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frostedfaves · 4 years

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To Build A Home (8)

Masterlist

Pairing: Rosa Diaz x fem!reader

Summary: Rosa spent years building a friendship, relationship, and eventually a marriage and home with you. This tale follows your journey together up until her sudden murder. Now that you’ve tracked down her killer before anyone else, will you do the right thing and send him to prison or take care of him yourself?

Warnings: angst, grief, more angst, hospital and blood mentions, major character death

A/N: I apologize personally to everyone that reads this chapter. we have sad!reader this time and angry!reader next time. we also get to find out how reader handles Rosa’s killer and who it is if you haven’t figured it out already. anyway, excited to hear your thoughts and even more excited for Sad Sunday tomorrow featuring B99 squad and Avengers finally!

Previous chapter here

Warm.

Your hands felt warm, each one held by either Jake or Amy. You couldn’t tell who was who anymore, you just knew that your foursome was missing a member. One that was losing blood faster than they could replace, one that you’d loved since you met, one that you promised to love until death parts you and then some. One that was slowly slipping away.

Warm.

When the couple had arrived after your call to Amy, followed by the rest of the squad they’d called on the way there, you were shivering. Not one person dared to ask why, you were simply covered in Terry’s jacket. It surrounded you in a warmth that reminded you of your wife’s embrace. The thought made you feel sick, but you pushed it aside, not having the energy for anything more than staring at the wall and waiting for less devastating news.

Hot.

The tears that coated your cheeks burned your skin, an unwanted reminder that you were still alive when the doctor told you her heart stopped for a final time. Jake and Amy’s sobs could be heard from beside you, and you pulled away from their grasp and pushed them toward each other, deciding to wrap your arms around yourself instead.

Cold.

You were the last to enter Rosa’s room to “say goodbye” before she was sent off to the morgue. A nurse attempted to give you her ring but you asked--begged--them to put it back on her finger, something you knew she’d want. You dared to touch her left hand with yours, forcing yourself to cover your mouth with your free hand when a scream threatened to break free. You hated the sensation more than anything in the world.

Cold metal on colder skin.

Arlo greeted you when you returned, sniffing the bag containing Rosa’s jacket, shoes, jewelry and phone. He whined at the door when you locked it, as if he knew that only one person coming home tonight was wrong. You simply dropped to the floor in front of the couch, opening your arms and welcoming him into your embrace. It was the only comfort you could offer him.

Your phone rang and rang until you turned it off completely, welcoming the silence. You were afraid to turn the TV on in fear of catching anything Rosa even slightly enjoyed, and you didn’t dare to look at the table where her favorite takeout had gone cold. Your furry son had drifted into slumber but your eyes were stuck open, barely taking the time to blink.

At some point in the night exhaustion took over, and you were suddenly waking to blinding sunlight and an insistent paw on your face from a pup that really needed to go outside. You walked him to the quieter area of the neighborhood Rosa always took him to, deciding to turn your phone back on as he did his business in a patch of grass. The missed calls and a few texts started rolling in immediately.

“Please call me. I’m worried about you.” -Amy

“Or at least send a text.” -Amy

“If your phone died, I’m sorry about this.” -Amy

“I love you so much, N/N. Also Amy wants you to call her back.” -Charles

“Take off as long as you need. We all care about you deeply and apologize for your terrible loss. We will all miss Detective Diaz to the greatest extent. Sincerely, Raymond Holt.” -Holt, of course

“I don’t know if Holt told you yet but you can take off as long as you need to, okay? I’ll be by later to check on you.” -Terry

You cleared them all, deciding after you were back inside of the apartment to call Amy. Fear pumped through your veins like unshed blood as the phone rang, terrified to break the quiet bubble you’d fallen into with a voice that would remind you that the events of the night before were real.

“Hello?” The deeper, groggy voice surprised you.

“Jake? Sorry, I didn’t mean to...I just wanted--”

“No no, it’s okay!” he responded, suddenly sounding much more alert. “Amy’s taking a shower and I like to sleep until it’s my turn. Um, anyway, I know this is the dumbest question in the world, but how are you? How do you feel?”

“Numb,” you answered immediately. “And like something’s missing but I can’t focus on what it is or it’ll destroy me.” You cleared your throat. “What about you and Ames?”

“Also feeling like something is missing.” You didn’t miss the way his voice cracked in the beginning. “It hit Amy right away but once she was able to stop crying all she could do was worry about you. When your phone stopped ringing she wanted to come over, but she also didn’t want to suffocate you if you needed space.”

“I appreciate it.”

A voice in the background and shuffling was heard, and suddenly you were hearing your best friend for the first time in hours.

“Hey! I’m sorry I called so many times last night. Were you able to get some sleep?”

“I think so, because suddenly the sun was out and Arlo was begging me to take him out to shit.”

A light chuckle was heard through the phone. “So do you need anything? I can pick up breakfast from that diner you like, or--”

“Actually, I could use a ride to the precinct if you’re working today. If not, I can just take a cab.” You took a deep breath to calm yourself. “I just don’t trust myself to drive yet.”

“Jake is going there soon to grab something, so he can take you. But are you sure you don’t want to wait a few days, at least?”

“I’m sure. I don’t want anyone else working on this case.”

After a short car ride full of you ignoring the tears in Jake’s eyes because you were wearing one of Rosa’s many leather jackets, you arrived at the precinct feeling a bit nervous. A surprised yelp left you when Jake suddenly pulled you into a hug, squeezing you firmly, but with care.

“Sorry,” he sniffled as he pulled away. “I don’t know if I did that because I thought you needed it or I did.” You simply granted him a weak smile and an understanding squeeze of your hand as you passed him.

A few moments of intimidation later, you were seated at Amy’s old desk with your laptop and the surveillance footage of last night, not being able to stomach sitting at your own across from Rosa’s. Your heartbeat began to pick up the farther you fast forwarded, until you stopped at the sight of Rosa on the screen.

She walked right into the view of the camera, a bag in her hand as she talked on the phone with you. You watched her hang up and start dialing again. Minutes passed and suddenly a person wearing all black with a covered face was running across the street toward her, being followed slowly by an older white man that was raising a gun. You watched with wide eyes and held breath as he shot sloppily, missing the runner and hitting your wife instead, just as her cab pulled up.

Luckily her body fell from view behind the yellow car, because your eyes refused to look away. The shooter took off as the cab driver scrambled out of the vehicle, frantically dialing on his cellphone as he came to the passenger side and onto the sidewalk. Shaking fingers used the mousepad of the laptop to rewind, pausing when the gunman appeared and zooming in on that older white man with graying hair. Noticing the area and realizing where the camera footage was downloaded from, you came to a conclusion.

You were on your feet in no time, obtaining your gun and keys to an unmarked vehicle fairly quickly. You didn’t have any minutes or seconds to spare now that you knew which piece-of-shit individual you had to pay a visit to, who was going to feel the hot anger that spread through your once cold and numb bones.

Tags: @creepingwolfberry @rosadiazswifey @milkfromhell @marie-03 @gaulty74 @jay-is-groovy @xetherealbeautyx

#to build a home #rosa diaz #rosa diaz x reader #rosa diaz imagine #rosa diaz x fem!reader #brooklyn nine nine #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine nine imagine #brooklyn nine nine fic series #brooklyn nine nine x reader #b99 fic #b99 imagine #b99 fic series #b99 x reader #b99 fanfic #b99 #stephanie beatriz

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rllysick · 4 years

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Master list:

This is my master list of fanfics that I enjoy reading! I will continue to add to it as I read more or maybe write my own! Most of these fanfictions are of ao3 or tumblr

Rick Sanchez x Reader:

Ricky Doll by rickssugarplum: You’ve missed Rick for so long and you have a Rick Plushie to fill the void. Rick finds out.

Rest Easy by sammys_lover: You're frightened by a storm that's way too huge for your liking.

Innuendos by Hoodoo: You just needed to get some grocery shopping done. Rick turned it into a thing.

Long:

F*CKING YOUNG / PERFECT by baconprincess: The Smith-Sanchez family meets the new neighbors. (11 Chapters, but unfinished)

Curiosity by PsychoLolita: You get swept into Rick and Morty's lives thanks to a favor from Beth. It isn't until you see Rick using his trusty portal gun that you decide to find out for yourself just what kind of scientist Rick Sanchez is. Along the way, you find yourself falling for Rick's unorthodox ways and personality. Even though he seems disinterested in you, it all feels like a strange deja vu. On the other hand, Rick knows something that you don't, and wants to keep it from you (and Morty) at all costs. Will things go completely awry, or will you settle with what the future holds? (15 Chapters, but unfinished)

Rick Sanchez x Reader (Smut):

...the line broke, the monkey got choked... by Hoodoo: You catch sight of an old guy with a Mohawk. He catches sight of you too, and makes a daring suggestion.

Heat Wave by Hoodoo: It's too damn hot. You decide to surprise Rick in his garage with some sexy times. Maybe that'll cool things off?

Honey, I'm Home by daddyzanchez: You knew the sound of a portal opening in your sleep, could recognise it in a crowd and it made you giddy. Rick being home after a long adventure with Morty meant that he was short on a dose of you, making him a little rougher than usual, and you loved it.

Interrupted Plans by daddyzanchez: Rick portals home briefly (despite having plans) to take care of you.

Slow Sex or Mushy Pancakes by daddyzanchez: Rick gets pissy about having to choose between sex or mushy pancakes, so he chooses the next best: A quickie and non-mushy pancakes.

Did You Read It In Cosmopolitan? by daddyzanchez: Rick is away on adventures a lot, making your sex-life consist of a little too many quickies. You want slow for once - you'll never believe what happens next!

More Than Just A Dance by daddyzanchez: Your apartment is in for a Spring cleaning, so when you are mopping the floor whilst shaking your ass to a groovy beat, Rick sees you and orders a dance for himself.

Steampunked by Hoodoo: Rick and reader get dolled up, but sneak away from festivities for some naughty fun.

Good Vibes by rick-frickers: Written from a request: Can you do a Rick/Reader fic incorporating a vibrator?

There’s a first time for everything by ricks-frickers: Written from a request: Please write one of your sexyass female self-inserts of Rick taking a young woman’s virginity

Provocateur by PsychoLolita: Rick wants to spoil you on an expensive lingerie shopping trip when decides he can't take the heat anymore, and pulls you into a dressing room stall for a little fun.

Hard Candy by PsychoLolita: You and Rick Sanchez have been flirting for months. When you pay him a visit this time, he's working on a "special candy for Summer" that he insists you don't touch. But how can you resist trying one when he isn't looking? You can't- and he's the only one who can quench your thirst after you realize the candy was actually an aphrodisiac.

Tequila Sunrise by PsychoLolita: You're secretly into some kinky stuff, but you're too shy about it to bring it out on your own. Rick C137 knows exactly what to do.

A Woman’s Place by rehpicllib: Rick’s kind of sexist. But still manages to fuck you up.

You Asked For It by Hoodoo: You make a request of Rick: can you have a night of hardcore fluffy sex? Can he do that? And then contrariwise, what about the opposite of hardcore fluff sex? Chapter 2. Requests from an ask, first chapter fluffy sex, second chapter hardcore sex (with detoxified Rick and Toxic Rick) (2 Chapters)

Up In The Air daddyzanchez: Your job as a flight attendant suddenly gets a little more exciting (and shameful) as a tall, strange man with spiky blue hair gets onboard... (4 Chapters, but unfinished)

Extra Credit by GoldenSnowflake: As the clanking of plates and silverware gathering food filled the air, a tall, slim figure swept into the room and took the chair opposite of mine. He stared and I blinked at him, my fork in my mouth. "Who's this?""We're partners for a project," Summer muttered as if he should've known better, despite the fact it didn't seem like she warned anybody that I was coming over at all.

Sext by Hoodoo: Rick got a piercing. It's wrecked a month's worth of havoc on his sex life, until tonight.

Hair-pulling+ by Hoodoo: A short, filthy fic about being fucked from behind by Rick, with him holding onto my ponytail. Just some nice hair pulling and dirty talk.

Mint Chocolate Chip by Hoodoo: It's summer and it's too hot. Ice cream should make it better.

Erotic Advent by Hoodoo: 24 days of new sex toys for Rick/reader!

Zero G by Hoodoo: You always wanted to have sex in anti-gravity. Rick makes that happen.

Focused on masterbaiting:

Tracker by NikkiDoodle: Rick catches you during your alone time. But how does he know what you're up to?

