#in every scene they seem like they're drawn to each other

[yazthebookish]

This might be a bit long but the Gwynriel Reddit thread inspired me to let my thoughts flow about Gwyn and Azriel.

P.s. this will include some HOFAS spoilers.

I've said this before but SJM choosing to end Azriel's chapter with Gwyn is a choice. It's the beginnings and the endings of a chapter that authors tend to put a lot of thought into—so her ending the chapter which felt like her nudging readers' to Gwyn's direction is intentional.

Gwyn was not just a random addition, given their interactions throughout ACOSF their scene in the bonus chapter didn't feel out of place (even if readers' didn't expect to see her in it).

People try to invalidate the bonus chapter as much as they can but HOFAS had proved once again that they are important and canon (though I do think SJM and her publisher need to include these in the main books because they are crucial).

"You depend so much on a bonus chapter that a lot of readers don't have access to"

True but that doesn't mean the next book can't fill in the blanks because Azriel and Gwyn were already interacting in ACOSF, so having that romantic development in the next book (and the possible reveal that they're mates) + ON PAGE will still make it up for the readers that never read the bonus chapter. Like, CC4 will definitely bring up the fact that Ruhn and Lidia got married (despite it happening in a bonus).

I always considered the bonus chapter as a teaser for what will happen in the next book, Sarah confirmed she sprinkled little crumbs and I quote "I want to hear all your theories after you read the book and his [Azriel's] bonus scene, the crumbs have all been scattered, little bread crumbs everywhere" and it will keep readers guessing until the next book is out. So you won't know for sure how relevant or significant the bonus chapter is and the crumbs she scattered until you read the next book.

With that being said, Gwyn's cameo in the bonus chapter didn't come without some interesting clues: Azriel's shadows didn't warn him she was around, they were curious about her and she smiled at them, they danced and sang around her, Azriel revealed he sings because she asked, she thanked him with a smile and he felt settled even his shadows calmed.

We never saw his shadows react to anyone the way they did with Gwyn. They seem drawn to her, they danced, they sang, and while there are many theories about it but I absolutely do think if the shadows would be drawn to someone it would be Azriel's mate.

"Azriel and Gwyn had no romantic development and he didn't think about kissing her and all that"

But did every SJM couple start that way? No. And someone expressing the desire to kiss and hook up with someone is not always an indication of endgame (I can count multiple couples who kissed but weren't endgame).

The crumbs we had of them in ACOSF sets the groundwork for a romantic relationship to build in the next book—because who doesn't want to read about them both falling in love on page?

And yes, Sarah is capable of writing a love story from scratch in a single book (e.g., Tower of Dawn). Another example is how ACOMAF started with Feyre being in love with Tamlin and halfway through she started to really fall in love with Rhys.

The whole Azriel/Elain/Lucien triangle is messy as it is, so I don't think SJM would turn it into a square by inserting Gwyn. SJM could've chose not to give Gwyn and Azriel any ties in any way whether it was him rescuing her, him training the Valkyries, and again, including her in his own bonus chapter (hell even her boss:guardian Clotho made an appearance).

But she did and based on her pattern with her male love interests in particular, she doesn't really insert a new female or have females fight over the male love interest. I don't ever see Elain and Gwyn fight over Az, each might have an issue with Az on their own but do I see them argue with each other over Azriel? Absolutely not.

And if you look at the sequence of the scenes in his chapter, it gives a better idea of how it was planned:

1. Starts with Azriel reflecting on his loneliness while everyone left.

2. Elain shows up and they interact, Azriel gives her the necklace and they almost kiss.

3. Rhysand interferes and Az stops the kiss and tells Elain it was a mistake.

4. Az and Rhys argue and ends with Rhys ordering him to stay away from Elain and dismissing him.

5. Az leaves to the House of Wind wanting to work off the frustration but finds that Gwyn already occupied the training ring.

6. Gwyn and Az interact and he leaves the scene feeling settled down and his shadows calmed.

7. He wakes up, goes to the River House and finds Elain's necklace, he pockets it with the intention of returning it to the shop after the snowball fight.

8. Instead of the shop, he goes to the library to ask Clotho to give the gift to Gwyn and refuses to leave with it.

9. Going back and forth, Clotho eventually agrees and said she will tell Gwyn a friend gave it to her and she thanks Az for the joy it will bring to Gwyn.

10. Az leaves but the mention of Gwyn's joy sparked something in him that it brought a slight smile to his face, he buried the image in his chest where it glows quietly.

Both interactions with Elain and Rhys ended with him feeling miserable, but both interactions with Gwyn and Clotho ended with him feeling lighter and better—and to me that shows me how intentional SJM was with creating these parallels (including the shadows skittered back vs the shadows danced and sang).

Instead of Gwyn and Clotho we could've had Mor or Nesta or Amren, but SJM chose Gwyn and Clotho. Like, it could've ended after Rhys's argument but again, it's a writer's choice.

That's why no matter how many times I reread ACOSF my mind doesn't change much because SJM is not that subtle.

#gwynriel

[lokabrenna-writes]

Soukoku headcannons because they have taken over my life

(Remember how I said I don’t write romance? Guess there’s a first time of everything •v•)

Port Mafia

Dazai fell first and harder

They have matching rings they got from the arcade and wore them all the time until they eventually broke. The rings were bound to break eventually considering how many battles they had been through, but they didn’t break during a battle. The duo were arguing about who knows what for the millionth time and the rings just snapped. They looked down at the pieces of plastic that had hit the floor in silence for a few minutes. (“If Chuuya wanted a divorce he could’ve just said so.” “Shut up and go win us new ones.”)

They both have specific items they steal from each other whenever they’re going to be separated for some time (separate missions, hospital stays, etc.). Chuuya will steal Dazai’s black hoodie that has what looks like lightning strike decals on the sides of the sleeves. Dazai will steal Chuuya’s white blanket that has what is supposed to be a slug and a mackerel messily stitched in one of the corners from when Chuuya was first learning how to embroider. They always make sure to return it without the other noticing when they get back from wherever they were so the item will smell like the other when it’s time for the duo to be separated again. Of course, both know the other takes said items, but neither say anything.

They paint each other’s nails every now and then. Black is they’re default color but they’ve also tried various nude/pink shades, blues, reds, and some glitters.

They’ve both attempted eyeliner (liquid and pencil) and failed. Both ended up with the liner all over their eyelids, but that didn’t stop either of them from laughing at the other.

They were each other’s first kiss. It was 2 in the morning and they were watching a movie. Since they can never agree on what to watch, they have a bowl with random numbers in it and whichever number is pulled is what they type in on the tv. Tonight some romance movie had been selected. Neither were particularly interested but they watched anyways (mainly to see whose movie plot prediction was right). Chuuya was growing sleepy towards the end. Sleep never came easy to Dazai so he let his mind wonder why the kiss scene at the end was always made out to be this grand moment. He turned to Chuuya who had laid his head to rest on his shoulder. He tucked his finger under Chuuya’s chin to tilt his head up and connected their lips. It was quick, not nearly as drawn out as the one playing on the screen. Yes, they both liked dramatics but it’s important to not over do it. They both hummed as they broke apart. It was pleasant, but it was not firework worthy as the movies had made it seem. Chuuya rested his head again, this time in the crook of Dazai’s neck rather than the edge of his shoulder before saying “Next time put some chapstick on. Get the strawberry one.”

Dazai finds children to be annoying, but he doesn’t exactly like or dislike them. Chuuya adores children and finds them to be endearing. To Dazai, there is very little in this world that can make him laugh as children falling. He's not necessarily laughing because the child may or may not be hurt, but more so at the face they make when they're processing what happened and then start crying. Chuuya yells at him despite this explanation.

The first and last time they said "I love you" was the night Dazai left. Before placing the bomb under Chuuya's car, Dazai had used his spare key to enter Chuuya's apartment to take his car keys. An extra precaution to ensure Chuuya wasn't caught in the explosion. He was supposed to be in and out, but he couldn't resist checking on Chuuya one last time. He peeked into the bedroom to find Chuuya already fast asleep. He walked over and watched him for a bit, knowing it would be a long time before he would be able to do so again in peace. He reached in his pocket and applied the strawberry chapstick to his lips before leaning down to connect their lips. Chuuya stirred at the contact and even though he cracked his eyes open, it was clear his mind was still very much asleep. Dazai pulled back after a few seconds and placed the chapstick along with his spare apartment key on Chuuya's bedside table. He briefly debated on leave a note before deciding he had already been in the apartment for too long. The last thing he wanted was to make it seem like Chuuya knew of his departure beforehand. "I love you," Dazai said in a quiet voice. It took more in him to actually get the words out then he cares to admit. "I love you so much. Forgive me for what I'm about to do, especially to your car, but this is for the best." These words came out more broken then he intended, but he hopes he got his point across. "I love you too," Chuuya mumbled out, eyes shut and snuggling deeper into his pillow. Dazai would come to cherish the moment the second he stepped out of the apartment. Chuuya does not remember it, but believed those three words to have been merely apart of his dream.

#I have more but this is more of a test post to see if anyone is interested or not :) #bsd #bsd anime #soukoku #dachuu #dazai x chuuya #port mafia dazai #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #port mafia #headcanon #bungo stray dogs #bsd headcanons #bsd skk #skk headcanons #soukoku headcanons

[pensbridge]

Master Post Bridgerton Live Event Season 3

Let me just say so much of what they said leans into exactly how I pictured it.

○ Some words to describe the season: Shonda-"intimate" / Jess B-"confidence" / Luke Newts-"unexpected" / Nicola-"romantic" / Luke Thom-"zoom in"

○ They talk about Colin's words last season and say it was a good place to start in the story/journey; confirm apology will come

○ Pen has 1 main suitor besides Colin who takes a real interest in her (Spoiler: it's Lord Debling)

○ Julia Quinn said it is a good friends to lovers story. She sounded so excited!

○ Someone (either Shonda, Julia or Jess) said they have some good awkward banter.

○ Julia Quinn really confirmed the Colin-Pen hand scene (1st real emotional and physically intimate scene for them)

○ How Jess B talks about Colin (again) gives me hope for his personal journey-mentioned about the 3rd son "not knowing his place in the world" & more

○ Protective El of Colin confirmed (we get El and Colin scenes), but she still loves Pen; Luke N. called it a non-romantic love triangle between the 3

○ Benedict takes roles of Anthony; he can fall into different roles very well, but who is he and what does he want?

○ Will and Alice acquire a new title this season; Martins talked about how they are "drawn out of the shadows"

○ Adjoa talked about how Lord Ledger affected her; called that romance "life-changing"; QCABS enriched Lady Danbury story coming into season 3

○ Lady D. personal journey-she's "shook" at an arrival that happens 👀

○ Golda-How do you do private intimacy in the view of the public (George and QC)? / she loves the Brimsley relationship

○ When talking about QC picking the diamond of the season said she's bored of what's going on and is "searching for something different"

○ [Other tidbit-they're hosting a Bridgerton wedding for a lucky real-life couple.]

○ Shonda quote about Bridgerton always "finding a way to give female characters agency" and Pen has a good way of coming into this in this season

○ Nicola-"so much happens" in their story

○ They talked about how the show has changed their lives-Claudia said she always walks away proud of what she's done and essentially there's not one part of the job she's unsatisfied with. aww; Adjoa said "a space for everyone"

○ Season 3 is "for the wallflowers"- Adjoa [they mentioned this a lot; the interaction on this between Adjoa and Nicola just made it seem like there is Lady Danbury-Pen relationship]

○ Nic and Newts recreated the pic in the mirror with candle stick!! what?! / They also watch fan edits and send them to each other

○ Easter egg in almost every episode according to Jess B. and they are "raising the bar on visuals"- "even brighter and more spectacular than ever"

○ Superlatives: most like character-Luke Newton; least-Golda; most bloopers-Johnny Bailey or Claudia (and I think she was offended at first, lol)

○ Chaos in Featherington fam because Pen steps out (Portia doesn't like when Pen changes from her citrus dresses)

○ Nicola "didn't expect to be as emotional as it was" from the first 2 episode screening

○ Adjoa said things will make you laugh then quickly after cry

○ Claudia said people make mistakes and people fall..., etc.

○ Theme: "Find your light." -Jess B.

○ The line in QCABS "We are untold stories" is what this season is about

#bridgerton #polin #bridgerton season 3 #luke newton #nicola coughlan #claudia jesse #adjoa andoh #luke thompson #golda rosheuvel #martins imhangbe #shonda rhimes #jess brownell #julia quinn #romancing mister bridgerton #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #queen charlotte #lady danbury #agatha danbury #will mondrich #portia featherington #the featheringtons #jonathan bailey #alice mondrich

[ceruleancattail]

Hi! Congrats on 200 followers event! I did all the things needed, but didn't know what to requests. Now I do

So, you know how inside a guest room certain characters fight right? Well, recently my friend's twst (several times) had fights between Cater and Idia. ALWAYS THIS TWO, NO ONE ELSE FIGHTS DHHCJFJD (She wonders why it's always those two, especially considering they're always on the team together)

Idia always says, "Why didn't you come sooner"

And Cater says, "Oh, nothing's happening here" or something along these lines.

Can we pair it with self aware au?

Sentience presents:

Scorch

Self Aware Idia x Cater x reader

Tw:yandere

Fingers squeezed together, you gingerly pick up a sheet of paper. Homework of some sort, you assume. At least, it once was. What you held were snowy white fragments darkened at the edges, crumbling into useless black soot.

Most of the furniture around the room was jostled, shoved out of the way brutally. Rugs were wrinkled, thrown aside in the struggle. Crimson drops spread across the ground, just like ghastly flowers blooming wherever they landed. The choking stench of smoke hung heavy in the air, clogging up every single breath you took in.

In the midst of all the stifle stood two individuals. Both of them were tearing into each other, locked in a vigorous struggle. They were surrounded by fire. A whirl of ember flames trashing and tossing around, an inferno burning everything it could reach.

However, upon your arrival, they both freeze still. Untangling themselves from each other, swiftly moving apart. A pair of ember eyes glance at your hesitantly, a petulant sort of stubbornness crackling behind it. Idia Shroud, one of your frequent visitors. He fidgets with the sleeve of his jacket, refusing to spare the individual beside him a single glance.

A merry laugh echoed throughout the room. A strangled sound, like it was choked out forcefully. A pair of emerald eyes fix their gaze on yours, amusement dancing within. Cater Diamond, another familiar face within the Ramshackle dorm. He raises his arms in a gesture of surrender, the ghost of a smirk dancing across his lips.

“Oh, perfect. There’s nothing happening here, so don’t worry your little head, yeah?”

Ignoring Cater’s words, you rush towards the windows, flinging them open. A rush of fresh air greeted you, wind gently caressing your cheeks. You look back, lips drawn into a thin line. Hopefully it’ll be enough clear their heads.

This isn’t the first time this happened. Cater and Idia seem harmless enough on their own. They’ve never raised a single hand against you, at the very least. Yet put them in the same room, and they’re immediately at each other’s necks.

Ripping and tearing at anything they could reach, a gruesome scene.

Something hot slides around your wrist. Idia’s hand, still burning from the exertion before. His fingers snake around your hand, gripping it firmly. He huffs softly, mumbling into your ear:

“Why didn’t you come sooner?”

A laugh bubbles up from behind you two, the mere sound dripping with unmistakable animosity.

“Cause’ they don’t wanna see a sorry mess of a housewarden, maybe?”

Cater takes a step forward, pulling your palm towards his face. Gently coaxing your fingers around the curve of his cheek, lower lip jutted out in a little pout. Staring up at you slyly with those half-lidded eyes of his, lips curled into a crafty smile.

“Don’t you see how brutal Idia is? I’m so hurt.”

A scoff, before you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist. Tugging you into an embrace, your back slamming against a burning hot chest. You could feel his heartbeat beating into your chest, thumping wildly like a beast in a cage.

Hell, you could feel Idia’s shaky breaths, wafting against the bare nape of your neck. Each and every breath scorching your skin, stinging it a bright scarlet. He mumbled, eyes glaring daggers at Cater.

“Don’t listen to him, prefect. He’s just a card. Paper-thin.

I’ll burn him into a crisp.”

Cater only laughs, fingers forcing their way through yours. Intertwining with each other. W romantic gesture, normally reserved for the tenderness of love. Yet now, that affectionate gesture only filled you with dread.

“I’ll like to see you try, Idia.”

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #sentience #self aware au #cater diamond x reader #cater x reader #cater #cater diamond #Idia shroud #Idia shroud x reader #Idia #Idia x reader

[sinimake]

Whats your favorite character or ship besides johnshi and will you write about other characters?

*rubs hands* hehehe ok listen—

Nitara and Ashrah - solidly for their aesthetic parallels (um angel wings and bat wings?? Hello?? Good vs Evil??)

Kuai Liang and Hanzo - mk11 death and the tower ending do not exist to me.

Kitana and Jade - they have always been my fav duo. I just want Jade to come to the roster soon and rock tf out of Kitana's world.

Tanya and Mileena - obviously, bc Forbidden Love trope is so good! The stole glances and kisses. And the angst of Mileena wanting to disband the Umgadi to finally be with Tanya but Tanya is so devoted to Mileena that she would rather prioritize her safety and well being over her love. DO YOU GET IT?? Like choosing Mileena over her own selfish want to have her only to herself. THE DEVOTION OF LIFETIME 😭

Liu Kang and Shang Tsung (MK1) - enemies-to-lovers is spicy and delicious with these two 😩🤌❤️‍🔥 and the amount of character study i can do to Shang Tsung, development of i-blame-u-for-my-every-misfortune-u-will-atone-to-what-u-kept-from-me to suddenly-i-feel-complicted-to-kill-u-bc-u-seem-just-as-human-as-i-am. On the other hand, Liu Kang knows he can't trust Shang Tsung and should abide to his own moral value but something makes him deviate, something makes him drawn to the sorcerer. And its just 😩❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Raiden and Kung Lao - im not really friends-to-lovers girlie but they are so darn cute. The feeling slowly morphing into love but too afraid to risk their friendship then MUTUAL PINING?! I got a scene in my head that Raiden and Kung Lao are snuggling together, all tangled idk maybe watching a movie but then suddenly one of them kisses the other on the cheek then both freezes bc what just happened? this has never happened before, what does this mean?? they're both freaking out silently as they awkwardly detangle themselves from each other 😆😭🤌

As for fanfics, i always have plot bunnies jumping around everywhere, i just need them to fully mature and start producing actual coherent sentences into my head.

Rn I'm fully planned to write Railao one that's set in TMOAW&TEOAL universe. Additionally, i have an idea for a medium length Shangliu fanfic but it's only on the ✨️vibes✨️ stage. These dont have any set scedule unfortunately. I wish i was a fast writer, alas 😭

#ask leswell #mortal kombat #railao #shangliu #subscorp #nitara and ashrah #jade and kitana #taleena

[shortpplfedup]

Chapter 1: Only You in the Full Moon Night

Fourteen months. That's how long we've been waiting. And in less than two minutes, Aof made it clear that our patience was absolutely going to be rewarded. The long take sequence that introduces us to the Moonlight Chicken Diner and the denizens thereof is probably one of the best openings I've seen in all of television. And as the episode went on, it became clearer and clearer that we are watching Aof evolve in real time. By the time you get to the closing shot of Jim and Wen framed in the doorway of the diner, under the 'moon' of that lantern, you've been on a journey and you're ready to go on another one. This episode is the most assured work we have ever seen from Aof. There was not a wasted moment, not an extraneous shot; every single frame of this episode was absolutely intentional. The characters are richly drawn and organically introduced, and every single actor is bringing their A-game, from stars to supporters to background.

