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mostlikelyshutup · 3 years

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thoughts while watching the first harry potter:

listen i started this list a little late im ngl but notable thoughts so far are me thinking of dumbledore as a gay idiot and still loving hagrid

do you think hes speaking in parseltongue in the zoo when hes speaking to the snake

forgot boats existed

these idiots do scream a lot dont they

i forgot how light hearted this universe really is in the first couple movies

yer a wizard harry, okay hagrid maybe slide him into it a little better

we get it tuney you have fucking trauma, doesnt mean you should abuse a child

hasnt everyone had their name down since they were born, hagrid? theres a list

i like that his umbrella is pink

are you paying for those damages hargid? stop taking the door off the hinges

though, if the dursleys are, keep breaking shit

speaking about dragons on the the fucking tube, its a miracle harry didnt get in trouble with the ministry sooner

what is hagrid's usual? does anyone know???

fucking Quirrell, cant wait for your epic love story with the dark lord

maybe we should tell the 12 year old how the fuck everyone knows his name, just maybe

they do a great job of getting the wonder down pat

how much money and licensing do you think it took for them to get all these owls on set

ahh yes, antisemitism the bank

how many vaults are in gringotts?? also if harry's vault is the potters vault, a literal like sacred 28 family, one of the original families, and its number 600 something, how many were there before the potters?? did the potters get a vault recently? or is this james and lily's vault?? how rich were james and lily if so??

look at ollivander, crazy tinker uncle, love him

this might be the socialist in me but why do people have to pay for wands if everyone needs one??

why is the dark lords twin wand just sitting around on the shelf, ollie me boy??

do you think thats Harry's true wand or do you think thats because of the horcux thing?? do you harry had to get another wand after he died?? did he? i dont remember the last movie

is ollie me boys actor wearing contacts or are his eyes just like that??

thats a very weird way of showing Halloween 81, very misleading

hagrid said ill predict voldys rise in the first movie so we can have some plot development

hagrid is late to everything isnt he? i can feel it in my bones

i swear ive seen these movies, and ive even read the first book, i just dont remember shit

youd think theyd have someone in the know stationed close to the entrance for the platform, for any muggleborns

ginnys actress really had no fucking lines in this movie did she, just had to stand there

oh wait she said good luck

amazing work ginny

ooh a warm filter

can muggles see the express? like just running from london to scotland

wicked!

you didnt have to show the woman the sad sandwich ron

i think the trolly replenishes magically, i think thats how thats how that works, i want to believe that

god i cant tell if i would love or hate hermione, shes pretentious but so was i at that age

god dont fucking point your wand right in someones face mione

how does mione know who harry is?? why does she care?

look at the tiny first years, might just go and pinch theyre cheeks

MINNIEEEE i love you minnie

looking stunning minnie, the green brings out the sternness in your brow

you go minnie, give your speech, thats my head of house

shut up draco, youre not bond

you pretentious fuckwit, your hair is brassy anyways

if this is a class of kids born in the middle of a war, how big are the usual class sizes wtf

THE FUCKING CLAP

fucking propaganda ron, you slytherin hater

what order are these names going in, did they just randomized the list

oooh we get quiet for the boy who lived, jesus let him keep living

the fact that for the rest of these people its just silent is so fucking funny to me, Harry's just fucking whispering to himself

get their attention minnie

me dads a muggle, mums a witch, bit of a shock for him when he found out

NICK, love to see you buddy

i have no emotional attachment to peeves but i feel i should mention him here

the stairs still piss me off, why the fuck would you make moving stair cases

who sets out gloves for the next day? am i the weird one who doesnt??

Minnie, you are the love of my life

shut up snape you dramatic bloodpurist incel

i know theyre setting him up to be mistaken as the villain but jesus christ hes still an asshole

your robes Neville, you forgot your robes

its weird how they have to learn all these latin charms yet only have to say up to get their brooms to work

why wont you go after him, hes obviously not exactly in control, Hooch

does Hooch only teach first years? she is quite literally the equivalent of a history teacher who coaches football

what the fuck is Quirells classroom

they dont make the house teams because no first years can try out, Ron

MINNIE PLAYED QUIDDITCH?!?!? WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS

why didnt you speak up earlier Mione wtf

bc the fire wont give you away, harry, better hide

FLUFFY, WHOS A GOOD BOY

they have much worse things locked up in the school, Ron

Oliver wood is a bloody liar because i still dont fuckign understand quidditch, also theres like 500 rules, wtf

thats a shitty explanation of how the game works, Oliver

BLOW IT UP SEAMUS

SHES TWO FEET BEHIND YOU RON YOU IDIOT

carrot cake? on halloween?

dont shrug as if you didnt literally bully her ron

thought youd oughta know, bit of an understatement Quirell

no duh the trolls left the dungeon ron

lying: the best start to any friendship

we're at a net zero points for gryffindor for the year at the moment

the amount of interaction these kids have with professors is so weird to me, is this what small class size do to kids?? its weird

not comforting Oliver

Okay i understand Oliver simps now, I get it okay

are there no backups or subs for quidditch? feels like there should be, like of all the games

set him on fire mione, i know hes not the villain of the movie but god he sucks

fancy flying from harry fucking potter

okay but also i feel like there are some things we should not trust hagrid with, like hes not that great at keeping secrets

why is harry excited about christmas if he thinks hes not getting presents? i knw there are other aspects but like thats the only reasont o get up early

i always remember this scene at night for some reason??

not just an invisibility cloak, THE invisibility cloak ron

btw who gives it to harry? is it remus? is it dumbledore? is it like an inheritance thing? whats up with that?

there are jumpscares in harry potter

he very much can hide, filch

stop being a narc mrs norris

does harry even know what his parents look like at this point? how does he know who the fuck is in the mirror of erised?? he doesnt have that stupid scrapbook yet does he

oh they nod, sure lets clear up that plot hole

they shouldve put sirius and remus in the mirror in that scene, shown his whole family, wouldve been a nice setup

how does rupert grint already look so tired as a twelve year old

big speech to give to a twelve year old Dumbledore, when you wont even tell him what you see

Emma really does just slam that book on Daniels hand, thats mustve fucking sucked

the fact that ive watched two movies that had Nicholas Flamel in two very different roles this year is very strange to me

well thats probably on account of it being a fucking dragon egg hagrid, now isnt it?

was hagrid a hufflepuff? i think he was, maybe a ravenclaw

yes four, you blonde idiot

that shot is really nice, it sets them apart

what happened to filch to make him such a miserable man?

ooh mention of werewolves, awooo werewolves of london

yeah just dip your whole hand in hagrid, dont be scared of the strange liquid, take a nice little bath

i loev that dog, i want that dog, i want to hug that dog

god just the look of that forest is so bloody cool

wait so is that quirell walking fucking backwards?

maybe ask who the fuck youre talking to before asking other questions??? wtf harry

why are yout talking to the centaur like hes your old friend harry, youve literally never met him before

snape doesnt want the stone at all Harry

god hagrid you sweet stupid man

snape is completely valid for that, if a twelve year old ever looked at me like that i would punch them

Do you think people ever loose invisibility cloaks? like theyre invisible do you think they ever just never get found again

i hate the look of the dog spit, that is so gross

they really left everything in except for the fucking potions didnt they, damn

harry potter walked so queens gambit could run

hermione, posted up

rons stupid in the later movies because he got a concussion as a twelve year old

god harry really posted up to beat up snape in fucking khakis

"I knew you were a danger to me!" Hes twelve, Quirell

let me wait for this weird dude to unravel his head scarf instead of running away

the magic in this movie is real fucking conditional isnt it

just some casual necromancy for the stone? you sure about that voldy, you two faced bitch?

let me choke out this twelve year old real quick

oh yeah why is he able to just avengers endgame Quirell? is there an answer to that? like was that ever found out

do you think voldy passing by him while he hold the stone actually killed him but since he holds the stone hes functionally unkillable and then some magic gets put into him and thats why he can return to life later when he actually goes to the whole afterlife place?

ohhh we're vouching on the blood magic for the endgaming of Quirell

do you think dumbledore came across the vomit flavored bean before or after his sister died?

Mione's got a headband! Looking snazzy!

how did Hufflepuff only get 352 points? Gryffindor literally lost 150 points this year and they only beat them by 50, wtf, is it because they kept getting caught with weed

I wont even speak on the fucking outrage that is this point awarding, its already been spoken on. However, Neville shouldve gotten more points

What if someone just stood up and started challenging Dumbledores math, that would be so funny

some of these extras are really attractive

but james potter is somehow so fucking ugly why did they do that to my mans

hagrid deserves the last shot of this film, i love him, he deserves everything, that stupid sweet man

#harry potter #sorcerer's stone #harry potter and the sorcerer's stone #harry potter and the philosopher's stone #hermione granger #ron weasley #k mumbles #fred weasley #george weasley #ginny weasley #hagrid #rubeus hagrid #albus dumbledore #long post #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin

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cultofbeatles · 4 years

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beginners guide to the members of led zeppelin (kind of)

a disclaimer before anyone starts reading: we all know led zeppelin is shady as hell and we hardly ever get anything confirmed or denied around here. so some stuff is up for speculation. everything in this post are things i've read in books, heard in interviews, or got from some other source. when it comes to “facts about led zeppelin” sometimes you gotta take it with a grain of salt. but honestly it’s led zeppelin we’re talking about, anything is possible. also this is all in good fun and giggles. with that being said, let’s get started with introductions to the members themselves.

jimmy page

james patrick page

born on January 9, 1944

he’s a capricorn sun, cancer moon, and scorpio rising so you just know he’s a crazy motherfucker

was an amazing session guitarist and basically everyone wanted him

went to art school bc he’s just talented at everything i guess

if you didn't know already he played the guitar for Joe cocker’s ‘with a little help from my friends’

declined his first offer to join the yardbirds but later decided to join

was the last member to leave the group

basically was the leader of led zeppelin

was gifted a telecaster guitar by his friend jeff beck and he adored it

and he painted a cool dragon design on it

played on it for the first led zeppelin album

when he was on tour one of his friends painted over his dragon design and ruined the guitar

he produced all of led zeppelin’s albums and is responsible for the remastering of those same albums

paid for led zeppelin’s first album to be produced with his own money

deadass would have whips and handcuffs around with him on tour for the groupies

but was apparently an amazing lover and cared for the people he slept with

one time he got naked on a food cart thingy, put whip cream over his body, and had john bonham push him into a room with groupies in it

has such a small and soft voice

was fascinated in aleister crowley and his work

would collect crowely memorabilia

even bought crowley’s boleskine house

had a bookstore at one point so he could get books easier

struggled with addiction to drugs for most of the seventies

went on a liquid diet late seventies and refused to eat solid food

he got really skinny bc of it :(

miss pamela (one of his girlfriends/lovers) once said that jimmy cried on the phone to her over her playboy photoshoot lmaoo

once flied pamela’s pet raccoon in first class

allegedly had a relationship with lori maddox who was about 15 years old

laughed as two of his girlfriends were fighting each other

was kind of constantly nervous about his and the band’s image

has amazing guitar solos and improvisation but damn sometimes they drag on foreverrrr

deadass scared the shit out of david bowie so much that he had his house exorcised and would avoid jimmy at parties

we love demons

zoso

he’ll never tell us what zoso means and I'm mad

had two people die in his home. one was a friend who died from a drug overdose, and the other was john bonham when he died from choking on his vomit.

has been accused for the deaths of john bonham and robert plant’s son karac bc of that stupid “curse” rumor

deserves critiques for several things but doesn't deserve hate for that

has been through a lot and come out pretty okay

produced his current girlfriend’s, scarlett sabet, spoken poetry vinyl

check out scarlett’s work bc it’s amazing

would probably always be down for another led zeppelin reunion

robert plant

robert anthony plant

born on august 20, 1948

this is the most attractive man ever. do not argue with me.

nicknamed percy

wasnt jimmy’s first pick for a singer

jerry reid suggested robert to jimmy. and when jimmy asked what he looked like jerry said, “like a greek god.”

jimmy thought something was wrong with robert when he first found him bc he was such a good singer and hadn't been signed yet

after a practice together jimmy knew he had his singer

he would call robert “the young guy with the powerful voice.”

he thought about leaving the band early on bc he was so nervous about being in it

convinced john bonham to join the group bc they were the bestest of buddies

he’s not credited on the first album bc he was still under another contract

started song writing for the second album by jimmy’s memory

it didn't take long for him to gain confidence and start owning the stage

once when he was performing a dove flew in his hands

there’s an audio of him singing john bonham happy birthday and it makes me so happy

he would call himself a greek god

would party with john bonham a lot

kind of the hippy of the group

moans moans moans and even louder moans into the microphone

would wear women’s shirts and looked amazing in them

nurses do it better

not to mention his super tight jeans

we all know his dick is huge and he’s just showing it off

has the prettiest, fluffiest blonde hair

and the sweetest smile

can you tell that i find him attractive yet?

