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moon7jay · 5 months

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Forced To Take Him (PART 2)

🫴Read Part 1 here

Warnings : stepcest, mentions of the word rape, manipulation, non con, dub con, spit play? Ig that's all idk

Note : IT'S NON CONSENSUAL, consider it dead dove do not eat. and if u chose to read even after all the warnings, I'm not responsible.

"f-fuck take it like a good girl, take it all baby shit-" his voice cuts off in a whine when he feels you gag around his length, your throat feels raw and abused and you aren't sure if you'll be able to talk once this is over. He's so rough with his animalistic thrusts in your mouth, his palms planted firmly at the back of your head, fucking into your throat like it's a cunt. A wet, messy cunt for the purpose of getting fucked.

His eyes are on yours, his lust filled expression making bile rise in your throat. But at the same time there's a tingling in between your legs, your body working against you

"fuck u like this, u like this don't you, u little sexy slut" he pants, smiling down at you sinisterly, his tongue comes out to lick on his plump lower lip, his brows furrow as he once again gets lost in the pleasure of your throat

There's saliva leaking out of your mouth, drool mixed with his precum, you can taste it . Taste how messy all this is gonna get.

"fuck u, fuck u for making me like this ughmmmm- drive me crazy, wanna fuck all the time oh yeahmmmhm" he moans loudly. Fear strikes your heart, acutely aware that your sister is just a little distance away, watching TV on the couch and a single kitchen counter is what hides your body from her vision. If she were to look over, she would only see sunghoon and not how he's busy using your throat mercilessly.

But sunghoon doesn't care. Ever since the first day he raped you, he had only gotten braver, more worry free and fearless.

He started fucking you more frequently. almost anywhere he felt like he would pull your shorts down and bury is cock in your snatch in a single thrust, pounding like an animal.

He would come into your room at nights, whispering filthy promises in your ear while his hips snapped into your womb with the intention to breed.

He had also stopped giving your sister the sleeping pills, and you could feel it in your heart that he wasn't scared of your sister catching u anymore. and your fear became reality when during one night of brutal fucking, his fingers dug into your jiggling fleshy thighs and he groaned into your ears the words which made your insides turn cold.

"wanna tie your sister up right beside ur bed and make her watch how I rape you baby- his teeth dug into ur cheeks as u sobbed - wanna make her see what real fucking looks like. THIS. This is what fucking is all about. Tight fucking pussy god fuck"

A sharp thrust inside your throat made you come back to the present, he held your head in place, going deeper and lodging his dick further inside your fluttering throat. Your nose meshed up against his pubic hairs, his groans getting louder

"fuck yeah" he laughed, at the height of his insanity, snapping his hips again, making u choke on this thick length, gagging sounds like music to his ears

"look so pretty like this, gonna fuck u right on this kitchen floor baby, gonna make u scream so your sister knows exactly how u drool around my dick in ur pussy like a filthy little -Fuckughhh- little slut"

Your finger nails dug in his thighs, your oxygen supply getting cut off due to his rough movements but u could feel that he was close, his taste getting stronger on your tongue

"fuck fuck fuck squeeze my balls, make me fucking cum , wanna cum so much, fuck-yeahh" he thrust rapidly at an animalistic pace, his head thrown back in pleasure as you played with his balls just like he asked for. You had learned how to obey, having seen how bad things could get when he was angry.

"swallow-holy fuck-take it all you fucking whore, take my seed" he groaned from above you, snapping his hips deep into your throat and holding your head against his pubes, cumming inside your mouth, his taste flooding up your senses. you swallowed instantly, afraid of disappointing him, squeezing his balls more to drain him of every last drop of his fuck cream, making him curse

He pulled his dick out of your drooling mouth with a pop. Before you could catch a breath he was dropping down on his knees and burying his tongue in your mouth.

one thing your sister's boyfriend loved more than fucking u was tongue fucking your mouth. you don't know what his obsession was with your tongue but he loved sucking on it while he made u suck on his own tongue. Just plain messy, open mouthed kisses, making out with your tongue for hours.

His wet muscle tangled with yours, licking into your mouth with vigor, wanting to catch any after taste of his cum that u just swallowed. His hands grabbed you by ur thighs and the next thing you know he was dragging them from under your body so that your sitting form fell down on the kitchen floor, your head hitting a little hard at the wood but sunghoon didn't care. He never cared if you got hurt.

He was instantly pulling back, tearing your panties apart, pocketing the shredded fabric to jerk off with later and he was burying his cock inside, breaching your entrance in one harsh penetrative thrust. A gasp escaped your throat while he groaned in pleasure and satisfaction. Finally being wrapped in your wet pussy folds.

Your pussy was sore from how rough he had taken u in the morning and he was so big, you felt an excruciating pain at your entrance, tears rolling down your eyes involuntarily. He started snapping his hips into yours without waiting for you to adjust, gasping in pleasure, folding your body in half, grinding your sexes together

"does it hurt? fucking tell me that it hurts-fuck"

It did. but u didn't want to give him the satisfaction of getting off to your pain. You knew he was a sick bastard who got off when u were hurting. Your tears turned him on.

"so so fucking wet, sucking my dick in your tight little fuck hole, I bet u want that fuck cream inside you so bad huh baby?" he spat upon feeling your nails dig into his neck, your pussy was so wet, your body's natural reaction making you cry more. Maybe it was your fault, maybe u did want this. Maybe he was right.

"Feels so good baby, cunt milking me so fucking good yeahmmugh jesus fuck"

his thrusts became rapid, carnal lust taking over his body, going deeper, harder. You closed your eyes to avoid seeing how much pleasure he was getting from using your body like this. The cold kitchen floor digging into your back, making you more aware of what was happening to you. You were crying and screaming in full force now, unable to hide how much pain he was putting you through, but also unable to hide how much pleasure he was giving you. Your hips were chasing his own, your lower region getting hotter and hotter, you could feel your high approaching. Please God no, no, you can't cum on this monster's cock.

He laughed when he felt your pussy clench around his dick

"fuck yeah u want this, u wanna fuck with me, u wanna breed with me, come on, let's cum together yeah? let's fuck some more" He panted, his eyes shining in a sick want, you tried to look away but his hand held your face in place, fingers digging into ur cheeks, his gaze fucking into your soul, his pleasure filled expression making the knot in your belly snap, your eyes rolling back at the same time his eyes rolled back, your cum mixing with his pearly white seed flooding inside your womb, profanities and "fuck yeah" s falling from his mouth, his teeth digging into your cheek, hips fucking into u relentlessly, intensifying the squelching sounds your grinding sexses were making.

You tried pushing him away, his thrusts now making your insides hurt but he didn't stop, panting like an animal, wrapping your legs around his waist while he resumed his thrusts, his dick still hard inside of you. Hot and hard and so cruel.

His fingers dug into your waist, his tongue coming out to lick your neck, upto your chin to your nose, sliding sideways to dip inside your ear making you whine in overstimulation.

"t-too much" u gasped out, your nails scratching his back in hopes that he would slow down, the pain mixed with pleasure starting to get to your head.

"yeah? good, gonna fuck a baby into u baby, gonna fuck ur warm little cunt till u start bleeding" he whispered, intruding your mouth with his tongue, his hips getting harsher, his dick head hitting your cervix head on, even going past it at some point with how much it hurt.

You were starting to lose your vision, so lost in the overwhelming feelings to take note of how eerily quiet the house had become. How the skin slapping sounds and your groans and moans were all that could be heard now. You could not hear the TV anymore.

Your head lolled to the side and your eyes met your sister's. Relief washed over you. She was here to save u, she was finally gonna save you, u were gonna be free, you were-

"she isn't gonna stop me sweetheart, she's gonna watch us fuck like the pervert that she is, she's gonna watch me rape your tight little cunt" sunghoon whispered in your ear and something ugly reared it's head inside your chest. You were begging with your eyes. He was wrong, wasn't he? But why was she not stopping him? Why wasn't she saying something??

your eyes travelled down and a cold shiver ran down your spine.

Your sister's hand was buried inside her shorts while she watched how sunghoon fucked u. He was panting and groaning like a wounded animal, his spit flying everywhere as his thrusts became sloppier, your heart felt numb and so did your mind. You could not comprehend the scene that was playing out in front of you. your sister's excited eyes were fixated on your and sunghoon's grinding bodies, how u writhed under him, how he was shaking in pleasure. Her hand's movements inside her shorts getting faster in tune with sunghoon's thrusts

That look. You knew that look. You had seen that look countless times throughout your childhood but u were a naive little girl who didn't know any better.

You were 13 when your mom had married lana's dad. It had been a happy marriage, never once did u feel unaccepted or unwanted by your step sister, she always kept u close to her, always took u with her when she went to play, always shared her toys with you.

But there were more things she liked to share with u. like kisses.

You were innocent, never understanding the meaning behind her lingering touches and kisses. You both were just kids after all. And even though it felt uncomfortable at times, you didn't want to ruin ur relationship with your new sister. You wanted to be good. And siblings kissed all the time didn't they? it was just a way to express affection to each other

But as time went by, her affection towards u became unhinged. She was overprotective over u in an almost obsessive way.

U didn't notice it at that time, u never did. U never noticed how she would insist on sharing clothes and baths and how excited she would become when u let her borrow your lip balm. or how angry she became the first time u mentioned a crush.

How one day u came home crying to her because everyone in school was talking about how ur mother was a whore and u also carried some STDs, unaware of the fact that lana was the one who started those rumors, an effort to keep u isolated and dependent on her.

at your 17th birthday, your sister bought u a dress matching with hers and even tho u insisted that u didn't want to change in front of her, she made u eventually

"We're both girls y/n, I change in front of you all the time, why can't u?"

and so u did. Missing the way your sister's breath became heavy with each article of clothing that u took off.

At first she used to watch, just watch. until you both were well into adulthood. Turning 19, she eventually started touching.

"You're so beautiful y/n" she whispered while caressing your naked waist. You smiled awkwardly, putting ur top on instantly, feeling uneasy at the look lana was giving you. But u brushed it off, u shouldn't have.

u brushed off a lot of things, like when your sister took u to clubbing one night and as the crowd increased on the dance floor, you could feel her body press closer to yours, her hips subtly rubbing against u.

or how when u leaned closer to whisper in her ear that you were getting out to get some fresh air, your sister buried her nose into your hairs, inhaling your scent unbeknownst to ur naive self.

You had been your sister's deepest obsession ever since you walked into her life years ago. But u were too blind to see that.

"so close gonna cum so much for u, gonna fucking breed u full holy shit, you're gonna make me cum so hard baby " sunghoon's groans reached a fever pitch, the squelching sounds of your groins meeting filling up the kitchen, you couldn't take your eyes off of lana or how her eyes rolled back in pleasure when sunghoon moaned his impending orgasm

"yeah yeah fuck yeah feels so good, god fucking godughh " He panted, flooding your womb with his cum, your second orgasm washing over u as u watched your step sister bite her lower lip and cum all over her fingers. Sunghoon's cock helping u ride urs and his high, pleasurable sighs filling the space

your senses were overwhelmed, your eyes shutting on their own, feeling guilty with how much you came but at the same time, a sick pleasure ignited inside of you.

You felt a soft caress against your cheek and without opening your eyes you could tell that it was lana. you leaned into her touch, a deep yearning flooding your chest. sobs escaping your trembling lips as she cooed and kissed your tears away

"Shh baby I'm here, I love you, I love you so much y/n" she whispered and ur sobs got louder. You could hear sunghoon's laughter in the background, his body had left yours at some point.

"she's pretty when she cries isn't she? kiss her baby, wanna see u making out with the little slut" he spoke from somewhere.

You refused to open your eyes, not wanting to face your sister's want and the glaring reality that it was her all along.

It wasn't sunghoon who wanted u, it was her.

She wanted to break u through sunghoon and now she had. You didn't think u could leave even if you wanted to.

