a coup or something, while the king was busy taking care of the prince.

Leona: ...

Ruggie: Geez, I'm just joking! No need to glare like that! Sheesh...

Leona: Half of the problem is solved. The kingdom is in order. Now, the other part. The bastards who did this...

Jack: That's what I was trying to tell you. I got them.

Leona: Oh?

Jack: My first investigation led to nothing. But now I got them. They're in the dungeons.

Leona: ... is that so?

*

Leona: So. You're the ones who tried to poison the prince. Very clever and sneaky. You thought you could hide from my knights at the Scalding Sands, didn't you?

Prisoner: All I did, I did for...!

Leona: Did I give you permission to speak, traitor?

Prisoner: I'm no traitor! My loyalty is with Sunset Savanna! The king is weak, and the prince is even worse, just a weak brat with no will whatsoever! We need a stronger king, like... argh!

Leona: I don't necessarily disagree with you, but I believe you know you're talking about my brother and nephew here, right? You have some nerve, traitor.

Ruggie: Oooh, Leona's mad, shehehehehe...!

Leona: Don't talk to me like that in front of the prisoners, Ruggie.

Jack: Should we prepare a trial for him, Leona?

Leona: I suppose that's what a good king would do. Falena would certainly give him a place to speak, would listen to him, before deciding for a sentence. Maybe he would be exiled. After Felona passed on so many pacifist laws, it's been a long time since we had a proper death penalty, not even trash like this one end up in the gallows anymore.

Prisoner: In my trial, I'll tell the truth to everyone. We need a proper king! We need...!

Leona: Oh, no. The thing is, you see... I'm not a good king. I was never a king, but if I was, I'd be a terrible one. So, you're just not lucky enough to be judged by a good king like Felona. You're stuck with me, the worst king ever.

Prisoner: ...

*

Felona: All efforts were in vain. Nobody was able to discover anything about the assassin who tried to kill Cheka.

Leona: Is that so? But you didn't put much effort in it, did you?

Felona: Oh, my brother... my son is alive, that's all it matters to me. Of course, I made efforts to improve our safety here, so we'll never go through that again. But I don't think punishing the responsible would give me some relief.

Leona: Really? Well... I think you're a good king, brother. Even too good.

Felona: ... wow, it's rare for you to compliment me like that. Thank you, Leona.

Leona: You think that's a compliment? Well, that's on you...

Cheka: Dad! Unca! Let's go!

Leona: ... five minutes of peace, that's all I ask...

Felona: Go? Where?

Cheka: You two promised you'd teach me how to play Spelldrive! Ruggie and Jack are already outside! Come on, you promised!

Felona: We did promise, didn't we?

Leona: I accidentally made a promise when I was busy. The boy's smart, he knows exactly when to press me for attention.

Felona: Oh well, let's go. But I don't know how much I'll be useful. You were always a better Spelldrive player than me.

Leona: ... now YOU are the one complimenting me.

#Twisted Wonderland #Leona Kingscholar #Ruggie Bucchi #Jack Howl #Cheka #Felona #Savanaclaw #fanfic

[explicit-tae]

WIP GAME with Cruel Intentions pllllzzzzzz my soul aches for the update but a WIP will do 😭🤞🏻😭

No problem 😅 It's kinda long but here's a little snippet!

Jin-Seon squirms in Jungkook's arms, his head towards his chest and mouth open trying to feed on nothing. Jungkook frowns, his bottom lip forming a pout. "You must be hungry." he murmurs down to his son before standing slowly, afraid if he done so far too quick he'd drop Jin-Seon. 

Jungkook makes his way to you. You weren't far, only in the next room organizing Jin-Seon's nursery when he arrived frantically. Jin-Seon was seconds away from crying, the low whimpers telling him so. "He's hungry." Jungkook says as he enters. You're folding Jin-Seon's clothes when he does. "I don't want him to cry."

You roll your eyes before turning to Jungkook. You wouldn't admit it - but you found it cute how concerned Jungkook was whenever Jin-Seon cried. You've dealt with children since a young age with the amount of nieces and nephews you had and knew that them crying would be the least of your worries. You attempted to tell Jungkook this - yet he was convinced that whenever Jin-Seon cried it would be the end of the world. 

"Do you want to feed him?" you tilt your head. "Jae-Beom got me a pump as a late gift. I only got enough for one feeding. It's warming up now."

Jungkook's eyes widen as his eyes watch you go around Jin-Seon's nursery and grab what you thought he needed to feed him. He was nervous - he never fed Jin-Seon before since you breast fed him, but he enjoyed watching. 