Desperate But So Far Away by daddyzanchez: Rick is not able to be reached right now which is a bummer. You have had your hand in your pants for an hour or more but your orgasm was just not happening.

Better Than Fantasy by NamelyCranberries: Rick catches you masturbating. Lend a Hand by deliciousdeaddove: You walk in on something interesting...

House sitter by deliciousdeaddove: You're watching the Smith's house while they're out of town. Your mind drifts to one of the usual occupants and you become carried away. Then you're caught.

Caught Rick-Handed by CrazyRaynebow: Rick walks in on Reader masturbating and well... what else is there to say?

Focused on eating out:

Originality - A New Year's Eve Story by daddyzanchez: How does one enter the new year with Rick Sanchez? A Slip Of The Tongue by daddyzanchez: It took a moment before you realised what you had just said but when you did, your heart dropped and it felt like a train was hitting you at maximum speed. Distractions by rick-frickers: Written from a request: reader/Rick with reader as Morty’s tutor or something and the tutor and Rick have been flirting (which Morty notices) and Rick goes under the table and goes down on tutor and she’s gotta play it cool so Morty doesn’t notice and Rick’s really into it but also wants the girl to make a lot of noise so she’ll feel embarrassed. And later the reader gets her revenge and does the same to Rick when he’s in the garage or something!

Period:

Monthly by NikkiDoodle: You're on your period and hate it. But that didn't stop Rick. (3 Chapters)

Bloodhound by Jinkies_Lydia: This story is about period sex. If that is not your thing turn around now. Takes place after season 2 episode 7, “Big Trouble in Little Sanchez”. The Reader comes onto Rick at her bloodiest time of the month after a wild ride previously with Rick after killing his other clone bodies, drenched in his own blood.

Monthly by GoldenSnowflake: “She’ll be watching the house while we’re gone,” Beth explained pleasantly.Long limbs draped across the back of the sofa and the coffee table, Rick looked at me with the barest hint of interest. “She’s cute,” he assessed, turning back to the television. “Just make sure she stays the hell away from the garage.” A little odd or not, the Smiths paying to housesit while they're gone is nothing less than perfect timing. Except for the fact that Mother Nature doesn't care whose life she's ruining. Oh, and neither does Rick.

#masterlist #fanfics #fanfic masterlist #rick and morty #rick #rick sanchez

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inkofamethyst · 4 years

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July 9, 2020

Sooooo,, I haven’t really been keeping up with the Cute Campaign recently. For about a month, actually. Most of it probably has to do with being inside all day, every day, but also my motivation has been slipping. I wanna go places, but I feel this undeniable duty to keep others safe by doing the exact opposite of that. Man, if only the libraries were open and, you know, we didn’t have a pandemic or whatever going on.

It’s been almost four months since the last day of normalcy, March 13. We’ve been through a lot, and it seems like the United States is going to keep doing this for a long time. I don’t feel like ranting about people who are “protesting” against mandatory mask policies because... it’s dumb? Stupid? Also don’t feel like talking about the spread of disintegration related to racial relations. Lots of people are very angry.

So, updates. I guess the biggest one is that I’ve started writing again. I decided that my twenty-something episode superhero/journalist series was a bit ambitious for a first project (though I am in love with the concept and would love to produce it one day after I get at least one other drama under my belt), so I told the friends that I asked to be actors that they’d have to wait on that one. It sort of sucks because I had put six months of ideas and plotting into it, so it had been fairly fleshed out plot-wise (there were still a few wishy-washy episodes that needed to be stronger, but for the most part I had everything set). I would like to work on another idea, but I don’t have a serial drama idea at the moment that would translate well to audio-only in a seven to ten episode run. My puzzle-friend wrote out a line last night that potentially could be used... I’ll look into it.

Anyway I really wanted to use this summer to hit the ground running with audio stuff, but my reflective (and mildly fearful) nature sort of pushed me off course. However!! I’ve been ramping up the research, and I think I’ve found a way around the writer’s block related to creating an all-new serial: a somewhat connected anthology! I’m in the process of writing folktale-style stories for a bard to tell to her medieval-esque fantasy audiences in taverns. I plan to develop a YouTube channel for the production company I’m making with which all of these stories will be associated. Now, I know I could probably publish these stories as fiction podcasts rather than on YouTube, but this is more of a test than anything else. More information coming soon (of course, to maintain my thin veil of anonymity on this blog, I will not be sharing the link to anything I make, but maybe I’ll, uh, rave about a fantastic new audio drama that everyone should check out, if you catch my drift.

I’m also planning to use Google Sites to host my first website for my little production company. It’s free and has simple web design tools, but it looks as though I’ll be able to embed whatever I’d need. I’m thinking about continuing my use of the Canva free version to make graphic designs for the little production company too. The Pro version is $120 a year which is probably not too bad, but I don’t think I’ll need that. I think the main thing I like about the Pro version is the ability to resize any design into any format, from youtube thumbnail to insta story to facebook header. But we’re thrifty up in this joint, so Imma try free versions of everything before I start paying for stuff. Anyway, my little production company doesn’t officially have a name. I have a few names in mind (my moms ideas lol), but I think I’m going to need opinions in addition to my parents’. Maybe I’ll send a poll into the discord.

Speaking of discord, my puzzle-friend does this thing sometimes where he’ll just sit muted in one of our discord voice channels and listen to music. I like to join when people are doing that because why not? So I join the channel, mute myself, and then we sort of just start telling Groovy (our music bot) to play cinematic music? Ambient, game soundtrack, scorecore, the works. And, uh, then my dancer-friend joins, probably confused at the lack of talking, and she just chills. Then my photo-friend (who’s starting a YouTube channel of his own, by the way), followed by my DnD-friend and my cello-friend, joins and it’s just a silent-ish party in the chat to the theme of cinematic music. A bit odd? Sure. But I loved it.

I think today or tomorrow will be the day when I finish my swing dress. I want to be done with that thing. Last night I sewed a buttonhole by hand (six or so layers of fabric was too much for my sewing machine (and nearly too much for my fingertips)) and it turned out half-decent! All I have left to sew are the other buttonholes and the buttons to go in them, then it’s over. And then I think I’ll start on my SCA stuff maybe?

You heard me right, Society for Creative Anachronism. I went to my first two events (Bardic Circles!) last weekend, and everyone was super sweet! And, uh, I was definitely the youngest person in the googlemeets/discord calls. But that was something I had been anticipating, so I guess it was just a little jarring to actually, you know, have it happen? I didn’t turn on my camera or anything, by the way, because you never know how people will act before they find out you’re black. My DnD friend and I would like to go to an in-person event when Ms. Rona decides to skip town. I’d love to work my way up to being able to go to Pennsic for at least a week one year. That means I’ve got to develop quite a few wardrobe pieces, from chemises to kirtles to accessories. I think one of the coolest parts about SCA is their emphasis on learning. The members teach what they know to other members, and nothing is really for show, unlike a Ren Faire (which I also want to make at least one outfit for). They’re dressing up to amuse themselves. I think I’ll probably try both the SCA and a less-serious LARP of some sort, though I really am thankful to my DnD-friend for introducing me to SCA.

I think... that’s about it? If I don’t start SCA sewing then I’ll probably try to upcycle this maxi skirt I never wear into a two-piece crop top mini skirt outfit that I will also never wear. It’ll be sewing practice though, and that’s what I need right now.

Today I’m thankful for... I’m thankful that I finally got over myself and went on ahead and sewed that buttonhole. I honestly just needed to get it done.

And that’s all there is on that.

I can’t wait for me to have my life together.

Or maybe I just need to gain the confidence to get it together now.

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peachiefics · 5 years

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Killing Me Softly

Pairing: Woozi x Reader

Genre: 70s!AU; Angst; Fluff

Warning: Violence; Drug Use

Word Count: 2,453

Synopsis: It takes years to build an empire, but a single day for it to fall. Can these lovers-by-chance take on the music industry?

“I just need you to bang out another hit. Y’know something real groovy- that’s what you kids say nowadays, right?” the middle-aged man chuckled, shoving one hand into his pocket as he leaned against the wall.

“Yeah, something like that,” Jihoon sighed, running a hand over his face in a mix of annoyance and exhaustion.

“I know you can do it. That’s why I hired you, and you’ve done it before.”

“But my heart’s just not in it. I didn’t sign on for disco, Mr. Jamison.”

The man looked at him with a smirk before taking a long drag of his cigar. “You signed on for whatever the fuck I tell you to write and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it ‘long as I’m cutting you a check. Now get to work,” he sneered. Tapping the end of the cigar, he didn’t even watch the ashes hit the floor before leaving the studio. Jihoon watched in anger as Jamison exited, accidentally snapping his pencil in half.

About an hour later, he balled up yet another piece of paper, throwing it into the overflowing bin on the other side of the room. “Shit,” he mumbled, dropping his head to the wooden desk. ‘Washed up before thirty…Who would’ve thought…?’ His eyes drifted between the clock on the wall and the blank pages of his notebook. “Fuck this,” he said defiantly, grabbing the book and a pen before making his way out of the studio, as well.

“Another scotch on the rocks, please,” Jihoon requested, punctuating the sentence with a slight hiccup.

“I don’t know, Man…I think I might have to cut you off,” the bartender replied, slightly amused at the hazy look in his patron’s eyes.

“C’mon, just one more. I swear I’m okay,” he pleaded with only a slight slur to his diction.

Their banter was interrupted by applause as another singer took the stage at the front of the dimly lit bar. Jihoon turned his attention to the bronze-complected, demure woman that stood in front of the microphone.

“How y’all doin’ tonight?,” she began. “I’m not really one for introductions, and most of you know me already, so I’ll just get started with a number by good ‘ol Miss Flack. Y’all dig?” Noticing the crowd’s positive reaction, he wondered what made her so special.

Then she opened her mouth.

“Strumming my pain with his fingers Singing my life with his words Killing me softly with his song Killing me softly with his song Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly with his song” At that moment, Jihoon knew that this was the sound he had been searching for. The harmonies he couldn’t hold on to. The melody he’d been missing. This woman’s voice, so soulful and sultry, was exactly what he needed.

“Who’s that?” he asked the bartender.

“Oh, that’s _____. She’s a regular here. Performs every Friday night for open mic.,” he replied. Jihoon nodded, deep in thought.

After finishing her set, she took a bow, humbly accepting the applause that rang through the air. “Much love, much love,“ she smiled. “Enjoy the rest of open mic night, and I’ll catch y’all on the flip side.” With one final wave, she walked down the stairs at the front of the stage.

“Great set, as always,” the bartender said as she walked by.

“Thanks, David,” she smiled.

Figuring it was now or never, Jihoon stopped her before she could leave. “Uh, excuse me.” She turned to look at him with a pleasantly curious expression. “You were amazing up there.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m not sure of how to say this, but basically…I need you. Wait, that sounds terrible. I need your voice. That’s not much better,” he muttered the last part under his breath before inhaling deeply. Exhaling, he inwardly cringed at the confused look on her face. “My name is Lee Jihoon and I’m a musician. I write and produce for Copasetic Records.”

She nodded, skepticism clear on her face. “You don’t believe me. It’s okay, I wouldn’t either,” he says, handing her his card. “Anyway, I’ve been banging my head against the wall trying to find a new sound and I think I just did.”

“And that sound is…me?” She placed a hand on her chest in disbelief.

“Yes. Money’s no object. I just need you to record a song for me.”

She skimmed over the card before handing it back to him. “No thanks.”

“What?” he asked incredulously.

“I’ve heard the stuff you produce and it’s not my style.”

“But this song would be different. With your voice and my lyrics, we could make a hit.”

“With your lyrics?” she scoffed. “Ooh baby, do it real groovy,” she recited humorlessly.

“Okay, so that wasn’t my best song, but-Wait!” he exclaimed, following her as she walked out of the bar.

“Look, I only saw ‘Foxy Brown’ once, but I’m a fast learner. Keep following me and I’ll have no problem kicking your ass.”

“No need,” he raised his hands in defense. “I’m just asking that you take my card…In case you change your mind.”

��Fine, but that’s not likely to happen.”

Jihoon became a regular at that bar over the next few weeks. Drinking numbed the pain of him having sold his soul to Copasetic Records and seeing _____ revived what little hope he had left in the music industry.

“You’re pretty damn persistent, aren’t you?” she asked, taking a seat on a bar stool before ordering “the usual”.

