#its so silly im !!!!!! im not gonna recover im losing my mind here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starleska · 2 years

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i'm not even being patient, you simply respond to all of my asks more than quickly enough <3!! they're pretty long so again, take your time ^^!! therapy can be sooo exhausting so please remember to take care of yourself nd everything <33!

i was talking about a TOTALLY different old man HAHAHA i've been watching a lot of ducktales 2017 and grew fond of both scrooge n flintheart through it lmaoooo,, especially the latter has very few redeeming qualities and is supposed to be insufferable but like,, im in love with the blorbo version of him that lives in my brain, LMAO

ohhh you just know he would REFUSE to do the animation if anyone else was obviously watching the screen as well- it's just for you <33! i imagine he wouldn't do it either if you're recording it, because he wants it to be only for you haha,, you think very hard about the unlock conditions for the specific animation but it seems completely random! oh well. (totally self indulgent note here but i am silly in public for a living and would totally blow a kiss back @ the animation or smth LMAO) and!!! ill look forward to seeing it!!! id reblog it but i only rlly have writing blogs on tumblr ughhhh maybe i should just finally make a selfship ramble one lol

the true sadness is that king candy never showed up in the second movie man </3 the chaos he'd wreck on the internet would've been very much entertaining LMAO !!! i'm glad you enjoy the phone idea as well :D!! you just randomly find notes from him in your tumblr drafts or your notes app! he'd be constantly watching you through your front camera and if he's unhappy with someone he sees, your phone will just start vibrating VIOLENTLY nonstop lmao. also something silly i immediately thought of; i don't know if this is something you're familiar with but in some dating sim apps you'll have like this little minigame where you can like poke the love interest and they'll have these little responses? god. brainrot. i would just poke his bald little head man HAHAHHAHAH

my asks just get keeping longer thank u for reading all this and hearing me out TT i should just write a little fic about this guy already but man english is NOT my native language and he speaks in a pretty specific silly way sometimes that i do not know how to replicate well,, doesn't help that ive only watched the english version once vs. the many other times ive seen it haha

hello again you lovely individual!! once again i must apologise for my delayed response. i received some pretty big news this week that's left me not so well, and i wanted to come back and reply properly when in a better frame of mind. thank you for your patience 🥰

OHHH oh my god you are so damn valid for this, i always thought Scrooge was kinda fine 😳 capitalists just hit different! and Flintheart is a GILF i'm not gonna lie 😂😂 Ducktales 2017 just gets you by the throat!! i remember being so head over heels for Gyro Gearloose (basic bitch that i am)…kind of interested in rewatching to see if another bastard catches my attention…but for real, isn't it wonderful when you love a truly dreadful character? whatever version you have of him in your head, i'm sure he likes you very much 😉

ahhh i feel all special 😖💖 honestly going a little down the darker path i kind of vibe with Y/N questioning their reality the more time they spend noticing these special animations…wondering if they're losing touch with their sanity, and becoming gradually more obsessed with figuring out exactly what it is about this arcade cabinet and its enigmatic, unique character…also hell yes!! you should absolutely make the selfship ramble blog, it'll make you feel so happy 💖💖 i admire those of you who can separate your blogs out, i just pour out my silly loves into one place and all my poor followers have to deal with the blorbo of the week 😂

we'll never recover will we 💔💔 like for real Ralph Breaks the Internet makes me sad for its lost narrative potential…if not King Candy, then there were several perfectly good character candidates to be put into a fantastic antagonistic role!! to truly show the power (and horror) of the internet!! the vibrating phone idea is so cute dfgfds;;; perhaps he could even track into your friend's social media and send them fake messages/texts to get them to leave. oh YES i knew someone very into…was it Mystic Messenger? that had that mechanic and oh it's adorable :3c

thank YOU for sending these lovely asks in and gushing about our favourite sweet-themed hacker!! i'm so sorry for being a boring monolingual person - you could and should totally write him in your native language!! do you have any clips? i love seeing how characters have been portrayed in different ways, and i'm curious if Alan Tudyk's lisping mob boss vibe has been carried across 👀

#starleskasks

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joyaphoria · 3 years

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the five chances you give him (5)

pairing: suna x f!reader

note: this is the last chapter! i hope you all enjoyed :)

summary: suna knew that he was doing something wrong, but he refused to acknowledge it. therefore, you slowly dropped five major hints for him, hoping that he would notice them and take action to fix your broken relationship. suna really did notice them, he just didn’t figure out in time that you were actually going to leave.

