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#its so hard being trans lately
switchytransboy · 1 year
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i hate so much how the world and the awful people in this country have been making my internalized transphobia and dysphoria so bad
like its so hard to keep up with loving myself and seeing myself as equal and valid and feeling like people see me for who i am, when i know that most of the population rn wants me dead or to not be who i am which would also kill me
being trans feels so lose lose in todays society and it’s quite literally become the heaviest part of my life in the last year give or take.
this will be my discussion topic in therapy tomorrow 😵‍💫🫠
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evilmagician430 · 3 months
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who up sinning their fest
#one of my worst recent hyperfixations i'll admit#and i dont even have an excuse like ohhh i used to read this back in the late 2000s before all the terf shit#no i got into it in late 2023 this school year cause i stumbled across the tvtropes page#and i was like 'sinfest'? isnt that the name of that terf Twitter comic? but the cover image showed a sick ass artstyle so i read it#and im just obsessed with it now its such a strange spectacle. its like a political cartoon and a newspaper comic at the same time#my fav era has gotta be late 2000s maybe early 2010s sinfest... hell maybe even mid 2010s sinfest if i ignore the sisterhood#now every strip is just about jewish people or calling trans women groomers#and almost every once-likable character is now canonically a terf and/or racist and/or antivaxxer etc#or theyre just not in the comic at all anymore like my dear criminy and fuschia#i hope we never get another appearance from them godbless#cause last time we saw criminy he was helping squig and slick break a terf out of she/her penitentiary. with fuschia's permission#theyre definitely the best part of 2010s sinfest. a bygone era#the best part of 2000s sinfest is the sharp artstyle and lil e just being evil#and the best part of 2020s sinfest seems to be. um. laughing at how ridiculous it is? its kind of hard to enjoy though.#i intend to stay updated on it because i like being able to say i've read all of sinfest start to finish#but man i gotta get an adblocker soon cause i read it on the official website cause idk how else to read it online and the ads are constant#really funny when ur reading a strip criticizing the prevalence of ads in our day to day life#not as funny when you remember tatsuya is probably making money off of them. so yeah im gonna install ublock#but the problem is i usually read it on my school computer to pass time. and that technically isnt my computer so i cant download ublock#anyways. i could ramble on about how much i love and hate and am obsessed w sinfest all day but heres some fanart of the characters.#id like to make my own headcanon version of sinfest aka sinfest if it was good#but headcanons arent enough... i need to kill tatsuya ishida#sinfest#squigley sinfest#monique sinfest#lil e sinfest#the devil sinfest#tangerine sinfest#images that are horrid to see and look at#mspaint
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tunedtostatic · 2 years
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[Additional Image Description: Fanmix cover for "and we've been runnin' here for years," a fanmix for Arkady Patel from The Strange Case of Starship Iris. A collage of photos and blocks of color in various rectangular dimensions, all framed by pale grey lilac blue borders between them. The image across the top half of the cover is the sky near dusk; the sky itself is that same pale blue, while the clouds that reach across it vary between the bright pink-orange of the sun's final rays and dark purple of night. Below the sky, the title is in a darker pink-orange block across the center. Beneath that are the subtitles in dark and medium blue and photos of a handgun and a seedling growing up from a sidewalk crack. End Additional Image Description.]
The Strange Case of Starship Iris fanmixes - 5/? The Crew of the Rumor - 2/5
ARKADY PATEL, FIRST MATE OF THE STARSHIP RUMOR
The Pretender - Tessa Rose Jackson (cover) // Metaphor (Live from the Listening Room) - The Crane Wives // Loyalty - Lizzie No // Alpha Shallows - Laura Marling // Poor Fake - Kelsey Lu // One Hundred Rooms - Devil and the Deep Blue Sea // Portrait - Josephine Oniyama // Stolen Roses - Karen Elson // Soldier - Fleurie, Tommee Profitt // Camouflage - Two Steps on the Water // Stop the Stars - Tiny Deaths // Strangers Things Have Happened - Amelia Curran // Easy Silence - The Chicks // The Mountain - Calamity Jane
(YouTube and Spotify links in the notes)
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arabcash · 1 year
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the weirdest part abt transitioning is the internalised transphobia and how I feel shame when the changes from T are clearly visible
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smute · 2 years
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i think the reason why a lot of 20-30 something gays are finding the experience of watching heartstopper so bittersweet is not that we look at these two boys and think "wow that could have been me" but rather because of the inevitability of the question "what if this series had existed 5 or 10 years ago?" its not like the world looked super different in 2016 or 2013 or 2010... but in terms of queer visibility, having an 11th grader google "am i gay" in a teen drama feels incredibly momentous. the closet is such a lonely place especially when you don't yet know that you're in it, and i can't even begin to imagine what that one little scene might do for someone who's in that very same situation and feeling like the loneliest little freak on the planet. not to mention the overwhelmingly positive reactions TO the show on social media and the fact that its a popular mainstream thing AND actually meant for a young audience
#its just....#i dont even WANT to think about it because i know it'll just make me sad#and id rather be happy for all the wee gay boys who get to see themselves in this show#but inevitably you start thinking back on your own experience and#like im actually struggling to come up with a single memorable film or tv show that featured positive gay representation#when i was their age#like i was 15 when brokebavk mountain came out in germany lmao and it wasnt even a big thing initially#i remember queer as folk being on tv late at night but i was obviously way too young for that#like those two names are synonymous with gay media for a reason#there just wasnt any other representation in the 00s#and happy healthy same sex romance? i mean... its still a rare thing even now#i just#ughhhh#its hard not to be like super emotional#also because its so. fucking. corny.#(complimentary)#and not to mention the fact that one of them is bi#there are lesbians#elle is trans#and lastly: good adaptations always make me super happy#i feel like representation wise books are always slightly ahead of the curve compared to the film and tv industry#and like... when it comes to diversity and variety not just in terms of characters but also subject matter.. but obviously their reach#is v limited compared to a goddamn netflix show that's launched in god knows how many countries at the same time#so like when a beautiful story like heartstopper manages to secure a production deal#i mean its just incredible#anyway. back to fucking crying
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voidcoretxt · 1 year
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nobody should ever be allowed to leave Ever . literally just stay
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littlestpersimmon · 7 months
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Hey friends! Sorry if this is a bit annoying, but was wondering if I could have a bit of an art boost. Been feeling super down. Experiencing no growth on twitter, and it's where I get all my work clients ;-; I'm desperately hoping for a break from industry work, and my only chances of freelance is twitter until bluesky takes off 😞 I'm hoping to open commissions on twitter soon on late November, bc on tumblr its a bit hard to find clients. Would really, really, really appreciate the art boost if you like my art! I'm Caleb- I'm an indigenous trans guy from the central Philippines. Im autistic and also hoping for a pots diagnosis as soon as I have more stability. I like drawing fairytale-like art, art that centers trans men, and I'm passionate about asian cultures in general..!