There are things I need to say about the sequence of Jim and Wen going from total strangers to hopping into bed together because my GOD. From the moment they locked eyes the energy was sizzling between them, and the conclusion was foregone: there was no way that night wasn't ending with those two in a sweaty tangle. And the way that was acted, with Jim becoming more playful and Wen becoming more seductive as the night went on; the way it was filmed, with the red and blue lighting and the handheld camera getting close up, putting the audience right into the moment; the sexual tension was palpable. By the time Wen bites Jim's ear, you almost want the release as much as they do. And I LOVE that they didn't kiss at all during their encounter, because that feels totally realistic. This isn't a love affair...yet.

On the side of young love, Heart and Li Ming's first encounter is almost the opposite of Jim and Wen's, in that it's immediately antagonistic. As much as Jim and Wen almost instantly understand each other, Heart and Li Ming don't understand each other at all. And whereas Jim and Wen start close and get closer by episode's end, Heart and Li Ming start far apart and by the end of the episode they're even further apart. I was worried that with Fourth and Gemini's inexperience, their characters here would be too similar to their My School President characters, but I should have known to trust Aof when it comes to casting. Heart and Li Ming are NOT Tinn and Gun, and the work that Fourth and Gemini are putting in here so far is quite good, Fourth especially.

Setting the story against the backdrop of the pandemic-induced economic crisis grounds the narrative and the characters in a specificity that I have found to be a hallmark of the best stories. I've said this so much at this point, but I Told Sunset About You continues to impact the Thai media landscape, and especially the Thai queer media landscape in lots of positive ways, by encouraging more directors to bring the Thai sociopolitical environment and Thai cultural aesthetics into their work. Making Pattaya integral to the rhythms and aesthetics of this story in the same way that Phuket was integral to the rhythms and aesthetics of ITSAY is so key to making the show stand out.

Not having Alan appear in this episode at all, just having him represented by artefacts: the terse note, the phone charger, Gong relaying his 'unread' message, was incredibly effective. Alan and his relevance to Wen's life at this point is defined from the very first by his absence.

Saleng and Gaipa round out the cast of main characters we were introduced to in this episode, with only Praew (and Alan) left to appear onscreen. They don't get much this episode, but they make it count, with hints of the roles they'll play in the narrative peppered into their scenes. Saleng especially is an interesting one, as it seems like Jim acquired his employment along with the diner, which is an uncommon enough arrangement to be noteworthy. It also looks like everybody is aware of Gaipa's feelings for Jim, including Jim, which tells us a lot.

All in all, this first episode gave us a lot, without feeling like a lot. It was so deftly done in the writing and direction, and so organic in the acting, that the overwhelming feeling is one of having spent an hour living a slice of real Pattaya life, not watching a fictional story. I'm so ready to spend 4 weeks living in this universe with these characters, and I'm already sad that I will have to leave them at the end.

Side Dishes

Mix Sahaphap is probably the sultriest actor in the GMMTV stable, and he's so perfect for this role because Wen is a walking, talking sex bomb and he knows it. The way he uses his eyes...lethal.

The actress playing Gaipa's mother, Narinthorn Na Bangchang, is playing such a perfect market vendor, it's reminding me of how similar we really are across the global south.

I can already feel Heart and Li Ming wrecking me and this only JUST started. Fourth and Gemini are really something special.

Mark Pakin is GMMTV's sixth man, he can come off the bench and play literally ANY kind of supporting character they need. That is MVP level shit.

This show looks SO GOOD, it sounds SO GOOD, production and direction teams put their foot in this one.

Watching Aof work handheld is a fucking DREAM. He's such a workmanlike director, he prefers to focus on pulling emotional truths out of his actors rather than high style photography. But his cast here being so good means he doesn't need to spend the majority of his directing energy on his actors, and he can experiment more with style. The opening sequence in the diner, and Jim and Wen's walk from the diner to the car, these are the kind of things he's never been able to focus on before, and now that he can it's SUCH a visual treat.

#moonlight chicken #midnight series: moonlight chicken #the moon is beautiful tonight #bl meta series

[coldshrugs]

tiebreaker

pairing: io laithe / estinien varlineau setting: modern AU rating: explicit - there are a few mature scenes near the end word count: 6.1k

It's strange to be home.

Stranger still to try to define where exactly home is now that Io has two. Two beds, two sets of friends, two time zones to keep up with… Home is supposed to be a place, or, if she allows the geography to have a softer edge, a series of places and the routines formed around them. The familiar haunts one returns to again and again, seeking the comfort of nostalgia.

Three months didn't feel that long while she lived them; the new place is nice, the people are great, and she loves her work. She calls it home when she is there.

But is it? Home used to hold her mother's voice, her siblings' laughter, her father's snoring. She can't go back to any of those things. 'Home' died six years ago, and Io has been trying to claw back some essence of it ever since.

There was only one thing she was sure she missed from this place, one person. But then she stood in the kitchen with the sunset light painting half the cabinets in late summer's orange, and one thing turned into everything. Puzzle pieces of scent and sight that make her long for more of them tomorrow and every day after—the pack of cigarettes on the already open window to their fire escape; the knowledge that she can hide away in the safety of her room, surrounded by all her favorite things, if the inevitable tide of her anxiety rises high enough to drown her; and especially the smell of Estinien—of both of them—burrowed bone-deep into every room.

But the apartment is not exactly as it was when she left. It's cleaner. The blankets on the couch are neatly folded. There are no dishes in the sink. Not a shred of old mail on the table by the door. The only object even slightly out of place is one of the red plastic chairs at the small table between the kitchen and living room, stolen from their former support group when they aged out.

It's almost uncanny, before she remembers he cleans when he's stressed…

Hm.

They haven't talked about the kiss.

They haven't talked about much of anything so far.

Not when Estinien picked her up from the airport. Not back in their apartment as they readied for Y'shotla’s birthday party. Not even when they stepped out of their rooms, facing each other in the mirrored doorways, and his eyes blew wide at the sight of her dressed in the simple sundress and sneakers.

"You, uh, look really nice," he'd said. Straight forward tone and broad shoulders drawn up to his full height. But he didn't say anything else, so maybe they're leaving it where it lies.

Io has learned to live with this contactless friction. An ever-present static at the boundary of what they mean to each other. Sometimes, the hum is so quiet that she swears she is over him. Then there are times like now, in the back of their Uber, when the unspoken question churns in the space between them, fuzzy and electric, and Io reminds herself that even a hum is noise.

She has to break the ice.

"How's work going? How are the kids this year?"

"It's alright. A ton of rebellious little shits in my classes this semester, especially this set of twins."

"Are you allowed to call them that?"

It takes them a moment to find their footing, but then they can't seem to stop—

"Only when I like them. How's it going with your roommates—what are their names again?"

"Hien and Yugiri. They're sweet. Fun to hang out with. They're tidiness sticklers though, so that's kind of killing me."

"Did you watch that show I said you'd like?"

"Did you remember to water my plants?"

—And on and on until she whispers:

"I miss you. You thought I wouldn't."

Silence again, besides the pop song quietly spilling from the speakers. The driver's eyes flash in the rearview mirror before they turn the volume up, like some sound-based privacy curtain, but that is where it ends. Estinien turns his gaze to the darkening skyline around them, lips drawn up at the corner facing her.

It's hard to be disappointed when simply sitting beside him again is a comfort.

Sure, they text daily, but there is no replacement for his deadpan cadence or playfully disgruntled tone. No emoji could substitute the curves of his smiles, from the small and shy ones he tries to hide (the kind he wears now, squeezing at her heart) to the wide ones that come with an open-mouth laugh—

Her thoughts spin to the kiss. Nervous and unfinished, broken too soon because their drunk friends apparently cannot resist throwing glass bottles at the call of "beer me!" That's why she didn't get to kiss him longer, not that it would matter in the long run.

Estinien doesn't do long distance.

He told Vic as much. He cared about Vic. They dated long enough for it to matter, but in the end, Vic moved hours away, and Estinien decided they should break things off. And despite what anyone says about how he might feel about her, she's stationed on the other side of the country for the next nine months.

But he kissed her back. Oh, the way he kissed her back…

She shoots him the occasional furtive glance while his attention is elsewhere, and god, he looks good. Loose, perfectly messy hair hangs past his shoulders and softens the more severe angles of his face. His t-shirt wrinkles against the line of his well-worn jeans. Hems she has long dreamed of running her hands under…

Io's thick swallow is loud in her ears (she hopes he didn't hear it, too), and her fingers twitch on the leather seat between them. That does make a sound. A little scratch.

Estinien slides his hand across the seat, and—the static sizzles and snaps—his fingers curl into hers. He doesn't look away from the window, but he squeezes.

Her heartbeat almost hurts. She squeezes back.

Another 10 minutes and they pull up to the usual watering hole, one of those extensions of home, Redbills.

He lets go as they climb out of the car on his side, deciding to shove both his hands into his pockets. Cool.

(He's still wearing that little smile as they walk inside.)

Now, this is a place that's frozen in time. Dim light punched through with neon, an out-of-place song being played too loud, ratty stools lining the bar, and well-kept pool tables dotting the back wall. And that's to say nothing of the people.

Her friends (the first set, the ones as close as family) are scattered around the bar. Lucia and Thancred are already locked in a game of pool, and there's real money on the corner of the table. G'raha carries two colorful cocktails to a standing table, where he and Urianger are chatting with Krile, on her tall barstool, of course. Aymeric is at the bar, laughing loudly with Leofard, and Leo's pouring a massive round of shots.

Estinien sways awkwardly on the spot before turning to Io. He jerks his head in Aymeric’s direction, letting her know where he'll be, before walking backward toward him. He's gone for now, then.

Yep, very cool.

Tataru (already flushed a deep shade of pink) gestures chaotically as she rambles to the birthday girl sitting at the end of the bar. Shtola is nodding along without looking, one arm thrown over the back of her metal stool tied with black and purple balloons speckled with glitter. Her other hand holds an e-reader and, holy shit, she is deeply engrossed in a book at her own party.

In fact, she only looks up when her glasses begin to slide down her nose, and that's when her pale eyes fall on Io. She is up in a flash. "You came!"

Shtola isn't one for lengthy displays. The hug is brief, but she wraps her arms tightly around Io and allows her to return it fully before pulling away.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it," Io says. They walk arm in arm towards her decorated seat, where Tataru's tipsy little squeak alerts everyone else to her arrival, and then the party begins.

The night happens in a rush. A round of shots as they sing happy birthday, followed by a round of beers on the house because Io is back in town. She isn't allowed to be a wallflower tonight, tugged from huddle to huddle to share stories of her new orchestra gig or listen to someone else's big news that happened to slip through the cracks of the group chat.

Despite the company and constant meandering around the room, his static prickles on the back of her neck. Estinien hovers in the margins. Much like his blind reach for her hand in the car, she doesn't need to see him to know he's around. It is a phantom sensation, some missing part of her that she swears she can move if only she tries hard enough.

A quick glance to the side and she finds him effortlessly. He leans against the wall, speaking with Ayms in hushed voices. Estinien's eyes cut a sharp path to her, too; Aymeric's gaze follows, and a deviously knowing smile spreads across his face. Io purses her lips politely and smiles back, lifting her hand to wave. Aymeric waves back as he leans to whisper something to Estinien, who shakes his head and takes a long swallow from his beer. His posture tenses.

He pushes off the wall and walks outside, placing his empty bottle on the bar as he goes.

"Hold that thought," Io says as she breaks away from Thancred. "Just grabbing some air."

He's even easier to find on the sidewalk. A lone figure with his shoulder pressed into the brick, head tilted skyward. He's facing the door, as if he's waiting for someone.

"What's wrong?" Io takes a cautious step toward him, fighting the pull to go to him immediately

He shrugs but doesn't look at her. His brows knot, and she can't name the look he wears. It's frustrating not knowing what he's feeling. Disappointment? Defeat? Finally, he asks, "We're just not going to talk about it?"

Oh.

"Estinien, you've been distant most of the day, except for a compliment and holding my hand in the car… I didn't think you wanted to talk about it."

And that makes him look. His head rolls in her direction, hair bunched against the wall and his stare burning through her. "Be serious. Of course I want to. I just… don't know how to start."

"Neither do I." Io inhales and lets the warm night air soothe her nerves. Here she fucking goes. "We kissed. Barely—"

"'Barely.'" The word leaves him in a little huff of incensed laughter. He shakes his head.

"—And it was wrong to leave that up in the air for so long, but I guess it's easier not to know? Maybe it's, I don't know, kinder to slip back into how we were before that. If that's what you want."

"Kinder? Fuck off." Compared to his previous interruption, his tone has cooled, and his expression softened. He's not actually mad. If anything, he seems confused that he's being asked what he wants, as if it's obvious. "Did you mean what you said that night I called you?"

She moves to his side, still careful, still slow. But it's for her own benefit now. What on earth is he talking about?

He asked to call her a couple of weeks ago, the first time that's happened since she's been away. They talked through the night, and there was something close about it, closer than usual. The end of the conversation is fuzzy. She only remembers waking up with her phone pressed to her cheek.

Her shoulder meets the wall, mirroring his lean from a foot away. "...What did I say?"

"You love me." He spits it out quickly and gives no further explanation.

But it doesn't need any, does it? It's a simple yes or no. And it's now that she realizes Alberic—and everyone else—was right: he needs her to go first. He can't move until she does.

"Yeah…" Io shifts her weight against the brick, dragging her gaze from the grime-covered sidewalk to his gray eyes shining softly in the night. He deserves that, because she loves him. "I meant it. But listen, I'm not expecting anything. My job alone makes me a walking deal-breaker so—"

A few people stumble out of the bar, cackling loudly, and they both look to make sure it's no one they know. Just a group of strangers, so their attention refocuses. Io takes another breath, but Estinien speaks first.

"Since you left, I only sit in your chair." The streetlight overhead harshes the shadows falling across his face, but it does not obscure the reddening tips of his ears. "It felt stupid at first. For a while, I pretended it wasn't a conscious thing. Just a convenient one; it's closer to the door or whatever. But it's a choice, I realize that now… I think I've been keeping myself from it since you wrote on them. At some point, I couldn't tell the difference. But that became a choice, too."

It trails off a bit as he loses his own thread, but Io isn't lost. No, it makes perfect sense. This is him explaining every moment passed between them in the half-decade they've shared.

"You're rambling." She tries not to laugh. It's not funny. It's just what he does; he doesn't know what to say, so he says more than he should, and the familiar habit fills her chest with a fluttering warmth. His gaze moves to her smile. "I mean, you don't have to stop. I like when you get going."

She marvels at the way his eyes roll, annoyed and amused all at once. How he tries to be just one plain thing but can't help being more than that.

"The point is, I only sit in your chair."

Estinien's hands leave his pockets. She thinks he might be reaching for his cigarettes. She could use one, too. But they shoot towards her instead, his fingers wrapping into the embroidered edges of her jacket. He holds her like that, thumbs tracing the fabric while his eyes dart across her face, softening by the second. They dilate to a ring of dark silver.

Io reminds herself to breathe.

He pulls her closer.

Closer than that.

"I love you. I don't know how long it's been, just that I do." And he waits, all quickened breath and pleading eyes silently asking her to say it again.

"I love you too."

His hands wind around her, shifting her across the final gap between them, chest to warm chest. When Io lifts her hands to his face, his heartbeat gives him away. Pressed close like this, she feels the echo of every agonizing thump. His darkened eyes flash to her lips.

He moves.

They are careful at first, almost precious about it. But careful gives way to something else, just like it started to three months ago on the fire escape. His softness grows urgent, the kind of thing that begs to become another, deeper kiss. Io waits for the shoe to drop, the glass to shatter, but it doesn't come. Estinien's hands travel to the small of her back, one moves under her jacket, fingers skimming between the straps tying the back of her dress, and there is no interruption this time.

Every thought, every dream she's had about this does not compare to the way his lips seem to drag hers with him as he pulls back. His breathless whisper falls into the space between them.

"Should we get out of here, just go home? I just want to be with you tonight."

Io nods against his forehead, maybe too eagerly, but his smile is worth it. "Yeah, um, just let me say bye to everyone first. I hate to bail, but the party isn't the only reason I'm here."

He releases her as a smug grin pulls new shadows across his face. When they re-enter together, Aymeric approaches from the bar.

"You two were gone for a while." His words are ripe with accusation. Io shifts her weight and pulls her jacket closed, hoping he doesn't notice how rumpled it is.

Estinien leans against the wall by the entrance, looking as casual as ever. "And we're leaving again. Are you meeting everyone for breakfast tomorrow?"

Aymeric balks, "First of all, it's brunch, not breakfast; we're drinking again. Second, yes, I'll be there."

"Then we'll see you there."

"Wait, why are you leaving?"

Io takes the opportunity to slip away and find Y'shtola, who is once again seated at the bar, talking to Leo over the largest fishbowl of sangria she's ever seen. It's half-empty.

She slides into the seat next to her. "Hey… please don't kill me."

Shtola squints in Io's direction with surprisingly clear eyes. There is a silent question in them.

"Can I be here for this?" Leo props an elbow on the bar as if that might bolster his chances.

"No," they say in unison, refusing to glance his way.

"Fine," he says, no worse for wear. "I'm taking five, I need to piss anyway."

Shtola takes a deep sip of her drink until he's in the back. "Let me guess: you've decided to leave your best friend's birthday in the loud, crowded bar when we've been here less than two hours? Io, don't think I didn't expect that."

Io might be offended if there were any malice in the words, but Y'shtola brought her fucking kindle. She's probably planning her own escape soon.

"I'm awful, I'm sorry—" She throws her gaze over her shoulder and Shtola's head turns too. Estinien is still waiting by the door with Aymeric, but he's focused intently on her. "—but there's been a development…"

Bubbles sputter in her drink and she comes away coughing. "Are you serious? Finally? Not the half-assed, 'this is a goodbye forever, I'm giving up on you' kiss?"

"Finally." Her grin is embarrassing, but if anyone knows how long she's held out for this moment, it's Shtola. "Like, no bullshit, for real. Feelings talk and all, so I… really need to go."

Shtola shakes her head, one hand waving Io off the barstool and towards the exit. "No, no, breaking the pattern of platonic codependency and making a new, probably worse pattern is the perfect birthday gift. For the love of god, text me and let me know what happens."

"See you tomorrow." Io squeezes in one more hug and snags a sip of her drink before all but running for the door.

She gives Aymeric a little wave and a smile before passing through the door with Estinien's hand on her back again. A car is already waiting, and after they clamber inside, he doesn't cease his contact. An arm as far around her as he can manage, his fingers grazing her neck, and he can't take his eyes off her.

It doesn't matter that this is all the drive will allow. Desire sparks along her skin, originating from his touch and simmering between them, silent but shameless. The ride feels like an eternity.