“No, but I’m pretty sure I’m becoming an alcoholic,” he chortled. David placed a martini in front of her and Jihoon stopped her before she could pay for it. “It’s on me.”

“I don’t accept drinks from strangers,” she simpered.

“Well, I don’t think I’m that strange, do you?”

She thought for a moment before speaking again. “What’s the catch?”

“No catch. Just buying a drink for a beautiful girl.”

“Thanks, but drinks and compliments don’t get me into bed or the studio,” she said in a slightly teasing tone.

Well, she was half right.

Soft smoke clouded the air in Jihoon’s bedroom as they found themselves tangled in a mess of bare limbs and plush sheets. He watched intently as her lips curved around the joint and released a cloud as smooth as the sound of her voice. As smooth as whiskey gliding down his throat. As smooth as the fabric beneath them.

“…And so I found a gig at the bar and just…never left,” _____ exhaled, smoke flowing throughout her words.

“But you could be doing so much more,” Jihoon sighed. “Pass.”

She handed him the blunt and he took a long drag before continuing to speak. “Don’t you wanna see your name in lights, _____?”

“Not if it means being a puppet with a record exec’s hand up my ass…Sorry,” she laughed, noticing Jihoon deadpan at her comment.

“Look, I came to LA hoping for something different. Something worthwhile that would make me happy. Then I experienced hunger…I did what I had to do and then I got used to the money. Figured that if I just played along for a while, I’d eventually get to create what I wanted…but I guess I was wrong.” Realizing that this was clearly a sensitive topic for him, she placed a hand on top of his.

He smiled softly at her before putting the roach out in the ash tray on the bedside table. As a silent “thank you”, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, tasting mint, hemp, and bliss.

The next morning, Jihoon woke up to an empty space in his bed and the sound of his piano in another room. After sliding on a pair of boxers, he made his way into his living room to find _____ sitting at his grand piano, his red flannel loosely fitting around her small frame.

“You’re pretty good,” he smirked, leaning against the door frame.

She jumped a bit, immediately removing her hands from the keys. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist.”

“She’s a beaut, isn’t she?” he asked, walking over and gliding his hand across the wood.

“You ain’t never lied,” she smiled, still mesmerized by the instrument. “Play something for me,” she grinned, finally looking at him.

“Alright. Any requests?”

“Surprise me,” she shrugged.

He nodded and began to play the tune of “Killing Me Softly”, causing her to laugh a bit. “Of course you picked this song.”

“Sing for me,” he beamed, fingers gracefully tapping.

“Beautiful,“ he complimented before adding, “Oh, and the singing was good, too.“ She giggled a bit before leaving a sweet kiss on his lips.

About two months had passed before Jihoon showed _____ his song book.

“I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it?” she asked, rolling another blunt.

He pulled out a small notebook and handed it to her as she placed the herb on the table. “Back page.”

She smiled and opened it, landing on a page with her name on it. He watched her expression nervously as she read. “Jihoon, this is beautiful,” she gushed, eyes trailing along the words of adoration and love. “Did you write something to accompany it?”

“Of course,” he smirked, standing to go to the piano. Cracking his fingers, he played the first few notes. “Sing for me?”

“Of course.”

They ended up recording that song, not through persuasion, but of _____’s own suggestion. Soon after, the two found themselves sitting in a mess of velvet and leather, Mr. Jamison’s office.

“I really think we’ve got a hit on our hands, Sir,” Jihoon said.

“Play it,” he responded stoically. Jihoon followed his orders before sitting down next to _____ and holding her hand tightly.

As the song came to an end, Jamison laughed bitterly. “What the fuck is this? This isn’t disco.”

“We know, but we feel that this is better. Soul is going to outlive disco, Mr. Jamison. It has a timeless sound that’ll carry into the 80s without a doubt.”

“Jihoon, I don’t pay you to feel. I don’t pay you to think. And I definitely don’t pay you to bring no-name sluts in here with their demos.” Jihoon’s blood boiled at his words and _____wanted nothing more than to leave, but she refused to leave Jihoon there. “I pay you to write.”

“Not anymore,” the younger male calmly stated.

“What?”

“You heard me. I quit.”

“Your contract binds you-”

“As long as working conditions are satisfactory. And they’re not. I. Quit,” he said through his teeth before standing up and grabbing his girlfriend’s hand. “Good luck keeping your fucking company from tanking.”

By 1981, disco had, in fact, died. Copasetic Records had gone bankrupt and closed, giving rise to a new company.

One owned by Jihoon and _____.

After years of struggling through performing, networking, and negotiating, they had created a label consisting of various soul artists. Some even began to branch out into some new genre. Jihoon believed it was called hip hop or something similar. _____ swore that in time, it would catch on.

“Jihoon, we’re gonna be late to our own party!” _____ exclaimed, walking into their bedroom. She frowned, noticing him hunched over the bedside table. “Jihoon, I thought you said you weren’t doing that anymore.”

He quickly stood up, wiping his nose. “I know. I just…I’m really stressed right now and- _____, wait!” he called after her as she left the room. Following her out, he grabbed her arm. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“You shouldn’t be sorry for me; you should be sorry for yourself.”

“And why is that?” he challenged, fed up with her constant nagging.

“Well, for starters, your nose is bleeding,” she said, ripping her arm from his grasp.

“Shit,” he muttered, going into the bathroom to clean it.

A few hours later, the two were greeting guests at a party for the label’s first anniversary. Setting his wine glass down on a nearby table, Jihoon searched the room for _____. Once he spotted her, he quickly made his way over and pulled her to the side. “I’m done for good,” he said.

“You’ve said that b-”

“I know, but this time I mean it. I’ve seen so many people go after fucking with that shit, and I know you’re terrified that I’ll be next. But I won’t be. I’m not leaving you any time soon,” he explained, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I love you,” she smiled, placing one hand on his cheek.

“And I love you. ‘Ya dig?,” he chuckled.

She nodded, laughing before kissing him softly. “I should get back out there.”

“Go. I’ll meet you onstage,” he smiled. As she walked off, he reached in his pocket, clutching the tiny velvet box with a grin.

“And to think that it all started in a bar,” _____ said, causing everyone in the crowded room to laugh. Jihoon smiled as she told the story of how this all came to be. In that moment, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer. As she invited him to come up and say a few words, his hand gripped the box tighter.

“Well, before I talk about the label…I want to- no, I need to say something.”

Just then, a shot echoed throughout the room, launching everyone into a panicked frenzy. _____ screamed as Jihoon fell to the floor, clutching his bleeding stomach. Rushing to his side, she lifted his head and yelled into the crowd, “Someone call 911!” As she looked around, she noticed a familiar face in the crowd. Mr. Jamison, who stood in an almost dazed state as people rushed towards him.

“Jihoon, stay with me, okay? Everything’s gonna be alright,” she said, trying to stay composed as he coughed up blood. “You said you wouldn’t leave me any time soon, remember?”

“I love you,” he struggled to say.

“I love you, too,” she cried. Her watery eyes met his lidded ones as she felt his heart begin to slow down. The small velvet box caught her eye, having fallen out of his pocket, and she could’ve sworn her own heart stopped as realization hit her. “No no no…,” she repeated, shaking her head.

He stopped her by speaking as clearly as he could manage. “_____…Sing for me…one last time.”

#jihoon #svt #seventeen #seventeen fanfic #seventeen angst #70s au #kpop #kpop fic #kpop fanfiction #black kpop fans

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jocktrolls · 5 years

Note

Any Which Way-Scissor Sisters?

It’s a song I recognize as good and fun, but not really a song I feel, if you catch my drift? I might include it in a themed playlist, but not my personal playlists? Very groovy though.

[Send me a song recommendation and I’ll rate it!]

#random-trolls #thank you for the recommendation though!!#ooc asks

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zxanthe · 5 years

Note

soma ghost/living person au (maybe without the angst???)

beep boop another late prompt! so i tried for No Angst, and i think i did pretty ok on there being no angst related to being a ghost on maka’s part, but i couldn’t resist some angst seasoning wrt plot. nothing too heartwrenching, i hope. enjoy :)

also available on ao3

On the hottest day of August, two weeks before school is due to start, the family Evans moves into the old manse at the end of the aptly-named Gallows Lane. The car shuts off and the silence hangs there as the three of them peer up at the ruinous mountain of peeling paint and chipped siding that is their new home. Once upon a time it must have been very grand indeed, and some of that still lurks in the wide porch and delicate curlicues of the facade, but there is a vacantness to the windows that sends a faint tingle of foreboding down Soul’s spine.

“Holy shit,” says Wes finally, “no wonder this thing sold for so cheap. Bet the old owners couldn’t wait to get rid of it.”

“Language, kid,” says Dad. “Put that eyebrow down, it’s been completely redone on the inside. It’s our job to fix up the rest.”

“Ugh, there goes the rest of the summer,” Soul grumbles.

“C’mon, none of that. We’ve got a lot of work yet to do.”

The house, Soul comes to think, is watching him. There’s something strangely alive about the languorous quiet hanging like thick curtains in each room that the voices of his brother and father can’t entirely drive away. The back of his neck won’t stop prickling, and several times he whips around, convinced that someone – or something – will be there, watching him. But the only thing that greets him is the bright summer sunlight, streaming sleepily, emptily, through the dusty windows.

The day is murderously hot, and in the first five minutes Wes’s shirt comes off. Dad follows suit not long after. Soul only relents when his own shirt is drenched and he can’t take it anymore. It isn’t that he’s ashamed, exactly, of the long, puckered scar stretching from his left shoulder to his right hip. But it’s still pink, and it still pains him, and he still can’t quite lift his left arm as high as he should, and more than anything it’s a reminder, of things better left back home, in the town where they were born.

(The corners of Dad’s eyes still tighten when he looks at his son’s torso)

He doesn’t meet the house’s fourth resident until a week after they’ve moved in. The three of them had been working on the roof all day, refitting shingles under the baleful gaze of the sun, and at first he thinks the heat must’ve cooked his brain after all because there is a woman sitting on the window seat by the stairs on the second floor. Her hair is very long, and light-colored, and his heart catches in his throat and the single word blooms in his mind, its overpowering connotations clogging his windpipe so that he can only look at her as she continues humming in light, off-key tones. Then she turns around, and he sees that this woman is in fact a girl around his own age, with big green eyes and an upturned nose, and the light from the setting sun ignites the little frizzy filaments of hair that refuse to conform to the rest, so that it looks like her head is haloed in light, that she is light, because it is streaming right through her. He can see the windowsill through her dress.

She does not appear alarmed. Instead her eyes meet his, and then wander leisurely down the rest of his body without a shred of self-consciousness or shame. He can feel a blush igniting in his cheeks at the frankness of her gaze. He’s just gotten out of the shower. He’s wearing nothing but a towel slung around his hips.

“You seem nicer than the previous tenants,” she murmurs thoughtfully. “You’re certainly a lot nicer to look at.”

“Holy shit,” he blurts.

The girl’s eyes flick to his again and then go as wide as dinner plates when he doesn’t look away. She claps her hands over her mouth. “C-can you see me?” she squeaks breathlessly.

He can only nod.

“Oh. Oh my gracious. I’m. Oh goodness. It has been a very long time.” Her entire face is flaming brighter than the setting sun behind her. “If you’ll excuse me,” she murmurs, not meeting his gaze or allowing any time for a response before she leaps off the window seat and executes a perfect swan dive into the floor, vanishing with nary a ripple.

“Are you okay, Soul?” Wes asks, when he’s gotten dressed and made it down to dinner. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

He doesn’t see her for a long time after that. He convinces himself that the whole surreal encounter was just a hallucination brought on by the heat, and then school starts and in the accompanying whirlwind that is figuring out the pecking order among a set of completely new peers as well as how the whole high school thing works in general, manages to forget all about her. He does an excellent job of it until her face melts through the surface of his battered English textbook late one evening.

“Gaah!” He shoves violently away from his desk. His chair skids a little and then gives up, opting to topple backwards instead and dump him unceremoniously on the floor.

She rises up through the book until she’s hovering a little above the desk “Oh! Oh no, are you alright? Oh, how silly of me, I’m so used to going through things, it’s so easy to forget – I should have walked in through the door like a reasonable human being!” She squeezes her eyes shut, and then, as if pulled by a magnet, rockets forward so that her feet are planted on the floor. “Takes a little, ah, concentration to orient myself, as you can see.”