A tongue slithered inside your mouth and ur sister groaned upon tasting you. Tangling your tongues together, you felt her hand groping your chest, moaning into ur mouth at feeling your body

"u're mine, u have always been mine" you heard her whisper before u sinked into unconsciousness. your body shutting down and mind choosing to disassociate from the glaring reality.

you always knew your step sister loved u in a way that was different from how your friends' sisters loved them. you always knew that lana loved you too much.

loved u so much that it was lethal

#part 2 finally???#enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen hard headcanons #enhypen smut #enhypen #enha #park sunghoon #sunghoon smut

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sonnetnumber23 · 7 months

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Good Omens 2 Rewatch. Episode 6 (This is such a long, long post, I'm too embarrassed to leave it as it is, so it's mostly under cut)

As I said earlier, Aziraphale when he’s alone and preparing to defend the shop acts and sounds so confident, so competent, at least in the beginning. When he’s talking to Nina and telling her that he’s organized the ball so that she’d realize that Maggie loves her, he sounds exasperated and Maggie looks so grateful! I mean definitely his plan was a bit stupid and all and they really shouldn’t have been meddling at all, but for Maggie in this little moment he really is a hero who’s come to her help this time. It also makes her feel braver. She was so afraid to tell Nina openly how she feels and get rejected. But now Aziraphale has done that for her, and it’s like the scariest thing has already happened, and now the rest is easy and she’s brave, almost intoxicated by it – like Aziraphale was intoxicated by his feeling of competence in the previous episode. That’s why (much like Aziraphale) she makes this silly mistake inviting the demons inside.

Aziraphale is so cool when he tells the demons to leave “and nobody will get hurt”! And I love that it’s Eric who turns his back, lol, because he sees the same Aziraphale that he saw in Heaven when Crowley was playing him. We like to say that both Crowley and Aziraphale play the cooler versions of each other than they really are because that’s how they see each other. But really, in this moment Aziraphale is just as brave and clever and merciful as Crowley sees him. (Just like in the previous episode Crowley was shown just as brave and witty and resourceful as Aziraphale thinks he is.)

Also, it’s kind of fun that it’s Shax who kills Eric and he doesn’t step inside the circle because I guess the circle would have destroyed him forever whereas now he’s just once again discorporated – so we can see him again. :D Idk, I just like Eric for some reason, he’s fun. XD

But then Aziraphale’s luck runs out and he “doesn’t have the next bit” of the plan. I wonder if he hoped that Crowley would return by then… He still has the “halo thing” up in his sleeve, but he’s not going to use it until it’s absolutely necessary. It’s interesting, because why? If it’s because it’s against the rules of Heaven – okay, but is it “legal” for demons to attack angels and humans on Earth? Surely that should be counted as extreme circumstances? But if the attack is authorized? Then it means that it’s okay for the demons to kill Aziraphale because Aziraphale is on his own and Heaven doesn’t stand behind him. And then he doesn’t have to follow their rules, they just don’t apply to him anymore.

So Aziraphale could have very well used the halo thing right away as I see it. Why didn’t he? Well apart from him still hoping to be part of Heaven’s system, thinking of himself as such, I think there’s another reason which is very similar to the one The Doctor had in “The Family of Blood”: he ran because “he was being merciful”. Aziraphale doesn’t want to be the one who starts the war. He wants another way. Even if it means waiting for Crowley to come to his rescue once again and listen to Shax’s very well-aimed insults. He’s even ready to sacrifice the books!

Meanwhile in Heaven.

I wonder what Crowley saw in that “Gabriel matter” which wasn’t shown to us. They call it “Another Armageddon” and such. Never a word about the Second Coming. So he didn’t see the whole plan, only the final stage of it – Victory of Heaven on Earth did he? Did they even have the whole plan by that time?

Crowley is so sweet when he bumps his fist against Muriel’s shoulder when they realize that Gabriel now has a lower rank than they do. He’s like: “Well done, mate!” And they actually look pleased. :D I really hope to see more Crowley&Muriel interaction in future.

The parallel between “I did the thing with the halo” and “I gave it away” was already mentioned, but it’s soooo good! :D They are the same after so many years, and Aziraphale still surprises and amazes Crowley like he has since the wall.

I’m not going to write about the whole Ineffable Bureaucracy Revelation scene. XD I actually like it a lot in all ways [as a pairing, and as a tool to bring the whole setting back to the end of Book Omens: just like there there’s no Gabriel in the picture, Metatron is the biggest boss in Heaven, Aziraphale has to work with Heaven, something is coming] except for it being the main “outer” conflict of the season. I mean, okay, the inner conflict [which is Crowley and Aziraphale gradually coming to terms with their feelings but being unable to make the final step] is more important here, but anyway I can’t shake off the feeling that the whole “Gabriel” plot is a little smallish for this show. Maybe it will be gone if/when we get the third season and it will all make sense in the bigger picture. I’m almost sure it will, but for now – it’s just not self-sufficient.

I will however say that Aziraphale looks at Gabiel and Beelzebub the same way he looked at Nina and Maggie at the ball.

When Crowley says his line about Alpha Centauri he glances at Aziraphale. And Aziraphale feels his eyes on him and immediately turns to him to smile, and only then realizes what Crowley is saying.

Also I think this moment isn’t meant to show us that Crowley actually wants to go/run away to Alpha Centauri or any other outer space. She suggests this option to Beelzebub and Gabriel as a place where they can be away from Heaven, Hell and Earth. But he, himself doesn’t want to leave if he can stay. Besides he’s already gave this option to B&G why would he want to go there? Here he simply means that he was in their place once and he might be again. And he isn’t sure Aziraphale even understands him at this moment – he isn’t planning to confess yet, he’s planning to be with Aziraphale, have “us time”, go to the Ritz, but ultimately continue doing what he’s been doing for the last 4 years. Pretending that he doesn’t want anything more than he has.

Nina and Maggie’s talk with Crowley rhymes so well with Adam’s talk in the first season. I mean, he did warn both of them that if they’ll go on meddling with people’s lives there’ll be consequences. And here they are, meddling again. It’s interesting that this meddling is not only the main story line both times, though they actually do not-so-much for solving the conflict at the end of the day, but they are also told twice that this is what they shouldn’t do.

So what I think is that in Season 3 we’re not going to get a better Heaven and Hell – we’re going to get humans getting their ultimate Free Will. No more meddling of Heaven and Hell in human affaires – just like Adam wanted.

But maybe I’m wrong. :) I just think it would be pretty poetic.

It hurts me so much to see Crowley tidying up the bookshop and waiting for Aziraphale to come back! :’( It so… After that ominous moment when The Metatron looks at Crowley and leaves with Aziraphale you just know it’s not going to end well. I remember when I was first watching it and when I saw Aziraphale and the Metatron coming back, looking at Aziraphale’s worried and upset face I immediately thought that he doesn’t like what he’s just heard from the Metatron and that I won’t like it either. The scary thought I had was that The Metatron told him that both he and Crowley were going to be human and stay on Earth as they’d wanted to. No Heaven, no Hell bothering them, just they, together. And I was like: “Oh, no! No, no, no, no, anything but that!” I don’t know why I’m so opposed to the idea (well, no, I do, but it’s more personal preferences than the reasons of narrative I’m afraid so it’s irrelevant), but that was what I was feeling when Aziraphale entered the shop again. But then, after feeling so unsure and afraid even, he works himself up into this ecstatic state when talking to Crowley. It’s like he isn’t sure himself so he wants to show Crowley that it would be great so that Crowley in his turn could agree and persuade him that it’s really good indeed. I really didn’t expect the “we’ll unFall Crowley if you rejoin Heaven” twist. And I was actually… relieved at first? Because: “Oh, well, good angst, I like this kind of pain. It could have been worse??”

Well, the Final Fifteen. I swear to you I can’t watch it without crying. So during the re-watch, I watched it, cried a bit, and now I’m rewatching it again and writing down the thoughts while crying. So, if I’m not the wisest of critics here, don’t judge me, please, it’s hard as it is.

I just caaaan’t look at them, they are both hurting so much in this extract. The nervous energy of Aziraphale which he starts speaking with – he’s just desperate! He knows that it’s all hopeless, and he’s going to lose everything he loves in this world, but he puts all his energy in this pretense hoping against hope that it might still work out. The utter terror and anguish that Crowley is looking at him with is just agonising beyond words. He, too, already knows that he’s losing the most precious thing in his existence, and it’s so not fair, and he’s shocked and resigned at the same time, because he’s been hurt so many times already, and here we go again. Only this time he really had hopes! It’s unbearable.

As I said earlier, Aziraphale absolutely isn’t sure that going to Heaven is a good idea, and he’s almost certain that Crowley won’t like it. That’s why he’s so hyped. Fake it till you make it and all that. He’s winding himself up to feel what he doesn’t feel – the excitement about the whole affair. Why? Because he believes that he absolutely has to say yes to it. He has no other choice.

First of all, The Metatron took him for a stroll after Michael was going to erase him and Crowley from the Book of Life, and Azirahale said to the Metatron:

“I made my position quite clear.” – meaning, he’s ready to get the punishment for his actions.

Then the Metatron’s exact words are:

“There are huge plans afoot, enormous projects” <;< Things Heaven is planning to do to Earth which you won’t know about unless you’re the one doing them.

(Aziraphale doesn’t look pleased or proud when he hears that he’s “just the angel for the job”, he looks terrified.)

“I’ve been looking back at the number of your previous exploits, and I see that in quite a few of them you formed a de facto partnership with the demon Crowley” << You’re still a traitor to Heaven, a criminal.

“Now, if you wanted to work with him again, that…” – [ominous pause] – “might be considered irregular”. << We know about you and Crowley, and that’s what angels and demons get punished for.

“But it will certainly be within your jurisdiction to restore your friend Crowley to full angelic status.” << Your relationship is illegal and dangerous if Crowley is a demon, but if you have the power you can make him and yourself invincible for any threats.

It’s so real life, guys, that it’s almost annoying.

So yes, as I’ve already wrote earlier, I think those who say that Aziraphale is threatened here are right. It’s just, it might not be a direct threat, yet it’s a threat nonetheless. Aziraphale knows that he can’t decline this offer, not a chance. And he knows that Crowley almost certainly won’t take it. But in this moment he hopes – with just the tiniest of hopes – that maybe Crowley loves him enough to understand his situation.

He doesn’t take Crowley’s feeling into consideration, because he’s still operating in the situation of emergency.

And for Crowley it’s a shock.

It’s deeply hurtful for him that Aziraphale would think that he wants or needs to be an angel again. But I don’t think the main reason for this hurt is that he thinks that he as a demon is not enough for Aziraphale. I don’t think he believes it.

“Oh, we’re better than that, you’re better than that.” << Crowley is offended for Aziraphale, not for himself. He doesn’t even think twice about the offer. Maybe he thinks that it’s a trick, or maybe it’s just insignificant to him. What he tries to make Aziraphale understand is that Aziraphale doesn’t need Heaven. They don’t deserve Aziraphale.

[I can defend and understand Aziraphale all I want – and I will – but what I will never ever forgive him is his choice of words. “Of course you said no to hell – you’re the bad guys. WTF, Aziraphale? I mean what the actual fuck?! You don’t even think that, why would you say it? Why would you say “you”?? I have absolutely no excuses for that bit.

I hate “You’ll be my second in command” almost as much as the previous line. It’s a little bit easier to explain: something something about Aziraphale knowing that Crowley wouldn’t want to rule Heaven, and he says he will give him enough freedom to do what he wants and not to do what he doesn’t want to do. Also that he will be “his” second in command – like the main thing here is that Crowley will be “his” – with him, the closest to him, always by his side. Legally. I still hate the wording, but I need to find at least some excuse for it, if I can.]

When Aziraphale talks about Heaven being the side of truth, of light, of good – he’s talking about its potential, about the things he hopes to do there. He needs to believe in it, and he needs Crowley to believe that he can do it, to believe in him.

