#it makes me mad considering i used to id as a lesbian too and was treated like filth for that like i just cant fucking

[uselessheretic]

The people who are accusing Taika of queerbaiting Im like... have they watched anything he's done or been on that isn't Marvel's Homophobic Universe at any point. Like. Getting even as little rep as he's managed there is a fucking miracle considering it's Disney and still?? Looking at what he's done outside of Marvel and calling him out for queerbait is ???? Nevermind how he works other marginalized identies and stories in his work, just looking at the queer stuff it's clear this isn't a case of him maliciously using us as token rep?????

(I also dont care that he's going for Marvel work to be clear. Im going yes king get the fat paychecks and keep being weird otherwise lol but I also dont think him going "yeh it's so gay" on thor interviews is that weird since Marvel lays down the line on what they're supposed to push. This happens EVERY TIME there's a vaguely gay background extra in their movies. If you get queerbaited by a marvel movie at this point, 3 million movies in, it's on you lmao who even watches the interviews anymore)

(Reading him straight by default is also a bit weird imo as a bi woman forever getting assigned straight bc I don't like having short hair. It doesn't let me stim and people id me as a lesbian with short hair which is also not me. Whatever he's got going on is his business though!)

it's this weird contradictory thing people are doing where first they say taika built his career off of the lgbt community and by pretending to be queer, but then people realize that a lot of his personal projects don't have anything to do with sexuality (straight or otherwise) so then they switch to "taika's riding off the work of others to make himself seem more queer by doing a bare minimum amount of work on other people's projects" and these are supposed to be two concepts that exist at the same time.

and it's like... he didn't make ofmd, but he was still a huge part of it? the way he and david talk about it makes it seem like he did a lot of the preliminary work that producers usually do (since... he's a producer lol) before dropping off to focus on acting. also i know this is shocking for many people, but david jenkins is straight lmao. nobody's coming for him tho

or people are weird about him and wwdits where they ignore that he did co-create the movie (which the charas are bisexual in) and then blame him for people assuming he has a huge creative role in the tv show or is the show runner. but he's still an executive producer on it and directed some episodes? he's still supporting queer media? also jemaine clement doesn't openly id as queer either so??

god and with marvel i don't see why people are mad at him because marvel is literally sooo fucking homophobic and we know this and the fact that they were able to get that much explicit queerness into the movie is a testament to how much effort taika and tessa had to put in. the movie isn't queerbait and once that got debunked suddenly people are stuck on how he "over sold it" by dissecting him saying two words of "super gay!" like are we being serious? like on god? when we also know that they were made to take some of the gay content out from ragnarok and it's extremely likely they had to take shit out from here too. taika being vocal about needing queer representation isn't an issue 😭 people act like he's bragging about it too when if you look up anything he's said about queer rep he always talks about how it shouldn't be a big deal, but that he understands that it is and how important it is to normalize representation. also again insane to pick a quick response to a fan question to accuse him of queerbaiting than like any of the interviews he's done about the queerness in it where he's honest that they're small scenes but that he knows those small scenes mean a lot to queer audiences.

it's just! weird! and odd! and again i fucking haaaate that people are saying he's built his career off the queer community when he straight up hasn't? his work has always been centering indigenous stories and of representations of his identities. boy, hunt for the wilderpeople, and jojo rabbit aren't romances? and complaining about him doing marvel movies as if he's not allowed to get himself a quick check for when he's already said that he uses the money to fund projects that he's passionate about which includes his production studio that funds indigenous filmmakers! and the last three projects they signed onto centering indigenous creators telling stories about colonization all sound like they're going to be sooo fucking good

idk! it's just really ridiculous nfjdndnddn

[condomatsu]

this isn’t to attack you or anything but i think that hussie has been pretty explicit with kanaya being a lesbian in numerous bouts of commentary. the formspring response definitely could’ve been worded better, but hussie’s response to the question “is kanaya a lesbian” being “i thought that was obvious” followed by an overt over justification on how to conceptualize a troll being gay in a society with zero concept of monosexuality is far from what i’d consider a “horrific statement” that people are just “following blindly” lmfao. id honestly recommend rereading the formspring response and also. idk. talking to lesbians who’ve been latching onto kanaya for well over decade. i digress on people needing to lighten up with rose somewhat, but you should understand that lesbian readings for rose have tons of precedent and are FAR from invalid. hussie themselves called rose a lesbian in the book commentary for “[S] Seer: Descend” which i don’t necessarily think speaks for intent but like. it isn’t like the writing isn’t there. even in canon itself, act 6 especially (which whether people like it or not, is still half of the comic)

i think in general it just reads really weird to imply that people reading two very lesbian coded characters as lesbians is the problem with the current fandom reception for rose and kanaya as opposed to fandoms just being very male orientated and people generally being incapable of investing themselves in the inner lives of female characters. like shipping them with men would suddenly whoosh this problem away lmfao. i honestly think you’re getting mad at the wrong people, fandom is always ship-centric, you as a proshipper should be especially aware of this. and at least with rose i think this is very much a non-issue, in regards to people making plenty of content for her that isn’t just rosemary. idk, i probably didn’t word this as well as i could, but i think in general you should think more about how you talk about lesbians in fandom and lesbian readings, because it verges close to uncomfortably lesbophobic when you try to talk about it like it’s some plague ruining female characters

I think you misinterpreted my ramblings? Or didn't read it all, or I just explained myself very badly.

If Hussie stated they're lesbians and not other sexualities, my apologies, I must have missed it. But that wasn't even the point, so I guess I'll clarify it now.

1. I didn't said that Kanaya being lesbian is 'horrorific', the WORDS Hussie used to describe her sexuality are. I can't believe I have to say this, but homosexuality is NOT a fetish for your same gender, and Hussie used those words to describe Kanaya's homosexuality.

2. I NEVER said that character being lesbian/LGBT+ in general are the problem, nor headcanoning them as such is. WHAT I SAID is that reducing a character to one single characteristic is bad, rosemary was a pretest to talk about this because - as I hope you've read after that - I talk about other female characters and the problem of seeing them as black and white and nothing else.

3. I don't want to accuse you, really, but you give me the serious impression you've read the first paragraphs and not the rest. Like, I've talked about Vrirezi (more or less in the same way I did with rosemary), Nepeta and Feferi too, yet you're focusing only on one part I've clearly used as an incipit and fandom complain. But maybe I'm in the bad mood idk, you can skip this point, I'm sorry for accusing you.

4. I NEVER said that 'pairing Rose/Kanaya with boys will fix them' or whatever bullshit you're saying. I really don't know where it comes from honestly. What I said is that everyone is entitled of their headcanon and that people should chill out if somebody shipped Rose or Kanaya with boys, BUT I've also said that you're entitled to feel uncomfortable about it and not wanting those shippers to interact with you. AND I specified that them being always paired together, posting/reblogging/drawing/etc about them only as a couple and not individual characters is NOT the problem - as I do it myself with a mlm ship I love, it would be hypocrite of me to say something like that.

5. I didn't specify it (my bad), but this is something that affects mlm ships/male characters too. I didn't write it because I don't think it's a problem, why? Because male characters are more viewed as their own person and with more complexity than female characters, both in fandom spaces and, unfortunately, in medias too.

6. Finally, THE problem I was trying to get across is the "black and white" mentality that kills characterization, reducing a character only to one specific thing about them - such as making rosemary "the lesbians" and nothing else, or Feferi "the good progressist troll" or the "bitch who used Eridan", etc (I made other examples but whatever). This IS BAD FOR MALE CHARACTERS TOO, but in a place where female characters struggle to be more than a little point in media, with less characterization then a vacuum cleaner, and are hated on in fandom places simply because they exist and being sexualized/objectified and nothing else, I think we should treat those few female characters that are well written with the same respect we do with male characters. This means seeing them as a whole and not limiting ourself to one part of them.

7. I also said you can not do that! Do whatever the fuck you want lol. BUT don't genuinely reduce them to their (romantic) relationship with others, wether they're girls or boys.

Hope that cleared up! I'm at school rn so I can't do much to respond :") but I'm obviously not homophobic nor against headcanons/canons of whatever type, I'm not stupid :/

EDIT: I'm at home now :D I can say other stuff I wanted before but didn't have time:

8. "Fandom always was about shipping" uuh nope? Fandom is about EVERYTHING fan interact with, create, etc. It's about memes, it's about fanarts, it's about analysis, it's about cosplays, AND shipping (etc). Shipping is a big portion, sure, but let's not pretend it is the whole thing, alright? But if you engage and want to engage only with that part, that's great! I do that too for the most part. Just recognize that's not the only thing present in fandoms and there are many many people who are not interested in it.

9. I can see why people might consider pre-act6 rosemary interaction as romantic, but that's not necessarily that. Many (in the past) never even considered the two to be "potential partners" and there's a reason. And yeah, I wanted to see their interactions more and see their bond deeping before going straight to the WOOP, MARRIED! But that's a canon complain, not really a fandom complain.

10. Yes, there are people incapable to invest themselves in female characters' stories etc, but I feel that's one of the consequences of the huge lack of well written female characters in media and such (but I'm not an expert and I didn't dig in it too much, feel free to correct me if you know more).

11. I'm sorry but "this is not an attack" but then you said I stated lesbophobic opinions, so are you mad?? Sorry??

#homestuck

[menalez]

hey so i saw that you commented on a post “i’m so sick of people comparing lesbians not wanting to date men with ppl not wanting to date black ppl” and this literally happened with some online radfems i know. i said that sometimes with a person doesn’t find another poc attractive or worth to be on their dating pool that can be racism, but yup if you’re a racist just don’t date the race you have prejudices over. stay away. and no one is forcing whites too date poc to be woke, but it can be racism if you never consider dating a person who’s not white and two or three radical feminists said that what i was saying was the same shit like TRAs say about not wanting to suck dick if you’re a lesbian. this made me so mad and ive never wanted to be on groups with on-line feminists i don’t know ever again. like ppl really be out here making corrective rape sound the same as not seeing a race as good as the other bc u were taught to think they are uglier and inferior. we were literally dehumanized bc we aren’t white, like we are called monkeys and a lot of names here.

not even just white ppl, theres many poc ive talked to who will say the most racist shit n then go “that’s why id never date someone that’s [racial group]” like.. again they can date or not date whoever they want and it’s good they’re not dating those groups seeing as they’d clearly subject them to their prejudice of they did, but also no one has to quietly nod while hearing someone say racist or whatever else shit in that context. if a guy said idk “id never date a woman that isnt a virgin because i don’t like saggy meat flaps” or some shit id be like what the fuck no that isn’t true and that’s misogynistic and somehow the women on here would understand that’s not me or any other woman begging him to fuck us, that’s simply calling out prejudice. same thing when i criticised someone when they said “id never date an asian, i feel like they’re dolls or aliens, not really human” or “i wouldn’t date a pakistani, they’re so backwards and violent” or whatever else… im not telling them to go date or fuck someone they’re not open to, im simply pointing out their blatant prejudice.

theres a very blatant difference between criticising someone expressing prejudiced beliefs in reference to their dating preferences, and literally expecting gay people to change our sexual orientations & then calling us names + harassing us for not putting ourselves thru what is basically conversion therapy. sexual orientation is one thing, sexual preferences are another. and people on here seem to get this when referring to kinksters, misogynistic men, and things relevant to misogyny but when it relates to other things like race, it’s somehow too far. we shouldn’t be inadvertently telling TRAs that they’re right in thinking homosexuals are just prejudiced by playing into their argument that asking gay people to change their sexual orientation is = to questioning someone being blatantly prejudiced.

[phoenixyfriend]

The Naruto/Frozen Crossover

So I was planning on just doing an image ID thing for this post, but apparently the formatting on desktop is such a mess that it’s easier to just make a new post that’s text only. I can also like. Bulletpoint it so that it can be a little neater. All ideas were made with @firebirdeternal​‘s help, because they are the most efficient enabler I have.

Also I added some bits at the end.

Under a cut, because it’s Long As Heck.

I originally had two options: either Mid-teens Elsa and Anna being transported to ninja land sometime pre-canon and running into Haku and Zabuza... or just like. Born as a Daimyou's daughters.

Spoiler alert, we’ve got nukenin and I’m a sucker for an intrusive crossover, so transported to ninja land it is.

Suggestion from Birdie:

Mechanism for crossover: Elsa ices over a Wishing Well by accident after having Wished for someone else who understood her, Anna and her fall in and get Ice Mirror Portaled to Ninjaland, falling out of an iced over pond near a shrine that Haku recently prayed at for similar lonely child reasons?

Which I like! They don’t end up there soon enough to run into Haku, because I want a dramatic chase first, but I like it.

Obviously, Anna is forced to learn about Elsa's powers because it's the only thing keeping them safe

Or at least alive

(Elsa will do ANYTHING to keep Anna safe, and if that means she has to get her hands dirty...)