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part five: rin became rintaro; then it became suna

"oh baby... nobody said that it was going to be easy." mei cooed, her voice softer than usual. she repeatedly kissed the top of your head as you cried into her lap.

"i k-know but.." you spoke through your sobs, snot along your sleeves. "i-i really hoped t-that he would ch-change.."

it's been just over two months since you've started changing your behaviour around rin, but he didn't seem to react to it—no, he may have changed, but only a bit. it wasn't enough.

you knew that this was unavoidable, and that it had to be done. the longer it takes for you to get this over with, the longer it will take for you to get over it.

so when mei sent you home that night, she reassured you that it will all be worth it in the end, and that you will find someone better.

but the fact that he was waiting for you at the same table that you used to wait at, every single night, didn't help at all.

"where were you?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

you stood there for a second with your shoes still on, and folded over with laughter.

his heart flutters. whens the last time you laughed in front of him?

"sorry," you sniffled through the laughter, the aftermath from crying earlier doing you no justice. "it's just that i used to sit in that same chair, waiting for you to come home, you know?"

hesitating for a moment, he decided on getting up and walking over to you, although he didn't know what to do.

"y/n." he's looking down at you now, resisting the urge to reach out and take hold of your hands.

"rintarou."

now that caught both of you off guard.

it slipped out without a second thought on your end, and you were visibly shocked.

as was suna, except he was more afraid than anything else. he knew what this meant—he was no longer rin to you, but rintarou.

he should be grateful though, because he knew what eventually might come next. he knew that it wouldn't be rintarou for long, and that as soon as it changes, it would be over; everything would be over.

"were you crying?" he whispers, reaching out to wipe at your tear stained cheeks. except you wouldn't let him, grabbing his wrist in time. God—mei would be so proud; as would that kind lady from the cafe.

"why should you care?" you spat, letting go of his wrist to remove your shoes.

"because im your boyfriend." he said, although you didn't miss the quiver in his voice from that last word, as if he wasn't so sure anymore.

you move past him and head straight for the bathroom; but suna didn't miss it. he heard what you mumbled on your way out—and it had him slumped against the wall (when you were out of sight, that is)

his fists are clenched and his heart is beating a little too fast, but he can't get his mind off of what you said.

"yea, well not for long"

five words, and yet they seemed to foreshadow his future.

there were two possible reasons that you could be waking him up at 10 in the morning.

you were either waking him up to tell him that it was over, and that you were leaving, or that it was over, and that he had to leave.

turns out there was a third reason.

"do you have practice today?" you asked, your voice a whisper.

"yeah.. why?" he got up into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. its been a while since you last entered this room, moving all your things to the guest room.

"oh. nevermind." you make a gesture to leave but he panics and grabs your arm. this could be an opportunity, and he wasn't about to lose it.

"i could um.. take the day off." he nods his head.

"are you sure?" when he nods his head yet again, your features soften.

"okay, well get dressed. i feel like going to a theme park."

you leave the room before he has a chance to answer, but he complies anyways.

his mind wanders to the picture that he broke in the heat of the moment awhile back—the one where you were both smiling at an amusement park, kids laughing in the bakground.

"let's go on that one!" you exclaim, pointing at the rollercoaster.

a soft grin takes over your face—and while it may not be your typical energetic one, at least it was still there.

now, suna wasn't a big fan of rollercoasters. he prefered to have you go on them, while he took the photos, but today's been the first time in a while that he's actually seen you happy, and he wanted to keep it that way.

you've been here all day, and it was already pretty dark, so they might be closing soon anyways.

when the cart had finally come back around, you and rin got on, with a guy slipping in on your side.

"you guys here together?" he asked, looking over you to make eye contact with suna.

you nodded, and he chuckled.