When they're finally outside their building, the car is barely out of view before Estinien kisses her again. He walks them backward to the alcove housing the locked glass doors and the keypad. She laughs against his lips as she struggles to reach the buttons. He moves them closer. The first attempt lights the unit in red.

They'll get locked out at this rate.

Io pulls free of his lips with a hummed whine so she can see what she's doing. He moves to her cheek instead, then her jaw… Another red try.

"Estinien," she breathes.

His throaty laugh vibrates against her skin. "You've got it."

Fuck it. If this doesn't work, they can break their necks on the fire escape. 7-9-1-3-5. It blinks green, and the locked doors click open.

They only waste a little time in the stairwell, a quick kiss every other landing or so, when one can't resist grabbing the other, softly passing laughter between mouths before running up the next flight. It doesn't feel real. It lasts all the way to their door.

They go inside, hand in hand, and this is when it sets in.

Sure, it's a bit too clean, but the only new thing here is them. They kick off their shoes and navigate the path to Estinien's room in the dark, carefully dodging jutting furniture corners and stepping over the edges of rugs as their eyes adjust to the lack of light. A strange muscle memory when the context of the journey is so different.

In his room, Io pulls the chain on his bedside lamp, flooding the space with soft, warm light. She knows his room; the scattered sports and music posters, his baseball trophies and metals, and the long unused skateboard. His bed sits in the center of the far wall, flanked by a table on each side; one holds the lamp she just turned on, and the other is where his keys, wallet, and phone usually go. She's had to grab them more than once as they rushed out of this place.

"Is that okay?" she asks.

He nods, pulling her in again, prying her jacket off. It falls to the floor in a crumpled heap as his hands trail back up her arms. One settles lightly against the back of her neck. She runs a shaking hand over his stomach until it rests on his chest.

He inhales, forehead falling to hers for the second time tonight. "I'm kind of nervous."

"Me too." She swallows, trying to keep her voice even. "It feels silly, right?"

"Yeah." Estinien's rumbled laugh sounds in the quiet. "The reason I shouldn't be is the reason I am."

Io pulls her head away, asking why with furrowed brows.

"Because it's you."

What steals her breath seems to give his confidence a second wind. He tugs a strap off her shoulder and presses a kiss to the freckled skin beneath, lips moving slowly, reverently, until her head tips back and her arms snake around his waist. He catches the hem of the dress, looking to Io briefly for approval, lifting it over her head after she nods.

He pauses, drinking in the sight of her standing in his most private space, wearing only her underwear, and for a second Io wonders if his drinks have caught up with him.

He pulls his own shirt off, ruffling his hair in the process. His skin catches the lamplight on one side and moonlight on the other. His beauty is uncomplicated, as direct as he is, but right now it threatens to overwhelm her. Io reaches for him, runs her hands across soft muscle and the small, knotted scar on his left shoulder.

She leans forward, brushing her lips over his, almost content to feel him breathing against them and nothing more. Almost. Estinien's knuckles skim her waist, ghost over the side of her breast, across her back, where his hold solidifies before tipping them onto the bed.

Each touch speaks the assurance they've never needed to voice—I'll take care of you, I'm the one who always takes care of you. This is not so different, not when they get down to it. Estinien drags his lips across her throat and that is just as intimate as his texts reminding her to take her anxiety medication; Io's hands slipping beneath his waistband are the same hands that spread his favorite blanket over him when he falls asleep on their couch. I made you coffee shares DNA with please kiss me again, and both are prerequisites to the soft grip of his hand under her chin, leading her mouth to his.

What's one more way to love each other?

Between needy touches and heated moans, they peel away the last of their layers. There is nothing else they can bare.

Estinien moves down her body, nose trailing against her skin, stopping along the way to place soft, searing kisses to places that certainly never existed before now. The tip of her collarbone, the underside of her breasts, the sensitive skin over her ribs, and she shivers as he brings each one to life in the soft heat of his mouth. His hands follow, creating a pattern of kiss and caress, and Io is never without some part of him in contact with her skin.

He settles between her legs, and she feels the hot rush of his breath, coming just that much faster as he anticipates the next action. Io can hardly bear to look at him—flushed cheek pressed against her thigh and his eyes growing darker when she bites her lip—but she cannot look away.

"You're so fucking beautiful." Estinien kisses her thigh, then whispers low in a voice Io doesn't recognize, "Do you want me to?"

His fingers trace a tantalizing pattern on her leg as he stares up at her, waiting for the answer.

How can she tell him what he's doing to her before he even begins? "Please" is the only word she can articulate as she runs a hand through his hair, gently urging him to go on. "Please."

He dips his head, and words don't matter. She couldn't form them if she tried. Her eyes squeeze shut as she falls against the pillow. There is only shapeless sound, her body tense and twisting, the combination of her slick heat and his mouth,

               his mouth,

                                 his mouth.

She's at the edge before she knows it, and the feel of his lips changes, lightens, as he pushes her over. He's smiling—pleased with himself, pleased at her reaction. It remains in place as he lifts himself and kisses his way back to her lips.

Estinien covers her, skin to skin, and Io pulls away from his lips just to look at him for a moment. His silver hair catching bits of the city lights through the window. The shine of her still worn on his lips. Io cups his cheek and sweeps her thumb across them, observing the way they yield for even this touch. His blush spreads to the tips of his ears, down his neck.

"I feel so stupid. You've been looking at me that way for years, and I…" The thought hangs between them: 'What if?' He shakes his head above her, his hair grazing her shoulders.

"Yeah," Io whispers. "But you've been looking at me too. I wasn't in a rush."

She smiles into the next kiss, feels his own spread against her lips. Of all the things they've done tonight, the things they will do, this is the one she wants to keep most. She lets it linger, lets him deepen it when he's ready, asking for more when his tongue slides over hers and he shifts between her thighs.

Io stifles a moan and presses her hands into his back. She needs him closer.

One more shift, and they gasp through a broken kiss. There is only a second of pause, a quick word to check in, then Estinien drives forward again. They find a rhythm. Io moves with him. His breathing grows ragged and shallow, his voice is a tight rasp as he curses or mutters her name into the crook of her neck.

He leans back, resting on his knees, lifting Io with him so she sits on his angled lap. "I wanna see you like this," he says in a shredded whisper. "I keep thinking about it."

It's easy to give him what he wants when he looks at her like this, when he asks for her like he needs her. Io works her hips against him while Estinein does his best to explore, to touch, but his focus shatters in a guttural rumble as he pulls free and guides their fall back to the bed.

There is breath to catch and mess to clean. They alternate trips to the bathroom, then settle into his bed in a yawning heap.

They stay close afterward, liking the way their limbs have tangled and the heaviness of his body relaxing against hers. Io runs her fingers through his hair, unwilling to stop touching him like this now that she has no reason to hold back, and relishes the soft breath washing over her chest. Estinien is still, besides the occasional lazy roll of his head, to kiss her where he can. From the opposite side of the bed, the lamp's glow brightens his edges, the sharp line of his jaw, his nose, and his lips gently pulled into the sweetest smile Io's ever seen him wear.

She could watch him like this forever.

The city doesn't slow around them. Flashes of sound and color leak into the dim room, painting the wall in shifting light that disappears between drowsy blinks. Io wonders how all those passersby in taxis and on the street can go on like before, unaware a faultline has moved under their feet. Don't they know? Didn't they feel it?

The quiet breaks abruptly.

"Io, I'm not,"—his rough voice wavers. He pauses. She can almost see him turning over the words in his mind—"very romantic, if I'm honest, but I could be good to you."

His head on her chest is the only thing keeping her in orbit.

"You've always been good to me. If you're asking me for something…"

"I'm asking."

"You just wanna hear me say it?" And she laughs at his sleepy little nod, heartsick at the way he looks up at her, pupils wide even with their desire temporarily quenched. He wants more than light. She gives it to him. She'd give him anything. "Then yeah, I want to be with you, if you're willing to deal with the distance."

"I don't mind the distance if it's with you." His eyes close, his breathing deepens. She holds him like that until sleep takes her, too.

Io wakes slowly. The room is still gray and dark, with the exception of a single line of early sunlight fighting its way through his blackout curtains. It falls across her side of the bed, a reminder that something exists beyond the bliss of being tucked into this specific set of sheets.

Estinien is already awake. His hand moves down her side, warm and soothing, and then makes the return journey upward, over and over, until she half-rolls to see his face.

"Hey," his voice is even more rough than usual, but it's sweeter, too. He lifts onto his arm, smiling down at her. His messy hair hangs in his eyes. Witnessing this side of him… it always felt so out of reach.

"Hi," she whispers back, adjusting the sheet so there's no barrier between them. "Why are you awake?"

His knuckles roll over her neck, up to her cheek. "Just wanted to look at you. You're all I can think about, and now you're here so… is that weird?"

Io shakes her head against his pillow. "I don't think it's weird. I think I'd do the same."

"Good." He leans in, but pauses before their lips meet. "Wouldn't stop me if it was."

He kisses her slowly, pulls her back flush to his chest so he can touch her. The urgency and nerves of last night are gone. His hands move, unhurried, over the twist of her body, more interested in coaxing little sounds of need from her while her voice still wears shades of sleep. When he fills her this time, his thrusts are soft, almost lazy. And when he's finished, Estinien tells her he loves her again.

She will never tire of hearing it.

They are late to brunch. It's a wonder they show up at all.

No comments when they stroll to the table hand in hand, or when Estinien throws his arm around Io's chair, and not even when she leans into him to rest her head against his cheek after the third mimosa. This is how it should've been all along. They were the only people blocking the way.

The day passes in patches of sunlight and bright laughter, that of their friends and, later on, just theirs. They walk their favorite paths and visit the places Io missed most. The park on the way to her former library job, the library itself, the bakery with specialty cupcakes, and the taco joint she's been craving. But he is a magnet for her hands and, in truth, the place she misses most is their apartment…

They make good use of the short time. No room is too sacred, no surface too precious, until they make it so. By the end of the weekend, they have a pretty good handle on what works. Estinien is a quick study; he remembers what makes her smile, what causes a gasp or a moan.

They learn other things too.

"Tell me something I don't know about you," Io requests on that final evening.

Estinien lies on his back, head angled toward the tv that drones quietly in front of them. He's not watching; his eyes are half closed and his hand tangles in her hair. It's the most focus he can spare right now.

"I thought it was called 'duck tape' for too long. Aymeric pulled me aside in freshman year. Embarrassing as fuck," he says. "Your turn."

Io commits to being a quiet observer, biting back the giggle in the back of her throat.

She lies across his waist with one arm folded under her chin. Her fingers skate over his torso, leaving little trails of puckered skin in their wake. She pockets every tiny reaction (the soft hitch in his breath at a touch near the lower rungs of his ribs, or barely audible sigh when she passes just below his navel), but these are the only interruptions to the otherwise steady rise and fall of his chest.

"I'm allergic to bee stings."

"What?"

"Yeah, I should've mentioned it before," she says. "You're my emergency contact, so you should know what might take me out."

He laughs, a full belly laugh that shakes both of them on the couch. The sound digs into the marrow of her bones. It can't replace the voices she misses, but she can make more space for him in the part of her heart that longs to hear them.

The quiet after his laughter is just as tender, both of them content with this simple closeness.

"I don't want you to go," he says after some time. "One more day."

"Estinien, my flight—"

"Fuck your flight." His drowsy smile is tempting. "Stay with me."

She says no by pressing her lips against the soft, fuzzy patch of skin beneath his navel, and his exhale barely restrains a shudder. Does she truly do this to him so easily?

"Stay," Estinien repeats.

"You know I can't." Io kisses him again, shifting her head, preparing to focus her attention a little lower…

A long exhale stutters out of him. "I know."

She tugs on the hem of his boxers and he lifts his hips to make it easier for her to move them down his thighs. Io bites her lip at the sight of him, his ready willingness to share himself with her, the way he wants her. She brushes her lips against his length.

"I can come back next month." She trades lips for tongue, adores the way his head rolls back against the sofa. "We'll talk every day, like we always do."

"Next month," he whispers as she takes him into her mouth. His voice strains. "Only nine more to go."

It's noon on Monday when they leave for the airport.

Estinien drives them. Io takes in the view from the passenger seat, branding the feel of his hand on her knee into her mind. And then the pressure of his arms around her when he pulls her back for another hug, the nervous blush when he kisses her openly at the gate. His straight-backed reassurance of "I love you. Come home soon."

Home can be a place, as simple as four walls, or the scent of minty body wash, the voices that soothe just by proximity, and it can be a shared bad habit. The picturesque scenes of a small and beautiful life. Home can be the boy you watch grow into a man, the friend you wait for until you don't care about the waiting, and the partner stoking butterflies or comfort with a look. Home isn't home the first time—it demands a return.

"I will. I'll be back before you know it. And I love you too."

Home requires memory.

#azia writes #io laithe #io/estinien #otwr au #my GOD i am so glad this is finished sdlkgjfd #i don't even have commentary i just love them #i love them in this setting. i love how committed they are to each other even when they think it's unrequited #bye

[the-conversation-pod]

Summer 2023 Ep 2 - The Eighth Sense

AND WE'RE BACK!

It seems like every season we're going to have a single show dominate the conversation and the zeitgeist so much that we have to dedicate an entire episode to it! This season it was the Korean-German team-up about a boy so sprung that he joined a surfing club even though he couldn't swim. Strap in for a long discussion!

Nini and Ben dive deep into The Eighth Sense to discuss the international nature of BL, the way film history plays into our stories, the role of forgiveness in our lives, and the role of community in queer development.

Listen on Apple Podcasts

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Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond to chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

0:00 - Welcome 1:04 - The Eighth Sense 18:00 - The Relationship Between the Seniors and Juniors 27:45 - The Hedwig Incident 36:32 - Ae Ri 42:50 - Ji Hyun and Jae Won 50:38 - Joon Pyo and Boss Lady 56:28 - Let's Talk About the Kissing (and Episode 6) 1:06:21 - The Party Scene and Forgiveness 1:17:14 - On a Possible Second Season 1:24:10 - Checking in Two Months Later

The Conversation: Now With Transcripts!

We received an accessibility request to include transcripts for the podcast. We are working with @ginnymoonbeam on providing the transcripts and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes. When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

1:04 - The Eighth Sense

Ben

Welcome to The Eighth Sense episode! Nini and I had so much to say about this that we decided to give it its own episode, separate from our overall consternation from whatever is going on in the land of K-BL, because this felt distinct. This was a piece of work from a German and a Korean filmmaking team, and it created unique results. So we're going to speak to you all for the next hour and a half? [laughs] about it, and then we'll come back at the end with some reactions to the show and how we're feeling about it a few months later.

Nini

Let's go.

Nini

We are here today to talk about The Eighth Sense, and only The Eighth Sense. Benjamin. What is The Eighth Sense about?

Ben

See I had her a little bit annoyed before we started talking. She gives my full name because she's still mad at me for being obnoxious. The Eighth Sense —

Nini

[laughs]

Ben

The Eighth Sense is an age gap college romance between a new freshman from the Korean countryside and a very wealthy Korean man, who is the heir of his family, who's recently back from military service and trying to finish school. They kind of meet by happenstance at the freshman's job and instantly have a connection between them which they both find themselves drawn to and pulling on. 

And over the course of the show the freshman, Ji Hyun, ends up joining the surfing club to hang out with Jae Won, the senior, and a romance blossoms between them… but we hit a lot of very familiar western queer storytelling drama beats. It blends fairly well with the Korean storytelling beats, as these two eventually choose each other as they're trying to move forward with their lives. Much drama ensues because of the older boy’s deep mental health issues. It's a really simple plot. It's just incredibly well executed.

Nini

Well, let's talk a little bit about that execution. So this is a… it's a Korean production but it's co-directed by a Korean director, Baek Inu, and a German director, Werner du Plessis. And I think that that interplay between the two filmmaking styles, between some of the hallmarks of Korean filmmaking and then some of the hallmarks of like classic German bildungsroman… They interplay really interestingly I think, in terms of the way that it's executed. A lot of people are saying that The Eighth Sense made them think of Skam? I have not watched Skam so I can't really speak to that, but in terms of certain aspects of the techniques of the filmmaking that I've seen, in terms of lighting and color and all of those things, I could see the comparisons that they're making. 

But I feel like this show… it's something all its own? We've talked on this show about how K-BL was starting to get a little repetitive and feel like it wasn't, you know, using its time well and all those other things. And I think that those are criticisms that you can't level at The Eighth Sense. It does use its time well. I feel like it is well thought through, I feel like it uses its budget well, I feel like it… really engages me, like I'm not going to forget these characters. I'm not going to forget Ji Hyun, Eun Ji, Tae Hyung, Jae Won, Joon Pyo, Yoon Won, [laughs] I'm not going to forget these characters. You know what I mean? These characters have sort of touched something inside of me, particularly Jae Won. 

I feel like it came along at just the right time for me to not write off K-BL. [laughs]

Ben

I mean, is it really K-BL, though?

Nini

Well, that's the question isn't it? Because a lot of people are like, ‘oh this isn't, this isn’t BL.’ I think it's very firmly BL, but I don't know how much it feels like K-BL.

Ben

It is not relying on… the tropes or beats of traditional yaoi, as evolved by Thailand's fiddling with the formula, and what's recently been happening in Korea over the last three years-ish. When you called it like a German coming of age thing, I can feel some of those influences here. In terms of the pacing, and the knowing. 

So one of the things that BL is not very good at doing that I don't always enjoy is… BL doesn't know how to make characters always gay. Like their queerness activates when it's relevant, because they're thinking about it now. It isn't… built really into the way the character is functioning. But when you're writing queer cinema, a queer character is always queer. It is always complicating their life in some way, and that feels present here with Ji Hyun and Jae Won. Particularly when it comes to the ways that two of them engage with each other. 

Ji Hyun gets clocked constantly by everyone, because he's obvious to them. Jae Won and he bump into each other at the restaurant and recognize each other, flirt outside of the restaurant. Ae Ri recognizes these things in him very quickly and she starts covering for him; Eun Ji sees this in him right away, and beefs with him immediately over Jae Won. Yoon Won I think picks up on it right away, which is why she's always calling him cutie. And I think the boss picks up on it too, which is why she's kind of protective of him. 

This works for me because he's so clearly different, and I like how he clearly had these big dreams about ‘I'm going to move to the city and I'm going to live my best gay life.’ Then he moved to the city and got scared, because it's such a big place, all these strangers, and it's confusing because he's not used to dealing with urban systems… And so like, he immediately retreated a little bit. He just picked up a job, so he would only have to deal with one person, because it's like a one woman operation and like the freshman temp worker she's relying on? [laughs] And I think that's one of the big things that separates it for me with most of the BL we've experienced, like Ji Hyun always feels gay for me, in the way that Ji Hyun is very… protective of himself but very honest in general. Like Ji Hyun doesn't offer himself up easily to other people, but he's consistently honest and forthright with them. And like, after his big ol’ incident — where he almost dies, and I’m calling it ‘the incident’ [laughs] — he turns really sassy, but he's still being honest, he's just not tempering that. And also he's a little bit pissy, because he has a right to be. 

So like that's the biggest, I think, line between like, BL per se, and what we might call queer cinema, when I'm watching them. Like their queerness is not active only when they're flirting, like other BL characters often feel for me.