I want to talk specifically about “He said what? – He said I could appoint you to be an angel. You could come back to Heaven and… And everything.”

In my previous rewatch posts I tried to point out and prove two main reasons of why Aziraphale wants to go to Heaven and bring Crowley to Heaven.

He wants Crowley to be happy.

He wants to be capable of making Crowley happy.

Again: Aziraphale isn’t so excited because he wants Crowley to “be better” or “to change”. He is excited, hopeful even – almost with the hint of bittersweet hope in something which he never thought was possible – because he wants Crowley to find peace and joy he’s never had since he’s become a demon. It seems to him that if Heaven is offering this deal that means they are willing to admit that Crowley deserves to be an angel, and it’s as good an apology as one can get from God. Maybe this will be enough to heal some of Crowley’s hurt and resentment?

Of course, Crowley sees it in a completely opposite way: if they’re ‘forgiving’ him, that means he has something to apologize for. But he did nothing wrong back then. He did much more evil after the Fall then before. And they’ve no right to forgive him.

I don’t believe Crowley thinks that Aziraphale wants him to become an angel because he loves former Crowley, the angel he used to be. I’m sure he knows by now that Aziaphale loves him for who he is.

I think what wounds Crowley in this moment is that despite all this love it’s not enough for Aziraphale to choose him over Heaven. That he can’t understand how vital it is for Crowley to be true to himself, and respect it enough to stay with him. And what’s even more – it hurts Crowley that he feels like Aziraphale does not only betray him and the Earth, but that he betrays himself too. Crowley’s offended on Aziraphale’s behalf.

“When Heaven ends life here on Earth it will be just as dead as if Hell ended it.” << That’s the very same argument Crowley used when he came to Aziraphale to persuade him to fight Armageddon.

And Aziraphale recognizes it, he tells him: “If I’m in charge, I can make a difference.” << He tells him that this time round they would have better chances, and they won’t have to face the End of the Earth. Why didn’t he say it more openly, why? [I’ll tell you why: because if he had, they would have come up with a plan together and we wouldn’t have this horrible dramatic ending that we have.]

But as Crowley hears it: Aziraphale is making the same mistake he made during the Apocalypse all over again – trusting Heaven over Crowley, leaving him alone to side with the people who want to destroy both the Earth and Aziraphale too. And it’s unbearable.

It actually hurts me to rewatch Crowley’s confession, I just can’t, I start crying immediately. I mean, if it were not for these characters I’m incredibly invested in, like, they are part of my world, my reality – I wouldn’t for the life of me subject my poor self to such a torture which is seeing Crowley go through this again.

Just look at him, he starts talking already knowing that it’s hopeless. He knows he’s losing the most precious thing he’s ever had and the hope of having it in possible future too. And he’s doing it anyway – he’s putting everything at stake and he’s laying his heart bare there, in front of Aziraphale. I couldn’t believe it then and I still can’t as I’m rewatching it – how brave he is. Just how much willpower, hope, desperation, courage one must have to not give up immediately, to not pretend you don’t care that much – just to preserve some parts of your broken heart from being shattered into even smaller pieces. Crowley here is incredibly strong and brave. Because he knows that Aziraphale loves him as he loves Aziraphale, but that doesn’t mean that Aziraphale will choose him. And he’s doing this not only for himself but for Aziraphale as well.

And it’s so so hard for him! T_T His voice changes, it’s raspy and breaking all the time. His Adam’s apple wobbles, he looks up to hold the tears… And just what must it be like for an angel who was once so well-meaning and trusting and never expected to be cast out for that – to trust someone again with his heart? Oh, Crowley… (God help me, I can’t understand how Aziraphale could just stand there and not be hugging him with all his angelic might)

When Crowley says “We’re a team, a group” – Aziraphale really glances away – to the window? – as if on a reflex, checking if anyone is listening. The angel is really so used to surveillance, to danger of showing his feelings. And how could he not be this way, really? In every historic minisode ever since the Arrangement he’s either worried that their relationship with Crowley will harm Crowley or he sees it happening. (I’m too lazy to write down the quotes, we all know them by heart don’t we?) Such habits won’t die easily. It will take time, and safety, and patience to overcome it.

I’m not sure Crowley here even means “we can leave Earth” when he says “We can go off together”. We’re so used to this phrasing (just as we’re use to the words Aziraphale uses both here and in the bandstand scene), that we tend to expect the same meaning. But in reality, I think Crowley just means: “We could leave both Heaven and Hell and be together, like Gabriel and Beelzebub did.”

However, even if Aziraphale understands him correctly, he realizes that it can’t happen this way: they can’t stay on Earth and have a happy ending. They can either go away somewhere (and even then they might not be safe, because – remember the opening scene? – it will all be shut down), or they can go down with the ship, which is the Earth. If they just stay and be “us”. So Aziraphale reads Crowley’s offer as such: “Give up on Heaven, Hell and the Earth. We can still be together.” Aziraphale can’t do that.

He wants to have both. He wants to save the Earth and be with Crowley there. He’s shaking his head all the way through Crowley’s speech. He wants to tell him it’s impossible, they just can’t be “an us” when there’s no one else in their universe.

[Again, from the last two paragraphs it’s obvious for me that it’s just a bad communication, isn’t it? If they just talked with words like normal grown up people there wouldn’t be any drama. Would it be more plausible, satisfying and (probably) in-character – very likely! Would it be less dramatic, sympathy-evoking and relatable? – probably also yes.]

Maybe Aziraphale isn’t saying it as it is, because he’s too afraid that he might be right? Maybe he thinks that if he tells Crowley now that he wants to be there in case of a new Armageddon, Crowley will just blame him for siding with those who even consider such things. So instead he just calls it “We can make a difference”. We can change them so that there won’t be a new Armageddon to stop.

And so when Crowley says “You can’t leave this bookshop”, and Aziraphale answers:

“Oh, Crowley! Nothing lasts forever!” He really thinks he’s saying it very openly: that there won’t be a bookshop if he doesn’t go to Heaven now. There won’t be Soho, There won’t be London. There won’t be Earth. “Oh, Crowley. How can you not understand that?”

But he can’t just say it openly, so Crowley has no way to understand it correctly so instead he hears the worst thing he’s afraid of hearing, because he’s already heard it before:

“There’s no our side. Not anymore.”

Just like Aziraphale will need time to recover from his trauma, Crowley will need time to recover from this. From always being ready for Aziraphale to reject him, for waiting it to happen any minute now.

Crowley remembers the Bandstand. He knows that then Aziraphale didn’t tell him the truth because he was a demon.

And now Aziraphale asks him to work together because now Crowley can be an angel.

And it hurts. And not because Crowley thinks Aziraphale thinks he’s not enough as an angel. But because Aziraphale still puts the chains that hold him before Crowley and their love.

Aziraphale here wants to go back to pre-Armargeddon times. Work together with Crowley, as they did then, stop the destruction of the Earth. And not hide. It’s the best thing he can imagine for them.

When he says “I need you!” I bet he’s not only thinking about Crowley himself as the closest person in his existence. He’s also thinking about the things he’ll have to do to make Heaven better and save the Earth, and he’s thinking: “How can Crowley refuse to help me now when in the same situation thirteen years ago I agreed to defy Heaven to help him save the Earth?”

[“Godfathers! Well, I’d be damned!

“It’s not so bad when you get used to it.”]

“I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you.”

I can’t read this phrase as “You don’t understand how much better it is to be an angel than a demon.” I just don’t see it, uh-uh. Aziraphale is far too offended for that. What he’s saying is: “I’m offering you a chance to save the Earth and be together. The only legal chance, the safest to do it.” That’s why he looks and acts so hurt. As he sees it, Crowley would rather stay a demon and choose to stubbornly hold onto his offense than smother his pride in order to be with Aziraphale and save the Earth.

Just like Crowley sees that Aziraphale is choosing Heaven over him, Aziraphale sees that Crowley doesn’t love him enough to forget his fight with God.

“I understand a whole lot better than you do.” <<

What Crowley is saying is: “I was betrayed and hurt by them so badly that now, six thousand years later I can still remember the pain. I don’t want that happening to you. I won’t participate in that happening to you. And you don’t understand it because if you did you wouldn’t ask me to go back there and subject myself to that pain again.”

What Aziraphale hears is: “You’re wrong to believe you can do anything. Heaven is toxic and you’re just you. And I won’t help you because it’s a lost cause.”

I love that Crowley’s feeling so much pain in that moment that he’s trying to lay some of it on Aziraphale with that nightingale line – it was petty and vengeful, and it worked: we see how Aziraphale react to that. But that only shows how badly Crowley was coping: he does it, because it’s too painful, he can’t do it alone.

And even in this moment, when he’s already horribly wounded, he doesn’t hide into his shell (I really thought he would, btw! I wasn’t expecting the kiss there and then even though I’d heard about the spoiler! I think this shows just how much Crowley really had to go out of his way to do it). It was a real feat, the kiss. I know it was more of a desperate attempt of Crowley to show what he can’t express with words. To show that Aziraphale has things on Earth to hold on to. But just as Neil said that he wrote the kiss there so that there wouldn’t be any misinterpretations, so that we would live now in a world where Crowley kissed Aziraphale – the same way I think it mattered to Crowley. He wanted Aziraphale to know for sure what he meant by “us”. Not the Arrangement, not working together, not being two fugitives on their own side. “Us” meant being in love. And it would have been easier for Crowley to leave some things unsaid when he knew that Azitaphale would leave anyway. But he didn’t.

And I don’t want to dissect the kiss and try to explain Aziraphale’s POV here, because some people have and many of them are right, I think. But it just makes me too sad for Crowley to think about it. By this point in the rewatch and analyses I’m done. I’ve no strength in me to forgive the “I forgive you”. Maybe tomorrow, but not today. (‘Tomorrow’ has come and gone and I still haven’t done it, so..)

And I just want to say that I think when Aziraphale is crying when Crowley’s leaving, he’s not only crying for himself. He’s also crying because he knows how he’s just hurt Crowley.

Okay, I’ve finished watching, and I’m crying too, and I don’t have any new ideas about the lift or the coffee, and I don’t think I want any weird turns there. I really think Aziraphale was hired not only to be separated from Crowley but also to do dirty work for Heaven. And I really hope that this will bite them (Heaven) in the arse.

I want Crowley to realize that Aziraphale was right about the Earth, and I want Aziraphale to realize that Crowley was right about Heaven. I want them both to apologize and help each other to deal with their respective traumas. Most of all I want them to hug and be together as – I’m sure – God intended.

#good omens #good omens tv #long post #good omens 2 meta #good omens 2 rewatch #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots

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izloveshorses · 7 months

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🎇

I feel really embarrassed about asking this but...

How do you write smut without feeling really embarrassed about it

✹ wildcard - ask any other question you have!

thank you for asking this!! first of all, i am embarrassed about it, so so so embarrassed, let me make that clear 🙈 every time i click publish, i'm like

but it's a small fandom, someone has to do it. and it's kinda fun once you get used to it. being able to write it has been... idk, freeing? it's allowed me to explore facets of these characters that i haven't felt comfy exploring on main before. and i feel like a whole slew of creative opportunities have opened up, and i feel a little braver attempting to try them out. once i got comfortable with it i kinda feel a little unstoppable now ngl.

while i'm by no means an expert on writing smut (absolutely not an expert asdlkfh), here are a couple tips that have helped me feel braver and might help you do the same:

this isn't a very productive piece of advice, but when i first published explicit smut i just kinda.... turned my brain off and blacked out until i was done typing lol. like i just drafted something from beginning to end without stopping, because if i slowed down or stopped in the middle and started thinking about how embarrassing this was i would never finish it. i still do this tbh. getting over this little mental embarrassment is the first and most important step, everything else follows.

read smut. i know everyone has different tastes and stuff, but exposing yourself to the language used helps sort of desensitize you in a way.

imitate what you like to read. as a continuation of the previous point: read smut, yes, but read smut you like. what about it is good and memorable to you? take note of the way it's written, how explicit it is, the language used, etc. don't like copy it word for word, but just pay attention to the style and start asking yourself why you like it.

like with any creative hobby: practice! write bad drafts!! write stuff that will never see the light of day!! the more you practice, the more comfy you'll get writing things you want to share.

remember that whatever you write will find the right audience. folks want to read it! and they are very happy you typed it out and published it for free!!

sometimes i start wondering if what i'm writing is Cringe, because the only thing more mortifying than writing smut for a niche fandom is writing bad smut for a niche fandom, but someone once said that what excites you as a writer most likely excites your readers, too. lean into that.

also. if you start thinking what you write is Bad or Cringe, just remember. jj abrams and a whole table of Professional people decided to make a star wars sequel trilogy without even bothering to write an outline first. the bar is literally on the floor. <3

Hope this helps!! if anyone else, perhaps someone more versed in this matter than myself, has any words of advice, feel free to drop them below <3

fic ask game!

