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#fahc lindsay

So tonight brought us the second part to last night’s movie, RED 2. I decided to keep my initial casting which I feel is even more accurate for this movie. I mean, I love me some Myan bromance. The Vagabond as Marvin giving Michael as Sarah advice on dealing with Geoff as Frank? I absolutely love it. Also Gavin as Victoria asking Vagabond as Marvin for a hug just before (supposedly) the bomb is gonna go off? But enough about that (even though I could spend hours talking about this particular hc), let’s s get to the issue at hand.

RED 2 brought us some more roles to fill and we have some Fakes left to sort out. So let’s start.

Han - Alfredo. He is the best contract killer in the world. Honestly, he just gives me an Alfredo-vibe. The grasshopper line? This is Alfredo. Also that scene in the car with Victoria. Imagine that being Gav and Fredo. Absolute gold. Just like with Cooper in the last movie, even though he starts out as an enemy he ends up helping them and even more so than Cooper so he definitely earned his place in the crew.

The Frog - Matt. He is a connoisseur, he knows poison, he sells secret information to whoever. Screams Myatt to me. And yes, the Frog doesn’t really voluntarily help them but hey, he does so: welcome to the crew.

Katja - Fiona. The Russian spy/ Frank’s ex. Now my first thought was Jack because of the connection to Geoff/Frank but I’d already cast him as Joe for the first movie and also then we wouldn’t have a role for Fiona left. Alsolso she’s extremely badass imo so Fionioa is a perfect fit.

Edward Bailey - Trevor. Brilliant, mad, physicist. Need I say more? Trevor pulls off the unhinged thing far too well and he’s a rocket scientist. Now, I understand that Bailey is the bad guy and usually I wouldn’t have cast him as one of the Crew but it just fits so perfectly. And who knows? Maybe in this hc, Bailey wasn’t actually mad but it was all a ruse so that he could live safely with his family?  I digress.

Jack Horton - Lindsay. Cold killer who cleans up after the government. I’ll be honest, I had kinda forgotten about Lindsay and I’ll ll never forgive myself for that. But I do still think this casting fits. It might not be obvious because Horton is by far not the chaotic type that Lindsay usually portrays. But I do think that a FAHC!Lindsay could absolutely be a cold ruthless killer. Also the dude is far less clean with his kills than he would like people to believe.

That’s it for tonight. Let me know your thoughts

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jiritixxAnswer
Reading your sexualities hcs just made me think of Geoff like, playfully exasperated as everybody's coming out being like "So does anybody in this crew like women??" and Fiona and Lindsay are just like "Ayyyyy" (Also I bet he encourages them all to go hog wild during pride, the penthouse is just littered with pride flags of every kind, be gay do crimes but please be safe)

Alright so I literally love this idea so much that I actually have new plans for some FAHC drawings to do during pride month now so tysm-

But y e s. Imagine this taking place during that sleepover idea that someone sent an ask about a few asks ago like- Trevor does his thing. He comes out as Bi. Then it just, spirals?? Before long everyone is just kinda going around and is like,

“Yeah, same here”

“Dude, I love dudes”

“I’ll date literally anybody idgaf”

And before long, literally everyone is out and joking around about it and Geoff is like, “Is anyone here actually into women?” And Fiona and Lindsay, literally at the exact same time, raise their hands in the air and are like,

“Ayooo, love wins!”

And

“Geoff, I ONLY am into women!”

Now say that takes place earlier on in the year, say like January or something. By the time Pride Month rolls around, it is ON. Jack, being the absolute mom she is, wants all of her children to feel valid so she buys them each a flag corresponding to their sexuality for them to hang in their room. Gavin hangs up rainbow streamers around the penthouse that he says are NOT allowed to come down until the month is over. OOH maybe they really wanna attend one of the Pride Parades that the city holds, but since they’re kiiinda wanted by the police and think it’s too risky to go out, they hold their own!! They just have a full on Pride Party in the penthouse with cake and even gifts?? Dumb party games!! Pride wear!!! Video game tourneys!!

