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bougiebutchbinch · 6 months

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I am not the ableism thought police

(in gentle response to an ask that I won't be publishing, as I don't want the tumblr user to get any blowback, and I think they were asking in good faith)

It is not inherently ableist to enjoy the OFMD finale, despite the fact that myself and many other physically disabled people are Really Fucking Uncomfortable with certain choices that were made.

You can like whatever you like. There will never be perfect media, and OFMD is better than... many shows in terms of its representation of queers and characters of colour, at least. Go forth and enjoy it! I'm not trying to take that away from you!

Here, however, is a handy list of things that ARE actual ableismsTM:

pretending the finale of your fave show is beyond reproach from physically disabled critics

dismissing the concerns and hurt of so many disabled fans who felt incredibly let down by the finale (and who want to know whether the writers consulted with disabled people before writing that whole scene (especially putting the words 'I want to go' in Izzy's mouth. jfc.))

mocking disabled people who are upset about how his self-acceptance arc as a disabled queer man ended - in a show that is trying to be progressive, no less!

making gross statements like "saying Izzy is disabled removes his character agency". Just. Wtf. I don't know how to explain to you that disabled people have agency, and that 'disability' isn't a Bad Scary Word.

claiming that just because you are physically disabled and you don't mind the finale, other physically disabled people shouldn't voice their concerns

expecting disabled people to hold your hand and reassure you that it's okay to like a show even if it Committed A Big Ol' Ableism

All of those things are ableist, and you should avoid them.

TL;DR: Love the show as much as you like. Just don't talk down to disabled fans who are raising very valid points about the ableism surrounding Izzy's death and burial. And don't demand that we emotionally coddle you and assure you that you are a good person if you liked the ending of S2.

As always, able-bodied people are encouraged to reblog - but don't join the conversation unless you are offering support.

#ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #the izcourse #ofmd meta #israel hands #ableism #I am not the ableism thought police.#ofmd spoilers

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ilydottie · 9 months

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Disabled!Reader Headcanons with some of my genshin favs <3

Warnings: minors please do not interact, Reader is physically disabled, Reader is mentally ill, Reader is gender neutral, Reader uses a mobility aid (cane and wheelchair), Reader has chronic pain, he/him pronouns for Albedo, Diluc, & Kaeya, she/her pronouns for Kokomi, Candace, Hurt/Comfort, Reader is implied to have agoraphobia, 1.2k words, anyone can read but please be respectful, any ableists will be blocked on sight!

Characters: Albedo, Kokomi, Kaeya, Candace, Diluc

A/n: This is just a little self indulgent thing i wrote for myself, because I needed the pick me up to be honest. Please know I am writing from my own experiences as a disabled person and that these experiences may not be universal, so please don’t get upset if you can’t relate, because again these are from my own experiences. Other than that please be respectful and abeists fuck off thanks <3

Albedo

Albedo is probably more sensitive when it comes to your disabilities. He helps you up and about through the day whenever you need the extra boost, or grabs your aid for you if it isn't within reach. You were a little embarrassed to use your aid in front of Albedo, purely out of bad experiences with past partners, but he made you feel at home in your body in an instant. He respects your boundaries, watches you to make sure you don’t overwork yourself, and goes above and beyond for you in every single way imaginable. Albedo vowed to protect you as much as possible, knowing you didn’t have that ability in the same way he did. Bedo even put some research into your disabilities hoping to find ways to help you live a happy and painless life. Albedo was good to you, almost perfect. He never judged, said a hurtful or ignorant word, and always, and I mean always, loved and cared for you no matter what state you were in. At the end of the day he just wanted you to be happy and cared for, and if you were? Well, then Albedo was happy, too.

Kokomi

Everyday Sangonamiya Kokomi would start the day early with a nice walk along the oceanside, picking up any shells and pearls she found along the way, placing them gently in her bag. All so she could bring them back home to you as a gift before she had to eventually part ways for the day to do her work. She’ll leave a note for you to read once you’ve woken up, knowing that you’d oftentimes sleep in late and wake up when she was long gone, but thankfully that meant you would see her sooner. Or at least that’s what you told her jokingly whenever she gently suggested you go to bed earlier. When you’re in pain Kokomi will try her damndest to heal you, taking her hands and hovering it over the wound with a concentrated face, until either the pain slightly subsides or you ask her to stop. You know that not always will her healing help you, but you accept it regardless with a smile on your face.

Kaeya

People always say laughter is the best medicine and Kaeya would agree with that sentiment. Whenever you’re experiencing a pain flare up Kaeya is quick to get you whatever you need in a timely manner, but he’s also known for cracking a few lighthearted jokes to distract you from the pain. He loves to tell you how beautiful that smile of yours is and how sorry he is that you’re suffering so much, and how he dearly wishes he could help. You’d smile back at him and assure him his presence was the only thing you needed on your bad days, and of course your usual pain regiment. He’d come home from a long day at work to tell you all about the sights he saw and the stories he heard and everything he had witnessed. It was his own little way of bringing you along with him on his journeys knowing you couldn’t always leave the house so easily as he could. Kaeya wanted you to feel the joys of life, even if some days had to be spent indoors. So, every day he made a goal to make you laugh or smile each day, and not every day did he succeed in that, but he tried his damndest regardless and that’s all that mattered to you.

Candace

She takes good care of you, brings you your medication and aid when you need it, holds you when things are too much on you, and lets you cry all your pain out on her warm shoulder. She’ll hold you close as you cringe in pain and sob in her arms, humming a sweet lullaby to soothe your pain. Candace is sweet and motherly, and will protect you from any potential harm that comes your way whether it’s real or imagined. After a long day of protecting the village she adores coming home to you, bringing you flowers and fruit as an offering for being gone for so long, but you’d wave your hands and assure her that no apology was necessary. You’d only wish for her warm embrace and soft hums to get you through the remainder of the night. Mornings with Candace were your favorite. You’d wake up to a table full of wonderful smelling food and afterwards she’d take you out for a walk around the village. The two of you would chat up conversations with villagers and friends alike, until you grew too tired and needed to go back home to rest and take it easy. It’s moments like those that you realize just how much happier you are with Candace in your life, you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Diluc Every day Diluc makes sure you are doing your exercises, encouraging you with a gentle tone to slowly get up for the day and do your daily walk and physical therapy exercises. He would press the back of his palm to your forehead to check your temperature, urging you to get up for the day. He knows it’s your least favorite part of the day, but both of you knew it had to happen regardless. After he made sure you had your breakfast and done your exercises, and even finished your walk with him; he’d bring out your wheelchair and take you into the front of the winery, letting you soak in the sun and sights as he talked to you about his plans for the days ahead. He might even surprise you with a new outfit to wear on a day out to the city of Mondstadt. Watching with a tender smile as your face lit up at his words when he explained the surprise and what exactly it entailed. You were grateful that Diluc wouldn’t let you stay holed up inside all day, even if some days you wished he’d just let you wallow, you were glad he took such good care of you. And if there was one thing you knew about Diluc it was that he was sure to take the utmost best care of you and would for a very, very long time.

#albedo x reader #kaeya x reader #candace x reader #kokomi x reader #diluc x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin x y/n

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hauntedselves · 1 year

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Clinical Formulations of Histrionic PD

Clinical formulations and case conceptualisations are introduced in this post.

These are all generalisations and theories of how HPD develops, not something that is supposed to be true for everyone with HPD.