“Yeah,” he manages. Her hair isn’t down this time, instead secured in an elaborate arrangement. A long, ashy-blonde braid trails from the back of it, past her waist. She wears a long, flowing skirt with a large buckle, a high-necked, ruffled blouse, and a sensible, if rather scuffed, pair of boots. In short, she’s dressed like his great-grandmother.

“Anyway, um.” A blush has appeared in her cheeks. Her hands are all knotted up in the front of her skirt. “I just wanted to, um, apologize, for my conduct, when we initially met. It was very rude, and absolutely inexcusable, and I’m sorry.” She takes a deep breath. “It’s just been such a long time since I’ve talked to anyone, and such periods of isolation inevitably turn one a little bit funny, I think. I sincerely hope that you can forgive me.”

He blinks after this whole speech. “Uh, yeah, sure. It’s whatever. Just, uh. Surprised me, that’s all.” He swallows and cautiously sits up. “Never met a ghost before.”

She visibly sags with relief, sinking a couple of inches into the floor. “Oh, thank you, thank you!”

“So, uh,” he says awkwardly, getting to his feet. “How long’ve you been. You know.”

“Dead, you mean? It’s quite alright, a perfectly natural thing to wonder.” Her brow furrows in thought. “What year is it?”

He tells her.

“My,” she says, frowning. She mouths some numbers soundlessly, holding up fingers. “A good century at this point.”

Soul whistles lowly. “Wow.”

She sighs. “I must say, I’m also rather impressed. I didn’t think the house would manage to last this long.”

“Huh?”

“My mother was a witch, you see,” she says, and drifts to settle on his bed. “She tried to bring me back, but…” She gestures to herself, helplessly. “It didn’t quite work out the way she planned.”

Her green eyes get a faraway look. Soul bends and picks up the chair. The noise startles her; she gives a little twitch and then blushes. “Oh, I’m sorry, where are my manners; here I am, mercilessly expositing to you my life story. To answer your question and make a very long and sad tale short I eventually figured out that my mother bound my soul to the house rather than the talisman she originally intended to, and as such, here I am, invisible to everyone except you, Soul Evans.”

“How do you – shit, you can go through walls and stuff. Right.” He sits down and eyes her. “So if the house goes and gets destroyed or whatever, you go too, is that it.”

“Theoretically, yes.” She sighs. “You know, I almost thought that I was at last going to leave this place, before the previous owner bought it and fixed it up and started renting it out. And now you and your family are living here and fixing up the outside too…why, I almost feel a real girl again!” She laughs, and then looks at him with soft green eyes. “And the best present of all,” she says quietly, “is someone to talk to, after all these long years. It gets,” and she takes a deep breath, “terribly lonely, when there are people all around you but they can’t hear a word you say.”

Soul can feel his cheeks heating up at her earnestness. “No problem,” he mumbles gruffly. “You’re the first ghost I’ve ever met. You seem pretty cool.”

She laughs again. “And you’re pretty groovy too, if I may say.”

“Oh my God, you sound like a middle-aged soccer mom.”

“Soccer mom…what’s that?”

“C’mon, you’ve been around like a hundred years, you should know this stuff better than me.”

“I can’t leave the house,” she says matter-of-factly. “Or, well, I can’t go very far outside it. I can take a turn about the garden, if it strikes my fancy, but…” She sighs. “So all I know of the world is what people have brought in here.”

“Oof,” says Soul.

“Mm. It certainly feels injurious. If I had been bound to the talisman I could go wherever it went, as it was meant to be worn around the neck, and one can’t exactly do that with a house.”

“How long’s it been since someone last lived here?”

“Mm. A good year I should say, although I can’t know for sure.” She peers around him then, and he turns and follows her gaze and winces when it lands on his geometry book.

“What was that you were working on before I so rudely interrupted you?”

“English,” he says with a sigh. “American public school fuckin’ sucks.”

“Ooh, public school. You know, I’ve always wanted to go.”

“Trust me,” says Soul, “you don’t.”

“Boo, you’re no fun.” She sits up and squeezes her eyes shut. Her feet land squarely on the floor. She stands and makes her way towards him.

“You don’t have to do that, y’know, if it’s hard.”

“I know, but it makes me feel more…human, I guess.”

“Aren’t you technically still?”

“Not physically,” she sighs, and then peers at his homework. “Oh! Is this Romeo and Juliet?”

“Yeah,” he grumbles. “I can’t understand half of what they’re saying in this stupid play.”

“Stupid?” She holds a hand to her chest. “Shakespeare was one of my favorites!” She looks over his worksheet of accompanying questions. “Oh, these are simple! Come, Soul, surely you’re not struggling?”

He grits his teeth. “Not all of us are colossal dweebs, woman.”

“Hmph! I was thinking about helping you but now I think not.”

He sighs. “Geez, okay, sorry, sorry. You’re not a dweeb, happy?”

“No,” she says primly.

“Okay, well, if you’re gonna be like that then just fuck off and let me get this done, yeah? It’s due tomorrow and English is my first period.”

“Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow,” she quips, and vanishes through the ceiling.

He struggles for another half-hour before the girl takes pity on him and emerges from the wall again. “I won’t give you the answers,” she tells him in response to his hopeful look, “but I will help you translate.”

He sighs gustily. “Okay, fine.”

“Elsewise how will you learn? Education is important, Mr. Evans.”

He rolls his eyes.

***

He comes to learn that the girl’s name is Maka Albarn, and that she was born in what is now his father’s bedroom one sunny May afternoon in 1898. She lived her whole life in this town until the influenza carried her off just a few months shy of her 16th birthday. She likes books and baking and televised wrestling beatdowns.

“Oh my God, how can you watch this stuff, it’s so obviously fake,” he tells her one Saturday afternoon, not looking up from his Nintendo DS.

She doesn’t seem to hear him, so engrossed is she in the action on screen. “YES!” she shouts, leaping to her feet in a swirl of skirts.

“Didn’t know you liked wrestling, kid,” says a voice, and Soul looks up to see his brother leaning with his arms on the back of the couch.

Soul shrugs. “I don’t. S’good background noise, is all.”

“Mm. Is that John Cena?”

“Yes,” replies Maka, turning around to look at him. “Tell your brother that Mr. Cena is an exemplary example of what a wrestler should be.”

“I think so,” says Soul.

“Boo,” says Maka, sitting down.

“Fascinating though wrestling and Pokemon undoubtedly are,” says Wes, peering at Soul’s game, “I’m gonna have to ask you to put it down. I’ve picked out a piece for competition this year. Now that we’re both in high school I think it’d be badass to compete together.” He grins. “You and me, we’ll make state for sure.”

Soul leans back to look up at his brother. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. The first movement of Debussy’s violin sonata. What do you think?”

Soul yawns. “Yeah, Debussy’s alright. Let’s see it.”

Maka doesn’t look away from the TV as he ambles towards what used to be the sitting room with Wes. They’d moved the piano in just the other day. It sits placidly by the fireplace, its lacquered surface gleaming. Soul sits down on the worn bench and stares at his solitary reflection in it for a few moments. He remembers learning to play on this piano as a child. He remembers his mother’s patient hands guiding his small fingers to the right keys, the murmur of her voice, her silhouette reflected in the wood beside his when they’d play duets.

He sighs and lifts the cover.

The Debussy piece isn’t bad. It’s definitely a challenge, Soul reflects, but nothing he hasn’t seen before. They’re able to get the first two lines into something resembling coherence before Wes calls it a day and they devolve into old, familiar favorites instead, Mozart and Vivaldi and, perhaps most notably, the third movement of Beethoven’s Kreutzer Sonata.

“Haven’t heard that one in a while,” says Dad from the doorway when they finish. He’s smiling, equal parts fondness and sadness lingering in the curve of his lips, the way his eyes crinkle.

Soul shrugs, not looking up from the keys. “We were out of practice,” he says gruffly.

“Yeah,” says Wes. His eyes are a little too bright. He wipes at them with the back of one arm. “Don’t wanna forget, you know, plus the piano finally arrived, and with the new house and all…” He trails off and waves his hand. “I think she’d like it here.”

Dad smiles fondly. “She would. It’s partially why I bought this place, actually. Your mother always wanted a big, old house.”

Soul looks around. It’s easy to imagine his mother in a place like this, sitting in the chair by the window playing her cello or rattling around in the kitchen singing some aria or outside in the garden with her big raggedy straw hat and dirt under her fingernails. He bites his lip. His scar aches.

Much later, when the sun has long since set and the house has gone still and quiet, Maka finds him lying in bed wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, the window open and the ceiling fan stirring the heavy summer air with slow, languid strokes. He’s watching the fireflies blinking lazily in the garden below when she phases through the doorway.

“You and your brother play beautifully,” she tells him, her voice hushed.

Soul shrugs. “Lots of practice.”

“I never had much of a head for music. My mother got me lessons when I was young, but they just never took.”

“Mm.”

“That last song was especially lovely. The Beethoven. Did your mother like that song?”

“Yeah.” Soul doesn’t look at her. “It was her favorite.”

“What was she like?”

Soul exhales. “She was. Nice. Great musician. She used to play in the New York Philharmonic. Taught me and Wes piano, when we were kids, but she was a cellist usually.” He bites his lip. “She was always happy. Friendly to everyone. She liked people.”

Maka smiles. “She sounds like a wonderful person. I would have liked to meet her.”

She drifts to the windowsill, settling on the edge. Her transparent body catches the moonlight, makes her seem almost luminous in the darkness. She looks at him. There’s something soft and sad in her eyes. They drop to his scar, and she leans forward, a hand extended. Soul doesn’t move. Her eyes flick back to his, questioning. He shrugs.

He doesn’t feel anything when she touches him. Her gossamer hand dips into his naked chest, into the twisted flesh of the scar there. Wordlessly, she traces it, a crease forming between her brows. Her touch, though insubstantial, is slow, careful. Soul can feel his face heating up and hopes that ghosts can’t see in the dark.

“Where did this come from,” she murmurs.

“Car accident,” he says. His voice cracks and he clears his throat. “Like a year ago, now. Drunk driver. My, uh. My mom didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry.”

He sighs. “S’why we moved, you know. We were tired of seeing ghosts.” He glances at her. “Not…not literally. Sorry.”

She smiles. “It’s okay, I understand what you mean. My mother died not long after I did. She took my death rather hard, I think; I was her only family. It was…difficult, listening to her keening and unable to communicate my presence and thus ease her pain.” She withdraws her hand. They both watch the fireflies for a while.

“I don’t even remember it,” Soul croaks suddenly into the quiet. “Her death, I mean. Just headlights, and then this loud crunch, and then waking up in some hospital room feeling like complete shit.” He takes a deep breath. “They said I was dead for two minutes.”

She frowns at him thoughtfully. “Dead?”

“Yeah. Heart stopped, not breathing, the works. Had a hard time with the defibrillator ‘cause of…” He gestures to his chest.

“Do you remember what it felt like?”

He thinks for a few moments. “Peaceful.”

“Yeah. That’s how I felt too, before Mama called me back.” She bites her lip and takes a deep breath. “For what it’s worth,” she says lowly, “I’m glad you died, because if you hadn’t then we never would have met.”

He rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips despite himself. “Woah there, fuck you too.”

“Oh – oh no! I didn’t mean – oh no, I’m so sorry – “

“Nah, nah, it’s cool. Chillax, Albarn, I’m not actually mad.”

She peers at him from between her fingers and then laughs weakly. “My mouth always runs away from me. My mama kept telling me to think before I speak. You’d think after a hundred years I’d have learned to.”

He smirks. “Yeah, well, for someone who’s so smart you sure are pretty dumb sometimes.”

“Rude! It’s entirely due to me that you’re passing English.”

He laughs. Quiet falls between them. Maka looks at him. There’s something strange, almost pained, in her eyes. “You know,” she says, and it’s hard to tell between the darkness and the transparent nature of her form, but he thinks she might be blushing, “I really wish that I could hold your hand right now.”

Soul’s heart skips a beat. He swallows. “Well, uh.” He extends his arm and places his hand palm-up on the windowsill. “Go. Go ahead.”

“I mean really hold it,” she mumbles, but she reaches for him just the same. Her translucent fingers pass through his and he can’t feel anything, but when he curls them around the empty air she smiles almost shyly. “Thank you,” she murmurs.

“Yeah.”

