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one-boring-person · 3 years

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Okay so request~~~~

So at the end of last blood, he never stays at his ranch. He tells the aunt “Idk. I’ll move around, like always.” And then proceeds to destroy his home and land beyond repair, you know that story i wrote about picking up first blood rambo?? Well, change that to old man rambo!

What about him having rhat random chance meeting with someone like SR(from the one i wrote) and staying with them. How they take care of him without even knowing him, and how he has a chance to try out a new life away from war and what he was with someone who’s young and starting out on their own ambitions.

I could totally see him being introduced to SR’s friends as “oh, my new roommate!” And him telling SR all about vague war stories, they teach him to cook and cook him breakfast. Honestly just rambo being taken somewhere far away and nice and staying with someone who definitely has their own problems, but takes on the therapy by helping him instead.

Basically, SR is very very damaged and rambo can tell- but they’re so sweet and responsible, mature, and loyal. They take out emotions and pain through spreading love instead of war, he can’t let that go. Not now

(Hopefully that gives you ideas!!!)

I'm sorry this took so damn long for me to write, and I'm sorry that it's so bad, too, but I hope you like it in any case!😓😅

Life Goes On.

John Rambo (Rambo: Last Blood) x Named!OC (not mine)

Warnings: injury detail, death, blood

Masterlist

John's eyes are barely open as he sluggishly guides the horse beneath him further on, their surfaces dry and sore even as he blinks them. By now it's useless, the dust in the air having gotten into his corneas within the first hour of his long ride, irritating his scleras very quickly. Exhaustion has long since numbed out any pain he still feels, his eyes becoming the least of his worries as he gradually loses the sensation in his lower abdomen, where his more serious wound is bleeding profusely onto his shirt, still oozing even after fifteen hours of being left alone. He knows the blood flow isn't too bad anymore, as his hasty attempts to patch himself up have left him with a better chance of surviving, but his other wounds are slowly driving him to a comatose state. The veteran can't move his fingers properly, the digits clunky and uncoordinated as he tries to grip onto the reins, the blisters from the tough leather split and leaking as he struggles to do so. Nausea has settled into his head, his vision blurred as his strength slowly fails him - he's too old to have survived as he used to. Without his medication, John finds himself plagued constantly by flashes of past grief and sorrow, images of his dead team back in 'Nam flooding his conscience, accompanied by the beaten and bruised face of Gabrielle.

Beneath him, the horse walks slowly, his thighs aching from the hours of riding, chafing sores lining them under the fabric of his trousers, his body slouched forwards in the saddle. Pity for the animal also gnaws at his mind, and he feels a pang of guilt as he realises that it's unlikely it will be able to carry him much further without any respite. It's head is drooped, steps slow and unsteady, panting breaths rushing from its throat in haggard bursts. If he had any energy, John would remove the tack from the horse and let it go, but he knows this isn't a plausible idea for him if he wants to survive. He owes it to Maria to survive.

His conscience starts to slip, just as the sun comes to its highest point in the sky, heat and dry air lulling him into a false sense of security as he feels his control leaving him. Unable to keep a grip on it, he succumbs to the darkness rising up in his vision, falling into it gratefully, needing the reprieve.

Vaguely, John seems to recall a car pulling up beside him, the door slamming closed as someone shouts to him, hands taking the reins from his. Gravity seems to take control, and John falls from the horse, landing heavily in the dirt, but he doesn't lie there long. Whoever has taken hold of the horse is swift to come to his aid, pulling him into their arms as they try to drag him back to their car. They're struggling, and he wants to fight back, to tell whoever it is to get lost, but he finds he can't, his throat too raw to even force a sound past, so he can only stay limp as they manhandle him into their vehicle, murmuring gently to him the entire time.

It's at that point that he finally loses consciousness.

Agony floods John's body as he comes to again, drawing a hoarse groan from his scratchy throat as he jerks upwards, his instincts still ready for action even after all these years. Blearily, he blinks, hands scrambling to identify his surroundings, dull surprise dripping into his conscience as he finds a soft duvet and pillows on top of a comfortable mattress, warmth encompassing him. Frowning, the veteran pushes himself upright, ignoring the pain in his body as he does so, his hand going up to cup his wound instinctively. Shocked to find a clean dressing plastered over the ragged injury, John blinks again and takes a look around.

He's in a small room, laying on a bed in the centre, the domicile unfamiliar to him. Idly he wonders if maybe he's died and found some kind of afterlife, but a sharp stab of agony from his side eliminates this idea from his head in seconds. The room is quite comfortably decorated, designed to be cosy and close, whilst remaining roomy enough to allow for decent living space. A few photographs line the wall, accompanied by posters of movies he's never bothered to go see, having never really managed to overcome the triggers they often set off when he's not expecting them.

Just as he goes to climb out of the bed, the door swings open, and an unfamiliar figure steps in, a first aid kit held in one hand as they juggle a bowl of water in the other. Instantly, John's on his feet, instincts taking over as he ignores the flare of agony that springs up in him as he swiftly moves over to the newcomer. In seconds, they find themselves pinned to the wall, a hand wrapped around their throat. Yelping in fear, they let go of the bowl and first aid kit, smaller hands coming up to grip his larger arm, eyes wide as they stare at him in shock, wincing as warm water splashes the two of them.

It takes all John has not to crush their windpipe, his rational mind taking over the militant instinct as he keeps them in a threatening hold, the youth unable to move at all. A wave of nausea washes over him, and he falters, vision spinning wildly as he drops back a step, losing his grip on the newcomer as quickly as he secured it, the sudden disorientation throwing him off as he falls to the floor again. Grunting in pain, he lands heavily, the impact jarring his bones and muscles roughly. Recovering quickly, the newcomer drops down beside him, eyes widened in concern now, rather than fear.

"Are you alright?" They ask him, voice soft with worry, searching his face for any serious problem.

It takes him a moment, but eventually, John manages a response, his usually rough voice coarse and gravelly now.

"'M fine."

They just scoff, hesitantly reaching out to help him back up again, heaving his heavy body onto the bed again.

"You are far from fine." They point out, "What happened, you fight a war or something?"

He almost laughs.

"Something like that." John murmurs bitterly, leaning his head back against the headboard.

Shooting him an odd look, the newcomer goes and fetches the spilt bowl of water, sighing at the mess before they hold it up for him to see.

"I'm just gonna get some more water, then I'll patch you up again, that alright?" They ask him, looking somewhat cautious.

Suspicious, John watches them for a sign of deception. Finding none, he simply nods, knowing he can easily take them out if he needs to. They smile, going to leave the room, only to stop in the doorway and turn around.

"My name is SR, by the way." They introduce themself.

"John." He grunts in way of reply, watching as they nod and leave the room.

Two months have passed and he's no longer bedridden, the veteran able to move freely around the house, even though there's still a little residual pain, and the mental horrors he faces every night leave him drained with no reprieve. With no medication to help him, it's no surprise that John has relapsed into a familiar state of sullen silence and brooding, finding himself reminded of the things he'd rather forget every day, in everything he does and everything he sees.

SR is no exception to this: he has warmed up to them, and he somewhat trusts them, the youth having shown him more kindness than he has experienced since Maria and Gabrielle. Their only downfall is that they remind him a lot of his murdered niece, the two having very similar traits that very quickly sussed out. Childhood trauma has led them to becoming very determinedly driven and friendly, ambitious and confident in some aspects of life, whilst also noticeably damaged in other aspects, that he realises very quickly. Somehow, however, they always keep themselves afloat, and choose not to show any of the weight bearing down on their mind, as he knows it is, though he is also very swift to realise that their way of dealing with this pain is very simple; they work to make life better for others. It's visible in everything they do: cooking for him every day, caring for him in any way they can, doing their best to let him know he can trust them.

At first, he had been somewhat cold and closed off to them, but they swiftly worked to help warm him up again, reawakening the more personable version of himself he managed to cultivate in his time on the ranch. It was nice to become a little lighter again, but his guard stayed up, and still is, though not as much as it was before. Vividly, he can remember the time he found himself trusting them further: when their friends had come over to catch up.

Naturally, they'd all been surprised to find some nearly hostile ex-soldier residing in their friend's home, living his life out with them. As soon as they'd said something, however, SR had leapt in to defend him, and had inadvertently shown their care for him on a much greater scale than before, reminding John of what his life was like with Maria and Gabrielle. When their friends had then left, an hour or so later, he had stepped up to them and told them how thankful he was, feeling more cared for than he ever thought he would.

Now, after weeks of being taught how to cook, and being cooked for, plus hours and hours of talking with each other as they helped each other to overcome past grief, he can very honestly say he is immensely grateful to be with them. They know more about him than he told himself he'd ever tell anyone, SR often listening with rapt attention to his war stories, eyes wide as they hear all of the harrowing details. He feels comfortable telling these tales, and they seem content to listen, so he appreciates them in whole new ways.

And when he finally opens himself back up to physical contact, the embrace he receives from his excitable carer is only too worth it, the first smile in months gracing his lips as he does so. Life feels like it's turning on its axis again - for the better this time.

#sylvester stallone #rambo #sly stallone #john rambo #john rambo x reader #rambo imagine #rambo x reader

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fourangers · 3 years

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Hi Fourangers,

First of all, I love your blog so much. It's like going through a history back when Naruto Manga chapters were released weekly and your reviews were so Golden, Hilarious and spot-on. Am a new fan though (especially an SNS fan), I just got into this fandom only this year. I don't know if you'll answer my ask, but I just wanted to try and ask you few questions and I pray that you might answer me....

1. Since you've written in a post that you were active in the eastern part of the fandom, How was chapter 698 received in Japan? Because this is the chapter I inherently realized they both love each other. Yeah, I was too late but somehow whenever they interact with each other in previous chapters I always find them to be 'Weird' for just to be friends. Chapter 698 is just blatantly obvious that they love each other. Considering Homophobia and Shounen genre, I have no idea how it was perceived over there back then in 2014.

2. Which scene made you to ship SNS?

3. As an SNS'er how do you feel about the ending, where everyone was married off when they were just 19 just to make some shitty sequel??? As a new fan, I felt betrayed and It would've been perfect if they had stopped at chapter 699, leaving an open ending.

4. How do you face with the accusation about Naruto and Sasuke as brothers and we, SNS'ers are Incest shippers??? I don't care about that Indra and Ashura thing. But Naruto himself told he considers Sasuke as his Brother couple of times. And in Chapter 699, Sasuke acknowledged, 'He finally understood what it meant'.... It's the only thing that confuses me and I don't even have an answer!!! Plus, Kishi himself gave an interview that he based Sasuke on his Brother... I really wonder how he gave such an interview when he literally made them wear necklaces with each other's faces.

5. How was Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality perceived in the fandom back then??? Man!! Kishimoto just made lot of comic reliefs on their sexuality by making Sasuke on Sai jutsu, Naruto not interested in Icha Icha but making Reverse Harem no Jutsu, Naruto was angry when Konohamaru made Boy on Boy jutsu whereas he had no problem with him doing it. LOL. And all those homoerotic posters. What do you think about their sexuality, personally??

6. Why did Kishi had to develop their bond as Soulmates with some unintentional or intentional romantic undertones, if he was eventually going to pair them up with girls??? He easily could've gave many such romantic tropes to other girls and keep the bond between N and S as purely friendship or brothers. It still would've made sense.

7. Final one, Was Naruto really Nosebleeding when Kurama made a joke about Sasuke's kiss in Chapter 572???? We had a lot of heated discussion with other shippers where they claim that it was just a splotch of snot.

Sorry for the lengthy ask....... I am so eager to know your answers and I don't want to spam your ask box by sending multiple asks.

Thanks 😊😊😊

Hey yo! Welcome new SNS fan! I'm so glad that you joined us and I'll try to answer as best as I can. I'm not very active here on tumblr (except browsing lol) but your ask was such a delight to read.

1. I honestly don't remember. I think I didn't follow the japanese boards until the eventual 699-700 disaster. People were craving for reactions and I was curious about it too lol. And well...it's been years, I doubt I'll be able to find the reactions from that time. Imo, most readers don't care much about pairings, they just wanted to read about power-ups and abilities and the basic Naruto Vs Sasuke. Though there are some backhanded jokes about how gay Naruto is for Sasuke.

2. Hah. It's going to be very anti-climatic but it was when Naruto and Sakura were eating in Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto just used Rasenshuriken against Kakuzu and he busted his arm. Sakura was healing his arm and her attention was focused on Naruto. I used to be a NaruSaku shipper so I thought "Oh hey! This is the moment that Naruto would have a candid romantic moment!" But nope. He talked about Sasuke. And I was already getting suspicious about Sasuke's feelings towards Naruto ya know? And the whole "SASUKE IS MIINEEEEEE" in Orochimaru's lair. It was that moment I thought "you only have Sasuke in your head don't you, Naruto?" and started shipping SNS.

3. Hooo boy was I surprised when it was suddenly revealed that they had the basic heteronormative, boring marriage with bunch of clones of themselves. Everyone thought that it was almost like a bad fanfiction come true and some thought that it was fake. It was a pandemonium lolololol. I also thought that it was too lame to be true and lo and behold, when it came true I was floored. And then whenever Kishimoto threw new material, I got insanely pissed off because S*arada and B*ruto becoming pairing material is ok because they are a girl and a boy, and then they paralleled with Naruto and Sasuke which are only FRIENDS because they are both men. ARGH. Open ending was what Kishimoto planned from the very beginning but wrote a sequel to earn more money.

In that aspect, I made peace with it because of the whole anime/manga industry. I learned that, as a mangaka, you don't earn a lot of money with selling books, but rather with merchandise and profiting with sales right. And that guy have a family to raise, have two kids (which is hilarious about how B*ruto movie is his self-insert story), he needs a steady income. Also, I read reports about how anime studios are so poor and animators don't receive a decent income not to mention they are overstaffed and tired, and B*ruto is a good money cow for them to earn money so they can invest later on other anime they have more passion about it. So even though I hate this story with a strength of thousands suns, they are putting meal on people's tables and making them pay rents. I'm ok.

4. Lemme roll my eyes because in the Last movie they said that Hinata is related to Kaguya and so is the Uzumaki and Uchiha clan so they are all related woo hoo. But in the aspect of brothers because reincarnations bla bla bla, didn't Naruto himself said that he's no longer that brother, he's himself? Hmm...I gotta re-read it. One day. Maybe. lol. But I'm sure that he said "Sasuke is not my brother but I'm sure we'll understand well as friends" so there. Honestly, there are a lot of interviews out there and a lot of them are fake, so I'd always take the interviews with a grain of salt lololol. I do know from artbooks that Kishimoto wanted to create Sasuke as a rival-esque character and that was it. As he was developing Sasuke and Naruto's relationship, since he liked the whole yin-yang concept, whenever he wrote Naruto's story, Sasuke's was developed at the same time as his shadow.

5. I can tell from Naruto Forums (I used to participate back in that day) MOST of the non-shippers thought it was gay as hell, but you know...it was a relic of that time. While they thought it was gay, they didn't put too much thought about you know? Because it was shounen, and we knew that it was a joke that it couldn't be taken seriously. Of course, in the SNS fandom, we did make more analysis and there were a lot of instance when Naruto and Sasuke's sexuality was questioned. Some other non-shippers also thought that Naruto was totes gay for Sasuke (including a IRL friend).

Imo, Naruto is definitely bisexual in my view. Sasuke I think he's asexual or gay. He's attracted to Naruto, but mostly because of his connection to him, not because of his physical attributes, so yeah...asexual. Or Pansexual. Sasuke is more complicated lmao. Imo, Naruto could be pansexual too, come to think about it. Yeah, I guess both being pansexual can be valid.

6. He developed Naruto and Sasuke being soulmates from the very beginning, that was proven in his comments in artbooks and in the manga. He probably created with the intention of making it purely platonic, going beyond physical ties. Then he shot himself on the foot by drawing Naruto thinking about Sasuke on bed, talking about how Sasuke is cool, meanwhile Sasuke waxing poetic about how Naruto saved him. What gives? Lol. Yeah, I think he got too enamored writing their relationship that he didn't have time to write romantic ones. What I noticed that Sakura's popularity never was really high, so I could see some editors putting their fingers all over it and making her less relevant. Also, Kishimoto didn't know how to handle her, so when she got her time to shine was the whole fake confession disaster. Coupled with Kishimoto sexism and, in his words (Kurenai's flashback), women are useful to spout more babies, women was never really relevant in his story, unfortunately. Even Kaguya who was technically the big bad boss, was never really fleshed out in comparison to Madara. So the null het romantic moments it's not because he wanted to elevate SNS moments, it's more about how he's incompetent about it. It's either Hinata slowly elevating to a relevant status because forced interaction (Pain's sacrifice and Neji's death) or Sakura being obligated to be pining over Sasuke because she's a girl. It's even more painful to see that, if we ignore B*ruto, both girls are shown to be just talking with their kids and dusting shelves, basically being housewives, even though thorough the story (especially Sakura) it was implied that both of them have much more potential than being their husband accessories.

7. It was a splotch of snot. I can confirm myself lol. Whenever the chapter is out and fans would scan it to scanlate it, the editor usually would amp up contrast to max. So usually the lines get much more thicker than usual, when you read the official release which gets straight from the source, you can notice how the lines are more delicate.

Oh lol...but then we also have a lot of controversy about translating style. THAT one is a whole new can of worms to open.

Man I had fun answering your questions! Please send more :P

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iaintyourbro · 4 years

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Shipping Makes Me Question My Sanity

I learned about the FFVII waifu wars after playing the remake. I played the OG many moons ago, replayed it a few years ago, but really got interested in the character dynamics after playing FFVIIR.

I foolishly looked up “Is the remake pushing Cloud and Tifa more?” I found the shipping wars... That I never knew existed.

You see, I played the OG and it was pretty clear to me that the story went a certain way. In fact, I didn’t even associate FFVII to romance.

FFVII was a story about a villain who was pissed off that a grunt killed him, so he finds a way to come back from the dead through clones that his father made to fuck with said grunt and get revenge on all the humans that wronged his Mother.

(This is my explanation in as few words as possible, because we all know explaining FFVII would take multiple posts).

