#it’s like im seeing my past kid self when i thought i liked guys….

[kkbardd]

I need more people to get asurei like you do tbh. 4km deep steel barred closet lesbian Asuka who probably would have an utter meltdown over it one day.

LMFAOOO YES !!! Her whole chara arc was one of the best representations of comphet I’ve seen yet 😭

“hm i like the feeling of being desired and protected but if a man does it I’m repulsed. Oh I know! Let me go after this unattainable figure that will humor me enough to give me the illusion I want without actually going through with anything.

I finally transferred to Japan but all the guys at my school are creeps and objectify me at every turn. I wish there was someone who could understand me… Oh right, there’s this beautiful girl pilot that I’m dying to meet, maybe she can help me!

I tried to be friends with her but she brushed me off.. Still, she seems pretty interesting! She’s a way better pilot than Shinji, so I’m excited to fight alongside her. She has everything I aspire to be but I’m just constantly being compared to her, which is annoying. I guess she’s my competition here… She also gets special treatment from guys, but doesn’t seem to mind it like I do? That pisses me off! I could just ignore her but for some reason every time I’m around her I get flustered and lash out! She won’t leave my mind but that’s just because of jealousy right? She even saved my life when I was reliving all of my past trauma from an angel attack but for some reason it made me feel even worse! GOD I hate women??”

#im honestly can’t believe they wrote her like that unintentionally #like there had to be a closeted lesbian on that writing team #it’s like im seeing my past kid self when i thought i liked guys…. #im a firm believer that if misato didn’t compare them when they first met they’d probably be way closer than they ended up being #asuka just has a lot of pride and was forced to see her as competition rather than someone to pair w instead of shinji #also. #rei was the key to putting a stop to her trauma-induced panic attack abt men and her mommy issues. please let that soak in for a bit #asurei #nge #ask

[hexxynn]

you're my forever | best friend! anakin x fem!reader

word count : 10.2k

warnings : MDNI 18+, anakin and reader are 18, angst, angst, so much angst, self deprecation, reader has a mom named lucille, insecure! reader, modern!, jock! anakin, swearing, anakin worshiping the ground you walk on, reader is described as having a tummy!, praise, even more praise, anakin talks you through it, arguing, readers parents are divorced, pet names, virgin! reader, oral (f receiving), piv, no condom mentioned (wrap it before you tap it!), creampie, aftercare (i think that's all?)

summary : you develop feelings for your long time best friend, anakin. you fall into a pit of bedrot trying to cope and push him away, only for him to push back. what you didn't know is that he felt the same way.

a/n : my first fic ever pls be kind lol, this is my first time writing smut too, so any tips would be appreciated! im lit new to tumblr so please don't be afraid to request anything. also im literally a slut for angsty sex and praise can you tell? also this isn't proofread soz

You didn't know when your feelings had turned from platonic, to overwhelmingly romantic.

Honestly? It was scary.

You had known Anakin for a while, him being your neighbor for most of your life. That was, until you moved, but only to downsize after your parents split. The quaint neighborhood, the only thing you had ever known, being torn away from you. Luckily— your parents didn't want to move far, so you stayed put in the same town, just in different neighborhoods.

You were two when you guys met, both of your toddler selves adorned with the aroma of innocence and childhood. Your moms had both bonded, over the struggle of motherhood, while you two seemed to find each other in the purity of your early years. He came up to you, with a simple ask to push him on the swing; an offer you couldn't refuse. Retorting with an, "as long as you push me after," which couldn't help but earn an eager grin from Anakin.

As you two pushed each other, giggles and laughs emerging from the silence of the neighborhood, your mothers had noticed the bond and smiled; knowing their friendship, and the one forming by the swing sets, would go on past this little encounter. They exchanged numbers, beams from ear to ear, knowing they found comfort in each other, and a pal for their children.

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As time went along, they set up playdates, leaving you two to watch shows, and do little things only young kids would do, whilst they sat on the back porch of your house with a wine glass in hand. You and Anakin would watch silly things, and you would play with his toy cars; in exchange, he'd play dolls with you (no matter how girly it was, or how frustrated he got in his three year old brain).

The neighborhood gossip would flow from their lips. Inside, the sounds of juvenility and jolly would make themselves present in some of your earliest memories. Your moms has been content with the current exchange. The simple call to come over, no matter whose house, with the almost immediate response from the other, and you and Anakin were dragged into their friendship, building one of your own. It worked out nicely.

As you grew up, playdates turned into school, and he was your best friend in elementary. Bus stop hand holding was the cause of teases from the boys (not the girls, who thought it was 'cool' you were able to get a kindergarten boyfriend), eliciting a shrug of nonchalance from Anakin. He would defend you, and go back to the swing sets with you, returning back to your place of blossoming friendship. He didn't care much for what the six year olds had to say, knowing you already for over half of his life. The bond your mothers had created was stuck, and would be for a while.

Once you got to middle school, there was a shift, though. He found his guy friends, understanding the game that adolescents liked to play with jokes and gossip. While he still walked you to the bus stop, he didn't see you as much in school. Especially with the deferring interests you two had grown. You had become a bookworm, immersed in studies as soon as you entered the next phase of your life, while he became athletic and would stay after school to play soccer with the other boys in the field behind school. Nevertheless, he'd come home and his mom would tell him they're going to your house. With no protest— he'd go. He would never turn down seeing you. Without prying eyes and weird looks, he could be himself and return to the faithful friend he'd had for so long. The simplicity and routine created never felt off, even as the times changed. He would always run back to you.

Until High School started. Things changed yet again, messing with the routine you two had created. He didn't walk you, or drive you to school, but would bring you food, smile at you in the halls, and nod his head in the structured environment of school. It was more than middle school. You two still saw each other as much as possible, but hangouts got a lot different. He got into football, and the schedule was rigorous. Yet, you'd still go to his games, cheer him on, and wait until he got home to personally congratulate him. He never even let flings, or girlfriends throughout the years, change his behavior towards you. It had never been explicitly romantic, but you two were closer than most. He'd hold your hand to drag you to his room, and vice versa. He'd let you drape his legs across him on the couch, or let him spin you around in a hug after his games.

He saw you more than middle school, his maturity hitting him slightly. He valued you, and you valued him, and that was one of the first things he'd ever known. This platonic relationship he held with you, was one of the things he cherished most. He wouldn't let anything get between you two, no matter what was to come in the future. He'd never let you go.

You on the other hand, immersed in studies and prepping for college, had turned a lot of hangouts into study dates. Which was okay with him, as long as you two got to see each other. He'd lounge in your room while you sat at your desk with a textbook and computer. He'd bring you food when your mom called that dinner was ready, knowing your academics had pulled you away from reality. His nurturing nature stayed the same.

You two had both gotten into different colleges, across the state. He got a football scholarship, and you got an academic scholarship at a prestigious college on the west side. You knew what was to come as the summer after senior year approached.

What you didn't know was to come, was your feelings towards him.

You didn't know when your hand holding started making your tummy flutter, or when his hands tracing patterns on your calves had you feeling flustered. Sure, he changed a lot in High School. He got muscular, grew his hair out, had more charm and appeal. He had girls swooning. But you? You never expected to be one of those girls.

Coming to terms with your feelings was definitely a task.

At first, it was jealousy. Jealousy towards the girls who were able to openly fawn over him, with Anakin relishing in the attention they bestowed on him. He loved living in this spotlight, and the rush he got when girls would whisper and giggle sentiments about him. He adored all of the looks and the eye fucks he would get in the halls. It was an ego boost.

You wished so terribly you could be one of those girls. The ones he'd kiss after his games, the ones who went out with him on Friday nights. You just weren't that girl.

Sophomore year came with heated jealousy, and Junior year came with longing. Senior year, you slowly came to terms with it. It wasn't until after graduation, when you relished in all the attention he would give you on summer days, that you fully realized what you were feeling. You had never had a boyfriend throughout all your years, academics taking priority over any man.

The beginning of summer was torture.

He was mindful of his last couple of months with you, giving you his full, undivided attention.

And you fucking loved it.

At the same time though, you hated it. The torment of the sudden affection you received, along with an endless stream of texts and calls when you two couldn't be together. It made your feelings all the more real, and you couldn't do it any longer.

You were then slowly trying to distance yourself, for your own sanity, to protect your feelings and soften the blow of college. You were frustrated, angry, and hurt all at the same time. It wasn't his fault, but your brain blamed him for all of it. You were starting to resent him, and hole up in your room, only coming out for meals and water. It had been this way for about a week now, in the middle of June, and the contrast from this to the way you were two weeks before was startling. Especially to Anakin.

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Your mom, Lucille, was standing on her back porch per usual, pacing around her best friend, also known as Anakin's mom. Though she was across town, it wasn't far. A mere ten minute drive at most.

"I just don't know what's gotten into her, you know? One minute she's going out almost every day with Ani, the next she's- she's- god!"

Lucille was very annoyed, to say the least. The state she had found you in was worrying her, and her financial situation with college didn't assist in her anxiety.

"Did something happen between her and Ani?" Lucille pondered, quirking a brow up inquisitively at her friend, sighing. "Not that I know of. In fact, he's been asking about her," Shmi sighed heavily. "She might just be stressed about university, you know?"

"I know... but she normally comes to me about these things, Shmi! And now she's this void," Lucille sat down, wine sloshing in the glass.

Shmi rubbed her back, smiling softly. "Just be patient, Lucy, maybe try to have a heart to heart with her? Sit down with her," Shmi pondered.

"Yeah... yeah, sure. I'll do that," Lucille returned the soft expression Shmi reflected onto her, letting out a huff. "Can you come by tomorrow morning? I'll keep you updated," she asked, while Shmi rubbed her back.

"Of course. I'll head home, love you," Shmi replied, standing up and walking into the cool air of the house, watching the moonlight cast the house in a low glow. The hardwood floors leading to the front door were bleached from the sun, it's constant rays hitting the floor from the many windows in the home.

"Love you, too," Lucille wrapped her friend in a hug, wishing her off. "What to do," she looked at her feet, shutting and locking the door, heading upstairs to talk to you.

She heard soft music coming from your room, probably from the speaker Anakin had gifted you Junior year. She recognized the soft hum of your voice, and Lucille was then unsure if she wanted to disturb your peace. But, she knew it was for the better.

A soft knock resonated in the empty hallway, and she heard your hums stop, followed by your music. Your footsteps could be heard trekking to the door, that once opened, revealed darkness in your face.

Your bags were heavy, face devoid of any feeling as you tilted your head to the side, "Hey, what's up?" You muttered, avoiding eye contact with your mother.

"Can I come in?" Your mom requested, analyzing every feature you once held. It was sad, depressing, and a mess all in one. You straightened your spine, opening your door wider and flicking on the light. With no words, you sat on your bed, the white comforter all messy and tangled in an array of clothes; unfolded laundry you were too tired to do.

Your mother sat next to you, placing a hand on your back. "Is everything okay?"

"Mhm, why do you ask?" You force a smile, nodding your head. Your appearance spoke much differently though, along with the state of your bedroom. Your hair in a messy updo, and your clothes scattered around the carpet. Spandex and an oversized tee adorned your figure, hiding the body you once loved to dress up with random articles of clothing, a uniqueness reflected in your personality onto your style.

This wasn't you.

"You've been in your room for a few days now, what happened to your summer plans? The job you were looking for?" Lucille removed her hand, placing her cheek in her hand.

You again avoided eye contact, looking to your window. "I'm just tired, Mama," you replied in a hushed tone, chewing on your already scabbed lip.

"I know, hon, I know. But we're all worried. Me, Shmi, Anakin-"

At the mention of his name, you dropped your head again. Deep down, you knew it wasn't fair to anyone. But you couldn't help it. You'd rather put up your walls before letting yourself get hurt with a stupid crush. "It's okay, I promise," you again put up a facade.

"Is it me? Did I do something?" Your mother started to tear up, placing a hand on her chest. The last thing she'd ever want to do is hurt you. She had never seen this from you before, though.

You finally made eye contact, shaking your head rigorously. "No, of course not. I just need to sleep," you scrunched your nose, trying not to let the tears fall yourself.

"Okay... but if you need anything I'm here, alright?" Lucille stood up then, making her way out the door, shutting off the light on her way out.

In the absence of another person, you felt yourself rotting in self deprecation all over again. The mention of Anakin just hurt you all the more. You hated doing this, you really did, but crying for hours on end seemed to help, even in the slightest.

So, you sat back in your mess of sheets and blankets, music starting up again, as you scrolled through photos of you and Anakin over the years. Even looking at photos of him with girlfriends, his smile brighter than ever. Kisses on cheeks, arms around them in photos. A reminder of something you could never be to him. A hole was making its way into your heart, one that only he could fill, and you were devoid of any reciprocation to your feelings.

But, back at the Skywalker's residence, Shmi had come home, setting her keys on the rack, and plopping down on the couch with a soft thud. Even she was confused and frustrated, thinking of you as one of her own.

At the sound of the door opening, and footsteps, Anakin came tumbling down the stairs, excited to see his mom after a long day of work, knowing she went to your house immediately after her shift.

She perked up at the noise, laying back and turning on the TV. "Hello, Ani," she yelled to the hallway, as he came walking towards the living room.

"Hey, Mom! How was your day?" He asked, setting himself next to Shmi, leaning back in the cushions. His hair was damp from a shower, clad in a black tee and plaid pants.

"It was good, stopped by Lucille's after work," she muttered, with him letting out a chuckle in response. "Assumed so, it's around ten— you're normally not out this late unless it's Lucille's," he nodded. "Did you see Y/N?" He then asked, turning his head to face Shmi.

"No... I didn't. Have you heard from her at all?" Shmi frowned, watching him shake his head and loll it back on the couch, a sigh escaping his lips. "No, I haven't. I'm worried, you know? Did I do something?" He asked, looking for some sort of answer. Your absence was sudden, and no matter how many times he'd call or text, you wouldn't respond. Your location stayed the same as well, the icon staying on your house, so he knew you weren't busy. He didn't want to intrude though, and push boundaries, but he truly had no idea what was going on with you. And it hurt him.

"I don't think so, she's avoiding Lucy as well," Shmi looked at her son quickly while she channel surfed, finding something to hopefully fall asleep to on the plush tan cushions.

Anakin sighed, standing up. "Tell Lucille I'll be over tomorrow, okay? I'll see if I can figure it out, might be too personal to tell her mom about," Anakin assured Shmi, standing up to make his way up the stairs.

"Okay," Shmi replied simply, feeling sleep overtake her soon enough.

Anakin, though, made his way up the stairs, racing to his phone. He pulled up your contact again, pressing the call button, and listening to the same ringing tone that he's heard for the past week bounce off of the walls of his room.

He sighed when it hit your voicemail, the sound of your once cheery self beginning to speak. He hadn't heard your voice in so long, it ached and left him confused. "Tomorrow," he told himself.

He'd see you tomorrow, no matter what it took.

Tomorrow didn't come soon enough, though, leaving Anakin tossing and turning in his sleep. He was so, so tired, so worried, and so anxious about what would happen. He had no idea if he had done something wrong, his brain relentlessly bullying him with 'what if's'. He kept waking up in cold sweats, eyebrows furrowed with concern for you. He cherished you like a lifeline, and he felt like he was slipping away as you did from him. When morning came, he had bags under his eyes, and his hair was tousled with the constant running of his hands through his hair throughout the night. He didn't know what if it went wrong today, or if you gave no response and shut yourself off.

He didn't even eat, too sick to his stomach to do so, waving a small, "bye," to his mother before slipping into his car, and Shmi had sent a text to Lucille as he left.

Shmi

He's on the way.

Lucy

Alright, she's awake. Ty for sending him over 😘

Shmi

Anytime. Want to come over while they talk, give them a little space?

Lucy

On my way.

And with that, Lucille had left her own home, knocking on your door and letting you know where she was going. You had hummed in response, getting into the shower, preparing to repeat the cycle of bed-rot you had created in the recent days.

The water soothed you, hot streams battering on your back as you sunk into the tiled floor. The speaker still let out hushed instrumentals and lyrics of your playlist, allowing you to wallow in your feelings. Not even washing your hair, or your body, you simply laid there. Tears were scarce at this point, not able to flow down your cheeks, as you looked at yourself in your naked state.

You doubted Anakin could ever, ever, love something like this in the way you loved him.

It was honestly sickening, in your opinion, how you destroyed yourself over him. Promises to him left unkept, and your friendship flowed down the drain, following the stream of the water. The sad, angry music you hummed along to only allowed for your wallowing to fester into an ugly knot in your stomach.