OR imagine for a second that they are safe to go to a parade without the fear of being arrested! They’d have their own float which would TOTALLY just be a whole ass tank that they’ve decorated. They’d have a few people fly over head in jets or Oppressors! Itd be just a full on show and ahhhhhghggh I just LOVE this idea so much happy early pride everyone lmao

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jiritixxAnswer
the sleepover ask with the facepaint got me thinking about the crew dying their hair together (specifically lindsay, fiona, jeremy, matt, and maybe trevor and alfredo for obvious reasons) but also like. the main hair dyers conning the rest of the fahc to let them put in some temporary dye and going absolutely wild with the colors

I LOVE THIS TOO OMG, alright so, here’s how I imagine this:

Lindsay: It was her idea to begin with. She was talking about how she didn’t know which color to go with next, and Jeremy was like “yeah me neither :/” So ofc she’s like!! All of us should dye our hair!!!! Jeremy, Matt, Fiona, and the twins are DOWN for it, but the rest of em ehhhh not so much. Her and Jeremy sort of spearhead the project since they have the most experience, and literally speed to the nearest store to buy a ton of hair dye, both permanent and temporary. When they get back, Lindsay gets hers done first because “Hey guys it was my idea so fuck you” and I LOVE the idea of Lindsay with like,, pastel pink hair, and she wants to try something new, so pastel pink it is!! It ends up being more white at the tips but has a nice ombre effect, and she actually loves it! She says it’s a good way to trick people into thinking she’s all soft and nice before she shows em who the real Queen of Chaos is :)

Jeremy: Jeremy was actually a bit unsure. He didn’t wanna leave behind the vibrant orange and purple of his hair at first, since it would’ve thrown off his Rimmy persona. He finally settles on simply turning his vibrant purple to a nice muted lavender shade, and turning the orange white as well! It actually doesn’t look as bad as he thought it would, and he does miss his Rimmy colors, but it’s nice to not have Michael and Gav call his hair an eyesore lol

Fiona: Fiona knew immediately what she wanted. Deep purple that fades to black. She said it would look mysterious and cool and would attract ladies (and she was right, I would die if she had this hair color 🥺)

Matt: This boy had no idea what he wanted at first. He wasn’t a fan of dying all of his hair, so he kept to doing the single streak. He ended up settling on orange. It was his favorite color after all, and he had yet to try it. It came out practically NEON though which he did not expect, and actually wasnt a fan of at first, but now he likes how it looks. It complements his vehicles nicely in his opinion

Trevor and Alfredo: These two knew they had to do SOMETHING to match each other, they just didn’t know what. They decided to look up complimentary colors, and eventually were like, “let’s get the brightest, most vibrant shades of blue and red we can get” and everyone wasn’t onboard at first bc, jeez guys c'mon we just got rid of Jeremy’s mess, not you too- But nothing could stop them. By the end of it, Trevor’s hair was nearly the color of the blue on Ryan’s jacket, and Alfredo’s matched his vibrant red leather jacket perfectly, which he loved

The others needed some coaxing, but eventually decided they’d let em dye theirs with the temporary dye:

Gavin: Yknow how the twins wanted something vibrant and obnoxious? Yeah, Gavin went with rainbow fucking streaks throughout all of his hair and was a squealing, laughing mess by the end of it, he loved it

Michael: Michael was probably the one who wanted it the least (other than maybe Geoff) but he decided it wouldn’t hurt just this once. He WANTED just some frosted tips. Plain and natural colors. But OOPS Lindsay’s hand slipped and now his tips are a neon green oh man haha what a funny mistake :) anyways, he was angry of course, but he gets over it before long. It’s the same shade as the green on their logo, so Fake pride?? That’s the excuse he uses for not killing Jeremy and Lindsay for thinking of this anyway

Ryan: Ryan went all out, which nobody was expecting. He went full black, with a bright, electric blue streak all the way through. One that would still show when he put his hair up. (He actually ended up liking the black, and would dye his hair more permanently in the future)

Jack: She loved the idea! But just like Michael, didn’t want anything too insane. That was until she saw the turquoise and over shades of light blue and was like !!! Ocean colors please! Jack loves the beach and you cant change my mind. By the end of it, her entire head faded from a bright turquoise at the top to a very deep, oceanic blue at the tips. It actually ended up looking the best out of the whole group