Psychodynamic model

Histrionics lack relationships with maternal caregivers so turn to paternal caregivers for love and attention

Learn that they can get attention through sexualised behaviours

Men with HPD may be hypomasculine (effeminate) or hypermasculine if their paternal caregiver is emotionally unavailable

Biosocial model

Mood swings, very emotional

Biggest influences are environmental: caregivers’ reinforcement of attention-seeking & manipulative behaviours and histrionic role models

Children learn they can use cuteness, charm, attractiveness & seductive behaviours to get what they want/need (attention from caregivers)

Histrionics are externally focused and largely ignore their internal worlds

Histrionic behaviours are self-perpetuating

Cognitive-Behavioural model

Two main underlying assumptions: “I am inadequate and unable to handle life by myself” and “I must be loved by everyone to be worthwhile.”

Need attention and approval from others, and in a similar way to DPD feel they are inadequate to look after themselves and need others

Hypersensitive to rejection & criticism (similar to DPD, NPD and AvPD)

Feel they must perform for others to gain approval and self-esteem

Thinking is “impressionistic, global, and unfocused” and leads to over-generalisation, emotional dysregulation, and splitting

Two subtypes:

The controlling type, who tries to gain control through dramatics and manipulation; they struggle with reading others’ emotions and are shallow, self-centred, and uncomfortable without immediate assurance; lack empathy.

The reactive type tries to gain approval and reassurance.

Interpersonal model

People with HPD learnt that their entertainment value and appearance was more important to others than their worth as a person

Learnt that physical appearance and charm can be used to manipulate others

Their childhood homes were unpredictable and probably involved substance abuse

The unpredictability was dramatic and interesting (unlike the “primitive” and life-threatening chaos associated with BPD)

Histrionics were likely rewarded (i.e. had their physical and emotional needs met) for their disabilities, illnesses and complaints

Histrionics “exhibit a strange fear of being ignored, together with a wish to be loved and taken care of by important others, who can be controlled through charm or guile.”

Integrative model

Histrionics experience reactive mood swings and have high levels of energy

They are hyper-responsive and externally oriented

“The self-view of the histrionic will be some variant of the theme “I am sensitive and everyone should admire and approve of me.” The world-view will be some variant of “Life makes me nervous so I am entitled to special care and consideration.” Life goal is some variant of the theme “Therefore, play to the audience, and live in the moment.””

Cargivers’ style based in reciprocity, i.e. “I’ll give you attention if you do what I want”, with minimal or inconsistent discipline and probable neglect

Internal experiences of HPD are “denial of one’s real or inner self; a preoccupation with externals; the need for excitement and attention-seeking, which leads to a superficial charm and interpersonal presence; and the need for external approval. This, in turn, further reinforces the dissociation and denial of the real or inner self from the public self, and the cycle continues.”

- From Sperry, Handbook of Diagnosis and Treatment of DSM-5 Personality Disorders (2016)

#clinical formulations #case conceptualisations #case conceptualisation #hpd #hpd info #pd info #dogpost #len sperry #handbook of diagnosis and treatment of dsm-5 personality disorders #this has been in my drafts for 10 months LOL #also re reading this its like 'people w hpd were neglected and so they try to get their needs met thru trying to get ppl to love them #which is OBVIOUSLY manipulative and selfish right?? /sarcasm #personality disorder concepts

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arcane-abomination · 26 days

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Please read everything before asking questions!

My words may sound harsh in this post but I assure you they are only so to convey the seriousness of the content. I’m actually a very friendly person and enjoy talking to people.

⚜️ I’m a married individual. I’m not looking for romantic relationships online.

I am perfectly fine being friends with people. In fact I LOVE meeting new practitioners online. Especially ones with varying views from my own. I’ve met some people that I’ve become extremely close with and can honestly say they are some of my best friends even though we’ve never met in person. But…I’m not looking for any sort of romantic relationship. I’ve been with the same person for about 10 years now (as of 2024 anyway) and have no interest in anyone else. So if you’re only following me going to get something more, you’re wasting your time.

⚜️ I don’t give out my private phone number or address. I live in the USA…that’s all you’re getting.

You’d be surprised how often creepy people try to coax out personal information. Now…I have shared my actual address and phone number before, however it’s ONLY with people I’ve known for several years and we’ve talked enough to build up a trustful friendship during that time.

⚜️ My Anon asks are disabled on this blog.

I don’t like anon asks because it gives license to bullies and trolls to say whatever they want without fear of being attached publicly to their despicable behavior. If you want to say something to me…you do it to my face, and you do so under the assumption that I can share that information with others in the community. People love to hide behind masks, and that’s all Anon is…a mask. If you know you’ll get backlash for saying what you’re saying…don’t say it…that simple. I don’t play games, and am not above alerting others to that disgusting behavior so they can be safe and secure.

(Now I realize some people are more comfortable asking real questions anonymously and I’m sorry for that. But I can assure you that if you request a private answer I will be more than happy to do that.)

⚜️ I use my BLOCK button.

I’ve been told before that blocking people is “infringing on their free speech.” Well…no it isn’t. Further more, that’s an extraordinarily hypocritical way of thinking. The block button is apart of freedom of speech. This freedom isn’t confined to what you can physically say. Any way you can convey your thoughts and feelings, is a form of speech (the fact that you’re typing out your complaints should attest to that) This should go without saying then that it means the block button is also a valid form of speech. So I will be continuing to use my block feature. If you don’t like it…oh well. Just get over it and move on. It’s not the end of the world.

⚜️ I don’t observe certain holidays, and will not celebrate them. That means I probably won’t wish you well on them even if you wish me a pleasant one. It’s nothing against any individual but there are certain things about these holidays I have a problem with (commercialism aside).

Christmas: I’m not a Christian, I believe Jesus was an idea and folkloric figure not a real person, and the modern holiday of Xmas is based on a multitude of pagan practices the Christian church takes credit for.

Thanksgiving: The thanksgiving we are taught in schools is a lie. It was a story that was told in an attempt to improve relationships with native people. It was placed where it was on the calendar as well because it was thought to be necessary to lead into Christmas and further drown out the so called “evils” of Halloween. It also doubled as a way to increase turkey sales. The real story of Thanksgiving is horrific and can be found HERE.

Easter: Once more I’m not a Christian, I believe Jesus was an idea and folkloric figure not a real person, and the modern holiday of Easter has some pagan practices the Christian church takes credit for, just like Christmas.

St Patrick’s Day: I don’t align with the church and this entire holiday is built around the fact that a Saint chased the Druid’s from their homes and forced them to convert.

⚜️ I don’t care about your religion.

I’m sorry to say that so blatantly but it’s true. I’m not a fan of organized religions in any way. I have lots of PTSD from my time in a Christian household. This doesn’t mean I will demonize you though or your beliefs. Nor will I try to convert you. On the contrary, I believe people can have whatever religion they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone, and I will fight tooth and nail for people to be able to make those choices. However, this doesn’t mean I will sugarcoat my opinion of those religions if it’s asked. Nor will I observe any religious custom just because someone else I know does.

Now, I welcome friendly debate within the magickal community but I’m always hesitant when it’s directly based on religion. Mainly because religious bias can play a role with most people regarding history and I’m not one who sees religious bias as credible. I feel it makes a box, and then you have to twist and alter facts to make them fit. I dislike debating this way as it often comes down to either smashing someone’s religion, or an argument and I dislike either. Now this doesn’t mean I won’t debate religion, but the moment you start trying to hold religions doctrine as a credible source I’m out, sorry. I would much rather just talk about practices and the spirituality of your beliefs than the religious side of it.

⚜️ I won’t play into your fantasies.