Being freelance on twitter and tumblr singlehandedly took me out of homelessness, managed to fix my sisters teeth and mine own, helped me get real treatment for ocd.. and I want to keep my lifeline as long as possible! I am only in my 20s, and I have a lot of plans n dreams to make comics around southeast asian culture and philippine history.. so I super appreciate any art boost! This is my only wish for the holidays. Thank you so much for reading..!!
Sorri, links are still broken on tumblr, but here is the link, just delete the a href and it should work
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transmascissues · 4 months
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every time i scroll through twitter, i start taking screenshots of the anti-transmasculinity i come across before eventually giving up because it’s so overwhelmingly constant right now that i have no idea where to even begin talking about it.
i’ve seen less people talking about a cis mom selling instructions for the DIY conversion therapy she used on her trans son for $1200 than i have people just endlessly shitting on trans men for the crime of existing in the trans community. do you get how fucked up that is? do you see why i’m at a loss at this point? how do we convince the world to stop abusing and traumatizing us if our own community would rather spend its time berating us than caring about how many of our parents are willing to drop thousands on their efforts to beat the transness out of us?
i honestly wish i had the skills and resources to properly study whatever the fuck has been going on lately. like, is all this just because we’ve gotten louder? is that what this is — a bunch of assholes who were hiding in our community, counting on trans men&mascs to stay easy for them to ignore, who can’t stand the fact that more of us are being outspoken about our experiences? is there some other factor playing into it? it’s the kind of thing that gets me curious, and i want to look deeper into it and really understand it.
but man, as curious as i am on an intellectual level, it sure is hard to think clearly enough about it to do that kind of work. like how do you read someone saying (and yes, this is a direct quote) “everything that improves the lives of trans men is paid for by making the lives of trans women worse” and not just want to throw your phone into the nearest volcano?
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rthko · 1 month
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please define camp. I see it said so much to describe anything.
@sougeeee Camp is an an aesthetic sensibility most famously described by Susan Sontag in her 1964 essay, Notes on Camp, where she disclaimed that "to write about camp is to betray it." The term has long been popular in queer circles, but exploded in popularity online with the 2019 Met Gala, themed and named after this essay.
Here are some characteristics of camp:
Camp is failed seriousness. I think a lot of uses of camp lately emphasize the silliness and lightheartedness but play down the melodrama and passion. Sontag writes here that camp "finds the success in certain passionate failures." Failure is a common theme in queer aesthetics and worldviews; as Quentin Crisp said, "If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style." Writing about performance artist Dynasty Handbag, José Muñoz described the "failure" of her work as "not an aesthetic failure but, instead, a political refusal."
Camp is innocent. The camp that is most satisfying to Sontag is not trying to be bad on purpose but dead serious in its grandiose intentions: "naive" camp. To do it on purpose is what she calls "camping," and this is what the Met Gala in 2019 ended up being. As it's been said on here, Karlie Kloss's claim that she was "looking camp right in the eye" was accidentally closer to camp concept of fabulous failure than the look itself. Admiring camp is not to point and laugh but to sincerely appreciate it. Sontag writes: "Camp taste is, above all, a mode of enjoyment, of appreciation - not judgment."
Camp is artifice. It involves a love of the unnatural and exaggerated, and this explains why most drag is not simply female/male impersonation. There's an undue association between femininity and artifice, especially when it comes to trans women, lesbians, working class and racialized women (Julia Serano most famously writes about this as part of the basis for transmisogyny). While it's important to challenge this, some have taken the approach of playing with this in a tongue-in-cheek way. In her essay "Rogue Femininity," Elizabeth Marston writes: "let's say that femme is dispossessed femininity. It's the feminity of those who aren't allowed to be real women and who have to roll their own feminine gender."
Camp is apolitical? One of the first points in Sontag's essay is that "To emphasize style is co slight content, or to introduce an attitude which is neutral with respect to content. It goes without saying that the Camp sensibility is disengaged, depoliticized - or at least apolitical." In a way I agree. This sort of detachment is why George Santos the right wing politician was obviously abhorrent, but George Santos the former drag queen and fallen diva was, unfortunately, very entertaining. Since Sontag wrote this essay before Stonewall, it must have been hard at the time to see any overlap between camp and politics. But as the examples I've chosen so far might show, I do see a political angle, and a political discussion to be had over which expressions of art and being are considered unnatural or unserious. For instance, Black queer art like the bejeweled collages of Mickalene Thomas and the exuberant sculptures made of trinkets by Nick Cave address the racial angle in the demarcation of high brow and low brow.
There's a legacy in queer politics that calls for a sort of hedonistic, bejeweled extravagance for all. Jules Gill-Peterson writes about the transfeminine travestis in Latin America, and a term they use,mujerisima. The English translation is less glamorous--"extremely woman" or "the most woman"-- but to Gill-Peterson this represents a vision of racialized, working class anti-austerity and anti-assimilationist sensuality and glamour. In A Short History of Transmisogyny, she asks: "What's wrong with being extra? Abundance might be a powerful concept in a world organized by a false sense of scarcity."
So for an in-depth description of camp, I still recommend Sontag's essay for its insight and cultural impact. She's right to address the association between camp and homosexuality, but the association between failed seriousness and excess with marginalized subjects doesn't stop there. So I hope people realize camp is not an irony-poisened, "doing it ironically" hipster thing, but a perspective and way of life to find real joy and freedom in.
