#is this a coming out post i dont think ive mentioned im trans before

[parkercore-69]

i was a victim of the gravity falls to transgenderism/buzzfeed unsolved (+watcher) pipeline and i made a visual representation for it.

#i watched gravity falls when i was nine and came out two years later #LMFAO #i kinned dipper pines too hard guys #to explain it goes: #gravity falls #dipper pines #transgender #ftm #and then it also goes #gravity falls to #buzzfeed unsolved #to a massive special interest in #cryptozoology #and then #ghosts #and #paranormal #dyu see how smart that was guys.. i tagged all the involved topics via explaining the post #cheeky sneaky that was #man i shoulda realised i was trans i cosplayed as dipper pines (tucked my long hair into the hat as well) when i was 10 for world book day #fucks sake #also a special thanks to tree fu tom. danny phantom and horrid henry #for turning me male #is this a coming out post i dont think ive mentioned im trans before #i’m trans! #diversity win! the guy yu see making trobed fanart sometimes is transgender! #im also autistic fun fact #ignore my spider-man bedding #i still pull bitches regardless of it

[wormswurld]

hey dude! i love love love your posts! I dont wanna come across as pushy or anything but i loved the ftm oliver headcanons, and i would love to see how felix helps him and such! Not to mention, i know a lot of people love asshole felix, but I physically cannot get over sweet and loving felix oml its amazing!! thank u sm!! 🩷🩷

you're not pushy at all!! i've actually been meaning to write more ftm ollie but ive been so swamped w schoolwork and different asks / projects etc but i got u!! also sweet love-y dovey felix is my fave felix, he is a big sweetie when it comes to his ollie 😇💖 !!!!!!!!!!!

- after felix finds out abt ollie being trans everything goes pretty smoothly! he helps ollie w his t-shots, bandging him up and disposing of the needles in the sharps bin etc,, tho one time ollie forgets to take his t-shot and he gets his period and he feels Awful... absolutely isolating himself from felix and hiding in his room as felix, fairleigh, and venetia enjoy the hot summers sun outside of his window...he just feels too dysphoric to go out of his way to talk to anyone let alone felix (the literal love of his life he came out to yet still feels obligated to keep him uninformed abt the things that happen to him etc...)

- soon enough felix has enough of being shut out by ollie so he goes to confront him but he finds ollie curled in a ball on the bathroom floor :( poor ollie is probably crying as he grips at his stomach his cramps are unbelievably painful and he feels so stupid that he forgot to take his shot,, obviously being worried felix instantly rushes to ollie's side, petting his hair and softly hushing him as he inquires what's wrong..."oh ollie, ollieollieollie what's wrong mate, you okay? you hurt?" and all ollie can do is nod his head as he just clutches his stomach harder curling more and more into himself until he is fully in fetal position..."hey, what is it? what's hurting ollie, can you show me?" and ollie just mutters out the words "period" and felix completely understands,, he's grown up around venetia so hes definitely semi-well versed in this sort of thing

- opening his mouth to then quickly close it felix nods his head in silent agreement "right, right, yeah" he says now rubbing small circles on the small of ollie's back, he's seen his mom do this to venetia all the time whenever she would have her cramps so he figured this could do the trick, at least in this very moment...."okay ollie, im gonna run and get some things from venetia i'll be right back okay? i'll just be a second mate" and felix plants a little kiss atop ollie's head as he quickly sprints out of the bathroom, loud footsteps being heard as he makes his away around the house,, soon after he comes back to the bathroom holding two large boxes of pads & tampons in one arm and 5 different kinds of pain medications in the other. and ollie can do is smile because he's never had anyone care about him like this. "i didn't know which ones you used... o-or if one was better than the other so i just brought the whole cabinet with me" felix chuckles as he sits down, now situating the items he brought with him next to ollie's curled up form

- "i-is this okay? i can always go run back and get-" and felix just gets cut off by ollie throwing his once curled arms around felix's middle holding him as tight as he could as if this might be the last time he'll ever see felix again,, and ollie just starts to cry because his hormones are going crazy but seeing felix so caring and eager to help him makes his heart melt !!!!! hes never experienced love like this before and its so new and foreign to him he doesn't know how to react !!!!! but its as if felix read his mind because he starts to caress ollie's wet cheek, slowly prying him away from his damp shirt so he could hold him in his lap..."ollie, its okay, you're okay with me yeah? this doesn't make me think any less of you alright? you're still my ollie, my boy, and nothing's gonna change that" and felix just brushes ollie's tears away before softly kissing him on the lips.

#wormswurld answers #ask #ask me anything #lgbtqia #saltburn #oliver quick #barry keoghan #saltburn posting #felix catton #cattonquick #felix x oliver #saltburn 2023 #trans oliver quick #ftm!oliver quick #transgender

[hiroshotreplica]

i would love to hear about ur Hiro thoughts if u wanna share :3

hiro.... where do i begin...... (btw no coroika stuff sorry. from what ive seen the characterization there does not line up with any of my promo kid brainrot at all LOL. also they turned kayoss into an inkling there lol???)

love him so much you dont even know. i memorized his username (Hirooooo) i think he's cool. i like his inkless office drone title it implies so much about him. projected some of my traits onto him a very long time ago, so he's an autistic trans guy to me. maybe bi. ive mentioned it before but i think he wears his ocho octophones outside of battle and theyre noise cancelling. i think he needs that feature for battles cause oh my goodness there's so many noises in battles sometimes.

of COURSE he uses .96 gal, its iconic as hell. but i think he uses like.. 3 other weapons too. splattershot, mainly because he's been shown with ttek splattershot + he's on the trizooka card (or at least the octoling there has a VERY close resemblance). i think he uses range blaster and dark tetra dualies cause he's been shown with them (the range guess is based on like. 20 pixels from a millisecond of footage though). also i use range and dark tetra..and i thought it was funny

also fun little thought i had the other day: i think he avoids .96 gal deco like the plague. was excited to see it get splash wall but freaked out about kraken royale. picked it up just to find out about the kraken part mid-match and got jumpscared by the transformation. enough to shove somewhere and never think about it again

i dont think he has like, a set in stone team or anything (i dont think any of the splat 3 promo kids do, they all play matches with each other n theyre all friends) but he usually teams up with anemoneno1, takotruck, and c4l4m4r. they have the most toxic synergy ever but thats another story. my interpretation of ane is its own thing too. i think they and hiro hate each other in the friend way. say the rudest shit to each other as a joke then laugh about it.

