Bard: I accidentally ate Barbarian’s leftovers. How long do you think I’ll live?
Bard: Ten what?
Barbarian, entering the room: Nine.
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Diego, sneaking into tavern room at 2am:
Forge, turning on a light and spinning around in a swivel chair: Care to tell me where you were?
Diego: I was with... uh...Lurk.
Lurk, also spinning around in a swivel chair: Care to- *keeps spinning* Forge- I can’t stop the chair-
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Paladin: *props feet on the table* So I heard you like bad boys.
NPC: What? No?
Paladin: *immediately takes feet off the table* Oh thank the gods, that felt horrible.
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Bard: What’s the word for horny but not in a sexual way? like I’m horny for halloween but I don’t wanna fuck a pumpkin. you feel?
Rogue: ... Do you mean 'excited'?
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Someone: *is dead*
Warlock: That's so sad, Bard play despacito
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Bard: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Monk: Should we stop them?
Rogue: No, I want to see who wins.
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Sorcerer: I’m at a | |] || |_ for words.
Wizard: *visibly terrified* H- how did you say that out loud?
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Ranger: Yeah I'm pretty tough... I don't really cry about stuff
Fighter: Just today you were crying about dragons
Ranger: *crying and holding a small dragon* They can’t blow out their own birthday candles!
Fighter: *yelling* WHY THE F-CK WOULD THEY NEED TO?!?!?
Ranger: *still sobbing* Dragons have birthdays too, Fighter!
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Bard: Apparently you're supposed to present as "feminine" or "masculine"? Well, that's stupid, I'm presenting as a "fucking idiot"
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BBEG: *laughing* You’ll never stop me!
Paladin: That’s where you’re wrong! We’ll stop them with the powers of-
Bloodhunter: *covered in blood* Incredible violence.
Cleric: And love!
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Rogue: WAIT! We need a plan of attack!
Barbarian: *charging into the fight* I have a plan... ATTACK!
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Paladin: What’s your biggest weakness?
Rogue: I can be uncooperative.
Paladin: Okay, give me an example.
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Wizard: I have a perfect memory! Name one thing I have ever forgotten.
Bard: You left me in a dungeon three weeks ago.
Wizard: That was on purpose try again.
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Paladin: There's a special place in hell reserved just for you.
Warlock: Of course, it's called the throne.
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BBEG: How many times do I have to kill you before you stop coming back!?
Warlock: No idea. But please, for the love of the gods, keep trying.
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Rogue: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Paladin: I think you mean cards.
Rogue: No I do not.
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Warlock: I don’t "sleep."
Warlock: Whenever and wherever I collapse is completely up to my patron.
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Wizard: What are you doing?
Sorcerer: *spreading toothpaste on toast* Multitasking
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Druid: *throwing food at ducks* Do not forget this act of altruism. If I am ever in trouble I expect you and your brethren to come to my aid. Do not forget.
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Cleric: Oh, so suddenly you don’t have a death wish?!
Warlock: Cleric, I’ve never had a death wish. It’s just that I don’t believe I personally can even die.
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