"im here with my girlfriend, but she doesn't like roller coasters as much as i do."

now you and him are making small talk, and suna is resisting the urge to tell the guy to shut up, and to go back to his own girlfriend.

when the ride finally starts, he feels relieved, even slipping his hand into your own.

your hand tenses, and he looks up to find a look of guilt soaked into your features.

he quickly unravels his hand from yours, settling it into his lap and looking away. he got too carried away to remember that a day of rides and fun wasnt enough to fix his mistakes.

as the ride starts climbing upwards, fear pumps through his veins.

he shuts his eyes, dreading the fall.

when it finally came, he opened his eyes and hugged himself to keep from screaming.

he looks over to you, and his heart does that thing again—it flutters.

with your hands in the air, your screams adorning his ears, he fell in love. all over again.

the moonlight caressed your pretty features as your eyes shut in pure bliss, and suna found tears falling out of his own.

the tears fell but he didn't sob—not once. you didn't look his way either—not once.

instead he looked away, quickly wiping the tears before someone could catch him. he missed this; he missed you.

when you two got off the ride later, he wonders if you would ever go to another theme park with him.

when you decide to leave, suna finds an employee walking around the park with a polaroid camera.

he asks him to take a picture of you, and places it in his wallet. he can't break it this time.

suna misses the look of guilt that slips past your face, as if it were never there.

when the car pulls into the parking lot, and you both get out, suna realizes that you weren't walking beside him.

he panics and turns around, where he finds you smiling. tears in your eyes.

"thank you for today, suna."

he freezes. he can't move anymore. he can't think.

"don't be silly. let's go inside." he's walking again, but when he doesn't hear a second set of footsteps, the tears wash over him.

"why aren't you coming?" his voice cracks as the tears stream down his face.

"i'm going to mei's. it's-it's over." you smile, wiping continuously at your eyes.

"y/n please, we can talk about this." he's running over to you, taking hold of your shoulders as he bends down to make eye contact. "we're fixable, okay? i promise we are." he doesn't make move to wipe away the tears that are falling.

you wipe away his tears, pulling him into a hug. "i'm so sorry."

he wraps his arms around you and holds you tight, afraid of having you slip out of his grasp. "please, don't leave me. i'll do anything, just give me another chance. i need you."

you wriggle out of his arms, and his fists clench at his sides.

"i gave you chances. i gave you too many. i have to go."

you're running now, and he can't decide if he should run after you or not. has he not caused you enough pain?

instead, he falls to his knees and cries.

that was it. he lost you—he lost everything.

the polaroid picture was burning a hole through his wallet.

when he finally musters up the courage to check the guest room a few days later, he sees all your things packed up in boxes.

you had it all planned out, didn't you?

when mei comes later that day to pick up your things, she finds suna curled into a ball on the guest room floor.

"suna. wake up."

his eyes open slowly, and she finds them red, his eyebags puffy and cheeks tear-stained.

"is y/n gonna come back?" he asks, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

mei shakes her head, and suna cries again.

she looks away, thanking the heavens that she wasn't in a relationship. she couldn't help but pity him as she collected her best friend's things, suna's sobs as a sort of background noise.

she couldn't be surprised—the lost of your entire world was enough to make any grown man cry.

heartbreak isn’t easy, but suna’s heart hurts without you. where he sleeps, where he bathes, it all reeks of your touch.

you’re everywhere here, all memories playing back to him like a movie. he’s reminded of you, and recovering addicts don’t test themselves; they dont stay around said addiction to see if they can restrain themselves.

and so suna moves out, running from the place that you’ve drenched in your presence.

he leaves the polaroid picture on the table.

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aurajitsu · 6 years

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Broken Ever After

Summary: Reader and Bucky going through a break up.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of emotional/physical abuse, angst, PTSD, guns, some smut, not a happy ending.

A/N: First time writing, I needed to get things out of my head from RL. I know it got long for a one shot, just roll with it. So here goes...

Song: You Know I have to go- by Röyksopp

—-

“I just cant, not anymore. I’m sorry.”

He said to you right before he hung up. You had called him right before a mission, seeking maybe to make up with him-to let him know that to you still love him and always will.

