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66sharkteeth · 11 months

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Something I noticed about complaints having to do with Rex switching sides ‘too fast’ besides them being plain wrong is that like… considering Rex’s mental state at the time, it could have gone faster. Way faster.

Like, people are social creatures; the need for relationships with others literally stems from survival, which is why being alone makes people so mentally vulnerable. Manipulators in real life cut their victims off from everyone else in their lives because when someone’s in a state of nearly complete isolation, it makes it that much easier for whoever their only relationship left is with to control them. People who are alone can’t help but hang on to whatever relationships they have left or whoever will be there for them, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy it is, because we have a deep rooted biological need for that perceived support.

From Rex’s perspective, by the time he ended up at Blan Corp everyone he depended on had either turned their backs on him or completely betrayed him. In other words, circumstance handed Blan Corp Rex in the ideal condition for them on a damn silver platter. Once he cooled down from the initial outrage he had time to process how isolated he was, and at that point it’s entirely possible that all Jericho would have had to was walk the walk on his “we want this to be your home” thing.

Bell was able to get Rex to stay (granted she has no ill intentions but the point still stands) in 10 minutes flat because she actually talked to him. Jericho got nowhere despite seeing Rex every day because all he did was dump food on him and leave. Regardless of whether he actually care(d/s), if Jericho showed concern when Rex wasn’t eating, pulled an “I want to actually be your brother”, faked some remorse for what he did to Christoph, or even just hung out with Rex so he wasn’t alone all the time, the Sad Dog In A Basement Arc probably would have been even shorter.

Tl;dr: It’s kind of funny that people complain that Rex’s switch was too fast when Blan Corp went about it in what was probably the slowest possible way

i'm responding to this a bit late so sorry it's not super relevant to where we are in the story anymore. but well it's like jericho said...

I know people got frustrated at them not allowing Bell/Bag Girl (I guess I can just call her Bell now?) to see Rex, buuut I do...understand their reasoning (Well I mean, of course I do, I wrote it).

I know how after i've had falling outs with people in the past, just seeing like...someone mention them on my twitter TL could send me into a complete anxiety attack. And that was just over...internet drama haha. Not...a huge conflict that destroyed my life as I knew it. And sure enough, Rex DID panic at first when he realized who Bell was. Blanks are perfect copies of their face, so it's safe to assume Bell was basically Lyss 2 until she got a chance to reassure him she's changed a lot from her starting point that was Lyss. She's Lyss, but so modified now that she's barely Lyss anymore.

#city of blank

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vyachki · 5 months

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Jk rowling was not "cancelled on the spot" shes been spouting crap for years that pisses people off and naturally collected a large amount of haters. Her amateur writing and many strange plots in her books have been heavily scrutinized by critics. Extreme stereotyping, racism, homophobia, writing weird shit about children on twitter, the whole thing with the elves who loved being slaves is weird as fuck, aids metaphors etc. Everyone knows she's annoying. She's hated by transphobes ands trans people alike. Young people hate her and old people hate her. Harry potter fans hate her. Even many of the movie cast hate her. She's a bigot. She doesn't care about people like you. why are u falling over yourself to defend her honestly its so pathetic and we can see right through you. I'm sure you never really gave a crap about the books or who wrote them until you became a radical bitch. You just love her because she hates trans as much as you. That's all you have in common. Shes not a feminist, shes not fighting for anyones rights, she doesnt spread any important information or have any educated opinions. Her new books and movies suck. All she does is sit writing drivel and spreading hate which sounds a lot like you. No wonder you admire her so much. Honestly i bet if Kim Yo Jong or someone came out as a terf and a radical feminist u would all start fanning over her and convert to her ideologies bc u have no back bone or brain and the only thing u care about is worshipping ur chronically online terf cult, making up shit and hating trans people who have nothing to do with you. News flash! Your radical feminism isn't any more radical than what normal ass women have been talking about for generations. All the issues are already included in normal feminism, it's just the same except: you ignore big issues (especially those involving minorities and women of colour), act horrible and rude to everyone, isolate yourself and most of all, devote your existence to being transphobic. It's like a cry for help or something. You're ruining your life by being a bitch. and noone is going to feel sorry for you. Mental illness innit. 🤣 - Sincerely a happily married cis white woman. Get a life.

Oh my god this is so funny, did you copy and paste this from somewhere or did you really type all of this out for me?? I am blushing🤭

People will always have a lot to say about JKR and that's okay, she's a famous female author who owns a billion dollar franchise—people are going to talk shit on her name and some of it may be true, and some of it may not. With the way now that people deliberately skew what other people say (e.g. "JKR wants trans people deaaaaad!!!"), take a lot of shit you see from non-sources with a grain of a salt.

Regardless of the discourse & semantics you want to engage in, biological sex will still be real, women will still face sex-based oppression, and same-sex attracted people are still being erased in favour of "queer" activism. It is not hate to call that out. But it is very condescending to say all this to a detransitioned trans woman / homosexual man since I am still dysphoric, but I am not a victim nor will act like one because of it.

I made this blog to support detransitioners & same-sex attracted people, and to call out lies I was told by the trans cult during & after my transition. I really don't need "happily married cis white women" lecturing me about gender ideology that you never lived. Thanks though!

Sincerely, a "radical b*tch"

#Vyacheslav speaks #also- Kim Yo Jong lives in an extremely conservative patriarchal communist country #even if she could express radical feminist ideas I don't think she'd be allowed to in any capacity #but you're lowkey right- I have seen people fangirling over her on twitter #and she's not a girlboss the way they want her to be😬

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delightningfield · 2 years

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the Astrology of Naruto (chaotic mode)

I'm not sure if this has been done before and if it has I hope I'm not cramping on your style:

This comes from me being inspired to look up Naruto's son Boruto's birthday and realizing theres a whole list of birthdays for many major main characters from all 3 shows (Naruto, Naruto: Shippuden, & Boruto).

This is my undrafted, copy-pasted-to-be-formatted-and-expanded-upon take from my crazy twitter thread about an hour or two ago. This is a relatively live reaction to seeing how each character is symbolized by their sun sign whether its through small behavioral traits or overarching characters themes. PS spoilers for all of Naruto but none for Boruto, I... HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! I'm a sucker for a main show using its sequel to critique the generational differences of war-torn versus peaceful times.

Those in bold are specifically mentioned-

♑️: guy, gaara, konohamaru, hinata

♒️: minato, the 2nd & 3rd hokage, shino

♓️: tenten, sakura

♈️: sidenote*

♉️: choji, kankuro, killer bee

♊️: iruka, itachi

♋️: neji, kiba

♌️: sasuke, lady tsunade, yamato

♍️: temari, kakashi

♎️: shikamaru, ino, naruto, asuma

♏️: 1st hokage, jiraiya, shizune

♐️: rock lee, sai

lets break it down CARDINALLY folks:

CAPRICORN KING GAARA!! LAND OF WIND'S YOUNGEST KAZEKAGE HAS A CARDINAL SUN?? TRAUMA SPECIFICALLY INDUCED BY HIS FATHER? SATURN I SEE U! ✅

MANSPLAIN MANIPULATE EVIL-SUPREMACY NEJI IS ABSOLUTELY A CANCER SUN! one thing abt me, i praise every sign but ill never forgive the water signs for always finding a way back to being their stereotypes. & some mild joking hate to cancers (especially the evil ones) but neji is a perfect example of family-backed trauma because he was motivated to beat the shit out of his baby cousin and for what... revenge for his dad bc of generational beef? piss off & die to death LOL ✅

I've always known he was a Libra... BUT NARUTO WHO IS OBSESSED WITH HIS FRIENDS SO MUCH THAT HE WANTS TO BE THE GUY WHO PROTECTS THEM AND THEIR FAMILIES? A KING WHO IS A BIGHEARTED CRYBABY WHO WANTS HIS FRIENDS TO SUCCEED AND BECOME BETTER THAN THEY ARE & SHIKAMARU THE OBJECTIVE KING WHO BECOMES THE FIRST IN HIS ERA/GRADUATING CLASS TO BECOME A CHUNIN, YES THEY ARE ABSOLUTE LIBRA LEGENDS ✅

*Naruto's first 2 series has no Aries sun lead! which is so interesting because his fucking child is an Aries! so the sequel show (which leads with his child Boruto instead of him) leads with Naruto's cardinal opposition! so seeing their dynamic as a Libra father & an Aries child? how theyre so alike yet so different? YEAH THATS LITERAL ASTROLOGY 5️⃣/5️⃣ 🏆🥇🎖🏅✨⭐️🌟💫

lets FIXate on how to break this down:

MINATO IS AN AQUARIUS?! THE GUY WHO'S DUMBASS IDEA IT WAS TO SEAL THE BIGGEST BADDEST DEMON IN THE CURRENT WORLD IN A NEWBORN BABY WITHOUT CONSENT, THE GUY WHO NAMES HIS CHILD AFTER THE MC THAT HIS SENSEI WROTE IN A SERIES ABOUT SOFT PORN? BUT ALSO MORE IMPORTANTLY: THE GUY WHO INVENTED THE RAASENGAN, A WINDSTYLE NINJUTSU, IS AN AIR SUN?? ✅

Choji & Jiraiya are self explanatory in the most stereotypical of Taurus & Scorpio suns' ways respectively NONETHELESS with Choji's snackabilities and Jiraiya's horniness its too obvious and on the nose that IDK which came first, their birthdates or the general description for these characters. BUT THE FIRST HOKAGE BECOMING THE FIRST LEADER FOR THEIR VILLAGE AFTER THE FIRST GREAT NINJA WAR (? im like unsure abt this, this specifically is an unsourced claim, remembering war details from shippuden feels like eating rocks), BUT HIM BEING A SCORPIO AKA A MARS RULED SUN SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT ✅✅✅

YAMATO: THE ONLY GUY ALIVE WITH WOODSTYLE NINJUTSU?? SASUKE: THE SOLE SURVIVOR OF THE UCHIHA CLAN MASSACRE??? LADY TSUNADE: THE ONLY LADY HOKAGE WITH A GAMBLING ADDICTION AND THE LUCK OF GARBAGE FIRE TO THIS DAY?? LEO SUNS, BECAUSE U GUYS THERE REALLY ISNT ANYONE DOING IT LIKE THEM ✅