You usher him to sit down and place the bottle in his hands. Jin-Seon was seconds from crying and Jungkook's nerves were kicking in. "What if he doesn't want me to?" he questions. "He's use to you."

"If he doesn't like it then we can switch." you responded. "I think you give him too much power. He's a baby."

Jungkook remains quiet but listens on how you instruct him to put the nipple in his mouth. He does and sighs in relief that Jin-Seon begins to suck without a care who was feeding him. He smiles a low smile the way Jin-Seon stops squirming. 

You go back to folding Jin-Seon's clothes for the next few minutes, organizing everything around you for an easy find. When you turn around to check on Jin-Seon, your eyes catch Jungkook's appearance and are taken aback. "Are you crying?" you whisper, unsure if you were intruding on a personal moment or not.

"I can't take back what I've done to you Y/N. I wish I would've listened when you begged me not to." Jungkook wipes a few tears away with his shoulder, careful not to disturb a carefree Jin-Seon. "I love you with all my heart for making me a father but I hate myself for how it happened. I know..." Jungkook's eyes stare at Jin-Seon, his eyes watering even more. He wasn't a cryer - especially not in front of others. But the thought of his son growing older and despising him for what he's done to you makes his blood run cold. "I would do anything for you and Jin-Seon and I will spend forever trying to redeem myself."

#cruel intentions #sorry its so long #explicit-tae

[oonajaeadira]

For the fanfic tropes asks! Unplanned pregnancy 🤭🤭🤭

Oooooo interesting ask, friend. You're about to learn a lot about me....

I would most likely not write this one. And this is just about personal preference and chemical make up.

If you're interested in learning why my characters rarely go into breeding mode, warnings for pregnancy anxiety and personal medical bullhonky under the cut.

put a trope in my inbox

I've known from a young age that I would choose to be child-free for a number of reasons both for lifestyle and for lack of biological maternal pull. This is not to say that I don't love children because kids are the shit. They're curious and funny and creative and ask the big questions we all should be asking and smiling? Smiling's my favorite. I have five nephews that are hilarious and my SO has several nieces and nephews that I adore and spoil and I am still seriously considering stealing one of them because I need her in my life more consistently. I love kids because they are my most valuable teachers and life-coaches and little receptacles for joy and wonder.

But I'm not a baby person. To quote Margaret Cho "when I hear a baby cry, I ovulate sand." I'm not repulsed, just anxious around them. They need so much care and are so very fragile and I do not have the chemical rush that turns on mothering instincts that most people have. When there's a baby in the room I'm actually more drawn to watching the parents--how caring for another being makes them soft, that look of love in their eyes. Gets me every time.

And my body is weird, does weird things, has phantom pains and allergies that come out of nowhere--don't even get me started on the still-undiagnosed gut issue I had for a year and a half that caused fainting spells and put me in the ER more times than I can remember and then just mysteriously disappeared. So to have something living and growing in my body that's going to throw my systems out of wack is not my idea of a soft time. My hormones cause me more pain (can you say monthly migraine and back knots?) than drive. I have had a little voice in the back of my head for all of my child-bearing years that says "your body was not made for pregnancy and doing it could possibly kill you." So. In many ways, I have the opposite chemicals that most women have. I assume my body knows its shit and it's my body's way of blocking me from a possibly harmful situation.

Biologically speaking, I am an anomaly since it should be the prime directive of all living organisms to live to breed. (I was a biology major on a veterinarian track for a hot second and that was my biggest takeaway from that whole year--from a biology standpoint, you are made to strive to sustain in order to breed and when you can no longer do that, it's your duty to get out of the way and die for the good of the species. That was...a difficult year for me to say the least.)

ANYWAY.

That all sounds very dramatic and like I'm against pregnancy and babes. Not at all. It's just not meant for me. But this is all to say that pregnancy isn't my kink and is actually one of my very minor turnoffs. I'll read it, but it's not my favorite. But somehow I love breeding kink? (Psychologically speaking, I think that has more to do with being found attractive, more to do with a mate wanting to stay and bond than anything else.) And when it comes to pregnancy, it's more to me about the attention, protection, and care that the mate brings that I'll enjoy in those fics.

