#if you don't i understand lmao i too have adhd

[here2bbtstrash]

as promised, here it is: The Big Life Update Post (aka m where the hell have u been and what the hell is going on with this blog)

TLDR: went thru it, came out better for it, i love y'all. and we're getting back into this writing thing as i have the time and capacity 🥳

2023 has been a bit of a whirlwind, to put it very mildly. while the first three months started off relatively smoothly, my saturn return began in the middle of march. only a few short weeks after that... well, i'd basically say everything went off the fucking rails.

content warning: drama talk incoming ft. extremely brief mentions of racism and racist hate mail (no specific details shared).

i haven't spoken on this yet since everything happened, and i want to be explicitly clear that i won't be speaking on it further after this post. but i just want you to understand where i've been at since april.

i will own it entirely and say: i fucked up. i put content in a story that i shouldn't have, that i had no business speaking on, and i think people were well within their right to call me out on it, one hundred percent. however, after i went offline at the end of april, my friends ended up learning that the person who initially stirred up all of the "tea", and submitted the first several anonymous posts about me to a hate blog, was actually someone i knew well and considered a friend.

this was someone whose stories i gladly beta'd, someone i consoled through multiple hard moments in their life, someone i actually even met in person. yep. this was also someone who had read the chapter of my story that featured the problematic content when it was released, and proceeded to send me paragraphs upon paragraphs of how much they enjoyed it, and the story as a whole. this is not to say that people can't change their minds on content after sitting with it, not at all. but to think that i had been through so much with this person, done so much to be there for them, and that they never once gave me any reason to think we were anything other than close friends. yet ultimately, they didn't feel they could come directly to me... or find quite literally any other way of dealing with the issue?

instead, they chose to send multiple messages about me to a hate blog, as well as hateful anons to several of my friends, thinking that we wouldn't know it was them (we did). not only that, but their actions encouraged an actual torrent of racist hate mail to be sent to all of my non-white friends who publicly chose to support me. ultimately, they ended up admitting all of this, and still, they never once apologized or showed even a single iota of remorsefulness or responsibility for the onslaught of vitriol they incited. (even though, you know, this whole thing was supposedly about how racism is bad.)

and this user is still on the platform, operating under a new blog name and pseudonym. so. that's fun. 💀

i don't say this to beat a dead horse, or to drum up sympathy, because i promise i don't want it. it's been long enough, i understand the mistakes i made, and i've done my part to take accountability for my actions. but i needed to start this post here to have you all understand where i was at the end of april - just in time for yoongi's tour 🤪 - in many ways, i felt like i had no friends, at least none that i could really trust. i felt unsure who might have been acting one way to my face, perhaps even praising me, but talking different about me behind my back. and it was beyond fucking nervewracking to think that i would be meeting so many friends IRL for the first time, quite literally days after what essentially felt like a public execution.

i wasn't doing well, to say the least.

and then... the funniest thing happened.

y'all showed the fuck up for me. in droves. in a way that i have quite literally never experienced in my lifetime and doubt i ever will again. even recounting it now is lowkey giving me chills. i received, literally, yes i counted, hundreds of DMs from the most incredibly kind people- on tumblr, on twitter, on discord, in AO3 comments. the vast majority of you wrote paragraphs: about what my stories have meant to you, about how you found my blog to be a safe space in the noise of the world, about how much you'd enjoyed our time together here. so many of you said something along the lines of "even if you never come back here again, please keep writing". honestly, for like a week straight all i could do was read my DMs and cry and cry and cry.

i didn't receive a single hateful DM. not one.

as if that alone isn't more blessings than i deserve in an entire lifetime, i also, you know. saw five shows of agust d on tour. (my credit card is still recovering.) spent two of the best nights of my life in pit getting a water bottle baptism and screaming myself hoarse. and met dozens of incredible moots, who held me when i cried, scream-laughed with me, and of course, drank plenty of booze with me.

at a time where i wondered to myself if i even had a single true friend in this fandom (or, like, in the world), you all showed me that i had so much more. that we had so much more-- we had a community. and i believe we still do. and i am more than ready to block out all the shit that doesn't matter and get back to having some fun around here.

in short: thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. if you sent me a sweet word, i promise you, i read it (and probably cried lmao). i wouldn't be doing any of this without you. i will never ever deserve all the love that you have shown me. but for as long as you'll have me, i'd love to have a fun stupid horny time in this little corner of the internet. as a part of our community. what a fucking gift it is. 🫶

phew. okay, so- that was april and may. it's november. what the fuck happened?

i knew i wanted to properly take time to get my head on straight before i found my way back to writing. what i wasn't expecting was to 1. fall in love, 2. get a new job, and 3. move myself and my cat approximately 800 miles across the country... but yeah, since the end of may, those 3 things are exactly what i've been doing!

i won't talk too much about my partner here, because our relationship is important enough to me that i want to keep it largely private, but my god. he is the most incredible human. i can't tell you how much of what i wrote out as silly little daydreams in my fanfiction has somehow manifested itself into this very real human being (like, it's kinda crazy lmao 🙈). i'm grateful for him every single day. and what makes it even more special is that we met for the first time in person while i was traveling for yoongi's tour - yep! he saw me going through so much upheaval, and fell for me all the same. just another thing i will never fully believe i deserve. but goddamn do i feel luckyyyyy 🥰

and in addition to my amazing partner (and in part because of him but honestly i had plans to move before i had even met this man it just happened to work out okay 🙄) i have also finally managed to do what i've been planning for the last year and a half, which is move my ass out of the southern suburbs where i'd been for nearly a decade, and to a ✨walkable city that actually has public transit✨ - what a fucking dream. i may have only been here 8 days, and i may not have much more to my name than my cat, my TV, and my mattress, but i swear to god, i've never been this happy in my entire life.

so yeah. exhale. like i said, it's been quite the year.

now i do want to end this with a small caveat, which is to say, i can't make a promise as to how much i can *be* here (particularly not compared to how terminally online i used to be lmao). i spent a lot of time online because i was unhappy and feeling very stuck with where i was in life, and i needed escapism, bad. now, i've finally gotten to a place where i'm excited to go out of my house and do things, but i still want to make intentional time for tumblr as a form of connection and community, and writing as a form of creative expression. these things are really important to me!!! i just ask that you give me some grace if i'm a little slow on the uptake. i promise i'm still here 🥰

and writing is gonna happen!!! i can't say much more than that, because tbh i haven't so much as opened a google doc since april, but i've been itching to get back to it. maybe.... we might start off....... with some........... drabble requests??? 👀 we'll see we'll see we'll see hehe.

in any case, i think that's more than enough for now 🤪 oh how i've missed babbling to you all, the gay people in my phone. i hope you're well, and if ya feel so inclined, i'd love it if you'd send me a comment or a DM on what you've been up to in the many months it's been since we've spoke! what's new in your life? what are we manifesting??

talk so so soon, eeeeee~ i'm so happy to be back~ love you babes!!! 🤍

#mposting #quite literally the longest mpost of all time #if you read the whole thing i LOVE YOU #if you don't i understand lmao i too have adhd

[volivolition]

what's the theme you're fucking going for here voliiii!!! what are you fucking getting at!!! what are you trying to say, what's the point??