has a fear of earthquakes

also supposedly had some sort of a relationship to an underage groupie named sable starr (14)

also has a fear of led zeppelin nowadays

either fear or amnesia

it’s likely that he’s the reason we’ll never get another led zeppelin reunion

though a close friend thinks that if the show went to charity robert would probably do it

robert loved john bonham too much to play in led zeppelin without him

and i respect that a lot

no matter how much he’s offered for a show he turns it down every time

in 1975 he got in a severe car crash and ended up being in a wheelchair

still went on to record zeppelin’s album

once while recording on crutches and started to fall and jimmy apparently zoomed in to save him. robert never saw him move that fast before

his five year old son (karac) died from a sudden stomach illness while he was in america on tour

absolutely crushed him

was deeply upset that neither jimmy page or john paul jones reached out to him during that time of his life

john bonham was there for him though

robert apparently never forgave them for that

a car he was working on fell on top of him and crushed some of his ribs as well

late seventies was not a good time for robert plant

but he got through it all like a champ

hates stairway to heaven with a passion lmao

one time he paid a radio station a shit ton of money just to make sure they'd never play stairway to heaven again

almost didn't sing stairway for the 2007 reunion but ended up agreeing to it after all

he said he breaks out in hives when he has to play that song

he and jimmy made their own symbols. robert’s is the feather inside the circle

in 2007 he won beard of the year

john bonham

born on may 31, 1948

nickname is bonzo

oh boy, there’s a lot of stories about bonzo

he was known as the nicest and sweetest guy ever

unless he was drunk

he drank a lot :/

denied jimmy’s offer to join the group and continued to deny it until robert convinced him

once flew the starship (led zeppelin’s plane) even though he didn't have a license to

hated touring so much

he always missed his family

so he drank

he was so damn crazy when drunk that the other members would book rooms floors above where his was so he wouldn't disturb them

tore about his hotel rooms like no other

he has a son named jason bonham who he loved a lot

bought him a nice drum kit when he was younger

jason is just about led zeppelin’s biggest fan next to jimmy page

one time bonzo broke a girl’s vibrator when drunk

also punched a girl in the face when drunk once bc she waved at him

partly responsible for the famous mud shark story where a girl was apparently fucked with a dead shark by him and zeppelin’s tour manager

liked cars a lot

really really loved his family. cannot stress it enough

was irked that john paul jones got out of playing shows during the christmas holiday and he didn't

punched robert in the face once too

him and john paul jones equals the best rhythm section ever

jimmy would call it magic how well him and bonzo got along

bonzo could handle anything jimmy threw at him

he wasn't really a part of it, but he had to go to jail bc peter grant and two other dudes almost killing a man (long story omfg, but apparently the doctors had to put the dude’s eyeball back into his socket)

was there for robert when karac died

they were really good friends

there’s an interview with them together where bonzo is laughing at robert about his little farm

gave good hugs apparently

played drums like no other could and knew he was good

but still sometimes got insecure and got upset when someone he looked up to said his drumming wasn't all that special

his symbol is the three rings and he picked it out of a book like john paul jones did his

he died in jimmy page’s house (not the crowley house btw)

he had to drink the equivalent of 40 shots of vodka and choked on his vomit in his sleep

led zeppelin died on the same day

nobody can replace john bonham

his son filled in his role for the 2007 reunion show and did an amazing job of it. the whole show is on youtube, go check it out

john paul jones

john richard baldwin

born on january 3, 1946

nickname is jonesy

was also a session guitarist like jimmy

they had worked together before

when he found out jimmy was forming a group he called jimmy and was basically given the spot immediately

not only was the bassist but also the keyboardist

and could play the recorder

insanely talented. put some respect on his name

he talks in italics i swear to god

i don't have mainly crazy stories about jonesy bc he wasn't about that life

deadass he would go on stage, perform, walk off stage and go to a whole separate hotel from the other

he would only tell one person where he was at and told them not to call unless for super urgent emergencies

pissed peter grant off so much lmao

wasn't really super close to anyone in the band tbh

but bonzo was probably his greatest friend in the band

jimmy and robert kind of leave him out in my opinion

or they use to

when he found out that jimmy and robert were making their own symbols instead of picking out of a book like he was he said “of course!” and laughed

was pretty much left out of the live aid show

he had to squeeze himself on the stage and wasn't even able to play bass. he had to play the keyboard

“and thank you to my friends for finally remembering my phone number” -savage as hell john paul jones

he was one of the two people who found john bonham dead

it’s sad to think about

is actually quite funny

he has this kind of dry humor?? idk but it’s amazing 10/10 content

when john paul jones walks into the room interviewers break into a sweat

managed to look like a completely different person every year throughout the seventies or is it just my eyes?

has an Instagram account now go follow it for cute throwback photos lol

that’s all i really have for generic useless information about led zeppelin members for beginners. i hope it was somewhat entertaining. i'll make some more beginners stuff for led zeppelin. i will make y'all stan them lmao. i'm tagging @babygotblueeyes bc i know for a fact you want to get into them <3

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hellzyeahwebwielingessays · 4 years

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Superior is INDEFENCIBLE Part 2: Odds and Ends

Part 1

As a little follow up to this post I want to wrap up some defences I have encountered for both Superior #2 and the Superior storyline in general.

To start with we have more hypocrisy from the man I once admired as he tried to defend his position on Superior.

He was challenged on his primary argument that Peter and MJ’s separation justified her obliviousness now that they are back together; for further details see the above linked post.

In response to this challenge he said:

“I think there is more to my argument then "They've lived apart for a year" and her relationship with him during that time doesn't have to hold relevance to their relationship after being apart.”

Like…this guy was for fucking real.

OF COURSE their relationship back then is going to hold relevance to their relationship after being apart.

Obviously with the benefit of hindsight Nick Spencer’s run proves this to be the case. And you can refer back to my prior post where I dive deeper into the topic.

However, in that post I was talking about the specific nuances of Peter and MJ’s relationship.

What’s mind boggling is that in the above quote he’s making an even bigger reach. Jesus Christ OF COURSE their past relationship is going to hold relevance for their then-current one.

That’s how relationships work!

FFS, romantic or otherwise everyone’s relationship with everyon else is shaped by the past. This is like arguing Peter hating Norman for killing Gwen Stacy doesn’t have to be relevant to their relationship after his return to the Clone Saga.

I mean shit dude, Peter’s high school romance with Betty Brant was relevant to their romance after he graduated college!

This is how all types of relationships work. You don’t just jump in after awhile, start fresh and then nothing from the past has any bearing on the present. Even in the most positive of scenarios the fact that you are getting together again would still be shaped by the fact that you liked each other in the first place.

And for the life experiences those two shared that’d go a thousand fold.

Now let’s move on to some over miscellaneous comments sent to me a looooooooooooong time ago.

I’ve had this stuff in my drafts for years!

For the sake of catharsis I’ve decided to clear it out. It revolves around Superior Spider-Man and the comments I’m responding to were made before the original volume ended in 2014.

“Rob Wrecks wrote:Why would Aunt May even react to it? She doesn't even know the identity of Spidey now.”

In Civil War she was able to tell that the Chameleon, a MASTER of disguise who was being more subtle than Otto was, was not her nephew.

Whilst she might not know he is Spider-Man she knows her nephew so she should react and become questionable regarding his change in demeanor and behavior. What’s the old saying ‘A mother always knows’.

“As for MJ, they aren't even married anymore either. Sure she remembers who is under the mask. But I doubt she's gonna bring trouble on herself for prying.”

I address a lot of this in this post.

Basically, not being married anymore has nothing to do with it. This woman lived with this man for years (five to be precise) and had a very close relationship with him which involved countless tragedies and traumas. That doesn’t just go away. This is to say nothing of the fact that she has known this man for about 10 years and has been his friend and girlfriend during that time. In fact in Stern’s run when she knew who he was but didn’t let him know, she was depicted as knowing him better than anyone and was able to read him as a book. This was back when they weren’t as close as they are now, hadn’t known each other for as long and she didn’t know him as intimately as she would later come to down the road. In ASM #290 Peter himself says MJ knows him as well as he knows himself and this was before the marriage.

Even in Slott’s run this depiction of Mary Jane knowing Peter better than anyone else was highlighted in various stories like Spider Island, a time travel arc, Alpha, and a Lizard arc at HORIZON labs.

In JMS’ run Peter and Mary Jane were shown to be somewhat in synch even though they were separated at the time and had been for a long while going back. This was showcased in ASM V2 #50 and they had been effectively separated with minimal interaction as far back as ASM V2 #13; arguably even issue #1.

And yet she understood him and knew him very well, falling back into synch with him when they reconciled. Yes there was some awkwardness and them getting to know each other again but it was not on the same level of Otto guzzling champagne, creating spider bots, talking in a manner which was unlike the way he’s ever spoken before and MJ just wondering passingly then dismissing it. This woman has lived through the Chamelon, robot parents and clones and lives in a world where friggin Skrulls have invaded.

This out of character behaviour should send off alarm bells. She DOES clock something is off in Superior #10 but only when he says a phrase she’s never heard him say before. He was doing shit MUCH more out of character before then and she was dismissing it.

Later she was STILL dismissing the notion that Peter wasn’t himself as merely crazy on her part.

Again this woman knows Peter can be/has been cloned repeatedly. This woman even for awhile believed Peter himself was a clone so she knows even memories can be replicated. But Peter is acting so obviously NOT himself that it’s practically SCREAMING at her that she should get this. In fact Peter’s ghost point this out which is Slott lampshading the situation. That doens’t make it good writing that’s just pointing out how bad your story is.

“Hasn't she (I'm guessing he's referring to Aunt May?) been focused lately on her new marriage though? I don't read enough of Spidey these days so I'm only going with bits and pieces I've read about here and there.”

What does being married recently or focusing upon it have to do with anything?

In Civil War she was focused upon not dying because Peter’s ID reveal had upended her life.

If you are someone’s MOTHER and have raised them all their life you will absolutely be able to tell when something is wrong, when they are in fact not the real deal.

“As for MJ, who would she go too? Not like anyone would likely believe her unless she had a telepath scan her mind.”

Who would she go to? I dunno maybe the fucking Avengers or Fantastic Four who are Peter’s friends and team mates. Or maybe not go that far why not go to Black Cat, Human Torch or Daredevil . These are all people whom she knows (at least vaguely in regards to Daredevil) personally and have access to technology that can prove things one way or another.

Even if you argue that it’s not fair bringing in the wider Marvel Universe, Black Cat, Carlie, HORIZON labs, the Bugle staff and Scarlet Spider are all Spider-Man franchise characters.

“Now there could be a possibility she's making a list of his behavior and the like and is just waiting for the right time to say something when she knows she's less likely to die from it.

Maybe Slott's just got something going that'll eventually be revealed? Who knows.”

Oh boy, that didn’t stand the test of time did it?

This is just shitty analysis on principle. It hinges upon blind faith and writing stuff in your head about what characters are doing behind the scenes.

There was NEVER an indication MJ was doing anything like that and her actions actually contradicted event he idea of her doing any of that stuff.

The net responses are to the statement that Doc Ock was a gentleman who would treat women with respect.

“Keyword there, 'was' a gentlemen. I can imagine after years of defeats at the hands of Spidey, certain habits would change and he wouldn't care anymore.

It could have just been a subtle change that no one really noticed. He did try and end the world before #700 if I recall right.”

You need to SHOW those habits changing. The last major Doctor Octopus story before BND was in JMS’s run when he was very much a gentleman. You can’t just say his illness and defeats suddenly transformed him into a would be rapist. It’s utterly out of character for him. It’d be like bringing back Ben Reilly and making him a mass murderer. WHY is he a mass murderer.

(Fun fact. The stuff I bolded about Ben Reilly was something I wrote at the time. I kept it in because of how sadly ironic it wound up being…fuck Clone Conspiracy seriously)

Ending the world before #700 is one thing IN Doc Ock’s character. He is egotistical and wants acknowledgement of his genius.

Superior depicted him going against a character trait he’s always had. In his origin story, when he was ‘courting’ Aunt May, when he was involved with Stunner and Lady Octopus and the like he has always been show to have a respect for women and not had to resort to cheap ploys to woo them.