Nini

Hmmm. That's something to ponder… It is clear that Ji Hyun does get clocked pretty regularly. You know I always have a soft spot for the ones who can't hide, and… so, I can get like why the boss is protective of him, why Joon Pyo is protective of him — like, even though Joon Pyo doesn't really know? He knows something, but he doesn't really know that Ji Hyun is queer, and it's this really funny scene when he finds out in the end, and he's just really upset that, you know, Ji Hyun didn’t tell him that he had a boyfriend. 

Ji Hyun feels recognizably queer, in some intangible way? Like I think about my gay friends and my gay family, and… that thing that you said about a person who is gay being gay all the time and not just when they're flirting with somebody? [laughs] That really resonated [both laugh] Thaaaat really resonated, and I think is also a little bit of shots fired for some of BL.

Ben

I don't know that I want to fire shots at the other dramas in this regard, because… it's not fair. Because some of these things are intangible, you can't really always do them really well or correctly. It's not like I have obvious guidance, like ‘hey, here are the five tips to make your character seem authentically queer when you're writing your little stories!’ [both laugh] And like, that's not fair. 

What I can do as a amateur critic, is point out that this character reads queer to me: from the little gay rainbow lamp he has, to the way he had big dreams for the city then feels a little bit disappointed about it, to the way he sees a really hot boy and immediately decides to do — to join a dangerous club just to get some dick. Like that's the kind of dumb shit that baby gays do! Like can you swim? No. So you joined the surfing club? Was — was the dick even that good? Yeahhh. All right, well, shit! [both laugh]

Nini

The man said that, before he nearly died, he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. He literally said that. [laughs]

Ben

This poor boy's whole brain got rearranged by some good dick! God damn.

Nini

Our other protagonist is Jae Won. Jae Won is a poor little rich boy, he's a tragic figure with a tragic past.

Ben

He's a sad little meow meow.

Nini

He really is the saddest little meow meow. It’s up in the air whether he's closeted or not. I don't feel like he is? But I also feel like he doesn't advertise. Because it doesn't feel like any of his angst about Ji Hyun is about the idea of him dating a guy. It doesn't feel that way.

Ben

Jae Won feels therapized. He… definitely is aware of his queerness, and seems mostly inconvenienced by it. His father is described as aggressive, and there's all of these pressures on him to be a certain kind of man, and a certain kind of son. Like they get mad about how emotional he is, they get mad that he's out drinking with his friends… so he's definitely been forced to be closeted about it? So I think he is definitely aware of it, and the reason why I think he's aware of it is, Ji Hyun calls him out on it in the last episode, when he's like, ‘You had a lighter in your pocket, the first night you met me.’

Nini

It's not that I feel like he doesn't know himself, like he knows himself, I think that much is clearly obvious in the story, he knows himself. The question is whether the people around him know. I feel like Eun Ji definitely knows, that's why she's so im— one of the reasons she's so immediately hostile to Ji Hyun, because she knows.

Ben

She knows, but I don't think he's told her. He just feels really modern about it, like, yes he's gay, if you ask him directly he'd probably just shrug and be like yeah, sure, whatever, but people aren't going to ask him that. They don't want to cross that line, because they want to use him, and trying to embarrass him about that is just gonna get you iced out of his life. Again, like we know that the surfing dudes hadn't really considered it, because they're like no, Jae Won's not that way. That's also like the men, though. Like every single girl in the story clocked every single gay boy the whole time. The boss, Eun Ji, Ae Ri, Yoon Won, all clocked Jae Won and Ji Hyun. And Jae Won didn't even know about it, because Yoon Won was like ‘you better do right by that boy,’ he's like ‘what are you talking about?’ and she was like ‘girl!’ and he was like ‘all right, shit.’ [laughs]

Nini

Jae Won is not closeted but he's not out either. Let's put it that way.

Ben

I think he was closeted by default, but he had already worked through the, ‘if I really connect with someone, I will step out for them.’ And you can feel that, with the way he tries to casually say to the boss, ‘yeah I have feelings about my boyfriend,’ and the way he's forthright about it with Ji Hyun. Because I feel like he had emotionally prepared for the moment? And once he decided to commit to it, all of that work came out right away.

Nini

Well, even before he says it to the boss or to Ji Hyun, he says it to the guy at the, at the rest stop, when they're heading off to that fateful trip. It's not even a big deal for him to say that. And that's why I was wondering like, well is he closeted or is, has just nobody just ever asked him about it? And I think I'm going to land on your side of things here with, probably nobody ever asked him about it, and he didn't feel the need to announce it.

Ben

Right, and I think that's where — that's, that's mostly how he reads to me.

Nini

Do you think that Tae Hyung knew?

Ben

Yes, because he kisses him all the time. But, he knows it in the way that stupid-ass straight boys know. Where they know, and they want the attention, and they kind of want it, but they would have to be gay and they can't actually do that. Which is why he gets so… bothered about Jae Won caring about other stuff. It's the same thing we see all the time, he gets mad that he's not being paid attention to, or that Jae Won doesn't care about the things he wants him to care about. Or isn't being as miserable as they want him to be.

Nini

You know what I think is actually a subtle hint? In the first few episodes of the show, the way that Tae Hyung keeps pushing Jae Won and Eun Ji together, keeps pushing them towards each other, keeps bringing Eun Ji into the spaces. Now that I'm thinking about it, at the beginning I just never quite figured out why it mattered so much to him? But now, it makes like a strange kind of sense, if he knew or if he at least suspected… why he would keep shoving Eun Ji at him.

Ben

Right, because if she — he chooses Eun Ji, it's at least, like, the woman that he was okay with, I guess. And like it gives him some sort of weird control or investment in whatever they have going on. I feel like at some level Tae Hyung knows. But again like that's part of why this show feels more queer for me than some other stuff, because we're having this really complex conversation about who knows, doesn't know, at what level do they know, what does their knowing imply about the way they perceive Jae Won — like that's the world real queer people exist in. Where it isn't just who knows, it's what do they do with the knowledge.

Nini

I'm really recasting, like, my initial reactions of the whole Tae Hyung, Jae Won thing.

Ben

I mean if you, I don't know if you remember, I hated that motherfucker from the very first time we saw him! [both laugh]

Nini

Ben could not stand his ass from jump.

Ben

Like, the very first episode I was like, ‘oh I hate this boy so much Nini!’ [laughs] and she was like ‘damn bro, they just had like one fight!’ and I'm like, ‘oh no, it was not just one fight.’

18:00 - The Relationships Between the Seniors and Juniors

Nini

Speaking of fights between Jae Won and Tae Hyung, perfect segue. 

Ben

Let's talk about him tagging that ass though.

Nini

We're kinda jumping around here, and one of the reasons that we're jumping around is I feel like, talking about The Eighth Sense, like it doesn't really, it's not really useful to talk about it in some kind of chronology, or in terms of the plot. The plot's there and the plot is good… 

Ben

The plot is… a country boy snags a chaebol. It's very good.

Nini

Yeah, the plot is very simple, I feel like The Eighth Sense, the, the real meat of the discussion is in the relationships — in all the different interactions that these characters have bouncing off of each other, in some of the ways that they interact with society? I feel like that's more of where the meat of talking about the story comes from. There's going to be a lot of jumping around in this discussion I think because of that.

Ben

We’ll talk about Tae Hyung, but more specifically we'll talk about how strong the characterization is for all of these characters. Like the biggest thing that's interesting about this show is, all the seniors are miserable horrible people.

Nini

Terrible. [laughs]

Ben

All of the freshmen are not — but some of them could be. I think that's Bit Na's role in the story. Yoon Won, Eun Ji, and Jae Won are all seniors who probably should have graduated already, but because of the funding model of school and how you need to get a job, they're all stuck and they hate it. They're having the millennial problem of, we were told that if we were really good at school and we went to college and checked all the boxes, we would get decent jobs, marry wives, live in the suburbs, have a van, and have two point three kids. And uh… we didn't! And we've lived through crisis after crisis for… literally 22 years, and it sucks! 

And so like I get why Yoon Won, Eun Ji, Jae Won, and Tae Hyung are so frustrated and so pissed about all of it. And like they can't even be happy about any of it, like Tae Hyung wasn't drafted, but it's not like it worked out for him, it's not like he got to do anything useful with school, and like get ahead and go work somewhere, which is why like he's glomping back on to Jae Won. Because he's his last hope, that maybe somehow Jae Won getting control of his dad's company will get him a useful job, and maybe he won't be such a piece of shit. But he's such a selfish prick that he can't do anything with it. 

Eun Ji is clearly a status chaser, and she really wants to be the wife of a chaebol. And that's why she's trying to lock Jae Won down. 

Yoon Won is the only person that Jae Won ends up having a real connection with, because she's frustrated, but she's trying to do something positive, like ‘hey I'm gonna be stuck in school for a while but I'm [gonna] try and keep the surfing club afloat while I'm here. I hope you can get a chance to relax and I'm really glad that you came back and helped us out because — you’re really good at it, and I'm really glad that you're here.’ Like, she's the only person who's thankful for Jae Won's presence because he offered it. And she asks for literally nothing else beyond him except, ‘so hey you feel like getting a pizza and a beer with me? I really want to go to this place but the guy only speaks English even though he lives in fucking Korea.’

Nini

[laughs] That was bizarre.

Ben

And he's gonna be such a dick about it! That felt like a dig at foreigners moving to Korea.

[both laugh]

Nini

I completely agree that Yoon Won feels like the only person who is interested in Jae Won and not in what Jae Won can do for them, in terms of the seniors. And that's why their… thing works. And Jae Won says it when they're drinking in that foreigner's bar. He's like, ‘you know, when we started school I really didn't like you. But now you're kind of the only person who—’ [laughs] Basically he tells her that she's the only person he doesn't hate, so.

Ben

Right? And he call — she calls him out, like ‘I know you hated me, you piece of shit. But it's fine. We're cool now.’ [laughs] But again like, in terms of like, early episodes… she's the only person in the series [who] respects what he wants. She's like ‘Okay, I'll take the new kid because he clearly can't swim. You take the two girls, because you gay, you ain't gonna do nothing with them girls. Teach them girls how to swim right.’ He's like ‘No. I wanna go with the boy.’ She's like ‘Girl. Are you sure?’ and he's like ‘Nah nah nah, I really wanna go hang out with this boy.’ ‘Allll right.’ [laughs] 

But again, everyone else disrespects him — ignores his stated desires, constantly. Yoon Won is the only person in the show who, when he says he wants something, she lets him have it. And then she's like ‘Hey the cute boy drew a picture of you… wanna see it?’

[both laugh]

Nini

She gives him so much shit in like her own way, I love it. You know I’m all about besties who give you shit, you know that's my favorite, [laughs] that's my favorite trope. Besties givin’ you shit. 

But yeah, so you've got all the seniors who are stuck and miserable because, I mean, other than Jae Won — if they all came in at the same time, other than Jae Won because of his military service — they should have all graduated already. And the fact that they haven't, and they're all there just kind of, you know, sitting there miserable staring at each other, is a big commentary on everything. 

So compare them to all the freshmen. Now, the freshmen are… still young and hopeful and they have all this energy and all that stuff, and it’s such a contrast to the seniors who’re all fucking miserable. Even though there's fear there, particularly, like sort of shown up in the person of Ji Hyun, there's still this kind of enthusiasm? And then there's this brightness that comes off of them? And you kind of understand why Yoon Won and Jae Won gravitate, kind of, towards the freshman. And they feel protective of them, and they, they want them to have a good experience? That's one of the things that I really enjoyed about, for example, the surfing trip. They really invest in making sure that the freshmen have a good experience, like they keep the skeevy senior guys away from them…. they tell them they don't have to drink, they tell Tae Hyung, like, stop being a creep.

Ben

Right? They keep telling him to fuck off, they're like, ‘None of these rituals or things you're supposed to do that we did did anything for us. It didn't move us forward, it didn't make us closer to our seniors, it didn't help us succeed at school. We just got bullied by people who are older than us. And you hated it too, so chill the fuck out.’

Nini

Yeah! I like how invested they are, Jae Won and Yoon Won, in making sure that the freshmen have a good time, and that they're taken care of and protected. I really did like that. Like, it's almost like they want to help them preserve their innocence for a little bit longer, which I found was a great commentary to be quite frank… [laughs] I did love that. And then you also see, like you were mentioning in the character Bit Na, you're seeing somebody who could go along that trajectory towards misery, that landed Eun Ji and Tae Hyung where they are now.

Ben

Exactly, it's implied that she's doing all the things, like, you're Expected To Do(™), but there's a little bit of her being like ‘No I'm not gonna drink all that stuff from you’ and like at the end, like, she's furious with Tae Hyung. She's like, ‘No! I know that you've been causing problems for me, because you have a possessive crush on me. Fuck you. Get out of here.’

Nini

Scram! Beat it! [laughs]

Ben

Pulls out her little spray bottle: sks sks sks Move! [both laugh] Go on now, get!

Nini

So, she's sort of the antagonistic force that's pushing back against that stuff, while Ji Hyun and Ae Ri are more like that force that's laughing at that stuff. One is like, dismissive, and the other is… antagonistic. And it's two ways of dealing with the same thing.

Ben

I love how when the two of them start to bond, they just turn into like the meanest little catty duo. They're like ‘Oh well she hasn’t mentioned you at all” and “Oh has she really not? If I had a crush and had a best friend I know that I would be talking to my best friend about the crush, so… it's really embarrassing for you that she really hasn't mentioned you at all to her, right? Oh geez.’

Nini

[laughs] And he says that and then he doesn't tell Joon Pyo about his crush. Terrible.

Ben

And that's why Joon Pyo was pissed.

27:45 - The Hedwig Incident

Nini

Let’s talk about Ji Hyun and Ae Ri being catty for a second. So, we've already seen Ji Hyun and Ae Ri in class making fun of, like people giving their presentations… for this class on, I guess some kind of film studies course or whatever, because they're doing these presentations about films that they've watched or whatever. So we've seen them doing their little mean girl duo act in class already, where they, you know, kind of quietly snicker at whoever is in front of the class at the point in time — which I mean, come on, who hasn't done that with your friend in class? [laughs] 

When Ji Hyun comes back from his accident, the one that they're making fun of — and this is the part that I wasn't quite sure what they were trying to say, because I didn't recognize the character. So at first I didn't know if it was a character we had already met or if it was just a character that we hadn't seen before. And I think not knowing that also made things a little more difficult to parse? Because you get the sense from the way that this character talks to them that this is a character we're supposed to know who it is. That we have seen before or something. But I don't recognize him. Anyway. So this character is doing their presentation on Hedwig and the Angry Inch, which is a… queer classic?

Ben

I have not commented on this particular moment on Tumblr, because I didn't feel like getting flamed? But this is The Conversation! So I will say what needs to be said. So a big part of this film critic class that they're taking is that most of these presentations people are giving are only doing surface level reads of the source material. And this guy's read is not that deep either, but he dresses as Hedwig and thinks like he should be getting a lot of points for that. Whereas, they give a really solid read that understands the themes being explored in the Park Chan-wook film…

Nini

I’m a Cyborg, But That’s Okay?

Ben

They give a really solid presentation, they clearly understood the themes involved, but their presentation didn't have a lot of pizzazz, and they barely passed the class team. But they don't really care, because they took what they needed from the course: they engaged with the source material, they understood it, and they moved on, whereas he's cosplaying as Hedwig, a gay character. Does he appreciate the life of this gay character? 

Which for me felt like this show taking shots at performative queerness happening with BL in particular. A lot of these boys are cosplaying as gay: do they understand gay people? Do they understand the lives we live? Like you're sitting here beefing with me, an actual gay, and my hag over our presentation. But do you have any appreciation for who we are? Why don't you go ahead and scamper your ass down a little gay district off here and figure out what gay people actually live through? Like people didn't like that because they thought it read as transphobic, which it probably did, and I'm not going to begrudge people what they took from it. But for me I read it as you can cosplay as us, but you ain't us.

Nini

Hm. So I have never watched Hedwig, so… I couldn't really get a read on what they were trying to do with this? Because I didn't know if what the guy was saying had any weight of understanding to it.

Ben

It didn't… like even just knowing the film by reputation alone, and knowing older gay men who loved it, his read on it was weak. And it's, that's what, that's what I got, like — I don't want to drag anybody who is like ‘this is transphobic, and gay people should be better’ — it's also a surface level read on what's going on there. You're reacting to the fact that they diss a guy in drag, but not why they dissed a guy in drag — who started beef with them! I come from the school of talk shit get hit. So. [laughs]

Nini

[laughs] My main reaction to it, like I said because I, I don't have the… the context. Right? So my reaction to it was just kind of confused? I think that's what my overwhelming reaction was. I was confused by what was happening, I wasn't sure. I'm seeing all the takes, you know saying this is transmisogyny, this is transphobic, this is this that and the other, but the only thing that didn't read right to me about those takes — again, acknowledging that I didn't have the context — was that I don't know that this guy is part of queerness.

Ben

You know he ain't one of us because he couldn't walk in heels! You don't cosplay as Hedwig and not walk in heels.

Nini

Fair.

Ben

It's fine… The reason why I let everybody have it is, it was a deep cut and it wasn't for everybody. And that's kind of why I love The Eighth Sense because, the people who don't do their homework, who don't do the research on the genre history, who don't watch this stuff, who don't really engage in complex interactions with queerness — they kind of miss these sort of things. And I think that's okay, like, does the interaction read a little transphobic? It does. Do gay men's interactions with drag queens and other trans people often read transphobic? Hell yeah, they do! But I got it. 

Like, is it a great interaction? No, but… you ain't gonna last long in queer spaces if you can't handle a botched interaction.

Nini

I feel like it was probably the only really clunky part of the show, in that it wasn't clear. I feel like everything else that happened in the show was, it was very clear — it was abundantly clear what the show was saying, what the characters were saying and feeling, what they were trying to do. But I feel like this moment, this particular interaction, was the only time I felt like the show got a little… got a little clumsy.

Ben

It's the only indulgent thing that the show really does. It's the German director's favorite film, and he was taking a dig at people who get caught up in the fact that there's… gender performance stuff in Hedwig, and the wearing of the wig and dressing as a woman stuff, but they're missing, maybe the meat of the story. They focus on the wigs and the makeup, but not the person and the story. 

I have this particular beef too, like — I had an interaction with a colleague about what parts of queer cinema that they should maybe check out. And they really just wanted me to validate the things they wanted to watch. And that's kind of how this guy reads to me… like, the gay boy in the room is laughing at his performance. ‘How dare you laugh at my performance, I know I did my fucking research, I know gay people!’ [both laugh] That's — that's how that felt for me. Like, bro, why are you in my face? Like, go drink your juice Shelby, shit!

Nini

When you just said it like that, it made me think about white gays appropriating the language of the ballroom.

Ben

Well yeah, exactly, that's exactly what it feels like! Like… you aren't us, but you're wearing us. And it's fine, like you can get your little grade, you can make your little coins. But like, the rest of us are still here, trying to create queer lives that have meaning and comfort to them. Are you going to be with us there? That’s, like, if we're going to beef with this show for being rude to a guy in drag… what have you done for us lately? Like you might be queer too, and I don't mean to make you feel bad… but also if you're queer and all you do is watch BL, there's way more work to be done sweetie! 

