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cloveroctobers · 7 months

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OCTOBER PROMPTS 🎃 — 2. Willie Jack

A/N: okay y’all lured me in to write anotha one about our girl! Can’t believe the show is over, idk why I expected at least 4-6 seasons smh. Show will be missed and I’m open to seeing where the cast further take their careers fr. I’m not speaking on that supposed relationship between two certain characters because it wasn’t really executed to me while watching? We all know if there was going to be a relationship between the teens who it really should have focused on. So whatever they hinted at this time doesn’t actually exist and it’s not canon to me! Anyways, would definitely recommend a rewatch for myself lol.

WARNINGS: language + awkwardness when it comes to crushes?

PROMPTS are from here + I’m using: blackberry picking, “do you want some hot chocolate?” and “I don’t like scary movies.” “I’ll keep you safe.”

🕸️𖤐༘⋆/ᐠ - ˕ -マ༘⋆𖤐🕸️ 🕸️𖤐༘⋆/ᐠ - ˕ -マ༘⋆𖤐🕸️ 🕸️𖤐༘⋆/

Willie Jack is still in disbelief that she’s back.

Well…not really back she thought. Mika was simply visiting temporarily from Nebraska—of all fucken places!!! which she moved to with her house full of family a few years back. She didn’t get the chance to visit much (at least Elora did being a whole college student and shit) but it seemed like she kept up with mostly everybody else, except for Willie Jack who was still being closed off with Mika’s departure.

“What’s up with you? Why aren’t you over there chopping it up with Mika? You know she’s outta here on Sunday right?” Bear says from beside Willie Jack, who quickly turns her attention back to her friend on the field.

Willie Jack shrugs, “don’t be in my business bro.”

“Yeah Cheese is right, you’re vibe is giving preternaturalness.”

Immediately Willie Jack jerks her head back with a frown, “fuck did you just call me?”

“I don’t know but i know it fits.” Bear grins at Willie Jack, slapping his hands down on her shoulders before leaving her at the plants to join the rest.

Yes it was unusual for Willie Jack to ever distance herself from her friends. She was a social butterfly amongst her friends majority of the time but having Mika back after all this time made her feel off and that’s something she hardly allows herself to feel.

“Sup,” another familiar voice catches Willie Jack off guard from behind the shrubs, her fists going up ready to defend herself but she realizes it’s just Elora staring at her strangely.

Elora lifts her chin, “what’s up with you?”

“I really wish everyone would stop saying that shit to me. I’m cool, having a grand time with my buddy, bart the blackberry tree.” Willie Jack is waving her hands at the dark fruit.

Elora stares hard at her friend before flicking her eyes off to the group where Mika has her head thrown back in laughter at something Jackie says.

Which also doesn’t sit right with Willie Jack.

“Jackie ain’t funny, so fuck is she laughing at?” Willie Jack mutters making Elora slowly nod her head and cross her arms as she gets closer to the girl.

Elora states, “Mika’s still that giggly person we’ve always known and love. That hasn’t changed.”

“Yo, You’re supposed to be on my side here.”

“Why does there need to be sides when it comes to Mika, she’s our homie no?”

Willie Jack rolls her eyes and says nothing more at that. She did consider Mika a friend once upon a time and it’s not like she didn’t consider her as such but things did change the night that she left. And Willie Jack never told anyone about it and still wasn’t sure how she felt.

“I guess but like…it’s different now.”

“But why?” Elora pressed, “to me it seems like you’re the one making it an issue when it didn’t seem like she had a problem since she hugged you when we met up earlier.”

Willie Jack messes with her beaded earrings now, briefly thinking about that encounter hours ago. Mika was all deep dimple smiles and although Willie Jack was the last person she hugged, Mika still acknowledged her like they haven’t stopped talking.

“If I tell you, you got to promise me you won’t make it a big deal.”

Elora nods, “okay…go on.”

Willie jack looks around to make sure everyone is still out of ear shot, she scratches at the back of her neck in nervousness. She’s been holding onto this for so long now and she knows there’ll be some relief telling somebody about what went down.

“Alright so I’m just gonna come right out with it,” Willie Jack exhales, “the night Mika left to shitty Nebraska…she came over to the crib and we were out in my backyard having a bit of a heart to heart you know? And she kissed me, bro.”

“What?!” Elora yells gaining the attention of everyone and Willie Jack goes to slam her hands on top of her cap covered hair in embarrassment.

Willie Jack glares at Elora who covers her mouth trying to hide her laughs, leaving Willie Jack to turn to Jackie, Bear, cheese, and of course Mika. She gives them a commercialized thumbs up before turning back to Elora, yanking on her shoulders to shove her further away between the shrubs.

“Fuck did I just say,” Willie Jack hisses at Elora who’s grinning at the younger girl now after stumbling a bit, “you’re the one making it worse now.”

Elora rolls her eyes, “please, they have no clue what we’re even talking about.”

“Maybe not or maybe! with you sounding like a fucken surround sound.”

Elora chuckles, “my bad, bro. But this explains so much!”

“Does it?”

“Yeah! she’s been asking me about you whenever we catch up with me at school and her all the way in Nebraska.” Elora informs Willie Jack who lifts her brows at bit at the news until Elora then sighs, “I was the only one that figured out that something went on without her really saying anything about it.”

“Wait…Mika’s asked about me?” Willie Jack is rocking on her toes now and Elora sends her a knowing smile.

“Uh yeah bro, it’s not like she ever forgot about you. You’re the one who stopped sending letters and picking up the phone.”

Willie Jack lifts her chin inquiring, “How you know that?”

“Mika told me, shit ass!” Elora lightly shoves Willie Jack’s shoulders.

“So…I’ve been a shit ass all this time when Mika’s been worried about me?”

Willie Jack’s never been the type of friend to just leave you hanging. If there was a issue, she would be quick to tell you to, “not be like that!” Wanting to figure it out, even if it was only keeping each other company until you were ready to speak on it. However with Mika, things change and she wasn’t sure if it was for the better.

“Well…I wouldn’t say worried but she cares and I don’t think she ever stopped being your friend, you’re the one who stopped.”

“I didn’t mean to.” Willie Jack feels the weight of that statement and she didn’t enjoy the sinking feeling in her tummy right now.

“Then fix it.” Elora orders, “Stop hovering in the corner by yourself like a fucken weirdo and just talk to her! So maybe you guys can be something if that’s what y’all want.”

Willie Jack scowls, “who said all that? I still don’t even know how I feel about it all. It happened forever ago anyways. Maybe she forgot? Plus she could be seeing somebody and we live hours away now so I doubt that will ever work.”

“Stop doubting yourself and you won’t know unless you try.”

Plus they could always look at Elora as a prime example. Although she wasn’t that far away from Okern, Elora still put in the effort to still be around now that their lives were slowly but surely changing.

“…Mvto, Elora.”

“Don’t mention it,” Elora pushes Willie Jack’s shoulder, “can’t believe you’re growing up on me, making out and shit.”

“Ah, yeah, shut up.”

“Let’s go!”

“Alright man, don’t rush me! Let me get my thoughts together first.”

“If you think too much, you’re gonna fuck it up…more than you already have.”

“Wow, it’s like that?

“Yeah, kinda.” Elora snickers.

Elora ends up leaving Willie Jack for a few moments to gather herself, gradually directing the rest away from Mika as she sees Willie Jack making her way over.

She’s swinging her hands behind her back awkwardly as the crisp air blows. Mika’s dressed in a jet black off the shoulder baggy sweater paired with a patterned pleated skirt, ripped up stockings, and gummy bear earrings.

She’s gorgeous and it’s not fair.

“How much blackberries you think you got?” Willie Jack starts from behind Mika, who’s on her tippy toes.

She sets back down, tossing some into a picnic basket she brought along, which Bear and Jackie teased her about but she shrugged it off with a smile and middle finger.

“You know…I was trash at probability in school right?” Mika’s sunset eyes glance at Willie Jack over her shoulder, “I never guessed right or got the prizes and it definitely pissed me off to no end.”

Willie Jack leans forward, peeking at her basket but Mika playfully steps in front of it, “I’m not sharing.”

“What?” Willie Jack blows a raspberry, “I’m sure I got more than you back in my own stash. These hands are the quickest ones here.”

Mika stares off at the spot Willie Jack was once at and dips her head, almost pointing, “are you faster than a Prairie dog?”

Willie Jack whips around, locating the chunky animal running off with her sack of blackberries. “Hey you oversized chicken nugget, that shit ain’t yours!”

The animal stops in the middle on its run, dropping the bag to bare its teeth at Willie Jack who jumps back with her hands raised in the air, leaving the dog to pick the sack up with its teeth and carry on its way.

“Even the fucken animals tryin’ to tear a hard working woman down, that ain’t right! Imma tell the ancestors about your bullshit too!” Willie Jack yells as the prairie dog continues fleeing.

Mika’s laughing before softly placing her hands on Willie Jack’s shoulders, “I think that was his way of telling me to share, although you’re the one who ghosted me.”

“Don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.” Willie Jack is poking her lips out.

Mika gives the long haired girl a look before turning to put her basket on her wrist, leading the way through the rows of blackberry shrubs.

Letting out a long sigh Mika replies, “the dogs never told me you ended up with amnesia.”

“I don’t think I have that,” Willie Jack said walking beside her, “…I just don’t want to make it awkward for you.”

Mika glances at the braided girl, “For me or for you? I don’t have any regrets if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“…are we talking about the same thing? The thing that happened a couple years ago in my backyard?”

“Oh you mean: me kissing you and you kissing me back?”

“Is that how it went?” Willie Jack’s eyes were in slits now.

Mika laughs, “hell yeah, shit ass and I didn’t forget! I couldn’t, which is why I wrote to you.”

“But you never brought it up?”

“I couldn’t get the best read on you when it happened. I knew you were caught off guard but…did you like it?”