In Superior he was trading off of MJ’s relationship with Peter and Peter’s memories to basically abuse this woman. That is beneath Doctor Octopus. He is an intellectual a man for whom such actions are debase, the realm of the common thug whilst he is much more he is DOCTOR OCTOPUS.

BTW in Web of Death it was established that Doc Ock probably would not target MJ or Peter’s family even though he knew Peter’s identity.

So for him to suddenly switch to ‘I’m gonna fuck his girlfriend to get one over on him” is again utterly out of character.

‘Web of Death’ was co-written by Tom DeFalco btw, who established Otto’s origin. Thus the argument is flying in the face of someone who helped define the character with no explanation at all.

Slott had done this with other characters like Ashley Kafka.Suddenly the most naively compassionate woman in the world who believed she could redeem CARNAGE is saying this lesser serial killer is a complete monster. That is piss poor writing.

Even if Slott WERE to establish and show how Ock went from one extreme to the other it doesn’t make it a good idea. Doc Ock would be rapist is a lot less interesting than Doc Ock the lone super villain who is part gentleman and part humanitarian with a respect for women. If this was Norman Osborn in Peter’s body, or Electro, or Shocker I’d believe these actions.

The topic then changed to Carlie Cooper’s depiction in Superior as a goddam idiot who isn’t even telling MJ Peter might be evil. “Red Hood wrote: Carlie and Wraith followed Ock’s paper trail because she knows for fact that peter parker doesnt have the money to fund his own private army, the reason she hasnt said anything is because it's not such a good idea to go pointing fingers without absolute truth, remember eddie brock and how he was so sure about the sin eater?”

Carlie’s investigation was going incredibly sloooooooooooooooooowly. Not only was it dull reading, but it made her completely unsympathetic. Why not warn Mary Jane by saying “Look before he died Doc Ock told me he and Spider-Man had swapped bodies. I’m not saying Peter IS Doc Ock but just....be careful MJ”.

Or why not inform the Avengers or Fantastic Four about this. Sure the Avengers gave him a physical but they wouldn’t know what to look for. And why is Carlie Cooper all of a sudden saying “Wait I KNOW Peter doesn’t have this kind of cash so this is a big clue that he isn’t himself.” When her first big clue should have been that time Spider-Man SHOT SOMEONE IN THE FACE!

“also peter and mj arent married anymore.”

See above.

You don’t just suddenly fall out of knowing someone if you’ve been THAT close to them and known them for that long just because suddenly you are not married anymore. She has deduced subtle differences in the Chameleon and clones before this but Ock is NOT being subtle whatsoever. He isn’t even talking the same way he normally does. And Mister Red Hood even says so himself, Carlie can tell right way. His co-workers whom he’s known for LESS THAN A YEAR can tell something is up. But the woman who’s been closer to him than ANYONE in his life, she can’t tell. That is bullshit of the highest order.

“1. mj and peter arent married anymore, idk if they were married in identity crisis but remember how after the deal with mephisto they were separated for x amount of years before she even came back to new york, i can see her not being able to tell peter is acting different at that point. aunt may and the avengers though don't get a pass especially when carlie who knew him the least could tell right away.”

See above.

When you separate from someone you’ve been that close to those feelings don’t just disappear. This is especially true of people who’ve been through immensely traumatic events together. Soldiers often find that only fellow soldiers, specifically ones who were with them in combat, can truly understand what they went through and how they felt. It creates an emotional/mental bond. Same thing here. Peter and Mary Jane went through Venom, Kraven’s Last Hunt, the death of Harry, Gwen, aunt May, Ben Reilly, the clone saga as a whole, Civil War, Peter’s OWN death, Maximum Carnage and so on. They’d have that kind of connection I was speaking about, you don’t just forget it to the point where you let MASSIVE differences in behaviour slide, especially massive differences in behaviour which are different to the way he was acting LAST WEEK!

“3. Also i don't think his [Doc Ock’s] actions are entirely out of character, i mean he was dead, then revived, beat down for several years into a dying body. given time to think about all the things you would do if given another chance i dont think its out of the question for doc to say "great, second chance at life with a movie starhottie gf". also if you'll threaten the city, then the world, then mind swap with someone i dont think having sex is that big a stretch.”

See my comments above why this IS out of character for Doc Ock. Again this isn’t just him wanting to get laid this is him potentially date raping an innocent woman. You need to SHOW the progression of that change

And rape in comic book fiction is understood to be worse from the reader’s POV than the various Saturday Morning Cartoon style crimes he’s pulled.

The next comment was in response to the public’s indifference towards Spider-Man shooting Massacre in the face! “7. As far as no one caring about massacre, didn't he break out a few times and inflict his namesake? no one is going to care that a killer like that gets shot, humans aren't dignified at all. i can see aunt may saying something but no one else is going to be like "oh great that killer is back in jail, too bad all criminals break out" no they're going to be like "finally someone put down this thug, maybe my life or someone i care about will be spared from him at least in the future" and maybe it was caught on security cameras or phones but maybe they deleted it, i mean spider-man just shot a dude in the face and if he wanted there would be nothing anyone could do to stop him from putting the hurt on someone else”

This is just rubbish.

No one is going to care? For God’s sake the police in real life get reprimanded for using unnecessary force.

The law is the law you CANNOT publically execute an unarmed man. And my point was no one, not even Mary Jane or Jonah, were reacting to this mind-blowingly out of character action on the part of Spider-Man. Maybe they do not care that Massacre was killed but they should be wondering “Jesus that’s not like Spider-Man at all”. This was Spider-Man becoming absolutely EVERYTHING Jameson ever falsely accused him of and no one reacted. And I am sorry but the attitude of ‘human’s aren’t dignified so they’d react like THIS” is extremely broad and generalised. This would be a major talking point and a major issue. This is EXACTLY what the entire ‘Civil War’ debacle was about. Super heroes running unchecked doing as they pleased. It’s been what, a year tops Marvel time since Civil War? If that stuff was deleted YOU NEED TO SHOW IT. The cover story is that EVERYONE in that massive crowd covered for him. That is in no way shape or form how humans actually act. And who would there be to stop like a teenager or a kid or a lone person in the crowd from tweeting “OMG Spider-Man just shot this dude” or uploading a video or picture. They were CHEERING him on they wouldn’t be afraid of him being reprimanded. Once something like that hit the internet it’d spread like wildfire, it wouldn’t be something that if immediately taken down would die away, especially when THE NEWS was stating Spider-Man had ‘neutralised Massacre’ and then Massacre shows up dead, WTF would the public THINK happened?

“Aaron Alexander Luthor wrote: Superior is an excellent title, but I feel you approached it having already made up your mind. Doc Ock NEVER attempted date rape, and I don't know where you get that from”

Boy, I wonder where I got the idea of Otto trying to rape MJ from? What an obviously ‘excellent’ title.

Trying to sleep with Mary Jane whilst tricking her into thinking he is Peter Parker then that is categorically trying to date rape her. He didn’t go through with it because he discovered he could just wank off to her memories (I can’t believe I wrote that) but that is exactly what he was trying to do. Maybe to HIM he didn’t think of it as rape but yeah that’s exactly what it was.

“He ripped off his own shirt, not hers.”

I honestly have no idea what he’s talking about here btw.

“Mary Jane had/has mentioned several times that there is something wrong with him and that she thinks there is something strange going on, he also hasn't spoken to her in weeks in the time frame of the comic.”

Yes MJ has noticed passingly things are wrong but then he feeds her a line and she buys it or otherwise she dismisses it herself. This in monumentally out of character for her given her history and makes her incredibly stupid, which is the ONLY way this title could have worked out. Again, she lives in a world of Skrulls, clones, LMDs and shape shifters one of which is literally an enemy of Peter’s and has tried impersonating him multiple times (targeting her specifically twice). But she either doesn’t clock anything is wrong or doesn’t really react when she does. And he HAD spoken to her within weeks by the time or Superior #2.

“Same goes for Aunt May, he visited her the first few weeks as Parker, and hasnt spoken to her since. He is basically ignoring the people in Peter's life, and they have taken notice.”

See my response about Aunt May not knowing. Again, this woman RAISED him and she could tell when the master of disguise who was being a lot more subtle about impersonating Peter was not her son/nephew.

Also he wasn’t exactly ignoring the HORIZON labs staff was he?

“When he killed Massacre, some of the civilians were shocked and appalled, but when the police investigated all the officers on the scene lied for Spidey, because they think he did the right thing. That is why the only officers still interested are Carlie Cooper who does know, and is ACTIVELY trying to prove it isnt Peter, and Captain Watanabe aka The Wraith”

My point about NO ONE taking photos, tweeting, facebooking or whatever still stands as does the security cameras thing and the fact that Massacre was TRYING TO GET PUBLICITY. Again with Carlie why is she not warning SOMEBODY at this point. It isn’t like they wouldn’t believe her after Massacre. It isn’t like Spider-Man isn’t acting weird. It isn’t like body swapping is a legit THING in the Marvel universe. For God’s sake this happened to Captain America!

Kaine, the CLONE of Peter Parker with identical memories and everything. In the Sibling Rivaly crossover between Scarlet Spider and Superior Team-Up even HE couldn’t tell that Peter. Was an imposter This guy doesn’t just know Peter well, he IS Peter. And Otto was ranting none too subtley about how Kaine has bad blood with HIM. He doesn’t say he’s Doc Ock but he’s conveying unsubtly to Kaine that he is not Peter Parker and he is not TALKING like Peter Parker either. When his CLONE is still operating under the delusion that he is Peter Parker that’s put it beyond doubt this was ridiculously contrived.

“BTW, Carlie and MJ have talked about the suspicious way Pete has been acting, Carlie just hasnt told MJ directly.”

WHY didn’t Carlie tell MJ! And WHY were she and Peter noticing Peter’s different actions yet being totally blasé about them.

FFS in ‘Kraven’s Last Hunt’ MJ and Peter had been married for just 2 weeks and in that time she was able to deduce from his actions that the guy in the Spider-Man suit was NOT Peter. In the Mark of Kaine an identical clone of Peter approaches her and she is ultimately able to tell (twice) that he is not her husband. And she did this whilst pregnant and stressed out from a life or death situation to say nothing of the fact that Aunt May had recently died which would be weighing on her mind. Yet in Superior her mind was clearer and she was still buying this was Peter. This is enormously bad out of character writing for her

“As for the Avengers scans, it wasnt that no one could read them, its that they all came back NORMAL.”

No, the scans DID NOT come back normal at all. Doc Ock looked at the scans and could TELL something was not normal because he saw ghost Peter was in his mind. Yeah there was a tiny inconsistency in the brain waves but why the heck weren’t there people on the Avengers team that day to take note of stuff like that. Cap, Wolverine, Black Widow and Thor are obviously NOT going to be able to properly read this scientific equipment like Iron Man or Hank Pym or the Beast. ANY of those guys would’ve been able to tell but no only the Avengers who categorically would not be able to properly read the brainwaves were there. Why? Why get the unscientific Avengers? Because of plot contrivances is why.

And where were the telepaths? One telepathic scan from SOMEBODY should have told all. And again these tests come back normal....no one thought he could be a clone? Spider-Man has joked to these people about his clones, they know about them. Correct me if I am wrong but at the time of the Avenger’s physical of Peter wasn’t there a character involved with the Avengers who was supposed to be the living universe? SHE couldn’t tell Doc Ock is Spider-Man? The universe literally didn’t know this?

“Even Dr. Strange and Wolverines tests all came back regular.”

If Dr. Strange with all his power wasn’t able to deduce the truth that’s even MORE contrived!

And what the heck were Wolverine’s test? That he smelt the same? Of course he would.

“There was a tiny inconsistency in the brainwaves, it wasnt that no one could read it, its that it was so small that no one would even take notice of it, except for Peter or Ock if they were to look for it.”

See above for why this is bullshit.

“And the Avengers are STILL very suspicious, if you read the current titles.”

At the time a ‘current title’ was Superior Team Up #1.

In it the Avengers told him they were wrong to put him in probation and are still just ‘suspicious’ when he INVADED SHADOWLAND WITH AN ARMY!. Because THAT’S so usual for Spider-Man right?

“You're entitled to your opinion, but you cant just make up facts and call it a discussion. I get the impression that you a)Havent read the whole series; b) Had already made up your mind before reading the issues you have read; and c) Havent read the companion stories (i.e. Avenging Spider-Man, Superior Team-up, Hickman's Avengers titles). If you look at the story as a whole, its actually quite good.”

Said the guy who got all the above information I outlined WRONG.