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wibta if i keep having sex with my friends dad? nsfw warning
i (20s cismale) got invited by my friend (20s nonbinary) to try out some new edibles they made last thursday. this isnt too weird because both of us are unemployed (they get disability, i get money from unemployment, and we both live with our parents) and usually during the day their dad (50s cismale) is at work so we get the house to ourselves. well last thursday was different because i came over late in the night when their dad was home, and he offered to make me some dinner too. i get the munchies really bad so i was immediately like yes please and thank you while i fucked off to my friends room. we played some smash bros while we waited for the cookies to kick in, and when it started to hit his dad called us both out for dinner. dinner was great, and his dad is super chill — so he let us raid his alcohol cabinet. i dont think he knew either of us were stoned for the record (im naturally really quiet/dont make eye contact, my friend sounds high 24/7 naturally) so i dont think he was like trying to get anyone drunk or anything. my tolerance is pretty good but my friends is shit so it didnt take long until they were like blackout drunk and passing out on the couch, while their dad and i were both drunk too (not blackout but pretty drunk, and i was still high) and sitting on the opposite side of the couch next to eachother
important fact about me - i crossdress like femboys or whatever theyre called. i like looking really feminine and cute and confusing people. im not trans or anything like that gender is just a game and i am winning it. but i do tend to dress up in very egirl/goth gf clothes if you know what i mean, and i look pretty convincing ive been told (friend tells me i would pass for ciswoman with the makeup on). i think their dad maybe forgot that i was me (he usually sees me in boy clothes) and he started hitting on me? i didnt think i was gay or bi either until he started doing it and i got really flustered but i didnt stop him? again i was fucked up so the attention felt really nice despite it being my friends dad. but anyways he kept getting closer until he kissed me, and it felt nice so i let it keep going? which was probably super fucked up in retrospect. but anyways stuff gets hot and steamy, their dad doesnt bother lifting up my skirt, one thing leads to another and we have sex. he definitely noticed im not a girl during that (its pretty hard to miss lol) but he didnt stop so we kept going for a while
after we were done he and i passed out on the couch in a kind of awkward position, we both woke up in the morning and i think thats when he realized im me, but he didnt seem to freak out even though hes straight?? or at least i thought he was straight. but we had sex again in the morning and then when my friend woke up we all had breakfast and i went back to my friends room and we hung out more and got high again. while we were though i accidentally spilled the beans to my friend, and they FREAKED out on me and said that i was so gross for doing that, and they cant believe that it happened, stuff like that. they kicked me out of their room and their dad had to drive me home because i was shaking bad from it. but while their dad drove me home i was super pissed and mad and not thinking straight (haha) and so i tried to convince their dad to take a detour so we could fuck again. and he was like, okay sure, so we did?? but now i feel horrible for doing it knowing that it grossed my friend out so much, but i really like their dad and he seems to like me too, and i want to keep banging him :(
What are these acronyms?
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batboyblog · 1 year
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hey thanks for not being super doomer over these anti-trans bills. i kept on seeing so many people being defeated over them and it messed up my mental health for a while, like nothing could be done. but you did bring up some good points and shed some light onto people who are actively fighting for us so i thank you again
The queer movement, in the US any ways, has always been cyclical, we make big gains and push forward, then there's a super scary backlash. We're right now at the hight of a really scary backlash thats focused on trans people in particular but is anti-queer more generally. It's intense but its important to remember these backlashes don't generally last very long, they are scary, but each time they've happened, the mid to late 1970s, the 1980s, the early 2000s, the tide has gone out and gay rights, LGBT rights, and society's acceptance of LGBT people has been farther along than before they have never ever managed to turn us back in the years since Stonewall.
And as intense and scary as this is in some ways it's better than last time, when I was a gay teenager. in those days... in 2004 and 2008 the Democrats running for President were uniformly against gay marriage (the big issue of that time) they were trying to get us to settle for the not marriage alternative of civil unions. Only a handful of Congresspeople (some of them gay themselves) in DEEP! blue districts dared to support gay marriage outright. Today the Democratic Party is the most pro-LGBT major political party in the world, you had the President and every Democrat of any note making statements for TDOV a few days ago and you're not seeing even red state Democrats back down and agree to be "a little transphobic" for votes. It felt a lot more lonely last time when it was us and a handful of allies fighting the backlash with most of the Democratic Party on the side lines handwringing and saying "well can't you wait?"
any ways this movement is and will always be a struggle, the rights we've won, the acceptance we've received has never just been given, it's been won, through hard work. Everyone has to dedicate themselves to work in their corner of the earth to the best of their abilities and to push themselves past what they think they can do. That means hooking up with LGBT rights groups on the ground to protest, to rally, to try to support and comfort those queer people who are down and out in whatever way right now, it means digging deep and having hard and awkward conversations with the people in your life, if you're gay or trans or whatever and you got that one aunt/uncle/cousin/whoever in your life that loves you to bits but you know still votes Republican and you just don't bring it up because you don't want to hurt the relationship... have the talk keep having the talk as many times as you need to. Tell your grandparents if they don't know, tell your parents (if its safe or if you don't need their money any more) tell co-workers who don't know etc, they vote for us 2 to 1 if they know they know one of us. Finally register to vote, make sure all your friends particularly if you're young are registered and vote, vote in every election. Trust me it's AMAZINGLY easy to find the email of candidates for school board or city council and it's amazingly easy to ask questions. Last election I emailed every school board candidate about Holocaust education, and the state rep candidate about trans rights, she wrote me back a lovely note and mailed be a sticker she'd picked up from a trans rights group. It's amazingly easy to get involved, I volunteered with my local democrats for one election and they offered me the #3 spot in their local party, I have the phone numbers of my state rep and state senator without trying really, you can get in the room with these people, with candidates for governor, congress, I have my picture with 3 US Presidents? its not hard to do, and you can use chances like that to talk to them and show them your humanity and leave an impression that really matters in the long run.
sorry to RAMBLE but it's important that everyone do their part, pick a little something, a project to push this thing forward, people doom scrolling, particularly posting about how its hopeless does not help, posting in general doesn't help much even if its not doomerism, I think in the years after the anti-gay marriage Bush backlash we got very online and we got very "progress just happens" and a lot of people fell out of the habit or came of age without the habit of protest and without a local queer community or local progressive community and its very important in the face of this to find or build those and also understand in some places its gonna be years of work to get where we want to go, but we will and it'll be worth all the work.