Willie Jack stares at the floor, twisting her lips around in thought. How it felt to have Mika’s always covered bracelet arms locked softly around her shoulders, and her natural scent of patchouli, apples, and brown sugar was already intoxicating before she even put her lips on Willie Jack’s. Of course she was caught off guard with Mika taking the lead, Mika’s focus only on Willie Jack’s lips as she stopped thinking about it and just did it. There was only one chance and she waited a long time to take it so why not go forth with the risk?

“I mean…I didn’t not like it.” Willie Jack peeks at Mika who nods with a small smile, “it’s just shitty that you pulled that that same night you were leaving though. Didn’t really have a chance to talk about it or process it really.”

Mika understands that, “sorry about that, the not talking about it but not the actual kissing part. guess I kinda had to process myself…since I been wanted to kiss you but I did panic when you didn’t say much after.”

“It was something…but a good something.” Willie jack bumps her shoulder with the girl who smirks at her.

Soon they’re walking in silence, fingertips brushing against each others as the make their way back to Elora’s car where everyone else is standing near it talking themselves.

“Hey guys!” Cheese waves, “we’re gonna have enough berries to last us to new years!”

Willie Jack announces, “I got the most though!”

“Where?” Jackie asks.

Willie Jack kisses her teeth, “fucken prairie—it doesn’t matter, I just do and you’ll have to take my word for it.”

“I’d rather not.”

Willie jack rolls her eyes.

Elora laughs as she gazes at Mika and Willie Jack, “you two ready to go? It’s getting dark and we got a hour drive back home.”

Her eyes meet Willie Jack’s silently hinting that she hoped they got somewhere with their talk but Wille Jack just shrugs her shoulders.

“I’ll help if you get tired, Elora.” Mika speaks up.

Willie Jack raises her brows, “you got a license?”

Mika was a year older than Willie Jack.

“Yup not long before my family and I traveled back here. Think that’s why my ma really wanted me to do it in the first place since they took my granny’s license away. She’s losing her sight and thinks my hair is on fire instead of pink.”

“Orange would look sick on you though,” Jackie comments, making Willie Jack flick her eyes over to the once bleached girl.

Willie jack adds, “you want Meeks to look like fucken child’s play? She’s wearing the pink well, better than I’ve ever seen. True queen shit, which you wouldn’t know a thing about.”

Jackie sends a look to Elora and Bear, unsure what was going on here.

Mika bumps her hip with Willie Jack’s, “we’re cool again, I think.”

“Must be with how hard Willie Jack just went for you,” Bear grins before glancing at the girl on his right, “got Jackie here speechless.”

“Fuck off,” Jackie shoves Bear while looking at the hat wearing girl, “…glad whatever you two went through is over but…do we got a problem Willie?”

Willie Jack is nonchalant, “we don’t got no beef…just chill out.”

Which definitely sounded like a warning in Jackie’s eyes.

“It was a compliment or suggestion. Don’t see Mika getting tight about it.”

“Okay! Let’s get going.” Elora steers the conversation away, “Jackie, ride up front with me.”

“Sure,” Jackie eyes Willie Jack who huffs at her, circling around to the passenger side.

Cheese gets in the middle of the backseat while Bear runs around to the other side of the car to sit behind Jackie. Willie jack is awkwardly looking at the space in the car.

“I’ll hold your basket for you, Mika.” Cheese offers, while she thanks the young boy.

Bear sees The dilemma and also offers, “You can squeeze in Mika or sit on my lap if you want?”

“Oh god,” Elora mutters, pressing her forehead against the steering wheel, making Jackie frown at her.

Willie jack shakes her head, quickly moving to sit right beside cheese, strapping herself into the car before holding out her hand, “C’mon on then, you heard Elora. We got a long way to go.”

“Ohhh are you—

Willie Jack dips her head silently making Mika smile to herself, while the rest await the scene that plays out in front of them. Mika doesn’t further question it, entering the car and sitting right on Willie Jack’s lap before closing the door behind her.

“Aw but Mika doesn’t have a seat belt.”

Willie jack carefully slips her hands around Mika’s waist, “I got her.”

“That works for now!” Cheese beams, not reading into it too much like the rest in the car are.

Bear is smirking now after it dawns on him what is happening as Mika leans back into Willie Jack’s embrace so Elora can better see out the back window but also because it was a nice place to be.

“Is this okay?” Willie Jack whispers to Mika who’s made herself comfortable, head resting back in the space between Willie Jack’s neck and shoulder.

Mika says, “yup! Long as you got me.”

“I do.” Willie Jack meets Mika’s eyes, squeezing her a bit tighter.

“Good, then we have nothing to worry about. Let’s enjoy the ride.”

“Word.” Willie jack concludes, almost snapping her eyes shut at how annoying she probably sounded but Mika just presses her forehead into the side of Willie Jack’s head.

Elora drops Willie Jack off first with Mika having to exit the car. She asks Mika if she’ll walk her to her door and she agrees with a yawn along with a stretch of her arms up into the autumn air.

“So…” Willie Jack is back to swinging her hands in front of her as she stands face to face with Mika on her stoop.

Mika laughs, “yes Mena?”

“Do you want some hot chocolate?”

“I’d love some!” She bounces on her toes, “I’ll just tell the guys that I’m staying here.”

“Yeah, okay. Nice!”

Willie Jack silently curses to herself again while she just knows her friends are in the car talking shit. She watches Mika lean against the door of the window, talking to their friends in the car, waving at them before she steps back. Skirt spinning with her as she walks back to Willie Jack and fuck she’s so pretty!

Which almost distracts her from Bear smashing his lips on the car window as Elora pulls off from the curb with a honk of her horn.

“After you my lady,” Willie Jack holds her hands out after pushing the front door open.

Mika curtesy’s before entering the home, peeking around as she steps into the first space, which happens to be the living room. “Everything still looks the same.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh.” Mika plops down on the couch while Willie Jack enters the kitchen, turning the stove on before opening the fridge to get the leftover homemade hot chocolate she made at midnight.

It’s quiet but it’s not awkward as Mika makes herself comfortable, folding her legs underneath her on the couch. It’s not long before Willie Jack enters the living room with steaming mugs.

“Thanks,” Mika takes the mug with a smile while Willie Jack places her’s on the coffee table.

She takes off her hat, tossing it on the arm of the couch before digging her fingers into her braid to let her hair run free. Mika watches Willie Jack as she sips on the just right hot beverage, admiring just how beautiful her “friend” is.

“Your hair’s gotten longer,” Mika observes, “it’s still stunning.”

Willie jack fans her hand about, “thanks girl, I grew it myself.”

“Hell yeah! Love it just the way it is.”

And the way Mika is looking at Willie Jack makes her heart thud in her chest. The damn girl’s only been here for a day and she’s already got her feeling a way.

“We should watch a scary movie!” Willie jack jumps to her feet, heading over to the collection of dvd’s.

Mika rests one hand in the crease of her other arm, “I don’t like scary movies.”

Willie jack looks back at Mika from her squatting position, picking up on her unease. She was aware that Willie Jack’s parents weren’t home as the house was too hushed and she didn’t see her dad’s truck in the driveway. Night time has definitely fallen and they were alone, dancing around what they could be and now this girl was trying to put on a horror movie?!

“Really?” Willie jack asks, “any particular reason or…?”

“I don’t think it’s never really been my thing,” Mika murmurs while she looks at the front door, “every time you or bear would suggest sneaking into the outdoor movie night by lake crow I wanted to stick my head in the dirt and never come out.”

“Shit…guess I gotta pay more attention.”

“Nah, who wants to be the odd one out when everyone else was down? I just dealt with it…plus you two were always so excited although I lost sleep for a few nights because of all those movies but…you get over it you know?”

“If we do this…you think you’re gonna have any nightmares?”

“Hard to say honestly.”

“Then…I’ll keep you safe.” Willie Jack strongly said, “but that’s only if you want to. I’ll even pick the least scary one out of the batch.”

Mika sips at the hot chocolate, thinking about it, “I’m gonna hold you to it.”

Willie Jack makes a offering motion with a imaginary hot chip before taking the time to go through the collection. She finds one that she thinks will be alright before shoving it into the dvd player. Once she’s seated back next to Mika, she tosses one arm along the top of the couch allowing Mika to fill in that space.

She does, shuffling closer as a long suspenseful intro starts after Willie jack fumbled with the remote. Willie jack tries her hardest to keep her eyes on the screen but it’s the heat radiating off from Mika that makes it hard.

“Hey…you’re not drinking your chocolate?” Mika points out, pulling her head back to look at Willie Jack who fails to hide her staring.

She scratches at her ear, “oh right, it’s still piping hot. Imma let it rest for a bit you know?”

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those iced hot chocolate people?”

Willie jack scrunches up her lips, “I’m not. Don’t even think I ever tried that before.”

“Hmm.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Your face did though.”

“What’s wrong with my face?” Mika leans back to give Willie Jack the side eye.

Now they’re looking at each other and Willie Jack is silently counting the beauty marks that’s on Mika’s diamond shaped face while Mika’s peering at Willie’s side profile.

“Nothing,” Willie Jack fully turns now gripping Mika’s chin and she almost forgets to breathe correctly, “nothing at all,” before she leans forward to press her lips right against Mika’s.

Willie Jack hears her squeal a bit but Mika knows she has to hold on tighter to the mug now while Willie Jack holds her in place. Mika tastes just like chocolate and cherries while her lips feel like fresh petals. Look at that, Willie Jack could be poetic or corny when it comes to romance too! Mika’s unfortunately not Willie Jack’s first kiss but this kiss definitely makes her forget all about what’s their face. The only thing that’s on her mind is how her heart basically skips a beat with her lips right on Mika’s.

And a kiss like this has never made Mika’s toes curl before.

When she pulls back, Mika is curling Willie Jack’s hair back behind her ear. She bits down on her lips to hide her dimpled smile (which doesn’t work in her favor really, Willie Jack was so tempted to poke them) as Willie Jack slowly opens her eyes to meet Mika’s sunset.