#still working on this drama chapter in Swept Up. they're. confusing to work with? from an empathy standpoint at least. #skill who is trying to honestly understand the other skills VS skill who is just always lying and putting on an act. #and then theres the whole thing that im not going to spoil yet but the dynamic. fuck man. i dont even know what im trying to say here #lying is bad? no i dont care about that. honest communication is important maybe? i feel like i need a central theme for this. #and i dont want the theme to be ''empathy good'' because low-empathy people are also good and i love them!! and also: #empathy is a flawed character!! i try to portray this. i dont like moralism/centrism which empathy believes in and is the main skill for #empathy you stupid centralist (affectionate) i know this is just because you don't know how to make everyone happy. who can fix this? #you dont think you can fix this! you feel too much debilitating sadness to make meaningful change!! responsibilite to others more capable #still. i do depict empathy as often kind on a small level because i think that's in character. empathy just helps you understand. #i guess this fic is also a ''empathy doesn't mean kindness. kindness is a choice you can make afterwards but empathy just means empathy'' #but that's not a centralizing theme that all the chapters share. its also about vulnerability and the mortifying ordeal of being known #urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3 #i need to make a skill chart for this harry. all i know is that Volition is his skill signature but Empathy is his highest stat #hyper-empathetic harry with the rsd that comes from adhd!! haha!! suffering. everybody fucking hate you. this is based on me btw lmao #i was working on voli's chapter which has a flashback and child empathy! new to the mindspace looking out through harry's eyes and crying #the world is full of sad people and it's just too much for a lil guy! the backstory i have planned for this like. huh okay. wild. anyway!! #oh shit ive made a fucking breakthrough with the drama chapter. its not a theme but its something i figured out at least. we stay winning!! #chemi chats #task: swept up

[piplupod]

i was yelled at and chastised for so many years in my life because i didn't keep track of the time well enough for people (adhd and a dissociative disorder will do that to ya huh lol)

and it seems like. as soon as i started watching the time closely, then everyone else on earth lost the ability to mind the time, and especially lately i've been losing my mind bc all my appts and groups threaten to run late unless i say smth or signal that it's time to go by putting my coat on and i feel like i'm coming across as so rude but OH MY GOD I HAVE A BUS TO CATCH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE JUST LOOK AT A CLOCK EVERY NOW AND THEN 😭😭😭

#im so worried i seem eager to leave but i have stated multiple times ''i have to catch the bus at x time'' to these ppl #and ''it takes me x amount of minutes to walk to the bus stop from this location so i have to leave at x time to make it'' #SO HOPEFULLY THEY KNOW. IM JUST ON A STRICT SCHEDULE. IF I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO WALK HOME #and if somebody has adhd or smth then ofc i understand if they dont have a good sense of the time or don't remember time exists fsdjfkl #like. me too man. i just forcibly trained myself into watching the time like a hawk so i would stop getting screamed at fdjskl #and it was a struggle and nobody should have to do what i did to myself bc it was bad bad no good fsdjkl #but DOES EVERYONE ON EARTH HAVE ADHD SUDDENLY FSJDGKL WHAT IS HAPPENING #my counselor is like ''oh dont watch the time i can do that for both of us'' and then she never once looks at a clock #MAAM I AM WATCHING YOU NOT WATCH THE TIME FHSDFJKL #AND ALSO YOU RUN OVER THE TIME IF I LET YOU. SO NO. I'LL KEEP LOOKING AT A CLOCK HFDSJKL #I JUST FEEL SO RUDE FOR CHECKING THE TIME EVERY 15-20 MINS BUT IF I DON'T THEN I'LL MISS MY BUS CONSTANTLY #this is making me feel insane fhdsjlk why was it such a big deal as a kid and now everyone seems to not know clocks exist FSDJKL #honestly though the amount of times i have to check a clock in an hour starts to seem a lot like a compulsion #but i get really panicky if i dont know what time it is and sometimes i'll check the clock and think ''maybe i read it wrong'' and have- #-to check it again to make sure i read it right. and then sometimes once more just in case again HFSDJKL #so i think i just fucked up my brain. or maybe all the ppl who yelled at me and punished me for not being aware of the time did that LMAO #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[thebibliosphere]

With hindsight, I probably should have realized I was polyamorous/ambiamorous sooner than I did. (And to be clear, I realized it pretty young. I just didn't have the terminology for it.)

Ignoring the fact that five-year-old me used to watch Signing In The Rain! on a loop and was already making up stories about Don, Cosmo, and Kathy all living together in Don's big house and *gasp* holding hands (maybe kissing), I was never any good at shipwars.

Like someone would ask me, "What's your OTP?" and I'd be like, "Well, I guess I like X/Y, but also Y/Z is good too..."

And they'd be like, "No. I mean your one TRUE pairing," and I'd just blink at them like, I'm sorry, I don't understand the question.

I'm sure they thought I was trying to stir shit or being deliberately annoying, but I just... couldn't wrap my head around it. Why did I need to pick one thing? There were multiple options with different things that made them appealing. That's like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and just drinking water. Which is fine! If water is all you want, great. But you don't get to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet and judge people for eating different foods...

And when I eventually found out multi-shipping was a thing, I was like, "oh neat, that's what I do!" and while there was a definite feeling of having found my people, it was weird having the moral judgment from other people who seemed to think multi-shipping was a symptom of a greater moral character flaw. Like my inability to settle on just one thing meant I was more likely to cheat irl.

This wasn't helped by the fact that I... kinda already didn't care about monogamy? Not the way my friends did. I didn't mind that my then-boyfriend liked Sarah, too. What I minded was that he went behind my back and kissed her when he'd told me I couldn't kiss anyone else.

It was the betrayal of the agreement that hurt. Because we'd agreed. He'd asked me to be exclusive with him, and I did. And then he... didn't. And my friends couldn't grasp that.

It was all, "How could he kiss someone else?!" and my chief complaint was, "Why didn't he tell me first?!"

Anyway, if I could go back in time, I'd tell teenage me, you're not weird and amoral, you're just queer, polyamorous, and have ADHD, lmao.

#personal #thinky thoughts

[bonefall]

So, I'm writing an essay on the whole STATE of misogyny in WC for one of my university classes, and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of things! No pressure of course, please feel free to say no!

A) Could I reference your good takes with appropriate harvard referencing and links back to your blog?

B) Are there any specific moments from the books that you think should be covered the most?

C) The end result will be a visual essay, so it's like those fun infographics people on Tumblr make on like ADHD and stuff, so when it's done, would you like to be tagged to read it?

(Sorry for anon, I'm nervous lmao, but if you'd be more comfortable I'll resend this off anon)

AAY good topic! You've got a lot to work with. Absolutely feel free to reference anything I've written, and tag me when you're done.

While you're here and about to write something so legitimate, I'm also going to recommend you check out Sunnyfall's video on gender in Warrior Cats. She breaks down the arcs into numbers, directly comparing the amount of lines mollies have to toms, and examining the archetypes women are usually allowed to be.

I think it's a must-have citation in a paper about WC misogyny.

...and, I think it's insightful to look at the WCRP Forum thread about the video. Note how the respondents immediately come into the thread to complain about how the video is too long so they didn't watch it, dismissing Sunnyfall as not being entertaining enough to hold their attention, even whining that she starts with statistics to prove her point, which I'm convinced she did exactly because they would have cried that she "had no evidence" if she didn't.

I am not a scholar, so I don't know how to document or prove that the books have an impact on the audience outside of anecdotes. But I think if you do write a section about fandom, it would be worth mentioning the in-universe and metatextual apologia for Ashfur and its reflection in the real world discourse, the authorial killing of Ferncloud because of fan complains, and the utter defensiveness against the discussion of misogyny you see outside of Tumblr.

You may also want to check out Cheek by Jowl, a collection of 8 essays about sexism in xenofiction by Ursula K. Le Guin. There's a very unique manifestation of authorial bias in animal fiction, having a lot to do with how the author views "the natural world," and it's worth understanding even though Warrior Cats are so heavily anthropomorphized.

So... Warrior Cats Misogyny

I think discussing individual instances can be helpful, but I'd implore you to keep in mind what's REALLY bad about WC's misogyny is framing and the bigger picture.

Bumble's death is shocking and insulting, but it's not just that she died. It's that the POV Gray Wing sees her as a fat, useless bitch who took his mate so she deserves to be dragged back to a domestic abuser, and he's right because the writers love him so much. It's that Bumble's torture and killing only factors into how it's going to hurt a man's reputation.