...neither of them knows Japanese, so, you know. There’s that.

I'm thinking that they end up in/near Kiri at first

And they aren't FAST ENOUGH to get away so Elsa panic-enchants a giant reindeer made of snow to run away across the suddenly-frozen ocean.

She and Anna have to ride and Elsa is probably crying the whole time.

Oh shit this is like. RIGHT after their parents die, I forgot. So that’s a thing! They are in mourning and all that fun stuff.

Point is, they use the powers for a Self Defense thing and BBY Haku is just !!! "Master can we rescue them for Ice Cousin reasons?" Zabuza: Yes, and only for those practical reasons and not because I collect endangered children like people collect pokemon cards.

I imagine that maybe they track rumors of a Yuki-onna down, or the Giant Snow Reindeer rides by and Haku’s just like Wat

The girls just tag along with Zabuza because. Like.

Do they like him? No. Do they trust him? No. Do they enjoy the fact that he considers them pathetic civilians? No.

However, Haku is Baby.

Zabuza is REALLY annoyed at them being Useless Civilian Royals “but Haku likes them so I guess they can stay.”

Age at meeting, three years pre-canon:

Zabuza - 23

Elsa - 18

Anna - 15

Haku - 12

Elsa is 90% anxiety/depression master combo BUT if Zabzua protects her then she's WILDLY dangerous so like. Whatever

Elsa's bingo book nickname options, uninspired:

Winter Witch

Winter Queen

Ice Queen

Snow Queen

Something about a Yuki-Onna maybe

She's Very Stately and kinda breakable but Winter is her Bitch

I mean like, the fact that, if protected, she can shut down the agriculture of a fucking country? That's an S-rank even if she's not that useful in a fight.

She's like. Jinchuuriki-level destruction. Generally speaking she wouldn’t. But she could.

Elsa: What the fuck is a chakra? Elsa: my snow monsters are self-sustaining. Elsa: I'm gonna build us a house.

Zabuza has NO idea how her powers work and it is INCREDIBLY frustrating but “there’s no chakra cost to keep these things going and we have shelters on demand” is too convenient to question after a while.

Haku: Delicate, deadly, incredibly fast ninja work. Elsa: I can't dodge a kunai but watch me wreck your entire country's ecosystem in under a day.

Elsa is a siege weapon.

Meanwhile, Anna is really, really into the physicality of ninja practice.

She's clumsy and she's not very good at ninja stuff, but she sure is determined!

Anna also gets on Zabuza's nerves because she keeps insisting that Haku get to be a kid.

Anna: Let's make flower crowns! Zabuza: No, he needs to train, not- Anna: FLOWER CROWNS

Consider: Haku saying Elsa-nee-sama and Anna-hime.

Or just calling Elsa “onee-sama.”

Anna is also younger than Elsa and way more Fun so she probably gets adjusted to Anna-chan or Nee-chan.

If Zabuza calls Elsa “Hime-chan” or “Elsa-hime” or, Sage forbid, “Elsa-sama/dono” then he’s VERY MUCH making fun of her and he’s probably getting his soup frozen that night.

At one point, Elsa... tries to like. Convince herself to have a crush on Zabuza or Kakashi or something until Zabuza just puts a hand on her shoulder and asks "do you even like men?" "...that's an OPTION?"

Zabuza urging her to try and ask out a Cute Kunoichi and Elsa's like.... I can't decide if she's bright red and a useless lesbian or uncomfortable and ace.

I am SO invested in the siege weapon thing.

SHE IS THE SQUISHIEST WIZARD.

It's not her fault that every single other combatant on the continent is Massively Dangerous in melee! She took a very traditional back-line build!

Enemy: Doesn't it GRATE to protect someone so pathetic, Zabuza? Zabuza: She literally froze an entire castle of enemies to death because they harmed her sister, so. No.

Most Ninjas: Sharp Knife. S-Rank Mega Ninjas: Gun. Elsa: High Yield Explosive Rocket Launcher. Literally loses fights to the Knife People, because she can't bring her power to bear on that scale. But if you can give her Time and Prep? No contest.

Long distance AoE

Like  you know how Nagato is literally dying of starvation due to illness and can't walk, but he's also capable of leveling powerful villages more or less on his own?

Elsa is the same Vibe.

It’s like sealing a bijuu in a civilian.

She's honestly both more and less powerful? Like it'd be hard for her to kill everyone in Konoha in the snap of a finger? But also, she could starve out the Country of Fire in a summer.

She WOULDN'T, but she could.

I always read Elsa as gay or ace but my brain keeps trying to ship her with dude ninjas and I have to yank it back on a child leash.

People insinuate that Zabuza is interested in Elsa and he's just "What? Ew she's like five."

"I'm eighteen."

"Five."

BUT

Elsa! Might mistake trust and companionship for a crush!

I can see THAT happening despite gay/ace.

Also like. I don’t think Zabuza is straight.

So mlm/wlw solidarity?

And Haku is probs genderqueer.

So Anna is THE TOKEN STRAIGHT.

Anna is like, the Straight Friend who will go to the mat for her queer friends. Like vicious. In-your-face barking like a mean dog at people who were being bigots.

You know how Elsa in the second movie uses her powers to make toys for kids out of ice?

Okay, so her practicing by making things with Haku.

But yeah, Elsa can't really do "throws ice senbon," but she can do Delicate Geometry Things since she apparently, canonically studies math for fun and loves fractals.

Haku: I can trap you in a prison of ice mirrors, and you are at my mercy. Elsa: LOOK AT THIS CASTLE I MADE???

Haku wants to do Pretty Things like Elsa

OH.

Elsa makes... snow bunnies..

For the ninja distraction reasons but also because it's a Soft Thing that makes her feel better about, uh, everything. And Haku likes bunnies.

Zabuza still takes The Dirty Missions but Elsa gets upset when he does something that hurts innocents and Nobody wants Elsa upset. Even Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset.

When Elsa gets upset, overnight accommodations are suddenly Very Uncomfortable for everyone except her and Haku.

And then Anna gets upset, which makes Elsa even MORE upset.

And then things just keep getting colder.

Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset for many reasons, not limited to: "Is actually capable of killing me from outside of Sword Range if she's mad enough, even if it’s not that easy" and "the Small Children would be unbearably sad if she died and honestly so might I."

She's more of a friend than a ward and he's not entirely sure he's okay with that.

Zabuza: "Ew, friendship."

He has absolutely no idea how to have a social interaction with people he isn't Bullying, Raising, or Threatening to Kill.

Elsa and Anna have no trouble convincing people they're related, at least. Different coloration with almost identical bone structure.

A tendency to burst into song when they feel emotions.

Identical weird accent that nobody can place.

FOOD

The girls are royalty, they don't know how to COOK.

But they also want food from HOME.

It's a lot of trial and error.

More error than not, since they have both no knowledge and also a language barrier to overcome. It probably takes YEARS before they can describe things like Unfamiliar Flavors well enough for people to say "OH that sounds like spearmint."

When they run into something they know that’s familiar, it’s life-changing.

Chocolate is more common in the elemental nations than in Arandelle and Anna may or may not cry about it.

Anna is loudly bossy, even at Zabuza.

Zabuza is gruffly commanding, to everyone.

Elsa doesn't actually like being in charge, but when she talks, people LISTEN.

(Haku is just happy to be here.)

Elsa radiates two things: Anxiety, and Natural Command, and she basically just fluctuates between those.

"I don't want to be in charge but also I'm vetoing this."

So, obviously, the main reasons that Zabuza keeps the girls around is that Elsa is a living siege weapon and he thinks she could be convinced to help him run a revolution in Kiri, and also that the Ice Queen schtick is like. Really good for Haku and Zabuza can’t really say no to the kid.

HOWEVER, Anna is clumsy and messy and all that, so Zabuza starts training her in Ninja stuff. Elsa joins in on the “I need to know how to Run Fast to get away from fights I don’t want to have in the first place,” but Anna’s the one that’s like “TEACH ME HOW TO SWORD.”

It’s honestly not that hard to teach her, she’s just really, really, REALLY enthusiastic.

Once or twice someone asks why she’s so bad at this yet running around with an A-rank nukenin and Zabuza’s just like “I’ve only had her for a year and a half, shut up!” because it’s not that he’s a bad teacher, it’s that she was a very pampered civilian until like a week before he met her.

He should get a MEDAL for even getting her to low Chuunin.

Zabuza: I'm taking a job from Gato Elsa, who has Training in economics and politics and bureaucracy: I have a better idea.

This is actually not entirely what I’d do but I wanted to make the joke first ANYWAY here’s an actual plot or something.

Oh, also by this point everyone is Canon Ages so Elsa’s 21 and Anna’s 18 and Zabuza’s 26 and Haku’s 15.

Elsa is getting paid to keep the water from interfering with construction, by way of....

ICE COFFERDAM

Elsa with Haku as her Guard while Zabuza is off running his own mission? Which Anna begged to go on because Cool.

Elsa also kind of keeps her involvement on the ice front semi-secret by claiming she’s there as an engineering consultant.

LISTEN canon made her like geometry, I can ENTIRELY believe she’d be excited about the bridge-building.

Gato has hired someone else on the danger level of Zabuza, who is Threatening to Team 7 + Haku? But then when things look bleak Anna and Zabuza arrive and then Scary Sword Man is on our side and oh dear that's a lot of blood.

Which, you know, fun!

Birdie suggested Raiga which I’m not feeling but I do feel the need to bring up as an option.

It’s also not Kisame BUT

Kisame: [giant lake dome filled with sharks]

Elsa: uhhhhhhhhhhh...

Giant lake dome: [is now a giant ice dome]

Anyway

Gato: I'm hiring an army. Elsa: [giant ice wall around his compound] Gato: ... these guys can walk up walls! Elsa: [adds snowman guards] Elsa: ... Elsa: [adds a ceiling]

Just puts Gato's entire mob in a fucking snow globe.

Zabuza shows up twenty minutes late with (Throwing) Star(buck)s just like "Oh, they dead? No? Want 'em to be? Okay cool I'm gonna go pick up Haku, I'll be back in like an hour."

Anna would... LOVE Naruto

ENERGETIC FRIENDLY GOOFBALL

"I found us a baby brother!" "No, we already have Haku." "BUT LOOK AT HIM."

Anna is only a year or two older than Itachi.

OH RIGHT

I wanted to make a joke about how Naruto also vibes with her because he's less judgmental that she can't really... talk properly.

Sasuke is Judgy and Kakashi is Paranoid and Sakura is Uncomfortable.

Meanwhile Naruto is just like "And I Shall Scream."

Anna, who learned Japanese from Zabuza (rude) and Haku (uber polite): WELL FUCK YOU, GOOD SIR Naruto: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO, LADY Elsa, overly formal: I am... so very sorry.

Anyway, generic missing nin fights and all that.

Elsa gets injured in the process and after a variety of arguments, Naruto manages to convince them to take her to Konoha for medical attention.

Elsa is... usually the one getting injured.

Zabuza and Haku are FAST and Anna is at least learning (even if she’s only been doing it for three years), but Elsa is The Squishy Wizard.

If someone throws a kunai... she can’t... really dodge...

So yeah, gut wound.

Normally they find a nukenin medic to patch them up but Konoha is reasonably close and has some of the more skilled medics on the continent and they DID technically help the Konoha nin so like. Gah.

That’s Zabuza’s final thought. Gah.

Just “Fuck it, let’s save the ice queen.”

Elsa ends up in a half-literal-ice stasis state on the way there and it’s happened before (it is not the first time she’s been stabbed), but it’s always terrifying.

Especially to the Konoha genin who are just like WHAT THE HECK IS THAT.

So they get to Konoha, there’s a whole bunch of stuff about extradition treaties and “you are bringing a literal WMD of a woman into our town” and “we can’t just let MOMOCHI ZABUZA in.”

Anyway, it ends up being that Zabuza has to wait outside the village while Elsa is treated inside, and one of the Teenagers goes in. Obviously, it’s Anna, because Zabuza is INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE with letting Haku enter a village that’s known for having lots of bloodlines, and anyway, Anna’s the sister.

Bunch of stuff, she’s healing, etc, and then one day Anna comes in and is told “your sister had a bad reaction to the anesthetic, we couldn’t save her, I’m sorry, she’s gone.”

She flips out, gets shown the corpse, flips out MORE, gets escorted out to the village walls where Zabuza and Haku are waiting.

Horrified reactions

Zabuza doesn’t want to admit that it’s EMOTIONS because this is his FRIEND, he is clearly just upset about losing the living siege weapon.

Haku is just super confused and goes “But she’s not dead.”

“What.”

“She’s not dead, I can feel her, I can always feel her, it’s like sensing but just her, because we’re both ice. She’s alive, somewhere over... there?”