SPEAKING OF HIS RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE. coming out as a hironika lover. i think he loves veronika so much its unreal. kind of boyfail type of way. they share an apartment w/ ane. sometimes i think about a poly thing between them but i like to think ane's just an onlooker to the frustrating chaos that is the two of them pining on each other in the most obvious way possible. theyre so t4t oh my god. (off topic but im a veronika she/they nonbinary believer forever. i think she's also a girl too but i dont know how to explain that. bigender, demigirl?? hard to label wish i could just let people peer into my brain on that.)

ALSO I LOVE NEO 3 VERONIKA BUT HIRO'S THE NEO 3 TO ME SORRY. my url gives this away so fast (hiroshotrepilca.. huh i wonder who hiro is). i think his smallfry friend would have the mohawk haircut. need more neo 3 hiro fanart in my life...

ok thats all i can put into words... a lot of this is going to show up in a thing im writing (I NEED A HIRO. posting it on ao3if anyone cares) but Yeah. sorry for this being sooo long these thoughts have been brewing in my head for like a year

#ask #long post #alex's hiro folder #i have SOOO much more to say but im bad with language so itll be in my head. for now.. #his dynamic with veronika and ane is so important to me tho #surprised i dont draw it much. i literallyjust think about it a lot #ive even dreamt about it thats the crazy part

[jwarfs2]

I was just randomly thinking back to before i peaked and reflecting on my mindset. I just ramble on here so idk if this is going anywhere but here i think its interesting. It makes me wonder abt how at least the well meaning TRAs think....

I dont think i knew what terf meant. I dont rememeber if i knew if it was an acronym or not, but i remember simply taking it to mean 'someone who is transphobic'

I remember being unsatisfied with the takes id see on feminism online from other people, i wondered if there was anyone willing to critique things like makeup. I thought the eyeliner jokes were stupid and bothered me for reasons i couldnt articulate.

EVERY time i saw a good feminist take, a couple days later a post would go around saying 'sorry guys that post was made by a terf! Make sure u block and delete.' Which i didnt block them but id delete the post.

The previous bullet would happen, but another thing was that some of the people i followed would post one of those femenist takes that seemed really good, like it had some depth to it. But theyd never get a terf callout. I went on the original blogs of those posts, and saw the 'terfy' things they would have on there and be like....so no one is catching this huh. Its worth mentioning that, i could identify which ideas could be clocked as terfy, however it didnt pay it any mind because i didnt truly think the ideas were harmful. I just avoided them.because thats what u were "supposed" 2 do.

This previous 2 points happened one 2 many time and i remember thinking to myself, "how come every time i see a feminist take with some depth or a critique on our current culture that seems to have some nuance or critical thought, its always from one of these 'terfs'? Nah i gotta go see what these terfs are up to cuz this isnt making sense." In my mind i was like, how could the transphobic people be having well thought out feminist takes? Something isnt right here.

Even though probably nodded along with "trans women are women" i didnt take that phrase literally at all. I think in my head i just made up some shit like, oh it just means to acknowledge transwomen as regular people like women, theyre just people. Idk how i jumped there...i think maybe it was because someone taking that phrase literally was so absurd to me i didnt even entertain the thought of that being the meaning.

Now im here. And theyd call me a terf too. Honestly, i think ive always thought this way, but i couldnt really put it into words cuz i didnt have a need to. We werent relegated to arguing abt basic reality.

#peak trans #radfems do touch #terf safe #terfs please interact

[cogbreath]

hi so whoever this anon is if youre following me can you fuck off. its clear you're just being transmisogynistic for no reason. the ppl whos urls u mentioned arent even people i would know. why r u in my inbox about it. you misgendered the second woman you mentioned. the first thing is just straight up gross. i really dont gaf if women or anyone on here want to post their bodies. i do it on my nsfw blog myself. its kinda fucked up and gross that apparently ppl are sharing screenshots of that woman's nsfw images without her consent? thats what it sounds like youre saying to me. fuck off with this transmisogynistic nonsense. its very very clear thats your intent here you have no actual evidence or effort put into your claims of racism or abuse here. this is clearly bad faith shit and you're only mentioning it (whether its real or not) for sake of trying to get me on board with ur harassment cult. fuck off. im not fuckin stupid i can tell the difference between people seriously warning me of a users racism and someone scapegoating. if u were serious you would have only mentioned those things and detailed them. instead you come telling me "hey theres screenshots of a trans woman's nsfw pics going around haha also another one who i will go onto misgender is apparently racist hehe"

you freaks arent slick or smart with that shit.

idk if ur a terf or a transandrophobia truther or whatever but u are not on my side and never will be.

p.s. at this point also i really really can't care that there are ppl out there who have kinks of things that r triggering for me. okay? i cant stop anyone from it even if i personally think its distasteful or disrespectful. so just stop telling me that. if i encounter it on my own time i unfollow and block. thats enough management for me youre not helping me or anyone really by telling me the kinks of ppl ive never even heard of before or encountered. get a new hobby this is just weird.

#transmisogyny cw

[sentientgopro]

Okay, screw it, It's been on my mind alot, I'm writing the damn mirror post so I can get it off my mind.