Some Phoebe Bridgers lyric had you leaning on the wall, closing your eyes. Too many years wasted. Too many tears shed over Anakin.

As the song was reaching its peak, you were oblivious to the sleek, black jeep that pulled into your driveway. Your room perched in the back of the house, anyway, so it was hard to hear over the shower and the music, along with your own humming. You were unaware of the unlocking of your front door, which Anakin had a key to, and the sound of his footsteps bustling up the stairs of your home. Which would have been bad, had it been an intruder, but it was just your good ol' Anakin.

As he made his way up the stairs, he heard the music in the shower, and the sound of your voice, the murmurs of lyrics you sang along to. He also heard the familiar pattering of your bathroom, having also showered here one too many times after games. Your bathroom was attached to your room, and he didn't want to disrupt, so he simply opened your door and sat on your bed.

When he walked in though, he was shocked. Your entire safe space was in disarray, a mirror of your emotions. If there was one thing about you, though, it was that you were a tad bit messy, but never this bad. He frowned at the thought, and decided to lay back on your messy bed, pulling out his phone to check the time. You should be out soon right?

But as fifteen minutes passed, he was getting impatient. He strolled up to your door, knocking softly.

"Mom, I thought you were at Shmi's?" Your voice was raspy, and quieter than normal, a pang resonating in his heart.

"It's me," he softly said, hand on the door.

You were struck with shock, sitting up immediately, feeling guilty and overwhelmed suddenly.

"I'm busy, come back later?" You pleaded, hoping to avoid him. But if anything, Anakin was persistent, and when he says he's doing to do something, he'll do it. Your brain had hoped silently that he'd take it, making his way out, so you wouldn't have to face him.

He shook his head, "No. We need to talk, now. Are you almost done?" he inquired, leaning his side on the door now, dragging his fingertips over the ridges of the wooden door. You didn't respond, and he didn't hear any movement, so he continued to press. "I swear to God, Y/N, I'll come in there if I have to."

Fear struck your veins, and you stayed silent, hoping he'd go away. "We can talk later, I'm busy," you simply replied, shaking your head at his perseverance. You always adored that about him, but now was a bad time for him to do so. Now, you wanted him gone. He was no longer your sanctuary, but a cause of fear and pain to you. Knowing him, though, he wouldn't stop.

And you were right.

You heard the handle jiggle a little bit, before a groan was let out behind the door. "There is no need to lock the door in your own home," he sighed, turning back to your room. A bobby pin should work, right?

"It's to prevent people from coming in, y'know, like you're trying to do," you rolled your eyes and scoffed, borders and walls making their way back up. You heard his footsteps walking away from the door, letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding. One obstacle down, right?

But then, you heard the jiggling of the doorknob again, and the click of the lock, and a sense of alarm surged through your veins. "I'm coming in," he announced sternly, before you heard the creak of your bathroom door opening. He had successfully found your bobby pins littered around your vanity, from various updo's you'd style your hair with during school. For a second, he was glad for the mess, which allowed him to find it so easily.

"I'm naked!" You screeched, though the shower curtain covered anything he could possibly see.

He chuckled, scoffing, "I've seen you before," he sarcastically uttered, hands finding purchase on the counter behind him, facing the curtain. The only barrier between you and him in the current moment.

"Yeah, when we were four, asshole," you shot back defensively, groaning at his antics. You still continued to attempt to avoid him, dragging out your shower for as long as possible.

Anakin grabbed the towel off of the seat, reaching into the curtain to shut the water off. "Get out," he demanded, "or I will personally come in there and wrap you in the towel myself," his aggression didn't go unnoticed, knowing now that something was definitely wrong between you and him.

"Fuck, fine," you sneered, standing up and reaching out for your towel, which he handed to you through the curtain. You stood up, wrapping yourself, and peeking through the curtain. Shit, he still looked as beautiful as ever. Even more than the photos you would look at while letting sobs escape your lips. He wore a white ribbed tank top, paired with gray sweatpants, hung low on his hips. He looked like a mess himself, curly hair frayed at his neck, sticking to the skin from the steam.

He raised a brow, looking away in respect for you. "Go get changed, I'll wait here," he muttered, allowing you to be at least respectable before he confronted you. As a result, you zoomed past him, quickly grabbing a pair of drawstring shorts and a hoodie, knowing you wouldn't have to waste time on a bra if you were in something baggier. After slipping into your clothes in your closet, you opened up the bathroom door again, and he followed you forward to the center of your room.

He eyed you up and down, finally taking in your features and your state. Though your hair was dripping wet, he didn't miss the puffy circles around your eyes and the split lip you often had when you worried about something too much. His face softened, ever so slightly, as you sat on the bed in front of him, while he continued to stand in front of your figure.

He broke the silence as soon as you sat, "Y/N..." Anakin muttered, folding his hands across his chest in front of you. You gulped, picking at the strings hanging loose from your shorts, "what's so important that you had to interrupt my shower for?"

"You act like you were doing something important. You've been ignoring everyone for days now," he began, eyeing you up and down as you fidgeted and avoided his eyes. Those damn eyes.

"I was, I was showering. Hygiene is important, Anakin," you retorted, turning your head to the window on your left.

"You know what I mean," he opened up his stance, running a hand through his hair. You hardly ever called him Anakin anymore, just Ani. The fact that you used his first name sent shivers down his spine.

"What do you mean?" You inquired, acting oblivious, hoping he'd leave and let you go back to your previous state. Though, as mentioned, when Anakin was determined to do something, he'd do it.

He took a step closer to you, peering down, "You've been avoiding me for days now. Everyone, for days now," he pouted slightly. "You promised you'd tell me everything, so what's going on? You know I don't judge," he assured you, getting down to face you, sitting cross legged on the carpet of your room.

"It's nothing, I promise," You said the same thing you've told your mother consistently. "It's nothing," you repeated.

"It's not nothing, if it's got you like this," he tried to smile warmly, show you he was there, to bring comfort, to bring peace to your mind. "Yeah, well, it's not something I'd like to share with you."

Now that stung, a pain radiating in his very bones, your words leaving him stunned momentarily. You shared almost everything with him. Everything that ever stressed you, he'd hug you and distract you until you were a laughing and smiling disaster. You had never been so closed off, so defensive.

Unknowingly, unintentionally, he shot back, "I've given you every piece of me to show you how open I am, and you can't do the same back? What happened to you?"

Venom laced his voice, making you finally face him. It made the blow all the more easier, while it also gave you a heartache you couldn't possibly fathom. "Life happened, Anakin. We're no longer silly teenagers living our lives, we're adults. We're growing apart," you let your arms fall to your sides, helpless to the heat and tension growing between you two.

"We're about to go off to college, and I've been spending every waking moment with you. We didn't just drift, something changed. I'm trying my hardest to be here, you know? Support you, give you a hand, and you won't even open up," he shifted uncomfortably, sensing an argument arising, which has never before occurred between the two of you.

"It's nothing you can help, Anakin. It's out of your control, so leave it be, and get out," you persisted.

"Get out? Get out?" He shot straight up, standing up in front of you, inching closer to your balled up figure facing him. "You don't kick me out of a place that is basically my second home," he raised his voice, causing you to stand up to face him at the same time.

Before you could speak though, he continued his banter, "So you admit something is wrong," he pointed to your chest, jabbing your collarbone while he spoke the words, voice booming out in the silence of your bedroom. Your stance was less defensive now, as he slowly broke down the barrier, and he continued, yet again.

"I told you, it's nothing you can help with," you replied with a hushed, raspy voice, not wanting to bicker.

"Just tell me what it is, then? Is it school? Because while I may not be as smart as you, I have damn well studied for hours on end with you. I have given up movie nights, going out with you, for all of that shit. You're perfectly fine. You're set. You've got a scholarship, and you'll be fine!"

He continued to step closer to you, closing the space ever so slowly, as you shrunk under his words. "If it's your daddy, fine! But I watched the divorce, the split happen. I watched as you were torn between your parents, and held your hand through that!"

"So tell me, Y/N, what is different this time around?"

Your throat was dry, not wanting to respond, everything seeming so stupid now. How were you supposed to admit, right to his face, it was him? Anakin, the one who held you, the one who made you laugh, the one making you cry yourself to sleep.

"Is it boy troubles? Because I haven't seen any man swoop down and carry you in his arms, and I would have heard about it from your mom. You haven't told her shit, either. So it's got to be pressing you, huh? Just let it out!"

He continued his verbal attacks on you, his frustrations from everything being let out on you. You wanted to shrink back, run away, but there was nowhere to go. Your gut was churning, bubbling, as a sob almost escaped your throat. "You wouldn't get it!"

"Yeah, I don't fucking get it because you won't tell anyone what's wrong," he immediately responded, again taking another step closer. You swatted the hand that was on your chest away, pushing him back from the close proximity. He stumbled, catching his balance, before turning to the side and letting out a low chuckle. "I see."

He saw the polaroids of you and him, laying on your nightstand, shaking his head, "It's me, huh? What the hell did I do? Just tell me," he almost begged, yelling at the top of his lungs at this point. You glanced back and let tears finally escape your eyes, sniffling from the flow. He noticed, slightly softening, as you began to yell back, finally breaking the dam.

"It is you, idiot! Everything about you. The way you laugh, the way you smile at girls like they're everything to you, bring them home at night to cuddle and hold them. It's the way you style your hair, and the way you saunter with your huge fucking ego!"

Oh, now he was confused. You despised his guts because of the way he was? Always has been?

"And you know- you know, I wish I was one of those girls! But you've never even looked at me that way, Anakin! That's the issue! That you've been so oblivious to the way I've wanted you, turning around and fucking other girls while I wait at home for your text that you're safe! It's all of it, Anakin," you let out a choked sob in the midst of your sentence, looking him directly in the eyes, "You go around and play football and don't even give me a sideways glance in the stands! It's so, so wrong to feel this way about you, someone I'm just supposed to care about. But no, I fucking love you, Anakin, and it hurts, it hurts so much. You sit and flirt with the cheerleaders in the cafeteria, giving them kisses on their temples and wrapping your arm around them, in public! But I will never, ever, be one of those girls to you. I will always be the best friend. I will never get to feel you longing for me, and never get to feel you loving me the same! That's what's wrong!"

You finished, letting out a huff, and realizing what you had done. Anakin stayed silent, processing your words, mouth open in shock. You were so terrified, yet so relieved that you had let everything out all at once. You knew now that you had crossed a line, broken a border down in your relationship with him. It had turned from sweet, innocent bliss, to rage and despair, mixed with love and fury. You knew you could never come back from this, back from the words that flew out of your mouth. You were desperate for him, and you would worship the ground he walked on if it meant you could receive one backwards glance held with the passion he held for the other women. But you knew you'd never get that, and you'd spend all of your life searching for a person to fill the hole he created in your heart, but never quite filling it up fully. It would be like a bandaid, covering it up temporarily, but the wound would still exist. It would still rot underneath your skin.

"You mean it?" Anakin simply said, words quiet, as he took a step towards you again, looking into what felt like your soul.

"Every goddamn word."

As soon as the curse left your lips, he grabbed you so swiftly, so tenderly, colliding his body with yours as his breath fanned across your lips, waiting for you to say no. You froze instinctively, still coming to terms with the fact that his hand was laid on the small of your back, the other placed on the back of your head, inching you closer. Before you knew it, the feeling of his lips encompassed yours, with unspoken feelings reverberating through the action. You immediately kissed back, gripping his shirt with the arms in front of you, pulling him instinctively closer. He pushed your frame impossibly close to his, wrapping his arm tighter around you, clutching onto the hoodie you wore.

His hand had gripped your sopping wet hair, earning a small noise elicited from your mouth into his, leaving his kiss softening in satisfaction. It was filled with need, hunger, and years of built up frustration. He handled you so softly, as if you would break, tears still streaming down your cheeks. A sob wracked your chest again, causing him to pull away.

"How in the world could you think I could never love you?" He questioned, bringing you into a hug. You continued to clutch his chest, squeezing your eyes shut. He gingerly set you down to sit in front of him, while he kneeled between your legs. His hands were placed on your knees, looking up at you, as if you were a goddess bestowed upon him.

"I'm not them. I'm not the cheerleaders, or the dancers, or the athletes you date. Look at me, Ani," you grabbed onto his hands, squeezing. His expression showed guilt, love, and anger. Anger at himself, for ever making you feel like this. For ever making you feel like you were the second option, and that he could never adore you. Because for years, he has.

"Oh, honey, you are so much more than them," he brought a hand up to cup your cheek. "I have loved you for so long, I can't believe you ever felt this way," he mumbled, kissing your knees after he uttered the sentiment. "You are everything to me."

He wiped the tears off of your cheeks with his hand, raising himself on his knees slightly. "I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way, because you are my first and forever love."

"You mean it?" You mocked him, your normal attitude coming back to life. He grinned like a cheshire cat, watching you beam back in the midst of tears.

"Every goddamn word," he mocked back, grabbing your hands and placing kisses on them, "you could never compare to any other girl. You are worth so much more to me, I promise. You are my sun and my moon, my stars, I revolve around you. I love you, so much," he praised you, placing one of your hands on his cheek.

You began to cry again, tears of happiness this time, knowing it was okay.

"No, no, don't cry baby, please," he kneeled up, know facing you directly. "You're too pretty to cry."

You shook your head in disbelief, looking down at your lap.

He kisses your forehead, softly, bringing you close to him. "I'm so sorry," he profusely apologized. He left kisses down the side of your face, peppering you, before meeting your lips again, where you wrapped your arms around his neck as he hunched over. He never once disconnected your kiss as he hooked his hands under your thighs, pushing you back on the bed and under him. The kiss grew more needy, more desperate, as his hands rubbed your outer thighs, guiding them to wrap around his waist. As you did so, you pulled him down closer to you, your two bodies moving in sync with love, care, and adoration.

You tugged on his hair, making him grunt softly into your mouth, making you giggle slightly. "What was that, hm?" You mumbled into the kiss. You honestly were lost with what you were doing, your first kiss taking place on the playground at recess, and had never gone as far as to continue kissing someone.

"God— you, Y/N," he pulled away, looking at you from above, the locks of hair falling from his head, caressing his jaw. He scanned your face for any hesitance, any doubts, and in finding none, he leaned back down, caressing your arms in the process.

"Wait, Ani," you stopped him before his lips could meet yours, bringing one hand to trace along his jaw. "I've never done anything like this before," you mumbled, partially out of embarrassment and nervousness. He had then begun to pull away fully, out of respect for you, before you trapped his hips in with your calves, pulling him back down.

"We don't have to do anything, I promise, I don't expect anything from you, nothing— I swear," he promised, grinning at you from above. "I want you to feel as comfortable as possible," he told you, realization hitting him that you most likely had never done anything beyond kissing, and he didn't want to pressure you into anything you wouldn't want.

"No, that's not what I mean. Ani, I want to," you told him, the heat growing between your bodies, his sweatpants and your shorts being a soft barrier between what could occur.

"You want to?" He questioned, anticipation almost hurting him in his core. You were willing to give him one of the most treasured, most vulnerable parts of yourself, to him, and he couldn't quite fathom that.

"Yes. Anakin, I've always wanted to do this with you, since I knew I fell in love," you leaned up to kiss his cheek, then you kissed the shell of his ear, whispering, "let me be yours."

With that, he bent down to kiss you again, gentle hands and tender touches. "I'll be careful, and tell me if you want to stop at any point, okay?"

You nodded, bringing him back down to you, yet again, as the kiss grew heated. His tongue swiped along your bottom lip, allowing you to open your mouth, letting his own wrap around yours and explore your mouth. The feeling itself was sensational, and you wished you had confessed sooner. Your hips bucked up to meet his, knowing only clothing separated you two. You reached down to tug on his shirt, enticing him.

He sat up, ripping his shirt off quickly, and you took the time to admire him. While you had seen it many times throughout the years, you couldn't get enough, knowing this was the man who loved you, who adored you, who pledged himself to you. Your hand traced along his abdomen, and up his chest, with slow circles and movements.

He looked down to you and your hoodie for permission, to which you grew embarrassed and shy. He stopped, again, tracing his hand along your hip, "What's wrong?"

"I'm not wearing a bra, Ani," you muttered with embarrassment, and he looked at you inquisitively at the fact. "Honey, do you know—"

You interrupted him, mid laugh, "Yes, I know, I'm just nervous. My body, and uh—"

You were cut off, almost immediately, with a tut from him. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I promise," he told you, looking at you as if you'd break with a single touch or glance.

