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#ik it’s a stretch but seeing a character people love with my features makes me feel nice ig
seakicker · 2 years
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me when literally everyone else: mmf yes so hot so sexy,,,, stretch marks? scars? moles? love it love it love it FUCK so sexy! I love love love tummy and boobs and big boobs and small boobs and boobs that are perky but also boobs that abide by gravity and boobs that spread out and I love love love chub and thick thighs and cellulite fuck it’s all so sexy I love I love I love I love feminine men I love big masculine men I love it all
me when myself: god I’m so ugly why
It could be because I’m trans especially because there’s good days and bad days but damn I hate parts of myself I KNOW I would drool over on other people. I draw people with my exact body type and lust and lust and lust and then I try to indulge myself and draw self-ship art but. I feel like I’m ugly or that the character I’m with wouldn’t like me EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THEY WOULD? Maybe it’s a confidence issue maybe it’s my dysphoria but that other anon talking about their experience with their commission and asshole artist reminded me of this damn dilemma. I love y/n fanfic so much cause it’s easier to forget myself and what I look like in the first person but damn. I hate myself in art and photos so much and I don’t even know why. Sorry if u didn’t really want to hear this in ur inbox lmao but ig this is the best place to vent into ahah
—⌚️
hello my sweet, thank you for coming to me and pls dont feel like you should apologize for venting here, it's part of what i'm here for and i like being able to listen. ik lots and lots of people, formerly myself (and still me on some days) included get that "i love my features on everyone else but hate them on myself" because i think that's just the nature of insecurity-- you feel like other people are "doing it right" or that things just look better on other people than they do on you. it's much easier to hold yourself to an impossible standard like beauty standards than it is to hold other people to the same standards, if that makes sense... any good person will know to not judge others but that doesn't stop you from judging yourself, you're your own worst critic. one thing that always kinda comforted me is knowing that i've never actually seen myself-- you only see yourself through mirrors and pictures but that's not really you, your camera doesn't capture real life dimensions and everything is flipped in the mirror, that sort of thing. you never see yourself, at least not in the way you look at other people, but i'm sure if you could see yourself through someone else's eyes (as the ol saying goes) you'd be surprised how fine/attractive/wonderful you look to everyone else. i can't comment on the dysphoria aspect so i can't offer any advice as far as that goes, but i think knowing that i'm not alone in my insecurity has always helped me so i try to remind other people that they're not alone in their insecurity too. the things that i don't like about myself are only because i'm my own worst critic and bc i hyperfocus on my flaws rather than the things i like about myself, and i think that's how it goes for a lot of people. but the things you like about yourself are more important than anything else!
another thing that's helped me is following models/influencers/etc that have my body type and similar features as me, ie thick eyebrows and a lil toothgap, and unfollowing models/influencers that i struggle with comparing myself to. your internet experience is yours to curate and there's nothing wrong with unfollowing models that you can't help but compare yourself to; it doesnt mean theyre a bad person or bodyshaming or anything, just that they may not be healthy for your experience and that's alright! so maybe that could help you too. i wish u the best of luck and i thank you for sharing your feelings with me; i think you're wonderful no matter what and i'm happy to be a place where you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and fantasies!
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uhhbeans · 3 years
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hjbbhhh ALYX,,,,,,
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clanwarrior-tumbly · 3 years
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Family member anon, here I go.
S/o visiting with Ron and they friend bob for chaotic day, only some peoples have a ability to break the fourth wall including Ron and bob but Ron s/o have the ability to escape this game to visit irl. During totality not stealing bob and bossip place during Ron talking about want to escape this “game” Ron s/o felt bad and didn’t know Ron feels, after Ron song is over s/o decided to bring Ron with them. Before Ron hit by a car ron s/o teleport with Ron to escape this “game” and saved Ron from a random car, Ron is happy with s/o and finally in peace until returning the “game” to invite bob for a relaxed time
Ohh I love this! Ik Ron's dialogue at that part is all jokes but I can make angst out of that :)
..........
"So lemme get this straight-"
"I'm totally straight, haha."
"Would you be serious for ONCE in your life?!!"
"Bob, be nice."
"...fine. Anyways, you got fourth-wall powers like us?"
"Yeah, and then some." You shrugged at the white blob, smiling.
It was true. You were among the few individuals who were self-aware of the fact they're in a popular rhythm game called Friday Night Funkin', especially the mod universe. But you hailed from the outside world, where it was only seen as a game and nothing more.
Despite this barrier you've made a lot of friendships, and found love in the folderhead, of all people.
When you realized him and Bob infiltrated a mod called "VS Bob and Bosip" and turned it into a "Bob's Takeover" update, you decided to visit them.
You've met the stars of the original mod before the update, learning they were also self-aware as they tried getting to The End of Minecraft and ended up in this game instead.
After mentioning them, Bob had a plan to rap battle the pair, joking about wanting to earn the rightful title of "Bob". And he wanted Ron to accompany him for unknown reasons, but you didn't mind. You figured they moved past their rivalry from Bob's own mod.
So you hung out at a different section of the park, finding some other people to sing with.
One of those ended up being Keith and Cherry, but you still referred to them as "Boyfriend" and "Girlfriend" often. They didn't possess the level of self-awareness that you did, but Keith wanted to challenge you and you happily obliged.
It was an easy battle for the most part, but the moment you finished, Cherry noticed two figures rapidly approaching:
Bob but in a yellow shirt with the word "Gloopie" on it and a blue wig, and Ron wearing attire similar to Bosip's, a spiky yellow wig included.
As they recognized who you were with, they began acting unusually out-of-character, with Bob spewing violent threats to Keith and forcing him into another rap battle. Ron looked traumatized, as though he didn't get a choice to put on this outfit.
You wondered what was wrong until he finally broke down when Bob finished singing.
"You know me, right? I'm Ron. I was featured in the mod "Literally Every FNF Mod Ever"...VS Bob? You gotta remember that, right?!" His hands shook as he stared at the blue-haired singer, who seemed clueless.
"Ron?" You were worried, assuming he was having some sort of existential crisis. "You okay?"
"I was murdered..and stabbed. My body was used for satisfaction by Bob..and....I-I was tortured for years on end." He stammered over his words as he turned to you with tears in his eyes.
Unfortunately your suspicion was correct. According to Ron, he truly did die in that mod, only to be revived by real-world forces and used as a "puppet" for likes and fame. The fact he couldn't live a normal life with you and was trapped in this stupid game felt like an eternal punishment for him.
You had no idea he felt this way all along, or how he came to be self-aware on such an extreme level.
Had you known sooner....you felt so guilty.
"I can't do this..I CAN'T!! GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING TORTURE!!" Ron pulled at his wig, which to stuck to him like real hair. "[Y/n]..I-I can't take this..GET ME OUT OF HERE!!" He grabbed your shoulders, panicking and sobbing. "I CAN'T KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS!!"
"Ron, Ron...it'll be okay." You hugged him closely. "I overheard Bob and Bosip say they had to sing to get out of this game. How about we try that, hm?"
Sniffling, he nodded and muttered an "okay", perking up as he spun around to face Keith. He seemed wildly concerned about both Ron's odd speech and sudden mood swings, but forced a smile upon seeing that he was about to be challenged.
"Rap battle?"
"Okay."
As bizarre as Ron's song was, it was quite catchy and amusing to say the least. Though even with all his craziness, he remained no match for Keith.
"Unfair! I didn't have a 4th-wall break meltdown for nothing!" Ron threw his microphone to the ground in defeat as the music stopped.
"You did your best, though." You tried staying optimistic, but Bob just snickered and Keith just rolled his eyes and left with his girlfriend.
A few moments later Ron stormed out into the middle of the street in a fit of anger, and your eyes widened as you saw a car speeding down the road.
"LOOK OUT!!"
"Huh?"
You decided to use your powers and take his hand, teleporting you both out of the game seconds before the car could hit either of you, leaving a Bob-disguised Bob all alone.
"..where the fuck did they-"
...........
"Oof..where are we?"
"Uh...my room." Helping Ron stand up, you smiled and pointed to your computer. "See? Your icon on the mod's main menu is blank. You're outta there finally."
He stared at the screen for a second, perplexed by what just happened. But then he looked all around your room as the realization finally hit him.
He was in your world. Actual reality.
Finally free.
"FREEDOM AT LAST!!!" He spun around and embraced you, his smile stretching to the edges of his head. "This is so pog, oh my god oh my god."
You chuckled and hugged him as well, relieved that you were able to save his life and bring him to your world. After hearing what he's been through, you knew he needed this.
"So now that we're outta there..can I ask what's with the whole Bosip getup?"
"Oh..right." He blushed as he stepped back and looked towards a nearby mirror. "I thought it would make me look cool and distract me from the agony of my own self-awareness. Sorry if I scared ya back there."
"Don't worry, I understand. You look cool in any outfit." You chuckled, before another thought occured to you. "By the way, Ron?"