There's a song I listen to often that has a couple of lines about "breaking the mirror". I'm the type of person who feels the need to understand every line of every song they listen to, so I googled the meaning. (Side note, part of me felt like it was right to write girl instead of person and she instead of they? I almost always use gender neutral terms in anything I say online regardless of being about me, but feeling like saying she is not something I've done before. That was weird. Back to the point.)

So I don't know how commonly known it is or whether people still pay attention to old superstitions, but apparently breaking mirrors brings you years of bad luck, but eventually you'll be just fine.

And there's obvious parallels between this idea and transitioning. Things will get alot harder after you start, but you'll be infinitely better off when you start to reach the other side. Right now, I can live simply as a guy and not have to worry about the perils of being trans, but once I break the mirror, it's on.

But I can't get over how there's this really old symbolism of taking the very thing that displays who you are, and shattering it, and it's gonna cause alot of problems for a while, but then the reflection is restored, better than ever, and all the bad is washed away.

And this was just a neat little idea in my head, until I saw a CERTAIN game with a certain stereotype was on sale for like £3 and bought it. And oh my fucking God, mirror symbolism is EVERYWHERE, because of course it is. The very incarnation of the bad parts of Madeline literally come from looking herself in the mirror and breaking it. People have talked before about the heavy Mirror symbolism in Celeste, often mentioning trans people's relation to mirrors, but recontextualising that with the superstition and the things I just mentioned made it hit so hard for me when it clicked and I put it all together.

Now, I always knew this would be an aimless rant, but I still spent a while trying to think of a good way to tie it together but its not working. I'm just gonna talk about the lyrics now and how they reflect my specific situation. Its 4 lines, in pairs, in two seperate verses:

"I need time to break all the mirrors,

But my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer."

"Time to make it all clearer,

And if time never ceases I'll be ready to break the mirror."

How often do you hear trans people talk about how theyre not ready, or theyre finding excuses for themselves, and they don't know why? I'm the same, but I genuinely have a rock solid excuse for myself, that I live in an unsupportive and overcontrolling household, so I couldn't even start doing anything in secret because of how restricted I am. I should be going to Uni in about a year and a half, so that's the starting point. But even if this wasn't the case, I dont think Id start transitioing yet, Im not ready, my mind is in pieces and not ready to make it clearer.

But that's the thing, it IS time to make it all clearer. Ive got time, with no pressure, to figure myself out and improve my mental state so that I'm in the best position possible to break the mirror. So as long as I never cease doing that, I'll be ready to break the mirror.

If you're wondering what the song is, It's The Gift by Kevin Sherwood and Elena Siegman. The rest of the song isn't a trans allegory or anything, I honestly couldn't tell you what most of it is about, it's from fucking COD: Black Ops 3 Zombies lmfao. Every map in the Zombies mode of the Black Ops games has a secret song, usually by Kevin Sherwood and often with Elena Siegman singing, but sometimes its a different vocalist.

The reason I'm mentioning all this is because the map this song is on is Literally called "Revelations". Yep, certainly having a few of them lmao.

So, thanks for reading this unhinged rant about mirrors that's probably unoriginal as shit, I'm going to cut this off Immediately before I launch into a rant about how good Kevin Sherwood's music is. Honestly, hes too good to be working on COD, not to mention how Elena Siegman has the voice of an angel and a demon at the same time, that girls range is insane. Fuck, Im already slipping into a rant, I just need to stop writi

#196 #transgender

[d3a7h]

𝙱𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚃𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜.

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Trans Masc!Reader , Gabby Dawson x Trans Masc!Reader (platonic)

Series or Oneshot: Oneshot

Warnings: a lot of messed up thoughts. ed actions. mentions of sh. really bad trans thoughts (if ur trans i think you understand what i mean)

(Im venting/coping by writing this. I’m sorry this is all I have to lean on rn. If you see this due to my childhood lovers posts, they will be back soon i promise)

𝙱𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚃𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗’𝚝 𝚎𝚡𝚒𝚜𝚝.

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

It was another one of those dreadful days, the days you didnt want to exist anymore, you didnt want to convince yourself to get out of bed. However, when you are a firefighter you cant have those days. You pushed yourself out of bed and got dressed, taking a deep breath in and letting it out as you walked out of your front door.

You walked through the garage doors seeing the rest of squad sitting at the table already. You sat down with them and leaned back in your chair staring at the ground. This caught Kelly’s attention though so he tapped you on the knee which dragged you out of your thoughts.

“You okay Ru?” He asked, concern very aparent in his voice. This got the other guys attentions. “Uh yeah fine, why?” “You look sick, like you havent slept or eaten in a few days.” “Oh, I dont know. Ive been fine just didnt want to get out of bed this morning thats all. No need to worry about me Lieutenant,” I told him before getting up from my chair. I patted his shoulder as I walked by; I made my way to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror wishing I could be like Kelly, like Matt, like Herrmann, I just wanted to be a boy.

I grabbed a bag from my locker before going into one of the showers. I took off my shirt and redid the wraps on my chest, I took the binder out of my bag and pulled it on as well. I pulled back on my shirt and tucked it in, I put my bag up and walked into the common area.

I was about to sit down when the alarm went off, we rushed to the trucks pulling up our gear and getting inside. “Are you sure youre okay Ru?” “Yes i promise.”

———————————————————————

I made lunch for everyone once we were back at district. We had been on a few jobs already and I knew everyone was hungry and luckily they enjoyed my cooking. The smell of food made my stomach churn, which sent me to the bathroom to puke.

“Now I know you arent okay, tell me whats up. Its my job to know how my teams doing and obviously im not doing a good one.” I heard Kellys voice enter the room which made me upset even more. Why couldnt he just leave me alone. I just wanted to go home and cry but he just wanted to see me break down in front of him didnt he?