AND IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE (mutably):

SAKURA: THE GIRL WHO CRIES WHEN HER CHILDHOOD CRUSH SPEAKS IS A PISCES SUN?? BUT ALSO THE GIRL WITH OTHERWORLDLY (PHYSICAL) STRENGTH? WORKING IN HEALTHCARE?? PISCES ICON ✅

IRUKA SENSEI WHOS BEEN THERE FOR NARUTO SINCE EPISODE ONE AND IS THE FIRST PERSON TO CATCH AND THEREFORE NURTURE NARUTO'S TRUE CHARACTER?? ITACHI THE OLDER BROTHER WHO COMMITTED WAR CRIMES AND TURNED AGAINST A WHOLE VILLAGE AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY TO PROTECT HIS YOUNGER BROTHER, THE SOLE MASSACRE SURVIVOR EVEN SO FAR AS TO PROTECT HIM FROM THE TRUTH OF WHY EVERYTHING WENT DOWN HOW IT DID? GEMINI KINGS ✅

THE METHODICAL KAKASHI AND TACTICAL TEMARI AS FUCKING VIRGO SUNS ABSOLUTELY YES BC TEMARI WAS THE STRONGEST GIRL CHARACTER WITH A SENSE OF SELF (until [redacted]), KAKASHI WAS ALWAYS GIVING OFF MUTABLE ENERGY ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HIS NONCHALANT ATTITUDE ABOUT EVERYTHING, EVEN AS THE 6TH HOKAGE. THE ONLY PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE THAT I KNEW GROWING UP WHO WERE 10000% SURE OF WHO THEY WERE BEFORE THEY EVEN BECAME THEIR TRUE SELVES ARE ALL VIRGOS ✅

ROCK LEE LITERALLY OPENS EVERY GATE OF LEAF OR WHATEVER DURING A SCHOOL EXAM?? POINT TO A JUPITER SUN THAT HASNT PUT THEIR LIFE ON THE LINE FOR SOME DUMB SHIT!! THATS MY SAGITTARIUS KING! HE LITERALLY ALWAYS PUTS HIS LIFE ON THE LINE FOR HIS CRUSH TOO HES JUST THE PRIME EXAMPLE OF GO BIG OR GO HOME!! & CROP TOP KING SAI WHO HAS THE BRAIN OF A NEW SPONGE SOAKING IN EVERYTHING FROM EVERY INTERACTION HE HAS BC HE SEES IT ALL AS A LESSON? THATS JUPITER TO THE FUCKING CORE, I SEE YOU KING✅

Sincerely, a Sagittarius stellium ☄️

PS... I stand by this: all Naruto fans need to watch Boruto challenge!

For trackability, I'm linking my shorter-less detailed twitter thread: https://twitter.com/jupiterignited/status/1551498520070303745?s=21&t=R0BYp8qePAz6aM2AWCLprA but please by all means do everything you can to not confuse my twitter account as a space for more astrology content bc its absolutely not LOL

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abiiors · 1 month

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ok i had a full nights sleep. i am coherent. i am fixing to copy/paste the tweets here for your enjoyment. its a lot.

ok so parx twit had a “trend” on unpopular opinions about the band during the sneaking out of heaven tour (their most recent one) one person said this

“Had to be said. You forgot his over dependence on nyquil and sleep drugs that borderlines abuse, he claims he's straight edge though ✨”

she deleted and posted a noted app apology

“Hey friends, I'm writing this to you, not just as an apology for writing dumb shit on twitter with no thought behind it, but to also share that I do suffer from my own personal addiction to pain medication, and have been since I was 17. Addiction is a real thing, it's a problem and it should be talked about, but not at the expense of others and making baseless assumptions. We all know where false acusations can lead, and it's never a good time. I've been reflecting on my previous inflammatory tweet about Awsten and his use of Nyquil and I want to say that I am truly sorry for my, dumb, offensive and very thoughtless tweet. I didn't stop to think before I wrote something so dumb and hurtful and I'm sorry for that. I'm not perfect, l'm human and I make mistakes. I know I fucked up hard and I'm sorry to anyone that was offended by my words. I can delete a tweet, but I can't take away the fact that I wrote it, and that it's out there causing anger to people, so l'm acknowledging that, and owning my mistakes. I am also very greatful to the people that took the time to educate me on this, I always appreciate any guidance. Moving forward I want to do better, internet etiquette is hard to get right especially when you're in a fandom spanning multiple generations and culture's but l'm definately gonna try harder.”

awsten saw the tweets and now that tour has been over for a while he has responded.

“HEY AND BTW WHEREVER THAT ACORNBRAIN WALMARTMOUTH BREATHING TWITTER DULLED CLOWN IS AT THAT SAID I HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM BC I TAKE ZZZQUIL TO SLEEP IN A BUS ON A THIN ASS MATTRESS, I APPRECIATE UR CONCERN AND I HAVENT HAD ANY SINCE TOUR ENDED, YOU CURED ME OF MY ADDICTION”

“GET COOKED WORMBREATH DUMBASS !!! I HOPE YOURE LIKE 14 BECAUSE IF YOURE OPERATING LIKE THIS AT FULLY GROWN, I FEEL SO SAD FOR YOU HAHA PAINT DRINKER”

he quoted a tweet with this after that.

“THIS AND THEN SELF-RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE SMELLING BLOOD IN THE WATER SWOOP IN TO PAT THEMSELVES ON THE BACK AND ABSOLVE THEM LIKE A PRIEST SAYING "we weren't trying to cancel u we wanted to hold you accountable thank you" LMFAO0000000 I LAUGH EVERY TIME, ITS A FULL CIRCLE OF STUPID”

“it's either a notes app apology or an "i'm taking a break" and they go priv and come back in like two days” ^quoted tweet

he also tweeted a picture of a confessional with “you are… forgiven”

“DUMBEST HILLS HAVE EYES MUTANTS ON HERE WILL BE LIKE “uM personally i think he is so immature and Anyone should be allowed to say Anything and Everything at All Times with no repercussions” SIKE BITCH THIS IS THE REAL WORLD OPEN YOUR EYES”

the person who tweeted what hes talking about is between 32-34 and followed them for a majority of the us tour. they flew in from australia for it. somebody tweeted the photo of the tweet that caused him to say that cropped so the persons @ was cut out and his response to that was

“NO MORE CROPPING NAMES, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, WE SHAME IDIOTS, WE SHAPE THE FUTURE”

“WORLD PEACE

IM OUT”

her response to the paint drinker shit was

“loved waking up to you caling me an idiot, thanks Awsten. This fucked up my mental health something fierce and put me in a really bad place”

“Woke up and burst into tears, thanks Awsten”

and a “Awsten what the fuck”

hold on ill link a few of my favorite tweets from the situation because now what the fuck tweet is a whole fuckin joke.

https://x.com/lowkeyashan/status/1782178428982059407?s=46

https://x.com/aioevera7/status/1782185227428729005?s=46

https://x.com/tantrxmbee/status/1782170160209531077?s=46

-🦞

okay what i'm about to say might be a bad an unpopular take because i only have the context that you've given me in this ask so idk if this user used to be disliked before this, or used to be beloved or super popular or whatever else.

anyway i think awsten is... in the wrong here.

this is not to say that the user who tweeted about his alleged drug addiction is saintly and pure and innocent, that was a fucked up tweet to make regardless of if awsten would have seen and/or responded.

however... if i was a popular celeb with a wholeass fandom i would NEVER say these things publicly like sure i understand being mad that someone is talking to flippantly about drug use and speculating about your drug use online but then to go ahead and call them a bunch of names as well as essentially weaponise your fanbase in a way where they're now making memes about this person, making fun of them etc. i'm glad they're not 14 like he said but he didn't know if they were 14 or not, what if they were super young... what if someone who's barely a teenager had to deal with this not only from someone they adore but also from a whole fandom they considered their own??

anyway... yeah i hope tweetuser is fine and i'm glad there's no addiction here. ooofff that's a messy situation wow 😬

#✉️#🦞 anon

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phuuca · 3 years

Text

Dendro Speculation

I wrote this while ✨ 𝒸𝒶𝒻𝒻𝑒𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹 ✨. I copy pasted this from a Discord conversation in my phone. Good thing I did, because I ended up not remembering 45% of what I typed. I'm going to go back in time and pat caffeinated Phuuca on the back for thinking ahead, because they actually had very good ideas.

This is a combination of Dendro speculation, excitement for The Chasm update, and passive aggressiveness at miHoYo for postponing Baizhu's release date.

I know I main Bennett, but a genuinely love Anemo and Dendro, with Cryo being a close third. I love the burning reaction. I love the potential for the different elemental combinations when the Chasm update ( eventually ) comes. I can’t wait for Dendro to be a DPS elements, or Sub DPS element, because we’ve seen Dendro be used for continuous poison damage.

There’s also the burning reaction where the fire spreads and gets bigger. So there’s a lot of potential there. There’s also the possibility of a similar reaction to SUPERCONDUCT, when Electro reacts with Dendro. This is because when lightning strikes a tree, all the sap underneath bark is boiled off. Which causes all the bark to explode. So it could be used as a makeshift, mid-battle bomb.

source

With a Cryo/Dendro reaction, it could be based off of hibernation and cause the reaction Slow. Which could just slow enemies down and eventually cause them to straight up pass out in mid battle, depending on how long the Slow combo continues.

And with a Dendro/Hydro reaction, it could be Heal type reaction. Because of plants need water, and certain types of species grow faster when you add water. But because it’s an elemental reaction, you could end up healing your enemies if you’re not careful. If Heal was added to the game, you’d have to be careful with how you use the Heal reaction.

Dendro/Pyro already has burn.

Dendro/Dendro will coat the entire battle field with poison. Like the Samachurl. Oh. Dendro/Dendro doesn’t have a name. Uhhhhhhh. Nature’s Wrath?? Or it could be a passive ability like Anemo/Anemo, which just causes less stamina to be used. For a passive ability, it could be an immunity to Samachurl’s/Dendro slime poison. Or just an immunity to Dendro poisoning in general.

