After how many months…. GALM of the Derps in Los Santos is Done!! 

This took for fucking ever, please don’t post without credit to me please!!!

Next up is Smarty!

EDIT: Spelling change cause I’m a dumbass

Summary:

Eleven figures stand on a road, staring at the city skyline as the sun sets behind them. One turns to leave, standing away from the group and slowly walking away. Another calls out to him, reaching out and grabbing his wrist.
“Not yet, Geoff.”
Day 3 of AH Promptober - Skyline

Read it on AO3

Fake AH Crew through the ages - Geoff

Fake AH Crew through the ages - Jeremy

Fake AH Crew through the ages - Gavin

#crackheadhours

Everything in the FAHC is the same, except everyone wears booty shorts.

Gavin wearing “BITCH”

Michael wearing “C*NT”

Jeremy wearing “FUCK”

Jack wearing “THICC”

Geoff wearing “KING”

Lindsay wearing “KITTY”

Fiona wearing “HOE”

Matt wearing “YUMMY”

Alfredo wearing “THOT”

Trevor wearing “PHAT”

The Old Guard is basically a non crime based version of the Immortal Fake AH Crew AU.

if you’re into immortal fahc in any capacity, I highly recommend The Old Guard (2020) on Netflix right now ! explores a lot of the same concepts popular in immortal fahc and hits so many of the right notes… no details! but please check it out

content warnings for blood, gore, death, and guns. R rated. 

So I know I don’t do stuff of my own too much but I’m in a myth class and was reading about Midas!Gavin so I got a few ideas.

- He is beyond frugal, he gives things away constantly. He learned to never be greedy.

- Read a version of the myth of Midas where Dionysus removes the powers after Midas killed his daughter, do he got all of the torture and none of the reward.

Just two quick lil things

(Sorry the second part of this took a bit, my train of thought derailed on me) …Michael surrounded by a pool of blood, a crashed Oppressor nearby in flames; and many, many more. “You and your crew have been shot, stabbed, poisoned, run over, fallen from planes and just in general *died* more times than anyone in this city can count, yet somehow you *Cockroaches won’t. stay. down.*” The commissioner seethed (2/?) (Stuff between ** are emphasized since I can’t really do that in an ask)

“But now, there’s nowhere for you to run,” he continued “and no way the rest of the Fakes can bust you out of here, so, Kingpin, *Geoff* you and I are going to sit down and have a nice long chat about *how* exactly you bastards have cheated death itself.” (The fic can start before this prompt and explain how Geoff ended up in such a mess, and use the prompt in the story itself or after and Geoff tries to explain why/how the FAHCs are immortal) -😼

Quick Warning that the second paragraph has descriptions of death/dead bodies

The commissioner, a highly praised and decorated police officer, walked into the small interrogation room. He kept his head held high as he looked at the man before him. This was one of the most dangerous men in the city, one of the most elusive as well. Of course it had only been a matter of time before he was caught, people like him always got caught in the end. The man before him was shackled to the table, unable to leave. The Commissioner couldn’t help the smug grin that danced on his lips for the briefest of seconds as he looked at the criminal before him before returning to a sneer. He still had things to

The Commissioner tossed a manilla envelope onto the table as he sat down across from the fake, a few of the pictures inside spilling out. All were gruesome deaths of the other’s crewmates. Collins sprawled on a pristine beach, minus the red dyed sand surrounding him from the torn off leg. Rimmy Tim riddled with bullets lying on the cold hard concrete after a heist gone wrong. The Golden Boy slumped against a wall, throat torn out from a mugging gone wrong, blood coating his much too expensive clothes. Mogar surrounded by the twisted wreckage of an oppressor. Patillo shot clean through the head at the controls of a falling helicopter. The Sauce with a jagged piece of metal going straight through his chest, surrounded by the red that once was his blood. The Phoenix, a charred mess after getting too close to one of Mogar’s explosions. The Vagabond a crumpled mess on the roof of a car, parachute failed to deploy after jumping from some sort of air vehicle. And finally the Kingpin himself, slumped at a card table, mouth frothing after drinking some sort of poisonous liquid.