Willie Jack remembers to breathe, “What?”

“You kissed me, you really like me.” Mika sings into Willie Jack’s face, while the girl claps her hands against her face hoping her skin isn’t warming up but knows it probably is.

Mika reaches for Willie Jack’s wrist while laying her head back on the couch, “don’t be shy now, that was glorious!”

“Glorious? Oh my god.”

“That a great thing! Marvelous! Splendid even!”

“You sound like one of those teachers who thinks the sun shines out of their ass, bro.”

Mika pauses,“I don’t think you can call me bro anymore.”

“Why not?”

“‘Cause we kissed, twice?” Mika holds up the deuces, laughing as Willie Jack shakes her head, trying to wrap her head around the fact that she initiated this kiss.

Willie Jack nods her head at her own thinking, “You’ll always be my bro…just a different type. More meaningful, a higher level.”

“Oooh so I get perks?”

“Yeah…as soon as we figure out what to do about us?”

Mika goes quiet then, knowing their time was limited. She was only here for a week, mainly to visit and go to the state fair but that thought made her depressed since she was also building a life after graduating high school…all the way in Nebraska…and that’s not something she wanted to dwell on right now.

She peers at Willie Jack from underneath her lengthy eyelashes, “We could always just make out some more until we do?”

Willie jack scoffs, “I see, you only want me for my lips.”

“And your heart,” Mika leans into Willie Jack who licks her lips, feeling those butterflies in her stomach.

Willie jack throws her head back, “the rizz is killing me!”

“You love it.”

“I think I do.” Willie Jack nods.

“Yeaaah! So kiss me.”

“I’ll do more of that after we finish the movie, I know you’ll need it.”

“So you’re the one plotting on me then.”

“Noooo.” Wille jack fails to hide her smile although this wasn’t originally her plan…it doesn’t sound half bad now.

Mika pokes the long haired girl, “Now I don’t believe you!”

“Well I hope you have it in your heart not to hold nothing else against me. I made you hot chocolate, I gave you my love—

Mika laughs a bit, “that you did, that you did.”

They briefly place their foreheads against each other until Mika moves to rest her head on Willie Jack’s shoulder. It’s not long that they turn their attention back to the screen, both confused on this grainy yet clearly dated horror film.

“I think we need edibles to enjoy this.”

That would make the most logical sense and why Willie Jack’s dad even owned this film: House (1977).

“Damn,” Willie Jack snaps her finger, “and it would be even better if we at least had the blackberries. All that work we put in, we should at least be able to enjoy them.”

Mika gasps, “I can’t believe I left them in elora’s car.”

“That blows…hopefully cheese holds them down for you or else we’ll have to kick somebody’s ass. And by somebody, I mean bear and probably Jackie’s Wednesday Addams lookin’ ass.”

Mika snorts, missing this friend dynamic, “Meeks and Mena, doing what we do best.”

“Fuck yeah, thriving and Survivin’.”

“Real shit,” Mika grins as Willie Jack slips her hand to intertwine with Mika’s.

And she enjoys how Mika’s hand fits just right in her own, although a little shaky, which reminded Wille Jack of Mika’s old fear of bodies of water when they were much younger, Willie Jack gives Mika’s a quick squeeze to ease any form of anxiety her body maybe experiencing.

Whether it be the wonders of the world or the wonders of their relationship.

They didn’t have to always search for the answers, at least not right away. So for the present they could settle into the excitement of what’s happening in the now…

To just live with the guidance of one another.

With Meeks and Mena holding on no longer tiptoeing…then perhaps that could be more than enough.

🕸️𖤐༘⋆/ᐠ - ˕ -マ༘⋆𖤐🕸️ 🕸️𖤐༘⋆/ᐠ - ˕ -マ༘⋆𖤐🕸️ 🕸️𖤐༘⋆/

Continue with my October anthology prompts here.

#Willie jack #Willie jack x reader #Willie jack x f! reader #rez dogs #reservation dogs #reservation dogs season 3 #reservation dogs final season #bear smallhill #elora danan #Elora Dana postoak #cheese williams #Jackie reservation dogs #Jackie Rez dogs #October prompts #queued

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charmedreincarnation · 1 year

Note

Hi Charmᵕ̈,

I wanted to dm and ask but then thought more people could benefit from your answer so my question is...

How do you feel in your day to day life knowing something your peers don't? Or rather, having done something most people will die without ever experiencing (getting into the void and waking up somewhere completely different)

I'm just really curious what it must feel like! Seeing people struggle in day to day activities when you know, experientially, you could change your life just like that 🫰🏻; I'm imagining there must be a general ease with which you live now that wasn't there prior void?

PS. Your blog is lovely, thank you so much for all the involvement and the fact that you're still here to give advice 🕊🏹🤍💌

Hi bb ty for this ask, bc this is something I struggled with for a while. I used to feel so bad and it was so unhealthy for me. I felt like I was some beholding omnipotent being and I could help so many people and that was my job. But the truth is even if you spoke the law from the rooftops in every city and home , no one would care unless they had the will to.

1. I talk about the law to everyone who meets me tbh. It’s not a secret trust me. Maybe not the same way I talk to people here but everyone knows me as the manifesting astrology delulu girl. When people ask me how I have straight As without studying, I straight up tell them I manifest it. I tell people I use to practice driving while lucid dreaming and that’s how I overcame my fear. When people ask how I don’t have a job in college, but spend a lot, I tell them money always come into my account and it never hits 0, so I don’t worry about that. I straight up tell tell them how I write all my desires down and they come to life just because I say so. Most people either don’t care, don’t believe me, or assume i was just born privileged even if I explain I wasn’t.

2.you’re not special. And not the way you think. You are a special bright star, as a person and I love you of course, but you’re not special about knowing the law. Most people know about the law whether they know what it’s called or not. Some people even know about the law and still don’t care or apply it differently to their lives than now we do, and that’s okay.

3. Some people know the law and don’t care, simply because they don’t. Maybe they already like their life, maybe they don’t believe it, maybe they prefer to follow their religious practices. Idk but a lot of time I tell friends about the manifesting practice I’ve been using and it’s not like they make fun of me.. but they’re just not into that stuff like I am, and they don’t care. I will go on rambles about how we can have whatever we want in this life, and they’re just like “okay nice .. anyways I hate matthew so much” That’s okay! it doesn’t make you special or enlightened nor does it make them dull and ignorant. Just makes them, them, and you, you. We are god. If they wanted to utilize the law like you have, they would have already. Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe in another life time, or maybe never idk but that’s not my reality or problem.

4.we as a community gotta drop the hero complex. Trust me I had to work through this in therapy. (Void/manifesting or not, therapy has benefited me in so many ways guys! Get therapy no matter how good your life is. If I were president therapy would be mandated for everyone that’s how hard I ride for it!) but anyways, you’re not going to save the world. Accept that now, it’ll save you the trouble, guilt, and doubt later. Just trust me I could elaborate all day but we all know it’s not realistic or mentally healthy for us. Btw anon this is a shot at myself. not you or anyone else who feels the same 💗

But thank you for your kind words. The point Is don’t compare yourself to other people or try to see your past self in them! It’s not healthy and most people given the chance won’t care or want your delulu advice. In fact most people will make fun of you, it’s just the life we’re in. But I believe the law finds.. well Moreso your will find whatever you need, given who you are. Which is even more of a reason to not give up. Not only did you find the law, you’re still here even with your trials and tribulations, even with the doubt and uncertainty you know it’s real, so that’s really the only thing you should take from the given situation you asked!

But yes life is on easy mode for the most part. But generally it feels the same because I keep myself fulfilled even here! Especially as a shifter it’s easy to feel more grounded here remembering it’s also a reality with amazing people, foods and things to explore. And I will make the most out of it otherwise what’s the point.

*also I use delulu as a positive adjective towards myself everyday. I have reclaimed it in a cute slay way. Being delulu has gotten me my dream life, so yea I’m gonna use that word happily contrary to societies perception of that world <3! Just clarifying bc I know how people get with that word

#law of assumption #manifesation #void state #manifesting #reality shifting #law of attraction

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 month

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Swiftie Anon

Hi guys! I got an ask from an anon that might be triggering so I'm copy-pasting it here so I can put a 'read more' button. I'm naming them Swiftie Anon because they said Taylor really helped them.

TW: SH, SI

Hi Cas, hope you’re ok, because I sure as hell am not. Trigger warning, like mentions of self harm and stuff like that I think.

I’m a seventh grader and recently I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot more than I usually do. During the pandemic I was in 3rd grade and I kinda realized how much life sucked, but when I went back to school in 5th grade, I realized that this hadn’t occurred to anyone else. I kind of brushed it off bc I’ve always been sort of a pessimist but then I sixth grade I started having suicidal thoughts, I think. I just felt really done with everything, I didn’t want to draw or read or write, and my parents were pissed all the time, it felt like my friends were bored of me (I have abandonment issues from all my friends in elementary school leaving me) (I think)and I thought it would just be easier to not exist anymore, it wasn’t that good. I discovered Taylor, the angel that she is, she just felt…like a friend, like she was right there, you know, and I’ve been mostly okay-ish since. But school fucking sucks and in 7th grade I had to do a presentation in front of my class and I started crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t even stand up. I think I have anxiety idk. I’ve always been shy, and I’ve hyperventilated before when my parents were yelling at me about stuff and my arms started bleeding because I was digging my nails into them. My parents found out at conferences and I got grounded. my brother knows bc he walked in on me crying and hyperventilating once but he’s leaving for college next year and idk how the fuck I’ll stay together without him. My younger sister and I are really close, but I don’t want to drag her in onto this stuff. And ik once I get to high school it’ll be even worse bc high school sounds horrible and I might be all alone again bc I might not go to the same high school as my friends

I haven’t said a word about this to anyone voluntarily and I know I can’t tell my parents. I always lie on those surveys you get at the doctor, and my parents are always saying I should have a more positive outlook on life and try to be happier and it makes me so pissed bc I am trying as hard as I can to be happening but nothing fucking works.

idk what do with myself anymore, a teacher mentioned college today and I almost broke down sobbing bc I don’t think I’ll let myself live that long. It’s just…really hard and everyday feels like years. Should I tell someone? I’m not as bad as I was in 6th grade, but I know I should be getting help somehow. But I suck at asking for things and I can’t trust any adults.

sorry for the rant, I just need some advice. And a virtual, pat on the head or something, idk.