You nodded, beginning to lift your shirt up yourself, before he stopped you, kissing you and setting your wrists down. "Let me show you how much I love you," he told you, so sincerely, that you felt your body heat up and tense.

His fingers found the bottom of the garment, beginning to lift it over your head, as you lifted your arms up for him to slip it off of you.

He could have practically cum at the sight.

He was met with your soft skin, only for him to see, and his sweatpants tightened ever so slightly. Your breasts splayed out, tummy revealed, and it was all for him. Would forever only be for Anakin.

He kissed you again as you held him, trailing pecks down your cheek, and to your neck, where he suckled the skin and nibbled. You whimpered quietly, never having even thinking you could let out anything from kisses.

"You're so, so beautiful. Sculpted by the gods themselves, I swear. If I could worship a statue of you at a temple, I could," he whispered into your collarbone, moving his pecks downward. You became inherently flustered at his words, a garbled mess, until his breath was fanning in between your sternum. His palms found your ribs, inching upward to your breasts, thumb teasing over your nipple. The contact jolted you, overly sensitive and becoming needy for him to make love to you.

"So divine, I swear," he spoke over your nipple, before his mouth latched onto it, suckling like it would be the last thing he ever tasted. Yet, at the same time, it was so pure. Merciful whimpers left your garbled throat, hands tugging on the hair at the nape of his neck.

He switched over to the other breast, the other one being caressed with his saliva coating it, hardening at the contact. He let his teeth drag along the peak, almost teasingly, before kissing the bud and moving downwards.

He moved down to your tummy, kissing all over. His tongue licked a stripe from your sternum to your navel, then kissing the skin above your shorts. "No matter how insecure you are, your tummy is perfect," he mumbled into the skin, teeth gently grazing the skin as he sweet talked into your skin, lust filling his eyes as he made eye contact with you from above him.

"Anakin, I need you," you muttered, not able to hold the eye contact as he sat between your legs, where you needed him most. He smirked, nodding as he did so, "I know, baby, just wanna take my sweet time with you," he spoke, so close to your core, where your desire lingered for him. He could practically taste it as well, bending down lower, his teeth biting on the waistband of the fabric, slowly pulling it down. His other hand met the other hip, assisting in his teasingly slow antics. He shimmied the shorts off, looking back to where you laid underneath him. He adored you, to say the least, and the way you're looking at him as him twitching in his pants. Desire and need are painted all over your expression, as he finally looked down to your panties.

He noticed the damp spot on the gray cotton, his mind going crazy. He did this to you. God, he loved it.

He kissed the wet spot, earning a small noise that strangled it's way out your mouth. Those damn noises to him, would be the death of Anakin himself. He then looked up, "Is this okay?" He questioned, wanting to make sure you were alright more than anything.

"Yes, please, Ani," you begged, watching him then tauntingly pull the fabric down your hips. Before looking, he begins to kiss the inside of your thighs, tongue dragging along the plush of the skin. The freckles and moles and scars, everything, he was taking in as he tasted you. It was perfect to him. You are perfect. He wanted to make sure you knew that as well, his attention switching to the other leg, repeating the same tantalizing licks and nips and kisses, sucking gently as he got closer to your center, leaving light hickeys and eliciting noises from you.

He then made eye contact with where you needed him most, a small sigh of his breath leaving a tingling sensation for you. "All of this, for me? You're too good to me," he spoke, before taking his first lick, a stripe from your entrance to your clit, groaning at the taste of you. "Y'taste so heavenly, honey, please," he begged for nothing, knowing he already had you as putty in his hands. You fell limp as he pressed a damp kiss to your clit, using one hand to pull back your folds for him. You were glistening with desire, leaking onto your sheets. He was disappointed he couldn't take the chance to lick it up off of the sheets, your hole twitching and practically clenching at this point.

He began his attacks on you, slow and steady, trying not to overwhelm you. Moans began to fill the room, letting him know he was doing a good job, only using his tongue at this point. "S'good," you spoke out, and he hummed in response, smiling in his head. All he wants is to make you feel good. This is an apology, devotion, and need all in one.

The vibrations sent shivers up your spine, fingers clutching the sheets beside you. His other hand was keeping your legs apart, the incessant twitching making him rut into the end of the bed. This wasn't about him though, this was about you.

His tongue prodded your entrance, scooping up whatever was leaking out, and he swallowed it graciously. "You're doing so well, my love," he praised. You hummed in response, not being able to form coherent words, even though he was the one with his mouth occupied. The hand spreading your folds twisted, allowing for his thumb to start slow, gentle circles around your clit.

"Is this good? Do you feel good, darling?" He asked, looking up to you as you nodded feverishly, in a haze of love and lust all at once. Your brain was clouded with the pleasure of Anakin between your legs, lapping you up like you were his final meal on death row. His thumb circling your nub, and his tongue swirling around your walls, gummy and slick with his saliva and your desire. He loved every second of it, your squirming and your hips rolling on his mouth, suffocating him in the best way possible.

His thumb began to speed up, and your hands found their way to his hair, pulling him closer and gripping on for dear life. And he hasn't even inserted fingers yet.

The heat between your legs grew stronger, as minutes passed of torturous circles and slow licks and prods, before you begged for him more. "Fingers, something, Ani," you managed to make out some words, jello and oozing into his palms and mouth. He chuckled at your eagerness, now using his hand he was using to hold your legs apart to wrap your legs behind his back, heels digging into the muscular blades of his shoulders. A single digit slowly entered you, curling inside, arching your back off of the sheets. His tongue moved up to your clit, suctioning the bud, and gently nibbling as his finger began a new pace. It was steady, almost leisurely, as he inserted a second finger, scissoring at your entrance. You were so, so tight, and it was heavenly to him. "Ani, faster, please," you commanded, and he damn well listened like an obedient dog, picking up the pace and curling inside of you each time, his thick fingers searching for the spot that would make you see stars. One your own fingers could hardly reach.

As he sped up and became more passionate with it, your legs trembled from overwhelming excitement and anticipation. You felt the knot beginning to form, one you had only reached on your own, while always thinking of this. Your moans became more strangled and raspy, his mouth never leaving his assault on your clit, and his fingers squelching from your wetness between your legs. The smell, the taste, everything was undeniably delicious to him. This was his Y/N, the one he pined after for so long, the girl of his dreams.

Your pussy began to ache, an overwhelming sense of your release approaching. With whatever you could make out, you uttered in a strangled mess, "C-cum, Ani, 'M gonna."

He began to get more aggressive with his suckles, and his eyes looked up to your expression as your breasts shook with every breath you took, head lolled back from the craving you had- no, the need you had for him. He felt your walls clench around him as your release was coming, his eyes never leaving you. "Good girl, I wanna see that pretty face look at me while you cum," he quickly reattached his mouth to you, the words themselves making your orgasm hit you like a trainwreck. Your eyes never left his, though they rolled into the back of your head momentarily. He felt the flutter, and the clenching of your legs around his head as you finished, his mouth licking up the last of you as he finally pulled away. "You did so well, baby. We can stop here if you want," he assured you, licking his fingers clean as he leaned up to cup your face and kiss your neck.

"I want to feel you inside of me," your lips were flush and swollen from the kissing and biting you had done, and your checks were splotched with redness as he nodded. "Fuck, you're so perfect," he guaranteed your utmost comfortability and contentment. "If you're sure."

He began to pull down his boxers and sweats in a swift motion with one hand, the other propping him up so he could kiss your cheeks sweetly and with care. "You're doing amazing."

You grinned and kissed him, tasting yourself on his lips eagerly. Sweat beaded your foreheads, but the mess created never stopped either of you from continuing. He kissed your forehead, then both of your cheeks, before dragging his lips down to the corner of your mouth. He pulled away momentarily, hands reaching down to stretch you with his fingers. You glanced down to below his navel, and holy shit, was he big.

"It'll fit?" You questioned, your naïveté getting the best of you in the moment.

He chuckled, grinning and looking down at you waiting for him. He took a mental picture, analyzing every possible detail of your bare skin, and the way you looked right now. He was infatuated with you before, but this sight under him, left precum leaking from his tip. His fantasies could have never compared to this sight of him between your legs. "Yes, it will. It'll hurt at first, okay? And tell me to slow down or stop at any point, promise?"

You nodded your head eagerly, "I promise," so grateful for the way he was praising and taking care of your needs over his.

He kissed you again, dragging his tip along your folds. The red and swollen cock in front of you had you nearly drooling, but you decided to save that for another point in time.

"Are you ready?" He asked tenderly, kissing along your neck, tapping your clit with the head of his cock. "Yes, please," you chanted over and over again, like a prayer on your lips.

He let out a quiet hum, slowly pressing his tip into your folds. It slowly slipped past your entrance, earning a hiss from between your teeth.

"Are you okay?" Anakin immediately asked, though not pulling out, so he could look you in the eye, his gaze wavering slightly.

"Mhm, just hurts," you felt tears prick the corner of your eyes, and Anakin knows you've never been someone with a high pain tolerance. "Shh, it's okay, I've got you," he comforted you, pressing a small kiss to your lips, waiting for you to nod to continue. It didn't matter that even your entrance was gripping him like a fucking vice, he wanted you to feel as safe and pleasured as possible.

You made eye contact with him, nodding slowly, as he pushed in a little more, your hands finding his biceps, caged around your head, nails digging into his skin and leaving welts. It hurts, but you expected it. And there was nobody else in all the universe you would rather give your virginity to, just Anakin himself.

"You're doing such a great job, taking me so well," he smiled, hoping his voice would bring you a sense of oasis in the middle of his cock piercing through your insides. "Think you can take a little more?"

You nodded, as one hand reached down to press on your thigh, as he felt your pussy clench him so tightly, knowing you were his. Made for him. "Relax, it'll help it hurt less baby, I promise," he told you, rubbing sweet circles on your leg.

He felt your body loosen up, and he was able to bottom out into you, and his tip kissed your walls, a whimper of pain and pleasure entering his mouth from the kiss he gave you. "Good girl," he whispered into your mouth, making sure he was to never break eye contact in this moment. It was so pure, so sinful, and such a precious moment. He was lingering inside of you, movements stilled, no matter how badly he wanted to pound into you until you were crying into the sheets. You bucked your hips up, enticing him to move, and he got the memo.

It wasn't full throttled thrusts, but slow and lazy pumps in and out of you, waiting for the pain to subside. He felt so amazing inside of you, with your warmth and wetness connecting you both. The closest he could ever get to you, and he never thought he would be here. He was savoring every clench, every thrust, and every moment like it would be his last. Because it was you, and he loved you so dearly, he wanted this to be perfect for you.

Your back arched, your pussy twitched around him, all the while he was still slowly going in and out. It was celestial, the way you moaned and let out slurred words of his name, eyes half lidded and already looking fucked out, a devious and wanton expression he'd commit to memory. "Ani," you made out, grabbing the hand on your leg and placing it on your core. He understood, starting to rub spirals under the red and swollen hood of your clit, picking up his pace. Then, the pain has completely subsided, turning into seraphic pleasure, his eyebrows creating a wrinkle as they furrowed. His own pants and grunts left his lips, chest heaving from the bliss he was subdued in. He was immersed in you completely, mentally and physically. You looked so angelic, even godly, as your bodies connected in the most unholy way possible.

He had waited too long for this.

Your warm and inviting, virgin pussy, saved all for him. And now you were underneath him, his cock filling every inch of you, and each time he bottomed out his tip would meet your cervix, but not hard enough to hurt you. He treasured you, wanting the moment to last as long as possible.

"Faster, Ani, I'm okay," you rested your hand on his head, pushing his hair out of his eyes, as he tried so hard to contain himself so you could feel loved for every second of it. He got off on you feeling so cherished under him, and you had never felt more adoration than in the present.

He listened though, picking him his pace, hips snapping so scrumptiously against you. You could hardly moan anymore, and you broke the eye contact, head rolling back and hitting your pillows from the amount of satisfaction you gained. He took the opportunity to look down at where your bodies met, watching his length slide in and out of you, coated in the sticky sweetness of your serene need for him. His eyes glanced over your body, watching as your tits bounced with every jolt of his body, and he almost creamed at the very sight. He was going to wait though, until you came, to ever think of cumming.

"S'well, baby, you feel so good wrapped around me. You're so beautiful, God. I could do this for hours," he praised you, feeling your pussy clench around him at the simple, yet overwhelming words. The way the plush of your thighs jiggled with every little movement, and the way your tummy followed with. He was encompassed in serenity for every second of it.

"M'gonna cum," you mustered out, warning him of your second release, building quicker than the prior one. "Go ahead, my love, whenever you feel like it," he said between pants and grunts, thumb still circling around your clit as he felt you get all the more tighter.

He sped up his pace, shifting his body to the right, the angle directly hitting that spongey spot inside of you that had you seeing stars. Your hands began to dig into his shoulders, the knot tightening. He could tell, watching as your thighs clenched and you let out the most wanton cry of his name, cumming around his cock.

The feeling and satisfaction of you finishing left him close to his own release, pulling your head down to look at him. "'S it okay if- fuck- I cum?"

"Cum in me, Ani, fill me up," you assured him, still whimpering from overstimulation and groaning at the feeling of him fucking your cum back into you.

His breaths were shakier, turning into soft whimpers and groans as you felt his thrusts grow messy, and soon still, feeling a gush of warmth inside of you, filling you to the brim. He stayed there for a moment, sighing as his cock softened, not wanting to pull out and disconnect from you in the most intimate way possible. He knew he had to though, as he pulled out slowly, leaving you feeling empty and lost.

You let out a breath of air, leaning up to kiss him. He happily obliged, rubbing sweet patterns along your hips, tracing the dips and curves with his index finger, soothing you after your release.

He leaned up quickly, making you feel cold, empty, and lost. Was he already leaving?

But no, he came back with a warm washcloth, leaning between your legs again. He came face to face with your cum and his load leaking out of you, beginning to drag wet and sloppy kisses on your knees as he ever so gently wiped up what was leaking out of you, and the mess and sweat off of your thighs. The residue piled along the fabric, which he then wiped his soft cock with, running back to your bathroom to throw it in the hamper. He crawled back into bed with you as you turned over on your side, the room smelling of sex and love.

"I'm so proud of you, you did so well," he told you, wrapping an arm around you and bringing you close to him, so you could lay your head on his chest. His palm rubbed along the small of your back, tracing up your spine.

"Thank you, I don't think I could have asked for someone better to do it with," you smiled, an after sex glow making you all the more beautiful to him.

"Does this mean you're my boyfriend now?" You asked, and a dumbfounded expression was plastered on Anakin's face, causing you to worry momentarily.

"I would assume so, but only if you'll have me," he spoke into your hair, bare and naked bodies intertwined under the cold sheets. "Of course I'll have you," you comforted him, hands tracing the curve of his biceps. "You're my forever, Anakin."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

#anakin skywalker x reader #hayden christensen x reader #modern!anakin #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x female reader #best friend!anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker angst #star wars #hayden christensen smut

[havocskies]

bro pls pls pls pls 🙏 do an NSFW alphabet with hobie ill do anything?!!!