And points right in the direction of the Hokage Mountain, which for the purposes of this fic and also Drama is where ROOT headquarters is.

YEP we absolutely have that plot point.

Is Danzo overused as a plot device? Probably. Am I going to diabolus ex machina him anyway? Ye.

They kick up enough of a fuss that the Hokage gets called down.

He wouldn’t, normally, he’d leave it to a couple of skilled jounin and call it a day, except Naruto got involved so like. You can’t. Ignore that.

There’s lots of shouting.

Just like. A lot.

And then part of the mountain explodes!

AS ONE DOES

Elsa comes flying backwards out of the hole, catches herself on a spontaneous ice slide, gets to her feet.

Girl is swaying like MAD.

There are absolutely ANBU (both fake and real) coming after her.

At least one of them gets speared through by an ice spike.

Anna runs up to her, tries to hug her, gets batted away.

Elsa’s staring at her in sheer TERROR and starts muttering something about how Anna died years ago, this isn’t real, etc.

Nobody except Anna understands most of it, but Haku picks up enough to translate when Anna’s freaking out.

Elsa starts doing her Ice Castle thing in the middle of Konoha as a coping mechanism, mostly so she can get Up and Away and Shielded By Ice.

This is not a good look.

Especially because she’s singing, which Zabuza always thinks is a bad omen because it means shit is getting real and one or both of the girls are about to get a powerup or be beaten even harder than otherwise. When they start singing, things get More Dramatic And Extreme).

(Zabuza does not like Disney Musical Rules)

Danzo shows up.

There’s a bunch of arguing.

All the medics insist that nothing she was given at the hospital should have caused amnesia, psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, etc.

It’s. Not hard for Hiruzen to guess what happened.

Namely that Danzo, upon finding out that chakra dampeners didn’t do shit since none of Elsa’s powers come from chakra, decided to keep her drugged up and start using genjutsu to make her more malleable.

Because like. An injured WMD just showed up in your village. What are you supposed to do, not try to kidnap her and turn her to your side? Like, come on. What was he supposed to do?

Not that, Danzo. Literally Not That.

IDK how it gets resolved, probably Anna getting to her with the power of love, because Elsa is ultimately Super Disney.

I also don’t really know where to go from there other than “Maybe Jiraiya can get you home, but also I’m pretty sure Zabuza wants you all to get the hell out of here and take over Kiri” but who knows.

Also

IMAGINE ELSA MEETING GAI.

Imagine Ino getting a puppy crush on Elsa.

IDK that’s it for now.

#Frozen #Naruto #Momochi Zabuza #Yuki Haku #Zabuza #Haku #mini fic #Phoenix Babbles #Crossovers #Phoenix Posts

[ancient-bruises-ancient-moon]

ok SO I got an anon I wasn’t gunna respond to but I'm enjoying a vegan chocolate banana cookie dough thc/cbd infused smoothie I invented so fuck it, let’s do this

this isn’t gunna be eloquent at all and I hope what im intending to say comes off correctly. may not, my brain is mush- but here we go!

so last night/technically this morning I reblogged a lot from this brilliant intersexism blog. (highly recommend giving a follow!) which led to...a bizarre ass anon this morning (I'll make another post linking to her blog so ya’ll can follow. she doesn’t need to deal w/ this post after everything else she deals w/ on here- unless u want to ofc!! hi ur cool! ANYWAY...)

I don’t remember the exact wording but it was something like “so ud rather have sex w intersex ppl over trans ppl??”

ummm. I literally never said shit about sex w/ intersex ppl?? like, ever.

was that supposed to be some huge “gotcha!!” ??

‘cause it didn’t work, at all.

1. my body is not a democracy

2. why r ya’ll obsessed w sex as validation

3. ur rly gunna ask me, essentially, if I'd rather be intimate w a deranged narcissistic reality denying manic OR a person with an intersex disorder...and u rly think I'm gunna be like OH NO I’D RATHER HAVE SEX W A MANIAC???

like...it’s rly not ab sex at all but did u RLY think that was gunna work in ur favor somehow?? and if u did, why did u think so? could it be bc u use intersex ppl as pawns for ur arguments but then don’t actually consider them ppl that can be in loving and intimate relationships? do u rly think this is activism? do you feel no shame?? you should be fucking embarrassed. this is so embarrassing for you. 

something ya’ll don’t realize: I worked at a center that offered therapeutic services, std testing, & peer activity groups for lgbtiapqbdsmnlmnop folxxxx

I know how ya’ll speak to your therapists, to your peers when you think no one is listening, I watch ya’ll take credit for things u did NOTHING for, I've watched your violence against anyone who disagrees with you (INCLUDING about tv show characters...like, come on..) Adult trans women using fake IDs to try to get into youth events...and then get MAD AT ME when I have to kick A WHOLE ASS HALF DRESSED MAN GRINDING ON THE FLOOR out of an event for CHILDREN... this is beyond just Tumblr. you’re also like this irl. and often, somehow, even fucking worse.

I had far less intersex clients BUT ya know who wasn’t throwing tantrums, being violent, trying to take credit for things they didn’t do, starting fights, sneaking into events to get near minors?? my intersex clients! NOT ONCE. AND  let’s be real...my intersex clients had good fucking reason to be furious and there were absolutely times that I would not have blamed them in the slightest for slapping tf out of someone...but they didn’t. not once. (ngl tho if they did I would have “not seen” what happened tbh bc I am a very responsible adult lmao- I can say this now bc I left the field so it matters not at all for my career)

ya know who would stay after hours, silently crying in rage bc of the shit trans clients said to them? my intersex clients (the big one was trans ppl telling them they’re lucky they get to ~~choose~~ their sex)

ya know who took the time to use open activist hour to build presentations to teach the LARGELY ENTIRELY INEPT staff (myself included, more below) about intersex issues so the people who come after them can get better help than they were able to receive?? I'll give you one guess. 

I left academia and working in the field w/ ppl bc of my experiences at this place & the direction this tender gender trender shit is taking academia. Intersex people deserve so much fucking better than even having to HEAR this bullshit. I would only go back into the field to work with women & intersex individuals. Probably as a volunteer though, but I digress

I worked there when all these new words were coming out too like demisexual android identified diaper baby or whatever the fuck lmao and the trans clients would be FURIOUS when anyone didn’t know wtf it meant

and in contrast our intersex clients were constantly explaining shit to staff/interns/volunteers about their conditions that they should never have had to explain TO THE PROFESSIONALS WHO WERE THERE TO HELP THEM. and I can’t even lie and pretend I fucking knew much, I didn’t. I was hired without even knowing i’d be working w intersex clients- I just needed to show I knew some trans buzzwords. but I put in the time to learn, I read every book any client recommended, any article they emailed me- but honestly that STILL ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I should NOT have been hired!!! MY BOSS should not have been hired!!! Actually, the only staff members that actually deserved their job was an gay intersex man. OT but he was so cool and smart and hilarious and like FUN ANGRY like idk how to explain that better lol he was good at getting u pumped up ab shit & good at getting ppl worked up enough to DO something. The only other staff member who actually cared and knew anything was a lesbian woman (of course) but she had recently had a baby and became so afraid for the welfare of her wife and daughter that she went along w trans shit that she KNEW was delusional and unhealthy bc we SAW these trans clients being violent on the Regular. we were legally obligated to call the cops several times. she wasn’t wrong to be afraid but I do think she should have tried to work elsewhere if she could no longer do her job with integrity but that’s a conversation for another day.

agh im just gunna end this post now bc I can rly go on and on but I'll leave the post with this question that I'd very much like an answer to:

how can we as activists be of better service to our intersex sisters? this issue is becoming more and more pressing and I can’t sit back and do nothing for them anymore. does anyone know of intersex only orgs that need volunteers or have suggestions?? PLS LET ME KNOW. I won’t go back to where I was but there’s GOTTA be SOMETHING I can do for the intersex community. let’s figure it out <3 this issue very seriously needs the attention of radical feminists tbh so...let’s do something.

[autumn-foxfire]

A couple of disjointed notes on jjk designs

Along with female characters having you know personalities, motivations and arcs they also have very nice and non sexualized designs. Like its been so long since i saw so many female characters non of which felt like they were dressed up a certain way for the audiences sake. Like we got so many! We got five known girls out of just students so far and they all have varied designs in the way they wear their uniform and all of them seem to speak more about their personal sense of style and aesthetics rather than being made with horny teenage boy in mind. Like Maki has the shortest dress but she never once feels sexualized in it, its really great.

N like i didnt fully expect this because i remember watching the first ep and seeing yujis classmate get groped by a curse n sitting there like ah :) anime. But i think this was something that was on its way out of geges artstyle even then (with exception of meimeis brand new almost tit shot but meimei already makes me uber uncomfy so thats not out of line considering we barely see anything). Like in the prequel we also see a woman get groped by a curse n maki isnt wearing her hhh whats the english word stockings? So her legs are more bare but even then we dont ever see like anything we arent supposed to even tho she like does splits n stuff, mad impressive. So that leaves to me an impression that even back then Gege was hhh about this sort of stuff n maybe did it here or there cuz 'this is how shonen is done' but fortunatly decided to completely drop it by the time Nobara joined the team n honestly mad props cuz its rare that a manga makes me feel so comfortable about liking female characters, like off the top of my head id name nozaki kun n ouran and have beastars balance on that line sorta, its just so rare, especially in anime. N as a woman its so much easier to relate and love the female cast when they arent constantly being presented as blow up sex dolls. Its just really refreshing n really good n god bless geges soul for putting miwa in a suit to joy of every lesbian ever bls give her a scythe next BLS.

On a slightly different note, Momos anime design....YIKES. Like i think the anime so far did a p good job with colors, as far as im aware they changed toges color scheme p much entierly n he looks great, yuji has this dusty pink that looks real nice n maki has this dark green that looks very good. Miwa is sitting on a line for me tbh like she looks ok but i do think her hair color should have been idk like a little less pure blue? Little less saturated? Idk art lingo, but for me shes sitting on a line of 'she looks ok but ciuld have been better'. Like its weird in the op she looks nicer, the lighting gives her hair this silver-whitey feel that works very well for her but then in the anime her hair is just a tad bit too bright blue for me, still digestible tho.

Momo in my humble opinion looks like a disaster n im not just saying that cuz for some reason i thought her hair was sorta dusty pink like yujis. Like her hair is just so...bright. its this weird lemoney yellow that is such an eyesore n distracts me whenever i see a group photo, likw my eyes immidietly fly to her she sticks out like a sore thumb between everyone else with more natural looking/ better made unnstural colors. Like maybe if they went with a darker or more natural looking blonde??? Idk. Her hair is very bright n her face is the sort of pinkish pale n the two colors together seem to at the same time clash n melt into each other where at the same time the outline between her face n hair doesnt seem clear n they both just scream at you. Ill probably get used to it as the anime goes on but rn the prevailing feeling is '...is it too late to fix that?'

Oh also gojos eyes have been bothering me less so i think i got used to them after all, but mad props to both gege n the mappa (it botheres me more in anime cuz also color) to be able to convey a feeling of an ultimate top of the chain predator through eyes alone like SKILL. i think they also bother me cuz without his blindfold gojo just looks like a completely different character to me like if you showed me the two pics of him before i watched/read jjk i would probs say those are brothers not the same person. In conclusion im basically like a baby who starts crying when her dad shaves off his beared cuz she cant recognize him anymore.

That ends my notes on design for now

XD Lucy, I’m so glad you’ve fallen in love with JJK like I have. 

It’s a really interesting manga and I can’t wait for the anime to animate everying we’ve seen from the manga so far (it’ll hurt so good T-T). I especially love the girls designs because they just feel so much more... natural, then most female designs you get in anime. They feel like girls (also, can I just say how much I love how excited Nobara was to get a tracksuit of all things. It’s not something you really see in manga/anime and yet a girl that gets excited over comfy clothes is so much real to me XD).

I have similar feelings about Miwa’s hair. It’s way too bright in comparison to the rest of the anime designs, they should have dimmed it or something, she just stands out in a way that she shouldn’t have (though I do admit that I like the colour of blue... I’m so conflicted). And I don’t really mind Momo’s hair too much though I do think it could have been better colour of blonde (JJK using bright colours even though it’s such a heart-breaking anime T-T).

Gege and Mappa really did do a great job though T-T

#jujutsu kaisen #thanks for the ask!! #thegaygyrus

[tervenish]

Radical Feminist/Gender Critical Questions

I've noticed some contradictions throughout GC/radfem spaces and I just wanted to write them down and talk about them.

PLEASE NOTE: I know someone is going to interpret some of these as if I believe some horrible way, or distrust some people, but genuinely I’m just trying to ask questions and have a discussion to try to make sense in this terribly confusing world.