"Ye?"
"After Bob calms down maybe we can...go back in the game and fetch him so he can get a taste of the real world, too."
"..........."
"..........."
"....you can do that?? We should probably find Little Man, while we're at it."
"I don't think he's as self-aware as his dad yet-"
"Oh don't worry. He's 27 so he knows."
".......wait he's almost THIRTY?!!"
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realcube · 3 years
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karasuno boys spending christmas with you 🎄
;tw// christmas (?), santa ig, extreme fluff, shoplifting, underage drinking, violence, ennoshita, kinoshita and narita exclusion 😞
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(a/n): ik the gif isn’t hq but look how cute it is (○` 3′○). also i’m aware that i wrote a rather western-washed version of Christmas (despite the characters in question not being western) but as someone of an asian ethnicity, imo western traditions surrounding Christmas are a lot more..festive (?) which i hope that isn’t offensive considering that Christmas was popularised by the west. so, in short, sorry the traditions aren’t those that are celebrated in japan (or asia) but i just found it i had a lot more inspiration to write it this way. :) perhaps i’ll make a part 2 with aoba johsai or nekoma celebrating Christmas with japanese traditions
Shōyō Hinata
you spend christmas at his house bc he wants to be with his sister on the day
and any sibling that you live with, he insists that they stay over too 
but if you don’t have any younger siblings then y’all just spend the whole day spoiling natsu
hinata absolutely adores how well you get on with his sister, it just makes him so happy seeing his two favourite people having fun together 
although, it did make him a bitter when he asked natsu if she likes the doll he bought her and she said,
“Yeah, thank you. But look at the Furby (L/N) got me! It’s pink and so fluffy, feel it! And it talks, it���s eyes move and-” Then she continues to rave on about how amazing your gift was.
honestly, y’all spend the whole day pampering natsu; making sure she has the best christmas possible
y’all made gingerbread cookies with her, helped her built a snowman (or rather, a snowwoman because she insisted that it was a lady), snowangels, opening presents, christmas crackers, watching movies - the whole shabang.
probably the only time in the day were she was sad was at 10PM when hinata insisted that she goes to bed
natsu looked at you to back her up in her argument that she should be allowed to stay up late on christmas but you kinda just stood there like 🧍‍♀️/🧍‍♂️
not wanting to get involved in their family drama (unproblematic liege 😍😩)
eventually though, natsu did go to bed and as soon as she was sound asleep, you and hinata spent the night cuddling while watching more christmas movies as you were both too tired to do anything else
you ended up falling asleep in his arms and it was a christmas miracle that his arm didn’t get pins and needles like it usually did while cuddling for a long period of time
Tobio Kageyama 
i’m a firm believer that he doesn’t celebrate christmas
not that he doesn’t like the concept, it’s just doesn’t understand the hype
plus - other than going to nationals - there isn’t much he wants and from what he knows, santa can’t make that happen
but as soon as you come over to his house on christmas day with a tub filled with cookies shaped and decorated like volleyballs, suddenly christmas is his favourite holiday
he invites you inside to eat the cookies with him and you notice that he’s watching a volleyball match on the TV
you giggle at how passionate he is about about the sport and offer to cast a Christmas movie from your phone onto the TV
he says yes since this is probably the 10th time he’s rewatched the same match 
you scroll through the list of christmas movies available on Netflix, “Wanna watch Arthur Christmas?”
“No.”
“How about the Grinch?”
“Eh, no.”
“Ooh! What about the Nativity? I love that movie-”
“No thanks.”
So you ended up watching Frozen and Frozen 2 (on a different streaming site) because Kageyama didn’t like any of the Christmas movies available on Netflix
You figured that Frozen kinda counted as a Christmas movie because..there was snow :) 
anyway, you already knew Kageyama tolerated Disney Movies so Frozen was your best bet
and as it turns out, he was oddly engaged by the movie which gave you an opening to slip into his arms, stifling an evil snicker the whole time
as we all know, when Kageyama is into something he is into it.
so whenever the climax of the movie comes up (or any part with high suspense) you feel him squeeze you slightly and tense up 
AND IT IS THE MOST ADORABLE THING PERIODT 🥺😩
so yeah your christmas with him is not overly Praise The Lord but it very fun and cute since it mostly consists of Disney movies
(also Barbie: A Christmas Carol because it gave you both overwhelming nostalgia since he has a big sister who i now headcanon to be a barbie movie addict ✋)
Kei Tsukishima 
the biggest grinch™
mostly bc every year he drops hints to both his mum and brother that he wants new headphones but every year he still gets a snowglobe from his mum and something dinosaur related from his brother
even though his brother is aware that he is ‘too old for that shit’ now 
but Akiteru just loves seeing his brother’s pissed off face whenever he opens his gift (which is a similar size to a headphones box) to find something like a Jurassic Park Lego set
anyway, backstory over - in short, Tsukishima very much dislikes Christmas
So when you appear at his door with a gift, he slams the door closed
“Tsukishima!” You roar as that was quite rude - even for Tsukishima - since it was snowing and you were clearly freezing, “Let me in! I’m freezing my tits off out here!”
Eventually, he did let you in and gave you a hot chocolate as an apology but as soon as you tried to hand him the give, he refused to take it
“No.”
“Why not?” You whined, clearly upset that he wouldn’t take the gift you went through so much effort to get your hands on.
“Because I didn’t get you anything.”
You rolled your eyes, “You got me this hot chocolate - now, take it. It’s seriously not much.”
Upon eyeing the wrapped box in your hand, he realised it was about 9x9″ - the same size as the tub you usually deliver food in, meaning that the gift was probably some sweet treats
“Alright.” He sighed, accepting he gift as he figured that he could easily pay you back by making Christmas cookies with you or something
He hummed, delicately unwrapping the gift and his heart skipped a beat as he noticed the present inside was in a black box rather than a clear tub which you normally gave homemade treats in
nevertheless, he persevered in unwrapping the box 
when he finally finished, his heart dropped yet he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with joy
“Wireless headphones.” He muttered to himself, doing everything in his power to resist the smile tugging on the corner of his lips but it was challenging, to say the least
“Yeah!” You chirped, “Don’t worry about the price though, I got them on a Black Friday sale.” You lied, aware that it was usually considered rude to talk about the price of a gift you’ve given but knowing if you didn’t say anything, Tsukishima would assume you paid full price (which you did smh) and immediately empty his bank account in order to pay you back
You could almost envision the situation already; “Would you like it in cash or cheque?”
“Neither, Kei!” 
“You seriously got me branded headphones?” Non-imaginary Tsukishima asked, unable to pry his eyes off the long-awaited gift in his hands
“Y-Yeah.” You stuttered at his unusually sinister voice. “I wanted to buy you noise-cancelling headphones and Google said these were the best ones available that weren’t selling for millions of y--”
“I love you.”
You did a double-take, “Huh?”
“I love you.”
You did a..triple-take.. “I-I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
“I’m not saying it again, dumbass.”
now, tsukishima wasn’t a very affectionate person but considering you paid full price for headphones (yes, he knows. you’re not a very good liar 😐) for him, the least you deserved was forehead kisses 
plus, he was determined to make you as happy as you made him that day
so can get all the kisses you want, all the hugs, all the cuddles, all the smiles, all the cookies-  everything!
but that’s not to say that he’s not going to get you anything in return as subtly through the day he was gathering info on what to get you 
by the end of it, he had a whole list but unfortunately - after looking at his bank account - he realised that the only thing he could afford was an easy-bake oven (┬┬﹏┬┬)
Tadashi Yamaguchi
y’all spent Christmas at your house because Yamaguchi was absolutely entranced by your massive Christmas tree
he also slept over because you both wanted experience the Christmas morning buzz together 
also because your parents were working on Christmas day and Yamaguchi didn’t want you to be alone 🥺
(he didn’t tell you that though as he didn’t want you to think that he felt bad for you or anything)
after you both completed you morning routines, you raced downstairs (quite literally raced; you won.) to open the presents
the milk and cookies you both hand left out for ‘Santa’ was gone because your parents chugged the milk and scarfed the cookies before they left for work
“Open the presents I got you first!” You urged Yamaguchi, pointing to the two presents wrapped in Sanrio wrapping paper
 Yamaguchi did so; sitting on the floor cross-legged to open the larger, box-shaped gift first
“Candy!” He chirped with a smile, gently shifting through the selection of sweets you got him, his grin stretching as he did so and once he was finished, it was beaming ear-to-ear. “You know me so well, thank you so much, (L/N).” 
You giggled, a light blush crossing your features at the praise - then motioning to the second, smaller, thinner gift.
Yamaguchi accidently tore the wrapping paper off to reveal basic, charcoal face masks.
You quickly interjected to explain, “You said that you were embarrassed about how the animal-themed face masks your mum bought you were too childish and that they just made your skin more oily so bought you those; less embarrassing and supposedly good for oily skin.”