---

Hi hon!

First, (with your permission), I'm like to give you a virtual hug, because it sounds like you're dealing with a lot <3

I'm gonna be really real with you right now: You need to ask for some help. You have a lot going on, and some really heavy feelings, and you don't deserve to be dealing with them at ALL, let alone by yourself.

You're young, and you have SO MUCH life left to enjoy, and suffering through it like this isn't fair. So I'm going to share something about myself with you, okay?

When I was younger, I was very depressed. I was in a bad relationship and I felt very trapped, and I got to a point similar to you.

One day, I got so overwhelmed that I sort of realized that I either needed to ask for help or I would end up making a really bad decision. So, I asked for help.

Again, I'm going to be real: It was SUPER scary. I had to see a lot of doctors and I cried a lot. But after a lot of work, I was able to get better, and now, years later, I am in a (different) healthy relationship, and I have a job and a pet, and I'm here talking to you.

I know this sounds stupid because it's like some feel-good story and right now I'm sure you feel less than great. But I say this because you NEED to ask for help, even if it is difficult. Because there are real things past this feeling. A future job, a future relationship (if you want), a future pet, future kids (if you want). They're all very real and achievable and this feeling is temporary, even thought it feels so permanent right now.

So I'm going to give you some options, since it seems like you don't want to talk to your parents:

Talk to a doctor. Doctors are trained to help you, and they have a lot of resources.

Talk to a trusted teacher. Teachers can sometimes be amazing resources as well, and a lot of them want to listen when you ask to talk.

Talk to a different adult (aunt, uncle, coach, someone!) that you feel close to that will help.

Call/text/message a hotline. Here is an example of a hotline you can talk to via messaging, text, or phone, depending on what you prefer.

But you need to ask for help, because you DESERVE to be happy and living your best life.

It would make me super happy if you message/inboxed me an update, whether you're doing better, worse, or the same! I'm so proud of you for reaching out and I'm cheering you on!

#ask #asks #ask cas #tw: sh

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rafesgoldrings · 10 months

Note

p.s. this is all over the place, i’m so sorry and i’m so sorry for constantly saying “like” I can’t help it

hey i’m just venting bc I have no real friend lmaoooo but today at work, (i work at an assisted living place), my mangers and head people had an meeting with our residents and my manager told me that they said the residents love me and they are going to miss me when I go back to college and just positive things stuff like that.

I was in shock tbh and felt so idk happy, proud idk bc i’ve only been working there since like june 10th so i’m just happy, i’m making them happy ig.

then we have an head manager guy (idk his actual title) but he’s always given me compliments on my work ethic and stuff. he’s super nice and kind as well.

but anyways I just wanted to get that out bc this is like the first time I feel like i’ve done something good in my life. I started tearing up actually bc the residents were genuinely meaning they appreciate me, love me, and love seeing me come in.

like some residents will say “theirs our favorite girl”, “pretty girl”, “we missed you yesterday”, “I appreciate your service”, “thank you for all that you do” and idk if i’ll keep this job forever, I mean I know I won’t bc I need to move on to bigger and better things but stuff like this makes me so idk guilty that i’ll have to leave them soon even tho half won’t even remember me

the whole building is just super nice and I can’t handle all the compliments, I feel almost bad for receiving them especially since i’m pretty new.

like the amount of praise I got today was just so overwhelming and basically it made me feel proud myself but also guilty for some reason

i’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense I just needed to tell someone

thanks for reading or not reading, which is completely fine I just needed to again get that out lmaoo💀

Don’t even worry about saying “like” too many times because I overuse it all the time😭

First off that’s great that in such a short time they already like you that much, that’s huge! It sounds like you do a great job and they really appreciate you for everything you do.

Secondly, I wouldn’t feel guilty about eventually leaving. They would want you to move on to bigger things and do good for yourself! Everyone leaves a job eventually, that’s just a part of life. Think about the positive impact you’d be leaving instead of the guilt of leaving, think about all the good you did and all the smiles you caused. Sometimes that’s enough for a person to get through a rough day, they’ll remember you and your bright personality and even for just a split second it’ll make them feel better.

Sometimes they need a new person to come in and give them a new perspective. I think someone who is obviously so kind and good at their job can make any job easier to get through and you’re that person despite how long you’ve been there. I don’t think half of them will just forget despite how hard that is to believe. I think with how much they like you already, you’ll forever leave them with a profound effect.

Thirdly, I totally get the guilt. It’s hard to think that someone who’s only been there for a short period of time deserves those kinds of compliments compared to someone that’s been working there for years. But it’s also okay to be like “you know what, I work hard and do a damn good job. I deserve to be told that and appreciated from my co workers” because you do! You deserve to have people tell you they’re proud of you, you deserve to be praised for working hard, you deserve to have those sweet words said to you when you walk in for work. Obviously I can’t stop you from feeling guilty because you know…thoughts….but I can say that they wouldn’t praise you that way and talk to other people about you in such a positive light if you didn’t deserve it babe! You’re going to do such good things in life and i’m proud of you for everything you’ve done to get to where you are🫶🏻🫶🏻

#asks <3

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sanriopropaganda · 2 months

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vent under the cut

ive had two best friends in my life, one from elementary to high school who moved away when we were 14 and we grew apart, and the other i met in my freshman year of college who dropped me for a romantic partner. i haven’t been able to find anyone since.

i have close friends, i even have people i might consider some of my best friends, but those people have their own best friend, and it’s not me. im not apart of a friend group, i mostly just bounce around from hangout to hangout. i interact with people a lot! im friends with a good number of people! i just. don’t have that one person that everyone else seems to.

i thought i had found a good group of girls that could maybe be a friend group since i don’t have one since moving back home. they were already friends, and i met them through a mutual friend that was also fairly new to the group. i was just scrolling on instagram today and i saw that there was a birthday party i wasn’t invited to that i just. had to find out through social media had happened. even the newer person was invited.

and maybe i had overinflated my position, or maybe i saw or felt something that wasn’t mutual, but after being invited to other gatherings and parties with the full group, it hurt! and then i started thinking about how they dont really talk to me outside of those hangouts. and there was a group chat they forgot to add me to (whether or not it was purposeful or not i don’t know). i thought maybe we would talk more as time went on, and ive tried to initiate those conversations, but. it’s never worked out.

and ik no one is obligated to hang out with me, ik no one is obligated to invite me to anything, especially since we haven’t known each other for a full year. but it just sucks bc like. im never anyone’s person. im no one’s best friend. people aren’t really jumping at the chance to be with me. i feel like the same lonely kid i always have been.

and it also just feels like. all for nothing? ive done so much work. i try really hard to be someone people like. i think im personable and nice and funny and people say i come off as confident. i dress nicely, i try to talk to people, i try to be supportive and there for others when they need to vent. ive changed so much. im no longer that shy awkward teen i once was, and thats great! i have my moments bc of social anxiety, but i have done a lot to be someone that people want to be around. and of course i have my flaws and things i try to work on but. it all just feels like it’s for nothing. bc im still that kid that doesn’t have a lunch table to sit at. and i feel like im letting myself down.

but even then i feel like it’s all fake. i don’t know where the real me ends and the mask begins. how much of me being a good person is me? how much of it is what i think other people want to see? i don’t know! but sometimes i think. that mask may slip, and i say something weird, or im a little too loud, or i get too excited and i talk too much, or i get too comfortable and i think someone may like me for me! and they don’t.

and ik the reaction to that may be “well you need to know yourself before you can be loved”. i don’t know if that’s ever going to happen! i truly don’t! ive been mentally ill and lonely my whole life. and they just. feed into each other. idk how to separate the loneliness from myself, I don’t know what it means to not feel like this. but does that mean i don’t deserve to love and be loved? aren’t there other people who have found connections and joy and love while being like me? what is it about me that is so repugnant? i try really hard, i genuinely do, i go to therapy and i only sometimes take my meds but i am genuinely really trying and i dont know why im not getting anywhere. but i want to be better, i really do! even with the depression, and the anxiety, and the bpd, i really do try.

i just want to be someone people genuinely truly like and want to be around. i want to meet people and have them think “wow i want to be her friend”. i want to not get dropped for other people. i want to be someone’s first choice. but im not. i want to have a group of people, and even just one, that i think of and who thinks of me when those silly memes of “me and the girls” pop up.

and sometimes i wonder if im just destined to be alone. it really sucks, but i wish some cosmic entiry or god or something would tell me that that’s just the way i am. and that i should just stop trying bc it’ll never matter anyway. it would make it hurt less. but there is no cosmic entity and there is no god and there is no here’s the life ive always dreamed of i will make it mine. it’s just being alone.

so im stuck. trying and failing and wondering what’s wrong with me. maybe im really not as great at being a person as i thought. maybe i am still just ugly and weird and it eventually shows. but i keep trying because thats all i know how to do. until the cosmic entity or god or whoever shows up and tells me to stop.

i really just want to run away a lot of the time. if i moved to some new city far away then i still wouldn’t have friends but i would have an excuse! but i can’t bc i don’t know how and im scared. im really scared that nothing will ever change and ill die alone. probably by my own hand if it gets much worse. but im scared of that too.

#personal #tw ideation #i don’t ever post personal really but. feels good to scream into the void ig

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kushami-hime · 1 year

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I posted 1,743 times in 2022

That's 226 more posts than 2021!