#asks #Anonymous #ask games #fanfiction #my writing #smut #this is a great question anon!!!

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merionettes · 2 months

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rubicon ask!!

first off I'm so so delighted that I picked up FE3H last summer and that it led me to finding your writing & especially this fic. what an amazing experience, what a treat with every update, I have all these fun memories now of places I was when I got the update email (and screamed internally every time). a little collection of sense memories colored in.

as for the actual question: very curious about your process. did you have an outline going in? I have to imagine yes (or else you're braver than black friday shoppers). how did you go about structuring this, ie did you have a series of Moments in your head that you wrote around and connected, or did you try to build scenes to fit the arcs you had in mind, or a mix of the two? anything and everything you want to share, I'm 🤲

you're killing me!!! man, thanks so much, seriously.

as for the actual question, indeed. hahaha. ha. i delayed answering this for so long because it kept devolving into an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. well i give up. this is now two posts. one is the actual answer to your question, only ten times longer than it needs to be. the other is an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. so… caveat lector.

first part under the cut. ← not kidding about the caveat!!!!!!

i've talked a little about the process before, so i'll piggyback on that post and dig a little more into the differences between the original idea and the finished product, including spoilers i couldn't get into when i'd only posted 55k. ("only." god.)

technically this did start with an outline. technically because at the time i was brand-new to fe3h and hadn't written anything but a few friend-ficlets in about 8 years. thought "skating au!!", spent a fevered weekend outlining all the major scenes, started in on the writing, and…. very quickly realized that i was nowhere near competent enough to actually. write it. "intensely frustrating" does not even scratch the surface, lmao, of what it felt like to have this thing in my head and only be able to produce what felt like the worst clumsiest tritest version of it. very apropos for skating, actually.

looking back on that outline, it had almost nothing to do with the finished product, especially on felix's side. it didn't have the nationals flounce, the timeskip, training in vancouver, the lake, the nhk trophy sports anime climax, the backstory reveal meltdown. (it did have the redemptive healing free skate.) what, critically, it did have was sylvain's personal arc—burned out, desperate to quit, wants to go to college. it ended at exactly the same place as the actual story, with sylvain and dorothea's final skate together. the last line was one of the earliest things i wrote.

in other words, even though almost everything between the first and last scene changed WILDLY in the process of writing, i always knew exactly what i was working towards and that was invaluable.

insert two year timeskip here! during which i would occasionally reopen the skating doc, take a stab at another scene, feel this ominous sense of foreboding, and give up lol. you can thank the 2022 winter olympics for making me get serious, specifically 1) yuzuru hanyu going out in a blaze of bittersweet doomed quad axel glory 2) shoma uno losing to some eighteen year old. i believe my exact words were (consults notes) "anyway time to go back to my fic where i control the narrative and i decide who wins." idk what made this attempt different than any of the others—right time, right inspiration, right circumstances—but this time it caught fire. in uh. in a big way.

so that's when i wrote what i refer to in that post as a skeleton draft and what i've since come to think of as a storyboard on steroids. this is when felix's arc really took shape, beyond "he is sad… he is mad… he is perfectly positioned to see right through sylvain." the fallout from nationals crystallizing, in particular, was one of the things that snapped felix into place and helped determine the tone and focus of the story overall. (that initial outline had much more of a romcom/classic fwb-to-lovers feel.)

the other thing that did this, of course, was sylvain's narrative voice. when i committed to "burnout who is controlling every single word of every thought to avoid admitting that he is burned out" was when this story became what it is. the voice dictated every single scene, the tone, the shape, what was revealed, what was implied, what was never making it on the page. it led me places i didn't anticipate. it made the cuts for me! cute scene you've got in that outline lol sylvain would never.

i see past me in that post dancing around the length, lmao. well the ""storyboard"", the skeleton, whatever you want to call it, was over 100k. and yet even then, EVEN WITH 100K ON PAPER, there was still so much i had no fucking clue was coming! felix pushing sylvain on what he wants was there, but sylvain never explained what happened. my oc jm gautier (thanks for nothing, three hopes!!!) was an ominous presence, but he wasn't the final boss. there was no memory of the first time sylvain and dorothea met. (<- insane.) there was no glenn skate. i had to write to discover all of that.

so like—i cannot emphasize how much i grew as a writer through the experience of writing this story. prose, structure, character arcs, thematic arcs. i was harder on myself than i've ever been. and if i hadn't had that end goal in sight i don't know if i would have made it through all those iterations—storyboarding, drafting, rewriting, editing. wanting to deliver that moment powered me through any amount of frustration/exhaustion/bewilderment.

wow this post sounds almost normal. nothing about this experience was normal. which is why you're getting a part 2.

#sorry op for hijacking your ask for my own personal catharsis #extremely long post #rubicon #writing #ask

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2af-afterdark · 4 months

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I might reveal myself and send in some drawings when I feel a little braver...I'm a little shy, but I'll try my best to gather some courage to maybe render the outfit digitally before sending it in. But I can give some of my ideas here right now.(and also because I'm not 100% satisfied with the current outfit design...)

I tried to keep it vague but also have enough detail that it makes some sense(I'm also very bad at explanation...), but it might not so I'll answer any possible questions.(also I'm not a writer so it may suck...👉👈)

P.S. its a lot longer than I expected

In my version, instead of MC just suddenly get revealed that they've became God, they have to go through a process, where after they break the last contract, they starts to feel more fatigued than usual, and no amount of devil or human energy can give them their energy back. The Seraphim haven't been in the way for the last few weeks and something happened (I don't exactly have a solid reason yet) leading to all of the angels fill the sky, maybe they want to end everything all at once, hence the reason why they've been away to restore their number, train and such. This is also when MC is back by Satan's side in Gehenna, but they haven't chosen a king yet.

Then when the Seraphim descend from heaven, the closer they are to hell the more they can sense a Godly aura around, causing them to panic and look around frantically, when the Seraphim laid eyes on MC, all three froze since they can see that MC is the one radiating said aura. Giving them an entirely different goal, "Save God" basically. And the dynamic of the angels I used are based on your way of including them, so Gabriel is the main pursuer of MC. Then things happened, Gabriel disappeared, leaving Michael and Raphael to fight against, Satan, Belial, Astaroth and Sitri, while Ppyong, Paimon(he's carrying MC, bridal style), Leraye and Zagan protect and try to bring MC into a neighboring country to get more protection while they wait for further reinforcements. But the amount of angels overwhelmed them so Paimon has to put MC down but not before making sure that they're somewhat at a dead end so no one could ambush them from behind. After Paimon put MC down and started firing away, Gabriel appeared and flew straight at MC, none of the devil could shoot at him since his angel underlings are taking hits for him, so in one fell swoop he snatches MC and just started to fly up, making eye contact with Michael and Raphael signaling it's time to retreat, while MC make eye contact with Satan. Satan's anger fell as fear struck his heart. (My MC is a bit of a softer MC, so she just smiles and mouthed 'I will be fine' at Satan to reassure him that she'll survive, but he doesn't seem to be taking in none of that.) The other two Seraphim maneuver around Satan and his subordinates to return to the sky to retreat.

MC faint as they ascend to the sky and when they wake up the Seraphim are just staring at them. Then Gabriel mention about Devil and Human Energy, and how MC would need Angel Energy in heaven, so we had to fuck him. Then a few more days goes by and we fucked Michael and Raphael as well(hate fucking if you will). After a week up there MC just get encased by a cocoon of some kind, starting their "reborn into a God" stage. While they sleep in the cocoon, the devils came up with ideas to invade heaven and sensing the threat, Gabriel brought cocooned MC to the original God's "throne room"(Idk why I imagine he have one, but he have one) since its a little far from the main angel land, he think it should be safe. So when the day come where hell invade heaven, while the 72 devils rage war upon the lower rank angels, the 7 kings go searching for MC.

Something happens that lead the three Seraphim to guard cocooned MC and something lead the kings toward the throne room, making a 7v3 situation but before anything can happen, the cocoon cracks and crumble to reveal MC in a new outfit but with no extra addition or changes(I was planning on adding half and half wings, as well as a decorated halo and horns but I felt like that's too much, so I stuck with the simple designs of God we can see), who's kinda waking up, after the cocoon is completely off of MC and they're completely awake, they just wanted to end the war as quick as possible so they just hurriedly demand both the Seraph and kings to go out and stop the battles. Even though Michael and Raphael still have doubts, they follow MC's command anyways since they're outnumbered if they try to argue.

After the war ended, MC learns to move and create materials to rebuild any broken down houses n such. And while they're at that, they also tried building a whole court room for the judgement of the angels so that all of the devils that have suffered from the angel's actions could give their ideas, but in order to save their pretty asses, the devils can't kill the Seraphs, since they are needed to keep the human world in balance, because MC was tasked(during their time in the cocoon, a mysterious force gave them some tasks that they must do as the new God) with reviving or creating 2 more Seraphs to restore the amount to original. (My MC forgive the angels for trying to kill her several times, but did not forgive them for hurting and killing the people around her) so the final decision was sealed and the Seraphim have to serve their punishment for quite some time.

And that's all I have for now, I hope it wasn't hard to read (*´∇｀*)

You're good. I followed it.

I love that you made your own story inside the god!mc au! Honestly, I have one too, but I am still developing it based on what we learn about the angels (like, Raphael is way nicer to MC than Michael or Gabriel which is not what I expected at all).

But, ummm, 🦩anon send me their art off anon and I just post it without putting their name on it. You could do the same? Or I could just reply to you privately if you want? Honestly, we can do whatever you want (if you want to do anything at all).

I'm just a greedy little thing that wants to see what people make >w>

#❖ 🐰 anon #love letters ❤️#others writing #talkin' whb #god mc au

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a-lonely-dunedain · 5 months

Text

finally! the long put off awaited continuation of the Reverse Amnesia Loop I left on an unfortunate cliffhanger despite promising @hallothere I would continue it! (oops) Wherein Tossdir doing something reckless actually ends up helping yay

sorry my brain stopped letting me Write Words for a bit. again. anyway I feel like I'm rusty but idk. this kept getting So Long.

He knows.

You have no idea how, but he knows.

The man you ran into on the street a few moments ago, the one built like a siege tower, looked at you a bit strangely before you took off. You didn’t think much of it, but then he called after you, and when you started running, so did he.

You can only think of one reason he would be pursuing you, and that is that he somehow knows you stole that relic from the Houses of Lore earlier today.

You didn’t think anyone would have noticed it was gone so soon, you didn’t think anyone would have been able to track you down so quickly. You figured you would be able to stay out of sight until tonight, and then no one would have any way of knowing it was you. But you couldn’t stay locked in the cisterns all day, you needed food, but you realize you made a mistake in coming out here.

You duck and weave between vendor stalls and stacks of crates in an effort to lose him. For a moment you think it works, but the next moment you see him still on your tail.