It's how Clear Sky hitting, emotionally manipulating, or killing the following women,

Bright Stream (pressured into leaving her home and family)

Storm (controlled her movements and yelled at her in public)

Misty (killed for land, children stolen)

Bumble (beaten unconscious, blamed nonsensically on a fox)

Alder (child abuse, hit when she refused to attack her brother)

Falling Feather (scratched on the face, subjected to public abuse and humiliation)

Tall Shadow (thrown into murderous crowd, attacked on-sight in heaven)

Rainswept Flower ("blacked out" in anger and murdered in cold blood)

Moth Flight (scratched on the face for saying denying medical treatment is mean, taken hostage in retaliation against mother for the death of his own child, which he caused)

Willow Tail (eyes gouged out for "stirring up trouble")

Is seen as totally understandable, forgivable, or not even questioned at all, when killing Gray Wing in an act of rage would have been "one step too far" with the ridiculous Star Line.

"Kill me and live with the memory, and then let the stars know it would only matter if a single one of your murder victims was a man."

It's the way that fathers who physically abuse their kids out of their ego (Clear Sky, Sandgorse, Crowfeather) aren't treated anywhere near the same level of narrative disgust and revulsion the series has for "bad moms", even if they're displaying symptoms of a post-partum mood disorder (depression, anxiety, and rage), an umbrella of mental illnesses 20% of all new mothers experience but are heavily stigmatized with (Sparkpelt, Palebird, Lizardstripe).

It's Crookedstar's Promise giving him two evil maternal figures in a single book, while bending over backwards to make every man in a position of power still look likeable in spite of the fact they're enabling Rainflower's abuse. Leader Hailstar is soso sorry that he has to change Stormkit's name for some reason, in spite of leaders being unaccountable dictators the other 99% of the time, and Deputy Shellheart functionally does nothing to stop his own son from being abused or even do much parenting before or after the fact.

It's the way men's parental struggles are seen sympathetically, and they don't have to "pay for it" like their female counterparts (Crookedstar's PPD vs Sparkpelt's PPD, how Daisy and Cinders are held responsible for Smoky and Whisper being deadbeats, Yellowfang's endless guilt for killing her son vs Onestar's purpose in life to kill his own), even to the point where a father doesn't have to have raised their kids at all to have a magical innate emotional connection to them (Tree's father Root, Tom the Wifebeater, Tigerstar and Hawkfrost).

It's less speaking lines and agency for female characters, being reduced to accessories in the lives of their mates and babies, women getting less diversity in their personalities, with even major ex-POV characters eventually becoming "sweet mom" tropes.

You could zoom in on any one of these examples and have an amoeba try to argue with you that "Oh THIS makes sense because X" or "Ah well my headcanon perfectly explains this thing" or "MY mother/girlfriend was abusive/toxic/neglectful and I've decided that you are personally attacking ME by having issues with how a character was written or utilized," but the beleaguered point,

That I keep trying to hammer in, over and over, across books worth of posts,

Is that these are trends. More than just a couple one-off examples. It's the fabric that has been woven over years, showing a lack of interest in, or even active prejudice of, women on behalf of the writers.

LONG STANDING trends, which have only gotten worse as the series progressed. From Yellowfang being harshly punished with a born evil son who ruins her life in TPB and the mistreatment of Squirrelpaw that begins in TNP, all the way up to the 7 Fridgenings of DOTC and Sparkpelt's PPD being a major character motivator for her son Nightheart.

So, I would stress that in your paper, and structure it less as "the Sparkpelt slide" and "the Yellowfang slide," and more as "The paternal vs maternal abuse" slide, and "the violence against women" slide. They're really big issues, there's tons of examples for each individual thing.

Anyway to leave off on a funny, look at this scene in Darkest Hour that I find unreasonably hilarious,

"Everyone who matters to me; my truest friend, my sensible and loyal warrior, the wisest deputy I've ever known, and 2 women." -Firestar, glorious idiot

He can't even think of a single trait for either of them what the hell does "formidable pair" mean lmaooo, when I finished a reread about a year ago this line killed me on impact.

#bone babble #cw misogyny #warrior cats analysis #SO good luck!! Absolutely ping me when you're done I wanna see lmao #Full disclosure I'm bad at responding to DMs because I open them and then forget #But I can try to answer your questions #Feel free to send questions in tho. You don't have to come off anon if you don't want i don't mind #I cannot stress enough. I'm just a guy who likes to yell about cats.

[lowkeyrobin]

Hellooo, I was wondering if you could do MCYT with an S/O who has ADHD? (Mostly hyperfixates on horror games, etc.) I personally have a bad habit of walking around till my legs are sore (my leg has been sore for the past three days please help I can't get rid of this energy ahh-) and how MCYT would react to that/stop Y/N from. Doing that lol

HELP THIS IS SO REAL BAHAHHAHABA ; thank you for the request 🫶🫶 ; sorry if anything seems a little wrong, I'm kinda looking into if I have adhd but obv idk and I'm not diagnosing myself, but I obviously am not diagnosed so I don't know the full ins and outs and I know it's a spectrum, so uh yeah 👍 hopefully I did good lol

MCYT ; ADHD shenanigans

includes ; tommyinnit, tubbo, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu & quackity

warnings ; language

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he'll walk into your stream, sit down, look at your screen, then blankly stare at you when he realizes what you're playing

"Dude. are you streaming FNAF again?"

you nod with a smile "yupppp"

he spends the rest of your stream talking to chat and trying to scare you more

you're just talking about the lore and shit and he's loosely hanging onto it LMAO

if you're just like pacing around the house he'll look up at you like "bro you okay?"

will genuinely join in as well, he's always got the energy

he doesn't mean to enable like hurting yourself to a point, but once he realizes he is kind of enabling it he'll immediately stop

"sit down, here, skip leg day for once, focus on those noodle arms of yours"

"says you! the fuck?"

TUBBO

he'll walk into your bedroom for the first time in like a month and just see posters and little trinkets and merch of your new fixation and be like "christ, man"

"I'm a little hyperfixated"

"I see that. also considering the 150 hours worth of streams you've put into FNAF, yeah..."

he gets you a vr headset and buys you the fnaf vr games.

he doesn't understand how you have so much energy but it's whatever

"dude, sit down, your legs are gonna fall off, you've been pacing for like three hours! drink some water at least"

"tubbo, I can't! I have too much energy and I can't get rid of it"

that commences three hours of wrestling in the living room 💀🙏

RANBOO

let's you rant about your fixations and the lore and whatnot

I mean they won't deny that the Blair Witch Project video game is really good

they even buy you posters of the Blair Witch Project movie and video game (we don't talk about the movies after the first...)

even gets you merch off the official game site too (if that exists? I'm not sure istg there was merch tho)

they start to get a little fixated on it too considering they love hearing about the lore and theories from you and stuff

they even play it on stream and dedicate it to you

"thanks for the content y/n"

when you're running through the house, he'll race with you for a while before finding some other ways for you to release energy without making yourself sore

at one point he just gives you coffee that way you'll crash and burn after a few hours

I mean at least you don't feel like your legs are about to pop off your body

FREDDIE BADLINU

invested in the resident evil lore because of you

"I saw this and thought of you" AND ITS A LEON KENNEDY EDIT LMFAOOO

I mean yeah

loves hearing you rant about the games and everything, he could listen to you talk for hours

when you're all strung up on energy he also enables it without realizing at first

when he can tell it's more than just being energetic he'll help you find ways to calm down

if need be, he'll read to you, instant sleep I swear

or when he starts talking you'll be fully invested in his words

"yknow, Google listed among us as a horror game and I really cannot-"

NIKI NIHACHU

the amount of dead by daylight merch and the amount of money that you've spent on it is kinda concerning

but she loves listening to you rant about how the kill animations are so awesome and about new maps and characters and dlcs

I mean it's your current fixation, of course she'd listen to every single word you'd have to say

she even plays with you on stream a lot as well

when you're strung up on energy, she'll take you out for a run, you're like a dog on a leash though because she's not trying to lose you

"niki, come on! I wanna see the water snakes!"