And that's not to say I don't think the characters I write wouldn't be amazing parents. They all would. Even Dieter. Even Pats. I think it would probably be a travesty for Javi and Sunday NOT to be parents eventually (can you imagine the soft? the chaos? the gentle scolding from Sunday and then they run to Javi who absolutely agrees with Sunday 100% but then turns around and spoils them behind her back??? THE LOVING MISCHIEF???) And eventually, I think Din and LB will become kind of parents to their foundlings in their own way because adoptive parents are legit and their love is real too. If I were to write the characters with established children--Marcus M, Dave, Frankie, Oberyn--I would very much include their kids into the family structure, just as I have pulled Cee in along with Ezra and hope to do so more with Din and LB and Grogu and Shiari. But my primary focus will always be love and trust and bonding between my couples. It's just how I roll.

#tmi #ask games!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW - body dysmorphia, reference to csa & cocsa i need some advice on how to deal with a few feelings. hi mods, hope all is well so recently i got my hair dyed for the 2nd time since my first hair dye around late 2021. at that time, my mom told me that she would not let me dye my hair again, but i had it dyed once again and my mom, although let me do it (she was present with me), throughout the process she looked very tensed, upset, and mumbled about a few times abt the chemicals and everything. i felt super guilty at this point, but to me dyeing my hair is a form of self expression. i know it's harmful, but my hair is one part of my appearance i like, and it's the only part of my body that i don't feel ashamed of. she looked very exasperated. after we got home that night, around quite late ( i stay up late to finish up some work somedays ) she came into my room and spoke to me in a very, uh sulky type of manner i say? like she was distressed and came to me saying that she hadn't been able to sleep for the past 2 hours and felt very bad for letting my dye my hair again, that she was a bad mother for letting me damage my hair. for context, i've got very thick and voluminous hair which i'm proud of. she spoke like she was about to cry, and then told me she suffered a lot while watching my hair getting dyed and then will suffer looking at me everyday. this really upset me. she joined her hands and told me to please not dye again, which i promised her before all of this. look, i totally get her perspective and understand it's hard for her to watch me damage my hair ( i haven't dyed it fully. only the ends. ) and right now, she's around 50 and has hair loss and greying which she often feels sad about, so i get why it's hard on her. however since then i've had a hard time feeling good about my appearance since i'm obese, and i don't like looking at my new hair either. i feel guilty thinking of how my mom talked to me. she did it out of genuine concern, but it's triggered an episode of body dysmorphia and and i don't feel good about myself anymore. this also brought up some thoughts about how i've grown up being SA'd and almost raped by my elder cousin, and how i've told absolutely nobody in my life abt it. i thought about how if simply dyeing my hair caused her so much distress that she couldn't sleep that night then how much pain it would cause her if she ever found out how the nephew she's so close to assaulted me. i can't fathom how much that would hurt her.

when she said she will suffer looking at me everyday, i know she didn't mean it in that literal sense but it made me feel like expressing myself will only cause her pain. i've had some bad dreams over my SA and so since then. we didn't have a fight, or anything, and we've been acting the way we normally do, nothing wrong between us. but occasionally she'll look at my hair and say nothing. my mom's a great person and i love her a lot, but the conversation as a whole is just painful because of what the aftereffect is.

that's all, have a good day

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what happened. I can understand how her concerns about your hair has contributed to your body dysmorphia as well as your experience being assaulted.

As someone whose mom also had to warm up to the idea of me dying my hair, the thing is that hair grows back, so the damage isn't permanent and so it shouldn't be taken as seriously as your mom is taking it. It's possible that another reason why she feels this way is because she may, like many parents, want a sense of control over you because autonomy means you're growing up, and that can be hard for parents to accept. But it's also not an excuse to limit your freedom, especially when it comes to your body. Your body is your own and it's not up to her to dictate your bodily autonomy. She should let you have the one thing you don't hate and let you express yourself the way you want.

I also want to suggest that while I definitely see where you're coming from in terms of like, if she reacts this way then how will she react to more serious matters, they are very different subjects and so her response may be very different as well. But it is important to take into consideration how she responds to things like these so you can refine your approach when you feel comfortable having future conversations with her.

It's okay to dye your hair and you don't deserve to feel self conscious about it. I'm sure it looks great.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw child abuse #tw sa #tw csa #tw cocsa

[nwhk]

Fare thee well, 2023

Aaah..

Yeah exactly. That's the first thing I said out loud when I tried to think about 2023 in retrospect

Can you believe that it's only a few days until 2024? I have not even finished processing half of 2023 let alone entering a new year..

Honestly I have no idea how I dealt with this year - mostly giving myself the peptalk cause girl can't depend on no one for that. You gotta kick your own ass, sometimes. I lied. It's most of the time.