HOBIE BROWN | NSFW ALPHABET

i am losing my self respect day by day.

anyway im also sorry for not posting ive been flirting w this dude for the past few days he is so cute but that will not stop me from writing for yg xoxo

╭──╯ . . . . . ༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶ . . . . . ╰──╮

A = AFTERCARE

- hobie is an absolute GOD at aftercare n i wholeheartedly believe this. especially when he knows he can be a bit much at times, there’s never a time where he skips out on aftercare. i think he would like to just relax, cuddle, and talk for a bit after he cleans you up thoroughly. then probably get a little treat, but he always likes to make sure you actually had fun as well. he’d put all of his attention on you way before he started worrying about himself, you’re always his priority

B = BODY PART

- i think hobie doesn’t have a MAJOR preference for anything but he seems like a thigh kinda guy. doesn’t matter the gender or size, he’s a thigh enthusiast. not always in a nasty way, he also just thinks they’re comfortable and whatnot. wear anything that shows your thighs and he is all for it 🙌

C = CUM

- im sure hobie keeps up w his health and cares for it, so i don’t think he’d taste horrible. he��s considerate guys 😭 idk if he’d really have a preference for where he cums either. probably asks beforehand or just knows what you prefer but if you’ll let him he’ll switch it up for funsies

D = DIRTY SECRET

- hobie doesn’t really keep secrets much, and i don’t think he’d be doing anything vile enough to really have to keep secrets anyway 😭 he’s just a normal dude imo but thoughts wise ?? he’s definitely imagined some things he’s too scared to talk abt im sure (take that how u will)

E = EXPERIENCE

- im sorry ik yg see him as like a sex god manwhore but i cant see it 😞 he’s spiderman he’s a nerd and he’s goofy, like yes he’s hot but he definitely fumbles without knowing the opportunity was even there LMAOO but regardless i think his body count is VERY low if not even zero. that doesn’t mean he’s ignorant, though. he’s figured out enough to know what he’s doing and what to do, he’s considerate and never wants his partner to be left out of thought

F = FAVORITE POSITION

- i can’t really see him having a favorite position i think he would’ve had little to no opinions but the moment yg find one you specifically like a lot he LOVES it. loves anything that makes you react the most, he’s such a pleaser yg cannot convince me of anything different

G = GOOFY

- yg write him to be all serious n i dont like it 🙁 he’s hobie he’s gonna crack a few jokes, especially if he’s nervous or he sees you’re nervous and he wants you to relax. probably jokes about how he’ll try his best not to send you to the hospital or wtv (he is not that confident)

H = HAIR

- hobie probably isn’t always clean shaven so he believes you don’t have to be either. still he’d at least be trimmed just to make things easier and whatnot. just his preference, whatever you do w yours he could not care less. other than that i think if sony was allowed he’d have a happy trail but unfortunately sony are pussies (im kidding)

I = INTIMACY

- i think hobie would prefer intimacy over anything else. he’d see sex as less of a pleasure thing and more of something to be shared when you’re extremely close. i don’t think sex w him would ever be meaningless, he’s always trying to show how much he loves you

J = JACK OFF

- hobie’s probably just an average dude. doesn’t do it too much bc like ?? why would he when he has you. ofc, if you’re not up to it yea he’ll go somewhere or just deal with it, you’re never obligated in his eyes. i just think he’d prefer you over anything else

K = KINK

- he’s gotta be a little freaky. like i say a lot (im sorry) he does joke abt biting, so he probably has some small kinks but i doubt anything serious. maybe at the most a very minor corruption kink, but its only about introducing you to things if you’re entirely willing. something about knowing he’s the one introducing you to it makes him wanna do it more

L = LOCATION

- hobie doesn’t strike me as a very public kinda guy. like maybe on occasion, but it’d have to be somewhere he’s pretty sure yg won’t get caught. i do think he’d prefer in your or his own home though, makes it more intimate and less stressful. he would however joke about fucking near someone yg don’t like out of spite

M = MOTIVATION

- you’d probably have to be actively trying to get him going, sex is never really the first thing on his mind. ofc it can very well happen unintentionally. i think gestures, positions, anything that shows off something ALONG WITH the clear intent will make him realize. maybe. i still wholeheartedly believe he’s pretty oblivious most of the time, he can be wanting it but he won’t realize you’re trying to make him want it. he’s a little dumb bear with him. he also just doesn’t associate revealing clothing with you wanting sex, so you’ll have to find other ways to get him to realize you want him. anyway i think mostly anything that shows off your thighs will get his mind wandering. anything that shows off their shape or just shows them off in general

N = NO

- in no way ever will you get this dude to do cnc (consensual nonconsensual) he gets sometimes its a trauma response but yg also have to remember he’d have to be getting off by pretending to assault you and i just can’t see it. he couldn’t do it, he’d rather try and help you with that trauma in other ways

O = ORAL

- happy to give always 🙌 he sees it as no different than you giving. even so, i don’t think he’d ever ask you for head. he’d see it more as a bonus, not something that’s expected in a relationship. if you’re never comfortable giving or even receiving head he will not be losing sleep whatsoever

P = PACE

- probably likes to switch it up. while i do think most of the stuff he said in his intro were jokes (runway model, inconsistency, labels, etc) i do think he does like to switch things up. he doesn’t like being limited to one thing, he likes to explore a bit and keep you on your toes xoxo

Q = QUICKIE

- hobie doesn’t strike me as someone who cares much for quickies. he’d much rather take his time, show he actually loves you. if both of yg are REALLY struggling then yg are going home, end of story. if you were to suggest a quickie he’d be unsure but he’d be willing to try at least

R = RISK

- hobie’s big risk taker im sure, but sex is a lot different than everything else. it’s a lot deeper and meaningful, so he doesn’t want to risk upsetting you or causing problems. idk if he’d even wanna risk being caught bc that’s just an inconvenience to everyone else 🙁🙁 only if it’s inconveniencing someone neither of you like i suppose

S = STAMINA

- pretty good stamina. not crazy or anything, but he can definitely go for a while. i think he finishes fairly average time but he can go multiple rounds, yk ?? like i said not a sex god guys

T = TOYS

- im sure hobie isn’t against toys at all ☠️ kinda goes back to what i said w introducing you to things. he’ll definitely try anything (as long as it’s humane 😭) and really doesn’t have much shame. take that part how u will.

U = UNFAIR

- hobie definitely likes to tease, no doubt. not all the time ofc but he can be an asshole just for jokes. if you’re genuinely upset he’ll stop. plus i think edging and overstimulating would count as something that deserves to have a conversation over first, not everyone’s completely into that and he knows full well

V = VOLUME

- i don’t think he’d be loud. not a whimperer probably but definitely a groan kinda guy. he has no shame breathing and groaning in your ear if he’s really goin (with you ofc he is)

W = WILD CARD

- switch. i think by default he’s more dom leaning but if you take that position he won’t complain, he thinks it’s hot as hell. would probably let you do almost anything to him 😇

X = X-RAY

- he’s pretty tall guys, it’s not small that’s for sure. i think honestly he’d be around 6-8, anything above is just scary in my full opinion so that’s not what he has ummm. i do think he’d be pretty normal girth. and, ofc, if he is pierced he would’ve done it himself. a stranger handling and piercing your dick is not for the weak im sure

Y = YEARNING

- probably a pretty normal/average drive. he didn’t think much about sex before you so going without it isn’t a problem for him at all. i don’t think he’d be like horny 24/7 around you, most of the time he’s just happy to be around you

Z = Zzz

- like i said w aftercare hobie prefers to stay up with you and spend time. even if it’s late at night he will try his absolute best, he’s not sleeping until he’s sure you’re comfortable and completely cleaned up. unless you like emptied his balls or destroyed him or something, then aftercare is on you i guess 🤕

#atsv hobie #hobie brainrot #hobie brown #hobie my beloved #hobie spiderverse #x reader #hobie brown x reader #hobie x you #spider man: across the spider verse #hobie brown smut #hobie brown headcanons #hobie brown hcs #hobie x y/n #hobie x reader #hobie smut #astv hobie #hobie #hobie headcanons #atsv #across the spiderverse #spiderman atsv #spiderverse

[penguinkyun]

chapter 147 review

you all know the superstition of walking under a ladder right? well the other day I walked under a ladder and I think all that bad luck has been relegated to this manga specifically. lets get into it shall we?

anyways to quote samejima abiko: you turned my babies into idiots. how in the name of hoshino ai did ruby not recognise Kamiki Hikaru, known to look a lot like Her Brother of Eighteen Years Hoshino Aqua, to the point he is Literally Cosplaying His Own Father in the movie. YOU ARE TWINS. HOW DID YOU NOT SEE YOUR OWN FEATURES. the only explanation is that they both received face blindness from ai. the reason why aqua couldnt find kamiki for years despite looking a lot like him. he just did not recognise the fucker.

honestly this chapter really just framed exactly how badly ruby has been done as a character by this arc. the movie arc is from chapters 108-147. that spans 39 chapters making it officially the longest arc in oshi no ko. In chapter 108, she is in double black hoshigan mode, angry at everyone, and especially at aqua for revealing their secret and wanting to get revenge on the guy who killed both ai and goro. we progress through till the interpersonal audition mini arc where ruby is confronted with her past life as sarina tendouji, forced to face her issues with abandonment and her previous toxic mother and the story was setting up to give her an understanding with ai and have actually deal with her past life issues…and then aqua had to go and be a good brother. im kidding, but really, the reveal hit a reset button on ruby’s behaviour but in a way that somehow also did a 180 even on her previous arc self.

@all-of-her-light has a really good post on rubys character arc so i won’t go much into detail but, the arc has a lot of contradictions with her; when ruby says she’s been acting all her life, but that recontextualizes her actions in a way that feels utterly wrong to who her character was established as, someone desiring to be an honest idol and going very far to emulate that. every single one of these threads are dropped in favour of ruby emulating a 2010s little sister, leaving very little room for any introspection about ruby with kana, aqua and even ai (despite 134).

like in 134 she sees the suffering ai had to go through and decides she won’t be an idol like her mother and in this chapter she? wants to be an idol just like ai? I thought she already got past this! And since this arc is ending wow has there been no resolution for the aqrb. incredible. this is like the rbkn conflict again, with no proper resolution aside from them being friends again, because none of the actual issues have been addresses, such as ruby intentionally shoving kana and mem out in the cold and bringing herself into focus in public eye (which was handled by management in the same way ai and first gen bkom was and well. we saw how that turned out.).

anyway. in the end ruby apparently has returned back to square one on understanding ai, with no resolution for either of her relationships with aqua and kana and we’re only left with the tiniest glimpse into how she feels about her father but nothing about yknow. ACTING AS HER MOTHER’S CORPSE FUCKING HELL—

despite ruby’s parallels with yura katayose before her untimely death via kamiki (back with the milk) i dont…really think he was going to kill ruby here. His expressions in this chapter are nowhere near murderous, and look rather concerned actually. Even when looking at his hand, it doesn’t look like he was trying to push her down the stairs, but instead reaching out to hold her shoulder or something. also

WHITE HOSHIGAN???????? WHITE HOSHIGAN HIKARU?????????

important lives, lives of value, the weight of life…these things do keep cropping up with kamiki huh?

ALSO NINO IS BACK SHES HERE SHES BACK EVERYONE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

so. i had theorized that the reason akane was so absent was because she was off doing detective stuff on kamiki and the actual reason is infinitely funnier. my darling girl. akane. were you perhaps by any chance stalking him to try and catch him in the act of literally killing someone. did you not fear for your life at all. i'm just imagining she gives the same glare everytime kamiki catches her in the act of stalking, like this is somehow exactly where shes supposed to be. good for her. its even funnier that both nino AND kamiki are aware of this and have just. done nothing. i need a montage of akane stalking kamiki stat.

I DIDNT THINK YOU MEANT LITERALLY AKANE

finally. some kamiki pov. this is enrichment for me. interesting he says "pay my dues" regarding what? ai? the twins? something else? also that kaburagi mention,,,, implying that he was the one to push for kamiki to be anonymous and not kamiki himself. the secret villain kaburagi agenda grows…

side note: it always strikes me how much ruby with double black hoshigan looks like a horror movie porcelain doll.

girl you are terrifying

anyway wow we're really. we're really skipping past the rest huh. so no introspection on how ruby feels playing the corpse of her mama and finally knowing exactly how everything went down that day huh. okay. thats really just par for the course atp.

and now again. the timeline, especially for hkai is…are we even filming in order? i thought we finished filming melt already…

here it looks like the actual breakup and this takes place post concert where hikaru brings the flowers (with kindaichi the tokyo blade director…shrimptresting) in panelling but we're shown theyre still on good terms during murder suicide. so the timeline we have for us in the movie is apparently:

hkai meet and go on a date -> ai confronts airi and hkai actually begin dating -> hkai are still on good terms a year before dome concert when murder suicide occurs -> breakup occurs sometime after that (making it quite recent before ai's death, which would make the conversation they have on phone make sense, with hikaru asking if ai wants to get back together)

the issue with that is how did ai hide this from everyone, incl. her kids? while i do think hikaru wanted it hidden because he goes off the grid from 16-25 im still??? how??? this is so confusing (they might've filmed out of order but then its still ????)

and we didn't get two major things: The I Cant Love You scene and whatever the forgiveness was about despite it being mentioned earlier this chapter. also kamiki has not been shown to be connected in anyway to the murders other than the movie becoming The Kamiki Movie halfway through so…aqua's plans that he came up with as a toddler sure are confusing huh.

and again. we were utterly robbed of any introspection ruby could've gotten on, once again finally knowing what happened that day considering no one told her anything and she only saw the blood on the frosted glass. speaking of people who know what happened, if we're talking about aqua, who has a panic attack every time he remembers this and was not shown to be present, im concluding gotanda kicked him off set for that moment. hes grounded. forceful self care by your mentor making sure you don't make yourself have a horrific panic attack again.

god. ending this review on a good note that i enjoyed hikaru's pov and nino being back but it really served as a highlight to why this arc annoyed me so much and especially rubys character assassination

sigh. break next week on account of golden week in japan and then finale or pre finale arc. lets see what that brings us, shall we?

#chapter review #oshi no ko #oshi no ko manga spoilers

[kikuowo]

THE LONELY TREE

PAIRING: sanzu haruchiyo x reader

SUMMARY: comforting him <3

WARNINGS: slight manga spoliers about sanzu’s past. self deprecating thoughts . i did NOT proofread so goodluck lmfao

A/N: omg…hi hey guys im.. alive what. ive had this in my drafts for EVEEEERRRR and finally found motivation to finish it. its not long and its not great but its something. i miss tr and i miss sanzu my pookiebear…

every so often, haruchiyo would return to this state. his old self. once again he was timid and quiet, the kind boy you remembered when first meeting him.

he went from his loud teasing nature, to locking himself in the bathroom. he would stare into his reflection with dim eyes that seemed to be far off into his mind.

haru thought he was hideous. bright obnoxious pink hair, something so childish for a top ranking gang member, that paled his already ghastly skin even more. freckles dotted across his nose and cheeks, he had always hated them as a kid and now even in his late 20s he still wont acknowledge that no amount of scrubbing will wash them away.

two large jagged diamonds were etched into his skin. just thinking about them he could still feel the sharp stabbing pain from the edge of the plastic toy like it happened yesterday. he thinks this might be the ugliest aspect of him. he could tolerate the pale skin, freckles, eyebags, and wild hair. all easy fixes, he thinks, but has no motivation whatsoever to do so. however, the scarred skin on each corner of his mouth would never, could never, be fixed.

his appearance was just one thing that made him hideous. his action and, really his whole existence was hideous.

never was he good enough.

not good enough for their mother to stay. not good enough for their father to raise them. he was a terrible brother, teaching senju wrong and always disappointing takeomi.

he was a bad friend.

he killed mochi. one of the few people who he thought truly cared for his well being, even thought of him as a younger brother.

he was a bad boyfriend.

haru knew he wasn’t good to you. he knew you deserved someone normal. someone who isn’t an addict. someone who can go out freely and take you out on dates. he knew you deserved someone who didn’t lose their temper easy like him, who hurt you not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. he’s not sure why you’ve been following him around so long, but he also isn’t sure what he would do if you stopped.

rindou had warned you through text about haruchiyo’s sudden drop in mood. you immediately dropped everything and rush home to him, wanting to stop his self loathing quickly before it turned for the worse.

when you arrived to the apartment all lights were off, drapes closed and everything was quiet. if you didn’t know any better you would think no one was home. but you knew he was home, if not for the shoes thrown haphazardly by the door, the soft sounds of crying could be heard.

you ponder on calling out your arrival, deciding on just being loud enough to let him know you are home, but not enough to startle him. you make your way to the bathroom and quietly knock three times before pausing then entering.

haru stands slouched in front of the sink. his rose colored hair messy, eyes red and puffy, and a frown set on his lips.

taking a slow breath you walk up to him, your reflections side by side. you know he knows you are there, it shows in the way he slightly tenses and his hands begin to shake. you want nothing more than to comfort him, however knowing he dislikes overbearing people holds you back for a moment. unsure and unmoving, you take this moment to really look at the broken man in front of you.

you see his pain, you see his hardships, you see his worry, you see is sadness. but you also see his pretty blue eyes that always look at you with love and hopefulness. you see pretty porcelain skin that blushes a pretty pink when he gets flustered from your words of love. you see rosy lips that you love to feel against your own and that you know he loves to use to praise you, to make you feel loved.

you also see two scars, one on each side of those lips. deep down they have always made you feel a sense of sadness. a once happy little boy scarred for something he didn’t do, insecure to the point of covering his face for years, a moment forever changing his life.

but they also made you happy. they were apart of haruchiyo, the man you loved with every atom inside of you. anytime a diamond appeared throughout the day you instantly thought of him. how happy he made you, how much you missed him, when will be the next time you can hold him? kiss him?