A big problem I have with self-ID laws is that it’s all just based in “because I said so.” But when I tell someone I’m a lesbian, I can’t share my feelings so that they, too, feel them. I have no way to prove that these are my feelings. All of our morals are just “because I think it’s right/wrong.” I don’t understand how to move forward with this problem.

Don't we, too, seek out studies that confirm our beliefs? There are studies that say yes but there are also studies that say no. Each side pays attention to the ones they want. How do we remedy this?

(1/2) We call out the no-true-Scotsman argument a lot in genderist circles, but there was that time a feminist organization partnered with conservatives. What happens when a group that calls themselves radical feminists or even gender critical, and do something like that? Saying "that's not real radical feminism" feels like the Scotsman thing. Not every radical feminist agrees with the same things. Julie Bindel doesn’t believe bisexuality is real. Some radfems think women can never reach equality if they’re around men.

(2/2) One explanation I came to was that when we hear “a real trans person/trans ally wouldn’t do that” is that that is referring to a person, whereas “that’s not radical feminism” is referring to an ideology that, theoretically, has defined principles. However, as I said, it doesn’t really... At this point, I feel like nothing can be set in stone besides math, and even that has theoretical areas.

We say TRAs show their faults when they don't respond after we ask them things like "so define a woman" or whatever, but there are times when I choose to stop talking even after some significant point they made (for example, one said "I didn't choose to be bullied for this") often bc I'm either not in the mental head space to handle a debate or I've just gone blank on how to respond. I also can’t perfectly explain everything I believe. I believe in the forces of gravity and friction, but I can’t explain them. So... is that really an argument?

Why don't we hear more about transmen getting hurt in male bathrooms? Statistically, women have been harmed more in mixed-sex bathrooms... right? I know female-only bathrooms are important, but I still can't articulate why I'm uncomfortable without simply saying "the history of male violence toward women." And then of course people can call me paranoid and point out transmen doing fine?

Again, I don’t now how to explain why I value female-only spaces without sounding paranoid or saying women are weaker than men. On one hand, AFAIK it is true on an average of physical ability. But on the other hand, do people have a point when they say we’re teaching women to view ourselves as victims? There has to be a balance of pointing out violence and risk patterns without kinda enforcing learned helplessness.

Re: "men do express their emotions but they do it with violence/anger" -> "not all men do that" ...I'm confused because it's true, I rarely see men slamming doors or punching people bc they're upset, but when they do, they're criticized for it bc most people recognize that as shitty behavior. So... how true is this? How much of our own personal witnessing of these experiences counts toward “enough” to make it a generic statement or not? What else can we say to describe men and their relationship w/ emotions?

How far can we say "men do ___" when, duh, not every single man does, but... what constitutes "enough men"? I'm just thinking about this bc my brother gets upset when I make broad statements and he genuinely doesn't fit the male stereotypes, and then I feel stupid because I can't really back up my judgments without just gesturing vaguely to "the history of male behavior." I'd just like to be able to have a more complete response, y'know?

(1/2) We say "cisgender privilege" doesn't exist because women can't oppress men, but then there's the intersectional axis of, for example, white women over black men. White people oppress people of color, and that doesn't change when it's women vs. men. So what do we call this?

(2/2) Secondly, well, a transgender person does face different kinds of adversity that I don’t because I’m not trans. This is a thing. But misdirected misogyny and homophobia are also a thing. Perhaps what they're referring to as "cis privilege" is just gender conforming privilege? I don’t know.

When women talk about hating men, we say it's because men have done so much shit to us. Isn't that similar to someone saying "it's okay, he was bullied/abused so you can't be mad"? How much is mistreated “enough” to say this is okay?

It’s horrifying to me to think of a 13-year-old or a 9-year-old getting put on Lupron or some other experimental puberty blocker, but how do we define children’s autonomy? What about other health problems? Are they allowed to consent to cosmetic treatment after a disfiguring accident? Or would we just say “you should learn to love your body as it is”? I know they’re not truly the same thing, but where is the line? What about a child getting treatment by pills for Schizophrenia? It’s all so complicated.

There are so many arguments that Intersex people do not represent a sex spectrum, and there are lots of other arguments that say they prove that human sex isn’t 100% binary. On one hand, of course it’s binary because of how we reproduce. But on the other hand, how do you define who fits into male/female? A woman with high testosterone, no breasts, no uterus/ovaries, etc. is no less a woman, but why? Women with CAIS have XY chromosomes and testes but are considered female. And what about chromosomes beyond XX and XY? Even if I were to acknowledge that an everyday individual can’t truly define that and that we should leave it to the biologists, we still have to have a decision to make votes and arguments.

Please be respectful if you answer. There are harmful people in every circle, and we’re all just trying to do what we think is right.

#radical feminist #radical feminism #radfem #gender critical #terfs please interact #terf #transgender #i'll probably make a part 2 because god knows there are a million more things #i don't know what to do. i dont know what i believe anymore. nothing is consistent. i'm tempted to just give up #mypost

[mikibaby94]

Sick of This, You’re Bullies

Okay. Ive been seeing a lot of crap that just is driving me nuts.

If your easily offended, please stop reading. I AM allowed to share my views, my opinons and thoughts. IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, or again GET EASILY OFFENDED, then do not, DO NOT read.

And if you do read it and get easily offended, please do not come at me, I WARNED YOU

Okay, so, in the tmnt fandom, or just tumblr in general Ive been seeing people harrassing a girl whos been voicing her opinions, VOICING HER OPINIONS.

On gay ships. She dared to say that she wasnt comfortable seeing gay shippings, or see how toxic some of these lgbt people can really get, she dared to go against the norms of today and to speak out against it. God forbid people on this site sees things differently and are actually uncomfortable with gay ships, or hates the fact that these gays are shoving their views down everyones throats, thats UNHEARD OF thats HOMOPHOBIC OF THEM right? Wrong. Its honestly not. Its pretty sickening that a SIXTEEN year old girl is getting death threats, because she doesnt like seeing the gay shoved in her face.

Frankly, Im on board with her. Not because I hate gays, no way. Its because of people on this site, who cant let people mainly the straights say their peace without sending death threats and getting all up in arms about it.

It all started with a rant, thats now deleted, why?

I didnt get a chance to read it, and I wish I did, instead I had stumbled on this Ask

The rest of the screencaps from that answer you can read

Now normally Id link the source but considering this poor kid is getting DEATH THREATS, I will not expose her.

Instead, Ill share some more screen caps.

Not every character has to be gay/bi/lesbian. It goes both ways anon.

Shes right, this anon was being a DENSE motherfucker. (( or daddyfucker, i mean it could go both ways, tbh.))

Shes not mad at the fact that trans people have headcanons, shes mad at the fact that the lgbt community is doing nothing but being hypocrites on here. THEY SAY RESPECT THEIR OPINIONS but yet, when a STRAIGHT PERSON dares DISAGREES its YOUR HOMOPHOBIC. YOUR TRANSPHOBIC, YOUR AWEFUL. YOU STALE STRAIGHT!

Like, do you people not see the hypocrisy here? Oh wait, its tumblr. The land of toxic.

AND NO, NOT ALL LGBT COMMUNITY PEOPLE ARE DOING THIS.

IM POINTING OUT THE ONES WHO HAVE TO COME ON HERE AND GET TRIGGERED BY A STRAIGHT PERSON SAYING THEY DONT WANT TO SEE GAY ALL THE TIME 24/7

So, kindly disregard if you dont get easily triggered, by what i point out and the word, triggered.

Lets continue.

OH LOOK AT THAT, THERES THAT DEATH THREAT. SEE GUYS, DONT YOU JUST LOVE THAT HYPOCRICY?!

Look guys, this person who im sure is gay, lesbian or bi is doing the exact same thing that straights did to gays back in the days where being gay was still in the closet. Instead of homophobia, its now heterophobia. Gotta love that. RIGHT? Imagine being this person who has to shame your sexuality just because they were so upset by someone elses opinion. AND A STRAIGHT PERSONS TOO.

Moving on

ANON, you can be for gays, bis, lesbians, but you can also say, “I dont wanna see it everywhere i go.” You can support the lgbt community, while not wanting to see or hear it 24/7

For example, cartoons, I dont wanna see that stuff in my cartoons, its not that i dont support it, i just dont wanna see two guys getting it on, or two girls getting it on.

Just like some gays dont wanna see straights, i mean, its a preference, that we are allowed to share. Tell me, why is it that gays can be loud and outspoken against straights, but when its the other way around, we are labeled as bad people and homophobic?

Honestly most people on here in the lgbt community, from what ive seen do need to calm down. They really do.

So calm that they are sending death threats to a sixteen year old kid. And will probably send me death threats because i voiced my say in this rant. Yeah, SO CALM.

note: I was being sarcastic

Sweetie, never voice your opinions on this site. Tumblr is the most toxic site ever. Ive learned that the hardest way, and after I post this, Im sure my inbox will be flooded just as yours having the community labling me, probably wont even dare read this, theyll see all the things ive said above and pick out the ones that make them upset the most then give their threats to me, tell me how bad i am, or how i need to die, and let me tell ya, you just gotta let them roll off your back. Not everyone will like you, and thats okay. You do what you love doing, because there are people that support the hell out of you, like me and these people

and theres probably a lot more others that’ll support you, some even disagree with you but still support you.

Ill end this with STOP HARASSING THOSE WHO DONT CARE FOR THE GAY BEING SHOVED IN THEIR FACES.

It only shows how toxic you really are, and those actions are what we mainly cant stand. People who get so mad and bent out of shape because theres others that dont share the same mind set as them, and then tries to force their view onto others, using fear, or shaming someone, and plain out bullying.

That is why I made this rant. I cant stand bullies, so Im speaking out.

Hate me, I dont care, Im saying my peace. You dont like it, then thats your problem. Not mine.

And of course if you come to me, respectfully and nicely, then yes, ill be that right back, be a dick to me, and Im gonna be a bitch. Its your choice how you handle this. For me, I feel a lot better now that I got this out. My opinions, views and thoughts will offend you.

Have a fantastic day/night.

#rant #venting #anti bullying #death threats #gays are bullying #not all #most of them #my views will offend you #dont read unless you can handle #i already know im an ass #im just sick of this #hypocrites #all of them #bullies #death threats to a sixteen year old #nice #fandoms these days are toxic #tumblr is toxic #toxic #toxic people #this is why i fuckking hate fandoms these days #heterophobia #toxic fandoms #my voice

[trustonlylokiposts-blog]

Diagnosis

“THAT’S IT. I’M DONE. NOT ONCE HAVE I EVER BEEN TREATED WITH SUCH DISRESPECT! I AM A DOCTOR, GODDAMIT, IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE I AM A WOMEN I CAN’T POSSIBLY DO MY JOB CORRECTLY THE I’M OUT. I QUIT. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT!” I cursed and stormed out slamming the office door behind me. Fuming I walked to my locker, then to my tiny office. Shoved what little things I had into my backpack and stomped out of the clinic, not making eye contact with anybody.

If Doctor Wallis truly believed that I should continue cleaning up after patients like a housekeeper, and that my medical opinion truly meant nothing because of my gender than I am better off literally anywhere else. New York, land of opportunity my ass. I honestly don’t know how I managed to graduate top of my class, blow away residency, be labeled as a prodigy doctor and somehow manage in a clinic run by a senile asshole who should have his medical license removed and burned. I marched through the streets of the busy city and stopped to glare at my reflection on a shiny building. My brown hair fell past my hair in messy waves, blue eyes had never been colder, and my cheeks were still red from anger and humiliation. I smoothed my green scrubs and tore off my ID card, no use for it anymore. I sighed as the anger slowly left my body, I took my phone out of my pocket and rolled my eyes at the absolute disaster of panicked texts I had.

Please tell me you didn’t quit, look I know he’s an asshole, but we need you Jules.

I scoffed and typed back,

Thanks Tiff, unfortunately I didn’t spend all that time in medical school to be treated like I’m worthless.  I’m glad you enjoy your job, he respects women as nurses, but not as fellow physicians.

I made my way into a nearby coffee shop and ordered the tastiest, most sugar infused drink I could find on the menu, I deserved it anyway. I took a sip and took a deep breath as I sat down near a window. Looks like I’d need to find a new job, I’m sure it shouldn’t be too hard right? New York needs a lot of  fresh young doctors.. Right? I pulled my laptop out of my pack and began the hunt; after about an hour of mindless reading I stumbled upon something that caught my eye.

Stark Industries, in need of capable physician, willing to work in critical situations, must be able to keep up and learn alien or godly  physiology, will be working with The Avengers as their personal doctor and will be in charge of a small medical team for Stark Industries.