So why did I look up my question about Cloud and Tifa? Well, I was shocked at how they presented them. I didn’t remember this from the OG. Like I said, I didn’t associate FFVII to romance like I did with VIII, IX, and X. Those were clear. FFVII didn’t have this as a main theme. FFVIIR created extreme sexual tension between Cloud and Tifa.

I remember when you finally found out Cloud wasn’t a SOLDIER, that he actually DID kill Sephiroth 5 years ago, and that he did come to save Tifa - he fulfilled his promise. The part when the main theme plays and he takes his helmet off... chills. Even now, I love that part. Still, I associated this with us finally getting answers to some of the weird shit that happens earlier in the game. And I was way too young and dense to understand the Under the Highwind scene.

Needless to say, I wanted to see if others had the same impression. It seems they did, and those posts were then overpowered by the other side. “Yeah, I used to ship Cloti, but the remake made me see that it’s clearly Aerith.” What? What did I miss?

So I questioned my sanity a bit. I played every quest - I did both Tifa and Aerith’s discovery quests. Until the point we get back to Tifa in Wall Market, I still was kind of iffy on how they were presenting Aerith and Cloud. They removed a lot of stuff from the OG that was a bit more direct from Cloud’s end. They also removed a lot of the jealousy scenes between Tifa and Aerith. Seems they gave all the jealousy to Cloud in other scenes.

Cloud clearly is soft with Tifa. He remembers The Promise, he calls her beautiful, you have no choice but to give her the flower. No matter what choices you make with Aerith. He still gives her the flower. He gets jealous whenever he even thinks a guy is talking about her in a romantic/sexual way.

Then I see things like “Cloud was so emotionless and mean until Chapter 8″. HOW? And this goes beyond Tifa. Cloud had a ton of character growth during the first 3 chapters, and it continued on until Chapter 8. This was not something where he suddenly turned nice to Aerith. He had a ton of people help him out before.

Take Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie. Cloud was a dick to them. I mean, he really was. I was sad for Wedge, cuz I think he’s so nice, and Cloud was just mean to him. By the end of Chapter 4, he’s much nicer to them. He’s left out of their celebration, and I think maybe this was a reference to him as a child. He thought he was better than the other kids (except Tifa). He treated everybody like shit (except Tifa) in the first three chapters and Barret told him to gtfo.

Jessie made sure to let him know she wanted him there. Now, I’m not a fan of how thirsty Jessie is. I mean they REALLY slam it on you how bad she wants to get with Cloud. Cloud then says what I was thinking “Are you seriously that desperate?!” Yes, she is, and it’s obnoxious, but I think it’s a hilarious addition to the story. However, I think it was a light bulb moment that he would be included if he was a bit nicer to people.

Cloud and Barret start getting along more as time goes on as well. This is all before Chapter 8. So I actually have commented on these posts... “Did you play the first 7 chapters? Did you play the rest of the game?” There’s so many points during FFVIIR where Cloud clearly has character development outside of what Tifa and Aerith do.

They ignore this. That’s my issue. The ignore everything else in the story. They ignore reality, so that makes people like me question themselves.

It reminds me of a personal situation with my job. We had a really bad leader. Like, cruel, mean. And he got away with it for a long time. You can say, “just leave”, but I think anybody with a family knows that’s not as easy as it sounds. Not when you rely on your job for not only income, but benefits, retirement, and stability. Not when changing buildings causes months of legit mental breakdowns (imagine changing companies completely?). So, it wasn’t really an option.

The worst part during all of that was knowing and seeing the reality of what was going on and having people flat out try to tell me that what I was seeing wasn’t true. I had conversations with other co-workers who started to question their sanity. Is it us? Are we the problem? Are we wrong? What are we missing? And that’s tough, especially when it goes on for so long.

In the real life example, there was a resolution earlier this year, where finally the guy was fired. And a lot of people were fighting him. More than you’d think. But they were scared, so they had to be careful. This is real life, not a game, so the stakes were much higher. The truth all comes out after this type of thing, and it was actually worse than we thought. There was a lot we missed, and a lot we just weren’t aware of. We weren’t crazy - there was just a group of his followers trying to brainwash us in to thinking he was great.

The shipping wars give me the same feelings I had during that. I question my sanity and don’t get what I’m missing. This is beyond how you interpret the LTD. This is legit ignoring parts of the story as it’s presented. SE put these Cloti moments throughout the Remake to make a point. They have Aerith say things to make a point. They even have Aerith stop making moves on Cloud after Tifa comes back and she sees the obvious “thing” between them.

There are tons of analysis on multiple scenes and how Cloud reacts. Facial expressions tell a lot, so does voice acting. There are reasons they put these scenes in. There are reasons they are part of the main story and not part of side quests. There are reasons that the devs responded the way they did in interviews.

The Ultimania clearly talks about Cloud’s feelings. The OG talks about them.

So why do I still feel upset when I see these? Well, for one, the posters that say “I was a Cloti until..” in most cases are probably shipping the other side, but this is a great way to make people question themselves. It may make new fans not enjoy the story as much.

Then you have Twitter. And it’s a shame, because there’s some great fanart on Twitter. But, you can’t search for “tifa” without seeing some really bad posts. And it’s the same accounts over and over. There isn’t a large amount.

The entire goal of these posters is to fight people who don’t agree with them. They also start posting similar complaints about a week after the Cloti side makes them.

The most recent being that Cloti fans are going after Nojima and it’s not going to change anything. What? I saw a similar post about the C////erith side about a week or two ago. Why are Cloti’s going after Nojima? So I went through some of his posts. I found one where he posted about FF7R. The only Cloti posts I saw were thanking him. The C///erith ones were over the top trying to say how it was all C///erith and there was no Cloti in the remake. One even said that “millions of fans want Aerith to survive.” No, I’d say the majority of fans want the original plot points to stay.

Nojima himself liked a fanart of himself... where they called him the Cloti king.

So where are the Cloti’s going after Nojima? I only saw praise...

The next new one is that C///eriths aren’t racist and Cloti’s are. I’ve seen this argument in reverse as well. It seems they scope out some things and repost them in the opposite argument.

I just don’t understand the extreme nature. You can ship who you want, but you can’t erase parts of the story to make it work. Why even bother playing the game? The romance aspect is SO SMALL in the OG.

In the remake its a bit heavier, but it’s different times. Sex sells. Let’s add some spice to the game, and they did. I felt no sexual tension between Cloud and Aerith. Jessie tried HARD. The only mutual tension felt was between Cloud and Tifa. That deep, dear lord please do something to release this tension, feeling. Cloud and Aerith had cute little moments similar to a Disney movie or a kids movie. Tifa and Cloud had the moments you see in more mature things.

Some of these moments are optional - the resolution scene you can technically avoid every time you play if you choose to. The Clotiscrew tunnel roll is a bit harder unless you KNOW you can avoid it and/or are terrible at the game. You literally have to try hard to mess up to not get that scene.

The Clotiscrew tunnel scene is also hilarious to watch people react to. Cuz you do feel like you need to take a quick walk to cool off from that heat. Even my husband who doesn’t give a shit was like “wow, yeah, okay, that’s... intense.”

It didn’t have to be, it could have been a roll and release, but he holds her and says “You okay?” in that soft af voice THAT HE ONLY USES ON HER. Her response is equally sexy. Then they get up and stare. Once again, not necessary.

All the “unnecessary” touching that goes on is fun to point out. People are still finding moments, I think. During battles, in the background during other scenes. They’re making this a point. They make it a point to show shots of those two during other scenes in the game. They aren’t being subtle anymore.

So I don’t understand how you can erase all of that.

The other side has a small group that is completely shitting on Tifa to do it. I don’t see that as much on the Cloti side towards Aerith. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, I bet it does, but it’s not as easy to find. Almost EVERY shipping fight has something about Tifa’s boobs, Tifa not telling Cloud about his past, something. They make stuff up in some cases.

All of this is a way to recruit people to their side. To “convert” them. I feel bad for the streamers who like Tifa and you see a group come in to try and “correct” that thought. Why do they care so much?

Maximillian Dood doesn’t seem affected by those opinions - he’s a great supporter of Tifa as a character. He was very happy with the way they handled the remake, and that says a lot. He also has some great reactions to parts of the game. He also is a more experienced streamer, it seems.

My thoughts are... the Remake has blown expectations on how it was supposed to go. Probably a lot of fans assumed they’d make a point to build up Aerith as the love interest... but they didn’t. Tifa is in almost every chapter (2 is the exception). She is referenced multiple times in Wall Market - especially if you actually listen to the lyrics for Midgar Blues. Why place that song in during that part?

So we go to the attack mode of survival here. They’re going to change as many opinions as possible. They’re going to make people question themselves. Make people feel bad.

The reality is, there’s a clear cut story - they’re making it that way. There’s multiple hints that there isn’t going to be a love triangle. There’s multiple hints that Zack is going to be a thing in the Remake. They’ve definitely put it on more heavy that Aerith still loves Zack.

I can only hope that things are made clear. That this can stop. I still say people should ship who they want. Hell, I ship Vincent and Lucrecia (this was my only romantic love in the OG back then...). However, canon is that Hojo and Lucrecia married and had a child. I wanted Vincent to secretly be the father so bad, but he’s not. That doesn’t ruin the game for me, at all.

It would ruin the game for me, in a sense, if they completely pull a 180 in Part 2 and try to “remove” all of the stuff from Part 1 from a character dynamics perspective. It would feel wrong for Aerith to tell Cloud not to fall in love with her, tell him that everything isn’t real if he does, and also have her back off completely after Tifa is back, and then all of a sudden throw herself at him. It would erase all the friendship scenes between Tifa and Aerith.

And how could you just “turn off” Cloud’s attentive nature to Tifa? It wouldn’t make sense. It would ruin it for me because that is legit trying to erase parts of the story.

I don’t think that will happen. But I still get anxious when I see shit on the internet.

#cloti #clotif #ff7r #ff7r thoughts #shipping wars #cloud x tifa #tifa lockhart #ltd #final fantasy 7 remake #final fantasy 7 #cloud strife #ff7 spoilers #ff7r spoilers

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redpanda-redpanda · 3 years

Text

Killer and Healer Thoughts

Okay, so I tried watching Killer and Healer and now I have thoughts! I kept hearing so many amazing things about it and I was also curious since it's the same director as Immortality. Also, it's BL and I'm fond of the genre.

And...I wasn't all that impressed.

I found the pacing to be jerky. It seemed to go really slow and then jump randomly (particularly in episode...3? 4?) to different events, leaving me wondering how we got there.

While there was an attempt at a plot, it felt like it kept getting lost. And, this is just a personal opinion, but I was more interested in finding the doctor's sister than taking out the opium lords. Mostly because the "wanting to help family" is something that's personal and relatable to most people while "getting rid of drug/crime lords" is more abstract. The "personal" aspect helped give depth to the characters and then...it felt like it was just being ignored. No clues. No doing anything except going to another city and putting up posters. I dunno. I just would have loved to have seen more of this. It would have been a great bonding experience between the main CP too.

Logic felt off at times too. For instance, why would you knock out your "friend" and basically kidnap him instead of saying, "Hey, you're being targeted by bad guys who want to kill you, so for your safety, please come back with me"? I know, I know, it's dramaland, and dramaland often lacks in logic. But it's something that just screams red flags at me for their relationship. Plus, it seemed out of character for the police inspector.

But I honestly could have overlooked a lot of the above if I had liked the characters, because I think characters are the most important things in dramas/novels/movies, etc.

And, sadly, while the characters felt like they could have been great, they lacked the kind of depth that really draws me into caring about them.

Lastly, I think it's important that if you're going to have a CP, they should have good chemistry. I know tons of people have said the main CP had it, which was what intrigued me in the first place. It felt more like posturing to me. Maybe it's because I felt like their relationship had red flags waving all over it or maybe it's the logic behind some of their actions, but something was just...off. They didn't have that spark, that "we're opposites, yet still care about each other", that "let the viewer fall in love with them too" that I adore about other dramas. It just felt flat. I want to see dynamic characters who had traits that played off of one another, but are still in harmony with each other, have respect for each other (grudging though it might be). Give me witty banter and playfulness, not just everyone being serious! If one pushes, the other yields, and then the roles can be reversed.

The "chemistry" reminded me of Guardian since - get ready for unpopular opinion! - I honestly didn't really get much chemistry from Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan either. (Though I definitely got more from Guardian than I did from Killer and Healer.)

So, although I think the drama had potential, it really wasn't my cup of tea. I'm glad other people have found something to love in it, though, and I hope you continue to enjoy it to the end! Thanks for reading my rambles.

#drama #show #cdrama #c-drama #c drama #killer and healer #i'm worried for immortality now though #i've tried watching other dramas by the director and dropped every one #argh why

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unidentified-flying-sparrow · 4 years

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I still love Harry Potter - but not JKR

Warning: This gets wordy. I really just rambled and let my thoughts take me where they will. And these are only my personal rambles - they aren’t meant to be a deep political statement or super eloquent or anything. They’ll be messy and meandering and mainly for my own benefit. I just...needed to think. And remember. And feel. You have been warned.

JKR has been in the news a lot lately. And not in a good way. To put it bluntly, she’s basically revealed herself as a TERF and is rightly being called out. It hurts, because Harry Potter made a large impact on my life. But the author has shown herself to be flawed and I had put her on a pedestal for years of my life. I admired her “rags-to-riches” (sorta) story. Her success. Her talent with writing. I wanted to be her in some ways. She was living my life’s dream!

And now she is making hurtful remarks about a marginalized group of people who have done nothing except demand equality and recognition.

I first heard about the books through my mom. She was a substitute teacher at the time, and in the class she was covering, the teacher had just started reading The Sorceror’s Stone. Mom went out and got a copy, read it, and loaned it to me. She also griped about how no one knew how to pronounce the name “Hermione” - the kids she was reading to kept ‘correcting’ her with ‘Hermy-own-knee” as the pronunciation. It drove her nuts. I remember bragging to my friends when I figured out what the Mirror of Erised actually said. I was in junior high - eighth grade. I was reading a kids’ book that wasn’t hugely popular yet, and trying to lure people in. I remember seeing more and more people I knew picking up the books. In high school, when we had free days in band (aka the teacher was sick and the sub didn’t know music), my friends and I would talk Harry Potter. I was giddy when I got my own copies - hardback copies - of the first three books by saving my money and shopping the second-hand bookstores. It’s not that my parents wouldn’t have gotten them for me, but I wanted to buy them for myself. My original, paperback copy of Sorceror’s Stone was battered and tattered and well-loved. Mom kept loaning out our copies to people. Sometimes, they didn’t come back. In that, it was like when she would loan out copies of The Lord of The Rings when I was a kid (which is why there are probably 4 or 5 copies of that in my parents’ house today). She knew the books were special. I put up Harry Potter posters. I glommed onto Hermione as a favorite character - a bookish girl who could still stand up for herself and have great friends? It was everything I had wanted for myself when I was eleven and struggled hard to have. So I adored her. And I shipped Harry/Hermione. Still do, but now days, I prefer just having an OT3 of the Golden Trio and an OT3 of the Silver Trio (or Sub Trio or whatever name the fandom uses now). I sometimes had trouble sleeping and would pop the audiobook of Sorceror’s Stone into my cassette player on those nights. It helped me relax. When the first film came out, my parents and I were there to see it. I was amazed. I remember griping about minor tweaks, like Harry’s eyes (until I read about the contacts issues). Oh, what little I knew of how the books and films would splinter more. But still be fun. Goblet of Fire the book was released 4 days before my 15th birthday. I made the mistake of telling my parents I could hold off on reading my copy until then. After I saw my mom sobbing -for reasons she couldn’t tell me - at the end of the book...I never made that particular error again. When Order of the Phoenix came out, we went to the Barnes and Noble midnight release to get our pre-ordered copies. During the long wait, a guy wandered up and down selling Little Caesar's pizzas. Another guy had visited Wal-Mart, purchased every copy of the book they had, and was selling them for only a couple of bucks over what he’d paid to anyone in line who was desperate for an extra copy. My parents bought one and I spent the rest of the waiting period crouched under a parking lot light, reading, until my parents got the copies we’d actually come for. I lost sleep reading all of the books as they came out. I was always done within a few days, at most. I just couldn’t put them down. I got T-shirts. Bought dolls/pillows/bedding. Got myself a T-shirt, a poster, and Quidditch Through The Ages and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them when I visited the UK in high school. I saw the latter films at midnight releases with my friends. Half-Blood Prince the book came out during my first summer as a camp counselor. Almost all of us - camper and staff alike - were reading it or talking about it. Spoilers were forbidden but there would still be hushed conversations during bedtime hours or “me-time” after lunch (rest period). Deathly Hallows - both book and film - came out after my mother passed. I got my copy of the book, quietly, at a Kroger at midnight.

Harry Potter got me heavily into fandom. I was there for The Draco Trilogy and Pawn to Queen. My Immortal and The Shoebox Project. Squickfics that made it onto GodAwfulFanfiction and its successor, Why God Why. LiveJournal communities. Fandom wank. And so much more. Reading updates on MuggleNet and The Leaky Cauldron and watching fanvids. Listening to music uploaded from Draco and the Malfoy and other fanbands. Roleplaying communities that were being hosted on Proboards message boards. Countless Sorting quizzes. I made sure to visit Universal Studios on my honeymoon with @lechevaliermalfet and want to go back one day, as only Hogsmeade existed when we went. I also remember how grumpy I was that @lechevaliermalfet had resisted my urging to read the books - he read them after they were recommended by an unlikely source. In hindsight, it makes sense. I was a solid fan. The person who recommended the books was not. I celebrated the release of Cursed Child with my family at a day-long celebration in Naperville, IL. I have a T-shirt to commemorate it, and a wand that I made with the help of my niece. Just this year, @lechevaliermalfet and I did a date night - dinner and the first Potter movie on the big screen.