There’s lots of people under the pagan label that hold to what I believe to be fantasies within their craft. These people often seem to blur the line between dnd and authentic pagan practices. And while they have a right to believe that, I also have a right not to. However, I don’t set out to demonize or devalue such people. I usually just ignore them for the most part or at the very least, if they are my friends, just avoid talking about those specific parts of their beliefs. I’m not one to judge another’s practice or try to convert them in any way…however…just as in the case of religion, I won’t surcoat things or play into someone’s fantasy if they decide to ask me about my thoughts on it. I believe in being truthful to people, especially when they trust me enough to want to know my opinion.

⚜️ I’m not your teacher, or your guide.

It may seem odd to have this here seeing as I have posts on my blog of a teaching nature, but I refuse to take up that mantle. I post what I do to help people who need somewhere to start but the rest is up to them to pursue things as they deem necessary. I am not responsible for what you learn or how you decide to learn it. I’m happy to offer advice and share my story and recommendations but that’s it. I believe the best teacher is the experience you obtain from applying action to the research you’ve gathered. I’m merely offering a bit of that research and nothing more.

⚜️ I hate drama and won’t partake in it.

I don’t do drama. Please kindly leave me out of your mess. I don’t mind if CLOSE FRIENDS rant and let off steam but if I don’t know you that well I don’t care. Sorry to be blunt but there’s a big difference in people that I consider a meaningful part of my life and people I barely know or don’t know that well.

#paganism #witchcraft #pagans of tumblr #chaos magician #chaos magick #eldritch magic #witches of tumblr #yog sothoth #yog sothothery #death witch

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normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke · 2 months

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I slept for 6 hours so now I have some energy to talk about how the SSI hearing went.

My hearing was in person on request of my lawyer because he said the hearings have better outcomes when the judge can see you directly. He also asked me if I could remove my mask during the hearing so the judge could see my face, which ended up being fine because the room was pretty empty and spaced out so we weren't breathing in each other's faces.

My mom and I arrived about a half hour before the hearing at a parking garage a few blocks away, and walked/wheeled to the courthouse. By the time we arrived and figured out where we were supposed to be we were about 15 minutes early which was the plan. My lawyer instructed us to be a little early so we seemed interested and prepared, arriving late is definitely a bad look in this situation. We were checked for weapons by a security guard and my lawyer took us back to a consultation room where we did a final look through of the information and asked each other any clarifying questions about the case.

My lawyer got called back first which was very stressful, I was worried the judge was rescheduling. What was actually happening was just some technical stuff about the onset date of my illness that didn't super matter to me. The judge felt he had enough information about my physical health but he wanted to hear from me about my mental health. He also decided not to have a vocational expert come in which was apparently both uncommon and a very good thing, my lawyer said it's usually the vocational expert that ends up giving him the most trouble.

When we went in the courtroom it was the judge up on a small stage with a railing, probably about 6 inches higher up than we were, a court reporter, my lawyer, and me. We talked for a little bit before going on record and the judge was very nice and understanding of how freaked out I was. He assured me that he just had a few questions and that my case was really well put together (thanks, lawyer! /gen). He told the court reporter to start recording the hearing and asked me to confirm on record that I was telling the truth to the best of my ability. From there on out the questions were about my day to day life and functioning. I really emphasized the social anxiety as my main psychological disability because it is the most disabling for me. I basically told him that even the hour-long meeting today was probably going to put me in bed for a few hours (which it did). I also mentioned my severe lack of self motivation and working memory as a reason why I would struggle to maintain a job. I think he was mostly convinced I was disabled and just needed to confirm that I couldn't do something customer-facing like reception or customer service.

After he asked all his questions we went off record, chatted with my lawyer for like 15min which felt like forever because I was so stressed and exhausted, then dismissed us. He also said that he thought I would be happy when I got his verdict in the mail which I think means he's giving me SSI?! But I won't know until I get the letter.

Tl;dr

If you have a lawyer who puts your case together well the hearing is actually not that stressful and I worked myself into a panic over like 20 questions that I already knew the answers to.

#cripplepunk #actually disabled #madpunk

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house-of-mirrors · 2 years

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Some deeper thoughts about Evolution and disability, from someone with a neurological disease. TW for discussion of body horror and ableism, and obligatory disclaimer I’m not a medical professional in any way and this comes from my own experience

The Naturalist had the stone-tentacle key embedded in his neck. I’m not sure if it was intentional on the writers’ part or a coincidence, but the symptoms the Naturalist displayed were very accurate for disabilities that affect the back of the brain and spine. Source: I live with Chiari Malformation (I’m private about sharing my health history but if you want to DM me I’d be more willing to talk). Dizziness, nausea, headaches, balance issues, difficulty breathing and swallowing to the point you cannot stand up or function at all (my situation very fortunately isn’t that severe, so rest assured). We see the Naturalist stumbling and leaning on the wall, struggling to breathe, refusing food, unable to even move before you give him the life potion.

My reaction was discomfort, obviously, with how personal the issue is for me lol. The process of the surgery in Part 3 was the worst, seeing someone willingly do that to themself with no way to intervene and then leaving them in pain. I just wanted to help the Naturalist more than we were able to, lend him a cane or a walking stick at the minimum. At least I was able to choose to argue with the monks that he wasn’t in a state to do physical activity. I play a disabled character because I am disabled and both of us will bite people for being ableist, so I was happy there was an option for that.

I know the weird horror at Godfall removed the key from this Naturalist and saved his life, but I’d be interested to see if he continued to have symptoms. Not a fan of the magic erasing disabilities trope. Damage to the central nervous system isn’t easily healed. In the real world, when surgery is done on the back of the head and neck, the pain is resolved, but symptoms linger where damage has already been done, and there’s a nontrivial risk factor for further complications (spinal taps, additional surgeries, infection, worsening nausea, oof). I’d be curious to see how the Naturalist copes with the fallout of this and hope the game doesn’t hand wave it away.

This also leads into the issue of how body horror often falls into ableism. What the Naturalist dealt with is near identical to my real disability, and I didn’t enjoy seeing it play out in a horror context. “Oh, isn’t it so scary that human pride in pushing the limits of science destroys the body” well, it loses its novelty when you deal with these exact issues every day of your life! This isn't scary or fantastic, it's someone's real life. What is scary is when it is your life and you have to constantly worry about paralysis or degeneration. This horror is dehumanizing. Neurological diseases are serious medical conditions, not a horror trope. The Naturalist got sick as “punishment” for going too far in his research and then is “saved” through deus ex machina by choosing a better direction in life. I’m sick because of the grievous and hubristic error of being born with this arrangement of DNA, and there’s no magical cure for me. Literally, he prayed really hard to a spooky saint and got healed. “If you have enough faith in God your disability will go away” “If you did all the ‘right’ things and just tried hard enough you wouldn’t be so sick anymore” shut up shut up shut up.

I wish we had more positive disability representation in the game.

#fl crit #ableism #i debated not posting this but i had Feelings #dare i maintag it #fallen london #body horror #evolution spoilers #i couldn't pinpoint what about it specifically bothered me until typing up the part about ableism and YEAH #posting before i get too angry and going outside to stare at a tree for half an hour now #feel like I was too harsh here but it is my neck so

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gwydionmisha · 5 months

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Goth Millennial's Harasser Escalates

So there's this boomer in my building who hates Goth Millennial and has been low key hassling them for about two and a half years because he objects to them existing. It was small shit until recently when he started following them around and verbally harassing them in the hopes of figuring out which apartment they belong to. He followed us tonight, saying things like, "I hate you." About an hour later Goth Millennial went to take the trash out, and he threatened them and us with a three hundred dollar fine, which suggests his plan is to file complaints in the hopes that management will fine me into insolvency.

I have left an explanation of the situation for Management, asking what their procedure is for dealing with hallway harassment, pointing out that I am disabled and this is my medical aid, and that the problem has been going on for years and is escalating. I asked for 1. a plan to allow us to safely use the hallway, and 2. some assurance that we wouldn't be assessed frivolous fines as he has threatened to do.