Yamaguchi’s heart fluttered upon hearing how much attention you paid during his random rants, “Thank you, babe!” He enthused, hugging the mask to his chest.
After that, you opened the gift he bought you and were over the moon when you realised that it was a box full of adorable stationary 
“I noticed how you kept complaining about your pens running out of ink during class and..yeah..I hope you like it..”
You obviously loved it and expressed that by giving him a big bear hug and many kisses (づ ̄ 3 ̄)づ (*≧︶≦))
By then, it was around Midday so you had time to play in the snow for a bit before Yamaguchi had to go home to spend the rest of Christmas with his family
but of course he came back on Boxing Day to binge watch movies and cuddle with you 🥰
Daichi Sawamura
okay; I am going to say this and you aren’t going to argue with me bc I know that I’m right:
if you have any younger siblings or cousins staying in your house for Christmas (and I mean younger like 5 or less) and the kid isn’t a little shit
daichi (with your assistance) will dress up as Santa and you will dress up as an elf to surprise the child with a visit 
daichi would be like ‘ho ho ho!’ and you’d be like ‘shut up, santa, you fatass.’ 
and the kid would be like ✪ ω ✪
y’all would take pictures and shit before santa dips 🚶‍♂️🛷
after that, you both would head back to his place to celebrate a kid-free christmas 
you don’t open gifts because you both mutually agreed not to get anything for each other this year since you had ‘grown out of presents’ (tsk).
but you did get a RingFit Adventure from one for your relatives for Christmas so you and Daichi spend an hour or two playing that 
it’s surprisingly taxing though so you’re both puffed afterwards
so you decided to make spaghetti for yourself and Daichi and a Christmas miracle occurred..he got off of his ass to help you cook 🤩
usually he’d hide his fear off fucking up under toxic masculinity but today he actually let you teach him how to make food and he was a natural chef tbh
however, his habit of grabbing your ass or holding your lower back wasn’t especially helpful while he had tomato sauce all over his hands
you changed into a different pair of bottoms as the spaghetti cooled down
then, a second Christmas miracle occurred
Daichi gave you both permission to eat in the living room, on the couch, so y’all could watch a movie or something as you ate
every other day of the year, daichi would have to be killed before he let anybody eat in the living room - forget on his new couch 
but today was a special so he let it slide
originally, the plan was to watch a Christmas movie but then you noticed that a new episode of y’alls favourite show was out - House Hunters - so you just watched that instead 
hey, it made you both happy so why not?
especially with daichi’s running commentary which you outwardly expressed annoyance to but internally loved
“Andromeda will never be Suzanne, rest easy.”
“That house is so ugly, next.”
“Why’s their budget so low? May as well just buy a caravan.”
“They are so fucking picky.”
“Her face annoys me.”
IT LIKE HIS ALTER-EGO IT’S AMAZING
anyway, merry christmas to the daichi stans and that is from me, not daichi - he actually forgot it was Christmas at noon
Kōshi Sugawara
SUGA IS DOMESTIC LIKE DAICHI BUT MAKE IT ❄ FESTIVE❄
y’all bake christmas cookies together, exchanges small gifts, bake carrot cake, watch The Polar Express, bake pudding, kiss under the mistletoe, bake-- yeah, there was a lot of baking
get ready to work out twice as much and start dieting if you don’t want to develop an illness due to the amount of sugar you consumed
to be honest, Suga was kinda lost for things to do on the actual day of Christmas bc y’all were so hyped preparing for it so he had no idea how to top that
I mean, you both went on romantic, late night car drives to buy a tree
cute couple trips to the store to purchase decorations 
planning out and putting the decorations around the house (and with both of your keen eyes for design, the house ends up looking gorgeous ofc)
you ornamented the tree in his living room but it was so tall that he couldn’t reach the very tip to put the final decoration on top
so you hopped onto his shoulders and stuck the star on top with a smile
but he wasn’t done with you yet, he rushed around the house with you on his shoulders while you clung onto his hair as if your life depended on it 
he did most of the festivities with you before Christmas but he saved one special one for the day
“(Y/N), let’s bake something.” 
You sighed, shooting him a weary smile, “Suga, we’ve been baking all day.”
“Just one last thing! It’s not even baking actually, more like assembling.”
You quirked an eyebrow at his statement, “Hm? What is it?”
“Let’s make our dream houses with gingerbread!”
Of course you agreed. Not just because he is the cutest thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on but also since it sounded rather fun
“What are those?” You pointed to the weird rectangular designs on the roof of his house
“Solar panels.” He hummed, elegantly icing the sides of his house, “I want my future house run on that energy.”
“Anyway, what’ve you got on your house?” Finishing off the final swirl on his door, he turned to look at your gingerbread home and deadpanned 
A sheepish grin formed on your lips as you noticed his blank expression towards your ‘dream home’ which has walls garnished with golden, edible glitter and sugar paper sanrio characters on the roof along with many other extremely unconventional things 
“Hey,” you shrugged, “Let me have my dreams.”
“Of course,” Suga agreed, his usual sweet smile returning, “Although, in an ideal world, I thought we’d end up living together and starting a family. However, I don’t think we can do that if you planning on putting a horse head on our front door.”
“IT WAS JUST LYING THERE, KŌSHI! IF ANYTHING IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR GIVING ME ACCESS TO A MARZIPAN HORSE!”
“I DIDN’T THINK THAT YOU’D DECAPITATE IT, (Y/N)! I THOUGHT YOU’D USE IT FOR A STABLE OR FARM OR SOMETHING!”
“YOU SHOULD KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT!”
Asahi Azumane 
you both spent christmas day in your respective households, promising each other that you’d spend boxing day together 
until around 7PM when you had to come over to his house bc he called you, extremely puzzled at the fact that random mutuals from school (and the whole volleyball team) were on his instagram page, facebook, snapchat and any/every other social media platform wishing him a happy birthday
“I don’t get it.” He spoke through the phone, confusion and anxiety apparent in his voice, “My birthday isn’t for another six days. Why do they think it is today? Is this a joke?” 
“Uh, can I come over? I’d love to see you.” 
“Um, sure.” He replied, even more confused that you didn’t answer his question and instead asking one yourself
you spent the rest of the day with him, trying your very best to distract him from social media by doing various activities 
you both baked, watched movies, played board games (he’s a beast at battleships) then you moved on to other games like charades - basically every bs excuse you could come up with to get him to stay away from his phone
but that’s not to say you didn’t enjoy every second of it bc you did
he is so cute like whenever you are doing an action which he can’t interpret, his automatic guess is ‘are my beautiful gf (Y/N) (L/N) who i love very much? (= ❛ ᴗ ❛=)’
PRECIOUS 💓 
and then you are just like, ‘yes, i am, baby. but i am also optimum prime. your turn.’
anyway, by the end of the day there was no way you were able to prevent him from finding out about the joke now
so you just decided to tell him - figuring that it’d be better for him to hear it from you rather than someone else
“See.. y’know how jesus was allegedly born on christmas day? well, the joke is that..you kinda look like what people assume jesus would’ve looked like..”
Asahi had to do a double-take at what you just said, “Th-they..think I look like jesus?”
“yeah.”
Ryūnosuke Tanaka
you’re both broke af so you spend Christmas day pretending you are a rich couple
you slept over at his house too so you could start early in the morning and by that I mean 10:30AM
firstly, you and tanaka flick through an Argos catalogue (which you found on the ground, so there were a few mud stains on it 😶) to select the gift(s) you were going to buy for your ‘children’
but really it was just you and him going through it and circling all the toys y’all wanted as kids but couldn’t afford/didn’t get
“I super badly wanted one of those kiddie monster trucks that you could control with a remote as a child so my son is going to need one of those.” Tanaka said, circling the monster truck with a marker
“Yes, of course. And I asked for Monster High dolls every year as a kid but my parents said they were everything god hates so let’s buy that because we stan satan in this house, apparently .”
“Of course, of course.” He said in his best ‘rich person’ voice which was actually just an english accent
After resenting your parents for around an hour, you both moved onto the next activity of your rich person Christmas which included reading your horoscope in an english accent
that only lasted a few minutes though because both of you couldn’t be bothered to read
you also planned to look at the stock market (just like all rich people do on christmas day, obvs) but it was so boring
you took a glance then just went ‘okay, bye.’
next, you had caviar - just like rich people eat for every meal of the day, i think.
except it was actually black pop rocks  
“ah, yes. scrumptious.” “the flavour is immaculate.” 
then, as dawn drew close, you and tanaka preformed your final rich person activity 
no, it wasn’t being rude to minimum wage workers
no, it wasn’t being ungrateful
no, it wasn’t exploiting the working class under capitalism
no, it wasn’t being generally stuck-up and cocky
instead, it was going to the grocery shop and buying everything rather than shoplifting :)
“what should we get, babe?” you asked tanaka, in awe at how many different brands of toilet paper were on the shelves. “Have you ever noticed how spoiled we are for choice when it comes to toilet paper?”