I sat on the stall ground so I didnt have to open the door. “Ill never be a real guy Kelly, ill never get to be like you or matt or herrmann or cap or any guy for that matter. Medically im seen as a woman physically im a woman but only mentally do i get to be a boy. Its not fair. I wish i wasnt here anymore Kel. I havent eaten in a week, ive barley got a wink of sleep. I cant keep going but i have a job i have to save people so i still come every day even if i want to put a bullet in my head. I dont because i know ill hurt people but why do i have to hurt so others wont?”

I could see his shadow come closer before he sat down on the outside of the stall. “I know the whats the word?“ I let out a light laugh before resting my head on the door, “Dysphoria.“ “Yes that, it’s hard you’ve come to me about it a few times now. Well I’ve always pried it out of you but you don’t have to do anything alone. You are a real guy, you are a boy. That was done and said once we met you. Now, once shift is done we will get through the rest of the day together. We can invite your brother too.“

“Ill see if Adam’s free...uh thank you Kelly.“ “Oh course Ru, always. You know that.”

I was about to respond but the alarm blared and I quickly wiped my face and opened the door. Kelly’s face met mine and I let out a small breath and smiled, “Lets go Lieutenant.” I pushed past him lightly and quickly got to truck; Kelly not far behind me.

———————————————————————

Like Kelly said we were leaving work together, he drove me to my apartment and I honestly never imagined he’d be in my apartment. Normally when he helps me we go to his apartment so we arent alone and its not awkward. I heard nothing but his feet following behind me as we got to my apartment I unlocked the door and plopped down on my couch. I heard the door close and lock before Kelly flicked on the kitchen lights. “Can we invite Shay and Dawson over too? Please?” “Yeah of course, ill text shay and you text dawson.” “Great. Adam isnt free tonight, there on a case so i thought we could invite them.”

Shay came over almost instantly, she had alcohol like always; Dawson following a few steps behind her. I closed the door behing them locking it and sitting down on the couch next to Dawson. Dawson was my best friend, besides Kelly of course. I met Dawson when we were young, she was always my favorite person; now I get to see her every day, this jobs wearing on it a bit though.

She was there through my whole transition and now Kelly is here for the after thoughts and major dysphoria because you still arent in the right body. Your parts werent correct and you knew you would never be able to like it because no matter what you did you wouldnt have the real thing.

I was ripped from my thoughts from Dawson placing her hand on my hand; I looked up and she was still in a conversation with Shay and Kelly. I smiled softly and laid my head on the back of the couch calming down; the thoughts stropped rolling in and I just got to happily listen to my friends having a break.

Once Shay and Gabby left I thanked Kelly once again for wanting to help me get through today. He stood on the other side of the door but everything happened so quickly I felt his lips press to mine. “Im sorry,” he said straightening back up. “Kelly isnt into only women i see?“ “I do know i like you, so yeah I guess I dont only like women.”

“See you tomorrow Ru?” “Or how about.”

I cut off my sentence but pulling him into another kiss and he stepped inside closing the door behind him.

#kelly severide #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #imagine #kelly severide x reader #gabby dawson

[goremet-chef]

tw for death i just need to get these thoughts out of my head for now

so, my great grandma passed away the other day. i dont feel like i deserve any "sorry for yr loss" shit cuz like.. truth be told i didnt like her that much. she was an old conservative white woman, im sure you know what i mean by that. i used to have to leave the living room to go cry in the bathroom cuz ofthe shit she said about trans people

she didnt know i was trans so maybe if she did it wouldve been different, but regardless

shes dead now, and im just. really dissociated tbh. and a little sad. and a little angry

its just. i mean it sounds so stupid to say "oh death is traumatic for me" because death is traumatic for pretty much everyone i think? its scary. terrifying. and you can never outrun it, no matter what

i mentioned this in a different post, but my fear of death started INCREDIBLY early, like no kid should be scared thinking about that stuff but i was. and i asked her specifically after having a dream where she was like. brutally murdered, i asked her if she was going to die soon and she laughed a little and said no

i was only a little kid back then but it. i dont know how to describe this. knowing that the answer has changed is so... suffocating. death catches up with everyone and every time it proves that in my life i just get more and more stressed

and i mean, i cant lie. i know i didnt like her but i used to. i used to really love her, and i know she really loved me. i was her favorite, im pretty sure. this still hurts. i dont think i deserve any condolences or whatever cuz. i hadnt seen her for a whole year, up until recently. i purposefully stayed home and away instead of visiting cuz i just didnt like being around someone like her. that hasnt changed, but im still glad i got to see her one last time. i saw her apparently 2 days before she died, which is traumatic on its own

my brain has such a hard time processing the.. finality of it. she told me she liked my hair and how it was shorter and it felt good. when we left cuz her morphine was kicking in and she was out of it, i hugged her and told her i loved her, and she said she loved me too. her voice was quiet and whispery, honestly. weak, yknow how it is. she had lung cancer, idk why its always cancer

its scary to have my relatives slowly dropping dead one by one. like.. my family is getting smaller, isnt that terrifying? i dont know how to handle this. i know its a long ways away but my mind is just.. waiting with bated breath for when it takes my nana, and my grandma, and my mom, my siblings. etc

ive tried so hard to come to terms with this thing and it. its all for nothing because no matter how i look at it, no matter the optimism or the peace or WHATEVER, im still terrified of it. its natural, it happens to everyone, every single living thing on this planet will die eventually. its so scary, i dont want to die. i dont want the people i love to die, but its not like i get a say in it

now shes gone, the last moments i spent with her are like.. haunting my brain. and i feel GUILT, especially. i think i was valid in not wanting to see her for so long, i dont feel particularly guilty for that. but i feel guilty that even after all that time, she still loved me. i guess im glad she never knew how i really felt about her