Can you tell I've dealt with stuff like this before? I want their complaint to be the first thing management sees Monday morning. I want to be in with history and context before he starts lying to them.

I have also suggested that goth Millennial try to film it next time, as I'm pretty sure video of him following and threatening them while they politely ask him to leave them alone will speak for itself. He's very brazen and entitled.

Squirrel has pointed out that harassing and threatening the aid of a disabled person is a liability issue for management, which I hope will carry weight.

For the record, he is not a physical threat. He looks like has osteoarthritis and I'd bet he's in his 80's. Goth Millennial, while disabled, is tall and looks in good health. This is why we haven't phoned the police. There is zero chance of local PD doing a thing about verbal harassment from a frail old man aimed at counter culture people.

The threat here is to Goth Millennial's well being and to my housing.

So we're letter of the law and super duper customer service polite for the duration. We are documenting the shit out of it, in case it gets to the restraining order phase or the lawsuit phase our the he said they said phase with building management.

I don't trust management to DO anything about it, but I'm hoping us pointing out the threat of frivolous fines will make them look askance at his attempts to get them to levy massive frivolous fines, if you follow. I am hoping the wording of my complaint will suggest to them liability issues around housing discrimination and ADA issues.

Fucking Boomers. We did nothing to him. This all started because three summers ago Goth Millennial was wearing modest shorts in the middle of a massive heat wave, which he verbally objected to. People have a right to wear shorts for fuckssake, but he's been after them ever since.

#Harassment #Tenant Issues #Housing #Boomers

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ohgodmyeyes · 3 months

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thanks for answering my question! 🩷 i would never want to shame people for their kinks even if i don’t understand them (i myself have some strange kinks), and you explained it super well :)

when i say ‘morbid’ and ‘dark’, it’s mostly because all i’ve seen from it is (in the media) real life people having been groomed into it and then they’re stuck being such a heavy weight and it makes them miserable (and also, death feederism). SO i wanted to know if it’s not always like that, that it’s not to be associated with that side of it.

i’m happy to know it’s not always like that, especially as a slightly bigger person myself (and having always been insecure about it), it would break my heart if it’s just a fetishisation of hurting fat people.

so i really appreciated your explanation to know it is not! also, love your fics as well!! and i hope you have a great day 💕

oh wow, thank you for getting back to me! rest assured i didn't feel at all shamed by your question (and i'm thrilled you didn't take offence to my answer).

i actually think you and i largely agree on what constitutes dark & morbid ... because when a relationship based heavily on power dynamics turns abusive or suffers a communication breakdown, the consequences can be pretty catastrophic. no one should ever feel that they "have" to maintain a certain physical attribute to make a relationship work, and dominant partners who encourage real-world dependency have a serious responsibility to uphold. a dom/sub relationship is, functionally, a marriage — with (ideally) all of the obligations and protections that entails.

that being said, i strongly believe that anyone who outright abandons a dependant or disabled partner is a straight-up piece of shit, circumstances notwithstanding. i also think that it shouldn't be as difficult as it currently is for people with mobility issues and health problems to lead dignified lives. it shouldn't matter how or why someone needs that kind of help, just that they get it when they need it.

the most unique, enticing, interesting, damning thing about this kink is that by indulging it, a person has the potential to put themselves in a vulnerable, socially disadvantageous position. i wouldn't recommend anyone without strong financial security, good health insurance, and a strong & tolerant social network engage in feeder/feedee relationship... especially if they're open to it getting as intense as we all know it can get.

again, though, that's good advice for people getting into all kinds of relationships; the only thing that really differentiates feedees from other submissive partners is their high visibility... which kind of also raises the question of whether fat & feeding fetishes would be what they are in the first place outside the context of a fatphobic society. it's kind of like asking what heterosexual marriage would be like in the absence of misogyny: we just can't know; we've never been blessed with the opportunity.

which is, essentially, why i would mostly rather enjoy my feeding kink from a distance/with anakin/through a lens coloured by fantasy. i've joked before that i write these stories so my husband doesn't choke on cake batter, and while that does make me giggle, there's a deep, underlying truth to it: because like i said before, sex and relationships are inexorably connected for me — and loving someone means actually loving them... even if they change physically over time, whether that's by choice or by happenstance.

that means that if i love someone, i'm going to love them exactly the same whether they weigh 100lb or 600lb... thus taking some of the 'edge' off of the feedism stuff, i guess, and mostly relegating it to imaginationland.

i hate that you or me or anyone else has ever had cause to feel insecure about their size; it's a symptom of a really deep sickness that has no place in a functioning society. i can't help the kinds of bodies i'm viscerally attracted to, but that doesn't give me the right to put myself in a position of power over the people who occupy them, especially given the backwards nature of the world we live in. i'm old and i've been all kinds of sizes, and i can confirm that folks are fucking stupid about it — so i more than understand a degree of suspicion directed at anything perceived to be hurting a group of people who frankly don't need any more crap.

i kinda want to say some stuff about death feedism but this answer is already long enough, and that's kind of its own weird thing by itself, not that i haven't fantasized about anakin in that position

honestly, i can't thank you enough for giving me such ample opportunity to share my thoughts, and for being so kind/generous about sharing yours. because at the end of the day i get what you're saying, and it's kind of a relief to know that we seem to agree on what constitutes healthy human interaction.

sometimes i worry about people, but talking to you about this has been really nice — and really heartening, in a way i think i probably needed.

thank you again, stop by any time!! :))

#asks #thanks anon #neat ask #fat stuff

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fancyfade · 2 years

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How would you describe Barbara's personality?

DISCLAIMER: as for all my babs posts, this applies exclusively to pre magicuring babs

short version: the title her channel has on the batfam discord im part of :P

(name was voted on by babs fans :P)

but anyway longer version:

babs is a character who is fiercely independent and doesn't really like being reliant on other people... physically or emotionally. she keeps people at arms length. she has a lot of what i view as bruce's unhealthy traits (feels personally responsible for everything, doesn't like letting people in, workaholic) a difference is i think she's slightly better at recognizing this and correcting it :P (Including when she treats other people unfairly -- she recognizes that she got over protective of Dinah after she got captured and injured and she wouldve HATED if anyone did that to her)

she also, despite being somewhat distant, is a character who very much believes in change. like thats part of the point of BoP and later on we see her try to change helena (against her will ;_;) and savant so savant is not a supervillain anymore and is also very much a mentoring people who are down on their luck kind of person (link) and she kind of wants to be the person for other people that some others* were for her. and she is SO involved in the superhero community it is obvious that connections are very important to her and she wants to be there for everyone even if she rarely will let people be there for her

she can also tend towards hypocritical sometimes :P Some of this is probably due to changing in writers but its a fun character trait to play with (and some times it is in text intentionally, like when she treats dinah in a way she would not like to be treated). but in suicide squad we see her debating luring carmichael into a trap to kill him (in her defense: he is totally trying to kill her) and later on we see her being OK with taking a life in self defense (she prepares to shoot someone in NML to save one of her operatives but helena as batgirl shows up so she doesnt need to, and she gives helena the go ahead to kill people if she needs to to rescue tim in jokers last laugh)... which makes it kind of amusing/frustrating that she beefs so much with helena which i think was partially due to the writers wanting everyone to exclude helena in batfam and partially due to good old fashioned misogyny on part of dixon (b/c dick had a one night stand with helena in one comic, so obviously babs has to hate helena in another and then other writers cant drop it b/c they cant imagine female characters as having relationships outside of men. though most of those writers were... male writers. act surprised)

this is what inspired the channel name (in that she recognizes traits she has in others but doesnt like it :P)

anyway time for some virtues: babs is extremely self assured and like… almost NEVER comes across as insecure or if she is insecure she reacts in a way that is more like covering it up by acting as ifs he has no doubts, which I like. frequently, when she is in distress, she is the person who rescues herself or at least contributes to her rescue (yes even as a disabled woman. act shocked, ableists). and despite the hard time she can have getting along with people and the many mistakes she makes, she also never stops trying and always learns from her own mistakes.

her self care in BoP reads like making sure other people are taking care of themselves XD (getting helena a teaching job, helping dinah get a flower shop, them getting civilian lives and she's just... still there, still without much of a civilian life). though this works with like. how little she seems to like other people taking care of her.