Huh. I clicked on the link and began reading more on the job description: Will be kept up to date on information regarding Tony Starks Arc Reactor and how to handle possible emergency situations regarding said reactor. Information on alien or godly medicine will be provided by Thor, of Asgard, but it is necessary to be willing to be learning and growing and developing better emergency care and medicine, for humans or otherwise. Offering up to 500k yearly salary with paid time off, provided living, transportation, and medical equipment and tools all at your personal disposal. Your team of nurses and Physician’s Assistant are at the top of their game and are an excellent team. Please call the number listed bellow for a pre-interview with Pepper Potts.

Okay, this sounds way too good to be true, and the competition for a job like this has to be outrageous. But the hell with it, what do I have to loose? I downed the rest of my diabetes in a cup and packed my laptop and made my way out. I hailed a taxi, gave directions to my apartment and immediately dialed the number listed on the add.

After a surprisingly thorough phone call I hung up and checked the call time, 45 minutes. I was asked all kinds of questions, regarding my schooling, residency, experience, I gave 10 different refences, and even answered questions from a “if everything were to go wrong” scenario. ( Question one: In the event that you are asked to accompany the Avengers on a mission across seas, are you capable of working in extremely critical circumstances that could be dancing on the line of life or death for countless people, should the Avengers be too injured to neutralize a threat?)  I’ve definitely been through some stressful shit, when that Loki guy sent his army through New York? I was providing emergency medicine until I could no longer feel my brain, I’m pretty sure after hour 10 of almost non-stop work my soul left my body to be replaced by Jesus, I sure as hell let him take the wheel. Unfortunately I was never one to believe in Jesus, especially after all this super-human chaos has been happening. Clearly Jesus isn’t the only magical white guy dancing around in the clouds. My train of thought was interrupted as I was greeted by Koda, and tall and lean Belgian Malinois. Her fawn coat and black mask only made her golden eyes see through your soul even easier. I got Koda as a puppy from a guy off Craigslist, apparently even though he boasted about being an unstoppable adult his mother thought otherwise and forced him to rehome his impulse buy puppy. I wasn’t mad about it, Koda has done wonders for keeping me grounded. Sometimes I think she’s smarter than most humans. I know every pet owner says that, but I really believe it. Especially after all the shit-brain assholes I’ve seen stumble into the clinic because they “accidentally” fell onto a broom stick and somehow managed to lodge itself up their anus. I gave Koda appreciative ear scratches as I opened my calendar, I marked down the time for my interview, two days from now at 10 AM. Stark Tower, feeling oddly optimistic towards the future I changed into a black tank top and running shorts, leashed Koda up, and made my way outside for a run.

I lived in a tiny apartment, it looked more like a concrete box than anything else, but the upside and pretty much it’s only saving grace was that it was near central park. I never considered myself much of a city person, and central park was the closest thing I could get to anything nature. Koda and I lapped around the park, I considered what it meant to be “Kept up to date on Asgardian physiology” when I spoke with Miss Potts over the phone she said it wont be too difficult as Asgardians shared a lot in common with us Earth dwellers. She mentioned them having skin that is roughly “three times thicker and stronger” than ours. Okay, so apparently I’m going to need stronger surgical tools and needles if the time comes for any of that. Pepper also reassured me that Stark had it covered, they had been recently using a willing Asgardian to build and put together tools just for them when the time is needed. I wonder who they had volunteer? It couldn’t have been Thor, I guessed I’d find out soon enough anyway. I stopped jogging for a moment to appreciate the setting sun and take a drink of water before bending over to give Koda a drink. I started my run again,  Stark’s reactor sounded very interesting and I did look forward to learning more about that. I haven’t seen anything even a little similar to that anywhere in medicine. Tony seemed to know what he was doing and had it under control anyway. I just wanted to understand what kind of shrapnel is constantly moving at an impossible speed towards his heart. And exactly how the reactor worked? Did it only prevent the shrapnel from moving further? Or did it also control how his heart functions? “Hey babe! Whatchu runnin from? I wont bite, or, maybe I will?” Great, who doesn’t love cat callers? Especially snot balls like this? I snuck a glance out of the corner of my eye as I kept my pace, pretending not to hear him. He started to follow after me, trying to act casual, I guess he didn’t notice Koda’s watchful gaze, oh yeah, another great thing about her would have to be the fact that I do have her trained in personal protection. Look, when you are a 5’5 petite women it doesn’t matter how much you exercise or how much knowledge of the human body and all the ways to heal it, or break it you have. Gross men with ill-intended ideas and thoughts look at you like you’re a piece of meat with perky tits and a pretty face.  No amount of “Hey beautiful, Hey babe! Watchu up to?” Would ever work, especially when said cat caller looked like a walking STD. Hey, I don’t need to be nice to someone like him. Koda swiveled around to stand behind me and keep pace with me while she herself trotted backwards, amber eyes never once leaving the slimy man behind us. “Beautiful, what a pretty dog you have. Smart too, is that a German Shepherd?  I had one growin’ up, loyal things aint they?” I said nothing and continued my jog, I now had to take a huge detour to my apartment. Couldn’t have him knowing where I lived, hell no. Slime ball caught up to me, Koda came to a grinding halt and placed herself between me and the stranger. I finally looked at him directly and with as level of a voice I could muster said “I’m not interested. Please leave me alone.” The man gave me a yellow toothy grin and replied “Is your dog friendly? I’m just wantin’ to know about your dog there?” I sighed through my nose and calmly said, “no, she isn’t. Please leave.” I sized the man up, he wasn’t too tall, maybe 5’11, 200 pounds tops, and almost none of it was muscle. I muttered the sniff command to Koda, she titled her nose in the air, she was taught to smell for any kind of weapon, especially a gun. If she caught onto the scent she let out a lone whine, if not, she would keep quiet. I let out a sigh of relief that I hadn’t realized I had been holding in when Koda didn’t whine. Thank god, if need be Koda and I can take this guy down, or well, Koda could. Firmly I said “leave now, or I will have my dog defend me, she is a trained protection dog. She will bite at my command.” At my word Koda stiffened and pulled back her lips revealing 42 sizer-like teeth.  The man scoffed but took a step back when Koda let a low growl rumble from her chest, “Okay, bitch. Message received. Must be a fuckin’ lesbian or somethin’.” He turned and walked away and I made my way back home, both Koda and I on high-alert. Fucking cities, man.

#loki #loki x original female character #avengers fic

[themjinterviews-blog]

42. If he was poisoned it would have shown up in the Coroner's report.📋

state your name Jaye.

go to the nearest window and look out it. Go on!!! I don’t need to. I know what’s out there…the neighbor's houses.

are there any people out there?? I didn’t get up and look. However, it’s time for the morning commute and school so there’s bound to be various individuals out there.

do you have any interesting plans for today? Working at the diner doesn’t qualify as interesting, I don’t think.

what perfume do you use the most? Some spray I got at Khols. I used to always buy Juicy…too broke now.

what is the most extreme weather your area has ever experienced? We have really massive dust storms called Haboobs.

is there anything you plan on watching on TV today? No, just my usual HULU binges. It’s either Jokers or SVU usually.

are there any broken appliances in your house? It’s not our house, but their washer is broken. Which makes laundry a bitch.

what colour is the lampshade in the room you're in? No lampshades. Just ceiling fan.

at school, what is/was your worst area in maths? All of maths was my worst area in maths. Math was pretty much unofficial art/creative writing class. I just doodled and wrote Harry Potter fanfiction.

have jevovahs witnessess ever called to your door? Sort of. They knew my mom from physical therapy and wanted to talk to her about other stuff that had nothing to do with Jehovah’s Witnesses.

what about travellors? (gypsies) No, I didn’t know they were a door to door kind of folk.

do you say 'hello' to people you pass on the street? Sometimes.

how is your posture right now? Shitty.

do you ever throw money in those 'wishing' wells? Sometimes.

ever take money out of them?? Of course…How the fuck do you think I pay my phone bill?

how long would it take you to walk to the nearest shop? Half hour?

when was the last time you went to mass/church? Super long time ago.

do you live in a rural or residential area? It’s pretty rural. But there are developments and a Wal-Mart so…not total bumblefuck.

are there any people in your area that are kinda odd? We're all odd. I’m assuming there are odd people here, too..

are you well known by people in your area? No. Just moved here. I know nobody.

what is the picture on the desktop on the computer you're using? Not on a computer.

have you ever crossed the street to avoid seeing someone? Either street or hallway or what not, but yeah.

have you ever heard someone bitching about you? Probably.

what would you do if you did hear someone bitching about you? I’d ask if they were aware I can hear them then go back to doing whatever I was doing.

do you believe the rumours that lady gaga ain't no lady? First off, Lady Gaga is awesome. I have no reason to think she’s a dude but even if she were, good for you bro!

do you care either way?^ Nope. She could be a Walrus and I’d still like her.

do you use public transport often? There isn’t any in our town. It’s kinda rural.

do you know what a 'spindle fibre' is? Definitely not.

don't you just hate when people hand you out leaflets on the street? It’s kind of a waste of paper, I guess.

have you ever had your future told? Nope. That’s not a real thing.

do you 'spit on it', to seal a deal? Ugh, why would I…? I’m not a 1st grade boy.

What do you do to try and get a guy/girl's attention? Well, I don’t cause I’ve got a man…but I suppose in the past, I’d just try to be clever and offbeat.

do you ever get asked for ID when you go out? Yeah, occasionally. I don’t go to clubs really, but buying cigs or wine at the store, sure.

do you think the bad auditionee's on american idol are too stupid to be believable? Who knows. Some are probably a stretch.

have you heard of that show 'glee'? Yeah. Haven’t seen it though.

have you ever seen a drunk guy ask a tree for a lighter? No…so oddly specific.

have you ever done something humiliating whilst drunk? Certainly.

do you even drink alcohol? Sometimes. I go through phases.

name one stereotype you think is totally untrue: Most stereotypes are totally untrue.

have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get him to leave you alone? No. But I have when asked my name on occasion; turned to the guy, firmly shook his hand and said “my name’s Kevin” in a super deep voice.

or are you actually a lesbian? I’m neither a lesbian or a male named Kevin.

have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? My bf has had it before, but no.

if so, have you had any scary hallucinations? I’ve had hallucinations before…just not related to sleep paralysis.

do you believe in ghosts? Not particularly.

would you ever stay overnight in a haunted house? If there were Wifi…or at the very least, a regular cable t.v. SVU marathon.

is there anything irritating you right now? Not yet anyway haha.

are there any musical instruments in the room you're in? My harmonica is probably here somewhere.

have you had a swine flu vaccination yet? Ummm. Don’t think that’s a relevant thing anymore.

when was the last time you had an injection? what for? I have no idea.

do you ever feel like you are under constant observation? In a way. The couple we live with are friends of ours but there’s always something…don’t leave this out, stop doing it like this, you can’t do that…etc. & It’s their house so I’m not mad or anything, but I do occasionally feel under constant observation.

is there anything you cannot wait to be over? Nope.

how many guy's/girls have you kissed? A socially acceptable amount, I think.

would you prefer to buy new shoes, or a new book? Fuck. Those are my two shopping Achilles Heels…all time favorite things to shop for aside from office/craft supplies.

do you have any enemies? I don’t consider anybody my enemy. I’d hope nobody considers me one of theirs, in return, but who knows.

are there any new bands that your loving lately? Alan Walker.

if you could go to any country right now, which would it be? An island country. I want some ocean vibes.

what was the last thing you had done at the dentist? Been avoiding that motherfucker for years. Beats me.

do you scrunch your face up when eating sour things?. Maybe. Not usually paying attention.

how many bars/pubs are in your town? We just moved here…I’ve seen 2 or 3 but have no idea if they’re still in business.

Any last words? Blehhh, nope.

#survey #about me #zebra #teriyaki

[stimmyvillainarchive]

WHY does the android app gotta suck so much, when i click the faq link it just like refreshes the page,,,, this happens with all links in bios on the andoird app :[

NNNN lovin this broke ass app.

I’mma go ahead and paste the FAQ just under the cut, hopefully you should be able to read it now :’))

(FAQ is written by Mod Joker)

“Are requests open?”

We get this ask a lot. And while I don’t mind answering, it does get a lilll annoying sometimes since we’re essentially repeating ourselves constantly. Before you ask, please check our ask box! It will ALWAYS give our request status!

From now on if we receive requests when they’re closed, we’re going to delete the message entirely. You’re free to ask again when they’re open, but we need breaks!

“Can allistic/neurotypical people follow?”

Yes! So long as you’re respectful of stimming and understand it’s not an aesthetic or something to make fun of.

“It says there’s two mods, but I only really see Mod Joker post.”