You had seen the pain in his eyes, and had spent so much time trying to break through those icy defenses. Spotting him one day, walking along side a group of friends. He stood out from the rest, he looked tense and out of place. His hair draping around his face, hands in his jacket pockets. It was rare to see the the group of Avengers walking into a bar. You had gone out with friends that night and you were coming out of a bad break up when the group offered you and your friends drinks. You were surprised but delighted.

That night everyone was laughing and listening to the Falcons stories of their feats and adventures. Getting nudges from the Black Widow and embarrassed looks from the Captain.

You were only interested in the Winter Soldier, you sneaked glances at him. At those distant eyes. Holding his beer close but not drinking. You felt your heart flutter when he looked at you, he caught you staring and you had wanted to look at anything but him.

“Hey.” He finally took a swing at his beer. “Hi.” you replied sheepishly. His eyes now scanning you, “So what hell are you doing out tonight?” You let out a half sigh and laugh. “What do you mean?” Playing coy. “I mean -you aren’t enjoying yourself,” he caught you off guard and didnt realize he picked up on your mood. “Names Bucky.” He tipped his beer at you before taking a drink. “Besides, this doesn’t seem like your scene either.” True that you were just looking for a distraction, a way out of the sadness you felt at home. Everything reminding you of the guy that used you. But you put on a smile and became bold, what’s there to lose now?

“Im y/n, I’m looking to get drunk in good company-Maybe get lucky?”

You brought your beer up, clinking his and ugh you couldn’t believe you said that! He chuckled, small but sincere and it made a knot in your throat, as you swallowed some beer. You didn’t mean to fall for his clear blue eyes, but you did.

And that night your interest was sparked, he listened to your problems, and would comment very little. His smile making you melt a little bit more every time. Your friends had made a separate group, the avengers talking to each other, mostly leaving you two alone. You didn’t feel the hours pass by, not with him.

“Well doll, maybe you need to just forget about him. Men like that aren’t worth your precious time.” You smiled at his nickname for you, “You think?” “Yeah,listen, you’re worth- you cant just fall-“

“Hey, Buck!”

The Cap was signaling to get out of there.

It was late and they offered to take you home, once you realized your friends were gone.

It was a strange night, Sam driving you guys around. ‘Nat’ had asked for your number, “I’ll text you later, I want to make sure you make it home okay,” she said giving a sly smile at Sam and Steve.

Bucky staying silent most of the ride home. You were stuck between him and Nat in the backseat as you gave them directions. You didn’t mind sitting so close to him, you felt his warmth and it was comforting.

——

The next couple of days you had something new on your mind. By that point on Nat had texted you more and more, she kept to her word and had texted you since that night. She had asked curious questions, noticing most of it was from what she overheard you saying to Bucky. You were curious too, and would ask her about him. How was he? Deep inside you wanted to know if he asked about you. You always hesitated, and never pushed Nat for more, knowing that it was too soon from your previous relationship.

“You wanna go out with us?” Nat had texted you, you were thrilled thinking about seeing Bucky. Even though he didn’t like going out, Nat always seemed to pressure him into tagging along. You smiled and gave her a call. “What do you have in mind?—-great!—-Is Bucky going?” “Yup, lost a bet with Sam, so he’s paying for everything, I’ll see you soon-we’ll come get you!”

That night was the first of many. Bucky would always hold back a little but you always smiled at him. You’d make him laugh and make him participate in his friend’s silly bets.

One night you had all bet that Nat would get more phone numbers than Steve could, from the same girls in the club. “Oh common,” steve nagged but was eager to show off his skills, surely Captain America didn’t need introducing, “You’re on Steve,” Nat winked at him. Sam was exited to watch every bit of juicy action, so the trio had left you two alone.

You were now alone with Bucky, sitting at the table. You always spoke your mind, honest but kind. Bucky admired that about you, that your heart was always on your sleeve.

“So why haven’t you asked me out?” You had asked, as soon as the words came out, it felt almost like an accusation, and you were about to apologize. He was caught of guard, but quickly recovered, gave that smile you loved. “Is that what you want?”

You didn’t know what to say,”’Cause doll, I ask myself that question, everyday.” You almost spilled your drink as your heart skipped a beat.

