#im pissed off and sad

[thoughtsofafruit]

Can we please talk about grief?

Tw: Grief, parent loss, mentions of mental health issues

Look, I'm starting to see more accurate representations of grief in media but so often is shown in such an unrealistic way that makes my skin crawl and sometimes that bad representation makes me feel like I'm in the wrong for how I've experienced grief.

My mum died when I was five. It sucked. It still sucks. It will always suck. I know that, anyone who has a similar experience knows that. Yet sometimes I'll pick up a book and boom parent dies, completely over it in three days or a week or some insane shit.

I'm eighteen now. I spent my entire time in school after my mum died being bullied in some form or another. I had to move schools in the middle of the school year, I lost my closest friends, and every single thing in my life was different. The only thing that has actually felt consistent in that entire time is grief.

In books, grief is something you can get over, something that fades. In real life its not.

I'll be going about my day and suddenly I'm bombarded with this deep longing for my mum. It happens for no reason, it happens when I see happy families, it happens all the time, and its been happening for the last fourteen years.

I'm writing all this out right now because I was hit by that sudden and dreaded thought, 'what would my mum think of me now?' And I need a place to vent about grief. What better than the black hole of the Internet?

I was once told 'you need to get over it' in reference to my grief for my mum. And to that I say, fuck you, you heartless bitch.

Grief doesn't go away. It stays, it hovers around the edges. You get better at dealing with it, sure, but its still there. You don't just stop missing someone who you had for so long and was suddenly gone from your life.

Grief shows in strange ways. Some of my most common thoughts are

Would she be proud of me?

What would she think of me?

Am I living up to her expectations?

Am I too much like her?

Am I the kid she wanted me to be?

These thoughts suck.

When your young and your mum is freshly dead and everyone around you is still mourning and just as hurt they'll tell you she'd be proud they'll tell you she'd love you. But when your 18 and trying your damn fucking hardest to find a way to live and still be yourself, no one tells you those things.

Grief haunts. Grief is the ghost in the corner of the room and grief is the monster stalking you.

You learn to live with you, you learn to move on around it. But you're never the same.

I broke at five, and I've never been me since. I'm still me, just not the me i would be if my mum was still alive.

That side if grief is never shown in media and it fucking sucks. I'm never gonna pick up a book with a character whose parents are dead and read a scene that so perfectly encapsulates that pain. That sudden, 'god what would she think of me now?'. That side of grief is so often left behind.

I've been to a grief counciling sort of thing and a lot of it was geared to getting over grief not learning to life with it. This course was specially aimed at kids who lost a parent. Imagine that, being young, clearly depressed and you're sent to a place for grief even though your mental health issues aren't connected to the grief, not anymore, and every last thing is aimed at getting over it.

They, being my school guidance team, sent me there to help and it made it worse! Because there i was, eight, nine, years after my mum had died nkt yet over it and all these people around me whose parents had more recently and all the advice was geated towards getting over it.

Grief isn't something you get over! And I'm fucking sick of it being portrait that way. My grief is part of me now, I've learned to live with it.

Sure, sometimes ill still cry myself ti sleep missing my mum. But thats fine because I was five and my mum was my closest person and she was ripped from me. One day I had here, the next I didn't. I'm going ti spend the rest of my life missing her. And that is ok. It is so ok.

In short, I'm yet to see grief shown in media in an accurate way, I'm yet to receive grief counseling that isn't about getting over it, and I'm yet to see other people talk about how grief actually is for them.

#grief #parent loss #mum #ranting #vent post #sort of #look #im pissed off and sad #i needed ti get everything out #thoughts of a fruit

[heavymetalmachinery]

thinking about him is keeping me up at night and not in the cute romantic way, more like the cry-yourself-to-sleep way.

#im pissed off and sad #red text #mlm yearning

[tankycinna]

#sabolaw #one piece #tank art #trafalgar law #trafalgar d water law #sabo #revolutionary sabo #flame emperor sabo #coping with finishing marineford by drawing sillies #so i dont go to bed pissed off and sad #had to repost because i forgot laws tattoos and earrings im a fake fan

[megabuild]

it's actually so weird how people react with such vitriol to the slightest mention of minecraft youtubers like i used to be sympathetic about it because of the whole association with dream and so on but it's gotten to the point where if you've been made aware it's a rich and varied community and you still have that knee jerk reaction of "well they're lame, they're cringe, they're all ugly racist white boys" you are actually just a fucking idiot. i'm sorry. like if you cannot do that most basic level of separation like that there is something fundamentally unformed in your brain you should probably work on

#mine #discourse #i guess #this is a general thing but also about the cat situation sorry i just woke up and it really pissed me off. #im not rbing the post with the addition from op because frankly its just sad. but also im sour on the whole thing now. #id like if she won but what can you do.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi the suckening #arthur bennett #HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT? #LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT #this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page. #but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT #ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH #WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW? #ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME #DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER #HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW #AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE #I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much.... #AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game #but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping #DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds #I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors #what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012. #almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS. #only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE #while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs #THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN #WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS #the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess. #i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band #EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION

[citruslullabies]

ur a grown ass woman... that feels uncomfortable writing smut, kinda sad

I am this close to losing my shit I swear to-

WHY DOES IT MATTER SO MUCH, HON??