I’m rambling, I know, but the point is, Harry Potter got me involved. I made online friends and honed writing skills by writing fanfiction. I learned to have a thicker skin because of some of the feedback I got. I made at least one fanvid (I’m reasonably certain it’s been lost to the ether and good riddance). Sure, I participated in other fandoms (especially Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew and Witch Hunter Robin). But this was a fandom I shared with more of my family and friends than any other. And I could even - and did - read it to kids I babysat. Now, I know Harry Potter isn’t perfect. Lord knows, Cursed Child reads like a bad fanfiction, and I have seen those ideas executed in ways that fired up my imagination and emotions more effectively. Repeatedly. Then there’s the issue of worldbuilding. The not-so-great aspects/implications of much of what has come out of Pottermore aside, Harry Potter’s wizarding world has always been a shaky society. Others have touched on this far more eloquently, so I’ll just say that it was interesting that we only had a few token “good” Slytherins - who were still shown to have ambition that overruled their better judgement at times.

I always saw the films as a different interpretation of the same story, so I wouldn’t go nuts over the stuff that was altered, so that stays. They have flaws of their own. Sometimes they exacerbate what is in the books - sometimes not.

I can’t speak to the more recent Fantastic Beasts stuff as I haven’t gotten involved. Maybe eventually. But I never realized that the poor representation in JKR’s world might reflect her worldview more wholly. I honestly figured it was a more innocent ignorance or reluctance to risk upsetting the market at the time. But the more she tweets and posts...the more obvious it is that no, she just really is that biased. I guess, at this point, I’m going to have to follow the Death of the Author route. I used to live for the engagement Rowling had with fans, and the tidbits she’d dole out. Now, I cringe every time I see one. For the books themselves, I think I’m going to have to take the Death of the Author approach from now on. Because JKR cannot take away the positive things Harry Potter gave me and other fans. I won’t let her. And I am grateful that there are Potter cast members stepping up to denounce her. I love Harry Potter. JKR can go jump in a lake.

#my thoughts #harry potter #jkr is a terf

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mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker · 6 years

Video

youtube

Let’s debunk this shit.

First off...why should we, on the topic of Spider-Man, actually place stock by the guy who has in the past argued Sins Past is as, if not more, bad than One More Day when anyone with an ounce of knowledge of how writing craft works would realize this is abjectly false. As a story the flaws in Sins Past amount to it inserting something into the past that doesn’t fit at all. One More Day by contrast not only does this but needs to violently ignore 45 yrs of established characterization to even function and even then it fails since it needs to contradict its own narrative.

Oh and you know MovieBob is the guy who said ‘That Spec cartoon wasn’t as good as people make it out to be. People like it more for what it could be than what it was.’...WTF was he even watching.

But let’s dive into some more specifics of Bob’s argument.

“OMD ‘needed’ to happen.”

This is objectively untrue.

Let’s give the benefit of the doubt and say what Bob meant wasn’t so much that Spider-Man needed to make a deal with the Devil but rather it was necessary to get rid of Spider-Man’s marriage.

I can’t bring myself to do a 3000 word essay on why the latter alone is idiotic, sexist, myopic and utterly false but here is a cliffnotes version.

There are 2 fundamental problems with Bob’s line of thinking.

The 1st is that to end the marriage you needed to outright alter Spider-Man’s history via a soft DC style continuity reboot thus creating in a literal sense an alternate universe version of Spider-Man who’d just never been married in the first place.

Put simply Spider-Man’s marital status could’ve been ended in universe through numerous methods that avoided that. He could’ve gotten divorced. The US government as some kind of petty revenge upon Spider-Man turning on the Registration Act could’ve legally annulled his marriage along with certain other legal aspects of his life. There could’ve been a reveal that due to a legal loophole nobody realized at the time technically speaking Peter and MJ had never been married in the first place despite believing they were.

None of this would’ve fixed the most egregious contrivance of OMD and OMIT, that by simply never having been married magically this = Peter and MJ would break up. You still need to justify THAT separately which OMD didn’t even attempt to do. OMD in isolation erases their marriage but it doesn’t explain or justify why doing this would mean they are now no longer in a relationship. OMIT tried and miserably failed to do that because once again it required the abject ignoring of decades of established (and logical) characterization.

But what should we expect from the guy who in another video once said Superman would be a jerk if he married Lois Lane because of the stress and dangers it’d expose her to, specifically comparing it to real life people who’s jobs offer comparable examples. ‘Superman would never put Lois Lane through that’ said Bob (though I am paraphrasing I admit.

Why?

If REAL people do that then why WOULDN’T Superman OR Spider-Man do so?

It’s a line of thought which amounts to Bob saying those people shouldn’t have marital relationships. And that is gross.

The 2nd problem with Bob’s ‘it needed to happen’ assertion is the notion that CREATIVELY it was necessary for the health of Spider-Man.

Let’s ignore how creatively (and financially) Superman has been on the up and up since 2016 when he got his marriage BACK.

Instead let’s consider for a moment...why?

Why CREATIVLY does Spider-Man need to not be married to work? Why does he need to be single for his long term creative/financial health?

There is no answer because the truth is he isn’t. Spider-Man’s love life is relevant only in so far as the series follows his life and not being asexual romance is a part of that. At which point if you are arguing for his long term creative health he needs to be able to swap out the women he’s going to be romantically/sexually involved with why then does that not also apply to literally every other character connected to every other part of his life?

It doesn’t.

It’s a bullshit argument born of an ignorant lack of questioning. It’s born of “Well it’s got to be this way because it’s always been this way and it’s worked that way.” Ignoring how it doesn’t and how you know...Marvel comics itself exists off the back of saying “Maybe it doesn’t have to just be this way. I don’t like that way in fact, I like the idea of trying it this other way.”

Spider-Man being single keeps Spider-Man stunted and in a state of doomed to failure. It literally renders his love life redundant because every reader (and this applied before 1987 when he got married, but applies a thousand times more now) knows his romances will never amount to anything and that they are glorified Bond girls. And I’ll be honest the substance (such as there is) in the Bond movies NEVER lies with the Bond girls with the sole exceptions of those few movies where they tease you with the idea that he has deeper feelings for them.

Then you have the fact that marriage as a part of most people’s lives and a responsibility is outright tailor made for the character who’s core concept is entwined around the interconnected idea of responsibility and being a (relatively) normal person. It’s not different to him graduating from High school or moving out of Aunt May’s house or getting a job.

But let’s look at the franchise in the wake of OMD creatively and financially has it been doing better than before?

LOL NOPE!

In 2016 we had the Power Play arc. This arc was THE Spider-Man event of the year. It tied into the previous Spider event of 2015, Renew Your Vows by introducing the incredibly powerful villain Regent who’s powers were that he had the powers of EVERY other hero virtually and in RYV took over all of NYC following killing the X-Men and Avengers on his own. It guest starred fan favourite Miles Morales, the first substantial appearance of the character in Amazing Spider-Man since his migration into the 616 universe. It also guest starred lead character of the MCU and (then) Marvel comics poster boy Iron Man fresh from his hyped up run under Bendis, the biggest name in comics of the previous 20 years. It also teased the appearance of the newest team of Avengers, a brand that has been huge since 2012 for obvious reasons. Oh and it featured the return of another fan favourite Mary Jane who was once more being used to tease the possibility of her and Spider-Man’s romantic reunion which had been a surefire way of raising hype for a story since 2008 onwards. Oh and it was clearly a tie-in to the international blockbuster and critically acclaimed movie, Captain America: Civil War.

And of course you had much promotion from the Marvel hype machine, Dan Slott interviews and the usual variant cover artificial sales inflation gimmick that had become common to Marvel.

Safe to say that this story was a big, big deal and sure to sell well right?

Well....it actually sold less than a barely promoted, run-of-the-mill ASM arc from 2005 by J. Michael Straczynski that featured in the first issue Tony Stark sitting on a chair sans armour and beyond that no guest stars....oh and there were no variant covers....and btw Spider-Man was married in it

. ...Oh....

But hey what about some OTHER Spider-Man stories since OMD. Haven’t THEY been creatively enriching?

I mean we had classics like:

The Lizard ruins the interesting humanizing aspects of his character when he becomes a cannibalistic monster who eats his own son and maybe rapes someone

Black Cat’s characterization gets flushed down the toilet so she can be an indulgent juvenile sexual fantasy for Joe Kelly who believes Spider-Man is fundamentally a man child Black Cat’s characterization gets shot to shit again by her ripping off Catwoman by becoming a gangster, something she has never held aspiration for before and seems to want to get involved in now for no reason at all beyond being angry that Spider-Man imprisoned her and exposed her identity that wasn’t even secret in the first place

Dan Slott who likes Doc Ock more than he likes Peter Parker decides to say screw it and make Doc Ock Spider-Man thus invalidating the entire reason he was hired, which is to write about Peter Parker. He proceeds to make Doc Ock a villain sue and cause readers to wonder if he’s this smart and this dangerous he lost so many times in the past at all? Also he tries to rape Mary Jane in issue 2 and then succeeds in maybe raping Spider-Man himself in the same issue and definitely succeeds in raping the only dwarf character in Spider-Man’s canon.

Spider-Man becomes like Iron Man thus invalidating the entire point of his character and reasons people like to read about him.

A mystery surrounding the Green Goblin’s identity that turns out to be the twist that he was Norman Osborn all along meaning this was a pointless mystery the whole time.

Ben Reilly finally comes back after 20 years but doesn’t act even a little bit like the character people knew and loved causing people to wish he’d stayed dead

Betty Brant is physically assaulted and Spider-Man tracks down the assailant but when he finds him lets him go (thus enabling him to assault other innocent women) because Aunt May guilt tripped him by saying he was a jerk at age 15 for allowing her, a 50+ year old adult and his parental guardian, to cope with Uncle Ben’s death alone on the night of his death.

Fan favourite Mayday Parker has her character now defined by the death of her father invalidating the entire point of her character which was the ongoing relationship between herself and her Dad

Every spider person ever fights a bunch of one note cosmic vampires across alternate niverses who are variant action figures of another one note cosmic vampire villain. The story is utterly reparative and makes Spider-Man play second fiddle to all the other characters cramming for panel time.

I could go on but I won’t.

To count the creative successful and enriching Slott and the post-OMD Spider-Man stories is a far easier task than to count the ones which are for the most part mediocre-God forsakenly terrible and miss the whole point of the various characters involved (most of all you know SPIDER-MAN himself!) because the latter is the norm post-OMD.

Tellingly both volume 1 and volume 2 of Renew Your Vows a book BUILT around the concept of a married Spider-Man have (when judged appropriately given their out of continuity status) garnered perfectly respectable sales (especially in volume 1) prior to their recent time skip (an ill advised move regardless of what the series was about) and critical acclaim. And critical acclaim from people besides Marvel/Spider-Man sycophants like CBR who have vested financial interests in positively reviewing the stories.

In fact there is a very strong argument in favour of Slott being the single most creatively damaging Spider-Man writer in history. The list of things that need to be FIXED because of his idiocy and incompetence is vast.

Moving on to Bob’s other points:

“Peter and MJ being together was a dumb stunt when the did it in the first place”

If Bob had you know READ the stories leading into the wedding he’d know

a) That relationship and marriage was being built up since 1984 albeit with the initial intention being Peter stranded at the altar.

b) A stunt isn’t rendered invalid merely because it is a stunt. A Stunt can make sense and with the build up the wedding had this was one such example

“The marriage generated very few decent stories that wouldn’t have worked just as well without it”

Here is a list of a FEW decent or above stories which in some significant way make use of the Spider marriage between 1987-2007

Kraven’s Last Hunt

Venom

ASM #400

Revenge of the Green Goblin

A Death in the Family

ASM volume 2 #49-50

ASM volume 2 #51-54

Sensational Spider-Man volume 2 #32

Sensational Spider-Man Annual 2007, the only Eisner nominated Spider-Man story ever

Spider-Man unlimited volume 3 #2 Story 2: Making Contributions

Eleven Angry Men and One angry Woman

Parallel lives

Spider-Man: the Final Adventure

Web of Death

Revelations the end of the Clone Saga

Spectacular Spider-Man #241

Spectacular Spider-Man #242-245

ASM vol 2 #39

Ultimate Spider-Man Anthology book: Five Minutes

I Heart Marvel Web of Romance #1

Spectacular Spider-Man #199-200

Spectacular Spider-Man #250

The Tombstone arc

Peter Parker Spider-Man volume 2 #14

Marvel Knights Spider-Man #1-12

Hmmm...it’s almost like Bob sucks at mathematics and story evaluation or something. Then again he did say there was no problem with Luke Skywalker in Last Jedi so you know...I should know better.

Oh and btw the whole ‘those would’ve worked JUST as well without the marriage’ argument is a double edged sword since there are literally less than 20 Spider-Man stories post-OMD that WOULDN’T have worked with a married Spider-Man and only one of them is good...and only if you also take entirely in isolation of Spider-Man’s wider history. Every other story with tweaks could work AS if not MORE effectively with a married Spider-Man.

If the argument is there should be no elements in a story that do not actively contribute to it then shit....why should Spider-Man’s SINGLE status be in a book? Why should Aunt May, Jameson or shitton else be multiple stories across the decades of Spider-Man? Hell by this logic Aunt May or Betty Brant are superfluous to ASM annual #1 which inspired part of Spider-Man 2.

“The Spider Marriage left the franchise spinning it’s wheel for a very long time.”

This is another lie. After Peter and MJ got married there was precious little wheel spinning. Almost immediately we jumped into ongoing stories involving Betty Brant, Joe Robertson, Peter going to school again, MJ and Peter’s finances taking a hit when MJ lost her job, Jameson being impersonated by Chameleon, Black Cat dating Flash, Peter’s parents returning and THEN you got the Clone Saga FFS.

Following that we got Norman Osborn running the Daily Bugle followed by the true wheel spinning garbage of the Mackie/Byrne run which was bad BECAUSE they axed the marriage. Following that when JMS took over his wheel spun for maybe 5 months tops? The rest of the time he reconstructed Peter and MJ and Aunt May’s characters, thrust forward with his Spider totem storyline and then began the slow build up to OMD starting with Peter becoming and Avenger.

There were few months were NOTHING was really happening and the number of issues where that was the case owed much more to the fact that the writers needed to pad out FOUR monthly titles each month!

“By contrast BND and Slott’s run has been good”

By objective writing standards this is a fallacy and Bob is offering no proof to this. He just says ‘it’s been good’. Except Bob’s word isn’t proof unto itself despite how much he must like to think so.

“Peter and MJ are more interesting now”

This is the proof Bob is not a...I don’t want to say he isn’t true fan. I rarely use that term. It’s more that he...isn’t an informed fan.

Anyone who knows any legit shit about Spider-Man could tell you Spider-Man is far from more interesting now than he was prior to BND.

Pre-OMD Spider-Man was the sum of 45 years of experiences. A 30ish average guy who’d been through Hell and a lot of battles and survived them and coped with that pain. He was a competent hero and a flawed human being who was just trying to look out for the little guy and take care of his family.

MJ meanwhile was a woman who’d also lived through Hell but demonstrated sheer steel by surviving it in spite of having no powers to fall back on. She’d gone from a carefree party animal who was seemingly selfish, to a hero in her own right who had an endless well of inner strength.

In contrast post-OMD Peter Parker is a man-child fuck up who illegally invades foreign nations with his giant G.I. Joe action figures whilst often playing second fiddle in his own fucking book to whatever guest stars want to steal the limelight. And he’s not believable anymore. He isn’t a grounded guy who copes with the shit thrown at him. He’s the guy who just shrugs off being killed, having his body stolen and his life upended by his enemy and then losing a year of his life.

That isn’t more interesting unless you are arguing being a Saturday morning cartoon character is inherently more interesting than being....welll actually inherently more interesting than being a certain character Stan Lee and Steve Ditko invented in 1962.

Which Bob plainly isn’t arguing because he’s also listing MJ as ‘more interesting’....how?

MJ isn’t even IN the book regularly any more so HOW could she be more interesting. Worse when she WAS in the book she had 2 roles. Ship tease the fans by being Peter’s friend and confidant (i.e. something she used to do BEFORE BND) or being a blind idiot in Superior which is NOT more interesting.

So what the fuck is he talking about?

I don’t know WHAT he’s talking about. But when you make a statement like: ‘on balance this story that eviscerated and betrayed everything about who Spider-Man is and invalidates his motivation from now on because he sold out in the biggest way possible, was on balance worth it because we got t see Doc Ock as Spider-Man try to rape people’ I certainly from WHERE he is talking from.

And the sun don’t shine there son.

#moviebob #bob chipman #Spider-Man #peter Parker #One More Day #Brand New Day #MJ Watson #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker

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postpunkpontypandyphantomthief · 5 years

Text

7th Comedy Monologue

“Hey my Cheese bags I’m back from my adventure in 1985”

“No joke if you look it up

the timeframe of days for each month this year

are the exact same as they were in 1985”

So all this “80s revival stuff” with Duran Duran and Depeche Mode touring, Petshop Boys releasing a new album, a new generation falling in love with Queen and She-Ra while the world is being messed up by a tyrannical iron lady and a talking tangerine makes a bit of sense doesn’t it?”

Even though I was born in the 2000s I’ve always loved most of the media from that decade, the gothic and upbeat synthesizer music,the cheaply made but entertaining cartoons,the video games,the basic but stylish fashion,the musicals and John Hughes films,the mix of music genres in the charts,Goth,Synth,Punk,2 Tone,Post-Punk,New Wave,Glam Metal,Alternative,Shoegaze,Hip Hop,Electronica

I was watching Saved by the Bell before Netflix even existed

Then again a lot of the shows from then were also being revived back in my day

Dal Winton was presenting game shows, Pingu replaced the scary walrus monsters with rap music, I watched or had VHS tapes of the Muppet show, Noddy, Postman Pat and Scooby Doo.

Scooby-Doo! Now that’s a show that never gets old because it never changes, anyone regardless of what generation they’re from would be able to tell you

“Oh Yeah, I remember Scooby Doo”

When you think about it Scooby Doo is quite philosophical

we are all just a gang going on our own adventures

that and the first few live-action movies are modern masterpieces

I was just browsing Twitter or Tumblr or literally anywhere on the internet only to see that screencaps were taken from the live action Scooby Doo interviews had turned into memes

*ahem*

Well,I was auditioning for the role of Velma, I could sense from the way Matthew Lillard just fully encompassed the role of Shaggy, it felt like he was Shaggy, he was our saviour as he felt his spiritual energy increase, that’s when I knew we were working with a legend

Something like that although Matthew isn’t too fond of the memes himself specifically the ones where his spiritual connections are described more like demon possession rituals

*ahem*

“Being Shaggy has led me down a path of death and destruction. I’ve killed many mortals in hope of replicating 1% of Shaggy’s being, by the end of filming I hope to become one with him”

In which Matthew responded with

*deadpan voice*

This is wrong

I mean I might also have inspirations where I feel like I can philosophically connect with them, in their performing style and personality but that’s where I draw the line

Personality? That’s a tricky subject

You could say some people have consistent personalities

People said Freddie Mercury and David Bowie were party animals who were incredible on stage with their charisma, creativity and charm but other sources have said they were relaxed, laid back people who were shy when being interviewed.