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elegy-if · 9 months
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For the very first time in years, you’re met with the scent of fresh air. No antiseptic, no lingering smell of blood, still so thick you can practically taste it at just the memory of it. You’re not going back if it kills you. Which it very well might.
DEMO: LINK (UPDATED DECEMBER 8TH, 2023.)
Nemisi is an 18+ modern horror/romance/urban fantasy interactive novel WIP. Play as a customizable MC, who’s on the run from Vicelie Labs.
The struggle between cosmic deities — now worshiped (or abhorred) as gods — tore its way into your planet not long before you were born. Unluckily for you, you were one of the first generations to be born exposed to Excinate, the name given to the radioactive-like sickness that comes from being exposed to magic not of your world. As your symptoms slowly got worse and worse, you were promptly ripped from your family after a doctor’s visit ushered on by your concerned parents. Since then, you’ve been shipped around and transported from facility to facility to be poked and prodded at.
Until now. No, now you’re free.
Aside from that lingering hunger for flesh you’ve had since becoming infected, of course. Just a little side effect from the radiation, along with a mouthful of jagged teeth and a jaw that can unhinge like a snake.
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THE CAST:
Refs for RO skin tones can be found here!
Felix (he/she, bigender + bisexual): Curt, blunt, and too tired to deal with this mess, Felix really had no reason to suspect the lab next to gas station he works night shifts at had anything to hide. It’s not like the screams he heard coming from that direction were anything more than some kids messing around late at night, right? Besides, she'd met some of the employees of Vicelie Labs, and aside from the occasional lingering scent of blood, they seemed like just fine people. 
Okay, so maybe she did have a sneaking suspicion something was up. Not like he could do anything about it. Not until you show up, at least, crashing through the gas station door in such a tizzy you’d nearly run into it.
Tall and lanky, Felix often has a scowl spread across her face. He has tawny brown skin, dark brown eyes, and poorly bleached hair with quite a bit of jet black root growth. His hair is styled into a shaggy wolf cut, and of course one can’t forget the shitty stubble she’s refused to shave since it grew in. Felix has a body that might often be described as scrawny, or perhaps even gangly. A strong gust of wind could knock him over. Felix is most often seen in casual clothes; hoodies, band shirts, and jeans make up the majority of her wardrobe. Has several piercings; a bridge, septum, both nostrils, snake bites, and two eyebrow piercings side by side. She stands at 5’11” tall. Felix is trans no matter what. He will always use both he and she pronouns interchangeably. Please do not use they/them to refer to her.
Dr. Eden Neal (gender selectable, M/F/NB): Kind, but awkward. A doctor who didn’t know what they were getting into when applying for a job with Vicelie Labs. Fresh out of med school, the harsh reality of the labs was too much for them. They were assigned to examine you, and though it was hard to trust them at first (and even now) they were essential in your escape. 
While Eden seems to be a kind soul, your bitter side can’t help but wonder if their assistance in your escape was some cruel joke.
Combined with their soft, rounded features, Eden’s dark hair is in long braids, often pulled back out of their face into a ponytail. They have large golden brown eyes with thick eyelashes, and their skin is a deep brown, with a hint of a cool undertone. More soft than muscle, though they still have some tone and definition to their arms and back. It’s not easy work lifting and moving those heavy vats around the lab, after all. Eden is most typically seen in a lab coat, though they lean a bit more business casual once they start meeting up with you for check-ins after your escape. They stand at 5’4”, regardless of gender. Eden is black, with dark skin.
Sable (gender selectable, M/F/NB): A bit of an outcast, Sable is an extremely shy mortician, and one of your (limited) options for getting the flesh you so desperately crave. They spot you sneaking into the morgue one night, half lucid and drunk with the need for blood and flesh on your tongue. They offer to cut a deal with you — they’ll give you all the scraps and leftovers that they can get away with, so long as you give them any information you’ve picked up about the consequences of using cosmic magic. 
Are they seeking power, or just simply curious about the consequences of magic from a biological standpoint?
Sable is one of the tallest RO’s, standing at 6’2” regardless of gender. They have a bright shock of long, curly ginger hair, and their near ghostly pallor is covered in freckles and beauty marks. Most notably, they have beauty marks to the right of their bottom lip, as well as underneath their left eye. They have a long, roman nose with a prominent bridge and blue eyes. Their body is on the heavier side, with a soft stomach and thick thighs. Sable doesn’t dress to impress as they’re mostly surrounded by dead bodies, typically wearing neutral colored slacks and skirts. They occasionally spice things up with an interesting vest or tie, but are much too scared to stand out to do so often. They have circle glasses. Sable is plus size, with a pear shaped figure.
Eris (gender selectable, M/F/NB): A hired killer, and the only other option you have for sating your hunger besides Sable. You meet Eris as you’re hiding away from Vicelie Labs in Eden's apartment, drawn to the smell of blood from them finishing up one of their “contracts” in the apartment next door. It’s a mess of guts and gore, and you can’t stop yourself from indulging. After a moment of awareness, you go to turn tail and run, only to find Eris still there. They have an offer for you — they’ll kill for you, and you can have at their fresh meat. Certainly an offer that’s hard to pass up, considering your current predicament.
Perpetually masked, you’re actually not certain what Eris looks like behind it. From what you can see, they’re very sturdy. All you can see besides their build is their hair, occasionally peeking out from beneath their hood. It falls to Eris’ wide shoulders, and from what you’ve seen is a dark brown. They stand at 6'0" tall, regardless of gender.
???: You’ve only heard of them in passing at the lab — someone who goes after rogue assets, like you. According to Eden, they’re after you, and with a vengeance.
Good luck.