And finally there was Geoff: He really didn’t want this. So much so that he went to sleep before they could get to him. Ah, but poor Geoff. Never be the first one to pass out at a slumberparty. Then next morning, Geoff woke up in his bed. Which is normal. He didn’t wanna sleep downstairs with the others. He heads downstairs to find that nobody has left yet, and it’s almost like the party never stopped. Sure a few people are still asleep like Gavin, Matt and Ryan who was just waking up, but just the same as he had left the group the night before. Alfredo notices him first, and holds back a chuckle.

“Good morning, old man.”

“Morn- Wait, what’d you just call me?! I’m not old, asshole!”

Jeremy chimes in, “I dunno, Geoff. Lookin’ a bit rough this morning. Have you looked in the mirror yet?”

Geoff stands there for a second confused before walking to the bathroom. What’s heard next is just. A scream. You know, one of those Geoff screams. He comes running back out to find everyone laughing at him. Literally everyone. Gavin and Matt were woken up by the scream. They knew it’d make him mad, but hey. He learned his lesson about being the first to pass out, and they all learned what he’d look like in the future when his hair started to go gray :)

Safe to say, they didn’t have another slumber party for a while. Totally worth it though.

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jiritixxAnswer
A few days or maybe a week into being hired is when Fiona finds out most of the crew live in the penthouse with Geoff, at which point she immediately demands a sleepover. Nails will be painted, hair will be braided, boys will be talked about, nobody is safe

YES, SO MUCH YES, I LOVE THIS OKAY SO-

Fiona gets this idea because she wants to know more about the crew as a whole and she wants to hang with her newfound family, and what better way to get to know someone than when it’s 4 am and you’re all tired as hell telling secrets or something?? So she calls Geoff up and is like, “Hey dad can I have a sleepover?” (Yes she actually says that, you cant convince me otherwise) and Geoff is like ?? What? And so she explains her plan to him and he’s automatically on board. They have no jobs coming up for at least a month, why not let loose? So she makes a huge group chat for the entire crew to let them know, and also she’s like, wait why dont you guys have a group chat already wth

So now everyone is ready and hyped!! She shows up at the penthouse super early that morning to help Jack and Ryan prepare for having 11 people in it for one whole night. (We all know Gav isn’t finna help, Geoff is asleep, and Michael and Jeremy are helping as well, but mostly with cleaning up a bit and finding entertainment) By 2 in the afternoon, things look great!! The furniture in the living room has been moved around a bit so there’s enough room in the middle, where a bunch of pillows and blankets are likely gonna be placed. There’s a Switch and an X-Box by the tv, ready to be played. Board and card games like Twister, Uno, and Monopoly are set to the side, ready to cause trouble. Snacks are spread throughout the room, unopened sodas, beer, candy, and chip bags. It all looks great, and Fiona is so excited!! The first one to arrive is Matt, Switch and two boxes of donuts in hand. Then, the Twins, Trevor and Alfredo. Wearing matching adult sized onesies they picked up along the way! And finally, Lindsay. She’s a bit latez but nobody questions it because it’s well. It’s Lindsay.

Everyone is finally here!! The livingroom and kitchen are full of people chatting and playing games. (Lets say they’re playing Animal Crossing bc I’m obsessed lol) and Geoff is even out of bed now too. Everyone went all out on this, and Fiona couldn’t be happier. All wearing pajamas and sitting on the floor or laying on the couches and chairs, like the children they all are on the inside. Eating candy, even making a bit of a mess, but they’ll just clean it up later. It’s around 10 pm when Lindsay calls for everyone’s attention from her spot on the floor.

“So, as you all know, I was a bit late today. BUT do you know why that is?”

A few wrong answers later, she digs into a backpack she brought with her and out comes a slew of makeup, brand new, and a ton of face paint and nail polish. Fiona squeals and is like, “You actually brought it, yesss! Who’s our first victim?”