From a technical point of view it doesn’t make sense, it uses contrivances and out of character writing to keep it going. You want to write Doc Ock as Spider-Man. Okay then don’t surround him with people who should be able to figure this out. Or say there is some kind of device redirecting their attention.

Don’t have Doc Ock not act like Doc Ock because that defeats the point of the exercise. Don’t go for deliberate sensationalism or crass storytelling which was essentially everything revolving around him hooking up with Mary Jane and then the oh so lovely page of the Superior Spider-Wanker.

That issue in particular even resolved itself in a contrived manner. Doc Ock begins uttering gibberish which recalled One Moment in Time about “we cannot be together because it’s an unsolvable equation blah blah blah”.

Basically he is saying “I can never be with you because of the danger I put you in”; which is Slott using the character as a mouthpiece.

In the next issue Otto began courting a student at his college because consistency rocks. Even Ghost Peter is out of character at this moment “WOW Ock you did the one thing I could never do and walked away from Mary Jane”. Peter is right he probably can’t walk away from Mary Jane but...does he WANT to? Where the heck is this coming from? What is worse is that it’s so unnecessary. There was a MUCH better explanation for Ock breaking up with MJ. If Ock were in character he could just come to the conclusion that sleeping with MJ under these circumstances would be wrong and beneath him hence he wouldn’t go through with it. If Ock was out of character as he was in their issue but still vaguely in character he could just come to the conclusions that since accessing Peter’s memories he’s begun to have genuine feelings for MJ and doesn’t just want to fuck her, it would involve him having a relationship with here which at this point in time he is incapable of, he doesn’t know how to handle it. I will wholeheartedly admit I was not jazzed about the concept of Superior from the outset. If nothing else I want to read about Peter Parker not Doc Ock and if I did want to read about Doc Ock AS Doc Ock, not as Spider-Man and not as an rotting body.

An arc in a comic is one thing doing this long term all the problems I foresaw have come up as well as some I didn’t even predict. This could have worked if Doc Ock was separated from Peter’s supporting cast who should be able to tell something is amiss but then that defeats a lot of the point of the story. It was a lose-lose situation.

People can enjoy garbage if you want but don’t call it gold.

Part 1

#The Superior Spider-Man #Superior Spider-Man #Dan Slott #otto octavius #Doc ock #Doctor Octopus #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #Aunt May #May Parker #Mary Jane Watson Parker #MJ Watson #Peter Parker #Spider-man #Civil War 2006

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viviansternwood · 5 years

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real talk on octavia

It’s no secret that, as a fan of Octavia, I get attacked by antis quite often, and get told that because I don’t see her as an “abuser”, I must be one too. Consider this post my one final attempt to state my point of view on this topic and explain why I don’t believe for a second that she is an abuser, physical or emotional. I won’t come back to this topic anymore, and if I’m asked any questions, I’m just going to link this post.

So, the haters always say that the main reason they can’t stand Octavia is not because of everything that happened in the bunker, but because of a “pattern of abuse” that she displays starting with early seasons. According to them, she treats the people she loves with cruelty and mentally and physically hurts them.

And yes, that’s not something I can deny, she hurts the people she loves from time to time: Bellamy, Lincoln, Indra, etc. But no way in hell I will agree that this can be considered abuse.

To me, abuse is all about motivation. For me to consider someone an abuser, they have to use hurting people to either assert their dominance, or to get something they want. This is the same for both emotional and physical abuse, and this is why I can easily draw a line between Abby and Octavia.

For example, think about Octavia punching Lincoln to help him overcome his drug addiction vs Abby hurting Raven to get her pills. There’s a huge difference in these actions to me because (a) not only does Octavia do what she knows will help Lincoln - it’s part of the culture he was raised in, to be told “Get knocked down, get back up” or whatever as a way to get through the toughest times, it’s what he knows, and what worked for him his entire life. And it does work - he gets better; while (b) Abby hurt Raven for no other reason than to get what she wants. She wants the drugs, Raven’s in the way, so she sets her aside, if you will.

Same with Indra. Octavia knows that Indra is a warrior and needs to be one to feel sane and good about herself. She reiterates to her what Indra herself taught her. I honestly do not see how that can be considered abuse, unless you believe Indra abused Octavia too.

Octavia beating up Bellamy I will never consider “abuse” because that was the first and last time she ever hurt him physically, and it was after she lost the one person who was always there for her. People do crazy things in that kind of state of mind, it’s called diminished responsibility, look it up. When hurting Raven, however, Abby was sober and in a completely levelled state of mind. She just used the person who always trusted her to get what she wants.

As to emotional abuse, then if anything, Octavia is the most emotionally abused character on the 100. No one is treated like trash more than she is. Think of at least one season where she wasn’t bullied by people. In season 1, she was bullied by the 100 for being a “grounder pounder” and the “girl under the floor” while Bellamy pretty much keeps her chained (this is a hyperbola btw, don’t start attacking me for saying this) up in the 100 camp and hurt her by hurting the people she cares for (e.g. Atom, Lincoln).

In season 2, she did all she could to help Skaikru get their people out of the mountain back, but all she got as a reward was being sacrificed as “disposable” while in TonDC by Clarke and Lexa. In season 3, all she hears is that she’s not Skaikru, she’s not Trikru. She’s no one, has no one apart from Lincoln because yes, believe it or not, Bellamy too keeps telling her that she should stop playing dress up and acting like a grounder.

In season 4, when she comes to Skaikru’s more than once (e.g. saving Roan, crawling back to Arkadia while bleeding out to warn them about attacks, returning to fight in the conclave, etc.), no one believes in her, and while Clarke is busy stealing the bunker despite Octavia being left out there, the only person who cared for her in season 4 is murdered right in front of her. In season 5, instead of Bellamy (who spent 6 years in blissful peace btw) trying his best to understand where his sister is coming from, he just keeps ordering her around and telling her that she’s changed and not the person he used to know. And after he actually poisons her for following the law, he still comes out believing she’s the one in the wrong. And don’t get me started with season 6 - only the lazy don’t tell her how trash she is.

And believe it or not, but not recognising someone’s mental illness and just casting them out like some rubbish, I would personally consider abuse.

But this is why it’s all about the motive for me. Bellamy says horrible things to Octavia because he’s hurt, not because he enjoys seeing her suffer. Clarke sacrificed Octavia and the others in TonDC because she doesn’t feel she has any other option, not because she wants them dead and to hurt Bellamy. Octavia says horrible things about Monty not because she wants Jordan to feel like trash, but because she wants to piss someone off so much that they murder her to end her suffering.

While Abby wastes no opportunity to diminish what little is left of Octavia’s mental health because she wants to get rid of her own guilt and make herself feel a little better. She uses hurting people to get what she wants.

At her best, Octavia is not a monster. She doesn’t kill people and doesn’t hurt them emotionally. At her best, she wants peace and will save everyone she can save. She only becomes this murder machine when she has severe mental health issues.

This is why, if you believe that Octavia is an abuser, you must believe that Bellamy and Clarke are too.

#octavia blake #anti abby griffin #bellamy blake #the 100 #saltykru #feel free to discource but no hate or i'll just block you

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luc1xx0 · 5 years

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This is kind of a long story, so buckle up kids!

I’m pretty sure that I posted a backstory to my comic that Imma delete, but here is an updated version:

First off: What you already know about the Ink Machine and other details which btw is not my portion of the story, but actually goes to thebbros (that's not a link)

Basically, the ink machine was used to cure people of the ink illness a very long time ago. Once people didn’t need it anymore, it was considered useless, therefore people just allowed the ink machine to slowly but surely break down.

Fast forward to several centuries later, two fools who were known as the Cup-bros make a dumbass bet to the Devil and lose. They had the choice to either die or to bring back the ink illness. Of course, they go with the second option, and a lot of people start dying because of them. The devil’s power was limited to 50 people a year, so he started spreading it. A lot of people were catching ink illness and dying. Chaos arose and everyone was losing their minds.

That’s like literally the most inconvenient time for the ink machine to stop running.

People needed it, but even though they knew its position, nobody knew how to actually repair it. Then, you meet B-bros. Bendy and Boris: Two mechanics and non-blood related brothers who knew what pieces were required to make the ink machine to operate properly. The only problem is that the pieces mysteriously scattered all throughout the land. Bendy gave up and tried to ignore it until he got the ink illness; coincidence I think not! After a lot of crying and praying, an angel gave Boris a map that would assist him while looking for the pieces. Only he and Bendy could see it so there was no point in asking for help. They both went about on their quest to find the pieces, but they didn’t know that they pissed off the Devil. He had no power to stop this, but still had a connection to the Cup-bros, so he lied and told them that he would kill them if they did not stop Bendy and Boris. So then THEY went to complete their task.

And done! With the first section of the story which was just a review for y‘all babtqftim fans. Now, this is part of my story:

Aniya was walking through the park, as she always does during her work breaks. The trees remind her of a forest; Aniya really likes forests because they could be holding any secret in there, like what kind of mystical or non-mystical creatures could be roaming around. She walked to the table closest to the trees and sits there for a few minutes. As she is about to leave, Aniya noticed something on the ground; it was round, smooth, and seems to be glowing. Just out of curiosity, Aniya picked it up and took it with her.

But what was it?

Answer: Aniya unknowingly took a piece of the Scepter with her. What she found originates back to over a millennium ago. Four sisters shared a medieval kingdom, surrounded by a huge forest where people have believed mystical animals lived there. The Scepter was placed in the heart of the kingdom to show that they claim this land. The Scepter had a beautiful gem that consisted of multiple colors, and at some point of the day, the sun would be perfectly aligned with it.

The sisters fought all by themselves against demonic creatures, day and night. At the time, they were at their worst, flying and crawling around giving people the most traumatizing horrors that would make them want to just end it all and forget everything that ever happened in their memories.

At some point in time, they became weak and did not have enough strength to defeat all of these beasts, so they scattered throughout the kingdom, and into people’s heads. The rest of the story goes that people killed themselves and the princesses were kept as hostages. It was a corrupt age, but ultimately, most of the demons died off, and it is very uncommon to see one now. Yet if you did, they are much tamer, and you could not blame them for what their ancestors did. Today, nobody knows what happened to the four siblings, and that will probably remain a puzzle.

The Scepter is still in its place, and is actually now a bit of a tour of the kingdom! Of course, its gems were damaged and fragmented. They went darting in every direction as they molded themselves into amulets. It’s like they have been waiting for the right person ever since. Soon enough there will be the chosen ones, who will help restore harmony and bring people back home. It’s basically like being a superhero; it could be anyone in the world, or they could be standing right in front of you.

Let’s fast forward again!

Aniya has gone home and still doesn’t know that she is not just holding a weird toy.. until it starts gleaming red again. The glowing was not prominent in the middle of the day, but by the time Aniya got home it was night and she did not know what to do when this happened.

She pushes this all aside after she starts coughing a lot.

At first, Aniya just thought she was seeing things, but then she realized that she was coughing up actual INK. She got very scared because she did not want to feel pain. To bad for her because every last second of that night was a never-ending hell for Aniya. The poor thing was home alone with a dead battery on her phone. She even built up tears, and she never cries.

Suddenly somebody thrust open the door, and it’s Evey (thank god!!!!). She hears wailing from upstairs and runs as fast as she can to find Aniya on the floor, choking on ink. Holyyyyy shit is how you would describe her reaction. She panicked, but then grabbed a bunch of towels and water and proceeded to clean up Aniya. The ink faded off, and Evey calmed her down put Aniya to bed.

Edit: Even though there were only four sisters who possessed the crystals, part of the power from the tiny broken pieces of them could possibly be inherited by other people. That’s what could possibly make a whole team of heroes that will end the threats.

And there you go! A refreshed version of the backstory! I swear to god I am deleting the original one because this one is so much better! Damn this took like an hour to make. Anyways, I’m so sorry I could not make any art right now. I could try to make paper art, but digital art is just so much better quality. You guys should let me know what you think. If you made it to the end of this post, I hope you have a good night!

BTW the start of the comic takes place the day after all of this shit.