“uh, no.” he replied in reference to the toilet paper question, “Hm, how about some gingerbread men or something?”
his suggestion was just met by a blank stare and silence
“JUST KIDDING! WE’RE TOTALLY BUYING BOOZE!”
“Hell yeah!” 
luckily, because tanaka looked a lot older than 17 and also since the cashier was too tired to check his ID, you both managed to buy the drinks without getting caught
“Merry Christmas, Ryū.” You hummed, fidgeting with his hand which was interlocked with yours as you walked through a rather prestigious neighbourhood and admired all the extravagant christmas lights
“Merry Christmas, (Y/N). Love you.”
Yū Nishinoya 
you and noya spent the whole day in his backyard and since it was a white christmas, you were able to spend the 90% playing in the snow
at first, you both went outside with the intention of making snowangels and taking cute couple photos in the snow 
but the weather was just so inviting that you had to stay for a little longer even when you did finish taking pictures; so you made the ‘ultimate’ snowman  
by that, it was just the biggest snowman y’all could make without it falling apart with stones for eyes, spiking out twigs for hair and an empty Monster Energy can for a nose 
once you had completed the snowman and basked in it’s glory for a moment, you went to head inside - but then you felt something hit your back
you turned around to see noya snickering, a mischievous grin on his face which you couldn’t stand
so what started out as him playfully throwing a snowball at your back, eventually turned into a full-on snowball battle to the death
there were snow forts, piles of snow ammunition, mini snow-warriors guarding the edges of your fort, a snow-princess which you were trying to steal from each other’s fort to win (basically like capture the flag but colder..) and a few brunch bars in the middle of the battle field for snack breaks 
it was all going smoothly until Noya ran up to your base, obviously with the intention to steal your princess 
“stay away from her, you fiend!” You yelled, jumping into an offensive stance - your neighbours must hate you bc of all the noise you and Noya made.
Noya screaming his battle cry as he rushed towards your fort, batista bombing you to the ground before you had a chance to attack him with a snowball
now that you were out of the equation, he scurried over to your princess which was perches on a little snow podium you made for her
he grabbed it, lifting it above his head like a trophy and letting out a loud victory cry “I win!”
he then turned to you and laughed upon noticing that you had your face buried into the snow in shame, “You have been defeated, (L/N)! And the great Rolling Thunder prospers!” 
“That’s a stupid nickname.” You groaned, outstretching your arms to allow him to pick you up, “Now take me inside, I’m tired.”
“Alright, babe.” He spoke softly, seemingly coming down from his adrenaline high. 
He strolled towards you, scooping you up into his arms - off the snow - and carrying you inside
unbeknownst to him, you had fallen asleep as he held you and once he put you down on the couch and noticed- i- my man almost died of happiness
“Oh my god, (Y/N)! You’re so fucking cute! (❤´艸`❤)” he hollered, peppering your face in kisses
“Shhh..” you hushed Noya, sticking your bottom lip out to form a pout 
Noya nodded understandingly before hopping onto the couch beside you and snuggling up 
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Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)
Welcome back! Spoilers below!
I need to clarify that I watch Loki purely as an escape. I've got a biased perspective in that regard because I don’t actively try to find fault with the show, though there are definitely things I’m not so inclined to. This is more of what I noticed and think things mean and it’s something I’m doing for fun. Anyways, here's my thoughts on episode 2 my loves.
Episode 2: THE VARIANT
Pre-title scene
Miss Minutes’ monologue in the recap is different to the one last ep.
1985 Oshkosh, Wisconsin
C-20!
“Today’s guest performances” on a board. Don’t really know if it means anything tho.
The Iconic (TM) I Need A Hero scene.
Pony.
The green tent - the lair of Loki.
I know not everyone’s a fan of the lighting, but it made sense to me. They’re still in the dark about who Sylvie is.
Why does C-20 take off her helmet? For the drama?
I hope Sylvie cleaned her blade. Narnia taught me well.
The Time Samsung (I can’t remember what it’s called right now) says that the date’s 04/12/1985.
Loki’s first mission (?)
‘Volume 26’ - how many of these does Mobius have?? #giveMobiusajetski
“ONLY at your LOCAL AUTHORIZED DEALER” - subtext about the TVA being control freaks? Jet ski safety?
I googled Wake Magazine. They’re up to volume 20 from what I saw, whilst Loki is reading volume 26, so I guess that’s something
Loki and Miss Minutes lmaooo.
Behind Loki’s elbow is the taxidermy something from the last episode. Also confirms that Loki threatened Casey at Mobius’ desk lol.
The thing has an egg?? What the hell is Mobius collecting? (He’s a Harry Hart variant lmao).
There are little twitches in Miss Minnutes’ hands. That’s so cool!
The egg timer’s a nice easter egg (I’m a comedian).
Mobius! B-15! :)
Is it just me or do the minutemen look similar, but not exactly the same. Makes sense if they’re variants.
I just realised the lights are built into the ceiling. Whoops.
What’s Mobius’ favourite?
Couple of things:
The racks full of identical uniforms/ones just hung up on doors.
The music has started to pick up the pace, but not in the way we see later on in the episode.
There’s a sign saying ‘FARE THEE WELL’ on it. Google tells me that it’s ‘used to express good wishes on parting’. Dang that was some good foreshadowing!
The person that looks like Agatha is still present.
I wonder whether it was supposed to be colder or whether the weather was just like that when they filmed.
The pony’s still around.
I think B-15 certainty that “a Loki couldn’t have gotten the jump of C-20” comes from her experience with them. She constantly tries to make it clear that because she’s not a variant, she’d know Loki better than he would, which (personally) makes the revelation that she’s a variant feel more devastating.
Again with the lighting, they’re still in partial darkness, constantly moving in and out of the light. Whilst what Loki says about the variant setting a trap is true, it isn’t in the context that he says it. Sylvie whoops their asses later.
The black and red-orange flags remind me of tomb markers. It’s a stretch, ik.
B-15 only has tally marks on one side of her helmet.
Mobius has fake pockets in his suit jacket. They’re the worst.
The ticking increasing in tempo as they approach red line - great for setting up tension.
I believe that Loki uses personal space like a weapon - slowly approaching them from the front, and then going behind Mobius’ back when he wants his way. It would make anyone uncomfortable, especially on a subconscious level because there’s a threat behind you.
Or maybe it’s that I have different personal space boundaries, not everyone likes being approached from behind. Loki’s movement felt intentional at least.
Getting Mobius to physically turn his way because of that might have been very subtle manipulation?
Loki looking back and forth trying to judge their reactions lol.
I liked the music in this scene, it sets up tension for Loki’s first attempt at betraying Mobius but then doesn’t completely dismiss it when it’s resolved.
Ravonna Renslayer’s office
The music here is 18 morceaux, Op. 72, No. 2. Berceuse. 18 morceaux, Op. 72: No. 2, Berceuse (Arr. For Theremin and piano) by Clara Rockmore for anyone that’s curious. I found out through Natalie Holt’s Twitter (I think).
The score is, and always will be, perfection.
Mobius’ small talk amuses me.
“Why do you get to keep all the trophies from my cases in here, you don’t think I’d love having that roller skate?” Mobius, what about the thing on the shelf behind your desk????
Ravonna seems like she’s answered these questions before, but she has a fondness for him that makes me think they’re good friends.
Also does Ravonna have multiple complete collections of the Encyclopaedia Britannica in her office? What are those books??
“I hope it’s a double.” Me too Mobius, me too (drink responsibly).
I don’t get how people think Mobius doesn’t remember leaving the stains. It sounded like Ravonna was chiding him for a bad habit and Mobius just made up a remark, not confusion.
Although he does place the cup at a different spot to the rings.
The ship flying past in the windows is a wonderful detail.
“The variant likes to stall for time.” It's very satisfying to me how everything stays relevant. Every detail advances the plot/contributes to it.
“Look, I know you have a soft spot for broken things.”
“I don’t think so-”
“Yes you do.”
Both Mobius and Ravonna only look at the middle figure when referring to the time Keepers. Either the other two are side-lined or don’t contribute at all.
“I’ll delete him myself.” At this point in time, I think Mobius is serious. As the episode progresses, his status may have changed, especially after the Jet Ski philosophy session.
Ravonna’s sash on the peg reminds me of the ones the people talking to Casey were wearing in episode 1.
Man those doors are so cool.
Peak sitting outside the principal’s office energy.
Mobius whistles at Loki as opposed to talking to him like he does later.
Any screen shot from the following scene is pristine chaotic disaster bi Loki energy featuring tired-of-your-tomfoolery Mobius.
“Isn’t that precisely why I’m here?” This marked a change in Loki to me. Up until that point, he’d tried to use what he’d known, who he’d been by scheming his way to the Time Keepers. By admitting he wasn’t sure of his purpose, we’re back with the person at the end of the last episode. It’s very Loki to try all avenues to get what he wants, and after having his world turned upside-down a few times in a short period, maybe he just wanted the familiarity of his old tricks, who he thinks he is.