whats even worse? the other day, im assuming the day she died, i overheard my mom talking to her on the phone

and it was like.. idk it made me sick? hearing my mom telling her in this like.. not nonchalant but. not how someone whos grandma is dying real time would sound id imagine. her telling her that shes gotta spread her wings, and go meet grandpa, and watch over us

i dont know if she was dead when my mom said it or not, or maybe she was fading then and there, but. it made me so sad. what if she could hear? i guess she probably wouldnt, the drugs made her very.. gone. but like. if she could, the last thing she wouldve heard was someone telling her shes going to die

how terrifying is that? im still stuck up on that. if i was dying would my mom say something like that to me? i dont wanna think about it

it makes me mad, though

i guess she died on call with my mom but. no one mentioned anything about it until today, and i had to go out of my way to literally ASK if she was dead

why do they keep doing this to me? i have a fucking right to know. they did it with artemis too. when my grandmas cat got put down cuz of her heart failure, NO ONE told me until a few days later when my sibling was like "did you hear about artemis?" and my heart sank cuz.. thats never a good thing to hear and they were like "yeah idk why nobody told you? but grandma put her down"

i still havent really processed her death, i fell back on escapism and dissociation, i dont know if im ready for that yet

why wouldnt you tell me? why dont i have the right to know? why dont they tell me anything anymore, my bedroom is right next to yours

its so frustrating. even if it hurts me, LET IT hurt me. let me grieve and mourn, its what im supposed to do. i cant tell if its a sheltering thing or if they genuinely just. feel like it doesnt matter to tell me or not. its so upsetting man

#tw death #death #vent

[another-dra-anew]

tsu!!

My identity hc for them

see tomori, strike that, reverse it! he knows he likes guys, and he's kinda just seeing what happens past that! hes vibing w/himself and hes just kinda chilling, hes content without a label for his attraction

aaaand hes a trans lad! similar to tomori sometimes he feels more binary trans sometimes not he's really just chillin ! to make this section longer uhhhm. i think his relationship with his past is like. "i have always been a boy, my body is a guys body, and when i was younger i was a boy, same as today. but also i was a girl once i was a small little girl and she is not alive anymore but also she is still here standing right in front of u when u look at me, same as she ever was and as she always will be. but also i am me myself and i am a boy. okie?" and refuses to explain or elaborate (he probably said this to kouhei. kouhei doesnt ask hes just like "okie". tbh kouhei prolly didnt ask in the first place tsu just started talking)

Thoughts on their home life/family

! yk as special reward for everyone who takes the time to read through this i will give u a spoile-y. as a treat. tsurugi was born when a piece of snow came in through a chimney and landed in the fire. and many many miles away, from the stump of the tree that was cut down to be logs for that fire, tsurugi tumbled out of a naturally occurring divot in the wood. this is very true and i just hope u all know the power that comes with this information!!! <333

(ofc, thats all jokes! tsu is a bunch of ice crystals from a sun halo, all swirled together and gently sent down to the earth)

How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

how... do i not spoil things. u have to have patience with his writing. i promise he is more than like.. manic pixie leftist cop boy. u just have to have patience. boy wears his heart on his sleeve. but also he has a bunch of plastic wrap around it. u can see his heart it is the textbook definition of on his sleeve. but it is obscured and u cannot reach it. every day before i sleep i get on my knees and pray that people have faith in his writing and don't think the way he's written is cringefail.

The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

i cant remember if this factoid has come up but i dont think it has in any posts. tsu's hair is like.... really choppy, if u brushed it out/took a straightener to it to get it all flat, you'd see its alll different lengths. bc he tends to get twigs and sticks and the like stuck in there and just. cuts hair off/"oh this bit is too long! *snip*" a lot. that being said it looks oddly intentional/u cant tell its a million different lengths with how he styles it. he will cry if anyone tries to drag him to a hair stylist.

My number one favorite ship for them

tsuhara. ch1 spoilers this is just text encoded in hex google hex to text decoder and u should be good. 74 68 69 73 20 69 73 20 77 68 79 20 69 20 77 61 6E 74 20 74 6F 20 72 65 77 72 69 74 65 20 74 68 65 20 63 68 31 20 69 6E 76 65 73 74 69 67 61 74 69 6F 6E 20 73 6F 20 62 61 64 6C 79 2E 20 69 20 77 61 6E 74 20 74 6F 20 68 61 6E 64 6C 65 20 74 68 65 69 72 20 69 6E 74 65 72 61 63 74 69 6F 6E 73 20 28 61 6C 6F 6E 67 20 77 69 74 68 20 74 73 75 73 20 69 6E 6E 65 72 20 6D 6F 6E 6F 6C 6F 67 75 65 29 20 61 20 6C 6F 74 20 64 69 66 66 65 72 65 6E 74 6C 79 21

…Now everyone else i ship with them

i mean he is besties with everyone? many platonic ships. he is friend shaped !

The thing i will NEVER ship

like many of the ask meme fills so far: his wrist is limp, your honor...

a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

tsurugi is incapable of leaving anyone alone. he. nothing needs to be explored more. tsu & alone time perhaps.

thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

im not even gonna lie trying to work out fits for him always makes me want to explode. i may rework his fit again soon ive already made minor changes which i havent mentioned. that in mind his bandages and bracelets and bruises are alllways gonna be the same! theyre eternal!

A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

rule #4 - fish in a birdcage was playing when i started this post. the reason its on any of my playlists is bc i heard it and went fuck. uhhhh. yeah rule #4 fish in a birdcage would be very tsu and kouhei except jk!!! there is nothing slightly odd or abnodmal or not right with either of the people i mentioned theyre totally fine. mhm mhm!

anyways funnily enough he actually doesnt have a playlist. uhhh. actually he's got a lot of playlists with other characters but not his own... i started this w/a tsu + someone else song so ill only list individual ones from here on out akjdsjkkjdsdk

i thiiink all of sweet trip's "you will never know why" album (im bad with my memory and dont feel like going to look at it all) but especially your world is eternally complete + milk. hmmm. theres some others but this is good i think!