Meeting Bucky, falling for him and eventually becoming a couple happened over a few months since first meeting. You secretly thanked Nat for keeping in touch with you, she even gave you his number but you never could call him until you were both official.

Fast forward to your first kiss, you were the one to initiate and it surprised him. You even thought that maybe he was slow to be affectionate was due to his Winter Soldier training.

You always had loved to plan your hang outs and Bucky always seemed happy to play along. Every smile he gave you, every laugh was like a breath of fresh air. You were happy when he brought you take out, when you hung out by yourselves, losing track of time just talking. Sharing details no one else knew about yourselves.

You were both so relaxed with one another. Watching movies to catch up with what he had missed. Both of you cuddling in front of the tv, leaning on him, your legs folded into you. You were too busy watching his blue eyes, his stubble just the right length. His breathing calm and steady, following the movie playing out so intently. You were watching him so closely you leaned in to peck at his cheek. He looked at you, “I just don’t get-“ But smashed into your mouth instead- as soon as he realized what was happening he leaned into you. His right arm wrapped around your shoulders, squeezing you. When you let go for air, you both stayed silent,”... I’m sorry were you saying something?,” you asked your face turning red. “No um-“ he was hiding blushed cheeks behind his hair. You looked at each other and laughed.

——

The day he told he loved you was after some argument over something so stupid. You honestly couldn’t name what it was. Bucky had heard you say it to him weeks before. You had always been vocal and supportive of him. Patient.

He would come by your apartment before and after missions, to share a chaste kiss and to hold you close before he left. “I’m gonna miss you doll.” Holding you tight him so you could only hear his heart beat, his breathing, words reverberating in his chest.

“Its only for a couple of days right?”

“Its an eternity for me doll.”

He made you giggle as he brought himself to your soft lips. Instead he tickled your sides,”Hey!” His eyes crinkling with that smile that made you melt,”don’t go anywhere doll, I’ll be back soon.” Meeting your lips and giving you a long wet kiss, biting his lip when his eyes opened.

“Y/n, I think I love you.”

Bucky wanted to hold your hand, kiss you, bodies so close, sometimes you’d lose yourself in his warmth. Nights right before a mission were the best, he would run his hands all over your body. Wishing your clothes would disappear under his fingers. “Y/n, you drive me crazy” he would whisper into you ears so close, the heat of his breath made you gasp quietly. And he’d squeeze you so greedily, around the thick of your legs, your breasts. He kissed you deep, and you felt a rush between your legs. He loved the noises he made you do, so desperate and just for him. He pulled down your top just enough for his tongue to meet you hardened nipples. Kissing, Licking and sucking until you couldn’t stand it, his flesh hand slid into your pants. Searching your aching folds, he put pressure and teased you, never entering you. “You’re so wet baby.” He undressed you and removed the clasps of your bra, pushing you gently until your shaken legs buckled against your bed. his hand slipping away, you whimpered when he wasn’t touching you.

“You want this babydoll?” His eyes dark with desire. “Yes,” you whispered and he climbed on top of you, pulling your wet panties off. Kissing your trembling body, he pulled his pants and boxers off, you watched as his large figure stood in front of you. His defined muscles, and scars that met his metal arm. He watched you closely trembling with lust underneath him and grinned. Kneeling between your legs, he pulled you closer to the edge of the bed. You whimpered again, catching you bu surprise. Your eyes and breathing only intensified as he held his tip and brushed it against your wet folds. “Bucky...” barely a sigh. You wished he wouldn’t tease you so much.”You want me babydoll?” He was teasing you, metal fingers sliding over your clit and up your breast, giving you a firm squeeze. The cold making you gasp quietly and deep. His flesh hand palpitating over your wetness and you wished it was his member instead.

“Bucky!” He pushed into you, and didn’t move, smiling over you, kissing up your neck so softly. His hands roaming your sides and teasing the tips of your breasts. He stared to move slowly, the sounds of your wetness only intensifying his thrusts.

You felt like heaven on earth and he wanted it all, growling and calling your name in your ear. You gripped his strong forearms, and held on because you couldn’t take it anymore. “Oh!” You moaned into his ear and it drove him crazy. You skin felt like it was on fire.