Let go of your beef about the Hedwig scene, go watch Hedwig. Go watch I'm a Cyborg, But That's Okay. Then go watch the fucking sequences where these kids gave weak-ass takes about these really classic films, and then understand why they were getting laughed at by the teacher too. Like sure you dressed as Hedwig, but do you appreciate her? No? Okay, you get a B plus, I guess. Thank you for wearing drag.

It's not the most elegant moment in the thing? But it's one of those moments that it's like: who knows and who doesn't know?

36:32 - Ae Ri

Ben

Let's just talk about some fun gay shit. Let’s talk about Ae Ri! [laughs]

Nini

Ae Ri’s an interesting character. Ae Ri is a Seoul kid, so she's not like a country mouse innocent like Ji Hyun. She's with it, she knows what's going on, she, she understands the haps, you know what I mean? She's savvy. And she becomes Ji Hyun’s…

Ben

She becomes a hag. Let's call her what she is. Let's give her the term of endearment that we used to hand out to the best of the ladies.

Nini

She becomes the hag, yes, she becomes his fairy godmother. The way that she just kind of scoops Ji Hyun up? And is just like, ‘oh you poor little baby, come, let me help you because you very clearly need help’ [laughs] I just think that's delightful. I think that the way that their friendship develops — because at first Ji Hyun is convinced that she has a crush on him. And honestly, I'm not sure that he was wrong.

Ben

Elaborate.

Nini

I think that she clocked him when she had actually like, spent time with him?

Ben

I don't think she was paying attention to him until he drank the — until he drank the liquor for them, and then she's like, ‘Why would he do that, because all he does is look at Jae Won — Ohhh.’ [laughs]

Nini

Yeah, I feel like that's, that's where we go with this, it’s like ‘Aww! He's nice! Let me go scoop him up because he clearly needs help! Because he is not going to make it like this.’

Ben

He did though, like he needed somebody to be like ‘Bro. If you're trying to be closeted, because it seems like you are, let me just be clear: you’re doing a terrible job sweetie. Also? Them fits is busted. We need to buy you some clothes, like immediately. We're going shopping right now.’

Nini

It's like, ‘You’re trying to get Jae Won's attention? This is not how you do it. Okay, we're gonna need to accentuate those eyes darling. Ok?’ [laughs] 

She's the best girl. She ends up being protective of Ji Hyun, and because she's protective of Ji Hyun she also becomes protective of the people that Ji Hyun cares about, and Ji Hyun cares about Jae Won. So she becomes protective of Jae Won [laughs]. And she has claws! And she will use them. We talked about it earlier, but that scene where she just very neatly — she and Ji Hyun very neatly take Tae Hyung apart. The reason that they take him apart is because he goes for Jae Won, and Jae Won just looks really sad about it, and they're like ‘Not to-fuckin-day! We are going to end your entire career.’ 

She's the best girl. She's the best girl. I want her to have everything that she wants. I don't know what she wants, because it's not really clear, but I want her to have whatever she wants. She just seems to be vibin’, and I always love a character who's vibin’.

Ben

The reason why I like Ae Ri is, in a room of seniors being awful to her friend, she stood up and challenged them — and that was scary for her. Like she broke down in tears after that confrontation with the other seniors and Eun Ji. If you read that a certain way you're like, well is she weak or whatever? Like no, it's, it's scary to stand up in front of a bunch of people who are being awful and tell them like no, you guys are mean and this is not right.

Nini

That confrontation among the surf club after Ji Hyun has his accident is so ugly. You really see how self-centered these people are, these seniors. They do not care that this kid nearly died. 

Like yeah ok, they're upset about their club getting canceled because it's not technically fair. It's not like, you know, this was a club activity that he got hurt at. So yeah, ok, it's not technically fair, but the claws that they have out! And the way that they completely dismiss that at this point Ji Hyun is still in the hospital! It's not like he's back. He's still in the hospital, and they are so catty and vicious.

Ben

I don't even know if he was conscious at that point.

Nini

Yeah! He's — like he's, they're all so vicious about it. It's like they don't care whether he lives or dies? They don't care about anything other than the fact that this is inconveniencing them. And… that, Ae Ri takes that in, she like feels that, she internalizes that, and she realizes: y'all don't give a fuck about us. 

Which, which we’re dealing with like intergenerational relationships, and you're in a situation where you are the low man on the totem pole. You expect a certain amount of care and consideration to be taken with regards to you, because you're, you're the low man on the totem pole, you can't protect yourself necessarily. You need these people to care for and protect you. And… realizing, quite clearly and unambiguously, that these people will not protect her. They will not protect any of them. They don't care. Like I can understand why she breaks down.

Ben

Exactly. Like it's terrifying to realize that the people you're asked to respect do not give a shit about you. They'll demand abasement all the time, but when some shit popped off, did they care about Jae Won? Did they care about Ji Hyun? No, they're like: wow this is awfully inconvenient for us isn't it.

Nini

It was so ugly. I just remember being shocked, like you — I felt that one, you know what I mean? It wasn't just like, the intellectualization of what was happening on screen, I felt that deep somewhere inside of me.

42:50 - Ji Hyun and Jae Won

Ben

My appreciation for The Eighth Sense is more intellectual than it is emotional. I think it's very excellent: I gave it a 9.5 when I rated it? But I'm not… obsessed with the romance of this the way I might have been in another show. I like the way this one unfolds; I really like the way these two talk to each other. I like the way they see each other, I like that they totally misunderstood each other after the near-death crisis moment, and I like that other people pulled their heads out of their asses for them, so that they could be together, and then they followed through on that. 

But because this is just a very ‘boy likes boy’ sort of story, there isn't really a whole lot to say about the romance, but I do think we should take some time to unpack how we see Jae Won and Ji Hyun engaging with each other.

Nini

Yeah, so let's do that. These two are, as you would have said before, drawn to each other from the start, like Jae Won clocks Ji Hyun in the restaurant, Ji Hyun clocks Jae Won… I haven't rewatched the first couple of episodes as yet, but I think I remember that when Jae Won goes outside to smoke, Ji Hyun follows him?

Ben

Ji Hyun is outside, maybe on like a break or whatever? Just decompressing after a stressful moment, and all of Jae Won and his friends are maybe thinking about leaving. And then Jae Won asks for a lighter so he can light a cigarette.

Nini

He asks for the cigarette first, because he doesn't have a cigarette. He asks for a cigarette and he asks for a lighter, which is why I thought I remembered Ji Hyun following him outside, because the lighter that he gives him is the gas match for the restaurant, not like a, a standard bic. It's the big… gas match that he uses so — to light the cigarette for him, and he gives him two cigarettes. One for now and one one for later.

Ben

Jae Won was definitely flirting in a subtle way, and then Ji Hyun responds in a way that's like, I see you, but it both gave them the chance to back off of it and just write it off. Which is where I started to really appreciate the show, because… BL flirting is too overt sometimes.

Nini

It’s a dance that I've seen before, this kind of, I think you are but are you? And there's like these little subtle signals, and all these other things… I mean I don't need to tell: you're gay, you know.

Ben

[laughs] No no Nini! Go on!

Nini

Hilarious. [both laugh] Fine, read me.

Ben

Nah, it's, it's legitimately fun for me to see what other people are picking up on.

Nini

The thing is that it's so easy to dismiss, and it has to be. So these two, they clock each other, they do the dance, you know — ‘are you? I think you are, but are you? I think you are’ kind of dance.

Ben

What's so fun about them dancing is, like it could have been a one off moment. But then Ji Hyun joins the surfing club. And Ji Hyun forces Jae Won to see him. Like ‘No, my name is Ji Hyun, what's yours? You said you wanted to be friends. Were you just bullshitting me, or were you just flirting?’

Nini

Yeah, Ji Hyun is actually pretty…

Ben

He's so brave! I love him!

Nini

He is pretty forward for a baby gay, I will say that.

Ben

He knows who he is. And he sees a boy in pain — who's very pretty — and he's like, ‘I can help him.’ Not ‘I can fix him.’ ‘I can help him’ — Ji Hyun doesn't really demand anything of Jae Won really. He just won't let Jae Won fully push him away, and continues to offer him emotional support. He's incredibly patient, in a way that maybe city folk aren't used to.

Nini

Being city folk myself I can't, like, speak to city versus country in that regard, because I simply don't have the country experience.

Ben

I'm from Louisiana! [laughs]

Nini

The extra shot in that daiquiri gettin to ya, huh?

Ben

It really is. We are two-thirds of the way through this 32 ounces? That's a lot. [laughs]

Nini

There is something to be said for like, the way that Ji Hyun is… he's brave, he's forward, but he does it in this kind of quiet still way. He's pushing, there's definitely no doubt that he's pushing. But he's also not pushy?

Ben

When I was really on Twitter a lot, there’s this writer I used to follow, his name is Anthony Oliveira? He's queer, and he used to say like once or twice a day on his Twitter, he would say: Be brave enough to be kind. And that's where Ji Hyun fits for me. Even when he's being catty with people, it's only with people who came at him sideways. It's… the Hedwig boy coming at him for no reason, it's Eun Ji beefing with him for no reason, it's Joon Pyo picking on him a little bit, and him being like nah, fuck you bro. Other than that, he treats people really well. He gives people back the energy they give him. Like when they drag Tae Hyung, we mentioned this earlier, he was being shitty about Bit Na when she wasn't even there. And it's like bro, she don’t owe you nothin’. 

That's kind of what I love about Ji Hyun, because that's what he gives Jae Won. Jae Won flirted with him a little bit, he flirted back. He won't let Jae Won run away after starting that with him, like ‘Hm! You made a mistake — you should not have started this!’ And like, he's so confident at the end, like he's singing a song, like, ‘I won, ha ha!’

Nini

It's like ‘Jae Won’s miiiiiine, Jae Won’s miiiiiine’ [laughs] I love that so much! 

Ben

And Eun Ji’s like, ‘What’s it like to win?’ and he’s like ‘Hm, I’ll tell you later tonight!’ [laughs] And let's talk about that boy later that night, because he pinned that boy down… he's like oh no, we've been here for four hours of this TV show? It's time to get mine.

Nini

Ahhh, he literally said — what's the line that he said? ‘Don't laugh, you don't know what's coming next.’ 

Ben

Right? I was like, baby boy!

Nini

I loved that, I loved that!

Ben

I was in my — I was like yeeeeees bitch, yeeeeeees!

[both laugh]

Ben

Get! It! In!

Nini

He's like, I — he's like, I may look, I may look innocent but I ain't that innocent, you know, kind of…

Ben

He said I am suited, tooted, and booted!

Nini

He’s like, I have the internet, I know how these things go… [laughs]

Ben

It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake.

[both laugh]

Nini

God I hate you. [both laugh] Oh god…

50:38 - Joon Pyo and Boss Lady

Ben

Speaking of getting it in… let's talk about my boy Joon Pyo.

Nini

Hello! Hello. I said it in the clown server and I'm gonna repeat it on this podcast and I don't care how filthy it is okay? You just know — I'm sorry he might be a virgin, but I know that dick game bomb. I know it!

Ben

Look, we've been here a while; anybody who's still listening wants to be here. Let's talk about this for a second. Both Yoon Won and Joon Pyo are fat characters, who are seen enjoying food repeatedly in this show, and I am so glad that the two of them get to have what was clearly a very enjoyable makeout session with each other. And got to vibe for the rest of the night, and are confirmed to dip — off to wherever they're going on their own, so we got time to do our little gay thing we need to next to my rain! bow! lamp! in this room. 

My boy! He's been there for his homie the whole time, because he knows his friend gets lonely, he tries to make sure he does social things with him. Maybe he's a little overbearing, maybe he's a little codependent, but he had his boy’s back, and when his boy was down for the count? He starts working at his job, treating the boss with respect — because the boss seems like she might be picky about who she lets work with her. And she seemed to like Joon Pyo too! He brought that man his school supplies to make sure that he didn't have to lose a semester. And when he found out that his homie was gay, and the reason he almost died was for some dick? He was like, ‘shit was it worth it? Yes? We need to secure that bag, don't we? What we doing next?’

Nini

He was for it!

Ben

He stumbled briefly, he's like ‘Wait, Ae Ri knew before me?’ ‘Yeah, but she's from Seoul, she clocked me, I don't know.’ ‘All right, so she's just smart. Is she cool? Are we friends now, does that mean I get to hang out with cool people?’ My man is always looking at the best way to proceed forward. Ain't nobody doing it like my man Joon Pyo.

Nini

Not just that — when, after all this shit when Ji Hyun and Jae Won finally get back together, Joon Pyo clears out of the room that first night, he's like, ‘clearly y'all got some stuff to be doing and I don't want to be here while y'all do it.’ 

Ben

Right? Jae Won, he's like where'd you, like I felt — I felt it for Ji Hyun, like he wakes up in the morning and Jae Won's gone and like, that boy is not well. We knew that boy almost hurt himself in the show. Ji Hyun’s, ah, understandably worried, he goes out and he's just vibing with with Joon Pyo and he's like ‘well what's going on here?’ He's like ‘well Joon Pyo hung out outside all night for us, so. He brought us coffee, I'm honoring the man's commitment to us.’ And Joon Pyo’s like, ‘you're very pretty and popular, like… would you please take me clubbing?’ He's like ‘hell yeah, let's go clubbing. Let's get you some, son!’

Nini

[laughs] I love that!

Ben

And he's like ‘how do I need to dress, how do I need to be?’ He’s like ‘man you just need to be yourself’ … says the rich boy with all the nice clothes. [laughs]

Nini

You just know that Jae Won gonna make it rain on Joon Pyo at the club. He's going to make sure that he has everything.

Ben

I love Joon Pyo. I liked how there were kind people even in Seoul, like… like these are two freshmen clearly not used to Seoul who want to try specialty drinks for the first time. And I like how that bartender only teased them briefly, and then gave them the kind of popular drinks people their age might want to enjoy. Like that felt so gentle to me in a way, and it really stuck out when I watched it.

Nini

I feel like one of the things that the show gets right, that I really enjoyed, was that the businesses around a university are really accustomed to having students — particularly new students who don't know what the fuck they're doing. The people who work and who own and work in businesses around a university can really be quite nice like that.

Ben

That's how I feel about the boss character. She clearly loves young people, in a genuine way, and like Eun Ji thought she was really doing some stuff, ‘Oh I'm about to post a negative review on you on Yelp.’ And I like how she's like ‘Business improved as a result of your negative review, you insufferable waste of human flesh.’ [laughs] People were like, ‘So this mean catty person got chewed out by, by a business owner for being rude to the support staff? Yeah, we should go to that place.’

I like how the boss doesn't have a name, because it doesn't really matter if she has a name or not, because she's a temporary component of their lives. They're not going to really remember her name in a way that it matters, they're going to remember the things she said to them. They're going to remember how she treated them. They're going to remember like, how she helped them grow, how she pushed them to choose the things in their lives that they wanted. And like that's what matters about her character. Like, that's why they don't give her a name, because it doesn't matter what her name is, because she's so much older than them that we don't have to distinguish her. She is the positive older mentor figure in their lives.

Nini

I just think of her as such a, I mean, [laughs] Because you’re right, she doesn’t get a name, but she is so important to… not just having the story unfold, but she's important to the characters. 

56:28 - Let’s Talk About The Kissing (And Episode 6)

Ben

Let's talk about the kissing?

Nini

You go first.

Ben

Oh absolutely not. [Nini laughs] You of the… you of the, ‘all of the kissing is bad and I have notes?’ [laughs] 

No, it's fine, I'm gonna go first cause, I have more fun than you sometimes with these terrible kiss scenes. I will say that overall I enjoyed the execution of intimacy in this because everyone is very earnest, and I never feel like I'm not observing the character. This is shored up by the fact that Im Ji Sub gives absolutely terrible kisses with Eun Ji’s actress, on purpose. Straight actors will win me over so much in queer cinema when, when they're forced to kiss women, they look like they hate it. [laughs]

Nini

From a character standpoint I found it very believable.

Ben

Okay.

Nini

I found it extremely believable from a character standpoint. It wasn't pretty, but it's not supposed to be pretty? Jae Won is definitely more experienced than Ji Hyun, and that shows? It works for me, because I don't feel like Ji Hyun is supposed to be good at it. I feel like he's new to the whole thing, and because of that, the enthusiasm carries more for me than the technique. He's new to it but he's going for it in a particular kind of way. There's some little acting choices that Oh Jun Taek does, like he opens his mouth, like really wide when —

Ben

I loved it! The first time I thought, I was like, go — I was like go in baby boy!

Nini

I loved that, because — that's the kind of thing you do when you're learning to kiss, you overcompensate.

Ben

I love it.

Nini

You overcompensate when you're learning to kiss, it’s one of the things that you do, so I actually really like that detail? He looks like he wants to swallow Jae Won whole, and I really [laughs] really like that —

Ben

I fucking love it, I loved it so much —

Nini

I really love that and that's, that's the kissing at the end, but then the kissing sort of in between as well, is really… good, because those kisses — those kisses like towards the end… like they're together at that point, you know what I mean, it's a whole different thing. But the way that he kisses him before that, there is a little bit of tentativeness to it, some — in some parts? When they're surfing when they're on their trip, and he kisses them in the sea? Like, in terms of pretty? Those are the pretty, those are the prettiest kisses, like you know what I mean? Those, those aesthetically pleasing, all that good stuff, and you feel the sense of euphoria that's coming out of it? They are having this whole moment, there is so much joy in those kisses, which I truly love. 

And that's the other thing, like every — all the kisses have different moods. And you know I like to follow the trajectory of a relationship through the… to the intimacy and how it's being portrayed. So watching all the kisses and the, all the intimacy have different moods to it? Fantastic. I can't complain about it. Is it pretty? In a lot of instances, no. Does it feel real? Absolutely a hundred percent, all the time.

See? See?

Ben

I'm so relieved y'all, because normally I'm like ‘I really enjoyed that!’ and Nini's like ‘Hmmm… it was terrible’ and I'm like, ‘Awww.’ [laughs]

Nini

You know, I'm out here being Beyonce, ‘look at my technique,’ you know kinda thing [laughs] And Ben's like ‘No!’

[both laugh]

Ben

Leave them alone! They're doing their best, shit.

Nini

No… No but I really, I did, I did like it here. It's also maybe something to do with the style, because the style is so vérité? When you get an ugly kiss — quote unquote ugly kiss — in a vérité style, it feels different…

Nini

…than when you get a quote unquote ugly kiss in a style that's very polished.

Ben

I know what you mean. Like a —

Nini

You know?

Ben

Right, right. When it feels very fanciful and like ‘this is the best kiss that's ever happened,’ and you're like ‘oh but it wasn't.’

Nini

Yeah, exactly. [laughs] Precisely.

Ben

All right, so, while we're talking about the intimacy and stuff, I think we should talk about episode 6 reactions. First, I'm going to say that I loved episode 6, and I particularly enjoyed the way they handled the intimacy of episode 6? I think that was very appropriate for… the newness of the actors, the lack of an intimacy coordinator… 

I want to talk about the reaction. I don't know if you were on Tumblr for this, but there was a lot of discussion at the end of episode 6 where people were saying that episode 6 was not real. That it was fake — and I have written on Tumblr on record about how much I hated that take, and I want to unpack it here.