With a potential Dendro/Geo combination, it could be similar to something like Fossilization or Petrify. Like Zhongli’s ULT, but it can only be activated by spreading Dendro first, and then attacking with Geo. They’re both Static elements, so they don’t react with much.

Dendro/Anemo?? What do I do with this? Leaf Bracer?? What do I do with leaves and wind. There’s practically nothing here??

That was, until I had an idea.

So it would obviously be a swirl reaction. A Dendro/Anemo reaction would be activated by activating Dendro and then using an Anemo attacker to spread the effects of Dendro. Think of the Pyro swirl, but with Dendro that spreads continuous poison damage. But because it effects your environment, it could potentially backfire and poison you. But you can’t use Hydro, or else the effect would be cancelled out and no more poison damage.

Speaking of poison damage:

Anyways, I’m just really excited for when the first Dendro character will be released. I want to see all the different reactions in battle. They must be rare for a lore reason and not just neglect from miHoYo, which could, and probably is, also true.

Dendro means trees, so it’ll probably be used as a world building element in the Genshin story once we get to Sumeru. The current Archon has only held the position for 500 years. Once we get there, and the Traveler gains Dendro, we can try to make some assumptions of what the Dendro Archon’s ULT will be. Since the Traveler’s Elemental Burst is just a watered down version of the Archons’ ULT.

But, that could be coincidence, because as an author that happens, but I doubt it’s justcoincidence. With the Travelers being from “ beyond the stars ”, they might technically be gods more powerful than Celestia. Which maybe the reason the Unknown God trapped and stripped them of their powers.

Dendro might be dominantly Catalyst users since it is the Element of Wisdom and Knowledge, and Catalysts are commonly books. But that might actually be coincidental/accidental because the only two Dendro characters we’ve seen are Catalyst users ( YaoYao and Baizhu ). My knowledge of Baizhu being a male catalyst user is because I’ve been stalking Baizhu Stan Twitter for updates and leaks, even though I don’t have Twitter.

Anyways, Baizhu’s leaked weapon is a Jade Catalyst, Primordial Jade Regalia ( I think ), and it’s super pretty. I have a whole google doc dedicated to him and the Dendro ascension items. Baizhu has bird bones and paper skin, he can’t lift a sword, I’m 95% sure he can’t pull a bow string. I once toyed with the idea of him wielding a Polearm after nikud0ns suggested he might be able to wield one. But considering he can’t move around that much due to his chronic illness, I don’t think he will.

And there is no way he would be able to haul around a Claymore. If he can’t lift a Sword, there’s no way he can lift a Claymore.

Anyways, I’m waiting for 1.6-1.8 to come. I’ll be here when it does.

#sumeru #baizhu #yaoyao #aether #lumine #dendro #genshin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin theory #Phuuca's headcanons

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eternityservedcold · 3 years

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ive been posting about my codex!wendy au on twitter for a couple days now but instead of just copy and pasting what i wrote on there ill actually expand upon it a little. also this post is gonna be really long but theres pictures so i hope that helps

if theres any moment where the timeline splits (not including moments before this that may have had a butterfly effect), it would be william carters train crash in 1904, which.... did not happen in this universe. he, with no small amount of shame, moves in with his rich and successful brother.

wendy and abigail grow up having, essentially, an extra parent, which thankfully means abigail didnt die. with their mother long gone, when jack dies in 1919 (not of magic-y reasons, just like... a heart attack or something), william is left to take care of the twins alone. he tries to find jobs so he could work himself to death and at least save his nieces, but due to his general lack of competence, he isnt finding much that can actually sustain them all.

wendy and abigail, who have noticed this despite williams protests that everything is fine, decide to do the smartest thing they can think of: run away from home so william only needs to take care of himself. im sure you can see why this is a bad idea, even in a universe without the codex umbra, but boy does it get significantly worse for them very quickly.

wendy gets hit by a car. abigail runs for help, but by the time she gets back, wendy is fine. and clutching a strange book.

over the course of the next few weeks, wendy and abigail manage to scrounge up a little money, and between this, wendy shows abigail some neat tricks the codex umbra taught her. abigail suggests, a bit jokingly, that maybe they could become magicians. the codex wendy thinks this is a great idea.

[transcription of text: “THE AMAZING MARY, Performing feats to astound and mystify”]

at the codex umbras suggestion, wendy adopts a stage name, “mary,” and the twins perform their first show. it goes very well, and they make a lot of money, so they decide to keep doing this, and hopefully save enough to go back home and take care of their uncle.

mary and abigail perform many magic shows, and end up becoming beloved around the country. admittedly they do get a bit lost in the sauce, but theyre teenagers, wouldnt you? except, mary often times seems to forget they theyre doing this for their uncle at all. in fact, mary seems all-around real different these days.

mary becomes far colder, more secretive, and will lock herself in her study for days at a time. abigail notices her sisters change in personality, and attributes it to the fame going to her head. unlike charlie, abigail never realized quite how deep mary had gotten into the codex.

mary and abigails final act goes very similarly to maxwell and charlies. theyre going through the routine when something goes horribly wrong, and theyre grabbed by the codex and taken to the constant. mary becomes the queen, and abigail the night monster.

mary rules much like her uncle, and brings most of the same people into her world. the differences are as such:

maxwell is still william carter, who replaces wilson as the “all-around” type. if he was in the game, he would only have slightly lower hunger drain, and otherwise be identical to wilson without a beard

charlie has taken the role of wendy, so to speak... winona died in a factory accident (the very same one that would have taken her to the constant in another life), and charlie keeps her soul in a rose

webber becomes the “canonical” protagonist instead of wilson. i would have made it william, but it is ultimately important that the protagonist is someone uninvolved in the carter relationship chart

wilson is actually a half-decent scientist so he replaces winona, i guess

adventure mode is the same but i wrote some quotes for funsies, here we go:

A Cold Reception

Looks like you found my portal.

Haven’t you learned “curiosity kills the cat?”

Let’s see if I can’t up the stakes a bit.

King of Winter

Oh, you survived, that’s fun.

Just remember, you need to be lucky four more times...

But I only need to be lucky once.

The Game is Afoot

Huh? You’re still alive?

That’s... impressive. I’m interested to see how this will go.

Break a leg out there.

Archipelago

How do you do?

This has been fun. You’re a good playmate.

But I think you should know I had a nasty habit of breaking my toys.

Two Worlds

How do you do?

I know you may not want to make another deal with me, but...

I’ll just give you all of this for free.

Food, gold, pigs, anything you want from this world.

All I want in return is for you to stay put, okay?

Darkness

Go ahead.

Keep going.

I think we both know what will happen.

Epilogue

You found me.

Was it what you hoped for?

Forgive me for not giving you a curtsy.

For what it’s worth, you were a fun playmate.

To me, at least. Maybe not to Them.

Maybe They’ll find you more fun when you’re here.

They’ll show you beautiful, terrifying things.

It’d be best if you didn’t fight it.

I’ve worked so hard to make this world.

I’ve made it so pretty for Them.

I thought I was so smart. So needed.

But even Queens are bound to the board.

In the end, I can’t change the game.

I’m not quite sure what They want.

Perhaps we’re just performing for Them.

Though that may be my mind playing tricks on me.

Hm. What year is it? Time is weird here.

Go ahead, stay as long as you like.

It’s not like I can throw you out.

Or you could put the key in and get it over with.

It’s a lose-lose situation.

That’s life, though, isn’t it?

...I think I’m done for now.

i also drew some disconnected cyclum-ish comics:

[transcript of text:

Mary: "After all I've done, you still help me. Why?"

Webber: "We trust you."

Mary: (offscreen) "I don't understand."

Webber: "If you were gonna do something, you already would have."

Mary: "I just don't understand."

Webber: (offscreen) "It's okay, Mary, you don't have to."]

[transcript of text:

William: "I missed you so much! I was worried sick, I can't even be mad at you..." (rambling)

Mary: "I... I'm sorry, do I know you?"]

im very much still developing this au but thats what i have so far.

#cant catch me gay thoughts #dont starve #don't starve #hi dont starve tags hope you have fun with this one <3

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lilydalexf · 4 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Marasmus

Marasmus only has a handful of fics left at Gossamer, but you can find more X-Files fics at AO3 (as finisterre). Some of my favorites of her stories I've recced here before, including one of the most clever fics you could read, Cellphone (here at AO3), and the lovely, London-set A Candle for Katherine (here at AO3, bonus commentary at LJ). Big thanks to Marasmus for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Mine, yes, older XF in general, no — some of that stuff is amazing. Though I wonder how well fandom operates now there is not a plethora of rec sites. I know of yours and one more Tumblr blog and that’s it. I find it really difficult to find good stories in any fandom unless someone whose taste maps to mine recommends something.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I look back on it fondly, but it was one of the first things that really hammered it home to me that every grouping throughout life follows the pattern of school.

A lot of people are really talented and funny and kind. Then there are absolute ego-rampaging nightmares who act like lady bountiful in public but do cruel things in private, or chuck their toys out of the pram at the least provocation.

And like school, fandom brings together a disparate group of people who you’re friendly with, but once you leave, the ones you stay in touch with are your friends.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Thank God.

I watched the show pre-widespread internet and mostly when I had almost no money. I didn’t have regular internet access until the third season, and that was only at my incredibly conservative workplace. I didn’t get home internet access until midway through season six. You couldn’t download episodes easily, you couldn’t stream, you just had to wait until it aired overseas. I decided I didn’t care if I was spoiled and that worked for me. In fact for some particularly annoying episodes, I was glad.

I was a newsgroup and mailing list sort of person. Never really did message boards unless a newsgroup counts, though I had a Haven account.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Mostly, how talented people are. I know some are now professional writers, but so many people who didn’t do it as anything but a hobby were also amazing.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I always liked science fiction, oddness and urban legends, so it was kind of made for me. But it was the relationship between Mulder and Scully that kept me around, and after season six, it was the fandom that kept me around. I loved Scully in particular, cos let’s be honest, Mulder can be kind of a twerp at times.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I hung out on alt.tv.xfiles.analysis (a newsgroup), which was one of the smartest boards I’ve ever been on. The threads were full of well-read, erudite people. That led to a site which collated reviews of XF episodes. They mentioned alt.tv.xfiles.creative, and I got there the summer after Gethsemane, which was pretty optimal timing.