#kinjo tsurugi #ask meme

[hauntedselves]

rambly personal post

before my CL-self was murky, shifting. now its solidly a black low-content German Shepherd wolfdog. male. i feel like his name is Zephyr or Apollo or something. my werewolf form is grey though, not sure why. also trans, though biologically male when just a dog.

i know my psych is right when she says "if its not causing undue stress it doesn't need to be pathologised" but i wish she would assess me for a psychotic disorder. im sure i have stpd and i want to know if i qualify for any other psychotic disorder - delusional disorder, schizoaffective… i wish we could do like a marathon 5 hour session where we do tonnes of assessments and discuss it and i get diagnosed with all my mental problems ever, on paper. i guess i could just ask her hey want diagnoses do you think i have but that's. too forward. too diagnosis seeking.

i sometimes wish i could see a new psychologist (in addition to, not instead of my current psych) and just come out with all my psychotic and messed up thoughts and see what they say. just throw it all at them and see what they get out of it.

im glad my psych doesn't pathologise every little thing under the sun, but i wish she were more diligent in diagnosing - and sharing those diagnoses. ive asked multiple times for her notes but she just says they wont make any sense to me. i dont care i still want to read them!

lowkey tempted to write up a list of my self dx'es and reasonings why and just send that to her. i guess its one way to get a reaction out of her (even that sentence sounds too attention seeking!)

even things like. we've talked about trauma so much and shes said the words "complex trauma" multiple times, but never if i warrant a diagnosis of cptsd. on a healthcare form she once wrote "childhood trauma" as a diagnosis… what does that mean? thats not a diagnosis, its a cause! (she also wrote depression, despite us almost never talking about depression, though i do have it)…

i know im over focusing on labels when that isnt the focus of therapy. (and when the diagnostic part of the psych field is fucked). but labels can be nice to have, especially when you're clearly exhibiting symptoms of specific diagnoses and yet no diagnoses are mentioned…

maybe ill just email her. "what dx's do you think i have heres the ones i think i have and why. please advise" …

update: i've drafted a big email basically saying "here's my self dx's and why, what do you think". not sure if i'll send it or not, but it's a good self-reflective exercise anyway?

#dogpost #personal #no bold

[elihslife]

Something happened and it wasnt okay...

Yesterday I had a friend come over to have a sleepover. I know, sleepover at 31? But it was fun... for the most part.

My friend and I decided to get some snacks before heading to the pool and so we did some shopping @ Target. Once we got back, we got changed and ready for the pool.

Sometime after being in the pool these two people had come in and joined. Starting a conversation about us playing music as I had brought my speaker. All dandy and well.

But after some time... talking to these two people. Just rubbed me the wrong way. I could also tell it didnt sit well with my friend either.

Inappropriate words had been dropped, like the N-word, to which they have no right to say as these two were both very, very white.

Later the one person had gone back to their recently moved in apartment, a building next to mine, but still provides some distance between us.

Then it was me, my friend, and this person.

At some point they decided this would be the perfect time to ask about my personal being - my transness.

They proceeded to start, as most do, "Can I ask a personal question"

I dont know why people think they can, moments after discussing with someone making very little small talk. Are we to exchange our life's story and such at this moment? Disclose all our deepest secrets and such? Hmmm...

ANYWAYS...

I ignored the question as my friend began talking about something.

But I knew it was going to come again. And it did.

Moments passed and it was brought up again.

I said, maybe.

The question came... "so are you like, pre-op or post-op?"

I felt like this is super clear as I was shirtless in a pool. You can see what Ive got and don't have. UNLESS YOU MEAN IN MY PANTS.

I told this person it was hella inappropriate to ask such a question, whether they think this person is trans or not. I even mentioned it was kinda clear and obvious, unless they are asking about whats in my pants....

Kinda schooled this person a little.

Time goes on and my friend decided to go inside to shower.

It was just me and this person now.

They became very flirty at this point.

Saying comments.

Telling me how attractive I am.

Honestly... I don't even know how it happened... but it did.

The next moment Im feeling their body pressed against mine, their bits pressed against my bum, arms wrapped sorta around my waist and them saying "sorry its just a force of habit"

GIRL WHAT????

I froze.

Unable to move really, not sure what to do.

Playing it cool and laughing it off.

They got the message a bit I wasnt into it and even noted that it doesnt seem like Im interested in them. I wasnt. Im not.

I told them I am technically still married, separated, and such - but that Im also kind of seeing someone in San Antonio and that Im also a demisexual. Someone who is into connections before doing anything more.

The topic of age got brought up and find out this person is just barely 21. Fresh off the boat and at this point I feel kinda superior, like... more power in being an adult and shutting this down for good. I tell them Im definitely not interested in someone this young. They proceeded to tell me its fine, they've been on their own since 16 and they're more grown up.

Yeah, no.

No thank you.

They are not.

I told them they're welcome to be my friend and hang out, but that nothing more will continue. They sort of left in such a scoff. Scurrying away back to their apartment, mumbling some words as they left - luckily Im deaf and couldnt hear what was said.

Fine by me.

But I couldnt sleep. I kept thinking about the events, leading up, what happened, all of it playing over and over. As it is now, again as I write this.

I don't know. I know it wasn't me. I know I didn't call out for it. But I'm just shocked. A bit uncomfortable now knowing my safe space, my home feels a little less safe.