IM ACTUALLY SO CONFUSED. why does it matter to you people that I am NOT comfortable writing it??

I do not see this much backlash with other writers, so why me?

No. Honest question.

👏why do you people feel that it's NECESSARY to bombard me for smut👏

I do not write it, suck it up buttercup because my rules are not changing

I could recommend you some lovely smut writers, but I don't want you to take your attitude to them.

Some AMAZING people, who by the way, WRITE SMUT. Are the following

For anyone 18+ who is actually CURIOUS and RESPECTFUL who wants this kind of content.

@2faced-fairy

@honeyedbumblebee

@warringwarrioridiot

And a few more (I do not remember a lot of usernames I'm so sorry)

These writers are SO talented and actually WRITE what you are looking for. But no

You have to come to someone who is very insistent on NOT writing it.

You come onto MY blog, and be rude to ME. Because I don't want to write sexual intercourse

Now THAT IS what's sad.

And if you're gonna have this attitude don't even go to those people's pages.

Because if that's the ugly ass attitude you're gonna have with me?

Then don't expect other writers to fulfill your requests.

#its honestly fucking sad #im getting really pissed off at this point #but seriously those guys are amazing #warringwarrioridiot doesnt write that much though #but its usually smut they write

[archerdork]

spoilers for ofmd s2e8 - a discussion of the decision to do That to You Know Who

i guess my biggest issue is that you should have seen the end coming because it makes sense narratively, so in a way you did see it coming, but the show has spent two seasons subverting expectations and chucking logic out the window, so in the context of the universe they've created it fucking doesn't make sense.

I know it narratively makes sense to tie Izzy's arc off like this, but this show has gone to great fucking lenghts to show it doesn't give a toss about sense or how you're supposed to tell a story. The plot armour has been so thick for two seasons it's genuinely ridiculous, but that's the show and now this is the audience it's amassed. You think I've spent all this time watching these idiots strut around an ocean the size of a bathtub powered by nothing but spite and a gaydar because I value logic above all else? You think I like the show despite it's narrative insanities, not because of it?

Spending a season on Izzy's emotional and mental journey only to kill him off in the end does makes a certain literary sense. Him dying surrounded by the family he finally accepted and who accepted him in turn makes literary sense. His death allowing Ed to let go of the last of Blackbeard makes literary sense.

In the real world.

But we've spent two seasons in Pirate Muppet Land, with it's bathtub size ocean where everyone can find anyone, where wounds heal the moment they're patched up, where crocs and paparazzis paperazzis exists in 18th century. I'm not here for realism, I'm here for the insanity. I'm here for the workplace romcom where this community of queer idiots can laugh and cry and have their drama and, yes, a boatload (ha) of angst but it's fine because it is about them, the plot only there to further their personal journeys no matter how unrealistic that plot turns out to be. They created Something, something new and different and hopeful, and then made a single decision that went against everything they'd built so far because? Logic? I genuinely don't know.

Ultimately I'm happy with this season. I had so much goddamn fun. I enjoyed the ending, though for the personal journeys it concluded rather than story it actually told. This season was way too rushed, for which I assume we should largly blame HBO. The cast and crew did what they could with what they had.

Still though.

I said at some point during this season that I "genuinely can’t see a scenario where they kill off any of the crew, it’s just not that kind of show". Turns out it decided to be that kind of show, with the worst decision they could make. Killing off Izzy does make literary sense. Which, in context of the show so far, makes it goddamn unrealistic.

It's not a good plot twist to pull the rug from out under the audience if the rug is actually a carpet floor you've spent the whole season nailing down.