There is! But Mod Boo is rather, well, shy. We both are, tbh. I’ve just gotten used to talking a lot on this blog. And to tell ya the truth I invited her to mod this with me because she considered making a blog but wasn’t sure how she’d do it, and was worried she’d be too awkward/quiet. But she actually tends to see your messages a lot! She just tends to let me handle things. But if you ever wanna talk to her, just say the message is specifically for her and I’m sure she’ll get back to you. She’s very friendly and tbh one of the best people to talk to!!

“How do you make gifs?”

I use the same method stimmybby uses! His tutorial’s right here!

“How do you make banners?”

I use photoshop and for backgrounds (depending on what type of background), I use paint tool SAI. I made a tutorial on how I do it here!

“Can we use your banners for posts that aren’t stim related?”

Absolutely! So long as credit is given and you’re not in our dni, then use it as you like! Discourse posts, art, vent posts, promo posts, whatever floats your boat!

“Can I use your gif/s?”

As long as there’s credit to us for the gif/s and you don’t apply to our dni, you’re free to!

“How can I credit you?”

There’s a few ways! Such as

- Including the credit in the post and/or under the cut (this is the best way people can access the original post and see the credit!

- Include the credit in the post’s captions

- Include the credit in the tags

- Include a link in the post to another post that has the credits in it

- Saying you got the gif/s from us in the post

“What are bad/wrong ways to ”“credit”“ you?”

- Saying “I don’t own these gifs”

- Saying “credit to the original owner(s)/gifmaker(s)

- Straight up not saying you took these gifs from people/including in no credits

- Claiming the gif/s are yours/you made them

If I see any of these I WILL publicly call you out on it and you WILL be blocked immediately thereafter. That block will not be lifted.

“What does REG mean?”

Reactionary Exclusionary Gatekeeper. Meaning people who try to exclude certain queer people from queer spaces. Such a biphobes, transphobes, aphobes, panphobes, and so on.

“What does TERF mean?”

Trans/Transgender Exclusionary Radical Feminist. Meaning radfems who are transphobic and are violent towards trans people (especially trans women).

“What does SWERF mean?”

Sex Worker Exclusionary Radical Feminist. They’re radfems who try to exclude sex worker from their feminism and often treat women attracted to men as less worthy.

“What’s the ADT community?”

ADT stands for “Actually Dysphoric Trans/Transgender” and was created by transmedicalists/truscum to break off from the trans community. It’s an insult to the trans community, an insult to the creator of the transgender pride flag (it’s removed the white that was there for people who ID as non-binary/outside the gender binary), and is there purely to start drama and create rifts in a community that’s already got enough enemies for simply existing in a transphobic world

“He/Him lesbians don’t exist/they’re transphobic towards trans men”

As a trans man who doesn’t think the world revolves around me and who understands that what lesbians decide to do it literally none of my goddamn business: get the fuck over yourself you whiny pissbaby

“What do you mean by people in the true crime community?”

People who sexualize, romanticize, excuse, and/or support serial killers and their actions/crimes. This doesn’t include people who are INTERESTED in the topic of crimes, serial killers, etc but acknowledging how these people are disgusting and their actions are unforgivable.

“Why are you anti-cgl?”

Cause we hate pedophiles and are decent human beings.

“You’re bigoted to kinksters just like homophobes are bigoted to gay people!”

I hate to break it to ya bud but I’m proudly kinkphobic and you’re a giant homophobe!!

“I’m a SFW cgl(re)/littlespace blog so I’m following/interacting uwu”

No the fuck you aren’t!! You’re a kink blog, there’s no such thing as a “sfw kink” even if you’re remaining two braincells are too busy fighting over the last pacifier to tell you some fuckin common sense. Your ass is getting blocked and I’ll also be using your blog to take a look at the people you interact and block them too just for safe measure! Eat a cactus, fuck nugget

“You hate lesbians if you hate TERFs”

You owe every lesbian an apology for assuming they’re all mysogynistic, LGBT+phobic pieces of horseshit like you are. Eat a dick.

“aces/aros aren’t LGBT uwu”

Wow… that’s so wrong Alexa play Fuck You by Lily Allen

“Me/Someone I know/(insert user/s) has been blocked. Why?”

There can be a number of reasons why you’re blocked, and I’m not afraid to block people as I want this place comfortable and safe for the mods and followers. So there’s several reasons as to why.

- You apply to our DNI (see BYF)

- You’re a (insert harmless children’s cartoon) critical blog (I tend to block those due to them saying LGBT+phobic things)

- You get into kin drama

- You’re an ace discourse, pan discourse, bi discourse, and/or overall REG discourse blog (this does not mean I block inherently block discourse blogs! I block the shitty ones)

- You’re a spam/porn/etc bot (if I’ve gotten this wrong, lemme know! I tend to block shady and empty blogs for this reason unless their desc/url/etc says it’s empty/weird for a reason)

- You’re a blog that frequently posts/centers around one or more of my triggers

- You’re an aesthetic blog (though I tend to soft block for them. But this is NOT an aesthetic blog and stimmy is NOT an aesthetic)

- You’re an “anyone can interact” stim blog

- You’re a stim blog that steals/doesn’t credit the gifs they use

- I feel you and I are going to argue and I’m just saving us the trouble of future unpleasant encounter/s

- You’ve been shitty to my friends or just been shitty to people in general and I’ve noticed it

HOWEVER I’ve made slip ups in the past! If you feel you don’t apply to any of these, you can contact me through my main and ask why. Sometimes I don’t always remember why I blocked somebody (sadly there’s a lot of shitheads on this site I’ve needed to block) or I’ve confused one blog for another person’s blog. Or maybe the person was more chill than I thought. Please contact me yourself rather than ask somebody else to do it though so I can get all the details! Even if I don’t lift the block, I won’t report you for block evading or anything.

“You used to be kidheart friendly and now you’re not, why’s that?”

Sadly, Raven (the creator of Kidhearts) has proven to be a bully sympathizer and feels it’s okay to compare agere to kinks/cgl and sides with regressionuncensored. She condones bullying/harassment/the sexualization of minors and I am not nor will ever be okay with that.

“But Raven sai-”

I don’t care what she says. She made it abundantly clear that she supports regressionuncensored and I don’t care that it came back to bite her in the ass. Bullies deserve no support, no sympathy, no nothing. And if you side with her than don’t come near this blog. This is agere safe and I will not allow people who support sexualizing it to interact. Kidhearts WILL be blocked on the spot, no questions asked.

“I’ve left a community on the dni list, can I follow/interact?”

Yes!

“Why are you anti-(insert thing on blacklist here)?”

Camp Camp: It’s racist + antisemitic

Dragon Maid: It’s pedophilic

Killing Stalking: It’s homophobic, ableist, sexist, perpetuates rape culture, and fetishizes abuse

Your Lie in April: It romanticizes child abuse and it literally starts off with a gross pedo joke when we meet the love interest in episode one

Split: It’s ableist

Hetalia: It’s antisemitic

Harry Potter/J.K. Rowling’s works: Actually there’s nothing inherently bad about the story. I just don’t like it. HOWEVER: I can’t stand J.K. Rowling as she’s a TERF/overall LGBT+phobe, and racist. So none of her creations will be featured here.

Sonic Boom: Nothing inherently problematic. I just can’t stand the show because it just fuckin sucks

13 Reasons Why: It romanticizes suicide and the creators refused to listen to actual mental health experts and have made the show potentially dangerous to anyone who even slightly deals with suicidal thoughts/urges

Detroit Become Human: It’s racist + antisemitic

Voltron: Legendary Defender: It queerbaits/it’s LGBT+phobic

“REG is a transphobic term”

I, Mod Joker, am trans. Try again.

“A-specs aren’t LG-”

*buzzer sound* wrong. So sad for you

“You’re not LGBT+ because you DARED disagree with me because you actually acknowledged that tumblr didn’t credit the community sweaty uwu”

We get this shit because a lot of you assume I’m ace or at the very least a-spec. And… Ya couldn’t be far from it. I’m a pan, genderfluid trans man. Even with all your gatekeeper (sorry, BULLSHIT) logic; I’d still be attracted to multiple genders and not be cis. I’m p queer. So no matter which way you slice it, I’m part of LGBT+. Die mad about it.

“You’re comparing aphobes to TERFs and SWERFs you fucking transphobe!”

Wow I didn’t realize setting boundaries meant that I viewed y'all in the EXACT same light. I’m so glad I have the lovely aphobes that have told my friends that they should kill themselves to set me straight.

Asking people not to interact doesn’t inherently mean I think they’re the EXACT same thing.

“Mod Joker is a gif-thief and reposts people’s content without properly crediting them!”

I have made this entire post explaining that’s wrong. Idrc if the post is too lengthy for you. Don’t talk shit if you don’t even have all the details.

Additionally, if you send me somethin about this in a negative light I’m IP blocking you. One strike and you’re out. If you want to believe people with false info and false accusations then that’s your baggage. Not mine.

HOWEVER if I’ve accidentally mis-credited, forgot to/messed up on crediting a person for their gif/video, or so on let me know! I’ll make mistakes, but I never do it intentionally.

#I realized the last link was a bit outdated anyway so whatever #this should help at least! #asks #anon #Mod Joker

[plounce]

compilation post of whichever bbc america employee who wrote the captain’s blogs being an ally and a hero via treating janto as more than just a sex joke, being genuinely warm and funny, and mentioning ianto super fondly in nearly every single entry (especially s2) because jack is in love with him despite what everyone else would have you believe. but i, a gay, know, and so does bbc america social media staffer circa 2007-2008.

some may call this “fringe canon.” i call it “some of the only specks of canon that respect the show’s canon gay relationship as the loving and affectionate relationship that it is.”

text pulled from ianto’s desktop, which is a fun read despite the defunct photobucket embeds - i only included captain’s blog stuff, but there’s a couple more janto tidbits in there. none as nice as these, though. under a cut because it is Long.

season 1

(one really cool thing the writer did for early season one is have jack note unexplained energy surges in the lower levels of the hub - handy foreshadowing for cyberwoman)

1x03 (ghost machine - alien tech leads to murder mystery):

Other issues: According to Ianto, Splott is pronounced "Sploe". I think Ianto may have been lying.

Upcoming issues: Energy surges in the lower areas of the hub still unexplained; there have been several more in the past week. Ianto volunteered to investigate, but has not discovered an explanation yet.

1x04 (cyberwoman - the episode where ianto’s secrets are revealed and we all have a Bad Time):

Other Staff issues: Ianto Jones temporarily suspended from active duty, to return at my discretion. His love for Lisa clouded his judgment, and he made some serious mistakes - but I have to wonder if I would have done the same thing in his situation. Ianto's personal needs and emotional state have been overlooked; I should not have missed something like this. During his suspension, I will try to spend more time with him. Hopefully we can establish a closer working relationship.

1x05 (small worlds - the one where the “fairies” abduct the little girl and jack has to let them, which makes everyone else very mad at him):

Staff: Ianto Jones' first week back after his suspension four weeks ago. I have tried to put him at ease, and have briefed the team to be as sympathetic as possible. Obviously there is a level of resentment remaining, but they are trying.

Other Staff issues: After what happened with Jasmine, nobody is talking to me (except Ianto). They'll come around. Everyone comes around.

1x06 (countrycide - the one with the cannibals and we all have a Bad Time):

Staff: Brought Ianto Jones along to get him out of the Hub, out of the city, get some relaxing time in the country with the team. May not have been the best decision I made this year.

1x07 (greeks bearing gifts - mindreading and predatory lesbian, the episode):

Other Staff issues: Ianto is still suffering, but putting on a brave face. Will try talking to him over dinner, outside the Hub, see if there's anything more I can do for him.

1x08 (they keep killing suzie - the episode that ends with ianto hitting on jack with a stopwatch):

Other Staff issues: Ianto and I stayed back to go over the case files and reorganize the safe. Internal security cameras were temporarily shut down to run diagnostic tests, so there was no monitoring of the Hub for approximately four hours - but there were no security breaches to report. Everything went very smoothly.

Upcoming issues: Need to requisition a new stopwatch. Old one damaged while moving a desk.

1x09 (random shoes - outsider pov, the episode):

Staff: Things seem to be calming down with everyone. Ianto is coping well; I'm pleased with his progress.

1x11 (combat - owen has manpain and fights weevils. whatever):

Other Staff issues: Ianto surprisingly proficient at the good cop/bad cop routine. Although obviously, he's the good cop. He's too cute to be the bad cop.

1x12 (captain jack harkness - jack and tosh are stuck back in time during the cardiff blitz and owen and ianto fight about what to do about it):

Other Staff issues: Ianto tried to stop Owen opening the Rift, and actually shot him in the shoulder. Everyone except Owen is finding this very amusing.

season 2

2x01 (kiss kiss bang bang - jack returns from his doctor who appearance, deals with his terrible ex spike from buffy, and asks ianto out on a proper date):

Other Staff issues: Gwen is now engaged. I'm happy for her, but I'm concerned about what it might mean - can she stay here, still keeping everything from Rhys? I worry that we're going to lose her. And I worry about Ianto. I think he took it harder than anyone when I ran off. It's going to take me a while to make things up to him. He is a decent, good man, and I'm lucky I met him.