Because truth be told, it's you against yourself 90% of the time. You can't choose the environment nor the situation you're in but you can, at least, control the way you react to it. (Trust me, in my head, I've been on rampages a few times)

Looking back on 2023, it was a roller coaster. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Hold on, scratch that. It felt like being thrown in a fucking washing machine and being told not to scream - but eventually seeing light in the end

Yeah. Exactly like that.

I feel like I was thrown in situations so uncomfortable that I didn't get to tell that it was uncomfortable - it was more like God throwing stuff at me and told me to deal with it - and I did.

See, that's the thing. I never thought I had it in me to handle all of those things thrown at me. I used to think, nah that's not gonna happen to me. I used to think I GET to choose, but the universe said otherwise, obviously.

I lost a friend this year to Cancer. We used to be so close but my God, it was really a wake up call how fragile life is. How short life is! May Allah rest her soul amongst the beloved – really puts into perspective the things that we think are important in this life

I also lost a friendship that I really valued and tried so hard to keep this year. But I guess, one can only get hurt so much, so this one had to bite the dust. I'll cherish all the memories, for sure, but I believe wholeheartedly that we would be better off out of each others' lives and I wish her all the best

.

.

On a positive note, I went on two vacations this year - Kuching in July and KL & Penang in December. Where did I get the money with all the expenses on my car that I had to pay for this year? hahaha God indeed works in mysterious ways

and when they say people show their true colours when you live or travel with them, it is so true and I learned a lot in that regard and it did build my patience and get my mind blocking game strong

and as a cherry on top, my sister decided to give birth while I was away. Sister of the year goes to....? Yours truly. I have a new nephew ya'll and it is such a lovely addition to our family and even more lovely way to end the year - baby screams. I'm kidding. He's a good boy.

I don't know, but I feel like my mind went through a lot of shifts and lots of tweaking here and there throughout this year. I definitely learned a lot and it has definitely helped shape my character. Have I transformed into a better person? Not really. I really do feel like I am still a work in progress and I have gotten better in some areas more than the others, and other parts I feel, I have not started on or even identify them yet.. maybe I will next year?

I also learn that having people who love you and accept you as you are is hugely underrated - you need it and it makes this whole life journey more bearable. Those who feel your joy and your pain - those count, and I wish everybody has at least this one person in their lives.

Watching my parents grow old was really the highlight of this year, I feel. They played a major part in opening my eyes this year. I have taken for granted a lot of things - the way I would get mad how my mom would bang my door to call me for dinner every night - I don't get to experience that anymore. Mom can barely walk let alone walk to my door. A lot of things. How the tables have turned. How they have become so dependent on me now

Now I'm the one who has to call for dinner - to bring dinner to them. To worry if they have anything to eat while I'm away for work etc. I'm less worried now because my sister's home at least for a few months

There were moments where I caught myself wishing to turn back the hands of time. Wishing for this and for that but only to realise that all I have is now and for me to make it count and with all thats going on in my life, I am afraid to lose sight of this in the midst of all the chaos. It can easily be the most difficult thing in the world

I have no idea what 2024 is going to entail but I am trying to make sure that I enter the new year with a positive mindset. The grateful, blessed mindset with a new outlook on life. Wish I knew years ago that this is what growing up is. I used to always believe that life was like a tug of war where you have to fight to win and so I lived life on survival mode mostly. When I was told to relax and take life as it is, I panicked - in my mind that if I let go just a little bit, life will come crashing down

Now I am slowly accepting that I am just living life as it was written. Life will give to you naturally and all you have to do is navigate and make good decisions and most importantly, have a good heart and good intentions with you all the time. I believe God knows and acknowledges all that we do

What will be, will be - and so it is.

Happy New Year 2024, everybody!

This ship is only sailing towards the Northern Star

Note: I began writing this post a probably a week before 31st

[reallifepotato]

My mother said yesterday like "I'm going to butt into your business" and I was like ok

And she's like "would you want to have a baby on your own?" Like go to a sperm bank and do all that and I'm like ???? That ???? So??? Not???? Like. That's absolutely the exact opposite of anything I would ever want.

I really think she thinks I'm a lesbian but doesn't want to ask.