Really, you shouldn’t even be running. You don’t have the relic with you, you’ve already hidden it far away so there’s no longer any risk to anyone here. If he catches you he might turn you over to the guards, but they’ll just forget, and you’ll be able to slip away tonight like you did the last time something like this happened.

You nearly knock over someone's produce display in your haste, and you sputter out an apology to the owner without slowing your pace.

The sensible thing to do would simply be to turn yourself over and spend the rest of the day locked up –hell, you might even get a meal out of it– but you are operating on instinct now, which has ever held mastery over what little sense is contained in that thick skull of yours. Currently, it has decided that you’re going to behave like a scared rabbit. Maybe you would be a little braver if you had your friends with you, if Ethedis Faeron or Bregadir were here, but you do not have friends or a family anymore. They do not know you.

When fleeing into the crowded areas proves fruitless, you duck into an alleyway and attempt to lose him in the narrow backstreets. This would be easier if you knew the ways of the city better, but unfortunately, you do not.

Still, you manage to lose sight of him for a little bit. You stop with your hands on your knees, gasping for breath. Did you lose him? You might have lost him- wait no, there he is.

You hiss obscenities under your breath that Meneldir would have scolded you for, and take off again.

You may be faster than him, but he is far more persistent. Always a few steps behind you, always. You know you won’t be able to outlast him. You stumble, fall, and land on your leg crooked. You find yourself unable to stand right away, then not two moments later the tall man is kneeling in front of you.

You flinch when his hand grips your shoulder, but he doesn't seem to have it in mind to hurt you just yet, just holding you in place in case you plan to start running again.

“Alright, now that I have your attention,” his voice is calm and steady, he’s not even breathing hard. Looks like he did not break a sweat in the chase. You find yourself more terrified of him. “care to tell me what that was all about?” he asks calmly, seeming more annoyed and confused than anything else.

You just blink in bewilderment. Does he… does he not know about the stolen relic? Then why would he have bothered following you? Also why is his hand so cold?

“I could- ask the same thing of you-” you manage to gasp out. “Why on earth were you chasing me?”

“I needed to speak to you, and I would not have chased you if you did not run. I did not mean to frighten you, but it was important. Now, I think you owe me an answer or two.”

After taking a moment to steady your breathing you mutter under your breath “Doesn't matter. You will not remember anyway.”

“What did you say?” he asks almost before the words have left your mouth. Did it sound like you were making some kind of veiled threat? It might have, it was probably a mistake saying that out loud.

“It’s- there is something wrong with me.” you stammer, “Every night, people forget I exist. It’s some sort of-”

“-a curse?” recognition and dread in his voice.

You nod. He releases your shoulder, and his expression becomes much softer. Sad, too.

“Not you too…” he says with a weary sigh. “I felt that chill when I ran into you on the street, I thought you might have some connection to it. Sorry to see I was right.”

“You were cursed too...?” That would explain why you didn’t recognize him, despite how much like a Ranger he looks and sounds. Your heart sinks into your stomach at the realization that another of your kin has fallen into this fate. Had he gone to Mordor with you? Or was he cursed when you foolishly brought the relic back to the city? Either way this is probably your fault. You feel sick.

He nods solemnly. “Then I am doubly sorry for frightening you. I imagine this has been a trying few weeks for you already.” you nod again, though seems like a bit of an understatement. “Although, that still does not explain why you ran from me. I know I can be rather intimidating at times, but surely it was not just that.”

You take a deep breath. You have a lot of explaining to do, and you’re not sure how he’s going to react

“I guess there’s no sense in hiding it from you. I stole a relic from the houses of lore earlier today, and I thought you had somehow found out and were after me for that reason.”

Corunir just looks at you for a moment, searching your expression in the hopes that what you said was merely a poor jest. To his dismay, he finds you are being dead-serious "Please tell me you're not talking about the relic I think you're talking about... The one I retrieved from Mordor."

"No, I'm talking about the one I retrieved from Mordor."

The two of you make eye contact for an uncomfortably long moment.

"...The one we retrieved from Mordor."

He pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration "I sincerely hope you had a good reason for taking it. How many more people might be exposed to it-"

"What about the scholars? Were they not at risk too?” you quickly point out “That is the reason I took it, so I could hide it someplace safer."

He shakes his head with an exasperated sigh “It was safer in the Houses. No one was allowed near it, it was only myself, Ethedis, and presumably you who were ever let in there. No one else-”

“-No one that we know of.” you snap a look at him, sharp enough to cut stone. “If any of the other scholars, or anyone else on the Sage’s Tier had been cursed, would we have any way of knowing?”

"No, I suppose we..." he trails off, then a look of horror slowly creeps onto his face “I… I fear you may be onto something. How did I not realize before… I remember bringing the relic to the Houses for safekeeping, but I cannot remember who specifically I handed it off to when I arrived. How could I have been so foolish…” Now that he mentions it, you realize you share the same gap in your memory. At least one other person besides the two of you has been cursed then.

“Perhaps the curse itself is what prevented you from seeing it?” you offer “It seems quite good at concealing memories, after all.”

He looks away and mutters something under his breath “Yeah. It was probably the curse.” His voice is flat, he doesn't sound like he really believes that.

But in all fairness, you think it is perfectly likely that the curse may be covering its tracks, clouding his judgment to prevent him from putting the pieces together or something like that. Of course you cannot provide any proof to that theory besides ‘it just kinda makes sense’, but he strikes you as an intelligent man, and you have a hard time believing he wouldn’t have figured this out sooner unless something was actively hindering him. If he and Ethedis had been spending more time around the relic than you, it makes a lot of sense.

Wait, Ethedis?

“Hold on, did you say Ethedis had been near it?”

“You know her?”

“Of course I do! She’s my best friend- well, was, at least. Don’t tell me you actually let her near that thing…”

“Only twice, and only because she insisted. I had hoped that between the two of us we could break the enchantment quickly, and I would not need to risk her being around it for long. But this has proved far more complicated…” and now you’ve gone and complicated things further.

“I guess I’m in no position to judge you for that then, considering my own reckless actions…”

“Well, do you have it with you?”

“Alright I’m not that reckless, give me a little credit at least. It’s hidden away in the cisterns. They were the only place I could think of to put it. Few venture down there and sections of it extend deep into the mountains. I thought there at least it might be far enough away from anyone else.”

“I see why you did it, but that’s going to be a big problem for us… I would likely need the relic on hand if I am to have any hope of breaking the curse, and if I will not remember having this conversation, then I will likely never find it again. Please tell me you had some sort of plan.”

“I… hadn’t thought that far ahead. I’m no loremaster, I know nothing about curses, my only concern had been trying to hide it away-”

“Then there is no time to lose.” he stands, offering you a hand to help you to your feet “Take me to where you’ve hidden the relic, I will simply have to find a way to break the curse before tonight.”

“That hardly seems a ‘simple’ task…” you test your leg a bit as he helps you stand. It still aches a little bit, but not badly. You should be able to walk this off. “Did you have some new breakthrough?”

“Not exactly. But there was one thing I had not attempted yet, perhaps for good reason. I was reluctant to try before, as I feared it might pose a risk to the nearby scholars if my theory was correct… but seeing as the relic is isolated in the cisterns, I will not need to worry about that.”

“Oh good, Something dangerous then!” you smile grimly “what is it you plan on doing?”

“I will explain on the way, we should be going now.”

Reasonably, you might want to learn what this man you only think you know is planning before venturing down into the cisterns with him, but since when were you ever considered reasonable?

So nevertheless, you start leading him to the nearest entrance to the cisterns. You notice some strange looks from a few people on the street who witnessed your chase earlier, but neither of you pay them much heed. You’ve gotten out of the habit of caring about your reputation, subconsciously assuming nothing will be remembered.

The two of you properly introduce yourselves as you walk. You learn that his name is Corunir, and he was once a part of Golodir’s Company. Apparently he was the one who first called for aid from the south, and helped you and Ethedis discover the secrets of the stone hearts of the Watchers. You thought it had been one of the Trév Gállorg you first spoke to in Aughaire, but you don’t actually remember who it was now that you think about it. That at least adds up with his story then.

“You know of the stone hearts?” he asks, almost surprised.

“Yes, I was there with Ethedis when we first discovered their secrets and crossed the Rammas.”

“Hm. it is as I thought, then. The three of us must have fought together in the War, as I remember the same thing only without you.”

“That’s what I thought too. But what do the Watching Stones have to do with any of this?”

“I’ll admit it’s a stretch, but I’ve suspected that the relic might actually be of a similar nature to the stone hearts. Not the same thing of course, or I would have recognized it immediately, but an item designed to hold a different kind of fell spirit perhaps.”

You do agree it’s a stretch. The relic seemed nothing like a stone heart. For one thing, it’s not even a stone. It is a small, seemingly empty, iron box you couldn’t open. An air of fell magic surrounded it, but it did not have the same sort of… feeling. It wasn’t the same as the stone hearts. The heart made you feel sick when you touched it, a nauseous dread in the pit of your stomach that threatened to rile up into blind panic. The box from Mordor though, was just cold. Not a natural kind of cold, but that’s still all it was. Deceptively harmless.

But, Corunir seems to know more about this sort of thing than you do, perhaps he could pick up on something you could not.

“So, if you’re right about this, I might actually be able to fistfight the source of the curse? Finally, something suited to my skill set!”

He laughs grimly “Perhaps, but we should still be cautious. I have never heard of a spirit with powers such as these, if we must do battle with it we should be prepared for anything. There’s no telling how powerful it truly is, if it is indeed a spirit we’re dealing with.”

“You don’t need to kill my confidence like that.”

“Overconfidence is far more likely to kill you.” he observes plainly

You almost scoff, not quite though “You sound like my brother.”

He raises an eyebrow “Is that a compliment or an insult?”

You shrug “it’s both, I think.”

You come to the door leading down to the cisterns and open it. Home sweet home, or at least it has been for the last few weeks.

“Aren’t these usually locked?” Corunir asks, following close behind you.

You glance back at him “They are, but I broke the lock and no one ever fixed it.”

His brow furrows, and you’re not sure why he seems so concerned “So they even forget about the things we touch now…?” he mutters, seemingly not directed at you.

“It’s probably not that.” you rush to assure, though he might be onto something “with everything else down here that was damaged in the siege, I’m sure something small like this was just very low on the list of priorities.” you shake your head as you continue down the dark, damp steps. You know the way down well enough that you do not bother waiting for your eyes to adjust to the dark before venturing deeper in. “At any rate, even if it is the curse’s doing, we will not give it the chance to progress any further.” you sound as confident as ever, but it does not seem to be rubbing off on your ‘new’ friend. He says nothing.

He remains mostly silent as you make your way further beneath the city. Going down here from the bustling streets of the city is always a jarring change, the stone suffocates any sound from up top, and all at once you are accompanied only by the echoing of your footsteps, the occasional drip of cold water, and stale musty air.

“Do you have a weapon?" he eventually asks, only just now seeming to notice that you're unarmed "We’re expecting a fight after all, I should hope you have some means to defend yourself.”

“I will not need anything besides my arms. I’m a brawler, far more comfortable with hand-to-hand fighting.” Well, that might have been true a few months ago, but at Bregadir's urging after Tur-Morva you have preferred to use your sword more frequently, especially when you face foes of an inhuman variety. But you do not have that option now. You notice Corunir giving you a doubtful look in the halflight.

“...what? You doubt that I can banish a spirit by hitting it really hard?” you realize how ridiculous your plan sounds when said aloud, but you choose to ignore it. And besides, in your defense, you have punched spirits before. Fists are far more effective in situations like this than many would initially believe.

“Do you at least own a sword?" His voice is clearly filled with worry, and you're not sure whether you should feel insulted or comforted by it. "I think I would feel better if you had the option of wielding one should the need arise.”