#aniyas-world #origins #aniyasquest #aniyasquestcomic

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jcmorgenstern · 5 years

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*ep18spoilers* man i have such mixed feelings about crispy-chan. The way the heroes treat him is chilling-keeping him in chains is torture, and the way Luke says 'muzzle him' like dude, he's Jocelyns kid, and he's basically mentally handicapped because of what his parents put him through). Like i know he did what he did, but he's like a child soldier with heavy trauma and ptsd like idk man they should give him a psychiatrist while keeping him in cell, not torture him and lock him up again 😢

Yeah tbh my feelings were kind of complicated here too! Like, obviously I have a huge bias, and I don’t want to loose sight of that, but yeah the whole “torturing lilith is cool now” thing combined with elements of that scene def made me sad and a little ://// but tbh that’s far from the most screwed up thing they did in this show or even this episode

but yeah I’m not 100% sure how I would write Luke in this situation either?? Like obvs he’s on Clary’s side in this situation, and would probably come at it with that bias, but again they overlook the whole thing where he was VALENTINE’S PARABATAI like. the LITERAL OTHER HALF OF HIS SOUL was bonded to valentine and even if jocelyn couldn’t see past that I don’t think Luke would see things the same way. we know from 2a that he still had feelings about the bond with val even if val didn’t deserve them (that’s one of the most underrated scenes in the whole show to me, btw) and like….while I don’t think Luke would be like “aww sweet baby boy” I don’t think he would be quite so callous, either. For Luke I think there would be a sense of heaviness but he would do it for Clary, and ultimately prioritize her over Jonathan–he raised her, not him, and Jonathan DID hurt Clary.

Personally I want to know what they would have done if it had worked and Jonathan lived and is now a mundane (or a regular shadowhunter). Like….idk, send him to prison? kill him? try to wipe his memory? turn him into a coatrack? so many unanswered questions.

personally I think if i ever explored that, I’d want to see Luke and Maryse in charge of….”rehabilitation?” “adult baby-sitting?” “ex demon boy house arrest?” and the two of them working out their complicated feelings about valentine, jocelyn, the circle, and luke maybe finally getting to grieve jocelyn and ultimately getting closer to Maryse in a meaningful and believable way. and of course jonathan being a brooding, horrible, dramatic little hoe. im talking full on victorian gothic. moaning, brooding, hauntings, hysterical screaming, all of it.

also to the child soldier bit: I do definitely agree, and I think one of the most under-examined parts of both his and jace’s character IS the fact they’re child soldiers. It’s why that one post that says jonathan is a psychopath STILL to this day pisses me off, and i took two whole-ass courses just to prove it wrong. (and it IS wrong. so wrong. so fucking wrong). like one of the CORE features of a psychopath (which btw is not a dsm-5 disorder) is shallow emotional affect, both internally and externally, which means “neither experiences nor really expresses emotions outwardly” and……look, if jonathan’s emotions are a box of crayons, he’s grabbed all of them together in his fist and is scribbling frantically like a 4 year old on crack. he doesn’t even remotely fit that bill. and like having low empathy and remorse is exactly what’s observed in child soldiers (real, actual child soldiers, not fake-ass angel/demon fantasy child soldiers).

honestly idk if jonathan actually fits the bill for ptsd–i feel it’s a misconception that trauma always leads to ptsd even in severe cases (though it often does, and the mechanism why is not well understood). I did recently start to wonder if the fits the bill for borderline personality disorder (side note: that’s the most incorrectly self-diagnosed/lay diagnosed disorder and is HIGHLY stigmatized so i really hesitate to slap that label on a shitty villain, but in terms of symptom profile it probably fits best. anyway just to reiterate: borderline people are lovely honestly and all the people i know with bpd are fucking amazing so….ignore all that bs in popular media about it, it’s shit). also people with bpd are very very likely compared to the population average to have experienced childhood abuse so like idk man u decide for yourself. i was going to put all this in my huge developmental writeup but i haven’t mustered the energy yet

I do see why they lock him up given he wants to run off with clary every 10 seconds but honestly i find it comical that they never thought to get a decent therapist in there just to make him talk. literally IN DISGUSE jonathan was physically incapable of shutting up about himself and his past trauma like get a therapist in there and i GUARANTEE he’d tell you literally anything you wanted to know. like idk it just seems more efficient. like ‘‘blah blah blah ill only talk to clary’‘ bull shit we all know after 10 seconds of no one paying attention to him jonathan started telling his reflection in the cell glass how mistreated he was and how he’s the victim like he cannot shut up i love him what a mess

anyway im not sure what you meant referring to mental handicap but if you meant some pretty severe developmental lags….yeah. that whole socialization thing never really …happened. he’s like 90% feral in an adult body with 0 impulse control!!!

also random but i seriously wonder if he was able to keep up with his training in Edom….it always bothered me jace always manages to beat him when seb is (not to be a dirty stan on main but….to be a dirty stan on main)is supposed to be BETTER but i mean if he wasn’t able to keep up with training for like 10 years…it makes sense jace is more on top of his game. it’s gotta hit hard for golden piano boy to be better at the one thing jonathan is ‘‘best at’‘ (and tbh what valentine literally BRED him for) ughh im making myself mad and sad this was a mistake goodbye and goodnight

#this is SO incoherent im sorry #friend anon #i love a crispy boy #crispy chat #welcome to my crispy mind #tbh ''crispy chan'' killed me by #sh spoilers

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trisahratop32-blog · 5 years

Text

The reason i am putting my lifes issues out in a blog is maybe... just maybe it will help somone. When I was in my 20′s I had my youngest daughter who I developed Post Pardon Psychosis. For those who do not know what this is its like PPDepression. Only I hear voices and saw things that were not there. All i felt was the pain and my own brain telling me how horrible of a person i was, pointed out every wrong i ever made, my husband was cheating, I was not 100% loyal either. The army was destroying our lives. If you want to talk about something making you feel like a piece of shit is going to the ER on an army base with men and women in service who are hurt mentally and physically there who are there to fight for your freedom and life and go in there and have your husband explain how you tried to kill yourself. the way they all look at you is a feeling i dont think I will ever be able to put into any words other then embarrassing. However i did need help... my life was falling apart and i felt like i have no out nothing i was not good enough to be a mother i was not good enough to be a daughter all my life mistakes played into my head and eventually i felt nothing but pain. people would tell me to look at the positive i had 4 beautiful children, a husband a good life some called it however its not that simple.. my brain would NOT let me see those things.. no matter how bad i wanted to. My attachment to my child was not there at all I didnt even want to hold her or take care of her. and that made everything worse. I lost my nephew at 6 days old from SIDS and here I am with a gift of life of a child... and I want nothing to do with it. i was a monster. and it would be better if i was just gone.... so I took hand full of pills in my bathroom. the paramedics came as i was unconscious, my children were being shielded by my husband so they could not see... children see everything btw. its a guilt i may never forgive myself for. My stomach was pumped and i had to see my children in the mental hospital in a special room because there are people there who are not allowed to see children. it was the worse thing ever and still in my head i was the victim. I couldn't change my own mind if my life depended on it... and it did. This was not the first or the last time. I have tried to kill myself a total of about 4 times.. each time my life was saved. and I never knew why, because so many people are not this lucky. I always thought that by doing this i was making things easier. i wrote good bye letters to my children... they never saw them thank god. honestly i thought thy never saw anything. it was such a hard road to recover from my illness and thats exactly what it was an illness. I am bipolar Manic with Psychotic tenancies. talk about a label right lol. i have lost everything in my life so many times i cant count i became very materialistic and what i had or didnt have effected my mood, my life, my mind. I went threw trauma when I was a child, My mother was pretty abusive and in the worst ways. that played a big part in me wanting to die. I was totally justified and had put a lot of thought into it... you see taking your own life is not a thing you just think hey why dont i do this!... there is a common word or letter you should notice in this lil rant. “I” never once did i think about them. anything other then how much better they would be without me. However I beg of you... to think about how your children would be effected if this thought ever crossed your mind. My oldest daughter.. who is 11... she was the one who saw most of everything. and what i thought didnt phase her... did. 5th grade My husband and i were cleaning out her room as some parents do. We found her note book and inside is what killed me and ripped out my heart. She wanted to kill herself.... due to the bullies she never talked about. she wanted to die.. she had a plan... I have NEVER in my life felt pain like this one. I never thought for one second this would be something any of my kids would do because my husband and i have tried to give all of our children the best life possible. SHE was miserable. SHE was hopeless. SHE wanted it all to end. I had to take her to see somone. I was extremely fucking pissed because my child had told the guidance councilor about this who did not follow the chin of command. and said nothing to no one. We could have lost our girl. i immediately reached out to get her help it seemed to help a little.. but i knew it would not just go away like that and i did some things that pissed her off like removing her bedroom door she was not allowed any privacy I also made her sit with me and just talk..... about anything and everything. and honestly.... that seemed to help more then anything. one night i felt it was time for me to come clean and fess up my own selfishness.... I told her everything. The thought of losing me was horrific to her.. and then she was able to relate how we would feel if we lost her. Social Media and the kids these days are growing up too fast and they have sooooo much pressure on them i dont think some people realize. they are pressured to be something to grow up to be in the right to get good grades they have so much pressure to fit in to avoid being bullied and the fact is schools and the laws do not do enough to protect our children from these things. My selfishness gave her this idea, made her feel it was an exit and if she wanted attention... I gave her the idea because everyone was sure as hell all over me after my own attempt. My youngest daughter is now 5 and i think i do make sure she knows i love her the strongest I do admit.. and that is due to my own guilt, i am aware. I love all my babies and never will stop. leaving this world and leaving them without a mom was the most selfish thing i could have done I see this now. because my daughter showed me what it looks like from the outside. SHE saved me. I will always have her back no matter what I will always protect her and my sons and my other daughter. i dont know what or where i would be without my children. I am one lucky woman. So if you think that the world is a better place without you.. think about how it would effect you if you lost a person you love more then yourself.. then multiply that by a 100. the world will not be a better place without you. if you have gone threw this or are going threw this... reach out, tell your story.. somone who has never gone threw this may not understand. like somone who has never done drugs trying to tell you they understand your addiction. it does not work. tell your story and get it out. I thought my life was at its low and the worse it could ever be i thought my heart could not be more hurt.. i was wrong when I saw what life was doing to my baby.... I never thought about that and never imagined. So that is what I have for today. Today I looked at my beautiful girl smiling at me before school she hugged and kissed me and said see you after school mama. and it his me how lucky i was. She will be 12 in March and that almost didnt happen. i am grateful.

disgrace

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ophelialoveshandsomemen · 2 years

Text

Couple of takeaways and opinions and reactions from watching the series Blood & Treasure.

FIrst off- Warning- I watched this show purely for the Oded Fehr content( the hot, now silver fox Isreali actor who played Ardeth Bae Bay in the Mummy) and I am more than happy and willing to RIP into any and all historical inaccuracies with a bloodthirsty vengeance. Even if this is a campy ripoff of all inaccurate ‘history movies’. I am History’s paramour, don’t @ me. I will be referencing The Mummy a lot. ( A strangely accurate-ish movie, I’ll save that for another time.) ALSO, none of this follows the order of the series. ANNNNDDDDD, I didn’t watch the whole thing yet, so more fun insights to come.

If you actually read this, please be aware that I do not hate nor wish ill on anyone because of race, religion or size. I also don’t hate terrorists( because they are still human beings, not because I agree with them), sorry if that kind of disgusts you. If anything seems offensive, it is not my intent. Merely observational. Let’s keep the drama in the private dm’s.

Warning again- I am a wh*re for Karim Farouk( a.k.a. Oded Fehr).

- Alright, so Oded Fehr has officially turned a whole 180 and instead of protecting these cursed tombs (ala The Mummy) he is now the greedy treasure hunter/grave robber/terrorist and you know what, it’s good look on him, it works...Well, I got so annoyed in the 2.3 minutes that we had to watch the archeologists right at the beginning be so awful and let’s act like a military group instead of what they really are(nerds) and oh-look-this-is-where-the-lever-was-now-help-me-open-this-with-zero-safety-measures-in-place ( It’s a modern ‘dig’ like come on) that I’m cool with him (Oded Fehr’s bad guy character) waltzing in there all evil and he shoots some people, kills some people, kidnaps some people, blows up some pyramids which mildly pissed me off but I also kinda understood why? and he’s commanding and doesn’t waste his time like other villains and he’s all unfairly sexy in his tac gear and...I’m drooling now and weirdly rooting for the bad guy. Not a great start to a show which wants you to root for the ‘good guys’.

- Oh...HELL NO!!! ( groans in despair) GOODY-TWO-SHOES EX-AGENT OF CIAROKJSNDKENF!!!!WHATEVER. FuCK he’s irritating... AAAANNNNNNDDDD, the lead...figures. I hate those types.

- The priest is a good priest. Nice touch. Too bad he’s Jesuit. Believe you me, modern and post-modern Jesuits are not really a good sort. The old/original Jesuits were cool and brave and all ( and sooooooo not like this stupid series tries to make us believe.) They never had coded Bibles, you dicks.