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allidoistrytrytryy · 9 months
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a moment's silence when my baby puts her mouth on me (cove holden x reader)
ao3 version here
summary: Cove Holden and the black underwear (from Patreon moment 2, if you know you know), except it's his own surprise on a random Friday (smut with feelings)
word count: 3,116 words
tags: smut, porn with feelings, porn without plot, light dom/sub, switching, sexual intimacy, they're in love your honour, author has been feeling insane about cove for years and lately about the black underwear so here we are (female reader implied but i tried to be as non-descriptive as possible, can be a male trans reader too)
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You were exhausted, your fingers rubbed at your eyelids and at your forehead, trying to take the headache away.
You had had a large project at your job, long hours, and planning that took too much of your time. You came home late, too late, so late sometimes Cove would already be in bed or asleep on the couch, always waiting for you (even though you had told him to sleep, not to wait up for you if you were too late, but he insisted every time).
You sighed at the thought of your fiancee. You missed him too much, missed being able to have time with him, going out on weekends or lazing around after work to watch a show you would fall asleep through anyway, snuggled in his warmth.
You hadn’t been able to do that in more than two weeks, always working, always in contact with your coworkers to continue the project even deep into the night. You were glad today was the presentation, and then you were taking a few days off, away from everything.
You felt the fear in your gut at the presentation. You were nerves on legs, as you always were when you had to talk in front of an audience. You knew that would never change, the way you spaced out, waiting and waiting, at your desk.
Your phone buzzed on your desk, which took you out of your thoughts and the ball in your stomach. A smile crept up on your face before you even had the time to read what the text said, at the name appearing on your screen.
Cove.
Romeo: You have this, show them what you’re made of. Love you. <3
You smiled hard, your finger rubbing at the heart emoji with the text, at the picture you had set as his picture on your phone. A picture of him asleep on your couch, snuggled under a blanket, his long hair freed from its usual low bun.
You hadn’t been able to resist the urge to take a picture, and your fingers had gone through his hair.
You sent him a heart back, now fired back up. You could do this, go home and kiss your fiancee senselessly until you fell asleep snuggled into his warmth.
And the presentation happened. It went well, and you shared smiles and compliments with your colleagues. Sighs of relief. You could all go home peacefully tonight.
Which you did. You sprinted to your car when the hour came, your colleagues’ laughter following you down the elevator. They all knew you were eager to be home again, to be with the fiancee you talked about too much. (You couldn’t help it. You loved Cove Holden too much, loved him since you were eight. What could you do?)
The drive went quickly and you arrived at your little place a bit further from the city in record time. When you parked in your spot, next to Cove’s car who was already there and home, you realized you had forgotten to send him a text. You bit your lip, hoping he hadn’t waited for it.
Five unread texts with Cove inquiring about the presentation, worried. Shit.
You climbed the stairs of the apartment complex quickly, your keys already in hand. You entered.
”I’m home! Sorry, I completely forgot to answer your texts, I’m so so...” You interrupted yourself by the sight of your living room, your coffee table with a range of plates and food, and even a cake.
Hands sneaked around your waist, a kiss on your hair, a chest against your back. Your fiancee enveloped you, mint, citrus and this particular ocean smell in your nose and you finally relaxed. “Hi sweetheart, how was it?” he asked gently.
You turned around in his arms and, as always, you had to crane your neck to look up into his eyes. You hadn't been fortunate with height while Cove had had too much of it over the years. His arms circled your waist. “Went smoothly, we can finally breathe now,” you answered and got on your tiptoes to kiss him quickly, which he answered with that giddy smile he never lost around you. “Now, what’s all of this, Covie?”
”Well, I knew it would go perfectly since it’s you,” you rolled your eyes at the remark but the smile betrayed you, the blush even more. “and wanted to celebrate it. I got your favorite things from your favorite places and got a cake.”
Cove looked like it wasn’t even an effort, and it wasn’t in your relationship. You both made so much effort, so much again and again for each other that it was just normal. But, it didn't change the fact that you were always touched by every gesture.
You still couldn’t phantom how dear you were to this man sometimes. You still couldn’t understand how your heart never seemed to stop expanding for him, taking in every piece, every detail, every word and action from him.
Your hands dragged his face to you, to kiss him deeply, like you had wanted to since you had finished the project. He sighed against your lips, that content sigh, his lips and tongue entangled with yours. An intimacy you could never get enough of.
”I love you so much,” you whispered against his lips and his eyes misted over, your crybaby, always yours.
”I love you too,” he whispered as if he didn’t want to break the calm of the moment, wanted to stay in this moment suspended in time.
Until you dragged him to the couch to drape yourself over him, eating and barely paying attention to whatever was on the TV as background noise. You talked about the project. He talked about his day and his own job.
When you finished, he pushed you to the bathroom. “Go take a bath, relax, I got the dishes,” Cove reassured and you pouted.
”But, I can help, I didn’t get dinner so it should be me,” you whined in his shoulder and he laughed while pushing in the bathroom while you couldn’t do anything.
”No way. Go, now,” he kissed your cheek and you still pouted as you got into the bathroom.
You did well on what he had told you to do, spending too much time in a hot bath until it got cold, your body wrapped in your comfortable fuzzy robe. You finally stepped out to get to the bedroom, itching to put your pajamas on, and fall asleep next to Cove.
The too-large shirt was in your hands, actually just one of Cove’s shirts you had stolen and never returned, as you did since you were teenagers, even before you were officially truly together. You hadn’t realized why the light was so dim, hadn't realized Cove was on the bed.
You turned your head slowly and you felt your knees wobble, felt your eyes widen until they almost popped out of your skull.
You had seen Cove in all types of clothes and nakedness over the years. You knew him and his body by heart, the moles, the sleeve on his right arm that you loved to kiss all over, the dips, and where the redness would creep. But right now? You were speechless.
Cove fucking Holden was sat against the headboard, half-lidded eyes on you, but you could see the blush high on his face and ears and down his neck. He was naked, well, except for the underwear but it was the underwear that made you want to scream.