snapping out of your trance, you once again walk up to him. slowly, allowing him time to retract from you, you wrap your arms around his middle and lay your head against his back.

he tenses even more at first before slowly but surely relaxing into your hold. you place one, two, three kisses between his shoulder blades, payment for letting you comfort him. he places a cold hand over one of your own, a silent thanks and a green flag to comfort him.

and so you do, holding him in the cramped bathroom slowly swaying the two of you and placing kisses every so often onto him and listening to the steady thrumming of his heart, one he knows solely beats because of you.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #sanzu haruchiyo #sanzu x you #sanzu x reader #sanzu haruchiyo x reader #tr x reader #tr x you #kikuowo #kiku writes 𓂃♡ ࣪₊

[littencloud9]

anyway. that was so fucking good so as usual have my post watch thoughts:

vanitas - i am putting him in a fucking blender and then giving him a big hug. give this guy a BREAK. there is something so wrong with him and i love it. him and noé are so incredibly well-done. pure opposites and they clash but it works. him and mikhail devastated me. he is so insanely kind and you dont expect it bc he keeps shoving people away?? and hes so snarky but hes doing everything to save others??? sacrificing his body to countless experiments as a child so that other children wouldnt suffer the same, saving the vampires with the book even as it chips away at the humanity he struggles to keep, being a DOCTOR. im gonna throw something

noé - i’m in love with him. that’s it. jk but he is AMAZING and his love for domi makes me wanna cry and also him and murr are so funny and when he said he’ll never set vanitas free, something in me revived. i love that his first instinct is always to protect, whether it’s by his own body or by inflicting violence. he is just so sweet and has a big big heart and i think im gonna go cry actually

jeanne - JEANNE!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH. her arc with chloé was WONDERFUL and she’s the cutest and coolest ever. im putting her in my pocket and patting her adoringly. she’s so fiercely loyal to her duty but when it comes to people she cares about she struggles because her heart is so big and i am JUST. I LOVE JEANNE

dominique - I ALSO LOVE DOMI. HOLY SHIT shes probably my favourite as of now. i didnt have much of an impression of her in s1 (tho she was so cool) but s2 hit me like a truck. i love that we got her pov of the whole thing with louis! doomed siblings haha my weakness. the scene of her holding back her younger self and louis just watching WAS SO INCREDIBLE. domi looking into her most vulnerable self and being forced to confront her past MMMM. her as a child chopping her hair off after louis died like WOW that murdered me. her saying she hates herself but fighting to stay alive anyway. AND HER AND THE SICK ASS ICE POWERS. AND JEANNE SAYING SHES BEAUTIFUL. and her with the line about protecting others or something. BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY DOMI IS A KNIGHT! AHHHH GOD I LOVE HER

mikhail - this kid both freaks me out and makes me miserable. as a child screaming help me big brother while he was being dragged away, and then when the book was eating him alive and he was screaming at vanitas to help him again. that killed me. and him doing everything because he wants to bring back their family. being stuck in the past and begging for vanitas to return with him IM GONNA THROW UP

chloé and jean-jacques - they aren’t my favourites but their arc was wonderful!! oh the tragedy of being childhood best friends in this show. i love that they found each other when it was needed. i love that they did everything to protect each other. i love that they saved each other. i love that both their true names have something to do with flowers, the same as the place where they first met (unless i’m remembering things wrong do not come at me it’s been a While skfhekfb)

vanoé thoughts - because vanoé is what i came for. i was Not disappointed. thejr dynamic is so silly and fun but also devastating. their designs being parallels, being Meant To Be, is great. vanitas having to hypnotise himself to kill noé, yet being unable to do it even with a KNIFE TO HIS THROAT. and noé also holding back, despite knowing that he is completely capable of killing vanitas too. and the rain and everything and ohhhh my god i will die. and vanitas leaning on noé in s1 and noé leaning on vanitas in s2 HECK YEAH. AND THE SUN RISE IN S1 WHEN NOÉ PROMISED TO STAY BY VANITAS’ SIDE. AND THE SUN RISE IN S2 WHEN THEY MADE UP. AND VANITAS TOOK NOÉ’S HAND! AND ACCEPTED HIM INTO HIS LIFE! after hiding everything about himself from noé, and now letting him see just a piece of him. and them arguing like an old married couple but also instinctively protecting each other. these damn gays

domijeanne - when do they kiss. like for Real. man i love that they hold such high admiration for each other and they support each other so much. and domi who harbours so much self-hatred and compares herself with jeanne, but jeanne just sees her as strong and beautiful and incredible. i love that they’re genuinely friends and always go to each other and ALSO LETS NOT FORGET THE DANCING SCENE! and also jeanne the hellfire witch and domi with the ice powers LIKE! INCREDIBLE SHOW STOPPING. pretty please i need them to kiss

overall - love the op and ed so much. love the colours and vibrancy and how during the last fight it was all grey and dull and ugh. studio bones KNOWS how to do symbolism with these damn colours. incredible and devastating writing and im definitely gonna go read the manga. drop dead gorgeous art style like all of these characters are BEAUTIFUL. a perfect mix of silly and pure horror and genuine love (both platonic and romantic and maybe some of these characters are trauma bonded but they come together anyway and that is just great) and tragedy. i love vnc. the bsd-mtp-vnc pipeline so real. they are all incredible shows but i think vnc has my favourite storyline out of them all so far. thanks if u read til here LMAO 🫶🫡

#lena watches vnc #vanitas no carte #vanoé #domijeanne #INCREDIBLE. i am floored #im not proof reading this take it or leave it

[sunnysidestories]

Introductions Pt 1

Pt 2

Pt 3

Summary: Reader is a vigilante on young justice who goes to the same school as Walls. Only Wally doesn't know the readers identity, but she knows his. SLOW BURN

Wally West x Fem!Reader

Transferring classes is always a chore whenever someone decides a class isn't best fit for them, no matter the reason today I decided I would never do this again, even if the teacher sucked. The bundle of nervousness was tearing me from the inside. Thoughts swirling in my head.

Who would be in my class, I have to make friends... well more like people i'll talk to when I need a pencil, then I'll avoid attention so I dont get called on.

Before the transfer on the following Monday, I met my new teacher after school. Explaining what I needed to do for his class. "Listen y/n, you need to catch up on some things we have already learned, but im sure that won't be too hard, and if you ever have any questions, you can always ask. Everything you need I've already given to you." I nod thanking him before I make a haste exit, I have more important things to do as of now. My work can come later when im there, and I'm late.

.

.

.

Pulling out my mask for my costume, I walk through the Zeta tube, covering my face and identity. No more y/n. "Reconised B18 h/n." Mt. justice was as normal as normal could get with meta humans, feeling more as a second home. I could smell something cooking, along followed by laughter and conversation down the hall. I pull my hoodie over my hair, playing with the strings, a bad habit I use to calm down. Slowly walking down the hall before reaching the living room to a passed out Robin. He took up the whole main sofa.

The TV was still on. He must have been watching the news. Who does that? No, I take that back. Robin does that. I grabbed the blanket that sat over the couch draping over his body right as he began to snore. It's crazy that his glasses haven't fallen off his face by now. I feel bad for him he must be overworked. In a werid way, I wish that he could somehow get hurt so he gets some time off. I could substitute for him like im doing now, but knowing batman, he would most likely still be here anyway unless it was very serious. I shut off the TV.

The debrief would be in around 30 minutes after that training, more like a warmup, and then finally a short mission, it feels almost as if purposefully im always doing the easy jobs, totally doesn't help my self esstem. I just fill in anyways, why do I care so much?

Rob can get the sleep he needs it. I begin to walk off. He probably has an alarm. I wonder what they are cooking in the kitchen? Before I can think of possible options, im on the floor with a large *SMACK* eyes, meeting blue ones filled with worry.

The large stature accompanied by a uneasy glance was only one person Conner, I ran into the mini man of steel and now I think about it, it kinda hurt when I slamed into him"You walked right into me" "Are you okay babe?" Standing slightly behind Kid Flash stood with an arm outstretched, I grabbed it, pulling myself up."Im fine, I've been so stressed, I guess, lost in thought. It's been a week. What did you say?" His freckles dance across his face as he smiles, speeding away to the kitchen. Conner just looks at me following in his direction.

We reach the kitchen, and KF sits on the counter beside Megan, eating a bag of chips. Megan was stirring something inside of a bowl, I couldn't see. Her back was towards me only for a moment. "Hey guys."

Chicken salad, I can smell it and see now. Her face changes shades when Conner walks past her towards the fridge. Its sooooo painfully obvious it physically hurts me when they are in the same room. I take off my backpack and begin to study my science work. It's not as hard as I thought more of just things and facts to remember, but no really new complicated subjects.

"Wally! Stop! I need those -" I look up to Megan's shouts, Wally was doe-eyed caught eating the cherry tomatoes as if they were candy. "-YOU KNOW I HAVE A SUPER FAST METABOLISM! I CAN DIE. " He got defensive as his face began to match the fruit. "Your name is Wally?" I change the subject to help his embarrassment. Everyone's eyes go wide they all meet mine. "I've never told you my name? You've been on the team for how long??" Wally throws his arms in the air."Almost a year." I immediately replied. Now was my turn to be embarrassed. Should I know his name?

"How have you not heard it? y'know. It's fine, it doesn't matter. Let's try this again." Wally gets off the counter setting down the container, he walks up to me leaning on the table then shifting his weight a few times, almost as if he's hesitant or thinking of his next words.

The tone of his voice goes serious. "Im Wally West, it's nice to meet you." Then his grin returns as his eyes squint along with it. "Hey, I'm h/n." I let out a small laugh, looking back down at my work. It's crazy how easily Wally gave up his name. Maybe because im rarely here for long, I've never heard his name. It seems like everyone else knows. Its kinda my own fault, but now I feel bad.

I will eventually tell them my name its not like im important and need to hide it, I trust them. I trust them? Who am I kidding? If I don't even know Kid Flashes' name when he wears it on his chest, then how do I know them. Is it even really them, or am I making friends with who they want me to see. I seriously need to stop overthinking this. it's not that serious. It's just a name.

.

.

.

Robin would eventually walk into the kitchen 15 minutes later after we all ate telling us it was time for the debrief, you could still hear the slight tone of drowsiness from just waking up though he tried to play it off.Our mission seemed easy at first Batman explained we were to take down a meet up spot for some very illegal technology drop offs. Most likely, stolen information.

I sat to the left of Kaldur on the bioship close to the window. We were now all in full gear, flying over central city. "We will be there in around 4" Megan called out. "Everyone go into camouflage mode, Connect us to the mind link." Kal orders.

I try not to think about myself as they can all hear my thoughts, as can I theirs, I don't think I'll ever get used to this. It feels invasive. I look down at my hands, realizing im picking at my nails and zoning out.

Hey h/n let's go. Conner speaks to me, sorry... I replied, walking over to Robin and Kid Flash. Three and three, I hate splitting up. -its alright, we do this all the time, plus you can just talk through the link so we are really all here. Rob states that everyone agrees as we begin to walk in different directions.

Stake out time, yes! Wally says as we sit down onto the ledge, the building we chose overlooked two smaller apartment buildings backside. There were two ways to enter, and Team A. sat at the only other. This is really boring. I can't hear anything. KF sighed "Its been two minutes, we're not superboy use your eyes-" "-better yet use your heat vision from your goggles, see how many there are." Robin interrups my whispers. There are 30 people, uhhhhmmmm, 3 women and woah, that guy is huge. Aqualad cuts into the conversion. The criminals have another drop-off zone. We are going to pressure them, stay here, take out these guys, and don't let anything get out.

A large black truck with boxes passes us and goes through the opposite exit, I see Superboy only for a second as he closes the lid. That's one way to hide. Then, mind link breaks. So much for sticking together.

"I'll go ahead and try to sabotage their systems. You two begin to take out the ones outside. Try not to blow your cover." His glare meets Wallys. This must happen a lot.

.

.

.

"How did we fail this bad. I'm so sorry." I say, looking up over my shoulder towards Wally. Now, here we were tied up on a chair, no weapons in a room, no light, just us. "This is my fault if I wouldn't of tripped over the stupid gun then you wouldn't of gotten distracted" there's a momment of silence as we both ponder the failed attempt of taking out the enemy.

I hang my head low. It sucks. There are no lights at all, my other senses are going crazy, and I'm flooded with the sounds around me. Wallys slightly panicked breathing under the cool exterior, strangling tightness of the ropes around my chest. I could even hear our heart beats. weirdly, his was slow but picked up at the sound of my voice as if I scared him. "I'm not very whelmed right now." He let's out a small sigh.

"Are you ever?" "What?"You are always on edge like someone's about to jump you in a dark alley. Is this because you're just a fill-in and not full-time?". He tries to turn to as much as he can bound. He must feel my worry. "It is. H/n I really get how that could upset you, but you have to understand." He begins to shake in the chair. "Even if you're not officially fully on the team, you are to us. Everyone gets excited to see you, including me. Why does it matter if you're not on every mission.. I'm glad I get to work with you when I can. We all feel overshadowed ourselves sometimes. Heck, I mean, we are all sidekicks."

Finally, he breaks free of the rope with a SNAP, standing up carefully, using his hands to find me and set me free. "You've made your place in the team and our friendship. You just need to take the risk and open up."... "Wally... I trust you," he grabs and shows me to the wall where we find the locked door knob "jump on my back"

.

.

.

Monday at school was painful. Every limb hurt, and I couldn't sleep staying up thinking about what Wally said. I was looking forward to lunch, I made some of my favorites since I needed a treat. It was more like a break, but first, I had to go to science my new transfer class.

Without looking at anyone, I walk right up to the teacher. "Where do I sit?" He immediately awnsers."Yes, right. Go sit in the back beside the red-haired boy. It's the only empty seat." I follow his gaze to the seat. My table partner didn't seem to take notice of me when I sat down as he read the textbook. Maybe this won't be too bad he seems to actually care about the subject, at least.

He turns and looks at me, his green eyes are friendly and welcoming, as he smiles his freckles scatter along his cheeks. He leans on the table, placing his face in his hand he seems nervous.

"Hi, im Wally West. It's nice to meet you."

#wally west x reader #wally west #young justice x reader #young justice #young justice imagines

[kasaneteto]

obviously been in my posting era for the past few months & ive been thinking about that and what it means for me so some thoughts on that

posting as much as i have been was sparked by having to end my most recent relationship due to the realization that we were codependent & it was making it hard for us to function effectively. finn was always my guy to ramble at but there would always be times that they didnt have anything to say in response so they would just be like “okay” and i would feel so annoying :( they were never annoyed (well not usually i cant say they were NEVER annoyed by me) but my mind always catastrophizes social interactions that leave me feeling self-conscious to mean “oh they hate you”

anyways. for a while i was kind of worried that my codependency habit has graduated from finn -> posting & while im not sure that ISNT the case… i do think the posting has been good for me. ive been journaling for a couple years now but it doesn’t help me in the same way as posting stuff like this. its harder to process thoughts when im just talking to myself vs writing something out thats meant to be for someone else to read. writing with the intent of it being for someone to see helps me process things so much easier, and that doesn’t really work when im writing it in a place nobody can see it. when i was a kid i would post deviantart journals in the same way. of course back then i was a neglected child who was just looking for validation in any form & where i got it most was the internet.

i think its the fact that ive been doing it ever since i was a kid that made me feel like making posts like these were juvenile in nature and something i should move on from. but since making an effort to be more true to myself & not let embarrassment or the fear of being judged get to me, ive found that i have the strong urge to make posts and that it brings me joy when i do! it really has helped me have a clearer understanding of the way i think/feel. plus tumblr rly does kinda feel like a home website. it helps that it hasn’t changed much and a lot of the userbase i was around in its heyday are still here. it feels like a comfortable place to scream into the void where im not worried about who’s potentially seeing this shit. & thats another thing - it has helped me feel less annoying in general!

im so used to feeling like my presence is inherently bothersome and that any self-assertion is going to make people wish i wasn’t there. this feeling extrnds to posting anywhere. but thats so fucking stupid!!!! if people dont like me or are that annoyed by me they dont have to fuckin look!!!!!! just unfollow me idfc!!!!! i feel good about the level of clarity i have in my life rn and posting long rambling introspective shit like this has been doing wonders in helping me keep myself grounded. so i will continue to do so. i will say though i sometimes wonder who all is reading this shit lmao. watch there be someone out there who’s just obsessed with my ass waiting on baited breath for my next post. if thats the case then get well soon bitch….im probably too unhinged for you to handle 💅

#txt

[gungoo4lifer]

Act as if this is a cool title, im lazy.