That could just be the contrast between their onstage and offstage personas but not all of us have that, even if we are all just actors in a play, hoping each day goes the right way

Some of us are punk, even if we don’t explicitly say that we are, or have the stereotypical style associated with it,a lot of us just try to be ourselves,some of us can enjoy reality shows and horror movies at the same time,some of us can enjoy One Direction and Gorillaz,some of us can love fashion but also love memes, Theatre, and 1980s aesthetics

I’d say I’m the same but sometimes my personality is all over the place

I can go from being cheerful, relaxed and happy to being dazed and clumsy or cynical or entranced and hyper-fixated to Pessimistic and Cold to Quiet and Timid to Mellow and Loud what personality traits you associate with me, however, is up to your own conclusion

call me any internet subculture stereotype and I’d be able to tell you about how I either, unfortunately, was the stereotype or I hung around people who were those stereotypes

if you said I was someone who watched Cbbc and citv you’d be right

if you said I was a classic rock enthusiast years ago and now you’d be right

if you said I used to be a cringy anime enthusiast you’d be right

if you said I was one of those theatre kids who watched Disney sitcoms you’d be right

if you said I was one of those meme posters who referenced movies like Shrek and bee movie you’d be right

Another thing punks did was and sometimes still do was creating fanzines, magazines related to their favourite band or tv show or their own opinions on what’s going in the world, nowadays you could say social media has replaced that, but publications like the Daily Mirror, The Sun and TMZ still have a presence on there,I’d say fanzines should have a revival.

The BAFTA’s also happened recently and I wasn’t impressed, then again when are awards shows anything other than beauty pageants for films anyway?

Some films deserved their awards, but some films barely got a mention, Paddington 2 wasn’t included in there or in any of the other film awards this year and Stan and Ollie got nothing…

A darn shame because that film was so well made, it felt authentic, while Stan and Ollie also have a bit of a universal following, there are still some people who probably don’t know who they are!

Before Walliams and Lucas, Before the Two Ronnies, Before Richie and Eddie

There was…Laurel and Hardy

Two moustached blokes, who in the 20s and 50s would just try to delight audiences the best way they could, through slapstick and laughter, without them, most of the world’s double acts wouldn’t exist and even Spongebob wouldn’t exist

Yep, you heard me right, all those misadventures Spongebob and Patrick would have, they were loosely based on the adventures of Laurel and Hardy, except instead of it being about a tall British man and a fat American it was about an anthropomorphic sponge and a dumb but caring starfish.

Speaking of Spongebob, there was some sad news involving Spongebob not too long ago

The creator of Spongebob, Stephen Hillenburg…had passed away from ALS

I know, it’s awful,stupid motor neuron diseases and stupid Adam Levine too,for those who don’t know there was an episode of Spongebob called Band Geeks where they ended the episode with the cast playing a song called Sweet Victory over a Superbowl type of event, for the actual super bowl Spongebob fans around the world petitioned for that song to be played in tribute for Stephen,however we got Adam Levine singing a different song instead….what a letdown

If it wasn’t for SpongeBob I and some of the rest of the new generation, wouldn’t know half the old music or old films we know now.

To let down millions of fans like that makes me sick

Honestly, I was a bit sick a few weeks ago, I’ve been sick before and hospitalized twice but this particular moment of sickness was odd

It was like any other night, I was trying to get some sleep and lucid dream, but then it happened, the shivers, the shakes the trembling aches,

Out of nowhere, I felt like an ice-cube stuck in a microwave, It was too cold but it was too warm, I eventually got to sleep but when I got up the next morning I felt sick again, sorry for disclosing those details but it was like the exorcist…

Usually, when I’m sick watching documentaries, Kitchen Nightmares or 90s films weirdly cheers me up

Speaking of films, Rocketman the Elton John movie is out and it actually looks good

It’s being directed by the guy who was the replacement director for Bo Rhap and if it ends up being brilliant I won’t be surprised, the trailer gave off Velvet Goldmine vibes, the style of composed cinematography and I’m sounding like Film Twitter, Isle of Dogs was a good film…oh wait it wasn’t acknowledged much by the award shows either.

Another amazing film I recently watched was Rocky Horror…I know I’ve mentioned it before but that was when I only knew the sequel and some of the soundtrack,

It was amazing, it was brilliant, it was fantastic, it was out of this world,

ah! Rocky Horror was splendid

I definitely now understand why it’s still going strong to this day

It’s that hybrid of rock and roll, optimistic nihilism and soft aesthetics

That just works for me, another thing I’ve remembered was that Richard O’ Brien played the dad in Phineas and Ferb, well that explains that part of me liked that cartoon for the music and some of the characters but other characters did my head in like that Isabel character

“Hey, Phineas what ya dooing?”

“How about you let me finish my invention and you mind your own business”

Oof that’s too harsh…but considering aspects of the marvel Phineas and Ferb crossover were surprisingly a bit sexist at times outdated for the show that is usually quite progressive in its representation and characters…it’s probably accurate

Another person who hasn’t changed but is also often harsh, Piers Morgan, a little tweety bird told me he had a mysterious illness, good riddance I’d say, he’s the new Noel Edmonds, the presenter who used to be ok but now is unbearable…because he never shuts up

Thankfully though he’s “taking a break” from GMB that will rest our eardrums

Russell Brand has also been in the tabloids again, even though he’s more focused on his Buddhist spiritual recovery enlightening, looking back he wasn’t as bad as people described him, yeah at times he was a bit too over the top,but he was and is quite an ok bloke, but I’d say temporarily banning tickling is a bit of a stretch,

when you think about the number of people who disrespect our literal and figurative personal space on a daily basis, it kinda makes a bit of sense,

whether your sensory sensitive or not, I’m sure you hate it, when people are too touchy at times

although years ago I would’ve been a bit of an ignorant hypocrite about that

Hating it when crowds of kids would chase me like how the paparazzi chase their next gossip target, yet often annoyingly running up to people to talk to or entertain them.

I really need to learn to enjoy loneliness more because I get some of my best ideas when alone, but emotionally I feel a lot better when around others, a bit of an Ambivert really,

I’m sorry I can be a bit all over the place, I’m trying to make my energy more manageable

as that lucid dreaming thing has been misused at times,

I shouldn’t let myself be controlled…

by anyone or anything..no overthinking, no overworking,

treat the world as your stage, start your first act, motivated and ready, take your recharging interval breaks and then move on for your second act

fancy that me an ex-drama student making that metaphor when my current course involves digitally drawing art, editing audio and sitting at a computer for most of the day

But then again just because someone shows good charisma that doesn’t always mean their a good person.

Ted Bundy, one of America's most notorious serial killers used charisma and charm in his court cases, and with the amount of fangirls giving him fanmail it was like the Beatles fandom but for people with Stockholm syndrome,and now with Netflix’s documentary and Troy from High School Musical in an upcoming film about him, that seems to be repeating itself…

*Alien voice* Ted Bundy the 1960s called they want your fangirls back!

One show I know you probably haven’t heard of is The Boondocks, a south park esque cartoon with an anime esque art style, referencing the social commentary of African American culture and media, celebrating some aspects while critiquing others, through the lenses of a socialist boy named Huey Freeman, his rapper wannabe brother Riley and their activist grandad Robert.

This show was quite revolutionary,it referenced the issue of each episode quite well, even though it only lasted 4 seasons, however, because the show is quite American, apart from the animation which is done in Korea,The Boondocks is not well known in the UK, which is a shame because it is a really good show that still holds up…however, it does fall under one mousetrap that most other adult cartoons fall into….

Because of the references to violence,innuendo and other dark subject matter sometimes referenced in a satirically humorous way,some audiences would just watch the show because it’s offensive thinking that the show was made just to be offensive..instead of what the show was actually made for..which was to give social commentary on the issues relevant to African American communities in America.

I had watched this show years ago, it only just came back on my radar, because the creator Aaron McGruder, who based the show off his webcomic of the same name, had recently made a new issue.

There’s a difference between being satirical and being offensive

Your either making fun of something bad that a system or people are doing to make people aware of how stupid and sad the world can be at times,subjectively making fun of a stereotype, or your an arse who thinks they’re a comedian when they waste their time on social media, thinking they’re amazing and funny when they’re holding up the line at Mcdonald’s and the only people laughing at their jokes are gammon and people who found Bernard Manning funny

“Oh Wait”

I know sometimes I have unpopular opinions such as how my views of someone dip depending on their views of Kanye West

and sometimes I can be a bit snarky, and I hate and love stuff in equal amounts, but we need a bit of that don’t we, if we bottle it all up we explode like volcanos, but if we overshare too much, we crash like out of control cars

It’s all about moderation, salt is a tasty condiment but eat too much of it and your arteries will get clogged,

A few days back it was the day Mark Ashton passed away, for those who don’t know,he was an LGBT activist in the 80s,he volunteered with organizations such as the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament,he and the other activists helped to support the miners during the miner strike, creating the LGSM Alliance,Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners,there was a film made about them too, called Pride,but what some people don’t know is that….Mark Ashton was Northern Irish…he was one of us..he was the Marsha P Johnson of our time..if we were a bit like Mark Ashton this country would be a slightly more accepting place, why don’t we give love!

Let’s move on, plant more flowers in our garden..I know I sound like a hippie but it’s true, our Celtic Summerland is being used as a cesspool for Nuclear Waste

Oi! use your own bins, not the place we’re living in, pick up your rubbish and clean up your own mess…

The 80s were telling us something with all those protect and survive adverts, yes some of us were prepared as the older generation made us alert, others couldn’t recognize that a lot of innocent people were getting hurt.

When we say we want a 1980s comeback we want the music, clothes, games and films,

but Nope

while we have some of that the 1980s revival we get is the one that involves Nuclear Danger and the ghost of Margaret Thatcher

All these TV and Film revivals, some are cool others are just unnecessary Do we really need a Snow White sequel? No, we don’t but we did get one even if it was unofficial

Back in 2007 a French animation company made a sequel to Snow White which was also a bit like Shrek in how it satirised the fairy tale tropes, how Prince Charming feels like he is objectified while he ends up doing the same thing to the female characters, quite a tosser but that’s the point of the parody to point out the flaws with fairy tale logic, and to put the likes of Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella in more realistic scenarios.

…it’s strange, weird but brilliant too

The English dub had quite a few familiar faces doing the character voices

Stephen Fry as the narrator, Morwenna Banks, Simon Greenall and another British actor

Rik someone...

Ah! I remember his name now, he was in many successful sitcoms in the 80s and 90s,he was a legend, he knew how to keep people laughing, whether they were children, adults, teenagers,

in television, theatre, film or music

quite an eclectic range of talent

Although

I’m a new fan, I might adore his work, but I had just learnt his name 2 years ago, whereas, with other fans, they have created their own work, such as Charlie Brooker and Simon Pegg… some were able to meet him…lucky...

Some encounters were quite interesting, I had heard someone’s nan got to meet him in the 90s but she got his name wrong so she ended up saying

“‘oh hello can I have your autograph please Mr mayo?’

Well that happened, she probably still got that autograph,...

And somewhere up there, Rik Mayall is thinking of us, he, Stephen Hillenburg and David Bowie are probably chatting away

Let’s make the lord of misrule proud

#comedy #comedy monologue #1980s #original monologue

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onesparrow · 6 years

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An essay on why Mama Mia is about a bunch of sirens and takes place in the same universe as Kingsman

Buckle your seatbelts kids, and let me tell why all the leading ladies in Mama Mia are sirens and how this applies to Kingsman. (and James Bond, sometimes)

So it’s the 80’s and Kingsman is keeping tabs on MI6, as they do, when they see that they’ve sent 007 to Greece of all places. Merlin assumes that this is because of the very bizarre reports they’ve been getting about possible mind control drugs, and when 007 is reported being seen with Donna (Meryl Streep), he sends Harry out under the guise of Harry Bright.

Off he goes, discovers that there are, in fact, no drugs, and comes back. All is fine and dandy, no one is any the wiser of the siren thing, and nothing happens for twenty years or so. But then Harry gets an invite to a wedding, Merlin catches wind that 007 is also going, and yeah that’s a little suspicious, so Harry gets sent back off to Greece.

“Remember that Harry Bright is not spontaneous and a dork,” Merlin reminds Harry as he ships him off.

Queue Mama Mia, the movie, and Harry getting dragged into a bunch of song and dance routines while Merlin makes sure to record every second for posterity. Merlin eventually figures out that it’s not mind control drugs, it just so happens that Donna and Co are sirens and are much more powerful in numbers than they are on their own. Both Donna and Sophie are a good deal stronger than Donna’s friends, but that’s neither here nor there. They also have zero interest in using their powers for any purpose except for seducing the occasional person and throwing really wild parties. So he tells Harry to ride it out, which is why Harry pays for part of the wedding (with Kingsman money), and also claims to be 1/3 of Sophie’s dad even though there is no way that she’s his because Kingsman has all their agents on birth control. Even though there is nothing worth seeing (from a Kingsman perspective), Merlin has Harry stay for the rest of the wedding, James Bond gets married, and Harry has a brief fling with that Greek dude because why the hell not.

Merlin does a bit more research on sirens, and discovers the following;

Sirens are pack/school/pod whatever creatures and their powers are amplified in a group setting. The more of them there are, the more convincing they are, and can pretty much get entire crowds to join in. Since humans are also group based creatures, once there's a large enough group doing an activity, others are likely to jump in even if they aren't as easily effected. (like in flash mobs! there's always randos joining in)

Their powers are centred in suggestion, and since song is a really great way to get people to remember things, singing always works best for sirens. Plus makes it easier for other sirens to be in sync, vs just shouting things at random.

While sirens did use to bash ships onto rocks and lead men to their deaths, they only did so to protect their own territory. But now there’s laws against that, and also things like wifi. Sirens like youtube videos of baby animals just as much as the rest of us.

Sirens can’t really use their powers on each other; it’s just very tempting for other sirens to join in when they’re singing. There’s a certain pull there, but it’s easily resisted.

The siren gene is passed down on the mother's side, but not all sirens are female; there are male sirens, but they're a lot rarer just since there is a guarantee that female offspring will be sirens, but there's only a 50/50 shot that the male one will be. Female offspring are also more common, occurring 75% of the time.

And now let’s get back to Kingsman under the cut.

Because you know who is a siren? Michelle Unwin, that’s who. I have evidence for this, but we’ll get to that later so bear with me. Like I said before, sirens are highly social, group based creatures; so when Michelle fell in love with Lee, it was VERY difficult for her to leave her family. But she loved him, there were tearful goodbyes and promises to visit the little coastal town she was from, but it wasn't on any main rail lines and they were busy with baby Eggsy and then Lee had to go off and join Kingsman and die. So while Michelle used to sing to Eggsy when he was a baby, she gets too depressed after Lee’s death and is trying to keep the two of them afloat, so she stops singing entirely.

Once Dean comes around, Michelle hasn't sung in years, because any songs of grief she would have sung for Lee would have been group based, as all siren songs are, and she hasn't been around any other sirens in years. She's too buried in her grief to consider going back to her family, and has lost contact anyhow, and then she meets Dean and she’s stuck there.

She's not 100% certain that Eggsy is a siren, but she forbids him from ever singing along with anything. Probably under the guise of 'Dean will hate it' or something, maybe even going as far as to telling him that Dean had complained about the quality of his voice (which is MASSIVELY taboo in siren culture, to tell another siren that their singing voice isn't up to par; that's just not a thing. It's not something you can ever say with any breadth of kindness) Eggsy is a good kid though, so he doesn't sing, even when he gets the urge.

He doesn’t sing at all until Daisy is born, and even then he’ll only sing when it's just the two of them, and only when she's upset. But even then it's super quietly, and only bits and pieces of a song. Daisy will always calm down when he sings, will just stare up at him and wave her tiny fists around happily or just go to sleep. Since Daisy is female, she’s for sure a siren (it's why Michelle was so terrified, when she called Eggsy in hysterics and demanded he come home from the army; she couldn't protect a baby from Dean by herself if she started to show her abilities). Singing and talking happens around the same time for baby sirens, and in the same way you can't forbid a baby from screaming or crying, you can’t forbid them to start singing if they get the urge. Since Eggsy sings to her, sometimes, she still has that social aspect that keeps the siren powers ‘awake’, even if it's weak. So her cries don't bring everyone running, but it does keep Dean and his men from trying to do anything unfortunate to keep her quiet. Sometimes they'll start to push past it, but once they get close enough to her crib she'll shriek loud enough that the 'back off' message is just strong enough to get them to leave her alone. Even baby sirens aren't helpless.

Side note; sirens have larger lung capacities which they use for singing, and are great swimmers because their preferred habitats are islands and they’d swim out to crash ships to protect them. Which is why Eggsy can hold his breath so long in that water test in comparison to the others.

Here’s how this ties back in properly to Kingsman; Valentine’s tech were based off of siren song. Originally, they were trying to reproduce it to the point so they could, like sirens, suggest a specific idea. That proved to be too complex though, so they settled for just suggesting a certain emotion, and then amp that frequency the hell up. So when the devices go off, Michelle has been suppressing her siren abilities for a solid seventeen years or so, so she gets drawn into it though. Daisy though? Daisy has been using it on and off, and she’s nearly a toddler when V-Day happens. Toddlers are entirely capable of the feeling of anger, and at the very least she should be throwing a temper tantrum, but instead she just sits in the bathroom and gets upset while her mother goes berserk and tries to murder her. Latent siren powers, huzzah!