His grunting made you feel so wanted, so good, you met his hips with yours. You wavered and cried out as you reached your peak. He felt your walls squeezing around him, hot and pulsating. “Fuck, babydoll.” He gave you a few more deep thrusts and you could feel him twitching inside you, spilling his seed.

Nights to remember, he was always so passionate with you, he loved to make you squirm and moan his name. The defenses around his heart long gone with the warmth of your body.

—-

You started to notice small strange habits, at first you didn’t give it much thought. On his down time, or you went on dates with him. Sometimes he seemed lost in thought, or he would ask something from you twice. To repeat what he hadn’t heard, or forgot.

He began to have nightmares and so Bucky decided to move in with you, said he needed you that you were the only one to ease him. The compound felt too much like he was a soldier. Steve had agreed to give him some downtime from missions, and Bucky needed to clear his head.

He had told you his sleepless nights and described the faces he couldn’t forget, their last moments before he pulled the trigger. They haunted him, every single one, relived the times he was the winter soldier. And every night you talked to him, whispered reassurances, held him close. He would cry and struggle and it would break your heart. His friends would come by to check up on him, and he was just so tired of the trauma. He was afraid that he’d hurt you, became distant. Several times when he had truly bad nightmares he had pushed you off the bed, thrashing and struggling against a ghostly oppressor.

Bucky even tried medications, as his friends suggested but the serum in his veins made it wear off too fast. Often seeking for pain medications, convinced it would help if he took just enough. He could only rest after reliving his past, his heart pounding as you held him close. Over the months the chaos started to take its toll on you, but you were determined, hopeful that you could ease his pain.

“Am I worth all this?” One night he asked, holding you close, his furrowed brow gleaming with sweat in the dark room. You had sat up and woke him gently when you heard him struggling in his dreams. Stroking his hair from his face as he rested it against your chest. You had learned to catch him early before he became violent. “What do you mean Buck?” “Why are you so sweet?...to me?” You didn’t hesitate to answer,”because i love you.” “What if i hurt you? I’m so scared-y/n, I just can’t -“ “shh, shh, no i know, you wont.”

The insomnia would make him irritated and snappy, she had learned to let him be then. He would go for a run, or work out until his mood was better. Sometimes even turned that irritation into passion. Quick smacks on your rear, or hard thrusting in the bedroom. He held onto you tighter, even wrapping his fingers around your neck.

It was walking on eggshells, never knowing when he would be mad at you or at something insignificant. He grew irritable, and was often commenting, nit picking everything. “Did you cook this? Its fucking terrible,” words that stung. “Hey, do me a favor and stop moving my shit around.” “I was just cleaning.” “Don’t touch my stuff, how about you go make us dinner, yeah?” He was always mad at something, but he said he loved you. And you loved him too.

One night you were both being snappy at each other. When you fought, but you never pushed him, never said anything to regret it. He would though, he would tell you that he wasn’t sure what you were doing wasting his time. It hurt you to hear him say these things. He knew it did and would always apologize when he saw you well up with tears.

“Baby, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean-i-I’m just...” he would just hold you and apologize.

He confessed that he was confused, that he had never had someone so close. He feared opening up because deep down he thought that maybe you would betray him, would hurt him, would lose you. He began to put up walls again to protect himself and his heart from the world.

“Im scared because I love you.” Holding you close, kissing your hair as you sobbed into his chest. God you loved his scent.

At that moment you knew you would always stand by his side, no matter what. Determined to make him feel at home again. ‘We were happy’ you thought. ‘What happened?’

His mood only got worse over time and when he wasn’t mad, he was distant. You really tried, but it at all affected you too.

“Are you fucking STUPID?” One time bellowed at you, you were trembling and you felt your body tense up. “You thought I wouldn’t know?!” He was increasing the volume of his voice, you jumped at the sound of his heavy steps.

He was angry that you had opened your mouth, that you had mentioned something to Nat. That they had tried to interfere with your relationship. He had always told you, ‘what happens between us is personal.’

He trusted you, had told you that every time he opened the medicine cabinet, every time he cleaned his weapons. There was a millisecond that his mind pushed him, to taste all those pills, to taste the end of that barrel.

“WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM?!” “Baby, please.” “NO.-I..! FUCK.” He was flipping everything around him, pillows, clothes, even his coffee mug that you had bought him long ago. You had hid his pain meds, taken his guns away to Steve. Hidden it all away. “WHERE ARE MY KEYS!?” He found a bottle of pain killers and swallowed a handful and took a swing at a bottle of whisky. Something someone had gifted you over the years, it was on display because you thought the bottle looked classy.

“You don’t need your keys,” you were trying to calm him.”Where are you going?” He swiftly took steps toward you, raising his metal arm, he stopped when it gleamed under the sunlight.

“Don’t test me.” He growled low and so close to your face you could see him tremble in anger. He turned around and walked out. You didn’t move thinking he’ll come back, shaking and lost. When you finally got up you closed the front door and locked it. You picked up your phone, he had tossed in his rampage and gave Nat a call, and you cried when you heard her voice.

“He-he...” Tears running down your face. “Calm down, are you ok?! Where are you?!”

A day later, he came back and it was like nothing happened. You wanted to support him, show him you love him. He was quiet, but when he did give you kisses, you felt a little bit of hope returning to your heart.

But the kisses where few and his touch distant. He was numb and falling apart and you could see it.

Steve tried to step in, took Bucky out shooting, trying to see what he could get out of him. “Talk to me, Buck,” He would aim and fire, every shot wouldn’t miss. It just made him angrier, jaw clenching, till his mouth hurt. Steve handed him another magazine, Buck reloaded his handgun and aimed.

“I don’t know where the Winter Soldier ends, and Bucky begins.” He squeezed the trigger. Rounds going off, hot shells hitting flying over him. Steve was going to tell him that he shouldn’t feel guilty, but Bucky spoke before he could,”I know what you’re going to say... and I can’t be with her anymore.” Steve was caught off guard, “You’re dumping Y/N?” “Its best i don’t involve anyone-not anymore. Steve, I don’t want to hurt her, what if one day I lay a-“ “By breaking her heart?! Ah Bucky!” Steve gripped his shoulder, he wanted to support him but this he couldn’t do.

“The words-they’re still there Steve.” He placed the gun down, Bucky’s eyes meeting his. Steve knew what he meant, he knew he couldn’t go through that anymore. “I’m reaching my breakpoint, all this,” he gestured around the shooting range. “I-I’m numb, I don’t have anything here anymore.” He placed his hand on his chest.

“Alright Buck, you risk losing her-for good Buck,” Steve let his words sink into him. Bucky shook his head. “I-I want whats best for all of us-for her.” “By shutting yourself out? You’re being reckless Buck, you’re headed down the wrong path.” “I never left that path Steve.” He looked away. “I’m a ticking time bomb.” “Buck, are you sure this is what you want?” Bucky nodded slowly,”I’m reaching the end of the line.”Steve hesitated,”I think i know someone that can help.”

Bucky’s mind was made up, he was pushing you away. It was a long time time coming. He knew that he was going to end it and disappear from your life forever.

——-

“What?!” You were dumbfounded,both of you standing in the middle of the room. He was grim and his voice was low, but truth left his lips. You refused to hear his reasons, and clung to the one phrase. “I think we should stop this. End this.” He gestured between you too, the side of his face twitching where he clenched his jaw. Deep down you knew this was coming, you ignored the signs.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to break your heart, doll.” And your heart sank as he went on, “I’m too broken to have a heart anymore, I can’t feel what you do for us. You’ve dealt with my highs and lows, you are on of my closest friends...” “What are you saying?” You gasped, trying to hold back tears. “I’m saying baby that I’m empty and you deserve someone normal, not me.” “But I love you.” “You shouldn’t have wasted your time, I’m sorry Y/N.” You put your hand on over your mouth, stifling your cries. He didn’t apologize this time, this time he didn’t hold you.

No more wrinkly-eyed-smiles. No more take outs in front of the TV. No more whispers in the night. No more coffee runs or lame jokes. To you it wasn’t wasted time, it was precious memories. Was he putting on a facade? For how long or since the day you’ve met?

“Please don’t go.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I just can’t.”

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