It was black but it barely hid anything, the green happy trail visible from that delicious V-shape you liked to bite, down a dangerous low dip. Straps followed his hips and they showed his hipbones. You almost wanted to ask him to get up and show the back, to see how it looked over that ass you loved too much.
”Surprise,” he simply said, wanting to sound sultry but ending up at excited, embarrassed, waiting.
The shirt slipped through your fingers, forgotten on the floor, and you were still speechless. “What...are you...” you swallowed hard, heat at the back of your neck, on your ears.
Large shoulders were shrugged and he tilted his head, “I… we talked about how I wanted to try some...lingerie out and I thought it would be a good idea for a celebration.”
He was still waiting and you could see how waiting affected him, the redness ever more present on his face and down his neck, the quick jostle of his knee. You approached the bed slowly, eyes laser-focused on him.
You could feel a restraint slowly unfurling in your gut, a wait. You had missed Cove and his hands on you, you had missed the everyday intimacy but you had also missed the sexual intimacy you shared. You both couldn’t have enough of each other sometimes, a pull between your hearts and your bodies.
Your hands settled on the edge of the bed, and you crawled slowly to him, putting up a show for his eyes and his eyes only. The robe dipped down and he gulped, his eyes on your cleavage, on your bare chest visible underneath. You smirked, finding a place between his legs, hands on his thighs, so so close to the dangerous piece of underwear that threatened your composure.
”So, you decided to gift my eyes with this, baby?” you whispered, a finger playing with a strap at his hip. “You’re way too good for me.”
Cove gulped again and you wanted to bite at his Adam’s apple, leaving marks on his pale skin until everybody would know. He shook his head.
”What? You don't agree that you’re too good for me?” you asked, a little pout at the words, your eyes on his face. You were playing the game of how sultry you could be, how much you could push it until his own restraints broke. “Maybe I should show you.”
Your hands traced the straps and the edges of the underwear. Your mouth found a nipple as your hands traced but never touched where you could feel a hardness growing and growing. His moans hit your ears and you smiled, your tongue playing from one nipple to another.
”You don't have to...” he tried to say, his moans high, and god, did you love how vocal he could be. He was always so vocal, so good.
”I want to, so be a good boy, baby,” you whispered, bit at the side of his chest, so muscular, so pretty. He moaned higher, hips bucking against your chest. Your mouth traveled down and down, following the green trail of hair. “Driving me crazy with this, Covie.”
Your hands caressed the hardness over the fabric, but your mouth found the tip already out with how hard he was. The dip was so low that the tip was the only thing visible, so your tongue swirled around it, the saltiness hitting your tastebuds. You moaned, fingers at the straps.
”Oh my god," Cove whined loudly, hips bucking again, the tip making its way deeper into your mouth. “Shit, sorry sweetheart, I didn't mean to...”
You shook your head and pulled at the straps downward, until the underwear sat underneath his cock and you pushed more and more into your mouth, desperate for more, to make him feel even better.
”Fuck, fuck, fuck," you heard him repeat and you wanted to smile, to tease him like you always did because he only ever cursed in those moments, so gone, so desperate.
More and more, until you felt tears in your eyes, until you breathed through your nose, hands at what you couldn’t fit down your throat because of how big he was. But you loved it, thighs clenching to relieve the ache that formed in between.
It wasn’t about you, even though you could spend hours between his legs, to look at his head thrown back, his eyes closed and face scrunched up, like now. He looked out of this world, long hair around his head, down his shoulders, redness still at his face, sweat down his neck and on his chest. You couldn’t believe he was yours still.
”Shit, sweetheart, I’m gonna… I’m...” Cove’s voice rang out and you felt how tight his balls were getting, see how his abs tightened. He was close, and a part of you wanted him to cum in your mouth, but you had another plan.
You popped off his hardness with a loud pop, saliva around your mouth, and his head rose up, his eyes opened in question. You crawled back up his body, your hands opening your robe, until you could throw it on the floor beside the large bed. You settled on his lap, hands on his shoulders.
You swatted his hands away before they could fall on your hips, and you saw the small pout on his face that you kissed away with a laugh. “Sorry, no touching baby, be good a bit longer for me,” you kissed along his face, nibbled at his neck, leaving a few hickeys as your hips moved, your wetness rubbing on his cock.
Cove whined still against your shoulder, “But you look so good… And you’re so wet,” he moaned, groaned. “Let me touch you, please,” he begged but you shook your head, your hips rising up to catch the tip at the edge of your wetness, of your warmth.
You slowly sunk down, your own moan unable to stay in your throat at the delicious burn his cock always gave you, that fullness that always took your breath away. You hummed as you sank lower and lower.
His eyes were closed tightly, his body trembled when you finished back on his lap, the length fully inside you. You stayed still, enjoying the moment, and his hands stayed beside his hips, beside the underwear that was still underneath his cock, trapping his legs in place. He was taut, all muscles tight and restrained.
”Please, please, move," Cove begged and you could only answer with your hips moving up and slamming back down.
Your moans intertwined with Cove’s, as you rode him, slowly, building a faster rhythm with every breath, every moan. You rode him, a deep pleasure building in your stomach, pleasure built with his moans in your ear, your teeth at his shoulder.
You rode him until your thighs trembled and his hips, so restrained until now, slammed up in response. You almost screamed his name. It had hit that one spot deep inside and your body had fallen down onto his chest.
All restraint broke in his body, his hands at your hips, so tight you knew you would feel them still tomorrow, “Sorry, I can’t...” he breathed out, before his hips slammed up again and again, his hands guiding your hips down every time.
“Fuck, Cove, Cove,” you repeated his name, your forehead on his shoulder, your eyes on the spot that joined your two bodies together, his cock sliding in and out.
His name on your lips broke him again and you lost all control you had on the situation. His hands manhandled you on your back, almost ripped the underwear that had started it all off his legs, and he had your legs folded against his chest before he slid back in.
The breath was knocked out of your chest, your hands tugged at his hair, and your eyes were on him always. The muscles bulging with every movement, the sweat trickling down, the pure ferocity and desperation on his face.