“These are only a sliver of the recorded deaths of your crew. Yet somehow each and every time one of you die you don’t. The next day you pop back up with some new brand of mischief. Time and time again this city has watched you all die, yet like the cockroaches you are you just don’t say down.” The man sneered angrily at the Fake in front of him who seemed no more interested in any of this then if he were reading the dictionary.

“But right now we have you locked up here, no chance for the rest of these cockroaches to get you out. So you’re going to tell me Ramsey how exactly you’ve cheated death so many times.” He growled out.

Geoff looked up from his finger nails to stare impassively at the man before him. Commissioner Hyerty, a man who had been obsessed with capturing the fakes at all costs. He was a father of two with an estranged marriage, his wife cheating on him with a member of the Vegas, the man possibly being the true father of the Commissioner’s youngest. Geoff was no more afraid of him than one was afraid of a moth. If Geoff was honest the Commissioner was more of an annoyance than anything else.

“Hm. Would you believe me if I said I sucked off Thanatos?” Geoff asked, tone casual as he watched the man’s face turn into a brilliant red shade.

“This isn’t a fucking game Ramsey! You will be going to prison! Your crew will fall and one way or another your death defying secret will be revealed.” He said, Geoff just outright laughed at that. His family wouldn’t fall apart as easily as this man thought.

“This is no laughing matter!”

“Oh but it really is. You think you’re the one with the power here, I’m only still here because I haven’t actually cared to try and escape.” Geoff said, tone cocky as he smirked at the Commissioner. This just infuriated the man even more.

“I’ve been alive longer than your family has been in America. You don’t scare me more than a kitten scares me. I’ll be here long after you die. You are nothing to me.” The Immortal said, leaning back in his seat. If this pitiful man thought Geoff would spill his secrets then he was dead wrong. Not that Geoff himself even knew how immortality works. The just died and then woke up back in a relatively safe spot in a brand new body.

“Listen here you piece of shit. Right now I’m-“ Hyerty’s speech was cut off by a knock at the door. He let out a string of curses as he turned to the door.

“Who the fuck is it.” He shouted, the door opening up to reveal a demure light skinned african american. She was staring at the floor, her short hair hanging to the side of her head.

“Commissioner Hyerty, you’re needed at the front desk.” The woman said, keeping her voice low.

“Tell them I’m busy.” The commissioner huffed out.

“They said to tell you it had to deal with the Vagabond’s whereabouts.” The woman said. The man lit up at that, immediately standing up, chair abruptly falling behind him

“You should have led off with that!” He snarled at her, turning back to Ramsey

“We aren’t done here. Though if we have your lapdog you might be more willing to speak.” The man said, hurriedly leaving, not paying attention as he left, practically running over the woman. Or that she stayed behind with Ramsey, arms now crossed.

“You owe me a fucking suped up Deluxo Ramsey.” The woman huffed, the meek demeanor gone.

“If you can manage to get me out of here Nova it’s all yours.” Geoff agreed, a wide grin stretched across his face as Novaheld up a key ring, pucked off the commissioner as he oh so rudely bumped into her.

“You dare doubt me Geoff? Maybe I should just leave you here.” She said, going to leave.

“Fionaaaaaa. You can’t leave your boss in here to rot.” Geoff whined out causing Fiona to huff.

“I mean you could spend a day or two in here.” She ribbed as she turned around, walking over to Geoff to free him.

“But then I’d be out of a Deluxo.” She said as she freed his wrists. Geoff rubbed his wrists as Fiona undid his leg shackles.

“What you said about Ry?” He asked.

“Well, the boys are getting ready to give the station a gift or two.” She drawled out with a smirk on her face. Geoff laughed at that as he stood up. Leave it to his family to bring the fight to the station.

“We’ll be going out the back. Should be less guarded as most focus will be on the front.” She said, giving him an ear piece. Immediately he slipped it on. He saw Fiona pull out two semi auto pistols from god knows where exactly, one finding its way to Geoff’s hand.

“Geoffrey! You’re alive!” Came the voice of one Gavin Free.

“Of course he’s alive idiot. We’re immortal.” Michael bit out and Geoff could just imagine Gavin’s pouting face.

“You know what I meant boi.” Gavin whined.