- I honestly don’t know if this series wants to be taken as a serious history lesson or as fantastical historical fiction. The latter is fine I guess. It sure as Hell ain’t the former. (They do throw in enough actual history to confuse you on that bit.) I mean, the curse on Cleopatra’s tomb isn’t a blatantly made-up apocalyptic resurrection of a bad CGI mummy who was Hom-Dai ‘ed 3000 years ago, so it could be taken as actual history by anyone who may not know better. But it isn’t actual history, not by a long shot. Don’t believe this series, I beg of you.

- The Jesuits were never secret-keepers of cult knowledge and they never infiltrated the Nazi Occultists ranks and there may be secret passages out of the Vatican to be used in an emergency by the Swiss Guards( and ensemble) if necessary, but I doubt that it’s hidden in such a Angels and Demons- esque way and OH HELL, the pop culture references BTW are driving me up the wall! These guys are trying to be the Gilmore Girls and are failing miserably.

- Again, stop using the Vatican as such a cache of culty knowl...you know what, I give up on this arguement. Peace out. MF’s.

- There is something so clandestinely delicious about seeing the heart-throbbing silver fox which is Oded Fehr in a turtleneck sweater and blazer with that scar on the side of his face and just... no thoughts, only dominating dangerous dilf. I want to have his child. I don’t care if he’s the evil terrorist( or is he?), he is still a thousand times sexier than anyone else in this sh*tty show. Prove me wrong I dare you.

- Lexi I can stand because she is truthfully alot of fun to watch at the beginning. And she’s actually awesome in the -I care about people and they don’t know it kinda way.- One tiny little thing though. Never knew I was weirded out by thigh gaps until this girl walks in in skinny jeans and leggings. I shouldn’t find it weird and I usually don’t but some of the angles they use in this show creeps me out for some inexplicable reason. Very odd. They should keep her in dresses and maybe like, non-skinny jeans.

- 1000 points for Oded Fehr walking around in grey camo cargo pants and jacket with aviator sunglasses in the rocky desert. this man I swear😳

- Omar, come on man, NOT THE OLD LADY!

-Of course, Lexi is the descendant of Anthony and Cleopatra. Because this show wasn’t fucking predictable enough as it is.

-Good guys becoming obsessed with treasure is valid I will give them that. And gives me an excuse to root for Karim Farouk/Oded Fehr.

-The score reminds me of Indiana Jones and the like. Not bad.

-Ugh, I hate seeing mummies. Leave these poor people in their graves, please!

- Yeah right, Danny survived that fall down the elevator shaft. I totally believe you.

-Blowing up the pyramid to distract the world from the black market sales of Cleopatra’s items is very smart. STOP MAKING ME LIKE THE VILLAIN!

- Karim Farouk is way too smart to have just grabbed those cases without checking them all to ensure that everything was as it should be. Give the man some credit. They make him super smart and sly at the beginning, but then when crunch-time arrives and our ‘heroes’ need plot boosts, Karim gets uncharacteristically sloppy.

- As soon as it was revealed that Karim was doing all this stuff out of revenge, I knew it was over a bombing or something by the US of A and his family or almost all his family was wiped out, and that grief and anger had developed into stone cold hate.

- And I was right.

- Using Karim’s niece as bait is cruel AF.

-No fucking way that he brought his niece a present in a bag with a location on it and drops it where our ‘heroes’ conveniently find it and track him to said location.

- This fucking predictable plot I SWEAR!

-Side note: DEATH FROM SUPERNATURAL IS IN HERE! YOOHOO! Great actor.

- Lexi’s Coptic Christian mother was allowed to marry her Muslim father how?????????? Mixed marriages between Muslims and Catholics are kind of forbidden.

- Oded Fehr is again in a turtleneck with blazer. 🥵

-I never knew I needed Oded Fehr driving a forklift in my life, but here we are I guess...

- Have I mentioned how much I appreciate Oded Fehr in this????????

///////////////////////

That’s it for now. Might post another one one I finish the season.

#oded fehr #the mummy #blood & treasure(2019)#karim farouk #sara reacts to blood & treasure #hate on historic/catholic history inaccuracies #mixed marriage #I'm drooling over a dilf.#oded fehr to be exact #hate of predictable plot #swearing #sara reacts #religious themes

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tylerwritez · 3 years

Text

Monday June 28

Morning update:

Oh my god.

I was packing my stuff for the big move after my parents divorce and I found an old prayer thingy.

It said:

"Dear Jesus,

Thank you for the music and the trees and my friends and family, and for the time to really look around the world with colorful skies that are so beautiful, the whole world is beautful and in balance and natural and that is how I'm gonna be. I dont want this to be a temporary, spur of the moment thing. I understand now. I realize that it's not the world that's ugly, but the sin that plagues it. I understand what He wants now. I'm sorry, God. I'm sorry, Jesus. I know I'll go to hell no matter what I do but I might as well try to live a holy life.

I understand.

But then, why all these STRONG feeling? Please, you gotta help me through that.

He made us to serve him. I understand that. Give me the strength to serve you, please. I'm so weak.

Sincerely,

Jude"

I felt so angry cos of it. Once I saw all that shit about "serving Him" I immediately ripped it up in RAGE, just blind rage.

I was just a fuCKING CHILD. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME???

8:50 p.m. update: HOLY SHIT OUCH ON MY WAY HOME I HIT A SIGNPOST COS I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION AND IT RAMMED THE HANDLEBAR OF MY BIKE RIGHT INTO MY DICK JESUS CHRIST IT HURTS GODDAMN

12:38 a.m. update:

Okay so you maybe noticed that today's entries arent really organized and that's cos I've been BUSYyyy

I'm gonna add Litten the pokemon to my kinlist also Piplup

Anyways today I went out with my friends. My dad was mad at me cos my room was all messy cos I'M PACKING MY STUFF TO MOVE?? idk what he expected my room to look like. So anwyays I left the house, me and Erin and Elle, who I'll now be calling Eden because its weird to keep using Elle for reaosns I wont describe...me and Erin and Elle went to the library and I checked out some mangas. I checked out volumes 1-2 of , , and volume 1 of

Then we went to Safeway cos it was too hot to be outside and it was another place with free A/C that was nearby. I stole some Stevia and probably other stuff that I can't recall right now.

We ate sugar cookies (those nice crumbly processed ones with icing on top) at the park, then I went home for supper.

After that i met them at the park and we biked to this Ravine area with like trees and water and a bridge and shit and we were looking for Hagstones which are rocks in the water that get holes worn into them. It's for protection from Jordan's hexes.

We found loads of nasty bugs... but no hagstones. Also the thornbushes scratched up my legs, the bugs bit me up, and the water was sorta nasty and I went on hands and knees in it looking for those rocks XD.

I had fun but it was quite uncomfortable with all the HEAT and bugs.

I got home then and idk not much happened.

I've been eating fruit instead of my usual snack foods and i think its helpful.

1:06 a.m. update:

... I feel like I'm going to cry.

I saw a post about families and now I'm upset because I... I see this shit and I feel like I'm 10 or younger even... all over again. It all comes back to me. The reason I cry at night so often... the reaosn I cant tell reality from shit my brain made up. The reaosn i need therapy and the reason i feel so TORTURED AND IN PAIN...

All I ever needed as a child was love and support and I didnt fucking get that so now any posts about happy families make me feel sad. Especially if they have a kid who is "difficult" in some way... like how I was... who still gets treated well.

Fuck man. I wasnt difficult, I had emotions. I wasnt difficult, I needed extra help. I wasnt difficult, I was trans.

I WASNT DIFFICULT... I DIDNT DESERVE TO BE ABANDONED THE WAY I WAS. holy shit. I was just a child like any other. Literally all I needed was love and support.

Fuck my parents. Now I feel like I've missed out on like... a whole childhood... as myself. Instead I spent it being who you wanted me to be to avoid your wrath.

I'm so sad.

And its cos you saw a fucking child telling you he was in pain and punished him.

I was so young.

Jay keeps misgendering me... he just referred to me as my father's daughter. OH MY GOD... I GET IT! I UNDERSTAND! I GET IT. I DON'T PASS. I GET IT, I LOOK LIKE A GIRL... I GET IT, YOU'VE SEEN ME NAKED. I UNDERSTAND.... I understand that your mind doesn't see me as male... but please. PleAse make some fucking effort. please. cos it actually hurts me to be misgendered cis people could never understand. Fuck man, cis people could never undertsand the shit we go through and I feel upset now because no matter how well intentioned he is... he just doesnt seem to Get It.... or like..I DONT KNOW! IS HE EVEN TRYING?

Like. No matter what I look like, I'm still a guy. I'm no ones daughter.

Sorry. I know I'm being rude about this and I should have more patience.

I'm just sort of upset. Why can't he see me?

Fuck man, NOBODY can see me. I'll never be seen. Cos this isn't fucking me but it never will be.

I hate this. So much. I want to RIP OFF ALL MY FLESH. WHY HAVE I GOTTA BE BORN THIS WAY HOLY FUCK HOLY SHIT WHY CAN'T I JUST BE FUCKING NORMAL GODDAMN IT I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS FUCK GOD I HATE GOD FUCK GOD ILL KILL GOD IF I EVER FLOAT UP TO HEAVEN IM GOING TO LITERSLLY FUCKING KILL GOD ILL CLAW MY WAY UP FROM HELL TO KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER FOR DOING THIS TO ME

LIKE HOLY SHIT MY CHEST??? HAS JUST GOT THIS STUFF ON IT AND ITS MAKINF ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE I WANT TO PERFORM SURGERY ON MY OWN SELF.

3:30 a.m. update:

Oh btw one of my friends says their friend had a crush on me in junior high 👀

Idk man its fukcing 3 30 I'm just on my phone. Soon l get off, piss and sleep.

Total calorie intake today was 979 cals.

Goodnight

#JudeJournals

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did-you-even-make-a-sound · 7 years

Note

Can you write the Connor x Internet friend! Reader as a fanfic. I would love it if you did.

Message Me || Connor Murphy x Reader (PART 1 OF 5)

requested : yep prompt: n/a pairing : connor murphy x reader warnings : suicide plan mention additional notes : reader is female, based off of a Connor X Internet friend reader headcanon by @watch-the-whole-world-disappear, they meet on tumblr, connor runs an Edgy™ Aesthetic Blog, WHICH I RUN BTW, NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING ON IT YET BUT YEAH FOLLOW ME AT @connor-fvckng-mvrphy lmao it’s a Connor roleplay blog

Bored. Bored. Bored.

Bored is such a boring word. In this moment, you’ve never heard a word that describes you so much.

You scroll listlessly through your tumblr, liking random images and quotes from this one aesthetic blog that you follow. Your eyes wander, not that you’re finding anything interesting, until you come across an interesting poem.

dark-aesthetic🔃connor-fvckng-mvrphy

I have to get this off my chest before I straighten every crooked object offensive clutter distraction OCD nervous as fuck I’ll pull out every hair or tear my fingers off If I don’t figure out how to look in your eyes without screaming

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I can’t remember anything before you I can’t imagine anything without you I want to live the rest of my life with you

But only if you think I’m cool We should just kill ourselves

‘Interesting,' You think, 'Edgy, but very interesting.’

This guy (girl? other?) seems interesting. Relatable. You click on their name, intrigued.

At one click, you fall in love with the account. You follow on first sight.

According to his bio, his name is Connor and he’s seventeen. His posts consist of black-and-white photos of chipped nail-polish, of pale wrists with even paler scars zigzagged across the stick-thin appendage. Quotes by Poe, little poems like the first one you read.

He’s tortured, you know. But you can’t bring yourself to message him, like the little stalker you are.

Hours of pouring over his account turn into days, days into weeks, until finally you have been an avid fan of his for a month.

And then it all comes crashing down.

One day, you refresh your page, bored, and there’s a new post from him. Literally must have been posted not even a minute ago.

connor-fvcking-mvrphy

this is not going to be a great week or year or life or anything inbetween i thought for a millisecond that i had found a friend a kindred spirit but you fucking tore it up

fuck you, E.H. your friend too go ahead and laugh laugh all you want but will you be laughing when the school shooter is dead?

goodbye

You’re worried.

This poem…was not like the others.

This was angry. This was raw. This was…this was real.

You bite your lip. Your eyes flick down to the tags.

#suicide plan #goodbye

Shit. Your eyes widen and you click on your inbox, typing in a message frantically

you hi I know you don’t know me but I just saw the tags on your newest poem and im freaking out please please don’t kill yourself I’m sorry it’s just your poems are really relatable and help me a lot and i feel like I’ve gotten to know you through them and oh my god you probably think I’m so creepy I’m so sorry

You wait, terrified, for a response.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three,

four,

five.