I've told her before I don't want to get married and have kids and I don't like doing things for men and I think she genuinely thinks I'm a ...non practicing lesbian. Which for a while I'm like yeah good at least she's not trying to get me married to some guy or send me to therapy for being fucked in the head and being a 28 year old virgin who's never been on a date but like

I don't want to have children because I don't...want...children? Like I like babies. And I LOVE my brother's baby. And I love hanging out with her and watching her grow but I also love returning her home when she's tired and grumpy and having someone else change her diaper or take her to the doctor when she's sick and stuff like that. I like doing the fun easy parts. I don't like doing anything serious. Like that one week she was here when they had the baby and she did diarrhea on my bed and I had to wake up every morning at 6am to get her ready for daycare and all that was SO MUCH. And I get that maybe if I had a very supportive partner (male) (I'm not a lesbian) I might be able to get used to that kind of responsibility/work load but tbh I just don't have the DRIVE to have a baby. Some people see a baby and get all weepy because they want one so bad. And maybe because I have so many nieces and nephews and know I can see them whenever I feel like, I just don't get that. In none of my fantasies am I a mother. I get that way when I see cats tbh. I'm like omggg look at that tiny head and little nose and ears !!!! And I want one so bad!! And I know a pet is also a huge responsibility and not always fun but for some reason for a cat I feel like I'm willing to do it.

Also a part of it is that like. My sister is probably the greatest person I know. She half raised me. She had the potential to be the greatest mother and her kids are evil demons. Like. Honestly if she couldn't do it I don't think I could.

And like my mother and my sister have a style of parenting that I would also fall into which is sort of...putting everyone else ahead of you? And I'm already doing that with my brother's kids and my grandmother and mother. I don't want to not be a person for 20 years just to tick off a box called 'children'

And I know, my sil told me one time like "that's not the only way to do it" and I SEE that she's doing it a different way and is managing to be a person. But I don't believe that I will be able to do that. I'm one of those people that can only do one thing at a time.

Plus I'm sooooo mentally ill I don't think I would manage, and wouldn't manage without scarring my kids, and I wouldn't want to pass on my shitty genes anyway.

Further more I just. I don't want kids. I don't mind them for short amount of time but I adore adult spaces. I love having breakable knick-knacks I love doing whatever I want I love not being tied down.

Idk.

I'm going to have to come out as straight to my mother. Misha Collins behavior.

And if I come out as that I'll have to come out as super duper mentally ill which honestly I don't know how she could not notice. But ok.

#loooooong personal post

[chronicrealnesscushings]

Symptom Log Day 1

It's a warm spring day here in the Great Lakes region. 73 degrees when I woke up. I got about 5 hours of sleep but I feel better than I usually do. Not even as tired as I usually feel. Today is a good day. I'm not in a flare up, my body seems to be calming down, and I'm not binge eating. Mentally, I feel a bit weird. I wonder if I have pseudo cushings. Ever since I found an answer to how I feel, I haven't had a flare up. But my mind likes to gaslight itself a bit. Most of my symptoms align with episodic or cyclical Cushing's. It could be a different reason. I tend to feel better when I get out into the sun, which we've had more of lately. My endocrinologist has ordered pretty much all the test. 24 pee test, dex test, and another round of cortisol swabs. I love how when I finally get the testing I need to get answers, things calm down. Funny how that works. Almost like it knows that I'm on to it. My therapist told me not to personify it, but for me, Cushing's is like a little goblin that sneaks up and puts a bag over your head. You feel around, blind, trying to get the damn bag off and when you finally figure it out, and get it off your head, the little damn goblin is nowhere to be seen.

I've been trying to find more information on cyclical and pseudo, but everything is in academic language and my brain isn't really good at paying attention to that. I mean, I love reading, but it's hard to keep going when the text is so dry. It's also bit a hard to remember all the of definitions for each different thing. I used to be awesome at stuff like that, but then again, my brain is like half functioning nowadays.

I'm starting to get a bit agitated, so maybe my cool period is starting to come to an end. This time, it's welcome. I need the test results to get any treatment.

At my last doctors appointment, I hit the dreaded number I was trying to avoid. 225. I can't say my eatings been all that great, but 15 lbs since last month? Insane. When I look in the mirror, I don't recognize myself. I am huge. My arms and tummy especially. I don't feel right in this body. Growing up, I was always bigger. Taller than the boys, thicker than girls. I grew a chest way before any of my friends. But I lost the weight eventually. I had been riding 145 for almost 5-6 years. I was healthy. I was in shape. I was doing well at my job. I had a career. Now I just sit at home watching Scooby doo and feeling like this. No career. No friends. No health,

I have a wonderful fiancé. I have two beautiful dogs. Our nephew is coming to stay the summer with us and I'm excited to have him. But I am tired and depressed and I don't want to go outside in a pair of shorts. My thighs are like tree trunks. I am all for body acceptance... except when it comes to mine. It's not even just about the size. It's about not being able to walk up steps or hike like I used to. Kayaking, rock climbing, river rafting... I am a liability. That hurts me more than anything.

#cushingsdisease #cushings #chronicillness