She reads as kind of autistic to me NGL

I am running out of things to say or more of i am worried i am repeating myself.

*but not batfam members

#anon #ask #barbara gordon #dc comics #birds of prey 1998

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archangelsunited · 2 years

Text

Oromis’ Flaws as a Teacher

I want to preface what I am writing with- I respect Oromis. He is an excellent character. The problems with Oromis come more from a societal view than an individual view. Paolini made Oromis’ motivations and the stress he and Eragon were put under clear and understandable. There are two flaws I find in Oromis teaching. The first has to do with his understanding of disability; the second is how he manages his students.

Point One: His understanding of Disability

I am speaking as a person who has dealt with chronic pain- and is disabled. This does not make my analysis worth any more than anyone else’s, but I wanted it to be clear this colors my analysis.

There is a startling lack of elven disability in the story; as a disabled person- using a Watsonian viewpoint- I don’t think it means they don’t exist. I think this means they are regulated to the fringes of society, and disability means different things to elves than it would to humans.

I want to back this up using our only natural source, who, as a dragon rider, makes for poor support. Oromis do not live near the elven people. And, while assholes exist in every society, Vanir and Islanzadi’s words to Eragon make me believe the elven understanding is rooted in ableism.

And, before we get onto how they were likely correct, Eragon didn’t defeat Galbatorix by skill of arms. Eragon defeated him with the human trait he had since the beginning of the book series- one refined by Oromis’ teaching- compassion. It can be argued that Eragon’s disability did more to help Eragon’s understanding and ability to be compassionate than his transformation by the dragons.

If being able-bodied were the main requirement for strength, Galbatorix wouldn’t have stood a chance. But Galbatorix didn’t defeat Vrael by pure power but with cunning. It took fourteen riders and fourteen dragons (maybe a shade? I am unsure of/ will have to research what Durza was up to.) To completely overthrow the Riders and send the elves into hiding. The elves reliance on magic and their assurance of physical strength is a massive flaw in thinking they did not correct.

The fact Glaedr didn’t eat someone on Oromis’ behalf (that we know of) in such a society boggles the mind.

But this is the point I am trying to get to; you can see how Oromis is shaped by his society by how he treats himself and Eragon. There are two big things people who have access to a support network of people with disabilities would know that it is obvious Oromis did not know:

You need to know the limits of your disability- this includes having all the information you can get on the disability:

Eragon didn’t know much about why his body was malfunctioning. The healers didn’t tell him, and Oromis said he and the other Elven healers would study on it. Eragon was not kept in the loop. Nor was Eragon giving reports on how his disability was developing. Reading Eldest points to the fact Eragon’s seizures were going from once or twice a week to multiple times a day between the battle of Farthen Dur and the Blood-Oath Celebration.

The most straightforward reason would be that overexertion would trigger the seizure, and Eragon was constantly overexerted with little rest. But there are multiple reasons for seizures, even without seizures. Tracking the attacks, especially working with a healer, could help Eragon identify patterns in order to avoid them- or even point out why the seizures were happening. Having a disability is a constantly involved process. Was it overexertion? Physical? Magical? Was it dependent on mental strain, straining the lungs, heart, and muscles? Was the scar tissue placing pressure on the wrong parts of the spine? Were there certain nutrients Eragon needed more of, now that his body was not processing stimuli the same way? An overview of the entire body was needed.

There is no reason Oromis would know this without precedent- one we are not sure he had- and it is a symptom of the society he lived in.

Pushing through pain is not properly managing your disability

It is a common misconception that sheer willpower can overcome disability. It cannot. One of the best pieces of life advice I ever got, but more importantly- the best advice I got for managing my disability- was that you need to sharpen your ax.

If you swing an ax at a tree till it falls without pausing to sharpen it, you will take much longer (and be more exhausted) than if you had paused to sharpen the ax.

Now, I do want to say pushing through pain is one of the hardest lessons I had to learn. If I wanted to have a life outside of fear and pain, I had to learn to deal with it and push my limits. I had people like Oromis in my life who told me I had to get up and keep going. I will be forever grateful for their support and perseverance. I was much more of a bitch about it than Eragon was.

But here is the thing- the pain is still bad. Pain is exhausting and impairing, and your body can collapse just from the exhaustion of pain rather than dealing with the disability.

Pain medication is not just prescribed to make the pain go away; it is also so your body can heal itself- pain can lead to cracked teeth, torn muscles, and improper healing. There are also long-term effects- like heart and GI problems. These problems lead to more pain and to more disabilities.

But, impaired by not knowing or tracking his disability, Eragon’s only coping mechanism was to push through the pain. At a certain point, he wasn’t overcoming his disability; he was adding to it. Oromis actively impeded his progress by encouraging Eragon to push through the pain instead of teaching him to manage it. It was a balancing act that Eragon had to be an active participant in.

Point Two: Student Management

This point relies on two interconnected stories. The first is how Oromis did not move into separate Morzan and Brom as students. The second is Eragon and Vanir.

Oromis’ own words on the subject of Morzan and Brom:

“Morzan was my greatest failure. Brom idolized him. He never left his side, never contradicted him, had never believed that he could best Morzan in any venture. Morzan, I’m ashamed to admit- for it was within my power to stop- was aware of this and took advantage of Brom’s devotion in a hundred different ways. He grew so proud and cruel that I considered separating him from Brom. But before I could, Morzan helped Galbatorix steal a dragon hatchling, Shruikan, to replace the one Galbatorix had lost, killing the dragon’s original Rider.” (Eldest, On the Crags of Tel’naeír)

Oromis became a rider after humans had been added to the treaty with dragons; he was likely one of the first riders to be taught by humans as fellow students. I propose that this made him unaware of the social differences between humans and elves- also made him more likely to see humans and elves as beings of equal authority. He would have had no personal experience in the conflict between humans and elves. He was young when he was pulled out of elven society and put into a mixed setting between humans and elves. Yet, the Riders would have still had a predominately elven culture.

I am not saying this is a moral fault of Oromis, just framing the blind spot Oromis operated under. When he was first apprenticing Morzan and Brom, he was dealing with a different culture and way of thinking, and he was doing it with a blindspot he was unaware of. His blindness to the actual consequences of Brom and Morzan’s relationship was regrettable, definitely his fault- but also an understandable mistake.

The second situation is less understandable. The Vanir situation was interesting to read because Vanir is a young elf- that is to say, an idiot. Oromis was quite correct when he told Eragon gives himself better when fighting an adversary. Saphira agrees-

Once they were in the air, Saphira said, Oromis was right.

About what?

You give more of yourself when you have an opponent. (Eldest, The Nature of Evil).

The premise that Eragon needs opponents of his age is correct. Eragon does better with competition. The logic that Eragon and Vanir should be left to their own devices is flawed- and it comes from the same thought process (which is a different essay) that left Brom and Morzan to their own devices. Suppose Eragon had not had the experiences and grew up with the elves being completely removed from his society. In that case, I could see Vanir’s treatment getting a similar reaction as Morzan and Brom’s, though maybe not to the same extreme crime.