[buzzingroyalty]

Just a quick question. Ive been seeing a lot of Homestuck posts tagging June and I'm curious as to why? I know it's a popular headcanon (which is great! We need more trans rep in media) but now I feel like it's more then that? Is it canon? I've been rereading Homestuck recently but I haven't seen it mentioned. (I hope this doesn't seen transphobic. I'm not hating on June, I'm just curious if it is canon or if it's just a hc growing in popularity.)

this is my go-to post to read up on for the timeline of events, but to make a long story short it was initially just a popular headcanon, but one day hussie hid some signed toblerones in a cave and the first person to find one joked that she declared june egbert canon and hussie came out of the blue to reply like yeah sure let's do it. and ik we shouldnt always take hussie at their word bc they do a little trolling, but ppl closer to hussie passed on the message that they actually liked the headcanon and were not opposed to the idea of implementing it!

since then not much has exactly come of it from any (beyond) canonical homestuck texts except for some very minor subtle hints in hs2 that even then could be kind of reaching, since the announcement of the rest of hs2 being privately commissioned we just like. don't know anything? but either way a lot of people (including myself) have accepted june as their preferred egbert interpretation which i think would have persevered regardless of any word of god confirmation from higher-ups i personally have decided to solely junepost since before any toblerones were dropped in san fran but im a firm believer of doing whatever you want as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, i just dont think any june vs john infighting is productive or worth anyone's time especially in this grey area of hiatus. as if we need any author confirmation to make the content we like anyway lol

the only thing that rly irks me is when ppl are like "hussie only did that bc it was a toblerone wish weh weh" which is just. not what happened? it wasnt until AFTER the first was found that they announced the toblerones would grant wishes to the ppl who found them (which you can track here btw). no one's hands were forced, as i said before hussie showed genuine interest in june. but again, we didn't need this to validate us anyway.

so ya the answer to your question is kinda sorta not really but also yes-ish we rly just have to wait and see and entertain ourselves in the meantime

#that was longer than I thought it would be lel #apologies in advance if ur just learning about the epilogues and hs2 also. thats an entire other rabbit hole #ask

[gothicprep]

I also have some notoriously hideous opinions about drag race, for which you’re welcome to shit on me for.

so ive watched it many times in the past, but since drag isn’t a thing right now for obvious reasons, I can’t go to drag shows and now I’be decided to be weirdly invested in Ms Fracking‘s Product Placement Race. so! here’s a very superficial observation: this show has gotten a lot harder in newer seasons! which makes sense given its traction and the monetary sum of its grand prize, but it’s crazy difficult to do well if you don’t already have a lot of money at your disposal.

should probably mention here that I have a variety of personal connections with drag queens irl, and am very intimately familiar with the financial aspect of it. even if you’re performing in a population-dense area, it’s hard to get a good return on that unless you’re connected with the right people. and even if you are, it’s pretty modest.

i think of aiden zhane a lot. she clearly had some interesting visions going on with her drag, but it was always really glaring to me that the financial component was missing. people dumped on her a lot for wearing the same wig all the time, which is fair to be irritated by, but given her backstory as someone who didn’t live in a huge city, without a drag family to give her guidance... the pieces click together. especially since, after her exposure from the show, the production quality of her looks skyrocketed. it’s also worth noting here that the social media following queens have is a relevant part of their paycheck.

we talk a lot about queens relying on their body shape, which is fair to point out. but i don’t see a ton of discussion about queens relying on wealth.

And. oh my god. i don’t want to come for mik because I like her and love that she’s filling a trans representation hole that RPDR has long forgotten previously... but its definitely an applicable criticism of her. the swavroski crystal blood drop on her post-snatch game runaway look probably would be worth my rent. the singular detail alone.

im willing to make the concession that originality isn’t something you can purchase, but it’s so disheartening to see in practice how massive that financial advantage can be. and it’s sad to see queens who dont have the resources to bring their best drag go toe-to-toe against those who can.

one thing I am happy about, though, is that the production allotted a few episodes before anyone was eliminated, since These Unprecedented Times will certainly interfere with their booking and giving the queens a little more time to generate interest in them, considering how theyre probably going through it with the finances rn

#Also idk why my phone keeps doing the backwards apostrophe thing

[izzyliker]

Hey, asking you this as nicely as I can but can you give the immediate victim blaming a break. The absolute lack of respect you have for the people tmc abused is genuinely disheartening. Yes, he’s a shitty person, you’re entitled to hate him but immediately going “well you should’ve seen it coming earlier lol we’ve been saying this” is just ASTONISHINGLY shortsighted and cruel. Have your opinions about him and the situation all you want I would just ask that you please keep it to yourself due to the many many people he’s hurt that are still on here and can see you disparaging them.

ok, that is not what i have been saying. "well you should've known" is not an accurate summary of my feelings on this matter but apologies if thats how it came across. i have been in an abusive relationship where the person did a lot of the same things and i, too, defended that person without considering how it impacted other people. i almost lost my best friend because of how i acted as a result of keeping him in my life while people around me kept telling me to get tf out. i know.

what i am is im frustrated and annoyed by how long people were willing to publicly and passionately defend this guy while apparently fully aware what kind of shit he was doing to other people, many of which is detailed in the callout itself, and how this is now being framed as news. before the document itself was published all me (or anyone) had to go off of was vague posts that amounted to a "callout trailer" and almost all of the information on it was shit that was 100% completely public knowledge. 20+ people being aware of all that goddamn stuff and not one of them publicly stopping associating with him is frustrating. it comes across as spineless and yes, like one anon told GD, gaslighty (although i have my own issues with this being used on a large scale instead of in interpersonal relationships but i understand where they were coming from). his lesbophobia, transphobia (strange that none of the transphobia towards trans men was mentioned?), and panphobia/aphobia/biphobia were widely documented and seeing that on a callout post as if it were news was extremely tiring.

ive since read the callout. the interpersonal actions seem to have been horrible but sadly im not surprised (by which i dont mean "and neither should you" but rather. my spidey senses for this sort of behavior are pretty accurate most of the time and i did see this coming. this isnt me saying im Better than these people or that they shouldve as well but rather that i have learned to identify people of this genre.) by any of them.