"I'm coming, I can't sprint like you do, darling!"

QUACKITY

"of all the games, why is five nights at freddy's the one you're fixated on?"

he loves hearing you rant and explain lore and theories to him tho

genuine love language

he'll even play it on stream with you

"and the purple guy basically killed all the kids, and the kids basically scared him into the springlock suit and it literally killed him so he possesses that suit now-"

he'll just joke about the amount of energy you have

like Ranboo, will serve you coffee so you can crash and burn considering you end up begging him to help you

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit x reader #quackity x reader #ranboo x reader #badlinu x reader #tubbo x reader #freddie badlinu x reader #niki nihachu x reader #nihachu x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader #they/them reader

[rasairui]

I think anybody who thinks autism is more "accepted" nowadays is either in denial or can't see outside themselves. What we actually did is just popularize a really weird infantilized perception of autism that focuses on the symptoms that can be repackaged as "cute" or "quirky," and are continuing to treat people with inconvenient or even upsetting symptoms like garbage. And no I'm not talking about bigots who pull the "I'm literally neurodivergent" bs I'm talking about supposed allies telling me I'm acting like a child for getting too emotional when I literally have "Can't Regulate My Emotions" disorder, or that I'm moving weird, or that my voice never has the right tone to it. Sorry my autism doesn't stop and end at hand flapping and dinosaurs lmao I can gaurantee I'm not enjoying my meltdown any more than you are, buddy! In fact, I'd say I'm having a far worse time than you! I do not make a choice to be emotionally volatile nor do I feel good when I get upset. It's not my fault that emoting "properly" is a performance that takes energy and I really can't do it 100% of the time. Like idk it honestly feels like I still have to mask in supposedly progressive spaces just in a different way.

And of course this doesn't even start to get into people with higher support needs than me who are rarely acknowledged unless they themselves are doing it. It's one of the reasons those posts that are like "Do you think neurodivergence is just autism/adhd, and not (heavily stigmatized other disorder)?" rub me the wrong way. They always seem to be addressing the most sanitized version of autism possible which strikes me as counter intuitive to the point being made. And don't get me wrong, as a system I understand why it's being said but it just really frustrates me because the people these posts are about don't actually think severe cases of autism or adhd are neurodivergence either! They treat higher support needs people with the same disorders like shit!

No I do not think anyone who's ever made a post like that is a bad person nor do I expect every post to have a disclaimer containing every possible nuance but I do think a lot of them are not written with the existence of high support needs or "weird" autism symptoms in mind, which inadvertently feeds into this "palatable autism" thing people keep doing

#autism #just thinking lol #ableism #people will say autism is a spectrum until they're blue in the face and then give no thought? To different parts of said spectrum?? #''I love autistics'' until you have to accommodate food struggles or one of them is loud or needs help communicating or calming down #or remembering things or even just getting around. Ally in every way but the one that actually matters: actually assisting disabled people #but people think basic human decency is ''emotional labor'' nowadays so idk why I expect any better #like sure maybe the person with autistic in their bio is being ableist about other disorders. I guarantee they're ableist at other autistic #people too. So much of this is enforced from within the community.

[elsfairy]

SHAMELESSLY ANNOYING Sevika

something me and my ADHD ass would do. Anyway, Reader annoying her very moody girlfriend.

• No matter what mood Sevika is in, she can't seem to get away from your stupid questions. Questions that either make no sense or are down right ridiculous.

• Sometimes they range from, "If i was a―" or "Would you love me if―"

• All you got in response to your half asked question was either a growl, or a sigh.

• The poor woman wouldn't even have a chance to play her cards because you would be there, on her lap trying to steal all of them from her. You got bored a lot.

• Half the time she had to wrap her metal arm around yours just so you would focus and let her play. She would never hurt you, just keep you at bay while she's busy.

• Your attention span to something or things always left you stressing out. Because you just couldn't focus on something for too long.

• Sevika would notice and run her fingers through your hair just to keep you aware, and always say that you're okay, and that she will be finished soon.

• Even if she doesn't let you mess with her cards, you instead will start poking her face, her nose. Anything on her face that you can see, you will touch. Even her knee for god sake.

• "Stop doing that"

�� There were times where you were just a little too loud or hyper. Or you got too excited and ended up almost either whacking her in the face or shouting in her ear. "Sweetheart, relax. I'm right here, you don't have to yell" In that soft tone.

• She was the only person who is allowed to annoy you. So if someone says something about your behaviour, she's already plotting a murder. The woman's already ready to punch them just for their snarky comment.

• You, like usual are oblivious to it. Mainly because you're too focused on biting or kissing her neck.

• Again, no matter the time or day you can't help but ask her more stupid questions. "Do you think leaves have feelings?"

• "Baby, it's 2am. Go back to sleep"

• Sometimes you worried you were being too annoying. You were hyper as a child, you were outgoing and really fucking energetic and that would worry you. You worried you were being too much for her.

• Sevika being Sevika would reassure you that you're okay, and she loves you. You were in fact, the ray of sunshine and happiness they needed in Zaun.

• That still made you act like a damn brat, trying to steal her drinks any chance you got.

• "Sweetheart, you have 5 seconds to give me back my drink before i refuse to give you anymore hugs or kisses" She would always mutter, clenching her jaw tightly.

• You loved those, so you had no choice but to give it back to her.

• She will worry about you when you become silent at random times. It's just a habit you had. Especially if you were just really tired. She just frankly missed your questions. Secretly.

• It's scary, Sevika knows exactly when you're going to ask a question that makes no sense. You can't help but laugh knowing she will get annoyed. The only thing she will do is stare, and cover your mouth with her hand.

• Gives you the right to lick it.

• "You're disgusting"

• In the end, she loves everything about you. Yes, even your questions. You were always happy, something she couldn't understand but she also realised that it was who you were. She loved you either way.

• Also, if you weren't annoying her 24/7 then she's going to hunt down who upset you. She knows when you're not yourself. When you're not smiling, laughing or annoying her she knows something is wrong.

Note; I felt personally attacked by how I wrote about not being able to focus on anything for longer than a few minutes because of my ADHD. I'm out here trying to be cute and end up hurting my own feelings LMAO. I'm also feeling generous, i was going to post this in a few days but i have enough drafts to post until i feel better <3 🙏

#sevika imagine #sevika x you #arcane sevika #sevika #sevika x reader #sevika headcanon

[autumngracy]

Hi, just a random question from a fan of AROS (for which I have no coherent words to decribe my admiration)- I'm sure you've been asked this a million times already, but I'm quite new to this fandom, so forgive me and feel free to ignore the question, of course- who did you base your Javert on, appearance-wise?

Actually I don't think anyone directly asked this before!

To be honest I didn't actually base him on anything or anyone in particular ... I think the reason for this is because I read the brick before ever seeing any adaptations of Les Mis, so the first Javert I pictured was just my own interpretation of him from the brick ...

And what's funny is I can't remember if I originally pictured him with short hair or long hair. I read the 1938 Heritage Press edition of the brick, which is the Wraxall translation + about 1500 Lynd Ward illustrations, and in those illustrations he has short hair. But, oddly, I didn't remember it as being short in those illustrations? I had to go back and look years layer to confirm. (Alas, my beautiful Heritage Press copy is lost somewhere now!)

So I don't know if the long hair thing was me originally picturing it that way despite the illustrations being otherwise (possibly because the illustrative style made it somewhat vague at first?), or if it was from me later getting brainrot from looking at all the post Terrance Mann Javert designs ...