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #izzy hands #spoilers #our flag means death #our flag means death spoilers #not taking any fucking chances i'd hate if this was spoiled for me #all this is not even mentioning the fact they killed a queer disabled man #who was just starting to embrace himself and his identity for the first time in his #a subject I feel other people have articulated far better than I ever could #so I'll leave this particular subject to them #in conclusion #im happy pissed off a little sad and grateful for what they're trying to do even if they dropped the ball a little #IN MY OPINION feel free to give fuck all about all this im just rambling #shut up jonna

[boyslovegirlslove]

Love Senior The Series | Final Episode

#love senior the series #love senior series #lesbian #gay #lesbian kiss #gay kiss #girls love #love is love #girlslove #thai gl #thailand gl #gifs #mygifs #kiss #// i gotta say #sad endings piss me off #immensely #and i dunno that i even #want to bother catching up on the show now #im team 'happy-ending' all the way #otherwise i dont wanna waste my time #my life is shitty enuf as it is #hence me trying to escape it #via the bl and gl dramas i watch week-to-week #(dont give a shit that happy-all-the-time dramas are not realistic tbh #as i said #dont want realism #so much as i want an escape)

[all-too-unwell-13]

i just finished reading lockwood & co - hollow boy

and oh. my. god. (ik i said it for the last book too, but....) but i was not expecting that ending.

lucy leaving lockwood & co???? omg??? i can see why she did it (i probably would've if i was in her situation tbh), but still!! she actually needs the biggest hug ever after this whole book omg.

the locklyle crumbs we got in chapter 24; the "oh, come off it. you know i'd die for you." IM SCREAMING. lockwood is so ajfhakfhsjdhs

they're so cute :(

and the whole book how lucy was so jealous of holly because holly was just so perfect - everything that lucy didn't think she was.

ugh i loved the whole book, i think it was my favourite of the series so far!!!

#the locklyle crumbs tho <3333 #ugh i love them #lucy being jealous of holly was so sad but like i feel you girl 🫂 #i also feel bad for holly and i kinda love her too - even tho she was kind of annoying at times #lockwood lowkey pissed me off with how closed off he was to lucy for most of the book - but its ok bc he got there in the end!!! #god i love it when book ships have deep conversations in near death situations #anyway im going to start the fourth book now woohooo #wish me luck lmao #lockwood & co #anthony lockwood #lockwood and co #lucy carlyle #locklyle #george cubbins #george karim #holly munro #l&co #lockwood and co spoilers #the hollow boy

[mcybree]

this scott 3l rewatch it so so strange. i was right with my original notes, their relationship does not read nearly as scary from the scott pov and im really wondering why this is. My first theory was that it was an editing style thing or a background music thing or maybe the specific scenes that are missing but now that I’m really thinking about it I Dont Know

#bree barks so fucking loud #Ignore me. Insanity #but yeah beyond the first episode or so this rewatch has been a lot more chill in terms of My Emotions #scott is typically off doing his own thing. I only get sad when I think about dialogue thats not even included in his pov #see: ‘that experience is too far away for me to get’ specifically #or the implications of what he’s saying sometimes… what im trying to say is i get why the fh maintag is so pissed abt whatever im doing #you have to think about it a bit to Get It i think. Bc if you just turn your brain off while watching scott 3l its chill #meanwhile in the jimmy pov you get the episode 1 martyn intervention bullshit making you think about it from the start. Does this make sens #deranged.fh.posting

[samlover4evr]

i know people have posted about it before but THIS is so FUCKED Up and i hate dean and he should die like im so serious. Holyyyyy shit. I dont care if its because of the mark hes a fucking douchebag

YOU DO NOT SAY THIS TO YOUR BROTHER!!!! why do you want him to be dead

#anti dean #like extremely #dean winchester kys #im sorry but you knew charlie for literally not that long and ur saying this to your BROTHER?because she was murdered by someone that wa #NOT SAM #HE DID NOT DO THIS TO HER!!!!!!!!! #he was trying to help you dean im crying #like even when dean has done things sam didnt like he never said he wanted dean dead. Ok #spn live blog #thoughts #sam winchester #s10 #ugh. #sorry im ranting this pissed me off so bad #i am so sad #this made me upset

[obihoe]

something funny about deidara being clowned on by every uchiha he meets but the biggest clownery of them all goes completely without him even noticing. sasuke just wants to get to itachi and itachi wants him to join akatsuki, none of them have anything personal against him but deidara makes this so personal and makes up this huge rivalry arch nemesis relationship w them meanwhile the Actual malicious clownery comes from somewhere completely else. his own partner tobi. another uchiha LOL. he is the only one who does actually wish him harm but deidara just thinks of him as his annoying partner and even apologizes to him before blowing himself up. meanwhile obito probably thinks it is fucking hilarious to watch him lose against sasuke and rage kill himself

#posts #obito #deidara #tobi #im watching deidara vs. sasuke rn fsdeagdhfgds #obt's so fucking funny #everytime sasuke lands a hit or deidara's out of sight he is like oh no omg deidara lost 😔 this is so sad #noooo i will remember him forever :( 😭 *pounds the ground w his fist* meanwhile deidara seconds later comes out of the smoke cloud #or whatever he was hidden behind and he's like no shut up!! im alive #im guessing obt can probably watch pretty closely and make out whether he is alive or not by use of his sharingan #so he is just doing this to piss him off #make him look like a loser that is expected to die immediately upon first attack asgsgdfshfs