924 posts created (53%)

819 posts reblogged (47%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@onetrickponi

@thebigchoo

@goodlucksnez

@thescarlettletter

I tagged 1,039 of my posts in 2022

Only 40% of my posts had no tags

#kushami asks - 365 posts

#snzblr - 227 posts

#not snz - 213 posts

#snz kink - 207 posts

#snzfucker - 202 posts

#sneeze kink - 144 posts

#snz - 100 posts

#kushami wavs - 96 posts

#snz wav - 34 posts

#b/akugou - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#knowing that you all care so deeply for a stranger on the internet has restored my faith in humanity

My Top Posts in 2022:

CW: Sneezing, Stifles, Wet Sneezes, Half Stifles, BakuBrats stank attitude, embarrassment, 3 noseblows.

One morning at the local hero agency, the newest generation fresh to the scene is called to a meeting by their serious colleague, Tenya Iida. Everyone is in attendance, including Ground Zero and Deku. But as they get settled in, a strong smell in the cramped room begins to set off Deku’s nose...this won’t end well.

FIRST wav since...the dragon!baku one? That was done a hot minute ago I feel like but whatever lol. I cant find the proper anon question atm and to be honest I dont remember if its the same person but when you see this, I hope it’s alright! All I remember was that someone asked for D/eku dealing with someones strong perfume either in a mission/meeting/college lecture so I went with a meeting setting. I put my own little spin on it with music from the OST and using background sounds and stuff to give it more...immersion? idk lmao.

Anyway! It’s bedtime for me but horni hours for you guys. Enjoy! <3

102 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

After waking up with a terrible fever, D/eku finds himself being taken care of by B/akugou, who’s usual rash behavior covers up his worrisome feelings over his lovers illness.

CW: Sneezing (dur) Baku being a tsundere mother hen, bratty sick Deku, Baku getting sneezed on (twice I think?), general caretaking, you know the drill.

OK guys wtf HOW did this get so goddamn long!? This is my longest wav YET! And yet...I don’t think it lived up to the hype? Im just being hard on myself I guess, you all be the judge.

I really missed doing Deku and I got like, REALLY mess and REALLY stuffy during this wav and you can totally hear it nearer to the end/in the second half.

This was originally for THIS ask and Im sorry if it sucks (I know you said soft caretaker Baku but he’s pretty angry in the first half) but HEY its super long so there’s that? Lol. I also apologize for the quality, I had to knock it down during the export cause it was too big for Discord lol...

Anyway, um...enjoy I guess! It’s been a harsh week so Im gonna go eat something and watch anime I guess @-@

102 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

CW: SLOW BURN, B/akugou being tied up/restrained, slight BDSM vibes, feather use, a LOT of sneezing (like...a LOT) long, drawn out holdbacks/build ups, some NSFW sounds if you squint, mess/hints at a lot of mess, feather allergy, my OC Tsumeko being a real bitch to blasty boi, established Pro Hero AU, hands free stifles, forced stifles, B/akugou being loud and having an absolute potty mouth, growly noises (cause yknow angry B/akubrat), forced false starts (if thats a thing), B/akugou being winded/out of breath on a few occassions, cameo from T/odoroki and D/eku at the end, shirt being used as a tissue/noseblowing into shirt.

CHARACTERS DEPICTED ARE IN PRO HERO AU AND ARE 25+!

K/atsuki wakes up tied to a support beam in a structurally unsound building seemingly underground. When he realizes his captor is a well known thief he's been chasing for weeks, he's completely seeing red. Will he be able to tough it out against her strange test of endurance or crack under the pressure with a weakness he didn't even know he had?

Holy fuck guys...this shit is the length of a full on anime episode and idk whether to be proud of myself or ashamed like...idk what to think. All I know is that a LOT of anons wanted this wav and well...here it is lol. It took like 3 - 4 weeks of repeat sessions of JUST sneezing and also holdback training if you will. Most of them were seperate but 90% of the holdbacks in this are 100% real so enjoy my genuine battle against fresh vials of Chinknii xux;

I'm also sort of on the fence with this one, cause it's been a hot minute since I've done a B/akugou wav and I pretty much forgot how to sneeze like him, and I rerecorded certain sneezes but without much improvement so sorry about that u.u Hopefully they get better as I do a few more wavs with him coming up.

SO! Um...hopefully this does some numbers cause I have to be up early and I stayed up to finish this and um...yeah! Im gonna go pass out now-

102 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

CW: Nose blowing, wet sneezes, sniffling, buildups/hitching breaths, somewhat horny Bakubrat, very teasing and dominant/demanding! Listener is in a servant position so there’s that if you’re into domestic servitude lmao

After a long day away from the palace, B/akugou returns from an outing drenched in freezing rain, and sneezing almost uncontrollably. He claims he’s fine...typical B/akugou. But once Y/N pesters him enough, he admits that he may have caught himself an awful illness by the name of Dragon Fever. With human blood running through their veins, Y/N is immune to this disease, so it’s up to them to nurse the suddenly teasing and feverish king back to health...

AS YOU CAN SEE, this file was too big and too horni for tumblr so I had to use soundcloud instead. A lot of people have been waiting for this, so I really REALLY hope it came out OK. You guys know Im too hard on myself these days like, ugh. The self loathing is so real...

But, it’s here. And I’ll probably take some time to write scripts and maaaaybe write a short fic? I dunno yet, Im really tired, lol Enjoy!

Minors DNI. Non-Kink blogs DO NOT REBLOG! Love you guys!

103 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A shy, nerdy type of guy you've been friends with for so long that you've decided to tell about your kink. He thinks nothing of it, even reassures you that it's natural and it's not weird at all! He even totally forgets it...even as he's struggling with his usual hayfever.

You can't help but squirm as he's humiliating himself by struggling to fish out his used tissues to wipe his streaming nose, holding back his sneezes with messy half stifles into his hands. He looks down at the shiny mess in his palms as he hides himself from you, flushed red in the face. That's when he remembers.

"W-wait...y-you...l-like this sort of thing...don't you?"

133 notes - Posted March 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #SoundCloud

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ganseysglasses · 1 year

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I’ve had boygenius brain rot since The Record was released so let me tell you what song goes to which of the raven cycle characters.

Starting with the obvious, Ronan is SO revolution 0 are you kidding?? “i don’t wanna die / that’s a lie / but i’m afraid to get sick / i don’t know what that is�� so so so Ronan. ALSO “i used to think if i just closed my eyes / i would disappear” ?? enough said. revolution 0 is questioning the world you’re in and your purpose in it and if that isn’t the epitome of Ronan Lynch idk what it.

Adam is definitely Letter To An Old Poet to me. This was a really hard choice because Adam Parrish is incredibly boygenius coded but i have evidence. “you’re not special, you’re evil / you don’t get to tell me to calm down / you made me feel like an equal / but i’m better than you / and you should know that by now” it’s Adam Parrish learning who he is and that he’s more than his background, more than what he’s been told he is by his father, the other students at aglionby, and even himself. Letter To An Old Poet makes me feel like reflecting on what used to be and realizing how much time has changed everything around me. That’s just so Adam!!

I’m not SUPER confident on this one, but Noah is Anti-Curse. First of all, Noah Czerny just seems like a Julien Baker fan idk. Also kind of obvious text evidence “making peace with my inevitable death.” now i KNOW that could also be Gansey, but hear me out. Noah knew from the beginning that he was going to be gone and leave his friends over and over again (poor guy :( ) and he still MOURNED and resisted his inevitable undoing. I feel like Gansey didn’t even actually come to terms with his death. All of the Raven King was spent searching for a solution, and even though Gansey had proof he would die, he didn’t quit searching for a solution. Noah on the other hand embodies Anti-Curse and the theme of making peace with where you are. It’s really heartbreaking honesty.

Gansey boy himself is OBVIOUSLY True Blue. I have authority on this because i AM Gansey. He’s me. Anyways, i realized Gansey was true blue when i heard the line “but it feels good to be known so well / i can’t hide from you like i hide from myself” which is also when i had the idea for this post (before taking many weeks to write it out). Additionally just think about Gansey’s relationship with his friends with this verse “you’ve never done me wrong except for that one time / that we don’t talk about / because it doesn’t matter anymore / who won the fight? / I don’t know” Gansey being so willing to do anything for his friends, and ignore any fights or disagreements just to get them to stay. True Blue embodies the longing to be seen. to be known and understood and loved in despite of people seeing. And that’s a very clear character trait of Gansey’s throughout the books.

Finally, Blue Sargent herself. She’s Satanist, which i feel might be a bit of an obvious choice but it fits. Blue makes it known where she stands on everything, is very independent, and has a lot to prove, which really suits this song. The verse “will you be an anarchist with me? / sleep in cars and kill the bourgeoisie / at least until you find out what a fake i am” says it best. Blue is so desperate to be sure of herself and achieve what she wants, but there’s so much she’s not sure of. (her principles after finding her raven boys, college, careers, their quest, etc) Satanist is a song that takes a stand so confidently while having no real intention of acting upon the decisions made. Not because it doesn’t believe in the decisions or the principles behind it, but because it doesn’t believe in itself.

Anyways that’s my interpretation of the raven cycle with special guests Boygenius!

#the raven cycle #gansey #blue sargent #adam parrish #ronan lynch #noah czerny #richard gansey #boygenuis #the record #phoebe bridgers #julien baker #lucy dacus #the raven boys

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1d1195 · 6 months

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Tulips is truly heartbreaking. ❤️‍🩹 idk why that story makes me want to ask how you and your bf are doing. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I completely understand. But goddamn Tulips pulled at ever bit of my heart.