2x02 (sleeper agent - the episode with sleeper agents):

Other security issues: Gwen taken hostage again. I’m beginning to think she’s jinxed. And why am I never taken hostage? I could be a good hostage. I never get any of that Stockholm Syndrome action. And according to Ianto, my bad cop routine needs some work.

Other Staff issues: I’m in trouble with Ianto for duct-taping a CB aerial to the SUV. Apparently the tape made the wing mirror “disconcertingly sticky”. Still, nothing a bit of warm, soapy water can’t fix.

2x03 (a man out of time - tosh’s cryo-boyfriend they unfreeze once every year. also, jack and ianto Have A Talk and then make out):

Other Staff issues: Ianto and I made some progress, talked things through. What happened with Tommy got to us all. I know it got to Gerald and Harriet, too, back then, considering what they went through to try and make up for it – but that’s another story for another day.

2x04 (meat - the episode with the whale and rhys finding out. some of the team gets taken hostage and ianto tazes a bad guy in the head and growls out “pray they survive.” or something and it’s VERY GOOD TELEVISION):

Staff: Ianto turned into a fighting, kicking, stun-gun machine, it was very exciting. I must get put in danger more often.

2x05 (adam - an alien infiltrates their memories and inserts himself into the team, and his plot is foiled by ianto reading his diary and finding inconsistencies because he’s Very Clever):

Other security issues: The only thing out of place was Ianto’s diary, which I found in my office. Naturally, I gave it back to him immediately after reading through it. Several interesting factual errors in there - and I thought he would know how to convert inches to centimetres. You think you know someone...

2x06 (reset - martha visits and owen ‘dies’):

Security: Must speak to Ianto about using names from ‘’Sex and the City’’ on fake IDs. Last week he sent me into an alien smuggling operation as ‘’Mr Big’’, without telling me. Wish I knew how he kept a straight face. I’d give him a stern talking-to, but I think he enjoys that too much.

(right after this is a very solemn paragraph about owen dying lmfao)

2x07 (dead man walking - jack resurrects owen and owen has manpain about it):

Other Staff issues: In big trouble with Ianto for risking everything to go and get the second glove. I should have told him before I went, but he’d probably have cuffed me to the chair to stop me. And I’ve fallen for that one way too many times.

2x08 (a day in the death - owen continues to have manpain):

Other Staff issues: Now that we have all tried, it is clear that only Ianto knows how to operate that damn coffee maker. I suspect it contains alien technology.

2x09 (something borrowed - gwen gets married, but not before playing host to shapeshifting pregnancy alien):

Security: ... Female Nostrovite proved to be extremely resilient to bullets, so I had to get my massive weapon out and take care of business. Ianto is still quietly chuckling about that now, days later. Gwen’s mother taken hostage. Must run in the family.

2x10 (from out of the rain - the terribly written ianto-’centric’ episode about circus film reel ghosts):

Alien activity: ... We only managed to save one of them, but that’s better than nothing. Sometimes in this job, one is enough. I can still see the faces of the people we lost - they weren’t part of this, they were just living their lives, until they were taken. Ianto took it badly, this one really got to him.

Staff: Have convinced Ianto to take me to a normal cinema, to see an actual movie. He’s also curious to know if I still have my old circus outfit. If I can find it, I think a private show is in order.

2x11 (adrift - gwen pursues a mystery about the people the rift takes and then puts back traumatized, even though jack resists. ianto is the one who gives her the info she needs. she also walks in on them naked in the greenhouse. wild):

Staff: Gwen would never have found the facility if Ianto hadn’t helped her. He was wrong to do that. But, of course, he was actually right in the end. There’s no way Gwen would have let it go. I should have trusted her with the information, but I knew what it would do to her. Sometimes, the only way to realise that you shouldn’t look behind that door is to actually go and look. Gwen learned that. Nikki learned that. We all did.

Other Staff issues: Seeing Gwen experience it for the first time took me right back to when I first heard that terrible scream. After Gwen had gone home, I just held on to Ianto for a couple of hours, as tightly as I could.

2x12 (fragments - a bomb explodes and everyone gets a flashback to how they joined torchwood 3 as jack and gwen rescue them from the rubble):

Staff: Everyone came out of the explosion pretty beaten up, but no major damage. We got lucky. And so did John. Because if he’d killed anyone - if he had hurt Ianto - I would have slowly ripped him limb from limb.

Other Staff issues: Although I have to say, Ianto does look good all messed up and dirty.

2x13 (exit wounds - jack’s brother comes back and blows up half of cardiff and kills owen and tosh):

Other Staff issues: The one glimmer of hope in all this? I still have Ianto and Gwen. Whatever the future throws at us, whatever madness the Rift vomits out next, whatever we have to face - Torchwood will be ready.

Capt. Jack Harkness.

Ianto, I know you’re reading this over my shoulder, pretending to fix that damn shelf. So get over here and take me out somewhere.

#chirps #janto #torchwood

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && ivy

WHEN: january 25th

DESCRIPTION: raelynn & ivy finally become friends.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: nsfw

@ivyisms

ivy

You are now subscribed to Ivy Serrano Pictures Daily. Here’s your first picture! To cancel, reply STOP. To increase to hourly pictures, reply HOURLY. Msg and data rates may apply.

*img attachment*

raelynn.

STOP

ivy

Your subscription has been increased to hourly! You must be a big fan! Here’s another picture. To cancel subscription, reply STOP at any time. Msg and data rates may apply.

*img attachment* 

raelynn.

[...]

Okay, hi ivy.

ivy

Command not recognized. You must want another picture already!

raelynn.

I looked at the number, I know you're not a bot.

Those shorts are cute.

ivy

aren’t they? sometimes there’s a little cheek that peaks out i love them

raelynn

I love how they're cut at the bottom wtf where did u get them

also?? legs?? hello??

ivy

i cut them myself actually!! out of some old jeans

actually wait stop don’t distract me with compliments i don’t like you

raelynn.

OMG of course duh why didn't i think of that-

i don't know you to not like you

and i swear that's not some kind of diss. i just legit have never met you.

ivy

weird cause you acted like you knew me the other day in the chat lmao

raelynn.

okay so let's unpack that.

tell me how you felt i was acting like i knew you.

i'm not fighting, i don't have anymore of that in me today, i am just genuinely coming from a place of wanting to understand what happened

ivy

what is this, therapy?

do you seriously not remember?? i mean you had a lot to say about me

raelynn.

no but i wish

i don't remember genuinely.

i make a lot of people mad. i'm good at it. i'm a total fucking bitch.

ivy

something about me being jealous because i’m the only one not so far up wes’s ass that i can see what a terrible fucking person he is

lol same but at least i remember so i know who to avoid

raelynn.

OH it was about wes.

it was the day people were kind of piling on him. okay. yes.

See I don't remember saying that but I won't deny that I did because it sounds like me.

If I get high enough on defense I'll just start saying shit.

Wasn't cool for me to say that about someone I don't even know, so I'm sorry.

As for inserting myself into that drama, you know, I probably was just in the mood to - in the words of Tiffany Pollard, "ruin lunch, purposely"

And I mean, I didn't know anything about it, and when I think about how shit I feel now that my ex is back in town, and how shit I feel that so many people are willing to jump in front of a bus for him, you know, I get how it looked, and how it felt, and you know, I'm sorry for that too tbh.

ivy

to be fair he deserves it when people pile on him

he’s such an insufferable asshole all the fucking time i swear

you know what though i respect the chaos and willingness to fight for no reason

i’m just the wrong one to do it to

but like i said before (idk if you remember lol) everybody makes mistakes

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

everybody has those days?

ivy

and that dumbass truly is not worth fighting over i just simply have to make it known how much i hate him every time he speaks in case he forgets and in case everyone else forgets how much he sucks

exactly

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

tbh that's exactly what came over me when my ex showed up

ivy

they’re wise words you know

exes are stupid every single one of them

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

and the fact that someone i considered a friend is just moving in with him like it's no big deal.

ivy

you mean delilah? she does that lol

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

she really doesn't think about anyone outside of herself and i've always given her the benefit of the doubt.

but idk. i'm not talking to her rn.

ivy

those twins are a menace sometimes

i want to like her so bad but her and alex constantly fighting and making up and fighting is about to make me snap

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

honestly being her friend while watching her do that is even harder.

i like alex on his own but with her? not so much, and well, i'd say vice versa but idk about vice versa anymore.

i mean what kind of weirdo moves in with their friends' ex even if they've "known them forever"

ivy

alex is my ride or die he’s the only man i’ll ever admit i love

and he left me and disappeared for a while because of her

so it’s hard to move on even if his stupid ass is

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

people love doing that. leaving.

ivy

don’t they? like grow up and face it smh

i’m never letting anyone run me out of my city idc what happens

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

my entire life is here and if carson thinks i'm going anywhere he can physically fight me

ivy

i don’t really know him but i’d still put my money on you winning any day

as long as you don’t come for my throat again you seem like the kind of person i’d be friends with

a bad bitch tbh

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

tbh you're so hot and i regret yelling at you instead of asking for your number

ivy

i mean you got it anyway didn’t you

i’m gonna tell myself it was all just a long game to get my number

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃

omg our new origin story is that i was just shy

ivy

i don’t blame you, people tell me i can be intimidating

and that’s a much better origin story than us being this hot and beefing over a m*n

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

honestly i'm about ready to leave m*n in the past. imagine the energy that could be saved. the eye bags i wouldn't have.

ivy

me too i’m trying to condition myself to just be a lesbian i’ve had enough of m*n in general

all men do is lie and have the audacity

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

god i hate my fucking ex.

i truly can't say that enough.

i'm literally a bad bitch why am i fucking crying over hot chocolate and watching a ryan murphy show on netflix.

ivy

you are down so bad i’m so sorry

at least you still have taste ryan murphy shows are usually really good

we should go out drinking soon and i can help remind you what a bad bitch you are

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Id love that. Im working tonight but maybe like Friday?

ivy

i have plans friday

what about saturday?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

That works

ivy

perfect it'll be our first step to world domination bc i already know we're gonna be too powerful together

if a m*n tries to talk to me just like bark at them or something pls

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

god that's so sexy of you

#texts #texts: ivy #ch: ivy

[brownthrussy]

1-85

Wade you got me fucked up smfh jk

1.) Are looks important in a relationship?:To some extent yes, since its kinda a attention grabbed. Eventually the personality is what becomes more important.

2.) Are relationships ever worth it?:Most are, as long as they’re healthy, but some are better off ending.

3.) Are you a virgin?:I hope my mom doesn’t see, but no. If my mom ever sees this then hell yeah I am lmao.

4.) Are you in a relationship?:Surprisingly yes

5.) Are you in love?:Considering my lack of love interests and mainly unhealthy relationships surrounding me, its hard to tell for myself but I believe I am yeah

6.) Are you single this year?:Jeez I hope not lol

7.) Can you commit to one person?:Yes.8.) Describe your crush:Hmm normal lenght hair, dark eyes, average height and thicc

9.) Describe your perfect mate:Sounds similar to 8 but I guess someone I can be comfortable and relate with.

10.) Do you believe in love at first sight?:No lmao im pretty sure thats a crush.

11.) Do you ever want to get married?:It’d be nice someday so sure lol

12.) Do you forgive betrayal?:Depends on the situation and how the person thats asking for forgiveness acts. If they learned their lesson and understand what they did wrong then I could forgive possibly but if not then no.

13.) Do you get jealous easy?:No lol its cause im bad at taking hints so I cant tell when someones hitting on me or el bae

14.) Do you have a crush on anyone?: Mi novio lol

15.) Do you have any piercings?:Nope lol

16.) Do you have any tattoos?:Nah lol

17.) Do you like kissing in public?:Nah lol i dont like being the center of attention

ERROR: 18 and 19 DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST??

.

20.) Do you shower everyday?:Si

21.) Do you think someone has feelings for you?: Well I hope my bf likes me lmao

22.) Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?: hmm its possible so sure lol

23.) Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?: Well i’ve been doing it so yeah lol

.

24.) Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?: i don’t think so but hey who knows what future me will do lol

25.) Do you want to be in a relationship this year?: i want to keep it so yes lol

26.) Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?: Si

27.) Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?: Not that I know of lol

28.) Have you ever been cheated on?: Officially no, but I had a few suspicions from my ex so it wouldn’t surprise me

29.) Have you ever cheated on someone?: No

30.) Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?: I’m ok really lol

31.) Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?: lmfao yes sadly.