Outside, the crickets are chirping. A warm breeze wafts through the window, making the curtains stir. The moment stretches, deepens. Soul squeezes Maka’s hand.

She squeezes back.

#soul eater #soulxmaka #soma #soul/maka #zxanthe writes sometimes #se by z #ask fic #Anonymous

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tjsawesomename · 6 years

Text

The Top 50 Songs of 2017 Part 2: 20-1

And we’re back! It’s time to talk about my absolute favorite songs of the year. These are the songs that I can write a little bit more about because they had a bigger impact on me.

So, let’s get started!

20. Calvin Harris feat. Katy Perry, Pharrell Williams, and Big Sean - Feels

Let’s talk about Katy Perry. She’s been in somewhat of a career slump as of late, with most of her singles absolutely failing on the Billboard Hot 100, and her general new “persona” being extremely negatively received by the general public.

So Calvin Harris releases a collab with her and a few other artists, and it’s an absolute banger. While it might be a diss track to Taylor Swift, it’s so good. It’s just so good. It’s Calvin Harris’ best song to date, honestly, and it’s heavily benefited by Pharrell’s influence. It’s almost a perfect pop song, but not quite. I’ll get more into that later.

19. Paperwhite - Only Us

There’s pop music that’s ahead of this time, and then there’s pop music that doesn’t catch airplay because it’s too far ahead of this time. “Only Us” falls into the latter category. But I can guarantee you that 3-5 years from now pop music will sound very similar to this, because it’s so great that people can’t quite grasp just how great it is. Kinda like Carly Rae Jepsen.

18. Courtney Barnett - Three Packs a Day

There’s something about Courtney Barnett’s ability to make an entertaining song about any mundane activity while also giving it a deeper meaning. This one is about trying to quit smoking, and while it’s not her best song (I found this one a bit too refined compared to some of her earlier work, but that doesn’t make this song bad by any means clearly), I certainly don’t care. It’s still Courtney Barnett. And an average Courtney Barnett song is still an amazing song overall.

17. SZA feat. Kendrick Lamar - Doves In the Wind

SZA is one of the best new artists of the year, at least she’s my favorite new artist that I discovered this year. Her album was one of my personal favorites this year, culminating in this track featuring a tight verse from Kendrick Lamar. The whole album is a gem, but this song truly shines the most.

16. The Pretty Reckless - Take Me Down

I love rock, but the definition of rock has vastly changed over the year. Lately there has been a dearth of old-fashioned hard rock.

Enter Taylor Momsen and her band. The days of cute little Cindy Lou Who, and now are the days of Taylor Momsen: Rock Goddess. “Take Me Down” is the Pretty Reckless’ best song to date, with an infectious beat you can’t get out of your head. Sometimes the old ways truly are the best.

15. Lorde - Perfect Places

Everytime I hear this song, an immense joy just immediately comes over me. I was certain that Lorde would be going in a different direction for her sophomore album, but I was wrong and I’ve never been happier to be wrong. “Places” is the kind of banger where you close your eyes and shout as loudly as possible to the lyrics of. I can’t wait to see where Lorde goes next.

14. N.E.R.D. & Rihanna - Lemon

Lemon is one of the best rap songs of the year, managing to be fun, fierce, funky, and featuring Rihanna’s best guest appearance to date (my personal favorite before this? Her being featured on Kanye West’s “All of the Lights,” still one of my favorite songs of all time). This is the most fun rap song of the year, being self-indulgent in the best way possible while also letting loose. Let’s hope Rihanna raps more in 2018!

13. Geowulf - Saltwater

Almost 90′s-esque in nature, “Saltwater” captures a very esoteric tone. You absorb yourself into the music and feel the song move through you, kinda like water. If the goal of the song is to capture how the ocean feels, Geowulf conquered that in spades.

12. Anik Khan - Kites

“Kites” is the most relaxing song of the year. I mean that, it’s seriously so incredibly relaxing. I can guarantee that Summer 2018 I’ll be basking in the warm sunlight under the oak trees in the park, joint in my hand.

11. Missy Elliott feat. Lamb - I’m Better

I missed Missy Elliott so much. She’s one of the best rappers of all time and she always knows how to bring the beat. Coming back from a decade-long hiatus is never easy, and while it might not have been as successful as I’d like, she still released one of her best songs to date, up there with “Work It.” I’m definitely glad Miss E is back and better than ever!

10. Foster the People - Sit Next to Me

I’ve been a fan of Foster the People for quite a few years now. They were honestly the first indie band I fell in love with, though a large part of it is because two of the band members are smoking hot. Regardless, I’ve enjoyed almost all of the work they’ve put out over the years, but no song quite sounds as good as “Sit.” I know I’ve said quite a bit during this article that this was x’s songs “best song to date,” (and this won’t be the last time, either!) but that’s because there were so many bands that actually did release their best songs to date this year. 2017 was a good, good year for music.

9. Kesha - Bastards

Kesha is free, and I’m so happy. While “Praying” is an amazing song, “Bastards” shows just how angry she really is, not just at Dr. Luke, but at everyone involved, from the press, to the internet trolls, to the people who silenced her for years. She’s moving on and I’m so excited to see where she goes now that she’s finally free.

8. Portugal. The Man feat. Richie Havens and Son Little - Number One

Yes, I could have put “Feel It Still” on here, because “Feel It Still” is a great song. But it’s not a Portugal. The Man song. It feels so out of place in their discography. “Number One” is the best song on their album, because it’s the best direction they’ve evolved in. “One” is one of the best songs they’ve released, up there with “Modern Jesus.”

7. RAC feat. St. Lucia - The Beautiful Game

RAC is a great act I discovered in 2017, and I’m so glad I did. Everything has a funky beat. I love it. This song features the best of Rac AND the best of St. Lucia, another favorite band of mine. “Game” is fantastically upbeat and just makes you want to dance, and sometimes that’s all you need.

6. HONNE - Warm On a Cold Night

Sometimes you just need to relax with a joint or a pax and listen to some groovy tunes. “Night” is the best example of one of these tunes, up there with “Necessary Evil” by Unknown Mortal Orchestra and “Same Ol’ Mistakes” by Rihanna. This is the kind of song that absorbs you and lets you sink into every note.

5. The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk - I Feel It Coming

Earlier I talked about a concept called the “perfect pop song,” and how “Feels” wasn’t quite one. “Coming” is a perfect pop song though. I define a perfect pop song as being encapsulating of the current pop music milieu while also being wildly successful. “Coming” is exactly that; in fifteen years time, “Coming” will be considered one of the staple songs of the year 2017. Not only is it The Weeknd’s best song to date, it also shows that Daft Punk is still incredible. Truly a song to remember for a long time.

4. Arcade Fire - Everything Now

This is the first song I can think of that utilizes pan pipes that I ended up loving, but the pan pipe hook is what makes the song incredible. But I also love that it’s a song about materialism and our dependence on things that don’t matter, while acknowledging that on a certain level we do need these things to survive (the song wouldn’t be upbeat if it didn’t recognize the necessity of ownership on some level. Regardless, this is Arcade Fire’s best song to date.

3. Chet Faker feat. Banks - 1998

2017 was the year I discovered Chet Faker. And I’m so glad I did. “1998″ is one of the most perfect songs I’ve ever heard. It’s a song about drifting apart over the years, and it’s every bit as melancholy as it is an absolute banger.

2. Childish Gambino - Redbone

At first I didn’t get Childish Gambino’s new album. Now I do. Redbone is his magnum opus and one of my personal favorite songs ever. The moment when I finally realized I loved this song was when I heard it for the first time in “Get Out,” my favorite film of 2017. The foreshadowing that this song used from the lines “stay woke” add a double layer of enjoyment to this song. I truly hope Childish Gambino’s last album is his best.

Let’s go over the #1 songs of each year this decade before we reveal the number one song:

2010: LCD Soundsystem - Dance Yrself Clean

2011: M83 - Midnight City

2012: Alabama Shakes - Hold On

2013: Lorde - Royals

2014: Courtney Barnett - Avant Gardner

2015: The Black Keys - Weight of Love

2016: Glass Animals - Season 2, Episode 3

1. Dej Loaf - No Fear

When I pick the number one song of the year, one of the things I always end up asking myself is what songs I ended up listening to the most. From the moment “No Fear” came on for the first time I was absolutely addicted to it. And I still am today. Everything about this song to me is perfect, from the sentimental lyrics to the pulsing beat. Everything about this song comes together perfectly. And that’s why this song is my number one song of 2017.

So that’s it! The best songs of 2017! Check back later for more stuff, and 2018′s list in about a year!

#me #music #2017 #bestof #best of

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thesymphonyoflife · 4 years

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Favorite albums of the 2010s

This was an arduous and lengthy task to complete. Not because I don’t love talking about music, but because upon each subsequent album in this list, it became harder and harder to talk about. I mean, how do you truly do justice in words to describe how impactful an album was to you? Also, how do you compare things that are so different? How do you compare something released in 2019 to 2010? You can’t really do any of those things, so here I try to best present my thoughts as to why these 25 albums stood out the most to me in this past decade, and why they had such a personal connection to me.

Remember, these are just snapshots in time. The thoughts of this day, reflecting back on the past decade, and how I feel in this moment: My favorite albums of the 2010s...

25. Pusha T - Daytona

Short and sweet. Quality over quantity. This album comes out swinging, knows it’s pace, direction, and theme, and does it well over a quick 22 minutes. The beats are always fun to listen to when Pusha T raps, and these 7 are no different from before. There’s no beat quite like “Numbers On The Board,” but I can’t fault the album for that. I always like Pusha T’s flow, and appreciate how his flow and harshness inherently make him enunciate very well, making it just a little more immersive (and makes it easier to stank-face rap along to it in the car).

24. Kelela - Take Me Apart

This album is crafted so meticulously. The care taken to surround the messages in the songs with appropriate beats, and fusing genres together so seamlessly all in the process. Kelela’s vocals are so poetic and beautiful as the struggles and vulnerability come out immediately and never relent. It’s a personal but applicable and accessible album, because the concepts about love, loss, relationships, empowerment, are all relatable in some way to us. It’s hard to ever predict in the moment if an album is “ahead of its time,” but I submit this one as a candidate.

23. The Weeknd - House Of Balloons

I think we could see this type of R&B coming. The spacey, moody, sexual R&B that was like a bunch of styles mixed together, combined with the effects and mixing possible in this decade. And that might sound like a slight on Abel Tesfaye, aka The Weeknd, but it’s not. I could spit out a bunch of ingredients, in right proportions to you, to describe a perfect entree, but I still need to cook it. And that’s what the Weeknd provided. Even if a lot of the magic behind the sound was in the production, there still needed to be a suitable voice to go with it. And turns out, he has a pretty good voice (and one that would naturally transition to pop). I like this record, obviously, for it’s underground mentality and foundation it led to this type of R&B sound. And even though it’s duplicated like no other now, I always appreciate the ones that not only lay the groundwork but do it well too. And this is what it was: simply the foundational “2010′s alternative R&B album” (which happened to be a mixtape).

22. Oddisee - The Beauty In All

I have been making music (primarily hip hop beats) since I was in high school. I got inspired by my affinity towards hip hop, and the cool beats from Dr. Dre, Lil Jon, DJ Premier and DJ Shadow. When I got to college, I had less time, so I didn’t get to make music very often. When I was getting out of college though, and getting back in to the real world, I didn’t seem to have that spark. Then this album came to my attention. Coupled this with some new maschinery (pun intended if you get it), and I was on to my second phase of music making. I wouldn’t call the music in this album simple, but the thought of creating catchy, melodic, groovy beats seemed like a possibility when listening to this. Lots of bobbing head moments in car rides and airplanes were had.

21. The War On Drugs - Lost In The Dream

I’ve been trying, for the past several years, to craft a criteria list to what is needed to make a good “driving album.” I think I’m close, but for simplicities sake, I’ll just say it should have some elements that are in this one. The aesthetic, “the dream” is evident throughout this album, and one fitting of its title. The guitar tones and understated drums and basslines create an accessible foundation for all the tracks on the album, which make it easy to lose track of time and suddenly find yourself at your destination sooner than you anticipated. It can be easy to not truly pay attention to the lyrics upon first/second/third listens to this album as a result, but I urge you to try to decipher the messages that are outlined here. There’s a lot of poetic metaphors and interesting concepts presented here, fueling even more thought while listening.