Cove wasn't always pushed to this side of dominance, if not ever. Not to this degree. You both liked to switch, to play with what were the limits and new things, but falling back into lovemaking most of the time. Here, your gentle sweet Cove was gone, to leave a rougher Cove you loved too, your moans encouraging him.
”Don’t stop, Cove, don’t stop," you begged, hands desperate in his hair, hips moving to answer every thrust deep inside, against the spot. You could barely talk and he could only groan and moan, his own mouth busy on your nipples, back arched.
You were getting closer and closer, and he could feel it, the way you arched more and more, the way you were tighter and tighter around him, the way your moans only got louder. His eyes were on your face, a hand moving down from your hip to the nub of nerves, so wet from everything.
Your head tilted back into the pillow, “Cove, I’m… I’m gonna cum,” you moaned, warned and he hummed in response, his thumb insistent on your clit, in time with every thrust. Your back arched even more, the pleasure exploding in your stomach, behind your eyes, and in your whole body until you were left a trembling thing underneath Cove.
His thrusts slowed down, but your hips moved and you shook your head. “No, don't stop, need you to cum,” you croaked out, voice spent, hands still tugging at his hair.
”I don’t want to hurt you,” Cove moaned over you, eyes half-lidded on your face, but you shook your head again. You tugged him closer, forehead against his.
”You can’t hurt me. Please Cove, I love you, please,” you begged, his thrusts were erratic and you could tell he was close.
”I love you, fuck, I love you so much, I love you," he repeated against your cheek, and you hummed, answered back, until he moaned louder.
Until the final thrust, until he came deep inside you with your name on his lips and you kissed his face.
Cove detangled himself from you only to bring back a wet washcloth, to wipe you and himself. You only got up to go the toilets, fast and impatient, to find him back in bed, under the covers.
You cuddled in his arms, your cheek on his shoulder, legs entangled to look at him. Content, beautiful. It was magical, as always, to go to sleep with him every night, to have him be the last thing you always saw at night.
”Well, that was a nice surprise," you giggled and he smiled lazily. “I’ll be the one to surprise you next time.”
He groaned lightly but laughed, forehead hitting yours gently. “If you want me to really die, sure,” and you could only laugh, his lips on your eyelids, yours reaching up to kiss his eyebrows. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”
You hummed, “I love you, Covie.”
His smile grew larger, and his cheeks turned red as always, “I love you too.”
And you fell asleep, safe, happy, home, where you belonged.
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coffeewithcocoa · 3 months
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HIIIIIII OK SO HERE I AM, I wanna ask if maybe you could write like angel x male reader (trans or not up to you) where the reader comforts him maybe after a hard day of work or smthng? My boy needs love and affection😭💗
HERE YOU GO! 🫡
YES ANGEL NEEDS LOVE AND CARE!! I threw a mental breakdown in here:)
Comforting An Angel
Angel Dust x Male Reader
I put male, hope that’s okay!
Summary: You give him comfort after a hard day of work.
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(Look at the precious Ange)
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You were waiting in your lovely boyfriend’s, Angel Dusts, room for his return. He told you that he was going to come back late since Valentino wanted to shoot some more stuff with him. Which you understood but you still felt bad for him, especially since his boss is a creep.
You hated Valentino with all your guts. You hated him so much that you would sell your soul so Angel didn’t have to deal with him. He’s told you countless of times though that everything’s fine and that he’s fine, which didn’t make you feel better at all.
After some time of just zoning out and playing with Angels pig, fat nuggets, you got a text from him saying that he just got back and he’s heading to his room. Though you didn’t want to wait anymore so you hopped out of his bed, grabbed Fat Nuggets, and ran straight to the stairs.
Fat nugget oinked at you. “I’m not slowing down!” You told him as if he could talk. When you got halfway there you saw Angel with a liquor bottle in his hand and a tired expression on his face. Your face turned soft as you approached him, letting fat nuggets go and surprise him.
A small gasp left him as he went on his knees and had Nuggs just into his arms. “Awh hi my fat nuggets! How was your day with your other daddy, huh?” His went to a baby voice making you chuckle.
“How was your day Angel?” You gave him a smile. He sighed, grabbing the liquor bottle and standing up. “Stressful.” Your face changed to a softer one, grabbing his hand. “Let’s go to your room and you can talk about it, okay?” He nodded with a weak smile.
The walk back to his room felt quicker when he was actually with you. You opened his room door for him just as a kind act for him. He took a seat on his bed, placing Fat Nuggets In front of him. The liquor bottle being placed on his nightstand.
You took a seat in front of Fat Nuggets, petting him as you looked at Angel. “Could we maybe…cuddle?” He moved his legs so they were to his chest. You nodded, “Of course.” You grabbed Fat Nuggets carefully and sat closer to Angel.
He moved himself so he could easily grab you. Fat Nuggets was in the middle of you guys. “What did Val do this time?” Your voice came out stern.
“He’s into this water boardin’ shit now. He says it’s a kink..” He shrugs, his attention mostly towards Fat Nuggets. “So he’s been drowning you all day?” You rose an eyebrow at him. He nodded, “he gave me some breaks..only around a few seconds.” He tried defending Valentino.
Angel had told you the shit that he does behind closed doors away from the public. It sickens you. “Why’d you sign the contract?” You looked up at him, him doing the same to you. “‘Cause before then I loved him.” You furrowed your eyebrows.
“Oh Angel.” Tears flooded his eyes, quickly spilling out as he hugged Fat nuggets tightly. You moved behind him so you could lay on his bed. He moved his head to the crook of your neck.
You hugged him towards your body. “I wish I hadn’t signed that fuckin’ contract.” Angel said between sobs. “I know, it’s okay..shhh.” You gently rubbed his back, giving him kisses on his forehead.
A few minutes later the sobs stopped. You moved yourself back to see his sleeping face. He was hugging a sleeping Fat Nuggets that was in between the both of you. You chuckled as you kissed his damp cheek, “Have a nice rest love.”
With that you closed your eyes and fell asleep with a smile on your face.
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ITS A BIT RUSHED AT THE END IM SORRY😭 Hope you like it though.