“Of course Gavin,” Geoff said with a huff of amusement, “status of that Gift Fiona mentioned?”

“Arrived and waiting for the signal.” Michael answered.

“Well then, why don’t we get this show on the road?” The moment the word’s left Geoff’s lips an explosion rocked the building. The chaos was instant, the people in the building flooding to either leave the building or rush to the sound of the explosion. The duo slipped out of the interrogation room to make their grand escape. With the room already being towards the back, they managed to get to the back door without much fuss. Of course there were men guarding the back exit, but they never stood a chance between the two fakes. From their it was a quick jaunt to where Jack was waiting in the getaway car.

“So about that Deluxo.” Fiona said as soon as they were speeding off to safety, causing Geoff to laugh.

“What color?” He asked her.

Curiosity might have killed the raccoon pt. 33

The FAHC is a very well known and feared crew in the huge city of Los Santos. They seemed to be unkillable and ruthless. Safe to say that anyone who dared step into their circle was dead before they even knew it. Mostly when the people that went after them didn’t know they were immortals. That didn’t seem to be the case for a new face in town.
Jeremy Dooley seemed like a normal newcomer to the big city. That, of course, was not the case. Behind his big smile was a very reckless and ruthless killer known as the Rimmy Tim. Being an immortal himself, he took advantage of that in every kill. Faking a fall or an accidental shot to the abdomen, you name it. Still hurt though. At first, the people of Los Santos were oblivious to Rimmy Tim’s killings and shenanigans, but that changed quickly. His name making headlines in the news and newspapers. This didn’t go unnoticed. The FAHC were always well informed on the matters around the city. This time, they just shrugged it off, not thinking any trouble could come of it. Oh boy, were they wrong to even think that.
The Rimmy Tim came to know about the FAHC a few weeks after his arrival, and he was happy to pay them a quick visit. By that he meant waiting until they finished a heist and stealing the goods right in front of their faces. He even had time to tip his white cowboy hat at them sometimes. Although close, they could never get their hands on the small fella. He was just too fast for them. The Kingpin started having an idea, and the look in his eyes didn’t seem to please The Vagabond and Mogar one bit. They knew what that look in their leader’s eyes was.
~~
Golden Boy was hollering non-stop about how Kingpin’s idea was bollocks and he was out of his mind, but most of his displeasure fell on deaf ears as Kingpin continued with whatever plan he had on trying to catch Rimmy Tim in the act. Jack just listened to the plan as it went on while Mogar and Golden Boy bickered.
~~
Skip a few days ahead when all the shite happens and they have Rimmy Tim trapped in an alley way, much to Kingpin’s surprise. Rimmy still didn’t know his way around town very well. Even in this predicament, Rimmy Tim had a smile on his face with a quirked eyebrow. He didn’t seem too fazed at Vagabond’s cold stare or Mogar’s snarky insults. He didn’t even seem fazed at the fact that there were five guns aimed at him, mostly Golden Boy’s and Mogar’s idea. Not surprising, Rimmy Tim always seemed to mess around with them the most during the crew’s heists.
To Rimmy’s surprise, Kingpin asked if he wanted to join. Not that he didn’t want to say no, but he didn’t really have a way out of it either. To simply put it, he was a “dead” man if he had declined. The Fakes didn’t know he was an immortal, of course. Anyway, being bossed around would definitely be something he would have to get used to, but he was excited to work along the most feared crew in Los Santos. His smile never faltered as he walked alongside Vagabond and Mogar, even if they were looking daggers at him, watching his every move.

(Sorry for my very bad writing skills)

When things go wrong part 2

The crew was captured by some mysterious people in lab coats and military gear, the only people they didn’t take were B team and Fiona (she’s still new and they don’t realize she’s immortal)

The whole crew was taken while away at a safe house, Fiona was watching the pent house dealing with a splitting headache from a recent spawn she sees on the news a familiar house on fire and all calls to the crew give no response

She calls Sarah to see if she can get in contact with any of them but the most they can find is a clip of a security camera showing blurry vans leaving the safe house as it catches fire

It’s almost a month before they managed to get a location, thanks to Larry, and in that time Fiona went from worried to pissed to deadly