There is no answer, and you bury your head in your pillow and try not to cry. You can’t help it, your shoulders shake with wracking sobs. You probably failed at saving this guy, you failed so bad. You suck, oh god, you suck.

After another five minutes of sobbing, you hear a loud ding from your phone, and you blearily stare at the screen through unshed tears.

connor-fvckng-mvrphy im flattered I didn’t realise that somebody actually read my poems or my tags or cared or…

You gasp in relief, fingers tap-tap-tapping out a reply.

you OH thank god I thought that you had… Are you okay?? thats a stupid question omg I'm sorry

connor-fvckng-mvrphy im fine actually…i feel much better. thanks for, you know. caring.

you Anytime! I’m [y/n] btw

connor-fvckng-mvrphy connor

you i know thats creepy oh my god;sorry

connor-fvckng-mvrphy it’s fine ig I mean it is in my bio so??? its chill

you :)

connor-fvckng-mvrphy so this might sound weird but ???? you’re…pretty cool. i just looked over your account and wanted to know well you know want to talk more???

you wow im??? Really???

connor-fvckng-mvrphy yeah i mean you helped me there,,,like a lot,,,

you id love to !!!!

You talked almost every day. When you got down to it…he was a sweetheart. He was kind. He got you.

connor-fvckng-mvrphy do you think, like… well ever get to meet each other?? imean you’re a really great friend now and??? id like to meet you.

you i wish but we live like eight hours away from each other…

connor-fvckng-mvrphy ill drive to you!

you calm down, connor…lmao we don’t want you burning out on the way

connor-fvckng-mvrphy :( I don’t even know what you look like…

you i don’t know what you look like either! XD

connor-fvckng-mvrphy shit well if I send you a picture of me will you do the same?

you sure ig

connor-fvckng-mvrphyme.jpg my sister took the photo so,,,

you WHOA YOU’RE SO PRETTY WTF I THINK IM IN LOVE

connor-fvckng-mvrphy id prefer handsome but I’ll take it your turn, missy.

you hnnghhh okaybewarnedIlooklikeapotato.jpg

connor-fvckng-mvrphy … holy shit

you bad???

connor-fvckng-mvrphy YOU’RE SO FUCKING CUTE??? WHAT THE FUCK THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IM-

you no no no I am definitely not wtf you need your eyes checked?

connor-fvckng-mvrphy no way you’re fucking adorable i think /I’m/ in love you cute lil motherfucker

connor-fvckng-mvrphy we should swap phone numbers

you and skype??

connor-fvckng-mvrphy fuck yeah

you oKay !!! im [skype/name] and my number is [number]

connor-fvckng-mvrphy my Skype is the same as my tumblr and my phone number is XXXX XXXXXX

you saved and I just texted you too :)

connor-fvckng-mvrphy 'hi Connor!!!!’ with a bunch of happy emojis? dude you’re just,,, thats really fucking cute

you wh y???? do you keep calling me cute I’m???

connor-fvckng-mvrphy because, as it turns out, i have a really cute best friend

you best friend?? awww connor!!!

connor-fvckng-mvrphy yeah yeah you’re literally all I have, [y/n]

you you’re my best friend too!! i really wish i could meet you…

connor-fvckng-mvrphy me too…hold on a sec

you connor??? you okay???

connor-fvckng-mvrphy my sister just walked in and was being a dick, being nosy about who I’m talking to and not believing that it was a friend. She thinks I’m talking to my dealer. i fucking hate her sometimes

you do you?

connor-fvckng-mvrphy …no but she thinks I do. It’s easier to let her.

you *internet hug*

connor-fvckng-mvrphy Fuck…that’s cute.

As time went on, you found yourself more and more drawn to Connor. His photos could always make you smile, and nothing brightened up a shitty day more than clicking on his Skype name and watching him answer a video call, smiling dopily at the camera.

And also as time went on…you slowly began to realise why.

You were in love with him.

Fuck, you were in love with a guy eight hours away. A guy that you had never met in real life. What do you do?

…You continue pining for him over a distance, of course.

You watch yourself in the screen, waiting for Connor to pick up the Skype call. Soon enough, he does, and his grinning face fills the screen.

“Hey, [y/n].” He greets sleepily - it’s like, midnight over there - and rests his chin on his hands.

“Heya.” You wave at the camera, grinning sheepishly and a little shyly. The thrill of actually seeing him rather than just a message still gets you.

“It’s almost Valentine’s Day, huh?”

“Yep! Any special girl that you had in mind?” You ask, a hopeful smile plastered on your face.

“No, well…actually…” He furrows his brow, and your heart drops.

“Is she pretty?” You ask, concealing your jealousy. You could be there for him.

“She’s cute. Like, really fucking cute.” Connor says, watching you carefully.

Truth be told, Connor felt the same way. He was absolutely crazy about you, but he didn’t want to ruin this adorably heartwarming friendship you had.

To wake up and have no more *internet hug* messages or cute little reminders…it’d ruin his life. You were absolutely the only thing keeping him going.

You talked for ages, until it was about 2:30 on his end. Before long, he was getting tired.

“I should go soon.” He says drowsily.

“Mmmm.” You don’t want him to go. “Night, Con.”

“G'night.” He yawns. “Love you.”

You freeze. He freezes and hurriedly leaves the video chat.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Connor slams his head on his desk, pissed off. “I fucked up. I fucked up.” He mumbles.

A small chime comes from his computer and he bites his lip, glancing reluctantly at the screen.

you i love you too!!!!

#dear evan hansen x reader #connor murphy imagine #connor murphy x reader #connor murphy headcanon #mike faist x reader

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obaewankenope · 6 years

Text

my life in a nutshell (or twenty damned paragraphs because ‘brevity, what is thou?’)

so i’m ill. my joints and muscles are flaring up with pain again. i’m getting constant migraines. my vision keeps blurring. i can’t walk more than twenty paces before my legs feel like jelly spaghetti. my forearms are nothing but shooting pains along the nerves which is n o t f u n. and i am suffering something awful with ibs (irritable bowel syndrome), alternatively known as The Time of Farts That Kill and Three Hour Toilet Escapades.

i went to my job centre appointment today with my sick note. got that copied and they’re sending it off because i refuse to send it in the post when a) i can’t make a copy of it and b) if it gets lost in the post, they’ll blame me. because it’s sent internally, they can’t accuse me of anything.

i received a letter from uc saying i’m no longer entitled to ANY payments from them because of the sanction they gave me - a 2.5 month long sanction btw.

i need to call them up and demand request a mandatory reconsideration because they’re really dragging this out now and i feel like just slitting my fucking wrists ffs. i don’t even want to call them. the very idea of just waiting for them to answer me on the line, telling them the circumstances, listening to the faux fucking ‘sympathy’ that’s really ‘judgement’, and being left in limbo even fucking more... i’d rather rip my own skin off and it’s really fucking tempting right now (my skin is itching for me to do so fucking fuck).

i’ve signed up to this thing online where i review books and might get paid for them (not all of them tho) but like, even a £1 a review from them makes a difference at this point.

i’ve been told i can’t get another eye test through the nhs because my last one was too recent (tho since they keep sending me letters about it i have no fucking idea) and so i’m stuck with this single pair of glasses that i don’t think are as helpful as they were.

i’ve stopped taking my amitrypline medication because the side effects were horrific and i felt more unstable on them than i’ve ever felt before in my life. i don’t know if they’ve caused some of the stuff i’m experiencing now but i recently noticed that i keep getting a tingling sensation in my face, sort of like pins and needles, and there’s a significant decrease in sensitivity on the left side of my face compared to the right.

i’ve had numbness and tingling issues for years now but the hypersensitivity i have from being autistic sort of counters it to some degree because, when i’m asked “can you feel that?” and the doctor pokes my leg, i answer “yes” because i still sort of can. even when i’ve mentioned “i feel it less though” it’s like it’s just something irrelevant and to be dismissed.

idk if anyone has followed me long enough (or cared about my personal life tbh), but about two years ago, back when i first started trying to get doctors to take me seriously, i genuinely believed that my symptoms were potentially MS related. this was before my brother’s diagnosis of fibro, so i assumed “i have a cousin with MS that zig-zags her body and the things she’s described match a lot of the things i have”. doctor i saw back then dismissed it though.

i’ve tried to contact my rhuematology specialist to sort of my medication and, maybe, see if there’s anything to my worries about this. but i s2g, if i get dismissed again i might scream. i mean, i’ve never had an MRI. when i asked for one two years ago, i was told point blank “we won’t waste the money on you to have a scan” and i just- wtf? MRI scans are incredibly useful for diagnosing and ruling out a multitude of conditions/illnesses/injuries. not only that, but they can help reveal problems or issues that you don’t even know about that could be dangerous or harmful ffs. but it’s a “waste of money” to spend right...

still bitter about that.

mason is doing better than he was but he’s still had some bloody pee today. we think he’ll be okay but we’re keeping an eye on him. the money for his treatment came from the amazing people on here who donated and i can’t thank you enough for that! we made sure to buy additional toys and change the litter we use as well to see if that makes any difference overall. so far, i think it might be. and none of that would have been possible without ya’ll sending money so thank you from the bottom of my cold, shrivelled, cat-shaped heart.

i’m pissed off at my lecturer for what he said in monday’s class when we complained about the one-and-a-half hour long video he made us watch with no subtitles on fucking philosophy of all things. he told the class that we need to be engaging with material at this level and have no excuse to not bother to do so.

he says that in a class about disability studies.

he says that as a blind man who is disabled.

he says that in a class where i am and who he knows has a neurodevelopmental disorder.

he says one of the most intellectually ableist things i’ve heard a fucking lecturer ever say and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it and i just- what the fucking fuck.

fucking pisses me off so much. he already pissed me off last term with the way he worded things in private conversations after the whole ‘left classroom because group I was working with for a presentation were assholes’ thing happened. it’s so. i don’t think i have words.

or the energy.

gods but my life has gone to fucking shit lately.

#personal #read by all means but don't reblog pls

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dansiddons1-blog · 7 years

Text

Unedited one thought at a time...