Who else hates Valentino?:D
•Have a nice day/night!•
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hiii!!! so uh, this is sorta about 'contradicting' (?) identities in general, but i only recently found out about, like, lesboys and gaygirls and all of that, but what is it exactly? like how does it work? or is that weird to ask? i'm trying figuring myself out but a lot of stuff i've seen doesn't exactly... explain it (or explain it well), and while i guess i do get why, it's just kinda hard to understand it myself for my own identity
also, probably a question you get a lot in a hating way, but isn't the definition of lesbian nonman loving nonman? so then how does lesboy work? like is it for people with more complicated gender identites, like fluctuating genders and bigender? just genuinly confused, my apologies...
sorry for not getting to this sooner- been busier lately and didn't have the time to collect everything I needed to respond!
About what it exactly means to be a lesboy or a gaygirl ('turigirl' is the more common term, 'turi' meaning turian, another word for gay attraction to men. so I'll be referring to it as that from now on), there isn't exactly....one right way to call yourself such. it really depends on the person, but I can give you a basic definition and a list of common reasons someone may call themselves such
im gonna put a read more because this ended up being super long so sorry
lesboy is a term for any lesbian who may have a connection to manhood and/or masculinity. turigirl is just the opposite of that, a gay person (mlm/nblm) who may have a connection to womanhood and/or femininity. common reasons I've seen are:
being multigender or genderfluid
being cusper/in between trans and cis gnc (in between trans man and cis gnc woman, in between trans woman and cis gnc man)
being a system who uses lesboy/turigirl as a collective identity or when identities blur together
a person who uses man/boy or woman/girl as a means of masculine or feminine gender expression but not actually identifying as such
being a trans man/ftm or a trans woman/mtf who still identifies as lesbian or gay for personal reasons
those are far from all the reasons, everyone has their own unique experiences, but the gist is these people may have some sort of connection to manhood/womanhood while still having a queer attraction. personally, I'm multigender, genderfluid, and transmasc. lesboy I find is a nice label to express being both my bigender self and being a lesbian, as it forces people to acknowledge both without separating the two. it's cute and makes me feel validated!
as for "nonman attracted to nonmen" definition of lesbian......it has its issues. it's received criticism all around from all sorts of lesbians in the community. this definition is very new - it emerged only in the recent years, and someone on twitter had date searched it and found it didn't even really exist before 2019. and having that as the one and only official definition that every lesbian has to abide by, when lesbian is a centuries old word with so much history behind it, is a bit ignorant. people who are multiple genders or ftm or bi being lesbian is not even remotely new, going back decades upon decades, and it never stopped existing too. It's a bit weird to have a whole new definition that doesn't include all sorts of lesbians that have been here for so long and just tell them they're not welcomed anymore, right?
that's not even close to the only issue there is with it. it's been disliked for centering lack of attraction to men, or defining lesbian in relation to men, rather than who we're actually attracted to. putting nonbinary people in a new binary of either being "men or nonmen," which not all feel comfortable putting themselves into. especially when considering a definition of gay being "nonwomen attracted to nonwomen," man-woman bigender people are simultaneously excluded from being both lesbian or gay. It inherently overlaps with mspec identity ("attraction to nonmen, which is more than one gender" and "any orientation that involves attraction to more than one gender" kinda obviously overlap), despite people insisting that a lesbian can never be mspec. people have found multiple loopholes in it, (which I can elaborate on if someone wants me to, for the sake of trying to make this as short as possible), and lastly, and term "nonman" (and nonwoman) were found to have existed before to describe the degendering of black people in society. this isn't the only source I've seen for this, but sadly I can't exactly find it (or find it without going back to that hellsite called twitter and I'm not doing that to myself)
oh and as the link points out, defining lesbian by these words also ends up excluding a lot of two-spirit people from ever identifying as lesbian, myself included. which is also really racist. I don't know how you're gonna end up excluding a whole cultural gender that's common for indigenous americans to describe themselves with and try to prove it somehow isn't racist, to be honest
and lastly, some surveys/polls have shown that the definition isn't the most widely accepted by lesbians as people make it out to be. there's this simple poll that someone posted asking how lesbians felt about the definition that received 1,529 responses, and 61.1% of voters said they disliked it. comments gave lots of reasons I've stated already. there was another survey put out that received 211 responses that for any lesbian who had a genderqueer or unique relationship with gender, and one of the questions asking opinions on the "nonmen loving nonmen" as a definition. the average among the group was slightly negative (average 2.838), and reported that the group who tended to feel the most positively about it didn't consider themselves to be trans, with the other positive leaning group considered themselves to be somewhat cis. the group that felt the most negatively sometimes considered themselves to be trans. and of the multigender participants, the average opinion was 2.255 (more negative than the overall average). When concluding, the original poster stated, "When divided by gender, the only groups to feel positive about this definition were "not trans" and "somewhat cis" participants. Multigender participants felt especially negative about this definition"
all of this shows that this definition isn't nearly the best for everyone who considers themselves a lesbian. I know it's been a way to include nonbinary people who are lesbian in it's definition, but I think it really misunderstands why nonbinary people are included in lesbianism in the first place, and just assumes that all nonbinary people aren't men and fails to recognize that multigender/genderfluid people are nonbinary too. and it's not like lesbian has to only have on definition- it can definitely have multiple and depend on each person's experience with it. if someone personally defines them being lesbian around being a nonman attracted to nonmen, and takes pride in not being attracted to men, that's totally fine. what becomes a problem is forcing all lesbians to define themselves like this and make it the standard, or else they're "not real lesbians." it is ahistorical and ignorant to require this or else you'll strip them of their lesbian status, and is really at the end of the day, lesbophobic. especially as a requirement that primarily exists in online spaces. im sure the lesbian who is not at all connected to these circles doesn't particularly care about strict requirements or whether someone is a "nonman" or not. in conclusion, it is not the best nor most accepted definition of lesbian, and deciding which lesbians are valid or not based solely on that definition is pretty exclusionary and ends up policing a lot of lesbians, myself included
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chrliekclly · 2 months
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if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out
i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)
i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it
iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly
evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.
having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:
baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game
middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.
high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]
college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now
joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.
as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.
i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.
so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.
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