Loki tensing up and then trying to assert control again reaffirms what I just said.
Man, give Mobius a holiday after all of this. Loki really tested him, huh?
Loki definitely likes validation on some level.
TVA archives (a.k.a the Salad Scene)
I can’t believe that place really exists. The looks combined with the music are just *chef kisses*.
I’m not sure if I’m thinking of the right progression, but the music reminds me of a plagal cadence. Google examples and play it side-by-side, you’ll get what I mean, maybe someone knows what it really is?
On either side of the elevators near the Time Keeper statues are the signs TVA archives.
The symmetry pleases my goblin brain.
I believe the entire show was just flexing the skills of the Loki crew and I couldn’t be happier.
“Pretend your life depends on it. I’m gonna get a snack.” This was so funny in the trailers but Mobius is dead serious (delete him myself comment). And he couldn’t even enjoy his salad.
Love that the end of credits takes from some of the scenes in episode 2.
The archivist has neat glasses.
I want some TVA stationary y’all.
It’s that moment fam.
I can’t be the only one curious by the ‘DISPLACED by 000:000:002:162’. Is that in Units? It would explain why the time line looks slightly bendy whenever we see it, especially if Apocalypses are so frequent.
IT’S THE SALAD LADS!
Mobius is reading the magazine that Loki was looking at earlier. Jet skis are Mobius’ comfort character.
“Don’t set fire to the palace.”
Tom Hiddleston has so much energy, he can move so fast.
“Oh God.” - Mobius, Null Time Zone
“YOU.” - Casey, Null Time Zone
Casey!
No thoughts, head empty, the Salad (TM).
But seriously, people only seem to be at their tables with others that work in a similar section. Not hunters and analysts eating in tandem to me, folks.
Oh Casey. Please don’t hurt him.
Aw, Mobius’ little giggle warmed my heart. Owen Wilson’s giving me whiplash with Mobius. My heart can’t take this y’all.
79 AD Pompeii, Italy
They’re both so giddy, Your Honour, I love them.
Mobius snuck them out lol.
“Bird noises?”
“BE FREE MY HORNED FRIENDS, BE FREE!” The post wouldn’t be complete without this.
Loki just throwing food at people and telling them “...enjoy your last meal while you can” is top tier comedy to me.
This is the first time we see Loki openly say nothing matters. I feel like the case file on the destruction of Asgard really pushed him to treat fate as unchangeable.
LXXIX is 79. Nice one Loki crew!
Mobius’ eye twitching as he checks the variance is a nice touch.
Loki throws away the stick that was holding the goat pen closed at the end.
TVA Archives, TVA cafeteria
Mobius picked up those files so smoothly I had to re-watch it.
Their position reflected what they were talking about - when Loki thinks it’s his individual contribution, he’s walking separately to Mobius, but they meet up when working together. I loved the blocking in that little moment.
I seriously thought that Loki was unconscious when I first saw him asleep around Mobius. I’ll admit it, it felt out-of-character for someone with such bad trust issues. Both of them seem pretty tired tho.
It’s the Jet Ski conversation comrades!
I’m beaming. Mobius talking about Jet Skis was the only time I’ve really remembered it’s Owen Wilson talking. It’s such a fun line to think about!
Loki’s smile. Adorable.
Just go watch the scene, it’ll give you good brain juices.
Mobius does it all for the Jet Skis and nothing else. I don’t make the rules, the Time Keepers do.
“My own glorious purpose.” This is a recurring theme in the season. Ultimately, I think that Loki is going to run for as long as it brings in money/until Loki gets killed again. However, I do like to think that in following seasons we’ll move beyond setting up Phase 4 Marvel stuff and just get deep dives into Loki’s character, though it may happen in the later eps or not be as interesting. Part of what made this show so interesting is the new setting in the Marvel universe but it’s hard to make predictions as to whether it will last in a show featuring the God of Mischief. Whatever happens, I’m happy that we got to see Loki’s existential crisis together, lads.
The music picks up, signalling that this quiet moment is about to end.
“No one bad is ever truly bad. And no one good is every truly good.”
“Scared little boy.”
These lines mean a lot to me. Loki perceives Mobius as an equal, similar to himself but not completely identical. The TVA’s whole aesthetic is Kafkaesque (Disney+ used that word), the imperfections keeping the place from looking mechanical and orderly like what the TVA promotes itself to be. Loki wants Mobius to acknowledge it, but Mobius is in the past, not addressing what’s right in front of him, surrounding him. That’s probably because Mobius doesn’t believe, he accepts what he’s been told though Loki wants to change that. He’s still focused on his job, the variant. I don’t think Mobius will struggle against change in the ‘belief’ part as long as things are rational.
Kate Herron (director) said that the Kablooie scene was improv which makes me wish we had more B roll of Owen and Tom. They seem so professional, invested and fun on set.
“No wonder you’re so bitter.” I’m sorry Mobius you sound as salty as your salad.
‘Artificially flavoured chewing gum’ Has something happened causing artificial flavouring to be preferred?
‘Blue’ has canonically changed to ‘Bloo’ by 2050 in America in the MCU. I blame capitalism.
Why does Mobius look so tiny? I say that like Owen Wilson wouldn’t look like a giant next to me lol.
Owen Wilson is 3.5 inches (9 centimetres) shorter than Tom Hiddleston. Yet he is dwarfed as Mobius. I need to stop talking about this and move on.
There’s no ‘variance energy detected’ line in the report.
“You’re gonna take my job if I’m not careful.” Loki looks so chuffed.
One day, I’ll properly address my thoughts on the shipping. Until then, I just want no one to die.
“Yeah, he’s doing great.” Mobius is so hyped. Good for him.
Owen Wilson has dimples.
Ravonna’s screen doesn’t show the timeline like it does later.
Ravonna is the done mom friend. Sane, undeserving of this, please give her a jet ski moment.
Buckle up folks because the last twenty minutes of this episode are my favourite so far.
At 34 minutes in, we get the music fading in with “Okay. But Mobius...” and a transition to my favourite composition so far. Natalie Holt outdid herself. The soundtrack is nearly constant, there’s no break for a moment of clarity anymore. The progression of events is inevitable, tying the bow on a plot line created in an hour and a half. The little embellishment from the strings (possibly) as Mobius and Loki exit is perfect. Combined with Loki’s raised fist leading to a pan to the ceiling, it prepared the audience for everything being turned upside down.
The changing camera angles and shot lengths (the continuous shot when B-15 takes the knives, the circling behind as the briefing occurs) keep viewers on their toes. The continuous shot is fluid, B-15 doesn’t look at Loki or Mobius, her reaction is natural and that just proves that the timing on that scene was impeccable. The circling behind reminded me of Loki positioning himself behind Mobius as he did earlier, but now he’s on the same side, part of the team though he continues to distinguish between himself and the variant. The building sensation that change is coming is met by the incredible swell in the music as we watch the picturesque Haven Hills get destroyed by modern technology and face the terrifying reality that is the Roxxcart store. There’s a close up on the Roxxcart storefront with school buses with the words ‘Evacuation shuttle’ in the background as we see the TVA’s minutemen come out reinforcing that even when the end is nigh, large corporations will loom over. A storm is raging with worse to come. I can go on and on, but you get the point.
2050 Roxxcart Disaster
I love that y’all are calling this the Alabama supermarket breakup. Makes me chuckle, that’s for sure.
I too hate when people can hear my footsteps. Someone that gets the struggle.
Sylvie places the TVA Samsung over a Roxxcart Security manual. She’s overridden both and is in control.
The date is 03/15/2050.
I think that the way the Hunters and minutemen hold their baton things is so that they don’t get yeeted. Neat.
As always, the beats are slick yo.
I hope the Azaleas guy gets some Azaleas wherever he ended up.
I love the way Loki says “In this storm.” It’s so satisfying for no real reason.
The wonderful Wunmi Mosaku does not get the recognition she deserves for this scene. She switched from B-15 to Sylvie so effortlessly. They’re two distinct characters, her facial expressions, body language everything changed in that instant. Even from the one line, “No, they usually survive,” her delivery had changed in a way that was noticeable. It’s uncanny, exactly what was needed when facing a foe that remained unseen. And the smile? It’s before we know the variant as Sylvie, so naturally it’s that signature Loki smile with a hint of malice we associate with the variant. Damn y’all, Wunmi’s incredible! I really hope she’s recognised for being so talented in this series, if not in all her other work!
Mobius really cares about those people. I really want his redemption (?) arc.
It’s been pointed out that even in those conditions, Roxxcart were selling blankets and water. I think it means that by 2050, cash would be defunct. If only electronic payment existed, as long as there’s electricity they can run a business. Chew on that.