[synthshenanigans]

okay but like why he covered in oil tho like what's going on

#also why does he look at the camera like it was our fault #whys he lookin at me like im the one who threw chocolate syrup at him tf did i do #you did that to yourself sir #also why #i cant even like #theorize anything #what is he doing #my best guess is BDG ig???? #sad its not cjph but i hold out hope #no idea tho #okay but why the streamers tho #did he kill a pinata before this or smth #he went from always looking sad or pissed off in videos to now always looking insane or taking insane photos #chonny jash

[turtletoria]

i feel like an incredible hater for this but i feel as i get older the more my tolerance for shipping decreases. like i went from an avid enjoyer to just tolerating ship art to now getting outright upset and fighting the urge to curse every time i see shipping content (this doesnt apply to my mutuals and friends who ship things because they can do no wrong ever)

#idk why it boils my blood like that. like genuinely it makes my online enjoyment really take a steep nosedive since 99.9% of any fandom- #content is shipping #maybe its the hater in me. maybe its the aroace tendencies in me. maybe im just antisocial and disagreeable. idk! #like shipping isnt morally bad or anything it just makes me so sad. idk #like ppl always prioritize romance over friendship and make fun of friendships as if they arent gay enough or smth and it rlly hurts me. id #like idk how to say it. everyone can have fun and stuff but it rlly makes me feel like im having fun wrong bc shipping looks fun but i cant #stomach it. like i miss having fun like that but i cant stand it anymore #like friendships r so devalued and even in frienship is magic type media friendships STILL take a backseat like whats up with that #like i hope this isnt coming across like a “i hate romance! i hate love!” kind of post but more so a why dont ppl focus on characters if - #they cant be romantically involved? #like i will alwaayyss be bitter abt willow from toh getting sidelined until she could be shipped with hunter like that pissed me off so bad #but like ur fave characters cant stand alone they neeeed to be romantically involved with someone for their love or dedication to be real #like love and dedication cant be genuine unless theyre romantically or sexually attracted? idk man #talking abt this is tricky bc u can fall into anti-sex/conservative rhetoric with this but i hope u can understand what im saying #like sex is great and romantic love is great but i wish the greater public would just have some freedom to explore concepts of dedication- #and trust that go beyond that framework. like there was a comment on reddit that framed aroace as the nonbinary of relationships and I- #thought that was really neat. yeah

[aezuria]

girl who do you think you are 💀💀 no one gaf abt you why are you acting like your best friends with everybody they do NOT care

erm actually ☝️🤓 its you're

ALSO THIS WAS SO UNPROVOKED I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING??? WHO EVEN ARE YOU

#guys i have like 150 followers why am i being hated on rn #you dont get the asks tag BOOO ANON #does my amazing humor piss you off that much #this was a little rude anon im kinda sad

[oozeandgoo-art]

#oc #haven #rex #monochrome #contents: a little raunchy for tumblr #doodle #really high effort one but it's about the shapes more than anything else lol #meme redraw #comic #i may color this. the original plan was to color it. however i spent all my energy for coloring on drawing an aftermath coda #im fond of this one. there's a lot happening in it #haven and rex are both dressed "up'' to annoy the other's plus-one minor enemy #<- specific au element #rex is wearing a weezer shirt because haven knows that'll piss off taran. haven is dressed up like rex's best attempt at a mid-00s surfer #because he knows felyx cant fucking stand haven and is also into buff masc dudes dressed in jeans with rhinestones and thinks it'll be funn #to put felyx in the Lustful Colander #(he is right) #haven's house is not actually a cool neat influencer home or whatever there's no like open floorplan white walls light bamboo floor bullshi #going on here. it's all like green and red granite tile and shit. the man has been around for a very long time he knows what kind of decor #he's fond of. those ARE fish tanks in the walls though. and a spiral staircase #the man has been around for a very long time. he does not give a shit if what he likes is 'tacky' #also when the one speechbubble he says gets weird it is because he is using a magic power and forcing rex to put his cigarette out. rex is #naturally kind of annoyed about this. it used to make haven wince when he put his cigs out on his hands so he keeps doing it every time thi #happens but he has not yet cottoned on to the fact that haven has fully stopped wincing and now just thinks it's a normal habit he has #and has no idea that it's specifically aimed in his direction #also haven has no issue with giving head but rex isn't aware of that. they don't communicate well #and what Rex is actually aware of mostly consists of 'asking him to bottom turned into a giant argument and then a physical actual fight #and he broke my jaw in like four places over it and it was awesome but i didnt get what i wanted' and kind of gave up on the subject #he couldve been getting his d!ck sucked this whole time and he didnt know it. so sad #lineart