Oh you have no idea how much I love this message. Tulips was extremely personal to me and yeah... It means a lot to me that you read it and read between the lines 💕 I struggle to say how I'm feeling out loud a lot of the times so writing is helpful. Tumblr is also one of my favorite spaces to vent so don't feel bad asking personal questions lol. I'm very much an open book here hiding behind a computer screen.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a really long time--we're in the upper half of almost a decade at this point. I feel like at this point, I want him to read my mind because of it. Subconsciously, I don't think it's really fair of me to want that. He's wonderful, really, he is. I like to believe I wouldn't stay if he wasn't. I like being with him, we do fun things together, we have a lot in common, and he's very understanding of my anxiety.

To a point.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't understand that I can't or don't want to do certain things because I get so stressed and he makes fun of me for it? Like weird things; I know they're weird and it's malicious on his part. It just bothers me after a while since it's been so long. Parking is my worst nightmare and I panic about it more than the actual event/place I'm going to. Or, I always look at the menu of the place we go to eat before we get there. My family is also really important to me--they drive me ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT CRAZY but I can't get rid of them. I can't not help them--my parents feel like toddlers sometimes and I just don't know how to not help. But I'm an eldest daughter and I can't say that being this way doesn't take a huge mental toll on my emotions and psyche every time I listen to one of them vent about the other. So I get why my bf says I need to set better boundaries but I don't think he understands how difficult that actually is in practice.

I am doing way better than I used to--back in high school or even college. But there are things in my life that I just can't seem to let go of and I know he's trying to help me move on or cope or whatever.

But it feels like when I do things like clean our apartment or try really hard to do special things he seems really apathetic. He doesn't recognize that certain things need to be done at certain times. Or that I like things done a certain way. And I know I'm neurotic. Like I know I'm not perfect and I don't always communicate how I feel.

When I do communicate how I feel about certain things or how I like things done, he always brings up something I do differently than how he would do it. So that brings me down a bit and I feel like I've changed a lot for the better and do a lot of things differently than I would have five or even ten years ago. So a lot of the time I just don't tell him what I'm feeling. I think he knows this though because he tells me sometimes I just explode because I let it simmer inside me and wait until some small grievance just boils me over. But it feels like he doesn't see that this is me trying or that there are things that he does that bother me but I feel like I can't say because he just turns it around on me.

I tell him all the time that if we broke up I wouldn't date anyone again (unless Harry Styles appeared in my life, of course). I think I really mean that. I like being in a relationship but I was single for a REALLY long time. Sometimes I think I miss it because I think sometimes I still feel like I'm a single person in a relationship. I'm pretty sure if we did break up I would be fine. Of course I would be extremely upset and heartbroken, but I know how to be an adult and take care of myself and whatnot. I would be surprised if he could name our utility company. Being single for a long time made me fiercely independent. I used to go out to breakfast by myself in college all the time. I don't mind being alone.

So, I hope this answers your question and I hope it doesn't make you think that I'm a stupid idiot for being in this relationship. We're good. We are. No relationship is perfect--I don't even think Harry Styles would be like the guy(s) I write about in my stories.

But maybe this gives some insight as to why I love my miscommunication trope so much.

Thank you for your message, your question, and of course just reading Tulips. I hold that one near and dear to my heart. 💕

xoxo

#tulips

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suzuki-violin-school · 2 years

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Live on TV 2

I couldn't come up with a better name for it. Anyway here's the sequel to Live on TV

Masterlist

Content: dumbassery, bakugo cussing, idk I wrote it at like 11 pm after not eating all day and I was dehydrated and it felt like I was on a different plane of existence

“So what are you gonna do now that the kid’s off to college?”

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Y/n admitted. “I was so young when I had him that I never had time to establish myself as a person, and then he took over my life, and now… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without him.”

“His school is like two hours away,” Bakugo stated flatly. “And he promised to come visit at least once a month. Don’t start acting like he’s dead.”

“But what do I do?” Y/n asked. “I’m going to have so much free time without him here.”

“I dunno, maybe get back into some hobbies you had before Deku gave you a parasite?”

“Don’t call him a parasite.”

“He’s an organism that benefits at the expense of others,” Bakugo clarified. He smirked as Y/n raised an eyebrow at him skeptically. “Parasite. What kind of stuff did you used to do?”

“I was really into painting, but I don’t think I’d be all that great now,” Y/n said, shrugging.

“Were you any good at it?” Bakugo asked curiously. “I mean- Not that you have to be good at shit to enjoy it.”

“I mean… I don’t like bragging,” Y/n said, suddenly shy. She gestured vaguely across the living room, in the general direction of the fireplace. “I did that one, though.”

“…The butterfly flowery thing?” Bakugo asked slowly, eyeing up the floral image hanging above the fireplace. Y/n nodded. “Shit. I thought that was a photo.”

“Yeah, I was really into realism,” Y/n said. “The landscape above my bed is me, too.”

“Damn. I thought that one was a photo, too,” Bakugo said blankly. “Sure, you’d be out of practice after however-many-years-old-the-kid-is-”

“Eighteen.”

“Bless you. Sure, you’d be out of practice after eighteen years, but if you were seriously that great, it shouldn’t be hard to get good at it again, right?” Bakugo suggested, shrugging. “Plus, you could make bank if you started selling those.”

“I don’t think I could just sell them off all willy-nilly,” Y/n said awkwardly. “And even then, I don’t know if I’d really want to monetize it… What if I fall out of love with it and have to keep going just to pay my bills?”

“You know I’ll take care of you, dummy, stop worrying about your bills all the time.”

Y/n grimaced.

“You know what I mean,” she said flatly. “Besides, I make money just fine on my own! Well, just okay on my own. Well- …Thanks.”

“I don’t need you to thank me,” Bakugo said seriously. “Get back into it, maybe sell off the first few that aren’t super great, see how it goes.”

“Why are you so intent on this?” Y/n asked. She grinned teasingly. “You wanna see me make it big time? Be a famous artist? Have my stuff shown off in museums?”

“I just think you could make good money!” Bakugo said defensively, brushing Y/n off of his shoulder and watching as she sat up in his lap, an eyebrow raised at him. “That’s the biggest worry in your life, I know that, so why not try a side hustle?”

“Really? ‘Side hustle’? I never thought I’d hear those words come out of your mouth,” Y/n said, trying not to giggle. “You’re acting all sappy and weird. What’s the ulterior motive here- And don’t say there isn’t one, there’s always an ulterior motive when you get like this.”

“What do you mean ‘when I get like this’? Are you-”

“I asked a question, Katsuki,” Y/n tutted. The playful lilt in her voice disappeared as she asked again. “What are you really trying to do here? This is more than egging me on to get back into old hobbies.”

“It’s like I said, I just think you could put some extra money to good use,” Bakugo insisted.

“What kind of ‘good use’, Katsuki? I have everything I need,” Y/n said. “I can put my son through college and still put food on my table, I don’t need a bunch of extra cash just lying around the house.”

“…But what if ‘the house’ was bigger?”

“What the hell are you talking about now?” Y/n asked exasperatedly.

“Just imagine it,” Bakugo said, draping his arm over the back of the couch. “Cool entryway, a little bit of a loft, three bathrooms, four bedrooms- maybe you turn one into an art studio or a study or some shit, the kitchen’s a little bigger than the one you have here, and-”

“Katsuki,” Y/n interrupted, sitting up more attentively. “You’re being very specific. You were being normal about Akemi going to college, then you started acting all weird about money, and now you sound like you’re trying to sell me a house-”

“Fine!” Bakugo said suddenly. He chewed his lip as he stared into Y/n’s eyes intently- If she didn’t know him as well as she did, she would’ve been terrified. “I am, okay? I am trying to sell you a house. There’s this gorgeous place in the suburbs, it’s got a big backyard, there’s two bedrooms upstairs and two downstairs, I was thinking one for the kid, one for us, turn one into a study or whatever, the last one’s a guest room- Guest bedrooms are fancy shit, even my place doesn’t have one.”

“…Us?”

“Huh?”

“You said ‘a bedroom for us’,” Y/n said slowly. Bakugo hesitated for a moment before picking up his bravado again.

“Yeah, you got a problem with that?” He asked. “I was thinkin’ my place could be a summer home, or maybe Akemi gets it when he graduates, but if you really don’t feel like you need anything, I can probably sell it for a fair price and we’ll use that money for the new house-”

“What the fuck, Katsuki?!”

“What now, woman?”

“You- We- I- You just- What?” Y/n stumbled over her words, mouth and brain not lining up to say the words she wanted to. “You can’t just tell me- I mean, you should’ve asked- I could-”

“Woah, settle the fuck down,” Bakugo said quickly, reaching out to take Y/n’s shoulder and gently pull her against his chest. “Haven’t seen you panic like that since you thought I’d take Akemi away from you. I’m not tryna force you outta this place, or say you’re broke as shit, or that I don’t think you can make it on your own, okay? I know you’re happy where you are in life, but there’s some luxuries out there that you ignore. You and the kid deserve more than what you have. Deku started you guys off pretty shitty, but I want you to be happy. Y’know, enjoy your hobbies and have a nice house an’ shit.”

“You really want to live with me?” Y/n asked, twisting awkwardly in his lap to look him in the eyes.

“Live with you? Hell, I want to fucking marry you,” Bakugo said firmly. “I wanna fucking ruin your life with how much I wanna spoil you and buy you shit and do stuff together and help you finish raising that demon child of yours.”

Y/n tried her best to give him a scrutinizing glare at his new nickname for Akemi, but her lips were stuck in a lovesick grin and her eyes were starting to water, so she posed absolutely no threat.

“Really?”

“Of course,” Bakugo said, acting like he was talking about the most obvious thing on the planet. “I didn’t start dating you to waste time. And fuck if I’m gonna raise a kid and not try to claim it as mine.”

“You’re claiming Akemi as your own child?” Y/n asked, not sure if she should be worried.

“Hell yeah I am, Deku ain’t gonna do it!” He said defensively. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Anyway. I asked the kid a month or two ago. He said I can marry you. If you say yes, I mean.”