I’d take floppy disks into conservative workplace and quietly download the most gloriously filthy fanfic onto them for reading at home on my ancient second-hand Mac.

After that I joined Scullyfic, a mailing list, which was a lovely place to hang out for a while, and got stories through a couple of other mailing lists.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Like my relationship to ice hockey: glad that activity exists and that some people enjoy it, but not watching and not involved myself.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Reading, yes, and writing the odd bit of feedback, but any other fandom involvement didn’t really take. I’ve never found a bunch of people I liked as well as I liked some of the people in XF.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I am usually more interested in female characters than male ones (the Doctor, Mulder and Jack O’Neill notwithstanding), which is why I only read a bit of m/m slash. I usually develop a perverse dislike for any woobie the fandom loves.

Some favourites are: Samantha Carter and Jack O’Neill, Granny Weatherwax, Furiosa, everyone from The Good Place, Donna Noble, Sarah Jane Smith, Martha Jones and Yasmin Khan, Maia from The Goblin Emperor, Cordelia Naismith and Miles Vorkosigan, General Leia Organa, Rey and Finn, and lately all of The Old Guard, even Booker...

I like nerds, pining, best friends discovering feelings for each other, second chances, redemption narratives, people being sneaky for good ends and stoics who stay stoic through all kinds of misery, only to crack and start crying when they get a happy ending.

Basically, you know Eleanor at the end of the Emma Thompson Sense and Sensibility? That.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

No. I had about four years there where I made up stories about Mulder and Scully on any commute where I’d forgotten a book, but that’s gone now. I watched two episodes of the revival, but it wasn’t for me.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I occasionally wander in and read a bit on AO3, but nothing that deals with anything past season seven. Not interested in William, not interested in domestic fiction, not even interested in post-col any more, which was 100% my crack during XF fandom days. I did read By the Dim and Flaring Lamps [Lilydale note: by @sunflowerseedsandscience] earlier this year. Love a bit of AU historical.

I read lots of different fandoms, though I am between intense enthusiasms at the moment, which always feels a bit odd.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Yes, but they’re all about 20 years old. Is there such a thing as fandom classics any more? There used to be a litany of stories that ‘everyone should read’. I wonder how well they hold up now.

I think there are waves of writers who come into a fandom and then leave again: I think I was part of a second wave, with the first wave being Mustang Sally, RivkaT, Karen Rasch, Lydia Bower, Nascent etc.

Then there must’ve been a third wave for the revival (and mini-waves in between). I don’t know that group of writers, so I am probably leaving out people who are really good.

One of my favourite Scully voices is Five Years and One Night [Lilydale note: by Shalimar], because of the contrast between her inner monologue as written and how little she actually says.

I really like quieter, thoughtful authors like Michelle Kiefer, Cecily Sasserbaum, Scullysfan, Cofax, Anjou, Maria Nicole, Kipler. Love everything Kel ever wrote.

At one point there were also about three authors called Rachel who were knockout. I like to think Rachel Howard is writing professionally because it’s a waste of talent if she’s not. Rachel Anton had a crazy gift for pacing and wrote a good Krycek.

I really liked Branwell’s strange AU novels, which riff off The Field Where I Died (a wretched episode but so much good writing came from it.) [Lilydale note: Condemned to Repeat It by Branwell is a really long story involving The Field Where I Died.]

Everyone who is reccing other people’s stuff here is also a good writer. (and their taste in recs is — mostly — excellent): http://www.thebasementoffice.com/museaxfnet/museans/TitlesAF.html

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I like The Flexible Concept of Tomorrow. I loved trying to work out the timelines. I like the one about airships and cross-dressing which only exists on my iPhone and in my imagination right now.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Only an AU, if ever. I am completely at sea with canon.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

In my head. Mostly AUs. Everyone has daemons! It’s an airship! They’re exploring space! It’s mediaeval Slovenia!

Most of my creativity is sucked away by work. Which is good I suppose, as writing fanfic never paid my Netflix subscription.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Reading long-form journalism and non-fiction books.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Well, I changed mine. The first one was picked out of a magazine article about Branwell Bronte, and I liked the shape of the word. Then I got to feel uncomfortable with it because it was a real illness that made people suffer. The current one comes from the shipping forecast when I was a kid.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

No, and also absolutely not. Over my dead body. Over YOUR dead body.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I took my stories off Gossamer but I don’t remember why. They’re on AO3 now and there are probably stray copies on some archives out there.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I have made all of these mistakes. All of ‘em.

— On no account offer unsolicited concrit. In fact, do not provide concrit EVEN IF THE PERSON ASKS FOR IT, unless you know them reasonably well and it’s in private.

— Avoid the wank. If you have the perfect riposte to something awful, write it and file it to drafts for two days. If you still want to send it after that, godspeed.

— Write anything you want, and when you start keep going. You can edit later.

— Never put any story into the public sphere unless you’ve had a second pair of eyes on it, preferably the eyes of someone who is willing to say “are you SURE about that?”

Finally, just have fun. Being in the grip of love of story is a wonderful thing, and you never know how long it will last.

(Posted by Lilydale on September 29, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #marasmus #finisterre

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alethia000 · 5 years

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[TRANS] 190911 Nichkhun’s Interview with The Cloud

Virtue

Story by Chernporn Kongma

11 September 2019

[Thai-Eng Trans by Daffodil0624]

A conversation with Nichkhun Horvejkul, a shy boy who has become a member of a popular Korean idol group 2PM, on his role as Friend of UNICEF who encourages children to be fascinated by letters in ‘Every Child Can Read’ Project.

“Eleven years of hard work is not worthless. Fame I have gained can help make our society a better place. It is my way of giving back to society and I consider that virtue or merit of my life.”

These are what Nichkhun Horvejkul has told us. Nichkhun has worked in the entertainment industry in Asia for more than a decade. He has also done volunteer work as Friend of UNICEF for six consecutive years.

Growing up in overseas entertainment industry has given him an opportunity to see the big, wide world. It has opened his eyes and widened his perspective while he has accumulated diverse experiences. However, doing volunteer work in his homeland has broadened his viewpoint and made him aware of various hidden social problems in Thailand that have been mostly overlooked.

Success and fame may have turned a shy boy into a beloved superstar. Yet, doing volunteer work has shaped and changed his heart, his mind, and his perspective on life. Nichkhun has redefined success, understood the truth about work and entertainment industry, and determined to take part in solving social problems in Thailand.

Every story he has told us indicates that today Nichkhun has a clear understanding of the true value of life.

Little things that have been overlooked

From the moment JYP Entertainment has chosen Nichkhun to be a member of 2PM, this shy boy’s life path is no longer the same. Becoming a popular singer and an idol in South Korea, he has an opportunity to work in different places every day. Sometimes, he travelled to 3 countries in a single day and rarely had a chance to take a break.

Nichkhun’s fans have collected statistical data about his flights. In 2014, his total flight distance (195,540 kilometres) equals travelling around the world for 4.88 times or almost halfway to the moon.

Nevertheless, in the whole wide world he has travelled, nowhere has been able to unforgettably touch his heart and move him like a particular area in the capital city of Thailand. Various forms of social inequality have been concealed beneath the city’s civilisation.

“Among high-rise buildings and luxurious neighbourhoods in Bangkok, there are places we don’t see or have chosen not to look at. When we drive on the expressways past these places every day, we have rarely acknowledged that there are big communities down there. People in these communities suffer from impoverished living conditions.”

The areas Nichkhun talked about are Klong Toey communities and their numerous social problems.

Participating in various campaigns to advance children’s rights, Nichkhun visited children in these communities and had firsthand experience of what their living conditions were like. Because of this memorable experience, Nichkhun has promised himself to find a way to help improve these children’s lives.

“I still remember those children in Klong Toey communities, the overwhelming smell, the poor environments, the rats, and the cockroaches. I don’t know how can we let those children live like that. It is not their fault that they were born there. I think we have to help them, as fellow Thais and human beings that live in the same world.”

Nichkhun does not live or work in Thailand often. However, whenever he has come back to Thailand, he has dedicated his free time to help children by working with UNICEF and supporting their campaigns.

“I feel very guilty because I often work overseas. I don’t have a chance to visit children in faraway provinces. I will try to find time to work with UNICEF more often. Previously, what I can do best is being a spokesperson who tells people about these problems on social networks and other media channels. I want people to pay attention and help each other. That is what I have to do.”

Shaping his mind and thoughts

Nichkhun admitted that having worked with UNICEF and learned about various social problems affected his thoughts and mind. These experiences have changed the way he looks at the world. He has realised the importance of ‘giving’ more than ever.

“Participation in voluntary or charitable activities has become another motivation for me to keep working in the showbiz and moving forward. I know all the fame I have gained is not futile. I can use fame and my status as a star to give back to society.”

“I always tell my fans they don’t have to buy me any gifts on my birthday. Please make a donation instead. My fans have often made donations and sent me the donation certificates from UNICEF. They have made me very happy and delighted. I have told my fans we have done good deeds together and we will be born to meet each other again in our next lives.” Nichkhun ended the sentence with a sincere smile.

Life is like a wave.

“In the past, I might measure my success by saying “Which rank will I get?” The songs I released had to reach number one on charts. So many billboards at metro or skytrain stations in Thailand showed my face and products I endorsed that Koreans sent me messages that they saw me again. Now I don’t think about these things anymore.”

Nichkhun reflected back on the period when he spent his life focusing on chasing rankings. At that time, he cared about the quantity of his work and believed that it guaranteed his success.

“Today I don’t think about how popular I have to be.” Nichkhun pondered and continued to say, “I am not worried how many followers I have. I don’t think I have to be more popular than anyone. It’s not necessary that 15,000 audience members have to attend my concerts. I performed in front of two or three thousand fans in my latest concerts. My fans and I were happy. I could see everyone’s face in the halls. That is a success for me.”

“Thus, at the moment, success means doing what I love and making people who love me proud and happy. That’s enough.”

Nichkhun summed up his definition of success that has changed.

We asked if it was because he has grown up and has a better understanding of the truth about life.