20. Radiohead - A Moon Shaped Pool

I have been listening avidly to Radiohead for a much shorter time frame than most of the die hard fans, but I still have been a huge fan for about 10 years. Even so, it’s hard to really know what to expect off a band which has such a deep and replay-able discography in a new album. It almost needs to be a formula: Amount of plays you’ve had for all previous albums = number of plays needed for new album to completely digest it. The first 20 or so listens are really just to give your brain some time to place the sounds of the new album next to all the familiarity of the previous albums. And at the end of the day, it’s still Radiohead: beautiful instrumentation, poetic, frustratingly difficult to decipher lyrics, all wrapped up in exquisite mixing. It deserves it’s place along with their other albums, even if it’s difficult for me to go back to as much as their previous albums.

19. James Blake - James Blake

I previously wrote about influential albums from my childhood. This would definitely make the list for the past decade. It changed my perception about specific genres, made me change my listening habits, and made me yearn for things more like it. I think that pretty much fits the description of an influential album right? I remember first hearing Wilhelm Scream, and I was more puzzled than entranced. But for some reason, I wanted to listen to it again. And then I found more elements I could grasp on to, like James airy falsetto, the pronouncement of the vocals in the mix that I had not heard quite like before, and this minimal electronic instrumental that I couldn’t predict where it was really going. The new can be exciting, but it can be off-putting if not all the elements are there. And for some reason, i could tell that there was music here, even if it didn’t sound like it very much upon my first listens. Then I started getting attached to Lindesfarne I, this primarily vocal only song that had this beautiful melodic and glitchy quality to it that kept me entranced. “Beacon Don’t Fly Too High,” repeated over and over again, in this autotune but beautifully nuanced quality to it that I just got lost in so easily. This album was a gold mine for my college, introspective, night-owl nature. I will always remember my college experiences and personal growth with this album, because they happened hand in hand (or ear and mind).

18. Beach House - 7

Reverb is a powerful tool. In music you can use it in so many ways. Mostly, it’s used to create a sense of space and enveloping atmosphere that tries to not only transport you mentally but also physically into a different place (no, reverb is not marijuana. But I will be exploring the similarities in my thesis. Stay tuned). It’s basically the music equivalent of escapism in films. And dream pop/shoegaze are genres that do it hella well. I mean, the key word is in the genre: “dream.” It’s hard to just conjure feelings of a dream with a simple formula though, it takes intricate instrumentation, meticulous craft of the mixing and vocals, and appropriate frequencies occupying the final space. And those are all elements which Beach House have perfected over the past decade with their music. I could have picked any one of their 5 albums from this decade, really, but I will settle on the last one, mainly for my affinity towards the lushness and grand sonic texture they were able to craft throughout the track list. It may not encompass my favorite vocal performances, but I just love the layers and melodies and downright cool sounds mixed together for the instrumentals. It’s refreshing and it allows me to pick different things I didn’t catch before upon each subsequent listen. brb, gonna go drift off into space for a bit now...

17. Janelle Monae - The ArchAndroid

I discover a lot of music during the end of the year, when journalists write their “best of” lists. This album was on a lot of them, so I was seeing a lot of praise for it before actually listening to it. And sometimes, ingraining those expectations in your head can lead you in the wrong state of mind when trying to digest it (especially something as adventurous as this album). This is a concept album which is carefully crafted and expertly mixed/mastered to resemble music coming from the future. So it did take me a few listens to shake off my judgmental, hipster young college mind when I immediately heard an orchestral piece as the opening track of the album. “Hrumph, this is just pretentious,” my mind kept telling myself. But it only takes a few songs that you come back to before you just start playing from the beginning again. It was “Cold War” and “Tightrope” I kept coming back to first, maybe because it resembled previous R&B/hip-hop I had heard before. Then it turned to “Neon Valley Street,” which incorporated beautiful strings weaving through Janelle’s beautiful vocals. Then as I listened to “BaBopBye Ya” unbeknownst to me for the 8th time in one day, envisioning a play, where the main actress was singing her heart out in her shining soliloquy, that I finally appreciated the work she had crafted. Then I played the album again. “Once more, from the top!”

16. Kacey Musgraves - The Golden Hour

Remember what I said earlier about “driving” albums? Ho boy, this one is a doozy in that regard. And no, I’m not just stereotyping it because it is a country album (even though, to be fair, it is the genre that birthed the masterpiece known as “Dirt Road Anthem”), I am saying that because again, all the elements are here: melancholic instrumentals, easy to understand vocals, and a general tone that is just downright pleasant. It’s hard to describe what “easy on the ears” really is, but this is what I would showcase as an example. And that’s not to take away what Kacey accomplishes in this album. The songwriting is very poetic in my opinion, and while the concepts about love, relationships, purpose, and just life in general are not extremely groundbreaking, each track in the tracklisting is neatly wrapped up in a bow with a cherry on top. It’s the equivalent of a dog looking at you and smiling. You can’t help but feel a little good about yourself, no matter what circumstances you might be in at the time. And yes, I promise you, that’s the only time I will be comparing music to animals during this list. But this is a truly beautiful record that I keep coming back to, and each time, I get transported to the same feelings of peace, tranquility, and nostalgia (and a smiling dog).

15. Holy Other - Held

This was a huge decade for my affinity towards electronic music. There was a whole avalanche of factors which contributed, like the general rising output in general, the vast number of stylistic shifts and sub-genres crafted, and just my growing pallet for interesting and cool sounds. And this album checked all the boxes for what I was infatuated with in the genre. The immediate, overbearing, dark, almost too-in-your-face spacey atmosphere. The weird synths and percussion elements. The right vocal samples that complement the beats well and sit atop the mix perfectly. And the tempos which keep you guessing and keep you engaged. I hadn’t heard anything like it before. And when you hear something like that, it makes you want to find out, immediately after listening to it for the 85th time, “what else sounds like this???” It’s always disappointing when you keep searching and don’t find something exactly in the same vein, but then you start to realize the uniqueness of this music and appreciate it even more. (BUT STILL, WHERE IS THE NEW MUSIC BRO?? IT’S BEEN 8 YEARS!!!!) It’s albums like these that keep me excited for the genre in the future, the “new-ness” of it all, and the possibility that you might stumble upon another Holy Other.

14. The Roots - Undun

Hip Hop has been my favorite genre of music for quite some time now. You never really know what’s going on inside the mind of a pre-teen, even if it was my own, so it’s hard to recall what it exactly was about it that immediately made it stick out to me. I think the energy, and the aggressiveness fit my moods at the time, and maybe because I was into basketball a lot, that also swayed me to it instinctively? Either way, I mostly liked the uptempo beats from the stuff that was popular in the early 2000s (crunk, dirty south mostly). So in that regard, my exposure to hip-hop was not of a natural exposure, or one you would recommend to someone who wants to get into a specific genre. Once I had my fill of the hype stuff, I came back around to the earlier hip-hop staples, from Illmatic to Reasonable Doubt to Me Against The World to Ready To Die. But even then, all the while, I resorted back to my listening habits from when I first started listening to hip-hop. Paying more attention to the beats than the lyrics. Maybe it was my attention span. But whatever it was, I never made a concious effort to dive deeper into the messages behind the lyrics. Until I got to this album. Maybe it was the relaxed nature of the beginning of the album that eased me into it. Maybe it was the outstanding verse from Big K.R.I.T. on “Make My” that pulled me closer in. Or maybe it was just Black Thought’s outstanding flow and heartfelt emotion displayed. For whatever reason, this album, from the very first listen, played out like a book. Which is kind of what they were going for here. And since then, I’ve been able to pay attention to lyrics a lot more. Challenge myself to understand the subject matter, even if it might be completely foreign to me. I have The Roots to thank for that.

13. Tim Hecker - Virgins

What is music? Yes, the halfway point in the list is the perfect time to get all philosophical. No but really, what is music? Is it just tones and notes and melodies? Or can it be other things, like noise? Prior to this album, my brain would’ve just processed things differently and filed noise away in a separate box. Now it’s a little more complicated. Thanks to this album. Again a result of recommendations on a year end list, I took my first foray into drone music with this album. And I surprisingly loved it from the get-go. The ethereal textures, lush synths, and other-worldly noises were just the tip of the iceberg with this album. It made me redefine what I considered music altogether. I learned that it is possible to encompass as much of the frequency spectrum as possible and still have it contain clearly recognizable, distinguishable melodies and harmonies to keep coming back to. The dense-ness of it just kept you hurling through this atmosphere deeper and deeper until you found yourself lost in it and not wanting to escape. The crescendos, the moments of quiet are all spaced apart beautifully and organically. Yes, it is music. And some of the best damn music I have ever heard.

12. Frank Ocean - Blonde

I’ll have more to say about this artist later (nudge nudge wink wink), so I’ll stick to talking about the album specifically. And I can’t help but go back to the wait for it. Because who, in this day and age of instant gratification, could ever imagine an artist living their life, taking their time, and waiting until the right moment for them to release another album?? Ridiculous, right? I admit I was on that boat, like most others too. It was just hard not to be anxious. This genre doesn’t have the best track record for quick releases (cough cough D’Angelo cough cough) and after his previous music output, I was getting antsy. But I’m glad on how the album turned out, and I’m even more appreciative of how it captured the essence of that wait and what it said to us, in an understated, melancholic tone: patience. Sit back, soak it all in. Enjoy everything, experience as much as you can, and just watch, it won’t feel like another 4 years again next time. This album showcases the power of patience. Just relax, try not to be so stressed out, and you will get more out of the music. You will hear vocal harmonies you haven’t heard before. You will hear new basslines you didn’t know were in the song. And you will come to appreciate the quiet and empty spaces in the music, too. And, would you look at that, it’s already 2020!

11. Moses Sumney - Aromanticism

Like Blonde, to have production so minimal, you have to back it up with some serious vocal chops. And Moses Sumney does exactly that on his debut album. Not just the range, but the subtlety mixed with doses of harshness and scratchy-ness give the ambient backdrops so much more texture and life to them. The layering and the way he sometimes replaces conventional instruments with his voice is a unique thing to hear. But let me tell you, it is an even more unique and jaw-dropping sight to see. His live performance was a lesson in crafting a sound in the show, rather just putting the show on. And there are conventional ways to switch up live versions of songs, like lengthier or different solos, different tempos, etc. But what Moses does in his shows are unlike anything I’ve ever seen anyone else do. The looped vocals. The even more sparse instrumentation. The crescendos. The way he utilizes the acoustics of the space to properly fill every crevice with vital frequency content. The sheer GARGANTUAN natures he takes some of the songs. It makes you appreciate the artistry even more coming out of the show. And making you wish you could experience that side of the music with your own speakers or headphones, but you can never really do it justice, even playing back the live recordings. I’m excited for what’s next for Moses Sumney, but I’m even more excited for his next tour.

10. Kiasmos - Kiasmos

Humblebrag time: I’m really good at finding music I like, then adding it my library/collection very quickly. I started at a young age, like most people proficient in this kind of thing. It started in elementary and middle school, on cassette tape, where I would listen to radio at all hours of the night, and have a writeable tape inside a boom-box ready to record the audio of whatever was being played. Fantastic device. And I quickly got really good at starting and stopping with minimal time between songs, and crafting my own pseudo mixtapes, then playing them back on the bus rides back home from school. Then in high school and college it transitioned to iTunes, where I would find songs from artists I would like, then go down the rabbit hole, playing those 30 second clips (yes iTunes only had 30 second samples back in the day) of similar artists and similar artists of those artists and so on until I found music I like. I would then write them down on a huge list and download them all on limewire (I mean buy them. I totally didn’t do any illegal downloading). Now it’s a little too easy, in my opinion. I honestly could spend whole days and nights trying to find a new artist I liked. And I had a blast doing it. I still appreciate nowadays when I do discover a new artist through similar processes, but now the feeling of satisfaction has definitely waned. Nevertheless, when I find music like this album from Kiasmos, I can’t really complain.

This particular sound was exactly what I was looking for when searching similar artists to Jon Hopkins (again, spoiler for below). The atmospheric, textured micro house/minimal techno (don’t electronic sub-genres have the best names?) that was very easy on the ears but also beautifully crafted and addictively catchy. A true sonic collection put together in album form. Almost like one naturally flowing song, containing some small detours but for the most part maintaining the specific course it set out for. And for all those reasons, I keep coming back to it, wanting to take that journey back into the soundscape Kiasmos created. And also wanting to find more artists similar to them.