“Of course I will!” Y/n said quickly. She paused for a moment, looking at Bakugo scrutinizingly. “You got a ring, or…?”

“Yeah, but not with me,” he answered. “Akemi helped me pick it out. I was planning to ask you in a… Y’know, a better way than this.”

“This is the perfect way,” Y/n said, smiling softly. “And I’d love to move in together.”

“You should call the kid and let him know,” Bakugo said, letting himself smile in the calm, vulnerable space around his fiancée. “Later we can go to my place and grab the ring, and maybe I’ll re-propose after a nice dinner, yeah?”

“…I can’t believe you actually want to- I mean, I never thought the Dynamight would want to settle down with someone,” Y/n admitted somewhat awkwardly. “You’re a Hero who’s good at beating up Villains, you really don’t seem like the kind of guy to say ‘hey, let’s buy a house together and get married and raise kids together’.”

“You’ve only got one kid,” Bakugo reminded. Y/n shifted her attention to her hands, absentmindedly stroking the spot on her finger where a wedding ring would soon be sitting.

“…I’ve still got a few years before pregnancy becomes unlikely and dangerous,” she said quietly. “You know, if you want-”

“Fuck. You’re saying I could have my own little half-me, half-you disaster?!”

“Sometimes I don’t know how to talk to you,” Y/n grumbled. She smiled. “But yeah. If you want one, then sure.”

“…There go my dreams of having a guest bedroom.”

Taglist: (Want to be on it? Fill this out!)

@nightwingsgirl @devilgirlcrybabiey @sageyrage @niicevibe @ushijimasslut @matriarchofworms @emptybrain01 @twdad @your-fellow-passerine @potionpeddlerpatchy @tetsupeach @weird-dere-fics

#xineohp's fics #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo #bnha #my hero academia #x reader #boku no hero academia #my hero academia fanfiction #fem!reader #bakugo x female reader

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dancedance-resolution · 9 months

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ex catholic thoughts and feelings that i need to get out of my brain (read at your own risk lol)

now that i’m taking some really big steps in my life with leaving my catholic life behind me etc. i’m realizing that i think it might be really healing for me to Tell Someone In My Old Catholic World what happened. i had a dream two nights ago about telling a beloved english teacher from my catholic life one of the things that happened. when i was working with someone from my old catholic life shortly post my final departure, i felt the urge to tell her. she knew some of the story and it was like my brain wanted to tell her the rest. and now i have my most beloved english teacher from Middle School that i still keep in touch with lol, i usually text her once every summer and we meet up for lunch but i didn’t text her this summer yet. i think i’ll text her when i start community college again since that’s like. A Proper Reason. idk i know it’s a dumb fear but i’m feeling a bit self conscious i guess that i want to contact her for no good reason other than it’s summertime and i love her and wanted to check in with her. but anyways. i monologued telling her what happened while driving to and from work today. she’s the most logical of persons to tell. but i don’t want to put that on her you know. anyways lastly a person from my old catholic life apparently is a client at my new job lol and we got to talking after not seeing each other for 3ish years and she asked me about career goals and college etc and i mentioned that i’m really attracted to the idea of working in a library once i have college under my belt and she was like oh! [my old church] is hiring an intern for their archive/library! you should inquire! and in my brain i felt optimistic for like 0.6 seconds where i was like. oh. i have an in on a possibly cool opportunity bc i’m literally obsessed with catholicism and want work experience in library settings…. then the reality hits of LOL no you can’t go back there. and you don’t want to go back there anyways. and i felt so so tempted to joke to her. well i don’t think id be welcome there haha. but i didn’t ofc bc it’s work and also why would i you know. we weren’t even close in my old life.

i’m afraid of forgetting everything too, in a way. there are a lot of parts that i don’t forget per se but don’t think of until something reminds me of them and it’s like oh, i’m glad my brain told me about this again bc it like. validates how hard that time was for me. bc (i know this is a bad thought bc i’d never tell this to a friend so why would i tell it to myself but) i feel like. lol bitch why are you so broken over just x. and then it’s like oh wait no remember y and z. they’re part of what hurt you too. and it’s like ah okay i have permission to have more mercy with myself

i’ve been really missing my ex still too ofc. i want to tell my one old teacher about her even though i don’t know what i’d say. i feel the urge to talk to her about how even though i’m not catholic anymore, i feel like my catholic-ness is such a huge part of me that will be with me forever, for better and for worse, and one way that manifested for me is that it made me so happy that my ex had a catholic family. like i was going to go to a knights of columbus softball event with them (we broke up before then but yeah) and. even though i can’t show my face around at least 2 of the knights who would probably be there, i still wanted to experience it with her and her family. i loved her catholic family. i loved her as an individual way way way more lol but the fact that i loved her family too made it hurt worse bc it’s like. this is a person who i could so so so fucking easily see myself having a future with. i love her and her family and i love how she gets along with my family, and i want that. but yeah

so i feel the urge to talk to my old teacher about that for no particularly good reason other than maybe she’d understand the catholic part of it. the thing is she’s still a practicing catholic lol so i don’t want to insult her or anything. she’s definitely not like super catholic to the extent that i know if i tell her i’m not catholic anymore, she won’t make any earnest attempt to convert me back to it other than maybe a stray comment about praying for me.

i think another interesting level to my desire to tell her about it is that, of course, she was my hugest crush ever until my ex herself lol. i don’t have a point related to that it just makes me laugh that my brain wants that lol.

anyways i think telling her could be healing maybe, but also she’s decently far removed from my old catholic life which is why i feel safe possibly telling her. part of me is worried i won’t feel “satisfied” until i can write a long form letter to someone like sister maria martinez. she cared about me deeply and i trust her more than i trust sister mary madeline regarding this particular subject lol. and i know nothing bad could come of me sending a letter to sister other than Her Responding lol 😅 which terrifies me lol but idk

i won’t send her a letter though bc if she didn’t respond i don’t think id feel better, and if she did respond i think id feel worse lol 😂. at least with my old teacher i feel like she might tell me “that was bad. i’m sorry that happened.” whereas sister might respond “i’m sorry it affected you negatively” rather than saying the actions taken themselves were bad. sister could surprise me though. and sister could make a difference - she still works for the church unlike my old teacher and maybe telling her my story would make her hesitate before doing some of the things that affected me so negatively (bc i wouldn’t be surprised if the one incident with kayla had her fingerprints on it lol) (though i cant remember it in perfect detail like i used to, which makes me feel weird about telling her about it bc i don’t want to misrepresent what happened). (also makes me feel weird that i’m losing the memory in general lol)

og dance dance resolution fans who were with me back when i was either procrastinating squirrel or george foreman grill (i forget which one i was when i did this) will remember a cazzie fic i posted and have since deleted about one of the first of my really influential bad catholic experiences lol. i remember even back then feeling the same thing of like i need to document everything that’s happened bc i need to remember it. i wonder if it was a control thing. “if i remember it exactly as it happened then i can never let another person tell me it didn’t happen how i know it did or wasn’t as bad as i know it was.” or my general anxiety around not knowing things lol; if i know it then it can’t surprise me and hurt me all over again. (LOL).

i want to talk to my old teacher about gender too even though i know that’s something that’s way too un catholic even for her lol. i want to express to her, maybe, how i’m only now feeling comfortable exploring femininity bc it used to be forced on me. i was so masc presenting when she knew me bc i felt the need to rebel against that femininity forced upon me, i think. and when i left my catholic life i finally had a break from having to be feminine and having to be it in their way. and then after like a long while of letting myself be as androgynous and genderless as my little heart desired lol, i finally felt able to do things like dress up for the paramore concert and now painting the nails on my left hand. and i want to tell her about how my relationship with my ex opened my eyes to so much gender stuff. how i used to feel like i had to be more masc than my partner - honestly probably related to some of the trauma that teacher herself witnessed first hand lol - but how falling so hard for my ex made me feel safe in being perceived as “the girl” in the relationship. comfortable with that and not having it in my head in a warped way that if i’m too girl and dating a dyke who’s “basically a man” then all of the struggle i’ve been through with the homosexuality thing is invalidated.

that feels less crucial though. like i want to share it with her but i don’t need to. whereas the other stuff it’s like. if i don’t tell her i probably have to tell sister maria rip 😂🫨.

i feel icky thinking about taking the time to write a letter to sister that i’d never send, even though it would also help me with my brain fear of forgetting things. why would i choose to spend that time making myself feel like shit lol. but if i already feel off due to heartstopper s2 triggering some of these feelings in me then maybe i should address it etc etc.

another option is to text the teacher tmrw. i know her county goes back in 10 (or less???) days now so if i want to meet with her for lunch like we’ve done the past few years, i should text her sooner than when i start school.

i would be like. greeting. A client at work told me that Frederick county school teachers are going back on the 14th this year (!!), so I wanted to say hi before school started for you :) I’m starting community college over again starting on the 26th haha! and then continue from there.

and then maybe if we are able to schedule lunch, i’d write out a script for telling her. and if writing it felt right, then i’d tell her. if not then i won’t.

i should probably talk to my fucking therapist about this lol. i see her again on tuesday. i feel a bit unsure about asking her about it though bc i’ve only had 3 or 4 sessions with her so far and we haven’t even started talking about the catholic stuff other than me giving a half sentence summary in my intake paperwork (and in the second half of the sentence saying i felt pretty at peace with it and didn’t feel the need to work on it more 😂). so i feel like it might be A Lot to fill her in on everything that happened quickly enough that i can also be like “and now i want to telll this teacher oh also here’s my super long and complicated back story with her too lol” LOL idk

im just shocked in a way that heartstopper made me feel this intense 😂😂😂😂😂😂. i see all these posts about like “this show is healing, it’s free therapy, this show is a comfort show” and it’s like LOL if this show is this triggering for me then maybe. perhaps perchance. i have some shit to work through 😂

i feel like if i do decide to tell my teacher about some of my catholic stuff, i’ll need to tell her that i am before doing it. like maybe start the conversation in person like. (ASSUMING WE’RE ABLE TO GET LUNCH AT ALL). so i obviously am mainly here to see you and catch up haha but i must admit i also have an ulterior motive of sorts. now that im going back to school i’ve been re-dealing with a lot of stuff from my old catholic life and i’ve been feeling the need for a while now to Tell Someone who will understand the catholic side of it if that makes sense? /// the only issue with that plan is then how do i transition to actually telling her stuff lol. what all do i want to tell and what do i not need to say. and also i think i risk limiting our conversation to catholic homosexuality stuff if i start off like that and i also just want to generally catch up with her.