“I do but…” You try to hide the pained expression that crosses your face at the mention of it, but fail. “I… do not have it at the moment.” you reluctantly admit “Earlier I tried to go to Mithrendan for help, but I did a poor job of explaining myself. He recognized my sword as once belonging to my mother, but as he had no memory of me it seemed to him that I must have stolen it or worse… he actually got me arrested for it, and I imagine my sword is still in his possession, though he now has no memory of how it came to be there.” You make a short humorless laugh, as you fear you may cry if you do not express some other emotion “for some reason I thought yelling at him might break through whatever fog concealed his memory, but all I succeeded in doing was causing quite the scene while I was being dragged away. I guess I’m almost lucky no one remembers that…”

He gives you a sad, sympathetic look, "I'm sorry to hear that. I've had similar incidents occur, but I have been fortunate enough to keep all my belongings..."

You shrug nonchalantly “Well, at least I know it’s being kept somewhere safe!” you want to change the subject quickly, you don’t want his pity right now. "Anyway, there was something else I was meaning to ask you," you move on abruptly "If we're right in assuming we both journeyed to Mordor together, why did you choose to join the Conquest?"

"It's strange, I actually cannot remember the reason I went to Mordor, only that it seemed important at the time. Do you remember why you went though?" your heart sinks, you know why he has forgotten.

"I do. it was ill-thought and reckless, but I at least remember making that decision... if you do not, then..." you suddenly find yourself unable to look Corunir in the eyes "then I must have been the reason you went. So I got you into this mess. I'm so sorry- this was all my fault-"

"No, it was not." he assures, voice stern but gentle "If I followed you to Mordor, I did so of my own volition. And I doubt it was by your decision alone that we brought the relic back to the city. Do not assign so much blame to yourself, especially as neither of us remember the full story of how we got here."

"Right... you're probably right." Faeron was right too, sometimes you really do sound too much like Meneldir. That does little to ease the shame you feel, but at least Corunir doesn't blame you as he probably should be.

"More than anything, I'm just glad to know you remember your reasons for making the journey," Corunir continues "I was beginning to worry there may have been more like us."

"I suppose that counts as a silver lining..." you mumble. You recognize this turn up ahead "Ah, it looks like we're nearly to my camp, the relic is hidden there."

“Your camp...?” he looks confused “You've been sleeping down here?”

“Well, obviously, it’s not like I could rent a room at a tavern, I would be forgotten by morning. Where on earth have you been sleeping?”

He pauses for a moment “I… have been waiting until after the curse takes effect to rent a room.” ah, a much more obvious solution that never crossed your mind. He spoke gently, trying not to make you seem like a fool, yet you feel a fool all the same.

“...oh. That’s a good idea, I should have thought of that. A shame I’m not going to remember it.” you sigh “I wonder if we have had this conversation before…” knowing you? Probably.

“You will not have to remember. After we fix this mess, things can finally go back to normal.” he sounds less sure of himself than you would like, but it’s the thought that counts.

Not too long after, you arrive at the place that could only charitably be called a 'camp'. It's in one of the large chambers, positioned on a wide walkway near a reservoir. Just your bedroll, a small amount of scattered provisions, and a spot you had attempted to make a campfire to keep warm. You've since given up on maintaining that, though. It was far too much of a hassle to find and transport fuel down here, and fire does little, if anything at all, to stave off the curse's chill.

"You will have to excuse the mess, I was not expecting visitors." you say dryly, taking out the small bundle of rags you had the relic hidden in and unwrapping it. Intricate carvings adorn the surface of the small box, expertly crafted but of vile subject, they depict scenes of violent deaths and creatures you would rather not describe, runes you only half understand but wish you didn’t understand at all.

You hand it to Corunir, almost glad to have it off your hands despite how long you had spent trying to get it in the first place. A look of discomfort flashes on his face as he touches it, and he takes a sharp breath to steady his nerves.

"Alright, I suppose there's only one way to test my theory then. Are you ready?" you nod, you're ready as you're ever going to be, which isn't really saying much if you're being honest, but what else are you going to do?

Corunir sets the box down in an empty part of the floor and kneels in front of it, sword held at the ready with one arm and shield on the other. He closes his eyes and mutters some words in an old elvish dialect, the meaning of them you know not, but you have heard them before. They are the same words of power that were spoken by Ethedis all those months ago in Angmar, to draw fourth the spirit of a Watching Stone for you to challenge.

For a moment there is nothing. No sound or movement or any other sign of change. You begin to worry that it isn't-

Suddenly all warmth leaves the chamber. An icy blue light fills the area from an unknown source, illuminating the box with a ghostly glow. It feels as if the very air has frozen around you and you cannot remember the sensation of heat. Corunir shoots to his feet, holding out his shield in front of him. "That was it! Prepare yourself!" he shouts.

You assume your fighting stance just as the lid of the box flies open, a spectral figure bursting forth with an animalistic fury in its bright eyes. It is not dissimilar from other ghosts or spirits you have encountered, although it stands (floats?) a whole head and shoulders taller than most. It says nothing, but a feeling of unmistakable hatred emanates from it. You feel that it goes beyond the general spite for the living most spirits possess, it is clearly also angry that someone removed it from the populace areas of the city, surely foiling whatever plans it had for the unsuspecting people.

It outstretches its hand, drawing the dampness in the surrounding air to its fingertips and freezing it into a jagged blade of ice, and then it turns its hateful eyes to you. It knows you trapped it down here, and you know it has every intention of delivering you to a cruel death.

No going back, it has been unleashed and you must end it here and now. You don't really know if banishing the spirit will break the curse, and you know know if the breaking of the curse will necessarily restore everyone's memories. Maybe you will remain forgotten, maybe you will die down here, but if you can at least ensure that no one else falls prey to this thing, it will all be worth it.

You will not wait for it to make the first move. You lunge at it with all the speed you can muster and connect your fist with its chest. As you make contact with it you feel as if you have plunged your hand into icy water, a sharp jolt of pain and then numbness running through your arm. But, remarkably, you still did some damage to it. As the spirit reels back from the impact you feel heartened, now seeing that it is corporeal enough for you to harm. It’s short lived however as the spirit looks back at you with fell sorcery in its gaze. You find yourself unable to move, your feet frozen to the ground and panic settling in your heart. It could not have lasted for more than a fraction of a second, but that was enough to lower your defenses. In a flash it swings its frozen blade at your throat, and you have no time to react. Your eyes instinctively squeeze shut bracing for impact.

You then hear a metallic clang and the sound of shattering ice. You open an eye and see Corunir’s shield-arm outstretched in front of you, turning what would surely have been a fatal blow. Glimmering shards of ice from the shattered blade scatter harmlessly through the air around you. He steps in front of you and bellows a challenge to it, finally drawing its ire away from you.

You quickly shake your arm trying to return feeling to your frozen hand as you watch the spirit form another blade from the air. It’s hard to describe how grateful you feel to have Corunir and his shield standing between you and it. It has been a long time since you have had to make such a desperate fight with only your hands to defend yourself, you feared your skills were getting rusty.

It is no small feat for Corunir to keep its attention focused on him, considering how enraged it is as you specifically. You heard him say something in elvish, you could not make out exactly what he said, and his axe flashed with heat, now seeming to be wreathed in embers. As he continues to harry it with strikes from behind his shield, the fell spirit has no choice but to face him rather than you. It leaves itself open for you to attack, once, twice, and a third time. Your first blow found its mark flawlessly, the second seemed to as well. The third, well, you think it did, but you can't really feel your hands anymore. Despite the numbness you press on with your attacks.

As it trades blows with the two of you, you start to see its form flicker and fade in some places, as if it is struggling to hold itself together. In a last desperate strike you bring down both of your fists on its head, its hateful screeching abruptly fading to nothingness as its form dissipates into a fine translucent dust.

Then, all at once, a dam in your mind breaks. Nearly a year's worth of memories, memories of Corunir and your harrowing adventures together, all flooding back to you in a torrent of joy and fear and grief and hope. The shock overwhelms you completely and you collapse on the cold stone.

#yea this ends abruptly but it was getting sooooo long #don't worry Tossdir is fine #breaking a weird memory curse like that in the heat of battle just kinda made his brain short out for a sec #he'll be back up in like a minute (might be long enough to scare Corunir a bit tho lol)#there will be a part 3 but thankfully I think writing that one *should* be faster #Tossdir and Corunir WILL get a hug I promise #Taz's foray into writing #lotro #lotro fic #Corunir #lotro oc #Tossdir

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brokeaesthetic · 9 months

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Okay, two things right.

First I've never once thought I'd be so desperate for a character to where I actually start considering making a request. When I first found out what requesting was I said to myself, "yall braver then me, I could never see myself in the position to ask someone to write something that's just too embarrassing" that was in 2021 now in 2023 I'm actually considering it I love reading hobie fics but I genuinely don't see him 'the character' doing some of the stuff yall be requesting. It's so out of character that I get kinda confused. And I want to ask someone to write something in a way that I genuinely think he'd act. But that's just so embarrassing. I know you can anonymously ask someone to do it, but still, it's the principle😭. I'm also kind of scared + We need more Hobie x black reader fics. No one writes them anymore.

The next thing is when authors genuinely don't have black people in mind when writing x reader or y/n. Idk bro could you like put in the warnings, 'probably not black reader' or something so I don't waste my time . And I'm not saying that it's not okay to make those little mistakes like y/n or reader blushing or something along those lines because some black people can blush or turn red. Me personally I don't blush and the only time my skin turns red is when its irritated. But the amount of times I was reading something and I had to stop and look at the invisible camera in my room because the author is definitely writing for a white woman is crazy, and I'm again im not talking about subtle mistakes that you can just read over, it's blatant. Or sometimes it's definitely a self insert. Like how are you going to make it y/n or gender neutral and then just write yourself. That's never made sense to me.

I feel like I sound like an asshole definitely not my intention it was just a quick lil rant. Tell me if you relate tho. sorry for any grammar mistakes.

#hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x black reader #hobie x reader #x reader #y/n #no hate #atsv hobie #atsv

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cup-of-dew · 1 year

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Been thinking about how I personally would do a Scooby-Doo series and like, I have alot of ideas for Shaggy's backstory, but idk if it's too stereotypical or basic.

The series would take place in highschool (cuz that's the target audience and also I'm in highschool) and I imagine the tone would be kinda semi serious? Like, there are stakes, and some of the topics are geared towards older ppl, but I don't imagine there being graphic violence, cursing or anything like that.

Back to shaggy tho

I kinda imagine him as the laid back type on the surface, like he's really chill, has the same type of voice, wears tank tops, shorts, and the same worn-out beanie he's had for years.

Idk if he'd be vegan or not but I do imagine him to be an animal lover, and I like to think he spends alot of time outside.

Something in me sees him as having a single mom who works a dead end job, wondering if her paycheck will keep them afloat till the next. I feel like he's kinda drifting through school, a D or C student, not really knowing where he'll end up, but feeling horrible about it cuz he really wants to give his mom a better life one day.

Sometimes he comes back from school to see his mom on her third bottle, too tipsy to stand, and he'd carry her to the couch and put her to sleep, and when he'd wake up the next morning, she'd have gone to work with a hangover.

It's gone on like that since Shaggy was really young, maybe twelve, and it's only gotten worse, as the bills keep rising and necessities become more expensive. Even if he knew what he wanted to do, they'd never be able to afford college, and his grades weren't good enough for scholarships.

Eventually, shaggy learned how to cook for himself and his mom. It started off simple, frying an egg, boiling rice, making spaghetti.

His first A was in home ec.

With the other members of the gang, I imagine he met Freddie when they were about 8 and became fast friends. Fred's always been the type to head straight into the unknown without a thought, running through bushes as a child, picking up bugs he didn't recognize and climbing trees to see how far he could go. Shaggy's the more withdrawn (?) type, preferring to lay down and watch clouds. I imagine that Fred always tries to encourage shaggy to be braver, and take more risks, while Shaggy acts as his common sense, albeit a bit more worried than necessary.