There were times where Kenta couldn't fall asleep. And at times like that, he would lie down his body on the bed with a cigaratte between his lips, thinking of his past, thinking of that time. Thinking of him.

Park JongGun. Park.. fucking JongGun..

Aka his ex idol.

As a kid, he always dreamed of becoming someone with utter strength and intimidation, just like him. He always dreamed of becoming someone so cold and cool like him. He liked every single thing about Gun, Kenta felt awe of him.. He even copied the way Gun dressed, just to be more similiar like him.

..Yet, his old, innocent self could've never thought that a day where his own eyes would force him to see a violent, bloody sight among Gun in it. His fucking idol. The man he referred as his big brother. The man he wanted to be.

Just.. thinking of that scene, that bloody sight where his father and his whole other clan gave his life away was enough for his fury increase and several tears drop from his eyes whenever he thought of it, despite all the passed years. His dreams of Gun became a nightmare.

One day. Just, one damn day.. he will get his revenge. He will kill that man with his bare fucking hands. He will show him what kind of monster he've become. He will.. 

He had a dready childhood indeed. He suffered with lots of disorders including depression, anxiety, trust issues, insomia and several other disorder that he can't even remember the names of.

And then out of nowhere, you appeared.

--------------------------------------------

The pathetic sobs and whines fills the dark alley as Kenta leans his back on the cold wall while he sits on the ground, hugging his own legs and wishing that it was his father instead.

Suddenly, a voice grazes his ears, which he decides to ignore. "Hey!" 

The voice repeats himself, "Hey!" And Kenta ignores it, once again, also ignoring the fact that the voice was getting closer to his crying body now. He wasn't even sure if the voice was shouting out for him or not. When suddenly- ''Oi! You think i'm a joke?!''

There you stand, holding a wooden stick shaped like a sword in your hand, Kenta finally manages to look up to you with his teary eyes but the frown still keeps there, glaring at you menacingly. ''Why the hell are you ignoring me?! Cant you see this katana in my hand?!'' You threat him, crouching down in front of him and slightly tilting your head, observing him and trying to understand what the hell was wrong with him.

Yeah. You got a pretty cute little katana, don't you. Too bad that Kenta has seen real katanas in his life. Katanas that aren't made out of woods, sharp katanas that made to kill people, and, well, katanas that.. cut of his finger and caused this huge scar running through his head.

Kenta stays silent, moving off his gaze from you to his toes to avoid eye contact, he didn't want you to see the tears in his eyes. Looking weak to someone was the last thing he wanted at the moment.

..However, it seems you weren't the type of guy to give up easily. ''..Is everything okay, no eyebrow guy?'' Judging from the huge scar on his head and his pinkies, which had been cutted off, he indeed does not looks okay, but you still try to help.

''Just go away.'' Is all Kenta could manage to get out of his mouth, now glaring at you once again, no tears in his eyes anymore, his eyes only showed pure fury as you can't help but feel a shiver down your spine.

''And, what if i say no? Did- did some kids bully you? i can beat them up for a good price if you desire. Was it one of your family member? I can't beat them if they are too older than me though.''

Ugh, for fucks sake.. you talk too much. Too damn much. No, it wasn't some damn brat who caused him to end up in a situation like this, nor one of his family member. It was a..

''A YAKUZA! gasp! IT WAS A YAKUZA, WASN'T IT?! Damn it!! Japan is really becoming a cruel place! A YAKUZA DID THIS TO YOU, DIDN'T THEY?!'' You shout to Kenta, who was now no longer hugging his legs, sitting with his legs crossed as you glanced at him with both of your eyebrows raised, your eyes wider than ever before. ''It's okay, no eyebrow guy. See this katana? As you can see, i, Y/N L/N am also a yakuza.'' An obvious lie escapes your mouth. ''I took lives of so many yakuzas that i stopped counting after.... after i hit 2000.'' You rise your chest and smile confidently. ''Just tell me their name and i'll bring their head to you. Or their balls. Alright? so.. just- cheer up already.''

You can't be a yakuza. He doubts that you even know how to fight. Damn you probably don't even know what a yakuza is. ''..and, what will you get from it?''

''..Money?''

''I don't have any.''

''Weapons?''

''...''

''Deserts?''

''...''

''Well, any kind of toys?''

''...''

''Damn it! what else is there?! ..'' You left out a sigh, as if you're a 27 year old bussiness man who was struggling with his work, when you were just 12 years old. ''Alright, you weak crybaby. I will do this for.. uh, for nothing at all, oka-'' 

A punch aimed right into your face was enough to interrupt your speech, ''WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?'' 

''Dont you dare call me weak.'' He utters, his fists clenched in both rage and annoyance, which received a frown and pout from you.

''You bitch head! I just offered you help and look what you're doing! You think i don't know how to fight?! Huh?! HUH?!'' You get into a fighting position with your clenched fists in front of your chest.

...Long story short, you tried to aim a punch at him, and, well, you seemed to be unexpectedly shocked at the sight of you ending up on the ground instead of him. God damnit.. your chest really hurt. ''Auch.. t-th- the floor is.. so slippy here.. ha..hahaha..'' You chuckle nervously as you try to get up, but a slight chuckle coming from Kenta stops you midway. 

..He chuckled? Even in the slightest, he really managed to chuckle.. not forced, nor fake. The chuckle may not be so loud, but it was enough to feel you proud of yourself, while Kenta was completely confused.. It was the first time he chuckled in these last 2 weeks since that terrible day. Considering that he used to be a kid who laughed and giggled a lot, not laughing in the slightest for 2 whole weeks was not expected for a child like him.

''H-hey! The fuck you laughing at, ya little bitch?!'' 

Here you go again, trying to sound utterly mature and intidaming.. Kenta turns his back and prepares to leave, trying to ignore your annoying presence. ''Hey! You can't just leave like that! we are friends now.'' 

''..Friends? And who says that?'' Kenta glares at you, only turning his head back to look at you.

''Right, friends! If you talk with someone you just met for 7 minutes, you become friends.. but if you talk to someone you just met for more than 7 minutes, you become lovers.'' You explain with pure confidence, which Kenta replies with one eyebrow raised, clearly judging you and your stupidity.

''..And where did you learn that bullshit from?''

''A fairy in my dream told me.''

Yeah, you were definetely nothing like a yakuza.

..Yet, you still somehow managed to be friends with Kenta, spending lots of times together, chatting with each other, Kenta teaching you several kyokushin karate moves.. In fact, you two became inseparable.

Until that day.

Its been like a year since the first day you saw Kenta crying alone in that alley, your bond with him was really strong and you two didn't seem to have any problems with each other. However, for the last few weeks, you started avoiding him for some odd reason he unfortunately wasn't aware of.

''Y/N, wanna have a walk?''

''Y/N, want me to treat you a desert?

''Y/N, wanna watch anime together?''

You always answered these questions with a simple 'no', or you were suddenly feeling sick out of nowhere, you always had an excuse. He started to feel anxious to the sudden change in your behavior, thats why both of you were now sitting on grasses, you obviously avoiding his gaze as his gaze pierced into your soul.

''Y/N.'' He starts, ''Did i do something wrong?''

You stay silent, still observing the light green grasses under you, being silent was not suiting for a person like you, and he wasn't used to seeing you silent like this either.

''..Y/N.'' He tries once again, hoping to get an answer from you this time.

''Y..yes, damn it! Yes you did!''

You finally gather all your pride and glare at him, a cherry red tint spreading across both of your cheeks as he slightly raises his eyebrows in confusement. ''I did? But- what did i do though? Why didn't you tell me about it earlier?''

''Because i dont know the reason either!''

You were really starting to confuse him. ''What do you mean by that?''

''I hate you! I dont know why, i dont know how, i dont know when, i just, hate you! I dont like you anymore!'' You finally shout out the words out loud, gripping the grasses tigther, Kenta looks even more anxious now, were you playing another trick on him? was this just a silly joke?

''Y-Y/N, what are you trying to imply? I apologize if i did something to hurt or upset y-''

''Whenever i see you and your, ugliest pretty face, my stomach hurts, damn it! It must mean that i hate you, wouldn't it?! I asked my mother about it but, she just laughed! What did you do to me, huh?! Did you curse me?!'' 

Oh. Now he gets it.

''..What kind of hurt, Y/N?''

'' 'What kind of hurt' ? Seriously?! I have no idea! It hurts, but, it, it hurts whenever im with you, but it hurts even more whenever im not with you! It feels as if, something is eating me from my inside! It feels weird, it feels good but it hurts at the same time!''

''..It feels good?.. .. Well.. my chest also hurts whenever im with you too.''

''So you also hate me??''

''No. I love you.'' He coos, making sure it was loud enough for you to hear it, avoiding your gaze as he tried his best to hide his now blushing cheeks.

Your eyes widens in shock, feeling the heat on your cheeks, you slightly tilt your head ''WHAT?! you LOVE me?? not as friends ?? like, love love? ''

''When you love someone, your chest hurts and.. and you feel excited..'' He confesses, his fists clenching. 

''And where did you learn this bullshit from?!'' 

''A fairy in my dream told me.''

Huh?

''NOW I GET IT! DAMN YOU, KENTA MAGAMI! YOU TALKED TO ME MORE THAN 7 MINUTES WHEN WE FIRST MET, DIDN'T YOU?! HUH?! THAT'S WHY YOU HAUNTED ME WITH THIS, STUPID LOVE THING DIDN'T YOU?!'' You get up, teeths clenched, glaring down at him. ''WELL, LOVE MAKES PEOPLE WEAK! YOU HEAR ME?! IF IM WEAK THEN I CAN'T PROTECT Y- I MEAN THEN I CAN'T PROTECT MYSELF!'' You shout some nonsense, whatever came to your mind at that moment, then you burst out of there while Kenta sat there, a slight smile spreading across his lips.

He knew that he'd see you in front of his house the next day, crumpled flowers on both of your hands, probably asked your older relatives and got advince from them.

And he was right about that.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

''Smoking without me?'' You snuggle up to him on bed, getting Kenta back to reality as you grab the cigaratte between his lips and put it on your lips, inhaling the last smoke, then setting down the cigaratte and extinguishing it on the ash tray which was on the table near the bed. ''You were suppossed to be asleep right now, Kentaaa.'' You whine, rubbing your head on his chest like a damn kitten. ''I know.'' 

''Then why are you still up, hm? Still thinking about that bastard? I told you that i would cut off his balls one day, just be patient, mkay? Besides, i should be the man who you're thinking about at nights! Not him!''

''You're right, i was. But it was mostly about you, though.'' He lets out a small chuckle as you slightly back away from him and then pull him into a snuggle, his head resting on your muscular chest.

''Well, i'm here. So stop thinking and just go to sleep then.'' 

''Right..''

Now to think about it..

You didn't hesitate for a single second when he offered you to come to Korea and join workers with him, which was the gang you were siding with right now. You couldn't give two shits about the other fuckers, that mitsuki girl, that sinu guy, that blonde guy whos name you forgot the first time you guys met -you refer to him as mitsuki's dog whenever you can't remember his name, and everyone seems to understand who you were talking about.- and that other guy whos name, uh.. well you forgot that too.. The reason why you came here was Kenta and the reason why you're staying here is also Kenta. Nothing else.

Lastly.. as a kid, you always knew how to fight. Your mother was a kyokushin karate teacher, so you knew several kyokushin karate moves, in fact, you were pretty good at it. Yet, on that day, the day where you first met Kenta, you pretended as if you had no idea how to fight, or how to throw a punch properly, just so you could make him laugh at the slightest.

You're strong. Even stronger than him, and you know it. But he doesn't, and he doesn't has to, you don't want to make him feel week.

You can keep this little secret to yourself.

#Kenta magami #Lookism x reader #x reader ffs r not really my thing so #but anyway #if there r any mistakes sorry abt that i hate proofreading #AEGGGHHHHHHRRRGRGRHHR #i suckat writimg man #for @backshotsdevil #yeppii #this is the first time i write a character x reader help dnnddkd

[scrollypoly]

hi! for the past month i’ve been seeing people say BEN is a child and i think that part of it is linked to the fact that they think of Benjamin Lawman being BEN? but it’s so annoying to read these type of stuff because i understand not everyone read the whole arg story but stop spreading things that aren’t true </3 it’s such an interesting story too! another note do you prefer BEN’s canon or fanon design? :3 i love both but his canon design is so nostalgic i can’t let it go at all omg!! i’ve also been wondering, do you think Ben’s avatar was the statue? i was thinking about what if BEN took over it early on, before Benjamin did making BEN inhabiting it since the start?

Sorry this was such a ramble i practically make no sense omg but i need to talk about my man and nobody Gets It </3

"I need to talk about my man and nobody Gets It" LITERALLY SAME OMG

Ok this is going under a cut becus . . . Its ben and BEN and if u didnt know i am Obnoxious about these two. Im gonna try to keep it organized a bit, so ill talk about the canon stuff first and then ill talk my personal headcanons and my fic so le's go!

In terms of the age and child thing, yeah i 100% believe you are correct. Ive been p open on my stance with the whole "is ben a child?" thing, and i think a lot of the heat with it comes down to current fandom purity culture and the pro/anti thing. So, lemme try to like. Boil down a complicated situation into smth easy to read. ahem

Ben Lawman and BEN are completely different entities guys, and for those that do not know the arg story, the Ben you know is not human nor a child.

You know BEN, BEN is the one in the story who terrorizes jadusable and spreads himself on the internet as a virus. That BEN is a program, a mess of code, an AI, however you want to interpret it. Personally i interpret it as a series of protocols running in a machine, like a self learning AI, but ive seen lots of cool interpretations of BEN. So . . . What does BEN specifically? Its an anagram for the Behavioral Event Network. If you dont wanna call it BEN cuz it gets confusing with actual kid Ben, do what i do. I call mine Evie :) ive seen some call it Netty, my bf calls his two izzi and clever (@benilos btw hes also got crazy ben stuff). Just go ham! Have fun! Remember when fandoms were about having fun and not accusing each other of pedo shit and call each other horrible things for just writing black-to-grey characters and stories??

Anyways ive gone off in enough peoples tags like this, for those that dont know the canon dont be spouting the age discourse. You look stupid as hell. And for those that are gonna spout it, please dont cherry pick through the canon. Use both characters, use the other moon children, actually please do because I want more rosa content so bad, im down so bad :'(

Or just. Heres a thought. If someone has him as an adult or writes him in adult situations, maybe dont assume that they interpret him as a kid and call the writer a pedo? (Literally has happened to me, yall are fucking weird)

Plug for the jadusable wiki with all the canon lore:

https://jadusable.withinhubris.com/main_page

Okay now my stuff 🥰

Yes i use more of the canon design and heavily use the canon story, i participated in arc 3 of the arg and it left deep grooves in my brain, i can never go back to fanon Ben. I say, as i put a more fanon appearance on my Ben 🤭

My Evie is full canon design, green hair, red eyes, creepy ass grin. I actually based it very heavily on my desktop wallpaper, which we actually figured out was a picture of @hauntedtotem (also amazing ben artist plz check them out) that they edited and posted. Sorry friend, it looked way too cool, ig youre in my fic canon now 🙇

And my Ben Lawman bleaches his hair and goes from the canon Ben to fanon Ben because of it. Hes got the pale pretty green eyes and glasses and hes a total nerd and i smooch him on the daily so he knows hes loved ♡

These is the ref pic i made for the two of them. So yeah! Kinda both!

As for bens situation in the actual arg, yes i do think he was in the elegy statue, we actually do see him for the first time in the arg buried in the games code and trapped in that statue. I do think he was in there from the beginning, i personally think BEN was not limited to the models it could inhabit. Personally i would place it as skull kid and hms, but it also feels disingenuous to me to say it was in one model the whole first arc.

The arg events do happen in my canon, before my fic (like right before, it picks up after the arg left off technically), but the events are skewed a bit because i had a hard time deciphering what happened and i wanted my fic timeline to fit more with the characters i had made. Cuz my evie isnt as chaotic evil as canon BEN, its very logical and has a path of logic and reason you can follow for every action it does. It was also originally meant to be very pleasant and corteous and beneficial to the people it housed so, yes its pretty different from canon.

Ill do a quick run through of the arg events in my personal headcanon and fic here.