If the man they speak to is 50 to 60, he was a 90s kid.
There must be a difference in the reprogramming or kind of variant selected to be a hunter as compared to an analyst. The Hunters look after their own, but the analysts (or Mobius) go as far as empathising with variants.
C-20 is sitting in front of safety standards.
“A bit amateurish.” Loki knows that the variant isn’t as skilled with magic as he is.
As Loki and the possessed people walk, the lighting becomes brighter. He’s moving out of the shadows.
Me too Loki, I’m worried about B-15 too.
Sylvie unironically saying bless is hilarious.
Randy must be hella tall.
There’s a low angle shot as Loki and Randy face off with the flickering light above with a sign hanging above them like a sword of Damocles and a physical separation. Terror is nearly constant in Loki's life now, but he responds by letting go of his drive to survive.
The subtle swells in the music just add to my rising blood pressure.
C-20’s voice over is sad lads.
“I wanna go home,” we know she’s not referring to the TVA.
Mobius seems like a caring person.
When B-15 sits up and searches the room, I think it’s her realisation. Her shiver was from fear and shock, the music wasn’t about her not seeing Loki, it was about the TVA and what had happened to her.
The head snap and the score timing matching. So satisfying.
“I would never treat me like this. Hi.” I think that’s Loki realising that his foe is not willing to talk their way through conflict.
This fight scene contradicts all the magic we see later ik, but if he didn’t want to hurt anyone and was trying to draw out the real enemy it made sense.
Some of Sylvie’s powers must come into the people she possesses. The guy punched a glass screen and didn’t even bleed.
“I have shit to do.” Sylvie wasn’t raised with court etiquette (from what we know) and her lexical choice reflects that.
Dell computers survive into 2050 in the MCU. So do those robot dogs and Roombas. I am only happy about the Roombas. Where did the real dogs go? :(
“Mobius.”
“Where is he?”
“I lost him.”
“What happened?”
“I...”
Until now, B-15’s delivery has felt slightly rhythmic, like she was used to having the same arguments, particularly with Mobius. When she trails off however, I think it’s her trying to rationalise what she’s been through with Sylvie’s possession. Her devotion to the TVA was rooted in the fact that she wasn’t a variant, her life had a purpose and it was intentional. This must have rocked her, I’m invested in where she’ll go.
THE CUT TO BLACK OH GOOD GOSH.
Sylvie, my queen. I’d roll off a cliff for her.
The person with the moustache (you know the one) has pure fear on his face.
Ravonna knows what’s up.
And so do you, yes it’s the music, go listen to it.
THE RED LIGHTING
The zoom out to that incredible hallway shot and then stopping behind the time door. It was never about him after all, he was in the background of her plans.
Sylvie’s wave in Roxxcart vs. Loki’s on the train. Discuss.
The blackout, thunder and Loki’s pause under the flickering red and white light, do y’all really want me to talk about the s y m b o l i s m????
He’s conflicted, you know it, I know it, Mobius knows it.
Speaking of Mobius, there he is, we cut back to Loki and see him make his decision, zooming back in on him.
And with that final flourish in the score, we are done with episode 2!
Cue the most amazing end credits score you’ll ever hear.
Do yourself a favour, listen to all of it, including the part after the main credits, both are Works. Of. Art.
Ep 2 review
In case you didn’t notice, this is my favourite episode so far. There are parts I didn’t take to as much, but details from the previous episode being used in the plot as well as others being explained by Sylvie in episode 3. Rewatching it was easier than episode 1 though it left me wanting more. It will get more interesting from here, but until then, that was a fun romp.
See y'all next time. I hope whoever's reading this has a wonderful day!
Part 1, Episode 1 extend review link:
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blackgirl0nline · 4 years
Text
Colossus x Reader (Fluff)- The Bachelor is Always a Bad Idea
I haven't written anything in so long its embarrassing. But there was this stupid Instagram post, and the need to write something that spurred me onto finally finishing a written piece.
God damn its good to be back
Warnings: none, fluff mainly, it gets oddly existential at the end bc I wanted to kind if flesh out Colossus's personality and what he believes and why. + Ik when you write x reader pieces it's best to make the reader as bland a character as possible so anyone can fit in their shoes. But I quite enjoy when the "reader" has a bit of personality, it personally makes the peice more enjoyable to read. So this took me two days to write enjoy...
Word Count: 2043 (I'm so sorry)
The suspicion started once the Bachelor cut to commercials.
Sat wrapped up in fluffy grey blankets you stilled in your nesting area. A few seconds ago you were perched comfortably on the leather bound couch, wooden frames cushioned by what seemed like miles of not too soft not too hard innards. What are couches made of anyways? You're mind abandoned that thought as a telltale chill swept into the room accompanied by the sounds of large metal feet pounding on the atrium's welcome matt; all of which told you your big metal boyfriend was finally done shoveling the snow.
Glorified Russian boy scout, your mind cheekily insulted him as you wondered what type of person it took to shovel the mansion's walkways blanketed by miles and miles of heavily packed snow, for literally no other reason than the kindness of their own heart. It wasn’t like the kids were lining up to take strolls around the various pathways stretching out like tendrils from the building.��
Its too cold for walking. Its too cold for anything but staying inside you big shiny idiot- by which I mean, its too cold for anything but staying inside you big shiny love of my life. You scoffed at yourself, sucking up to him in your own internal dialogue was so unbecoming. Where was your spunk? You're feistiness? Your wit? Piotr Rasputin, you're an undeniably bad influence on my quirkyTM attitude, you thought, He's making me soft, too mushy gushy. You had half a mind to tell him yourself, wondering how he might react. Probably like a first rate Gentleman. My prince charming, a perfect, rule abiding metal behemoth of a man.
Whatever weirdo conversation you were having in your mind halted once the show came back on, rose ceremony drawing your attention back to your half baked suspicions… As if on cue Piotr's knocking could be heard as a lightly thudding on the door to the common room.
"Come in." you mumbled awaiting the upcoming conflict. Maybe conflict isn't the right word you thought as he smiled at you softly before moving in his own time, not too slow, not to quickly, purposefully, mindfully, perfectly. You decided on the word confrontation feeling the winter cold cling to him. No doubt he would be hell to cuddle with before he warmed up. As he sat down he made a considerable effort to give you space if you wanted it, he was wearing this large red corduroy sweater sent home from his family. The only reason he wasn’t with them during the winter holiday was the considerable lack of X-Men at the mansion.
With most of the students gone home to see loved ones, most teachers on specific hush hush missions- or vacation, the mansion was unnervingly empty. You didn’t see many people throughout the day unless you looked for them. It was quiet, no classes going on, no fights breaking out, no pranks, no emergencies. Nothing but training and self entertainment.
Entertainment… you thought looking back and forth between the reality show and your hunk of man meat. The question formed on your tongue while you found yourself involuntarily sliding into Colossus. Which felt kind of … odd, you were still sitting cross legged, and still wrapped up in your perfectly fluffy blanket, but you were slowly and undeniably moving towards the giant who made the couch dip in a bit where he sat his massive chrome-covered ass down. What type of metal is that anyways? Your mind wandered before focusing clearly as some blonde with a beautifully fit body was sent home by the titular Bachelor.
You're eyes narrowed and your purpose was clear. Confrontation time.
"Have you ever watched this show?" You asked, your body's sliding finally halted by his very firm side.
"It is a… reality show right?" he asked his arm migrating the short distance from the top of the couch to drape over the top of your shoulders, pulling you in closer to his cold but not too cold body.
"Yeah. The Bachelor is some guy who a bunch of women compete against to see who'll end up marrying him. " Your eyes trained on him studying his expression- indifference maybe. That you could forgive, it was a stupid drama tv show that, while entertaining didn't mean much to either of you. What did matter, what held weight and gravity and was important, was how he'd answer the next question.
"I know this sounds kind of dumb but," his hand rubbed it's way up and down along your arm, reassuringly of course. But you weren't nervous, not really, just ready to know how he'd wiggle out of the verbal snare you were setting up.
"Don't be nervous dorogoy, ask your question". The way his lips curved into a smile, as his eyes softened as if to communicate the comfort he seemed to embody in every part of him. That tone, his features, his mannerisms, all of him was a big ol' flashing neon sign, twisting glowing letters spelling out a, "trust me It'll be okay". You signed letting go of the tension that permeated the air with its sticky, thick presence. Chuckling to slice the pause open, you bulldozed through the emotional tidal waves with the question of the day:
" If you were the bachelor, and I was a contestant, would you choose me?"
"Absolutely." He didn't hesitate, he didn't pause, it was said with such a confident rush of casual certainty that it almost stopped you're upcoming verbal onslaught. Almost.
You used your arms to push off of him, his arm raised to allow you ease of motion.
"No, no, but I mean, before we met each other." He looked down, realizing you weren't 100% joking around trying to get a good laugh out of him.