“I understand that being a star is merely a job, not my heart and soul.” Nichkhun promptly said.

“We can be mentally ill if we think we have to be a star at every single moment,” Nichkhun explained. “When we go up to the highest height, we will come down eventually. Clinging to being a star can make us depressed. For me, I have already known being a star is a job. I will keep doing this job until I want to stop. If my fame fades away, that’s the way it goes. If people still want to hire me, I will keep on working. If not, that’s all right. I will find other activities to do.

“My parents have taught me, “Don’t cling to anything too much.” My father has always told me to live sufficiently. My mother has made me understand that life is like a wave. It goes up and down. New and stronger waves keep coming constantly. The next waves will keep bashing into us. We can’t beat them and we can’t stop them. ”

At 31, Nichkhun has understood the true essence of life and has let go of things he used to cling to. We wanted to know what his ultimate happiness is at present.

“Taking a trip with my family,” Nichkhun replied immediately with sparkling eyes. “At the beginning of this year, I took a road trip with my siblings in America. I am thinking about where should I take my mother to next year.” He turned and smiled at his mother. Nichkhun said taking care of his family gave him incomparable and profound happiness.

“We are building a new house. My sister who is an interior designer has been designing and decorating our house. It should be finished soon.” Happiness radiated from his smile, his eyes, and his face.

From the smallest unit of society to tremendous results

This year, Nichkhun has participated in “Every Child Can Read” Project to raise awareness of the importance of reading.

“I think this is UNICEF’s best project. Reading is really a part of our life.”

Growing up with parents who encouraged him to love reading, Nichkhun read cartoon books about the Buddha’s biography instead of watching television. As a result, Nichkhun has been fascinated by books and can confidently say, for him, reading is like magic. He has astonishing experiences because of reading.

“Paulo Coelho who wrote “The Alchemist” is one of my favourite writers. One day he followed me on Twitter because I frequently tweeted about this book. Later he sent me a signed copy of “The Alchemist.” I can say this is the most magical thing that has happened to me.”

“I sit down to read his book without getting up. When I looked at the clock, I realised several hours passed. He is an exceptional storyteller. I can imagine what he described, the physical traits of his characters, the scents, sounds, and colours of situations. It is like making a movie in our mind. This is the appeal of reading.”

We know that reading is an essential part of a child’s growth. However, in this day and age, digital media is easily accessible. Children are entertained by contents and stories on social networks. Nichkhun believed there are still solutions to these enormous challenges.

“Besides me and other social media influencers, I hope people will help recommend good books for others. Cultivating and nurturing a good reading habit should start from family, the smallest unit of society. Parents should buy books and read them for their kids. These children will remember how enjoyable a book can be. When they are accustomed to reading and want to read a book by themselves, the outcome will be substantial.”

“It is like throwing pebbles into the water, ripples keep spreading out across the surface endlessly,” Nichkhun concluded with a hopeful smile. The comparison he made demonstrates his determination to truly give back to society.

* The title of the interview “Virtue” has the same meaning as Nichkhun’s nickname in Thai (คุณ or Khun).

Source: https://readthecloud.co/nichkhun-horvejkul-unicef-thailand/

Please take out with full credit.

#2pm #nichkhun #190911 Nichkhun’s Interview with The Cloud #Daffodil0624 #interview #friend of unicef #UNICEF #reading

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sophygurl · 5 years

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Okay, time for me to try and remember all the stuff I wanted to make sure and say about my lovely time at WisCon 43 this past weekend.

Generally, I was just so pleased to once again get to extrovert all over the place in a space filled with amazing people. I got to hang out in my adjoining room full of my pals where we got to touch base with one another between running off to do other things and download our days to one another each evening. I got to enjoy several nice meals with friends I rarely get to see and acquaintances that I admire and respect. I got to have fascinating conversations with combinations of friends, acquaintances, and strangers in the lobby and at parties and in the hot tub. I got to sit on panels with intelligent and creative people with all different perspectives. I got to show off fun outfits and feast my eyes on everyone else’s cool shit and do the smile-and-wave at people I only see once a year even if we never got the chance to actually sit down and talk. I got to meet lots of new people and have adding frenzies on twitter and just generally delight to my heart’s content in awesome smart nerdy people who are also feminists with intersectional leanings - many of whom were also disabled and/or queer in a variety of ways. This is all what I just adore about WisCon so much. And it did not disappoint.

Being my 10th WisCon, I have stopped being utterly shocked that people might know/remember me. But I’m still a little bit amazed and delighted by it - especially when it comes from folks who I admire a lot and also have not spoken to more than once or twice. I know some people are just better at remembering and recognizing people than I am? But it still never fails to impress me!

I was a little less schedule-y with myself this year than usual. Which is not to say that I didn’t have full written schedules of all the things I wanted to do (planning is my favorite of my OCD symptoms so...). But I was a lot more flexible about doing things like walking in late to a panel because I got excited to sit outside and talk to someone I ran into in the halls beforehand or leaving a panel early if I felt like I wanted to take my time getting to the next thing. I may have still written down all of the things I wanted to be doing in any given time slot and prioritized them in order - BUT I played it by ear at each time and often did a totally different thing. lol

I still did lots of panels! In fact, I find I get to so many panels that I don’t spend as much time just doing hang-out activities as much as I’d like because there is only so much time in a day. I once again never made it to the trans/genderqueer/non-binary space and only went to the disability space the one time for the organized dinner. Ah, maybe next year!

I also still took notes during the panels I went to, but not as copiously as usual, and my handwriting is getting worse all the time so we’ll see how/if my panel write-ups go this year.

Getting my new walker the day before the con made a huge difference! It’s been two years since my previous walker broke down and I for sure noticed the difference in how much easier it was for me to get around to have one again.

On the other end of things, I have really gotten used to my hospital bed and having to sort out how to sleep in a regular bed again was an adventure in positioning various cushions and pillows and blankets around and requiring more lidocaine for nerves that got bungled up. But it worked(ish).

I also broke the toilet in our room. As in, neither plunging nor snaking did the trick and the maintenance guy had to take our toilet apart and cart it off and put a different one in it’s place. The replacement toilet was not currently in use for reasons that soon became obvious - lots of gurgling noises and self-flushing going on. But at least it flushed!

A few more specific things:

I found a pair of hot pink denim capri’s at the clothing swap that I’m excited to try out!

I discovered that my habit of suggesting lots of panel descriptions is more of a thing than I realized. Like, I knew I wrote a lot - I just didn’t realize how much more than the other average con-goer that was. I can’t decide if I should be more embarrassed or pleased/proud of this? But either way, it’s not going to stop me and I already have a huge list of ideas to write up for next year, so.

Only made it to one party, but glad I got to that one. I find I don’t have the physical energy for dance parties anymore and have never been a huge fan of the sit around and make small talk parties, but the Secret Superhero party that Alexandra Erin and co. throw every year is a good one because 1) they give people Stuff To Do which helps cover for all manner of social awkwardness and 2) there’s already built-in a few people I know and can reliably socialize with a little bit so I have less of that tendency to walk in - peek around - see no one I know (or only see ppl I know already talking to other people) - get intimidated - and leave.

Had planned to go to a lunch meeting for people to yell about The Magicians (of which I have a feeling my opinions would have largely been contradictory), but accidentally wandered off to lunch with other people without realizing I’d done so! Hopefully the 3 people I wandered off with did not feel as though I’d tagged along uninvited, but I certainly enjoyed the chance to get to know them all a little better.

Once again did not make it to the Vid Party, but DID make it to the Vid Deep Dive panel, which was great. And have watched a bunch of the vids on the list now and am super excited about vids in general again and am hopeful that this will lead me to actually using my YouTube and AO3 accounts to specifically watch and fangirl over vids more. Vids are like magic to me and vidders like wizards - I am so in awe of their talent I cannot.

Had some really interesting conversations about religion and fandom throughout the con - starting with my panel on the use of religion in SFF TV shows, dovetailing into a fascinating conversation down at the pool, and ending with some thinky thoughts coming out of the Antisemitism at WisCon panel. Possibly more on that later. Also possibly some more panels on the subject for next year?

Lots of panel topics and conversations this year ended up being about the combination of two subjects very close to my heart: 1) hope and/or redemption, and 2) community. Again, possibly more later and certainly some intriguing panel ideas for the coming year.

I did buy two books this year! Budget does not always allow for book buying, but I did good on the food budget, so I allowed myself two during the sign-out. They were both from people I like to presume to call friends, which is always a nice plus - to buy directly from someone you want to support financially as well as personally. I got First Dates, Last Calls by Alexandra Erin which I’m excited to read and The Apocalypse coloring and activity book by Theo Nicole Lorenz which I’m excited to color!

I had wanted to get Laurie Mark’s final book in the Elemental Logic series Air Logic, along with the 3rd book (since a friend is planning to gift me the first 2 in the series), because Air Logic has just come out and the author and/or publisher were going to be at-con but by the time I got the Dealer’s room they were not there and by the time I left the sign-out they had not gotten there so it was not meant to be. But I still plan to get those books because I ADORE the series so far and am excited about the 4th. (I actually asked my library to purchase the book and am on the first on the holds list to get it once it’s in, so at least I’ll be able to read it soon if not actually own a copy)

As evidenced by my post the other day, I was thinking a lot about conversations being held about making sure more diverse voices are being heard during panels. I don’t have a lot of advice re: making sure more folks from more marginalized groups show up. But I find I did have a lot to say about making sure the panels folks are on end up being inclusive of many voices whether or not those ppl show up to be on the programming itself. And - I suspect - doing the latter well enough will help to foster more of the former as people will feel safer to come and share their perspectives as well as not feel like they have to always BE The Diversity Voice on every panel they choose to attend/be on. But I am a cis white chick, and I feel like it was mostly trans and poc folks these conversations were about, so I am eager to hear what other people have to say about all of this as and if they’re willing to share.

I tend not to make it to GoH speeches or the Tiptree Auction because I have trouble with sitting still in a large room crowded with people type events. But as expected, even reading the text of Charlie Jane Anders’ speech made me weep with hope and joy and I hope G. Willow Wilson shares hers at some point so that I might also weep at hers. Those GoH speeches are always so inspiring and thrilling. I love this community. I am so grateful I became a part of it. I hope we can just always always keep growing and doing better to and for one another.