Michael and Geoff immediately nope out of there and head to the kitchen, but everyone else seems game. Especially Gavin and Alfredo, who practically jump in front of the two girls, tripping over people along the way. Gavin occasionally wears a bit of makeup or nail polish here or there, so he wants his face painted! His mistake? Asking Lindsay to do it. 30 minutes later, she’s done with her masterpiece. Gavin looks in the mirror, expecting to see a mess, but he actually doesn’t hate it? A gold drips painted from his forehead that go over his left eye, and a small gold heart under his right eye. He actually looks really cool! Then, he turns around to show the others, and they laugh?? Why are they laughing? He looks pristine! He looks again. Oh. That’s not a heart. It’s a dick. He let’s out one of his signature loud squawks of shock and disappointment, with a “Lindsayyy!!” Thrown in for good measure, and jumps over the others to run to the kitchen sink.

During all of this though, Fiona and Alfredo arent laughing. Fiona is laser focused on making Fredo the hottest person in the room. And she does. She stares at her work, nearly an hour after she started, and is proud. Alfredo is loving it too, making kissy faces at the other crew members, posing and showing off his red nails while Jack takes pictures of him using a Polaroid she bought just for this occasion.

Anyways, that’s all done. Nobody else wants to get their faces done, in fear they’ll end up like poor ol Gav, so they move on (tho Fredo and Gav do keep their looks, Gav is just missing the “heart”) Things calm down again for a bit, and everyone is telling stories. Fiona is in the middle of talking about what her life in France was like before moving to Los Santos, when she realizes she’s been subconsciously braiding Matt’s hair while he sits in front of her on the floor. She stops and is joking like, “aw dude wtf I’ve been touching Matt’s hair” and then Matt is like, “Yeah but this is actually not a bad look if I’m being honest” and the others agree with him! Michael says it makes him look a bit less like an animal (I swear I love Matt lmao but you know they’d bully him during this, nobody is safe) and then Trevor is like, “you should do Ryan’s next!! He has long hair too!!”

Ryan is against it at first but eventually is forced to take Matt’s spot on the floor, and by the time Fiona’s story is done, so is Ryan’s new look, and lemme tell ya. That boy can ROCK a braid. Everyone is like, “Daaaamn, Ry, look at you GO” and “Of course he looks better than Matt, the dude was a model” and this actually makes Ryan kinda happy!! He likes his friends giving him validation, sorry I don’t make the rules.

The night continues as normal. More stories are told, and they slowly start to get deeper as it gets later. Stories of their past lives, their first kills and first crimes, and romance too. They talk about their worst and best past relationships, what they’re looking for in a partner, things like that.

(This is about to get a bit shippy, so I’m sorry if you dislike any of these ships, they’re just the ones I personally like and wanted to write about, with my own headcanons for each character and their sexualities. If anybody is interested in me talking about my personal HC’s for that, send in an ask tho cause this is already kinda long lol)

At one point, Trevor actually draws attention to himself. Things are quiet and more chill now. Everyone is being supportive, so this is good as time as any-

“Uh, actually, I kinda wanna tell you guys something since we’re on the topic. I’m..bisexual.”

Everyone is silent for a second, and he actually starts to get nervous, then Lindsay pipes up with

“Dude, hell yeah, bi gang! Love wins, what’s up!”

Everyone smiles and laughs, and Fiona highfives Lindsay. Geoff is the next to speak up, “That’s great news, Trevor. When did this realization hit you, bud? I’ve known you for a while now, I had no idea.”

“Oh, it was actually maybe..a few months ago? A year maybe? Yeah. About half a year ago I’d say.”

Michael chimes in next,

“Wait, isn’t that also when you found Fredo and introduced him to Geoff?”

A few oooooh’s ring out and Trevor tries to hide his face by looking down and chuckling.

“Uh, yeah. It is.. Anyways! What about you guys? Jeremy, what’s your type?” He looks to the shorter male who’s lounging on a beanbag near the tv, trying to divert everyone’s attention from himself. Jeremy thinks for a second and takes a sip of his beer.

“Hm. Not sure. I like tough people who have a soft side usually, just like me..”