There is a thought process, which I agree with, that teenagers need to be able to maintain relationships without the involvement of an authority figure. It encourages independence and social abilities. I do not believe it applies in this situation for three reasons.

The first is the two different cultures interacting. Eragon needs the elves, for political purposes, to like him. He is a representative of the Varden and Dûrgrímst Ingeitum. He is held to a higher standard of behavior. If Orik were to take offense on Eragon’s behalf, that could lead to more problems.

The second problem is that Vanir is being a bully. He is being a bully with backup even. Vanir is not going into training with anything less than ill intentions. Unlike Eragon, who has a background in small-town living and dealing with multiple races, Vanir shows little to no maturity and probably wasn’t the best choice for competition. They may have been the equivalent in age but nowhere near the same in maturity.

The third problem is two problems in one. Oromis is in charge of Eragon’s education. Swordsmanship is part of Eragon’s education. Eragon is learning nothing from the bouts and is being harmed by the bouts. He is having, by the end, one to three seizures per bout. It is exhausting him. Oromis should have stepped in. Saphira did, thank goodness.

I wouldn’t think much of either case on its own, but together it paints a damning picture- Oromis does not seem to understand the importance of maintaining peace between his students. Other things (the formation of the forsworn, Galbatorix’s rise to power, mentions of other inequalities (another essay)) makes me think it is a societal problem rather than a personal one.

Oromis, overall, is a good teacher. There are a few more problems- including the faith which has been analyzed already. The pitfalls come from a lack of understanding due to his own culture rather than his particular personality. Still, ablism and a problem with managing students could have had dire consequences.

#The Inheritance Cycle #eragon #eldest #oromis #disability #ablism #bullying #vanir #wow this got long

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clairefoyanttt · 1 year

Text

Chapter One

I filed for short term disability for burnout about two weeks ago. I'm still waiting for final approval from the leave group, but I'm reasonably certain it will be.

Step one was ensuring it was an option with my company. I reached out to HR, who is required to keep these conversations and inquiries confidential, and they confirmed it was an option but would need a doctor to say it was medically necessary.

Step two was getting my doctor on board. She grilled me, hard, because saying this is medically necessary when it isn't is fraud and if I was trying to pull a fast one, it's her ass on the line. She was, understandably, concerned as my previous anxiety self test had looked like an improvement and the one I took the day of our disability discussion was a drastic change for the worse. I think she probably thought there was a chance I was artificially nudging my scores. However, the day of my last appointment with her, I had an interview scheduled for that afternoon for a company that I thought was going to be a great change for me. They offered me great pay, the recruiters swore they were a family-friendly company, that they would be accommodating to my kids schedule, and it was closer to home. What actually happened was learning that the job was going to be significantly longer hours, zero opportunity for remote work, and a significant drop in paid time off. So yeah, I had been really hopeful in her last appointment, and still scored fairly high on anxiety but not as bad as I did the day I walked in there realizing that I either had to figure out a way to make things work with my current job, or I was going to be unemployed.

In fact, that's what I told her. I said that one way or another I was not going to be working as of February 23rd, either because I was on disability leave, or because I quit. I think that was when she realized that this was legitimate.

I also agreed to up my therapy sessions to weekly as opposed to the current bi-weekly schedule, I shared with her the steps I had taken to mitigate my depression and anxiety (gratitude journaling, meditation, taking walks in nature, eating better, exercising more, spending less time on my phone, socializing more frequently, sleeping better, etc) and assured her that I'd seen improvements at home, but work was still a disaster.

After our appointment, she and my therapist worked together, and the result is that my doctor has approved the request and believes it is medically necessary.

Yesterday I had my last day in the office, and my last day of work. I also had my annual review with my new-ish boss. The conversation was wonderful, if a bit uncomfortable, and I am genuinely excited about the goals we have set for this year and the projects I'll get to work on upon my return. That being said, it was hands down the worst annual review of my life. Inconsistently met goals, failed to meet goals, standards not set, it was a disaster. Luckily I fully expected it to be a disaster, so it wasn't a surprise and I didn't get upset.

You see, 10 years ago this year I joined the Army. Less than a year later, I was set to run my final PT test on a knee I had injured 6 months prior. I passed my push-ups, I passed my sit-ups, and all I had to do was pass a two mile run. Within a half mile, I knew my knee wasn't going to make it. Around the 3/4 mile mark, my knee gave out and I hit the deck hard. It took a second to breathe, popped up on my feet, and sprinted. My knee gave out again, and I fell. Then I got up, sprinted, and fell. I did this for about a half mile. I wanted everyone who saw me to know that I pushed myself. That I was strong. That I was determined. I thought that made me a worthy person. I failed my test that day, but it wasn't my fault. My knee just couldn't keep up.

Unfortunately, pushing through that pain also gave me lifelong knee problems. I am currently in physical therapy once again due to meniscal fraying because my knee was already weakend and unstable from my decade old injury and exacerbated by pregnancy, and carrying a child who now weighs 26 and a half pounds. I might have made a good impression on the people who saw me running that early morning in Arizona, but in my desire to be seen as someone who wasn't a quitter, I gave myself a lifelong injury.

This time, I failed again, and it still isn't my fault. My mental health is fractured after years of frequent change, the stress of COVID, the stress of being a full-time working mother, the stress of having an injured spouse, the stress of having no family nearby to chip in when things get tough, the stress of difficult bosses, the stress of living with a traumatic brain injury, the stress of ADHD exacerbated by TBI and mom brain... However, I can take ownership of my mental health and work to improve it so that I don't fail again in the future.

And that's my plan. During the coming weeks, I will try to rest a lot. I will try to stop beating myself up based on perceived expectations. The only opinions that matter to me, in order, are mine, my son's, my husband's, my dog's, and my boss's (and that's a distant fourth during this recovery time).

So, I will be a potato. I will sleep. I will binge comfort shows and video games. I will take long walks with my dog and have dinner with my family. I will play with my kiddo and spend tech free time outside. I will remove the things in my house that stress me, and show off the things that bring me joy. I will find rhythms for personal and home upkeep that I can maintain when I go back to work. I will go back to my creative roots and be happy creating things again.

I woke up this morning with my jaw clenched and my back on fire. For now, my goal is to wake-up rested instead of stressed. And that's enough for now.

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mayhiems · 2 years

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Hello Mayhiems, I read your post on your throne chapter 122 spoilers. I liked your POV and your explanation made me rethink about some stuff but that's not my point here. You said something that made me curious, about Eros having feelings for Psyche. Why do you think so? I am somebody who doesn't think that so I would really love to have your perspective on this. (you disabled the comment section so had to ask here)

Imma place my answer here too ahahah just for uniformity.

So hmm I said Eros has feelings for Psyche, but I wouldn't say it's "like" or the "love" we usually know. But it's the closest Eros could possibly feel.

Eros' feelings for Psyche is more like awe, like he's actually amazed by Psyche. He's fascinated and somewhat confused about Psyche's whole existence. I can say that because of his whole controlling obsession with Psyche.

Like I said before Eros has always threatened, chained, gaslit, and manipulated Psyche.

He wants Psyche to do everything he wishes. It's not just 'cuz of his plans for her divinity.

Keep in mind a person has more than one reason for any of their actions. It's 'cuz Eros recognizes that Psyche is completely different from him. He has a god-complex, right?

That's 'cuz he's smart, talented, and born into power (a royal). When he looks at the people around him he goes: "wow, these guys are so dumb and weak".

Because it's true, at least for most people.