32.) Have you ever experienced unrequited love?: Yeah. With my “ex”, we weren’t officially in a relationship we were just dating.

33.) Have you ever had sex with a man?: no homo but yeah lol

34.) Have you ever had sex with a woman?: tbh i just don’t support that lifestyle… i have straight friends tho so es cool

35.) Have you ever kissed someone older than you?: si

36.) Have you ever liked one of your best friends?: Nah lol I love them in a platonic way

37.) Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No lol

38.) Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yeah lifes pretty wild

39.) Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?: yeah lmao its terrible 0/10 would not recommend

40.) Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? No im not an artistic person

41.) Have you had sex sex so far this year? Si but im staying a virgin til marriage

42.) How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Depends on the mood I guess???

43.) How long was your longest relationship? Lmao the current one so almost a year!

44.) How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 1 lol

45.) How many people did you kiss in 2011? Lmfao 0 I was an awkward disaster back then. Now i’m slightly less but with a better fashion sense.

46.) How many times did you have sex last year? Idk I wasnt counting lol but life fucked me over alot so that counts too right?

47.) How old are you? Believe it or not, but i’m 21 lol

48.) If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Well rip my relationship then but it’d be something like “she ain’t ugly but she ain’t me”

49.) If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Hmm I like the attentiveness and los jokes

50.) If your first true love knocked on your door with an apology and presents, would you accept? If its just forgiveness then probably yeah. Regardless im taking the presents tbh as compensation

51.) Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes

52.) Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Nah they usually leave me first before I can say im done

53.) Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No lol my business is my own

54.) Is there someone you will never forget? My ex and former close friends tbh

55.) Share a relationship story: well we went to olive garden cause I had never gone. So I was feeling like a rich white woman cause it looked fancy and the waited asked if he could toss the salad for us. My stupid ass thought he either meant in a sex term or literally flipping it. Guess what I mentioned out loud. So homeboy leaves and I realize I can never return here without realizing that i assumed that the waiter wanted a fucking threesome because I spend too much time looking at memes smh. Oh and he spilled drinks on the people next to us including this lady and her phone so guess who got tipped good cause id die if i were in his position smh. Moral of the story is this is why I shouldnt go out

56.) State 8 facts about your body: I have a fat stomach, yet skinny arms and legs lol, i got a birthmark by my right shoulder that looks like hawaii apparently, if one hand moves the other tends to attempt to do the same thing, i got my apendix removed, theres a scar from said surgery on it, I barely have body hair but it grows quick, i accidently stabbed myself with a led pencil. The led remains up to today

57.) Things you want to say to an ex: Someone is contradicting themselves lmao sorry for not being what you wanted but you could’ve treated me like a decent human being. But I guess im unreasonable for wanting trust and communication lol oh well

58.) What are five ways to win your heart?: food, pokemon, more video games, trying ya best and being direct with one another.

59.) What do you look like? (post a picture!): so like do i post a new selfie in a seperate post or???? Eh ill do that later

60.) What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 6-7 years 😥 lol

61.) What is the first thing you notice in someone? How they react to situations lol says alot as a first perspective

62.) What is the sexiest thing someone has done for/ to you? Bought me food 😍

63.) What is your definition of having sex? Well it involves a penis usually afjvhadaish

64.) What is your definition of cheating? Well besides doing it physically, by lying to your S/O about not seeing anyone else and talking to others with the intention of cheating

65.) What is your favorite foreplay routine? Loving jesus

66.) What is your favorite roleplay? Reading the bible together.

67.) What is your idea of the perfect date? It involves eating, going out doing anything since anything can be fun if you’re with the right person. If it gets everything that is stressful about life and makes it seem irrelevant at the moment then this is the moment

68.) What is your sexual orientation? No homo but men are ok. So un homosexual

69.) What turns you off? Well acting like a child or being rude and dismissive.

70.) What turns you on? Communication and trust can I get an amen

71.) What was your kinkiest wet dream? Ok so there I am in battle wearing regular armor but with channel boots and I destroy my enemies by walking on them since they wronged me. There’s also lesbians.

72.) What worlds do you like to hear during sex? Are you feeling it now, Mr.Krabs???

73.) What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Anything really, its mainly the thought that matters

74.) What’s the most superficial characteristic that you look for? Hmm facial features and eyes lol

75.) What’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? Gave me the pink power ranger pop lol my girl

76.) What’s the sweetest thing you have ever done for someone? I gave a rare pop as a gift for christmas. It cost $50 lmfao

77.) What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? As long as its legal and consensual then its alright

78.) What’s your dirtiest secret? Dont got any lol not any that come to mind atleast

79.) When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Idk middle school lol crush had the nerve to talk to someone that wasnt me smh. Im glad i grew up and learned

80.) When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Whenever I see my best friend and hes about to do some dumb shit

81.) Who are five people you find attractive? So is this like from tumblr or anywhere?. Hmm theres mi novio, my best friend and fuck it like 3 of my mutuals lmao i almost tagged em

82.) Who is the last person you hugged? My younger sister

83.) Who was your first kiss? An old friend lol we dont talk no more

84.) Why did your last relationship fail? I have no idea. My ex was like “i gotta be alone” then pulled the “we’re different” card. And I figured it was both until my friend showed me that he was on tinder with an updated bio and photos that he had sent to me initially. So I guess ill never know lol

85.) Would you ever date someone off of the internet? Yeah why not lol if the connection is there

[avanneman]

Lauren Gussis’ “Insatiable”—let me count the clichés. Okay, I give up.

When word hit the street that Lauren Gussis, one of the “geniuses” behind the TV series devoted to heroic mass torturer/murderer “Dexter”, had come up with something even more shocking—a Netflix original about a fat teen-ager who became not fat and hence “Insatiable”, the howls of outrage among the easily outraged—those woke folk who seek to expel Nature with a pitchfork in particular—rang so loudly across the internet that even I heard them. The trope of “fat girl becomes gorgeous and goes wild” has always struck me as exceedingly wan in the first place, so I made a vague mental note not to see Insatiable, even by accident, and went about my business.

Then, however, I read a review in Reason by Glenn Garvin, “Ignore the Outrage Mob and Watch Insatiable”, which definitely hit me where I live—at least some of the time. Glenn assured me that Insatiable was a laff riot, and any contrarian like myself ought to watch the show, both on its own merit and as an opportunity to stick it to the pitchfork crowd via a witty review. Well, I’m always in the market for non-heavy TV,1 and, even though some of the funnies that Glenn offered up as proof of his argument—praising the show for “filthy” nicknames like “Bag of Boners”, for example—didn’t strike me as, you know, that awesome, I thought I’d take a look.

Well, be careful what you wish for—or, maybe, just be careful, because Insatiable is awful. It’s as if the producers said “we want stupid—Two and a Half Men stupid—but gay it up, a lot, and make it southern. That’ll be funny.” Because Insatiable is not about being fat. It’s about being gay, and about the sort of rejection kids experience for being fat as a metaphor for the rejection they experience for being gay.

But why, three years after the Supreme Court ruled that gays have a constitutional right to marriage, why are we making TV shows that are metaphors for being gay? Why not just make a show about, you know, being gay? Because, you know, people have been doing that already!

But I guess someone forgot to tell Lauren and Netflix—which used to be considered hip and edgy, rather than sleazy, dopy, and banal. Insatiable is not so much a bag of boners as a bag of gay clichés. Straight men are lecherous oafs who like to work on cars. Straight women are lecherous bitches who want to be president of the Junior League. Gay men are bitchy on the outside, sweet on the inside. Lesbians are, well, flannel.

Ostensibly the story of former fatty now teen femme fatal Patty Bladell (Debby Ryan), Insatiable is really about her beauty pageant coach Bob Armstrong (Dallas Roberts) and her best (and only) pal, Nonnie Thompson (Kimmy Shields), set in a sort of “Southern Living” suburb of (maybe) Atlanta, where the twinned and knotted kudzu vines of conspicuous consumption and social striving combine to wrap themselves around the very throat of humanity. Through a set of plot contrivances too lame to consider, Disgraced Lawyer Bob sees the now svelte and ready for revenge Patty as his vehicle for social redemption. As for Nonnie, well, as long as she can breathe Patty’s carbon dioxide, she’s happy.

I don’t know if Dallas Roberts is straight or gay, but everything about Lawyer Bob—his body language, his clothes, his fussy mannerisms and speech—screams gayness. He puts down a pair of vulgar broads—because all straight women are vulgar broads—by telling them “some people think red doesn’t clash with pink!” Feel the burn! When a sulky Patty says she’s going to skip the first day of school, Bob leads her back to the straight (so to speak) and narrow by offering her a “makeover”. He then brandishes a gleaming and polished makeup case that springs open in multiply cantilevered glory as though it belonged to the Great God Hermès himself! Behold these wonders!

Although the show makes mechanical fun of the southern beauty pageant “scene”, which to my mind is almost as lazy as making fun of someone for being fat, it can’t help taking Patty’s pursuit of pageant greatness seriously, because what are beauty pageants but show business? And what is show business? It’s not everything. It’s the only thing!2

Lonnie and Bob effectively appoint themselves as Patty’s entourage. She’s their meal ticket out of the suburban hell of conventional life that they both despise. She has the looks, and the selfishness, to be a star! A star! A star of our very own, and we won’t have to share her with anyone!3

Meanwhile, back in the real world, we see busty wives—virtually every woman in the cast except for Shields could get a job at Hooters—tearing open their cleavage at the drop of a hat, while the dudes show off their six-packs with equal regularity. Does anyone watch TV for this any more?

As for the jokes, well, we have obvious cheesy jokes—Patty’s up for “Miss Magic Jesus”—haw, haw, those damn rednecks and their damn Jesus—and inside cheesy jokes—she’s also in the running for “Miss Bareback Buckaroo”—“bareback” being gay slang for unprotected anal sex. Also funny!

Insatiable comes up with imaginative (sort of) ways to finesse the whole racial thing. The social queen of wherever it is we are—the president of the Junior League—is a black woman, though married to a white guy. And there’s an Asian girl whose mom is white, as though we entered some sort of post-racial Nirvana without even noticing.4 Everybody’s equal, everybody’s rich! Problem solved!

I originally planned to watch the entire season of Insatiable to prepare this crushing putdown. But half-way through the fourth episode, well, my soul cracked, and I surrendered—to common sense—and quit. Insatiable is a painful fraud, a “shocking” show that’s afraid that if it revealed its true subject—being gay—no one would watch. “Gender is not just fluid in this show,” exclaimed Glenn in the review that duped me into wasting four hours of my life, “it's Niagara Falls at peak flow.” “Gender fluid” is just the current euphemism for “gay”. How about letting the love that dare not speak its name, you know, speak!

Afterwords New York magazine thoughtfully offers a list of the ten “most scathing” reviews of Insatiable. Switching gears considerably, over at American Conservative, Harry J. Kazianis has a piece, “I Was That Morbidly Obese Guy”, that describes the many downsides of being “really fat”. For the most part, the piece is painfully honest, but I have to disagree when Mr. Kazianis remarks on the burden “of not fitting into a culture that worships beauty more than anything else.” Because it isn’t just “our culture” that makes fun of fat people.

When I was in Vietnam, our battery was sometimes invaded by a group of four-year-old Vietnamese kids, who would wait for the appearance of our one fat soldier. When he came in sight, they would shout delightedly “Beaucoups kilo! Beaucoups kilo!”

Yes, little kids will make fun of you if you’re fat, if you smell bad (“You stink!”), if you speak with a southern accent, or if you don’t speak with a southern accent. They will make fun of you if you can’t keep up, or don’t fit in.5 And, of course, it isn’t only little kids. When I was in law school, I once shouted “What’s the matter? Are you deaf?” to a young woman who I knew had limited hearing. I just forgot, because it was rarely noticeable. Innocence is not the same as virtue. In fact, it’s often the opposite.

See Jeeves and Wooster, Pretty Little Liars, The Windsors, Call My Agent! Season 1 and Season 2, and Archer. For the perils of “heavy TV”, go here and here. ↩︎

When Patty masters the “pageant walk” (thanks, of course, to Bob’s persistence), the soundtrack swells with triumph. ↩︎

The recent death of the great Aretha Franklin provided the occasion for the telling of a number of not so great anecdotes about the Queen of Soul, strongly suggesting that the average diva should be regarded as a natural wonder along the lines of an erupting volcano, best viewed from a distance of several miles. ↩︎

To further combat racial stereotyping, the Asian girl is dumb as a post. ↩︎

Johnny Carson used to say “Comedy is not pretty” because he knew how much of it is based on heartless ridicule. Once when the pleasingly plump Dom DeLuise was a guest, Carson made some joke about Dom’s weight and the audience booed. “It’s his job!” Dom admonished the crowd. ↩︎

#Lauren Gussis #Insatiable #tv