As he names off a few other things he finds attractive, Jack shoots a knowing look over to Ryan. Ryan’s had a thing for Jeremy for a while now, and only she knows about it. When you’re the crew mom, your kids tell ya everything.

This continues for a while longer with more almost-confessions, before people eventually start slowly passing out. (After a few games of Uno of course. The Monopoly stayed untouched, and they started a game of Twister but were to drunk to stay still and kept toppling onto each other painfully.)

This is a bit longer than I intended and I left out a LOT I wanted to put in but I don’t wanna make these too long aishsijsjs I’m not good at writing lol I’m sorry, but I hope you like this!! I could elaborate on other aspects of anyone is curious, I’ll be accepting these asks all day so keep em coming 💚💚💚

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jiritixxAnswer
wait wait to add tot he tattoo thing- jack decides to get one too in order to match, but doesnt tell ryan. a few months later ryan see's jacks tattoo, and makes a joke, but straight faced, jack reposnds "ive had this forever?" and one of the others in the room of course joins in like "yeah we all have matching ones? didnt you get one when you joined?" and everyone starts ragging on him and now ryan is having a crisis bc 'was i supposed too?" the next day he comes into the penthouse with a tattoo

This keeps getting better and better omg- y e s

Ryan just notices one day when Jack reaches for a controller something on her forearm?? Like, a small smudge. At first he just thinks it dirt or a bruise or something, then he gets a better look. There on her right forearm, a bit above her wrist, the word FAKE printed neatly on her arm. Small, but neat. When did that get there??

“Wow, Jack, still going with that old bit, huh?”

“Hm? What do you mean, I’ve had this forever? Since before even you joined.”

Cue a very confused Ryan. What??? Has she seriously had it this entire time???? Wh- Then Michael, quick to pick up on the situation, pipes up.

“We all have matching ones, did you not get the memo or somethin’, Ryebread?”

At this point the whole crew is practically yelling at him, and Ryan. Poor Ryan. This man is so confused. He just stops in his tracks and starts second guessing everything?? Even Jeremy, his dear Battle Buddy, is agreeing with them? So it must be true????????? Once things have calmed down again, a still very confused Vagabond decides to head to bed a bit early. He says his goodnight to the crew and after a bit of laying in bed questioning his own sanity, he falls asleep.

He wakes up early that morning, he’s usually up before them. He throws on a pot of coffee for his crewmates to find when they wake up, and he heads out. It’s hours later when he returns, nearly 8 pm. Gavin, sitting near a window, notices his bike pull up outside.

“Hey, Ryan’s home!! Now we can question his weird ass where he’s been all bloody day!”

The crew, along with a few of the B Team who decided to drop by for a visit, all gather in the livingroom to get some answers. (But yknow, be casual)

Ryan walks in, wearing his usual Vagabond attire, mask and all, even has his jacket collar popped up. He isn’t bloody, doesn’t even look like he committed any crimes really, which just confuses them even more. He takes of his jacket and hangs on the coat hanger before he notices everyone staring at him. He’s just kinda like ??? You guys good??? And then they just play it off and return to playing Mario Party. Ryan heads in the kitchen and returns shortly after with a can of Diet Coke, just silently watching his friends play the game from his position leaning against a wall. The game ends and people calm down. That’s when it happens. Michael finally looks at Ryan for the first time since he got back.

“What. The. FUCK?!”

All conversation immediately stops and everyone just stares at Michael who is staring wide eyed, and slightly smirking, at Ryan. He points, and the others follow his finger. Directly to Ry’s neck.

There, down the side of Ryan’s neck in neat block letters:

F

A

K

E

Ryan points to it, trying to be nonchalant.

“What, this? I’ve had this. Don’t we all?”

Jack is the first to burst into laughter, nearly crying. She explains to him how she successfully duped him, and then everyone, even him, are thrown into a laughing fit.

Then, Geoff comes in from downstairs. He’d been working all day so couldn’t join in on the fun sooner. He notices as well, and everyone patiently waits for the Most Disappointed Sigh of the century but,, instead. He’s..smiling..? He just smiles. Sweetly at first, then more in awe. He walks over and gives Ry a nice pat on the shoulder.