Nini

I did see the reactions on Tumblr, I mostly stayed out of it… I didn't really delve too much into The Eighth Sense discussion? I did do, like a little thing about Eun Ji, but I didn't really delve into The Eighth Sense discussion because I wanted it to play out. I felt like The Eighth Sense is one of those shows that… the episodic discussion wasn't going to give much. I felt like it's one of those shows where I needed to see the full, the full thing, to really… understand. Because it's not — as, as we said earlier in the show, it's not really one of those… episode by episode kind of things where the plot is what's driving it or whatever, it's really about the interactions that these characters are having, the way that they're interacting with their surroundings. 

It's why we've been jumping back and forth in discussion, and like it's how I felt about it while it was airing, so I really kinda, didn't really delve too much into the whole episode 6 discussion. I saw it, but… I wasn't getting into it.

Ben

I guess I'm just gonna deliver a little read while we're here then.

Nini

Okay!

Ben

[laughs] Here we go!

Nini

Here we go.

Ben

I don't want to disrespect anyone before we get into this. Let me be clear. Like, I do believe people were relying on very fair reads of traditional filming techniques, for why they believed that some parts of… episode 6 might have not been real, or that Jae Won would— became an unreliable narrator for it? But I think it's very important to talk about this. 

Just because it's unpleasant to consider does not mean it's not real. This is not meant to be read as disrespect to those of you trying to make sense of what's going on because you were nervous and concerned for Ji Hyun. That is valid. But, please understand, that for me — this is just me! As a queer person in these streets with y'all — whenever you all seemingly get squicked out because one of us isn't being entertaining or sexy? It makes me feel a little bit unwelcome. That's all I'm going to say about that, because you know who was right as of episode 7? Me! It was real!

[both laugh]

Ben

I was insufferable that week, I feel sorry for everybody who had to talk to me.

Nini

[laughs] I didn't think you were insufferable.

Ben

I felt insufferable. I was smug! My crops were watered.

Nini

The field in which you grew your fucks was barren.

[both laugh]

Ben

I don't want anyone to feel embarrassed if you just — felt called out by what I just said. But I would like you to approach these shows with just a little more kindness. The goal of watching TV is not to be right. It's about finding connection — with fictional people, and the real people who are also finding that connection with you. It can bring you closer to other people. It can help you understand other people. It can bring you just a little bit of peace and joy in an otherwise difficult time. There are no points to be awarded, you are not taking a test when you watch these shows. So please… be kinder to yourselves. Be kind to the people making these stories, and be kind to the people who are also watching them alongside you.

Nini

[singing] Message!

Ben

I'm a little drunk but that's all I'm going to say on that!

1:06:21 - The Party Scene and Forgiveness

Nini

Let's talk about that end scene, the party.

Ben

Okay, let's talk about forgiveness for the next thirty minutes. [laughs]

Nini

I think that's a good segue from what you just said: let's talk a little bit about forgiveness.

Ben

I'm gonna let Nini talk, because I just made you guys feel bad for like, probably 10 minutes of this edit. 

Here's the thing: Nini and I… came down on the side of forgiveness for this. But Nini and I are a little bit older than some of the viewers, so… I'll let you talk about the final scene and particularly how there were mixed reactions to Jae Won’s and Ji Hyun’s decision to reconcile, at a party, with Tae Hyung and Eun Ji: the two worst offenders of this particular story. Nini?

Nini

See here's the thing: I didn't read it as a reconciliation? And that's probably why I have a, like a different view of it. So the way that I read that is, when you're stonkingly giddy happy… when you are at a celebratory event, when you are… drinking, let's just be real about it… It is so easy to just be like, ‘You know what? I don't want to fight, I don't want to argue. I just want to let all this go… like, there's so much love in this club, I'm just gonna…’ [laughs] 

Ben

And there is love in this club tonight! Some of you don't even know.

Nini

That's part of it. That's definitely part of it. But also, you have to understand what's happening with Tae Hyung, and with Eun Ji in here as well. 

Tae Hyung is a dick. That doesn't change throughout the show. He was a dick at the start of the show, at the end of the show he's still a dick… nothing about him changes. But you get to understand the value that Jae Won finds in Tae Hyung. Because he… outright asks him, Tae Hyung asks him ‘Why are you still friends with me?’ because Tae Hyung doesn't even understand why Jae Won keeps him around. And what Jae Won says about that, he’s just like… Basically he tells him, ‘I keep you around because you don't mask and I find that really refreshing.’ That's basically what he tells him. 

And that makes so much sense to me. And it also makes me understand why he would just let the shit go, at this point. Because Tae Hyung's not going to change. We see that at the same party. He continues to try to hit on Bit Na. He has to get read to the ground by Bit Na for his bullshit. Tae Hyung is never going to change.

Ben

That's true. He's the most bitchless motherfucker in the whole show.

[both laugh]

Nini

Completely! A hundred percent. He's never going to change, and Jae Won finds that comforting. Also, I have seen men forgive each other for all kinds of shit? So that just read a hundred percent true to me. I have seen dudes fight, box, wrestle, nearly kill each other… and then two days later they're out together hanging out.

Ben

Dude I've seen them after the fight bloody, like crying, hugging each other like I love you bro! [laughs] And I'm like, the hell just happened?

Nini

That rang a hundred percent true to me… I think that if Tae Hyung and Jae Won stay in contact — because there's no guarantee that that's going to happen either, because they're coming to the end of things now. The fact that they're having this party because Yoon Won got a job means that things are starting to move. Where all the seniors were stuck before, things are now starting to move for them. They're coming to the end of this period of their lives anyway, so they've also got like a hefty whiff of nostalgia permeating the whole thing, and also? They don't know if they're gonna see each other really, after this. They don't know if they're going to stay friends. It's easy in that situation to just let the shit go, and I've seen the situation happen so many times before and I'm just kind of like, you know what? That rang true for me, I wasn't worried about that.

Ben

I’m with Nini. As a boy, I have friends like that. Where… you know who this person is: kind of a sad sack, kind of a shit heel, and you get it. But they're weirdly there? And so, you just accept these losses, like yeah he tried to get me kicked out of school but he failed, because he sucks, so… whatever. Was that annoying? Yes. Is he going to apologize for it? No. But he wouldn't be himself if he apologized. And like that's not great, but this is again a reflection of the current state of social… politics.

Nini

It's more of a question of, is this realistic? And to me, yes it is.

Ben

Nini and I are both from cultures that have carnival. And so like, I've seen this happen at Mardi Gras, where blood feuds have ended because, like, we ran into each other at a parade. And like, the right thing was said at the right moment, and people just let go of decades worth of beef. Like it can happen! And like, the question is like, does holding on to this anger at Tae Hyung help Jae Won take care of Ji Hyun? So let it go.

Nini

The way I can best describe it is: whatever, I'm over it. It's not like he's gonna, like make him like godparent to his first born or anything like that, I don't think that's where their relationship is going. I'd be surprised if they're speaking to each other in two years. For now, at a party? Everybody's happy, everybody's drinking. You're gonna go home with your boyfriend later and have a great time, like… [laughs]

Ben

Right? The music is good, the drinks are flowing, there's love in this club tonight.

Nini

The other one that everybody’s upset about is Ji Hyun forgiving Eun Ji. Now I also found that incredibly believable. Not just for party reasons but also for career reasons? Eun Ji is still his senior. The first thing he does, like when he walks up to her, is he apologizes for being snarky with her. In the moment and like the heat of battle so to speak, he might have popped off at the mouth, but he's gonna feel bad about it later. And I can see him, like, apologizing to her about it. And I can genuinely see her, having lost so comprehensively? Licking her wounds, taking a step back, and reassessing her entire life.

Ben

Here's the thing about the way she lost to Ji Hyun. What she realized from Jae Won handing her her entire ass was, Ji Hyun was never her enemy. She lost way before this boy showed up. And so all the beef she had with him in this whole competition for Jae Won? Was nil, because he said, ‘I saw you.’ And so all of the presumption she had about, like, what was at stake, is this a battle for Jae Won’s booty or whatever… Like none of that works out. He had already dismissed her. And he was adamant: he did not want to be with her, the whole time. So she feels like an asshole, because she's been in the wrong the whole time. 

And maybe like a part of her was true about this. Maybe she was just bitter that Jae Won was gone. She's mad about him being gone, but she didn't do right by him and she lied. That's the big thing, like she's been caught lying. There's no coming back from that. Whatever her goals were for Jae Won, she had to eat that bowl of shit, and set it aside. And like there's no value for her in beefing with Ji Hyun anymore, because it just further exacerbates how much of an asshole she is. This boy did literally nothing to her, and they are not equals in a struggle for the heart of a bisexual boy. She lost her chance before this boy showed up. And so it's actually good to see her becoming the senior she's supposed to be, now that she has some experience to maybe pass on and grow from.

Nini

I agree with that read, I really think that she's reassessing and reevaluating her entire life at this point? She's feeling a little vulnerable, she's feeling a little… raw. She’s feeling a little humbled, and so… when you're feeling that way, just what do you do? You sit quietly and you try not to do too much. I don't know if this feels the way that it feels to me because I am an old bitch? But… [laughs] The first and hopefully last time you ever find yourself beefing with a fetus? Like… [laughs]

Ben

BEEFING WITH A FETUS! AAAAH! [laughs]

Nini

You know I'm right. You know I'm right.

Ben

I know what you mean! I mean there’re times, I'm like, oh lord I almost threw hands with a 12 year old today.

[both laugh]

Nini

You literally like, when somebody slaps into you like, what are you doing? Like this is a child! Hopefully it only ever happens to you once. And hopefully you very quickly realize that you are, in fact… you're in an antagonistic situation with a child.

Ben

It's really hard to realize sometimes that you are wrong. And to accept that and try to, like, move on from it properly. Like, I think she does okay. And like, she's still an asshole… just like Tae Hyung’s still an asshole. But I think she does okay.

Nini

To me it feels right, that the end is not… a comeuppance in that sense or a vengeance, but it's more like everybody being like, ‘Look okay, we all been through it. Let's just hug that shit out. Maybe I'll see you again, maybe I won't, but for right now, we’re here, it's a party, let's just have a good time, and not like do all this shit.’

1:17:14 - On a Possible Second Season

Ben

Speaking of ‘maybe we'll see each other again’ how do you feel about returning to these characters?

Nini

As you always say: Dick is not magical, it does not fix you.

Ben

It does not!

Nini

And there's still a lot, particularly on Jae Won’s side, like there's stuff with Ji Hyun too, but especially with Jae Won, there's still a lot there… in terms of his mental health, in terms of his family, in terms of all that stuff. So… there is room there? For something else, that could be interesting, but… I feel like if this was all there was, I would be good with it. 

How do you feel? What, what are your thoughts on a potential sequel?

Ben

So we talked about sequels in the spring season and I was really amped about sequels! I don't… feel the pull for one here yet. I'm not opposed, because… these characters are so strong, like we're gonna remember these characters, we're gonna remember Ji Hyun, Jae Won, Joon Pyo, Yoon Won, Eun Ji, Tae Hyung, the boss… Ae Ri! Don't forget my girl, I'm sorry boo boo. We're going to remember these characters, and their characterizations are fairly strong. So I am confident that the voice of the characters is strong enough to carry them into whatever new situations they want to put these characters through. 

However… I believe that this particular outing had a lot of very specific things they wanted to say, about queerness, about being Korean, about being young in Korea… and I hope that if they really want to continue the story, that they have more things that they think are worth saying, and they do that in a way that's legible. I am just concerned that they aren't prepared for… a domestic story where one of them is still in school? And the other one is trying to survive their homophobic family? And abusive dad. And I'm not entirely certain that I am… eager to explore that? 

I'm not opposed to a sequel, I'm not yearning for one, but I do hope that we get more melodrama out of these guys. I enjoyed this production a lot! Even if we don't get more of The Eighth Sense, I hope that this team continues to make cool stuff. I really loved the way Oh Jun Taek played Ji Hyun this whole time. I loved the way he moved, I loved the way he spoke, I loved his smile. And like, I like how in the final episodes when Jae Won has, almost the Japanese running-to-the-boy moment, I just love the way that… Ji Hyun is just so ecstatic to finally get what he's been hoping for. And he's clingy for the final parts of this show, and he's having a good time! He's literally radiant for the rest of the show! Oh Jun Taek plays the relief and joy of that character so well. 

Like you see, even Jae Won, like you can see his old bones creaking. That's, he's like ‘I can experience joy again?’ as he quickly wakes up for this, and like — I feel like some of the… final bits were a little bit rushed? But I'm not going to complain, because like… I like the therapy bit with Jae Won, like it allows me to be forgiving about a character — who's had a lot of emotional struggles for the whole fucking show — to very quickly adapt to the situation, and like ‘no, we're boyfriends now.’ Like you can see the work of somebody who spent a great deal of time working with a professional about how he's feeling and how to manage them… expressing them properly, now that the hugest block is out of his way. And that lands really well for me in the final moments, like in another show it might have felt like this got resolved too quickly.

Nini

I don't feel like it did get resolved too quickly. If I have to do like, one more ding for the show: I think that the passage of time, particularly in this last two episodes, wasn't really clear?

Ben

It is not.

Nini

There's a sequence where Ji Hyun is in a classroom and he's sitting in different positions in the classroom and wearing different clothes, and we're meant to understand that that is time passing. So there is a bunch of time that passes, in episode 9 in particular, that I don't think it’s very clear to the audience that there is a lot of time passing. We're seeing Jae Won becoming stronger and stronger and happier and happier. But because it all happens in a montage where it's not clear that time is passing, it feels rushed. I don't know how much time there is? But it feels like they go through a season, because you see his clothes change. At one point he's just wearing a t-shirt, and then the next time when they meet each other up, they're back into like maybe something heavier, like more like fall clothes? So I feel like they at least went through the summer.

Ben

Though I did love this show, this is not a show that's going to be, like, part of my personal canon.

Nini

For me, it's like… I can appreciate it as being objectively good. I can feel the emotions that it was going for?... Watching it is kind of… ticking something off a film syllabus.

Ben

That's the exact feeling… that like, I think it is!

Nini

That makes it sound bad in a way, but I don't mean for it to sound bad.

Ben

It goes on the must-watch list, but you're like, ehhh.

Nini

It's all the things: it's good, it's worthy, it's enjoyable, it's emotional… It's all of the things that you want a drama to be. I will recommend it for sure, I think it's important work. I… don't really see myself rewatching it? It touches me but it doesn't give me the visceral feelings.

Ben

This is not calling the show bad!

Nini

Objectively, this is a 10 show for me.

Ben

Don't let our mid commentary at the end of this two and a half hour recording deter you. We loved this show! And like we said in the beginning, we will remember every single one of these characters, because they're so vivid, and they're so expertly crafted. Do we recommend The Eighth Sense? Wholeheartedly yes! Please! You should experience this. Go watch this.

1:24:10 - Checking in Two Months Later

Ben

Okay, Nini… it's been about two months I think since The Eighth Sense ended at this point? How are you feeling about it two months later?

Nini

As I predicted I have not rewatched it. I have not felt the need to rewatch it. When I was doing the edit I was listening to us talk about it and everything just came flooding back. Like I could remember distinctly how I felt watching it, the things that we were talking about, but I still don't feel compelled to rewatch it. 

I feel like it's one of those things where… it has stuck? Somewhere deep inside? And because it stuck I don't need to go back to it and reinterpret it and review it and look at it again, I feel like it was so clear. It was so legible. It spoke for itself really, and so I don't feel the need to go over and over and over it. It's very different from how I normally consume media because if I'm really into something I will go over and over and over and over it. This is… very different for me, a very different experience of taking in media. 

What about you Ben, how do you feel about it a few months down the line?

Ben

I feel a bit weird about it, and I think a big part of it is the way that the team behind it is continuing to release behind the scenes content in a way that I wasn't expecting — like I was hoping it’d feel more akin to… the gravitas with which Boss and them released the I Told Sunset About You documentaries. But it's been a little bit on the silly side? 

There's talk about them doing a second season. And I'm not opposed, but I feel like it's left me in a liminal space with the show, like I feel like I'm sitting on a, like a train station waiting for the next train to come. 

What has stuck with me, and I was thinking about this when I listened to the edit, is: I'm so glad that we had that whole conversation on forgiveness. Because let me tell you, the amount of peace I have had over this show because I'm not sitting here hating on Tae Hyung or Eun Ji all these months later? Because they just don't matter. I really like that the show left us with these two driving down a tunnel together and saying, ‘Whatever is coming next, we'll do this together.’ That's so lovely. 

Like I feel like where I was with the show at the end of it, like it is one of those things that goes… in my cataloging of, this is a really good piece that I am going to remember and recommend to the youths, when they ask me about things that are worth watching from certain places or from certain angles. But I don't necessarily find myself yearning for Jae Won or Ji Hyun the way I have for other people. It was fun though, revisiting our absolutely unhinged love for Joon Pyo when I went back through this. [laughs] I still love that boy so much.

Nini

Joon Pyo the MVP! Everybody needs a friend like him. Everybody.

Ben

He was a really good friend. 

I think what stands out for me really about The Eighth Sense is that the field itself is just so much more crowded now. So much good stuff was airing when this show aired, more good stuff has aired since this show aired. It's not a knock on The Eighth Sense, it's just that… we have such a wide variety of excellent offerings to choose from, that I find that you're going to be able to find shows that hit your specific emotional resonances more consistently. Regardless of how good The Eighth Sense is, it didn't fully resonate with the exact weird queer sensibilities I have, that would make me put it into one of my heart shows.

Nini

You know what it is I think, Ben? I think we're getting older. [Ben laughs] I think this is an intensely youthful show. I watch these coming of age dramas all the time I mean, you spoke about ITSAY and that still like hits me like a ton of bricks. But that's because it feels like my youth? 

Whereas, I feel oddly… both connected and disconnected from The Eighth Sense. It feels like a youth that I'm familiar with? But not one that I have experienced? We talked about the millennial thing when we were talking about the show, and how this feels like that. But it still feels distant from my experience of being a millennial somehow? I think maybe I'm just too old for the show. Like, I can appreciate it for what it is, but I'm too old for it and it doesn't hit the nostalgia buttons that I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon and shows like that hit. I think this is one for the kids, Ben.

Ben

I don't think that's bad! What I'll say is, I'm really glad that there is room for that now. We've been talking in other spaces about how fandom feels like it's bifurcating too many times now, that it feels thinner than it used to be? Like it feels like there used to be a lot more of us around. But I just feel like a big thing at this point is, we're not all trying to get some sort of energy from the exact same shows anymore. 

Right now I'm yelling on Tumblr about a whole show that Nini is just not watching. And I think that's okay, because Nini and I are still screaming at each other about at least two or three other shows, and so like I'm not feeling despondent because Nini, who's one of my best friends in fandom, isn't watching one of the shows that I'm really enjoying right now. It's okay that The Eighth Sense is the type of coming of age experience that maybe is more suited for the Gen Z types than the millennials.