Shaggy finds Scooby as a stray pup when he's about 11, and nurses him back to health. They've been inseparable since.

I don't know if I want Scooby to actually talk. I like the idea that shaggy (and Fred too) have known him since early childhood and more or less understand him, and the rest of the gang eventually learn too, but alternatively, talking dog.

#scooby doo fanart #shaggy and scooby #scooby gang #shaggy x fred #yes this is me shipping childhood friends to lovers shaggy and fred #would shaggy be his realy name ?#prolly not but norville is weird no i need suggestions #my writing #writers on tumblr #long reads #rewrite #story i will never write #story ideas

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hanarchy · 1 year

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Hi friends, I illegally logged into tumblr on my work computer on the first working day of 2023 specifically to make this post properly. I don't have a good computer and I simply could not do this on my phone.

Ok, Time to get emo :)

I discovered SKZ at the end of last year, I personally date my anniversary to somewhere between December 29th 2021 and January 2nd 2022. It's a good thing too because I get overemotional at the end of the year anyway and now I can just schedule all my gratitude and emo times at the same time.

I want to start from the beginning bc the only reason 2022 was a good year for me was this discovery. this is a bit of recap for me because I wanted to do it. If you're tagged in it it means that you played a part in my year and meant something to me. Feel free to only read your little paragraphs (or nothing at all, theres no obligation), this is bound to get unspeakably long.

first, I want to give a quick shout out to the people I started talking to/followed more recently @hyunpic (I haven's checked twitter today, did hyunjin kill you yet or did he get all of that out of the way in 2022?) @mybodyfails (did u ever listen to stromae?) @jisungsjaistandjeekies (how was the first day of your new job?) The best thing about getting another year on tumblr is the promise of getting to know you all more <3

@quokki you were literally the first person I ever followed for stray kids content. It was around february, when I looked for fanart for the first time and reactivated my twitter and I found your hannies. It took a little longer but I'm so glad we are friends now. I really love our chats/meltdowns abt hanji and you're incredibly talented and kind and also just correct abt a lot of stuff lmao

@alexenglish alex, I know we don't talk that much but you were the first person to really talk to me abt k-pop stuff and I will never forget that. I also cannot thank you enough for showing me rolling quartz and for reading the stupid thing that i wrote that one time. it seems trivial but i literally do not show anyone my writing ever and anytime I do and it's a good experience it makes me a little braver so thank you, seriously. and also thank you for sticking around even when I'm a dick

my first comeback in march was soso special because I had people to freak out with. I was in Ireland at the time and even hough I was brand new in online stayville I felt a lot less alone than I could've.

in april i started talking to @sailsflyseaward but I honestly can't believe it has only been 9 months. We've met 3! times since then and you're already one of my most precious online friends and I feel like I've known you way longer. I have to try very hard to stay cynical and not believe in fate and the universe being a good place when I think about how we could've just never met.

I was EXHAUSTED the first 4 months of this year, I hated most of it. I turned 30 in april, i had been to ireland and to the north sea on vacation in march and april but all of it felt hollow and exhausting and terrible. In germany we say that may makes everything anew and it certainly was true for me this year. I planned a trip to toronto, I got a raise, I got to see mamamoo, ive and a bunch of others live and i spoke a little to so so many sweet people.

@nevoono who makes literally the cutest fucking things ever and was my first german k-pop friend ever and also is just... really cool in such a unique way. idk I'm sorry I'm terrible at keeping up.

to @ambivartence who I don't talk to a ton but who also is literally the coolest artist alive and made me feel very happy to know that others also travel very far to see their groups. I stare at your paintings so much, i honestly should not admit it but there's just always so much to see.

and to @pvddins-art who is one of the sweetest and kindest and most generous people I've ever met, which is a high bar because I use those words for a lot of people, but for you they are more true than for anyone.

getting to go to a k-pop festival in germany as my first experience was so good too. I really had no idea what it means to ba a k-pop fan and the whole community and culture and incredible vibes around it when you're there in person. I had a very exhausting day and it was hot as hell and I had a migraine after but it was all worth it

interlude because I don't remember when I started talking to you:

@brianbangs tay my sweetheart, i love you so much. you're just one of the people who get it. like. idk, it's hard for me to put into words properly but you get it when I'm being a hater and you get it when I'm being emotional and you get it when I'm being horny and you accept all of it. I also think you're really fucking creative and talented and I love being here with you so much

then june came and it was one of my best months ever ever. I went to another festival and got to relive the music I loved as a teen. seeing the strokes 16 years after I was a fan made me cry a lot lol. I went to see my favorite people alive @starmotions, @fromadifferentphase (and the third one who is missing but u know who u are) in toronto. and I do mean this literally you're my favorites. I'm the most me when I'm with you, I think of everyone who knows me no one knows me so completely. there isn't anyone I share more parts of myself with. the 1 week I just got to hang out with you was so incredibly precious to me, it made me power through most of the rest of the year. moments of joy! I got to see toronto and got to spend time with people I love. one of my friends came all the way from salt lake city just to see me.

then I went to new york and now there's a long ass list coming because 1. it was the first time I met my beloved julia, 2. it was when i met my beloved kay 3. i got to travel with my beloved di and we got to explore new york and eat so many tacos and learn about queer art and history and also it was when I met both

@chanstopher and @lonelystreetlight and I'm puting you both in the same paragraph bc I started talking to both of you at the same time and also discovered that we're literally the same tumblr user, I cannot believe that I found the old 1D crowd again and the old glee crowd AND even the old starkid people. ok, I had to google the songs from the space tour just now but it's insane that I could text someone about both status quo by starkid AND zone by 3racha.

and lastly it was OF COURSE when i fucking saw fucking stray kids in fucking person (sorry) I was so numb from everything going on, and from the heat and from newark airport that I didn't even cry but looking back on it I honestly can't even begin to believe how lucky I was to be able to do all of that in just one month.

july was the month I went to see harry styles (meh) and hang out with an old friend because of it (yay) and I have literally nothing else in my calender for the entire month but I know I was a bit stressed. however I don't think it was a terrible time.

In august I went to the south of germany on vacation to celebrat my moms birthday, we went to the opera outdoors and I felt extremely fancy the entire time and also saw so many flowers. then we started the stayblr discord.

@snug-gyu @hanjesungs @ggthydrangea @littleclouds @shmalll @babychicklix and everyone else in there! I am so glad it's a space to hang out and message each other and talk about skz. I know I left very quickly (unfortunately group situations are terrible for my mental health and I felt very bad very quickly) but I still got to start chatting with so many cool people and I'm always so happy that we did that.

@bangchanies king of the dumpster that is new jersey, my absolute favorite eyeshadow model and another one of the bitches that just get it, u know? you just get what I'm trying to say and I am grateful to have you to text when I want to be annoying. (you're also secretly incredibly sweet and I think you're honestly just a very kind and empathetic person and i would be sadder without you but i will not tell anyone that you're secretly nice)

@cheekyquokka even though you're not IN the server, I feel like we started really talking around the same time so you're getting put in here as well. you're so generous and sweet to your friends, I remember the surprise and amazement from both bee and ale at the packages you sent them, you're such a great fucking mutual to have because you know yourself and you make really cool gifs, every time one of yours comes across my dash i know it. idek why. anyway, thank you <3

around september was when I finally started the group chat and seven made it complete, so here comes that bit. I needed to make sure you all know how much you mean to me.

@bourgeoix I swear in some off-kilter way we are soulmates. you make both my fandom brain and the little kid that didn't know popstars but could draw the shape of gorbachevs blood spot feel at home. you're soooo fucking smart and we have like debated moral philosophy and learning and reasoning styles at length so I won't go into it but it's one of those amazing fated coincidences that we both befriended seven and then each other. you think it's cool that I live near to Olaf Scholz's barbershop. you're my favorite of all the nerds. I could read the stuff you write for years and years and never get bored. I need to eat your brain (as jace or seven would say) and I love that we get to be both smart and very very very dumb together.

@hyumjim I honestly cannot top what mel said but you're like. my only grown up friend. You genuinely have a patience and kindness with people that is really hard to find. I know you don't show this to everyone but it makes me all the more grateful that I get to experience it. you're also insane. when seven first added you to the gc I had sth to say that felt really crazy to me and was nervous in front of you and seven said 'emily is also insane' and so i posted it in the gc and now we're friends. i don't remember what it was but you gave great advice and i sort of feel like we disagree and fight in all the ways that makes a relationship better and you make me insecure but in a fun way. you're a huge hater and yet you genuinely love people and humanity more than most people alive. thank you for listening to me.

@jellino jace idek how to describe you but you're like....... my little brother but not in a lame way. you're also older than me in some ways. idk, I just love how much you love stuff. I love how sure you are of what you're not, even while always wondering what you are. I think of you so much when I see sea creatures and ice age characters and dumb stuff. the other day I saw a squirrel irl and i thought 'I have to send this to jace' bc it reminded me of scrat from ice age. i cannot look at a penguin without thinking about you. I don't think I'll ever go to a zoo and not think of you. I also am always hoping that you are ok, that you find your way, that you know I'm happy and proud to know you...

@bewby my love. seven. I think it will never not be complicated how much I love you because I want you to be ok so bad. but it doesn't matter if you are or not for me to love you a whole lot. you're so funny and so smart and I say neither of these things lightly, like you have such a quick wit and you want everyone to be ok so bad and you love people so much and i hope that some day you will know that it is enough and you are enough. meeting you that one time was so fun, like we literally did not need more than a half hour to find sooo much stuff to talk about. I love having a german kpoppie friend, I love your tender heart, I love how understanding you are! I hope you know how much!

honestly it's all 4 of you that got me through fall and winter so far, it's venting and bitching and joking and writing insanely long messages to you that make me feel like a human instead of a gremlin. It's knowing that you like me and think I'm someone you want to listen to. You mean so much to me, I can never pay that back.

so much happened in my personal k-pop world in october PLUS most of my friends had their birthdays too so it was a bit stressful and it ended with my great uncle dying but i did get to see my old friends and family, so it was good in the end.

november was cold and dark as always but i got to feel so much warmth in scotland, just spending a few days going to museums and coffeeshops and nothing else and then seeing my love julia for the scond time, learning about history and eating pies. then I went to london to see @sunflowercocoa again after 5 fucking years and it was so much fun. I know you know how much I love you, I had such a good time, thank you for being my friend. Thank you for making me leave the house, thank you for being generous and fun and spending time with me. I know you're strong enough to get through the next year or so and I know you're gonna be so happy and so successful and you have a great life ahead. I know you're not here much anymore and that it kind of annoys you but you were a big part of this year and this is like my diary at this point tbh.

i also met @geniaparadox my homie and so much fun to hang out with. honestly our day together kind of made me wish i could've gotten to hang out with you in high school, i feel like we would have been friends. thank you for talking to me abt how underrated felix is and for looking at the bts stuff in hmv and despair because being a k-pop fan in europe is very sad and for buying japanese tea and just being cool. i am so happy that you get to not go back to that job

december was november but worse but I started it off sososo well, seeing julia the 3rd time and going to nuremberg and munich and being slightly tipsy at the christmas market everywhere and going swing dancing for the first time and trying so many fun food and drink things. It was a sad and anxiety-inducing month because so many people I know were ill or dying but in the end we mostly made it through and I am grateful. I got to spend the end of the year surrounded by babies and puppies and it felt good to not have to deal with grown-up things for a few days and just play.