“Damn, dude. Didn’t think you’d ever be one for gettin’ inked, but ya look great! It’s clean too, where’d ya get it done?”

Now it’s everyone’s turn to be confused. Why is Geoff so hyped about it? What the fu-

“We’re a real family now, guys.” He looks at the group in front of him, a supportive hand still on Ryan’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe you guys. Even if this was just some huge joke, willing to go far enough to get something so permanent for my little gang of misfits? You guys are the greatest friends- No. Family. That a crimeboss could have.”

It was a short and random speech, but the gang suddenly realizes the meaning. This ties them together in a more meaningful way, even if it was a gag that was drawn out way too long. Geoff then looks at Matt, Lindsay, and Trevor. The few B Team members who stopped by to visit. (Fiona and Alfredo were busy with jobs)

“So? When are you losers gettin’ yours?”

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@pastelideas’s art of lindsay and fiona with the battle buddies inspired me to make a colored version of the gunning gals emblem that they made!

the things i added/changed were the different types of flowers, the year change (2020) and the sn (supernova) and wc (wildcard)!

kingpattillo
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Literally Nobody asked but I occasionally have thoughts and I cannot rest until I inflict them upon the world around me

  • So it’s the 20′s right. Prohibition is a thing right. Geoff was already in the process of building a gang and like,,, what better business to base your operation out of than the insanely popular new alcohol smuggling gig???
  • The crew do other shit obv, but the speakeasy is their main base of operations and they all do work around the place when they’re not busy with other work, which is a decent amount of the time
  • Geoff does all of the behind the scenes Boss Stuff- along with managing other crew operations
  • Jack, Michael, and Lindsay all do bartending
  • Gavin and Fiona work the crowd! Sort of like what the general conception of a “flapper” was (Though that’s not really what the term means but w/e)
  • Ryan and Jeremy? Bouncer Buddies Babey
  • Alfredo and Trevor are an entertainment duo!
  • Matt manages their stock and sources, Steffie is their informant and social plug, and Sarah is Geoff’s assistant with stuff like management and accounting for the bar
  • Geoff doesn’t actually drink, but he started a speakeasy anyways out of Spite. Because fuck the law
  • Ryan is also not a drinker. Hes just here for a good time yknow. For The Laffs
  • To be honest, Michael is kind of like a third bouncer And a bartender at the same time. They keep a bat behind the bar and if he’s aware of any bullshit it is in his hand before you can blink. That Jersey Blood, Man
  • Fiona and Gavin aren’t strictly flirty with the clientele- if anything, a lot of the time it’s just friendly conversation. But they Can be slutty if so desired,
  • Jeremy used to be an underground pit fighter. Geoff saw him fight, liked his attitude, and ended up getting him out of some trouble with local gangs in exchange for him working security for the speakeasy. He could’ve left after the first couple months or so, but he chose to stick around after that.
  • Alfredo and Trevor mainly do music, but they’ll incorporate some comedy into their act. Alfredo plays piano, Trevor mainly sings but can play the trumpet as well
  • It was actually just Trevor at first- all of their other entertainment is temporary. But then they hired Fredo for a bit and Tre was basically like “We’re actually best friends now and you have to keep him or I’ll Cry” and Geoff just said fine and hired him, partially because he Is very talented and partially because it was easier
  • They don’t have the fanciest place in the world, but it’s well-known, well-kept, and serves some of the best booze you can get. Geoff always makes sure they test the stock before it goes out to the patrons- he may be smuggling, but he refuses to hand out any of the fake, dangerous shit that ends up getting passed around.
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Just watched Ocean’s 11 with my parents and of course I had to cast the Fakes. I guess that’s just my life now. Anyway, there’s some stuff I’m a little unsure about so I’d be happy to get some feedback 😊

Danny - Geoff; leader

Rusty - Jack; best friend of leader

Basher - Michael; explosives/ electricity

Livingston - Myatt; tech guy

Frank Catton - Gavin; dealer

Linus - Jeremy; new guy

Virgil/Turk - Treyco/Fredo; brothers, drivers, Jack of all trades

Yen - Fiona; acrobatics

Reuben - Ryan; sponsor

Saul - Lindsay; undercover

Now to explain some of my choices cause some of it was a little difficult to match up.