Nini

So now that we have fully memento mori’d ourselves, I think that's that's a wrap for us. [laughs]

Ben

It's a really good show guys. Don't, don't get us wrong like we're, we're being a little bit wistful at the end of this, but — I really liked this show. Like I still, I stand by everything we said in the original recording. 

I really like the performances here, I really like the gumption of this entire production. I really like the casting choices. I like the way Oh Jun Taek and Im Ji Sub really worked together. And… sincerely, if they want to do more work with these two guys and reprising these characters, I will be there, seated, to see what they do next. 

Nini

All right! And with that, we out! Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace!

#the eighth sense #korean bl #podcast #lgbtq #the conversation #ben and nini's conversations #spring series #season 3 #summer 2023 #on art #summer series #Spotify

[bengiyo]

Our Skyy 2 x My School President Ep 2 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Yesterday, we entered the Multiverse of Cuteness and returned to the world of My School President. Things are different this time around. Tinn and Tiwson are members of the Lion Band, Gun and Por are members of the student council, Gun's mom is the principal, Yo and Pat have switched places, and Sound and Win have switched places. The characters at their core feel the same, but their circumstances have adjusted the way the story has played out. Everything feels off, but in a way that seems to really appreciate who these people are. Their struggles will play out differently, but they're still inevitably drawn to each other.

I'm so glad we returned to the "I only see cuteness scene."

Welcome back, Kajorn. Glad you're still causing complications.

OMG. Everyone else is trying to keep Tinn upright and Tiwson is waving at Por.

Welcome to the team, Kajorn.

Tiwson and Por are thriving.

Oishii has been keeping the lights on in BL for so long.

Hey, we still got Tinn to give Gun a piggyback ride.

The music video is an ode to Aof's shows! I'm going to scream!

I love the questions bit and how Tinn leans into the potential romance of it immediately.

Oh no I really don't think they should be practicing rugby on concrete.

I want to see Satang and Winny fight people in a future show.

Love Por and Kajorn spooning. Unexpected, but welcome.

Was that a fucking air horn??

Tin is down bad in every universe. I like that it's Gun's hesitation that holds them back every time.

THE PINKIE TOUCH STILL BELONGS TO THE GAYS!!!

Let Me Tell You instrumental, my beloved.

Winny and Satang look good in this outing. They're not ready yet, but they have potential.

Oh, Gun. He broke the questions bit by being scared again.

I get the fear of rejection. Gun was such a loser in the original show that he'd already put a tough facade over it because he was a performer.

Love that Tiwson and Por get to have the strongest dynamic this time. Mark is so good, and Ford is playing with everything Mark gives him.

Oh no. Potjanee is sick in this one!

Oh, does she just have narcolepsy??

Potjanee remains nosy in every universe.

Sound gets to be Pat and Win gets to be Pran. I get it.

I'm going to bite through my non-existent retainer.

Oh, Gun. Gay boys and hoping they're braver in another universe. Thank you, Por, for reminding us to make the most of the time we have.

Look at Potjanee being gossipy! Love this for us! And now Hook is playing!

Love when the gays go running for each other and it's warranted.

The friend zone line is back!

Gemini and Fourth are very good at hugging each other.

Oh, Lays, let's make sure you get your ad in too. Gemini, a Known Crumb Crusher, was the correct choice.

Losing it over Tinn and Gun as Thun and Mes, and Tiwson and Por as Phupha and Tian.

I am so glad we got another music video.

A time skip!!

Final Verdict: 9, Recommended. This outing was an excellent examination of the nature of an AU and how it can highlight core aspects of characters in other settings. I really enjoyed that every character still felt correct even if we put them in a different position in the story. I liked the idea that they would all still choose each other. I love that you can't walk away from this without seeing how important Tinn's bravery and determination were critical to the way MSP unfolded, and how tenuous they are because of Gun's insecurities. This was really excellent.

#our skyy 2 #my school president #my school president meta #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

[becauseimanicequeen]

In Defense of Ji from To Be Continued

(Or “Let’s Look at Characters From a More Non-Binary Perspective”)

I’ve been thinking about writing a post like this since the 5th episode last week (but haven’t gotten around to it). But after reading a couple of comments with the general consensus that Ji’s actions were at the risk of becoming irredeemable, I felt like there was no time like the present. Better late than never, right? (This is a long one, so I’ll put most of it after a break with a TL;DR at the end.)

(Btw, that purple light between them is so well placed. They're clearly not communicating, symbolized by that line being drawn between them. And the purple, a mix of blue (trust and loyalty) and red (love and fate), symbolizes the mysterious and unresolved feelings they're both having (or are beginning to have) towards each other. )

The response to Ji and Achi that I’ve seen has been interesting. The little response I’ve seen (since I haven’t seen this series being talked about that much, or perhaps I’m just bad at searching for it) was utter annoyance with Achi the first few episodes until we were shown that Ji made Achi cry in the past and (mostly) everyone I’ve seen writing about this turned on Ji all of a sudden.

(It’s hilarious to see how easily viewers change their opinions. I mean that genuinely. Some of that is more entertaining than many QLs I’ve watched.)

My mindset isn’t that binary, though. (I don’t see things in either black or white because that’s too limiting for me.) That means that I’m neither for nor against either Achi or Ji. (I can definitely like one character more than another, but that doesn’t mean that character is “better” than any other. And in this particular case, I like Ji and Achi equally.) It just annoys me a bit when a character gets torn to shreds for an isolated scene or situation (akin to the whole Non vs Jin situation in DFF, which got waaaaay out of hand).

(Obviously, this is by no means a call for deep analysis of characters–essay style–every time anyone wants to say something about a character. But I do feel like taking an isolated situation out of context means that the meaning, however differently all of us interpret that meaning, gets lost.)

Based on what we’ve seen so far in To Be Continued, both Achi and Ji have made mistakes (in the past and present), they are both terrible at communicating, both are clearly confused and/or terrified of their feelings (especially towards each other), and it seems like no one wants to be the first to fess up. That’s the general situation of their relationship in the series so far.

A discussion on who’s at “fault” for Ji and Achi’s current situation based on what I just listed is pretty much unnecessary because they’re both equally responsible. However, since it’s so easy to play the blame game and spread it like wildfire on the internet just because there’s a character one doesn’t like or see eye to eye with, I thought it was a good idea to include it in this post anyway. Especially since my answer is based on my non-binary way of thinking. (Spoiler alert: it’s not either/or, it’s both/and.)

(I’m putting fault between quotation marks because I feel like its connotation is too negative when something like responsible would suit better. But since fault is often thrown around when playing the blame game, I’ll stick to that word.)

If we look at Ji and Achi’s actions (the ones we’ve seen so far), I feel like 3 moments stand out:

Achi pestering Ji in the first few episodes even though Ji said he wanted nothing to do with Achi. (Present)

Ji asked Achi to introduce him to Pear. (Past)

The mixed signals both of them are giving each other. (Past and present)

I’ve previously written a post about Achi choosing not to respect Ji’s boundaries (even when clearly stated), so I won’t go too deep into that. What I will mention here, however, is that it doesn’t matter how desperate Achi is in trying to keep Ji close. Breaking someone else’s boundaries is not okay. Whenever someone needs space, it should (ideally) be respected.

Achi is being way too pushy in the first couple of episodes, and he’s not even communicating why that is. I think he says once (or twice?) that he’s missed Ji all these 10 years they’ve been apart and that he wants to know how Ji's been, but that’s no excuse.

If you doubt that some space would make any difference, look at how Ji reacted during that whole montage of Ji finding those bags with food (or whatever it was) that Achi hung on his door in ep. 5. And those notes they write to each other when exchanging those bags is probably the best line of communication they’ve had since they got to know each other. That’s how much can change if a person’s boundaries are respected.

(Sure, you could argue that it was a result of Ji showing respect first when he thanked Achi for coming over with food in the scene before the montage. Sometimes you need to first give what you want to get, and that “thank you” to Achi might've made Achi realize he could back off without being terrified of losing Ji (or whatever his reason for being so persistent is).)

When it comes to my second point above (Ji asking Achi to introduce him to Pear), it’s very interwoven with the third point (the mixed signals both of them are giving).

In the whole montage of them going on that day trip and playing games and stuff in the past (ep. 3), you can clearly see that there are feelings involved from both of them (whatever that may be; friendship, fondness, curiosity, love, whatever). But every time Ji looked at Achi (especially when they were at one of those lookout points with a beautiful view), Achi turned away. I mean, if you look at that whole jacket scene, you can see that he literally steps back and avoids Ji’s gaze.

Ji doesn’t seem to mind though, it’s not like he’s surprised or worried about it. But it still doesn’t change the fact that Achi is giving him mixed signals. Achi is both hot (giving Ji his jacket when Ji’s cold) and cold (stepping away and avoiding Ji’s gaze when Ji is looking and smiling at him).

And then there’s the scene on the pier/jetty at the end of episode 4 (which is also from the past). This happens after Ji asked Achi to introduce him to Pear (which I still believe was very innocent at first because Ji seemed genuinely interested in her, and there’s nothing wrong with that).

On that pier/jetty, Ji is tentatively trying to figure out how Achi is feeling because he can sense the tension (at least that’s how I interpret it). Ji does so by first asking Achi if he has feelings for Pear (because that could be a logical explanation for the tension), but Achi says he doesn’t. That’s when Ji has this look on his face:

It’s like he’s trying to think of another reason for the tension, which I think is what leads to the moment when he says that Achi’s got pretty eyes, nose, and lips.

I feel like he’s being genuine here. At the same time as he’s trying to figure out what the tension is all about, he’s also giving Achi an opportunity to clear things up, to be honest with Ji, and for both of them to get closer.

Then Ji lays his head on Achi’s chest as if to listen to his heartbeat (perhaps listening for an answer rather than being told, because we already know that their m.o. isn’t communication).

Achi is swayed for a moment, but he still chooses to change the subject and ends up leaving the pier/jetty (once again giving Ji mixed signals, especially after looking at Ji with heart eyes only moments before).

Achi’s reaction is probably based on a fear of being rejected since he thinks that Ji is interested in Pear, so it makes sense. But, even though his actions make sense, he’s still choosing to participate in giving off mixed signals.

(I mean, if someone looked at me with hearts in their eyes and then avoided me like the plague when I wanted to get closer, I would ditch the bitch. But, this isn’t about me…)

What’s interesting (and something I think some viewers are forgetting) is that this scene from the past is mirrored in the scene in Ji’s bedroom earlier in the same episode (which is in the present). In the present, it’s Achi who says that he thinks Ji’s eyes, nose, and lips are pretty (confessing to Ji only when he thinks Ji is sleeping, which seems to be his m.o., btw).

But then he repeats it when Ji asks him what he said.

I feel like Achi is trying to bring back that moment from the past because he knows he missed an opportunity to be honest about his feelings at that moment on the pier/jetty. The difference is that this time it leads to them kissing (a kiss that should never have happened until they had cleared up their shit, btw, but who can stop these two confused, love-sick, adorable idiots? Well, the screenwriters can, but what would be the fun in that? I digress…).

This time, Ji is the one who breaks the moment. He knows just as well as Achi where those words came from. He remembers that moment on the pier/jetty in the past just as well as Achi. And I swear that he remembers the rejection too.

It’s possible those memories were too much for Ji. It’s also possible that he realized the kiss wasn’t a good idea (he has shown previously that he’s not okay with Achi just kissing him, like in ep. 2). And as we saw with the previous kiss, it takes Ji a moment or two before he realizes what happens an/or realizes the implications of what’s happening (it took him a moment before he pushed Achi away in ep. 2, and the same here in ep. 4 before he pulled back).

So, who’s at “fault” here? Who’s at “fault” for creating more tension (and hurt feelings) between them?

Is Achi at “fault” considering he brought up the past when mirroring that moment on the pier/jetty? Is he at “fault” considering he initiated the kiss in Ji's bedroom (he was the one who leaned forward first and the one who held onto Ji with both hands/arms)?

Is Ji at “fault” considering he rejected Achi? Is he at “fault” considering he told Achi to leave his bedroom after the kiss (clearly needing some space)?

And don’t come at me with the whole “but Ji hurt Achi’s feelings by hitting on Pear, not to mention taking her to the same movie that Achi took Ji to.”

First of all, was that a conscious choice of Ji’s? Possibly. Was this the best way to go about it? Debatable. But it should be said that Ji got interested in Pear before he started sensing the tension between him and Achi. It was all good feelings before that (and it could be that Ji didn’t think his relationship with Achi was beyond friendship, because delusion and confusion are every teenager’s middle names).

Secondly, on that same pier/jetty in that same scene in ep. 4, Ji mentions that he doesn’t like romantic movies, whereas Achi says that it might be because he’s never been in love. Is it then so far-fetched that he takes Pear to that same movie (which I assume is a romance) to test out if he sees the movie with new eyes now that he’s with Pear? Not really.

(Could he have chosen another romantic movie? Sure. Was there another romance playing at the time? I have no fucking idea because this is fiction and they didn’t tell us and we’re probably supposed to read between the lines that it was a romance and that Ji was influenced by Achi’s words and I’m totally getting off track here…)

Thirdly, and probably the most important point: Let’s not forget that there’s actually a possibility that Ji is bi (the same goes for Achi who had some sort of relationship with… what’s her name, Mona?).

I know it’s difficult in this generally binary-thinking world to understand there’s a possibility of something in the middle of black or white. You’re either gay or straight, right? Wrong! There’s such a thing as bi- and pansexuality. And since we’re living in such a binary-thinking world, it’s easy to be hella confused as bi- or pansexual.

(I won’t go into the bi-hate that viewers spew out in comments and reactions to QLs, especially when the lead roles are bi (and especially when they are together with or hook up with the opposite sex), but it’s so fucking annoying. I want to write a post about this one day, or reblog someone else's post who might’ve written about it better than I ever will, so if anyone knows a post on this, send it my way.)

If Ji is a bi character, can you blame him for being confused? If he’s not bi but is having his gay awakening, can you blame him for being confused?

Can you blame him for asking Achi to introduce him to Pear, especially since Achi has never expressed his romantic interest in Ji and Ji seems genuinely interested in Pear? Can you really blame Ji for trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with Achi when he notices the tension between them?

Can you really blame Ji for not being able to read between the lines (has anyone forgotten he’s a teenager?)?

And I’m not saying all this to say that it’s Achi’s “fault” either. He’s just as confused as Ji. And none of them are brave enough to take the first step to clear things up either.

Again, it’s both Ji and Achi’s “fault” that things are the way they are. They are both responsible for their situation.

There’s still much to be revealed in this series, so a lot of it is still up for speculation right now. Clearly, however, something happened that made them go their separate ways and be out of contact with each other for 10 years.

If I were to put my money on a bet, it would be that they split because of a misunderstanding on both their parts. What that misunderstanding is, though, remains to be seen.

(If I were to guess I think they hooked up, Ji was confused and needed some space to process, and Achi took it as a rejection and left the country (since we’ve seen that his mother lives in the US). But I'm probably wrong.)

Ji's actions, so far, are not irredeemable (he’s not even on the verge of being irredeemable). And if they were, Achi’s actions would be just as irredeemable.

It’s easy to play the blame game, especially in today’s world. It’s a lot more difficult to be open-minded. But the latter will always be more rewarding.

TL;DR: Both Achi and Ji have made mistakes, they are both terrible at communicating, and both are clearly confused and/or terrified of their feelings. No one is at “fault” for their current situation because they’re both responsible for it.

*stepping down from my soapbox*

#to be continued #to be continued the series #they are both responsible for their current situation #they are both idiots #they are both terrible at communicating #and I love them equally #my shit

[terrence-silver]

Jack Blaylock with a detective!beloved 👀

---

I can envision Jack convinced that if his Detective (emphasis on the his) has been tailing him for as long as they have, it is entirely with a reason.

That their paths were meant to connect. Converge.

In the infinitely complicated pattern of life, with every murder, assassination, unresolved case or mutilated carcass Jack Blaylock leaves in his wake, his beloved, who has been on his track for months, maybe even years to no avail, keeping on eye out on his handiwork with every newly opened police file his killing sprees puts up for investigation, coming so close to catching him and connecting the dots, but never quite managing, following in his shadow dragged forward by the red thread of fate and not even realizing that same piece of string leads back to him every time. How could they, after all? They don't know him. Not the way he knows them, having observed them and the devoted work they've been doing. As a result, I almost imagine Jack killing with the intention of keeping his beloved hooked on these cases. On bringing the perpetrator to justice. Playing a one-sided game of cat and mouse. Case shut.

It's his profession, but it can't mean it cannot prove to serve multiple purposes.

He wants them to come forward. Research crime scenes he leaves behind. Take photographs. Pin up newspaper clippings of the incidents. Write meticulous reports. Swap notes back and forth with Forensics. Dedicate time and effort to uncovering the culprit. Work overtime. Be passionate. Be frustrated when there's no clear-cut answers. Get drawn into the gruesome mystery. Get drawn into him long before they ever even know it's him who's doing all of this. Long before they have a name or even a face to go off of or any sort of concrete evidence. He supposes it's meant to be. A karmic connection. That they know each other from somewhere and that's why they're drawn to each other like this. That's why Jack feels he has the compulsion to do this. That's why he's convinced beloved wants to bring him to justice as badly as they do even before he started remotely encouraging that trait in them.

Instant recognition. From a past life, it seems. Regardless of circumstances.

Every slice is for them from there on out. Every beheading. Backstabbing. Shot at point blank range, execution style. Jack does it with beloved in mind, envisioning their shock at his brutality, their abject sadness, even their professional facade suppressing their personal feelings so they wouldn't lose their mind when faced with the gore --- everything --- he ponders the diligent hours dedicated to precise analysis, lab results, their antiseptic latex covered hand lingering on every slash he made. Every wound. Every scar. It'll be as close to touching him personally as they can get. It's like being together, in ways. It's a love letter to them. He might tactically meet them at some bar downtown as a perfect stranger once they're tired from all the work he's been putting them through needing a weekend break and he might just introduce himself, offering to buy them a drink, no strings attached. Everyone needs to blow off some steam, right?

The evening will blur into a fog of pleasant, noneventful conversation.

Fueled by a little bit of alcohol (his treat, of course), slow swaying on the club's dancefloor and a lot of unwinding (after all, Jack knows what he's been dragging them through), they could just share a tiny kiss or a little bit of affection because Jack seems to say all the right things at all the right moments, getting under beloved's skin seamlessly, appearing like not much more than an entirely normal guy. He might even disappear before the night is over and leave beloved wondering where that guy they just met has gone off to without a goodbye or without leaving any discernable contacts behind now that the weekend is drawing to a close and they have to get back to the usual routine of their job tomorrow morning at the station, never even catching on to how close they got to the man who has possessed their every waking work hour of the week or the person who's been leaving a trail of blood behind engulfing the better portion of beloved's career.

Naturally, Jack will never stop.

At least not until he decides he and beloved should meet face to face.

Without pretenses this time.

Or at least until beloved figures everything out on their own.

After all --- if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

#jack blaylock #ulterior motives #ulterior motives 1992 #jack blaylock x reader #jack blaylock x beloved #detective!beloved #tw; assassination #tw; murder

[funkbun]

For the ship game I Have To Ask: Snorplo. The green and yellow freaks. Snorpy "Snorpington" Fizzlebean and Chandlo Funkbun. The Muppet men that kiss.