Panels that I may or may not end up writing up a little about in the days to come:

(the tail end of) Capitalism is Fueled by Anxiety

Favorite Queer Depictions in Fiction

Polyamory and Alternative Relationships

(the first half-ish of) New Pop Culture for Old Farts

Learning to Hear the Dog Whistle

Mental Illness in SFF

Vid Discussion Deep Dive

Antisemitism at WisCon

(parts of) The 116th Congress

Plus the five panels I was on, which will be less notes and more impressions: Killing Eve, Use of Religion in SFF TV, How to Write a Panel, Found Family, and Speculative Fiction on TV [also the spontaneous The Umbrella Academy panel which was small and informal but still really cool!]

#wiscon #wiscon 43 #wc43 #i don't have a tag for this #extroversion #life with chronic illness

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beepsrichie · 7 years

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psa: grab your fucking tea.

alright, so this week has been fucking wild but i’m tired of seeing people believing shit without having any proof. seriously, learn to ask before aimlessly follow someone around like so god damn lost puppy.

a couple days ago my friend did a shitpost alright and it was all fun and games, trust me! but a few people really took it seriously and started asking questions and even reblogged it wondering if we were actually in a fight or not. to prove that it was all fake i sent my friend a message which can be found under here. just a heads up guys, if we [eddiesghost and i] were ever in a huge fight i wouldn’t make a call out post or even mention it to the public because, the fuck, what do i get out of that?

the point is, this big mistake actually turned out to be good. the night when people thought we were in a fight we all decided to turn anon off and just call it a day. the next morning i woke up to find a message asking for me to privately message them.

side note: you see that url in the pic? wolfhardgrazerstruth? mm, fucking report them please. you’ll see why soon.

this person started off casual, asking me questions about eddiesghost and what happened between us. i hate lying, but i just had a hunch that this was the anon that has been harassing me and my friends for almost a month now, so i played their game. i fed them bullshit saying stuff about eddiesghost just to get on their side and it worked for some time until said person introduced me to someone else. oh, by the way, these people are fucking massive fack shippers.

this is when she introduced me to the other person, on the same fucking account.

me @ them. its a fucking cult, you guys. i aint joking.

lets just get down to business now. you tell me your thoughts if this shit ain’t unsettling and fucked.

oh wow. apparently only having 1k means you are pathetic and you cant defend yourself. shucks. thanks for the fucking tip. ill shove that advice up my ass.

oh wait- but lets bring out the big guns now.

she wanted me to make a call out post about eddiesghost.

sigh. more of the ‘prove yourself’ bullshit.

this person wanted me to write a call out post about eddiesghost. im sure a few of you saw me post one last night, but i deleted it a couple of hours later after i reported and blocked the person.

but the twisted thing is- she wanted me to be nasty as fuck in my call out post. she wanted it to do eddiesghost bad, to ruin her image to the point she just deactivates and vanishes from tumblr. the actual fuck? i was speaking to satan himself. lord.

also, this bish gave me a fucking time limit. jfc. she gave me two hours.

first copy i sent to her, she said it wasnt mean enough and how it could improve.

make it up if you must. hmm.

when i sent her a another copy of what i wrote, she offered a few suggestions to improve the post.

huh, thats strange. “the only reason shes so very against fack is because shes actually interested in jack”

do me a favorite and just-

seems familiar? check out this post.

when things started getting uncomfortable she noticed my hesitation and was getting upset at the fact the call out post wasnt getting enough attention. she thought it was because of the lack of information i added. i would just like to add i didnt mention any of the jack shit she wanted me to add. thats just so fucking wrong. my response to her asking me if i still had feelings for eddiesghost was this:

eventually i reported the blog and blocked them, but she still reached out to me since before heading to bed i turned my anon back on knowing she was gonna message me.

the underlined things in red are stuff that are considered as threats and to show you that this person, is not in the right. honestly, she sounds like an adult, whoever this may be. and the fact shes a fack shipper is concerning. even if i am wrong, kid or not, its still fucked up what shes been doing for the past couple of weeks.

anon, if you are reading this, i just wanted to say you are delusional as fuck. spreading false information everywhere is just childish and fucking disgusting. grow the hell up. you’re lucky that my friend eddiesghost is one strong motherfucker. keep it up, we’ll just go on with our day. but i’m hoping this fucking post shines a fucking light on your stupidity and people can wake the fuck up and learn to take take information seriously without proof.

if you guys want more information, just message me. i’ll be turning my anon off for a while cause i dont wanna deal with anymore of this shit. if you are curious, dont be a coward and just message me for the stuff. want the entire convo, including what i said? sure, just ask. i dont give a damn! i got nothing to hide. i was taking one for the team to try and figure out who were these people.

by the way, their ‘group’ has around five members apparently. but theres a fucking bigger cult of them somewhere on twitter and insta probably. also this person has been following eddiesghost, eddiesbadbreak and me for a while now, according to this person. they been doing so to keep an eye on us which is fucking creepy if you ask me. if you guys have more information about this, please do enlighten me cause its just...yeah.

oh, by the way- lets take a closer look at something.

huh- whats that?

#it fandom #fack bullshit #callout #the tea is real gents.#i'm fucking exhausted and im sorry if theres typos. ill correct tomorrow but let me sleep #hey ashley! i hope you are reading this /dear/.#i got a little message for you!#rest on this- dear heart! *flips you the bird.*#also if you are a fack shipper and you are grouped with this person please realize that your so called leader is full of bullshit.#but if you are a fack shipper and staying out of creepy cult shit like this then good job #asslee i hope you dont underestimate me next time.#sigh. never trust a fack shipper. better yet- a fucking cult of kiddies.

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occupyvenus · 7 years

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@doublehex replied to your post “Actual footage of aegony stans popping a bottle of champagne...”

You make it seem as if only J0nerys shippers bought into it. BryndenBFish thought it was a legit interview at first, and he was someone that has poured over most of GRRM's interviews. The way the interviewer wrote his responses were very cleaver. And it was written by no means a Jonsa shipper, because the Jonsa answer was just one small part about it. Get off your high horse and take a chill pill.

How about you get off my post and take a red pill that takes you back to reality?

I do not make it seem like only J0nerys shippers bought into it. I specifically made fun of the specific group of people (mostly J0nerys shippers) who used this interview as “prove” to debunk Jonsa and celebrated the “death of the delusional crackship” before getting all their facts straight. Yes, while the Jonsa passage was only a small part of the interview, I made fun of the people who only cared about this “small part” and made a big deal about it. Weak reading comprehension, much? Would explain a lot of things.

As a lot of other people, I didn’t dismiss the interview right away either, that would be just as biased as buying into it without any further questions. I thought maybe the “interviewer” had some personal connection to GRRM and he did them a solid by talking with them. I read the entire thing, while considering the problems that arise with automated translation and compared his statements with some he’s made before. I actually took my time to apply some critical thinking skills before forming a final opinion. The post was not directed at people like BryndenBFish (btw, what’s with the appeal to authority? People can’t think for themselves unless someone with supposed “higher credentials” gives them the green light to do so?) who did the same thing, who wasn’t sure about it’s legitimacy, but actually looked into it before drawing any final conclusions, but at the gullible, biased idiots who never learned to not believe everything they read on the internet. So what is your point exactly?

Btw, I retain the right to make fun of the people who didn’t even bother to look into it before making hateful, condescending, snarky posts because there were so many things that should make everyone capable of critical thinking at least a bit sceptical:

An exclusive interview with a high-caliber author is published on some random, unknown blog?

Why didn’t a “professional journalist” sell that thing to some news media, actually making some profit with their supposed profession?

Why wouldn’t the author at least take one picture with grrm?

One tiny little google session would’ve showed that this “interview” wasn’t picked up by any verified news outlet.

Neither westeros.org, nor the asoiaf wikia picked it up either. They’re usually pretty fast with that. Most interviews show up a few hours after they were published. Maybe because the administrators have connection to grrm and his pr-team themselves and are aware of any upcoming interviews?

The interview has no links to grrm’s blog, twitter, his official website and their was no mention of that interview on all these outlets either.

The interview was ill-formatted and the blog itself looks rather shitty. Not a sign of professionalism.

Why would GRRM agree to making interview that was only going to be published in Spanish? Why would GRRM agree to making an interview with such a low-profile outlet at all?

Those were at least a couple of things that seemed fishy about the circumstances of the “release”. If that wasn’t enough to at least raise one of your eyebrows, there are couple of things about the content that an attentive reader could/should have noticed:

George is praising D&D? After politely redirecting any questions about them with neutral answers? After throwing some epic shade at them not two months ago? (Like, he has no time to watch “his own show”, but fangirls about another? Sick burn, george.)

GRRM has never outright denied any fantheories. Here he takes strong stances about Azor Ahai and Jon’s endgame romantic partner. This isn’t about me being a pressed shipper, it simply isn’t in line with his previous reactions to questions like this. Do you remember the dubious, unambiguous way he talked about S@nsan in the past? He didn’t confirm it, he didn’t completely deny it. He

While we’re at the topic of the jonsa-passage, he contradicts himself numerous times here alone, for example: Well, in my books Jon Snow is dead ... but to find out about his possible relationship with Dany you have to keep reading. Any romantic relationship is very unlikely, because they only share a siblingy bond ... but Jon and Sansa don’t even have that. Like, what? Sounds awfully like a rehash of your usual anti-jonsa arguments, don’t you think? The creator of the whole series has no more to say than your average redditor?

Btw, Grrm honestly reacting to a question involving his original outline? When has that ever happened?

I remembered that Medusa interview, I don’t remember any news about it being fake. But in this interview it’s presented as fact and common knowledge?

GRRM answers a question about Arya by talking about how she isn’t like Sansa? Sounds less like him and more like your typical reddit douchebag.

Btw, he talks about revenge and it’s downfalls, but doesn’t bring up Lady Stoneheart? A character about whose non-inclusion in the show bugs him so much, he talks about her significance to the narrative every chance he gets?

At one point he emphasized that Jon is dead in the books, but later doesn’t correct the “interviewer” when she calls Jon a king? How is Jon a king in the books, btw? Or would GRRM really confirm in an interview that Jon will become KITN in the books too? Seems like an obvious mix up of book and show canon to me.