At first I had Jeremy as Yen and Fiona as Linus. Mostly cause of Jeremy’s gymnastics and Fiona being the youngest. BUT she has a much smaller frame and would thus fit in smaller spaces. Jeremy doesn’t really fit the whole inconspicuous thing that Linus has going on but I could see him as a pickpocket.

In my first draft I also had Myatt and Gav switched. Mostly because I love the Golden Boy as a tech expert. But I do think that FAHC!Myatt is more of a tech guy than Golden Boy. Also Gav being a dealer really kinda fits with the flashy aesthetic of the Golden Boy, I think.

Now Ryan and Lindsay. Both are two of my favourites in any FAHC content but while they both did fit other roles, others were better for those roles, so they kinda got what was left over. Ryan as Reuben does kinda fit though since he pays for the heists in GTA. And even though undercover isn’t the job that Lindsay is usually given in the fandom, I think she’d be awesome at it. She could totally pull off being a shady arms dealer. Another idea for the roles of Saul and Reuben were Burnie and Matt Hullum but it doesn’t seem as fitting and also they’re usually not part of the Fakes.

Instead. I thought that it’d be fun if Matt Hullum was Terry Benedict and Burnie was Tess (in a friendship kinda way, this is not a shipping post). In that case there could be an added old rivalry or broken friendship between Geoff and Matt. But again since they’re technically not Fakes, it was more of an after thought.

So what do y’all think?

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The Fake AH Crew had superpowers. This was no surprise to anyone. It was natural that they should, after all, so many others did. Truly, the world had gotten to a point where it was more strange to not have powers. Not by a large margin, 51/49 in favour of powers, but when it came to important people, powerful people, they almost always had a power of some kind. 

The ones with super-intelligence, they were the engineers, the businessmen, the forerunners of the tech scene, the ones that were known. The super-charismatic ones, they were the politicians, the salesmen, the actors, the ones that got seen. The ones with super-strength, they were the military, the police, the crime bosses. The ones who struck fear. 

So naturally the Fakes were powered, naturally they were incredible and unique in some way or another. Of course they were powered, what was the alternative, that they were just average, every day people able to stand up to gangsters and police officers that were themselves hyper strong, hyper fast, invulnerable, invisible? That would be ridiculous. 

The Fakes were well known, were public figures in their own right. Everyone knew their faces, their names, what they drove, what state they were all originally from. But no one knew what their powers actually were. It was a well kept secret, the one thing the Fakes didn’t give away. It was impressive considering how public they were, how little else they bothered to hide. Sure the LSPD knew, the more important members of the underground knew, but no one was talking and the public was in the dark.

Geoff Ramsey had a superpower. His coffee was always hot. No matter how long he left it, no matter how cold it was outside, Geoff’s coffee was always just at that temperature where if he took a small sip it was perfect and tasty but if he drank too much all at once he would burn the front of his tongue and the gums behind his front teeth. It didn’t apply to other people, if he made a pot of coffee it would be perfect but the second someone else brought it to their lips it would cool just like any normal coffee would. It also meant he could never drink iced coffee, but then, Geoff never liked cold coffee anyway and besides, hot coffee was so much more satisfying to throw at people. 

Lindsay Jones had a superpower. She always knew which way was north. She could, as a result, always estimate which way was east, west, and south, but never with the precision in which she could determine northwards. This helped orient her in the city, she often knew which way downtown was, but it didn’t help her learn the names of streets or roads, didn’t make her any better with directions. Not that she was bad with directions, but she wasn’t supernaturally good with them either. She always joked that she would be the best person to have around if they were in a plane crash and stranded in the woods.

Gavin Free had a superpower. He was immune to flames. He could hold his hand over a candle for hours and not get burned. He was not immune to smoke, nor heat, nor the coals and ashes left after a fire. He could not, for example, walk safely through a burning building after he had set it aflame, at least not without carving black canyons into his lungs and coming to understand on a fundamental level what it was like to be steamed meat or boiled lobster. He left with no scars, just a flat, perfect sunburn that peeled horribly everywhere, even under his clothes. There were no flames that could melt specific sections of flesh, only heat that bored into his skin everywhere.