What made you ship it?

The game lol. One of the reasons why I got into the game is because of Chandlo, it was like he was made in a lab to appeal to me specifically. And I didn't even Know that he n Snorpy were together, so in their earlier scenes I thought "Oh, these two are gay? That's cool :]" and in the end I instantly was like "Oh these muppets are going to plague my mind for the rest of my life then? Okay. Fine."

What are your favorite things about the ship?

They're fuckin cuuuute dude, they're adorable together they're so fuckin sweet they love each other sooo much it makes me sick. I love their interactions, they just go so well together.

And Snorpy's obliviousness to Chandlo's obvious feelings for him is cute. This dude's like "Oh I know all these evil terrible government secrets and I'll be the only one who'll know what to do to save us all when they finally strike. Trust me. Also do you think this guy who kisses me everyday and has made out with me on a ferris wheel before asking to me to move in with him and constantly talks about how much he loves me and wants to protect me and goes on dates with me and sleeps in the same bed as me is IN LOVE with me????? I can't figure this out!!!!"

ALSO I love how they've known each other ever since they were kids. That little detail is just very heartwarming to me, like these two have been with each other for so many years…wah…

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I dunno if this really counts as an "unpopular" opinion, but I'm not too big on the whole reducing Chandlo as being "Snorpy's perfect therapy boyfriend" thing. It seemed to be a bigger thing in the early days of the community, but idk it's probably lessen out recently. Especially in the dlc with Shelda basically saying "Dude you are not your boyfriend's therapist. You shouldn't try to be one cause you might end up making him more distressed."

Extra Thoughts (adding this in cause i can)

I decided to make a folder compiling every snorplo drawing i've saved and…

yeah... i've probably drawn a lot more snorplos that i just haven't saved/hidden them in other canvases

so yea overall i dont really care about these guys tbh. ngl. gonna be real. totally not lying. yep.

#the snorplo :] #bug game #askums 2 #will we make it to 1 gigabyte of snorplos this year?? who knows

[frankie-bell]

Would love to hear more about your classification of Mika as bisexual demisexual. I get the bi part but really curious why you think she might also be demi??

I’m so glad you asked! As someone who falls on the ace spectrum, I’ve always been drawn to characters who read that way as well. The first time I watched Psycho-Pass, I didn’t think much of Mika’s sexuality. I did note that she’s probably bi, given that she seems to have crushes on both men (Ginoza) and women (Yayoi, Kagami), but that’s about it. Upon second viewing, however, I noticed a few key things that felt incredibly familiar to me.

The first is that Mika, unlike Akane, Kougami, or even Arata, doesn't seem to experience immediate sexual attraction. In PP1, it's clear that Akane is attracted to Kougami long before she gets to know him personally. A clear example of this can be found in the infamous sparring dummy scene, where she (quite literally) gets caught gaping at his bare chest. Then you've got Kougami, who falls quickly into a flirtatious back-and-forth with Frederica Hanashiro after she shows up in Tibet, looking to recruit him for SAD/MOFA. And finally, there's Arata. In addition to remarking upon Shion's beauty a whole five seconds after meeting her, he is immediately smitten with Governor Karina Komiya after conducting a brief interview with her. Mika, by comparison, seems utterly unaffected by other characters' perceived attractiveness, regardless of whether they're male (Shizuka Homura) or female (Rikako Oryo).

Which brings me to the crux of my argument. Throughout the series, Mika appears to have feelings for three characters -- Kagami, Yayoi, and Ginoza. The first is her childhood best friend, the second is the person who offered her comfort during one of the darkest moments of her life, and the third is her most trusted protector. Each and every person Mika develops romantic feelings for is someone she trusts implicitly and, perhaps more importantly, knows intimately. This is textbook demisexual behavior. Note how Mika's crush on Yayoi doesn't materialize until several years into their relationship. Same goes for Ginoza. In the beginning, Mika can't stand him. But time and experience change her perception, and by PP3, he’s her #1 confidant. It’s only then that we see her blushing, stammering, and losing her cool around him. She’s attracted to him *because* she knows him so well. For prototypical people, there’s a spark of sexual attraction upon first meeting someone, but for demisexual people, it’s the exact opposite. Attraction and desire are certainly possible, but only after a strong emotional bond is formed.

I also find it interesting that Mika seems to eschew physical contact, unless it’s with someone she feels incredibly close to/comfortable with. Case in point, the scene in Providence where Atsushi Shindo touches her. When she hid behind Gino, I was like, “How (demi)sexy of you.” Granted, this is just my personal headcanon, so feel free to take it with a grain of salt.

#answered #anonymous #psycho pass #shimotsuki mika #ginoza nobuchika #kunizuka yayoi #ginomika #mika x yayoi #animanga #fandom discourse #mika gives off demi vibes the same way riza hawkeye gives off autism vibes

[floatingcatacombs]

BIRDIE FUCKING WING

12 Days of Aniblogging 2022, Day 3

One thing you should know about me is that I fundamentally oppose golf. It’s an $85 billion industry built around land use as wasteful as lawns. It’s emblematic of the American country club elite who I so utterly detest. And if that weren’t bad enough, a golf tour bankrolled by the Saudi Arabian government with the intent of washing over their human rights abuses is gradually taking over the sport as we speak.

Despite everything, I wholeheartedly recommend Birdie Wing: Girl’s Golf Story.

It’s simple: this show has as little respect for golf as I do. Our protagonist, a golf hustler named Eve with a mysterious past, treats the sport with rote mechanical precision, which in practice means she just hits the ball in a straight line with perfect precision every single time. She's broken the concept of golf and nobody can do anything about it. In her own words, “I don’t play golf. All I do is hit a ball with a stick to make money”. She's so stupid. This show is so stupid, in ways that you just don’t see these days. I’m told that the closest analogue is the girls-with-guns shows that Bee Train kept putting out in the 2000s.

Eve's fashion in this show is impeccable, by the way

Your show can’t just be about a golf hustler destroying the will of professional players, though. That would get stale! So Birdie Wing makes the genius decision to introduce the fucking golf mafia. After the introductory episodes, Eve faces a roulette of increasingly depraved older women as she gets deeper in this seedy golf underworld that is treated with the perfect amount of seriousness for how conceptually hilarious it all is. Someone is assassinated with a rocket launcher. A person’s arm explodes from golfing too hard. It’s the most fun I’ve had with an anime seasonal in years.

How the hell did this even get made? Original sports anime are quite rare, so I did a lot of digging as the first season was airing. It’s being produced by Bandai Namco’s in-house studio, which explains all the gunpla product placement and one of the coaches literally being named Amuro. But it’s also inexplicably being financed by HTC’s virtual reality division. According to the press releases, Birdie Wing has a “metaverse museum” and is intended to act as a gateway series to virtual reality. What the fuck?

I mean, there’s an episode where the two girls meet up in virtual reality to practice and make gay promises to each other while they’re on opposite sides of the world. But for the most part, the most obvious product placement in this show is all Bandai-Namco properties, not the metaverse or whatever. Knowing the circumstances of its financing, Birdie Wing should have just been a soulless cash-grab, which makes it all funnier that it’s made with such love. If this is what it takes to get screwball sports yuri produced these days, then so be it.

It's clear that the VR bucks only go so far, as Birdie Wing definitely cuts some corners on the production side of things. But the animation hits when it needs to, and the character designs are consistently great. We even get some Dezaki-style watercolor freezeframes, as an homage to his classic kinda-gay sports anime Aim for the Ace. Eve’s rival Aoi is frequently drawn and animated notably better than the other characters. It’s probably reflecting her elegance and formal golf instruction in contrast to Eve’s rough background, but I like to believe that someone on the animation team just had a waifu.

BUT IS IT YURI??? Well, they're clearly gay but as of right now it seems like Eve's kind of leading Aoi on, so you could argue either way. But for once, I don’t really care about the specifics. I know it when I see it. Even if Eve and Aoi never have a formal confession scene, their action speak louder than words. And since this is Birdie Wing, the actions are all as ridiculous as “hitting a golf ball so hard that the other person can see it from their plane taking off” and “promising to pierce her through with your golf swing”. The writing is brazenly pornographic at times, which is not a surprise considering some of scriptwriter Yosuke Kuroda’s past works. It’s a good fit for the lesbian sleaze this show is going for, because it’s played for camp more than anything.

When Eve and Aoi eventually reunite and end up in a Japanese boarding school to train for a tournament arc, you’d think the more grounded setting would weaken the show. And while it’s true that the mafia stuff is ultimately more fun, they turn up the emotional intensity here, with Eve becoming even more of a lesbian chad than she was up until now. The melodrama here feels very Class-S, which is always a welcome pastiche.

The first season of Birdie Wing finishes right in the middle of setting up a new arc, and I was terrified it wouldn’t see any continuation. But evidentially word-of-mouth helped this show out a lot, or maybe HTC just has a deep well of funding to pull from, because a second season was confirmed right before the last episode aired. It’s since been delayed a few months, so we’re going to have to sit tight until April, but I for one can’t wait to return to the world of batshit golf lesbians.

Also, it’ll be airing in the same season as Mobile Suit Gundam: the Witch from Mercury, another Bandai-Namco series that’s gotten a lot of attention for its central lesbian relationship. Now that’s what we call brand synergy.

#12 days of anime #birdie wing

[miamierre]

imagine piarles being best mens for the wedding of your choice (…like joris/ilies lol) all the teasing about having a wedding affair and they are like yeah…. haha…. and then spiraling over this like fools

bestie oh my god....im gonna run with this for a MOMENT because the opportunity you have given me is unparalleled. sorry this is a little long

it's a surprise to both of them that their brand managers are dating, but one that goes over relatively quickly. it makes sense, in a way? the shared life experience of all but running a formula one driver's life is pretty unique, and certainly a strong enough bond. but neither pierre nor charles had anticipated it would turn into...this. an engagement, an announcement, an actual wedding? shit, they're the same age and have found their lives together, whereas charles and pierre are so caught up in juggling the day to day of their careers that the thought of settling down feels like a death sentence, of sorts.

it's a shared feeling. they talk about it, once, after texting each other pictures of the invite they receive in the mail like wow so this is what real brand managing looks like. it's not a long conversation, really, and maybe it's a little awkward in ways that neither of them can explain away, but it feels necessary, somehow. "youre not ready, yet, are you?" you know, for the lifelong commitment. "i am married to the sport," the cliche and cringe answer, followed by a softer "i dont really know how i would know" that's a little too heavy to be touched on. which, fine. they bump shoulders sitting out on the porch. it's mutual, kind of. they'll just have to survive whatever pre-wedding chaos they'll inevitably be drawn into.

and it IS chaos. as the best man for their respective friends, pierre and charles are responsible for putting together all the pre-wedding shenanigans, and it's just...such a mess. there's a reason they're athletes and not doing management behind the scenes! they facetime every night to talk about different elements of each party they have to coordinate, and it's productive at first but then just lapses back into the usual facetime conversations: family, some half-assed sports conversations, inquiries about how the music business is going. one night pierre dozes off on their call and charles thinks it's so funny that he stays on for a whole hour just listening to pierre snore. taking screenshots of the horrible angle his camera is at. making notes of things he's not doing for some guilt tripping later. (and if he thinks about closing his eyes, too, just for a moment before he inevitably does end the call...well. who's gonna know, right?)

the first event is a family dinner--joris and ilies' families, plus their mutual circle of friends, and a few gasly/leclerc brothers that are in town. and functionally, somehow, it goes smoothly? the reservation is available on time, and the menu that pierre and charles had selected is actually decent (okay so the chef's assistant had to step in a little, whatever) and EVERYONE GETS THERE ON TIME, which may be the actual biggest miracle of them all. and dinner is nice. it is! until the conversation on The Couple™'s side turns towards pierre and charles, and goes "how did you guys not notice this!" about their relationship. and before either of them can answer--theyre drivers! they cant notice everything!--joris pipes up, laughing, and goes "they were too busy with each other to see us" with a little wiggle of his eyebrows. ilies laughs so hard he spits his wine, the mutual friend group seems to immediately understand, but pierre and charles are like "haha...what?" about both the comment and how NO ONE seems shocked. almost like they'd expected that answer. "we're drivers," charles protests after a too-long beat, and the conversation skitters on nonetheless, but they're both like....wym.

the next dinner is more formal, and revolves around planning for the real engagement dinner. pierre and charles are the focal points at this one because they're going to have to put together the whole thing (see: hire people to put it together right) and things should be right. it goes normally, no questionable commentary. they meet up at pierre's hotel room after to exchange notes.

it goes late. late enough that pierre is like "whatever, just stay here. there's space in here, and it's not like we haven't done this before." charles agrees easily, they stay up later talking, and then fall asleep at some ungodly hour with a page of notes that mostly matches and makes sense.

charles wakes up with pierre's arm hooked over his waist, loose but heavy, and the thought of whatever joke had floated around before just...resurfaces in his head. just for a moment. he rolls out from under pierre's arm and pierre wakes up, slow and lazy. if he's aware of what'd happened, he certainly isn't showing it. they agree to go ship the notes/plans out to one of their mutual friends who's got actual wedding planning experience, and then it's set!

the engagement dinner also goes pretty smoothly. it happens over summer break, and the guest list is huge, and the bar is open which means MOST of the attendees get drunk af. pierre and charles drink... enough, but aren't exactly shitfaced. yet. charles plops into the seat next to pierre as dessert and coffee rounds are going, and their thighs are all but crushed together (bc, drunk) and he leans over and goes "we make a pretty decent team, huh" right in pierre's ear. pierre laughs. "we just called the right people, you know," he answers, and turns his head to roll his eyes properly at charles except charles is RIGHT there in his face, and oh. they're very close, huh. pierre can smell the sweetness of the dirty shirleys that charles has been drinking all night, and...well.

"there you are!" ilies yells, delighted and drunk, "you are both the BEST!" and he goes and hugs them both so tight, and whatever moment had been there is gone. they're best friends, of course they make a good team.

it starts to fall off the wagon, though--the label, anyway. planning is almost entirely out of their hands, now: they're just tasked with, you know, obtaining the rings and making sure certain people are off the guest list and organizing gifting stuff. pretty low key. except there's this undercurrent between them that's starting to get harder to ignore!!! it's there in the paddock, more obvious than before, and it's there between races, and every time pierre sees ilies playing with his engagement ring and smiling to himself all pierre can think of is CHARLES. which. why! would he think of his best friend! and then justifies it as bc joris but like...that's not it and he....he knows.

the rehearsal dinner before their respective bachelor parties is where things kind of come to a head. they sit together because it's just instinct, and everyone runs through their speeches and some of them are So Sweet, and charles is a teary mess and pierre squeezes his hand like "cmon, pull it together, save it for the real thing" in fondness. charles doesn't let his hand go. they spend the night crushed together until they have to leave for their parties and then finally let each other go.

there's plenty of drinking involved. they come to the same half-formed realization, though--it feels too good to ignore, being close like that--and they literally collide in their hotel room hallway, laughing all drunk and clumsy and then, quickly, handsy. they make out in charles' bed for a while. eventually they pass out, drunk and exhausted, and tomorrow is going to suck but like. they're not gonna be alone and hungover, right? they'll have each other.

this could be the start of a FWB thing but for the sake of shutting the FUCK up on this post, let's say pierre realizes it's more than just drunken feel-good-ness watching charles cry standing on the altar behind joris, and it catches him so off guard that friends in the audience claim they could see it then and there. pierre finds charles after the wedding. charles starts to say "we did it!" but pierre stops him with a very sober, very much intended kiss.

charles blinks, slow. "oh." then, a small smile: "really?"

pierre shrugs, trying to play it cool even as his mind is going a thousand miles an hour. "we can try," he offers, and charles just scoffs at him and grabs his face and goes "you're an idiot," and then kisses him again, and.

yeah

thanks for coming to my ted talk

#me writing all this while my brother goes off about hockey across from me in the kitchen: 😐 #ANYWAY. SO TRUE BABY. sorry for the chaos #piarles #10 x 16 #fic #even if it's not! #ask reply #Anonymous

[shortpplfedup]

Yep, just about how I expected that to go. Everybody has choices to make and sides to pick as we head into the story's denouement. This episode felt like the deep breath before the plunge, reminding us of where everybody stands and what they're fighting for. Alliances are formed, battle lines are drawn, and potential dei ex machina are waiting in the wings. The stage is set for the endgame.

Neung doesn't seem interested in settling old scores, and I get why, he's got much bigger fish to fry than all the high school bullshit that loomed so large for him before. Still, those who did him wrong have their own reasons for seeking absolution, so Neung is forced to reopen every one of his old wounds even as he's struggling to hold himself together. And struggling he is, mightily. He's never without bodyguards. He has nobody to talk to but his comatose mother. He goes home to a massive empty house and cries himself to sleep in Palm's tiny bunk bed. His mind is constantly filled with memories of the island, of how happy he was there. He's simply existing, waiting for the knife to come in the dark, hoping he'll be prepared when it does.

I'm pretty sure at this point Chopper isn't making it out of this story alive. What Neung said to him was harsh, but necessary: him wishing Neung well isn't anything near enough, not with his father gone murderous. Pleading with Kit, reasoning with Kit, those are the actions of a kid still hoping for adults to step in and fix things. But Chopper has to understand, like Neung has, that he's not a kid anymore. Kit has lost the plot, and all of Chopper's give-peace-a-chance-we're-all-family-can't-we-all-just-get-along rhetoric isn't helping jack shit. I felt his blood run cold when Kit threatened Ben. Is he going to keep ineffectually begging and pleading until everybody he professes to care about is dead? Is the way he feels about Ben enough to get him off his ass? He's smart enough to outmanoeuvre his dad, but does he have the balls?

Palm for his part has decided that nobody is going to tell him what to do anymore. He might die next to Neung, but that's where he wants to die anyway, whether it's in a hail of gunfire before his 19th birthday or in bed at age eighty. Palm's found his reason, his purpose, and not even Neung can sway him from it.

Ben...what role is Ben set to play in the endgame? He knows he was a coward, what foolish act of bravery might he attempt to make amends?

None of these boys yet sees that they're going to have to work together. They're all trying to protect each other by taking the burdens onto themselves. But if it's one thing this tale has made clear it's that self-sacrifice will get you killed, metaphorically AND literally. To name your main character Neungdiao, to take away everybody he cares about, to leave him isolated and alone...and then to make it so that the only way for him to emerge victorious and alive is to rely on others...god that would be sweet.

Stray Bullets

Phum also has a part to play in the endgame I think. He's a fucking weasel though, so I don't know which side he'll end up on. I can see him going to Kit and making a deal to save his father.

Aun has some atoning to do as well...

I still can't believe they killed off Mam. Did Neung even tell Chanon his wife is dead? He's keeping a lot of things from him it seems.

I like how all of Neung's suits this episode are just a bit too big, it's a great bit of visual storytelling.

I see how Palm is meant to be the best parts of his mother and father.

All the extra scenes from the island were a nice touch. Neung getting into the bath with Palm and just holding him...oof.

The promo gremlins really trying to make us buy that Palm would ever betray Neung is laughable at this point.

#never let me go #never let me go the series #junior mafia #bl meta series