Another instance of this is him taking Cersei as an example that women can rule in Westeros, when talking about Asha. In the books, Cersei does not rule in her own right, she rules through her son. This is no correct comparison to Asha becoming queen of the Iron Islands, at least not for current book-canon. And Goerge doesn’t discuss show canon.

Just in general, many, many answers don’t hold up to the usual intellectual level displayed in his interviews.

He says Jon Snow isn’t a hero, that every question about right and wrong depends on which side you are own, - which sounds a lot like him - but “regarding Dany, deserving something because you're a good person doesn’t mean you will obtain it?” Biased, much?

GRRM confirms a couple of characters as bisexual, some very surprising candidates included, but doesn’t mention those who have relationships with both men and women in canon like Ellia, or even Jon ?

George names a rather specific release date for Winds of Winter?

Those are only a few things I remember. If I went through this glorious clusterfuck one more time, I’m sure to find more. There are so many things in this “interview” that stick out, but in the name of fairness, let’s look at some of the things that seemed convincing:

Some passages successfully copied Grrm’s way of speaking.

Some statements were in line with grrm’s usual style of answering spoilery questions. (You have to keep reading, the show is the show and the books are the books etc)

No one could be batshit crazy enough to seriously fake an interview with GRRM.

Sry, if all these red flags didn’t lead you to even do a bit of investigating, if instead, your first reaction was to make petty posts about “jonsa being dead” and “grrm killing jonsa” you deserve to be made fun of. Should I give you a pat on the back for focusing solely on the few things that seemed legit, while completely dismissing everything that pointed to the opposite?

Sry not sry, but after being called “delusional” for shipping Jonsa, despite bringing up a bunch of compelling arguments, while your strongest argument against it is screaming DELUSIONAL!!!, after being told “to seek professional help” thousands of time, I have absolutely no problem with pointing out the mass delusion that these assholes suffered from the last day. Payback’s a bitch. I actually made another post about why this whole surreal situation is so endlessly funny to me, and it has nothing to with people “who AT FIRST thought this as a legit interview”, before taking a closer look and realizing that it’s most likely forgery (like your weak argumentative shield BryndenBFish did).

It’s because of the sheer hypocrisy and the delicious irony:

J*nerys-stans and co were so desperate to discredit us “delusional crackshippers” that they took some random interview on some random blog with zero credentials, something that seemed fishy to anyone who took 5 minutes to clearly think about it, but instead they just swallowed it like a bowl of dramatic rice, because they were so excited about proving that other people are “delusional” and I just can’t. This morning there were dozens of posts celebrating that the “delusional jonsa stans will finally shut up about their delusional crack ship” and now they’re the ones whining about being called delusional and how unfair and inappropriate that is and, fuck, payback’s a bitch. Like, you gotta appreciate the fucking irony of the situation.

Never forget the blessed Halloween of 2k17 when antis got a taste of their own medicine. The dramatic rice remember.

Now pop in the blue pill and go back to the matrix where jonsa-shippers are the “delusional” ones, who only see what they want to see”. That’s the only place where you people can still pretend that jonsa-shippers are the ones who lack critical thinking skills. I’ll be enjoying the view from my high horse, thank you.

Actual footage of you, thinking you can get one over me with that weak ass comment.

#dramatic rice #jonsa #I have no more chill for these people #or their weak argumentation #none at all #aegony #anti-jonerys

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decoding1432 · 7 years

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BRIDGES...

Melodically it might not be the strongest one in the album, & not the favourite one for many, BUT conceptually is the perfect song for single choice. Let me elaborate… Mainstream media regularly doesn’t touch subjects aside of sex, love, heartbreak & partying.

Logic stated something similar during his VMAs performance: “I just want to take a moment right now & thank you all so much for giving me a platform to talk about something that mainstream media doesn’t want to talk about…” Speaking about mental illnesses on his song “1-800-273-8255” is such a powerful, raw & real statement. If you have heard the song or watched his performance that night, don’t tell me you didn’t get chills or a lump in your throat. Now, this is an statement that has achieved a #1 on Spotify’s US Top 50 chart; got a new peak of No. 5 this week on the Hot 100, a platinum certification & continues to rise (not to mention the impact that has had on the lifeline, it’s unprecedented). Personally, I’m extremely happy that a song like such is getting that amount of success. Doesn’t mean there hasn’t been anyone that has treated this subject in the music ever before but take a look at the BB charts from these days & there is not another similar single on the market right now. The GP appreciates these songs that convey a different type of message other than the trivial ones we’re used to hear on the radio all the time.

Take a look at other very successful pop singles by female singers that have spoken about matters that don’t have anything to do with the common “mainstream-ish” ones:

Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song”… Reached double platinum on the US, & did very well on the BB lists)

Katy Perry with “Firework”… Commercially successful, reaching number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and the top five on 20 charts around the world. It has sold 7.1 million copies in the United States, and over 1 million in the United Kingdom.

Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”…

[“I really can’t believe it. I’m humbled, honored and overwhelmed at the reception to ‘Born This Way’. This has been so life-changing for me. Between Billboard and the international No. 1s, and the radio numbers… I couldn’t be more blessed to have the fans I have. I knew when I wrote the song it was special, but I also knew that perhaps my fans or my label were hoping for me to deliver ‘Bad Romance the Third’ or ‘Poker Face the Third’. I wanted to do exactly the opposite.”] — Gaga talking to Billboard about the commercial reception of “Born This Way”.

These are just the first examples I could come up with, surely there are other options that I’m missing right now. My point here was to highlight how these sort of songs do great in terms of the commercial reception & sometimes even better than expected.

Back to Bridges, by making it a single the girls would totally be showing the GP a side of them, musically speaking, that they have never been given the chance to showcase. I want to believe it would get them the respect they deserve. I’m positive it would change the GP’s view on them since it’d be a total different approach. I would even dare to say that they could go viral since anything that slams Trump’s administration, rightfully does (like Miss Texas two or three days ago). Concerning stan Twitter, hopefully it would lessen the slander towards them.

I know most are begging for Lonely Night or DSYLM for the third single. Almost everyone is rooting for the powerhouse ballad that DSYLM is, don’t get me wrong this song is everything we all have ever wanted from them since “Who Are You” but the absolute best time to have gotten this song out would have been their debut as a foursome, releasing something no one would have expected nor sonically nor vocally. But we know Epic adores sabotaging them. Regarding Lonely Night, the girls are known for bops, adding another one to their hits list won’t bring a change onto their name. Here’s what I mean:

For a girlgroup that’s not taken seriously more than half of the time; that has sadly secured a solid place on the stan Twitter bandwagon hate list; & the label that loves fucking up their singles choices… just look at Down, as much as they want to sell us the idea that they all agreed with it as the debut, it’s obvious that LAND didn’t pick it. Tbh if it had actually been for them I don’t think they would have included it on the tracklist. For a band that’s been doubted since always, having a single out there climbing the top spots on the charts protesting about today’s political situation; speaking on behalf the lack of love & division reigning over society; stating about equality in general… It’s such an outstanding concept.

Four POC women basically singing in harmony a big fat fuck you to the giant Cheeto head & his regimen founded on racism & bigotry while taking over the mainstream radio it’s such an statement, I just got chills from merely thinking about it.

Apart from the fact that the GP could be very receptive of it, most importantly, it’s a much needed message that don’t even doubt for a second, Lauren, Ally, Normani & Dinah wouldn’t want to share with the world on a bigger scale. Yeah the song is out there, sure thing. But not every outsider will give themselves the chance to hear it. Many don’t even know the song exists. With a well budgeted music video (preferably that contains an actual storyline) & the adequate amount of promo it’s a song that could definitely get the recognition & appreciation it deserves.

I repeat, Epic won’t ever pull this card (I’m sure it must be true that they have already selected Sauced Up) but if the fans unite to demand this, definitely the girls won’t reject the idea & maybe we could really get them to change it EVEN if the third song is put out there by that moment. Many moves likes this have been done in the past, due to the fans’ petitions. E.g. Lady Gaga had everything prepared to promote “Ayo” & she changed it last minute to “Million Reasons”. One Direction had begun promoting “Infinity” but directioners wanted “History” instead. We could do it, we could get the label to exercise this option. Besides aren’t we told almost daily that we’re the fifth member? Just saying…

If you have made up your mind about other song for the next single, remember the other songs talk about about the trivial topics that the mainstream media consistently push. Not that there’s anything wrong with them of course, but from my POV it would just be another hit added to their brand & that’s pretty much it. Not that this last is not a big deal but imagine if they could have a hit with an anti-Trump anthem, love encouraging piece. Sounds better or is it just me?? Idk, don’t want to sound like I’m exaggerating but this could be huge for them. Plus bringing a different element into the table for a change seems persuading enough to me. By the way, the girls just said recently said in an interview that they wanted to be remember for spreading love & positivity… What a perfect opportunity to exhibit this to the GP than with Bridges.

Not convinced enough? The portion of the general public, that got to hear it already, praised it quite A LOT. (I’ll attach later some ss with tweets demonstrating this last point)

The world deserves this message. The girls have it. It’s just a matter of pushing it & spreading it a little bit more. This shouldn’t be an opportunity gone to waste. Especially if this is really their last project as Fifth Harmony. In the end it’s not the girls who got to decide this latter, it’s the label, (even if they try to sell us otherwise). Not to mention right now it’s the most fitting time. The situation in America, the world crying for love & compassion… It’s a must to get this anthem out as soon as possible. The time is now.

#MakeBridgesASingle

#bridges is an important song #reblog if you agree #& if you don't think about it #please help me spread this #on twitter on IG #just pass it on #petition to make bridges a single #it would be amazing if we could manage to trend this #bridges #fifth harmony #lauren jauregui #normani kordei #dinah jane #ally brooke #5h fandom #harmonizers #self titled album #fifth harmony blogs

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londonsboy · 4 years

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twitter swifties be like “oh yeah, we’re so rude and smarter than tumblr swifties 💁‍♀️ flop flop cancelled, anyway what did they do today?”