Her and all of B team storm a well protected building killing anyone that crosses their path and ripping each room apart looking for info or the crew. Finally they find a room with Geoff hooked to medical equipment and surrounded by doctors and gaurds

After quick work of the guards they free Geoff and ask him what happened, he’s clearly exhausted but he does manage to tell them the rest of the crew are in cells somewhere else in the building

The building feels like it keeps going down, and they find the cells at the lowest level, finally freeing most of them except Ryan and Jeremy

And even after the entire building is cleared out, they’re no where to be found

The computers start wiping themselves as they’re leaving but Larry and an exhausted Matt manage to get some information on the people who did this

Including a name The Agency

Part 1

My personal immortal fahc age hcs:

• Geoff is the oldest, but it’s pretty close.
• You’d think Gavin was one of the younger ones, but he’s only abt 70 years younger than Geoff.
• The only ones who actually know for sure how old they are are Jeremy and Michael
• Geoff knows he was around for the crossing of the Rubicon (49BCE) because he was in Caesars army at the time, but he also has a vague memory of being somewhat young in Hellenistic Greece, which was like 90 years before Caesar so he’s overall just very old and confused.
• Likewise, the only reason Gavin knows he’s about 70 years younger than Geoff is bc he also vaguely remembers the Rubicon happening and he knows he was either a late teenager or a young adult.
• Jack was in Egypt for the fall of the Ptolemaic Empire which was 20 years after the Rubicon, but she’s got absolutely no memory before that, no clue what she was doing there and only a vague idea that she’s probably a little younger than Gavin
• Ryan is sort of the middle child of the group. He was definitely born in the Common Era, but he’s sure it was before we got into millenia. He figures somewhere around 300 CE but he could be anywhere between 100-400 years on either side
• Michael and Jeremy are in the same decade, and they’re the youngest. They’re both around 500 and met a few times before joining the crew.

edit: BCE and CE (Before Common Era and Common Era) are alternate terms for BC and AD. I use them because I’m an archaeology student and that’s just what I’m used to, sorry I should’ve clarified this before sjdjdj

YES! This exactly

Matt at first was put off by it, not used to all these acts of kindness but it does at lease help ease the pain so he tries to accept it

But you know that when it first started the crew was a little too much at first and he was still stressed about telling them so Jeremy had to tell the others to cool it

They all have little things to help Matt, and he’s getting better at talking to the others about it

The only reason the crew doesn’t see Matt as scary as they see the vagabond is because that would require effort on his part

He man’s the tech cause it doesn’t require much energy

But if the situation calls he’s as deadly as the rest of them if not more

That one post about the court wizard who is the IT guy?

But immortal FAHC where Ryan is the former court wizard who ends up on Los Santos as the Vagabond?

Like.

Whenever someone reaches the proper level to unlock his tragic backstory he turns into the grizzled war veteran in the smokey dive bar nursing his whiskey diet soda with the thousand-yard stare because the things he’s seen, okay. The things he’s seen.

(Also, there’s a reason he refuses to be the IT guy this time around, okay? He’s done his time.)

Poor Ryan. Geoff’s just trying to help, hating that Ryan has started caring less and less about the destruction that he causes. When someone lives as long as they have, there’s always potential for losing empathy, losing humanity and becoming monsters fueled by rage and bloodlust. Not caring what they take down in their path. And Geoff has always feared that potential for that he sees in Ryan. Fearing losing Ryan to the indifference towards death and life. So maybe Geoff pushes harder than he means to. Fueled by his own fear and anger in the moment. But it causes him to lose Ryan anyway, just in a way different than he thought.

Geoff gives him some time at first but does try to look for him. Takes him a while, driving random roads late at night, desperate for a black skull to be caught in his headlights. But Ryan will only be found of he wants to and he needs time to bring himself together. Try to burn out that anger that Geoff sees in him, tries to just get lost away from mortals he can hurt.

I’m sure Geoff finds him on accident, no longer even really looking though he keeps up the routine of late night drives for a while. He pulls over and they talk. Tense at first but there’s no point in ignoring someone who’ll live forever with you. You’ll always have to talk at some point. But they catch up and than apologize without saying it aloud and promise to try better. And try to help each other not lose what humanity they have