Anywho, the rest of the Kingsman film goes as scripted, Eggsy becomes Gwaine, Harry comes back from the dead, neither Roxy nor Merlin die, Eggsy does not move out of Harry’s house, time passes, Harry and Eggsy get together, etc etc. I should mention that I have not seen Mama Mia 2 yet so we’re just going to ignore everything that happens there, but Harry gets an invite to Greece. Merlin insists that not only does he need more data points on siren abilities, especially post V-Day, Harry needs a vacation, and MI6 is there so he has to go. Harry points out that James Bond lives there with Donna, and therefore it doesn’t count as MI6 having a presence. Harry argues until Merlin mentions he’ll be sending Eggsy with him as backup, and suddenly Harry is thrilled to see his 1/3 daughter.

Both Eggsy and Harry work on some resistance training against siren song best they can, which is pretty easy because Harry has been actively been working on it since V-Day. Meanwhile Eggsy is a. stubborn as all hell b. has spent nearly his whole life resisting the urge to sing, which is half of the deal. They get to Greece, and Sophie IMMEDIATELY takes a shine to Eggsy, and is absolutely thrilled that Harry found someone to be happy with. Eggsy thinks Sophie is great, and that dorky Harry Bright is adorable. After the first few days though Eggsy is fairly stressed because he’s surrounded by several very powerful sirens and keeps resisting their siren songs, AND Harry keeps getting viciously hit on by everyone. I mean they're hitting on Eggsy too, but he doesn't notice because he's too busy being territorial; there is a very tan Greek man who keeps making doe eyes at Harry because they shacked up last time. (fun fact, greek dude from Mama Mia is also a siren, Merlin is cackling in the background)

The power keeps building as the third day goes around, and that night is when the party REALLY starts. Sirens feed off of group emotions, which is why they’re always so quick to cheer each other up, since otherwise you can end up bumming out everyone in the vicinity. It’s also one of the reasons that Valentine’s tech worked so well; the more people got involved, the more powerful it got. Anyways, by that point Eggsy’s jealousy has built and he’s fairly worn down by the constant barrage of “let’s throw a rager and flirt with everything that moves” mood the sirens have been throwing off the entire day. So when the karaoke thing starts, and Sophie goads him into doing a song, Eggsy is like “Yeah fuck it who cares if my voice is shit I am getting my ass up there here goes”.

Meanwhile Harry is also concerned because he’s been living with Eggsy for a year now and has never heard him sing, not even at Daisy’s birthday party where everyone sang and he just mumbled along. So he’s viciously texting Merlin about how he thinks that Eggsy has been effected and is going to make a fool of himself or something against his will, and please delete the recording as soon as it’s over, and then never bring it up. In the meantime Eggsy has vaulted up onto the stage, still stubborn and scowling, but once he gets up there he realises that he’s on a makeshift stage and has never sung anything before in his life. But he commits, because Sophie is giving him a thumbs up, and he’s not going to climb back off the stage now, is he?

Sophie puts on ‘Lay All Your Love On Me’ and while Eggsy is a little shy for the opening line or two, by the time the chorus starts he’s completely into it. By the second chorus the rest of the sirens have joined in, and Eggsy has jumped off the stage so that he can confidently put himself in Harry’s lap and is generally radiating such a strong ‘back the FUCK off’ vibe that he’s cleared a good sized circle around them. Donna is thrilled and is shouting things like “YOU TELL EM BOY” and Sophie is cackling because she’s placed bets on whether or not Eggsy had siren blood in him and will be collecting good money that night.

Harry is entirely shocked at first, and Merlin is 50% thrilled because this will be so useful and 50% pissed off because how did they not know about this earlier?!

The rest of the trip goes very well, aside from some shenanigans about whether or not James Bond is James Bond (Harry and Eggsy both swear that they’ve met James Bond, but Eggsy insists that that’s not him, because James Bond is blonde and blue eyed and together with MI6’s version of Merlin, and that’s how they figure out that James Bond is as much of a title as Galahad is), Sophie and Eggsy bond and she gives him a bunch of super secret siren tips that Merlin really wishes he hadn’t overheard. There’s singing, there’s dancing, etc etc.

Once Merlin gets over the things he heard and Eggsy and Harry get back to HQ, he already has a bunch of tests for Eggsy lined up. Which is how Eggsy and Roxy get locked in a sound proof room while Merlin hangs out on the other side of a sheet of soundproof glass with a mic and a cup of tea while Eggsy tries to get Roxy to join in on a duet of a Spice Girls song. That then inspires Merlin, and Eggsy finds himself staring down Roxy saying "tell me what you want, what you really really want" in various intonations to see if they could possibly use Eggsy's abilities as a truth serum. ((The answer is no, in part because Roxy can’t stop laughing))

They discover that Eggsy's powers mostly extend to people who are either susceptible to a good mental push (like drunk people, or those of particularly weak constitutions) or people who are letting themselves be pushed (like Harry, if they're alone and he's feeling like indulging Eggsy's brattiness). But as Merlin puts it "Unless we have an influx of targets hanging out in karaoke bars or greek islands, I don't know that it'll come up often”.

Oh and when they need more recruits Eggsy nominates Sophie. She’s been taught to fight by James Bond in the past few years so she has a leg up there, but she passes with flying colours and joins Kingsman.

Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk on why Harry Bright is just Harry Hart’s cover and Eggsy and the ladies from Mama Mia are all sirens.

#kingsman #hartwin #mama mia #this is the most ridiculous thing i have ever thought up probably #harry hart #eggsy unwin #i've been thinking about this for months #it's so self indulgent #anyways we just need more eggsy singing #and why not make him a siren #my stuff

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storytime-reviews · 6 years

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Ocean’s 8 Review

I saw Ocean’s 8 almost 2 weeks ago, and absolutely loved it. It was such a fun film, and I could hear the full cinema laughing and enjoying themselves throughout. Of course, with such an amazing cast, this is hardly a surprise. The chemistry between all of the actresses and their characters worked brilliantly, and I hope that a sequel will be announced so that we get to see these relationships develop further. In terms of the rest of the Ocean’s franchise, the characterisation in Ocean’s 8 was more successful, aided by a plot focused on the detail executed in each step of the plan. Furthermore, the refusal to ignore the films that came before in this franchise elevated several scenes, particularly Debbie’s initial appearance at Danny’s grave in the beginning of the film, and her return at the end.

Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett have such incredible chemistry, and all of the scenes between Debbie and Lou are charged – clearly a deep friendship exists, yet I’m certainly not the first and won’t be the last to highlight that there appears to be sexual tension as well. Debbie and Lou play off each other so well, there’s a deep understanding, respect and trust between them, and this film could only be improved by the two of them together in canon. I would be disappointed if a sequel does not go this route.

The change of pace in Ocean’s 8, compared to Ocean’s 11-13, allowed this film to stand on its own. In this case, the heist plays off quite differently, almost without a hitch – that is, until the next day when the false necklace is discovered, and James Corden shows up as an insurance investigator on the hunt. I loved the connection between his character and Debbie, because it allowed for a completely different situation. The investigator knows who is responsible, and yet that is not what is most important to him. However, what is truly highlighted by all of this is the remarkable attention to detail exhibited by Debbie, in that until this moment, the plan proceeds mostly pretty smoothly. This is understandable, given that she spent over 5 years planning the heist.

Although the heist is smooth compared to the rest of the Ocean’s franchise, tension and suspense still exists. Remarkably, a lot of this tension occurs throughout the initial stages of the plan, such as the magnet on the necklace, resulting in little tense spontaneity to keep the plan on track. Even though the characters struggled at times, they all powered through. The film succeeds in creating scenes of perfect tension, which are then undercut by various humorous moments. Most importantly, various elements of the heist are kept under wraps, keeping both the audience and most of the characters in suspense. I loved the surprise heist within a heist plot twist, especially the shock addition to the team. Most of all, I enjoyed the simplicity of the plan for removing the jewels from the Met Gala, merely wearing new pieces of jewellery made from the necklace. The tension goes into overdrive the following day, once the investigation begins, and the team must set up the prime suspect. This is a completely different scenario to the earlier Ocean’s films, for these women must not only steal the necklace, they must also create the fall guy and ensure that enough evidence exists for a conviction. This adds a new dimension to the franchise, one that I really loved.

One aspect of this film that I had been anticipating was the reveal of Anne Hathaway’s Daphne Kluger as part of the team. It was clear from the movie posters, trailer and behind the scenes pics that Daphne would be part of Ocean’s 8. Part of what I enjoyed about this film was attempting to find the connection, and I felt that this raised some of the suspense. The twist worked brilliantly, particularly the reveal of Daphne’s perspective in a number of earlier scenes. In my opinion, Anne Hathaway stole each scene that she was in, and perfectly encapsulated both the image and true nature of Daphne. Daphne not only duped the characters, she also duped the audience into believing she was a bit of a ditz. Before the film’s end, she is portrayed instead as an intelligent woman and exceptional actress – in fact it is her addition to the team that truly allows for a great set up. This transformation works precisely because of Anne’s portrayal of the character and her relevance to the plot.

All in all, Ocean’s 8 works for a number of reasons: the actresses and characters all have chemistry, the writing is interesting and fun, and the plot works seamlessly. Based on this film, I certainly hope that a sequel will happen, because it’s already clear that audience’s are enjoying themselves.

#ocean's 8 #oceans 8 #debbie ocean #sandra bullock #cate blanchett #anne hathaway #sarah paulson #helena bonham carter #rihanna #mindy kaling #awkwafina #movie review #my review

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frasier-crane-style · 7 years

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So Spider-Man: Homecoming strikes me as largely a... ummmm... unholy aberration? In that it’s a comic book adaptation that largely isn’t based on the comic book, it’s based on John Hughes movies from the eighties. And then at the same time, it’s modernized and updated and diversified because it can’t be old and outdated like the Dikto comics (although Ultimate Spider-Man was largely the same), but then all that modernization and updating is based on... the eighties.

1. Diversity

I suppose we might as well start with the elephant in the room. In the lead-up to Homecoming being released, there were a ton of articles backpatting Marvel (or backpatting themselves, rather) over how much of the cast was non-white. Not that you’d know it from looking at the poster, of course.

I just have problems. One, the diversity itself. I see it as mainly Marvel trying to placate the fans who wanted Miles Morales, a little like a dad who forgot his kid’s birthday so at the gas station he got a Sandlot DVD or whatever. “No, you’re not Spider-Man, but you CAN be... Ned Leeds! Don’t ya wanna be Ned Leeds, negroes?” Like, does that really matter that much? Are there black people dancing in the streets because Liz Allan is biracial? Is it really that big a deal that Spider-Man’s sidekicks and/or love interests are minorities, when that was also the case in Captain America, Iron Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man, etc. And all of them did it without this racebending that was apparently so necessary.

It also bugs me that Marvel justifies it by going “well, we’re just reflecting the real world diversity in New York! hashtag stay woke!” Yeah, they’re just reflecting the real world. Like in Captain America, when they reflected the reality of the segregated army of the 1940s.

Or how they reflected that all of the Norse gods were, y’know, kinda Norse.

It’s not that it’s such a bad argument, it’s just that I see it argued in bad faith a lot. When it suits their needs, people on the Left argue “hey, it’s realistic, you have to do X!” (see the Dunkirk “controversy”) Then when it doesn’t suit their needs, they argue “hey, there are dragons or aliens or whatever, it doesn’t need to be realistic! We can say that in 1966, the US army was all lesbian schoolgirls! Who cares?”

Just pick a position and stick to it. Also, maybe that diversity should carry over to the bad guys as well. Remember the head of a Middle Eastern terrorist organization, according to Marvel?

Or the head of a Far East cult?

Anyway, all this limp-wristed apologizing for Peter Parker being Spider-Man instead of Miles Morales comes off as especially galling when he’s getting his own movie. No other legacy character is getting that good a deal. There aren’t two Batman movies coming out, one with Dick Grayson and one with Bruce Wayne. And yet, Peter Parker’s movie still has to suffer and even incorporate a bunch of Miles Morales’s canon for no real reason. If you’re going to make a Peter Parker movie, make a Peter Parker movie, not this half-assed “oh, it’s Peter, but don’t worry, Miles is on his way, sorry, sorry, sorry!”

2. Flash

I don’t buy the Flash Thompson update at all. Like, is that really how bullying works now? The popular, cool nerd picking on the unpopular, lame nerd? It’s like, they’re both on the academic decathlon team. Flash is picking on Peter because he’s a better mathlete than him. Imagine Flash Thompson as a football player, and Peter is another football player who’s better at it than him, and somehow Flash is at the top of the social hierarchy and Peter’s at the bottom. Does that make any sense?

Of course, if they were really going to update Peter’s bullying, it would seem like they would at least mention cyberbullying, instead of just making Peter’s ‘tormentor’ a guy who makes passive-aggressive comments that Peter doesn’t even seem to notice. I feel like the irony of Peter being far stronger than Flash, but obviously unable to haul off and sock him one, plus the irony of Flash being a fan of Spider-Man but disliking Peter, is way stronger than whatever they’re trying to accomplish by giving him an ‘intellectual rival.’

Also, is making Peter’s nemesis a rich prick really that much more original than his nemesis being a jerk jock? REALLY?

3. MJ

I would argue their rendition of ‘MJ’ is way less faithful than the outright loathed Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Wolverine, you get at least a couple of scenes where Ryan Reynolds is playing Wade Wilson, he’s making jokes, he has two katanas... he turns into an abomination, but he spends several scenes not as an abomination.

Michelle... they adapted a famously dancing party girl and all they had her talk about was how she hates parties. She’s literally the exact opposite of Mary Jane. Even the watered down MJs in the Raimi movies, Ultimate comics, and SMLMJ were still popular, positive characters.

Michelle, again, exact opposite. I have no idea why people are cool with this except that either they’re fetishizing, like, any black people at all--Chris Tucker could come in and scream “HELP ME, SPIDER-MAN, I GOT THESE CRIMINALS ALL OVER ME!” and they’d go yay, representation matters--or they hate Mary Jane in the first place and wouldn’t care if Marvel turned her into Norman Osborn’s chief assassin and baby-killer.

In which case, it seems you should complain a little just on principle. Isn’t any character entitled to a little better treatment than this? Especially a famous female character that has a lot of fans who she means something to? If you’re going to make this character a socially awkward nerd, why not at least name her after Gwen Stacy or Debra Whitman, who are at least something like that in canon? Even if you’re just a Gwen Stacy fan, do you want the waters muddied so that now a (nominally) completely different character has traits adopted from your fave? Do you like it when female characters are treated as completely interchangeable?

4. Ned

The last of the new kids/updates/whatever the fuck is Ned, and fuck him. Fuck him in his stupid Ganke face yes I said it. I guess we’re going to ignore the hypocrisy of Ganke being the most faithfully adapted character in a Spider-Man movie, but Marvel casting an actor of a different ethnicity, so they give the character the name of another character of yet another ethnicity to cover, because everything is stupid and sucks all the time now.

BUT ANYWAY, all this just so Peter can have “a guy on a computer”? He already has Karen, which is enough of a fucking departure already, and the movie even points out how cliched a guy on a computer is! Smallville did it, Birds of Prey did it, Arrow does it, The Flash does it, Supergirl does it--does Spider-Man really have to crib notes from those fucking pikers?

The bigger problem, though, is this.

5. Secret identity

I understand Marvel deciding Peter can’t just have an internal monologue, they need to give him a character to talk to so the audience can know how he’s feeling. The Amazing Spider-Mans did that with Gwen and, at least theoretically, I’m fine with that.

My issue is that Marvel took Peter, one of their most introverted and neurotic characters, and let his entire supporting cast know he’s Spider-Man!

Seriously. Let’s check who in the cast knows he’s Spider-Man by the end of the movie.

1. Ganke/Ned

2. Tony Stark

3. Happy Hogan

4. (presumably) Pepper Potts

5. Michelle suspects/could know (so should that be half?)

5.5. Aunt May

6. The Vulture

7. Karen

So... essentially everyone but fucking Flash. One or two of these would be fine, but he can fucking take everyone who knows out to a buffet and have a roundtable discussion on what to do about the Scorpion. What about him being a loner? What’s the point of a secret identity if everyone who matters knows? What about him having to figure stuff out on his own?

6. Rich uncle

So let me ask you something. Aunt May gets really sick--in fact, her being chronically ill would be a good way to replicate the comics’ elderly May instead of May being the bread-winner in a family that seems comfortably middle class, cough cough--what does Peter do? Does he go to the Daily Bugle and beg Jameson for an assignment? Is he tempted to rob a bank or just take some money from a crook he’s busted? How does he pay for this?

Well, in this canon, obviously he just asks Tony to write him a check.

It’s so odd, because you’d think the idea of Peter Parker as being financially unstable and constantly struggling with money troubles would be more relevant than ever these days. Yet, by making him Tony’s fucking surrogate motherfucking son, that aspect is totally neutered. Why does this Peter need to work at the Bugle at all? Why should he do anything except ask Stark--the guy who buys masterpieces he’s never even heard of on a lark--for money and then goof off?

In the comics, at least initially, Peter is constantly being Spider-Man not only to fight injustice, but also because the photographs he takes of himself fighting supervillains is the only way he has to make a living and support his aunt. Homecoming, May can support herself, he has Tony as the world’s biggest safety net, so the Spider-Man thing seems less a responsibility and more like a fun hobby he does for shits and giggles.

I’m not saying Spider-Man should be Batman, angsting and brooding over being a superhero, but shouldn’t there be some mixed feelings and conflict over it?

And, for a character who iconically has to repair his own costume with a sewing kit, does it not seem really inappropriate for him to now be wearing a Harrier jet? They try to adapt the part in Civil War where he rejects the Iron Spider suit, but since the Iron Spider suit is here the classic costume we all want to see him in, now he rejects an even more advanced powered armor suit, while keeping the still very advanced powered armor suit that is somehow supposed to be down-home and authentic.

(I guess no one pointed out that the entire Tony-Peter relationship throughout Civil War ended with Peter realizing what an anus Tony was and rejecting him.)

6a. Rich spotlight-stealing uncle

By the way, this totally takes the emphasis off Peter as a genius in his own right (which is, remember, the reason he’s supposed to have this deep bond with Tony in the first place). Who cares if Peter invented webbing and webshooters if that’s only 1% of what his suit can do and everything else is this stupendous stuff Tony Stark came up with? You might as well go whole-hog and say that Peter was just doing parkour before and Tony invented everything. Peter isn’t even the one to hack into his own suit, he needs Gankned for that.