"I like you malishka, if that's what you're asking", the assurance in his voice was comforting, but to you its seemed like he didn’t get what you were asking, not really. You rose up from your little nest of blanketed comfort and turned to face him.
"But that isn't what I'm asking," seeing a reckoning on the horizon he leaned forward to rest his forearms on his large sturdy thighs , "I'm asking, if I was one of a many women competing for your love, would you pick me withought knowing me before the competition?"
"Yes I think so. I'm attracted to you because of your personality and your charm and your charity and kindness and feistiness and humor. Your a very specific type of woman zolotse. And I like who you are."
He once again responded quicker than you would have liked, so you found yourself shifting your weight to your back leg, hip jutting out in a showy display of playful antagonism. Your emotions were a mix right now teetering on the edge between wondering honestly if he was lying to please you, or truly this indifferent towards your concern, regardless of how small or stupid it seemed, you wanted an honest answer from him.
" Thanks Pietro, but-"
"y/n I think watching drama shows are having an effect on you" he pokes smiling in that charming way he does, glittering teeth, and glittering eyes and glittering personality. Dammit, you needed answers.
"Just, tell me the truth. What if there were women who were surgeons and doctors, smart women- or one of them was an artist or -" that was your point you thought, not that you weren't good enough, you were good enough, but for him? What if another woman was better for him than you? Did he honestly never consider the possibilities?
"Yes but you're a hero. You use you're power to help others. That's very admirable."
"What if I didn't have powers?" There it was. Clarity, you could see that the got it, that he honest to god understood what you were trying to get out of him.
"What if you were an alien, what if you had five feet what if, what if! These things don't matter because you're not an alien and you don't have five feet and you do have powers. I fell in love with you because you were the type of person I wanted to be, someone who gave their lives up for others- and to make it all better, you have the most attractive personality I've ever met. Even when you're upset with me over some silly show. And for the record, I'm not lying to you. I wouldn’t lie to you to make you feel better- this is what I believe."
Your posture softened and he made a beckoning motion before drawing you into his lap. Everything seemed less hard, your emotions, your conviction, your disdain. As his lack of understanding dissipated, revealing the heart of your concern. As you rested against him he pulled up the blanket to keep your warm.
"I know this will sound totally stupid and clingy and like I'm a hopelessly romantic airhead-
"I could never think less of you for asking me the truth. Never." he promised by kissing your forehead, leaving a warm mark of his patience, a silent promise to get to the bottom of this emotional conundrum.
You had to say it, it was the heart of the discussion:
"You don’t think we were made for each other." The show kept playing on indifferently.
"No. I don’t believe in things like that." His words didn’t comfort you, but they didn’t hurt you either. He was being truthful, and that was worth more than its own weight in gold. "Its not inevitable that we would have found each other. But how lucky then am I to have met you. If our lives could have played out differently, I might not have ever crossed paths with you, we could have gone years and years withought meeting, and would have been just as happy."
There was nothing you could say to that, there was very little going on in your mind as you sat and processed his words, your mind engulfing the meaning and interpreting the sounds.
"But that’s not to say I don’t value you immensely. You’ve made my days more beautiful and vibrant and wonderful. But to dwell on what could have been, or what might have been, or what never was? What a waste." His voice came through with the emotional weight you had been after.
There he finally was, your big metal man, not perfect or pristine, just honest and practical. He was human, he was just as venerable to the aches and pains of what ifs as you were and that was all you had wanted.
"You don’t believe in fate." Your voice croaked out, the silence of discovery weighing heavily on the room
"No," His arms wrapped you in closer, "But I believe in people, doing the best they can in a world that is random and scary and unpredictable. I believe in appreciating what you have. No one was ever meant to do or be anything. Isn't it freeing, that we get to choose that all on our own? I wasn’t destined to fall in love with you dorogya, that was all you. That wasn’t the universe or the stars or destiny. That was two human beings, meeting and showing each other the depth of their compassion and good nature." The show was about to end. Maybe 5 or so minutes, you snuggled into him until the credits began. Standing up to get something to drink or eat or anything that might go along nicely with the weight lifted off your shoulders.
But you were halted by his joking tone coming through, "How about me printsessa? Would you have chosen me?" you rolled your eyes continuing on your way towards the kitchen harboring the real mushy gushy, feely answer from the budding philosopher.
"Depends who the other contestants were." you quipped sass bleeding desperately through each syllable, you wouldn’t let his openness subvert your quick witted replies.
You'd keep to yourself the truer answer, shrouded in tender assurance, a teary, of course Rasputin, I'd choose you every time. You turned for a second seeing him chuckle as the credits rolled across the mansions' TV.
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mikeshanlon · 5 years
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Happy Pride! .... Like... more than halfway through the month lmao sorry, better late than never ig! I’ve compiled a list of some of my fave LGBT+ books, as well as a few I’m planning to read for pride/in the near future. Please feel free to reblog and add some of your own recs, especially for the sexual and gender identities that are lacking in my list!!!!!
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: This beautiful, wholesome coming of age novel is pretty popular on tumblr and with good reason! It’s set in the 1980′s and follows Aristotle, aka "Ari”, as he grows up an tackles with his identity-- he feels like his story is written by someone else, that his path is not up to his control. Whether this is due to his complex relationship with his family, or societal expectations/stereotypes of Latinx men, or the fact that maybe his friendship with Dante might be more than that, and that kinda terrifies him. (Rep: Gay, Latinx, (I believe this is own voices) Warnings: it’s been a minute since i’ve read this but i believe some racism, internalized homophobia, and an instance of violent transphobia)
Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: LGKNLKNGRG okay this is truly one of my favorite books of the year so far and part of the whole reason i wanted to make this. This is a New Adult Contemporary romance set in sort of a like... parallel America where a woman won the presidential election. We follow The First Son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, who’s charming, smart ass, genius icon. Him, his sister June, and their best friend Nora are easily marketable and loved by the public for the most part, but when Alex and his rival Prince Henry of England get into a public spat at a Royal Wedding, Alex and Henry must pretend to be friends to patch up relations and public image for his mother’s re-election campaign. Eventually their fake friendship turns real, and then becomes more as they get to know each other, Alex and Henry begin a secret romance that we follow over the course of the re-election year. This book is fucking HILARIOUS (like I have so many tabs for funny moments and i was trying to be restrained), but it’s just so. Like full of love and hope and it’s so beautiful???? It’s definitely political escapism from our current situation in America but still deals with current issues such as racism and homopboia, etc, but gives the reader hope for future progress. Alex and Henry’s relationship is so fun, and sexy, and beautiful and the friendships are so iconic and Alex’s journey with sexuality is... chefs kiss. Also like. Casey McQuiston mentioned that she listened to Texas Reznikoff by Mitski a lot while writing this in the acknowledgments so. what more do you need... (Rep: Bisexual (Own Voices), Gay, Biracial-- Mexican/White (Own Voices), Warnings: Racism, homophobia, mentions of a past sexual harrassment/assault. Since this is a New Adult, there are smut scenes. I wouldn’t say it’s like. Super explicit or anything but there is sex, though it’s often during Important Moments of their relationships so it doesn’t feel like p*rn-- again the sex is happening but its not in hella explicit detail or anything or for the same goal as say an erotica. P much proceed with caution if it’s not ur thing but it’s not too wild!)
Blanca y Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore: This is sort of a Snow White/Rose Red and Ugly Duckling retelling following two sisters, Blanca and Roja, who’s family curse destines that one of the sisters will be trapped into a swan’s body, never to be seen again. (So this is magical realism lmao). We also follow two boys, Page and Yearling, who were wrapped up in the magic of the nearby woods, but have returned to society. Page is a gender queer trans male, and his whole arc that was so beautiful and made me cry, but in a good way (also warning that I’m cis so like. I would love to hear what gender queer trans individuals think about the rep in this book bc I cannot really attest to it.) This book is really about sisterly love and love in general, with all the complexities that come with it. (also wlw grandma’s who grow apple’s it’s p iconic) (Rep: Latinx-- colorism plays a huge role in the story as well (Own Voices), Gender Queer Trans, Queer (Own Voices) Warnings: Some transphobia, racism, and abuse). (I believe most of Anna-Marie McLemore’s books are magical realism and have some Latinx and queer elements to them as well)
The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: god..... This (gay ass) novelization of The Illiad is just so tragically romantic and beautiful... We follow Achilles and Patroclus as they grow up and grow closer, and eventually fight the Trojan War. There are so many beautiful quotes and scenes but like. You will most likely cry so keep that in mind eklrgerg. (Rep: Gay Warnings: Violence, there’s like..... a weird r*pe/homophobic scene)
Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: YA Fantasy set in a world where there are three castes: Moon-- the highest caste, demons with animalistic features in a humanoid form, Steel-- humans with part demon physical features and abilities, and Paper-- fully human, the lowest caste. We follow our protaganist Lei, who despite being a Paper caste, has beautiful golden glowing eyes that end up garnering attention from the Demon King. She’s stolen from her home and forced to join The Paper Girls-- a group of paper caste concubines in training at the palace. As she tries to find a way to escape, she ends up falling for one of the other paper girls, Wren, who might be just the key to freedom. I love Lei and Wren’s relationship and I’m excited to see it play out in the sequel! (which i believe ngan said will introduce more LGBT characters) (Rep: Asian (Own Voices), WLW (I believe this is Own Voices as well). Warnings: As their role as concubines suggest, a large part of this book revolves around the patriarchy using women for power and sexual assualt/rape. There are no explicit rape scenes-- though they do occur ‘off screen’, however there are a couple attempted sexual assault scenes that I believe could be p triggering. This book is also largely about the Paper Girls taking back their power, and I don’t believe these scenes are done for shock value, however please proceed with caution. Subsequently, sexist and patriarchial views are present within the authority, though shunned by Lei, however there’s a lot of internalized sexism and objectification among some of the other Paper Girls.)
Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I probably don’t have to talk about this one much since it’s super popular, but in what is like essentially Harry Potter but like gay and wholesome, we follow Simon Snow, the Chosen One who’s actually not that good at magic, his best friend Penelope, and his roommate and arch nemesis that’s totally a vampire but won’t admit it, Baz. (Except Baz is, like, totally in love with Simon and Simon’s just too dumb and wrapped up in his own shit to realize it). Truly just,... an iconic enemies to friends to lovers story that unfolds as the three of them try to uncover a mystery surrounding Baz’s late mother. Ik some people have found it confusing bc it’s sort of like starting the Harry Potter story off at book 7 and only getting some background info along the way but honestly I really enjoyed that lmao. Also there’s a sequel coming out this fall, Wayward Son. (Rep: Gay, Some POC rep. Warnings: not rlly any i dont think??? There’s  like. some Homophobia lmao bc we can’t have a gay book without it.)
Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins: This is a cute YA contemporary following Millie Quint who, post being cheated on by her best friend and wanting to have a fresh start, flies to Scotland to finish off her senior year at her Dream prestigous boarding school, joining a handful of other girls as the first female class in the institution’s history. Plus like. Cool Rocks and Scotland. Only problem is that her roomate is sort of a bitch and also the Princess of Scotland who she totally just told off. So yeah yet another royal gay enemies to friends to lovers with a dash of and they were roomates LMAO. This book could be like.... a bit cheesy and rushed but overall it was cute and like...... The Cover.... (Rep: Bisexual, Lesbian, Warnings: Some homophobia. Also this is a companion novel to Prince Charming but you don’t have to read that first, there’s just some references to the couple in that book as the Prince is well.... The Princess’ brother and where they end up so if you don’t wanna be spoiled read that first ig!)
The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman: I talked about this some in this post, but I feel like I did kinda a shitty job so. A YA fantasy/paranormal series about the descendant’s of the town’s four founding families-- Violet Saunders, Justin Hawthorne, Harper Carlisle, and Isaac Sullivan (the most iconic one). The latter three have lived in Four Paths their whole lives, protecting the town from The Gray-- p much the Upside Down from Stranger Things lmao, using powers specific to each of their families. Violet and her mother move back after Violet’s sister died in a car accident, and she’s thrust into helping save the town as the Gray grows more restless and having to uncover the secrets of her family as well as all the history brewing between the other three. The Stranger Things and Riverdale comparisons are p valid, (but like. Riverdale in the sense of small town secrets and a bunch of tense history that the kids don’t really understand and must uncover, and some like love triangle but..... not Rlly Love triangles just a mess of ppl being like oh shit i like this person and this person.... Bisexual Chaos if u will... not like. The I’m cuckoo bananas for u let’s go get high and play dungeons and dragons and smash in a bunker LRGKJRLKGJ), the Raven Cycle comparison’s are kind of a stretch, I can see the abstract comparison’s if i squint but like. Don’t go into this expecting TRC lmao. I really enjoyed the theme of grief throughout this book and seeing the powers unfold (and one of the dynamics a lot) and while not perfect the series has a lot of potential and like. Bisexuals. So. (Rep: Bisexual (two mc’s are bi and say the word!!!!!!!! As well as some secondary characters), Disabled (one of the mc’s is missing one arm from the elbow down). Warnings: Grief, Violence)
The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee: Also talked about this in this post and did a better job there, but to sum it up it’s essentially a friends to lovers, bed sharing, road trip au with a dash of magic but set in the 1700′s! There’s also a sequel/companion, The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy that I have yet to read but it follows Monty’s sister, Felicity, and I believe goes more in depth with her identity. (Rep: Gay, Black, Disabled, Aromantic, Asexual, Warnings: Period typical homophobia/biphobia, racism, ableism, sexism)
Simon vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli: Like. I don’t think i really have to explain this one LRKGJJRG but added it just in case. YA contemporary following Simon as he e-mails another gay student at his school and falls in love. (Rep: Gay, Black, Jewish, Warnings: Homophobia)
All For the Game Trilogy (The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, The King’s Men) by Nora Sakavic: If y’all have been on my blog at all you know i’m back in aftg hyperfixation mode after another reread lmao. Is it a lil messy is it a lil dramatic... yes. but i love it!!! We follow our protagonist Neil Josten, who’s been on the run from his crime lord father, The Butcher of Baltimore, since he was young. After his mother dies on the run, Neil finds a new place and adopts yet another identity, and ends up playing high school exy (a made up sport but like we’re barely here for the sports lmao), something he used to play as a child. Despite playing a new position, he attracts the attention of the PSU Foxes, who’s coach David Wymack specifically recruits players with a troubled past to give them a second chance. Neil really shouldn’t sign-- it goes against everything his mother told him, it puts him at risk of being in the spotlight for his father’s men to find him, and puts him on the same team as Kevin Day, someone from his past that knows his true identity. Still, something draws Neil to joining the team, to finally try to live instead of just survive. UGHHHH like truly this book just makes u fall in love with all the characters and the beautiful and broken found family that develops over three books and one of the most iconic and amazing (ha....) slowburn relationships ever.... Also if i recall they’re super cheap on iBooks (at least when i bought them, the first book was free and the other two were $1.99). (Rep: Gay, Demisexual, POC, Warnings: MAJOR trigger warnings for like. everything bc all the foxes have fucked up pasts. But the biggest ones are probably rape, abuse/torture, and substance abuse)
Six of Crows Duology (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) by Leigh Bardugo: Idk how much I really have to talk about this bc it’s popular but I am physically unably not to reccomend this duology bc its just. So. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The most barebones summary is that this is a YA Fantasy about six people coming together to perform an impossible heist. This is truly like...... a masterclass in developing characters and has one of the best m/f ships i’ve ever read... But also since it’s on here there is some gay shit going on, 3/6 mains are Not Straight and there’s a cute m/m couple! Also you don’t have to read the Grisha Trilogy to read this but u can if u want (I have yet to). (Rep: Bisexual, Gay, Disabled, POC, Warnings: Again these ppl have fucked up pasts, biggest are PTSD, past sexual abuse)
The Raven Cycle Series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Theives, Blue Lily Lily Blue, The Raven King) by Maggie Steifvater: Again i don’t think I really have to explain this one but like. In case you haven’t read this series it’s truly iconic..... Idk even how to explain this LKGJLJRG just like magical realism wonderfulness and found family and amazing relationships and shit.... (Rep: Gay, Bisexual, Disabled, Warnings: Abuse)
The following are books I plan to read for pride/in the near future. I can’t wholeheartedly reccomend them obviously, or fully detail all the rep/warnings, but I’ve heard some great things about these books and a lot of them have representation that the first part of the list is lacking, so I figured I would add them! (Also if I use ‘queer’ that’s because that’s the only label I have been given by the authors or reviewers, or the characters identify as queer)
Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: To my knowledge this is a really emotional YA coming of age/college story that has to do with like. A podcast? Idk a lot of people love it and side note I’ll be suing B&N bc they NEVER have it relkj (Rep: Bisexual, Demisexual, I belive Latinx.)
Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand: I believe this is a YA horror-ish novel where there’s a monster stealing girls on and island. (Rep: I believe all three main girls are queer Warnings: Since this is horror im assuming. Horror stuff LMAO)
I Wish You all The Best by Mason Deaver: A YA contemporary romance about Ben who comes out as non-binary to their parents and gets kicked out, and moves in with their estranged sister. They soon are taken under the wing of a senior named Nathan Allan and begin to fall. (Rep: Non-Binary (Own Voices), MLM/Queer, Black (im assuming from the gorgeous cover lmao. Warnings: Misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression)
Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno: YA Magical Realism about Georgina, who has yet to inherit the magical powers that have been passed down her family, including her twin sister Mary who, unlike Georgina, is coming into her powers. (Rep: Lesbian, Queer, Aro/Ace, Warnings: Rape and sexual assault, underage drinking, animal death, drug use.)
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