Best I can say about the hair issue is, well ... I just really happen to like male characters with long hair ... idk why lol. I have a lot of male OCs with long hair and every time I make one, part of my brain goes "Another one? For real? Do we not have enough of these little bitches already? If you don't stop putting long hair on all these characters people are gonna start to think you have some kind of kink."

Which. Well. I'm actually asexual so idk lol I think it's just an aesthetic preference

ANYWAY

For his wardrobe, that's just the brick descriptions plus factual research into 1830's era menswear. The only anachronistic element of his appearance really is his hair, but I do get around that by pointing out that he could have simply picked the (older and naval oriented) style up while he was at the Bagne (which did in fact have a dress mandate for keeping long hair tied up, suggesting it was a common enough hairstyle among the guards) and just never dropped it even after it became unfashionable—because A) he doesn't seem to give two shits about being fashionable, B) keeping short hair means either spending money to keep it short or having an intimate enough relationship with someone that they will do it for you free—neither of which I can see him wanting to do—and also C) he appears to be a creature of habit, so keeping the same, easily self-maintained hairstyle over the years fits my understanding of him.

Also, I'm not even exaggerating his tools of the trade because there really is a line in the brick about him having some kind of sword, which I had to go back and reread several times because it surprised even me (but it's 3am and I'm too assed to look it up rn). And we already know he has 2 pistols and a bludgeon (which the brick says he holds tucked up invisibly in his sleeve, Assassin's Creed style, lmao).

On another subject—

Given his stiff and distanced way of interacting with the world, questionable of social skills (see him bluescreening when Fantine is pleading with him in the mairie by way of what may be thinly veiled sexual advances), as well as his black and white thinking, penchant for being distracted by his thoughts to the point of complete obliviouness, propensity to either give extremely short responses or to go into ranting monologues, with little in between—plus the idea that he hates reading but makes himself do it for self improvement reasons, and how he seems to start stimming when lost in thought—I could definitely see him possibly being Autistic or having ADHD.

Now then, about his race ...

I know originally I actually pictured him differently than the Javert I wrote for my fic—as more white, at least—the way he appeared in the Lynd Ward until I read people discussing how he was probably supposed to be part Romani. And when it came to me having to pick conclusive character designs for my fic, I thought it would be much more interesting if it was a Javert who was visibly Romani instead of white passing, which he seems to be in most everything that bothers to mention his background.

I do find it weird that he's seemingly been played by nothing but white guys except for Norm Lewis and David Oyelowo (that I can find). So there's never really been a Romani Javert in stage or screen adaptations ... However, there's still a decent amount of fanart that shows him as darker skinned/Romani, so at least there's that.

Anyway I find that a visibly non white Javert just adds a lot more nuance and depth to his character, even compared to a still Romani but white passing version of him. Because then it changes how he interacts with and views the world (and vice versa), and it changes or adds to his motivations for doing what he does. It brings his (very canon!) struggle with internal racism to the forefront, which a lot of adaptations downplay or completely ignore.

I think part of why this appeals to me is that in modern times we are very used to the idea of the shitty oppressive white cop who is approaching everything from a position of absolute privilege and authority (which is a very shallow and uninteresting archetype, character-wise) ... and brick canon Javert, regardless of whether or not he is white passing, is not coming from a position of privilege—and not just because he is poor. He is coming from a position of social insecurity and vulnerability, which (at least it seems to me) he is trying desperately to escape/overcome.

And this makes his motivations for choosing his specific job far more interesting than "shitty white cop that enforces the status quo because he gets off on exerting power over other people". It suggests a sort of willful mental dissonance and denial that also make a lot of sense in hindsight when we consider the effects of his derailment.

The idea of him snapping and realizing for the first time that most everything he was doing was morally corrupt (or at least highly questionable) is one thing (and a level of obliviousness/ignorance that is somewhat hard to believe, imo) ...

But the idea that he knew how morally reprehensible his actions were all along, and was repressing it on purpose? To gain the only foothold he could see on the ladder of a world he was born on the lowest rung of? And after decades, is forced by external factors to finally, finally look his decisions in the eye and confront himself about them?

Well, shit. That hits a lot harder, doesn't it?

And it certainly hits him pretty hard. Obviously (as I pointed out in the the fic) he did mentally store away notes of things he found morally questionable about/during his career over the years—he just didn't let himself act on them. But it implies he was aware of the injustices, even if he only relegated that awareness to his subconscious.

The brick talks about how he felt he existed outside of society and had only two choices in life—black and white thinking; criminal vs protector, etc.—and it spells out how this is pretty much the direct result of his internalized rascism—so, I mean ... I don't think it's unlikely that canon Javert knew from the beginning that he was sacrificing his his heritage, culture, and moral compass in pursuit of respect and recognition from society (and thereby, social safety).

And in a Post-Seine world, he's forced to reconcile with all of that.

I may have just spoiled a major upcoming plot point for AROS tbh but oh well I was dropping breadcrumbs of foreshadowing about it the entire goddamn time lmao

#A Reflection of Starlight #AROS #Les Mis #Les Misérables #Javert #Tell me why I just spent 2 hours writing an essay in response to a *checks notes* single sentence ask

[gonedreaminggg]

ITS TIME ITS TIME

my unhinged laurance zvahl headcanons 🫠

- Laurance has a BUNCH of ear piercings. Candenza made him swear not to get any facial piercings, and she's one of the only people he listens to. He did get a belly button piercing to spite her tho :)

- He has a lot of nervous ticks. He used to play with his hair when it was long, but when Cadenza cut it, he started cracking his knuckles and picking at his nailbeds. When Aphmau notices him doing this, she lets him play with her hair.

- GARRANCEMAU. POLYCULE. It was kind of unspoken for a while, and then Garroth got left behind in the Irene Dimension. So, Laurance and Aph got really close. However, nothing was official so she got with Aaron. Laurance and Garroth only ever realized after he had died. Garroth understood, he knew that the polycule wasn't too serious. However, Laurance on the other hand, didn't understand that. Plus, he was dealing with the calling and whatnot. There was a rift in the relationship for a while after that.

- All of the kids in the village love Laurance. I mean, we know he was one of Malachai's biggest role models, and Laur had also grown attached to him. But, he also kinda becomes Naoki (Nekoette but less problematic) and Dmitri's babysitter. He's always been good with kids, but MY IRENE he cannot handle Naoki. Leona also likes to hang around him, as well.

- Laurance used to have a fascination with fire when he was little. (i mean the man has adhd and u know how we r with fire.) He would stare at it for hours. It was the only thing that really calmed his brain. But now, he can't stand it. He can stay near a fire for warmth of course, but he's never the one to start or feed it. He can't look at it anymore. Too many memories. The fire is literally a part of him now. His new body was forged from it. There's no need to stare into the flames. He just has to look in the mirror.

- He's still blind, somewhat. His eyesight wasn't miraculously healed. He has to wash his face in the fountain of Lady Irene every so often, or his vision will completely blur. Even then, there's still spots that never go away, mostly on the outer field of his vision. He has reading glasses, as well.

- He's very physically affectionate. He plays with Aphmau's hair. He grazes over Garroth's hands constantly, running his thumb on all the marks in his palm or his scarred knuckles. When he was younger, he would always find something to fiddle with on Cadenza's clothes.

- He would model for Cadenza a lot. Before becoming a Shadow Knight, he was very comfortable in his body and his masculinity, so playing dress up was honestly very fun.

- Laurance always has to do something with his hands, so he takes up a lot of different crafts. Tying knots, woodcarving (thank you @xerith-42 for that one lmao), making jewelry. (In my hc my OC taught him how to make jewelry, but we don't have to get into that now haha)

- Laurance has Brazilian heritage, and even though he was an orphan, there's a large Brazilian population in Meteli and he was raised around the culture. Hayden kept Laurance very informed on his roots, and in turn Cadenza got to experience all of this as well. (I wanna go into this further at some point but I want to do the proper research first.)