7. Rich SUPERHERO uncle

Also, we’ve established that this Spider-Man isn’t qualified to fight supervillains and is expected to call for back-up whenever he runs into one, unless he’s just stupidly prideful (which is, y’know, irresponsible--not very Spidery). For the plot to work, thus we get this dumb conflict where Tony and Hogan apparently ignore Peter’s ass, only for them to ‘heartwarmingly’ reveal that they really have listened and paid attention to his missives. They just, you know, never actually tell him that or really anything (doesn’t Tony seem like the kind of guy who would at least text Peter? Probably a lot? He seems to love hanging out with the Avengers and chatting about superhero stuff otherwise...)

I know Tony is supposed to be that stupid, even after ten movies where the theme is “Tony learns not to be that stupid,” but does that really sound like something Hogan and especially Pepper would go along with?

It’s contrived enough in the first place that we’d end up in a situation where Peter is trying to call Iron Man in on this supervillain hoedown going on right now, but they won’t take his calls, so what happens in the sequel? Peter runs into the Lizard, he calls the Avengers, they say “sorry, kid--we’re all busy”? I’m not ungenerous, I’ll accept that in most solo movies, Thor or Captain America won’t call in the cavalry, but with Spider-Man, isn’t it just child endangerment to say “yeah, we know we’re supposed to help you, but it’s your solo movie, we’re not springing for ScarJo and Hulk’s FX team, we’re already giving Sony fifty percent”?

Maybe when they were ripping off Supergirl’s ‘guy at the computer,’ they should’ve realized how bad it looks when Superman is out there somewhere protecting the world, but won’t help out Supergirl no matter how bad it gets, because either she or he is an idiot.

8. The Vulture

I guess everyone likes the idea of a sympathetic, Walter White Marvel supervillain they didn’t notice the movie doesn’t actually do that? In the very first scene (before the studio logos, even!), he seems like a decent enough guy, but one time-skip later and he’s the Vulture, without seeming the least bit conflicted or remorseful about his actions. (We also immediately see him in costume, and it seems like they should’ve saved that until his first attack on Spider-Man.)

He talks a good game about how oppressed he is, but really, he seems to just do typical supervillain shit like killing his underlings for failing him, only then he literally says “whoops, I meant to use the NOT killing him raygun!” Ambiguity! Who gives a shit?

I, too, like the idea of a supervillain who starts off maybe not that bad and then becomes more desperate and dangerous as Spidey closes in on him, but really, Vulture is just another supervillain with a doomsday plan, only it takes him until the end for him to finally say “yeah, let’s go ahead with the doomsday plan!”

9. There is going to be Iron Man in your Iron Man/Spider-Man team-up movie, right?

I know a lot of people were worried about Iron Man dominating what is, after all, a Spider-Man movie, but I feel somewhat the opposite. If you’re going to have trailers ending in big money shots of Spider-Man and Iron Man running around side by side (shots that weren’t ever in the movie but were filmed just for the trailer) and posters with giant Iron Man front and center.

(This is actually three posters joined together and it’s depicting a scene that doesn’t even happen a little!)

It kinda seems like Iron Man should be important to the plot. Like Black Widow in Winter Soldier. That was a Captain America movie, clearly, but Widow had a big part to play. Homecoming, it seems more like Tony Stark cameos, only that makes it into all the trailers and posters. Why is there not a scene of Spider-Man and Iron Man fighting together? Or even of the Vulture hacking Iron Man and forcing him to fight Spider-Man? Or some development of this Vulture/Iron Man feud that’s alluded to, but then pretty much has nothing to do with anything (tell me, how would the movie be different if, say, Danny Rand had founded Damage Control instead of Stark?).

I’m just saying, if we’re going to have this character in the movie at all, why not use him to the fullest, or somewhere near the fullest? Kinda seems like the most important thing Tony does in this is get back together with Pepper so we can tie up that dangling plot thread from Civil War.

10. The Shocker

Okay, I know this is pedantic, but it bugs me. So they have the Shocker in this as Vulture’s henchman. That’s fine--Shocker was never going to be anything other than the Scarecrow to other people’s Ra’s al Ghul. But why did they have to handle him in such an awkward way?

First, what happened to his costume? I remember there were behind-the-scenes pictures of it that looked perfectly serviceable.

Even the old video games did a ‘grounded, realistic’ take that looked halfway decent.

The toy looked fine too.

Then in the actual movie...

Oh... he’s that guy with the yellow sleeves holding a laser gun. Wait, two guys. Great.

Fucking Whiplash is dressed to the nines in comparison. What happened?

Then there’s this sequence of events. So in the movie, the OG Shocker is Montana Bryce, played by Logan Marshall-Green. (He really has nothing to do with the Shocker except in Spectacular Spider-Man, where it made sense because the Enforcers were already established characters, so they basically handed the character the tech and said presto, the Shocker.)

(Hence my theory that they’re not so much are adapting the comics than they are the comics’ Wikipedia pages. Well, that and fucking John Hughes movies, because instead of the covers or iconic panels, that’s what they pay homage to.)

Anyway, he fails Vulture, Vulture says “you’ve failed me for the last time” and kills him, then says that Herman Schultz (Shocker I in the comics) is now the Shocker. Herman Schultz--which sounds like something a black teenager would get on his fake ID in a Wayans Bros movie--is played by Bokeem Woodbine, who also seems way too intimidating and competent for the character.

But I guess he’s the official Shocker now and the whole Montana thing was just to show how ruthless the Vulture, except that they walked it back because he’s really sympathetic and honorable, except, except...

I can understand wanting a black supervillain for their Sinister Six movie and it would actually be fitting to the canonical, hard-luck Herman Schultz to end up being killed off and replaced by a more capable character. Y’know, unlike the time von Strucker got defeated in the opening scene then killed off-screen.

The point is, if they’d just switched it so that Logan Marshall-Green (or a more comedic actor) was playing Herman Schultz and Bokeem Woodbine was playing, I don’t know, John Cena/Shocker II, it would fit a hundred times better. But they just didn’t care.

11. “My friends call me MJ” is stupid and I hate it and I hate you

I shouldn’t have to explain that making a character the exact opposite of any shred of prior characterization she’s had, then ‘revealing’ she really is the character she’s purposely been given no resemblance to is stupid Mystery Box bullshit. It’s like if the next Star Trek movie had a character named “the Sarge” with round ears who constantly guzzled beer and got emotional and said that logic sucked, then at the end, he said “well, my real name is Spock” and then the producer had to go online to say that he’s not the Spock but he is a Spock and him having pointed ears is something only racists care about and anyway he’s a new take on the character, get off our backs!

It’s not even a twist! It’s just giving the audience incorrect information, then declaring that incorrect information is suddenly correct.

But okay! I guess nothing means anything anymore and life is pointless. So let’s say that you have an audience who has never read a Spider-Man comic in their lives. (We’ll call them the target audience.) In fact, they’ve never even heard of Spider-Man. Not Green Goblin, not Doctor Octopus. They didn’t see the Sam Raimi movies or the Marc Webb movies or any of the cartoons. As far as they’re concerned, Spider-Man didn’t exist before he showed up in Civil War (which was very confusing for them, because they didn’t explain his powers or his origin or why he was living with his hot aunt instead of his parents or anything at all).

But this audience watches the movie Spider-Man: Homecoming and takes this character Michelle at face value. At the end, she says “My friends call me MJ.”

Well... so what? That doesn’t change anything for the audience. It doesn’t affect the plot. It’s the equivalent of having Verbal Kint, at the end of The Usual Suspects, reveal that he has a limp and a canker sore.

Of course we, the prospective audience, do know that Michelle is Peter’s love interest, because she was the top-billed female lead and did all the press with Tom Holland and is the only woman who’s not a Parker family member on the poster. Oh, and because MJ is historically a big Peter Parker love interest. Except we literally don’t know or care anything about her personality or appearance or backstory or relationships with different characters other than that. But for the audience member who knows nothing else about MJ except that she fucks Peter Parker, this is a big deal. Unless in the sequel, they decide not to have her as the love interest after all.

Are you getting my point here? It’s not even a good twist. A good twist would be if the Liz Allan character were referred to as MJ, then at the end it was revealed that it stood for Marion Juliet or whatever, and that she had never been Mary Jane. Or if Zendeya (why doesn’t she have a fucking last name? You’re 20, no 20-year-old has ever been iconic, get over yourself, you’re not goddamn Cher) had said “my friends call me Harriet Osborn,” that at least would’ve been something definitive, because we would’ve known Norman is coming and he’s related to this girl.

But just... this bitch may or may not be their take on Mary Jane and she may or may not get with Peter and that may or may not come to anything... who the hell cares? It’s like a negative twist. Everyone saw it coming and it makes the story less interesting now that it’s been revealed. It’s like if the first episode of How I Met Your Mother ended with Saget saying “oh, I end up with Robin, spoiler alert.” Okay, why are we watching the fucking show now? Either you lied and that information is even more pointless than it already is or you’re going to fuck Cobie Smolders and the whole thing is a foregone conclusion.

12. Lights! Camera! Action?

The action scenes are all short and unsatisfying, especially given that they’re using the Vulture, yet their prequeletic decision not to let Spider-Man actually web-swing (because he hasn’t earned it yet, dontchaknow) means that they don’t let them have any real memorable aerial duels. I guess so much for the entire reason to use that character.

They have all the ingredients for it to work--numerous henchmen armed with high-tech weaponry, an inexperienced (and borderline incompetent) Spider-Man, yet he pretty much just steam-rolls through everyone by virtue of his Amazing Technicolor Spidey-Suit. It makes you think that’s all that’s keeping him from being completely invulnerable is his own ineptitude and failure to properly utilize his suit.

It’s like they knew they couldn’t pull off a better action scene than the train sequence in Spider-Man 2, so instead of at least trying to do so--like taking advantage of modern technology to give us a big Vulture fight among the skyscrapers, or giving us the Iron Man/Spider-Man team-up that was the whole point of this movie--they just turned the action scenes into open mic night. Oh, look, Spider-Man’s getting hit with golf balls! And he’s recreating Ferris Bueller jumping on a trampoline from 31-year-old movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, all very relevant and modern and updated and today’s youth! Hey, audience, we’re not taking this seriously, so why should you? Just give it a soft pass, c’mon, dontcha like Spider-Man?

I just think that, when you have this smug “we’re going to do it RIGHT” attitude of naming your movie ‘Homecoming’ and (deservedly) throwing the ASM movies under the bus, aren’t you obliged to actually follow through and do Spider-Man right instead of this bastardized hybrid of John Hughes, white Miles Morales, teen movie cliches, political correctness, Tony Stark branding, and all this other crap that has jack all to do with Peter Parker? Because they had the perfect opportunity, with the decoy Liz Allan love interest and setting multiple movies in high school, to actually do a very faithful adaptation of the comics, of Spider-Man’s supporting cast... even just having Mary Jane cameo in a few scenes, being this quipping fun-lover but not yet a love interest, would’ve done so much to make this feel like Spider-Man instead of an Iron Man spin-off. Which is what it is.

#spider-man

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ostrich-on-a-rampage-blog · 7 years

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Crutchie, Cursed: Chapter 1

So, here’s the first chapter of an Ella Enchanted AU that I accidentally fell in love with. A couple people seemed interested, so here’s the start of it. Basically, what happened is I started rewatching that movie last night and kept thinking how Newsies characters could fit in here. And then I texted my roommate and she just said, “Go for it, Ostrich.” I went for it.

Also, as a side note, I have read the book, but back when I was in elementary school or junior high, so I have no memory of it. In other words, this will mostly be based around the movie. Which, also means that there will be some movie quotes in here because some of that dialogue is just too perfect to neglect. Plus, I have changed a couple of the scenes, settings, etc. It will all make sense, trust me. Do tell me how you like it, though! Reblogs and comments will encourage me to finish the next chapter sooner!

It wasn’t as if Crutchie hated his life. No, that wouldn’t be fair to say. There were lots of aspects of his life that he absolutely loved. His godmother, Medda, for one. His best friend, Katherine, of course. The fact that he was passing all his community college classes and had even managed to be recognized in his speech and debate class—although that was probably due to all of Katherine’s help—were definite pluses. Really, everything made his life just fine, all added together.

“Hey, crip! Get down here!”

Except, no, his life was not all that great, despite the smiles he faked. Years ago, Crutchie’s father died and his mother, a rather forgetful, hapless woman, never seemed to truly understand the impact of his death on her son. Sure, she had held him close and promised that everything would be okay. Crutchie wondered if she ever meant the promise, or if it had just been something nice to say to her hurting son. Only a couple months ago, she had remarried to a small, shriveled man by the name of Wiesel. She had explained that he had the money that their family needed, and, as much as Crutchie appreciated the full cupboards and the warm, plentiful meals, he almost wished they could go back to the time when he had gone to bed hungry, but had been happy. When it was just the two of them. Or, rather, when it was the three of them, and Crutchie had never foreseen the dark storms and heavy grief ahead of him.

“Move slower, ya stupid crip, I dare you!”

Wiesel had brought his two sons along with him: Oscar and Morris. While Morris tended to be quiet and brood in the corner of the room, a small black book in hand—Crutchie suspected it to be a collection of Poe’s poems, after he heard Morris mutter something about a sepulchre by the sea—and a quick frown for Crutchie whenever he entered the room, Oscar was more vocal with his dislike towards his new stepbrother. Both stepbrothers looked remarkably similar. They had dark brown hair and sported twin sneers, especially whenever Crutchie was present.

“I’m coming,” Crutchie said, trying to force his suddenly leaden limbs to move faster.

That was the other problem. Upon his birth, a benevolent—though, Crutchie wasn’t sure he quite agreed with that terminology—fairy granted him the gift of obedience. Which meant that Crutchie was stuck obeying every small command uttered around him. It had led to all sorts of unfortunate experiences, including, but not limited to, the time he punched a bully, the time he ate a worm, and the time he couldn’t tell anyone about the mean kids that teased and bullied Katherine for her big books and owlish glasses.

“Took you long enough,” Oscar remarked once Crutchie entered the living room. “Today we’re going to the rally for the Prince. I do not want to see your ugly mug there. Got it?”

Crutchie nodded, muttering under his breath, “Won’t be that hard with your eyesight.”

“What did you say?” Oscar challenged.

“Nothing. Have fun supporting a politician that has managed to destroy over a century’s peace. And all because he thought free labor would have no consequences, even though if he had ever taken the time to study a history book, he would see—“

“Shut up,” Oscar snapped.

Crutchie’s rant immediately stopped, all words dying in the back of his throat. His silence didn’t keep him from glaring at Oscar and Morris, as they headed out of the door, chattering eagerly about the Prince’s new hair style and how it compared to how he had worn it the previous spring.

Prince Jack was the talk among every citizen of marriageable age. The rumor was that the Prince would need to marry someone before he could actually be officially coronated and named King of New York, great land that it was. Men and women, alike, fawned over his deep, chocolate eyes and his wavy, brunette hair. Oscar had even been elected president of the Jack Fan Club that had been organized in Manhattan. Crutchie still scoffed whenever he entered his step-brother’s shared room and noticed the many posters of the Prince on the walls. Really, it was all a publicity stunt to distract the idiot townspeople from the atrocities being committed around them. And, much to Crutchie’s dismay, it was working.

A knock on the door interrupted Crutchie’s thoughts and he grinned when he saw his best friend waving through the window. “Hey, Kath,” he said, letting her bounce through the door.

“Okay, I painted all these great posters for the rally,” Katherine said, unrolling a poster that called for the end of ogrecide and equality among all. “I tried to see if Specs could come, but Romeo got sick, so it’s just going to be the two of us. Is that okay?” she asked, her eyes crinkling with worry behind the clear frames.

“Of course, Kath. And these look great.”

Katherine smiled. “Thanks, Crutch. Now we better get there before the mob of our great Prince’s fans manages to bring the rally to an end.”

King Snyder—for only a few short days more, until Prince Jack would be crowned the rightful King—stepped out into the bright sunshine. He blinked at the sudden sunlight, waving cheerfully to the crowd of people who had shown up to the rally for their King and Prince. He started speaking, but Crutchie wasn’t paying attention. He noticed that Oscar and Morris were at the front of the group of Jack’s fans, homemade hearts pinned to their chests. Oscar’s head started to turn and Crutchie reacted instinctively. Crutchie immediately ducked behind a pillar, his body acting on its own. He couldn’t be seen by Oscar, he couldn’t be seen by—

“What’s wrong?” Katherine asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Crutchie said, playing it off with a laugh. “Just, uh, like the shade, is all.”

“Well, we’ve got to be out in the open, where the King and the Prince can actually see the posters, or else all this work will have been for nothing.”

“Um, yeah, of course,” Crutchie said, peering around the pillar. Oscar wasn’t looking his way. He stepped out around the pillar, lofting the poster into the air. “Let’s do this, Kath. Show ‘em what’s what.”

As soon as Prince Jack stepped out onto the stage, the crowd burst into cheers and screams and catcalls. The Prince smiled weakly, waving to his adoring fans. He opened his mouth to say something, but Katherine began shouting, “Say no to ogrecide! Say no to ogrecide!” Her voice carried loud and clear over the rally’s crowd, catching the attention of the King, the Prince, and everyone in the square.

Normally, Crutchie would be proud of his friend taking a stand for her beliefs, but not when Oscar’s scowl deepened at the sight of his step-brother. Oscar shoved a couple of the rally-goers aside, stomping angrily towards Crutchie. A slightly-confused Morris followed along, glancing back at Jack longingly. “What are you doing here?” Oscar demanded, ripping the poster from Crutchie’s shaking hands. “I told you not to show your face here. Go home,” he commanded.

Crutchie winced, before muttering softly, “I gotta go, Kath. I’ll see you around.”

“Crutch, wait!” Katherine tried, but Crutchie was already limping out of the square, ignoring the stares from all of the citizens.