But then there's Psyche. Kind, naive, gullible, physically weak Psyche. She's everything Eros considers useless and not worth noticing. But then he finds out about her divinity.

The first time they met when they were younger, Eros found out Psyche could hurt people with a mere thought. She had the power to hurt people in a way no normal human could stop. There's no blocking or stopping Psyche's divinity (at least none that we were shown yet). Psyche is basically an unstoppable force if she wanted to be. But she doesn't want to be.

That annoys/confuses/amazes and generally makes Eros get ??? in his head. 'Cuz he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why someone with so much power doesn't use it to make her life easier.

'Cuz if it was him, he would use it and abuse it. Like how he uses his Imperial authority. He can't relate nor make sense of Psyche's kindness.

His abuse on Psyche is both to control her and to see if her kindness and forgiving nature has a limit. A part of him wants to be the one that pushes Psyche over the edge, he wants to prove that there's no place for compassion in the world. That the world is cruel and brutal and a place where the strongest rule and there's no place for the weak.

It's not 'cuz he feels guilt for being a cold-hearted prick.

No. SAM made it clear he doesn't feel guilt (and if you doubt people like that exist irl, then I'm here to assure you those people exist).

It's cuz he thinks that's how the world works. His pride and ego won't let him accept being wrong so he doesn't mind testing that on Psyche.

The problem is, Psyche keeps proving him wrong. Despite everything Psyche is still kind and forgiving and nonviolent. That bugs Eros.

Eros recognizes Psyche's mental and emotional strength, but he doesn't think she's using it right (the right way being his way and abusing people).

In short, Psyche is someone Eros can't forget about no matter how much he wants to. He wants her divinity 'cuz he says only he can make full use of it, BUT it's also 'cuz by taking her divinity he takes away the "something" that makes Psyche special.

Quotations on something 'cuz Psyche's divinity is the material and tangible special thing.

Kindness and compassion isn't tangible, it's not something that can be held and taken.

Eros wants to take that special thing of Psyche's to make her not-special. He thinks that by doing so he can ignore how she made him feel he was wrong. He wants her to be nothing again, just like all the other useless trash around him.

Does that make sense?

Medea's feelings for Psyche is pretty similar ahahahah.

The difference is that Medea saw Psyche's kindness and wanted it to stay, to be allowed to grow, and to spread to everyone. Medea wants the world to have more Psyches.

Eros though, he wants to destroy people like Psyche. He doesn't want Psyche to exist because she's something that challenges his beliefs. And he doesn't like being questioned. He believes he's absolute.

Psyche is basically radical love personified.

Medea knows love and has always wanted love. But Eros doesn't believe in love nor does he care for love. Hence, why he wants Psyche gone.

I'm actually VERY impressed with SAM's writing. So long as the readers keep in mind that Your Throne is about equality and female empowerment, it'll seem like a near perfect work.

Anyways, I hope I managed to get the thought across...but you can just ask if there's anything you're curious about/or if there's something I didn't say right. I'll respond whenever I can

(〃･ิ‿･ิ)ゞ

#Eros Sov Vasilioss #psyche callista #your throne #medea solon #i want to be you just for a day #thoughts #PsyRos

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subdued-moderation · 1 year

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🎻 VIOLIN — does your oc play any instruments? what is their skill level (beginner/intermediate/advanced/virtuoso/etc)? 🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE — does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities? 🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

OC Details / Accepting

🎻 VIOLIN — does your oc play any instruments? what is their skill level

Temperance mostly prefers singing to playing instruments, but as his predecessors were very musically inclined, he has at a minor familiarity with a range of instruments, mostly and particularly stringed instruments.

Ones he's personally practiced with to bring him up to a more advanced level are lutes, lyres, and harps. He hasn't touched more modern instruments as of yet but he'd probably learn them pretty quick.

🩹 ADHESIVE BANDAGE — does your oc have any physical and/or mental disabilities?

Well, mental disabilities is hard to say. Severe trauma is a for sure. Some form of social anxiety maybe? His mannerisms could also be taken as autism, perhaps?

I'd rather not make claims I can't confidently back up though, even if I myself have those last two.

Physical though! There are a few oddities to his body as a result of the "evolutions" his incarnations have been going through. Nothing obvious externally. Internally, whatever counts as his organs are misplaced in some regards.

For instance, his heart, or whatever counts as it, is literally in the wrong place. It's not on the left side of his chest. A fact that constantly throws people off who go for his vitals, and why he has such a massive cluster of scars in that area but is still kicking.

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

First! His honesty. Yes, most consider such a thing a good thing. Whatever he tells you, especially anything good, you can know for a fact he means it, 100%. He doesn't give empty flattery.

However the flipside to it, when he doesn't have something good to say, is why he grates on his siblings. He will berate you for your excess. Lecture you when your behavior is doing more harm than good. He will point out your failings and will not sugar coat it.

The only thing that brings it back up is that it's not coming from a place of malice, most of the time.

If you're sensitive to that though, best you can hope is that he decides keeping it to himself is more beneficial to the situation. Which, to the relief of some, is something that happens more often these days.

Second! His cautiousness and, by extension, restraint. Temperance is a careful planner, he will not rush into situations heedlessly or without some consideration. He also can hold back to quite an extent. Words. Actions. Attacks. It's all carefully measured all the way to execution. If he doesn't want you dead, he will not kill you.

However, this can cause situations where things get worse because of a lack of decisiveness and impulse. Sometimes it is better to bust right in the front door ASAP, rather than take time scouting. And his restraint can sometimes be a mistake. Sometimes you have to speak your mind when you think you shouldn't. Sometimes sparing someone causes more problems than it solves.

Third! His self-reliance and self-sufficiency. Temperance has spent centuries training himself to be this way, able to handle any situation on his own. You can be assured that if you leave him to handle foes alone that he can handle himself.

However...This lone wolf attitude causes him to place little consideration in help from others, total strangers or not. He treats others as mere associates whose goals merely align at the moment, or expects that any help he receives is merely a bargaining chip for a favor to be returned.

He very, very rarely asks for help, even when he absolutely needs it.

While this caution does make him correctly take information and help with a grain of salt, there ARE people in this world who have ulterior motives after all, this arm's length treatment of others makes him very, very few real friends.

#ask #hxnger-unbcund #ᴛʜʏ ᴡʜᴏ ᴀʙꜱᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ᴀʟʟ - ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴀɴᴄᴇ #[Ask Meme]

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theold-ultraviolence · 11 months

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hi!!!!

so sorry for this super delayed reply - we've been prepping to go on vacation and for getting a new puppy right after vacation, so it's been a little hectic

but omg I am so flattered that you enjoyed my insanely unhinged thoughts about the targaryens and the habsburgs!! 🥹😭 I always fear that I'm too rambly and that my thoughts don't make any sense, so I'm so happy you thought I explained it well bc after I write something out I'm always like "is this the most incoherent thing anyone has ever written?" lmao

and it's so interesting to also look into what you brought up about the archetypical features and how it's all tied together!

re: las meninas - ugh I totally feel you on that! Foucault and I are kind of enemies bc I literally never know what the fuck he's saying. I've read him both in the original French and in the English translation and I just literally do not know what this man is saying. I'm sure he's very smart, but to me, a true gauge of how good a scholar/thinker is hinges on their ability to be able to write in a way that helps everyone to understand their ideas rather than just perpetuating discriminatory academic traditions. but that's a rant for a different day!