- Since SKs don't need as much sleep, most nights Laurance just wanders Phoenix Drop. That's why he's usually the first to know when something's wrong.

- Before Laurance became an official guard, he was sort of a... vigilante. Bringing justice in the dead of night type beat. When he was younger, in his early teens, there was a high crime rate in Meteli. So, if Laurance saw someone stealing, or trying to break in somewhere, he'd tie them up and leave them outside the guard station for the authorities to deal with them.

Alright have fun with this one crazies

#the voices #they're telling me to make more laurance content #i must abide #laurance is so goobercore #aphblr #aphmau #aphmau mcd #aphmau minecraft diaries #laurance zvahl #mcd laurance #minecraft diaries laurance #minecraft diaries #laurance mcd #aphmau laurance

[wh0r3r4ngh43]

Navigation .ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Hiii! Welcome to my (very fucking new) blog ^^

Imma be so fr rn, I’ve been an avid tumblr user for years but I have a shitton to learn when it comes to running a fanfic/writing page. So please, be patient with me ˃ᴗ˂

As if right now, I’m pretty low on ideas so feel free to send any requests on the button that’s in my bio <3

Rules (so far, I’ll be adding more later):

𝄞𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈⭒♬ ﾟ. 𝄞𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈⭒♬ ﾟ. 𝄞𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈⭒♬ ﾟ. 𝄞𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈

1. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!! ➜ I’ll probably be writing a lot of smut, and I’d be deathly uncomfortable if a minor interacted with any of those posts…or just my posts in general. I’ll most likely check profiles for the age in your bio! Minor=Blocked.

2. I’m going to be mainly focusing on SEVENTEEN (occasionally BTS). Though, if you have a request on a member from another group, I’d be happy to try and write something about them.

3. As far as smut goes—I’m perfectly happy to write content that revolves around BDSM/Kinks etc. Though, please note that I will most likely not do anything that’s very extreme and I’ll NOT be writing things such as: Petplay, Age-play, anything involving animals (such as hybrid stuff n etc), piss/shit/vomit kinks, anything to do with gore & ACTUAL rape (CNC kink can be fine unless it’s too extreme), and uhhhh…that’s all I can remember right now but I’ll be adding more later!

4. When sending a request pls make sure to specify the genre that you wish for me to write it in (for example: smut, angst, fluff, etc etc), so that I know more specifically what you want me too write ^^. Please also specify the reader’s gender n etc. As for smut, do specify things such as petnames and things such as the specific kinks or sexual acts that you want me to include. I wanna try my best to make it as good as possible for you, so I’d really appreciate a few details so that I don’t end up writing something that you don’t enjoy <3

5. This is safe place for people of any race, gender, sexuality etc. NO discrimination or hate toward groups of people (unless it’s towards racist bigots and such lmao) will be tolerated! No extremist beliefs such as religion and right-winged politics pls! Just be nice n chill here.

6. Please note: I’m a person who has AuDHD (both Autism and ADHD). I’m struggling to finish my last year of school (12th year) without failing + dealing with bad mental health. So, just pls be patient :) It might take me awhile to post or complete some requests, but I promise that I’m trying my best. Mwah ᥫ᭡.

I think that’s all as of right now, but I’ll be updating this <3

✰ ✰ ✰ About me ✰ ✰ ✰

𝄞𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈⭒♬ ﾟ. 𝄞𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈⭒♬ ﾟ. 𝄞𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈⭒♬ ﾟ. 𝄞𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈

#svt fanfic #svt x reader #seventeen smut #seventeen fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #mdni #fanfic writing #scoups smut #jeonghan smut #joshua smut #hoshi smut #jun smut #minghao smut #seungkwan smut #vernon smut #dino smut #dk smut #woozi smut #wonwoo smut #mingyu smut #Spotify

[s4turnzbarzzz]

hey, i'm back!! sorry if this is annoying, but i REALLY loved your headcanons for donnie from my last request and I was wondering if you could write even more! i think i’ve always liked donnie growing up, i think i really just need someone who can balance out my energy lmao. you don’t have to if you don't want to, i just really loved your headcanons 🫶

updated request if you want to write more:

she loves fighting, loves working out, loud asf, short-tempered, blunt, sarcastic, cursed with resting bitch face, all that jazz. but, once you get to know her, she’s actually really funny and sweet. NEVER afraid to speak her mind, so she may come across as rude or sassy at times, but she never really means to be. DEFINITELY has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. ❤️

im so happy you enjoyed my last tmnt mm post!!!! donnie is my absolute fave so im really excited i got to do another rq about him (i love donnie sm tbh,, its unhealthy atp)

Donnie (mutant mayhem) x hyper fem! reader

tw: none

youre both autistic so it evens everything out

hes done alot of research on how he can help you release all your energy while also maintaining his personal boundaries

when youre especially loud he communicates that and if its something you cant control hell put on his headphones and text you so you know hes not ignoring you but also keeping himself from getting overstimulated

he has a little bit of a resting bitch face too so he gets that even if you look upset youre not most of the time

hes usually pretty chill and is blessed with patience when it comes to you so its harder for him to make you lose your temper, even if its short

he will train with you (he just wants you to be able to get the fight out of your system for the day usually, especially if it helps you keep your temper in check)

he also works out with you alot so youre both pretty compatible when you train as well

he loves that youre blunt because it makes it easier for him to understand what you mean when youre talking to him

he struggles a bit with sarcasm at times but hes pretty good about it because he has three brothers

even though you seem mean, he knows that youre actually super soft and sweet inside and loves to death because of it

also a little extra because youre so sweet when sending in requests

he uses tone tags while texting and sometimes says them out loud because he uses them so much

you: "hey donnie i miss you"

him: "nuh uh joking"

you: "did you just use a tone tag while talking to me in person"

him:

he loves to listen to midwest emo music unironically, specifically the band the front bottoms

i headcanon that he smells like a mix of vanilla and sage with a hint of lavender

hes not a huge fan of physical contact but he doesnt mind it when its coming from you

it takes alot to get him overstimulated because he grew up with three brothers so hes more accustomed to chaotic environments

#donnie tmnt #donnie x reader #donatello x reader #donnie mm x reader #sfw #fem reader #donnie x fem reader

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

I have been thinking of ways to make it a fun read for those who want to know about my comic con trip. This is the best I could do.

it was my first time going to a con alone, I have massive social anxiety and am still trying to learn how to live with adhd/sensory overload issues

this was a really, really big deal as I have never done this for any other series/group of actors

At 10AM their Q&A panel started

I was in disbelief seeing Alex, Arnas, Mark and Timothy 

In real life?????? WHAT?????

They are ALL beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!

No, really, so beautiful?? And for what???

also funny as hell

It eased me knowing how good their energy was

After the panel Arnas walked past me

He didn't look at me tho (well my back was turned to him at first)

but I did fuck up the text message I was writing when I saw him so close once I looked up

My first photo op was with Arnas an hour later

Boy I was nervous

Legit thought I would pass out seconds before

He said HELLO

And suddenly I was looking into his eyes

HIS!!!! EYES!!!!!!

I was so flustered because wow????? 

WOW!!

also he looks taller on tv???

But JUST AS BEAUTIFUL IRL

"Do you want to pick me up?" I blurted out

"I? you? SURE!" he stammered

Mans really went for it and picked me up

I thought we were posing already

But lil dude leaned in closer to me

Supported me with his thigh too???

Oh man those thighs….

Whewhhh

Also after the pic I saw my leg had rested onto his leg too???

But yeah so basically he had me in his arms AND in his lap??