“That was a waste,” Crutchie muttered, wiping angrily at his nose. All Crutchie had ever dreamed of, since he was young, was making a difference in the world. But, how could he ever do that, if he continually was forced into following others commands. It wasn’t fair. No one else had been cursed at birth. Only Crutchie seemed lucky enough to have been blessed with some fairy that apparently had decided his life wouldn’t be crappy enough between his twisted leg and his father’s sudden death, and had “gifted” him with obedience.

Crutchie barely had time to notice the sound of screams echoing throughout the forest, before someone grabbed him, dragging him to the ground. He immediately elbowed his assailant in the stomach, but that only managed to trigger a small grunt of pain. A soft hand was clamped over his mouth, while his attacker hissed, “Shh.”

A crowd of men and women, all wearing those tacky “I Heart Jack” pins, ran past them, screaming excitedly. Once they had passed them, Crutchie’s assailant let him go, muttering a small apology. Crutchie turned, surprised to discover that assailant was, in fact, Prince Jack. “That’s a fine way to treat your citizens, shoving them to the ground,” Crutchie muttered, standing up and brushing the dirt from his pants.

“I’m Jack,” Jack introduced himself, handing the other man his crutch.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Oh,” Jack said, running his hand through his brown locks. Crutchie started away, but Jack caught up. “Hey, I never got your name.”

“They call me Crutchie.”

“Do you like the name Crutchie?”

“It’s a far cry better than ‘crip,’ or whatever semi-clever insults the kids on the playground could think of,” Crutchie remarked.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, but Crutchie shrugged his concern off, continuing on his way home. “You know,” Jack continued, “you’re the first person who hasn’t swooned at the sight of me.”

Crutchie snorted. “Then maybe I’ve done you some good.”

“No, I meant—“ Jack fell silent, as a strange sound emanated from the forest on the side of the road. “I’ll go investigate,” he explained, pulling his sword out of its sheath. “Stay here.”

At the command, Crutchie’s feet seemed to freeze in the center of the dirt road. “Jack!” he tried to call, but the Prince either ignored him, or didn’t hear. “Great,” he muttered, tugging uselessly on his legs and trying to will them to move, even though he knew none of his efforts would be successful. Eventually, Crutchie simply gave up, scanning the forest and waiting for his prince to come—Crutchie rolled his eyes at that particular thought—and free him from his temporary stasis.

A quiet rumbling surprised Crutchie. He hadn’t expected any sort of storm, especially with the sky so clear of clouds. As the rumbling grew louder, he glanced behind him, immediately discovering the source of the noise. Some madly drunk man had whipped the horses driving his carriage into a frenzy, and the carriage barreled towards Crutchie, with no sign of slowing. “Jack!” Crutchie shouted again, annoyed at the note of desperation that colored the name. He wasn’t desperate, he wasn’t—only, he was, because his feet still would not move and the carriage was getting closer and—

“Move!”

Crutchie immediately obeyed, leaping out of the way of the carriage and the cackling drunkard. For a moment, Crutchie merely laid on the ground, breathing deeply and thanking everything that he was still alive. His fingers shook, but he quickly fisted his hands to hide the trembling. Ignoring the slight tremor in his voice, Crutchie shouted, “What the hell was that?”

Jack blinked in surprise. “What was what? You weren’t moving; you were just standing there!”

“Clearly, I moved out of the way in time,” Crutchie said, levering himself up with the aid of his crutch. “No thanks to you. How was your little romp into the woods?”

“It wasn’t an ogre.”

“You find a scawy wabbit?” Crutchie teased, focusing on annoying the Prince instead of the way his knees still shook after that near-death experience. He could’ve died, he could’ve died.

“Oh, shut up.”

Crutchie’s mouth snapped shut, but the Prince didn’t seem to notice, as Oscar and Morris ran up to the pair. “Jack!” Oscar called out, taken aback by the appearance of the Prince with his step-brother. “H-how are you? You’re looking,” Oscar paused, examining the Prince’s body, “swell.”

Crutchie snorted, catching Oscar’s attention. “And, Crutchie, take Morris home.”

“Oh, come on,” Morris complained, pouting. But, he listened to his older brother and motioned for Crutchie to come home with him.

“Watch out for rabbits,” Crutchie told Jack, a farewell, of sorts.

“And you stay away from carriages,” Jack told him, a soft smile at his lips.

Crutchie nodded his good-bye, before joining Morris on the road home. “I don’t see why you get to meet Jack,” Morris complained. “Sometimes, Crutchie, I think you’re the luckiest guy alive.” And while Crutchie had never been inclined to agree to a statement such as that, he found himself wondering if this was a start of a new, luckier chapter in his life.

#newsies #ella enchanted au #jackcrutchie #this should be fun #tell me how you like it!#my fanfiction #my writing #crutchie cursed

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pepoluan · 7 years

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It’s not “Born Sexy Yesterday,” y’all.

Some time ago, I reblogged what looked like a screencap of someone’s post, a well-written takedown on “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope misapplied against Jashi. I haven’t been successful in finding the original post, so I decided to retype the post -- in its entirery -- here.

(Some transcribing notes at the end of the retype.)

Do remember that: everything I retyped here represented the thoughts of the Original Poster. I agree with most of it, disagree with (a very small) part of it, but all of them are the post of the OP verbatim:

(Long wall of text after the “Keep Reading” link)

I had the great fortune of catching up with the fifth season of Samurai Jack just in time for that episode, and, well, there’s a lot I could say.

But I want to just focus on one thing: what bothers me about so much media criticism -- and this is coming from someone who engages in quite a bit of it -- is that, in attempting to call out issues of objectification of women and sexism against women, critics often do just what they’re criticizing themselves, stripping away female characters’ agency and personalities in their commentary, painting them as little more than helpless, pitiful things.

And that’s exactly my issue with the [“Born Sexy Yesterday” video](link?) -- and exactly my issue with the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope being applied to Ashi.

(Well, aside from the fact that the whole video in question is a [Jonathan McIntosh Video, who was a co-writer and producer for the first season of Feminist Frequency’s “Tropes vs Women in Video Games” series](link?), which has this issue on top of a whole host of others, but that’s a discussion for another day.)

The Trope

For a sort of “textbook” definition of the trope in question, McIntosh defines the “Born Sexy Yesterday” character as so:

McIntosh: She has the mind of a naive, yet highly-skilled child, but in the body of a mature, sexualized women. She also serves as our hero’s love interest. “Profoundly naive, yet unimaginably wise” captures the essence of this trope.

“Born Yesterday” is an idiom meaning “extremely naive, inexperienced, or ignorant.” As a media trope, “Born Sexy Yesterday” has both a figurative and, in many cases, a literal meaning.

From here, McIntosh adds that the “Born Sexy Yesterday” character has “the mind of a child manifest in a mature, female body” and is “brought into the human world already fully formed.” The character is “deliberately framed in a sexualized way” and is “defined by their innocence and inexperience of worldly things -- especially when it comes to sex, romance, or basic social interaction.” Notably, they are “deliberately written to be completely unaware of their own sex appeal.”

However, a “Born Sexy Yesterday” gal -- despite her newness -- is still “often highly skilled in something that men will respect” (often combat), which emphasizes what McIntosh stresses is the most important part of the trope: “Born Sexy Yesterday” is more of a relationship trope than anything -- and it’s a male-fantasy relationship trope at that. The guy who ultimately hooks up with the “Born Sexy Yesterday” gal is just as crucial to the trope as the “Born Sexy Yesterday” gal is herself.

And the “guy” part of “Born Sexy Yesterday” is, as McIntosh describes:

McIntosh: Typically, he’s a straight, red-blooded man who has -- for a variety of reasons -- found himself alone or unsatisfied in love. He finds himself disenfranchised, or otherwise directionless. He either can’t find -- or doesn’t want -- a woman from his own world -- a woman who might be his equal in matters of love and sexuality.

He does have one thing going for him, though. He knows all about living life as a normal human being.

Of course, so does every other guy on Earth, which should make him... unremarkable. Except, to a woman born yesterday. Because she’s presumably never known another man, he would seem like the smartest, most amazing guy in the entire universe.

And here’s where we start to see how the trope is constructed as a male fantasy. It’s precisely her naivety and her innocence that allows her to see something special in him -- something that other, less innocent -- or more experienced -- women cannot.

In other words, a “Born Sexy Yesterday” gal, as described by McIntosh, is nothing more than a wish-fulfillment sex object for loser guys who can’t get with anyone else.

In other words, to say that a female character fits the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope is to say that any hopes, dreams, ambitions that she might have outside of a man -- and, you know, that whole personality thing -- mean nothing. To say a female character fits the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope is to say that she is nothing more than a silly, doesn’t-know-anything sex object, because that is literally what the trope describes.

And that’s why the trope doesn’t sit well with me in the first place. It seems far more interested in bringing down women and reducing them to items of male pleasure than criticizing the writing for depicting them in that way.

Ashi

But bringing this back to Ashi and Samurai Jack, the nasty nature of this trope is also why I dislike it being used to criticize Ashi. Just like every other character that might be described as a “Born Sexy Yesterday” gal, the trope reduces Ashi to nothing more than Jack’s sexy arm candy and completely glosses over and ignores her own growth, her own journey, and her own agency.

Ashi has arguably been as much of the main character of Season Five as Jack has been. The narrative has detailed her horrific childhood, her constant love for nature, her compassion even when she was trained and ordered to have none, her wonder as she sees everything that was hidden from her, her stubbornness in her ways, her turmoil as the truth becomes impossible to deny ... and that’s just in the first few episodes!

From there, Ashi gets to wander the world and learn about the world on her own, gets to discover herself and who she wants to be on her own, gets to face her mother and defeat her mother on her own -- and that’s just scratching the surface. Ashi has so much growth and development separate from Jack that emphasizes that she is so much more than just some pretty “prize” for him because he can’t get any other girl (which, c’mon, seriously? Jack is hugely adored in-canon, is damn good looking, loses his clothes all the time, and is sexualized up the wazoo just like Ashi is. Ain’t no way this dude would have trouble getting some if he were really looking.)

In any case, the idea of Ashi fitting the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope so insulting because it conveniently forgets everything about her that doesn’t have to do with Jack and her “childishness” that stems from her sheltered upbringing. Despite all of Ashi’s experiences, she’s reduced to a naive baby who can’t handle herself and doesn’t know anything. While it’s true that Ashi’s childhood leaves her highly inexperienced in the world, her story -- which the narrative has so focused on and placed so much significance on -- is all about gaining experience. It honestly grosses me out that everything Ashi went through and her journey to understand what was stolen from her is just completely pushed under a rug to pigeonhole her into a demeaning trope.

Think of it this way: would you consider Rapunzel from Disney’s Tangled an example of “Born Sexy Yesterday” due to her sheltered upbringing? I certainly wouldn’t! Rapunzel is so, so, so much more than Eugene’s clueless girlfriend, and her story is all about gaining experience and independence. To say that Rapunzel fits the trope would be to erase basically the entire movie -- and I feel just the same about Ashi in Samurai Jack.

And in fact, the video itself actually debunks the idea of Ashi fitting the trope at all!

McIntosh: ... the problem with this trope [”Born Sexy Yesterday”] is not necessarily with the female characters themselves. If these were simply stories involving naive, extra-terrestrial women who learned about love and humanity, then that wouldn’t be an issue. Likewise, if the male hero was also inexperienced and our two protagonists could discover love and sex together, then that would avoid most of the troubling power dynamic issues.

So, for example, Cameron from the Sarah Connor Chronicles TV show fits the trope, but her relationship with the young John Connor is framed as much more of a mutual exploration.

This season of Samurai Jack has been a story nearly just as much about Ashi -- if not as much -- as it is about the titular Jack. Season Five hasn’t just been some lame male-fantasy romance, because any and al “romance” has just been left to this one episode -- one, out of eight, in which Ashi has always been prominently featured and her story of self-discovery has always been of utmost significance.

Equality

The idea of Ashi fitting the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope is also insulting because of another aspect noted in the quote above: equality. While “Born Sexy Yesterday” is a trope that “fetishes the stark power imbalance between a wiser, more experienced man and a naive, inexperienced woman” and is “the ultimate teacher/student dynamic,” Jack and Ashi’s relationship is defined by learning from each other. Jack “shows Ashi the world,” if you will, and Ashi does the same for him later, saving Jack from himself by “showing” him all the good he’s done in the world with her words. Jack fights his own personal demons, and Ashi fights hers -- and they support each other through it, as equals and friends, not master/object or teacher/student.

Especially in this contested episode, Jack is never depicted as “a wiser, more experienced man” than Ashi -- right from the very beginning! Jack tries to seem like he knows what he’s doing when he orders food, but he clearly doesn’t have a clue (as eating the stuff turns his head into a fish). Ashi, meanwhile -- the one who is so argued to be naive and inexperienced -- is wise enough to know not to eat the seafood. She may have been sheltered and hidden away from the world, but she’s not a clueless child who doesn’t know anything.

All the sexual metaphors in the episode also point to Jack and Ashi’s equality -- or at least, to the fact that Jack is not someone significantly above Ashi in terms of romantic / sexual experience. They are both high school-level awkward around each other. They both don’t know how to figure out the “device,” and they both have to fiddle and fiddle and fiddle with it until they get it right. Neither knows what they’re doing, and they have to figure that out together, just like the Cameron and John example from the Sarah Connor Chronicles.

And, to address the naked elephant in the room, Ashi has, again, wandered around the world without Jack. She knew to cover her nakedness because of social norms -- why else would she have made her dress? Ashi’s confusion at Jack’s flustered reaction to her nakedness in episode 8 seems more to me as her being confused that someone like Jack would be flustered about nudity in a literal life-or-death situation. Jack is the one acting like an immature child here, not Ashi.

Finally, from a narrative standpoint, Jack and Ashi are also presented as people put in similar, equal situation. Jack was raised to fight and kill Aku. His childhood was dedicated to the task, and in the series proper, it is still his goal. While Jack wasn’t exactly sheltered per se, he didn’t get to experience the world much as an ordinary person because he was always laser-focused on this weighty, fate-of-the-world task.

In the same way, Ashi was raised to fight and kill Jack. Her entire life was dedicated to the goal. She had no chance to experience the world as an ordinary person -- and much like Jack was flung into the future and had to learn how to live in a new world, Ashi has to learn to live in a new world, too. And as shown in episode 8, they’re both still getting the hang of it!

These are people who “get” each other. They were born to fight. They were tossed into a strange new world. They’ve never had the chance to be “normal” citizens. They are both naive and trying to figure things out together.

Jack is never presented as a grand power over Ashi. She holds her own and stands up for herself. She is not Jack’s mindless, clueless arm candy. She is not “Born Sexy Yesterday.”

Of course, I am not saying that there aren’t legitimate criticisms towards the romance. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be upset. I’m not saying that anyone has to like the direction the series took. I’m not saying that the backlash is unwarranted or undeserved.

But to criticize Season Five because of “Born Sexy Yesterday” is demeaning, insulting, and just plain wrong.

And, personally, I find it incredibly disappointing that a video essay that should, by definition, inspire critical thinking has only seemed to do the exact opposite.

(End of Transcription; notes follows)

[1] I tried hard to replicate the formatting of the original post. However, the font used by the original post was very well-designed to show the difference of italics and non-italics, while the font in which you’re reading this retype might not.

[2] Since I transcribed from a screencap, I have no way of knowing what the OP linked to. These unknown links are marked using this notation: [...](link?). I’d rather leave the links unknown than guessing and link to the wrong things.

[3] Any misspelling would be my fault; the Original Post is practically perfect in its spelling.

[4] If you are the OP and you want this to be taken down and replaced with a link to your actual post, please message me, and I’ll gladly do that.

#Samurai Jack #Jashi #Wrong Trope Takedown #Born Sexy Yesterday #No It's NOT

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middleeasternpromises · 7 years

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The Hate U Give - A Study in Tupac Shakur - Book Analysis

I wrote this analysis/review as spoiler free as possible but it does contain excerpts from the novel and discusses the book at length. Reading this review will inevitably spoil minor details but purposely tries to avoid any big reveals.

I just finished The Hate U Give, which isn’t my usual fair, young adult. After reading reviews the premise caught me: a young black woman is with her friend when he’s tragically fatally shot by a trigger happy police officer. From there, it follows Starr Carter’s life between the family dynamics of her father, mother, older half brother, Seven, and younger brother, Sekani.

The novel is set in unnamed city other than Starr’s neighborhood of Garden Heights, set in present day. Other than the “every town” setting, it’s meant to exist in our world, where 2pac existed and current rappers Drake, J.Cole, Kendrick Lamar and various other celebrities reside. That said, real events are mostly non-addressed except in closing and I’d argue for the better.

Only in the closing passages does Starr mention real police shootings, letting the reader explore the parallels without drawing any connection one particular event.

“It would be easy to quit if it was just about me, Khalil, that night, and that cop. It’s about way more than that though. It’s about Seven. Sekani. Kenya. DeVante. It’s also about Oscar. Aiyana. Trayvon. Rekia. Michael. Eric. Tamir. John. Ezell. Sandra. Freddie. Alton. Philando. It’s even about that little boy in 1955 who nobody recognized at first—Emmett.”

I didn’t know going into this this book was that it draws heavily off Tupac Shakur, to the point of what I’d dub “Tupacian”. Tupac casts a large shadow over the entire book. Despite how obvious it seems to me, I haven’t read any reviews connecting this story directly to Tupac so here’s my argument as to how deeply connected the book is to Tupac Shakur.

I’ll fully admit some of the points I’ll make are likely happenstance and/or simply reflective of the realities of racism in America. The phrase “the black experience” exists for a pretty clear reason, the white majority of Americans do not experience America the same as African Americans. Simply by writing a book that deals with racism will overlap with thematic issues covered by Tupac and by an even greater extent, hip hop at large.

That said, whether by conscience choice or simply happenstance, They Hate you Give is a hip hop novel where Tupac Shakur’s work is at the core of the tale, and is deeply entrenched with hip hop references and Tupacian thematic archetypes.

While the archetypes aren’t inherently limited to Tupac or even hip hop, but when stacked together, I believe that The Hate U Give affirms a deep study of Tupac and is much a homage to the better aspects of Tupac.

I’m also convinced that The Hate U Give also will be a better 2pac movie than the biopic after seeing the trailers for All Eyez On Me but that’s another rant aside.