and I absolutely agree that while I get why las meninas is important and why people study it, I don't find it to be a particularly compelling painting. if you're interested, the portraits Velazquez did of the court entertainers are very fascinating, although ultimately so tragic. the other half of that paper I wrote (the half that was not about habsburg inbreeding) was about the extent to which Velazquez humanized and dignified these entertainers. the super interesting thing is that a lot of prior scholars have bent over backwards to say that he was ennobling these sitters and showing their humanity, etc., etc. but when you actually look at the images, that's not totally true. interestingly enough, part of the reason people have made this argument is because Velazquez is treated as the "hero" of spanish painting, and therefore he must be faultless and beyond critique. however, that view totally obscures the reality of these portraits and the lives of their subjects. I think scholars now are starting to take a more critical and unbiased view on these images, but it's both fascinating and disturbing how long that narrative has been perpetuated.

to me, the most compelling of these images is The Jester Calabacillas (1637-1639) now in the Museo del Prado in Madrid. based on the scant records that exist of his life, scholars have tentatively suggested that among other possible mental and physical disabilities, he may have been autistic. as an autistic person myself, idk, there's just something so familiar and haunting in the image and like an odd sense of both connection and deep sorrow. idk how to explain it but it's just a very powerful image to me.

okay yikes I hopped on my art history train and now it has massively gotten away from me 😅

before I go, I wanted to comment on your mention of hux and out myself here as a major hux simp. idk why but after tlj I was just down so damn bad for this silly little guy and that has not really abated 😅

anyway, thank you for always being so kind and wonderful about my long messages!!

sending love, hugs, and a virtual piece of the chocolate cake that I made yesterday (if you want some) 🥰

🐍 🔪

Hello, my darling!! now I'm the one apologizing for the insane delay of my reply! this week has a little hectic but right now I'm in my 7hr class in my 'puter while the students work so I can sit down and reply to you properly.

A vacation AND a new puppy!??? that sounds amazing! I freaking love dogs and I'm always happy to hear about people's pets! may I ask where are you going off to?? do you know the race of the puppy?

Also, I totally get you about thinking you're not making sense because I feel that way all the time, but let me assure you that you most definitely are! and seriously, thank you for taking the time to write/share such a thorough and detail analysis on it! (like I've told you recently, I'm in awe at your knack for researching)

Re: Foucault and Velazquez. I'm glad I'm not the only one because, it's insane. I agree with you, scholars that write in such a way make it seem like they write egotistically, and not considering their readers at all. I'm always grateful when I find an author that writes in a way that is easy to follow (not saying that they dumb down their writing, but rather that they express their ideas clearly and to the point).

I also agree that Las Meninas isn't his best work! this take will be super underrated, but I once saw an exhibition of Velazquez' prints in a collection along with Goya and I found that very refreshing and interesting to see because I'd never seen that part of his work before.. But also because they also have a very haunting quality to them. I looked up The Jester! I'd never seen it before and it definitely stirred something because of the expression that he painted on him. Like, the smile looks very pained, and having the context that you told me definitely changes my perspective. I also looked up some of the other paintings of the court entretainers and seeing them all together definitely projects something tragic. Some of them are smiling but in an uncomfortable way, while others are posing in a very stiff way, where you can tell that, despite being entretainers, being in front of the artist makes you wonder that they must've felt examined and exposed and even objectified. Now I don't know if I'm the one making sense (?), but thank you so much for sharing this!! I never had much interest in Velazquez before, but now I'm very intrigued to read more on this matter! If you wrote about this AND about The Hasburgs, that must've been quite a paper, dear!

ALSO, FELLOW HUX SIMP!! AHHHHH YES YES YES! In this house (blog) Hux is the main husband! I'll never stop being salty over how they misused Domhnall Gleeson and Hux's arc because, his relationship with Kylo Ren would've been an amazing thing to explore, instead of having crusty old Snoke that ultimately wasn't even relevant at all. Hux and Kylo could've been the Tarkin and Darth Vader of the new generation and I'm AHHH THE LOST POTENTIAL

Thank YOU for coming to chat to ye old inbox!! I know it takes me a while to reply because my brain is literal scramble eggs at this point of the semester, but it makes me very happy to receive these messages every time! so thank you for keep coming back, and I will gladly accept that chocolate! and I can send you a piece of homemade pumpkin bread (which is my specialty) if you like it!

Hope you have the most fun vacation, and best of luck with the new puppy! x

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the-amalgam-house · 2 years

Text

My wife brought up divorce yesterday because a woman she just met online not too long ago would only want to have children if she were legally married to the person.

Let me repeat for my own sake as well: My wife of 11 years asked if I would stay with her if we divorced so she could marry a 25 year old woman from another state that she met online for a long distance relationship probably like a month or two ago. Because babies.

I understand I'm not ideal. I'm not a woman, I can't work, I don't have sex. I'm disabled with so many chronic physical and mental illnesses it's severely impacted my ability to be a person at all. I understand being a burden on anyone who would have to care for me. I even would have been more open to talking about it as an option for trying to get me on disability so my medical needs could potentially be more stable. But to be told "I'm thinking about divorce because I want to marry someone else, but I still love you!" Is just.

She's polyamorous. I always stated that it's p much okay as long as she always comes back to me. I know that doesn't REQUIRE legal marriage...but I'm gonna be real that fucking hurts. For her to expect me to stay when she wants to leave for someone else. Maybe not physically leave, but she gets so enamored with these women who have never been there for her thus far and are just the current crush and tells me things that any other relationship would be like woah red flag!! I don't even care about her having sex with other ppl because I can't do it and she's hyper sexual so like yeah fine! Again, as long as she always came back to me.

But I guess I'm the fool for thinking I could ever attain lasting happiness? That someone would be unbreakingly bonded and loyal to someone who simply cannot contribute to life in a meaningful way. Too disabled to work too mentally fucked up to be a proper human being.

I don't want to deny her any opportunity to actually have the life she wanted. Neither of us asked for the illness and the stress. If she would rather have that marriage with kids, with an able bodied child bearing person, then that's what she wants. But I don't think she can really expect me to just stay mentally and romantically through that. It's one thing if she could marry another person while we're still married, but to just be casually thinking about divorcing me for that.

Idk. I feel extremely hurt and I don't know if I have the right to. I don't know that if I'm here like I'm okay with you dating other people but will become completely unstable if you try to marry them because it's not legal to marry several ppl and we're the ones who are married...feels selfish? Somehow?? I don't know what to do.

Edit: I was afraid to bring it up at all to her but I did anyway. She admits she doesn't think about just blurting out every thought she has to me, and apologized. Right in this moment, it doesn't make it any better. The fact is she thought about the idea of divorcing me specifically to marry this woman and then came over to snuggle with me and then tell me that thought process out loud and why. I want to be able to work past this, but to me this is a huge fucking deal.

If I had any real amount of disposable money rn I'd run away to my Mami for a little while tbh. I need to be away from here.

Second Edit:

Calmed down a lot. Kanon kept messaging, assuring me again and again that she didn't word it right and trying to clear up that it's that she really would rather be able to be married to multiple people and that she loves me no matter what some government paper says, but like it's not really so much about that I guess? It's that we built this whole life after marriage and struggle and illness and doing the best to ignore ppl who want us divorced for way more malicious and ignorant reasons and then saying "I will never divorce you" turns into "maybe we can little a divorce, as a treat"

If marriage or a license or court record or whatever doesn't matter, would it but then be a thing of compromising that with the NEW interest and not the already committed life partner? And if the new interest DOESN'T want to change their stance then like...I guess just don't have bio kids then? We can't afford them and bringing new lives into the world just cause one can is irresponsible anyway. Plus they aren't even dating they're just talking anyway.

So I guess it's got me more disgruntled now than outright freak out crying. I'm still upset about it and doing think that's going to go away any time soon, cause it's fucked up.

#toby talk

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