PLS ITS KINDA SCARY HOW ACCURATE THAT IS and i just explained it, ill copy and paste what i wrote before!!

okay basically as you know, a lot of people on here changed their urls. bc everyone was changing their urls to completely diff ones, lilly made an excel spreadsheet where you could write your old url and your new one to clear things up. twitter swifties got mad (even tho its none of their business) and started calling us ‘fake’ and ‘toxic’ fans and some of them even emailed tree a screenshot of it but like???? what is she even going to do????

#twitter swifties need a hobby #anon #asks

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street-trash · 6 years

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@melvanainchains tagged me in a post about 10 favorite songs so I might as well get to that now using music i’ve been listening to a lot as of late (meaning the past 6 or so months)

Phase Fatale - Redeemer

This track blew me away, the entire album reminds me of Quake 1 a lot but this one being at the end was a really good way to wrap up the album. Its something I’d like to use in a mixtape or smth.

Origin of Troubles - College

This one resonated with me in a way that felt like a way I could cope with the lost of my father this year. I wanted to use it for a edited video of my time in LA for Anime Expo last summer but I forgot to take more footage. Maybe next year.

Maniac (Live) - Carpenter Brut

HOLY SHIT I STILL CANT BELIEVE THEY COVERED ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS OF ALL TIME. I think I posted it on twitter awhile ago with the explaination of the song you hear when you have a boss fight with god in her gothic aerobics cathedral.

Tarzan Boy - Baltimora

I’m pretty sure I’ve heard this song in the past but this time I actually knew what it was. Jimmy McShane had a fucking tight look.

The Bucketheads - The Bomb

This is a cool ass house song. A real treat with how long this version is cut.

Power Trip - If Not Us Than Who

The lyrics in this song really remind me of Nuclear Assault and Sacred Reich. This album was even mixed like an old thrash album. Still kinda sad I missed out on these guys coming through town.

Jean-Michel Jarre - Ethnicolor

I was so hype to see Blade Runner 2049 this year so I wanted to find music that reminded me of the original soundtrack. A friend sent me this and the first half is probably the most haunting music I’ve ever heard.

Detatek - Ghost Dealer

Along with the previous song, this one had a really good vibe to it that got me excited and in the mood for 2049. The video is a treat as well, I hope this collective does more in the future. Only problem with it is they didn’t use the full version of the song, which you can check out here.

bedwetter - haze of interference

The fact he wrote this album about his own dealing with his mental illness really stuck with me. A lot of the beats remind me of a lot of Liquid Swords with how dark and distant they sound.

D.R.I. - Decisions

I can’t believe I didn’t know about this song until recently as its from one of my favorite bands and favorite albums. But then again maybe that’s because i used to listen a copy of it I got from a torrent like 5+ years ago.

#music #about me

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deojoon · 6 years

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sky blue : 1

cross posted on ao3

part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5

Summary:

(trigger warning) how namjoon came across always and reflection or how namjoon began to love himself with help ! *this fic isn't for everyone, in no way am i romanticizing mental illnesses or what namjoon went through. if you don't like it dont read it thank you.

Notes:

i'm not gonna lie this straight up was the longest and quickest fic ive ever written. all because i was sad. it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to but its something. i kinda cried while writing it only because i sorta relate ? ion know. even though im a shitty writer you gotta start somewhere enjoy !

Chapter 1

: the beginning

I’ve always wondered how he did it. How Namjoon pieced himself back together. Did bts help ? did army help ? did a friend/significant help ? i’ve always noticed something about rm and it’s wasn’t till recently it got better.

It’s was a late night , early 2016, namjoon couldn’t remember the day of the week or date “fuck” he said as he sat in his studio chair looking up at the ceiling. It’s been about 3 days since he locks himself in the studio. This is couple months after his mixtape dropped and when the plagiarism claims had happened. The lowest point of his life.

He checks his phone to see with no surprise to see no new notifications. Namjoon sighed, he stretched his arms and with grogginess, he went back to writing. After even more hours of creativity, Namjoon passes out.

Namjoon woke up to see the time is now 5 am.

He gets up to leave the studio to check on yoongi. No matter what namjoon himself was feeling he thought of everyone else’s well being first. ‘it’s better this way’ he thought.

As he approaches yoongi’s studio he knocks on the door. He hears something crash, he starts to beat on the door calling his name “yoongi please open up”.

After a deep breath yoongi opens up the door breathless “what” he said harshly.

Namjoon walked in already knowing what’s wrong, closed the door and hugged yoongi. “take a deep breath. You’re okay. You’re safe.” Yoongi grabs namjoon tightly

Yoongi was upset, he was mad that he was frustrated with himself, that namjoon knows all too well when he’s mad, that namjoon knows how to make him feel better. Yoongi’s grip eventually loosens. Yoongi’s moves closer to namjoon's neck, just to inhale namjoon’s scent to calm himself. It’s a mix of pine, mint, and cotton candy which is surprisingly addictive.

(Not that yoongi would ever tell anyone that.)

With a now calm yoongi, namjoon asks “what were you doing exactly”

Yoongi still in his neck mumbling “producing. It’s not coming out the way I want it to maybe it’s because i’m not capable of making good music”

Namjoon squeezes yoongi tighter. “yoongi no matter what you’re the most creative person i’ve met. Yoongi don’t pay any mind to this small stump.

“but you don’t understand the pressure”

Once yoongi said that it hurt namjoon’s feelings a bit. Brushing it off namjoon replies “ come one let’s go home you need a break”

Yoongi just sighed and nodded, knowing arguing with namjoon at this point wouldn’t get him anywhere.

They left and went to the dorms. As they walked in seokjin was in the kitchen grabbing food for himself. Like a deer caught in headlights, seokjin jumped and dropped his leftover chicken.

“well there you are yoongi I was looking for you. When you feel better can you fix the bookshelf. Someone broke it” seokjin said glaring at namjoon.

Namjoon sheepishly smiles and rubbed the back of his neck. “sorry”

Yoongi had enough and grumbled “ stop breaking shit i’m tired of fixing it” he stomped away.

Namjoon’s sheepish grin dropped “ i’m going to bed”

As he walked to his shared room with taehyung he began to think about the inconvenience he caused other the members. He sighed and went to bed.

It’s now a Monday on their one month break. While everyone else is out having fun namjoon is stuck inside. its seems like everyone made plans without him yet again. It’s been like this for the last week. No human interaction, so he decided to call jackson to see if he wanted to hang out.

But of course, jackson was busy. Namjoon started to feel antsy. He started to scroll on twitter. Maybe seeing army will make him feel better. Namjoon felt worse after reading comments about how ugly and untalented he is. His mood worsened more and more.

When namjoon heard the door open he knew the rest of the members came back he quickly put his emotions in the back of his head. And walking into the living about to say something only to hear his members making fun of his singing as they listened to the song “adrift”

“he sounds like he’s dying”

“is he gargling a box of nails”

He had enough and went into the bathroom.

He sat down against the wall and stared at himself in the mirror.

‘why am I here’

‘I can’t even write good music without copying someone’

Namjoon shook his head and realized someone was knocking on the bathroom door. He got up and washed his face to see an angry taehyung.

“Finally, do you know how long I was knocking. Get out so I can go in”

Namjoon thought taehyung was concerned for him at first so he smiled but dropped it when he finished.

Namjoon went to his room grabbed his phone, laptop, and wallet and walked out the dorm ignoring everyone’s laughter.

He arrived at his studio locked the door and decided to read on naver thinking the news would make him feel better and distract him. Namjoon ended up reading two articles one about him plagiarizing and the other on how much weight he gained, how fat he is now.

Namjoon was at his breaking point but the one last thing that pushed him over was his parents texting him that they’re on vacation without him.

Namjoon began writing full of tears and sadness.

One morning, I opened my eyes And wished that I was dead I wish someone killed me In this noisy silence I live to understand the world But the world didn’t once understand me, why No, the other half is missing* It’s trying to hurt me I miss me miss me, baby, I miss me miss me baby I wish me I wish me baby Wish I could choose me

Why is it that I’m being so earnest Yet it’s not working out Always Always Always Always Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways) Always (I lost my all ways)

If I ever meet God, I would tell him this That life is coffee that I never ordered I would grab him by the collar and tell him Death is an americano you can’t refill Are you sure that you’re alive Then, let’s prove it somehow When I exhale, there’s breath** On the window, there’s condensation You are dead You are dad, but you are dead Dead dad you don’t listen to me Dad please listen to me

After writing, the group's manager called him to explain the wings photo shoot and due date for the music.

After the long and exhausting meeting, he went back to the dorms to tell everyone the schedule and he got nothing but complaints.

“why couldn’t you pushback the date”

“all ways make things hard for us”

“ya I really don’t appreciate his at all”

“why’d you make our schedule so intense”

Namjoon ran out the dorm slamming the door.

Namjoon goes back into the studio and just stares at the wall, thinking about the stupid voice in his head repeatedly saying he doesn’t matter and wrote reflection.

I know Every life’s a movie We got different stars and stories We got different nights and mornings Our scenarios ain’t just boring I find this movie very amusing Everyday, I want to shoot it well I want to caress myself I want to caress myself

But you know, sometimes I really really hate myself To be honest, quite often, I really hate myself When I really hate myself, I go to Dduksum I just stand there with the familiar darkness

With the people that are smiling And beer, which makes me smile Coming to me softly, Fear, which holds my hand It’s okay because everyone is in twos or threes It’d be nice if I had friends too

The world is just another name for despair My height is just another diameter for the earth I am all of my joy and anxiety It repeats everyday, the love and hate directed to me Hey you, who’s looking over the Han River If we bump into each other while passing, would it be fate? Or maybe we bumped into each other in our past life Maybe we bumped into each other countless times

In the darkness, People look happier than the day Everyone else knows where they’re supposed to be But only I walk without purpose But still, blending in with them is more comfortable Dduksum, which has swallowed up the night Hands me an entirely different world I want to be free I want to be free from freedom Because right now I’m happy but I’m unhappy I’m looking at myself At Dduksum

I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself I wish I could love myself

Namjoon now lying on his studio floor hear knocking on his door. He ignores it and goes back to sleep.

'why do they even bother with me'

#rm #namjoon #bts #bts angst #namjoon angst

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