#ignore this pls i just wanted to vent into the void

[jdeanmorgan]

Being chronically ill is exhausting.

#this condition is no joke #my meds are working fine according to my last tests #yet I've been having flare ups of symptoms for years now #sigh anyway #ignore this pls i just wanted to vent into the void

[kaz-oooo]

Vent time, ignore me if you wish to not hear my venting.. also homophobia cw.

Literally just trying to live my best goddamn life, Christmas is always stressful as fuck — constantly busy, seeing family, stressing about the fact the new year is around the corner — so I just wanna unload before the Big Day and watch a nice, chill video to pass the time.

First this I see, a sponsored video by YouTube itself “Why I left the LGBTQ community.”

Off the bat red flags in my head.. I am read to scroll past but….. I mean I gotta know if my suspicions are correct. All I did was check the description because fuck knows I don’t wanna watch even a second of this video.

“My testimony of how Christ saved me out of a homosexual lifestyle.”

Just fuck off! Seriously!! Why is this conversion therapy shit being recommended to me? Why is it being promoted?? I mean I know not to expect any kind of moral backbone from YouTube, but seriously??? I just stopped being angry about that green twat and his bullshit excuses, and I’m very intentionally trying to steer clear of mr plagiarism and his drama. I just want 1 little break for this holiday season. Pls.

Anyway I’m done. I just needed to like shout my thoughts into a void so I can (hopefully) sleep tonight and not carrying this bullshit through Christmas Day.

#vent post #tw homophobia

[minoan-ophidian]

.

#oop my brain is trying to justify my isolating myself for long periods of time because 'nothing's real anyway' and i can't argue with that #k i don't wanna do any more introspection cause i know exactly how i'm fucked up and what i should be doing to fix it #but i don't have the motivation like i just don't wanna deal with it fuck dude #the last 4 or so years have been one big 'i don't care' and what's the point in getting better if you don't want to #ugh #personal bs #pls ignore these 4 am vents i just gotta scream into the void sometimes

[hellborg]

l today was pretty good thus far. It was rly relaxing! It was pleasant! but just as expected my mood is now taking a dip since my meds are wearing off. Ik I shouldn’t take more thats just not a good idea. But the anxiety is getting to me so bad and it’s every night that it’s not even 10 pm and I’m an annoying anxious buffoon. I just have to find smth to distract me thoroughly enough so that I don’t dwell on things.

#tw mental health #tw #vent ignore me pls #I just need to cry into the void so I don’t talk to others #they’ve heard enough of me crying #thankfully I have a therapist appointment tomorrow #but god do I just want to shut down and go into like a camotose state asdfhfkglajah #I don’t want to face my feelings of fear and anxiety #but it might be necessary god I feel like such a baby #its not fair that the ppl who hurt me got away and are probably not even thinking about what they did #but here I am a wreck and edging a meltdown the past few nights because 2 years later it still haunts me #being blamed #not good enough #or that I’m a problem that needs to be cut out #that I’m a mistake #and now because of those ppl who hurt me I’m paranoid about being hurt or hurting others in my life #my hypervigilance has become worse and at this point is just paranoia I wish so bad that I could stop caring about everything #that I could just be normal #and trust in my logic that ppl don’t hate me or that I’m doing just fine #that I’m not a burden #the worst part is there is nothing to numb this anxiety at all #nothing I can do except desperately try and find a healthy coping outlet #because I’m afraid of not finding one

[veeaziel]

how did i convince myself at 14 that i wanted a career in mechanical engineering

#i read fic cause if i dont ill be crying for most of the day #like #its interesting #im interested #but damn #my motivation is 0 #ive thought about dropping outta college so many more times than should be considered normal this semester #i keep telling myself i just dont want my jib to be my passion #and that thats fine #but #fuuuuuck #i just wanna be rich and live a life of luxury by enjiying the simple things #like holding hands #or having a stress free road trip #veeaziel rants #venting to the void #i have to study man #pls ignore

[fruityutas]

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#i just need to let out air pls ignore this #or read im not against it #i just need someway to vent so this is it hhaha #but anyways i just keep thinking about how its been so long since ive gotten into kpop (lil over four years) and how its made me inherently #happier than a lot of other things but theres always things that get me down #i cant really articulate them you know? #its like a void feeling inside me #like im a shell and no emotions are able to come from me #which is also true but it’s because of my medicine #it doesn’t do anything other than make me emotionally numb #and its kinda shitty imo #but if i dont take it the emotions come all at once and the winner is always my depression #and thats not any better at all #so my choices are really just numb or kill myself #which is sad #and i look at myself and am just. sad #i feel like im not a real person #i dissociate multiple times a day and its not healthy #and the feeling is like #wanting to be nonexistent. not really die but just never have existed #but also?? the only way to do that is die and leave peoples memory #which if i do will inevitably happen to most ppl in my life #im just. not functioning right? #and i know i have more than just anxiety and depression but im at a point where i cant get an adult doctor rn bc im on break #so i have to wait until i go back to my campus #and it sucks #i feel like i will never be normal #which is also correct but i want at least a sliver of it #like it genuinely blows my mind that there are mentally stable and ppl who are not and never will be mentally ill out there. #sigh