Ryan Haywood had a superpower. He was a were-caterpillar. Once a month, on the new moon, Ryan would change, would shrink, would leave his clothes behind as he became a small multi-legged creature that could crawl up walls and move only very slowly. He only ate leaves, and was especially vulnerable to being stepped on. He did not control his transformation, and only possessed some memories of the events that transpired while he was in caterpillar form. He was well hidden in that form, the terrarium he had built for himself being the only place anyone in the crew knew where to look for him, let alone anyone outside of the circle of knowledge. This was a blessing and a curse, made for effective hiding, effective escaping if it happened at just the right time, but made accidents far more dangerous, jobs that much more difficult.

Jack Pattillo had a superpower. She was immune to damage from glass. She could not be cut in any way by glass or fibreglass or glass-like plastic. She could be damaged by anything else, just as could anyone. She first discovered this immunity after a horrible car crash that rocketed her part way out the front window. The shattered window failed to give her a single scrape, and even failed to give her the head trauma that might have been associated with being pitched through a double layer of protective glass. Her power did not protect her from the roof crushing her, nor did it protect her from the shard of metal that had lodged itself in her side from the console, but she was at least alive to feel the pain. 

No one else in the FAHC had powers. This had a tendency to surprise those that found out. They were not invincible, not immortal, they couldn’t see the future or turn back time, they had normal, everyday useless powers and most of them didn’t even have that. The Fakes were people, just people, who happened to be good at what they did.

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“One of these days, I’m gonna lock you out of the house.”

“Ryan, no!” Lindsay huffed, trailing behind Ryan to the kitchen. “I didn’t do anything!”

Cool air seeped from the fridge, Ryan’s hand clutching around the bent handle before sighing. He pulled ingredients from the cool depths, teeth grinding into his bottom lip as Lindsay fidgeted with her hands.

“Look… If this is about that just tell me.” Lindsay’s hand gripped onto Ryan’s jacket, preventing the older from turning away. “Please?”

“Of fucking course it’s about that, Linds!” Ryan’s hands shook before slamming against the counter. Lindsay reached for him, only for her hand to be brushed away by the man. “You should’ve told me! Instead of waltzing in the house, bloodied and cradling a cat, and then collapsing on my couch!”

“Ry, I was gonna tell you…” Lindsay picked at her skirt, eyes tracing the discolored tiles on the wall and avoiding Ryan’s angry gaze.

“When?!” Ryan’s hands tremored, gripping them into fists to stop the shaking. “Yes, we are all corrupt here in Los Santos, but God, Linds! You should’ve told me!”

“I wanted to, Ry, but—”

“But what, Lindsay?! You’re like a sister to me! How am I supposed to deal if someone killed you?” His voice caught in his throat, eyes staring down at her. “What would you want me to tell Michael??”

“I’m sorry…” Lindsay tugged Ryan close, small hiccuping sobs escaping her. “I should’ve told you… I will tell you.”

“It’s okay, Linds. It’s all okay.” Ryan wrapped his arms around the smaller, biting his lip as tears formed in his eyes. He carded a hand gently through her hair as silent tears slipped down his cheeks. “Love ya, Linds.”

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Lindsay is Shocked! Appalled! Aghast! To find that Ryan’s never had his hair played with (“Not even when you were at school??” “I had short hair as a child, Lindsay” “That’s no excuse”) so she takes it upon herself to sit him down and play with his hair herself. And then Michael’s when he walks in and asks what she’s doing. And then Jack’s when she says she’s never had it done either. And then Fiona because we’re getting affectionate in here why not. And then-

Lindsay will sit and brain everyone’s hair because they all deserve it plus its a lot of fun. She starts helping Ryan dye it black and when Fiona learns this she gets Lindsay to help dye her hair all kinds of colors.

Lindsay being affectionate with the crew is a must. But always with her brand of chaos

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