hmm it would almost be useful if i knew i would cry bc i could. come out to her (oh also she doesn’t formally know i’m a homosexual lol 😂 but like she was my teacher and in middle school the whole class loooved calling me a dyke so she’s at least familiar with the concept of me being a homosexual. and also im not worried that she’ll react poorly. i trust her. like she would attend a homosexual wedding i think. ) ANYWAYS like if i could find some way to naturally integrate into the conversation like. i experienced my first real heart break i think. “oh i’m sorry tell me more” well. i don’t know if you’ve like already implied or assumed or whatever but i am a lesbian. [and then i start crying] and then bc i’m crying i can be like sorry i didn’t expect to get emotional about telling you it just feels. weird to have someone from my catholic life who i am choosing to tell. and then expand that into how i was outed etc. BUT ALSO. maybe i would actually cry at the idea of being able to choose to tell someone from my catholic life for the first time but even her i’m sure she already implies SIGH lol.

maybe that’s an angle that doesn’t require me to cry though. if i tell her and then like take a deep breath like. you know you’re the first person from my catholic life who i’ve Chosen to tell. and then go into how it feels weird you know. to even make a deal out of coming out anymore bc it’s 2023 and we’re in md and everyone’s gay nowadays lol it’s not a big deal. and she already mostly knew!!!! so it feels weird for this to feel momentous about choosing to tell you. but i guess it is sort of bc it’s like. not only are you the first person from my catholic life who i’ve trusted enough to be able to tell AND be in a place where i’m able to tell you but also. for most of the ppl from my catholic life i didn’t have a choice. (and then lead into the outing and then that has its own segways to the other stuff i need to tell someone)

ofc that all presupposes that the conversation and her reactions and my own emotions at the time go how i expect them to. i can only script so much you know lol.

i think i’m going to text her tmrw though. whether or not it leads to me telling her stuff, i want to see her again soon.

okay that’s all i have for today lol

#for my reference #personal

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fakeboitherottengirl · 2 years

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I don’t even really watch that much gore anymore i prefer SFX in a good horror movie to the real thing but I also didn’t grow up in a house where gore was taboo, my dad watched all sorts of shit in front of me and my mom encouraged me to watch more horror movies when I went through a squeemish phase in my pre-teens and my soulmate’s brother showed it to us as a kid when the grainy glitchy taliban beheadings were popping up online and I was always allowed to play with roadkill or the neighbor’s cat’s kills or whatever drowned in the pool as a kid and IDK what the science behind this is but when I feel the overwhelming urge to cut watching gore somehow scratches that itch without indulging in my SH urges so I consider it harm reduction. Its not like the cartel gets a royalties check when I watch them flay a face and as a horror writer it is also a useful medical reference but I grew up thinking gore was more normal than porn (I watched gore in the open on the family computer. I watched porn hidden in shame in my basement on a laptop that only I had access to only when I was completely alone in the house). Even in college almost everybody I knew was into gore we used to watch it during speed benders in a jam packed dorm room huddled around the laptop of the one kid who knew how to use tor. Like nowdays I only really watch it when a particular video sounds interesting or when Im trying to prevent a SH episode or sometimes with @xannexfrank because it is funny to torture her fiancé with it but this idea of gore being taboo is sort of novel to me because Ive always been in households/social circles where it was normalized and even encouraged but id LOVE to see yall come this hard for people who watch porn which is proven to cause neurological damage to the point where they declared it unethical to expose somebody to it for the purpose of scientific study because it causes so much damage (which is not the case for gore, you can still show that in a lab setting) like i bet half of you either watch porn or fuck men who watch porn so you think ur throwing stones from some ivory tower of purity meanwhile ur actually hucking rocks from a ditch. Also I don’t watch animal, child, or female gore the gore I watch is grown male criminals killing other grown male criminals but yeah gore was something that was never taboo in my household and I was bullied really badly by both family and peers during my squeemish phase so I became obsessed with being able to watch anything without being upset by it and now i have no healthy sense of shock or disgust and honestly if theres something to see I want to see it, if u told me there was a dead body on my lawn id look out the window at the very least to see what there was to be seen if u don’t watch gore IDK what to tell u, ur metal is in the mail and should arrive shortly since ur such a pure angel even though ud never think of asking ur Nigel to give up his porn addiction and still watch movies by Weinstein and Polanski and Hitchcock and Kubrick while patting urself on the back about how pure u are. Theres nothing that annoys me more than somebody who prides themselves on abstinence because chances are the media ur supporting isn’t as ethically sourced as ud like to believe no matter how PG the content is. Staying pure is literally impossible if u intend to consume any media at all, if ur too proud to gawk at a spectacle im sorry uve lost ur sense of wonder but im not going to look away just so I can pat myself on the back for being slightly closer to an impossible standard of purity.

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annoyingfobbie · 10 months

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Tropes Game

Rules

How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 -> don’t care either way

10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged.

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

thank you so @telegraphavekiss for tagging me, i love talking about fic! disclaimer for this, i haven't looked through the list yet, but i'll probably have no zeros bc i love tropes and i love fics

Trope List

Age gap: 0/10 but also this one heavily depends on the age gap. most age gaps i'm not particularly into, but if it's appropriate then i don't DISlike it necessarily, it just doesn't affect my decision to read a fic much. but also sometimes i do like myself some college student/young professor stuff. maybe thats just cause pete wentz would look hot in a college professor getup idk.

Codependency: 5/10 this is a really tough one bc like it reeeeeeally depends how the codependency plays out, you know?? i personally love reading some well written angst and emotional turmoil and shit, though, so it's usually a positive tbh. Like some explorations into codependency are wrtiten so fucking well.

Enemies to lovers: 8/10 i've gotta stop starting these with "it depends" but like i guess they ALL depends and thats got to be inherently assumed but like dfkljhgklhjgf generally yes enemies to lovers is so good lol. The only times i dislike it are when i feel like stuff was forgiven that shouldn't have been? or like when it doesn't make sense that they get together? but thats usually really just poor writing. if i like the writing then this one is always really good.

Enemies with benefits: 10/10 yessssssssssss y'all don't understand how much i love this unhealthy ass dynamic oh my goddddddd! no elaboration its just hot to me

Fake dating/relationship: 3/10 I've read SOME really really good fics with this, but i don't particularly gravitate towards it i guess.

Found family: 0/10 i love found family in general but when i see it as a tag in a fic it's just usually not really the fic i'm looking for? but i don't run away from it either though. some found family fics are absolute favorites of mine (i'd say the whole Girl Out Boy verse is very found-family-esque and its one of my favorites, for example.) but it's not something i go looking for. i do love good well written friendships like SO much but i feel like thats slightly different than found family.

Friends to lovers: 8/10 similar to enemies to lovers this one can be sooooooo fucking good and usually is, BUT sometimes when the pair are just randomly thrown together or like theres not enough setup or tension then it falls flat. it's kind of all about the tension. i fucking love myself some tension.

Friends with benefits: 7/10 usually i'm actually kind of indifferent to this one, BUT i had to give it a higher rating bc in the specific case where the story is "we're friends with benefits but i want it to be more and i'm secretly pining but i don't want to ruin everything" then that is 10/10 all around and i fucking love those stories.

Hurt/comfort: 8/10 i love angst and emotional turmoil, what can i say

Love triangle: 8/10 see above

Mistaken/hidden identity: 0/10 i haven't actually seen a lot of this, but i think i'd be indifferent to it as a tag if i came across it.

Monster fucking relationship: 7/10 i mean, like....... listen, it can be interesting, thats all i'm saying

Obsession, possessiveness, etc.: 8/10 i fucking love angst and emotional turmoillllll sdjkfghklfjgdh but also i didn't give it a 10/10 bc i tend to not enjoy it much when it leans into a situation where one party feels trapped.

Opposites (like grumpy×sunshine, etc): 5/10 this once again just depends a lot on the author, but when its done well, i do really like it.

Poly: 0/10 it doesn't really sway me either way if i see it as a tag. it also kind of depends on the people involved. i love panic at the disco poly for example but not so much fob poly.

Pregnancy: -3/10 i don't HATE it like i don't avoid it like the plague but i'm definitely not as likely to click on it if it has pregnancy lol

Second chance: -2/10 most of the time i just feel like i can't get behind these unless theres been a huge misunderstanding or its a situation where no one did anything wrong? bc a lot of times when i read this i end up just not rooting for the couple, which is what i always wanna be doing.

Sex to feelings: 10/10 i mean you saw my friends with benefits explanation. it's all right there.

Slow burn: 10/10 the more fic the better. the more tension the better. win win.

Soulmates: -2/10 controversial take from me but i DON"T like fics where it's a pre-decided/fate thing. i just prefer the writer to really convince me these people have CHOSEN each other you know?

Arranged marriage: -9/10 see above, basically. in real life i don't view these negatively but it's just not what i look for in a fic.

And I'm tagging:

(sorry if you've already been tagged lol) @mickjustmademylist @vampyerika @pyrchance and @earlgreytea68 ! if you don't wanna participate tho then please don't feel bad or pressured or anything lol its no biggie! also anyone at all who wants to do this can do it and tag me as the person who tagged you, bc i love seeing what people have to say about this stuff!

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