[se0kluvr]

i keep trying my best but everything feels so draining and things keep falling apart and i don't know what to do

#u guys dont need to send me nice messages or anything if you dont want to #i just needed to vent #if ur my friend and ur reading this pls dont be offended i just felt like saying this into the void #every day is either a bad day or #a day that seems alright but then by the end of the day im crying lmao #i don't know what to do #i keep trying so hard but i dont feel like i've accomplished anything you know? #i just feel so stressed out and sad #i keep trying to ignore it and focus on what i have to do but god it's so hard #i stopped halfway through my hw because i just couldnt #every day feels dull and i feel so lonely #god.. i just needed to let this out #im sorry i dont mean to be all depressing on my blog #thank u for reading if you did #personal

[maedaeme]

hey tumblr pls let your readmores work thanks

quick note tHIS IS NOT A VAGUEBLOG i promise this isn’t abt any mutuals or anything i’m just talking about the overall. feelings i’ve been struggling with particularly in rl actual face-to-face interactions with people lmao. carry on

man i know it sounds super self centered but im. constantly torn 

i don’t want people to not need me ya feel? but im also emotionally exhausted. i don’t want to be unavailable for emotional support because then people may second guess coming to me for help? and the extra selfish part is that it leads to a fear that i will be quickly and easily replaced? because i offer very little else as a person (which is probably a sign im not a particularly worthwhile friend to have y i k e s)

but then i get stuck in this perpetual exhaustion? and there are many friends i hold very dearly who i would hate to lose bc i adore them but who no longer contact me unless they need emotional support, and it’s... weirdly hard. by the same token though, everyone needs someone? and i know for a few people i’m the only someone they’re comfortable going to. and i don’t really think it’s because of who i am as a person haha i think it’s because i’m juuust removed enough from their life that i’m safe to vent to. kind of like what i’m doing now lmao i’m the human equivalent of yelling into the internet void

i’m torn between wanting to be known and needed and wanting to... disappear? or maybe i just need rest. i feel so overwhelmed all the time. my brother was talking to me today and mentioned that he felt bad always dumping his feelings on me because i’ve been saddled with taking care of them for most of my life and i reassured him, and then i felt horrible? it wasn’t a lie, but being the one handling Everyone’s Feelings does really really weigh on me... is it worse to withhold that or is it worse to tell him the truth when i know it’s already hard for him to say his emotions out loud? i feel like it’s the latter and i don’t think i’ll ever say ‘i can’t deal with this right now, it’s hard.’  i want to believe it’s because i’m good and don’t want to hurt him but i know it’s also because this is all i am as a person and losing it or accidentally hurting someone frightens me more than it hurts to ignore it

this comes in waves and it will pass--i have days where i handle it really well. but some days are hard, and it’s incredibly lonely. i wish there was more...substance to me, or that i knew how to properly do things in a balanced way. i will be okay. i just wish i knew what to do ya feel

#pointless post #i think the internet does help? i'll miss tumblr for this reason #it's a decent place to just shake some weight off without feeling like you're shoving it into people's faces #not that im LEAVING tumblr but if it does die that'll sure be a bummer

[antiquedove]

I just need to vent abt some stuff for a hot sec so if everyone could pls ignore this, I need to yell into the void and my phone notes aren't doing it.

I just want to be okay. I'm so sick of my trauma and my anxiety trying to ruin everything for me. I feel like nothing I do is working. I know that this dark period won't last forever, but right now it just hurts so much. I'm tired of having breakdowns twice a day because everything hurts and I can't handle it. I'm tired of my anxiety and my trauma making me imagine scenarios in my head that will literally never happen and overthink them till I'm crying. No matter what I try I can't get it to stop. I just want it to stop.

Okay rant over ignore this and keep scrolling thx

#personal #ignore #rant #vent #anxiety #trauma #recovery

[playdoughsrepublic]

i want to stop thinking for a full 5 minutes

#p #and i have this feeling rn where i want to vent but i really don't want to vent to a person but i also rly don't want to vent alone 2 myself #so pls just like ignore me i need this right now #and my thoughts r a fucking mess n my emotions r a fucking mess and its been a while and i don't know how to change them #and i can't change them #and i just made a sad discovery that it doesn't matter how fucking amazing everything around me is I'm always going to have this #and it's not going to go away because its the way I'm fucking programmed and I'm so sick of it i just want to be someone else #not even… like i want to be me but i want to be actually me and not this bullshit #and i don't know how to manage it or what to do other than stay here and complain into the void #and i just want to be stable! i want to feel normal and i want to feel like I'm not going to spring into meltdown mode at any given moment #i want things to be clear #i want to see myself n things around me for what they are #i want things to be okay #i mean like things are okay objectively #but i want to feel it and thats really it