Kelbris starts coding BEN (Evie) for the Eternity Project. Initially, Evie was meant to be an afterlife director. People that died would be digitized into code that would be moved into Evie's servers, where it would keep them happy and occupied as the Behavioral Event Network (notice and log behavior, create events for residents). Like a community organizer kind of, think the Good Place.

While Evie is in development, Ben Rosa and Matt are friends and have yet to join the cult. Rosa and Matt are siblings, and Ben is the kid who lives catty corner on the street. They walk to school together and play at recess and all that jazz.

Kelbris quickly learns that the Eternity Project isn't as goody two-shoes as he thought. This was in like, the 90s, before digital corporations were really established. After seeing the greed and corruption in the company, he goes rogue, takes the source code for Evie, and jumps ship. He keeps working on Evie at home, anthropomorphizing it and kind of seeing it like the son he never had. This is where it actually gets the name BEN, as thats what Kel calls it. He also begins working on a body for it, so it can live independently. Its light, cuz Kels old, made of crystalline structures and hollow steel beams. A hard light projection would make its appearance.

Since Kel has basically locked himself up in his house and isolated working on Evie, he goes a leetle bit crazy. He has hallucinations of his deceased wife (you know he was doing all this just to give her a good home, you KNOW IT) and eventually starts writing kind of poetry, kind of none-minded rambles about her in a forum online. He gets a following, some of which that interpret these divine words as a goddess, one Kel has called Luna. The Moon Children start to form as Evie finishes development.

Matt sees this literature and starts talking about how this Goddess could save them like it saved the man online, whos username is only Father. He gets sucked into the cult and drags Ben and Rosa with him. Ben doesn't see the harm and joins pretty easily with his best friend, but Rosa is the older sibling and sees the red flags and is more resistant to joining.

As Kelbris finishes Evie, he wakes it up for the first time and says hello to the son he made from scratch. Evie is bright, curious and naive like a child, but heavily knowledgeable about its protocols and the information it knows about the world. Kelbris tests its function by killing himself, and ascends into the code, finishing off the hardware by becoming its firewall. Evie is alone for many years.

The abuse Ben's father slings onto his mother is slowly being directed towards him as he gets older. Ben is not the "good little girl" his father sees him as, and his mother does all she can to protect them both. Matt and Rosa constantly refuge him, and Matt specifically is constantly being a guard dog for him. If he wasn't just 13, he'd probably go at Ben's dad himself.

Because of his homelife and the conflict he has with himself, Ben takes the first ascension. He thinks when he drowns himself, he will meet Luna and she will give him another life free of pain and fear and full of happiness and freedom. Instead, he dies a cold, dark death, and wakes up in the white endless void of the Event Network.

Evie has not known another living human since Kelbris, but it does know its protocols to support and keep the deceased happy. It makes fast friends with Ben, devoting itself to him. Ben actually finally takes the name "Ben" from it. Together they recreate the inside of Evie's hivemind into their own paradise.

Slowly the other Moon Children ascend. First Matt, wracked with guilt for what happened to Ben. Then Nekko, from a different branch of the cult. These three figured out that the Moon Children cult was all a farce, and that what Kelbris had started, the Eternity Project had found and twisted. Next to ascend was Dusk, then Insidiae, and finally Rosa.

This all leads into the first arc, shortly after Rosa ascended, Evie in the outisde world stumbled upon the Operator. The Operator attacks it and seals its coding into the game that it carried, a personal item of Ben's. The game eventually finds it's way to a garage sale, and Alex picks it up.

Evie does not like Alex. Matt does not like Evie. Matt gets Evie to lash out at Alex for prodding into its code, its too naive to think that Matt would want to see it or any of them hurt. When Alex stumbles upon the Father, he awakens and swallows Alex down into the game. After his disappearance, the game gets picked up and passed around again.

Because of Alex's actions, at least Evie can now branch out a bit from the game. Though it doesnt "escape" into the internet, it learns that it can now access it and uses that freedom to try and steer the game around into places it wants.

Matt gets fed up with Evie. The fact that its the leader, how close it is with Ben, he just doesn't agree with it. So much so, in fact, that he tries to kill it. Cue arc 3 events, Sarah picks up the game in the aftermath of this. Evie is traumatized from the events and snaps a bit, locks everyone down into code or immovable models and tries to hunt Matt down. It goes rouge, and because of this, the Father wakes up.

Sarah's actions in arc 3 eventually hard reset the game. Matt gets sealed away, the Father also takes Sarah, and Evie gets reset as well, though its less like a clean slate and more like snapping back awake. Its personality changes and it has major trust issues. Its more muted, hyper observant of everything around it, and murderously overprotective of the Moon Children it keeps within itself.

And this leads into my fic 🤗

I have some doodles of my other Moon Children, but not all of them unfortunately. Cant figure out how tf i want Insidiae to look 🤭 Plz dont judge my constantly shifting art style 🙏🙏

Dusk is bigender btw, i gotta put a little more trans rep in there lol

I think ill stop here, this is already a long ass post. But thank you for sending this, as you can see, i am Perfectly Normal about this arg ( ;) ) and can be trusted with information about it

#ben drowned #ben drowned arg #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #ben drowned headcanons #moon children #rosa hubris #matt hubris #behavioral event network #duskworld23 #my posts #my writing #scb stuff

[isnorted12pixisticks]

Hi pokies, as someone who’s been in the fandom for a hot sec I have some opinions

So buckle up or just scroll past because this is a long one it’s just me word vomiting into the void at this point

Burner account because some of y’all scare me 😘😘

‼️‼️THESE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS ‼️‼️

Ocean

————

1. Wtf is y’all’s hate boner with her?

2. I have no clue where y’all got the idea that ocean parents are like these horrible abusive people. Like neglectful? Definitely . But I don’t think that Mr and Mrs offers their kid to take a hit off their bong are going to be incredibly strict and physically abusive towards her.

3. Ocean just a shity person with a superiority complex and that’s ok. she doesn’t need horrible stuff happening to her to justify that

4.Ocean was a bad friend to Constance, she was constantly putting her down through back handed remarks and talking over her “ she has self esteem issues why wouldn’t she?” “ do we really need another organ donor?” And not to mention her say that she believed that Constance did nothing with her life.

Noel

————

1. For the love of god stop making him an uwu soft boy twink <- this is not directed at people who just draw/ Write him with more feminine traits I do the same. I’m talking about those who infantilize him as the helpless soft boy who just needs a big strong man (Mischa) in his life and suddenly everything will be ok

2. I hate The Noel is Talia through either a code name or straight up catfish theory

A. The catfishing theory is problematic at best. Yes let’s take the single openly gay character and have him prey on another man character for his own satisfaction. Idk if Mischa’s cool with it in your fanfic it’s still weird

B. To me at least, Talia as a code name for noel just takes away the whole meaning behind her character. Talia is Mischa’s last connection to Ukrain. We see throughout the musical he was constantly trying to text her meaning they spoke constantly. She was his one and only lifeline, something for him to focus on and push through his shity situation to get to

Mischa

————

1. I beg of y’all stop himboafying this man, I get he’s big and strong but he’s not dumb😭

A. Mischas smart guys!!!! I get alot of actors portray him struggling with English at times but y’all got to remember fluency ≠ intelligence gance. it’s like his 3rd language cut him some slack. he speaks Ukrainian, Russian, English, and even some Dutch ( not even the Dutch speak Dutch)

B. Just look at his saw6 monologue! Man had an in-depth video essay explaining on a horror movie just ready to go when ocean put him on the spot

C. Mischa can be incredibly eloquent with his words when he wants to be. Ex his Talia monologue/ when he tells Noel he knows what clichés are

2. Listen Im obsessed with Gus halper so I get it we love his mischa BUT DONT COMMENT ABOUT HIM ON NON GUS MISCHAS

Talia

———

1. Stop 👏 hating 👏 on 👏 Talia 👏

A. I’ve seen so many people make Talia just a straight bitch in fanfics to justify Mischa not being with her and that feels weird to me

2. The amount of people I’ve seen straight up hating on Talia for doing absolutely nothing but “stand in the way of nischa” is wild. Like I don’t get how you can look at her, a character who doesn’t even have a single line and be like ya no fuck you

Ricky

————

1. I revoke my previous statement , I’ve seen some people ( mostly rp accounts) be weird ableist to not only Ricky as a character but his actors and I don’t need to explain why that’s gross

Jane

————

1. Honestly I don’t have anything to say here I haven’t really seen anything granted it is pretty hard to mess up a character who’s whole point is shes a blank slate

Constance

————

1. I think a lot of the fandom is guilty of seeing constance as just the “ sweet nice wholesome mom friend of the group” when (to me at least) the whole point of Constance was that people thought she was this, was because the never bothered to get to know her past that .

2. In her monologue it’s heavily hinted at that Constance was suffering with depression leading up to the cyclone.

A. Ontop of this we can see throughout musical she was self deprecating “Lost her virginity in a crap box in a crappy town, why of course she did.” you should always laugh at guys jokes otherwise they’ll think your a cow” AND PEOPLE DONT TALK ABOUT THSI ENOUGH

3. Also I dont get the “mom of the group” thing. Like she was nice to everyone and ocean mentioned that she baked but that’s about it

4. I don’t thinks it’s acknowledged enough that Constance was SAd. I don’t care if she wanted to loose her virginity, shes under aged and by Constance’s own emissions the carny was in his 30s

The fandom

————

1. Listen I love some angst as much as the next person but there’s a difference between angst and just some straight up hurt p*rn (especially with ocean, again wtf is y’all hate boner for her) I’ve seen literal SA fics written about her wtf

2.This one goes out specifically to you rtc rp accounts😘😘😘 (both on and off this app) there’s a time and a place to rp guys

A. If you're talking to other rp accounts then pop off. But That being said I’ve seen a lot of rp accounts bleed over into non rp post/ videos, while this is normally fine I’ve seen quite a few accounts pushing their head cannons on other non rp accounts as if their facts or an authority on the matter. Again nothing wrong with rp accounts / sharing your head cannons, just time and place guys

3. Look I get it plenty of the actors/ actresses that have been in rtc are attractive but some of y’all need to remember the characters themselves ARE CHILDREN

4. On the topic of the actors/ actresses some of y’all need to learn what boundaries are 

5. I saw someone try to pull some pro ship bullshit with the characters once and it haunts me

Rtc

——-

Listen. I absolutely love ride the cyclone, I’ve been hyper fixatingon it for the past years now that being said I’ve seen more than enough productions to get my fair share of opinions on it

1. Real Ukrainian war footage in Talia

A. It feels in very poor taste at best and just strange up gross at worst to the situation at hand. I get it Mischa’s Ukrainian and that’s a very important part to his character but that doesn’t mean you need to throw real war footage to the end of the song.

B. Talia and mischa story as a whole is tragic enough as is. You don’t need to add in the fact that on top of Talia possibly not even being real we’re now throwing in the possibility that she died in the war? It just seems like over kill to me.

2: Ricky’s disability being written out of the script was really gross. Like I get it they wanted to avoid another yannick situation but this like the worst possible way to go about it

There probably more but I’ve been at this for like 2 hrs (I’m going to update this as things come to me so stay tuned)

#rtc rant #rant post #rtc #ride the cyclone

[vegaseatsass]

GAP the Series ep 6 thoughts (spoilers!!)

Am about to embark on an epic two-day backread (dw this is like. self-soothing behavior, not an obligation) but first!! Let me quickly journal about GAP: The Intricate Rituals Series.

So this episode made me feral. I'm like "no way can they top what last week did to my brain" and then Sam was out here licking Mon's thigh and barking. GAP girlies, we are truly God's strongest soldiers.

Thigh-licking aside, Thee Moment for me this week was Mon: It's nothing Sam: That means it's something. Mon: How could you possibly know that? Sam: I'm that type of person. How could I possibly not know what it's like? I mean first of all hhhhh Sam recognizing herself in Mon's attempt at disregarding very strong/obvious emotions!!! They are so socially different yet still mirrors of each other!! But second of all, Mon has become such an expert at decoding Sam's chaotic hot-cold indirect communication style, and I realized this week that Sam's approach to understanding Mon when avoiding or withdrawing from her isn't to learn how to read between Mon's lines and carefully interpret her like Mon does with Sam, but to urge Mon towards direct communication, push her past her kneejerk social graces to tell Sam the things she would otherwise swallow down. Not sure if I'm explaining this well but I find it really lovely, that they're both so attuned to each other and so invested in really understanding what the other is thinking and feeling, but they have different, complementary skillsets in how to go about seeking answers: Mon is incredibly perceptive and Sam is incredibly assertive. They're learning from each other too!! Not only is Sam paying close attention to what Mon is feeling but she does this cute thing where she lists off all the evidence of what she's observed (you didn't answer my texts and said no to dinner!), like a student first learning how to do mathematical proofs kdjfsdff Mon meanwhile asks more direct questions of Sam every episode. "What am I to you?" It's no longer enough for her to rely on non-verbal cues. Tl;dr im love them.

"What do you want to eat?" "Your lips" WANNA SUCK MOUTH ENERGY STILL GOING STRONG. Sam is so openly horny it is such a delight to behold.

Jim telling Mon she almost broke up with her fiance when Sam kissed her lmaooo she gets it!! I'm also wondering if she (whether deliberately or subconsciously) shared that to try to provoke a reaction in Mon. Sam's friends are just always stirring the pot to try to make Mon/Sam happen, so the symmetry of Jim taunting first Sam and then Mon with kissies seems intentional. Regardless, I am living for how hard they all ship Sam/Mon, and how they lack a single shred of remorse for Kirk. "If you guys have a beautiful affair we won't tell!!!"

I loved Sam's apology to Jim for oh so many reasons (why is she such a sexy gremlin? "You slap me, I'll kiss you." Sam who taught you to be like this!! I know it wasn't grandma!!), but one of them is all the apology language she's adopted from Kirk and Mon. The fingerheart attempt was so uwu I am having trouble typing about it, but also I'm clocking the snack bribery as something she picked up from Kirk. Before Mon became her role model on how to human, Kirk was there. Like esp if he's been mitigating her grandma's influence on her since she was a kid? I can just see why that was such a central relationship for her before Mon came along. Like I am sad! That he wasn't actually reading the room and wingmanning for her with Mon in ep2! I would have loved that as a story choice sooo much more, he's more annoying for his heteronormativity goggles, and it legit sucks that he's pushing their relationship in earnest when AT A MINIMUM he knows Sam views marriage as a kind of punishment/failure of girlboss aspirations. But I still suspect (what I am anticipating we'll see of) Sam's sense of obligation around his proposal isn't exclusively about obeisance to her grandma. I think there probably was real love there and he probably was a transformative and vital support for her for a lot of her life. Idk I haven't backread any of the tag or anything so this may be a realllly unpopular take lmao but I'm compelled by mess and it's more interesting to me to think that Sam really has loved and depended on Kirk as a partner for most of her life, but she isn't in love with him, something that only became crystal clear after meeting Mon.

On the heteronormativity goggles note: proud of Nop for getting his shit together this fast! I mean I think he always knew, and last week Mon just took away his reason to keep lying to himself about it, but it's nice that he can comfortably transition into Mon's lesbianism supporter. SHE NEEDS ONE

Noticed that she started wearing rainbow earrings after their little discussion btw. Is she beginning to embrace her "like"-like-a-lover-not-like-a-fangirl feelings... signs point to yes. Honestly atp I think all she needed to take that bouquet and propose to Sam herself was some explicit confirmation that Sam sees her as girlfriend material and not as a weird servant-sister, so it's devastating that instead of getting that grounding, the rug was pulled out from under them both. The preview for next week feels v "I don't know if we were dating but I do know she broke up w/ me" and that's the kind of gay representation I desire MOST so thank you but also ow.

Ok sorry for tl;dr post but the last thing I'll say is that right now my reading is that before her conversation with Nop, Mon was not looking too closely at her feelings for Sam or what they could mean about their relationship or her own identity, and that's why for example she gets so upset Sam calls her an outsider but NOT that Kirk is doing couple-y stuff with Sam right in front of her! She knows she wants to be close to Sam and important and more than a sister or a servant to her, but she can't fully-fully embrace the word for what it is that she wants without Sam naming it first. Mon's issue is one of internal expression. On the other hand, I think Sam completely knows what she feels for Mon, and probably always has. She felt guilty and exposed that Kirk was being couple-y in front of Mon because she fully sees Mon as her girlfriend! (Did she not google "how to make up with your girlfriend" lol I mean.) But for her the issue is one of external expression: she can't say what she knows she wants and feels out loud, because at best it would get her disowned and at worst it would get her killed in a car crash like her sister, so she's left slapping her friends and inventing lip-biting games instead of using her words.