He felt so warm

And soft

So comfortable… 

what was I saying

OH, right, the picture so yes

After he put me back on my feet we both looked a lil??? Lost???

And I asked for a quick hug which he gave and HHHHH

I thought I looked really silly in my pic but when I saw it I nearly screamed

I love it

Okay then my picture with Mark and Arnas

I was still nervous but also hyper as fuck at that point (bc my meds kicked in)

You had to wait around a lil corner before your pic got taken

The group pics were taken all together, so Alexander was there and I think Timothy too but honestly I didn't see him because well:

I walked in the booth and did my regular HELLO *jazz hands/deer in headlights*

What was I thinking???? Lmao

And I locked eyes with Alexander and WOW

Beautiful man

But he got shoved away by the staff because I only had a photo with Mark & Arnas

sorry

Mark: wow that was high energy (he chuckled aaaaahhh)

"YOU!!!!" Arnas yelled with big eyes

Mark: do you have a pose in mind?

Me: no, I'm just?????

Mark: okay we'll-

Arnas blurted out(and I type in caps so you understand how hyper he was and how FAST he rambled): I HAVE AN IDEA!!! YOU COME STAND HERE *he pointed next to him* AND WE LIFT YOU UP BY YOUR HANDS LIKE THIS *he grabbed my hand!!!!* IS THAT OKAY? *looking into my eyes* ARE YOU- ARE YOU SAFE????? *he nodded with a lowkey concerned look*

Mans was really double checking if I was comfortable with his idea

Arnas really wanted to lift me up again huh????

They took my hands

Mark placed his hand on my upper arm

Arnas wrapped his hand around my elbow

luckily everything went so fast I could not think about that one fic request in my messages which I almost finished about a threesome with Sihtric and Finan

ANYWAY

I looked at Mark

Who gave me a mild concerned smile????? dude????

"Just don't drop me" I whispered under my breath

And they lifted me up and for some reason everyone in the room went like "ooohhh" admiringly

???? idk why

Probably because they lifted me very graceful and smoothly

Once I was back on my feet again I thanked Mark as Arnas ran to the photographer

Arnas: wait, I think I looked down when you took the photo, let me see??

I froze midway, looking at Arnas, and I shrugged like??? Is the pic good???

Everything seemed fine and I thanked them again and walked off

I like to believe Arnas just wanted to take the pic again so he could lift me up once more HAHA

Just kidding

I didn't noticed during the pic itself but Arnas stood adorably close to me while Mark was more casual 

and MARK'S FACE LMAOOOOOO

I just crack up every time I see the pic

Mark really squished my arm tho

Also why does Arnas look so good?? 

I don't even know what his expression is but yes please

Also, Arnas, clean your sneakers baby boy

AUTOGRAPH TIME (only Arnas tho, I'm a broke girl)

I brought the Lords of the North book for him to sign (first book Sihtric appears in)

Arnas: wauw!!! Lords of the North!! Can I- is that inside?

Me: ehhh I would prefer it if you uhh like on the cover…

(I misunderstood him, I only noticed when I heard our conversation back, he meant if it was really the book inside the loose cover, but I thought he wanted to sign inside the book)

Arnas: just an autograph? or???

Me, feeling confident: you can write an entire poem if you want

Arnas: I can write a poem?

Me: go nuts…

Arnas: Sanne, Sanne… in the sky…. Sanne, Sanne…. Sanne, Sanne, like the sun… this is gonna be weird. Sanne, Sanne, like the sun… shine upon us, will you hon?

hon????????????????

Yeah I died

I watched him write and noticed how he writes like me

Me: I love how he just gradually gets larger handwriting

Arnas: that's my like-

Me: NO BUT SAME (I feared I offended him, I speak without thinking sometimes)

Arnas: No, no, but the people are- they say you have mental issues if you like- if your writing goes like this

Me: no! But it's, yes! But I think it's an ADHD thing, which is what I have

Arnas: you like… like… yeah

Me: And since my childhood they were like "your handwriting is…it's really bad"

Arnas: Yeah! Yeah, I've been, always been told that.

Me: and I can't write like this… I always write every letter together

Arnas: I know! I've someth- when I, if I j-journal I usually do that, but I'm, I'm trying to copy my dad because his handwriting is… *gets distracted by his poem* shine upon us…

Arnas: taking a lot of space. I did write a poem! I don't know, you told me to. I hope I didn't mess it up.

(I reassured him he didn't)

I asked if he wanted to take the selfie after that

Arnas: absolutely! SANNEEEEEEEE!!!! 

Here we just both had the zoomies 

He fumbled with the popsocket on my phone and I lowkey gestured apologising?????

Arnas: I love these. *wrapped his arm around me*. No, no, I just wanna put my finger in this(the popsocket!!). Cause I always, I always rip them off

Me: oh don't do that

Arnas: well, cause, OH

He accidentally took the photo already as he was rambling

He took a few pics

Arnas: give us a hug *he leaned in*

Me: distracted as he had just handed my phone

Arnas: GIVE US A HUG

Me: wAIT of course

*he pulled me in*

Oh my god?????

Me, after hug: I also wanted to tell you that-

Arnas: you smell nice!

?????????????????????

Me: oh thank you! But I wanted to tell you that I recently saw Deadly Code, because my boyfriend is from Lithuania too so-

Arnas: OOOOH I saw you!! You lived there, right????

Me: wait, no, what???

Arnas: because I saw the pictures on instagram! I mean you tagged me and you had pictures of Lithuania, right?

Me, somehow very boldly: were you stalking my page? (jokingly)

Arnas: WELL… you tagged me in something and I was like "who is this girl?" and then I went to your page and I saw the pictures

Please know that I only tagged him in a few of my insta stories about TLK, and I know he only saw the first one I tagged him in, which is nearly two months ago now????? So it had to be that time he went to my page and why tf did he remember

I'm crying

Asdhbfjkhk

He then asked my boyfriend's name and told me to greet my bf in Lithuanian

I thanked him in Lithuanian and he said it back to me, and said something like he'll see me next time again (guess I kinda have to meet him again now huh)

After that I went to Alexander his line, next to Arnas, for a selfie

Arnas looked at me several times again as I was waiting there

It made me nervous so I tried to avoid his eyes LMAO

ALEXANDER

Oh my, so sweet, so calm!!!!

Complete opposite of Arnas his chaotic energy

Such an angel

All of them are angels btw

And then I went home bc tired

Later that night I made a lil insta post about the day and explained to my followers how it went and how I handled it, as they know what big of a deal it was for me to do all this on my own

Then Arnas liked my post the next morning

And he fucking commented: WELL DONE

And now I'm here….

Still smiling like an idiot

Also my bf was legit a bit bitter about Arnas his behaviour and his words to me

oopsie

Anyway

yeah that was it... this post is way too long. I don't have the digital pics yet so yeah this is it

#the last kingdom #arnas fedaravicius #alexander dreymon #mark rowley #finan #sihtric #uhtred

[cripple-council]

Do you think there's a particular reason why it's people with ADHD mostly/a lot jumping on the cpunk stuff?? I dunno it's just weird.

Had it happen irl too. Jokingly told a friend who has always been fine before btw that "using my cane as a sword to force the docs to give me the meds I need to literally live and not be in massive pain is very cpunk" and they seemed I dunno, unreasonably upset by the joke and indicated that like Adderall was the same as the stuff that keeps me alive and they would never resort to violence but also I don't understand how hard it is for them to not be in Adderall. I was like...???¿

For my friend at least I think it's a strange kind of FOMO with cpunk stuff rather than ableism but I dunno about the rest -shrug-

from my experience they seem to think it’s some kind of cool club where we (the mean cripples) won’t let them join bc “we thing they’re not disabled enough”. which is. untrue.

we are fully aware they are also disabled, just not physically, which is the criteria to join the movement lmao

i also feel like many of them discount our experiences with mental illness and neurodiversity as well in all of this discourse. i think it’s funny getting told “u won’t let me in bc u hate ppl with adhd!!!” or “you’re just ableist to autistics!!!” as if i don’t have both of those and more.

honestly probably a combo of FOMO, wanting to fight/get into discourse to fulfill something in their lives, wanting to be seen as more disabled then u actually are (which is an issue in all disability communities especially when that internalised ableism starts to affect other disabled ppl) and generally just. some ppl are rude as fuck for no reason.