9. Tame Impala - Lonerism

Tame Impala’s rise has been pretty incredible this past decade. Not because Kevin Parker doesn’t deserve the praise (in fact I still believe he is underrated), but because I never would’ve thought the “masses” would be so quick to warm to this very nuanced and unique sound. I mean he played at Coachella in 2011 and was on the 5th line (see below).

Then in 2013 he rises to 3rd line, then 2015 he rises to 2nd line, then in 2019 he is headlining. Pretty linear trajectory. Just a couple of guesses as to the rise in popularity:

1. I don’t think you get more popular without performing some kick-ass shows

2. I think to become popular, you have to make some kick-ass albums

I know, those two points may be shockers. Write it down. I think I cracked the formula for music success.

This is my favorite album of his because, well, it just contains so many memories of mine. Our memories are much stronger when our emotions are at their capacity, and this music just fuels emotions with all the exploratory sounds and melodic detours and passages that are so different from one another, but fit so cohesively well together in an album. This album is different in that, when I go back to it, I don’t necessarily listen to it from start to finish. I pick songs that I want to go back to. Like “Endors Toi,” which takes me back to a time when I could hear the expansive synths echo into the atmosphere at a concert I was running late to (it’s a long story). Or “Why Won’t They Talk To Me,” which takes me back to biking back to my apartment from an informative, exciting, and sunny day at graduate school. Or “Elephant,” which brings back memories of hanging in the basement of a friends house, listening to music and trying to be productive and record something. Or “Nothing That Has Happened So Far Has Been Anything We Could Control,” which transports me back to sitting in a friends SUV at a cabin, on a rainy night, listening to the song and discussing the themes in the song. It’s music that is so powerful that I forget what sounds are going in my head and instead my mind just fills it with the memories it used to accompany.

Yeah, I think that would constitute as a pretty kick-ass album to me.

8. Frank Ocean - Nostalgia, Ultra

A lot of people, when making their lists for best albums/songs of the decade, stuck to one artist, to talk more about other artists and share a bigger variety of what they enjoyed. I get that. But another part of me also says, “fuck that.” Frank Ocean made 4 great projects this decade, so I’m gonna talk about why I loved each one so much! This one was a complete and utter replay bonanza from the first listen. It just contained so much substance and uniqueness to it that I couldn’t get enough of it. And one of the first instances where I immediately kept replaying it, without giving myself time to digest and listen to other things. And the first instance where it did not sway my opinion of it one bit. And a case, shamefully, that I immediately started singing and thinking of the Frank Ocean versions of all the covers on the album. The way he reinvigorated already existing instrumentals with his beautifully nuanced, light, but powerful voice, was an addictive thing for my brain to come across. And there was something about his voice that just made you want to blast your vocal chords trying to belt the vocals along with him. I don’t know if my singing got any better, but it certainly had not experienced the work out quite like it before I discovered this mixtape. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a concert I have to perform inside my car.

7. Darkside - Psychic

How do we typically describe music in writing? Usually words cannot truly replicate sounds, so we resort to comparisons of material that is well known, like the influences and recognizable sounds. But how about for albums that are truly one of a kind and explore new realms not previously charted? That’s the conundrum when describing the music on Darkside’s first (and sadly, probably, only) album, Psychic. But I think I’ve come up with one word that tries to do it justice: Movement. The play with movement, and all that word encompasses, is ever present in this 45 minute sonic adventure. From the opening track, where it starts with a slow jaunt through an unknown, desolate atmosphere, trying to gather your thoughts about where you are. It’s very dark, and you have to adjust your eyes. Then as more starts to come in focus, you start to walk a little faster, with a little more urgency, trying to discover more you can. You get a little tired, so you take a break. Then, when the sun comes back up, more and more starts to come into focus, and your heart starts to race faster and faster trying to uncover more about this strange new place. You start to run now. Everything is new, and exciting, but also strange and somewhat lonesome, as there are no recognizable faces anywhere. You slow down and start to recognize the time scale, and realize that you have time to discover more, and rest after an eventful first day. And that was just the first track!!

Darkside plays with movement more throughout the album, with the sharp panning present in “Sitra” to the marching style beat of “Heart,” to the circuitous and chaotic, wandering nature of “Freak, Go Home.” This movement is so visceral, so real when it happens with all the organic, fresh new sounds, along with some distinctive, comforting guitars and sparse but thunderous vocals. Music that makes you want to move your legs and feet, but also makes you want to move your environment around and experience it under new conditions to discover even more than you previously thought was present. And I implore you to do that last thing. Listen to this alone, in the dark, at night. Listen to it first thing in the morning. Listen to it in a new country. Listen to it on a train. Listen to it in a crowded room, full of people. And then, maybe, you will start to understand why I describe the music with that one word. Or maybe, you’ll find another way to describe it.

6. Bon Iver - Bon Iver

This is an introspective album. I don’t think there would be much argument about that. So as a result, when I think about it or I replay it, I always go back to the time that I discovered it and really started listening to it for the first time. That coincides nicely with a huge period of my own personal growth and introspection, right smack dab in the middle of college. I remember the apartment, the exact shade of brown in the desk I first listened to it. I remember the long philosophical discussions late into the night I had with my 3 outstanding, unique, and role-model worthy roommates. And this music was the the one accompanying these discussions in the back of my mind.

The album cover appropriately describes the landscape the music invokes. Not only because Justin Vernon famously crafted his previous album at a cabin deep in the woods. But because the music in this album so expertly capture the essence of the outdoors, of exploration, and of different weather patterns (mostly of spring and autumn in my mind). And as a result of all that introspection, I kept on yearning to learn more about not only myself but the world around me. To discover new distant, uncharted territory. And thanks to this album, the new didn’t seem all that frightening, because I had this to accompany me and remind me of all the enormous mental growth that I already had, along with all the important people who helped me discover more about life.

5. Kendrick Lamar - good kid, m.A.A.d city

Stories work extremely well in the album format. Personal anecdotes, conversations, thoughts, and showcasing events are a brilliant way to understand someone and follow along on their journey they describe. But after that, what gives an album replay value? There has to be a human element to it too, to draw the audience back in again and again. And this album is a masterclass in that art, not only taking us through a vivid journey of Kendrick’s upbringing, but also attaching a humanistic and empathetic element to it, all while talking about subject matter that not many people experience. “Sing About Me, I’m Dying Of Thirst” is just one (albeit grand) example of this. The track takes us through this incredibly vivid story and introspective moments, pulling back on the instrumentals and giving Kendrick the reigns to speak from experience, poetically, metaphorically, and directly all at the same time. And the album is littered with moments like this in each track. It’s digestible in different segments of each verse, in each song, each telling a different story but one that’s all the same in the same essence. And all the while, allowing us to get enveloped in the stories and make us feel genuine emotion about this stranger, and possibly, to an entire population that experiences similar things to this. I’m not sure if that’s ever what is the intention of the artist, but that’s the power of music. Release it and see what happens, and if it speaks to even one person then I’m sure it’s just as impactful to them as releasing all their emotions into making the music itself. Just one of the lasting impacts this album will always have. The power to connect. The power to escape. But, more importantly, the power to empathize.

4. Frank Ocean - Channel Orange

R&B went through an incredible journey this past decade (just look at this list for a small glimpse into some of the stylistic shifts). But at the end of the day, love, emotions, heartbreak, and relationships encompass the life-blood of this genre. Each artist has their own way of conveying these themes, under different instrumental backdrops, under different vocal rhythms, and under different metaphors and stories. As far as the 2010s are concerned, no one did it better than Frank Ocean. I said earlier that the most powerful music sticks with us because it elucidates such strong emotions out of us. And as far as love and relationships are concerned, Frank Ocean has been the soundtrack to that part of my life this past decade. The lows, the highs, and everything in between, has been thought about and experienced with a song or twelve from Frank Ocean. These emotions we have are extremely personal and hugely vital to our growth and shape who we are and who we want to become. Because relationships are inevitably experiences with someone else, and there’s no better way to learn and grow than to do it with someone, or learn from someone else’s experiences. So the subject matter must be dealt with care and contain some type of believable sense of vulnerability, otherwise we will discard it like other fleeting music. Frank makes a lasting impression for all of us because of this vulnerability and genuine emotion in every song, every verse, and every note he sings.

Just as Frank’s music allows us to hear another persons story, experiences, and emotions, it truly feels like it does more than that, and even lets us show our emotions back to it. It’s just as much the listener as it is the talker. And that’s what truly makes this relationship with his music much more powerful. Sometimes when I sing back the lyrics, I’m singing the same words as him but conveying an entirely different, personal emotion. And it’s a nice, cathartic feeling, to let loose and sing someone else’s song, all the while pulling back the curtain and displaying some of your own pent up emotions. And that’s what companionship is. So thanks for the companionship, Frank, for this decade and the decades to come.

3. The National - High Violet

A lot of this list I have described what has made me gravitate to an artist/album. A lot of the time, there’s a bunch or reasons: emotion, personal connection, and relatability are the majority of them. But for some, like this album, it comes down to something pretty simple: I just really like the music. It’s not that there’s none of the above elements here (the themes of hardships, sorrow, and frustration are readily apparent and relatable), but I’m merely stating how the dominant factor in why I keep playing it over and over again is because my brain just says “yes” to each and every one of these songs in this album. This is a band in a true sense of the word. And each of the 4/5 elements brings character and flavor to the songs. The drums of Bryan Devendorf give each track essential pacing and rhythm, laying a solid foundation for the rest of the instruments to weave in and out of. The basslines from Scott Devendorf are somewhat hidden but ever present in the mix, and round out the frequency spectrum nicely. The guitars and piano from Bryce and Aaron Dessner give the music catchy and notable melodies. And Matt Berninger’s vocals sit atop (or below, i guess) all of this and punches through the songs, providing much of the emotional weight of the tracks.

Sometimes, you just gotta sit back and let your brain figure out whether the music is good or not. Many times, it will enjoy things a lot for a short amount of time. But sometimes, there will be music that it enjoys every time it’s played. That’s High Violet for me.

2. Jon Hopkins - Immunity

When I first wrote about this album on my favorite albums of 2013 post (yes, I linked to my own writing, all pretentious journalists do it), it only landed in my honorable mentions, not even in the top 15. So what changed? I guess it grew on me. That led me to question what that really even means. Does every subsequent listen form one piece of a puzzle in your brain until enough listens makes you “get it”? Does each listen unlock something that you previously didn’t hear before, and make you appreciate it more? Does each listen have different circumstances and environments surrounding it, giving you a better frame of reference? I think it’s some combination of all three of those things, but it doesn’t happen in the first place unless you really like the music and find it unique to begin with. It can be tough to go back to something your brain seriously dislikes upon the first few listens. Sometimes, admittedly, I move on to other artists and albums quickly because I have this obsession with finding new music and new artists. It gives me joy because I truly believe variety is the spice of life (as cliche as it sounds). Expanding my pallet and tastes has always been a complete joy. So I guess I’m glad, in this case, that there wasn’t (and isn’t) anything quite like Jon Hopkins’ Immunity. Because once I realized there was nothing like it, I kept coming back. Again. And again. And like I said, it grew on me.

I’ve always laughed at the name for a particular sub-genre of electronic music: IDM. Because apparently it stands for Intelligent Dance Music. Now there’s nothing more pretentious than labeling a whole style of music as “intelligent,” but the artists don’t create the labels, the listeners do. And once you understand the meaning behind the label, then it somehow makes complete sense. Because the true meaning of IDM is that it is inherently “cerebral” and better suited for home listening than at a club. And that’s exactly the emotions that circle my head when I play this album. The chaotic rhythms and punchy highs of it are certainly fit for a nightclub. But the tranquil and introspective lows are fit for a dark, anechoic chamber devoid of any human interaction within 3000 miles. So combine the two, and I guess, you have some fine and dandy Intelligent music.

Like most emotions, you have to experience one extreme to truly understand the other. And it has to happen organically. You can’t force true sadness to experience true joy. The brain is smarter than that. And that’s exactly what happens in this album. The balance between the glitchy noise and chaotic synths and driving kick drums with the subdued pianos, distant atmosphere, and sheer voids are necessary to bring this all together and truly show the dichotomy between the two sides. But even so, all the while, when you leave the album remembering the extremes, you forget about all that happened in the middle. And so you go back and listen again, and this time, you try to remember the stuff in the middle too, because that’s part of life too and sometimes it’s just as impactful. And in essence, that’s what this album does. It is truly an out of body experience, by going through all those highs and lows, making it feel like you endured a life’s worth of emotions in 1 hour and 4 seconds. And then you want to go back and experience it again. Just to feel that euphoric state again. That state that could only be described as

Immunity.

1. Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp A Butterfly

I made a claim to a friend the other day, stating that this was not a great decade for hip-hop. And under several different metrics, like truly revolutionary artists, number of adventurous, stylistic shifts, and impactful albums, it may truly have been a weak one compared to other decades. But one big thing I was overlooking was my frame of reference, comparing all others in the genre, to Kendrick Lamar. And that might be unfair to do. Not only because comparisons are tedious and often an exercise in futility, but because one artist should not define a genre. Even in this braggadocious genre, I think Kendrick would agree that it is not his goal to distance himself from his contemporaries, but merely try to raise the bar higher. To really show the importance of not only this genre, but music as a whole. And for that reason, because of this album, I’d say it was a pretty good decade for hip-hop.

A lot of the music here in this album is not unlike that presented in good kid, m.A.A.d city, being very personal, very reflective of his own experiences and the experiences of the people he is close to. But he takes the messages and themes surrounding these tracks one step further here, developing them under the guise of heady topics such as racism, sexism, gentrification, politics, and ethics, among others. This allows more people in to relate to the themes, and also allows more fodder for discussion and self-reflection. Kendrick also presents these topics as a form of discussion, often presenting both sides of the argument, in order to spark conversation rather than dissonance. And as a result, it was easier to keep coming back and revisiting this album, because it didn’t feel preachy, but rather inviting, both thematically and musically (Not to mention just the sheer awesomeness of the music too).

The best type of empathy is one that actually enacts change. Empathy that is so strongly invoked that it makes you truly think about others and makes you actually change as a person. The kind that makes you a better talker and an even better listener. And that’s the feeling I get whenever I get through this album.

Music, for most people, at most times, is for entertainment, and for escapism, like any other art form. And that’s perfectly fine. But every now and then, there comes a time when I need someone to yell in my face and get me motivated. To have that friend to tell me to change. To shake me a little and implore me to try and make a difference in the world. To help get me inspired. And sometimes, the best way to do that is through the medium of art. Because only art can illuminate the emotions I have been describing throughout this list. Only art can present themes and messages in ways not possible otherwise. And only Kendrick could wrap up all of this into one cohesive, sonic masterpiece, full of intense passion, intricate, nuanced instrumentals, and witty, poetic lyricism.

Long Live King Kendrick.

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atcostmag · 4 years

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At Cost Magazine 2019 in Review - Top Albums

Photo: Nanna Øland Fabricius of Oh Land

2019 Album of the Year Oh Land - Family Tree

In the speed and scale of today's playlisted music economy, it seems almost impossible that a classical piano album like Oh Land's "Family Tree" would receive the attention it should. To be completely honest, it's an album that I completely overlooked in the first place as it eschews many of the pop hooks alongside the bold and bright elements which have made Oh Land's previous records so attractive in the first place. To paraphrase what Iranian-cinema great Abbas Kiarostami said about film, "there are movies which completely take you by surprise, but leave you empty afterwards; the best films are the ones which put you sleep but you find revisiting later again and again". The same premise holds for Oh Land's "Family Tree", and while we're not saying it's a snore, it is rather unfortunate that this would not be something which the viral nature of today's musical climate would appreciate per se. The merits of "Family Tree" rather lie in its depth of composition, Nanna "Oh Land" Fabricius' sly wit and deeply-rooted metaphor showing her reverance for the natural world.

We witness these moments in the beautiful fragility of "Brief Moment" where Oh Land references BBC's Planet Earth capturing the Japanese pufferfish building intricate patterns in the sand to attract its mate; the brutal honesty of "Human Error" which Fabricius retraces the aftermath of personal tragedy; her academic knowledge of estuarine systems in her theatrical pour of emotion in "Salt" and her holy worship of "Sunlight where Nanna's gospel on trees reflects on nature's beautiful resilience. "Someone I Can Be Alone With", however stands as a personal favorite of mine. Its aqueous blur recalls some of the darker moments from Oh Land's debut LP "Fauna" and snapping percussion from track's like "Rainbow", as the track converges with its stringed intrigue and whistling woodwinds. Furthermore, we see Nanna's very characteristic humor peaking out of the song's darker moods, as the solemn tone of the track contrasted with her lyrics, "My head is exploding in slow motion..." before the track's blossoming orchestral darkness is shrugged off with the warmth of Oh Land's words, "... but when I'm catching my breath you'll be 'Someone I Can Be Alone With'". A re-drawing of Oh Land's musical portraiture, it’s an album that shows incredible boldness and risk, one of a continually evolving artist. To reference an old cliche, it's an album we certainly need but don't necessarily deserve in this playlisted era where albums are rarely-listened from start to end.

Human Error (Live)

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Read our interview with Oh Land written on our sister blog Swede + Sour

Luna - Trance Original Russian title (ЛУНА - ТРАНС)

A record for the Gosha Rubchinsky-era of Post-Soviet aesthetic, Luna or Kristina Gerasimova's embracement of the New East is obvious here. But while its place in the Post-Soviet sphere certainly strikes a presence, it's the aesthetics of sound which ultimately drive Gerasimova's appeal. Working with then-fledgling but now mainstay producers like Shumno and Alessandro del Schuko, Luna saturates in the immersive qualities of arguably the New East's strongest genres through enveloping deep house and rave sounds. We find the pinnacle of Luna's vision on track "Love in Every Golden Petal", where she gloriously harmonizes between the harsher rave elements of the track with her heavenly beckon. However, dotted through the album, we find Luna leaves gems of every color across the spectrum. On "Palmira" we see Luna's post-rock grit where Luna recalls her influence from the Soviet Union's most notorious rocker Viktor Tsoi, as in she how she was quoted on previous album "Enchanted Dreams". There's also her first single "Dolphins" where Luna walks her along famous melancholy, edging the lines of blissful sadness as solemn piano keys clash with the clink of its glitchy sci-fi spook. Finally, we have "Lilac Paradise", which recalls the bygone days of electroclash. With its heavenly breath, Luna uses the short, staccato spurt of her Slavic tones, to cut across alternating octave scales and the euphoric layering of synthesizer production, in what could be an appropriate tribute to the early days of electronic music pioneers Ladytron.

“Dolphins”

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Luna’s “ Love in Every Golden Petal” made our 2019 track of the year

Melis - Undercurrent

While it can be said that most music is notably written about love, few on the topic as vividly as in Czech-Turkish singer, Melis' EP "Undercurrent". Written and produced, in conjuction with her former collaborator in duo IYES Josh Christopher, the album is intricately assembled with a poetic prose that speaks literally and carefully structured hooks with reveal minute details upon every loop. On the album, yearning emotion is echoed through Melis' tearful delivery as whimpery tones yield to the dramatic envelopment of sound that so succinctly defined Josh Christopher's production on IYES. We hear the thunder of sharp crescendos all throughout the album, with most notably on the anxious build on "Piece of Your Heart". There the dramatic energies of Melis' tender vocals ignite to grabbing synths that underscore her yearning emotion, with ample space between elements to illuminate the mystery of the track's wonder. Furthermore, on the record we notably see Melis' strongest track to date "Waves", a back and forth of conflicted sentiment whose vivid emotion feels almost spoken in its visual storytelling. Building on multiple anacruses, careful production works over every loop to not only build lyrical emotion, but introduce easing elements like infusing broken-beat percussion and the sustain of its ghosting creak to richly nuance the track. However, like any well-curated album, Melis' Henry Green-produced track offers a reprieve to seemingly close the album on a high note. Titled "Falling into Place", the dreamy of wash of its spiralling percolation is coupled to the saturated reverb of Melis' distant cries which upon repeat build into a meditative mantra. If you've read our top singles of 2019, Luna's obvious placement on the year's best records seems only fitting.

Waves

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Musia Totibadze - Boy Original Russian title (Муся Тотибадзе - Мальчик)

Musia Totibadze first burst onto the Russian-language music scene with her disco-vivalist "Dance, Little Vitaly", a kitschy yet ultimately enjoyable affair. It's something hard to describe, but you need not understand Russian to comprehend the Moscow-born, Georgian singer's charisma. With her lead single from her EP "Boy" (Мальчик), we see her compelling cover of Natalya Vetlitskaya's '92, Italo-Disco single "I'll Stay with You" (Я останусь с тобой). Taking the reverb-saturated original, and bringing warmth with her spurting breathiness yet undeniable warmth from her rosy timbre, Totibadze modernizes the early, Post-Soviet track with a fun-friendly track that resonates to its glitchy textures and gooey synths. Like "I'll Stay with You", it's this joie-de-vivre that persists throughout the album and continues with a few keynote tracks. On "Night" we see the drip of acidic synths dot the track's scaling synths and Musia burgeoning roar; the shocking shrill and retro-futuristic clink of "Running Up" (Разбегаюсь) while on "Birds" (Птицы) the grooving funk of its downtempo bass lines soar to the beaming lift of its Italo-disco production. “Fly” (Лети) stands as a particularly exuberant track, building on the machinations of its plunking clink. Building over the feathering trickle of synths, we see Musia rocket with her vocals to top off the exhilarating ride that is “Fly”. As an aside, Musia also offers "Sea", a reprieve from the album jubilant prose. On "Sea", passive melodies eventually build and inundate to the whitewater of Totibadze's aqueous current; concentrating Musia's vocals into a heavenly saturation of drifting mantra. However, its appropriately chosen title track "Boy" (Мальчик) without a doubt lies as Musia's strongest. Trickling arpeggios give "Boy" a quirky and unbelivably fun invigoration. While Musia's vocals certainly capable of keeping a stronger sustain, she keeps her delivery short and succinct allowing the choir of children's voices and its groovy funk to resonate. A seemingly anachronistic effort, Musia's infectious joy of being and Soviet nostalgia points to something hard to rationalize; perhaps somewhere between Yuri Gagarin's boylike smile or a furry Cheburashka we will find our answer, but don't really know to be honest :)

I’ll Stay With You (Я останусь с тобой)

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Erika de Casier - Essentials

Something ironic about living in the age of social media is that its staunchest criticisms come from social media. However, Erika de Casier doesn't fall into this rather hypocrite prose, and fully-embraces the zeitgeist of living online in the youthful naivete of "Essentials". On Erika de Casier's "Essentials", we see the revival of early Internet-age anachronisms and this bewildering blend of past, present and future. Here we see R&B harpsichords clang to the drip of "Little Bit"; the gangster funk and strutting swagger play out in the cute abjections of "Do My Thing"; the playful innocence of tracks "Story of My Life" and in the kitschy "yeahs" of "Puppy Love". A takeway track however would be the Oriental cascades of "What U Wanna Do?", where the glitchy cyberpunk of the track plays over the club cuts of its feathering synth jolts.

“What U Wanna Do?”

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SA Zeiner - The Only Scars I’ve Got I Got in My Sleep

Blurring the realm between ethereal and the organic, Sigrid A (SA) Zeiner illustrates the conflicted emotions of love in this stunning display of four single-length tracks and two interludes. Carrying an oceanic air to her turbulent calm, Zeiner's vocals effortlessly sweeps heady emotion and hazy falter. As seen in her debut track, the impossible beauty of vivid emotion and Sigrid's peaking emotion converge in the synthesizer plateaus of "Could You Be Good to Me?", while its follow-up single "Good for Your Ego" though similar in stance offers a quick retort. The sharply-spoken words of "Good for Your Ego" are contrasted with its percolating depth where the crystalline fantasy of its spiralling synths spell a dreamy disillusion. As for the remainging two single-length tracks, "Prodigy" and "Forever, Here" are decidedly more organic in prose. The careful and quiet optimism of "Prodigy" speaking of what could be, are echoed in the sentiments in the wuthering murmur of SA Zeiner's before converging on her rather characteristic plateaus one again. Finally, we have "Forever, Here" with its tearful piano flow and wavering vocal vibrato, we have the track blossoming over the rich nuance of its strings and warmth of SA Zeiner's howling reassurance. A decidedly short record, but enough to say given the right promotion, Scandinavia could easily add another pop heroine to add to its prestigious retinue.

Could You Be Good to Me?

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#oh land #luna #ЛУНА #melis #Musia Totibadze #Муся Тотибадзе #Erika de Casier #sa zeiner #music

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