Tupac used as narrative device:

At several key points of the book, 2pac’s works are used to both foreshadow and create exposition:

“Mind your business, Starr! Don’t worry ’bout me. I’m doing what I gotta do.” “Bullshit. You know my dad would help you out.” He wipes his nose before his lie. “I don’t need help from nobody, okay? And that li’l minimum-wage job your pops gave me didn’t make nothing happen. I got tired of choosing between lights and food.” “I thought your grandma was working.” “She was. When she got sick, them clowns at the hospital claimed they’d work with her. Two months later, she wasn’t pulling her load on the job, ’cause when you’re going through chemo, you can’t pull big-ass garbage bins around. They fired her.” He shakes his head. “Funny, huh? The hospital fired her ’cause she was sick.” It’s silent in the Impala except for Tupac asking who do you believe in? I don’t know. My phone vibrates again, probably either Chris asking for forgiveness or Kenya asking for backup against Denasia”

Tupac’s song “Who Do You Believe in?” is a paranoid exploration about psychological toll of urban decay and death.

So I'm askin', before I lay me down to sleep Before you judge me Look at all the shit you did to me; my misery

- 2pac, Who Do You Believe in

At the beginning of chapter ten, Starr decides to join her dad on errands for his story. During the trip, 2pac’s song, “Keep Your Head Up” is used as exposition again and mild foreshadowing as Starr struggles with her friend’s death.

“I’m always down to hang out with him. We roll through the streets, Tupac blasting through the subwoofers. He’s rapping about keeping your head up, and Daddy glances at me as he raps along, like he’s telling me the same thing Tupac is. “I know you’re fed up, baby”—he nudges my chin—“but keep your head up.” He sings with the chorus about how things will get easier, and I don’t know if I wanna cry ’cause that’s really speaking to me right now, or crack up ’cause Daddy’s singing is so horrible. Daddy says, “That was a deep dude right there. Real deep. They don’t make rappers like that no more.” “You’re showing your age, Daddy.” “Whatever. It’s the truth. Rappers nowadays only care ’bout money, hoes, and clothes.” “Showing your age,” I whisper. “’Pac rapped ’bout that stuff too, yeah, but he also cared ’bout uplifting black people,” says Daddy. “Like he took the word ‘nigga’ and gave it a whole new meaning—Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished. And he said Thug Life meant—” “The Hate U Give Little Infants F---s Everybody,” I censor myself. This is my daddy I’m talking to, you know? “You know ’bout that?” “Yeah. Khalil told me what he thought it means. We were listening to Tupac right before . . . you know.” “A’ight, so what do you think it means?” “You don’t know?” I ask. “I know. I wanna hear what you think.” Here he goes. Picking my brain. “Khalil said it’s about what society feeds us as youth and how it comes back and bites them later,” I say. “I think it’s about more than youth though. I think it’s about us, period.” “Us who?” he asks. “Black people, minorities, poor people. Everybody at the bottom in society.” “The oppressed,” says Daddy. “Yeah. We’re the ones who get the short end of the stick, but we’re the ones they fear the most. That’s why the government targeted the Black Panthers, right? Because they were scared of the Panthers?”

“Uh-huh,” Daddy says. “The Panthers educated and empowered the people. That tactic of empowering the oppressed goes even further back than the Panthers though. Name one.” Is he serious? He always makes me think. This one takes me a second. “The slave rebellion of 1831,” I say. “Nat Turner empowered and educated other slaves, and it led to one of the biggest slave revolts in history.”

Again, we have the content of Tupac’s song reflected in the story. Below is the hook, literally as her dad is comforting his daughter by trying to normalize her life after the shooting. In his own way, he’s also placing the pivotal title, THUG on the book.

Keep ya head up, ooh, child Things are gonna get easier Keep ya head up, ooh, child Things'll get brighter Keep ya head up, ooh, child Things are gonna get easier Keep ya head up, ooh, child Things'll get brighter

- 2pac, Keep Your Head Up

When Seven is driving with Chris, Kenya, DeVante, and Starr, after the pivotal moment where DeVante is rescued from an already dangerous situation, Seven realizes his mother helped Chris, Kenya and Starr rescue DeVante. Seven wants to go back to try and get her out of the situation, but Starr sees the futile logic, and tries to reason with Seven not to go back.

2pac’s Changes plays when Seven ultimately is convinced to u-turn and not to go back to King’s house and the choice inevitably leads the group to the protests at the end of chapter 24.

“A Tupac song on the radio makes up for our silence. He raps about how we gotta start making changes. Khalil was right. ’Pac’s still relevant.

“All right,” Seven says, and he makes another U-turn. “All right.”

2pac’s Changes is to-date, 2pac’s highest chart topping song, originally released as a B-Side on Brenda’s Got A Baby but re-release on his greatest hits, remixed and remastered to its catchier version that most listeners know today. Changes centrally covers police brutality, racism, the rise of black incarceration, drug dealing, and gang violence, ultimately with 2pac asking listeners to make changes, while over an interpolation of "The Way It Is" by Bruce Hornsby and the Range. The entire song feels as urgent a quarter century later as it did in 1992 and could be quoted in its entirety.

youtube

I see no changes. All I see is racist faces. Misplaced hate makes disgrace to races we under. I wonder what it takes to make this one better place... let's erase the wasted. Take the evil out the people, they'll be acting right. 'Cause both black and white are smokin' crack tonight. And only time we chill is when we kill each other. It takes skill to be real, time to heal each other. And although it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to see a black President, uhh. It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact... the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks. But some things will never change. Try to show another way, but they stayin' in the dope game. Now tell me what's a mother to do? Bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you. You gotta operate the easy way. "I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way. Sellin' crack to the kids. "I gotta get paid," Well hey, well that's the way it is.

2pac - Changes

I could spent paragraphs unpackingChanges, but its best simply listened to after reading the book.

Lastly, when Starr finally moves into up into her new room, Tupac is used to reflect on Khalil in the closing of the book.

“Momma leaves with the phone, and I turn onto my side. Tupac stares back at me from a poster, a smirk on his face. The Thug Life tattoo on his stomach looks bolder than the rest of the photo. It was the first thing I put in my new room. Kinda like bringing Khalil with me.

He said Thug Life stood for “The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody.” We did all that stuff last night because we were pissed, and it fucked all of us. Now we have to somehow un-fuck everybody.”

References to 2pac

1) I’ll start with the most obvious. The Hate U Give, is “THUG”, such a direct reference to 2pac that not one but two characters explain the meaning of 2pac’s love of acrynomistic interpretations of words. Tupac was hardly the first rapper to lift acronyms, as the 5 Percent Nation slang infected hip hop in the late 80s and early 90s. For examples, see any rhyme that involves the phrase Arm Leg Leg Arm Head (Allah) orPete Rock and CL Smooth’s “They Reminisce Over You, T.R.O.Y.”

Tupac once explained Thug Life as “The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody”, an exposition of the black experience according to Shakur. Tupac doesn’t single out just whites or blacks or any other single sect of society but rather points out the normalization of racism hurts white people as well as black people and any other ethnic group. It’s a very progressive argument to be made by man in his early 20s back in the early 90s (lest not forget 2pac was another young black man gunned down at 25).

“Khalil drops the brush in the door and cranks up his stereo, blasting an old rap song Daddy has played a million times. I frown. “Why you always listening to that old stuff?” “Man, get outta here! Tupac was the truth.” “Yeah, twenty years ago.” “Nah, even now. Like, check this.” He points at me, which means he’s about to go into one of his Khalil philosophical moments. “’Pac said Thug Life stood for ‘The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody.’” I raise my eyebrows. “What?” “Listen! The Hate U—the letter U—Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody. T-H-U-G L-I-F-E. Meaning what society give us as youth, it bites them in the ass when we wild out. Get it?” “Damn. Yeah.” “See? Told you he was relevant.” He nods to the beat and raps along. But now I’m wondering what he’s doing to “fuck everybody.” As much as I think I know, I hope I’m wrong. I need to hear it from him.”

2) The second most obvious 2pac reference is both Starr Amaru Carter shares the same middle name of Tupac Amaru Shakur. Also notable is the Starr’s last name is the same as Jay-Z, which also is referenced when Starr jokes about the wishful possibility of being an estranged relative relationship to Jay-Z. The spelling of Starr could be also taken as homage to Black Star (Mos Def + Talib Kweli) or Gang Starr (Guru + DJ Premier).

Bonus:

Both groups pay homage to fallen rappers, such as on Black Star’s most famous track “Definition” which features the chorus of:

“One, two, three, It's kind of dangerous to be an MC, They shot 2Pac and Biggie, Too much violence in hip-hop, Y-O” - BlackStar, Definitiona

In the case of Gang Starr, DJ Premier especially being responsible for exposing a wider audience to Big L, or songs like on their classic album Moment of Truth on the song “In Memory Of...” which calls out a large cast of fallen hip hop pioneers including ‘Pac and Biggie.

Also notable, Mos Def performed Panther Pride as spoken word by 2pac on the tribute album, The Rose That Grew From the Concrete, further deepening the Tupac connection to Black Star.

These are loose tangential connections to Tupac. Even Sean Carter (Jay-Z) was called out as the ring leader of East Coast rappers looking to tarnish 2pac’s namesake on Tupac’s Makalevi album, The Seven Day Theory.

In a more literary sense, Starr literally is the star of the book, akin to over-the-top literary naming conventions like Hiro Protagonist in Neil Stephenson’s classic, “Snow Crash”.

3) King is a Suge Knight-esq character even described as a physically imposing 300 pound bearded bald man, standing just above 6 feet and always carrying a cigar. Knight’s kingpin image as a villain has become the standard bearer of the evil gang affiliated record exec and the archetype of the hip hop villain, (see Def Jam’s Vendetta/Fight For NY character, D-Mob, or Lucious from Empire) .

King isn’t a studio exec nor does he manage musicians in the The Hate U Give, but his demeanor is a distilled version of Knight.

Bonus:

A laundry list misdeeds have been attributed to Knight and his cronies. Many fans of 2pac believe that Suge Knight orchestrated the hit on 2pac in Las Vegas. Lead Investigator of the Christopher Wallace murder, Russel Poole, believes that Suge Knight was behind the murder of the Notorious Big.

4) Colors play a part in the gang culture, grey and green are substituted for the real life crips and blood affiliations, a throwback to colors and gang life of the early 90s. Tupac often referenced M.O.B., Money Over Bitches but for those who knew Suge, M.O.B. was a menacing endorsement of the Mob Piru Bloods. The divisions of even the same gangs by regionality like the divisions of Bloods are reflected as King Lords has divisions within the same gang, akin to the world that Tupac lived in. Notably the reality of gang life isn’t unique to only 2pac but the the dedication to gang colors was originally a west coast phenomenon but spread.

NYC underground legend, OC (of the D.I.T.C.)’s Memory Lane illustrates the division of New York vs Los Angeles in the 80s.

I recall one of my cousins goin out to California Comin’ back tellin us niggas dyin over colors He told me 'bout, khaki wearin, jheri curl brothers Doin’ drivebys in cars with machine guns bustin’ I found it farfetched, thinkin his story is stretched Findin’ out later on about the West coast sets Let me fast-forward the story and tell ya how it ends They moved to start a new life for his life to end Come to find out later on he was Blood inducted From the same set he claimed was the Blood who bucked him - OC, Memory Lane*

The link has the track label mislabeled.

5) Seven’s name toys with the numerological side of hip hop.

I rarely-to-never put credence into numerology or anagrams as both are logical fallacies as it flirts with enthymemes and is an exercise in confirmation bias.

Most of the post-humorous “2pac is alive” theories had to do with seriously large jumps like “Makaveli = Mak alive”. I could easily connect the number to 2pac.

Example: Seven isn’t exactly limited to any one sect of western society due to its prevalence as a “lucky” number but 2pac’s Makaveli - The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory, has seven in the title. Seven also happens (more coincidence than anything) to be the number of official 2pac’s post humorous albums.

While many theories circulate around the meaning of the Makaveli album’s title, quite literally the album was recorded a single week, hence the “Seven Day Theory.” In the context of a Tupanian world and as someone familiar with the importance of numerology among 2pac fans, I’d argue that simply using a number (any low digit number) would allow fans to make tangential claims about said number. This logical fallacy is known as “Attempts by gamblers to see patterns in random chance”, where coincidence is chalked up to some convoluted pattern, that often requires significant hurdles to arrive at.

While I’d wager that Seven’s name isn’t a direct reference to 2pac, I can see Angie Thomas toying with the reader, looking to make numerological connections to any (bad pun) number of things as numerology factored quite a bit into post-humorous Tupac conspiracies.

6) Big Mav, aka Maverick, Starr’s father, is constantly tending roses in his garden (and talking to them) despite being a fairly traditionally masculine character. The affinity with roses is shared with 2pac. 2pac’s autobiographical poem is “The Rose That Grew From the Concrete” which also is the name of his collected publication of his poetry. “Mama's Just A Little Girl” and” I Ain't Mad at Cha” both feature the iconography of roses pertaining as a metaphor for raising children in the urban ghettos. Big Mav struggle to raise roses in his urban environment is an allegory for his own careful attention to Starr (and all his children). Roses to my knowledge, are the only flower ever mentioned by variety in any 2pac song.

7) Khalil is potentially named after the actor that played in Juice, one of Tupac’s best friends, Raheem. Raheem is shot dead by Tupac’s character. While there isn’t a greater metaphor here, Tupac’s portrayal of Bishop, the antagonist in the film is widely regarded as Tupac’s defining film role, and a center of Tupacian lore as its his first film role. As the story goes, he landed it on an impromptu reading while hanging out with Treach of Naughty By Nature.

Also, police violence towards young black men is central to the Tupacian universe. This shouldn’t come as any surprise as Tupac confronted the reality of growing up as black male from a very early age.

Cops give a damn about a negro Pull the trigger, kill a nigga, he's a hero Mo' nigga, mo' nigga, mo' niggas Rather I'd be dead than a po' nigga Let the Lord judge the criminals If I die, I wonder if Heaven got a ghetto

- 2pac, I Wonder if Head Got a Ghetto

8) ) Golden Era references are aplomb in this book. For those unfamiliar, the Golden Era is usually cited as roughly between 1987-1995, marking the rapid rise of hip hop in public conscience era and of the most rapid evolution of hip hop in both lyricism, and production. While the exact years are often debated, the golden era is never extended beyond the deaths of 2pac and Biggie in 1996. The throwback references are largely to cultural references that existed when 2pac was alive. The obsession with Jordans is a 90s sneaker head theme. Shoe fetishism has been deeply entrenched with hip hop, especially in the indie rap scene as of today. This could easily be a book worth, but Jordan represents the shift from Adidas to Nike, which happened during the Golden Era.. While Tupac wasn’t explicitly a sneaker head, fans and publications have noted Tupac wearing Jordans.

More indicative of the throwback references, are with Starr and Chris’s obsession of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Jordans, and references to NWA and the movie Friday. Notably, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is set in the in LA, NWA is from LA, and Friday is a movie set in LA. 2pac is most closely associated with Los Angeles despite being from NYC and also residing in Oakland.

DeVante is named after DeVante Swing, directly referenced to 90s RnB group, Jodaci, DeVante Swing even produced a song for Tupac, although not really affiliated. For a bit of unrelated trivia, Jodaci is where Sean “Puffy” Combs got his start in the music business as his first major act to break. Puff Daddy (as he was known) is a central figure in 2pac’s beef with the Biggie.

Lastly, even the phrase” Westside is the best side” uttered in the book, and is a throwback reference to the West vs East hip hop beef, prominently between Tupac and Biggie and whoever else Tupac threw under the bus in diss records (Nas, Jay-Z, Mobb Deep and even The Fugees).

9) Starr’s childhood friend, Natasha, died of gang violence. Tupac often recorded odes to fallen friends, most notably Kato who died of gang violence who’s referenced in lyrics on “How Long With they Mourn Me”, “So Many Tears”, “Ready For Whatever, “Only Fear of Death”, “Where do we go from here”, “Ballad of a Dead Soulja”, “Life Goes On” and “White Man’z World”. While the repercussions of gang violence is hardly new territory for hip hop, it follows the Tupacian thematic tone. This may be grasping at straws Natasha’s death reads quite a bit like Tupac’s description of Latasha mentioned in “Hellrazor”.

Dear Lord if ya hear me, tell me why Little girl like LaTasha, had to die She never got to see the bullet, just heard the shot Her little body couldn't take it, it shook and dropped And when I saw it on the news how she bucked the girl, killed Latasha Now I'm screamin fuck the world,

-2pac, Hellrazor

Notably, The real LaTasha Harlins was shot when a store manager assumed LaTasha was stealing liquor and a conflict arose where Latasha was shot, in the back of the head, attempting to leave.

10) The reactions to the police verdict result in a full blown riot resembling the the LA riots in depth and scope. This is as much about today as it is thematically 2pac. Tupac several times references rioting, (as the LA riots happened in April 29, 1992 - May 4, 1992.

First you didn't give a fuck, but you're learnin now If you don't respect the town then we'll burn you down God damn it's a motherfuckin riot Black people only hate police so don't try it If you're not from the town then don't pass through Cause some O.G. fools might blast you

- 2pac, I Wonder if Head Got a Ghetto

I must reiterate that this alone isn’t inherently Tupacian as the LA Riots have had a long standing hold the public conscience, and any riots resulting from unfavorable outcomes circulating police brutality automatically welcome a comparison to the LA Riots.

While I’m sure there’s other relationships other readers can make connections to 2pac, these were the most easily recognized for me.

youtube

Recommended listening from 2pac:

Changes

HellRazor

Me Against The World

I Wonder if Heaven Got A Ghetto*

Trapped

Holler if You Hear Me

Brenda’s Got A Baby

Keep Your Head Up

Until the End of Time (RP Remix)

My Block

Do For Love

*I Wonder If Heaven Got A Ghetto borrows several lines from Changes (or vice versa) as Changes was originally a B-Side that was never released on an album. The remix I Wonder If Heaven Got A Ghetto I personally like

#the hate u give #2pac #tupac #tupac shakur #Hip hop music #political rap #political hip hop #book review #book analysis #black lives matter #hip hop #westside #west coast #thug life #angie thomas #ya novels #literature

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