#ask

[autism-alley]

i don't know if you answer asks but you're one of the few blogs still consistently posting pjo tv crit and it's been such a relief. with the amount of praise it's gotten i feel so gaslit like am i just being a baseless hater?? but no there's a reason a lot of the people criticizing the show are writers. it's a poorly written show and the more i think about it the more problems i find

like i was thinking about the way the kids in the show just know everything and how boring it is to watch, especially the casino scene, and something hit me

the lotus casino functions perfectly as a metaphor for traits associated with adhd--the need for stimulation and time blindness. anyone would fall for the casino's lure, but especially adhd kids. the fact that the show takes that away is REALLY weird to me, to put it kindly

if i were being less kind? i would say there's grounds to argue that having these characters, who are children with adhd, be impervious to something that is designed to trap people exactly like them is, on some level, erasure of their disabilities. especially since the one character who does get affected by it is the one who doesn't have the same neurodivergencies as the two who don't. the explanation for why percy and annabeth didn't start to forget themselves was such a lazy cop out and i can't believe people ate it up

i don't know what that writers' room has against literal adhd children falling for traps that are designed to trap people, but it's embarrassing for them tbh

i’m so glad to hear it anon!! i’m a little surprised to hear it too tbh, i wasn’t sure if anyone else was still. interested in discussing it? it seems like the pjo/atla fanbase overlap means most people have moved onto to the live action atla show. and while i am an atla fan, i didn’t grow up with the show the same way i grew up with the pjo books, so based on what we’d already seen/heard of the natla show before it even released + my utter disappointment and heartbreak regarding the pjo show, i decided to spare myself the watch. i would rather keep my memories of the original show untainted; what i have seen of the show resonates with people’s criticisms of the writing (and as someone who has done costuming work. one look is all you need to understand THAT criticism lmfao).

but i’m honestly… surprised? the pjo show did not get the same level of criticism as the natla show? it’s not like pjo is not also very popular with that same generation, sure, atla being a show perhaps made it more appealing and accessible to more kids, etc etc, sure. but from the fan bases themselves, size aside? proportionately? the pjo fandom is FULL of show defenders just blatantly ignoring the show’s major foundational issues if not just outright parading them around as successes, meanwhile the critics are in the minority. compare that with what i’ve seen where the complete opposite is true of the atla fandom, it’s weird!! and especially jarring to me bc it seemed pretty clear to everyone in the atla fandom the show had Issues, meanwhile the pjo fandom heard the promise from rick riordan’s very own mouth this show is going to be faithful to the series’ spirit. it’s so weird to see the wildly different responses to what i think are prolly equally bad reboot shows, with a fandom of similar demographics (clearly not the SAME demographics or the response would prolly be more aligned but you get my point). so i agree anon, i do feel a little gaslit by the pjo fandom, and watching the atla fandom’s very reasonable response to the natla show is like. whiplash. another sign you and i are not losing it lmao

as for the lotus casino, this is an excellent point! i don’t even think it can be called unkind to point out how this episode is a symptom of the show’s overall disability erasure. i would say it’s unkind of the show to erase adhd and dyslexia representation. in fact, because of the explicit promise by its creator to see that representation, i would go as far as to call it cruel to then erase it. if anything, based on rick’s promises to add more representation, i was hoping for elements like autistic annabeth confirmation, since when pjo was first written, it was based off rick’s son and his friends who were all ND, and at the time it wasn’t thought to be possible to be AuDHD, but likely some of those kids probably were (and that then made its way into the books in characters like annabeth!). that would have been the perfect opportunity to add something with the foresight of modern times, but instead we got… absolutely no disability rep from the show aside from a few short lines of dialogue as a lame-ass bone-toss to the book fans.

the pjo show’s biggest crime is its lack of spirit of the original book series, and that book series cradled myself and every other ND child or child in an abusive situation who read it. it offered us a mother who never got angry with us when we showed “difficult” symptoms. it offered us camp half-blood, the idea of a place, a home, where people like us were not just accepted, but thrived. it offered us a new world. it offered us a friend in percy jackson. i do not feel the show truly offers anything substantial. it only takes.

#anon going ‘i’m so glad you’re still posting pjo show crit’ had me whipping my head around like ‘YOU ARE?’ #so thank you anon lmao #i’m still like. marinating in the idea of making a pjo discord server (where crit is welcome) #i don’t know if anyone would still be interested now the like. hype/reverse hype for the show is dying down #and truly excellent point i had not been able to put my finger on why that scene got under my skin so bad #pjo show crit #pjo tv crit #ris raves

[itsaspectrumcomic]

hii :) first of all, your comics are so relatable and wonderfully drawn, you’re such a good artist!

but i guess i’m just wondering if you could help try and answer some questions i have, it’s alright if not though of course :]

i’m like 99% sure i have autism, i relate a crap ton to people with autism and just experiences commonly had by autistic people

but what i’m wondering about is 1, i don’t think i’ve shown or felt any signs of it up until i turned around 12 maybe, and i’m thirteen now

the only thing i can think of is most definitely having special interests, like i cannot be interested in something casually and it’s been that way my whole life

but now, the past year, i’ve been having so many signs of it, i’ve had meltdowns and go nonverbal when i’m stressed and have been stimming and stuff (i’m tired so my descriptions aren’t going to be good sorry lmao)

and the second thing is that i can understand sarcasm and things pretty perfectly, of course there’s the occasional misunderstanding but i don’t think i’ve ever really taken things too literally, if anything the opposite because i’m very sarcastic and figurative myself i feel

of course it’s a spectrum but pretty much everything i’ve heard about autism is that almost everyone has some level of difficulty with taking things literally and sarcasm

idk man i got <5 hours of sleep last night

sincerely,

sleep deprived confused child

Hi sleep deprived confused child! 😁 Don't worry I understand!

I also didn't think I showed autistic traits as a child at first, until I started talking to my mum about how I used to act, reading old reports, and viewing my memories through an autistic lens. A lot of the stuff I thought was 'normal' turned out not to be. For example, I thought everyone found crowds terrifying and music at events painfully loud, and I didn't realise tapping my fingers constantly could be a stim, and although I thought I was sarcastic (turns out saying things plainly/bluntly can come across as sarcasm) I didn't always get it when other people were.

Also, your traits can get more obvious as you get older and have to deal with more complicated problems. At age 12 there's the weird transition from child to teenager, maybe changing schools, or more complicated homework, or more responsibilities at home, different types of relationships etc, which can all add stress and force you to find ways to cope you might not have needed before.

THAT SAID, there's a lot of overlap between autistic traits and other things like ADHD (eg you might have hyperfixations rather than special interests - they're similar but change more often), or PTSD. While autism and ADHD are generally only diagnosed if you've had the traits from a very young age, things like PTSD and other mental health issues can show up later. And they can all be comorbid to make things extra complicated.

Obviously I am not in a position to diagnose you with any of these! I am definitely not qualified so please talk to a professional about any concerns or suspicions.

Sidenote: have you tried taking the RAADS-R or AQ50 tests? They're generally considered reliable and are often part of assessments, so hopefully they can help answer your questions!

I hope you have a good day and continue to be less sleep deprived :)

#also thank you I'm glad you like my art! #ask #anon ask #autism #advice #its a spectrum #sleep deprived confused child