#personal #life #middle of the day text posts #i love u all im so sorry for this

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elvenbeard · 11 months

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Thanks for your answer on the bi/straight mod question! Very interesting to see your perspective, especially since I myself am straight and feel like that is a topic I'm not qualified to offer my opinions on. Bioware, and Dragon Age in particular is what made me bring it up. I was there for the Dorian drama too and it was messy. I never downloaded that mod, it didnt sit right with me either knowing his story, I just happily romanced him with a male inqusitor and went on my way. But then I think about Mass Effect and characters like Jack, is who definitely bi, and Tali who does seem to flirt with FemShep, they're only romanceable for MShep, so I sometime wonder if there's a grey area there where a mod would be ok? Or like for Kaidan, who is bi but not romanceable by MShep until game 3, It seems like a mod for him in ME1 is acceptable. Idk, I'm rambling, but I guess in my opinion they may be okay for some characters, like Kaidan, but not okay for others, like Dorian. And like you said, maybe that's hypocritical, but that makes the most sense to me in a way? Again, not trying to start anything, just happy to have a civil discussion about it instead of seeing both sides yell at each other while I watch from afar and try to make sense of it.

Always happy to discuss things like this in a civil way, cause that's how you learn and see different perspectives!

I think everything considered, everyone needs to decide for themselves what's okay and what isn't. If I love a character so so much, but I cannot or don't want to romance them with a PC they'd be attracted to given their background and story, then what is it that I love about that character (especially if their sexuality is integral to the story)? Do I really love the character for who they are, or do I just hate being turned down by them, despite always being nice to them (do I feel cheated by the narrative)? What is it that prevents me from enjoying this character's story how it's written (is it bad, or is it just not what I expected, what I know from other media)? Is it internalized homophobia, or does it make me uncomfortable to be adressed as a different gender than my own (what can I learn about myself from this)? Something else, all of the above?

I can answer that for myself in regard to why I personally don't mind headcanoning some straight characters as bi or gay. Most random example: Cassandra from Dragon Age. I didn't play her romance, I know vaguely how it plays out though. It's sweet, it's dorky, it's romantic af. I love Cassandra as the strong leader who also loves cute romance novels - get yourself a girl who can be both! But also, from what I know about it, her romance feels like something I've seen depicted in media 1000 times before. I feel like romancing her with a female Inquisitor could give her story a different vibe entirely, one that I personally could relate more to. I'm not saying that her canon romance and orientation are bad either - it's just something that doesn't grab me as much when here are LIs that are "less conventional" (read: more like myself), with stories I can relate to more.

Regarding Jack, Tali, and Kaidan: considering how old Mass Effect 1 is, and how utterly radical it was at the time to have Liara as an LI for both female and male Shepard, I think they really wanted to play it safe with who was canonically available to whom as an LI, and only got braver when ME3 rolled around. It's been too long since I played the games myself, and I only ever played a male Shepard, so I can't comment specifically on Tali's behavior towards Femshep for example. And again, I think it's totally fair to headcanon Tali as bi or lesbian or whatever you want, and get mods that unlock her romance, because it's only relevant to your own game and story and doesn't affect anyone else. It's totally fair to headcanon Kaidan as straight, because if you're only ever playing Femshep, I'm not sure if anything ever comes up that would suggest he's bi, romanced or not (correct me if I'm wrong!). And it's also not gonna take away from me having the ultimate slowburn romance between him and my male Shepard either xD I know there's mods that unlock his romance for male Shep in ME1, too, but I personally do not mind that he's not an LI there. Cause heck... maybe Kaidan didn't realize himself at the time that he is bi, and maybe he realizes only by the time he starts to trust male Shepard again in ME3 "hmm... maybe I'm feeling a little more than just admiration and friendship for this man." I love the M!Shenko romance so much as a slowburn, because sexuality is a shifting thing, and it's never too late to realize that maybe you're not as straight (or cis) as you thought you were.

I don't wanna go into morals or what's okay and what isn't, because in the end, as I said, these characters and their stories are all fictional. Also, good queer representation is by far not as rare anymore as it was by the time of Mass Effect 1 or Dragon Age: Origins, where I kind of accidentally stumbled into Zevran's romance with my male Warden and had my mind blown that it was possible to be gay in a fantasy story. Overall though, there's still too little rep, and if you look around the world rn, at the political climate and the rising tension towards queer people, we need it more than ever, still.

Another reason why I'm personally more "forgiving" towards mods that make canonically straight, cis characters queer, because there's so little gay fantasy knights in shining armour romances, so little dorky space lesbians. The queer characters used to often be the sexually more deviant, morally grey, shady characters (I love you, Zevran, but also.... yeah). They still sometimes are, and not only do we need more, we need more diverse stories. More quiet romantic queers, more serious respectable queers, more evil queers that are evil because they're evil, not because they're queer.

And sometimes you just need a little bit of self-fulfillment in fiction when the real world constantly tells you "no one would ever love you the way you are". I can see why you don't wanna be turned down by your favourite fictional character, and there is no harm in "what if" scenarios that mods allow you to experience. Since being straight is still considered "the norm" in large parts of society and in fiction, I feel like some straight people playing games with diverse queer rep experience being turned down for their gender and orientation for the first time in their lives there. And maybe "make this character straight" mods are a way to cope with that unexpected rejection from their favourites (and again, being turned down by your fave is never fun, and when you have the chance to play out "what if" scenarios in your head or with mods, by all means, go for it! I get it, I really do).

But my guess is as good as any other and still: me understanding it doesn't mean I wanna see it on my dash.

Simultaneously, I get it that female players want to play female characters, cause even female protags are not something that was always just there from the beginning of games. Me personally, I prefer playing male characters when given a choice. And now you have games like Cyberpunk, where you can canonically make V trans (it's not perfect by how it's pulled off, but what in life is perfect?). Having that option alone was another utter *mind blown* moment for me, and I hope more and more games will pick this up in the future and "normalize" it, make it standard, expose people to the existence of queer people at every opportunity xD And now I'm completely off topic so I'll stop here with my rant!

TL,DR: Let people mod what they mod, if they really wanna, they're gonna do it anyway. Everyone needs to decide for themselves what's okay and what isn't, and there are no bigger, all encompassing morals to adhere to. Maybe we're all not that different in our experiences and wishes and daydreams and just need to realize it more. Be kinder and more respectful towards each other. Focus on creating and enjoying the things that you love and share it with people who love it. And, if all else fails... block/mute/blacklist things and people you don't wanna have in your life XD

And there's nothing bad in being a little hypocritical sometimes, hell, I still get mad af at stupid mods and stupid takes XD I'm far from perfect, I'm super petty actually. I've fucked up in the past, and will probably fuck up in the future, too, it's just human. But I still will try to do my best to be respectful and just remove myself from environments and content that gets me mad, and focus on the good things and the cool people and what they do and support them. Help them be louder against bigots as best as I can.

#answered asks #anonymous #fandom stuff #long post #if you wanna come off anon would also love to chat about this more in private!

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jewvian · 7 months

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As a Jewish woman who hides that bit of information online can I just say that I think you’re so brave to be open about yourself in spite of all the abuse that gets hurled at you. The most heartbreaking parts of the past few days are realizing how many people can’t bring themselves to condemn rape or child murder when the victims are Jews

First of all I'm sorry you feel the need to hide your Jewish identity, even online. Like especially online actually. If we feel unsafe even in this vast, mostly meaningless, creation then.... we're fucked lol

But that's a discussion for another day if you wanna start it.

I don't think I'm being brave. I'm being me. I never hid my Judaism, it's part of my user name and bio lol I did however hide my Israeli origins cuz... duh. It was never something I felt the need to share with strangers until few years back when I became more active in that regard. Like close friends here knew, but it was never until a major military operation that I became vocal. And then when it was all over I would close that side off and hide it until the next time.

But I don't think I'll ever shut up about what happened on Saturday. I've had enough. I don't seek arguments on this site cuz I know it'll be futile. If they find excuses to say rape and murder are okay then.... I have nothing to say to them. I mostly just vent, I don't tag these posts beside the occasional antisemitism tag, which is maybe how they found me idk.

There are far braver people here than me, they go in the tags and face the actual scum. Not to mention the other platforms with much much worse things in them.

The world is fucked dear anon, idk what else to say. I hope they are the minority tho and that the world will finally see the truth we've been trying to showe for ages and ages.

Thanks for your encouragement tho! I really do appreciate it and I hope you'll feel safer exposing your Judaism! That's the most important take from this ask I think.

#inbox #anonymous #don't mind me i'm just answering the sweet asks :)#the rest is trash i won't go there #anyways i do hope one day you'll be able to caps lock ''i'm a jew what about it''#which is the online equivalent of shouting lol #stay safe tho anon!

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devilbrakers · 1 year

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4, 9, 11, 19, 21, 28 for the birthday girl el and for gray please >:)

TYSM RENA <33

El:

4. how crafty/resourceful are they?

She is very crafty and that's a big part of why she survives in the wasteland. On top of Akira teaching her survival skills in case of something a situation like the bombs dropping, she's quick to figure out what she needs to do and is good at making do with very little.

9. favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

She lovesssss empanadillas! Her mom made them a few time while she was growing up and El was hooked after. One of the few things she knows how to make herself fjskld

11. what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

Hmm. I don't think I actually have too much in common with El anymore? I'm not really sure though fjdsklfj. But she's wayyyy more ambitious and hard-working than I am and much more outgoing. I don't think she'd dislike me but she might find me a bit boring </3. I'd like her though.

19. are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

El's always been temperamental but she's mellowed out a bit with age over the years. But she's still easily irritated by the little inconveniences of life and all the new bullshit brought into her life via the wasteland which I would say is justified. But she's not nearly as explosive as she used to be.

21. their favorite place to be?

Pre-bomb drop, it was her tattoo shop! It's where she spent a lot of her free time even if she wasn't really working. It was just comforting to her to hang out in a place that she pretty much made from the ground up. In the wasteland though, it's goodneighbor and the north church. Both are relatively safe, not diamond city level fortified but enough to help her relax a bit. Plus, she met her favorite people there (mac, deacon, and hancock).

28. how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

I said in another post that El's main love languages are physical touch and quality time but I'd replace touch with gift giving now, I think. She just likes to provide! But it's also something she just kinda picked up from her parents so she has mixed feelings about it sometimes. So she'll buy things that made her think of you and pay for outings/dates, etc etc. She'll also try to split her free time a little more evenly and spend some more time with you.

Gray:

4. how crafty/resourceful are they?

Very! Miko and Blake made sure to pass that down to them so they could survive on their own. They know a lot of people and also know how to make do with very little.

9. favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

Favorite is breakfast pizza :/ they're just like me fr. Idk if I'd say they have a least favorite though since they'll eat just about anything that's edible so definitely not picky or restrictive either.

11. what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

They started out as a self insert but have very much strayed from that jfklds. We still have some things in common though which is the Ezra OC blueprint of autism and bisexuality <3. We also both pretend to be laid-back and care-free while in fact not being that way. As for differences, they are much braver than I am and overall I could not imagine living their life idk how they do it 😭. I do think we would get along though! I'd love to be their friend

19. are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

Uhhhh it depends? They're way more patient with people they care about than they are strangers, whom they're far more likely to get angry with and actually act on it. But trying to get them to talk about something they don't want to talk about (ex. their past or their real feelings on something) can often be an easy way to irritate them regardless of your relationship. That's something they need to approach first more often than not.

21. their favorite place to be?

Nature! It was really only place they felt they belonged for a long time since it's what their powers rely on and there's not often many humans to deal with. Not they dislike them on principle since they're half human themself, they just never felt quite like a person until they met the dmc crew. But nowadays it's more of a comfort thing since it's so familiar.

28. how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

Depending on the point in time, they really just went out of their way to make people think they didn't like them regardless of how Gray actually felt. This was in an effort to protect all parties involved since getting they'd already lost so many people </3. They were cold and uninviting, often mean if they felt they had to be which always broke their heart but it worked except for on one person. That also ended poorly.

Anywayyyy. Nowadays, they're trying to be more open with their affections whether that be platonic, romantic, etc etc. They're not very good with words or actions for that matter but they're trying FJDSL. They're still trying to understand that standing next to someone and telling them random botany facts unprompted is in fact not enough for a lot of people FJDKSLF. It's endearing though.

#thank u again. they are rotating in my mind palace rn #ask #aartyom #my ocs #el #gray

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