At the request of @kittykatlesbian and @resident-nickname-collector, I shall be telling the tale of Accordion Man.
So this was a year or two ago. I had signed up for a 4-day field trip to Washington DC with my US government class. There were about 12 of us, but only a few are relevant to this tale.
Part of the fees to be on the trip was an allowance, which they’d give back to us on the first day to buy meals. They’d essentially drop us off in the city, give us our parameters, and tell us to be back at the buses by a certain time.
On one such occasion, there was a street blocked off from cars with a bunch of restaurants down it. About 5 of us decided to pool our money and buy a large pizza because a few of us wanted one and hey, cheaper for all of us.
On this street, there was a busker playing an accordion. We paused on the way to the pizzeria to listen because the tune he way playing was familiar. It took us a few seconds, but then I realized: it was that annoying yet catchy Gummy Bear song that was everywhere in the early 2010s. We had a good laugh, my friend gave him some money (to “buy his silence”) and we continued on our way.
Anyway, we ordered our pizza and decided to go get some ice cream at a place we saw on our way over while we waited. Accordion Man was still there, this time playing that song that goes “when the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.” We had another laugh, gave him some more money, and continued on our way.
When we came back, there he was still, this time playing Kass’ theme from BOTW. We stopped to listen, went to get our pizza, and when we came back, he was packing up.
One of my friends, apparently having no social anxiety, goes straight up to him and starts talking in a British accent. I don’t know why. They aren’t British. I can’t remember what exactly they said, but I think they were complimenting him. Accordion Man proceeds to answer ALSO IN A BRITISH ACCENT. My friend told me later “I was like ‘oh shit, and actual British person, I can’t drop it now.’” So we chatted with him for a bit before one of my other friends said “I like your accent!”
This man. Looks the friend who was speaking britishly DEAD IN THE EYES and goes in a 100% American accent, “Thanks, it’s fake.”
My friend then decided to switch to a Southern accent, to which Accordion Man switches to a more Scottish accent. Eventually we had to part to actually have dinner before we needed to head to the bus.
You’d think that would be the end of the story, but no. There we were, sitting in an empty water fountain (it was February so there was no water, and we thought it would be a fun place to eat) when we hear someone yell “TA TA!” On this singsong voice. We look up, and there he is, Accordion Man, speeding away on a bicycle waving to us. Naturally, we all shouted back “TA TA!” As well.
Anyway I think about him at least once a week. Accordion Man, if you’re out there, I love you so much
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Some highlights from America: mystery flavor Mountain Dew (blugh), eggs come in eighteens now, I got to use a crème brûlée torch, Limited Time Flavors Lays' Wavy Funyuns® Onion Flavored Funyuns Brand Onion Flavored Rings, a canned cocktail that isn't definitively not named Cum, charcuterie so beautiful it nearly upstaged the bride, chocolate hummus (surprisingly delicious, rich and puddingy), macaroni and cheese gummies (wasn't brave enough), Moxie (tastes much less like soap than I remembered), and lovingly recreated Sour Altoids.
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We are back to civilization!
I will share art as soon as I'm home! And maybe some pictures of the scenery if anyone is interested? 🤔
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“Your brother is adorable.” The cashier cooed at Danny, peering over the counter with a smile. “What’s his name?”
Danny looked down to the surly, scowling little de-aged Batman currently holding onto his hand, glaring up at the cashier with bright blue eyes.
Things had already been bad enough when he’d gotten caught in a fight in Gotham, but things went from bad to worse when a magician had hit Batman with a de-aging spell and then shoved them through a portal.
Into a different fucking dimension.
Because of course neither of their lives could be easy. And now the two of them were stuck in Iowa in the middle of nowhere, at a truck stop gas station, trying to go on a cross-country roadtrip to reach the nearest hero city and get home.
He looked up and smiled awkwardly, trying to come up with a name off the top of his head — one of the heroes called Batman ‘B’ when he got hit right? B for Batman, right. B… B… Bee… Bees.
“Buzz.” He said, and tried not to grimace as the cashier’s face warped with surprise. “Like the astronaut.”
This was gonna be a long trip.
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