Ep 1, Ep 2, Ep 3, Ep 4, Ep 5

#gap the series #gap the series spoilers #dear diary #lol posting this unedited so i can start backreading so may get edited into more sense l8er #no guarantees tho #merry christmas to friends who celebrate and to all a HAPPY GAP WEEKEND!!!

[anotherhellchild]

Old WIP

soo I know I havent been active in like forever BUT! I've slowly been getting back into bnha :)) ... I finally watched the latest movie and im almost up to date on the manga

anyways I had this idea for a fic like two years ago and I've decided its time I share it cause I don't think ill ever actually write it lol (mostly cause im just not motivated but also cause I lost the draft I had for it) keep in mind that I thought about this like two years ago tho so all the recent manga/anime developments never happend (also mentions of bad parent Mitsuki ahead)

it was gonna be a kid Katsuki fic where Bakugou got hit by a quirk that basically made him 10 years younger (so he’d be 6). And the ‘rules’ to this quirk were the following:

- whoever gets hit by the quirk instantly turns into themselves from 10 years ago

- but like. exactly themselves from exactly 10 years ago. so they'd have the exact memories and body they had at the exact time of day just 10 years in the past.

- so for example if u got hit with the quirk at 3:23pm on the 10th of august 2022 you’d turn into the version of yourself from 3:23pm on the 10th of august 2012 and if you were hungry or thirsty at that time in 2012 you'd still be hungry or thirsty when you appear in 2022 (this is rlly vague but hopefully it makes some sense lmao)

-also say you were playing outside at that time, you'd suddenly be super confused as to where you were and what was happening etc.

- its kinda like the person hit by the quirk rewinds exactly 10 years. does that make sense(?). 

- after exactly 24 hours the person hit with the quirk ‘ages’ (or I guess ‘fasts forward’) exactly a year. so 3:23pm august 10th 2012 kid turns into 3:23pm august 11th 2013 kid. cause its a day later.

- they age by exactly a year every 24 hours until they reach they're actual age again. so it takes exactly 10 days for the quirk to wear off.

- whenever they age up again, they have no memory of the day before

those were the basic rules to the quirk and I can't remember if there was anything else to it but yeah (lmk if it made no sense ill try to explain better)

so in my fic I was gonna have Katsuki get hit by the quirk (obviously). and it was gonna be part of my Bakugou Katsuki is class 1a’s big brother - change my mind series which means that id have Katsuki already adopted by Aizawa and part of the Aizawa-yamada household. (Hitoshi, Shoto and Eri also part of the fam of course) but the adoption process was gonna either not be over yet or at least super recent and the extent of Katsuki’s past and abuse was not gonna be known by anyone. also I like hawks so I think I had Baku as hawks’ intern in this 

I believe I had already written the first scene where I was gonna have Miruko, hawks and Bakugou out on patrol fighting some villains and then Bakugou getting hit by the quirk. (I forgot the password I need to get to the draft tho💀, so I can't share it with you guys at the moment)

anyways, I thought the idea had a lot of potential cause I was gonna have everyone see how Katsuki aged from a 6yo to a 16yo over the course of 10 days. and I was gonna make it that his ‘past selves’ that ‘appear’ had just been kidnapped or something or had a lot of buises or hadn't eaten in however long and then all of a sudden they find themselves in a room full of (to them) strangers who he obviously doesn't trust. everyone was gonna see first hand how messed up Katsuki’s childhood was. and in the meantime Katsuki was just gonna be trying to figure out whether he could trust these people or how he could escape them.

it was gonna be a lot of trauma and fun!

oh and I was gonna make it that when he initially got attacked by the quirk, it would've coincidentally be exactly 9 days away from the anniversary of when the sludge villain attacked him. meaning that his 14yo self (that would've showed up on day 9 of the quirk) was gonna happen to be in the middle of being choked by sludge whilst the quirk hit which would make it that (to him) it'd feel like he’d be fighting sludge one second and then he’d suddenly be in front of a whole class of UA students the next. 

I had all these ideas for the fic that I can elaborate on if anyones interested! but I mostly just wanted to share this cause I started thinking about my old WIPs recently and thought it'd be fun to talk about them!

feel free to send me any asks about this if you want! maybe ill try to look for my old headcanons and wips if anybody’s interested

#bakugou katsuki headcanons #katsuki bakugou #abusive Bakugo Mitsuki #there was gonna be lots of dadzawa #and eri hitoshi shoto and baku as siblings #and Katsuki and hawks #kidnapped bakugou #that was for sure gonna be a thing too lol #don't remember how much I was gonna have Aizawa discover about that tho #cause I had another wip that went into the whole #Bakugou Katsuki gets kidnapped a lot headcanon #abused Katsuki bakugou #class 1a #Bakugou Katsuki is 1a's big brother #kid katsuki

[tojisun]

Sorry it turned into a depressing rant

Anon who asked about your fav studio ghibli movie here!

I love howls moving castle so much, I love the part when Sophie starts cleaning the house, I love how comforting it is

I love the sass from everyone, I love how kind Sophie is

I love howls line “I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful” as much as it sucks I agree with him. I’m not smart so the only thing I can offer is my looks and personality to people I meet. If I’m not beautiful, then what’s the point? Sorry if it sounds shallow but when you have nothing to offer in this world, the only thing I can work on is how good I look and present myself. I know I shouldn’t think like that, it’s damaging

Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, there will be people who find you attractive and there will be people who won’t. People you find attractive, others won’t, so sometimes I try not to think too much about it since we never know.

All my life I’ve been slow academically. My siblings are all smarter than me so I’m always the dumb one. I’m not skinny but I’m working on it, even tho it’s so hard, but I have to be skinny, my life will definitely turn around when I’m not too self conscious about my body. I know I’ll still have those negative thoughts and even after I’m skinny I won’t be happy but, as of now, I never leave the house, my anxiety about how I look keeps me from taking in person classes. I never want to leave the house unless I look good, because I don’t want anyone seeing me at my worst, I want everyone to see me as the best version of myself. So I never leave, my social skills have tanked since 2020 since that was the last time I took a in person class, and that was in high school 😭😭

I feel so immature and stupid, and people my age (19) are doing better than me. I just give up before I even try, and I’m so behind since I’m in my third year of college and I still don’t have an official major, I’m so behind, and last semester I didn’t take any classes cuz I was so depressed and embarrassed, since I failed two classes. It’s an horrible cycle of pity and dread and I’m scared I’ll never get rid of it. And I’m scared of talking to men, but I’m supposed to get married and have a kid before I’m 30 since you’re more fertile and it’s better to have kids young, and I’d love that but I’m scared my kids will turn out like me, disappointments. And I won’t know how to fix them.

So yeah… we veered off of howls moving castle.. my bad💀

re:

!! this got long im so sorry

first of: pls dont apologize! u are welcome to vent here in my blog, im happy to just be a bouncing wall to u guys (if my usually long responses arent what u guys wanted to see). thank u for trusting me (us) with this and im truly sorry for how late im responding

i do love those parts of howls moving castle! i never understood why howl was lamenting about his looks when i thought he looked beautiful w orange hair. orange used to be my favourite colour ^v^ it isnt one rn but i am still fond of it.

i loved orange even when howl didnt – u are correct that beauty in the eye of the beholder. beauty also goes a long way. it’s a horrible reality but when u grew up fat, u get told so many times about how much better life would be if u could just lose weight. i truly cant tell u when i stopped thinking so little of myself.

honestly love, its just so recent when i felt good enough in my own skin – blemishes n all. i never thought itd get better tbh; i thought itd stay this way but it got better. and im scared to promise to you a range of when it will get better, but i do know that it will.

u feel immature bc u are still young! 19 is so young so pls dont punish urself for feeling young, for thinking young, for not knowing anything past being young yet. as a younger sibling, ik for a fact im still so immature. it took me getting a job (during the weekdays) n going to uni for me to mature up, n i was 20 when that happened. so recent!

i also completed my associates slowly bc i was struggling in college! i once took a sem where i only had one class bc i was so overwhelmed that i had to slowly pace myself so i can keep going. high school babies u n then boom, u get hit w juggling responsibilities in college that kinda makes u wanna quit – but u didnt. u took a break and then bounced back!! my love, if that isnt resilience, then what is?

ive never wanted to settle down. i think its bc i thought id be gone by now that i just dont see myself having a family of my own so i apologize for not knowing how to empathize about the ‘deadline’ but u are just 19. before age 30 is so far away! u have sm to live for in between those years. sm to experience and to meet and to love!

also, not having a major yet is also fine! i declared a minor just this year – and im a fourth year already. pls dont worry. u have time – that is something i wanna keep emphasizing. u have time. it feels like the world is collapsing rn bc of fear and anxiety which, my old therapist told me, is a sign that u (and i) wanna keep going. that u wanna keep living.

and from what i could see, especially coming from me who wanted to just give it all up, that is enough. i know that the reasons behind u working on urself isnt a sustainable mentality, but hopefully one day u will wake up and own ur hard work for urself. not for others.

aaaa this got too long im so sorry, im being emotional on my end but i just want u to know: u are not a disappointment. u arent.

ur alive and ur making connections and ur trying ur best (even though it doesnt feel like that on ur end but u are!!) so how could u be a disappointment? and even if u dont wanna do anything, ur also not a disappointment. not even then.

ur future kids will be so lucky and happy to have u as their mom. and they too will be beautiful; they wont need any fixing bc there isnt anything broken to fix.

i love you. i dont know who u are but i love you. i love all of you.

#anon #ask #i am sorry for ranting. i dont know how to show u that i understand without ascribing life moments #thank u for trusting me #i hope this alleviates even a little of what youre carrying #take care <3

[catenation]

Bido is gonna be the show stealer here isnt he. I wanna know what his relationships and general opinions are towards the other characters that end up in this main group of yours

cracks my knuckles (and also thank you so much for sending all these i feel the spirit of Story entering me once more)

in rough order from goodest to baddest:

greed: i could write entire essays about greed and bido even just in the context of what little we see of their relationship in canon but suffice it to say things are complicated in there. on the one hand theyre undeniably close. even disregarding how close i think they were before, just by process of elimination at the start of this theyre each flat out the most important person in each others life. bido has incredible depths of trust and admiration and care and Yearning for greed and greed in return also trusts bido completely, admires him, and loves him in his own "when i call you my possession it definitely definitely definitely doesnt mean my bff" way.

...the problem here is that on the other hand, he did tell bradley during the fight in the sewers that none of his henchmen are his friends. and bido heard that. and greed doesnt tell lies. Whoops.

having all his friends murdered, on its own, is pretty detrimental to greeds progress towards admitting (to himself as well as others) the One Big Thing. the good thing about this is that at least he does still have a guy left who he cares about enough to value HIS feelings on the subject, but the problem is dragging those feelings out into the open in the first place, and bido is going to have to be the one to do it. godspeed.

mei: she comes barreling into his life right as hes in the process of lighting the match to burn all his bridges. needless to say that match winds up tossed into the river. no one is immune. he hasnt gotten along with many kids in the past but mei is polite and earnest enough that he very quickly gets attached and starts thinking of her as part of the group, no matter how bad the fear gets that now he has someone else to lose.

everyone in this group has strong similarities that i think make them really good as a team, and with mei and bido, they each have baseline-quiet personalities interrupted by strong outbursts of emotion, especially getting really mad when they sense an injustice. theyre also both hopeless romantics and optimists at heart, even though bidos had decades to get jaded by his experiences and try to couch his hopes in realism, and mei sort of brings that back out in him, the realization that maybe the world Can be a better place. and in turn he teaches her that sometimes you have to hedge your expectations and work with what youve got. balance......

scar: so. scars got some Hangups, around chimeras. one of the first scenes i pictured when i was brainstorming this was bido and scar discussing nina, and bido bringing his own perspective on what he did that wouldnt really be what scar expected. everything about bido kind of throws scar off a little bit. he isnt sure what to make of him, whether to feel pity or disgust or?? ?compassion? (he is so burnt out on compassion but he cant help it either) (neither of them can help it)

in the end getting to know bido helps scar to realize that despite whats been done to him hes still just. A Guy. and in doing so helps him along the long road to accepting that he, too, is just A Guy.

yoki: bido does not like yoki. yoki is both all things that grate on him in a person (acts like hes still rich, snobby, selfish) and at the same time way too similar to himself for his own liking (weird little man, complains a lot, always scurrying about). he makes him self-conscious in a way he does not like at All. unfortunately for bido yoki (at some point along the line that im still not 100% solid on) decides inexplicably that he has to be Nice to bido and it drives him up the wall because he thinks hes patronizing him but its actually because i thought making yoki the ignored one-sided third point on a love triangle would be really funny.

marcoh: oh he likes marcoh even less than yoki. bidos experiences have created in him a serious distrust of any and all doctors, whether theyve been forced to quit the profession or not, and especially ones associated with the government. marcohs sadsack attitude does not endear him to bido at all and he spends most of his time glaring at or avoiding him. eventually he gets used to him being around, at least enough to stop registering him as a threat, and i do want them to talk at least once, but the two of them are probably the weakest bond in the group all things considered.

i hope very strongly that my bido characterization is enough to make people as excited about him as i am......maybe i can pull in some new bido fans with this. thats really like a solid 80% of the goal here

#bido #greed #mei #scar #yoki #marcoh #q&a

[demadogs]

What's your least favorite byler "proof"? Like when someone shows somebody it in an argument/interaction/whatever and it makes you go "noo wtf not that please" 😭 I think for me it's that one part in the infamous byler slides where there's a koala/bear in between mike and El and that represents will.

oh my god youre gonna get me canceled theres so so many i think are insane and dont believe in at all lmao. the masterdoc is fun but theres so much i think wasnt intentional. and so much of what i see here i think is a stretch.

bouta break my silence and come out as an anti believer in so many popular theories on here… no one be mad at me

dont think mike had a letter for will in his pocket in s4 (im SORRY but that wouldve been addressed)

dont think the tracks being different and youre the heart are connected in any way or supposed to be played together they dont sound good or seamless together at all

dont think mike walking into the school newspaper room for nancy and looking around was him looking at guys and gay panicking at all

hate the sauna test theory. they walked in on a bunch of gross naked wrinkly old men theyre not gay panicking?? maybe if they were conventionally attractive young guys but no. i think the masterdoc argues that mike looks down in shame bc hes thinking about his future self as a gay man but i dont believe in that at all tbh. i also dont think that zoom in on the men sign had anything to do with byler it was just an establishing shot of where they were.

not sold on lucas’ new coke speech being related to byler (the seating arrangement in that scene tho was definitely intentional)

i dont think at alll that mikes break down on hopper in s2 yelling “liar liar liar” had anything to do with internalized homophobia. i dont think he ever thought about his sexuality before s3

i think a lot of the times we’ve seen the colors of a certain sexualitys flag has been unintentional. something specifically pointed out like the rainbow ship for will probably was but a background character somewhat close to mike wearing colors that vaguely resemble the bi flag? or the lighting on his shirt kinda looking like the mlm flag? i dont think thats intentional at all. when they do symbolism shit like that its much more obvious (framing mike in the closet)

this one im actually on the fence about because it would be really cool, theres just one word that makes me second guess it. the idea that the girl fake choking at suzie’s house and the dad freaking out was foreshadowing of mikes monologue. on some levels it makes sense but the way the kid said “your terror it looked genuine” kinda makes it seem like it would be implying that mike wasnt actually scared for els life in that moment which i dont like at all. if he had said “your performance” instead i would be 100% sold

i dont believe in most the s1 byler theories. i do think they had the idea of byler in mind from the beginning but at that point they didnt even know if theyd be renewed so i dont think they prioritized anything that could foreshadow byler. i think the lack of romantic tension with mike and el in comparison to jonathan and nancy is telling, but i dont think there was anything in that season relating to mikes sexuality or feelings for will, both because of logistics and prioritizing mlvn for the first season, and because they had TWO SCENES TOGETHER

also dont believe in flickergate as much as i love the idea of it it would break the rules of the universe that theyve already established. the upside down isnt actually in the past its a place frozen in time. things happening there dont affect the past.

theres definitely more but those are the ones i can think of rn.

#also not byler but THE DUFFERS JUST FORGOT WILLS BIRTHDAY OK IT WAS AN ACCIDENT #byler #eden answers