I'm not happy... that night I was sleeping on my friends couch never to return to my bed. I decided then to take my life. What's happening oh the pain and I piss blood another kidney stone. Kim I need a ride to hospital I am having a kidney stone. The medicine calmed me for days without the medicine I would not be writing to you for I would have taken my life. Danny want to go to beaver dam...life as I knew changed for ever. I was raped on the trip to dam in a boat did I mention I was 5 years of age. A child force to become an adult to protect my father. I was told tell your father I will kill him. This story is about my life I will be jumping through a variety of topics. I will spell words incorrectly and not be grammatically correct. Why? Because I want it to be real as possible. Not some book that has been edited and rewritten in an editors words or some ghost writer. I will not even reread what I wrote. I want you to experience the thoughts of a mentally disabled person. I make no apologies for my writing don't care if you like it don't even have a plan outline or intention. Just my thoughts as I they fire away sometimes tormenting me others bring joy. I have never written a book and don't consider this to be a book more of my thoughts at real time on paper... that is enough for tonight my medicine is making me drowsy Time for bed but it is so hot and tomorrow...see how the thoughts never stop a flywheel in my head I want to rip out. Time to prepare myself for bed and shut the flywheel off for a few hour. Tomorrow I pray it doesn't come but as sure as the sun will rise I will to. Oh tomorrow please don't come allow me the pleasure of eternal rest. Let's see what thoughts I write tomorrow twitter trump terror ptsd happiness pain pleasure investing writing starting a business writing a paper see how fast they come and their range how can I use commas worry about spelling. If you are reading you can relate auto correct is off and my thoughts are now flying fast...BAM. Tried to save found a word counter that was word 406. I thought I was going to bed. So much to accomplish how can I retire to bed. Voices won't stop words are blurred from tears. No I won't edit it. Fine don't publish it I will keep it for myself but what about others Suffering what if they can relate like I do to other books of the mentally ill but you said you had no intent Now I do I want to save people create meetings like aa for mentally disabled. See reader how they just keep coming. Wow 498 words. How many thoughts did I miss what if I miss a good one. Good one Dan what are you trying to write. Goodnight for now 10:03pm 7/17. I must keep writing the curse of the flywheel. Maybe that will be the title. Maybe I should stay up a start a blog about what...anything you have read so much pick I topic a blog away. Folly. Still going need to put iPad down fuck them I won't change iPad I would rather it not published then to edit my thoughts...can you see how the thoughts go it is crazy. My name is Dan siddons and this is my life unedited one thought at a time. If you read this far keep reading and add you unedited thoughts along with mine and together we can all help ourselves. THE MENTALLY ILL Breakfast... What is this how you are treated in a mental crisis hospital ward? The walls are cold and old made of cider blocks. How Am I going to get better here. This is not what I thought. I am freezing so cold so cold The dining room is dirty writing on the walls oh but so great full to be here away from family. The pressure they we're applying put me here. How family misunderstands us. Back to my first Backer act at a different time Streaming videos is the future should I open a website and conquer digital content market. Why must my thoughts go towards winning? I don't like jobs I want to build a business a news platform. Streaming news...maybe I will call it TJN after my parents. Or should I post this book and see where it falls... I am off to program. Investing has always had a hold I me yet I have yet to invest funny ironic. To much debt and no money. Debt the mantra for the mentally disabled. We flush our lives away when illness flares up. The countless homes relationships money lost to this terrible illness. Most mentally ill do not know anything is wrong until homeless jobless or in jail. I though want to die was normal way to think. I was so very wrong the intangibles of mental illness is devastating. No one can see it I didn't even know until my break up with Kim see how my thoughts go back to the trauma that shattered my life...why? I want to gain control of thoughts but they are smarter than me. Back to Backer Act 1 does your family know the power of your depression. I begin crying... Panic attacks are incredibly painfully you cry want to die become paralyzed with fear. Those you have can relate. Backer Act 1 this is not the way to be treated. How can I get better here. Boot camp I can see but not a hospital. They tell me I don't want to kill my self. Oh how I want to snap his neck. Some suit I meat daily behind a desk. What does he know... or is he right oh well fuck you I am going to my room and don't call for me tomorrow suit. I glance at CNBC and see a golf course. I love golfing but STOPPED. why would I stop something I love. The plight of the mentally ill. Btw I am bouncing from Backer Act 1 to present time. Read on follow my crazy thoughts. No pattern just torture back and forth past to future impossible for me to stay in present. Oh god please help. That is how my life was before medicine. My name is Dan and those were how my thoughts controlled my before medicine... Ok back to thoughts No this is how the format needs to be. No structure like how my life was. If you edit it you write it put your name on it but no one will read you are not mentally disabled. My thoughts as they happen. My name is dan I am mentally ill and want to share what I went through. 1 thought at a time before medicine before medicine before medicine b4 medicine. Read on dear reader and add your thoughts with mine to help us the mentally ill Fast forward to present day I am stabilized with the help from doctors and medicine. Without medicine I would have taken my life. Take medicine dear reader or seek help if your thoughts are how mine used to be. Yes I can write properly but why? I am no author. I am only a man writing maybe I will keep this or erase it but edit I will not. My name is dan here are more thoughts as I turn off and let flywheel spin. My life as a mentally ill person one thought at a time. Fast so fast I can barely write them Did I mention... no I will save it for another time Fast Fast Fast Faster If only I could connect brain to iPad can you imagine. It would never make sense. But to you dear reader you know how they thoughts can be. I can STOP right now and you will now my next words because our thoughts consume us control us kill US. please pick up phone and call for help I did. Tom it's dan I am about to do something stupid... Danny you are my brother and I love you. The beginning of getting help. I am on a plane heading to Miami hoping plane crashes so I can die. So let me begin my story of getting help... As the plane is taxing to the gate I am wondering who will pick me up or will I take a taxi? A text from my brother John is waiting for me. We imbrace in a hug and the tears begin to flow something I have been doing lately and will continue for the next few months. Tears tears tears. Driving to his house he questions me about using drugs and if I continue I am not welcome at his home. He searches my bag. Drugs? I don't use drugs what is going on what did I get myself involved here... Back to the thoughts the flywheel of my youth. I am no go worthless. I failed first grade almost failed a second time out of fear of being raped I faked sick and stayed how. I was sick mentally sick but no one knew I didn't even know. So I dive into reading and sports. I know everything in sports. My dad brings home a Nintendo we love it. I spend hours to escape from the thoughts. I am the neighbor hood Tecmobool champion. I stop writing for today. This is boring not convening anything. My reader I apologize. I refuse to edit or start again. I want this to be me dan siddons one thought at a time. I slept in today may my depression is about to pick up and I have no desire to continue to write as of now. You relate and please accept my apologies. I am crying because I am providing no content. I STOP....wandering if I will continue? Only time will tell. Dan siddons my existence one thought at a time. I am continuing writing I can't stop but nothing is making sense. Maybe that is good because when the thoughts get going do they make sense? Dear reader relate don't give up on me I need you right now. We need to unite to help the others suffering. See my thoughts are of helping building. Why can't I be normal get a job pay my dues retire and wait to be called home? But I am constantly driving I read many books a month I build a website just to get followers then close it. Fear no. Competition I win I am better I dive in kill the opposition then STOP. To begin a something new. My fellow reader I know you do the same. WHY? Mental illness is fickle. Isn't it. We build then flush. Build then flush. And the process repeats... Now the thoughts are flying. I said I was done for the day but the drive keeps me typing. Making sense no and yes. Read into the thoughts my new friend. They are all over. Run on sentences. Crazy punctuation. Isn't that how your mind goes when you let it. So maybe it is making sense. Either way I don't care. I am writing unfiltered unedited as they come. Not a journey not a book. Not anything just words. Maybe one writing I will be deep rich with meaning maybe not. Maybe I will erase like I do everything in my life. I have never put words on paper. As you can tell. Haha. I make no apologies I am not an author. I am dan siddons unedited unapologetic. A mentally disabled man sharing his life and thoughts. Will I provide advice no never I can't I don't know what you dear reader or going through. As I write I realized earlier I said pick up phone. I take that back. Do what you will. If your life has been like mine you consider dying as a pleasure not a loss. When things are good in the back of you mind we we know that pain will come back. I was hospitalized for 2 years maybe I will tell of that maybe not. See just my thoughts. I make no apologies for my jumping. Beginning I was going to share my beginning of getting help. Then I said I was done for the day and I am stil typing fast fast fast. Now I can't Stop. I know I am not making sense but to you dear reader I am for you go through same process. Why bring up hospital and not share that experience. Why you ask editor because I don't want to. This is raw my thoughts as there come Break in point dear reader I found skills to control thoughts but not to control my desire to die. I can write this correctly. In a more of a story form but that is not how are life works when the illness kicks in and takes over. So I will continue to write one thought at a time as I ALLOW them to come through. See allow. I have control of the thoughts. But that's a boring tale written by many. Accept for know my style for someday I may writ correctly to show I can but why? I want this raw my thoughts unfiltered unapologetic I am who I am. Yes I have written papers on investments this is not the place for that. Forgive and read and see how I let the thoughts to TORTURE me. Dan If loved ones are reading. You are my reason for writing and also the reason of this chaos. Chaos your loved one is going through or went through. The thoughts are fast and uncontrollable and torturing. Why didn't I put this in the beginning because. A point needs to be made here right NOW: rember no outline no plan. Yes the statement is contradicting I know because I am sounding like there is a plan. The thought hit me now to address you the loved one of the mentally ill. And I will not edit or replace to fit better or read better. So I guess I do have a plan. It is a plan of the Chaos of our the mentally ill thoughts. So again I make no apologies for my mistakes in English writing style. It needs to be this way because our thoughts are not fair they just come drive some to kill them I want to make a serious thought out statement. To the loved ones please I plead with you to learn about the illness of your suffer. Why? During a moment of irrational thought people of every make and model have taken their life's. Think with me for a brief moment. Jumping out a window or off a building or cliff to stop the pain yet knowing their life will not continue is counter intuitive. Evolution has not remedied this epidemic of suicide. To many are taking their lives because of unacceptance from loved ones. You loved one are our heroes... My fellow reader how is your Day? Tell me. Email me. [email protected] Let's come together and begin a crusade to help US the mentally disabled. Idk maybe a blog maybe a channel... suggestions? I will share a little story of being in the South Florida State Mentally Hospital. People are walking around like a college dorm. Are they comfortable here? I wasn't but then I ecame like them comfortable a shift happened. Funny but I enjoyed being there. I took advantage of all the help I could get. I had two of the BEST doctors. I was very fortunate for them. I thought I was going to be there for years. I feel in love with jumping in front of a train while being in jail. In jail without medicine. Did I mention I was arrested. I'll come back to that at a different time. That is all for now about the hospital. Today would be great if I went away called home by god. God allow me to live today according to your will. A prayer I repeat throughout my day. As much as I can write about mentally illness. I won't that would be boring and many have. I will continue one thought at a time. Read fast read fast. You know the thoughts they fire and they are off to the races. Maybe I will end here. Keep only for me. That can be good or bad. Only time will tell. Time. Man made and it controls us. Folly. Leave time for others let's get better together Should I just unleash the thoughts... Can you handle them. I know you can but your thoughts are hard to handle they just come and won't stop. I remember how draining they were. Some days I just selt from the mentally anguish of the thoughts. Other times I would not sleep for days. Manic maybe. I don't like this session forgive me please. Raw my thoughts should I... no lets keep these ones to me. I hated school did you? But I love to learn. I have a desire for knowledge and a willingness to earn it. Do you? What is your addiction? What drives you? Learning drives me I read I read I read I read I read I read... I currently live in a group home crazy. I started with hospital then school now living. situation make sense? Yes to us the mentally ill. The thought come in all different angles. Funny right I will have to self publish for no publisher can understand this book. But you dear reader you can I feel it. Your thoughts go and drive you MAD!!!!!! The pain? Go through it. It makes you stronger. The mantra of those who never experienced mental pain. Look at the sunshine. Fuck off. You look at it leave me the fuck alone. Be grateful of life. Fuck off I am getting serious. Walk away. Some dip shit tech in the hospital that sits on her ass all day. You don't know my pain because you sat in a training that you didn't pay attention TO!! I was just sucker punched... as I come to refocused my arms are protecting my head. As a good at him blood everywhere I thought my ear fell off. Tech graphs him. I want to knock him into another world. I walk away put my fist through the wall one of many times. I press charges police tell me I was hit 32 times fell over bench got up procecting my head. Nothing happens for 3 weeks we walk by on another. Should I snap his neck break his arm kill him... I do nothing for 3 fucking weeks I restrained myself. I am told they are moving me to another unit. Dead focus glare at doctor I say nothing. She is uncomfortable with my stare Minutes pass... Dan Dan Daniel I hate that name. What? I am not moving to another unit. She tells me to call my father. 3 hours later Cory is moved to another unit. Sad pissed off I had to have my father call to get him moved. Another hole in the wall. I was attacked 18 times fought back once. Here is why. I will come back at different time to explain not ready yet... Let's laugh at my writing style hahaha. My fellow reader. This is how it must be RAW Scattered like our lives thoughts actions feelings emotions relationships jobs... Why write any other way. I am writing to you. I feel your thoughts I know them. I went through them. Not so much these days. MEDICINE. Thank you GOD for my medicine. My name is dan siddons I have a mental illness and I am happy to share about it. The release feels so good. What take medicine away?! Ok prepare a funeral because I Refuse to go through that inner pain again. I am not happy she says with tear falling down her beautiful face. 6 month pass I cry a lot many times during the day. My friend did you cry do you cry now. I start drinking heavy to kill the pain. From morning until bed I consume alcohol Was not a drinker. Will I become one? Idk just want the pain to subside and feel relief. Present day I don't drink MEDICINE has given me life purpose direction. Not every day is good. But those pre med days I don't know how I didn't kill my self. My bedroom in Chris's house had a gun. Why I never used it I can't answer. I think the booze worked. Where should we go know? I stop writing but my drive continues to type. You fellow reader the thoughts drive you made. Family? They don't understand me. Friends I have none. Girlfriend? They hear of my past and run Run run My name is dan siddons I am not an author I am a man who suffers from a mental disability and I am sharing my life to you one thought at a time as they enter and as I remember them. Dan Dan dan I continue writing no I will stop but I can't my drive won't allow me. Dear reader the thoughts are consuming aren't they? Don't they ever tire. Their energy is incredible they even enter our dreams. Stop stop stop coping skills. I will spend the whole day replacing them. So I take medicine for quality of life Quality Of Life Yes!!! If you don't like it fuck off I will find a publisher See I as I write I am have an imaginary argument with a publisher. Oh how fun and fickle this life is. Why won't it end? My drive thoughts say I am here to impact. Impact I can't even get out of bed. How am I supposed to impact? Any sane person would have me hospitalized after reading only a few sentences But they don't understand mental illness I don't understand it. How can "they" Embrace this style write your own In your own way We will come together a help us the mentally disabled bam bam bam. The thoughts bouncing off my skull. Oh my friend I pray for you to get better. Is there a getting better or just surviving this terrible illness. Fuck it right yes FUCK IT!!!!

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