also im 75% sure this is tumblr user GD. hello. if not then apologies, its just that the typing here is very similar. if it is, i think you trying to both take accountability for this and process whatever it is youre processing at the same time on tumblr is a bad idea and going to just lead to people feeling hurt and betrayed because while i truly do see where the reaction is coming from (like, truly, i understand, believe me), if you say "i take responsibility for how i acted while being manipulated" but then when people voice their negative feelings you tell them theyre victim blaming you it is going to reflect poorly on you. i dont think you understand how many people were absolutely hurt by the enabling you and your large, massively popular group of friends did for him, including the MASSIVE defense rant you typed up in defense of him when someone sent an ask to the bi jon event about him being panphobic and aphobic. whether its fair for people to expect you to immediately go into depth about it is questionable but dont invite people to do this when you obviously cannot handle it (i dont mean this in a bad way like "oh you should handle it". i mean genuinely this is how you get burnt out and possibly worsen possible future trauma. by trying to immediately placate people without having the mental resources to do so.)

i think the "we dont condone these views and never did!" without ever specifying what they were or doing any other work there is a lazy fucking cop-out. your circle was/is massively popular and a lot of people took all of you as authorities on stuff like headcanons and respectful portrayals of certain characters or identities to the point of accepting your meta as canon (something you havent really dissuaded ever), and associating publicly with someone who would constantly do this kind of shit and then defending him publicly while also positing yourself as an authority isnt something you can just "oops! we never agreed with him!" yourself out of. GD & TF specifically, you are massive blogs. you are babys first TMA blog. people in your askbox hurt and betrayed by this shit are not necessarily there to victim blame you. they are there because they trusted your word when they said "hey seraf reblogged anti pan and anti ace and weird transphobic posts" and you said "seraf is one of my dearest friends and would never do any of those things and im personally offended youd even imply that." i think you dont understand the real life consequences of the massively popular posts and sentiments he made & published and that you helped spread (despite apparently knowing that he was being a massive hypocrite and bigoted towards those groups or identities in his personal life). obviously interpersonal abuse/conflict is going to be "worse" but dear god i hope you collectively understand that "oh btw we never endorsed his views" is a massive copout and a shit apology for the hurt this association and endorsement caused. tmc has been terrorizing this fucking fandom for months with his bullshit and bigotry and you have not been passive bystandars but active enablers.

anyways, hope everyone involved gets to uh, heal i suppose, but i think expecting the people who seraf suicide baited, the groups of trans men he misgendered, the people who he targeted and harassed, the genuine fucking long lasting dysphoria he caused real people to have over his shitty takes re: transness and dysphoria, and the general shit behavior he was allowed to keep up with zero pushback from anyone in his circle of the fandom to drop all the anger or frustration they have for the people who enabled him and defended him aggressively is... unrealistic. and makes you look bad. especially when the doc doesnt even clarify which opinions you still support.

#disk horse #abuse ment #long post #also im ngl some of the shit in the doc rly didnt need to be there if it genuinely was just a warning or whatever #also from what my jewish friends have said the whole section about converts not being jewish seems recklessly irresponsible as a thing to #include with any amount of authority re: the status of converts #But whatever.

[dateamonster]

wait, could you elaborate on the transphobic parts and bad gay representation in fear street? i was really looking forward to it but idk if i want to watch it now...

im just about at the end of it now and i can say i think pretty concretely that it. it just isnt worth it. i mean im not gonna tell people not to watch it by all means draw ur own conclusions but the stuff in it that was well done rly wasnt enough to make up for it for me.

if you do wanna check it out, this is the stuff id warn for (cw transmisogyny and mentions of biphobia)

the main thing i was referencing was a seen maybe a half hour or so into the movie where the main characters go to a hospital to confront a character whose boyfriend they think is antagonizing them. at the hospital they ask to speak to "nurse beddy". nurse beddy, we learn, is a trans woman played by a cis man whos nametag reads "eddy" with a b written in front of it.

we learn the reason nurse beddy knows the kids is because she buys drugs from them. shortly after shes introduced (like literally a scene later) she is brutally killed. she is never mentioned again.

the other stuff is somewhat more.. idk easy to overlook for me i guess. theres a romantic subplot between two of the main characters, deena and sam, two wlw who were in a secret relationship pre-canon before sams parents got divorced forcing her to move out of town. sam is shown to have at least one aggressively homophobic parent. despite this the movie frames her and deenas breakup (which deena initiated) as her fault for choosing to remain closeted and later enter into a relationship with a man post-breakup (this movie is set in the 90s btw)

i understand deenas anger with sams choice of bf but the way they hash this out feels.. weird to say the least. ive always hated the "you dont want to come out publicly so youre ashamed of me" narrative. the movie treats sams "decision" to move out and move on as a sign that she was idk too selfish to potentially lose her family and friends by coming out (as a TEENAGER) and that as a result her dating a guy after theyve already broken up was some kind of deliberate betrayal.

btw deena is established as a lesbian but sam isnt and idk if its just me but given that info and the way deena reacts to her relationship... it kinda smacks of biphobia to me. all this happens p early on in the movie too and it just kinda soured their entire romance plotline for me, even if i didnt already find most of the characters pretty unlikable for one reason or another.

obviously the nurse beddy thing was like. the actual main concern for me. the way they handled this completely plot-unnecessary character just made my skin crawl. i feel kinda crazy because im already starting to see posts praising fear street for its gay protags with no mention of. well any of this. but aint that just the way.

#ask #fear street

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

#wonder egg priority #wonder egg spoilers #ai ohto #rika kawai #momoe sawaki #wonder egg priority neiru #i forgot neirus name #anime review #wonder egg ai #lgbtq anime